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ANBU's Mascot

Chapter Text

Chapter one: World’s worst assignment.

Hokage’s office, nine years after kyubi attack…

           “I refuse.” A squeaky voice said, Kitsune mask on his face hiding his no doubt childish pout. The ANBU in the office sniggered as he crossed his arms.

           “You can’t, I’m your Hokage.” Sarutobi said with a smirk that sent shivers down the young ANBU’s spine. Heh, that will teach the brat to prank me.

           “I retire, then!” The Kitsune mask said, and threw the mask at his leader. The Hokage waved his hand and two agents appeared at the small figure’s side, grabbing the mask and forcing it back on his face.

           “I’m afraid you can’t retire until you are, and I quote “older than dirt.” Seeing as the dirt outside is still older than you…I still own you.” The Hokage held up the contract Kitsune had signed in crayon when he was four. Kitsune cursed with far more words than he should know. “Tsk, tsk, such venom from my most trusted ANBU. You are the only one I trust to complete this task.”

           “Really?” The child’s voice peaked in pride. “I’m the only one you trust?”

           “Of course, Naruto. You’re one of my best” gullible “and I wouldn’t dream of letting another do this. Will you help me out?”

           “Of course, Hokage-jiji! Naruto Uzumaki, future ANBU commander, accepts the mission!” The child salutes and darts out of the office. As soon as dust settled everyone burst into laughter.

           “Did you- did you get that on tape, Kakashi?” A Boar masked ANBU asked through snorts of laughter. An Inu masked ANBU appeared with a video camera.

           “Every second. Hokage-sama, care to join in this week’s funniest ANBU moments viewing?” Sarutobi grinned and nodded.

           “Why of course. How else are we supposed to get our daily laughs in? Naruto certainly does his job well. Too bad he’s going to hate us when he realizes ANBU don’t do D-ranks.” Boar nodded.

           “I do have to ask, though. Was it really necessary to make him take the Academy guard shift for the Uchiha for the next three years?”

           “Well no, but would any of you like to volunteer for the position?” Everyone shook their heads viciously.

           “And take away his “very important task” to sit inside the Academy rafters and watch for stray erasers? Hell no, I’m not that cruel” Boar said.

 

At the Academy…

           Naruto was bored. He arrived at the Academy early, just like the scroll said, and sat inside the classroom rafters. The chunin- Iruka, his scroll informed him- started the lecture. Naruto remained vigilent, watching for any harm that could come to his charge.

 Three hours later and he was wishing he’d brought some cards. Iruka kept droning on and on about useless chakra theory, things he’d known since he was five and the Hokage tied him to a chair to listen to him. His mark was looking just as bored and danger seemed impossible, but Naruto was warned to watch him vigilantly. Danger was around every corner, and his job was to insure the last Uchiha was protected, even at the cost of his own life.

Now if this Academy place wasn’t so boring.

 

ANBU headquarters…

           Over a hundred off duty ANBU gathered around the orb to observe their little mascot. When Naruto showed up at their door with the Hokage five years ago, a too big mask and smile on his face, most had scoffed, hating the idea of a four year old joining ANBU. When the Hokage sent him to find his room and told him they were to train him and he wouldn’t actually be taking any “missions” until he was ready, they were confused. But when he mentioned setting up a special “Naruto board” with various D-rank level “missions” from the operatives that they could assign in exchange for training him? Well, that they didn’t mind.

           “Ah, our mascot’s first C-rank mission. I wonder how long it will take him to realize he’s been played?” Neko asked, sharpening her blade. She taught Naruto kenjutsu and weapons each time he did the “mission” of taking her laundry to the cleaners.       

           “Probably never. The kid’s too dense. He’s so focused on taking my job that he’ll never stop. He still hasn’t gotten that his “contract” means he’ll never retire, as no human is older than dirt,” The ANBU commander snorted, his Dragon mask shaking slightly in mirth. Just then half the agents face-palmed.

           “He didn’t”

           “The brat”

           “Why, I taught him better stealth”

           “Why did he reveal himself?” The Hokage’s hat covered his smile. Just like planned.

           “Well, I did order Kitsune to protect Sasuke from any harm except during taijutsu class.”          

           “And an eraser counts as danger?”

Back with Naruto…

           He did it! He saved his mark’s life, his comrades would be proud. Until he saw everyone gapping at him.

           Sasuke Uchiha was having a nice daydream about standing over his brother’s corpse, his heart in his hand, when Iruka-sensei sent his eraser towards his forehead. He expected to hit… but an ANBU shorter than him caught it.

           “I, ah….never fear! I am here to protect” wait! Can’t let mark know it’s him that I protect.- “This whole class from any and all danger by order of the Hokage! Never fear, future ANBU commander here!” He covered, nodding to himself.

           Iruka Umino stared at the blonde ANBU in the Kitsune mask. So that’s the jinchuuriki that disappeared five years ago. I’m supposed to get him to join in on the class… Got it! “Thank you, ANBU-san. I don’t know what we would do without you.” He said with a straight face. His class looked at him in an ‘are you serious’ way. “There can be danger at any turn, though. Would you mind sitting with us to make reacting to these dangers easier?” Naruto couldn’t believe it! He wanted to say no, but his cover story had to stay until Jiji fixed it.

           “I-uh of course, chunin-san! I will protect your students with my life!” And with that he plopped down next to his mark, ignoring the looks.

Back with the Hokage…

           “You planned this, didn’t you?” One ANBU asked after they stopped laughing.

           “I don’t know what you mean.” The Hokage replied.