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Vendi, Vidi, Vici

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It is a universally acknowledged truth that the only time that all the cogs in a university - from the chancellor to the first year students - are in accord about anything is during the summer holidays. Summer holidays brought forth ambitious to-do lists into everyone’s lives.

To do lists which will die a sad, sad death in the heat of summer.

Also - parking is no longer an issue for post grads. Which is its own form of happiness and reward.

The first evening of the true summer holidays, after papers have been graded and grades uploaded to make or break students’ dreams, it is time for the engineering department’s legendary “We Survived!” Bash.

The alcohol flows, the conversation never slows, costumes are worn and a jolly time is had by all.

And of course, there are light shows and eventually - fireworks.

Honestly, John finds himself impressed by what the engineering department can do once they set their minds to it.

“It would be more impressive if they produced that damn arm.” Rodney grumbles from where he’s sulking by John’s side.

“They’re working on it, babe.” John placates.

“Babe????” Rodney splutters, his face going as white as the ‘MMR vaccine causes autism’ paper he’s dressed as.

This year’s theme is “An academic’s worst nightmare”.

John thinks it’s adorable, and totally worth the time he spent explaining it to Rodney. The rant he went on about proper scientific protocol and capitalism still makes John grin dopily and press a kiss to Rodney’s lips.

“John? John?? Are you having a stroke?” Rodney’s voice cuts through John’s happy memories. “Is that why you called me babe?”

Ah, yes. The original issue before he got sidetracked.

“It’s a pet name.” John explains, hoping that the strobing lights hide his blush. “If you don’t like it then…”

“No, no. Pet names. Yes. I shall call you photon then.”

“Because I’m the light of your life?” John asks, cheekily.

“Sometimes I despair of you.”

“It’s cute. I’ll take it.”

“… I am not a pig.” Rodney mumbles.

John laughs and puts an arm around Rodney’s shoulders. “Okay, geeky pet names. Rieman? Uh, no. Snowflake? Like the van Koch snowflake? Endless fractal _and_ truly unique?”

“… I mean, I don’t hate it.” Rodney sniffs.

John just gives a low laugh before they’re interrupted by Ronon.

“You guys - lookin’ like a couple. Cute.” He points to John’s own costume which is simply black with pictures of bread, potatoes, rice and sweet cilli sauce. “High carb diet and MMR-autism! Definitely cute.”

Ronon promptly bites into a Twinkie.

“… you’re less braindead than you look.” Rodney sniffs and John sighs.

“Behave Snowflake.” But dammit his voice sounds way too fond and his arm is still around Rodney.

“Pet name?” Ronon asks sagely. “You’re that disgusting couple. You might even beat Jack and Daniel this year.”

“Excuse you?” Jack O’Neill pops out of the crowd bearing a bottle of scotch and a paper that’s been rejected three times. “We’re the undisputed OTT couple bitches. And there ain’t nothin’ you gays can do about it.”

Jack promptly bursts out laughing. “You get it? Guys? Gays?”

“It’s hardly rocket science.” Rodney huffs.

“You’re just sad you’ll never beat us.”

“What are they not beating you at?” Teal’c appears from the shadows, slumping a bit against Ronon’s shoulders.

“Disgusting coupleness.” Jack nods sagely as he takes another swig of scotch.

“Ah yes. The couple that was married before they admitted their love for each other.” Teal’c nods, producing a cup of punch from somewhere in his plagiarism-stamped thesis.

“Wait, what?” John frowns at the man.

Teal’c squints at John, before patting his head. “Ah, my young innocent grasshopper. The road to true love never did run smooth.”

“You make it sound like some Greek tragedy!” Jack protests at a drunken volume.

“Oh, excellent. I am presenting an accurate account of events.” Teal’c smiles.

“This is not in the least bit comforting!” Rodney bursts out.

Everyone looks at him.

“… not that I actually _care_.” Rodney sniffs and turns his body to face John’s.

“Right.” Ronon nods like he’s speaking to a crazed cat. “No caring. Got it.”

“Ah,” Teal’c sighs wistfully. “I remember it like it was seven years ago. Mostly because it was seven years ago. But still…”


Brazil is hot.

Well, the weather is blistering, the people are hot.

Jack would know, he’s been flirting with a large enough number of them.

Ah, the joys of conferences/symposiums/subject related gatherings of academics. Like an all expenses paid holiday, with networking opportunities of all kinds.

The teaching in engineering course that he attended earlier this week has finally ended and Jack has tomorrow off, so of course he finds himself in a bar with pumping music and skimpily clothed men on the prowl.

He’s currently engaged in eye fucking with a delicious specimen of manhood in a tight leather and mesh combo when suddenly his view is interrupted. By a billowy white cotton shirt.

“Oh, uh, no, no!” The interloper says, looking like he just found a problem that can’t be solved with duct tape and Q20. “I’m not… this isn’t really my scene! Really! And I have work…!”

“Not until the day after tomorrow, Daniel. Come on! The night is young, and so are we!” The woman currently pulling the man along smiles at him.

“No, Vala, come on. I mean…” The man gestures at the club. “There’s no way anyone’s going to be looking at me!”

“Daniel, darling, I’m not letting you leave until I know you’ll be getting your skinny little twink ass laid. In every sense of the word.”

“I don’t really want a drunken one night stand.” Daniel pouts.

“What about a tipsy one?” Jack asks idly, swirling his house cocktail with his straw.

The Daniel guy turns to face Jack and, yeah. He’s cute in a nerdy way, with big doe eyes, thick glasses and glossy brown hair. The overly baggy clothes don’t really do him any favours but Jack doesn’t need him to be jacked.

“W-what?” Daniel stutters.

“See!” Vala says, slapping Daniel’s arm excitedly. “Barely in the club and they’re already swarming you like the honey pot you are! Well, that’s me! Toodles!”

“Vala!” Daniel hisses as he desperately grips the woman’s arm.

“Daniel, darling, you have your fun sorted. Allow me to go and get mine, this isn’t exactly for me.” And she sweetly pries Daniel’s hand off of her arm and instead puts it on Jack’s thigh. “Enjoy lovelies!”

And then she’s gone and Daniel is snatching his hand back with a horrified look. Jack smirks at him.

“I wasn’t complaining, you know?”

“Oh, uh, I’m not usually this…”

“Nervous? Cute? Obsessed with cotton?”

“… I was going to say forward.”

“Hmmm, but I am.” jack says, grabbing that cotton shirt and tugging Daniel into the spread v of his legs.

Daniel squeaks and catches himself with his hands on Jack’s chest.

“Now, your friend left you in my care. And I am a gentleman. I plan to take care of you all night long.”

“Uh, I, you, all night?”

“Mhmmm. I used to be in the Air Force, so I’ve got stamina. Incredible lung capacity.” Jack purrs and Daniel swallows.

“Lung capacity?”

“Oh, darling, this isn’t the place for disaster gays.”

“Me? Is that- I’m a disaster gay?”

Jack smirks and runs a finger over Daniel’s bottom lip. “Like a hurricane.”

“Ah. Well. I’ve never done this before?”

“You asking or stating, darling?” Jack says, pushing his finger against the seam of Daniel’s lips.

“… Both?” Daniel asks as Jack’s finger finds its way into his mouth, making Daniel shudder and his eyelids droop.

“Okay.” Jack says, his own eyes dark with want as he watches his finger enter that plush mouth. “I’ll go easy on you.”

Jack pulls back enough that he’s not taking over Daniel’s space completely, but he grips Daniel’s belt loops to stop him from moving any further away.

“You want a drink?” Jack asks him, all cocky swagger.

“I… is that what non-disaster gays do?”

Jack gives him a razor sharp grin. “It’s confident gay, and yeah. We can have a drink, I can drive you a little crazy, and then we’ll go back to my room. Sound good?”

“Yeah,” Daniel breathes, “that sounds good.”

“Great.” Jack smirks and flags down the bartender.

Half an hour later Jack’s grip is on Daniel’s ass and he’s mouthing his way along Daniel’s jawline while Daniel whines helplessly. Jack pulls Daniel closer by his ass so their groins meet and Daniel gasps and tightens his grip in Jack’s hair.

Jack detaches himself from Daniel’s jawline to whisper in his ear.

“Let’s move this along, okay?”

“Oh, yes, yes, definitely.” Daniel gasps and Jack grins as he licks the shell of Daniel’s ear and reaches blindly to leave cash on the bar counter and stand.

He’s careful not to push Daniel too much, but he keeps his fingers in his belt loops as they exit the bar, stopping every so often so Jack can pin Daniel to a wall and kiss him, deep and dirty and full of promises.

It’s late enough for the hotel to have minimum staff to judge them as they stumble their way to the elevator, giggling like school kids sneaking their first smoke behind the bleachers.

The elevator ride consists mostly of Jack using Daniel’s ass to slide their dicks together as they kiss each other breathless.

The corridor is blessedly empty as they stumble down to Jack’s room…


“Woah! Wait wait wait!” Daniel scowls at Teal’c, his ‘publication target not met’ costume crinkling loudly. “I told you that in confidence!”

“You told Teal’c about our sex life?” Jack squints at his husband, before breaking out his best shit eating grin. “I was that memorable, huh?” He follows this up with a disturbing eyebrow wiggle.

“Like you’re one to talk.” Sam mutters into her punch cup, her ‘delayed at customs’ costume having caused the life sciences academics to burst into teary hysterics and thus making her unwelcome in that corner of the party.

“Wait, what?” Daniel asks, eyebrows raised.

“Haha! Oh, Sam, you kidding kidder who kids!” Jack shouts, clapping Sam’s shoulder far too enthusiastically.

Sam just gives him an unimpressed look. “I know way too much about your sex life Jack.”

“Can we get back to the sex?” Ronon asks. “It was getting kind of hot.”

“NO!” Daniel shouts. “Just watch some porn like normal people!”

Teal’c places a reassuring hand on Ronon’s shoulder. “They are like this because they ended up giving Daniel a concussion and Jack got a black eye and two broken ribs.”

“What?” Rodney snaps.

“They spent the night in the ER.” Sam cackles.

“Kinky.” Ronon says, waggling his eyebrows.

“Who is kinky?” Teyla’s voice interrupts them.

“I thought you couldn’t come because you were working on your thesis?” John smirks.

“Which is why my costume is an unfinished thesis.” She points to her white dress.

The crowd murmurs appreciatively.

“Jack and Daniel attempted a one night stand and instead ended up in the ER.” Teal’c catches her up.

Teyla cocks her head before nodding thoughtfully. “I can see that happening.”

“How does one go from that to marriage?” Rodney frowns, giving Daniel the stink eye.

Sam cackles once more. “Oh, it was like one of those Spanish soap operas.”

“Except gay!” Jack shouts.

“Except gay.” Sam tilts her punch cup in recognition of Jack’s words. “Anyways…”


“You’re free to go, Dr O’Neill.” The nurse smiles at him. “Remember to keep icing those ribs, drink your pain killers and avoid restrictive clothing.”

“Sure. Gotcha.” Jack sighs as he gets out of the bed and reaches for his clothes.

“And your companion needs a lot of sleep. It’s best to keep him in bed, with no exercise until at least the day after tomorrow.”
“Wait, my companion?” Jack frowns at the nurse.

“The one you came to the ER with? Daniel Jackson?” The nurse frowns back. “He has a concussion. We’ve mostly ruled out any haemorrhaging, but these things are never certain.”

“Uh. We don’t really know each other…” Jack says.

“Dr O’Neill, Mr Jackson needs someone to ensure that no haemorrhaging occurs during the next few days as well as making sure that he gets enough rest.”

“So call his friend - I know he was with her last night. Veela? Valor? Vicky? I don’t know but she’s a much better choice than me!”

“That’s not possible at the moment.”

“Why not?”

“Because Mr Jackson’s phone is currently missing and he has lost his memory.”

“… What.”

“It’s not uncommon with a concussion, but as the swelling goes down he should get his memory back.”

“Amnesia.” Jack repeats, motionless.

“He still remembers most things - he’s just lost the past four weeks. So we don’t know where he’s staying or who else he might know.”

“Because of the amnesia.”

“Yes, Dr O’Neill. Because of the amnesia. Due to his concussion.”

“Right. Amnesia. Concussion.”

“Dr O’Neill, I understand that this is rather… overwhelming, but the hospital is overfilled at the moment and we simply do not have a bed for a man who is not dying.”

“Sure. No beds. For amnesiacs.”

The nurse gives Jack a judgemental look before handing him the aftercare instructions, complete with symptoms of haemorrhaging to look out for.


All Jack wanted was some sex, and now he’s a babysitter.

It doesn’t change the fact that Daniel is practically shoved at him, before they’re both shoved into a taxi.

The ride is quiet, with Daniel stealing unsubtle glances at Jack and Jack ignoring him.

Should’ve gone for leather and mesh dude. Cliches are cliches for a reason.

They get to the hotel and the ride up to Jack’s room could not be more different from previously.

They finally get to Jack’s room and Jack throws the door open dramatically.

“Welcome! It looks like you’ll be bunking with me for a bit so… make yourself at home!”

Fake it till you make it, right?

Daniel looks around the room with those huge brown eyes and Jack can’t help but lament the sex they didn’t have.


“Are we… dating?” Daniel asks.

“Nope.” Jack says, popping the p annoyingly and throwing himself on the bed. Luckily it’s a king.

“Friends with benefits? Gay…” Daniel frowns in confusion. “Disasters?”

Jack snorts. “You’re a gay disaster. I’m a confident queer.”


“Look kid. We met in a bar last night, we were on our way to my room to have an epic fuck and then…”

“Wait. If we were going to have a one night stand why do we both look like we’ve gone to war?! I literally have amnesia!”

Jack looks at the ceiling and huffs petulantly. “I might have accidentally confused a storage closet with my room.”

Daniel gapes at him.

“What? I swiped my card and the door opened!!” Jack defends himself. “What kind of hotel has storage closets in the hallways anyway?”

“… I have no words. But it still doesn’t explain… this.” Daniel makes a sweeping motion that Jack deducts is probably referring to their injuries.

“I slammed you into what I thought was that wall,” Jack points at the bare wall Daniel is currently leaning against, “and instead we found shitty shelving that was overloaded already. And then everything came crashing down. Literally.”


“Anyway, it really wasn’t any different from any other closeted experience.” Jack stares at the ceiling, Daniel gives a soft sigh.

“How did we end up in the ER?”

“A maid found us. The chick in 403 apparently got food poisoning.”

“Please tell me we were wearing our clothes properly.”

“You’re fine, relax.”

“Oh, thank goodness.”

“We do have a bond now I guess.”

“We do?”

“Yup. We came outta the closet together.”

“Please save me.”


There is general hooting and hollering amongst those who have not heard the story - a crowd which had now grown to include Carson, and several botanists.

Rodney is currently giving Daniel a judging look, while John is hanging from his shoulders to try and keep himself upright through the laughter.

“A cleaning closet - this should be on that ‘Sex Sent Me to the ER’ show’!”

“Oh, it gets worse.” Sam smirks.


“There’s a breakfast buffet.” Jack says, an hour into the awkward silence that has befallen them. “I think it’s open.”

Daniel, who looks like he’s falling asleep in the armchair makes a vague humming noise.

Jack sighs.

“You need to sleep on the bed. I’ll smuggle you some food for later.”

Daniel blinks before hoisting himself from the chair and moving to the bed, upon which he unceremoniously flings himself with a soft groan.

Jack figures he needs to go while the going will still result in breakfast.

He heads downstairs and manages to convince the staff that there’s still three minutes until closing, which means he’s still technically on time and he’s so incredibly hungry with his black eye and cracked ribs…

(Which he now got from being mugged by vicious thugs.)

He looks pathetic enough that the staff take pity on him, even sneaking him extras so that he won’t have to brave the city for lunch so soon after his traumatic experience.

So Jack returns triumphant to his hotel room, takes out his laptop to check his slideshow and waits for Daniel to wake up so he can feed him and check that his brain isn’t bleeding out.

Daniel wakes up in the late afternoon, the sun shining on his handsome features and his eyes puffy with sleep, hair an absolute mess of bedhead.

Jack feeds him, gets them some room service because why the hell not.

“You remember anything yet?” Jack asks as they munch their burgers and watch Ghostbusters.

“No. Sorry.” Daniel sighs.

“I think this is harder on you than it is on me.” Jack shrugs.

“I’m intruding on your holiday though, and you didn’t even get sex for it.”

“Well, you got the concussion and memory loss… so at least this was memorable?”

“Amnesia jokes, already?”

“… Too soon?”

“No, no! I’m just impressed you’re this prepared.”

“Ho boy have I got some fun times ahead for you.”

It’s a good day after that.


The next morning finds the two unlikely roommates scurrying about in order to make it to their respective obligations.

“What are you looking for, exactly.” Jack grunts as Daniel flits about frantically for something.

“I didn’t happen to have a large poster carrying tube on me, did I?”

“… are you being serious?”

“I’m just asking! My poster needs to be set up today, before lunch!”

“Just how much of a workaholic are you? Also - poster? Today?”

“Yes, yes. Healthy work-life balance, blah blah blah.”

“Blah blah yourself. Are you here for a conference?”

Daniel sighs forlornly. “Yes, the engineering one in the conference facilities in this hotel.”

“… fucking hell kid.”

“Uh.” Daniel says, blinking.

“That’s my conference.”

Daniel’s eyes go wide behind his glasses. “Really? Why didn’t we figure this out earlier?”

Jack gives a long suffering sigh and stares at the ceiling. “New to the whole one night stand thing, right?”

“… yes?”

Jack just snorts at him. “Okay, maybe we can go to the reception desk and find your room.”

“Uh. I’m a grad student. My travel grant doesn’t cover somewhere this luxurious.”

“… Fair.”

“And I broke up with my ex just over four weeks ago.” Daniel sighs and slumps onto the bed. “So, no one is going to look for me.”

“Uh, you were with some chick that night? Something like Vanessa? Veroushka?”

“Vala!” Daniel shouts out, and if he had a tail it would have been wagging right now. “She must have come with me so I didn’t lose the companion fees!”

“Cool.” Jack nods. “So she’s gonna be here?”

“Vala’s not an engineer. She’s a freelance bodyguard. Currently.”

“… you know what, don’t wanna know.”

“Probably a wise decision.”

“Well. Progress is progress I guess. Also, we need to move or we’re gonna be late.”

“Right!” Daniel smiles as he bounds out of the room and down the corridor like an overexcited retriever puppy.

It really really isn’t cute. Jack is not thinking his one night stand with Complications is cute.

Probably the opening speech will get his brain in order again.


“That is the most idiotic thing I have ever heard.” Rodney snaps. “How could you not figure out that you were going to the same conference?”

“You have absolutely no feet to stand here.” John points out.

“He really doesn’t.” Carson whispers at the volume that only drunk people think is a whisper.

“I’m not the subject of this story!” Rodney splutters.

John just chuckles and gives him a fond look. “I guess it’s still better than Sex Sent Me to the ER couple over there.”

Sam, however, has a dangerous glint in her eyes, causing John to quickly throw Jack and Daniel under the bus.

“Weren’t Jack and Daniel attending the conference together?”

“They were indeed.” Teal’c nods gravely as he launches into the next part of the story.


“We should go looking for your friend.” Jack says as he puts down his buffet lunch and then plonks himself next to it.

On the carpet.

Next to Daniel’s empty poster space.

“Please tell me you’re not going to sit there the entire lunch break.” Daniel sighs. “I was hoping to avoid the embarrassment.”

“You should just own your amnesia schtick. Make people sympathetic so you don’t get labelled as a total flake. So, friend Vala?”

“I mean… she could be anywhere.” Daniel sighs despondently.

Jack hums around his food, swallowing it with a Coke. “Take a guess. She’s your friend right?”

“Which is really why I know that finding her is going to be a headache.”

“Shouldn’t she be looking for you?”

“She’s probably convinced I’m having a bunch of sexcapades.”

Jack gives him an incredulous look and Daniel sighs.

“Vala is all about sexcapades. And attempting to get me to join in.”

“You don’t strike me as the sexcapade type. I could be wrong though.”

“Ugh, you aren’t. All things considered the whole ER episode was probably more… satisfying. Than actually having, you know. sex. With me.” Daniel sighs and runs a hand through his hair.

“That what the ex told you?”

Daniel lets out a sad chuckle. “He didn’t limit it to sex. Apparently I’m just… not that interesting.”

“You came to a conference in Brazil, got sent to the ER because of the one night stand that wasn’t, got amnesia… doesn’t sound like you and ‘boring’ are all that well acquainted.”

“… I mean. I guess.”

“You should spread this story around. You had sex so great it literally gave you amnesia. Clearly, you were never the issue in your sex life.”

Daniel stares at him.

“What? You think I got this far in academia by being a sweet little munchkin the whole time? I mean, don’t get me wrong, my sex appeal helped but…” Jack shrugs.

“I mean… okay. Yeah. Okay. Kinky sex with a silver fox. Sounds great.”

“We could still have sex.”

“W-what? Are… I mean… what?!”

“Calm down kid. I’m just saying. The doctor said you should be clear for most physical activities by tomorrow.”

“… we got sent to the ER the last time we tried to have sex. I just told you I’m really bad at sex. I don’t see how the hell that translates to ‘let’s try again’.”

“It doesn’t _have_ to. Fucking hell. Though it might be good for you. When was the last time you had an actual orgasm?”

“You’re sounding like Vala now.”

“Well hell, if two independent reports are telling you the same thing you might want to consider what that means in engineering.”

“I…” Daniel lets out a gust of air and slumps against the board his poster is on. “I’ll think about it.”

“Cool. Look sharp, that dick from Harvard is heading for you.”


“Ooooooooooooh.” A gorgeous woman in a lab coat covered with terrible stains says. “I like this story! But we need more alcohol.”

“Vala!” Daniel attacks the woman with an octopus grip. “I thought you said you couldn’t make it!”

“I couldn’t, but your husband has a lot of clout and he’s as determined as ever to make you happy.”

There is universal cooing from the assembled crowd as Daniel gives Jack a drunken smooch which involves a lot of tongue and hands.

“You two are disgusting.” Vala laughs. “But you weren’t always like this!”

“Please continue with this tale.” Rodney interjects.

“Rodney, are you taking _notes_?”


Jack and Daniel end up spending the entire cocktail event dissing the dick from Harvard.

They’re mostly left to their own devices, and Jack gave one look at the liquor budget, said “fuck that” and given his credit card to the bartender with the stern instructions to not allow Jack and Daniel to leave sober.

The rest of the grad students present are disappointingly doomed to sobriety and glaring at the two of them. The profs and tenured crowd are already drunk and dancing horribly.

“I feel like they need to pay for my therapy.” Jack scowls as he slams his empty shot glass onto their table. “I really shouldn’t have to see so many people in crocs attempting slut drops.”

“I refuse to look.” Daniel whines from where he’s hiding his face in his arms.

“There, there.” Jack gives him a bracing pat which causes Daniel to groan in pain. “We’ve all seen The Mick’s Dick.”

“Why doesn’t he wear underwear?!?”

“He won a Gordon prize. We’re all just grateful he wears pants.”

“Americans.” A new voice interrupts them. “Such a strange people.”

“Sure are.” Jack tilts his glass of whiskey at the tall, dark guy. “Where you from buddy?”

“Egypt.” The man answers stoically. “I am Teal’c.”

“Nice to meet you Teal’c.” Daniel smiles.

“And you as well.” Teal’c demurs.

“I’m Daniel and this is Jack.”

Jack just grunts and downs another tequila shot.

“Jack’s a great guy, really. I think he’s just scarred from the dancing.” Daniel smiles apologetically.

“Also, we’re not sharing the alcohol. It’s on my own personal tab.”

“Jack!” Daniel hisses, mortified.

“Understandable.” Teal’c simply nods. “However, I was looking for Daniel Jackson and assured that he was the one with the glasses.”

“Oh! Really? Me?”

“Why?” Jack says, looking suspicious.

“I was rather hoping to see his poster. It sounded intriguing from the abstract.”

“Oh?” Daniel perks up. “Really?”

“So you can talk to him about it tomorrow.” Jack interjects. “Tonight is for getting drunk. Also - he has amnesia so we don’t know where the poster is.”

“Jack!” Daniel gasps.

“Indeed.” Teal’c intones. “I understand your point of view.”

“What a nice way of calling me a dick.” Jack acknowledges.

“Daniel, darling!” A female voice cuts through the noise as the woman from before strides towards their table. “I never thought you had it in you!”

“Vala!” Daniel jumps up and hugs her.

“Ah, I knew it started with a V!” Jack points at Vala. “Also - you should take better care of your friend.”

“Why?” Vala’s eyes narrow and she moves into a defensive position in front of Daniel. “Was he not good to you Daniel?”

“Oh, no! He was great really!” Daniel jumps in hastily. “Amazing, actually.”

“Then why does he look like he was in a fight?”

“That’s a long story. I’ll tell you later. We should go - I’m exhausted . Bye Jack!” Daniel pulls her away and they disappear like fog before sunshine.

“Okay. Really drunk.” Jack nods to himself.

“Perhaps alcohol poisoning is not the answer to your issues.”

“Teal’c, my man, chemistry itself tells us that alcohol is a solution. So who’s to say that philosophers won’t find it to be the solution?”


“You know what? You seem pretty cool. Have a shot.”

And that is how Jack and Teal’c met.


Vala is cackling with unsympathetic glee as she leads the way to their accommodation in the backpackers lodge.

“Vala! You’re not being very supportive here!”

“Daniel, darling, you got sent to the ER and got amnesia. I understand that we’re in Brazil, but I didn’t think you’d end up living one of their soap operas!”

“I’m not.” Daniel pouts.

“Ah, darling. It happens to us all.” Vala assures him with a more sympathetic pat to his arm. “I mean, not the amnesia thing. The getting somewhat hurt during sex thing. Once a guy smacked his head so hard against the headboard during foreplay that he ended up bleeding and we had to go to the ER. We still ended up together for several months. It was kind of funny.”

“… really?”

“That was definitely a worst case scenario, but it was pretty funny after the bleeding stopped. Definitely memorable.”

“… Okay.”

“Yes. Okay. Chin up darling, this is just an amusing story to tell.”


“Wait, wait.” Carson interjects. “This doesn’t sound like it ends up with them being married.”

“Patience.” Teal'c admonishes. “We will get there.”

“Eventually.” Vala rolls her eyes.

“But how?” Carson pouts.

“Hush and listen.” Sam assures the crowd.


The last day of the conference dawns, and Jack has had a pretty fun time. Sure, he didn’t get laid by a hot local, but he’s been hanging out with Daniel, Vala and Teal’c, and it’s pretty fun.

He’s also impressed quite a few important people, and gotten a few offers to collaborate.

All in all a win.

“So, you ready to go home?” Jack asks Daniel, who is holding his award for best poster.

“Not really.” Daniel sighs. “I mean, everything reminds me of my ex, and I’m sleeping on Vala’s couch so… Uh, not that I’m… I mean, I’m sorry I’m being a downer.”

“Nah.” Jack waves a hand in dismissal. “I’ve heard that these breakup things are really shitty. We should hit the town tonight, a last hurrah to keep your strength up for when you go home.”

Daniel makes a face. “No offence, but last time I did that I ended up with a concussion and memory loss so…”

“Fair enough.” Jack laughs.

Daniel licks his lips and flicks his eyes at Jack, looking down at the ground and blushing.

“I mean, I guess, I just, uhm, it shouldn’t be a total loss, you know?”

Jack frowns and looks at the hotel ceiling. “Are you talking about sex?”

“… with you. Yes.”

“I knew you couldn’t resist my amazing looks and charming personality.”

“I guess not.”

“Cool. I have a room.”

“I’m making you pay attention this time. No distractions!”

Jack pouts all the way to the room.

Chapter Text

“Okay, you don’t need to know about the sex. Except that I was fantastic!” Jack says, clapping a hand over Sam’s mouth.

Daniel sends his husband a look.

“And Daniel! Amazing! Best sex of my life! No doubt!”

“Thank you.” Daniel says. “Also, I’m sorry that you had to hear this much about our sex life.”

Sam, who has removed Jack’s hand from her face smiles. “It’s okay. He got back from the conference and told me everything. Called you a cutie waaaaaaaaay too many times. I can’t even tell you the amount of times I heard Jack lament about how gay he is.”

“Well I have to hear all about your sex life.” Jack mutters sullenly. “And sometimes it involves heterosexual sex.”

“Yes, yes. You have to suffer so much… which you kept saying all fucking summer.”


“Sam, I’m so gay.” Jack sighs as he throws himself into the chair in front of Sam’s desk. “Like, super gay.”

“Yes, Jack. You’ve been telling me that ever since we met whenever you see a cute guy.” Sam rolls her eyes. “You should’ve just gotten his number. Maybe then I wouldn’t have had to listen to you moaning about him all summer.”

“But he was so cute. Total disaster gay.”

“Jack, I swear if you don’t stop this…”

The door opens before Sam can finish her threat and Jack squints at the large, intimidating silhouette in the doorway.

“Good day, I am…”

“Holy shit! Teal’c my man!” Jack jumps up to greet the other man. “You didn’t tell me you were coming here for your PhD!”

“Actually, I did. However, you were very drunk.”

“… okay, yeah, sounds plausible.”

“Definitely sounds like Jack.” Sam interjects. “I’m Samantha Carter, but everyone just calls me Sam. ABD PhD candidate.”

“I am Teal’c. It is nice to meet you, Sam.”

“Wait, I just realised I don’t know your surname. You never say it.” Jack frowns.

“Ah, you will excuse me but English speakers unfortunately mangle my surname. As such, I do not feel the need to share it.”

“… fair.” Jack and Sam nod.

“Thank you for your understanding.” Teal’c nods graciously.

“Sure, sure.” Jack flaps a hand at him. “Sam, you’re in charge of this place, so I’ll leave you two to get settled.”

“You do that.” Sam dismisses him.

Jack walks out into the corridor idly whistling a Top Twenty tune and not paying attention to where he’s going. So of course he walks into someone. Of fucking course.

Jack manages to keep his balance and grab at the person he walked into, but that person clearly has the coordination of a newly born giraffe on crack and they end up putting their feet underneath Jack’s. They end up tumbling to the floor despite Jack’s best efforts.

Jack groans a little, and looks up to apologise.

Straight into Daniel Jackson’s surprised face.



“… I never asked which university you were associated with.”

“I mean, I’m no statistician but I would’ve bet against these odds.”

“Right, right.” Daniel nods. “Uh, could we maybe get up?”

“Shit, right, yeah.” Jack gets up and pulls Daniel up as well and they both stare some more.

“I don’t think I’m any good at this one night stand thing.” Daniel sighs, looking down at his feet.

Jack snort and claps his shoulder companionably. “You definitely ruined my perfect streak. That’s pretty impressive actually.”



Daniel smiles shyly and Jack finds himself smiling back.

“Uhm, do you know where the post grad office is?”

“Obviously. Let’s introduce you to Sam, she’s awesome, you’ll love her.”


“No.” Rodney frowns. “I refuse to believe this.”

Sam cackles delightedly.

“It really does sound like some kind of rom-com, or Spanish soap opera.” John admits.

“We could not make this up.” Teal’c shakes his head.

“I need popcorn. This is too good.” Teyla muses.

Ronon hands her one of his everlasting Twinkies and she acknowledges him with a smile.

“It gets better. And then worse. And then better again.” Sam says.


It’s not really as strange as Daniel thought, being Jack’s colleague. Jack isn’t weird about it, Sam really is awesome and Teal’c is quickly becoming a close friend.

Daniel ends up confiding his and Jack’s history to Teal’c when the other man mentions that Jack is staring at Daniel for longer than is strictly platonic.

“I see.” Teal’c nods over their coffee. “This is very interesting indeed.”

“Sure. Interesting is one way to describe it.” Daniel sighs.

“Perhaps you should attempt to have a romantic relationship.”

“Look, I’m not great at this, but I’m pretty sure that’s the exact opposite of what a one night stand is.”

“He stares at you. You sigh about him. It is clear that you both harbour at least some feelings for each other. Wouldn’t you rather try than spend your days pining?”

“I’m not pining.”

Teal’c simply fixes him with a look.

“… maybe a little pining.”

The look doesn’t let up.

“Okay, a lot of pining.”

Finally a nod of agreement.

“I still don’t think this is a good idea though.” Daniel mutters stubbornly into his coffee.


It turns out to be a brilliant idea, Daniel thinks as he lays in Jack’s bed attempting to get his breath back.

“Mmmmm.” Jack mutters. “Good.”

“Yeah?” Daniel asks, turning his head to look at the other man, who’s eyes are closed. “We need to clean up before we go to sleep.”

“Don’t wanna.”

Daniel smiles indulgently at Jack before getting up to look for a washcloth to clean them up.

Afterwards Daniel wants to agonise whether he should stay or not, but he’s honestly just exhausted and sated and Jack should’ve said if it was an issue.

He stays.

He wakes up to the smell of coffee and has to take a moment to figure out where he is. When he does he buries his face in his pillow to try and calm down his blush.

He never moves this fast, physically. Usually he’s so hesitant and unsure about everything physical.

But Jack is so easy. He’s not like anyone else Daniel has ever been with. He’s confident in his sexuality, confident in sex, easy going about these things.

He doesn’t make Daniel feel self conscious.

He makes Daniel feel good.

“How long are you gonna pretend to be asleep?” Jack’s voice comes from the doorway.

“Uhm.” Daniel stutters.

Jack snorts. “Come get some coffee. I don’t have anything but cereal for breakfast so you better not be some sort of health nut.”

“Oh, that’s fine.” Daniel nods, gets out of bed and starts hunting around for his clothes.

“Just take some of mine. I already threw yours in the wash.” Jack yells from the direction of the kitchen.

“… Okay.”

“Also - there’s a spare toothbrush in the bathroom cabinet.”

“Thank you.”

“Get moving unless you wanna do a walk of shame into the office.”

That spurs Daniel to get moving faster.

When he comes out in some of Jack’s sweats and an Air Force t-shirt that doesn’t really fit him but looks old and well worn enough to be close to being thrown out, Jack is sitting at the table, crunching on dry cereal.


“Coffee’s over there.” Jack gestures.

“Are you out of milk?”

Jack gives him an unimpressed look. “I told you I only have cereal. Hope you can handle your coffee black.”

Daniel hates black coffee, but it’s better than facing the day sans caffeine, so he sucks it up.

They eat dry cereal and Daniel wants to worry about this. He should probably ask Jack what they are.

But honestly, it’s way too early to have that conversation. He figures he should try not to rush into this the way he usually does. Maybe this will be the last time they do this.


It isn’t.

It becomes a regular thing, and Daniel feels himself relaxing into it.

Jack never makes a big deal of anything and Daniel enjoys the calm of their relationship. It’s easy and comfortable from the get go, and it doesn’t change.


“What’s burning?” Jack asks, coming into the kitchen from where he was working in the study.

“Dinner.” Daniel says mournfully, looking at the burnt remains of what was meant to be a casserole.

“Well shit, I didn’t know you could cook.”

“I can’t.”

“Okay. Chinese?”

“Yeah. That sounds good.”

“I’ll order. You do something about this mess.”


They end up with Jack throwing away the pot after Daniel has spent a frantic hour attempting to clean it of the debris left by his failed attempt, frantically Googling and nearly hyperventilating a bit.

“Jack! You can’t just throw it out!”

“Of course I can. It’s just a pot. I never even use it. I always bake my shit in the oven.”


“I’ll buy a new one, okay? If you’re really that invested in my fucking cooking equipment.”

“Well, I don’t have any. That’s kind of why I was trying to make this here.”

“Fine. I’ll buy another one for you.”

“For me?”

“Unless you wanna give up on this cooking obsession?”

“No! I can do this.”

“Then I’ll buy you the damn pot.”


“Daniel, is this your toothbrush?”

“Oh, I just…”



“You gonna spend more time here?”

“I mean…”

“Bring some clothes over. Unless you wanna do the walk of shame every time?”

“No! No, I’ll bring some clothes.”



“For fucks’ sake Daniel, how do you make this much mess? You’re only one person!”

“Me? You never wash your dishes!”

“That isn’t what this is about and you fucking know it! I can’t even flop down on my own fucking couch because your fucking shit is all over it! How do you even manage to have all this shit?”

“Well it’s not like I have anywhere else to put it!”

“That count for your towel and your clothes too? The hamper is right there!”

“Ugh! What does it matter??”

“I would like not to slip and break my fucking neck! I would like to have an orderly house! I am not okay with growing a new species of fungus on my bathroom floor!”

“Well excuse me. I’ll just get out of your hair then!”

“Fine by me.”


“You got me a desk?”

“Keep your shit on it. I’m serious Daniel.”


“What? Do you not like the desk? Because I haven’t assembled it yet so I can probably go back to IKEA and exchange it.”

“It’s perfect, Jack.”

“… sex?”

“Yes, you stupid, impossible asshole.”


“How does it taste?”

“It’s good. Like. Really good.”


“Do I lie to save your feelings?”


“Then what the fuck is the problem?”

“Why are you so grumpy?”

“Because this is good, okay?”

“… Better than yours?”


“Aw, Jack…”

“I’m getting seconds. Don’t get sappy on me.”


“Jack, I am fine with this spring cleaning thing you insist on doing every damn three months, but touch my desk again and we’re going to have a problem.”

“Are you kidding me? That damn desk is a fucking mess. You can’t find anything on there!”

“I can! I have a system Jack! And now it’s ruined and I have no clue where to find anything and I have an entire chapter due tomorrow!”

“Why do you always procrastinate to the last damn minute? And why is that suddenly my fucking problem?”

“Are you serious right now?”

“If you could plan better and didn’t insist on being such a fucking slob I wouldn’t have to deal with this shit.”

“I’m going to the library.”

“Awesome. I can have a clean house for once.”


“I have severe ADHD and dyspraxia.”


“I have severe ADHD and dyspraxia. So my maths is shit. And my time management is shit. And I have executive dysfunction and it takes me a really long time and a lot of effort to get my reading done, so I put it off even more, okay?”

“… Isn’t ADHD something those hyperactive kids have?”

“It’s a developmental issue, it doesn’t magically go away when you hit 18.”

“… I mean. Okay?”

“I’m just saying. I know I have these issues and when you yell at me for them it’s shitty and I feel shitty and it makes everything a hundred times worse. I already have a hard time with it.”

“… I mean… what the fuck even is executive dysfunction?”

“I… there’s a Youtube video. If you want to know more.”



“So do you need me to read that equation?”

“You have your own work, it’s fine.”

“So you do need me to read it. Give it here.”

“I’ve managed my entire life, you really don’t need to.”

“Don’t be a martyr. There’s no reason for you to have to struggle like this.”



“… Okay.”




“Daniel, what are you doing?”

“Looking for a new apartment.”


“My lease is up at the end of the month. And I really don’t want to stay there anymore. The rats are terrifying.”

“Move in here then.”


“You basically live here anyway.”

“I mean… yeah…”

“Then what’s the issue?”

“… I can’t think of one, really.”

“So stop overthinking it.”



“Jack, I love you.”

“… what?”