Chapter 1: You're a Pirate Fury
Well, it was only a matter of time until Fury found out. The time aforementioned was about 7.2 days. The Avengers + Peter didn’t technically lie to Fury about anything, in fact, they didn’t say anything to Fury at all. Fury, being the superspy director pirate deduced it from his superspy director pirate brain.
Of course, it was hard not to deduce this when one knew about the existence of wizards and saw dishes washing by themselves one fine morning in the Avengers Tower.
Of course, the superspy director pirate only had one reaction to the situation.
“Motherfucker.” Fury’s eye, to the trained eye, was slightly wider than usual, a sign of extreme surprise for him.
All the plates dropped out of the air, landing on the ground with harsh clanks.
“Ah shoot.” Peter took his eye off from Fury (bad decision really) to the shattered plates. “I didn’t mean to do that. Reparo.” With a swish, all the plates pieced themselves together, and with a sharp flick of Peter’s wrist, they returned to the cabinets they belonged to. Peter snuck an uncertain glance at Fury. “JARVIS? Can you call Mr. Stark - maybe Steve too - actually everyone down here?”
“They’re on their way, Peter.”
Peter gestured to the couch. “Uh, do you wanna sit down or something? I have orange juice if you want some?”
Fury waved him off, choosing instead to put his head in his hands. “Motherfucker.”
“Uh, you probably shouldn’t say that around here too much. Steve has a habit of glaring at people who swear.”
Fury ignored him.
Peter sat down. “Okay, cool. I’m just gonna sit here enjoying my orange juice, being silent, wait am I talking right now? Okay, not that silent but still like pretty silent?”
Cutting in Peter’s nervous jabbering, Steve walked into the room. “Peter? Is everything alrigh-” Steve noticed Fury. “Ah.”
Fury finally took his head out of his hands. “Captain, take a seat. We’re going to wait for the whole team to arrive.”
As soon as everyone gathered (with the appropriate reactions to seeing Fury and Peter in one room - collective oh shit captures the feeling well), Fury glared at the team. “I’m assuming you all knew Parker was a wizard?”
A nod from Steve, Natasha, Clint, and Sam. An eye roll from Tony, and silence from Bruce and Bucky.
“And you didn’t think I should have known this?” Fury gestured to Peter. “This is a walking contract violation. Stark, of all the people I thought you would have understood how serious that contract was.”
Tony rolled his eyes yet again. “Chill Fury. We didn’t know Peter was an abomination of science until a week ago either.” He placed a reassuring arm around Peter. “Without him and his beautiful Aunt, Capsicle over there would’ve died.”
Steve smiled. "Thank you again Peter."
“The violation of the contract still stands Stark.”
Peter raised his hand.
Fury pinched the bridge of his nose. “It’s not a fucking classroom Parker. What do you have to say?”
“Uh. I’m not a contract violation?” As he saw Fury starting to speak, Peter hastily waved his hand. “The delegation knows I’m the Avenger’s intern. Like the second I stepped in that office, they recognized me.”
“Okay.” Fury, less stressed now that MACUSA wasn’t gonna be on his ass, laid a critical eye on Peter. “Then mind explaining why you aren’t in the wizarding school?”
Peter shrugged. “Early graduation?”
“Is that a question or an answer, Parker?”
Peter shuffled a bit and burrowed deeper into the couch. “An answer?” At Fury’s glare, Peter continued. “I did graduate early. I’m the first in a few centuries to do that. I’m just attending normal high school now.”
“How good are you with magic?”
“I mean, I’m average with all the wand stuff.” Peter waved his hand as if he was waving his wand. “I’m more specialized in potions - I'm actually finishing my final test for the mastery.”
“So not a fighter.”
Before Fury could say more, Natasha cut in from behind Peter. “Sir, with all due respect, I don’t think Peter’s the right fit right now.”
Peter turned to look at her. “Right fit for what?”
Natasha's eyes seemed to gleam with.. with... was that mischief? “For being an Avenger of course.”
Peter’s mouth dropped and he flushed. “Uh, yeah, I’m like totally not the hero type.” Peter fiddled with his wand. “It’s not like I can save people. Nope. I’m so not fit - like no muscles at all-”
Steve cut in. “Aside from all that, Sir, Peter is 17. He’s underage-”
“Actually, wizards are considered adults at age 17.” Peter corrected.
Steve ignored him (shocker really. Peter thought he would be all American politeness). “-and he needs to be a child, maybe go to university-”
“What do you mean maybe?” Tony cut in, annoyed. “Peter has had a spot at MIT since the day I met him.”
Steve continued to ignore everyone. “-and have the skills, education, and experience to defend himself in battle before he even considers being an Avenger.”
“And didn’t the contract say they would not provide any wizards for the field?” Bruce said.
Fury waved a hand, shutting up the others that started to talk. “Fine.” Fury looked at Peter. “You’re off the hook for now Parker. I’d better not hear anything from MACUSA about you anytime soon. Or there will be consequences” With that, Fury strode out the room, his long coat billowing behind him.
“Well, Fury did have a flair for dramatic exits,” Tony muttered.
Clint nodded. “And one for having the last word.” Then he turned to grin at Peter. “Well, that’s Fury for you. On the good side, you’re now officially let loose on magic without worry around here. And on the amazing side, we can finally start using some of that magic to prank Fury.”
Peter grinned back. “That, Clint, is some amazing news.”
Sam groaned. “Fury just tried to pull one over Peter and your reaction to this is to prank him? Not to lay low for a while?”
“It be that way sometimes,” Peter said. Clint nodded.
Natasha rolled her eyes. “Just don’t do any lasting damage to the Director’s mentality.” Then, she focused her eyes on Steve. “And I didn’t know you could lie so well. Peter not having the skills, experience, or education? Steve, Peter’s better than some of the newbies I have to train at SHIELD.”
“Yeah Stevie, where did you learn to spout lies like that?” Bucky leaned into Tony, a smirk on his face.
Peter chimed in. “Yeah, and I quote, ‘honesty is the best trait anyone can ever have’. That was from your like PSA #3.”
“Skipping the fact that you have PSAs, where did you learn that?” Tony asked a devious smile on his face (you know, when you looked at Tony and Bucky now, you kinda got why they were dating. they looked like evil reincarnates).
Steve flushed. “Ah, well.” He looked at Bucky. “Buck, you remember that one time when we got caught taking the cookies from Ms. Ponsy and I… um...“
“Had to put on a bloody skirt to get away,” Bucky smirked. “Yeah, I remember.”
“Yeah, um..” Steve looked around in desperation, no one rose to help him. “I told Ms. Ponsy that I was here to see my cousin Steve and apparently Ms. Ponsy liked Rebecca so much that she kept coming to me ask how she was.”
Tony burst into laughter. “Wow captain, I didn’t know you were into cross-dressing.” He winked. “We’ll have to go shopping sometimes - Natasha and I know great places we can go together.”
Steve flushed even farther. Bucky, a little off-balance as he was holding a giggling Tony, spoke. “Why didn’t you tell me that part of the story? That was the best part punk.”
Steve groaned and looked at the Avengers, who were all in various states of disarray. Tony, Peter, and Clint were giggling their asses off, Bruce and Natasha were smiling with their eyes, and Sam and Bucky were grinning like idiots. “This. This is the reason why I never told anyone.”
Peter giggled. “Don’t worry Ms. Captain America. We’ll keep it a secret. Right, Tony?”
“Yep, most definitely. It will never get out into the public.”
Steve sighed. This was not gonna end up well.
A few hours later, Steve got a message on his phone. It was a picture of Thor, with Jane and Darcy, wearing a dress fit for a wedding. The following text said, “My friend, I heard about your great adventures into what Son of Stark called crossdressing. Darcy was greatly happy about this - we must go to what she called drag shows - it sounds like a great deal of fun!”
Steve sighed. He was never going to live this down.
Chapter 2: Fury Accepts his Pirate-ness (not really but he sure looks like one)
“Okay Peter. Do you understand how serious this mission is?” Clint stood in front of a conference room, his arms behind him and his back straight like a drill sergeant.
Peter nodded grimly. “Yes, Mr. Hawkeye Sir.” He, from his seat on the other end of the room, produced potions and sweets from his bag. “This is Manegro potion, which allows for fast hair growth. The Alivox potion, which changes the accent of the speaker. In this case, I tried for ye’ olde Caribbean. And finally,” Peter opened a pastry box. “This is from London. A variation on the Weasly’s Wheezing Wheezes’s Canary Cream. Parrot Pastry.” Peter grinned. “With a preservation charm on the potion.”
“Excellent young Spider.” Clint then turned to the rest of the occupants of the room. “Falcon, do you know your job?”
Sam sighed. “I still really don’t know why I’m here-”
“You were chosen to be part of this great adventure. Do not question the why.” Clint said. “Now, do you know your job?”
“Yeah. I’ll go in with boxes of pastries, and distribute them among the staff.” Sam held up Peter’s pastry. “And put this one on Hill’s desk specifically.”
Clint nodded in satisfaction. “Excellent. Thor, do you know your job?”
“I do indeed Son of Barton. I shall go in and ask to speak with Fury with an urgent matter from Asgard. And sufficiently distract Fury with my great charm and dashing countenance.” Thor said, rather excited to start an adventure. “Then, I shall call for Lady Hill’s assistance with the matter, gathering the two in one room.”
Peter looked like he agreed with every single thing Thor just said. Clint, confused, started to open his mouth, then stopped. “As long as you do that, sure. I don’t really care how you go about it.” He grinned. “Okay, then gang. Let’s head out. Sam, you go ahead. Make sure Hill eats that pastry - it won’t activate anywhere near you. Peter will need to activate it. Thor, go a bit after Sam. And make sure it looks as if you came from the bifrost. We really need to play this on the down-low. Finally,” he gestured towards himself and Peter, “we will enter the building through the vents and station ourselves above Fury. Everyone got it?”
Sam sighed, Peter nodded like an eager puppy, and Thor waved his hammer in excitement.
“Excellent. Gang, head out.”
Sam entered through the main door of SHIELD headquarters, large bags on each of his hands. He passed through security (though not without weird glances at his bags) and took the elevator up to the office levels.
The elevator doors opened and Sam’s eyes grew big at the sheer number of people who were there. Sure, there wasn't much as Stark Industries, but there still was a good 50 people working. He looked at the bags. The bags, while pretty big, couldn’t have held more than 20 pastries. Hoping that Peter’s so-called bottomless bag charm worked, Sam started to distribute the pastries to the agents.
Soon enough, Hill spotted him. “Agent Wilson. A pleasure to see you here, but rather unexpected.”
Sam smiled. “Morning. Bucky baked too many pastries while we were watching movies last night and Steve wanted me to come in and give some to the agents.” He put his hand inside one of the deeper pockets of the bag and came up with a box of pastry. It looked like all the other ones, but Sam could spot the little smiley face Peter put on the side. “Here you go.”
Hill took the box. “Thank you. I haven’t had breakfast yet either so excellent timing really.” She opened the top and peered inside, looking at the parrot shaped cream pastry. “Quite an intricate design. Send my compliments to Bucky please.” She took a bite. Internally, Sam held his breath. “And a little sweet, but good nonetheless. Thank you again.” With that, Hill walked back to her desk.
Not losing any of his composure, Sam gave the rest of the agents a non-magical pastry and exited the building. Once he was out of range of SHIED cameras (or at least he hoped so), Sam called Peter. “Alright kid. Hill’s took a bite of the pastry. Now don’t blame me if Hill kills you later.”
Peter’s giggles came over the phone. “Thanks, Sam. I owe you!”
“No problem Pete.” Sam hung up the phone and sighed. He needed a nap.
____________ Line Break_____________________
Thor was sitting in the garden near the golden place of Asgard, waiting for a message from the man of Spiders to come. Soon (or after a while, Thor wasn’t quite sure, time didn’t have too strong of a significance in Asgard), a silvery slow loris appeared next to Thor and spoke with the voice of the man of Spiders (a nifty trick, Loki would be delighted to meet Peter).
“Thor,” the slow loris said, “you’re clear to come down to Fury. Good luck.”
Thor, now that his time has come, rose up and shouted into the sky, “Heimdall, open the bifrost.” As soon as the bifrost opened, Thor advanced upon it, leading it straight to the son of Fury’s office.
With a final flash of rainbow-tinted light, Thor stood in front of Fury, his face angered, his body in a warrior’s stance, and his hammer wildly waving in the air. “Son of Fury, Asgard is under attack from the objects that have threatened Earth many times before. The Doctor of Doom has found his way into the halls of Asgard.”
Fury stood, an urgent expression on his face. “I’m sorry, Doom has found a way into Asgard?” He pressed a com on his desk. “Hill, I need you to get in my office. Apparently, Doom has decided to target Asgard for his next playground.”
A few seconds later, slightly out of breath Hill entered the room. “I just called the Ave-”
Hill didn’t get a chance to finish her sentence. With a whispered word and a turn of his wand, Peter activated the potion within the Parrot Pastry.
“Squawk. Squawk?” Hill, now a parrot, looked around in confusion. She flew up to the table and looked at Fury. “Squawk.”
Fury looked at the parrot on his desk. “Agent Hill, is that you?”
Fury didn’t get a chance to discern that. With a bang, Clint and Peter dropped out of the vent. While Clint threw a pirate’s hat on Fury’s head, Peter dumped the two potions (Manegro and Alivox) on Fury.
Fury coughed, his body recognizing the foul taste of the potions. “Wha' the-” Fury paused. “Why th' Davy Jones' locker be me voice like this?” Fury did a double-take when he felt the weight of his newfound hair (extra greasy and long) on his head. “Wha' in th' world be goin' on here?”
Peter, taking advantage of Fury’s confusion, said, “Colovaria,” changing the color of Fury’s hair to a dark brown and his clothes into a navy blue to match the pirate hat.
Fury, taking notice of Clint and Peter, turned on them. “Agent Barton, Parker. Wha' be th' meanin' o' this?”
Clint giggled. “What’s wrong Fury, having a hard time with yo’ grammar?”
Peter, after sneaking another glance towards Hill, fell into a fit of giggles as well. “I mean, you looked so much like a pirate we thought you would be more comfortable as one. And Miss. Hill was Clint’s idea.”
Hearing that, Hill the parrot turned and glared at Clint. Which, for a parrot was pretty impressive, but on a human scale, didn’t put that much fear in Clint.
At that moment the door to the office swung open, revealing the rest of the Avengers all in combat gear, who, after seeing the state of the room (Pirate Fury, Parrot Hill, giggling Clint+Peter, and a laughing Thor), lowered their weapons. Tony, being a sensible person, started to take pictures of Fury and Hill.
“Wow, I didn’t actually think this would work,” Tony said, who was still taking pictures while being attacked by Hill the Parrot. “Good work Kid. Ouch! Hill, I understand I have a fantastic body but I could do with a little less pecking.”
Natasha, taking pity on Tony, motioned the parrot to her. “And I told both of them that this would be a bad idea. How are you doing sir?”
Fury sighed. “Fine. This better nah be permanent. 'n I wants Hill human now.” Hill trilled in her place on Natasha in agreement. As soon as Fury said so, Hill started to molt all her feathers and started to fall from her place on Natasha.
Bruce quickly caught her and lower the molting bird unto the ground. Within seconds, Hill was back to her human self, albeit with a mouth full of blue feathers.
Hill grimaced, then glared at Clint. “Sir, I want Hawkeye on the trainees for the next three weeks.”
“Think of it as a revenge agent.” With that, Hill made her way to the door. “And I want Parker in the Avengers as soon as he turns 18. I didn’t hear shit in the vents. He’s quieter than Hawkeye.”
Steve turned red. “I told you! Peter’s not getting anywhere near the Avengers until he finishes his schooling.”
His cries fell on deaf ears as Hill left and Fury turned his ire on Peter. “Parker. I don’t appreciate potions bein' spilled on me. While I assume this change isn’t goin' t' be permanent,” a quick nod from Peter. “as a trade fer nah shootin' ye, I wants a protection charm against all magic wit' harmful intent.”
“That’s really good wording actually.” Peter nodded. “Yeah. I can drop by MACUSA later to see if they can get the Avengers one. If not, I can drop by an Iroquois shop. They have some excellent charms.”
“I mean it’s not too bad,” Tony said, gathering the attention of everyone in the room. “At least you have hair now, right?”
Fury growled. “I swear t' god Stark. I shall actually shoot ye.”
“And that accent is 100% Pirates of Carribbean,” Bucky noted. “Really close - at least according to the movie at least.”
Sam sighed. “I see we aren’t gonna get anything done here.” He gestured to Natasha, Bruce, and Steve. “Wanna get coffee? I saw a new cafe down by Jillian Lane.” With that, the adults (at least mentally) of the Avengers left.
Thor was next to leave. “While this has been great entertainment, I must also take my leave. My Lady Jane and Lady Darcy have asked for some photos of this adventure once I explained it to them.” He looked at Tony. “Man of Iron, could you send the photos to Lady Jane?”
“Sure thing point break.”
“Then I will take my leave.” Thor walked out the door, possibly looking for the next man-sized window to fly out of.
Now that the main bought of entertainment seemed to be over, Bucky looked down at Tony. “Hey doll, we haven’t had a date day in a while. I saw a small diner on the way here. How ‘bout we go over and grab a bite?”
Tony grinned. “A man’s heart is through his stomach.” He turned to the rest of the room. “Now daddy’s gonna have a date night so try not to cause any trouble and please fill out the proper paperwork if you kill each other.”
Clint, looking at the retreating form of the couple, grabbed Peter’s shoulder. “Well this was fun and all, but the lil’ squirt and I have a meeting to get to.” He jumped up to the vents, pulling Peter along with him. “So bye!”
Peter shouted down. “The potions and spells will wear off in a few hours. Good luck ‘till then!”
With Hill and the Avengers gone, Fury sat down in his chair, feeling more tired than he had any right to be at 10 am in the morning (and he still had that headache from when he found out Parker was a wizard goddamnit). While what had happened wasn’t ideal, for him or his sanity, it did solidify his resolve. Parker was going signed the Avengers paperwork the day he turned 18 whether he liked it or not.
Chapter 3: NEWTs < Irrational, Nasty, and Exhausting Potion Tests (INEPT)
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Peter looked up. The walls of MACUSA loomed above him in all its might. He never thought of the MACUSA building as scary in all his years of visiting Soren and Anna in their respective offices, but now, standing here, the walls seemed ready to swallow him.
Ms. Mazel gently tapped his shoulder. “Peter? Are you feeling okay?” She looked up at the high walls with him. “Ah. You’ve never seen MACUSA like this, have you? While it may be in your nature to think of this place with happiness, that sadly isn’t the case with most people. For some, it’s just a government building. For others, it’s their work.” She looked back down at Peter. “And today, for you, Peter, it’s your future.”
With a deep breath, Peter strode into the halls of the MACUSA, one hand nervously twitching around his wand, and the other tightly gripping his potions kit. After getting a visitor’s pass at the gates, Peter and Ms. Mazel down to the B3 (basement 3) floor where all the mastery tests were held.
Once they filled out the proper paperwork, Ms. Mazel turned to Peter and grasped his twitching hand, stilling it. “Okay Peter. I have to leave now, but believe me when I say that you are more than ready for this test. Heavens, I’ve never seen anyone more talented at potions. You breezed through a 4-year mastery and a project in 2 years - out of Ilvermorny at 15 and taking the test at 17.” She released his hand, moving on to gently straighten the collar of Peter’s robes in a motherly gesture. “And I, and probably the whole gang as well - nosy as they are - will be waiting for you at the gates when you’re down. Good luck Peter.”
Peter smiled up at his mentor. “Yeah. I’ll see you soon.” He shook Ms. Mazel’s hand and entered his testing room. Peter took a seat towards the back, aware of the eyes on him - possibly due to the fact that the average age of the room was 23. He ignored the eyes, choosing to set up for the written part of the test. Soon enough, the test was distributed by an administrator and the room went silent, only to be broken with an occasional cough or a sneeze.
After the written test (Peter thought it was fairly easy, but better not to hope, really), Peter waited in line to be called into the individual assessment room. When his name was called, he hastily gathered up his bag and entered.
“Mr. Peter Parker?” An old man, a middle-aged woman (but you could never tell with middle-aged magicals where they were between 35-70), and a very short man (probably part goblin) sat in the front of the room.
Peter nodded. “Ah yes. Yep. That’s me.”
The woman nodded. “My name is Talula and I will be the head judge for your examination.” She gestured for Peter to come forward. “You may set up your equipment on the table there. Today you will be making either an improvement or additional function to the draught of peace. Begin whenever you are ready; you will have 3 hours for this test, not including cooling time.”
Okay, Peter could do this. He’d helped Aunt May enough that he knew healing potions inside out (not to mention the fact that Ms. Mazel had drilled the potions to memory). He started to set up his station, laying out the ingredients and the cauldron. Draught of Peace was a nifty potion to relieve anxiety or agitation, but when too potent or excessively consumed, it could put the drinker into an irreversible sleep.
Once the cauldron full of water started to boil, he added bits of powdered moonstone until the potion turned green. Next, he stirred until the potion turns blue and added more powdered moonstone until the potion turned purple, after which he simmered it until it turned pink. When it reached the pastel pink he was looking for, Peter added drops of hellebore to get a dark turquoise.
While the potion simmered, Peter moved to the ingredients and took out some porcupine quills, vigorously shaking them in a tin until they turned to power. When the potion turned purple, he added small spoons of the powder until it turned iron-man red. He stirred a bit more, causing to potion to loosen and turn orange. When it did so, he added whole quills until it turned this time a light shade of turquoise.
Then, leaving the potion to simmer, Peter cleaned off the draught of peace ingredients with a wave of his wand and summoned the ingredients for the calming draught. Ignoring the raised eyebrow of the older man, Peter chopped up the peppermint until it almost resembled powder, adding it to the potion when it turned purple. When the potion turned green, he stirred it clockwise until a faint smell of cherries permeated the room. Then Peter deftly cut apart the chambers of the crocodile heart and added each one into the potion one by one until the potion turned grey-blue. While that simmered, Peter measured out some lavender flowers and placed them in the spoon. Once the potion turned a sunny yellow, he sprinkled that in while lowering the heat, turning the potion into a shocking white. Finally, Peter added exactly 5 drops of hellebore and a dusting of pearl, finishing off the potion in a happy shade of blue.
Okay, he was done. Peter sneaked a glance at the timer, which signified that Peter had 32 minutes left. And good timing too. He signified to Talula that he was finished and waited for the potion to cool. Once it did, he put all of it into small vials, bottling them up with a glass cork. Peter set a sample down on the judges’ desk and put the rest in his potion case.
Talula picked up the potion and examined it. “Well, this definitely isn’t the standard draught of peace.” She placed it down where the others could reach it and looked at Peter. “Tell me, what does this potion do differently Mr. Parker?”
Peter met Talula’s eyes with confidence. If he could do anything, it was potions (and maybe Spidermanning, but he had doubts on that occasionally). “This is my version of the draught of peace called Draught of Tranquility. When you assigned the draught of peace, I remembered my aunt, who is a healer, talking about the problems of the draught of peace and its tendency to be dangerous when given in excess and the lack of potency for the calming draught when used in situations necessary for the draught of peace. So using a balance of ingredients from both potions, I came up with this one, which, while not as strong as the draught of peace has none of the overdose drawbacks and is more potent than the calming draught.” He smiled. “And I’ve always thought that potions were rather disgusting. I added a bit of pearl dust, a key ingredient of love potions, to induce the taste buds of the drinker to feel as if they’re drinking an enjoyable drink of their favor.”
The old man laughed. “And here I thought you were insane when you added peppermint to the potion. Well done young man.”
“It may make taking these potions easy for my kid if nothing,” said the other man, smiling.
When the old man stopped laughing, Talula spoke once again. “Well, Mr. Parker, your test is finished. You may pack up and exit the building if you have no other business here.” And when Peter moved to open the door, she spoke again. “And Mr. Parker? As a personal opinion, off the book. I would publish that potion. My ward would certainly appreciate it.”
With a huge smile on his face, Peter stepped out the door, weaving around the congressional staff to reach the winding stairs. At the bottom of the stairs, Peter was greeted by the oddest group he had ever seen. Soren and Anna were both grinning (or the Soren equivalent of grinning, which consisted of a small smile) behind Aunt May, who was talking animatedly with Mr. Stark in fast Italian, not yet having spotted Peter. Clint, Steve, Bruce, and Sam looked like proper no-majs, staring around the magical hub in fascination. Natasha was simply listening to Thor ramble on about the adventures he had with the wizards of the past, nodding at the right moments without listening to much. Bucky was the only one to react fast to Peter, nodding his head Peter’s way with a grin on his face.
Ms. Mazel was in front of them all, holding them back from storming into MACUSA in search of Peter. “What did I say, Peter? I did say that the whole gang,” she looked behind her, “the nosy bastards they are,” que protests from said nosy bastards, “would be here.”
Aunt May broke off her conversation with Mr. Stark and practically flew towards Peter (huh, wonder if May knew a spell for that). “Peter!” She wrapped her arms around him, squeezing him with all her strength. After a few seconds, May got up and smiled. “How was the test? How are you, Peter?”
“It was okay, I think. And honestly? Really tired.”
“You know, I was a mess when I took my healer qualifications, you don’t look half as messy as me. Based on that, I’m sure you’ve done excellently.” May assured.
Tony cut in. “Just think about it Kid. After this, the SAT will be a breeze. After all, that’s way shorter than what we’ve been waiting for.” After Tony, Peter was surrounded by both Avengers and magicals alike, being congratulated and supported.
At a certain point, Soren coughed lightly, gathering everyone’s attention. “It’s getting quite late, and I’ve reserved a spot in a restaurant if we would like to continue over there.”
Peter looked up at him. “Which one?”
“Kowalski’s Bakery and Diner, of course,” said Anna. “Come on, Papa Kowalski’s been cooking up a feast for us.”
At everyone’s nod, Soren spread his hands. “Alright. Avengers, grab hands or arms with a wizard or witch. Since there’s eight of you and four of us, we can apparate two each.”
Sam frowned. “What are we doing?”
Peter grinned. “Come on Sam,” he held out a hand towards Sam, the other already holding Tony’s. “It’ll be fun.”
Sam wearily grasped the offered hand. “You know I don’t know if I tru- Woah!” Sam didn’t get to finish his sentence as Peter turned on the spot, bringing the two men along with him to his favorite restaurant.
As soon as Peter landed in the approved apparition zone he was greeted with the sight of Bruce holding in his guts, green, but not in the usual (at least not for him) way. Bruce looked around at all the Avengers who were all looking only mildly disgruntled. “How are you guys not sick?”
Tony stretched, shaking off his bought of dizziness. “It’s pretty disorienting, but after a few test drives in the Iron Man suit, nothing can really disorient you too much.”
Natasha nodded. “You should see some of Clint’s jet maneuvers. It’s like he forgets that gravity exists.” Then she pointed at Sam. “And that dude flies with literal mechanical wings. You can’t get much worse than that.”
“Well, if it makes you feel better Dr. Banner,” said Anna, “I also reacted like that the first time my father apparated with me.” Then she turned to the restaurant in front of them. “Welcome to Kowalski’s Bakery and Diner! Fondly referred to as Kowalski’s. It originally started as a bakery owned by my grandfather, a no-maj, but my father expanded the business to a restaurant, turning it into the first magical and no-maj diner in America.”
Natasha frowned. “How come a no-maj built such a place? I was under the assumption that MACUSA kept a strict memory control rule.”
“Well…” Anna giggled. “It’s a love story really. My grandmama fell in love with grandpa Jacob in a state of war years back. They knew enough people in the higher levels of MACUSA and through the distraction of the conflict, they got married. People really did adore them,” here Anna paused. “Or their bakery at least enough to not talk about it. It’s the worst kept secret in the American magical community.”
Soren rolled his eyes. “We could give him a permit as you well know. He just never needed one being married to someone like great aunt Queenie.” He opened the door
to the restaurant and gestured them inside.
They all sat in the long sets of tables in the back, comfortable in the surprisingly small space the restaurant offered. Ms. Mazel started the conversation. “So Peter, how really was the test?”
Under everyone’s curious eyes Peter explained, “Well, the written portion of the test was fairly easy. Nothing too off the topics I studied with you actually.”
“And the practical?” asked Soren.
Peter lit up like a beacon. “Oh, that was fantastic. I was asked to improve the draught of peace. So I,” Peter smiled over at May, “took the words May said to me a while back to heart.”
“Hmm?” May tilted her head, curious.
“Well, you were complaining about draught of peace overdose and the lack of potency in the calming draught. So I thought I could mix the two to create a potent potion without the overdose drawbacks.”
Anna hummed in agreement. “That’s a great idea. You don’t know how many of them we go through in the relations department while calming the agitated no-majs.”
“Yeah. And it turned out great!” Peter said, “One of the judges even wanted me to publish it.”
“That can be done.” Ms. Mazel said. “I’ll send a message to the potion registry potion registry sometime later this week.”
Bruce frowned and started to say something, but at that point, with a small pop, platters of food appeared on the table. Anna, seeing the slight wonder of the no-majs, spoke up. “Sorry Dr. Banner, just a second.” She gestured around the table. “The best part of all restaurants is the food, and Kowalski’s certainly has the best of the best. If you have any questions about the food, just ask one of us, but otherwise, dig in!”
After a few seconds in which everyone got their serving, Bruce spoke again. “So Peter, what ingredients did you use in your potion?”
“Ehhhhh” Peter looked at the food in front of them. “I’d probably be better if we talked after eating - just saying.”
“Nonsense young Parker!” Thor boomed, slowing down his eating (shoving food in his mouth). “We have dealt with things much more gruesome than simple ingredients for a potion.”
Sam side-eyed Thor. “That’s great man. But I’d personally like to, you know, not choke on the food.”
“Don’t be so squirmish,” Clint said. “Come on Peter. Lay it down on us.”
Peter snuck a glance at the wizards and witches, who avoided his eyes (Anna), grinned like a loon (May), met his eyes but without an ounce of sympathy (Soren), and smiled tolerantly (Ms. Mazel). Really, they were no help at all. “Okay. IF you lose your appetite that’s not my fault.” Peter took a deep breath. “A little bit of powdered moonstone, few drops of hellebore…”
Bruce frowned. “Excuse me?”
Peter continued. “porcupine quills,”
Natasha raised an eyebrow.
“Peppermint, crocodile heart, lavender flowers, and a dusting of pearl.” finished Peter.
“One of those things is not like the other,” Bucky said, nodding sagely, earning many (mostly from Sam) confused looks.
Thor, the only non-wizard that wasn’t slightly off-kilter, nodded. “Indeed. One does not often see the dusting of pearl in potions not of emotion. An excellent idea to encourage people to drink them.”
Peter beamed. “Thank you!”
While Thor got snagged into a discussion of differences in potions of Asgard and Midgard, Sam leaned back, pulling his arm over his head. “I told them to wait until after dinner. Did they listen?” He looked mournfully at the food. “Now I’ve gone and lost my appetite.”
Anna smiled. “Really it isn’t as bad as you think. They do turn pretty edible during the process.” She accio-ed a basket over from the counter and started to pack the food into them. “And I can pack some food-to-go. Be sure to try the pastries; they’re the main point really.” Once she put the food in, she closed and shrunk the basket, handing it to Steve.
“Thank you, ma’am.” Then Steve frowned. “Not to be rude, but is there a certain way to unshrink the basket?”
Bucky rolled his eyes. “Punk, we have a wizard as an intern.”
Steve looked at Peter, who waved. “Ah, I see. Apologies Ms. Kowalski.”
“No problem.” Anna laughed. “Really, I even forget that I’m a witch sometimes. You see I grew up very no-maj, no doubt the influence of my grandpa.”
Soren smiled (wow! A smile!). “While it is great being able to meet everyone in such an amicable setting, I’m afraid it’s time for me and Anna to head to MACUSA for the monthly head meeting.”
Anna gently hugged Peter. “We’re so proud of you. I’m sure you’ll receive the certification in the mail soon.” She motioned Soren forward. “And this is a present from us.” Soren handed Peter a leather briefcase, big enough to perhaps hold a computer, but smaller than say a suitcase.
“It was based off Newt’s briefcase,” Soren said. “Expandable inside world without the extra accommodation for animals. It’s a little smaller than his, but we don’t think you’ll need really the whole space.”
Ms. Mazel nodded. “Yes. Please don’t start collecting creatures.”
Peter looked at the briefcase. Simple navy with hints of bright red, clearly an allusion to his Spider-man activities (figures that they knew his alternate identity). “Thank you.”
Anna giggled. “You’re welcome. Now we really do need to go.” She linked up with Soren, getting ready for apparition. “See you around little spider.” And with a pop, they disappeared.
With them gone and Ms. Mazel excusing herself towards the shop, the Avengers and May walked out the ally. At the entrance, just before wishing the Avengers a night, Tony turned towards Peter.
“Before we go, here’s my present.” Tony placed a small cylinder into his hands. “What I’ve been working on for the past few months. Peter, I’m not sure if I understand magic, and I certainly don’t know how I fit into it, but I hope you know that no matter what or why I’ll always be there for you.” He guided Peter hands to open the cylinder with his fingerprints, revealing a pair of glasses. “This is EDITH. I wasn’t planning to give it to you for a while, but… I wanted this for you when I couldn’t help you, and I know I’m not the most open-minded with the concept of magic. This is there to help you when I can’t be there.”
Peter placed the glasses on his head. “Wow.” he waited as it calibrated. “This is amazing Mr. Stark - although I’m not sure if I’ll ever need armed drones. What does EDITH stand for?”
“That’s for me to know and for you to find out.” Mr. Stark tapped the side, turning it into sunglasses. “And it sure is amazing - and it’s the height of fashion squirt.”
Peter smiled. “Thank you Mr. Stark.” he paused. “And Mr. Stark? I think you’re there for me more than you think really. I’m really glad you’re a part of my life.” Peter rushed forward and enveloped him in a hug, then pulled away awkwardly and started to walk away backwards. “I’ll see you tomorrow at the tower!”
After a few seconds, Tony broke out of the slight shock. Although Peter was out of range, Tony smiled and said, “I’m glad you came into my life - rushed in, more like. I’ll see you tomorrow squirt.”
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