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Whispered Screams

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“Damnit.” A bitter curse filtered through the usual sounds of chaos that filled New York’s night sky, its owner slumping in on himself as he crouched amongst the grotesque gargoyles that lined one of the older towers in the city. Fucking lost it, again.

Raphael second oldest of the odd mutant filled family that stalked New York every night spit off the building in disgust, not even caring if the spittle landed on some poor pedestrian down below. He sighed, rolling his shoulders as his masked eyes narrowed in thought.

I wonder if they are even looking for me…

In all his eighteen years that question, that worry always haunted him even if he didn’t want to admit it. Whenever he fell into a rage and stormed off he would find somewhere to cool down, or go find some stupid ass punks to beat into a pulp but... But that question was always at the back of his mind. Would his family come after him?

They used to come all the time when he was younger, at first just Master Splinter who would hold off on berating him until they got home and offer him a warm supportive hand up, but as they got older and his brother Leonardo became leader the daunting task fell to him.

Neither Leo nor Raph liked that the older turtle was expected to find him and drag him back, they had never really gotten along but… But as time went on and they got older Raphael would be lying if he said he didn’t miss having his brother coming after him once in a while. Actually, he couldn’t even remember the last time Leo had tried… That bugged him, made him ache... For some reason.

“Fucker…” He spat but there was no true fire in his voice, he knew exactly why his brother wasn’t coming after him tonight and he really didn’t blame him because... How could he? I probably wouldn’t go looking for him if he had done what I… Arrrgh, DAMNIT!

He lowered his head, his shoulders sagging even lower as the night’s earlier storm, as he called his episodes, ran though his mind.

Today had started off well enough; all of them laughing, well mostly them laughing, and practicing when Leo just began eating into to him as he always did! He complained about how Raph wasn’t pulling his strikes enough, he complained he was moving too slow, he complained he was being sloppy in his parries and footwork but it was, was when he hit Mikey hard with the pommel of his sai and knocked him out cold that he really caught the Leo’s ire.

“I didn’t mean ta…” He muttered to the wind, his body shivering a bit in the cold autumn air.

He really didn’t mean to take the smaller turtle out like that and Leo wasn’t completely wrong with his critique of his performance tonight but, but if he could only get more than a fucking hour or two worth of sleep then maybe he would perform better!

Fucking dreams… No, nightmares more like it. He grit his teeth as an unwanted image from said nightmares fleeted through his mind and he hastily pushed it away. Shit man… Not one damn minute I can be free of ‘um.

Recently he had been plagued by the cursed things, they tore into him every night making him question EVERY-DAMN-THING and then he had to wake and pretend that everything was just peachy keen!? IT WASN’T HIS FAULT!

His anger grew again, he could feel it bubbling like acid in his stomach, feel it tighten in his chest, feel it crawl up to his head like fire… ARRRRGH! DAMNIT! Stop it!

A shaky breath escaped him and he began counting. “Juu, kyuu, hachi, shichi, roku, go…” Slowly, inhaling and exhaling with each number he counted down from ten to one in Japanese and he felt the rage ebb. It was a mantra he used often, Splinter having shown it to him when he was much younger, when his anger had become a problem not just for him but the whole family.

And here I am again, being nothing but a problem for ‘um all. He shook his head, his golden eyes opening as he scanned along the city below. Quiet tonight, that sucks.

He would have loved to hit a few thugs tonight, was longing for it after his fight with Leo but so far nothing he could handle had popped up. Being a crime fighter was a wonderful thing, as long as his mutant ass wasn't seen cause then hell broke loose.

He couldn’t even count the number of times he had saved someone from a mugger or rapist just to be screamed at, called a freak, or suddenly have them attack him, him after he just saved their ungrateful asses!

He understood their reactions, on a basic level of understanding human ignorance, but it, it still hurt… Should just let them figure their own way outta their own shit.

He had said that a lot over the years but rarely, if ever, meant it. He lived for fighting, it was like he was born for it and if he couldn’t fight anymore, if he didn’t have the chance to beat some clowns down every night well… He had nothing.

Nothing but a family he constantly messed up and infected with his bullshit with his fits , his storms... It was a wonder they hadn’t just abandoned him yet… Not entirely at least.

He lifted his head higher, his eyes peering around him as he heard a small shuffle and for just a moment his heart raced thinking it was Leo finally coming after him! His fragile hope burned to ash though as two pigeons suddenly cooed and flew off from a nearby ledge in a flutter of feathers.

Leo… I am sorry. I shouldn’t have said that shit… I get it. He scratched just under the right side of his mask, his face scowling as all the hateful words he had spouted out at his older brother rang in his head, each insult, each scathing curse playing out like some twisted melody.

When a storm hit him Raph knew he… He could be a real demon. It wasn’t like he liked falling to that, it wasn’t like he tried to lose it but, much like his fighting ability, it was just one gloriously natural gifts he was cursed with from the gods and he just needed to deal with it… Awesome.

Not only did he need to deal with it but anyone that had the misfortune to enter his ring of despair and fury did too soooo, tonight’s victim just happened to be Leo…

Raphael had been too tired for too long, those messed up dreams diving him crazy, Leo’s constant yelling driving him crazy, and he had snapped like an undersized speedo on a fat guy.

He saw red, he saw spots, everything blurred and by the time he came back to himself his throat was raw from screaming and his fists were bleeding so much he felt faint. He had panicked immediately when he came back to himself, not sure if the blood was his or Leonardo’s but luckily it seemed he had only wailed on the smaller turtle just a few times before he decided to tear the fucking wall down with his fists instead.

He was only slightly successful in that endeavor, his flesh paying for his idiocy more that the cement wall, they had given up on plaster long ago, and then just when he thought things couldn’t get any worse fate decided to stomp his face in just a little more and he gaped in shame as Master Splinter walked into the dojo…

The old rat had been very ill recently, his sickness growing worse and worse no matter how much medicine Donnie gave him, no matter how much rest he got and that he dragged himself out of bed because of him.

Raph had lost it, his previous rage vanishing like a fire hit by a tsunami and he, he ran. He didn’t even let his father get one word out before his body was scrambling down the hall like a mad man, not even bringing his belt or weapons as he crawled out of the sewers and just fucking fled.

He ran, ran like a FUCKING COWARD and now here he was lamenting and bitching like some pussy because he screwed up, like always.

A wail of sirens sounded somewhere not too far from where he was perched and he lifted his head to where the noise was coming from. Should I check it out?

He frowned as he pondered that option. Technically he had no weapons but that didn’t mean he was defenseless but, he was also alone.

I like being alone. He thought irritably.

No you don’t. Some quieter voice whispered in response and he growled.

Shut up!

Rolling his shoulders once more Raph smiled, he needed to blow off some of this steam, he needed this! He rolled back on his shell, bringing his knees to his chest before rocking forwards at top speed and jumping to his feet.

I don’t need nobody, I got me and my fists… That is enough. He told himself as he jumped from the edge of the building he was on and landed gracefully on the fire escape off the side. His muscles warmed, his body vibrating with excitement as he clambered down to the street.

He didn’t need anyone’s approval, he didn’t need anyone’s help, he didn’t need any fearless, perfect leader telling him what to do… He was free!

…………………………

Leonardo sat at the kitchen table, his eyes dark, his body still as he stared at the pitted oak slab before him mournfully. Damnit Raph, it has been six hours… Where are you?

A clock ticked mockingly against the southern wall of the room and he fought the urge to look at it again… He had already done so around a thousand times today, the last time exactly 4 and a half minutes… Shit… I looked.

The oldest brother of the Hamato family cursed, inwardly only of course, as he tore his eyes from the clock. “Where are you Raphie?”

Half of him had wanted to run after Raph the moment the larger turtle had frantically scrambled away once their father arrived but the other half was just… Just tired.

Once upon a time, far too long ago he used to be able to help his younger brother, help him with his demons and sooth his storms but as they grew older and their paths divided in such drastic ways he found himself becoming more and more lost when it came to Raph.

Leonardo scoffed, his chin falling to his hand unconsciously and he hissed as pain from his fresh bruise rippled through his cheek... Just another example of how he was failing so terribly with his lost brother. Well, at least he didn’t do any real damage… For now.

In many ways the eldest Hamato grieved the relapse he saw in his brother today, for a few years it seemed like Raph had been getting better! Heck, he even smiled at least twice a day well, until recently.

It was clear his brother wasn’t sleeping and whether that was from his growing alcohol problem or just his natural odd and frustrated demeanor, Leo wasn’t sure but he knew one thing... He, HE was responsible for all of his teammates, all of his brothers and he needed to get a hold on Raph before he fell too far.

I should have gone after him tonight… He thought angrily as he once again found himself checking the clock but, as angry as he was at himself for not doing so he was also frustrated that needing to go after Raph was still a problem! He had enough problems!

He was next in line after Splinter, he had a family to care for, he needed to make sure they had food, shelter, money, training… He was the first one on the field and the last one off and Raphael just, just flying off the handle was not only juvenile but dangerous!

The Foot Clan was constantly growing in numbers these days, the hate in humans stirring far more rapidly than any of them had ever seen so Shredder never seemed without a steady flow of willing murderers, nevermind the normal everyday violence that was on the rise.

The world was clawing itself apart and he needed to fix it all the while staying up until three a.m. to make sure his idiot, egocentric, CRAZY BROTHER made it back to the…

Creeeeeak…

Leo’s head lifted as the telltale sounds of the lair’s entrance echoed through the air. Raph!?

He stood silently, his body rigid, his face stern as he turned and stared at the hall in front of the kitchen. He had better be ok, stupid foolish…

“Uhhgggh…”

Leonardo’s eyes widened as a pained moan came from the front hall and suddenly, he was moving. He didn’t run necessarily but he moved swift enough that as he turned the corner from the main hall of their hideout and Raph just started to crumble to the ground, he was able to lunge forwards and catch him.

“Uhhhh! I got ya!” He exclaimed as his younger brother’s limp form collapsed into his arms and he slowly, carefully eased them both to the floor. Oh Raph… Look at you!

His brother was covered in knife wounds and bruises, his usually dark green complexion pale and sickly looking and, and the blood…

“Uhhh… L-Leo?”

Leonardo clenched his jaw, his face twisting with anger and fear until he found Raphael’s dark amber eyes looking up at him so, so brokenly. “Darn it Raph… What did you..”

“I… I am s-sorry. D-don’t, d-don’t hate you…” The younger turtle stammered out through torn lips and all of Leo’s anger dissipated… Well, most of it.

Baka…” Leo said gently, shaking his head as held his brother tightly. “You are covered in blood. Come on… Let us get you patched u…”

“Leo…”

Leonardo paused in his efforts to get his brother up when he felt the younger turtle's hand gently cup the side of his face. Raphael stared up at him, his eyes clouded with pain, remnants of his storm and, and something else... Something hidden, secret calling to him from the shadows there and Leo blinked in confusion as his heart jumped at the sight.

“What, what is it Raph?” He asked softly, wishing he could help his dark brother, wishing he understood and for a moment he thought Raphael would open up to him, would let him in like he used to so long ago…

“N-nevermind…” The younger mutant muttered, his eyes lowering as he curled into himself and Leonardo sighed.

“A-alright…” He said, hiding his disappointment, his concern with a forced smile. “Let’s, let's get you cleaned up.”

Raph nodded and together they managed to stumble to the bathroom without waking anyone else up. Leo lowered his brother to the toilet, making sure he could sit up alone before he went rummaging for their med kits and as he did so the lost Hamato brother watched him through hazy optics.

Just… Just tell him. Just tell him about the dreams that haunt ya, the thoughts! Tell him about why you can’t sleep! It, it ain’t that weird! It ain’t! It won’t scare him away! This is Leo!

Raphael's beak opened, the words right there, his heart pounding as he worked the confession through his frantic, hazy mind over, and over, and over… Leo… Shit man I am sorry I… I have been thinking and dreaming some shit and… And it is, is about you and… I think I… I think I am in love with you…

“Ok, I think I have everything we need…” Leo started as he carefully held all of his supplies in his arms just to freeze when he turned to his brother and found those same desperate, aching eyes on him. His brother was in pain, he knew it and not from any of the wounds that now littered his body but… But in his heartOh Raphie, what is so bad you need to hide it from everyone!?

“Raph…” He asked quietly, his voice low but in the silence it seemed thunderous and he felt bad when his brother flinched at the sound. “I… Raph, are you alrig…”

Mmm fine! Gimme that!” The other turtle demanded gruffly, standing on unsteady legs as he ripped the supplies from Leo’s arms, many of the bandages falling to the ground in his haste.

“Raph!?” Leonardo exclaimed, bending to pick up the supplies when his brother growled at him, growled at him.

“G-go to bed… I… I don’t need ya, ya help.” The younger turtle snapped smugly yet his eyes never lifted from the floor. “Jus… Just go.”

Leonardo felt like a rock had just dropped onto his chest and he fought to keep from slapping his brother right across his ungrateful face. “F-Fine! I was only trying to help! If you are so, so disgusted by that concept GO AHEAD, do it ALONE! Not like I wanted to deal with your crap anyways!” He spat, not sparing his brother another look as he stomped out of the bathroom and finally to his room to sleep…

Raphael watched him go, his eyes burning and heart hammering so loudly it almost drowned out the smaller turtle’s angry march away from him… Almost.

It was silent now, silent like he liked it… Like he, he deserved. I don’t need anybody.

You lie… That wretched truth whispered but he ignored it pushed it back just as he did his demon, if not more so because… Because if he let those whispers win he… He might…

Fuck this…” Raphael muttered to himself in his haven of silence and shame. All of this was just fine!

He snorted indignantly before he started to unroll the gauze Leo had so quickly, so worriedly grabbed for him and a whimper unwittingly escaped him as he caught the scent of the other male on the cloth…

I… I am sick… Something is wrong with me, something has always been wrong with me! Tears fell as he slowly, achingly began to patch his wounds all the while wishing, wishing it was his brother… His damningly perfect, wonderful, caring, and… And b-beautiful brother doing it for him instead of… Of him. Instead of his broken, cursed, tainted ass d-doing it all alone... Like everything these days...

Fuck all this… Just… Fuck.

Chapter Text

Leonardo woke early the next morning, as he always did no matter how tired he was, and immediately began his daily routine. His steps were a little off at first but considering how long he had performed these duties he could allow his still waking mind to take a rest as muscle memory took over.

First on the list was getting coffee brewing for Donnie and Raph. He dutifully rinsed out some cups and set them by the coffee machine. Next he prepared the machine itself filling first the glass canter up for precisely how many cups he wanted brewed, two extra today considering Raph’s late night, and poured it into the back slots of the coffee maker. Last was his favorite part and he inhaled deeply as he began to fill the paper filter with the delicious smelling brown granules. Leo hated the taste of coffee but couldn’t deny the scent of it was rather intoxicating, if only it didn’t taste like bitter water afterwards.

Once done with that he began to stretch while cleaning the den of whatever was left from the night before. His groaning muscles soon began to sing as he moved around the living area, his blood flowing more freely with every toy (Mikey’s) or electronic gizmo (Donnie’s) or tool (Raph’s) he would find. I need to get these guys to pick up after themselves better. I can do it now but if Splinter dies then…

Leo froze, his hazy mind now completely awake as his heart began hammering in his chest and he almost dropped all of his prizes on the floor for how badly he was shaking. No, no stop! He is just sick, he will get better and everything will get back to normal! So just… Just don’t go down that road! Not, not yet… Not ye…

“I was looking for those!”

“Ahhhh!” Leo jumped as Mikey’s voice abruptly pulled him from his dark thoughts and this time all of his treasures did fall from his arms, each crashing loudly to the floor.

Mikey covered his ear slits as he grimaced at his older brother. “Dude! Sooooo loud!”

Leo glared at him flatly before he started to pick up all of the items all over again. “Yeah well, don’t sneak up on me like that Mikey!”

“Whoa, I didn’t even know such a thing was possible!” Suddenly the younger turtle gasped, dramatically placing his hands in front of his mouth as his eyes grew as larger as saucers. “I must be getting better!”

Leo blinked at his brother, almost correcting him and letting him know he was not getting better he just hardly slept and was thinking about Splinter thus why he was so distracted buuuuut, he let it slide. Let him have a moment, I will show him the truth in training.

“How’s your face anyways, Leo?” Mikey as he began his own morning chores, breakfast.

Leonardo looked away for a moment but then shook his head and forced a smile. “I am fine, another day and bruises won’t even be visible. How about yours?”

“All better!” Mikey reported, rapping on his forehead with his knuckles to prove his words and Leo nodded in relief. With their mutant blood came numerous advantages and one, luckily, was healing. It was no surprise the egg that had formed on Mikey’s head was gone but deeper bruises and cuts took a little extra time.

I wonder what Raph will look like today. Leo pondered suddenly and almost growled as he remembered how ungrateful the larger turtle had been last night. Stay up and wait for him and he basically tells me to go to Hell… I can feel the love from here.

He huffed as he continued cleaning, his eyes going to Raph’s door now and then as he cleaned yet he didn’t give his brother another thought as he finished up and then moved on to his final task… His final but most important.

He prepared the tea first, making sure to add the right herbs to it and checking how hot it was before he began making his way down the longest hall in their lair.

“Hey if he is awake tell him I said good morning.” Mikey called to him from the stove.

“I will.” Leo assured him, inhaling deeply as the scent of bacon filled the air, if there was one thing he loved more than pizza it was bacon. Not the healthiest food for a growing ninja buuuut, at least it provided protein.

Leo’s jovial thoughts on food stuffs came to an end though as he began the long trek towards his destination, and like always he felt his stomach flip a bit before he entered the hall. Come on, you can do this. Everything will be fine, it will be normal… You got this.

His walk to his father’s room was slow, his steps light but hesitant, would today be the day? Would today be the day where he walked in and found nothing but, but a cold still c-corpse…

DAMNIT! Stop, stop thinking like, like that! He berated himself but he knew no matter how much he pushed those thoughts back it was a very real, and exceptionally terrifying reality that could drop on him and his brothers at any moment.

This was always the hardest part of the day for him but it also gave him hope to move on through the day as well. If he found his father alive he would get him food, help him eat and drink, and prop him up so he could read and such through the day and then continue on…

But if not…

Leo sighed quietly as he stopped outside of Splinter’s door, his body too rigid and heart pulsing too quickly but he forced his hand out and slowly slid the door open. Please Sensei, father… Be alive, be breathing, plea… Oh!

Leo stopped, his eyes wide as he found his father thankfully sleeping soundly on his bed but next to him, balled up on the floor was a poorly bandaged Raphael who was also sleeping.

Oh Raph… You big idiot. Leo tiptoed into the room, placing the tea on the table next to his father’s bed before moving over and crouching next to his brother as he pondered how to wake him. Sometimes waking Raph was a nightmare because he was a stubborn ass that hated to be bothered and sometimes it was a nightmare because he would just wake up screaming and ready for a fight.

Leo couldn’t deny that through the years, through the fights he too had awoken screaming before, their lifestyle gave them plenty of horrific things to dream about but with Raph it was just amplified by his already raging demeanor.

The oldest brother scanned over the many visible wounds on the sleeping turtle, happy to see many of them had already scabbed and would be scars by tomorrow but there were many deeper ones that still oozed through the poorly wrapped bandages. It was clear his brother had fought while in the red, not even defending himself and just going all out on whomever attacked him. If Splinter were to see these wounds he would be furious and yell at Raph for caring so little for his own life...

It was a common source for argument.

Damnit, you should have let me help you. Why do you always need to go looking for a fight Raph? Always alone too… We, we are supposed to be a team, a family! Leonardo exhaled slowly as he gently placed one of his hands on his brother’s shoulder.

“Raphie, hey…” He whispered, praying to any gods that would listen that his brother would wake peacefully.

A light moan came from the slumbering turtle but nothing else. Ughhh, ok maybe a little tiny shake.

Swallowing hard Leo moved his arm, rocking Raph slowly back and forth. “Raph, hey bro, you need to wake up. You are bleeding on the floor and need new bandages.”

Raph’s eyelids kind of fluttered a bit, his golden eyes creaking open and peeking at him before a wonderful and surprising smile spread across his face.

Leonardo was astounded to find such a peaceful expression on his brother’s face, his amazement growing as Raph lifted an arm and he thought the larger turtle was going to hug him only to hold in a squeal of shock as that arm did indeed wrap around the back of him but pulled him down too!

“Ooof!” A huff of air escaped Leo as he found himself lying closely next to his brother, their foreheads touching and Raph’s arm wrapped tightly around the back of his shell and he murmured and fell back to sleep.

“R-Raph, hey!” Leo whispered insistently yet quieted as the larger turtle unexpectedly nuzzled his beak against his and, and his heart jumped a bit at the warm contact. Raph?

Beyond sparing together or the few random cold hugs he would receive from his brother, usually as a result of an apology, Leonardo realized something; this was the first time Raph had touched him in so long where it actually felt genuine.

His blue eyes crinkled as a smile came to his own face and he nuzzled his nose against Raph’s as well. I, I miss you Raphie… I miss you so much.

Their lives were constantly in danger, any of them could die tomorrow, heck today even and, and all they really had was each other. Sure they had some friends out there in the world, Aril, Casey, and a handful of others but… But at the end of the day it was really just them. Their little clan that constantly strived to save a world they were never meant for, a world they hide from so, so that Raph felt the need to push them away so often had always confused Leo…

Didn’t he get lonely?

Raph sighed happily in his sleep, his body moving closer to Leo’s and suddenly their plastrons were touching and a low moan came from his brother.

Leo felt a blush burn on his cheeks yet shook his head as he tried to wake his brother once more. “Raph… Raphael! You, you need to wake up.” He hissed through his teeth, his blush glowing bright as a very telling scent of arousal began to fill the air and he felt the larger turtle roll his hips against his!

Oh my, oh my… Ok, just, just need to wake him up! Probably dreaming of all those women he plasters all over his walls. He thought rolling his eyes as images of his brother’s quarters flickered through his mind. It was a good thing Master Splinter never checked in on them in their rooms any more cause seeing all those half naked women would probably give the poor rat a heart attack.

Leo understood they were teenagers and had interests but come on, show a little res…

“L-Leoo…” A mumbled moan came from Raph and Leonardo cheered thinking his brother was finally waking up.

“Yes, yes it is me here!” He said quickly, his eyes going from the edge of the bed to his brother’s face and back again. “You need to get up Raph, you are on father’s floor and moaning like a…”

“Unnn…” Raph’s hot breath was coming faster now, his arm tightening its hold and Leo fought from falling to complete panic.

“Raph! Please! You need to wake up!” He tried to push away from the larger turtle but that just seemed to make Raph hold onto him more and a slight squeak came from his throat as those hips rolled against him again only this time he felt a growing bulge rub against him too!

Ohhhh boy, ohhh he is going to be so pissed when he wakes up and just finds me lying here! I need to get him up before this goes any further!

Leo lifted his head, his mouth opening to start yelling at his brother if need be when a strangled gasp came out instead as Raph’s head moved closer and suddenly, they were kissing! Oh shit, oh shit! What do I, what do I DO!?

Again Leo tried to pull out of his brother’s vise like hold, his body wiggling as quietly as he could but, like everything else thus far, not only did his actions not help but just resulted in encouraging the other turtle to increase his advances.

Raph’s large hand rubbed Leo’s shell gently, his hips constantly thrusting forwards now and his mouth…

Leo shut his eyes, his heart thundering so loudly he was sure it alone could wake Splinter at this point but for some reason when he felt Raph’s tongue poke out, the slick muscle licking at his lips, like he was asking to be let in all sense seemed to leave him and he found his body betraying him as his mouth opened.

Ohhhh… Ohhh my… Leo tightened his throat to keep the growing moan from escaping him as Raph’s tongue swirled inside of him, his own slipping across it coiling with it as his breath quickened.

He, he had never kissed anyone like this! He had kissed his brothers before but on the head or whatever, and April kissed them at times as a friend would but this… This was warm, possessive, wet and so very…

WRONG! Holy SHIT! What am I doing!? Molesting my sleeping BROTHER!? Reality crashed down over Leo like an icy wave of shame and self-loathing and he shook Raph hard, no longer caring if he woke up screaming this… This had gone way, WAAAAY too far!

“GET UP!” He exclaimed in his normal tone, shoving the larger turtle hard in the gut and thanked the stars as Raph’s eyes not only opened wide but the younger turtle did so with only a grunt.

“Uhhh! What the… Leo? Whadda ya doing in my room!?” Raph hissed, his foggy mind pulling him from the wonderful and intoxicating dream he had just been having and he stared in horror as he found the subject of said dream lying right in front of him. What the fuck!? What the FUCK !?

Leo scowled uncomfortably at him but his eyes never quite reached his. “We aren’t in your room so be quiet! We are in Splinter’s!”

“W-what?” The larger turtle groaned in confusion as he blinked and peered around them. Oh yeah, came here after bandages and… Shit, musta fallen asleep but what is HE doing here, and what is HE lying next to me for!? And, and what is that scent… Oh fuck.

Leo saw a shift in his brother’s face then, his expression going from surprise, to confusion, to abject horror as he slowly lowered his head to the bulge in his nether regions. His shaft hadn’t escaped his sheath, thank gods, but it was right at the entrance, straining against the cartilage there hard and just a little pre-cum was dripping from the slit…

“I, I am sorry!” Leo hissed through clenched teeth. “I was just trying to wake you and then you, you dragged me down and began humping me and then uhh…” His blush had officially become a shade of red never before discovered and he found himself uncertain if he should even mention their kiss. Damnit, I… Maybe I should just stay quiet? It, it wasn’t like he meant to, it wasn’t like I DID… Right?

He glanced at his brother nervously, warring with himself the entire time but little did he know that as he was berating his actions concerning his innocent kiss Raph was positively tearing himself apart for not only advancing on Leo but for doing so while having a very, very suggestive dream of him.

Fuck, fuck, fuck! What is wrong with me! I almost, I was humping him!? Humping him on the floor of Splinter’s ROOM!? WHAT THE FUCK!?

Leo frowned as Raph’s expression continued to get darker and darker, fearing perhaps the other turtle blamed him for what happened and… He wasn’t terribly wrong, not about retuning the kiss at least, but otherwise Leo hadn’t meant for this to happen and he felt his own defenses flair. He probably is going to blame me for all of this! Blame me like he does for every wrong that comes to him!

“Hey, I said I was sorry but, but I didn’t ask to be jumped on.” He whispered harshly, dragging Raph’s eyes from his quickly withering hard-on and back to his face.

“I…” Raph stuttered, his heart withering just as quickly as his erection when he found Leo staring at him so heatedly, and not in a good way like his cursed dreams. Damnit he is pissed. He should be pissed, who wouldn’t be pissed after being manhandled by their own brother like some fucking sex doll or something. DAMNIT!

Leo growled, his embarrassment, confusion, and exhaustion just making all of this too much for him right now and the last thing he needed was for Raph to fly into a rage because he… He… Ohhh man, I… I need to tell him. Tell him I… Arrrgh, why did I kiss him back!?

Raph was silent, not trusting his voice as he watched Leo roll away from him, his lithe form gracefully making it to a crouch before his muscles contracted and he stood. The older turtle peeked at Splinter a moment, exhaling in relief when he found his father still deep in slumber but he couldn’t meet Raph’s gaze, not yet.

“We… Let’s just… Arrgh. Mikey is making breakfast, come on.” He muttered, his body turning and walking out of the room as Raph was left, once more, to watch his brother stomp angrily away from him.

The red masked turtle sighed, his head dropping heavily between his shoulders as he dragged his aching body off the floor and shamefully trudged after his brother. Damnit all… Just what the fuck is wrong with me? Is there not a day where I don’t just make things ten times more complicated for myself?

As awkward as his morning had been, poor Raph had no idea what kind of a shit show his day was really gonna turn into cause fate just loves to fuck with the broken, doesn’t it?

………………..

Breakfast had been painfully uncomfortable for the four teens, so much so Donnie had rolled his eyes and chosen to finish in his room and even Mikey had been uncharacteristically silent, well, at first.  The smallest of the four could only keep his thoughts to himself for so long though and had lasted about ten minutes before he began rambling about anything and everything that entered his mind.

Currently he was asking about what Raph’s night entailed, why he had so many new wounds, who did the crappy job of fixing him up, and who knew what else.

Raph loved his little brother but sometimes he wished he would just get a hint and shut up. He had patiently muttered answers to most of the questions, idly picking at his eggs and bacon as he stared at them and them alone. Well, I guess his rambling is better than just bitter silence, shows he forgives me for hitting him so hard.

His brothers always forgave him eventually, for some fucking reason Raph couldn’t really understand, but he was grateful for it. Yeah they drove him crazy, yeah he didn’t really fit the mold of his family, but he couldn’t find the courage to leave them… Even though he probably should have long ago.

Finally the seemingly endless torture of breakfast ended and they all moved off to the dojo to begin training. Neither Leo nor Raph met eyes again as they started, each pointedly avoiding looking at one another at all as they stretched yet each had a blush across his face while doing so. It would have almost been cute if Raph wasn’t slowly building up his frustration and self-loathing the entire time.

 He, he was at a loss! He knew he had yearnings and shit, that he wasn’t just some unfeeling mutant that could go his whole life without wanting somebody close, somebody to be with but long ago he had known that there was no chance for something like that to ever come to any of them! They all did!

It was like a deafening scream no one ever mentioned, or noticed but… But it was always there no matter how much they would have liked to pretend wasn’t. They were never going to get the chance to have mates… This, this family, maybe some outside friends and that was it! That is all they could have out of life…

Shit, Splinter hadn’t even mentioned it! Never in all his lessons, in all his teachings had he ever brought up feelings of lust, or a need for deeper contact with another being… Nothing!

Raph couldn’t really blame him, he guessed, the rat was old already when he found them but, but they weren’t! They were just coming into their hormonal stages and, and if being a damn mutant wasn’t hard enough for the youths than being some that couldn’t even hope for love was so, soooo much worse!

“Arrrrrgh!” Raph punched his training bag hard, not realizing his thoughts had apparently brought him deeper and deeper into the haze of his fury and he watched in horror as the bag broke from its chain and went sailing through the air right towards where Leo was sitting and stretching out. SHIIIT!

“LEO! LOOK OUT!” Raph cried, leaping after the heavy bag to try and catch it before it slammed into his brother.

Leo was up in a moment, his body curling together as he leapt to the side just as the bag crashed down just inches away from him. He almost breathed a breath of relief until he looked up and found Raph flying after the bag and he only had a second to brace himself before the other turtle plowed right into him and both of them fell to the ground in a jumbled, pain ridden heap.

“UHHHH!” The older turtle cried as Raph’s weight collapsed on him, his head knocking against the floor hard enough that he saw stars and for just a moment he laid there stunned as the world spun around him.

“Ohhh shit Leo! I am so sorry!” Raph called to him, his face just inches from the smaller turtles as he tried to get his feet under him again.

“Geez, Raph! Is there anything you won’t break in here man!?” Donnie’s voice filtered through his panic and Raph growled at him.

“Shut the fuck up, Donnie! I said I was sorry.” He spat as he lifted himself to his hands and knees, more than a little aware at how smooth Leo felt under him. Arrgh, damnit!

“Easy Raph, he was just kidding.” Mikey said as he walked over and grabbed the punching bag off the floor.

“Well ,sorta.” Donnie retorted as he peered behind him at the damaged wall from last night. “I mean if you look at the statistics Raph does have an average percentile of destruction that none of the rest of us can even…”

“I said SHUT UP! I know I am fucking destructive damnit! I don’t need your smart ass to tell me that!” Raph snarled back hating how Donnie’s eyes seemed to dim afterwards.

“You don’t have to be so mean Raph! You are the one that screwed up, NOT Donnie!” Leo’s condescending voice joined the party and Raph glared at his fallen brother darkly.

“What the fuck is it, all gang up on Raph day?” He asked angrily, uncertain why he hadn’t stood up from his perch above Leo yet, but… But he did smell really good.

“Nooo.” Leonardo drawled in that annoying angry teacher kind of way. “You are just acting like a child and we are calling you out on it.”

Raphael rumbled deep in his torso and he brought his head closer to the smaller turtle. “I said I was sorry! I didn’t mean to break the chain and yet all I catch from you guys is nothing but heat!”

Leo swallowed hard for how close those lips were to his, how warm Raph’s minty breath was on his flushed cheeks and flashes of this morning ran through his mind guiltily. “Uhh, wait what!? We aren’t gaining up on you! You are just being overly sensitive and defensive as usual!”

Raph’s eye twitched. “Sensitive!?  You calling me a girl Leo! Don’t tell me you are calling me no girl.”

“That would be a double negative Raph.” Donnie chimed in smugly, the purple masked turtle crossing his arms as he smirked at him. “So technically you are asking him to call you a girl, just saying.”

Raph blushed brightly, his muddled mind not being able to keep up with what was going on or what he was saying at this point. He did however seem to hyper focus on Leo, how soft he was, how warm, his scent, his stunningly blue eyes… Arrrrgh FUUUCK!

 Raph lifted his head, his eyes narrowed as he glared at his other brother. “SHUT UP! We all know you ain’t nothing but some pathetic nerd any ways, if you didn’t have ya smarts you wouldn’t have shit!”

Leo growled under him, the sound vibrating through his body and Raph gasped when he felt said vibration against his thighs, his thighs that were very much touching Leo’s! When did that happen!?

“Stop being such a cruel jerk Raph!” The oldest turtle yelled, pulling Raph’s eyes back to his yet there was no warmth in those blue orbs any longer and definitely no patience. “Will you stop hurting your family for once!? Huh!? It is like you can’t stand us and need to be the most wretched bastard at all times! Are you trying to drive us away because darn it Raph, it is working!”

Raph’s haze lifted a little at Leo’s words and he felt his heart kind of fall to his stomach. “What, no… I… I just…”

“You are causing problems, that is what you are doing!” Leo spat, his own frustrations when it came to Raph bubbling up from the hole he had tried so hard to bury them all in but after weeks of rages, of him storming off, leaving Leo to just handle everything alone he was quite angry himself! “Well, well I have enough problems, we all do alright!? We have the Foot constantly tearing through the city, we have hardly any money to buy food, you keep BREAKING our HOME and beating on us, and to top it all off Splinter is dyi…”

Leo stopped himself, his breath caught in his chest as that shadow, that fear burned through his heart like acid and suddenly everyone was silent and even the air in the room seemed to grow colder.

Raph’s anger was washed away in an instant as he watched his ever infallible fearless leader’s eyes well up with tears. “Leo… I…”

“JUST STOP!” Leo yelled, his head turned away as he fought to collect himself. “Stop Raph, please…  I just… I have enough on my plate other than having to babysit you! To, to control you! I mean, how selfish can you be!?”

Leo turned his head back to face his brother, a single tear slipping from his eye as he glared at the larger turtle. “I have nothing left to give Raph, nothing. None of us do when it comes to you and it’s not like it would matter anyways because you would probably just insult us, or hit us and then run away like you always do! Well I for one am tired of being your darn punching bag, physically or verbally!”

Raph shrunk back, finally lifting himself off of his brother and standing with his head hung low as Leo sat up and scowled at him furiously. “That is what you do, you rage… You rage and then we need to pick up the pieces as you run off to who knows where all the while putting us all on edge wondering if you are safe, or getting into trouble, or DEAD! Splinter, Splinter used to lose his mind over it but now he is too sick to even… Arrrgh, FUCK!”

All of the brothers eyes opened wide at Leo’s harsh language, Leo never swore, never lost it like this… Evidently their father’s declining health was really having an effect on him.

A sniffle was heard and ever body looked over to find Mikey wiping tears from his face. “Leo you, you really think Splinter is gonna… Gonna die, man?”

“No.”

“Yes.”

Raph and Leo spoke at the same time, Raph lying to save Mikey more pain and Leo telling him the truth and the poor guy looked between his two oldest brothers worriedly. “What?”

Leo growled and Raph and Raph returned it with his own snarl.

“Don’t lie to him Raph, this is serious.” Leo threatened and Raph bristled.

“I ain’t lying. He will die, sure but, but not any time soon.” He grated out in response.

Donnie slumped his shoulders. “Come on guys, can we just practice, please? I, I don’t wanna talk about this.”

“Neither do I, so shut it Leo.” Raph mumbled, turning away from his brother as he prepared to leave the room. His anger was back, its fire teasing him, whispering no begging for release at the mention of Splinter’s fragility.

Like the concept of being unlovable this was another blaring secret that none of them had really addressed but compared to the love issue, their father’s impending death was one Raph had thus far refused to accept and, and was perfectly fine at leaving it silent.

“You can’t run from this Raph, none of us can.”

Raphael felt his hands fist at his sides and his steps paused. “Leo, don’t man. Not now.”

The oldest turtle sighed as he stood and scanned over all of his brothers. “This is… This is something that has been hanging over us for a while now guys. I, I think it is about time we talk about…”

“NO!” Raph exclaimed angrily, spinning on his heel as he glared daggers at his brother. “No, no we ain’t talking about this damnit.”

Leo narrowed his eyes at him. “Raph this is important and just because you don’t want to face this doesn’t mean it isn’t happening! He is losing more and more weight…”

“Stop it Leo, I am warning you.” Raph growled as he took a step closer to his brother.

“He didn’t even eat breakfast this morning.” Leo continued, not caring if Raphael didn’t want to hear the truth, didn’t want to face this nightmare but damnit all if this wasn’t something all of them needed to face, not just him alone! Sure he was their leader, but there were somethings even Leo needed help on and this, THIS was one of them!

“I fucking mean it Leo, shut it.”

Leonardo met his brother’s fiery gaze straight on. “He is dying Raph, he is dying and he probably only has a little more time before…”

“I SAID SHUT UP!”

Leo blinked as Raph suddenly became a blur, the larger turtle streaking across his vision before popping up right in front of him and he could only peer at him sadly as he watched the fist rise up…

“STOOOOP RAPH!”

There was another flash, this time one with an orange hue and suddenly Raph’s shadow was ripped to the side as Mikey tackled him to the ground. “Mikey wait!”

The smallest brother roared, talking about his father dying was bad enough but to see Raph go and try to hurt Leo again… That was it!

He and Raph landed hard on the ground, his lighter frame hardly feeling the impact as he then raised his own fists and began to wail on his brother. “I HATE YOU! I H-HATE HOW MEAN YOU ARE! WHY!? WHY DO YOU JUST HURT US! You, you are NOHING! Nothing but a MONSTER, just like SHREDDER!”

Donnie and Leo were there in a moment, both of them working around Mikey’s flailing arms before they could drag him off of Raph.

“Mikey stop! Come on, man! You are better than this!” Donnie pleaded with him, holding the smaller turtle close as he tried to calm his anger.

Mikey could hardly see because of the tears in his eyes, his body shaking from head to toe. “Yeah, YEAH I AM. We are all expected to be but HIM! He can always act like this and we just… We just… O-Ohhh…”

Suddenly the smaller turtle became limp, hiccupping as he wept and were it not for Donnie holding him up he would have collapsed to the ground.

Leo felt like his chest was going to explode… His breathing was ragged, his head dizzy with everything that had happened today and last night and, and… And it was all RAPH’S FAULT!

He spun, his eyes narrowed and gleaming as he glared at the fallen turtle. “LOOK! Just LOOK WHAT YOU DID!”

Raph spat some blood out of his mouth, his body aching and bleeding from many of his newly reopened wounds. Mikey hadn’t hit him too hard maintaining enough control, even in his fit, to not do too much damage but still… His point had been made. Mikey…

Part of him wanted to be angry with Leo, part of him wanted to scream back that he was the one beaten and bleeding on the ground but he knew… Had Mikey not stopped him it would have been Leo lying here instead. Leo, the turtle he both hated and, and adored. The brother he envied, lusted for, longer for... The turtle that waited up for him, that used to always come after him, protect him, teach him and, and he just felt emptiness take over his rage.

Leo blinked, Raph’s silence oddly more frustrating than his shouting because at least then he knew his brother heard him or, or cared. “Well!?” He snapped but Raph didn’t even lift his head, he didn’t move at all just… Just sat there.

“Leave him Leo.” Donnie said quietly, leaning down and picking Mikey up before cradling him to his chest. “I, I am gonna go tape his knuckles, is that alright?”

The oldest brother sighed dejectedly. “Yeah, we… We are done for today.” He answered hollowly. “T-take care of him for me, will you Donnie?”

The other turtle smiled and nodded yet his sunny demeanor darkened as he peered over at Raph. “That is what family is for, isn’t it?” He said pointedly before turning and carrying Mikey away and then the silence in the dojo was deafening.

Raph didn’t even bother to wipe the blood from his chin, didn’t bother to stand he just sat there stewing in his misery and self-loathing.

Run, just run. Run away and they will all be better off for it! He told himself, his heart thundering fearfully in his chest at the thought.

I don’t wanna be alone.

YES you do! They don’t need you and you don’t need them.

I love them.

Yeah like some fucking sicko. Run before you do worse to Leo! You already can’t control yourself with him! He will hate you! He will be disgusted, shit… He already is, they all are.

Leo… Guys I am sorry… I am sorry I am so twisted.

Too twisted, too twisted to be loved on any level. Run, run and be free of it…

“Raph… I am sorry.”

Leo’s soft voice suddenly called to him and for the warring, raging, broken turtle it was like he was struck by lightning when he felt a gentle hand fall to his shoulder and he flinched at the contact.

Leo frowned as Raph shied away from him, his guilt soaring as he went to pull it away only to stop as Raph’s shaking hand quickly covered it and held him fast. “Don’t… Don’t let go, please.”

Such a drastic change in the larger turtle’s voice, where not moments ago he had been bellowing, his voice harsh and gravely now it sounded so, so soft, lost, meek even, and Leo felt his heart ache at the sound of it.

Leonardo crouched next to his brother, his hand tightening affectionately as he did so and he was pleased as Raph’s tear filled eyes found his. “You have such anger in you Raph.” Leo mused sadly, his heart breaking as a tear slipped down his brother’s face. “Such anger and, and I don’t know how to help you with any of it.”

The other youth sniffled but remained silent and Leo shook his head, why was he always so lost when it came to Raph? Donnie had his moments of chaos, he was far more sensitive than he led on and Mikey, well Mikey wore his emotions on his shell constantly. Everybody knew what was going on with that turtle no matter what was going on and Leo had to admit he was jealous of his openness but Raph…

Much like him Raph kept most of his thoughts to himself but, unlike his older brother, he would just light up like a firecracker unexpectedly and scream out a stream of hateful retorts all the while never actually saying what was really bothering him inside. It was one of the most torturous puzzles Leo had ever had to solve and it just seemed to get more volatile and difficult as time went.

But, but that was Raph wasn’t it? Just a big ball of fiery emotions and you just had to hope you were on the right side of them that day, and there were sides. One blazing and furious and the other, the other so fiercely passionate and protective of those he valued it was stunning really.

Raph had been the rock for the family just as many times as he had been its wrecking ball. He had held tight to them numerous times when they all broke down, he was the one that fought the hardest for them, that shielded them when they were hurt, that picked them up when they felt they couldn’t go on…

So yes, he was difficult, he was wild at times but he was also warm, loving, and set in his seemingly self-imposed promise to keep his family safe… Now, if only he could keep that promise when it came to them and his storms

“You alright, Leo?”

The older turtle blinked, surprised and a little embarrassed when he realized he had been staring at Raph intently the entire time he had been thinking. He chuckled anxiously, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly as he nodded. “Yeah, sorry. I just didn’t really sleep…”

Raph nodded slowly, his eyes dropping to the floor guiltily. “Cause uh me.”

Leo opened his mouth a prepared denial right at the tip of his tongue but instead he shrugged and smiled. “Yeah, you… You really had me worried Raph. I always worry for you when you run off.” He looked at the door to the dojo, his eyes skirting across the fallen punching bag, and then to the broken wall. “Actually, I am surprised you didn’t just run off today.”

“I want to.” Raph admitted, his voice thick with emotion and Leo frowned, tilting his head curiously at his brother.

“So what kept you from running?”

“You.” The answer was out before Raph even taken a breath and his face suddenly blazed a bright red and he lowered it to hide his embarrassment. What the FUCK did I just say!?

Leo felt an odd skip in his heart at his brother’s admission. “Me? Wh-what do you…” That warm fluttery feeling in his heart quickly flattened as he saw his brother’s body language change, the other turtle’s large muscles contracting under his hand and he knew whatever was going to come out next was a lie.

“Well what ya said earlier, ya know. How, how I always am running… That shit.”

Ok, not a complete lie but maybe not the complete truth either. I… I wonder what he really means though. Leo pondered silently, not sure why he wanted to know so badly. Maybe it was because if, if it had something to do with him, if he somehow did something to help calm his storms then maybe he could do it again?

“Raph, look at me?” He asked, his voice far steadier than his rapid heartbeat and as Raph flinched under him again he was afraid his brother wouldn’t do it but, but it seemed today was a day full of surprises. He smiled as Raph turned to him, the storm so clear in the other turtle’s eyes yet, yet there was something else, something desperate to come to light, to be revealed, noticed, seen…

“Hey.” Leo said softly, his heart soaring as just a corner of his brother’s mouth lifted giving him a cocky yet endearing lopsided smile.

“Hey…” Raph repeated, feeling far more at peace than he had all day and for a moment they just sat there quietly enjoying the moment but, but then he sighed. I screwed up… Again.

The ever present weight of guilt was hanging too heavily on his shoulders to enjoy the peace and his smile vanished as he cleared his throat. “I, I am sorry Leo. For, for today, for last night… Shit, for the last few weeks…”

Leo nodded. “What has been going on with you Raphie? Why, why don’t you let me in anymore?”

Raph felt his throat tighten, he loved when Leo called him that stupid nickname. It was, was like Leo’s and Leo’s alone to give to him, it was special and he wished he could hear it, just like this, for the rest of his life.

“I, I am sorry Leo… I just, sometimes I can’t control shit and… And I just keep hurting all of ya.” He admitted, his eyes dropping to the floor. “I hate that I hurt you guys, I h-hate it so f-fucking much…”

“Then stop.”

Raph blinked, his eyes lifting to Leo’s to check if the older turtle was joking but all he found was a calm smile on his face. “It, it ain’t that easy, Leo. It ain’t like I got some damn switch I can just flip…”

“You calmed it today, yeah? You didn’t leave.” Leo insisted, moving closer to his brother in his excitement and Raph again cleared his throat as the other turtle’s scent filled his nose.

Shit, shit… “Y-Yeah but, but that was just cause of… Umm…” He stuttered, his heart hammering as Leo smiled so brightly up at him.

“Me right? Well, well let me know Raph! I wanna help! I, I miss helping you!” Leo exclaimed, his eyes so large and hopeful looking…

Oh my god… Leo, he… God he smells so fucking good and his eyes… Shit, they have little sprinkles of gold in um, I ain’t never noticed that befo… NO! No focus! Wait… Shit, what did he say?

 “Uhhh, Leo… I, what?” He struggled to find words but it seemed the closer his brother got to him the dumber he became. Leo laughed, laughed and it was soft, and warm, and so fucking sexy sounding.

“I said, what can I do to help yo…”

-So yeah, fate is a fucked up thing and it just needles its way into everybody’s problems and just makes um worse and then, this shit happens…-

Raph heard a gasp before his weary, hazy brain finally caught up to what had happened and that was when he noticed how warm his lips felt. Wh-what the…

He creaked open the eyes he didn’t remember closing just to find himself staring into Leo’s bulging ones and suddenly felt like he was going to vomit. Oh fuck, I am kissing him! Yes, he was going to vomit all over the brother he was terrifying by kissing him like some uncontrollable animal and… And yet, he didn’t vomit.

He didn’t vomit, he didn’t run off screaming and oddly, neither did Leo. Huh…

They didn’t move, both staring wide eyed at each other but nobody ran, nobody hollered or yelled and then, just to add to his growing list of stupid choices, Raph felt his tongue slip out from his lips and nudge Leo’s gently. Sure, why not add more shit to this pile! Great idea you fucking idiot! Just ride the whole way down to hell in one go!

It was awkward, Leo not moving an inch and he was just about to pull away when he felt his brother’s mouth open, just the tiniest of bits but it was enough to slip inside and honestly… Raph couldn’t have stopped himself from entering if he had tried… Which he absolutely did, btw, but to no avail… Yeaaaah…

Oh shit! Oh shit I, we… I am kissing him! I… My tongue is in… Oh fuuuuuck, he tastes good. Perhaps there was some sort of switch, a… A Leo switch because the moment he let himself enjoy it, once he allowed himself to relax Raph felt like the whole damn world was singing just for them.

His eyes closed, his head tilting to get better access and their kiss was suddenly so much deeper! I can’t believe it! What the fuck am I doing!? What are WE doing! Arrrgh… But it feels so, so gooood!

Just as his brother was whirling in shock at what was happening Leo was locked in his own chaos.

Raph he, he kissed me! He IS kissing me! What do I do!? Do, do I stop him? Do I step away? I… I don’t know… Oh NO! My mouth opened! I, I didn’t mean to! I… Craaaap!

For all of their arguing, for all of the confusion that coursed through their young minds neither of the brothers pulled away and soon both of them were breathing raggedly, and the air was filled with a luscious slapping sound every time they twirled their tongues together…

“Unnnn… Leooo…” Raph couldn’t help but moan, he had dreamt of this so many times, thought of it and to finally have it happening, shit if it wasn’t a hundred times more amazing than he could have ever imagined and he… He wanted more!

No, no go slow! Don’t, don’t fuck it up! This is nice, this is enough, this is… Uhhhh, I am so hot right now.

Leo’s eyes sprung open at his brother’s moan, his heart freezing and reality came back to him painfully quick. I… We can’t! A simple frantic thought and he ripped himself away and then, the magic was broken.

Raph whimpered, actually fucking whimpered as Leo scrambled away from him and he had to fight from crawling after him. Awww, shit… I fucked up, didn’t I?

Leo could hardly catch his breath, his body was trembling and sticky and… “I… Ohh, why… Why did I do it again?” He whined, more to himself than his brother as he turned and began to stand. This, this is fine, fine! We, we will just ignore it and, and I… I just need sleep, yeah, sleep and then maybe a jog…

“Again?” Raph asked, his voice low with need and confusion.

Leo blanched, his mind rolling through what he had just said and he cursed himself six ways to Sunday for the slip. “I… Well you see this, this morning…” He started, his back still turned from Raph but he knew his brother was standing as well. Arrrgh, just tell him! Just confess and… Ohh, I can taste the blood from his lip in my mouth… Arrrgh, what!?

A wall of warmth suddenly covered his shell and Leo felt like all the moisture in his mouth had evaporated in an instant.

“This morning? You mean, on the floor?” Raph inquired, his voice husky, heated…

“Uhh yeah…” Leo croaked out wishing he had some water or… Or something! When, when did it get so hot in here?

“You, well you were sleeping and you kissed me.” He continued dryly, yet was disappointed when he felt Raph step away from him.

“Oh yeah, s-sorry.” All of the heat was gone from his brother’s voice and only guilt remained.

Leo heard the shuffle of feet, his heart hammering as his own guilt soared and he spun around just before Raphael left. “But I kissed you back!” He exclaimed, stupidly and yet he felt a wave of relief when Raph halted his escape.

“Y-you did?” The larger turtle asked, his voice hesitant and Leo swallowed the glass in his throat before nodding.

“I, Yeah… I, I didn’t mean for it…” In three long strides Raph was in front of him, his younger brother’s eyes fiery and predatory looking and Leo wondered if he had just made a very bad mistake.

He began to back up, his hands going out in front of him as he tried to ease the larger turtle’s advance. “Now, now wait a minute Raph. We should talk about…”

“No talking…” Was all Raph growled before his hands reached out, grabbed Leo by the waist and pulled him in close. “Leooo…” He moaned, pressing his lips against his brother’s again but this time he didn’t hesitate, nor give Leo a second and his tongue immediately took possession of his mouth.

“Mmmmmh!” A puff of air escaped Leo as Raph pushed him up against the far wall of the dojo, his shell knocking into a display of kendo swords yet the other turtle didn’t even notice or if he did he certainly didn’t seem to care.

Leo pulled his head back, lifting hip lips out of reach of his brother as he gasped for air. “Uhh, R-Raph wait! We, we need to s-slow down... Unnnn!” He shivered as instead of stopping like he had thought the other youth would, Raph now attacked his throat, licking and nipping along the muscle there like a starving man.

“Ohhh, Leo… I… I have wanted this, wanted you for soooo long!” Raph groaned against the soft flesh under him, his hands roaming all over the smaller turtle delighting in the little gasps and whines that came from his brother.

WH-what!?” Leo choked out, his body trying to wiggle out of his brother’s hold but Raph was relentless and wild and clung to him madly. “R-Raph I… I did kiss you back but that doesn’t mean… Ahhhh!” Shock rippling through him as his brother’s course fingers rubbed along his plastron, bumping over every section teasingly before moving lower and lower as Leo’s panic grew higher and higher.

Raph was oblivious to it all. “Wanted you! Wanted this! Unnn fuuuck, Leo! You smell soo good! You taste soo good!”

Leo was panting now but not necessarily out of passion but fear. “R-Raph, Raph please, please stop! I, I don’t know about this!” Why, why isn’t he listening!? Well, he doesn’t listen about many things but I would have thought THIS would be something he would control himself over!

Raph felt high, his body thrumming with energy and heat, he couldn’t think, couldn’t understand anything anymore except, he had him! He had Leo under his hands finally, after countless nights of waking alone hard and aching, after countless days of watching him stretch and move, sweat, fight, eat, drink whatever! Finally he was HIS and his alo…

“RAPH STOP! PLEASE!?”

There was something in Leo’s voice then that struck a chord in Raph’s heat addled mind and just for a moment the haze cleared and he looked up, confusion overtaking his need when he found his brother crying? What, why is he crying? I, I thought with the noises and…

“GET THE HELL OFF OF HIM!” Was all Raph heard when a strong and angry hand grabbed his shoulder and suddenly he was ripped backwards.

“Ahhhh!”  Whomever had thrown him apparently was furious enough to lend them some fucking insane strength to the toss because not only did he slam against the floor about ten feet away from Leo, but continued to tumble and roll until finally crashing into the wall all the way on the other side of the room.

Swords and equipment were shaken from their racks and Raph curled into a ball as they rained down on him, some cutting shallow gashes into his arms and legs while other just bounced uselessly off his shell.

When the deadly storm of steel ended Raphael groaned, carefully unfurling himself from his pile of death and when he looked up he found a seething Donatello standing over Leo’s crumbled, crying form.

“You, you MONSTER! Was the earlier chaos not enough for you!? HUH!? Now you gotta go and nearly RAPE LEO!?” He screamed, every word burning like fire in Raph’s heart.

Rape, I… I wasn’t gonna rape him! I… I wasn’t doing that… Right? He thought desperately but as he looked over his older brother, the red eyes, the tear stains, and shaking hands something broke inside him.

“D-Donnie w-wait..” Leo stammered between sobs but the Donnie wasn’t having it.

“NO! No Leo! You have stood up for him and his INSANE antics way too often! This, this is BULLSHIT!”

“I, I wasn’t… I didn’t…” Raph started, his mouth dry, his frame burning and his rage, rage at himself strangling him. I didn’t, I didn’t wanna… I just, I thought… I… Fuck… FUCK… FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK!

“You are sick Raph, you are not right!” Donnie told him, his younger brother’s voice cracking as he said it but his eyes were as hard as stone. “You, you need to go.”

And there it was.

There it was, the fear that had haunted Raph for years, ever since his anger started getting the best of him, ever since he began drowning in his storms, and they just got stronger, and stronger… They had finally had enough, his family was finally kicking him out.

“Donnie w-wait.” Leo insisted, using the wall to help lift himself to his shaking legs. This was getting too out of control and he needed to take the lead, like he always did. “He… Things just got a little out of hand…”

“You call THAT a little out of HAND!” Donnie screeched, his usual calm demeanor shattering as his anger grew. “That… That… I came in here and you were SOBBING LEO! Sobbing, shoved up against a wall while he, he GROPED you, and you were begging, BEGGING him to stop! Not once but a few times!”

“I know,” Leo said quietly, unable to meet Raph’s eyes at the moment because he, he couldn’t see what Donnie’s words were doing to him, even if it they were the truth. “He… Raph was just overwhelmed, but he stopped…”

“HE STOPPED BECAUSE I STOPPED HIM LEO! I DID THAT! NOT HIM!” Donatello shook his head, his heart thundering against his rib cage as he raked his hands over his skull in shock. “I, I can’t believe you are defending him!”

Leo opened his mouth, wanting to say something in Raph’s defense, wanting to somehow make sense of what happened or brush it all aside as nothing major but, but could he really do that? Was it fair to Donnie and Mikey, was it fair to himself?

Yes he had told Raph he kissed him back but that, by no means, should have given him permission to… To take things any further… Right?

There was a clang of metal on metal, thuds of pommels falling to the floor and then a broken whisper. “I am sorry, I will… Donnie is right, I…”

Leo looked up as footsteps sounded, his breath short and fast as Raph walked stiffly out of the room and he started after him. “W-wait…”

“Let him go!” Donnie insisted, jumping in his path and Leo almost growled at him except, except he finally had a chance to see how sad the other turtle looked, how destroyed and his heart ached at the sight of it.

“Donnie…”

“Let him g-go Leo. Let him c-cool down and really think about what it means to be in this family. He, he needs to th-think cause, cause if I ever s-see h-him do that to you or a-anyone  a-agai… Ohhh, m-mannn.” Donatello couldn’t finish, his emotions had already been strung too tight and with everything that had happened earlier and then this he just felt… Felt so lost.

Leo caught him as his legs went out, slowly lowering them to the floor as he let his younger brother cry in his arms. “Shhh, it is ok, I have you… Shhh.”

“I, I s-sent him a-away. I s-sent my b-big brother a-awa…”

Leo nodded against his shoulder, holding the weeping youth tighter as he did so. “I know, I know but you are right, maybe he needs some air, some time.”

Donnie’s head tilted up, his eyes bright red and watery. “Wh-what if he doesn’t c-come back? Leo… What if he s-stays away!?”

For just a second Leo couldn’t speak, his brother’s worry echoing his own screaming fears but he forced himself to smile down at him. “Come on Donnie, this is Raph we are talking about! How many times has he run off, even when he disappears for three or four days… He always comes back to us.”

Donnie blinked up at him, his eyes wide with fear but a little bit of hope was there too now. “Y-you think so?” He asked, his voice small and Leo couldn’t help but remind himself how truly young they all were, especially when stuff fell apart.

“Yeah. He will come back, I am sure of it… He always comes back.” He said, his voice steady and strong but the moment Donatello lowered his head and snuggled into his chest his facade of stoicism faded and his face mirrored the agony and fear in his heart.

You gotta come back Raphael… Please, please come back. Cool down, breathe, do whatever you need to but come home so we can talk about things… Please…

We need you… I need you.

Chapter Text

He didn’t pack, he didn’t grab clothes, he didn’t find his weapons he just ran.

The race to the surface was a blur for Raphael, he scrambled through their lair hardly seeing Mikey who was now sucking on an ice cream, his hands bandaged from earlier.

“R-Raph?”

He didn’t stop, didn’t speak, he just moved and as he did so all of Leo’s words, Mikey’s, and Donnie’s tore through him, torturing him with every stumbling step.

“I have nothing left to give Raph, nothing. None of us do when it comes to you and it’s not like it would matter anyways because you would probably just insult us, or hit us and then run away like you always do! Well I for one am tired of being your darn punching bag, physically or verbally!”

Leo I…

“I HATE YOU! I H-HATE HOW MEAN YOU ARE! WHY!? WHY DO YOU JUST HURT US! You, you are NOHING! Nothing but a MONSTER, just like SHREDDER!”

Mikey I, I am not like h-him… Am I?

“You, You MONSTER! Was the earlier chaos not enough for you!? HUH!? Now you gotta go and nearly RAPE LEO!?”

Donnie…Ohhh god… I am a monster.

Everything, everything that his brothers, his family had said to him screamed at him tore through his mind, burned in his veins, and shattered whatever was left of his heart. What have I done?

He made it to the tunnels, New York’s stagnant stench burning his nostrils choking him but still he ran.

You are a monster.

He tripped, his ankle twisting as his knee splashed down into the filth and muck under him and he roared as he pushed himself back up, ignoring the pain that flared up his leg.

You are unhinged, you are wrong. Wrong inside…

His heart was pounding, rushing the blood to his whirling mind so fast he felt dizzy and his vision tunneled and spotted… He knew what that meant…

A storm was brewing inside him.

He had only ever had a few storms occur in their completion out of the lair but normally he had his family there to help drag him away, help bring him down and back home.

No more.

No more family.

No more home.

No more Leo…

“AAAAARRRRRGH! FUUUUUCK!” His head was pounding, the pain splintering through his mind, working through his nerves and eating its way down his neck but he hardly felt it because at the same time the storm ate the pain, longed for it, fed off it and he felt stronger than ever, he felt invincible. He became empty of any emotion but rage during his storms, devoid of empathy or sense but where his rage was normally focused on someone else and they paid for it now…

Now all of it, all of his fury had only one victim, only one focus…

Him.

You are twisted…

I didn’t mean to!

A wicked twisted monster…

Please, I… I didn’t…

You hurt them all today, all of them. They hate you and you deserve their hate, you deserve to hurt.

I… I…

You are broken, broken, and useless. All you know is how to bring pain, give pain, take pain… Pain is your life! Feed off of it! Thrive and soon you could be as strong as Shredder.

I don’t want to be like him!

You aren’t… You are WORSE.

“OHHHHH GOD!” Raphael fell again, his body tumbling to the wet ground, rolling through the waste and it covered him, soak into him and now he was just disgusting on the outside as the inside. A sob erupted from him but it quickly devolved into a savage cry and his heart, his rage cheered at the comfort that gave him.

NO! No! I can’t, I can’t fall to that! I… I have no one to h-help… Ohhh… He picked himself up, his hands shaking as he fought the darkness, the storm and forced himself to focus on survival.

He couldn’t rely on his demons for survival, not… Not without causing more pain, more agony…  Just, just make it to the hideout, make it to one of my hideouts and… And break there! Break there, not here, not so close otherwise I might turn back and beg them to…

A glitter in the darkness of the tunnel, the ladder! He pushed himself up, his ankle screaming and muscles tight as he slipped through the sludge and began the long climb upwards just to push the grate aside and almost fall off the ladder as blinding sunlight whited out his vision.

Arrrgh, shit… It, it is daytime and I have no clothes, I have no cover I have… I HAVE FUCKING NOTHING and, and it is all MY FAUUUULT!

 ARRRRRRR FUCK IT! He growled as he slid the heavy disc aside, his rage leading him as fear ate at his heart and he crawled out of the stinking hole up into the bright alley above. Please, please let me just get away! Let this shitty nightmare end!

Fate was always against him…

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! MONSTER!”

Raph flinched as a wailing screech came from one end of the alley, his eyes skirting to where a group of girls probably around his age were bundled together smoking all of them now staring at him in abject horror as their screams split the air.

Shit! He stumbled back; his filthy form knocking into some trash cans, his desperation making him clumsy before he sprinted to the closest fire escape and jumped for it.

“WHAT IS THAT!?”

 “A FREAK!”

 “CALL THE COPS!”

Nooo, no please… I don’t mean to look like this… DAMNIT! IT ISN’T MY FAAAULT!

There screams followed him the whole way, and maybe other voices joined it but he couldn’t be certain because his heart was thumping so loudly in his head it seemed to overtake everything.

Just move! Don’t stop! Just run! His eyes burned, welling with tears that just hindered his already slippery, frantic climb. D-Damnit! Damnit all! Don’t fucking cry! Don’t c-cry like some damn pussy! YOU DID THIS!

Finally he reached the top of the building, his legs almost collapsing under him when he stepped over the ledge his lungs desperately heaving to pull in more precious oxygen each gasp sounding far too much like sobs and still he pushed on. Can’t stop! Too much light, too many people! They can’t see me, they can’t see the m-monster… F-fucking m-monster…

Muscle memory kept him going at this point, his body flying over the rooftops, along fire escapes… He did fall, too many times for a teen with training like his but he could berate himself for it later, he could destroy himself later!

Finally, after what seemed to be eons of a tragic pain ridden escape he found the broken building he was looking for, the shattered hideaway he had run to so many times and he sobbed at the sight of it! Safe… Safe there! Just a little further… Just a bit…

He scaled down the side of the building in front of it, his limbs shaking terribly and just as he was about to reach the ground his sprained ankle gave out and he suddenly found himself tipping forwards before freefalling for the last fifteen feet of the journey. NOOO!

He tried to turn, tried to maneuver his flailing body so he would land on his shell but all he ended up doing was angling himself perfectly so that when he hit the ground his shoulder cracked under him right before his head hit the ground white light and spots filling his vision as he fought immediately vomiting from the pain.

“Uhhhh… F-Fuuu…” Warm liquid was slowly encircling his skull, the blood warm compared to the crisp autumn air and the broken Hamato brother found himself smiling stupidly for its heat. Like, like b-blood p-pillow…

Somewhere in the back of his battered, fuzzy mind he knew that wasn’t something he should be joking about, somewhere he knew he probably had a mild concussion but after running so hard for so long he felt actually pretty good.

He laid there on the alley floor uncaring that he was right out in the middle of everything, out in broad daylight where anyone could see him and just caught his breath. Mmm tired… Dinna sleep… Never sleep no m-more… Not since… Ohhhh, L-Leo… Ohhhh…

Tears fell from his eyes, the glittering liquid quickly mixing with the pool of blood under him and he tried to stop them, tried to keep the sobs in but he was so hurt… He was hurt, alone, and he had nowhere to go but the empty ruins just feet away…

His new home.

“Nnnnnngnnn…” A broken moan pulled from his raw throat and he curled into himself, placing his shaking hands over his eyes as he shattered inside.

He had wanted to break somewhere he could hide, somewhere in the dark but, like everything else these days, fate just needed to continually kick him in the face and it happened right there, right out in the open and all he could do was hold himself as everything he had done, all the words his family had said to him ripped through his aching mind and he crumbled under the weight.

I’m sorry… I am sorry, sorry, sorry, sorrysorrysorry! NNNNnnnnnnaaaa… Dinna mena ta… Never wanted to hurt… Ohhhhhh, help… Help me. S-someone p-please…

“Pleeeease, don wanna be alone…” He whispered into his palms yet no one answered, no one came for him, no one heard his mournful plea because the only ones in this whole wretched world that would have cared, who would have helped him, who HAD helped him, loved him, taught him, held him he… He…

L-Leo… Please… It hurts… I am so s-sorry, so sorry…. Please come find me? Please…

“Please… I l-love you so… So f-fucking m-much…” Was the last of his pathetic whispers as the world faded away and the bliss of darkness took him; a darkness where he could see his love there smiling, laughing, loving him and in a way, he hoped he wouldn’t wake this time.

 He wanted to stay in his dreams because there he never fucked up, he never hurt anyone, and he could hold Leo close to him for eternity and Leo always, always held him back just as tightly.

…………………….

Tick.

..

Tick.

Tick.

….

Tick…

Once more the eldest Hamato brother found himself sitting at the kitchen table, the irritating click of the clock mocking him as it moved so slowly and yet far too quickly at the same time.

Raph…

Hours, how many now… Two, four, six… He was now working on the eighth hour of waiting for his brother to return and he wondered why he was even waiting. Considering the level of chaos Raph had run from he knew this was going to be a longer escape, it would be at least two days, maybe even four but… But he couldn’t help himself so here he was sitting alone in their dark kitchen hoping against hope that his brother would come stumbling in and he didn’t care what kind of shape the idiot was in he just…

He just wanted him home!

I, I should go looking for him. I know he needs time but, but considering why he ran… This is bigger than the other times and he might just…

Leo’s shut his eyes, his hands rubbing them roughly as he fought the urge to go racing after Raph, like always. He was exhausted, today had been like a never-ending nightmare.

Donnie had been a mess the rest of the day, blaming himself for sending Raph off and locking himself away in his room after a time.

Mikey was at a loss, trying desperately to lighten up the mood with jokes or encouraging words because the poor turtle didn’t even know what had really sent Raph away this time. He just thought this was a normal storm for his older brother not… Not that Raph and Leo had…

Leo sighed, his eyes peeking at the clock again and he frowned as he realized only three minutes had passed from the last time he checked. Raph… I… How long, how long have you been struggling with these feelings? You said you had wanted to… To…

He swallowed hard, his heart thumping loudly as he ran through what his brother had said to him, what he had confessed and honestly, Leo didn’t know what to make of any of it.

Raph wanted him!? Him the stuffy, rule oriented, strict, boring brother… Shit, half the time he didn’t even think the larger turtle liked him much less liked him! Sure they had been close as kids but over the last few years and with Splinter choosing him as the next in line Raphael’s patience with him had seemed to all but evaporated into nothing, nothing but very few moments where they could share that secret smile and, and then it was back to arguing.

His fingers went to his lips unconsciously, rubbing along them as he remembered their kiss. I kissed him back… What does that say about, about my part in all of this?

That was nearly as unnerving as Raph’s confession, that he had let Raph kiss him not once but twice… What did it mean? What did he feel about his brother? Yes he loved him but did he love him? Crap, did he even know how to recognize that kind of love?

Love on an intimate level had been something he had pushed aside as a possibility long ago, he knew it would be impossible for mutants like them to ever find a partner. He had thought that realization would have been clear for his brothers also but evidently he had been wrong and, and maybe not just about them but himself.

Did he long to be loved, loved on a deeper level than family and friends?

A smile came across his face as he recalled how warm their kiss had been. It had been unsure and yet surprisingly wonderful all the same. His heart had fluttered like it never had before, his stomached had flipped but in a good way and, and he had to admit, it had felt good…  Before it became scary, at least.

He leaned forwards in his chair, his lower shell scratching against the wood at the back of the chair as his chin rested on his hands and he stared at the wall across from him thoughtfully, why had the kisses been terrifying?

Was it because they were brothers? No one actually knew if they were blood brothers, they had been found at the science lab caged together but they were all different ages so… Who knew? BUT, they had been raised that way so, maybe that was it?

Or, or was it because they were both male? He had never had a problem with the idea of homosexuality if anything he figured if you were lucky enough to be human and find someone you loved, who cared what they looked like or what sex they were so…

So if it wasn’t that they were ‘brothers’ or that they were male then, then what?

His rage sometimes… Yeah, that scares me. It was true he could handle Raph’s storms better than most but that didn’t mean he liked to. Out of all of them it was normally him that got torn into from his brother most and he had learned to deal with it over the years but, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.

They had once been a team like no other, both of them the elder brothers so they had worked together to help their younger  siblings.learn and protect them… He had once relied on no one like he had Raph and now, now they hardly spoke so this attraction thing was just, exceptionally unexpected.

“I thought that you, you hated me...” Leo whispered to no one, his arms curling on the rough surface of the table before he laid his head wearily on top of them and glanced at the clock once more. Almost time for patrols… I hate doing it without him, we are always so much weaker and less organized…

It was as true as it was surprising; for all the chaos Raph wrought at home when they were out there, when they were fighting he was like a completely different turtle. He thrived in battle, could keep them all together better than Leo had ever been able to well, until he got pissed off and then all hell broke loose, but until then…

“Hey Leo.” A sad voice cut through his thoughts suddenly and the eldest turtle cursed himself for being caught unawares for the second time that day. Darn it, this whole thing really has me rattled. I need to be better than this.

Leonardo lifted his head off his arms and turned to find his two younger brothers somberly standing in front of the kitchen, their gear ready and weapons packed.

“We still going out?” Mikey asked, his eyes searching around just in case Raph had somehow returned without him knowing and Leo felt his heart drop at the disappointed sigh that came afterwards.

“Yeah, we are going out.” He said with a forced smile before lifting his twin sheaths from where they had been leaning against Raph’s chair and strapped them in place.

Donnie looked at him oddly for a minute before his eyes dropped to the floor. “Umm, where we scouting tonight?” He asked, his voice hinting at something and the older turtle’s fake smile turned warm as he realized what his brother was hoping for.

He wants to go searching for Raph in his hideaways. Donnie, I love you. Raph had hideouts all through the city but most of them were near the southern portion of the city because he loved the sound of the ocean. Leo knew where most of the places Raph ran to were, mostly from having to collect him so often in his youth but also from the few times he had snuck out to find him without Raph or his father knowing; those times when even Splinter had told him to let Raph be but he had followed anyways.

He would follow quietly, Raph’s rage normally blinding him from too much than immediate threats anyways, and make sure his brother at least got there safely before leaving but… But there had been a few times he had stayed and watched bad storms play out.

Apparently he enjoyed torturing himself.

He remembered many times where Raph would scream, scream wildly, savagely as he took his fury out on the ruined building around him. He would throw the rotted furniture, smash his fists into walls, break anything he could and at the end just stand there heaving in the center of his destruction and then, then the break would happen and he would crumble.

Watching Raph’s breaks in his storms was always worse for Leo than being on the other end of his fists and when Raph would fall to his knees, ragged moans and pleas ripping from his throat as he held himself and shook the elder turtle would just sit in his dark space and weep with his brother.

He didn’t know what haunted Raph, why he had so little control over his emotions or anger but he hated to see the larger turtle just so lost in his own mind and heart and no one, NO ONE knew how to help him.

 In many ways Raph always felt like Leo’s greatest failure. He was the older brother, he was the leader of their team and yet he was just as lost as everyone else when it came to calming his younger brother's chaos, even more so after today.

Raph… Is that why you haven’t let me in? Is that why you have pushed me away so much recently because, because you have feelings for me? Damnit… I don’t, I don’t know how to… I have so many questions!

“Ummm, Leo?”

Leonardo jerked as Donatello gently placed a hand on his shoulder, ripping him from his fears and memories and he looked up to find both Mikey and Donnie peering at him worriedly.

“I… I am sorry.” He said flashing them a bright smile before he nodded at Donnie. “Well I was thinking checking out the eastside first and then… Then perhaps moving south, what do you think?”

Immediately Donatello’s face lit up and eagerly nodded yet a flicker of hesitation did cross his eyes as he continued to peer at Leo. “Yeah I mean, as long as you are alright with it.”

Leo chuckled moving closer to his brother and placing a hand on his shoulder as he nodded. “I am alright with it Donatello, supposed to be some bad storms coming soon anyways and we don’t need any more of us getting sick.”

He had meant it as a joke but it fell flat as all the brothers quickly thought of Splinter and Leo sighed miserably in defeat. I really need to work on my timing…

“Alright turtles.” He said clearly, pulling them all out of their misery with his strict no-nonsense tone. “There are only three of us so we really need to be on top of things, no distractions, no mistakes got it? We stay together and fight as one.”

Both brothers bowed in response and Leo smiled, ignoring the ache in his heart at the sight of only two brothers in front of him as he turned and started towards the exit, stopping just for a moment to grab Raph’s sais on the way out. Fool didn’t even take his weapons… Baka!

 He really wanted to head to the south end of the city first and hopefully drag Raphael back but there was a lot of things he needed to think about before he faced his brother again.

What was he going to say about what happened? Was he ready to forgive Raph for acting so rashly, could he trust him to not do so again? How did he feel about his brother, how did he feel about ANY of it?

 We will head to the eastside first and scout the area. I, I will hopefully come up with some of these answers along the way but, I just hope we find him in time before he does something stupid…

As much as he prayed his brother wouldn’t be foolish, wouldn’t place himself in a ridiculous situation he had known the turtle for eighteen years and he knew that with Raph always came complications, some easy and others…

Others that rip your heart from your chest and make you question everything you are and he is and… Arrrgh! You had better be ok Raph… Please, please be ok…

 …………………..

At the moment the second oldest Hamato brother was doing very well…

In his dreams at least.

“Raaaph…”

Unnn… What? Raphael opened his eyes, blinking away the light from the candles that surrounded him and scanned around him in confusion. Was, was that who I think it is?

“Hey sleepy, about time you woke up.”

He moved his head, his narrowed eyes searching until he found the source of the gentle voice and, as always, felt his breath stick in his chest as Leonardo’s lithe form filled his vision.

“Leo…”

That laugh, the laugh Raph loved, longed for filled the air and he couldn’t help but smile with it. It, it is like freaking music I swear…

He watched in a sort of mystified haze as Leo’s muscular form started towards him, his light green skin shimmering as if it was covered in diamonds and Raph frowned in confusion. Is he wet? Why…

He went to sit up and immediately heard a slosh of water just to look down and find he was lounging in a glittering dark pool of water, only his head and the top of his torso were sticking out of the steaming liquid. Oh shit… We are in a bath of sorts.

The bath appeared to be outside and natural as grass and stone surrounded the outer rim and he leaned his head back to find a stunning night sky above him. Comets brightly streaked across the inky black and purple cosmos and a smile fell across his face as he turned from the glory of the heavens back to something even more awe inspiring that was slowly wading in towards him…

Leo… Fuck he… He looks like a damn God.

His brother was smiling as he approached, his glittering skin flickering with the orange candle light around them until he began to lower himself over Raph’s prone body. “Hey…”

“H-Hey.” Raph stuttered out stupidly and his brother graced him with another laugh as he settled next to him, his hands roaming along his quickly heating plastron under the sparkling waves.

“How articulate of you.” His brother mocked playfully as his beak rose nuzzling against the crook of his neck affectionately before he began to lightly kiss along Raph’s throat.

“Unnnn… F-fuck y-you.” Raph stammered his body leaning into the soft hand that rubbed along it. How are his hands always so damn soft after holding a sword for so long?

“Such words you say… Must you always be so crass?” Leo whispered against his ear slit and Raph could only moan in response as that wonderful hand slipped between his legs, his thick finger teasingly caressing the cartilage there and he felt his shaft quickly beginning to harden inside his tight sheath.

“I want you.” Leo’s voice was gruff, demanding, and Raph melted under the force of it.

“UNNNN!” Part of him feared he would just blow his load before he even came to full arousal but he gasped as his slit finally spread, the head of his thick member pushing through it slowly until Leo chuckled and he felt a pressure roll along the tip and his head fell back. “Uhhhh, f-fuuuck… L-Leo…”

“Yes Raph?” Leo asked curiously and he ran his smooth digit along the dripping hole at the top of Raph’s aching shaft.

Raph growled, he loved when Leo played with him, made him beg… He would never beg for another but Leo, Leo was alright. He was safe with him, home with him, wanted, loved…

W-wasn’t he?

Raph’s arousal dwindled as an itch began to form at the back of his head, something unexpected, something that made him hesitate and a sliver of doubt slithered through his heart. S-something… Something feels off…

“Raph? Is something wrong?” Leo asked, his voice holding a slight tone of concern but he was still licking and nipping at his throat and now had his entire fist around Raph’s fully extended erection, slowly stroking it as the water sloshed from his movements.

Raphael whimpered under the caress but, but he couldn’t focus on it like he WANTED to! That damn itch was growing more into a pain now and it was making him feel things, dark things, uncomfortable things. Arrrgh, what the fuck!? Just ignore it! Look, look at what you have around you! Look at this beautiful freaking masterpiece of a creature next to you and focus on that!

He turned to peer at Leo, the pain increasing even as he fought it but his brother just looked back at him with that same lustful gaze so….

So why did he feel so weird!? Why did he feel so wrong, so…

~TwIsTeD!~

Raph jerked, his muscles tightening as a weird haunted voice rang out around him and he scanned around them desperately to find the source. What, what the fuck was that!?

“You alright Raphie?” Leo asked, his hand never letting go of his shaft but his voice did sound more concerned.

“You, you didn’t hear that!?” Raph asked, his eyes still searching the woods that encircled the pool but he couldn’t find anything. What was that voice? Why didn’t Leo hear it? It, it sounded dark and fucking evil.

“Hear? Hear what?” Leo asked innocently.

~tWiIIIIiiiiSteD fUuuuuUUcK! MmmmOooooOOOnsTer… SiCkSicKsICK!~

“THERE IT IS AGAIN!” Raph exclaimed, his head positively screaming now and he stood up from the pool in a spray of water and shaking limbs as he searched.

Leo frowned up at him. “Raph… You are scaring me. What do you mea…”

“SOMETHING IS OUT THERE LEO!” Raph spat as his head snapped back to his brother just to feel a wave of guilt crash over him as the smaller turtle shied away from him fearfully and his head pounded all the worse because of it.

“I, I mean… I am s-sorry…” He mumbled, his vison tunneling from the pain and fear. Damnit, don’t scare him! What the fuck is wrong with you, HE isn’t the one saying those things to you, calm down and chill the fuck…

“Are you going to hit me again?”

Raph froze, his eyes going wide as he looked down and realized his hands had turned to fists. “Wh-what… N-no, nooo. I, I didn’t mean to…”

Leo whimpered, his large sparkling eyes so innocent, so loving as he looked up at him. “It is alright Raphie, I know that is how you are. You can hit me, I understand.”

Raphael blanched, his legs stumbling back as tears fell from Leo’s eyes and his horror grew when the other turtle lifted his head higher as if, as if presenting it for a better target.

“What, what the FUCK, Leo!? I would never, I don’t…”

“You have, and you do.” His brother answered simply as he closed his eyes tighter. “But it is ok, if this is what you need from me or…” Leo’s crying eyes opened as he smiled sadly at Raph. “Or do you want something else?”

Raph felt sick as he watched Leo carefully shift, his body moving up to the edge of the pool before he bent over, resting his hands in the soft grass as he presented his hips to his brother and lifted his tail. “Is, is this what you need?”

Raph gaped at him, half of him aching to run over and take what was offered so freely but the other, the other heard the sobs, saw Leo’s body tremble not with lust but FEAR and he felt like acid was now running through his veins.

“L-Leo, no… No I don’t want it unless…”

“It’s ok R-Raphael… If it helps y-you…” Leo’s wet face turned to him, his beautiful eyes red with tears and narrowed with fear and pain. “A-anything f-for y-you…”

~TWSiSteD FuCK! tAKe hIm! yOu wAnT It!~

“NOOOOOO! NO! FUUUCK! Not like this! I, I ain’t no MONSTER!” Raph screamed to the darkness, his headache thundering and rage growing like wild fire. I ain’t, I ain’t LIKE THAT! I AIN’T!

~~~   “RAPH STOP! PLEASE!?” ~~~~

Leo’s voice suddenly rang out but the one in front of him had been silent and still was just smiling at him so sadly, so dejectedly…

What the fuck? What the FUCK!? What is going on!? This ain’t never happened before so why…

~TAkE hIIIIIIIIIImmmm! hE wAAAAnTs IT! YoooOOu dOoO!~

There was a scream, pain ridden and hollow sounding when a tight warmth suddenly enveloped Raph’s shaft and he blinked down in confused terror as he found himself buried deep into his sobbing brother! WHAT THE FUUUUCK!? NOOO!

He tried to pull out, tried to scramble away but it was like his body was no longer his he had no control and each time he fought to get away he just slammed into Leo harder, and hArdeR, aNd HaRdEr!

“NOOOOO! RAPH PLEASE!? PLEASE STOOOOOP! IT HUUURTS!” Leo screamed, clawing at the grass madly as Raphael’s body continued to ravage him, his hands gripping so tightly the smaller turtle was bleeding…

“NOOOOO! NOOO, LEO! This isn’t ME! I DON’T…”

Leo turned to him, his eyes wide and filled with terror and it was there that Raph saw the fiery evil reflection of his own face and what he saw could only be called a demon.

Red narrowed eyes, gleaming fangs from a wicked smile, and he was laughing, laughing as he raped his brother, tore into him, destroyed him, and a single words came from the beast…

~MIIiiiNnnnNNE!~

………………….

“NOOOOO!” Raph screamed, his throat aching and head pulsing with agony as he rolled over and began to retch.

“Uhhhhcccck, aaaauuugh…” Acidic bile erupted from him, burning his throat and tongue but he had hardly anything in his stomach and it was really the dry heaves that sucked the most. They were awful as they forced all of the muscles in his body to contract and it just added to the level of pain he was in and the dizziness.

Unnn sh-shit… What… W-where am I? Why am I so c-cold?

 Once his retching eased and the world didn’t spin so much he slowly, carefully rolled back to his shell and lay there gasping as he tried to gather his wits about him. Feel… Painnn.. H-haard to tink… My head! Wait, r-rain?

His golden eyes creaked open, the fuzzy nauseating image eventually sorting itself into a less blurry picture when he realized that not only was he not in his room but it was night and, and raining. Mmm cold. R-raining… Not home, why nooo ho… Oh…

Wretched memories tore through his mind, shouts, screams, all of his brothers looking at him so, so brokenly and he remembered why he wasn’t home, why he was lying out in the cold, and why he deserved it all.

“F-fuuuck dissss…” He groaned, his speech slurred like he had drank a gallon of hard liquor as he tried to roll to his side and suddenly agony tore through his right shoulder and it felt like he was going to vomit all over again.

Arrrgh, s-shiit! Need, need da g-get in-insiiide… He carefully shifted, avoiding pressure on his shoulder as his head thundered but eventually, incredibly he got to his feet.

A stumble, a staggered step to the side and soon he was on his way towards the dilapidated building. Ress, rest there… Ugggh, my f-fucking brain is… Wait, wasss dat?

He had almost made it to the doorway of the abandoned building when a muffled cry came from the alley to his right and he heard the telltale shuffle of struggling.

Arrrgh, fuck… I-Ignore… Just, need sleep… Need res… Wait, das… Das a k-kid? His resolve broke as he heard a small voice cry out again, the child speaking a language that sounded slightly like Spanish so he didn’t know what it was saying, he could hardly speak Japanese or English fluently, yet he knew it sounded distressed.

Shiiit, a-aright p-peek dennn sleepy t-time… He shook his bleeding, pounding head as he stumbled down the alley to where the sounds were coming from all the while berating himself for even getting involved. He had no weapons, he had a concussion, his shoulder was definitely dislocated, and his ankle sprained… What the fuck could he do in such a state that would actually help the kid?

Shudd up… Kid… Kid in trouble… Gotsta h-help…

He was amazed when he had made it to the end of the alley while still standing, yet his mouth was watering terribly in that you are gonna vomit again kind of way and he was panting BUT, he had made it!

Stifling another groan he lifted his head, his bleary eyes taking a moment to focus when he noticed that he was in a shipping yard of some sort. Long colorful containers filled the space before him, all of them going on for miles.

Shit, how mmmmmaa gonna find anny… anyding? He thought irritably, wondering if he should just do the smart fucking thing and turn around and go lay in a pile of self-misery until his head cleared when he heard another cry to his left.

D-dammn… I… I’m comminnnng… He shook he head again, his vison gratefully clearing just a little more and his steps becoming a little surer as time passed and soon he was able to at least walk swiftly, now if only his head would keep up!

He was just about to charge out from behind another container when he saw a mass of people and skidded to a halt. His feet slipped along the wet asphalt and he would have toppled to the ground if he hadn’t been trained his whole life to be a shadow and muscle memory saved him as he scrambled backwards and ducked next to the container.

What… What the fuck? His stomach flipped and his watering mouth became dry as he spotted dozens of Foot soldiers before him, each organized into lines as children walked or struggled between them.

What da hell are dey d-doing!? Are the g-gathernn kidsss and… No… No not kidzz, not all kidz…

Even with his concussion, even with the agony that tore through his body Raphael knew what he was seeing was beyond a normal kidnapping and he gaped in horror and, and amazement as he realized the beings the troops were ushering through their ranks weren’t just children but also adults but… But that wasn’t the craziest part…

Holy shit… They m-mutannaets.. Mutenntent… FUCK! Dey like ME!

There were small ones and larger ones; some were female, some male, some children, some adult but one thing was very clear none, NONE of them were completely human!

There were tiger hybrids; eagle, wolf, lion, bear, cougar, fox, just… Any type of predator and, and they were mutants! They were just like him, like his family but not quite as he spotted patches of human skin or human parts…

It was like they were only half mutated like something had gone wrong in the process, many far more human looking than animal and Raph found himself wondering if they had been animals at the start of their change or human.

His anger coiled heatedly in his stomach as he considered either of those possibilities but it was really how the poor mutants looked so broken, ruined, and mournful as they moved that bothered him the most.

They looked like fucking slaves.

They were scared, that Raph was certain of, and the collars that adorned their necks just amplified his horrific assessment of slavery and… His rage. F-fuck… What, arrrgh canna think! Foot, Foot making mutants? B-bastards!

“Such a pity, such a waste.”

A strange silvery voice floated over the storm that was building both in the sky and within Raphael’s heart and the turtle scanned those gathered to find the source yet couldn’t see much for the increasing rain fall and darkness. Who da fuck d-daat?

If only his head would clear, if only he could think he could straight, then he could…

Suddenly a human stepped out of the darkness its thin form covered in white  shimmering attire as its long silver hair whipped about wildly in the wind and when it turned and its face was revealed Raphael wasn’t certain is it was a male or female he was looking at because… Because it seemed so perfect and smooth yet strangely masculine and its stance resonated strength.

Not nearly as stunning as Leo. The thought popped into Raphael’s head without a moment of hesitation, his hatred of the oddly pristine human growing until, until he noticed the long snake tail that snuck out of the bottom of the freak’s long white coat.

Half… Half s-snake but, h-human f-face, body… What da fuuu…

"¡Déjame en paz!" That same weak voice that brought him here screamed out and Raph watched as a cheetah like child raged against the humans that surrounded it, his mother or perhaps just another adult mutant trying to still its cries when the silver snake-man sauntered up to them and Raph wished he had his weapons.

Don’t you h-hurt dem! You s-son of a b-beechhhh… He growled from behind his container yet the snake never attacked and if anything, he looked concerned. Huh…

The silver haired creature knelt before the wailing child, his body relaxed and peaceful as it spoke to him. “I am sorry little one but, but if we behave those we love won’t get hurt, yes?”

Raph and the child stared at the ‘man’ in shocked silence. Whad da fuuck… Who he, he werkinnnn feer…

The snake man suddenly straightened his back, his tongue flickering outside of his lips for a moment before he turned his head, his blazing purple eyes settling upon Raph’s shivering form and the turtle swallowed hard. Sh-shit…

“We seem to have company…” That silvery voice again rang through the yard and suddenly every foot soldier turned their attention to him and Raphael cursed inwardly.

Can dis day g-get any fucking w-worse?

As the Foot soldiers turned in unison, all of them now facing the lone, half conscious, bleeding, weaponless turtle, the Hamato youth couldn’t help but chuckle darkly as they began to advance.

 Yeah… Yeah it can… He thought with bitter amusement as he too fell to an unsteady battle stance desperately wishing he had his weapons or brothers with...

ARRRGH! I got this! I don need nobody! Fuck um… Fuck um all... He thought bitterly and with that, he lunged…

Chapter Text

Shit… This m-mighta been a mistake.

Raphael’s eyes narrowed against the rain, his battered form shivering in the bitter autumn air as he scanned blearily around him. There were at least twenty soldiers, three of them staying back to guard the captive mutants and snake-man while the other seventeen quickly formed a half circle around him.

He ground his chattering teeth together pushing past the pain and cold as he unconsciously went for his sais only to grunt in frustration when he discovered nothing but empty space. Fuck, lotsa… Lotsa guys, no weapons…

 He widened his stance, pivoting on his toes as the troops moved ever closer. Just, just don’t tink, brain no good, body uhhh… Body kinda ok… Shoulder ann ankle bad but most good…Just move!

He knew he was outnumbered, alone, unarmed, brain nothing but muck right now, arm useless until he could pop it back into place, and he needed to be careful with his ankle BUT, he had been in worse situations… Right?

He breathed in slowly, relaxing the fear out of his muscles as he let instinct and his fury takeover. At leastss I have dat going for me, fucker chose wrong day to st-start shit with…

“You are the one called Raphael, yes?”

Raph blinked, his concentration shattering as those soft silvery words filled the air and he lifted his amber eyes to where the odd white snake man/girl stood. He was surprised to see him, he would be a him for now because of the deeper voice, holding one of the mutant children gently. Just whatda f-fuck side he on?

Raph grunted in response, knowing if he were try and respond it would just come out slurred and he would tip them off at just how bad a state he was in. Don.. don talk… Bad head, head hurrrt…

The albino freak’s purple eyes scanned over him keenly, each of them narrowed as they slid up from his feet, to his legs, torso and then settled their eerily hungry gaze on his eyes and smiled. “Beautiful, just beautiful.” He whispered, fangs glittering from behind his lips as he smiled wider and Raph felt his heart hammer uncomfortably in his chest for the look on the man’s face.

Da fuck he jus say!? What kinda freak would tink I, that I am bu… Beaut… Fuck, who tink I pretty!?

“I apologize for my brashness.” The snake said with a light laugh before setting the now calmed child down and folding his arms over his chest. “Did I upset you by being so honest? You are stunning though, perfect really…”

Raph glared at him, or he hoped he did, but he wasn’t sure what his body was doing right now; it just kind of felt wobbly and, and fuzzy. Arrrgh! Enough of w-words, canna think. Focus on r-rage…

“Not much of a conversationalist?” Snake guy asked before moving a little closer but he stopped when Raph growled at him; he may not have been able to speak very well right now, but growling came as easily as ever.

The stranger titled his head thoughtfully, his long hair sticking to his face as the rain continued to increase and his long thin fingers pulled it from his cheek before he smiled back at the uncertain turtle before him.

“Ahhh yes, I was told you are the feral one out of the four.” He mused, his long forked tongue flickering out from between his lips for a second before he smiled again. “My Master said you were savage, wild, like a demon… I wondered how true that could be considering your origins are so… Docile. I mean, you are just a turtle on the inside, no?”

Raph snarled, his body tensing as some of the troops to his right took a step closer, man he needed this freak to shut up! Don’t l-listen… Jus, just f-focus… Focus and gedda weapon and get the s-slaves…

“Let us see what you are made of demon.” The snake spoke again, backing up as his troops inched closer. “Let us see how mighty one little, injured turtle can be.”

“RRRRAAAWARRRHHH!” Raph roared as he tightened the muscles in his legs and lunged at the trio of Foot soldiers in front of him. I will show HIIIIM! Docile!? FUCK HIM!

The troops in front of him jumped forwards as well, all of them wielding katanas and the injured turtle fixed his eyes on the weapons. Now, swords weren’t his strongest discipline but any weapon would do for now.

 His first opponent swung high and Raph almost laughed as he bent his torso, throwing his injured shoulder forwards before barreling into the man’s stomach and slamming them both to the ground.

Agony tore through his shoulder as it met the man’s weight but as they fell Raph cheered as his opponent’s sword went sailing out of his hand and a loud POP sounded as his shoulder suddenly clicked painfully back into place and became mobile once again. YES!

The soldier cried out as Raph didn’t stop his momentum and once they hit the ground he curled his body into a ball and rolled right over the fallen idiot, grinding his face into the asphalt with the back of his shell before springing right back to his feet. Sword… Where!?

“AHHHH!” A glint of silver caught his eye and with a grunt he let the muscles in his legs go limp, rolling to the right just as the long katana cut through the air where his head had been. Rookie m-move...

He kicked high with his left leg as he moved, his heel cracking against the man’s elbow and he was rewarded with a sickening crunch of dislocation but he was already focused on his next victim. He ended his roll on all fours, crouched in the rain like a beast as his blazing eyes lifted to the third swordsman and he smirked when he noted the man’s poor form. Seems dis group newbies…

Yes the Foot had plenty of youths joining them these days but most of them were just angry kids from the streets. Half of them could take a punch (maybe) and some knew how to shoot, but how to fight, to really battle… That was a skill honed over years and years of training, training they had just started where Raphael had done nothing but trained his entire life.

These bastards were nothing but punks, punks that were not only poorly trained but cocky little fucks and he could use that against them as well. Big fucking b-baby n-ninjas…

As much as he may have sneered at their lack of skill he was grateful for it, tonight especially. With his head being so messed up and all his other handicaps he knew had he gone against twenty well trained fighters right now he wouldn’t last long at all so… Yay ignorance!

Raph weaved left then right as he dove towards his next prey, his ankle burning as he deftly avoided the man’s terrified messy strikes until he wormed his way in close and he growled as he quickly jabbed his fingers first into the man’s peroneal nerve then his femoral. How’s dat f-feel f-fucker!?

He smiled as the soldier’s legs went limp and fell to his knees with a surprised cry. Gotta love pressure points.

As the paralyzed man fell Raph finished his move by jamming his digit right under the front of the man’s throat, effectively numbing him from the neck down before his arm flew out and deftly caught the man’s blade as it fell from his loose fingers. He twirled the weapon, perhaps not as expertly as Leo, but skillfully in his hand and he felt a sense of comfort and familiarity fill him.

Weapon and shoulder b-better… Better odds! He thought as he spun on the remaining soldiers and grinned madly, his demons reveling in his small victory. Three down… Jus a few more… F-few more den get muntants, take um to Leo… Leo will fix then l-leave…

For a moment his heart ached as he considered his plan, his eyes burning as he remembered how he had been kicked out, how he had been shunned because he had fucked up so badly. L-Leo… I, I am sorr…

His mournful thought never finished as another group of fighters came at him and he clenched his jaw before turning towards them. No, donna think of dat! Survive, help then… Den run, run like… Like a-always… You can do dis…

Always better alone… Right?

As he choked on a mournful sob Raphael couldn’t help the sliver of doubt that ran through him and, and he found himself wishing his brothers were there with him… His brothers and his leader, his elder, his love, his weakness…

L-Leo… I, I love you…I just wish I was better at dealing with it… Like so many things, so many…

……………………..

Leonardo groaned as he stood from the roof he stood upon, his eyes skimming over the captured Foot soldiers slumped together in front of him, to the bindings he had secured them with. Hope I tied it well enough, never easy to tell in the rain.

Tonight had been rather active considering the poor weather. He had hoped that maybe they would be able to move swiftly through the east side and make their way to the south end within the first hour but as it was they just kept finding instalment after instalment of small groups of troops almost like, like a setup for a distraction.

He lifted his head, his blue eyes narrowing in the rain as they scanned the city below him. Raph…

 His heart was pumping quickly as he wondered where his lost brother was as well as what else might be going on in the city tonight? What are we missing? Why does it feel like we are being played with, taunted with small squads of only three or four troops… What else is going on out there?

Now he knew they could only do so much for the city, a curse they had needed to swallow time and time again as the years went but to miss something bigger, to be pulled from the more heinous evils always settled poorly in Leo’s stomach and heart. What if others are suffering as we deal with these small distractions… Shredder has become far more clever in recent years, he knows how to work us… Divide us or… Or take advantage of our own internal division. Oh Raph… I need you so, so much.

“Another group down, where to next?”

Leo peered over his shoulder to where Mikey and Donatello sat crouched against the rain, the smaller turtle was shivering terribly yet didn’t complain, not yet anyways. I need to get them back inside, we really don’t need anyone else getting sick but… But something isn’t right and we still haven’t been able to look for Raph. Arrrgh, not enough time in the day!

Far too often crime fighting seemed like a thankless and monotonous job; no one ever congratulated them, no one thanked them, and for all their efforts, for all their sacrifices it just seemed that they would get one area cleared only to return days later and find even more  troops there, or theft happening, crime…

Leonardo wasn’t in need of thanks or accolades but it was exhausting to just continue to kick at a dead horse, as the saying went, and he found himself wondering if there would ever be a day they could just rest?

If only we had more allies, more troops of our own we… We could cover so much more of the city! That was another thing Shredder had over him and his family, numbers. Sure they kind of had law enforcement on their side but were the cops of the city to see them, they would be just as quick to capture his family as the Foot so, they had the police and yet didn’t at the same time…

They were the enemies of everyone…

Everyone but one another and with that thought came a wave of all too familiar anger and guilt as the eldest Hamato thought of his wayward brother. Raph… Damnit…

He shook his head, rain flying off of him in glittering drops as he focused on what to do now. “Let’s move southward. Something isn’t right tonight; it feels like we are being tricked and, and maybe something bigger is happening, I don’t know.”

Donnie nodded as he stood. “I agree, way too many scattered squads. I have a feeling something bigger is going down, I just wonder, where?”

Leo frowned his eyes searching the cityscape worriedly. “Hard to know and unless we separated we… Wait, look there.”

All three of the brothers walked to the edge of the roof they stood upon and peered to the south where Leo was pointing.

“Hey, is it just me or was there more light over there a minute ag…” Mikey started as the haze of light over the shipping yard flickered and another portion of the blaze turned to black. It was like the street lights were slowly turning off or being shut off one by one and Leo gasped as he realized how close that area was to one of Raph’s hideouts!

I wonder… Could it be him raging down there or something else? The coincidence seems a little too convenient to not involve him but…

“Let’s check it out.” He said gruffly, shaking off the cold as he quickly jumped off the side of the building and onto a fire escape, his brothers following without another word.

As they wove their way through the city Leo kept his hope of finding Raph there at bay. It could be nothing, there is a storm coming maybe it is just something as simple as a power outage or… Or it could be what the Foot has tried to keep us from all night.

He peered over his shoulder as they moved silently along the rooftops and buildings. “We don’t know what we are going to find there turtles but keep your eyes open and weapons ready!” He shouted as thunder shook the sky above them.

He didn’t know what they would find there but he did know something and that was nothing tonight had felt right and it wasn’t just because of their missing brother. Raph, I hope you are safe wherever you are but we, we could really use you right now… I could damnit! I wish you were here.

Little did he know that his younger brother was currently wishing the same thing.

……………………..

Damn I wish Leo w-was h-here…

Raphael dodged another blow, sweeping his bloodied form back as a second sword sliced through the rain right above his right shoulder before he stumbled back and reset his footing. If he was really honest with himself and not so stubborn he may have admitted that maaaybe he wasn’t holding up so well anymore.

He had taken down half of the Foot soldiers, all of them beaten and groaning around him yet their bodies just made for even less sure footing and considering how hard the rain was falling it was like he was fighting blind and in a vat of oil. Everything was slick, everything glimmered, and the flashes of lightning and booming thunder just made his aching head throb all the more.

He had been quick in the beginning, working through the first five opponents in under a minute each but then he had caught a blade right across his left eye and with the blood and rain dripping into his eye his peripheral vision was now shit, nevermind how badly his ankle and shoulder were burning.

CLANG!

A swing parried at the last moment forcing him to stumble back some more, too many steps as Leo would say, and he growled as his anger and exhaustion grew. Arrrrgh, f-fuuuck! Jus… Just wannaed to r-rest!

BANG!

A strike against his shell, the blow vibrating all along his back and further disorienting him as another slice cut deep into his upper arm. F-Fuck…

CRACK!

“Ahhhhhghh!” A fist slammed into the side of his reeling head, filling his already poor vision with spots and he allowed himself to roll with the punch hoping to escape the circle of soldiers for a moment to collect himself. I’m… I’m f-faltering…

 He scrambled to a crouch about ten feet from the circle of death, his legs shaking as he forced himself to stand yet he cheered internally when he saw only four more attackers still standing meaning there was only seven left plus, snake-guy. O-ok… Ok… Liddle… Liddle longer den res…

Like everything else that continued to get worse his brain felt like it was only half conscious, like he was just waking up from a dream… One of those awesome dreams where, where he and Leo… Where they held each other, where they kissed, made love, and never fought… Well until tonight’s dream that wa…

SLAMMMM! Something hit him; something hard, heavy, and unforgiving and it crashed right into the back of his head, a wave of nausea following as he stumbled forwards, his ankle giving out just at the right moment and suddenly he was on his knees. Nooo…

He heard laughter come from the fuckers around him, like they should be proud that it took thirteen of them to take his half-conscious ass down yet their mockery of him burned deep in the pit of his whirling stomach. He had had a day from Hell, he had hurt his family, talked about his father’s possible death, lost his home, lost Leo, lost everything and here these bastards were stealing people like it meant nothing just to go and LAUGH when they finally got him to his knees!?

F-Fuck… Fucck them! FUUUUUCK THEEEEM! ENOOOOUGH!

“AAAARRRRRRRRGHHHHHHH!” A ragged scream tore from his throat, his rage boiling, bubbling like acid inside of him and the monster he had been fighting all day, the beast he told himself again and again was wrong and dangerous reveled in his desperate call.

He raised his head to the storming heavens, his back arching as the fury scorched through his body, and he bellowed as he was consumed by it all.

 The demon was taking over and he, he welcomed it.

 Warmth filled his freezing limbs the pain fueling him, guiding him and suddenly everything seemed to slow and nothing hurt anymore… No, now there was only rage and every blow, every agonizing slice felt like electricity coursing through him it, it was magnificent.

Whatever happened next became a bur of red, his body moving so fast even he couldn’t keep up. Everything was instinct, every move thoughtless yet precise… Like dancing.

Blood spurted across his face as he slammed his forehead against one of his attackers, he shivered in joy as a limb cracked and shattered in his hands, the demon never needed weapons… His fists, his body was enough.

There were slices and punches that battered his body but none of the pain registered for too long, all of it just turning to energy, feeding his insanity and he growled with the power he felt…

He was unstoppable, he was fearless, he was…

“Stunning, absolutely beautiful.”

The demon paused in his bloody rampage, that oddly soft voice sounding far too close for comfort and as he spun he flinched in surprise as two arms suddenly wrapped around his neck pulling him in close to folds of white cloth that smelt pleasantly like lavender before he felt two pinches in his neck and he growled savagely. FUCKER BIT ME!

He angrily grabbed the arms around him and threw them off, his legs stumbling back as the area around the bite began to feel warm, numbing in a way, and the feeling rapidly traveled to his veins. SHIT! P-poison?

He snarled at the albino yet it quickly turned to a whimper as all of the strength in the left side of his body seemed to get sucked out of him and he collapsed to a knee with a muddy splash, the snake smiling down at him the whole time.

“Wh-what da f-fuck yooouu d-dooo…” Raph mumbled out yet his voice held no real strength in it and he moaned as he fell forwards, catching himself on trembling hands as he fought to keep himself conscious.

“Do not worry beast, I have no intentions of killing you. I would never waste such a perfect specimen.” The man assured him as he crouched down next to the dizzy turtle smiling as the magnificent creature lifted his head and a guttural rumble sounded from deep within him.

“Whadda arrrrgh, what do y-you wan wid m-me?” Raphael slurred in response, wishing he could speak more clearly but his head hurt so much and now that his rage had ebbed a bit he was starting to just feel weak and sick, nevermind whatever the bastard had injected into him. Freakin… Freakin cheater…

He glared at the man, baring his teeth yet the snake continued to just smile and scan over his body hungrily and Raph almost wanted to curl into himself from the power and the need he saw coming from the man. Like… Like I’m p-prey… C-creepy f-fucker…

“Just look at you, a perfect transition/ mold of beast and man… I, I was told such but to see it.” The snake marveled quietly, his hand lifting and he tried to pet the back of Raph’s head but the turtle quickly swatted him away.

“F-Fuck off! Ain’t no p-pet…” He grumbled miserably as his body thrummed pleasantly around him, the numbness making everything so much fuzzier and actually he felt better than he had all day. Nnooo, don let guard d-down… G-gotta tink…

The snake’s smile changed oddly after the word pet, his eyes flashing before he laughed softly. “Wild indeed… Untamed… Such a wondrous challenge you present and such questions, opportunities... Shredder will be pleased, I know I will be.”

That name and reality caught Raph’s attention, his heavy head jerking up as fury filled him and suddenly he was moving. He scrambled back but his aching body was moving too slowly, he was too disoriented yet he allowed his frustration to help fuel his demon as he forced himself to stand and face off against the remaining soldiers and the freak.  F-Fuck gotta… Gotta m-move! Fight! Sick f-fucker ain’t taking me to no…

“RAAAAAAPH!”

Raphael spun, his heart freezing as an incredible, strong, beautiful voice called out to him from the storm and he lifted his blood red eyes to find none other than the love of his life running towards him. L-Leo? H-How…

He smiled, a bloody wicked looking thing he was sure for the demon was still with him, still right there at the edges of his shattered consciousness and yet, like always, it became tamer when Leo was near him, quieter and he churred submissively as his brother approached. H-Help… Help L-Leo… It hurts…

“What a fascinating and unexpected change of temperament you portray, my precious beast.”

Raph jerked as a blade came across his throat, the hand holding it delicate and yet oddly strong and he felt warmth of a body fall over his shell as snake-man held him close. Arrrgh, shiiiit! Let, let g-guard d-doown…

“LET HIM GO!” Leo demanded as he skid to a halt near twenty feet from where Raph and his captor were, Mikey and Donnie sliding to a stop as well each of them gaping at the number of downed Foot soldiers around them.

“Whoa dude, there’s like fifteen of um…” Mikey squeaked out, his eyes going wide as he found some of them far more mangled than they normally allowed and he felt his stomach roll at the carnage.

Leo ignored the bodies, his eyes set on the strange albino and Raph, his heart skipping as the man’s blade nicked his brother’s throat as the younger turtle began thrashing against the hold.

“Don’t move you idiot! He could KILL YOU!” He snapped, not caring if his words came out a bit harshly but it Raph continued to struggle he would cut his own darn throat!

“I would listen to your brother.” The pretty boy whispered to Raph and the largest turtle snarled at him.

“F-fuuuck y-yooou.” He grated out, hoping he didn’t sound as plastered as he felt yet that numbness was everywhere now begging him to just lay down, to relax. He moaned as his body began to slump despite his fury and was surprised when he felt the man’s other arm slid under his arm and helped keep him standing. Fucker is ss-strong…

Leo’s eyes flashed as the man before him nuzzled his cheek affectionately against the side of his brother’s, the younger turtle clearly worse for wear as each minute that passed his eyelids fell lower and lower and his legs shook more. What is he doing holding Raph like that? Just who is this man and what is he doing working with the Foo…

“Leo, holly shi… Look, mutants!”

Leonardo growled, afraid to take his eyes from his brother and the strange man yet Donnie’s voice held such fear in it he turned away just to gasp as he found about ten figures huddled together not fifty feet from where they stood all of them wearing collars and staring at them with strangely animalistic eyes…

“What the…” He whispered, the poor misshapen creatures huddling closer behind the three soldiers that guarded them. A snarl escaped him as he turned back to the man that held Raph, his eyes narrowed and fists curling. “Just who are you and what is going on here!?” He demanded, his heart hammering as the man smiled back at him and he spotted the long fangs there, evidently he wasn’t completely human either.

“Ahhh, let us see, Donatello, Michelangelo, and you must be the leader, Leonardo?” He asked smoothly yet was surprised when the turtle he held twitched at the last name and snarled once more.

“Don’t you s-say his n-name…” He grated out through clenched teeth and the snake chuckled.

“Soft spot for that one, hmmm?” He asked playfully. “Pretty one he is, I can see why you…”

“SHUD UP!” Raph screamed, trying to elbow the fucker in the stomach but just as he started to turn all the strength in his legs vanished and he groaned as his legs collapsed out from under him.

“RAPH!”

Leo’s voice echoed in the darkness that was slowly consuming his vision and his heart ached for the pain he heard in it. N-No Leo… Ummm, Umm ok… S-save mutants… S-save dem… He thought wearily as he rested his throbbing head against his captor’s chest. He didn’t have the strength to say the words but he hoped his ever honorable brother would do the right thing…

He would, wouldn’t he?

Please Leo, dey are worth b-being saved… N-not me, n-never me.

…………………..

Leo’s heart was thundering almost as loudly as the storm above, his knuckles cracking as he strengthened his grip on the hilt of his sword. Raph…

He began to move forwards just to freeze as the white man sneered up at him and tsked. “Tut, tut, you have a choice to make right now pretty one. Either you rescue them…” He said, bowing his head to the captives.” Or, you forsake the poor creatures for your brother. What do you choose?”

Leo scowled at him, his eyes narrowing furiously. “What makes you think we aren‘t going to walk away with all of it?” He inquired, his voice low and dark yet the snake merely laughed at him.

“The Foot may be helpless but I am not, I assure you of that.” He warned and as if to prove his point all of the brothers gaped as the man stood, easily picking Raph’s limp form up and cradling him close as he smirked at them all. “I think it is an even exchange really, ten for one.”

You cannot have him!” Leo shouted, his voice cracking with emotion as he raised his swords high just to watch the snake nod to the three troops near the mutants.

“Kill them.” Was all he said as he laughed and spun before sprinting off into the darkness.

“NOOO! Mikey, Donnie save them, I am going after Raph!” Leonardo shouted, ignoring his brother’s yells as he raced after the man that had his brother.

I won’t let him take you! I won’t! He promised as he ran. He had already almost lost Raphael once today, there was no way he was going to let this man take him!

I… I can’t lose you! We, we aren’t perfect but… But I need you, I… I need you so much! Please, anyone!? Don’t let him take Raph away from me!

Please?

Chapter Text

Demon

Chapter Text

Lightning flashed, thundered roared and the rain came down in curtains of blinding waves yet Leonardo didn’t need his eyes to track the silver snake, he had trained for situation like this whole life and he, like his mutant brothers, was gifted with an uncanny sense of smell. It was harder to utilize that gift in the rain but the odd creature he chased evidently had an obsession with lavender, so much so he would wear it even when going out on a mission. Foolish mistake… Either he is vastly ignorant or dangerously confident, I need to be careful.

He heard a slight scuffle to his right and slipped as he abruptly changed direction just to see a flash of white disappear around another storage container. There he is! MOVE! MOOOVE!

How the stranger moved so fast whilst carrying Raphael was a wonder in and of itself, he knew his brother was no lightweight and he thought he had perhaps seen a tail of sorts hidden under the man’s trench coat. What are you!? Who are you and what the hell do you want with RAPH!?

The creature had abandoned his mutants, just left them and run off with the younger turtle like they meant nothing so… So what did Raphael have that he could need enough to risk Shredder’s wrath by deserting his creations?

Sure, Shredder would be pleased to have one of the turtles in his hands but was one turtle worth the cost of ten slaves, or whatever they were to Shredder. Ten mutants, imperfect mutants… What is Shredder trying to accomplish!? Is he attempting to mutate beasts like he has tried to before? If so, why do they look so human!? If anything they should look more animalistic! They always have in the past and the failed one really looked wild not…

“Holy shit…” Leo whispered stumbling for a moment, horror filling his heart as he stupidly realized the obvious; Shredder wasn’t just experimenting on animals anymore, but humans! He, he is experimenting on HUMANS! Not, not just any humans either there were children in that group! CHILDREN!

Suddenly his mind raced to all of the kidnappings that had occurred recently in New York, many of them being children and their parents, parents whom had served in the military at some point or another and many news networks had designated it as a terrorist agenda. Reporters and politicians deducing that perhaps another country was taking U.S. soldiers for intelligence or some sort yet, now he wondered if that were really the case or if he had just discovered where all the missing soldiers and their children really were.

This… This is so much bigger than I realized. Even if they aren’t the soldiers whomever those people are they... God, what can I even do for them? Arrrgh, first thing first! Get Raph safe and then focus on the others, I hope Donatello and Michelangelo are doing alright.

He felt slightly bad for running off on his younger brothers like he did but when he saw that man running off with Raph it, it had… He had seen red and his body just started moving.

Now he was panting, every breath feeling like he was inhaling fire even though the air was so cold, and still he couldn’t seem to catch up with his target! He, he moves so fast! How, how can he move like this while carrying Raph!?

Despair began to eat at his heart as he passed another container just to watch the man’s tail disappear behind the front of it when he heard a shout, the voice sounding much like Raph’s and then there was a crash.

It sounds like the man fell! Maybe Raph snapped out of it and attacked him!? He cheered, pushing his aching muscles harder before winding around the end of the container to find, nothing…

He blinked, wiping the rain away from his eyes as he scanned around him when he noticed that he had come to the edge of the storage yard and was now facing the docks. Wh-where… Where did they go!?

He ran to the edge of the yard, peering down at the lower docking area as fear coursed through his veins. “RAAAAAAAPH! RAPH WHERE ARE YOU!?”

His scream was partially drowned out as thunder boomed overhead and lightning crackled across the dark clouds but in that brief moment of light the eldest turtle gasped as he saw a form curled up on the walkway just before the docks, one that looked distinctly inhuman…

“RAPH!” He shouted, hope filling him as he jumped down from the ledge he had been balanced upon and he ran towards the broken form. Oh… Oh Raph I am so sorry…

He fell to his knees next to his brother’s moaning form, his hands shaking as they reached out to turn his brother over. “I have you now Raph, I got ya.” He whispered, the rain pouring off of his beak in rivulets and he felt his eyes burn as his younger brother turned his head, his eyes dim with pain and confusion until that wonderful smile broke across his pained expression.

“L-Leo… You c-came. You f-found me…” Raph coughed out and Leo scoffed.

“Of course!” The older turtle exclaimed as he lifted his head and scanned around them nervously. “Where is he?”

Raphael groaned as Leo’s arms went under his shoulder and began to drag him to his feet. “D-dunno… E-elbowed f-fucker… Drropped me…”

Leo swallowed hard as he skimmed over his younger brother, it was clear Raph was bad off; his speech was slurred, his eyes couldn’t seem to focus on anything for too long, and his entire form was trembling unsteadily.

“You have a concussion.” Leo summarized and the larger turtle chuckled bitterly in response.

“N-nooo sh-shit…” Raph said brokenly as he and Leo began to stumble back up to the storage yard.

Leonardo’s eyes skirted all around them as they made their exceptionally slow journey away from the docks; he hadn’t seen the albino but he wasn’t foolish enough to believe the man would just give up and run. Where is he? Crap, WHAT is he? What does he want with us?

“Wh-where Donnie… M-Mmmikey?” Raph asked nervously and Leo smiled at his brother.

“They are taking care of the last few Foot clan. I am sure they can handle it, let’s just get you somewhere safe. Having you injured like this is a grave weakness for us.”

Raph snorted sarcastically. “Pffft… S-Such l-love.” He mumbled yet a blush quickly came across his cheeks as he said it and the brothers fell to an awkward silence, Raph inwardly berating his choice of words the entire time.

Oh g-gud fucking j-job… Just g-get him b-back annn… Ann make shit all w-weird… He shut his mouth from that point on, his head hanging between his shoulders as he stared at the ground miserably and trudged on.

Leo swallowed hard, Raph’s comment reminding him of why they were out here in this situation in the first place. Raph… He, he has feelings for me, what… What am I going to do about that? What do I feel about him? Is this even right? Is it right for us to… To want l-love?

Do we deserve such a thing?

He peered over at his younger brother just to find the other turtle looking right back at him and they quickly turned away from one another, each of their cheeks burning with embarrassment and maybe… Maybe something else?

“Leo…” Raph said suddenly, his heart pounding wildly in his chest. “I… I a-am s-sorry.” It was a broken, ragged whisper one that could easily be overtaken by the storm that raged above them but to Leonardo it seemed to echo.

Raphael grit his teeth, begging his scrambled mind to clear just for a moment, just so he could explain, so that he could find the right words…

“I n-never wanna h-hurt… Never…” His throat tightened, his strangled gasps for air just making everything more fuzzy than it already was and, and he felt warmth slide down his cheeks and he found himself grateful for the rain that hid his tears.

He stopped then, half because he felt like shit and the other…

“R-Raph… We, we can’t stop.” Leo insisted quietly, his eyes still turned from his younger brother and his heart clenched at Raph’s obvious struggle. We, we can’t stop yet. I need to get you safe and then… Then we can deal with what happened.

“L-Leo… I dunno w-what is w-wrong with me and why I f-f… Arrrgh… I l-love… I love you annn… Annn I mmm s-sorry… Mmm s-so sorry for it, nnn dunno h-how to d-deal.” Raph continued, his voice gruff and filled with emotion.

He knew it was foolish to have this conversation now, knew it wasn’t the time and half his words just came out in a slurred mess but before anything else happened, he wanted Leo to know.

He wanted him to know he had never meant to hurt him, had never meant to get so lost it was just… For so long he had been keeping this secret, for so long he had forced himself to push it all down, block it all the while watching his wonder of a brother longingly, achingly from afar… So close all the time and yet so very far.

He could block his feelings, lie to himself and his family over what he was suffering through but he could never truly hide from it all… No matter how hard he tried. He loved Leo and maybe it was wrong, maybe it was twisted but he couldn’t hide it anymore so, so might as well let him know the whole truth, right?

It was the eldest Hamato that now hung his head, rain pouring over them both as they stood frozen in their own storms.

He thinks he, he loves me? As in LOVE, love? I… I don’t know what to… What do I, what do I say to that?

“Raph, why didn’t you say anything b-before?” Leo asked, finally raising his head and peering at the other turtle yet Raph was staring at the ground.

“Iss wrong… Mmm wrong… Wrong inside, t-twisted…” Raphael muttered mournfully, more tears falling and mixing with the rain. “Mmm s-sorry I’m b-broken…”

 Leo stared at his brother, his brow furrowing as anger filled him. “Raph, you aren’t wrong! You aren’t broken you just…” He sighed, urging the younger turtle forwards as his mind reeled with what to say. He thinks he is broken, he thinks he is twisted… Did, did I help him in coming to that awful conclusion? Did I do that to him?

“You aren’t broken Raph.” He said sternly, him now tugging them to a stop and he was happy as his brother lifted his head, his unsteady eyes lifting to Leo’s and the eldest Hamato hated the agony he saw resonating within the amber orbs.

“You are not broken.” He said again, smiling softly as sorrow flickered in his brother’s eyes. “You aren’t. Lost maybe, confused, but not broken… And certainly not twisted.”

Raph said nothing in response yet his eyes did seem a little clearer after Leo spoke. If the clarity was from the poison lifting its affects or if it was from hope, Leo wasn’t sure, but it made him smile wider. He reached over, unconsciously perhaps and cupped Raph’s cheek, his thumb rubbing it as he did so.

“Let’s get through this then we can go home and talk, ok? Just you and me.” He suggested, and he was rewarded with a small smile from his brother.

“F-Forgive?” Raph asked, his head leaning into the warm hand that held it and he reveled in the comfort of such a small gesture but to him, it meant the world.

“I forgive you Raph.” Leo said gently, lifting his head and touching their foreheads together, their beaks less than an inch apart. “I forgive you but, but I need you to trust me, please? No more running off, no more secrets… Please?”

He forgives… I, I don’t deserve h-him. Raph sighed, his battered figure slumping now that all the tension and stress about him and Leo had ebbed and he rubbed his beak against Leo’s as he churred quietly.

“Ok… I trust y-you L-Leo. Won’t r-runn…” He promised, his heart pounding for how close his brother was, how soft, how forgiving, how beautiful the turtle was, so unlike himself.

Leonardo was the light to his darkness, the calm to his fury and, and that the turtle would even give him a second chance after what he had done… It just spoke volumes to the wondrous character of his elder brother, something he used to envy but now worshipped and was immensely grateful for.

Leo’s heart was also thundering inside him, his forehead still placed against his brother even as a voice in the back of his mind was screaming to be alert, to not let his guard down like this when they were so out in the open but it was so hard to focus on anything right now… Anything but Raph.

What, what is wrong with me? I need to be better than this, I need to focus on the very real danger around us! I, I don’t understand why I can’t concentrate or think straight. Why is this affecting me so much? Why is Raph affecting me so much? Could, could it be that I, that I too have feelings for him?

He had been wondering that all day, been contemplating it over and over so much so it was dizzying and he hadn’t come up with an answer yet… Yet here he was losing himself in the warmth of his brother, his heart pounding like a love sick teen, and blatantly ignoring all of the exceptionally important lessons of survival he had been taught all his life just because…

Because he didn’t want the moment to end.

“D-dannnk you L-Leo…” Raph whispered, his breath warm against Leo’s beak and the elder brother smiled.

“Dor welcome.” He answered back playfully and Raph snorted.

“S-smartass…” He grumbled yet his smile was wide and warm and Leo chuckled.

“Language, Raphael.” He chided and both brothers laughed…

”How sweet you two are… The beast and his beauty.”

So lost in their moment neither brother had heard the footsteps that had followed them, nor heard the smooth sheeek of a blade being drawn above them until the shadow descended.

“L-LEO!” Raph cried before shoving his brother away yet his strength wasn’t nearly what it should have been so all he did was push himself hard enough that he tripped over his own damn feet! NOOO!

As he fell he turned in the air, his eyes widening as a white blur descended upon his brother, the smaller turtle spinning around swiftly as he began to pull his katana up but he was just a second too slow and the snake-man curled his long limbs around him before sinking his fangs into Leo’s shoulder.

 SHIT! He got LEO!

Leo gasped as fire tore through his shoulder, his body dropping with the weight of his attacker and he used the momentum to his advantage, falling to his shell and rolling backwards. The man immediately let go of him, his legs pushing off of the Leo’s chest before flipping backwards and landing gracefully on his feet just a few feet away.

 Leo grunted as he continued his roll and ended in a crouch with both katanas extended as he faced off against the snake-man.

I was such a fool! I can’t believe I allowed myself to be caught unawares like that! He, he bit me… I wonder why he… Much like had happened with Raph the eldest turtle felt a strange warmth begin to spread through his veins around the bite and he instantly realized something wasn’t right.

Kusō…” He muttered under his breath, his narrowed eyes going from Raph to where the odd man had landed, the snake was merely standing there smiling at them.

“Mutants that not only exhibit a perfect blend of man and beast, but those that can express an emotional understanding and empathy on the same level as humans… How very fascinating.” The snake man remarked amusedly before crossing his arms in a far too relaxed manner and Leo felt his heart skip a beat nervously.

“Wh-who a-are you?” Leonardo growled out brokenly as he recovered and the man blinked at him in surprise.

“How terrible of me, here I am knowing all of your names and not introducing myself. I have forgotten my original name now but many now call me Gin Shi.” He said as he bowed low and both turtles narrowed their eyes at the odd, yet accurate name.

Gin Shi… Silver Death? His name is as cocky as he is confident like, like he knows we are helpless… Leo thought angrily as he tried to spring to his feet but the moment he tightened his muscles to move he felt them all contract painfully.

“AHHHHHHHH!” He screamed as a agony rippled through his legs and he fell onto his face after only moving a few inches. Leo’s legs spasmed madly, his body curling into itself as more and more of his muscles constricted against his will, the affliction spreading like wild fire slowly taking over every limb… I, I am paralyzed!?

“LEOOOOO!” Raph’s eyes bulged as he watched his brother scream and shake, his tired broken form forcing itself to stand. Arrrgh, I am gonna KILL THAT MOTHERFUCKER!

The snake man continued to smile as he watched the two turtles suffering before him and he slowly walked towards Leo, his slitted violet eyes narrowing as he studied the effects of his poison hungrily. Seems to be working less effectively than on humans, he should be unconscious by now. Seems they are stronger than I realized.

“S-Stay the f-fuck a-away from h-hiiimmmm!” Raph screamed at the bastard, his legs shaking as he stumbled towards his brother and the wretch had the gall to laugh at him.

 “My, my… You are rather protective of this one, aren’t you?” That silvery voice asked mockingly, his fanged smile broadening before he lifted his foot and swung it forwards.

“MONNNSTER!” Raph bellowed as the foot slammed into his brother’s head, the smaller turtle whimpering as he tumbled and rolled a few more feet away.

“I guess he is rather fragile though, I can understand your concern.” The snake hissed with a laugh. “Rather pathetic reall…”

“FUCK YOOOU!” Raph snarled his rage taking over, his demon biting at his foggy mind and suddenly he was running.

“Huh, impressive.” Shi whispered in genuine surprise as the raging turtle barreled towards him; considering the poor state of the mutant he knew that he shouldn’t have been able to stand much less run…

Nevermind the paralyzing effects of my venom… He is indeed impressive, magnificently so. He thought as he smiled wider but instead of facing off against the demon he merely turned, walked over to Leonardo and placed the tip of his blade against the back of the moaning turtle’s throat.

“I would stop.” He said simply, his eyes flashing as they lifted to the huge turtle and he nodded approvingly as his opponent skidded to a stop about ten feet away. “Good boy, seems you can be taught after all.”

Raph was fuming, his beast blazing behind his eyes and he snarled savagely. “Let him GO!” He yelled his voice thick and gravelly sounding yet his heart was hammering at the sight of the blade against his brother’s throat and fought to keep control.

C-can’t lose it… S-Stay in control… He got Leo, Leo… HE HAS LEO! FUUUUUCK!

“ARRRRRRRGH!” Raph roared, his battered form arching back in frustration and fury as lightning crackled across the sky, it was as if the heavens themselves echoed in his misery.

Gin Shi marveled at the mutant, his own heart thumping and a heat coiling in his lower abdomen at the pure feral nature of the creature before him. Perfect…

“You truly are a demon, aren’t you?”  He asked but his opponent didn’t answer beyond a growl and he smiled wider. “Indeed, well now I think I have a conundrum on my hands… As much as I would delight in taming you creature, I also see the benefit of presenting my Master with the leader of his problem rather than the heavy hitter.”

Raph’s heart froze as the snake dug his blade a little deeper into the back of Leo’s throat and suddenly his demon was gone, silent for the terror that now took its place. “S-Stop…” He begged, his weak legs giving out now that his rage had diminished and he fell to his knees. “Please… D-don hurt… Don h-hurt immm… T-take me? Take me in-instead, won’t f-fight.”

Shi tilted his head, his violet eyes flashing with the storm. “You? Hmmm, sacrificing yourself for your brother? How noble demon…” He smirked as he pulled his blade away a bit more from the smaller turtle and the mutant moaned under him.

Leo was nearly unconscious now, the fire in his muscles too overwhelming and he could hardly see yet when he finally creaked his eyes open he was horrified to find Raph on his knees begging for Leonardo’s life.

“N-noooo, R-Raaph…” He cried, or tried to but it really just came out like a ragged moan and Shi laughed at his weakness.

“Well look at the two of you. Had I known it was going to be so easy to subdue you, I would have brought some extra hands to help carry both of you back to Shredder, as it is though I must make a choice.” He tapped one of his long nails against the bottom of his chin as looked first at Leo then Raph thoughtfully. “Oh and don’t worry I have plenty of time, more of the clan has come to help deal with your other brothers by now… They will fail ultimately, if they are nearly as skilled as you were demon but, they should keep the other turtles busy for a while.”

Raph’s eyes widened. Shit… Mikey, Donnie dey… They may n-need help..

Everything was falling apart. He could hardly stand, Leo was barely conscious and under this madman’s blade, Mikey and Donnie now had reinforcements to deal with on their own. How, how did they get so utterly decimated in no time, who was this freak, and how the fuck was he so damn strong!?

“Though, I must say you are far more intriguing to me than your beauty.” He said as he nodded to Raph, his smile turning wicked. “How about a deal, prove to me you are worth facing Shredder’s ire and I will choose you over your brother.”

“W-what?” Raph asked in confusion and Leo growled.

“D-Don’t… Ahhh, don’t let him… Go, r-run R-Raph…” The eldest Hamato started just to be silenced as the snake threw his foot back and slammed it into his face splitting his lip and filling his mouth with blood.

FUCKER!” Raph went blind with fury, his rage bubbling through his veins giving him strength and he ripped himself off his knees as he lunged for the man…

“I SAID STOP!” Shi yelled, his eyes narrowing before lifting his katana high and then, almost like he was moving in slow motion, thrust it downwards.

“NOOOOOOO!” Raph bellowed in abject horror, watching the blade glitter as lightning tore through the sky just for its sparkling light to turn to red as blood spurted out from his brother’s now impaled hand.

“ARRRRRGH!”  Leo screamed, the fire in his palm mixing wretchedly with the pain in his muscles and he nearly vomited from the conjoined agonies.

“L-Leo…” Raph gasped weakly, his own stomach flipping as more and more blood bubbled up from the pinned limb.

“On your knees, NOW!” Shi demanded, his fanged smile turning dark as he scowled at the larger turtle. “On your knees or the next time I raise my blade he loses a limb.”

Raph hung his dizzy head, again all the anger inside him evaporating with the deadly promise and, he did as he was told.

The asphalt was cold as his knees fell upon it once more, his weary frame shivering with fear and exhaustion… There was nothing he could do right now, nothing that wouldn’t end up with Leo being hurt further, he needed to listen.

He needed to obey.

“Place your head down as well, like a good little pet.” The snake hissed, his amusement evident in his tone and he licked his fangs as the turtle submitted to him, the position was a wondrous sight if any were. Taming him would be such a venture…

Raph grit his teeth shamefully, he was more than aware how he looked right now, his head forced down to the wet pavement and ass high… F-Fucker… Arrgh, ignore it. L-Leo needs h-help… Jus, just ignore…

“Ahhhh…” Leo groaned miserably then and Raph snarled, thinking the man had gone against his word and hurt him again but when he lifted his head he realized Shi had only pulled the blade out of the smaller turtle and was now striding arrogantly over to him.

“Keep your head down pet and do not move. I am faster than I look and will happily dismember your lover before you can blink.”

A blush fell over Raph’s cheeks at the word lover, one he tried to hide as it just exemplified the degrading position he found himself in currently but the snake apparently saw it and chuckled as he moved behind him.

“For such a monster you certainly crumble when it comes to your mate, don’t you?” He asked playfully before kneeling.

“Not m-mate…” Raph grated out, his heart pounding nervously and body stiff as the man settled in behind him. Wh-what the fuck he want? Just take me to Shredder already!

Leo whimpered as he strained to lift his head. “R-Raph… R-run, please…” He begged again, his eyes burning as they fell upon his brother’s prostate form.

“I ain’t l-letting him t-take you L-Leo…” Raph answered sternly, his eyes meeting his brother’s determinedly that was until he felt something slid up the back of his thigh and he yelped in surprise.

“Jumpy aren’t you?” Shi mused, his fingers slowly sliding up and down the twitching muscle there and Raph’s head spun backwards, his eyes huge as they stared at the albino.

“What da f-fuck you, UHHH!…” He gasped as those fingers worked higher, their light wet touch rubbing paths along his thighs and up to his ass.

“I told you, I need to make sure you are worth it.” Shi said huskily smiling as the mutant’s tail lowered, shaking as it sought to cover that puckered hole underneath it. “Oh do not worry, I am not interested in that, not yet anyways, we would need more time but where might I find my other prize…” He chuckled as he slid his hand between Raph’s legs, his digits slipping along the bottom of his plastron until they rubbed against the thin, tightly shut slit. “There it is…”

“Huuunnnng…” A strange ragged noise came from Raph then, his fear and embarrassment crashing over him in waves as the man continued to caress one of his most sensitive and private places. Wh-what the fuck he DOING!? He, does he want to… I… Fuck, FUCK HIM! He ain’t fucking taking me like no PET!

Shi glanced up as the beast in front of him began to growl, his white eyebrow titling for the savage visage that now adorned the turtle’s face.

“Uhh, uh, uh… Remember our deal demon. If you upset me enough I may just kill your lover and be done with the trouble.” He warned darkly yet that just seemed to infuriate his pet further and he felt the creature’s muscles tense as he prepared to kick his leg out.

Fool, you will learn to obey me…

Before the turtle could strike Shi lowered his head, his mouth opening wide and with a growl sunk his fangs right into the thick meat of Raph’s inner thigh.

“ARRRGH! F-FUCKER!” Raph exclaimed, all thought of attack dissipating as fear rippled through him and he tried to crawl away from the man just to feel two strong hands grip his hips and keep him still.

“Uh, uh… You will stay put.” The snake said sternly, holding the turtle still as his venom worked through his veins.

“F-FUCK OFF SICKO!” Raph snarled, clawing at the ground as he tried to break away from the man’s solid grip yet with each moment that passed his body was becoming heavier and heavier but also…

What the f-fuck? He thought hazily as an unexplained warmth began to spread all along his lower abdomen but it wasn’t the same as before. No, this time it was tingly, hot, and, and everything felt so sensitive…

As horror and embarrassment began to replace his prize’s scowled expression Shi smiled and pet the turtle’s legs softly. “I have many talents beast, as does my venom. It can be used to paralyze my victims to varying degrees, I can kill with it, make you feel as if you blood is boiling as well as bring incredible and mind numbing pleasure.”

To prove his point he strengthened his caress, massaging up Raph’s thigh and he smiled wider as the turtle whimpered unwittingly and shivered. “Wonderful, it seems to be working just as quickly on you as it does on the humans, perhaps even faster? I wonder why, interesting.”

Raph was hardly listening for the insane and overpowering sensations that were coming from between his legs, his stomach, and even his head seemed hazier than ever…

He felt like he was on fire, on fire with need, with want, and it was indeed consuming.

Oh… Oh f-fuck… What… What Is, is going on?

Even the rain felt like cold kisses against his fevered skin and he moaned with each drop, it was incredible, painful, dizzying and he needed more, he needed…

“R-Raph…”

A soft voice in the haze of heat and he lifted his head, each breath ragged now and forced yet they froze in his lungs as he looked up to see Leonardo’s pain filled eyes looking back at him and suddenly humiliation tore through him.

“L-Leo…” He mewled, his face burning with disgust for what was happening to him, how much he enjoyed it, and with Leo being right there, right in front of him when, when all he could think about was… Was…

“UNNNNNN!” A cry ripped from his throat as those fingers brushed his slit once more and this time there was no hesitation from his drugged body and it terrified him. Instantly he could feel his hidden shaft hardening, thickening as it begged for release from its sheath but, but he didn’t WANT THIS!

“Arrrrrgh, fuck OFF!” He screamed clawing at the ground again, shifting, flailing, anything to get away from his assaulter but the snake merely laughed at his feeble efforts, apparently the aphrodisiac also contained some sort of a paralyzing agent and all of his limbs just felt so heavy. Arrgh, can… Canna get a-away…

“Shhhh, hush. Don’t fight it pet, enjoy the sensations.” Shi encouraged him huskily, pushing his fingers into the slowly expanding break of cartilage and he licked his lips as he found the very plump and dripping head of the turtle’s erection just at the entrance.

Raph grit his teeth, his embarrassment and fear choking him, consuming him almost as much as the heat he was forced into.

“N-No…” He pleaded even as his head flew back and a gasp escaped him as those blunt digits slipped along the wet head of his member.

“No? But you seem to be enjoying it.” The snake teased, his smile widening as the head then popped out of the turtle’s slit and he eagerly palmed it. “Just relax my pet, as I said before I need to make sure you are worth the loss of your brother. It will make it easier for both of us if you just let this happen.”

Raph snarled as his fingers dug into the asphalt so hard they bled. “S-sick f-fuck…” He strangled out his eyes shutting for some sort of feeling of privacy, some escape to what was happening to him. I dun…. Don’t want this… S-stop… Stop…

A sob built up in his throat but he choked it back down and lowered his head to the ground shamefully. He felt like he had no control, he was being touched against his will, his body reacting like he wanted this but, but he was really just terrified.

His eyes burned under their lids, his fight with controlling his emotions falling to ash as his fear grew stronger and stronger, as did the heat.

“No, no… P-Please, jus t-take me to Sh-Shredder.” He begged weakly, perhaps even pathetically but he didn’t care. He had never, never felt so small before, so helpless as he did now.

He felt dizzy, between his concussion and the venom, his fear and what was happening between his legs he felt so lost, so confused, afraid, and small.

He had spent his entire life fighting against that feeling, that feeling of helplessness and perhaps it in turn had much to do with why he was always so angry. His life was one of training, of hiding in the darkness, of saving those ungrateful just for the cycle to start all over again every morning. Training, food, fighting, loneliness, sleeping, repeat…

Where was the LIFE in his life? Where was the drive? Where was the joy? It was fighting, that is what he had, fighting, training to become stronger, everything working towards his endeavor to not drown in his sorrow, not drown in the storms that haunted him… What made him feel small.

He didn’t ask to look the way he did, he didn’t ask to be forced into hiding… He wanted to live! He wanted to live so, SO badly! He wanted to laugh as he went out on the town with friends, he wanted to ride his bike during the day and watch the sun set over some fucking field, he wanted to explore the world and not just be locked into one city and…

And maybe do all of that with someone he loved, someone who could calm his storms, someone that always forgave him, someone like…

Oh fuck, LEO!?

 Suddenly Raph remembered Leo lying right in front him and his eyes flew open, the amber orbs filled with terror and embarrassment as they stared into Leo’s tear filled blue ones.

“R-Raph… I, I am so s-sorry…” Leo grated out his voice broken and ragged as he cried for his brother and Raphael remembered how, how he had made Leo feel this fear, this awful choking fear earlier that day and…

And he felt like his heart was torn from his chest.

I made h-him feel l-like dis. I m-made him this, this h-helpless, this s-smalll… I des-deserve this… He thought as he turned from his brother shamefully  and shut his eyes once more. I deserve this…Jus… Just don look Leo…

Please don’t watch…

“Ahhh, there it is!”

Raph bit back the groan that threatened to escape him as he felt those wretched, wonderful fingers wrap around his now fully erect penis as he clawed at the ground and focused on the pain. Arrrgh, I… I deserve this! I deserve… Ohhh, f-fuck… H-help… Help, please?

"Why!? Why are y-you doing d-this!?" Raphael asked his body shaking with need and disgust. 

The snake sneered. "My experiments have failed thus far with the humans but..." He growled as he held his prize tighter. "But through your blood, through your genetic makeup in any form... If, if I can find the secret, the code that makes a mutant intelligent and capable of a human understanding of life... I, I shall be free of him."

Free from, from wh-who? Shredder? Unnnn...Fuuuck...

Raphael's musings were interrupted as the hand around him stiffened, blocking out any sense. For, for a creature so s-stong... Why is he working for Sh-Shredder? Why is he... Unnnn... Fuck I, I c-can't think...

"You could be an integral part in the creation of a whole other level of human evolution, pet. A whole new era of mutants. You could make history but first, I need to make sure you are receptive to the treatments that will be needed to attain such a goal... But do not fear, thus far you are doing swimmingly. You may save your brother yet..." The snake stated mockingly and Raph snarled in response as he continued his struggles.

F-Fucking freak, fucking s-sick freak... Wass he mean t-treatments, munnants... Unnnn... FUUUUCK!

Everything felt so damningly good, so good that he hated himself, was disgusted with himself and… And that he had given Leo this same feeling, that he had made him feel this shameful, this u-used…

The hand wrapped so tightly around his ridged member began to move and his body reacted eagerly to the unwanted caresses, his hips moving slightly with the rhythm, his breath hiking, hitching as he tried to control both the sobs and moans of pleasure…

It was a hazy hell that involved both pleasure and wretched agony. He hated what was happening to him and loved it, his muddled mind warring with itself as it tried to work through its earlier damage and the drug that coursed through him.

“Uhhhh, uhhhh… Please… PLEASE STOP!?” He screamed, his control falling away as that pleasure became blinding. He had jerked himself off plenty of times but, but to have someone else do it, to have no control in what was happening it… It was as terrifying as it was intoxicating.

Heat coiled in his stomach, twisting and rolling through him and everything that touched him, the man, the rain, the wind just added to the haze.

Shi grinned as the beast under him began to dissolve. He was moaning even if he didn’t realize it, humping into his hand, and clawing at the ground as he fought to breathe. Yes, perhaps this specimen will do just fine for what I have in mind.

“S-Stop! D-don’t you f-fucking touch him!”

Raph lifted his head blearily searching for the source of the broken cry and he blinked in surprise to find Leo snarling as he stared at the snake. L-Leo? You, you look s-so a-angry…

The always beautiful, peaceful visage of his brother was twisted with fury and rage, he looked so broken, so furious…

Shi peeked over Raph’s shell at the older mutant. “Such strong words Leonardo. I do not know why you are upset, he seems to be enjoying my touch after all. Aren’t you pet?” He asked and clenched his hand around Raph harder.

“Uhhh, n-no…” Raphael whispered as tears finally began to fall mixing with the blood from earlier and the rain and finally a sob escaped him, especially when he looked at Leo.

I’m s-sorry… I w-was weak, I am weak… F-forgive me, Leo… He thought as he reached out to the smaller turtle, his shaking hand scraping against the asphalt and bloody fingers stretching as far as they could, he needed his brother, he needed something, something to hold to before he shattered.

Leo sobbed as well, using the last ounce of his strength to force his uninjured arm out grasping at air, rain until their fingers touched, just a little.

“R-Raph… I-I’m s-sorry…” Leo wept, his muscles constricting in response to him forcing it to move and yet still he fought to stay conscious, to stay awake so his brother didn’t need to suffer alone but, but it was too much…

Everything was too much and just as their fingertips touched Leo gasped, his body convulsing one last time before he groaned and his brilliant, sad eyes shut and he fell to unconsciousness.

Raph stared at his brother, tears falling from his eyes readily now and he just felt a deep sense of resignation fill him as Leo left him but also, comfort. He, he will be s-safe. N-Not gonna, not gonna hurt you Leo… No one h-hurt you… I l-love, love…

“Come on pet, we are running out of time.”

He growled at the insistent controlling voice that came from behind him but that quickly turned to a whine as the hand around him began sliding faster and faster, the heat that had collected within him firing to life again and he felt lost beneath its power.

Shi smirked at the beast’s pathetic yet touching scene with the other. He could have stopped it, could have caused him to lose focus on the one called Leonardo and focus solely on him and him alone but everything with his new pet was a learning experience and, and he was never selfish enough to ruin a chance to observe, calculate. He does indeed have a soft spot for that one, that may come in handy later on.

He sped up his movements delighting as the turtle’s attention came back to him and now that his mate, or whatever the other turtle was to him, had gone unconscious it seemed his reservations had fallen back even more. He was crying out loudly now, his hips thrusting more erratically as he gasped for air…

It was a beautiful, tragic sight to see the demon submit to him and, and he couldn’t get enough.

“Unnnn, Unnnng… UHHHH!” Raph wasn’t sure what noises were coming from him at his point, his beaten drugged mind just giving up on trying to make sense of anything around him and only the heat, the pleasure, and need guided him now.

“Good boy, such a good boy…” A husky whisper sounded next to Raph’s head and he turned to find a pale face with slitted eyes peering at him.

Who… Who...He wondered but even that thought was quickly obliterated as his climax spiraled closer and closer.

He didn’t care, he didn’t care about anything not with that magnificent pressure around his dick and the venom coursing through his veins… He just wanted to cum, he wanted to cum so, so badly that it hurt.

“Arrrrgh, yesssss!” He growled, his entire body shivering as he rocked into the hand servicing him, he was close, so close…

“Well look at that, you self-lubricate.” Shi mused as a clear sticky liquid began to lazily drip from his pet’s puckered hole and he inhaled deeply reveling in the sweet scent. Uhhhh, this… This beast, I could lose myself in him… I want to.

He smiled as he lowered his head between the creature’s cheeks, his forked tongue flicking out before pressing against the gland roughly and he was rewarded with a wonderfully uncontrolled scream.

“ARRRRRRRRRRGH!” Raph’s voice broke as he arched against the wonderful wet pressure that pushed against his hole his head flying back to the storming sky as he bellowed out his climax. “UNNNNNNN, FUUUUUUCK!”

Thick ropey cum erupted from the tip of his shaft, his body jerking with each spurt and every muscle tightening… He had never cum like this, it was blinding, numbing and so, so wrong...

Load after load splashed along his torso, spraying his plastron and the asphalt below until finally there was nothing left and he collapsed heavily with a groan.

Shi smiled hungrily as the beast fell to unconsciousness, licking at his fingers as he rumbled in heated appreciation. “Perfect…” Was all the man said as he easily rolled his prize over and gently picked him up.

“You are mine now.” He whispered to the silent turtle before turning and walking off into the night just as yells of the others sounded from the shipping yard.

Shredder might be upset over losing the mutants and not see the worth in keeping his pet but Shi knew the turtle would indeed be imperative to his future experiments, those and of course, on a more personal level as well.

Tonight had turned out so much better than he expected and, and his fun had just begun.

………………………

“I see Leo!”

Donnie gasped as Mikey’s voice came to him over the storm and he flipped off the top of the storage container he had been perched on as he made his way over to the youngest turtle his heart easing as he found Leonardo’s unconscious form but…

Where is Raph?

Mikey reached Leonardo first, the smallest brother grimacing as he stared at Leo’s bleeding hand. “Aww man… Leo.” He whispered as he knelt next to the elder’s inert form and scanned around them desperately.

“RAAAAPH!?” Donnie cried, his heart pounding as he ran around the edge of the yard, skirting around containers, making his way to the docks but… But his elder brother was nowhere to be seen.

He, he must have gotten him… SHIT!

After another half hour he dragged his battered form back to his brothers, his heart heavy and mind reeling and Mikey looked up at him with just as broken of an expression.

“What are we gonna do Donnie?” The younger turtle asked quietly and Donatello sighed heavily as he leaned down and picked up Leo and placed him over his shoulder.

“We… We go home and recover.” He muttered as he began to walk back to the storage yard.

“Yeah but… But what about the mutants?”

Donatello stopped, his head was killing him, his body felt like it had been hit by a truck covered in razor blades but, he was all they had now, all they had to lead them…

“We take them with us.” He decided, nervous about what Leo would think of his choice, what his father would think of it but really, did he have any other choice?

Mikey nodded nervously, probably thinking the same things Donnie was but he remained silent and followed grimly after his elder brother…

Tonight had been a nightmare and, and who knew what tomorrow would bring but that was a concern for a later time, they had plenty to worry for now.

Their father was dying, Leo unconscious, Raph taken, and now they had ten half formed mutants to look after…

Donatello chuckled bitterly as he walked knowing it was a terrible curse to ask if things could get worse because they always could and, always did.

Raph, wherever you are, remain strong. We will come for you...

I promise.

Chapter Text

“Unnnn… F-fuck.” As Raph’s consciousness came back to him the agony in his body did as well and he immediately wished he could fall back to the bliss of unconsciousness.

Everything hurt, every muscle, every plate, hell... Even his shell hurt! What the fuck… What is wrong with me? Where am I? Why can’t I mo… Oh shit, I CAN’T MOVE!

That simple realization brought him back from the haze of slumber very quickly and he jerked his head up to scan his surroundings but as he tried to open his eyes all he found was more darkness. Shit, I am blindfolded too!?

Rage and a glimmer of fear filled him then, but he quickly pushed the fear back and focused on the rage part. Feeding his anger had always helped him with enemies and unexpected situations, far better than terror anyways.

“Ahh, you are awake.”

A deep voice he didn’t recognize called to him, apparently from across the room he was in as it sounded further away and echoed a bit.

Maybe about twenty feet away? Raph guessed as he listened closely. This wasn’t the first time he had been trapped and blindfolded and he knew a thing or two about judging distances… He had many villains to thank for the training as well as Master Splinter. Old rat used to make them train in the dark constantly, always reminding them that eyes were good for sunsets but other than that not much use in a fight, especially if you relied on them too heavily.

Raphael groaned as he tightened the muscles in his body, shifting around to take note of how well he was bound and where. It seemed he was hanging from the ceiling of a rather cold room, the burn in his shoulders indicating he had been hanging for some time but not long enough to have them screaming, not yet anyways.

His ankles were also bound, spread about two feet apart and chained to the floor they hung over and last there was a collar of sorts around his neck and not just any collar but one that emitted a low hum of electricity in it… Perfect, you really fucked up now didn’t you Raph?

His memories before his capture were hazy at best, he remembered fighting the Foot, seeing some sort of twisted mutant slaves but the rest… The rest was just a garbled mess of images.

Leo had been there, he was fairly certain, him and his brothers but where they were now and what had happened afterwards was just a blur. Shit, I hope Leo and them got out. Fuck, what the fuck is going on?

Whoever was in front of him stepped closer, the scent of human sweat and leather filling the turtle’s nostrils as he grimaced at the man. He could also smell the slight tang of rusted steel and hear the clang of metal on metal… The man was armed.

“Master Shredder will be pleased, go inform him our guest is ready.” A slight accent, American Japanese perhaps?

Raph relaxed his shoulders, easing the muscles there in case he found the opportunity to attack, he needed to keep himself limber. Shredder, Shredder has me but, but how?

He lowered his head, listening closely to the world around him. There was a decent amount of echoes, clangs of metal… He was not in any building, not any normal city structure at least as the walls seemed to be constructed mostly out of metal. The air was humid, perhaps from the earlier storm but it also had a salty scent to it… I am on a boat.

More and more sensations came to him his mind, finally working mind that is, and he took in all of the information it could as he assessed the chances for his escape. I am on a boat, considering how little we are moving it must be docked… But docked where?

There was a shift in those that surrounded him and he concentrated on the sound of footsteps counting at least five pair, if he was correct. Five assholes watching me, all armed with weapons… Don’t smell no residue of bullets or nothing so, no guns… That’s good but, but how the fuck I get here?

He dug deep into his foggy memory, focusing on all of the scattered images as he tried to piece it all back together.

He had hurt Leo and…

His heart ached as he recalled his brother’s tears, his yells, Donnie pulling him off and screaming at him as he sent Raph away...

Leo shit, I… I never, I never meant to… He gasped as that thought brought up another series of broken memories, words he had said to his brother as he was carried by the older turtle right before…

Suddenly white light filled his vision, every muscle in his body constricting as flashes of heat, pain, huMiliation, shaMe, TeRroR, hElPLesSnEsS, FeAR, and PaNic coursed through him like fire.

I… I…

He felt like he couldn’t breathe, his jaw trembling as more and more unwanted wretched memories ripped through his mind like fire.

Him begin forced to kneel, to sUbMit…

Leo crying out before him as he screamed in agony…

Blood, blood splashing across a blade…

Then there were hands, hands in places they never should have been, places that were his and his alone and, and they burned…

Raph fought the urge to vomit, his heart racing as those hands, those terrible hands scoured his body, forced him to enjoy their agonizing touch, their ViOLaTiOn!

Fuck, fuck… FUUUUCK!

He was shaking so hard the chains that he hung from began to jingle, their melody sweet much like little bells. FUUUUUUUUCK, he… He touched and I… I, I didn’t mean to, I didn’t… FUUUUCK!

“Something wrong, beast?”

A voice, a voice from someone before him but he hardly heard it over the ragged sound of his breathing or his thundering heartbeat…

He had been USED, used like some filthy thing and he had ENJOYED IIIIIIIT!?

“ARRRRRRRRGH!” A roar tore through his aching dry throat, tears soaking the cloth that covered his eyes and, and something fractured inside him.

It was small, a shadow along an already imperfect wall but, but like all fractures it was the beginning of something, a weakness that could be fed could be abused further and further if need be and little did he know that that was exactly what was to happen.

“Hamato.”

Raph’s panic suddenly stilled as a deep booming voice echoed across the chamber in which he was held, he knew this voice and in some small way it helped calm his terrifying storm and where his choking fear had been his demon began to awaken and take its place. Yes, focus on the anger! I gotta keep my shit together, can’t fall apart! Can’t fucking fall APART!

Shredder.” He hissed in response, hoping his voice sounded far stronger than he felt inside and he growled, giving in to his rage as heavy steps slowly strode towards him. S-Shredder, I… I am caught by Shredder good. Good at least, at least he has some honor. He won’t touch me, not like… Not like…

SLAM!

“Uuuuughfff-FUCK!” Raph cried out as a fist slammed into the center of his stomach, his breath leaving him and lungs burning as he tried to inhale.

The blindfold was ripped from his face as he gasped for breath, blinding light scorching his retina and a strong hand grabbed his face and pulled it forwards.

“Ten test subjects, ten mutants that have cost me far too much time and energy now gone and I receive you as compensation for their loss?” Shredder snarled into his face and Raphael groaned in response.

“H-hey, I ain’t happy either p-pal…” Raph grated out weakly the panic still itching at the back of his skull but he forced himself to focus on his newest threat. He could handle pain, he thrived off it but what that snake had done…

Fuck STOP! Stop it! You need to focus! You need to find a way to escape!

“A disappointment indeed.” Shredder growled before raising his fist and slamming it against Raph’s skull.

Spots filled Raph’s vision as the tender point on his already battered cranium erupted into agonizing flames. He may have recovered some from his concussion but apparently the bruise was still there and Shredder seemed to be wearing steel gauntlets… Or cement fucking blocks.

“Uhhhh, f-fuck…” He moaned, gritting his teeth as he forced a mocking smile on his lips. “That how y-you great all ya guests?”

“Only the filth.” Shredder answered before letting go of the turtle and stepping back. “Bring him in.” He ordered to one of his soldiers and the black clad human bowed deeply before walking out of the dimly lit room.

Raph shook his throbbing head, trying to clear it before glaring at his captor and smirking. “Ya could always lemme go Shredder. I promise I won’t tell no one about your shitty boat fort.”

A deep laugh sounded from behind the gleaming mask before him. “You have cost me too much as it is turtle though, I will be compensated for it all by the end, and then some. I assure you of that.”

“I got nothing for ya.” Raph retorted with a dark smile. “Though I do have a mean recipe for crepes if you’re interested, but ya gotta keep it between me and…. Uhhhh!” His sarcastic remark was quickly silenced as Shredder spun and before he could blink the man’s foot slammed right into the center of his chest once again forcing all of the air out of his lungs.

Arrrgh, fucker…

“Must you drone on so?” Shredder asked, obviously a rhetorical question one Raphael would have answered with a snarky remark had he been able to do more than cough and gag.

Shit he thinks I drone on, he obviously hasn’t spent much time with Mikey…

Suddenly the door to the room opened again and a blur of white was thrown inside landing not far from where Raphael was swinging after the insanely powerful kick. What the f-fuck is th-that? Looks bloody.

Whatever the mess was on the floor it was indeed bloody, the white fabric that surrounded it multiple shades of pink and red, and long jagged tears lined the outer jacket… Whatever it was had had its ass handed to it and considering the claw marks it was obviously handed to him by Shredder.

Wait… White, white oh god… That, that is HIM! That is MOTHER FUCKING HIM!

Terror filled him then, his inner demon crumbling to ash as he felt those hands on him again, heard himself cry out as he was used…

“Good boy.” The freak had said to him… Congratulating him for submitting, for allowing himself to fall… I…  Fuck, FUCK! I need to calm down! Shredder won’t allow that shit right!? There, there won’t be any more of that RIGHT!? Please, please…

Unaware of his prisoner’s complete mental meltdown behind him, Shredder turned and glared at the lump of man at his feet. “You have disappointed me terribly Gin Shi. So much work lost and for what?”

Shi groaned as he forced himself to his hand and knees. Agony tore through his ruined frame, his numerous wounds screaming as they reopened from the little healing that had started as he was dragged here. He had known he was going to suffer for what he had done and he was right. Shredder hadn’t even given him a moment to explain his choice before beating him senseless, not at first anyways.

He had walked up to the command deck of the larger vessel his Master had acquired recently, his shoulders squared and chest outwards…  He wouldn’t show fear in the face of Shredder, not easily at least, he was stronger than that.

In truth he despised his Master… He loathed him and had never been one to follow any order the monster gave to him without a fight. Why he rebelled so much held a plethora of explanations under it but the simple reason was merely because no one else did!

All of his followers were these feckless parasites that just groveled before their Lord and worshipped him like a God. None of them stood up for themselves, they would let him send them to their death, beat them, starve them, abandon them… To Shredder the ones that followed him were nothing but numbers, fodder for him to use and throw aside.

Shi though, he was different from his Master’s usual soldiers, he was one of a kind one that could not be easily replaced by another mindless drone and he exploited that fact whenever he could.

He knew Shredder hated him just as vehemently as he did his Master but it was only through his advances and scientific knowledge that the clan’s leader would achieve his twisted goals. He no longer had Baxter, the old freak having blown himself to the heavens not so long ago, something Shredder didn’t exactly not trust Shi had had a hand in making happen, but again since then Shi was the only other scientist the Lord had now so it was either kill him on the suspicion of murdering the fly or letting him live.

As he was still alive obviously the latter choice had fallen in his favor.

Shi had been more than happy with his then mentor’s ‘unexpected demise’ as he was the bastard that had turned Shi from a happy, loving, young scientist with a future into, into well whatever he was now…

He didn’t think about his past too much though, it used to be because of the pain it cause but now, now he just saw no reason to dwell on the past. Not when he had to constantly be aware of his own survival in the hellish prison he now lived in.

So yes, for the last five years that Shi had been forced into his internment with the Shredder he had made it clear just how overjoyed he was with the arrangement by making his Master’s life as difficult as possible. He was punished one way or another the entire way but he didn’t care. Hell, if anything when he was beaten or punished it seemed the only time Gin Shi felt anything beyond the mind numbing apathy that haunted his every moment.

Another side effect of his mutation and many of his subject’s mutations was that those experimented on didn’t feel anything afterwards, not really, yet… Unlike his most recent batch of mutants, Shi’s deterioration of empathy or feelings was so much worse. He still wasn’t sure if it was because of how long he had been mutated or because he had been transformed with one of the original imperfect formulas but he knew he didn’t feel happiness, he didn’t feel sadness, didn’t even feel anger... He was just, numb.

 Sure there were hints, echoes of the lost emotions but the feeling would quickly fade as it always did and then there would just be that bottomless pit of nothingness where he could do naught but mourn, in whatever little way was left to him now, the memory of feelings…

He had them once, had many things before Shredder stole him away and took everything from him. It seemed so far away now, his old life as a human, so very far but it had only been five years. Five years and everything he had once had, had once loved had been stripped away as if it never existed and if that wasn’t the worst of it, the longer time passed the more he forgot about that life.

His memories, like everything else, were slowly crumbling because of what had been done to him and soon he feared that he wouldn’t even rebel against his Master any longer because, because he wouldn’t remember the core reason he did so. He wouldn’t remember anything but his Master’s will, what they had turned him into, and he knew that was another reason Shredder kept him around.

The bastard knew that soon he would be just another broken slave ready and willing to please his Lord any way possible.

But today was not that day.

Today was not that day and he still possessed some of his memories, and NOW may have just found something that could finally set him free. Set him free not just in the sense of escaping Shredder but… But perhaps on a level he didn’t truly understand just yet and that something was his discovery of the perfect mutant, Raphael.

That he had come across the mutant at all was incredible; Shredder hardly ever allowed him to leave his lab, forcing him to work and sleep there like a dog and never allowed him outside unless there was a new shipment that needed to be taken care of.

Shipments came and went very rarely though, meaning he got to leave his prison only twice, perhaps three times a year… In some ways he was happy that he had limited access to his emotions as he knew he would have surely gone mad after being locked away like this for so long as it was though, he dealt with the seclusion well enough.

He was fairly certain it was twisting him in some ways; the seclusion, the constant abuse, the screams of the test subjects… All of it was tearing into what little humanity he retained and was twisting him, twisting him more and more as the years passed and his emotions and memories disappeared and he got a clear view of that earlier in the night when he had first set eyes on the demon…

He had been dutifully preparing his Master’s mutants for their shipping, they were imperfect but not useless and Shredder had found a buyer in China that had a purpose for the creatures for one reason or another, when who but one of his Master’s most hated foes had just stumbled in on them.

He had spied the mutant almost instantly, his sense of smell was insanely powerful these days and when he had turned and finally beheld the beast his Lord despised so much his heart had felt like it had frozen and time seemed to grind to a halt.

He had been beautiful, flawless in Shi’s snake like eyes and after so long of only seeing mangled, twisted, and failed mutations, to see one so perfectly balanced it had shocked him.

Sure he had heard of the turtle’s perfect mutations, hell it was what Shredder was trying to achieve in his own experiments; a perfectly blended mutant soldier but… But to see it was something else entirely.

Yet, that had only been the beginning of his amazement because once the turtle started fighting, obviously gravely injured from the start, he again found himself staring in awe at the creature’s rage. He had howled, bellowed like a monster… He felt things!

The turtle had felt things so deeply it had taken Shi’s breath away and in turn, he had felt something as well. After so long of apathy, of this numb empty existence suddenly he found himself standing there, his heart racing and his body thrumming with excitement, with splendor, with longing and, and he never wanted those feelings to go away.

The longer he watched the more he became consumed by the chaotic emotions that swirled around his dark and broken soul. He had felt alive! He had felt alive for the first time in years in that moment and THAT was when he made a choice…

He needed the creature.

He wanted this beast, this perfect being that blended so fluidly with man and beast, that made his legs shake and heart race, and he would have him no matter the cost.

He had almost lost him too, the beast was not an easy capture and that just made his aching heart jump even more so as Raphael had fought him and he dropped the turtle but, he wouldn’t let him go so easily.

When his brother or… Or lover came for him Shi had hidden in the dark more than ready to attack but, but he held back once they started talking…

 The effect the demon’s rage had had over him was overwhelming enough but, but when his prize had begun to cry and beg forgiveness it… It had forced another wave of unexpected emotions to course through him and he had watched the scene with the obsession of a mad man.

His demon loved the other turtle, loved him. He loved him deeply and it seemed the blue one loved him back…

….

Loved, two mutants, two freaks, inhumans loving one another, feeling things… It hurt.

That had hurt Shi and for once he felt a pain that was not associated with the physical but something inside, something he hadn’t experienced in so long and, and it made him angry, furious, and indescribably jealous.

Who were these perfected mutants? How dare they be allowed to feel things, how dare they be allowed to LOVE? How dare they be allowed to leave their prisons and HOW DARE THEY NOT BE BROKEN!?

Why, why weren’t they broken inside like he was!? Why weren’t they empty, how could they hold each other like that, whisper with such a range of sorrow or endearments… How dare they LAUGH TOGETHER!?

How dare they be happy.

He had seen red then, a possessive fury ripping, clawing at his heart and he had attacked the lovers. He wasn’t about to let this beast get away, this creature that not only could hold his future in his hands, in his genetics, but that had snapped the band of apathy that had been coiled around his heart for so long…

He would have him!

He would have him and discover why, why he was so flawless. He would break him apart, tear through the remains and discover all of his secrets. He would have those secrets, he would have it all or break the beast’s spirit in the process, either way worked for him because… Because why should anyone be given the gift of feeling something, why should he be allowed to hope and dream when Shi... Shi only had the nothingness!?

Perhaps it had been a selfish desire but it was a desire he had never expected himself to have again, no desire had been and poor Raphael suffered for it.

He had torn into the turtle, used him, made him small, made him submit and it had been wonderful! He had felt in control of those emotions then, like he himself was experiencing them through some unseen connection.

He had felt invincible as he overpowered the beast, claimed him as his own, and had felt more than just some tool for his Master to use! He had taken those emotions and used them against the ungrateful wretch beautifully…

And now he was his.

His to pull apart and study and maybe, just maybe he could find a way to fix himself through his demon, maybe he could find a way to return his humanity if not on a physical level but an emotional one, and maybe he could remember what is was to live… To feel alive!

The beating he had received from Shredder had been nothing to him, merely a step in ensuring his pet, his demon stay with him and as he now knelt before his Lord and his violet eyes rose to Raphael’s he reveled in the terror he found there. Yes my pet, everything that is inside you is mine now. I can be beaten over and over again yet it will all be worth it. Everything will be worth it if I get to just have a taste of the agony you feel, the passion, the fear… Every emotion shall be mine now… Every part of your perfection.

He shook his head, forcing himself out of his thoughts before lowering his head submissively to his Master, he knew Shredder liked that. He was defiant yes, but he also knew is limits and he certainly didn’t want Shredder killing his demon in a fit of rage.

“Master, I h-have already told you how imperative this creature could be to finishing my work.” He answered weakly as he groveled before the Lord. “I was not lying.”

Shredder grunted in disgust before curling his fingers in the mutant’s long hair and pulling him up until his battered face was right in front of him. “I have tolerated your defiance because of your progression thus far Gin Shi, yet my patience grows thin. Those mutants were the most advanced we have created and you abandoned them.” He growled as he pulled the scientist closer. “Ever defiant you are but now my troubles have increased ten-fold with your ignorant stunt. I can only beat a disobedient dog so many times before the benefit of its death becomes clear.”

“M-Master…” Shi strangled out as the hand around his neck continued to tighten, it was clear Shredder was very angry. Again, that wouldn’t bother Shi so much normally, half the time he wished the bastard would just kill him but if his fury grew too out of control Raphael could suffer for it, he needed to be careful.

Shi’s hands wrapped around the larger man’s wrist as his tail jerked wildly under his coat. “I s-swear h-he is w-worth the loss M-Master.”

“We have tried to utilize the formula that mutated these creatures previously and it failed. What makes this time any different? I give you this one chance to convince me cretin or I will be done with you, happily so.” Shredder muttered darkly.

So far Shredder had merely beaten his slave for his failure but he was beginning to truly think he should just end the beast’s life and rid himself of its constant insolence and disrespect. He was sensible enough to understand losing the brilliance of the youth would also cost him in the long run but given the mutant’s continued defiance he couldn’t help but wonder if he was doing more harm than good by keeping the pest alive.

“Y-yes, but you d-did so from the s-substance, the o-original formula i-itself, Master. N-not from the t-turtle’s o-own DNA.” Shi answered brokenly, his violet eyes rolling back in his head as he began to pass out. N-No, need to s-stay conscious, need to c-convince…

Shredder stared at Shi a moment longer, his eyes narrowed until only his jet black pupils filled them giving him a demonic appearance. “Perhaps there is something to your theory.” He said finally and threw the scientist down with a scoff of revulsion.

As Shi gasped and coughed at his feet Shredder then turned back to the turtle and was surprised to find the look of abject horror on his face. Odd… He thought as he walked closer to the mutant, his surprise growing as he realized that the turtle’s horror was not directed at him, he wasn’t even looking at Shredder, instead he was staring at the scientist he had just thrown away…

He fears him? Why?

Even as Shredder moved closer still, now barely inches from the hanging creature’s form Raph’s eyes didn’t shift from their desperate gaze and that made the clan leader curious. He mocks me and yet cannot tear his eyes from Shi, interesting.

Only once he grabbed the turtle’s chin and forced him to face him did those wide amber eyes finally meet his. “You seem fearful.” He noted quietly and his eyebrow lifting as a very clear flicker of panic fleeted across the turtle’s eyes.

“I ain’t scared of shit.” Raphael growled, his heart hammering as he forced himself to glare at Shredder but inside he was a mess. Shit, shit, shitshitshitshit… He, he knows… He knows I, I am t-terrified.

Shredder grunted, his head turning from one mutant to the other. “Indeed.” He mused, more to himself than anyone before he turned back to Raph. “I will find value in my slave’s failure, your capture will benefit me one way or another… Either yours or your brother’s.”

Raph suddenly froze, his breath caught in his burning lungs as all of his previous fear melted away and his aching mind played the monster’s words over in his head. Wh-what?

“B-brother?” He stuttered stupidly and his heart dropped as Shredder nodded.

“Why yes, the blue one.” He said evenly his eyes watching carefully for the turtle’s reaction to the lie.

One thing Shi did do correctly was provide him with the idea to concoct the lie of also holding the leader of the infernal mutant group. Apparently this turtle had a soft spot for the other and as he had fallen unconscious before they made their way here he wouldn’t know Leonardo wasn’t taken as well.

Shi should have taken them both, a fact Shredder illustrated to the albino by searing off some of the flesh from his back but at least in lying about it he could use the desperation against his prisoner should things not go the way he wanted.

He wasn’t certain the story would fool the turtle at first but as Raphael’s face fell and a guttural rumble of fury began to build in him Shredder smiled under his mask. Excellent.

Raph was seething. The bastard took him!? He took Leo too!? After, after what he put me through the FUCKING BASTARD TOOK HIIIIMMM!?

“ARRRRRGH! YOU FUCKS!” He screamed his demon clawing through him, its fire searing though his veins and aching muscles like fire and he pulled wildly against his chains. “Y-you sick, twisted FUCKS! YOU FUCKING BASTARDS!”

Shredder chuckled as he stepped away from the raging mutant and turned to his general. “I want the location of his lair, work it out of him but do not let him die. It may take a while to break him down, these creatures are rather stubborn beasts after all.” He added as Raphael continued to scream and flail behind him.

“Master…” A pathetic voice called to him from the floor and he peered down as Shi knelt before him. “What of my experiments? I need him to retain some sense of consciousness and not to bleed out beforehand.”

Shredder narrowed his eyes at the snake before nodding. “Very well, torture the turtle but not so much that the good doctor cannot perform his duties. You shall both have a chance to attain your goals. I do not care how long it takes, you will break him.”

“YOU AIN’T BREAKING SHIT!” Rap bellowed and Shredder laughed a little louder.

“We shall see. As I said, it can either be you or your brother but I will get what I want in the end.” His tilted his head, the dim lights glittering off of his sharp helmet like stars. “Besides, I have all the time I need now that your younger brothers are the only ones standing in my way, them and that dying rat.”

Raph’s eyes bulged, he hadn’t even thought of Mikey or Donnie, now both alone that he and Leo were captured and, and how did Shredder know that Splinter was sick, a guess?

Shit, what are they gonna do!? They are all alone now… Arrrgh, FUCK!

Shredder rolled his shoulders, this chat had gone better than he thought it would, he was pleased…

Perhaps Shi’s failure would turn out far more profitable than he imagined. If the scientist could perfect the formula for his plans and his soldiers secure the location of the other turtles he could take care of all of his present problems in one go.

“I am returning to my quarters, do not fail me.” He said sternly before walking towards the door and leaving the turtle to his men.

“Yes Master.” Both Shi and soldiers answered as he left.

Raph glared at those around him, his heart hammering as they in turn all spun on him. Fuck this…

“General, I will go prepare my lab, you have an hour with him and then you will bring him to me. Make sure he is conscious when he arrives.” Shi said simply and the other man growled.

“What makes you think I am going to listen to a single word you…” He never got to finish his furious retort as he suddenly found himself slammed against the far wall of the room with a hand tightly wrapped around his neck.

“Shredder may be my Master but do not think for a moment that you are my better. I will not hesitate to bear his ire and rip your heart from your chest human… He can always find a new general but there is only one me.” Gin Shi snarled into the man’s ear. “You have an hour, for now… After that, once I am done you may continue your interrogation and we will continue like this until we both get what we want, do you understand?”

The officer glared at him defiantly for a moment but as Shi’s other hand began to rise, reaching towards his chest as his nails extended sharply into claws the human paled under his mask and nodded. “I… Y-yes...” He choked out and Shi smiled.

“Wonderful, I am pleased we understand one another.” He said sweetly before letting go of the man and watching as he crumpled to the floor gasping and swearing quietly.

Shi straightened himself then, flattening his blood covered hair as he limped towards the door completely ignoring the death glare he was receiving from the turtle as he made his way to the lower decks of the ship back to where his makeshift lab was located. He needed to prepare.

……………………….

Raph watched the freak go, his heart hammering and blood boiling, he felt betrayed. Perhaps it was foolish to feel so, he should have known better than to trust a monster like Shi but… But realizing the shame he had put himself through was for nothing, that he had allowed himself to fall to that bastard’s will for nothing, that he had submitted to him FOR NOTHING, all of  the rage that came with those realizations overpowered his earlier fear of the other mutant and now…

Now he just wanted to rip the fucker apart. I will get us out of here Leo, I swear. I will… I, I l-love you.

A shadow approached him, the clearly embarrassed general striding up to him with a growl. “Where is your lair?” He asked and Raph almost laughed in his face.

“Fuck off.” He said instead, his body tensing for what he knew was coming and he exhaled just as the man cracked his fist against his head.

“Where is your lair!?” He asked louder and Raphael smiled.

“Fuck. Off.” He muttered again and this time the blow was to the center of his plastron and his body swayed with the forced.

“Where is your lair!?” The soldier said again as he raised his fist.

“Uhhh…” He had prepared for the blow so hadn’t completely lost all his breath this time, nor was this little guy nearly as strong as Shredder. “Uhhh, can’t… Can’t you change up the question now and then or is this gonna be i… UHHH!” Another punch, this one to his jaw and his teeth crashed together loudly.

Ok, that one hurt a little… He thought as he spit out the blood that filled his mouth. Musta broke a tooth.

“Where is your LAIR!”

“Uuuugh fuck, you are the worst interrogator.” The turtle mocked with a chuckle and received a swift kick to his shin for the effort. Not one for comedy evidently.

“WHERE IS YOUR LAIR!?”

“Uhhh, FUCK! Seriously!? Change up your material now and… Nnnng!” A kick right along his inner thigh, that shit hurt, and this time General Fuck Face didn’t stop there. A barrage of strikes suddenly assailed him, punches to his head, kicks to his torso, his legs… Over and over the attack continued until Raph was certain his plastron would be a shade of purple now, blood was pouring into one of his eyes, and his jaw felt numb…

“WHERE IS YOUR BASE!?”

“Uhhh, uhhh…” He was hurting now but it didn’t stop him from lifting his bleeding face and smiling proudly at the soldier. “W-Well d-done, see it a-ain’t so hard to change up y-your routine. G-Good for yo… ARRRGH!”

More fists and kicks, the man was clever about where he hit directing each blow to sensitive areas that would cause pain, some agony but none of it was fatal and he remained conscious through it all. He took his time in destroying Raph’s body and why wouldn’t he? Like Shredder said he had all the time in the world to get the answers he sought, days, weeks, months if necessary. With Raph and Leo captured his younger brothers now had no one, no one but Splinter to lead them, to help them and he could die at any…

Damnit… I, I should have told Mikey the truth about Splinter, Leo was right. Now they gotta face all this shit, the loss of Leo and me, Splinter’s sickness all alone, and what to do now because of it…Arrrgh!  I, I gotta get us outta here!

The abuse continued, never going further than flesh on flesh but, how long it would stay that way, Raph wasn’t sure. Shredder did have all the time he wanted but he had never been very good at maintaining patience for too long so, so he was certain the longer he kept his mouth shut and didn’t give the bastard what he wanted the more insistent his jailers would become and their tactics might change.

He fell silent after a while, only grunts, or slight whines coming from him as he suffered through each attack and he soon his muddled, pain ridden thoughts turned to Leo. He wondered if his brother was going through the same as he was right now, if they were trying to beat the location of their home out of the smaller turtle and that thought just added to his coiled fury.

Anyone touching Leo had always infuriated Raphael but he had never really admitted it, hell it was the same for any of his brothers but Leo… Leo’s pain always burned a little hotter. It was a weakness almost, one that had him constantly looking for his brother as they fought, staying close when he noticed him waning… He was their leader after all and to lose him…

Poor Mikey and Donnie, what are they going through? What are they thinking or planning? I hope they don’t come looking for us. I will get out of here, one way or another I will.

“WHERE IS YOUR LAIR!?”

Raph sighed wetly, spitting out more blood as he remained silent. He was already exhausted, hadn’t eaten since yesterday morning and had vomited all that up… He was hungry, tired, beaten, sore, worried, scared for his family but he wouldn’t break.

Not now, not ever.

He would suffer what they planned for him, suffer and keep his mouth shut until he could find a way to escape, grab Leo, and run home. It’s my fault all this happened, me and my stupid actions and, like always, my family is suffering for it.

The agonizing hour was up far quicker than he thought it would be. Perhaps that was because he had fallen into a mantra of sorts by the end there, one that helped him ignore the pain and he had just kind of swirled in this haze of thoughts… Like dreaming.

He didn’t even notice as they unstrapped the chain from the ceiling, not until he crumbled to the floor in a bloody bruised heap and he felt arms wrap under his shoulder as they dragged him to his next series of torture.

As his feet thumped along the ship’s paneled floors Raph smiled, so far he had handled his torture fairly well. He knew it wouldn’t always be so easy, soon there would be knives or whips, who knew, but he had always excelled when dealing with pain, at least on a physical level. When it came to a mental one, shit… He was already fucked up as it was so, yeaaah.

He did possess enough sense to scan around him as he was dragged and he found himself surprised at how large the docked ship actually was. S-shit… Like a, like a nazal vessel or sumting… Haha, nazal… Naval damnit.

Ok, perhaps he wasn’t doing as well as he thought but with having had a concussion just the other day and his head being slammed into again and again he could forgive himself the weakness.

I wondering where they keep Leo… Gotta find him.

He groaned as he was dragged down deeper into the ship’s bowels, the men carrying his inert form grunting and complaining how heavy he was the entire time. Ha, pussies, serves ya right!

His mocking cheer ended though as they came to a particularly long flight of stairs and the men peered at each other, then at Raph before hauling him back a bit and just throwing him down them.

“Arrrrgh!” He cried out as he tumbled down each step, his already beaten form screaming, each muscle tightening as he tried to roll into a ball and protect himself… It was a fucking nightmarish ride, one that ended with him groaning in misery at the bottom and spitting out even more blood. F-Fuckers… Lazy ass fuckers…

Hands grasped at him again, his mind reeling and stomach bubbling sickly as he was once again hauled up and dragged onwards. Never stops…

Most of the journey was a blur, one he almost fell asleep through for its length and his throbbing brain but it was the sound of tears that broke through his clouded existence and he lifted his head to find that they were now in a hallway that had cages on both sides. Da fuck?

He shook his head, fighting to clear it as the sorrowful and far too young sobs grew louder and louder as they traveled. Cages, cages everywhere but I don’t see anyone inside… Not yet anyways.

He continued to scan each holding cell, his heart hammering as he found evidence of previous occupants, either molded food or rumpled clothing but no one…

Of shit, there he is.

 Finally, the last cage in the hall came into view and he peered inside as the Foot soldiers unlocked the large door in front of them. He gasped in awe and disgust as he found a little form curled up in one of the corners… It was a child, a mutant child he realized because of its obvious disfigurements but he couldn’t tell what kind of animal the little one had been forced into becoming.

He, he is all alone. Raph thought sadly, his heart going out to the kid and just as he was about to call out to him the large door opened and white light spilled over him, blinding his eyes just long enough to lose sight of the child as he was dragged forwards.

He growled as he again hauled up and chained to a hook in the ceiling, his shoulders burning terribly for the pressure replaced on them yet his discomfort quickly diminished as a wave of terror filled his heart when he finally looked around the room he was now in. Oh my god…

As the white left his vision a truly horrible sight greeted the young turtle and he had to remind himself to breath as he took in the horrors of his new torture chamber.

He was in a lab per say, the huge space bright with lights yet, like everything on this ship, its walls were rusted and dark giving the hole scene a rather Silent Hill esc. feel to it. The only unbroken things in the lab were the numerous pieces of science equipment, all of which glimmered brightly, illustrating the great care and time that was obviously placed into them.

It seemed like whomever owned the equipment had nothing but their care to worry about, and if it was the snake that maintained the lab Raph imagined that was a very clear assessment, weird ass fucker.

There were numerous medical beds, each adorned with chains at the head and foot of them. Lovely… There was also long counters set up, each covered with neatly organized medical equipment, sensors, flasks and chemistry sets. Some of the tools looked downright terrifying to the turtle and he quickly passed over them before finally settling his eyes on the far cleaner, less bloody visage of Gin Shi.

“Ahhh, right on time.” The snake noted happily as he peered at the computer screen that was in front of him. “You may leave, I have him now and will bring him up when I am finished.”

The two ninjas glanced at one another nervously. “General Gou said you had an hour… Sir.”

Shi smiled lightly, flashing his fangs as he peered around his computer at the apprehensive youths. “Did he now? Well if the general has any concerns please tell him he may come down here and address the issue himself.” He said kindly before turning back to his work.

The two soldiers hesitated for a moment before bowing and walking out of the lab without another word.

Now it was just Raphael and the snake.

The turtle remained silent as Shi worked, fighting against the panic that was slowly overtaking his fury. No, no don’t be scared. FUCK this MOTHERFUCKER! I ain’t gonna let him get to me! Let him do his worst, I gotta stay together so I can get me and Leo out of this nightmare!

He kept repeating that mantra as more and more time passed yet with every minute of silence, with every click of the keyboard, his resolve was faltering and the panic crept higher and higher from the hole he tried to banish it to as he contemplated just what was about to happen to him.

Finally, after what seemed an eternity of waiting the albino finally stood from his computer, rubbed at his bruised eyes and limped over to Raph.

Shit, don’t panic, don’t fucking give him that satisfaction!

Gin Shi frowned as his eyes trailed along Raphael’s battered form. “Huh, they did far less damage than I suspected, perhaps testing out your pain tolerance.” He mused out loud and Raph growled at him.

“What the fuck do you what from me!?” He snarled, baring his teeth as he raged.

“Excellent question, one I answered in an abridged form yesterday but you were so out of it I imagine you don’t remember.” Shi answered sweetly.

“You lied to me!” Raph spat back, his fury and betrayal choking him. “You, you fucking used me and still you took him! Do you have no honor!? Even fucking Shredder has some honor!”

The snake barked out a laugh. “Ha! Shredder honorable? Perhaps once upon a time turtle, but his ongoing war with all of you and his constant failures are driving him down a much darker path these days.” Shi said bitterly before shaking his head. “Trust me, I know the levels of my Master’s growing darkness, more than most. Hell, I help him in that path every day.”

Raphael snorted in disgust. “Yeah, I saw the fucking kid! Do you get off on screwing with innocent children, you sick fuck!?”

Shi titled his head, his violet eyes peering towards the lab’s door. “On the children no, not really. Technically I don’t enjoy anything, I just do what is needed of me.” He answered simply, delighting in the rumble of rage that came from the turtle. He cares about so much! How, how can he handle such levels of emotion like this? Is it not exhausting? Is this, is this how I used to be? So emboldened and passionate?

“You people are fucking sick, fucking filth, and there ain’t no way you are going to get out of this in one piece.” Raph threatened yet, as always, the snake merely smiled at him before shrugging.

“Perhaps you are right. I imagine karma has it in for all of us but I would suggest if it wants to kill us that it should do it soon. I would prefer if it did.”

Raph gaped at the man. Did he seriously not give a fuck about anything!? “What the fuck are you man? I thought I had fucking problems but you, you are one twisted, heartless fuck.”

Shi chuckled at the turtle’s very accurate description. “That is indeed true but you… You are so very different than me, aren’t you?” He marveled, stepping closer to his prize, his pet and he smiled wider as the turtle tried to pull away.

“Stay the fuck away from me.” Raph warned, his voice not nearly as steady as he wanted it to be.

“For years I have struggled to create something as perfect as you and to see it, to see that it is possible, that such a blend is attainable it is just…” Shi’s throat tightened a bit, a trace of elation fleeting through his heart before it was gone again but, but for some reason this turtle, this demon pulled his long lost feelings from their void and he wanted more. He makes me feel things. I don’t know how or why but… But it is incredible.

Raph flinched as the creature’s long white fingers began softly tracing patterns along his plastron, the nails retracted for now, something he was grateful for given all the new wounds that covered him.

“Uhhh, fuck! Stop it asshole, that hurts.” He hissed out as those digits ran over a particularly large bruise.

“Oh?” Shi asked innocently. “I have something that can help with that.” He stated before turning and walking over to some of the cupboards that hung from the easternmost wall.

“I don’t want shit from you.” Raph growled, his fear rising as he watched the snake pull out a small container of something before walking back over to him.

“Oh stop being such a coward, it is simply a salve.” Shi explained as he opened the jar and dug his fingers inside. “Hold still or it will hurt.”

“DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME!” Raph screamed, his fear rising to a whole other level and he flailed in his chains.

Fool. Fine, have it your way.” Shi grumbled as he roughly grabbed the turtle and began forcefully smearing the goo over his torso.

Raph shut his eyes, all of the terror he had felt from the last time this freak had touched him rising to the surface and he couldn’t breathe for it. No, no please… Please god. I can handle pain but, but THIS!? Please!? I gotta, I gotta save my family! I need ta stay sane to do that! Please!? I NEED TO SAVE LEO! Leo, and Mikey, Donnie… Father, father I am so sorry, I fucked up so badly.

Shi scoffed as he continued to cover the turtle in the salve. Foolish turtle, one moment he can be so arrogant and the next so small and fearful… Such a fascinating array of feelings, it truly is incredible. I want to explore them all.

Eventually Raph settled down a bit, half because he had no energy after all that had happened and half because he realized whatever the monster was coating him with wasn’t bringing him pain but taking it away. With every inch it covered him more and more of the agony that had filled his body fell away and a sigh escaped him unconsciously at the relief… I am so tired.

“See? My aim is not to bring you pain pet…” Shi scolded the turtle as he relaxed. “Quite the opposite actually.”

Raph snarled at him. “I don’t want a-anything from you.” He mumbled wearily, though he couldn’t deny having every inch of his body not screaming in pain at him was nice.

“I know, but you aren’t in the position to demand anything are you? Especially not with your brother in our grasp as well.” Shi reminded him smirking at the flash of panic that came over his pet.

“Fuck you.” The turtle grumbled miserably yet hung his head in defeat. Shit, they are going to use him, use Leo against me… I wonder if they are doing the same to him, using me as a way to control him? Oh man Leo… We are fucked aren’t we?

Shi finished his work, closing the jar before walking over to a small portable sink he had Shredder provide for him and washing his hands. “You love him, don’t you?” He asked over his shoulder and the growl that erupted from his prize was lovely.

“Don’t you fucking talk about Leo.” Raph warned heatedly, his voice low and dark yet the snake laughed regardless.

“I meant no offense, I am just curious really. He… He seems to return that love as well, it is something that two freaks such as yourselves could find someone to love… Incredible really. Stirs a feeling of jealously in me I think, not much can do that but you and your mate...” Shi told him suggestively and the creature’s reaction was beautiful.

“YOU STAY AWAY FROM HIM, FUCKER!” Raph raged, his frame writhing in his chains as his heart thundered. “If… If I find out you touched him with your twisted hands I will rip you apart piece by fucking PIECE!”

“Oh, I have no interest in him, I assure you.” Shi answered easily, effectively shocking the turtle into complete shocked silence.

“I… How c-can I believe that?” Raph stuttered out, his heart jumping with the idea that Leo might be spared this sicko’s fascination but dropping at the realization that it was him the freak wanted.

“You can’t.” The snake answered with another shrug. “In fact, that you believed me in the first place shows a grave miscalculation and a special form of ignorance on your part.”

Raphael growled as a blush came over his face. “I was raised to believe even enemies could maintain some honor.” He answered quietly.

The snake scoffed. “Then whoever raised you was an idiot.”

Raph saw red. “Don’t you fucking dare insult my father you arrogant little shit!” He hissed through clenched teeth. “He is the best fucking person I have ever known and in his prime he would take some punk ass prick like you and…”

“You are so touchy about your family.” Shi interrupted as he walked back to the fuming turtle. “How do you handle all of those emotions all the time? It must be quite the task to do so.”

Raph blinked at him, his rage still boiling at the back of his throat. “Ta some unfeeling dick it might be hard to understand but ta everybody else this shit makes sense.” He mumbled, the fear again crawling up his spine as the man moved closer.

“You fascinate me Raphael, you truly do. You have such passion, such rage within you it, it is truly stunning.”

The turtle wanted to laugh at him. Stunning!? My rage ain’t stunning, it is a fucking nightmare! It is the whole reason I got everybody in this mess in the first place. Stupid fuck…

“Whatever freak.” He grated out, his hunger and exhaustion warring with his rage and fear… He was so, SO tired. “Just do whatever it is you are gonna do and get it over with.” He said dejectedly though his heart did skip for the flash of excitement that suddenly filled the snake’s eyes.

“Of course, forgive me for keeping you waiting.” Shi said sweetly before licking his lips and thrusting his head forwards.

“NOOOO!” Raph screamed, a sob escaping him as those far too familiar fangs dug deep into his thigh. Ohhh no! NO! Not again! DAMNIT!

Shi smiled as he worked through his glands, making sure to inject the right amount of venom from the correct source before he pulled back. “So, today is more of a test than anything. Much like the soldiers tested out your strength and resilience to pain I shall be exploring your body and learning to read it and exploit its weaknesses for the next time I see you.”

“N-Next time?” Raphael groaned and Shi smiled.

“Yes, as I understand it the General and I will take our turns with you until success in our endeavors has been achieved.” A broken whimper was all that answered him and Shi peered up to find the turtle looking absolutely miserable. “My aim in all of this shall be to extract numerous blood and semen samples from you for my research. The blood shall be easy enough to obtain but the reproductive fluid well I imagine that will take some work…”

The turtle growled at him. “You, you r-really are s-sick.”

Shi chuckled. “Perhaps, but also logical. I need your genetic makeup and why stop at blood? If I can break the secret I will use whatever I need to.”

Raph swallowed hard as he wondered what that could mean for him in the future. What if blood and… Well what if they weren’t enough, would he begin to dig deeper taking examples from his skin, organs, bones? Holy shit man, what the fuck have I gotten myself into?

The snake yawned, evidently unaware of just how terrified his last statement made his prize as he continued. “Anyways, you obviously wouldn’t get very aroused without the aid of my venom, and I cannot use it if I want to collect viable examples as it would taint your genetic marks, so I need to find your weak points first, thus the tests today.”

Again all he received was a defeated groan and he smiled as he began rubbing along the turtle’s plastron. “BUT, unlike my fellow members of the Foot I assure you, you will feel no pain from my tests, not physically anyways. Mentally, well… Given your seemingly innocent ignorance and prudish behavior I imagine being forced to cum for me may leave some scars… It shall be exciting to see regardless.”

“F-fuck y-you.” Raph mumbled weakly, hating as his body began to heat up and grow more and more sensitive. Just let him do it, the sick fuck. Get through this and then, then begin working on a plan! I am gonna get us out of this nightmare Leo, I swear to you!

Shi growled hungrily as the turtle’s wonderfully sweet scent of arousal filled the room, his own body trembling with excitement. He, he brings out so much in me! Feelings I have only dreamed of, longed for, for so long! How!? How does he inspire these desires? How does he break through the apathy? I… I must know!

He didn’t have the answers yet but, but with every moment he spent with the turtle a little more of himself came back. No, it wasn’t what he used to be, he was too broken, too used to get that back now but to feel, to truly FEEL something again was… It was like giving air to a drowning man, it was consuming, maddening and nothing, nothing would take his pet from him…

His pet, his demon.

“Uhhhhh… F-Fuuuuck…” Raph cried mournfully, his eyes burning as his body reacted to the drug inside of him, it seemed far more powerful than last time and the freak didn’t even have to coax his shaft out of hiding this time. No, instead it grew, the muscle filling with blood quickly, eagerly and he was helpless to stop it.

“There it is.” Shi whispered in wonder as he watched the long, thick member slowly slide from its sheath, its tip dripping heavily with pre-cum. “Beautiful, now… Time to see what makes you tick but, first...” He went over to one of his drawers and grabbed something as his prize moaned miserably in the background.

Raphael kept his eyes shut, his head hung low as he willed the world away. Again he felt small, he felt weak, and so very, very ashamed. He understood that the venom was the cause of his arousal, the cause of his excitement but if what the monster said was true, after today it would be just him reacting, just him moaning and giving himself over to this mad man and that… That terrified him.

Ignore it, ignore it and focus on escaping, focus on saving Leo and helping your family. Donnie and Mikey must be so scared…

I am so scared.

So, so fucking scared.

A tear slowly slid form one of his eyes, the liquid creating a cool path as it worked its way down his cheek, moving along his jaw line and dropping just at the tip of his chin. I am s-so w-weak…

“Don’t cry pet, you will learn to enjoy it.”

Raph shivered as a hand grabbed his erection, each fingertip feeling electric against his skin and a small moan escaped him. “Mmmm…” That was until something cold and hard was slipped around it and his eyes flew open to stare in horror as the snake slid something like a ring around his dick.

Shi caught his horrified expression and smiled. “This is to insure that you do not cum until my test is done. As I said, you seem rather new at all of this and your inexperience along with my venom well… Can’t have you finishing the experiment before it has really started, can we?”

“I h-hate you.” Raph hissed through clenched teeth and Shi shivered from the fury in his eyes.

“Yes, I imagine you do and it is mesmerizing to watch.” The snake answered him and the turtle shook his head dejectedly.

Fucker is c-crazy. How d-do you r-reason with a mad man?

Shi smiled broadly as another whimper unwittingly escaped his prize. It was clear Raphael was trying to fight against the venom that now coursed through his veins, and that too was exciting to watch even if it were futile. Soon he will be giving me those sounds without needing to be drugged… I, I will have him, all of him. His passion shall be mine…

He rubbed the twitching length slowly and his prize jerked.

His pleasure will be mine…

Raphael whimpered louder, his head falling back and mouth opening as he gasped for air.

His body will be mine…

The turtle’s hips began to rock forwards, his control falling further and further back and with it his fear, even his shame was evidently beginning to dissipate as his voice grew louder and louder.

Everything, everything you are is now mine…

“Uhhh… Raphael, you are stunning.” Shi whispered huskily, his own length hardening beneath the folds of cloth that covered him yet he ignored his own needs for now. He needed to study, he needed to observe for the next time he had this turtle under him he wanted to know every weakness he had. He wanted to know every spot that made him fall, made him break, every spot that would eventually make him submit to Shi naturally. He is glorious…

His fingers roamed over deep green flesh, tracing over jagged scars and the smooth flesh between, they scratched along his pet’s plastron and shell, surprised when the turtle moaned raggedly as he dipped them into the opening right behind his neck and massaged the muscle there. One spot…

He continued his discovery, his digits bumping up along the thick and clenching muscles of the turtle’s arms only stopping as Raphael whined at the band around his elbow. Hmmm, he seems to have a spot there but…

“Let’s get rid of these, yes?” He murmured, the drugged turtle merely moaning incoherently in response and Shi chuckled.  Seems I chose well in the amount of venom I injected.

He had made sure the potency was very high this time as the turtle no longer had a concussion and he wanted quick/ clear responses to what could excite his prize. It seemed that not only were the responses blaringly clear but the turtle was so out of it that his shame and sorrow didn’t impede his study, hell he wasn’t even crying anymore.

Hmmm, those emotions are something I will have to contend with next time and there will be no venom to help. How to deal with that? How do I open him up to be more comfortable with me?

He thought, a little bitterly, of his pet’s mate. He thought of how softly he had spoken when he found him, how gentle he had been with the beast of a brother he had and how Raph seemed instantly subdued by his actions… Could he recreate such an environment for his prize?

He may not have much in the way of compassion but he could lie easily enough and, would it be a complete lie?

Not really… He answered the question easily, again surprised at how deeply this turtle could affect him. Hmmm, I suppose I must be careful as well. I do not need my interest in this beast hindering my ultimate goal of being free of Shredder. He shall be forfeit before I allow myself to lose sight of my goal, I am running out of time as it is!

Shi shook his head, focusing back on the task at hand.

Slowly and unknown to Raphael the scientist stepped away from his whimpering pet looking through his tools until he found a long knife… Not only would he strip the turtle of his freewill but anything that identified him, that reminded him of his past life. I will find a way to get him to open up to me. He is mine now and even he must recognize that, recognize it and accept it freely.

He returned then and carefully began to strip the mutant of anything he wore. He cut at the wrist bands, the elbow pads, knee pads, anything that was from his past life and finally came to the turtle’s mask.

“You are mine now, Demon.” He said to his prize, not as an object but as a name and he gingerly encircled the knot at the back of the turtle’s head and lifted the blade and that, that was what woke Raphael from his blurred slumber.

Raphael had been floating, floating in this ocean of heat, of need, of comfort… Everything had felt soft and yet burned, every touch soothed and yet scorched him, all of it going right to his groin until his mask was grabbed and a strange icy cold replaced the heat.

Wh-what? He opened his eyes, their amber light growing dim as he found two violet, slitted eyes staring back at him.

“Hold still.” The snake whispered and Raph inhaled raggedly as cool metal slipped along the back of his head.

What, what the f-fuck is he… My mask? What is he doing!?

There was a pressure at the back of his head, the distinct tearing of cloth, the sheeek of metal sliding against metal and then… His mask fell away.

“N-No…” He whimpered in horrified shock, his eyes wide and heart thundering as the fabric fluttered down between them and landed softly on the floor…

He had never been exposed like this in front of an enemy.

Never.

“I… My... My m-mask…” He whispered, his voice was so quiet, so broken sounding…

“You are not theirs anymore Demon, you are mine.”

Raphael’s eyes filled with tears, his panic growing as he finally noticed how everything had been stripped from him; his belts, harnesses, wraps… He was exposed, he was bare, he was naked…

Yes, he and his brothers never wore much for clothing, unless they needed to disguise themselves from the humans. It was only when they were alone and safe in their home that they would ‘disrobe’ but… But to have it forced upon him when he was on the outside… His, his gear was everything to him out here!

Every piece he wore when he fought was sacred to him and his brother’s. It defined them, it defined their mission, their pledge to stand for the weak, to fight even if the world hated and feared them…

Splinter had said what they wore was a sign, a symbol of how… How even if they were an anomaly in this world, even if they were shunned and scorned by its occupants and those they saved they… They were still a part of it!

So they used human gear, ancient Japanese bindings and weapons as a way to connect, to merge with the world around them and… And to have that stripped away here, here where he was already so weak, where he was already so frightened it, it just left him

Him; a mutant, a freak that belonged nowhere! One that was a nuisance to his family, a beast that people screamed in horror at, one people ran from, one that was cursed from birth, a being that was small, that was exposed and, and so wrong for this world.

Shi watched in humbled awe as the turtle crumbled before him, that one simple act evidently having far deeper consequences then he could have ever imagined and he reveled in the wave of emotions that passed over the turtle’s face. Just what has that done to you pet, I wonder?

Raphael lowered his head, his eyes burning terribly as he fought to keep from shaking… He was terrified. His body wasn’t his right now, his mind was in tatters, his family in pain, he felt terribly exposed, and he… He was so fucking helpless!

L-Leo… Leo I n-need you… I, I was wrong… I don’t, I don’t know if I can save us! I don’t… I am not as strong as you. I a-act tough but you, YOU KNOW! I… I am weak…

“Shhh, I have you. Everything will be alright.”

A soft voice, a hated voice and yet it did seem to resonate with him and the far too young, far too inexperienced turtle lifted his eyes to its source.

He was shaking, terribly now and tears dripped from his eyes. He didn’t feel brave or angry, just terrified and alone. Last night he had thought he had never felt so small… How foolish he had been because now, now so much more was stripped from him.

Here he was naked, starving, his body an array of blues and backs from his earlier beating, his blood felt like it was on fire, some stranger was caressing him like, like a tool and he, he didn’t know where Raphael was right now.

Again something fractured deep inside him, the cracks larger now and gaps widening and he couldn’t stop them. He may have acted tough most of his life, acted like he knew what was going on, how to face things but in reality, he was just an eighteen year old kid!

A teenage kid that had fought his entire life away instead of living it! One that knew he was strong on the outside through training,  lessons, and such but, but on the inside he was an emotional wreck!

He constantly struggled with being so different, not just from the world around him but within his own family...

He, he didn’t belong ANYWHERE! He had no safe space except when he was alone and he would rage there, he would scream, bellow, throw things but, but then collapse…

Collapse into sobbing tears because though he had his demon to protect him in his storms the core of those storms, the reason for them came from how lost he felt all the time.

How lost, how alone, how hated, how wrong… That is why he raged, that is why he fought when a storm hit him, instead of allowing himself to be swallowed by its darkness he filled that space with fury and lashed out but now…

Now he couldn’t fight.

In one of the worst storms in his life all he could do was hang there helplessly as the void, the darkness sucked him in deeper and deeper.

He felt like he was drowning.

“I have you, shhh…”

That silvery voice again, it was warm and soft, nearly as soft as the finger tips that caressed him, the same ones that had taken the pain away before now and, and Raph found himself longing for that familiar comfort.

“I… I am s-scared…” He admitted brokenly, tears now streaming down his face and the snake nodded.

“I know, but there is nothing to fear from me.”

Raph’s body hitched, a tremor starting first in his arms and then moving down all along his frame. His fear, as well as the damning, consuming heat coiled together in the center of him. It was powerful, mind numbing, confusing, and he fell beneath its strength… I… I don’t know what, what to th-think…

“H-Help?” He begged, uncertain what he was pleading for but he knew his heart hurt too much, his mind was spinning too fast and he needed something to hold to before he lost himself to the storm that raged within him. It, it is too dark… Too dark…

“I am here.” Shi whispered to him, his smile bright as he moved closer and as their bodies touched his pet let out a mournful, lustful cry… And it was splendid.

“Let your Master guide you pet. Don’t think, just feel, give yourself the bliss of simplicity. You are safe with me.” Shi said gently and Raph whimpered at the request.

“S-safe?” Raphael muttered brokenly, his heart skipping at the thought. Could it be true? Could he actually be safe? He wanted to believe it, he felt so vulnerable right now, so out of control. Perhaps relying on another wouldn’t be a bad thing just, just as he did with Leo.

“M-Master… Master h-help?” He begged, something in the back of his mind screaming at him that this was wrong, that he had no Master, that he needed to snap out of this haze but… But as a soft hand encircled his shaft and lips began to kiss along his neck all those doubts floated away.

“Good boy…”

Raphael crumbled.

“You are such a beautiful, amazing creature. I am so proud of you.”

Proud? Proud of me? Raphael wondered with tears in his eyes. No one is ever proud of me, not even me.

“You have done so well.”

I… I have? I, I haven’t hurt anyone? I always hurt people. He sobbed in joy.

“So stunning, so wonderful… Give yourself to me.”

Stunning? Wonderful? You, you aren’t afraid? Why, why aren’t you afraid of me? Everybody is afraid of me even… Even Leo sometimes.  That shattered something deep, that thought adding to his muddled fearful confusion but… But it was true wasn’t it? Even Leo had cried because of him… He was a monster to everyone.

Everyone but the equally monstrous being before him.

Am, am I like him? Is, is that why he isn’t s-scared?

“That’s it. You are safe beast, I have you my Demon, let everything else fall away.” Shi whispered and Raph whimpered.

S-Safe…

He groaned unconsciously, his muscles releasing in their terror ridden anxiety and he finally allowed himself to relax.

S-safe… No pain, just pleasure…

His hips began to move, slowly at first but with each pass through the man’s hand he felt more and more heat ripple up through him and it replaced the icy cold of fear wonderfully. He began to move faster then, his eyes hazily watching as his thick wet head slipped in and out of view of the fist around it…

He had never seen anything like this before.

“Look at how beautiful you are.”

Raph blinked in confusion, his hazy head lifting to find the albino looking at him so sweetly, longingly even, it was such a different visage from the dark empty mask of the man that had beat him earlier, or the sharp jagged steel from Shredder.

He, he was beaten t-too…

He noticed the bruises under the snake’s eyes, the broken lip, cut forehead… Shi was beaten too, just like him.

“Mm s-sorry.”

Shi froze at the quiet words that suddenly fell from his pet’s broken lips. What did he say?

He frowned at the turtle, not at all understanding why he would apologize when Raph smiled sadly at him.

“Mmm s-sorry p-people h-hurt you too.” Raph slurred out, his clouded eyes blinking as he tried to focus on the other creature’s face but between the heat and exhaustion everything just seemed too hard to focus on.

Shi exhaled, his heart thundering oddly at the beast’s words. “It is the way of life, is it not?” He asked, keeping his voice under control as a short wave of agony tore through him but, it passed as quickly as ever.

“Sh-shouldn’t b-be… No…” Raph answered him before gasping and thrusting forwards again. “Uhhh…”

Shi looked away for a moment, his apathy had returned but the echo of the pain that had filled him just for a second was still fresh in his memory. Why, why did that hurt so much? Arrgh, focus. You are getting lost, remember what this is truly all about.

He smiled then and tightened his fist. “Let’s try another spot shall we? I have already found so many but this one… This one truly intrigues me.”

Raph merely mumbled incoherently at his request, his focus solely on the amazing friction that continued to roll up and down his shaft when he yelped in surprise as something touched him just under his tail. Unnn, what… What is…

“Ohhh, you are so wet.” Shi moaned as he kissed along the turtle’s neck yet his hand was still holding the back of Raph’s head and the other one was wrapped around his dick so what was…

His tail! The turtle realized, a little nervously as he recalled that yes, it was thin at its tip but got much thicker as it went up.

“Shhh…” Shi hushed him as a worried whine came from the turtle. “I won’t go too far.” Was all the warning Raph got before he felt the pressure at his puckered entrance grow, almost painfully so before the flesh gave way and something slipped inside.

“UHHHHH! FUCK!” He yelled, his back arching and chains jingling as he was entered. It hurts! It hurts so fucking BAD!

“Relax your muscles, it won’t hurt so much that way.” Shi promised him and Raph just panted and jerked in response, it was clear he was close to panicking again.

Hmm, perhaps I didn’t give him enough venom… The snake pondered and lowered his head to the turtle’s neck before biting him once more and adding just a little more to his system.

Raph’s head flew back, between the pain that flared up his back, the hand that was wrapped around his dick, and now the bite he felt like he was losing it.

Pain and pleasure melded together, the separate sensations racking against one another, fighting for superiority over his hazed consciousness, it was incredible.

“Unnnn, y-yes…” He moaned, delighting in the warring sensations and Shi chuckled against his bleeding throat.

He pulled his fangs away, lapping at the blood that escaped hungrily. “So you like a little pain then?” He asked huskily and the turtle mumbled incoherently in response. Shi smiled, extending the claws on the hand that held the turtle’s head before gently scrapping them against the area just inside of his pet’s shell.

“UHHHH! Uhhh, Uhhhhgh…” Raph’s head twisted this way and that, his hips eagerly pounding against the hand before him as he felt his climax grow closer and closer and just as it built to completion he screamed as the ring around his cock seemed to tighten and.. And everything was halted.

“ARRRRRGH! W-why!?” He growled angrily, his head falling as he stared at that wretched ring furiously.

“Not yet pet… Not yet.” Shi said quietly, enjoying the spirit that had come back into the turtle. No longer was he crying and scared, no now he was hungry for his the attention Shi was giving him, longing for it, growling for it.

“Uhhh, f-fuck!” Rap cried, his balls aching terribly at his halted climax yet his despair fell away as the tail inside him slowly wiggled its way deeper and he moaned raggedly as each inch of its journey inside him brought not only pain but pleasure. Uhh, uhhh f-fuck. It, it is so th-thick… Thick, nn wet, nnn oh shit it is twisting!

He jerked with every roll of the long limb, his hole eagerly eating it up as liquid dripped from his entrance and slid down along its length.

“Hmmm, I thought you might like that.” Shi muttered, his hand moving faster in its stroke and lips nibbling along the turtle’s neck.

“UHHHH! P-Please! Please!” Raph pleaded loudly, his back arching as the snake scratched him again but this time the wounds were deeper and went from his elbow to his shoulder.

“Please what pet?” Shi asked huskily before lifting his head and licking at the wounds he had created.

“UHHHH! F-Fuck… Fuck… Please, please M-Master? Lemme, lemme c-cum?” Raph asked, his need taking over any pride he may have still retained but, but that was fine. With pride came duties, with duties came responsibility, with responsibility came reality and honestly, he had no desire to face the chilling reality of this whole situation…. Not now.

He had been in pain, had been terrified, lost, abused, ashamed, disgusted with himself, guilt ridden, helpless, and lost far too often recently and here, right now, he was none of those things.

It was only pleasure here.

“Mmmm, good boy.” Shi mumbled against his neck. “Very well, I suppose I have learned enough and you have been so very good for me.”

Raphael cheered at the words, not only because of the promise of release but, but the praise made his broken heart sing. I, I did something good… Something right for once.

Oddly, that thought also broke something inside the turtle, those cracks ever growing and it seemed the more ground he lost the less ruined he felt. He had been fighting these breaks for so long and to have them forced upon him was, was oddly freeing, at least to his clouded, drugged mind…

Was it so bad to shatter inside?

He had never been good at keeping himself together anyways so… So maybe.

The tail inside him dug deeper, the thick appendage rolling and twisting when it suddenly hit a plump spot of tissue and Raphael screamed.

“AHHHHHHHHH!” He bellowed, the surge of fire that came from that little spot blinding him in its intensity and his Master smiled.

“There it is…” He mumbled before releasing the shaft in his hand and tugging at the ring. “If you promise to not cum for a little longer I will show you something truly magnificent Demon.”

B-Better than dis? Raph nearly gaped at the snake yet he was afraid he might drool if he did so so instead he just nodded and clenched his teeth. D-Don’t cum, not yet… B-Better c-coming…

Shi nodded proudly, his digits tightening around the ring before slipping it off and he was surprised as the turtle kept his word. “Good boy, now your reward.”

The beast stared blearily as the snake moved in front of him, groaning a bit when the tail in his backside moved as he did, but it never slipped out. Was… Wass he d-doing?

Shi smiled as he fell to a knee, his eyes on Raph’s as the turtle’s suddenly bulged. “Such a good boy.” He whispered before taking the thick, dripping shaft in his hand once more and bringing it to his lips.

The world had stopped for Raph, his breath stuck in his lungs, his throat a tightened tunnel, and heart frozen. He, he is gunna… Gonna…

It took everything he had not to blow his load the moment that forked tongue slipped out of Shi’s lips and ever so gently slid across the slitted tip of his cock, luckily the only thing that erupted from him was a wild and savage sounding roar.

“AAAARRRRRRGH FUUUUCK!”

Shi laughed, moving his incredibly long tongue up and down the twitching muscle as his tail slowly worked its way in and out of the turtle’s sopping hole. “You are delicious.”

Raph whimpered at his words, the duel sensations making it hard to see much less speak. “P-Please…” He begged, his hips jerking forwards and he lusted for more of that wet heat to envelop him.

He had heard of such things that were happening to him, dreamt of them with Leo but… Uhh… L-Leo. A sliver of cold slithered through his heart at the thought of his brother and with it a swarm of darkness…

No, no don tink! No thinking! Jus, just f-feel… He thought as he pushed everything away, even Leo… For now at least, he could break later… He could punish himself later but now, now he didn’t want any more pain. Not that kind.

When the mutant before him opened his mouth and slowly pressed the head of Raphael’s cock past the wet lips all of his doubts fled anyways.

“Uuuhhhh, uhhh, M-Master! Uhhh…” Random weird noises were coming from the turtle now, his head falling back as he gave himself over to his Master completely and Shi cheered internally at his victory.

He has fallen, fallen beautifully… He thought as he wrapped his tongue around the thick shaft inside of him and began to massage it all the while wiggling his tail against the turtle’s plump and aching prostate, he knew it wouldn’t be long now.

Raph knew it too, especially as the head between his thighs began to bob back and forth faster, the tail inside him twisting and writhing like some freaking insane tentacle. The air was filled with wet slurping noises, the scent of arousal heavy, and he… He lost himself to all of it.

“Uhhh, uhh… More! F-Faster, harder! Arrrgh, ffff-fucking harder!” He screamed, and Shi smirked as he followed his pet’s request.

He wasn’t overly concerned that the turtle didn’t call him Master consistently but he would teach him, he would teach him everything.

His tail moved in deeper, the youth crying out as pain tore through his backside but it was quickly replaced with agonizingly wonderful bliss as Shi raked his fangs along his shaft. Both sensations were coming faster now, the sucking at the front and thrusting in the back.

“Uh, uh, uhnnnnnnnggg…” Raph’s body writhed between the tail and head that consumed him, his heat building hotter and hotter, his breath escaping him in ragged gasps. He felt wild, crazed with this heat, this charge and suddenly it grew to a boiling point and…

“ARRRRRRRRRGH!” He roared, his back arching forcing his dick far deeper into the snake’s mouth, almost down his throat as his ass clenched hard around its invader and he came hard. OHHHHH FUUUUUCK YES!

Shi choked a bit as the turtle’s thick length suddenly jammed against the back of his throat, his eyes filling with tears yet he quickly recovered as load after load of the turtle’s nectar poured down his thoat. He is delicious…

He swallowed eagerly, his eyes lifting and he reveled in the look of absolute bliss he found on the turtle’s face as he came down from his intense release. I do not think I have ever seen him so at peace.

Raphael was indeed at peace, his body hanging limply in the chains that held him and he gasped for breath and his heart thundered, basking numbly in the tingling glory of after climax. He felt incredible, so much so his eyes burned… He had not felt this good, this at ease in so, so very long and that… That thought crushed him.

He had just been raped and, and at the end found more peace there than, than he had in years?

What the fuck was wrong with him?

What the fuck…

What tHe fUcK!?

Tears filled his eyes; some forming out of the pure bliss he had felt and others, others from the steadily growing weight of disgust and despair that was overtaking his heart… What, what is w-wrong w-with m-me?

A few drips spilled out from under his clenched eyelids, each of them rolling down his bruised and blood covered cheeks. I.. Oh gods I… I didn’t w-want this s-so why… Whyyyy?

Shi was startled when a drip of wetness hit his forehead and he pulled himself off of the turtle’s now receding member to look up and find a very different expression on his pet’s face. It was one he recognized clearly as he had seen it on his test subjects so often and, and once upon a time seen it in his own reflection…  He is beginning to break.

He wiped his mouth as he stood, pulling his tail out of the warm cavern it was so tightly planted in and a mournful, ragged cry came from the creature before him.

“Ohhhh f-fuck… Fuck…” The tears came faster now, his amber orbs burning nearly as hot as his body had just been.

What would his family think of him now?

 What would Donnie think?

Mikey?

Ohhh fuck, his father…

Leo…

He had enjoyed it, he had begged for it, and he… He just felt sick.

“Ohhhhhh fuuUUUUUUCCCK!” He bellowed as a sob broke from his aching throat, the shame tearing deep inside him, ravaging what little pride he had, what little self-esteem… He was nothing! Nothing but filth, this vile, disgusting piece of shit that wasn’t worth FUCK NOW!

HE HAD ENJOYED IT, AGAAAIN! He had cried out for it, pleaded for more, he… He…

A hand suddenly cupped his cheek, a soft finger wiping at his tears and Raph looked up to find his captor, his fucking MASTER looking at him proudly.

“Well done.” Was all the snake said, two simple praising words and his pet lost it.

Fire raged through Raph, his anger, shame, guilt, disgust, all coming to a head and he screamed! “ARRRRRGH! FUCK YOOOOU! FUUUUCK… FUUUUUCK!” He flailed in his chains, the steel cutting into his now exposed wrists so tightly they bled and he fed off that pain. “You, you sick FUCK! LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO MEEE! Look at what you TURNED ME INTO! FUUUUCK!”

Shi titled his head, watching as the creature raged. “I did nothing but give you pleasure pet and you seemed to enjoy it.”

“CAUSE YOU FUCKING DRUGGED ME!” Raph shrieked back at him, the blood from his wrists dripping down to his head and mixing with his tears.

“Yes, today I did, but tell me… Next time, it will be without my venom and,” He stepped closer bringing his face just inches from the turtle’s seething expression. “And who will you have to blame when you cum then?” He asked, his voice quiet and calm and so fucking sure sounding.

Raph stopped in his struggling, the monster’s question like ice water being poured down his back and he found, he was terrified to answer it… Or more appropriately, he was terrified of the answer he feared would come to pass.

Shi smiled at him, rubbing away more tears as he nodded. “Exactly so, either get over your shame now or be destroyed by it later. The level of your destruction, in all of this, depends on you.”

Raph stared at him, his eyes wide and mouth hung open yet no breath came out… He knew Shi was right. These monsters were ordered to break him and, and they would try to do just that! He knew that so… So it wasn’t their fault if he broke, they were aiming for it, no… No it would be his fault if he let them break him.

“F-Fuck all of you.” He whispered brokenly. “I, I ain’t g-gonna break.”

The snake hummed thoughtfully before a sad smile lifted on his face. “The process has already begun my Demon, but there is still hope for you, maybe… And with that said it is time to continue your trials elsewhere.”

“Wh-what?” Raphael stuttered out, his voice low and gravelly.

“The General is waiting for you now, and when he is done you will return to me. Remember?”

A strangled gasp finally escaped the prison of his lungs and Raphael hung his head in despair. They, they ain’t gonna s-stop… Not one… Not one fucking minute…

He closed his eyes wallowing in his misery as Shi unchained him and picked him up… And he just let him.

“You have a few moments to sleep before your torture resumes, I suggest you take it.” The snake said gently and the turtle sobbed in his arms.

M-Moments… He thought bitterly but as he was cradled and the swaying motion of walking began despite all the horrors he had face and was moving towards the young Hamato found himself leaning into the arms that held him and darkness filling his tattered mind.

Just before the bliss of unconsciousness took him a flash of Leo’s face fleeted through his thoughts and the younger turtle whimpered. Leo… I, I hope they aren’t hurting you like this. I… I love you, please, please be strong for me and I, I will try, for you.

I won’t break…

I w-won’t…

Please god, don’t let me break.

Chapter Text

“Raphie, why are you crying?”

A seven year old Raphael lifted his head, scrubbing away his tears as he glowered at his older, but much smaller brother. “I ain’t.” He grumbled angrily but immediately sniffled and ruined what he had thought was a perfectly good lie.

Leo sighed, his tiny hands rubbing behind his head before he walked closer to the larger turtle. “Can I sit?”

“No.” The younger Hamato grumbled, crossing his arms dismissively.

Leonardo rolled his eyes. “Do you want me to leave then?”

The two brothers stared each other down, one glaring with tear stained eyes as the other waited patiently for what he knew was going to come next.

..

It always took a minute with Raph.

….

“No...” Raph admitted, his voice far less vengeful than before and he hung his head in defeat.

“Shooch over?” Leo asked softly, knowing if he ever pointed out that he knew how well Raphie operated his brother would make a point to send him away every time after that.

Raph scooted his butt over a bit, giving his brother the dryer, more comfortable side of the piece of wood he was sitting on. Something else Raph always did, but would never admit.

For a moment the two young brothers sat in silence, the larger one sniffing now and then but at least he had stopped crying, he always stopped crying with Leo... Well, most of the time.

“Donnie said he hated me.” Raph finally said, his chin resting on his knees that were pulled tightly to his chest.

Leo was quiet for a moment his little legs kicking in the water at his feet. “Well, you did smash his project Raphie but, but you know he doesn’t actually hate you, right?”

Another sniffle. “It was an accident.”

The elder brother peered at him flatly. “Raphael… You got angry. You got angry because he wouldn’t wrestle with you so you broke his stuff. That isn’t very nice.”

“NOBODY wrestles with me! Everybody says I am too big!” The larger turtle exclaimed angrily.

“And rough.” Leo added and Raph glared at him.

“Am not.” A muffled retort as his head sunk lower and another sniffle escaped him.

Leo shook his head before raising his arm, wrapping it around his brother’s neck and pulling him close. “He doesn’t hate you Raphie, no one does.”

The larger turtle grunted but leaned into the warmth of his brother, as he always did. “Leo, I think something is wrong with me.” He whispered, his voice so quiet Leonardo almost didn’t hear it over the traffic above the sewer.

“Nothing is wrong with you Raph you just, you just get angry a whole bunch.” Leo insisted but it didn’t seem to help the younger turtle much and he just sunk lower into his shell.

“Sometimes I wish I could hide… Sometimes I wish I could hide in my shell and never ever come out but… But I would s-still b-be there.” Raph said quietly his body hitching before tears began to fall and he buried his head completely in his arms.

“Raphie…” Leo started, his heart aching for his brother as he began to weep. “You don’t have to hide from us…”

“I, I’m not!” The larger turtle cried angrily. “I’m h-hiding f-from m-me.” Raphael finished, his voice breaking as he sobbed, his little mournful cries echoing through the tunnel like a tragic melody.

Leo held his brother close, his small hand rubbing the top of his brother’s head as he tried to find the right words. “Raphie… I love you, you know that right?”

The younger turtle didn’t say anything but Leo did feel a slight nod under his palm.

“I love you, father loves you, Mikey, and even Donnie does… You might get angry, you have your storms but, but you are a good inside.”

“Nu uh… B-bad inside.” Little Raph retorted with a hiccupped cry.

Leo scoffed, his mind racing before he lifted his arm from his brother’s shoulders and crawled in front of him. “Ok, we are gonna do a test!” He said excitedly and clapped his hands together.

The younger turtle may have been less than enthused by the idea but he slowly lifted his head at his brother’s odd suggestion. “Wh-what test, don’t like tests. Thems hard.” He mumbled in confusion as he wiped at his tears.

“Not that kinda test!” Leo said with a giggle before lifting his hands and placing them on either side of his brother’s face. “Okie dokie. You look me right in the eye and I will see if you are bad inside.”

Raph stared at his brother like he was an idiot. “That doesn’t sound like a really good test Leo. It's stupid.”

“No it isn’t!” Leonardo said with a frown. “F-father says the eyes are the umm, well that they show what is inside us, right? So lemme check!” Leo insisted pulling his reluctant brother’s head closer.

“Errr, ok… I guess Splinter does say s-something like that.” Raph grumbled as he allowed himself to be dragged forwards and their foreheads touched.

Leonardo cheered internally. “Yeah and, and Splinter is super smart! Now, shush I need to concentrate!”

The two little turtles stared deeply into each other’s eyes, amber versus blue, tear filled versus calm and inquisitive…

Raph bit his lower lip nervously, his little heart pounding fearfully for what his brother might find inside of him. “Do, do you see it?” He asked, his voice soft and rather scared sounding.

Leo’s eyes narrowed as he searched deeper. “I dunno… I see something but…”

“Is it bad!?” Raph exclaimed, his eyes beginning to fill with tears again.

Leo hummed, his tongue sticking out as he focused. “Hmmmm… Bad, bad… NOPE! I don’t see any bad in there!”

Raph blinked, his little form tensing for a moment. “You, you s-sure?”

Leo moved closer their beaks touching as well as their foreheads as he searched. “I don’t see any bad Raphie. I see ummm… I see bravery, I see some sad bits, and alsooo the bestest little brother in the whole wide world, but… But you can’t tell anybody else I said that, ok?” He added with a grin.

Again Raph blinked his cheeks blushing before he began giggling. “Leo, you think all of us are your bestest brother.” He said shyly and Leo pulled back as he shook his head.

“I don’t know what you are talking bout.” He said with a smiled, happy to see his younger brother smiling at last. He never understood why it took so much for his brother to smile but, but when he could get one out of the smaller turtle he always felt good about it.

Raph rolled his eyes but his grin never wavered. “Ok, ok…” He peered back up at his brother, his smiling growing. “I love you Leo, thank you for checking for my badness.”

“Tell ya what, whenever you get worried about it again, you lemme know. I am now an expert at testing and we can do this as many times as you need, ok!?” The older turtle said as he reached down and clasped his brother’s hand in his. “Promise me? I don’t want you thinking so bad about yourself.”

Raph sighed but nodded. “Ok, I promise.”

“YAY!” Leo cheered before standing and pulling his younger brother up with him. “Now ya gotta go say sorry to Donnie.”

“I know…” Raph grumbled. “Do… Do ya think he still hates me?”

Leo tapped a finger on his chin as he thought. “Umm, I dunno if he is still mad but he doesn’t hate you… Maybe you could do something nice for him in return?”

Raph’s eyes suddenly lit up and he nodded. “I could build with him! I’m good at building, maybe we could fix it together?”

“Yeah! That is a great idea!” Leo exclaimed proudly, the little turtle still holding his brother’s hand as they walked back to their lair. “See, no bad person would think of such a good idea Raphie, you are good, super duper good.”

The younger turtle blushed again but his face was positively beaming. “Yeah… Maybe not so bad.” He whispered his hand tightening around his older brother’s. “You’re a good brother Leo.”

“So are you Raph, we make a good team.”

The younger turtle’s eyes sparkled at that. “The bestest team, but shhh don’t tell anybody!”

Both of the brothers giggled together as they walked, their hearts at ease and hands clasped tight…

“Leo, we are gonna be friends forever right?”

Leo looked at his brother, his smile broad and eyes sparkling. “Forever and always Raphie!” He promised…

Forever and always…

…………………………….

“Leo… Leo please man, wake up.”

Leonardo groaned at the incessant voice that called to him getting the distinct impression it had been calling to him for far too long. Wh-what the…

“Leo please, Pleeease wake up. We need you.”

Need? Who… D-Donnie? He sounds worried, I wonder why.

“Leo… Ohhh man… PLEASE!?”

The eldest Hamato flinched as his brother’s voice grew louder the sound reverberating through his aching head like thunder. “Unnnn, D-Donnie… A-Asprin…” He mumbled, not willing to open his eyes yet as he was certain that would take his raging headache to a whole other level.

“Leo! Thank god. Oh, oh yeah… Uhhh, here.”

He felt his hand being pulled aside, two pills dropping into the center of his palm as he moaned with pain.

“I have water here too but you’d need to sit…” Donatello said but his elder brother just groaned at the idea.

“S’fine,” Leo muttered opening his beak and throwing the pills back before swallowing they dry. It hurt but again he wasn’t ready to fully come back to the world and sitting up may have just ended up with him purging all over himself and any near him.

Once the bitter tasting medicine worked its way down his far too dry throat Leo braved a glance and slowly creaked open his eyelids. At first there was nothing but blurred agony but eventually shapes began to form in the light and he found Donatello’s anxiety ridden face right in front of him.

“D-Donnie…” His voice was gruff and weak he was sure but even that little bit of noise added to jackhammer that was relentlessly slamming against his brain.

“Leo, shit man… I was so worried. It has been two days I…” The younger turtle had to stop talking as tears filled his eyes and he shook his head. “I was so damn worried.”

Two days? What the heck h-happened?

Leo’s eyes opened a little more and he realized that he was lying in his room. “D-days? I, I don’t member…” Suddenly his heart skipped as he thought of his father and gasped as he turned his dizzy head to his brother. “S-Splinter?”

Please don’t be dead, please don’t have left when I was unconscious!  

“He is alright Leo, well, as well as he has been at least.” Donnie promised him, the younger turtle smiling at his brother as the fear in his elder brother eyes faded.

Leo exhaled in relief. “Good… Is R-Raph taking c-care of y-you guys?” He asked as he tried to start getting himself to a sitting position yet, as his brother continued to remain silent and then lower his head Leo again felt his heart skip a beat. “D-Donnie? What, what is w-wrong?”

Donatello sighed heavily before lifting his head his dark brown eyes red with tears and dim with sorrow. “Leo, Raph… Raph was taken, don’t you remember?”

“WHAT!?” Leo sprang up from his bed, his heart racing when suddenly memories tore through his mind. He remembered Raph racing off, them going out to find him, the patrol, the mutants and then…

Then…

Oh gods...

His legs went out from under him, his hands just barely catching him as he began to vomit violently.

“LEO!” Donnie called to him from somewhere beyond the storm of chaos that Leonardo suddenly found himself in but those images, those wretched last images he had of his brother were, were too consuming, too horrifying and… And he couldn’t seem to escape.

All he could see was the tears in Raph’s eyes, the fear, the degradation, shame… He had looked so afraid, even as he swore, even as he growled and struggled. Raphael had… He had been breaking inside.

He had been ashamed of what that, that FUCKING FREAK was doing to HIM! Ohhh gods… Ohhh Raph…

All he could hear was the sobs, the growls, the screaming as Raph was, was used right in FRONT of him and he hadn’t been able to do one DAMN THING!

Another bought of nausea roiled through him and with it another bout of bile and wasted medicine. I did NOTHING and now Raph is in that monster’s claws… I…

“Leo?”

The eldest turtle lifted his head, the haze pulling back for how desperate his other brother sounded and he felt his heart sink at the look of utter despair he found on the younger turtle’s face. I, I need to f-focus… I, I can’t lose myself right now, m-my family needs… Ohhh, Raph…

Tears filled his own eyes, his heart pulsing so quickly it felt like it was trying to escape his chest. I need to, I need to k-keep it together… I am the leader, I need… Ohh, it hurts s-so much… I failed him, I failed him when he needed me most and now he is with that monster who is probably…

He stopped that train of thought immediately, it was selfish perhaps but, but he couldn’t get lost down that wicked road of wondering what might be happening to his brother… Especially not with some sick FUCK like Gin Shi.

Gin Shi… That bastard, I will get him I swear but, but first I need to calm down. I need to focus, I need…

Suddenly there was laughter heard outside of his door and Leo frowned as he realized it wasn’t Mikey’s voice he heard, but a child’s? What the…

Donnie had been quietly observing his brother’s melt down, gently rubbing his shell for whatever little support that may have lent him when he too heard the laughter and saw the flash of confusion pass across Leo’s face.

“Yeah so, we have another problem too.” Donnie mumbled wearily, heaving a heavy sigh as his brother peered blearily at him. “You know those mutants we found, well… I didn’t know what to do with them and as Raph was taken and you were unconscious I… I brought them here.”

Leonardo blinked at his brother, his already reeling mind working far too slow to keep up with all that had happened thus far. “Wh-what?” He asked stupidly, half out of shock and half out of pure disbelief.

Donnie rubbed his face hard. “I brought them here Leo.” He answered with a shrug. “I didn’t know what to do! I had no one to turn to and, they are like they are soooo… Yeah.”

Leo stared at him. “A-all of them?” He again stupidly asked but he just, just couldn’t wrap his mind around the fact that they now had the responsibility of ten mutants to contend with on top of Raph…

Donnie looked at him flatly. “No Leo, only the pretty ones. Of course all of them!” He exclaimed yet instantly felt bad as Leo gripped his head painfully. “S-Sorry…” He muttered more quietly. “But yeah, all of them. They aren’t too bad though, most of them still can talk, and a few remember who they used to be but the others…”

Leo narrowed his eyes. “They… They don’t have their memories? Wh-what h-happened to them?” He asked weakly as he pulled himself up and sat against his bed, the scent of his vomit was making him want to add to the little puddle.

“Err, listen. You rest a bit and I will clean up this mess and grab you some tea and then we can talk?” Donnie suggested as he stood. “You want a hand getting back into bed?”

“N-No…” Leo muttered, closing his eyes as his headache thundered.

“Ok…” Donnie said quietly, the younger turtle shifting from one foot to the other for a moment before lunging forwards, falling to his knees, and wrapping his arms around his brother tightly. “I am so glad you are ok.”

Leo blinked in surprise before smiling softly and wrapping his arms around the younger turtle as well. “I am s-sorry I scared you.”

Donnie nodded into Leo’s shoulder. “We will get him back, I promise Leo… I, I never should have pushed him a-away.” He whispered guiltily.

Leo titled his head, peering at his brother curiously. “Donnie… I, I want you to know this isn’t your fault.”

Donnie scoffed but didn’t say anything, only tightened his arms one more time before stiffly standing and walking out of the room.

While watching the other turtle dejectedly walk away Leo made a decision, he would bare the brutality, the wretched way that Raph was taken alone for now and not tell his brothers the horrid truth.

He didn’t know what else was to befall Raph, what other abuse but when they got him back they, they could work together on piecing him back together… Mentally or physically but for now his family had enough to fret over…

Raph, to see you so afraid it… It is something I will never forget. I am so sorry, so freaking sorry. I will find you I promise and, and no matter what has happened to you I will find a way to fix it…

A sob pulled from his throat then and he buried his head in his hands as he allowed himself this one small chance to break. I, I l-love you Raph, I love you so damn much…

More than I e-ever knew… Please hang on, I beg you…

“I, I l-love y-you Raphie, f-forever and a-always, ohhhh…” He whispered brokenly as he wept for his brother, his friend, his….

His love?

I will find you, I always have and… And always will, no matter the state you are in. I WILL find you.

Chapter Text

By the time the room stopped spinning and he had officially emptied anything he had eaten over the last decade out onto the floor, Leonardo finally pushed himself into standing and faced the nightmare that had suddenly befallen him and his family.

N-Need to focus. Check on Splinter, then deal with mutants, then find a way to save Raph. He thought as he gratefully accepted Donnie’s arm to help him up and began stumbling to his father’s room.

“I told Mikey to keep the others busy for now. You can meet them all after seeing Splinter but I don’t think you will get much out of father, Leo… He hasn’t been waking much these days.” Donatello told him as they bumbled their way through the den.

Their home was empty except for the two brothers for the moment but there were multiple piles of blankets set up against the far wall in what they considered their living room, and numerous garbage bags of clothing set about the room leaving it crowded but surprisingly clean. Hell, even the kitchen looked better scrubbed than Leonardo had ever seen it. Well, at least it seems like not everything has fallen apart, yet.

“Where did the s-supplies come from?” Leo asked weakly and Donnie smiled.

“Got some help from April and Casey. She knows of some shelters that were willing to donate some clothes, hygiene products, and blankets. She has been down here quite a bit recently…” Donnie added with a tired sigh. “I don’t know what we would have done without either of um.”

Leo hung his head as they walked. “I, I am sorry Donnie. When you guys needed me most I have been at my worst.” He said sadly, his guilt continuing to gnaw at his heart. How am I going to fix all of this? Father, I wish I could ask for your advice.

The younger turtle shrugged. “Hey we are family, we all need to share this burden.” He answered, his voice confident and warm yet it just seemed to tear at the eldest brother all the more.

F-Family… Damnit… Yes, we need to… I need to remember, I need to rely on them too. We, we can do this. They aren’t just young kids anymore, I can rely on them as much as I did Raph…

But was that really true?

Technically Splinter had declared their ages long ago, the rat having one way or another to have been gifted with that information and that now placed him at nineteen, Raph eighteen, and Donnie and Mikey closer in age at seventeen. So perhaps they really were just kids, in human standards at least, but their life had been completely different from any humans and had needed to mature far quicker but still…

Arrgh we can do this, we have to. Leo thought, his teeth grating as he forced his weary form forwards. He would love for him and his brothers to have a peaceful life, have a life like normal teenagers but he knew that would never be because just like love there were things they would never be gifted with in this life…

Well, maybe…

A small broken smile lifted on his lips as he thought of Raph, his heart thumping as he recalled the younger turtle’s words but his joy was quickly tainted as another set of memories suddenly assaulted him and he bit back on the despairing whimper that threatened to escape him because of them.

No, no don’t think of that! You need to focus! Focus on what you can do now, focus on what steps to take to free him not… Not what might be happening to him right n-now…

Oh Raphie, I am so sorry. We, we won’t leave you to that nightmare, I swear.

They finally made their way to their father’s room and Donnie was kind enough to let him slump against the wall as he slid the door open.

“He, he was awake a little earlier, was asking about you.” The other turtle said quietly before peeking in yet any hope left his brown eyes and he shook his head sadly at his brother. “Sorry, seems he is still asleep.”

Leo nodded slowly, his eyes scrunching closed as his headache began to pound again just from the small movement. Trying his best to ignore the pain he smiled and pushed himself off the wall. “That is alright Donnie, he needs the rest…” He said gently before another thought struck him, one he had been wondering about since he awoke. “Uhh Donnie, does Splinter know? Does he know about everything?” He asked, slightly nervous with what his brother would say.

If Splinter knew the gravity of what was happening he would probably not allow himself to rest and insist on being part of the planning to get Raph back home. As much as Leo would have loved to have some help in the daunting challenge that was now presented to him the last thing he wanted to do was add to his father’s stress and fragility.

Donatello shook his head, his brown eyes lowering guiltily. “No… No he doesn’t know.” He said quietly and Leo had to keep in the sigh of relief that statement gave him.  Thank gods…

Though, as happy as the elder brother was Donnie looked downright ruined by the secret. “I, I am sorry Leo he just… He isn’t conscious long enough these days to even have the chance explain what has happened. I, I hate lying to him but I am worried what Raph’s capture would do to him.” He added solemnly before forcing a smile. “But he has been eating better, well, just before he falls back to sleep.”

“Eating, that’s good and don’t worry about not telling him. I know it feels wrong but I agree with your choice and think it may be better to leave him out of this chaos for now.” Leo mumbled as he worked his way along the hall’s wall, his shaking palms leading him until he finally made it to the doorway and clung to that to keep him on his feet. “I, I will be a minute. Just need to gather myself.” He told his younger brother and Donnie nodded.

“I understand. I will gather the others for when you are ready.” Donatello offered as he made to turn away but his wrist was quickly caught by Leo and he frowned as he looked up to his older brother. “Leo, what is it?”

“I just…” Leo started with a sigh. “I just wanted to thank you, Donnie. You, you have done well, both you and Mikey… You should be proud of yourselves.” He finished quietly, his hand tightening around the other turtle affectionately but Donnie’s frown never faltered and, if anything, just grew deeper and darker.

“You can be proud of me once we get Raph back, Leo.” The younger turtle muttered before pulling his arm away, not unkindly, and stiffly walking away.

Leo watched him go, his heart feeling like a weighted lump of frigid despair the entire time. Donnie, this isn’t your fault, damnit. Don’t be too hard on yourself, we will get through this. He thought with forced determination yet shadows of doubt ate at him, especially when he thought of how Raphael might be fairing in all of this…

His brother was alone with that monster Gin Shi and Shredder and he just prayed, to anyone whom might listen, that his brother’s stubborn will would help him now.

Don’t give up Raph, you are stronger than them! Remember we need you, remember you are loved, and you won’t be alone forever.

He fell to his knees next to his father’s bed, his joints still aching from that awful venom that had made his muscles seize so violently, yet he made sure to bow low to his Master, his teacher, his father, his friend…

Sensei I… I have failed so terribly. He thought as he rested his fevered forehead against the floor, his hands fisting next to him as the pain in his heart grew exponentially with his silent admission.

I failed father and now Raphael is locked away not only with Shredder but this new enemy, one that is… Is so twisted! He… Father he…

“He…” A broken whisper escaped him, his teeth grinding as his fists opened and he clawed at the floor under him. His heart began to thunder, the sound obliterating anything else he was receiving, that and his ragged breathing.

Raphie! What is he doing to you!? What is he planning!? Why did he want you!? Why did he, why did he TOUCH YOOOOU!?

With each wild pant dust flew up off the floor the light particles puffing out and glittering in the low light of the candle that was set on his father’s table.

“F-Father… I, I don’t understand thiiis…” He strangled out quietly, not wanting to speak so loudly that he woke the rat but the silence was too oppressive! He needed something, something to come out of him because, because he felt like something was bubbling, boiling inside him and at least if he spoke it took away some of the pressure, the pain inside.

“I… I don’t know how to contend with what happened father. I, I have never seen Raph so… So s-small so u-used and… And I did nothing!” A small sob was pulled from his mouth and he growled because of it, clawing at the floor harder and he could feel the skin on his fingertips began to crack and bleed.

The pressure, the fire inside him kept growing, burning hotter and hotter and with it his control faltered, his ability to think crumbled and he felt blind, felt suffocated by it all.

He hurt him! He took his pride, took his power from him and made him submit! He forced him to his knees! RAPH! He… HOW DARE HE!? How dare he hurt Raphael like that, how dare he tear into him like that and how Dare I do NOTHING while it HAPPENED!?

He gasped for air, the pain in his fingertips helping ground him but, but it wasn’t enough!

He is probably tearing into Raph RIGHT NOW! Right now as I kneel here, just as he did, and feel pity in the comfort that surrounds me! What, WHAT am I doing to help but feeling pity for myself!?

“Ohhh… Oh god… F-fatherrrr…” A broken moan and suddenly he couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t see, feel… He wanted to feel, he wanted to feel pain, wanted to punish himself for his failure! He…

Ohhh… I can’t break down! I need to keep control! Raph needs me, my family needs me! Just breathe Leonardo! Just breathe…

Slowly, agonizingly so, he released his clenched muscles his hands lifting from the floor and he sighed wearily at the bloody claw marks he left on his father’s floor an ironic thought fleeting through his mind as he stared at his wet fingertips.

Is this how Raphael feels during his storms? A small, bitter smile lifted upon Leo’s lips as he mused what Raph would think of him right now. He could see the larger turtle leaning in the doorway with that cocky grin, his arms crossed as he peered smugly down at his ever controlled and calm brother.

“Chaos is a bitch ain’t it, fearless?”  He could hear his brother say and another sob broke from him as in that same illusion he saw himself scrambling off the floor in an instant and lunging at Raph, wrapping his arms around him and never, never letting go.

“I l-love you R-Raph…” He whispered to the silent darkness that surrounded him and finally let his tears fall as he curled into a ball beside his father.

“I love y-you s-so much… I wish I had s-seen it b-before.” He admitted brokenly, his blood covered fingers wrapping around the top of his head as he cried.

He did love Raph, more than he ever realized and every moment the larger turtle was not with him he felt a little more of himself break away… He felt like he was losing control, felt like he was breaking inside and he couldn’t help but wonder…

If he felt this broken, how was Raphael handling all of this?

Please, please god, please fate, ANYONE … Give him the strength to keep going! Help him be strong and return to us… Please? Don’t let him give up… I need him, I need him more than I ever realized.

As the eldest Hamato quietly shattered next to his dying father the second eldest was praying for the same strength because,  after hours of torture his resolve was beginning to crumble nearly as quickly as his body was…

No matter how much he tried to deny it.

………..................

The chains didn’t jingle through the dark chamber anymore, there were no more screams, no more sounds of steel against flesh, no more snaps of a whip, no crackling of electricity, no splashes of water, no jeering was heard, no laughter mockingly echoing in the small rusted quarters, no threats or information demanded…

No, only oppressive silence now filled the wicked room the broken creature hung within and he, he no longer had the strength to move.

Ain’t gonna b-break… N-Never b-break. A feeble, garbled thought or perhaps wish flickered through the beast’s mind as he spit out another glop of sticky blood.

Blood.

Every piece of his existence, of his very being was now consumed with blood. He smelt it, tasted it, flesh was bathed in layers of it, some dry and flaking while more collected in sticky globs and even more seeped down from his freshest wounds in crimson rivulets…

He was chilled by its wetness, fevered by its loss, and sick off how much he had swallowed…

He was so hungry.

A broken moan pulled from Raphael as he fought to remain conscious and keep his head up because he now knew what would happen if he fell asleep with his collar on and the deep burn in the side of his neck was proof of that terrible promise.

C-Can’t break, can’t sleep.... Z-zap… It will z-zap again... The words hammered in his tattered mind as he lifted his head up once more, if it lowered too far the collar was activated and a charge of electricity would erupt from the fang like prongs inside the band and then, agony.

He had tried to use the electrocution at one point during the endless torture to help him just fall to unconsciousness but somehow they were placed just so that whenever they went off he remained conscious the entire time.

The clan members had laughed at him, the bastards, the first time he had tried to force himself into the peaceful oblivion of unconsciousness, all of them jeering as he screamed and jerked wildly in his chains, only stopping him as they complained for the scent of burning flesh…

He was wrapped in a nightmare, a nightmare that he had never faced before and with each moment that passed he knew he was losing more and more of himself.

The second time he was graced with General Gou’s presence was far different from the first, namely because he was already in worse shape after his previous beatings and being used by both him and Shi, but also the despair that had been festering in his gut was growing as well.

SH-shut up… Mmm f-fine. Everything, everything f-fine… Just so f-fucking tired. So tired…

To say he was exhausted by the time Gin Shi left him with the Foot was, what he thought at the time, a grave understatement because now as he hung in the darkness, hours and hours of torment finally over with, or he prayed it was, he couldn’t seem to stay conscious for the life of him.

P-Please, please let it be done… N-No more… Let me… Need rest…

Unlike the first tests, as Shi had called them, this time General Gou had pulled out all the stops for the young turtle and where there had only been flesh on flesh attacks in the beginning now there was blades, whips, electrocution, water boarding…

The General was rather skilled at his methods and for the most part remained silent through them all beyond asking that same infuriating question, “Where is your lair?”

Over, and over, and OvEr the same question was asked and it didn’t matter if Raph could hardly move his jaw, or even remembered how to breathe still he asked and Raph, said nothing.

Nothing…

No quips, nothing sarcastic, nothing.

There were screams pulled from him eventually, he couldn’t have stopped them if he tried especially when electrocuted. There were also some incoherent noises that escaped him but other than that he saved his strength and took his punishments in silence.

Every cut, every slash, every punch, kick, submersion in water, every stab, or broken bone; he kept what little wits he had and never broke…

Not yet at least.

He wasn’t sure how long he was tortured for this time, it was definitely far longer than the last time and he almost wished he would be transferred to Shi just so he could sleep on the walk there. He hadn’t slept in so long, he hadn’t consumed anything more than his own blood, he was a wreck and he knew the longer this went on the closer he got to breaking.

N-no… Canna b-break… F-family needs… Father, brothers, L-Leo…

Whenever the pain grew too horrendous or he felt another crack form inside him he would repeat a mantra of sorts, one that reminded him what he was fighting for and what he needed to save.

Every crack of the whip…

Mikey…

Every slash of a knife…

Donnie…

Every staff to his torso…

Father…

And every zap from his wretched collar…

L-Leo… Leo… I love you.

Minutes, hours, eternity… Through it all he was conscious all the while begging, wishing for someone to make it stop, to give him the strength to not flinch under the next abuse, to not scream so that the others would laugh and yet all he received from the heavens he prayed to was silence.

Always silence and yet not…. It wasn’t complete silence because even when he wasn’t crying out, bellowing in pain and rage so much it felt his throat was bleeding he cried internally, the whispered screams echoing in his broken mind sang to him and he was their only audience.

A private show of destruction, just for him.

Beyond the hidden screams, his thoughts did veer off as time went, the pain giving him an almost euphoric sense of lucidity at times and he would find himself smiling insanely as memories passed through his jumbled mind. He saw images of his family coming to the forefront of his shattering existence, all of them laughing, fighting, messing around, training, living…

He missed them desperately.

He missed Donnie coming out of his room, his skin charred from some failed device yet he would always smile when his struggles paid off and he finally got whatever crazy contraption he was working on to actually succeed.

Hell, he even missed Mikey’s humor, wishing he had his little brother here to make some ridiculous jokes about how fucked they were… It would be a far better alternative to Raph’s own dark thoughts.

Then there was Splinter.

He missed his father so much and continued to have to push away the thought that while he and Leo were here that Splinter might just…  Just…

No, no not h-helping! Can’t think of that sh-shit! Everybody will be f-fine… All fine…

As much he didn’t want to consider the possibility of his Sensei dying while he was captured it continued to haunt him, wretched images of his father rotting on his bed, or Mikey and Donnie being captured ripping through the fog that had settled over his agony ridden reality.

Leo… Leo would be d-destroyed if Splinter d-died and we weren’t th-there… That was a sobering thought as well, one of many that he had of his older brother in his glorious time with the Foot.

Where was Leo, what was happening to him, how was he dealing with it all?

Better than me I hope. It was a weak hope but one that kept Raph going. If Leo could get through all this then so could he, damnit! Course, Leo supposedly didn’t need to go through Shi’s treatment but he was grateful for that more than anything.

I, I can m-make it through that too. It’s fine… Fine… Ohhh, please… Let it be fine.

As much as he longed for the long walk to the lab he also dreaded it; being ripped into with weapons and such, it fucking sucked, but at least those wounds were only skin deep.

What Shi did to him tore at his very core and made him not only hate himself but feel so small.

So small.

Gin Shi had made him submit, taken his identity, and was playing with him on a level inside that Raphael had never experienced before. The fucker was insane and out of all of this Raph feared what damage he could inflict the most. That the bastard hadn’t taken him for his second round of torture yet, and that terrified Raph as well but also made sense to the battered turtle.

The more they broke him down physically, the easier it would be to do so mentally later. The fucker had probably planned it out this way so that the next time he had Raph in his twisted hands he would…

Would…

NO! NO don’t think… N-Naah… Fine… Fine. Gotsa be. Gotsa be f-fine… F-fine. One step, one at a time.

His fear of being in that snake’s hands was for another time as at the current moment the onslaught of physical torture had ceased, for the moment, and he hung limply in his chains as he nervously awaited whatever horrors were coming next. They be back… Lying, tricking but they be back…

They had tricked him like this once before, leaving him alone just long enough for him to hope the torture was finished for the day but the moment he had fallen asleep and the collar flared to life, re-scorching the already massive burn on his neck, they came at him again.

W-won’t h-hope… They… Be back, come back and h-hurt me again…

He creaked open his aching eyes, the amber orbs bloodshot and itchy as he peered around the dark room yet found he was alone…

H-Hiding, hiding in d-darkness… F-fuckers trick, tricking me… He thought bitterly, a weak growl pulling from deep in his throat when he frowned as his wrists slipped down a bit and he felt a burst of pain tear through it.

What? He let his head fall back, blinking away old tears and blood as he tried to focus on the limb and he chuckled brokenly at how mangled his wrist looked. B-broken… Musta p-pulled too h-hard with sh-shocks… Th-that’s funny.

Of course it wasn’t funny that his wrist was broken but it was rather amusing to his muddled mind how the shattered bones were now almost folding in on themselves because of his weight pulling them down.

His laugh grew in volume with the pain, the dopamine in his system both a blessing and a curse as he felt drunk with it and it clouded his judgment because had he been more aware he would have realized how his hand was slowly slipping through the shackle, inch by inch the collapsing bones and slick blood helping his wrist slide further and further through until…

POP!

So lost in his fascination of how his wrist was twisting in grotesque angles the young turtle could only gasp as one arm suddenly came free and he screamed as all of his weight dropped heavily on only one of his shoulders. He was fairly certain it was the one he had dislocated because his haze cleared up very fast as fire over took the joint to a nauseating degree.

“Nnnnnnngggg! Arrrgh, FUUUUCK!” Slurred swears escaped him as he desperately clawed at the second shackle with his free hand but with his wrist being so broken, along with some of his fingers evidently, he couldn’t get a good grip and the anguish in his shoulder was consuming what little sanity he had left.

“Ahhhh… ARRRRRGH! FUUUUUCK! Please… PLEASE! ARRRRRRGH!” Anger began to boil through his tortured frame, his beast calling to him, coming to the forefront as the pain drug him deeper and deeper into madness.

He needed to stop this pain.

His blunt nails scratched at his still bound wrist, long jagged cuts forming with each failed grasp, so much so that his blood was now dripping on his scrunched up face, the bitter iron taste of it just mixing with the old in his snarling mouth.

Help… Help! I… FUCK THIIIIS!

He roared, ripping at his flesh and not even feeling the pain. Each stroke lathered his limb in more and more of the precious life giving liquid until another POP sounded and with a weak cry he slipped out of that shackle as well and landed in a jumbled heap on the floor.

“Uunnnn…” He moaned miserably, his empty stomach flipping as he tried to get his bearing and his first thought was that his captors would rip him apart for being out of his chains but the second thought was what really caught his attention…

Ch-chains gone? Chains gone…

CHAINS GONE!?

He shook his head, his heart suddenly thundering as he tried to lift himself to his hands and knees and promptly fell on his face as his broken wrist gave out from under him.

Arrrgh f-fuck… S-Slow… Slow dey, dey might be h-hidden… Watching… Again he tried to move, careful for the leg he was sure was at least fractured and the ribs that clanked brokenly together deep inside him but eventually he got to his knees and slumped there as he caught his breath.

Arms… Arms free, b-broken but they free… What, what do now? Arrrgh tinking h-hard… While most of the damage they had inflicted was focused more below his neck, knife wounds, slashes of a whip across his plastron, and bruises; they had hit him quite a few times across his head and like before his thoughts were muddled and unclear.

Arrrgh, f-fuckin con-concussion… Shit.

He raised his head after a moment, hoping he hadn’t lost himself in the haze of thought for too long as he tried to gather his wits about him and somehow make a plan.

He was in the first room he had been in when he had awoken to this nightmare and he knew that meant he was probably on one of the higher levels of the abandoned rig as it had taken so long to get to the lower lab before. He peered behind him at his ankles and smiled as he found them only shackled to one another with a short bit of chain connecting them. It would make walking difficult, but not impossible.

He could escape!

A smile formed on his scarred and bleeding lips but only for a moment before he remembered he wasn’t the only captive being held in this nightmare and he whimpered as despair clawed at him.

Leo… Leo and that k-kid below… I, I can’t a-abandon… Ohhh f-fuck. Whada do?

He was a mess right now, not even certain he could walk and make an escape but, but could he leave those two in this Hell? Arrrgh, L-Leo… I, I am so t-tired… Whada do? Ohhhh…

Tears filled his eyes as he hung his head; he knew he was wasting time, he knew he should just run, run and grab Mikey and Donnie and lead them here but… But what if they killed Leo because he escaped? What if they then made Leo go through those sick experiments with Shi instead of him, could he leave his brother to that?

No… No, Leo… Leo is good, better than m-me. Can’t h-have that happen to him…And with that he was moving.

He got to his feet somehow, his unbroken hand clinging to the walls as he slowly, agonizingly made his way to the door of his torture room and pressed his fevered head to the door to listen.

No, no f-footsteps… Ok, ok… Jus push, push and go… Gotta find L-Leo… He told himself, his shaking hand lifting to the round handle of the steel door and began to turn.

Gonna, gonna be ok… Be ok, be f-free…He finally got the door to open, his heart swelling with relief that he had found it unlocked and he almost tumbled out into the hall for how weak he was.

Arrgh f-fuck. Stay on ya feet turtle. You got a j-job ta do… He told himself, steeling his racing heart for what he needed to do when a light breeze came from the hall behind him and he gasped when, for the first time in too long, he caught the scent of fresh air.

He turned in a stumbling circle, his bloodshot eyes filling with tears as he basked in the cool fresh air, he was so close to an escape! He, he was right there, freedom so close and with it the promise of no more pain but…

L-Leo... I, I... Fuck, I am sorry. I ain't thinking straight... I, I'd never leave ya... Mmm s-sorry fer thinking it...

His aching, bleeding head fell low between his shoulders, shame tearing through his heart for even considering abandoning Leo and he mournfully turned away from his freedom and began walking deeper into his nightmare.

I ain’t gonna leave him! N-no way. Leo, I am coming for ya, I won’t leave you to this nightmare alone! The broken turtle promised as he sacrificed his freedom and set his focus on rescuing his brother, a brother he admired, loved more than anything and…

And wasn’t even there.

Chapter Text

Leo had allowed himself an hour alone. He had cried himself empty, given himself time to recover and now, now it was time to face the insanity of reality.

He brought himself to his feet, his head hung but eyes sharp, calculating before he bowed once more to his resting father and left the room. As he slid the door shut behind him he sighed as the sound of laughter came from the living room, that and murmured talking. Seems they have returned from wherever Mikey took them to…

He inhaled a long deep breath before letting it out slowly. Alright Leonardo, time to face this nightmare. He told himself as he stumbled down the hall to whatever fate had planned for him now.

His muscles were feeling a little better now, his enhanced healing and movements helping work out the rest of that wretched venom and he was able to walk almost normal at this point, now if only his stomach would settle down.

As he neared the main room of their den he grimaced as the scent of pasta filled the air, and as hungry as he was the thought of consuming any sort of acidic sauce just sat poorly with his already churning stomach.

“See whatcha gotta do is cook the veggies first right?” Mikey’s voice floated down the hall to the eldest Hamato brother and Leo was happy to hear the younger turtle sounding so jovial but, he knew it was a lie.

Mikey might play the fool but he was one of the smartest, most empathetic members of their family and yet he seemed content to be the jokester in their odd family and honestly, Leo wouldn’t have it any other way.

So many times they had faced darkness that no one their age should have and to have Mikey there, quipping and making light of every monster they needed to face it, it meant the world to each of the brothers… Even Raph, though he pretended otherwise.

Raphie… Thinking of Raphael made him stumble, his weak legs almost giving out entirely when two long and unexpected arms flew out suddenly and he gasped as he peered up at the stranger that caught him and froze.

Oh my god… Two cat like eyes peered back at him their green color almost glowing but the oddity didn’t stop there.

The beast, and he loathed to be judgmental because really did he have room to speak, smiled a toothy fanged grin before helping Leo straighten but the oldest turtle could only stare in awe and shock at him.

He seemed to be a mold of a large cat, a leopard by the looks of the spots that covered his furry arms, but it wasn’t a smooth plain of fur, more splotchy patches than anything giving the man a wild and ragged type of look. The mutant, he could settle on calling it a mutant without feeling terrible, also had a short muzzle, cat nose, and two set of ears; one human on the sides of his head and the other two were clearly leopard’s ears and they were set upon the top of his head…

He was a mess.

When Leo finally came back to himself and tore his eyes away from the mismatched mutant he peered around him to find even more oddly structured creatures, all of them clearly blended with various types of animals and human and they all represented predatory beasts.

There was a tiger woman, a bear man, a hawk uhhhh, maybe woman, and so many more but what really stopped him were the children and he felt his heart break as he scanned over the little ones that looked up at him with innocent wonder.

Out of the ten mutants four of them were children, each close in age and yet clearly different nationalities as the little bit of skin color that showed all varied, they were obviously not family… Well, not in the traditional manner at least but whatever nightmares had brought them together did seem to create a connection as they seemed very comfortable with one another, almost like him and his brothers.

Ten imperfect mutants, ten lost, confused mutants that had possibly been human once had families, had lives and now… Now it was up to him and his brothers to sort out what to do with them.

Oh boy.

“LEO!”

The eldest turtle looked up as Mikey called to him, his eyes widening as the youngest turtle cheered and jumped at him.

“Mikey NO!” Leo tried to warn his brother, his arms going out to protect himself but the other turtle was already airborne and both of them went flying backwards.

Leonardo grunted in pain as his shell crashed against the cement flooring but he kept the shout of pain down as Mikey wrapped his arms around his torso and began squeezing the life out of him.

“Leo man! Ohhh man, we were so worried!” Mikey muttered, his beak smashed up against his brother’s plastron as he held him.

Leo smiled, patting the smaller turtle’s head as he tried to get his breath back from the fall. “M-Mikey… I am sorry b-buddy.” He gasped out, his strife finally becoming clear to Michelangelo as the younger turtle squeaked and released him from the vice like hug.

“Ohhh, whoops haha. Here, lemme help ya up.” Mikey suggested, pulling first himself up and then leaning down to help his brother.

The elder brother nodded in thanks as he was lifted, his breath coming a little easier now and he almost felt better when his stomach made a thundering gurgle and he groaned at the gut rot like feeling… I need to eat.

Mikey blinked at Leo in surprise and smile forming on his lips as he pointed to the kitchen. “Hey yeah, you gotta be starving. Let me get you some food?” He offered yet his excitement dwindled as his brother turned a bit grey.

“Umm, thanks Mikey, but I think bread with be fine for now.” Leo told him with an appreciative smile. “Better to start with something small for now, that bite, whatever was in it, hasn’t let me keep much down.” He said gently, not mentioning how the memory of what happened to Raph was also a main contributor to his sickness.

Mikey’s face grew dark, far darker than Leo had seen in some time and for a moment the elder turtle wondered if his brother somehow knew about Raph and what that monster Shi had done to him.

“Yeah, well that guy is an asshole Leo, and I am not sorry for swearing.” Mikey said stubbornly, folding his arms across his chest as he peered defiantly up his elder brother but was surprised when he didn’t find scorn on the other turtle’s face but a sort of haunted look.

“Uhhh…” Michelangelo muttered insecurely, looking over his shoulder at Donnie and he saw his other older brother studying Leo closely.

Did I miss something? He wondered, looking from one turtle to another before a little hand suddenly grasped his and he glanced down to find his new little friend Jonny staring up at him.

Hey little buddy, what’s up?” He asked kindly, getting to his knees to talk to the little cub boy. Jonny was one of the four kids that they had rescued, his mix one with polar bear evidently for all the white fur that was scattered over his lithe body and his adorable round ears and tiny fang filled muzzle.

Like all of those they took back with they he was an imperfect but unlike the others he actually retained most of his memory after the change, that and he was able to speak better than even most the adults, and had remembered his name and how his other, real brother was still in Shredder’s clutches.

Apparently his brother was a favorite of Shi’s because of how well he took to the experiments and he had not been loaded up with the others so that the weird snake scientist could do more tests.

Poor kid. Mikey had taken a liking to all the children they rescued, and found a way to make them feel more at ease regardless if they spoke English or not. Only two of the little ones didn’t speak fluid English, one speaking Spanish and the other was far more comfortable with Japanese which would have been great had he actually spent the time to pay attention to Splinter’s lessons better, but he could communicate with her well enough.

“Is this the hero?” The little cub asked, his far too human eyes peering up at Leo in awe and Mikey shook himself out of his pondering before nodding up at Leo proudly.

“Yup, that is him, our leader.” The orange masked turtle stated confidently and Leonardo forced himself to smile.

He didn’t like being called a hero because, more than ever now, he didn’t feel like one but also the weight that came with such a title it… Well, he had enough on his plate right now to contend with.

The child next to Mikey smiled widely, his little clawed hands clapping with excitement. “You can help me get my little brother back!” He exclaimed, just adding to Leo’s guilt but the overburdened leader smiled.

“I, I will certainly try umm, what is your name?” Leo asked gently and there was a tangible chill that filled the room after his seemingly innocent question and that was when he remembered Donnie’s words earlier on how many of the mutants didn’t retain any of their memories…

“I, I am sorry.” He sputtered guiltily as he scanned over all those around him but the child merely smiled up at him.

“It is ok, Donnie said he might find a way to make us all normal again.” The boy said happily. “And I remember my name, I am Jonny.” He added and Leo tilted his head at the child before looking up at Donnie.

“Do you really think you can help them?” He asked his younger brother his face still bright red from his stupid question and the purple masked turtle shrugged.

“I am gonna try like hell.” Donatello answered him, grinning at the mutants around him. “Umm, why don’t we sit and get Leo up to speed, poor turtle looks like he is about to burst from embarrassment and we have a lot to catch up on.” The younger turtle said, his voice growing more serious at the end and Leo nodded in agreement.

The faster he learned about these mutants and what they were up against the better. He slowly moved through the many figures and eased himself into the largest chair in the living room, one that was usually reserved for Raphael and his heart ached as he caught the spicy scent of his missing brother. Raph, I miss you so much. Almost three days you have been with them now and I… I can only imagine what you are going through.

Donnie again peered at his older brother quizzically, the haunted look in Leo’s eyes never leaving the older turtle and he found himself wondering if there was something about all of this that that he wasn’t being told, something he had missed.

He had that same look once he realized Raph was taken but, but we have all been captured before. Why is this time haunting him so terribly? Is it because of what happened between him and Raph beforehand? Donatello wondered to himself, his frown growing as he continued to watch the other turtle. He had to admit he was surprised that Leo had taken Raph’s seat as he had never done so before. Sure it was a little change, a small gesture but perhaps there was something more going on with his older brothers?

He sighed as he moved into the living space also, him taking his regular spot as Mikey ran off to get Leo some bread and he couldn’t help but think of what had started all this chaos and the odd behavior of Leo now.

They, they had been kissing but at the time Leo seemed terrified by it… I assumed Raph had forced himself on Leo because Raph just kind forces himself anywhere and everywhere… Crap he IS a FORCE but, but maybe I wasn’t one hundred percent correct in my assumption? Huh…

“Donnie?”

Donatello shook his head blinking in surprise as Leo called his name for a third time in a row and he smiled at the older turtle apologetically. “Umm sorry, got thinking.” The younger mutant said with a laugh before clearing his throat and focusing on his current task…

Now how to explain everything?

“Uhhh, so…” He started, watching as many of the mutants settled in different spots around them, most of the adults with that oddly numb expression they carried much of the time and the budding scientist reminded himself to bring up the lack of emotion their guests sometimes showed to Leo.

He started talking then, giving Leo all the information he had acquired about their new mutant friends from the memory loss, more in the adults than children, the irregular cellular structure they all now possessed one Donatello knew could be fatal if it continued to wreak havoc on their genetic makeup but, he hadn’t told any of them his discovery, not yet.

His story lasted a while, some of the sensible adults and even some of the children chiming in with information they had over what had happened to them and Leo listened to it all in silence.

He remained silent as his thoughts spun, putting many of the distorted and at time unbelievable pieces of the story together and by the end his heart was thundering and his mouth dry.

These were indeed some, some of the operatives that had been taken recently but not all. What happened to the others the mutants didn’t know but assumed death was involved and this prompted some tears. Though they didn’t remember all of their time before being changed they did recall everything that had happened since and they told him they were collected one by one and experimented on, some survived and others were just thrown away…

Leo’s expression darkened as they continued, one of the older children telling him she was taken with a group of nearly thirty people but they were all ‘regular people’ as she put it, not ex-marine or army just normal people that were trying to get through the day when they were taken and forced into Shredders sick and twisted slavery.

That Shredder had gone to such lengths in this project frightened the eldest Hamato, his heart clenching as he thought of Raphael and what him being captured might mean for them all.

“He wants to perfect his formula Leo.” Donnie said at one point, the younger turtle’s expression almost as server as Leo’s. “He wants to make a mutant army, just like before but instead of starting with animals and changing them he is taking humans.”

Leo nodded, his previous assumptions coming right back in horrific fashion. “But the formula he has thus far is obviously unstable or broken, right?” He asked his the other turtle and Donnie nodded.

“Evidently.” Donatello muttered as he waved his hands around at their guests. “No offense, I mean umm...” He added, as many of the mutants hung their heads sadly. “I… I am just saying that it is clear that Shredder has employed this Gin Shi to create a perfect formula to blend human DNA with animals, obviously predatory creatures and so far he has failed, but not nearly as badly as I would have hoped. I mean, if he has gotten this far…”

Leo nodded, peering around at all of the somber faces, furred, feathered or otherwise… “Do any of you know where you were? Where these experiments were taking pla…”

“El buque.” One little child exclaimed and Leo narrowed his eyes as he tried to sort out the translation when Donnie thankfully spoke up.

“He says it was a boat, a big one if I got the translation correct.” He turned to the child, rubbing at his chin as he worked through what little Spanish he knew. “Ummm… Era como… Uhhh… Era como un barco de p-pesca?” He asked, feeling like a complete idiot but the child’s face did light up, even if he laughed.

“Entiendo mucho inglés.” He said with another fit of giggles and Donnie’s already beaming blush turned a deeper shade of red.

Mikey looked between the two of them. “Uhhh, what?”

“He said he understands… Arrgh, nevermind.” Donatello groaned as he rubbed his face and looked back down at the kid. “Alright, was it big like a fishing boat or like a shipping kind, naval…”

“Sí, naval.”

Leo sat forwards in Raph’s chair. “A naval ship? How the heck could they get their hands on something like that?”

“Old, broken, decommissioned.” The female tiger said, her voice oddly monosyllabic as she stared ahead at nothing. “Rust, broken metal, dripping water, levels so many levels and the screams…” She continued, her wild eyes growing larger and larger as she went and Donnie and Leo peered at each other worriedly.

“Ok, umm… Thank you.” Leo said cautiously, his heart thumping faster as the woman’s hands started shaking.

“Screams, all screams, and the dead, they pile the dead in front of the cages… Dead, dead, dead!” She repeated her thin body rocking back and forth as she spoke and Leo could watched it all with growing terror.

What, what the hell nightmare have all of these people stepped out of!? Gods, Raph is there right now with Shi! I… Raphie… Oh man, I need to get you out of there! Leo thought, his heart pounding wildly in his chest as the woman continued to descend into whatever bedlam haunted her.

“Bodies, so many twisted BODIES! Where, WHERE is my baby!? Where is my BAAAAABY!?” The last word was shrieked, the woman screaming madly as she suddenly jumped to her feet and all three turtles did as well.

The children began to cry, all of them crawling away from the woman as she continued her decline into madness and started pulling her fur out in chunks.

“SHIT! GRAB HER MIKEY!” Leo shouted, leaping over the retreating children as the rest of the adults just stared in the numb oblivion.

“I don’t wanna grab her! I might hurt her!” Mikey answered him, the smallest turtle nervously circling the woman as she continued falling apart.

Leo growled, dashing over the couch before wrapping his massive arms around her and pinning her arms to her sides.

“Nooooo! NOOO! MY BAAAABY! They took my BAAAAABY! WHERE IS HE!? CHRISTOPHER! MOMMY IS HEEEERE! He screams, he is SCREEEAMING! Let ME GOOOOO!” She bellowed, thrashing in Leo’s arms and he fought with her, hoping he wasn’t bruising her for how tight he was holding on.

“Leo, I got it!” Donnie’s voice suddenly rang out over the insanity and Leo looked up just in time to find his brother leaning in and placing a needle against her neck before injecting her with something. “It will take a minute.” He told Leo breathlessly and just as promised as the seconds passed the woman’s energy seemed to wain and her scream soften until she lie limp in the eldest turtle’s arms.

“Oh… Oh my god. What, what was that?” Leo whispered, staring down at the woman in horror as Donnie merely nodded.

“Yeah umm, sorry bout that. I forgot to mention that they break out of the numbness sometimes and well… That happens.” The younger turtle said wearily, wiping at his forehead as he stumbled back to his seat.

Leo lifted the woman up higher, cradling her as gently as one would a baby… Just what had this poor woman been through? He peered up at all those gathered, his mind and heart reeling… What have they all been through beside the change? I… She sounded so desperate, she is missing her child? What… What kind of monsters are we dealing with now? How can Shredder condone this?

“Momma…”

Leo was pulled from his dark thoughts as the little boy Jonny walked up to him, his ears flat against his head as he reached out to the woman and the eldest Hamato felt his stomach churn sickly. “This, this is your mother?” He asked, his voice barely over a whisper and the child nodded, his eyes filled with tears.

“She, she gets like that sometimes now but, BUT SHE ISN’T BAD! He did this to her! He made her so crazy and kept my little brother and I… I…” A sob tore through whatever response he had been trying to finish so he just stood there, his tiny frame shaking as he glared at Leo as if he was going to challenge the child’s words.

This poor child, these poor people…

“O-Of course she isn’t.” Leo said gently, crouching down and allowing the boy grasp at his mother’s hand. “I, I am sorry she was hurt like this but, but I swear my brothers and I will do anything in our power to help all of you.” He promised the child before laying the woman down on a blanket Mikey had gratefully placed down for her and Jonny slumped over his mother protectively as he cried.

Leo stepped away, giving the broken family a moment when he felt the warmth of someone behind him and he peered over his shoulder to find Donatello there.

“Hey Leo, it has been a long day. Why don’t we finish talking alone? I will get Mikey to help them get settled, he is good with them all.”

Leo stared at his brother, his eyes going from Mikey to Donnie and back again. Both the other turtles were a little shaken up but amazingly handling this far better than he felt he was and he found himself wondering just what they had had to go through in the days he was unconscious.

So much, soooo much pain has happened recently and I haven’t been able to do one damn thing about it! How many times has something like this happened and poor Mikey and Donnie had to deal with alone, and with me out of it, Splinter dying, and Raph taken… How did they handle it all on their own…

“Y-Yeah, umm, you sure he can h-handle this?” He asked nervously and Donnie smiled at him.

“Well we have made due so far.” He answered with a shrug. “Come on, there are a few things we need to talk about anyways.” He said quietly, his voice stern and maybe even a little suspicious and Leo frowned as he watched the other turtle turn away from him.

What, what else do we need to talk about? Is it… Is it about Raph? What if he knows, or doesn’t know and thinks I am keeping it from him. Arrrgh, I AM keeping it from him but it is just to not hurt them or…

“Leo?” Donnie called to him, the elder turtle realizing he was near hyperventilating at this point and he forced himself to calm down.

Don’t, don’t freak out… It is ok. I, I need to be calm, I need to lead… Rrrrraaawwwww Raph is in this nightmare right NOW! He is there and he… He…

“Yes, let us speak alone.” He said numbly, his voice hollow and yet burning with fury and anger he had never held before.

Fighting Foot soldiers was one thing but this…

This nightmare of tearing families apart, ripping into enemies, tearing them down to their core he… He didn’t know how to deal with it all and with Splinter so weak it fell to him and him alone to understand it. No, not alone but… Are Donnie and Mikey ready for the heavy stuff?

…I wonder.

As the leader, the eldest Hamato followed his brother to a more quiet area of their den Leonardo had to stifle the sob that threatened to escape him.

This is big, so damn big and dark… What, what do I do? How can I protect everyone? I… I feel so young in all of this. Raphie… I, I am trying brother… I will find you and… And no matter what they have done to you I will be right there to help pick up the pieces. I promise.

Donnie smiled grimly as he led his elder brother into his quarters, wholly unaware of just why the elder turtle seemed so broken but, but as time went on and the younger Hamato learned of what these formers slaves went through he felt his elder brother wasn't being as honest as he should have been.

Leo just, just what are you hiding from us? What could be so bad that it leads you, the most honorable and reliable amongst us to shake like you are now? Donatello wondered silently, his fear for Raphael growing and he wondered just what his second eldest brother was going through and why his leader was hiding it from him and Mikey...

Just what kind of a nightmare has Raph fallen into Leo? The purple masked brother pondered and yet he realized with that simple question,  perhaps he wasn't truly ready to know...

Hell at this point even Raph didn't truly understand the chaos he had fallen into but, he was learning.

Painfully so...

……………….

I h-hate this fucking place.

For far too long Raphael had been miserably searching through the massive rig that held him, his body aching from the top of his domed head to his toes. He was bleeding openly, panting like a fish out of water, and his throat itched terribly with dehydration…

And still he had not found his brother.

He moved up to another door, leaning his the side of his head against as he listened for movement or voices and when he heard nothing he cautiously turned the large wheel there, pressing his uninjured shoulder against it and peeking through the crack that opened up just to find one more empty room.

Fuck. He thought bitterly as he closed the door and went to continue his hobbled pain ridden journey when his leg suddenly collapsed under him and he fell to his knees with a resounding BANG!

“Mmmmm…” The breath he had been holding wooshed out of him the moment his bare knees struck the pitted metal below and he almost screamed from the pain but he bit his lip and forced the ragged cry back down.

F-Fuck, fuck… W-weaker than I thought. He knelt there another minute, listening desperately for the sound of alerted guards or any movement but eventually gave in to his fear and pulled his battered form back up.

Ok… Ok… Need to move, need to find Leo… Where? Where dey keep prisoners?

As he lurched forwards his mind reeled, not only because what he was trying to do in his current state was so obviously stupid it hurt (literally), but also because he was terrified that the boat was too big and that he would never be able to find his brother before either someone found him or his strength gave out.

Just don’t stop… Keep moving. If tired hide, rest, then go…

Every step was a torture in and of itself, each movement tearing at the gashes, ripping open partially healed wounds, crunching his broken ribs together, or making him nauseous with the fractured bones that held him upwards but still he moved.

His journey wasn’t nearly as graceful as it should have been, his legs giving out more than once as he went through the many halls and peeked in the numerous closed doors around him. Many times he needed to duck away when the Foot’s troops would get too close but they were hardly trained, arrogant teens and he knew, even broken as he was, how to travel mostly in silence… Mostly.

It was like the worst game of hide and seek he had ever played one that promised if he got caught here they would probably ensure that an escape was never attempted again after this, by any means necessary.

That truth resonated in him deeply as he searched, his amazement in the newfound brutality of Shredder’s actions stunning him in ways he never wanted to have discovered much less been a part of.

Now, Shredder had never been a joke, never been a threat that was not respected in all of his terrible glory with the Hamato family, but what Raph had experienced through the General’s session  had caused the hulking turtle to be more than a little concerned with just how low Shredder was willing to fall to get what he wanted.

Shit, that the fucker had enlisted someone like Shi in the first place was horrifyingly telling, but whenever he or his brothers had been captured any time before now their torture had never been like what Raph had gone through.

There had been some beatings, some weapons used but none of it had held the darkness, the depravity of what had occurred earlier.

They had outright stabbed him, cut at tendons, and allowed them to heal just to do it again! His enhanced healing seemed to be a curse far more than a blessing as it had given them endless opportunities to cut, wait, and cut again…

Raph didn’t know what his body looked like right now, he wasn’t brave enough or had time to really take stock in just how ruined he was but he was fairly certain his already scarred flesh would now look like a poorly written road map drawn by a seizing monkey.

I wonder if Leo will think I am ugly now?

The odd thought slipped through the terror and despair that had been consuming his mind suddenly and he almost laughed with the absurdity of it coming at all but, it did give him pause.

What if he was so broken he looked even more like a freak and, on the same note if he was this bad off, what did Leo look like now?

A growl rumbled at the back of his throat, his demon burning hotly in his chest as the thought of Leo being in any pain even remotely near the level he was right now, and that anger gave him strength.

Shi was right, Shredder was losing it and seemed to have no qualms with doing whatever he needed to ensure his plans succeeded.

If, if they t-tore into L-Leo like this I… I am g-gonna r-rip them apart with my o-own hands! He let his anger continue to lead him, feeding off of it even as his stomach burned with the blood and acid within…

Keep moving… Gotta, gotta k-keep going!

All through his slow, agonizing venture he kept feeding his demon, kept thinking of what would happen to Leo if he failed, kept thinking of what would happen to Donnie, Mikey, or his father if he failed and it kept him going, for now at least.

He groaned as another set of steps came into view, his legs shaking merely from the thought of having to make his way down another set without collapsing but he still hadn’t found Leo and his window of time was dwindling.

 He had probably been searching for almost an hour, maybe, and he knew that once they found his room empty everyone would be on alert and the halls would be a lot harder to traverse through without getting caught. The boat was large and because it had so many rotted holes he had been able to find plenty of hiding places along the way but the deeper he worked into the ship the more frequent the activity was. Where he had come across maybe a dozen of the Foot on the highest level on the floor he was currently on he had seen at least fifty pairs of guards.

He needed a better plan.

The damn ship was huge, endless in its complexity and with every inch he covered his body was failing him a little more. At this point he wasn’t even sure if his mutated healing was working properly as his many wounds continued to bleed.

He knew he was leaving a trail but he hoped because everything on the ship was already wet and dark the blood would just blend in… Well, it probably would until they realized he was missing, and then he imagined they would scrutinize things a little closer.

Step by step he dragged himself down the stairs, his breathing ragged, and vision swimming so badly he was afraid he would fall and if he did, would he have the energy to get back up?

Fuck… F-fuck jus move… He finally made it to the bottom and immediately had to spin behind the metal stairs as the sounds of footsteps echoed down the hall right before him.

SHIT! He curled into a ball behind the steps, more than aware that if the Foot Soldiers were looking closely they would see his huddled form trembling not a few feet in front of them.

What do I d-do if dey see, if they see me? He scanned frantically around him, noting all of the halls, doors, and scrap that lie around him…

S-Scrap! Sharp scrap! He cheered internally as he reached forwards and silently picked up a jagged looking piece of rusted steel with his working hand. He grimaced as he held the less rusted end of the piece, wishing he had some cloth to wrap it in as he was nervous that should he get cut with the makeshift weapon he would end up with tetanus but, all of his coverings were gone so…

Gotta work with wh-whatcha got. He thought as he held the shard of metal close to his chest and calmed his breathing. It was a technique Splinter showed them early on, one that not only helped them fall silent but allowed their center to still and mind to become focused.

He listened to the approaching steps, his muscles flexing sporadically as he prepared to lunge at the fuckers but all his worry seemed for naught as the soldiers calmly joked with one another before ascending the steps Raph was hidden right behind and continued ignorantly up to the higher level.

Geez… How the f-fuck these guys survive this long? F-fucking amateurs. He mused sarcastically as he cautiously slipped out from behind the steps and started on his journey once more. Wait, I know this p-place…

He frowned, his heart beat increasing as he recognized the hall he was in, and nearing… He was on the level with the lab and Shi…

F-fucker… G-gotta be quiet but maybe I c-can get to the k-kid? It was a rather huge stretch of luck he had come across since he left his cage, that the fucking room had been unlocked was a miracle in and of itself but he wondered if going to the child’s cage now, the one directly next to Shi’s lab was maybe pushing the bounds of fate’s generosity a little too far?

He growled as he warred with himself, on one hand he wanted to help free the kid anyways but he had hoped to find Leo first, and yet… Maybe the kid knew more about the ship than he did? Maybe he knew where other prisoners might be kept and could lead Raph to them?

Arrrgh FUCK! His unbroken hand scrubbed at his bloodshot eyes in frustration. What the hell was he going to do? He could barely walk and now he would have some terrified kid following him around, well, that was IF he could even get the child out without getting fucking caught or even being able to open his damn cage!

WHAT THE FUCK!?

What are you even doing R-Raph? Just what da f-fuck you think you c-can accomplish in all this? Arrrgh, you canna even tink STRAIGHT! HOW the FUCK you gonna save ANYONE!?

His fist flew forwards as his rage peaked yet he gasped and stooped it just before it slammed into the wall with what was sure to be a thundering crash. “Ahh f-fuck… Fuck…” He whispered hoarsely, his eyes wide with disbelief that he almost gave himself away just because he was pissed.

S-Stupid! S-stupid fucking turtle! What would Leo tink of ya if he… That sullen thought helped ebb his fury and he lowered his fist to his side as he fought to control his breathing.

I can’t s-screw dis up. Leo, Leo needs me…Ain’t gonna s-screw this up like everding… Arrgh, everything else! He shook his aching head and focused on his mission, he could do this, he had to… He would either make it out of here with the turtle he loved or he would fucking die trying.

It took only a few more minutes to get to the long hall of cages, his body moving more on autopilot than anything until the got to the end of his current hall and pressed himself up against the edge. Ok, almost… Get kid, s-somehow, and den find Leo.

He peeked around the corner, his eyes narrowing as he scanned the darkness and he strained to hear any activity coming from behind the lab door. So far everything seemed still and silent but he didn’t allow himself to be fooled that easily.

Nice and slow Raph… Just make it to da kid. He told himself as he crouched as well as his broken ribs would let him and crawled down the hall.

His breath was shallow, his eyes wide and sharp, and every sound he heard had his muscles jerking in alarm but eventually he made it down to the end of the hall and it was there where he stopped.

He turned his head, listening closely for any movement behind the door but the damn creaking of the ship was louder here and the hum of machinery from inside the lab was making it difficult to really notice anything, but it seemed quiet enough.

G-good… Just grab the kid and… Oh f-fuck, where is it? He thought worriedly as he peered into the cage to his left and found only darkness within.

“K-Kid?” He whispered, flinching as his voice seemed to boom in the silence around him. Arrrgh, fuck. Wh-what if it was m-moved? Whada do then?

He huffed in frustration but carefully wormed his way closer to the cell, placing his metal shard down before wrapping his hand around one of the bars. “Kid p-please? I ain’t the bad guy, I am here ta h-help.” He whispered a little louder, scanning wildly into the darkness and he almost felt his heart sink to his stomach as nothing answered him but that was when he saw a flash in the corner, something like a predator’s eye when it was caught in the light and he smiled.

“Hey, hey kid, it’s ok. I am a gud… Arrgh, a good g-guy.” He said, hoping his usually gruff voice wasn’t just freaking the kid out more, much less his wound covered body.

I must l-look like a n-nightmare to um… Shit. He thought bitterly, understanding the kid’s hesitancy, poor kid must have seen his or her share of monsters recently, especially in this place but still, he didn’t have fucking time to play nanny.

“Listen kid…” He started, his friendly tone slowly leaking away as his frustration grew. “I ain’t g-gonna hut, fuck HURT ya but if you don’t h-help me help you, I will leave ya.” He threatened, not entirely certain if he could actually make good on the threat but it did seem to resonate with the child as a pair of reflective eyes turned back to him and he heard a small whimper.

“N-Not gonna hurt?” A small voice asked him, the tone high but given the young age of the kid Raph couldn’t decipher whether it was a boy of a girl inside.

He smiled wider, grunting as he lowered himself to his knees outside the cage. “Nah, I ain’t hurting n-no kid. I wanna h-help.” He told the child, his smile and relief growing as a small shuffle was heard and he looked up as a tiny figure materialized in front of him, a tiny fuzzy figure.

It looked like the child had been blended, poorly perhaps, with a wolf or canine of some sort as it had a short muzzle extruding from its face, two fuzzy ears that were firmly pressed against its head, and large golden eyes that continued to reflect that odd green light in them.

Raph almost laughed when he saw a rather adorable fluff of a tail twitch behind the child yet his amusement was quickly deflated for the look of pure misery on the kid’s face and the tears that matted the fur on its cheeks.

“Hey kid, I am Raphael.” He said quietly, happy his words weren’t as slurred as they were before, perhaps focusing on the kid was helping him think straight? “What’s, what’s your name?” He asked gently, smiling as kindly as he could with bleeding lips and he thought he might have scared the kid again because it whimpered.

Shit, can’t do nothing right… He thought angrily but his frustration shifted to confusion as the wolf-child moved closer to him and sniffled.

“I don’t member.” The little one said mournfully and Raphael blinked at the child in surprise and pity.

“Hey, that… That is ok.” The turtle assured the kid, uncertain what could have happened that made the child forget their own name but he didn’t have the time to really dig into that mystery deeper.. “We… Uhh, once we get outta here we can figure that out together alright?” He promised and was pleased as just a little glimmer of hope entered those wet wolven eyes.

“Y-Yeah?” The child asked as it moved closer and Raphael huffed as he saw it was wearing torn shorts and a tattered yellow shirt with a train on it.

Poor fucking kid, it looks like it’s maybe six years old. Sick fuckers!

“Yeah,” Raph said in return, ignoring his growing fury as he forced himself to focus. “Listen, I… This cell looks pretty rusted, ya think there are any weak spots I can use to get you out?” He asked as he too peered along the edges of the bars.

The ship was obviously very old, the entire interior littered with rust spots and decay and he hoped against hope that the Foot soldiers figured it wouldn’t be a problem to leave a small kid in a rusted cage, it’d be better than having the adults in such weak holdings, right?

The child growled or hummed, Raph wasn’t sure, before it moved over to the left side of the cage. “Loose.” It said before pointing to the bottom corner of the bars. “Digging.” It added, lifting its clawed hands up and Raph felt his heart ache for the kid as he saw both dirt and blood on the little fingers.

“You have been d-digging? Good job, kiddo.” He commended the child as he crawled quietly over to the hole and took in what he had to work with.

For how small the child was he seemed to be doing a great job in taking apart what he could of the ship, the hole looked to be fairly large but hidden well by random pieces of metal placed over it.

M-Maybe if I dig a bit more the kid might be able to crawl under? He wondered as he moved back over to his own piece of metal and grabbed it.

“Listen, I am gonna help you dig but we gotta be quiet alright?” He said as he dug his tool into the metal and grit at the bottom of the bars.

The child nodded, their eyes looking nervously at the lab door before crouching down. “Quiet or bad man come.” He said brokenly and Raph ground his teeth together for the terror in the kid’s voice.

S-sick fucker… Fucking kid is t-terrorized from all this. He kept his demon back though well as much as he could considering how pissed he was about all of this, and he set his sights on digging. They dug in silence for the most part, the kid silent probably out of fear and Raph because of exhaustion and soon both of them were huffing from fatigue and effort.

The job wasn’t really that hard or wouldn’t have been were Raph in better condition. The metal was basically crumbling under them but with him openly bleeding, and with each jab his ribs gave to his lungs the young Hamato felt his energy draining faster and faster.

Sh-shit… How, how am I gonna keep this up? His anger had gotten him this far, well that and his infamous stubbornness, but they wouldn’t keep him going forever. Shit, beyond the numerous wounds, breaks, and bleeding he hadn’t slept in forever, hadn’t eaten, and he was very certain he was dangerously dehydrated…

Shit wasn’t looking good.

“Áhh, kid… Ok… Ok, maybe, maybe you can slide under now?” He gasped out after a time, his head falling back as he gulped for air and shivered from his fever.

The little wolf titled his head, peering at the hole worriedly. “Dunno, tight.”

Raph scoffed with a short nod. “I, I know kid but… I dunno if I can keep g-going. I, I am so f-fucking tired…” He stopped himself, a light blush forming on his cheeks as he mumbled an apology for his swearing but was pulled from his guilt as a strangled cry came from the child and he lowered his head to find the kid holding desperately to the bars, tears streaming down its face as it stared at Raphael desperately.

“Please, please don’t go? I try, I try fit.” The little one begged, its furry frame hitching as it wept and the Hamato just felt like a total pile of shit then.

“Ahhh, shit. I ain’t gonna leave ya kid. I, I am sorry.” He apologized to the child, lifting his hand up and gently placing it over the tiny trembling one. “We, we go together or not at all alright?” He promised, making sure to look the child directly in its eyes as he said it.

Perhaps it was a foolish promise, one that had a 98% chance of ending in misery and death but, but at least the kid could die with some hope in its heart.

Fucking depressing thought. He said to himself as he watched the little one smile at him and a flash of determination fleet through his tear filled eyes.

“Raphe good guy.” It said quietly and Raphael smiled sadly at the far too similar nickname before he snorted.

“I ain’t great kid, but I try. Alright, try and fit through.” He said, changing the subject as another blush began to form on his cheeks and he watched the child nod and move over to their hole. “Keep ya ears down and tail tucked and I think you can make it.” He instructed, smiling as the pup listened to everything he said without hesitation.

Poor kid is so lost… Ahhh fuck. If there is some kinda god, let me get him outta here, please?

He leaned down, reaching for the kid’s hands with his good one. “Ok, go slow kiddo. Don’t want to get any deep wound with all this rust around man. Donnie tells me its hell.” He said as he carefully grasped onto the child’s arm.

“D-Donnie?” The child asked with a huff and Raph chuckled.

“Yeah, he’s my brother. Smart shit… Arrgh fuc… I mean. Damn, I have a terrible mouth kid, get used to it.” He grumbled apologetically and was surprised when he heard little ripples of laughter come from the child and he couldn’t help but chuckle despite himself.

“Well, at least you are in good spirits about it,” Raph began, his hope growing as the kid began to shimmy into the hole and under the bars. “There ya go… Almost kid, you are doing great.” He encouraged, his own hope energizing his ruined weary form when a sudden and jarring wail of an alarm suddenly filled the air and Raph felt what little blood he had in his face drain.

Shiiiiit, guess they know I am missing now, FUCK!

“Help? Help please!?”

The turtle shook his head at the terrified cry and he clasped the child’s arm tightly. “Alright kid, I am going to pull you. I want you to tell me if I hurt you but, we gotta get the fuck out of here!” He told the child, trying to keep the panic out of his voice as he began to tug backwards. Shit, what am I gonna do now!?

He had to give the kid credit as it slowly shimmied out from his cage, he could tell a bit of the metal scraped the child pretty good but it never cried out or complained and after a few more agonizing tries it finally popped free.

“Oh thank god.” Raph exclaimed, his heart hammering as he heard a chorus of racing footsteps come from the level above him and he scooped the child up in his good arm, leaving his piece of metal on the floor behind him and began half stumbling, half running down the hall the chain between his legs jingling far too loudly as he moved.

Arrrgh, fucking chains are slowing me down! Shit, shit ,shit! What do I do? I got the kid but Leo! Arrrgh, what do I DO!? His fear and adrenaline gave him another burst of energy and helped clear his mind from the haze it had been in but he knew it would be short lived and he needed to make a choice.

Either run to freedom with just the kid or perhaps sacrifice them all by continuing his search for Leo.

SHIIIT! FUCK SHIT FUCK! Why, why can’t things ever be fucking easy!? He hobbled through the lower level, amazed and grateful that most of the activity seemed to be centered in the upper levels for now but he was lost in the ship and with the blaring siren overhead it just confused him all the more.

“Kid, do you know where the exit is?” He asked, his voice much louder than he would have wanted but he needed to yell over the chaos.

“N-No…” The child wept, clinging to the top of Raphael’s plastron desperately as they escaped, the little one’s head nuzzled close as he shook in the turtle’s arm.

“Alright, alright… That, that’s ok kid.” Raph assured his through labored pants. “Every… Everything will be ok.”

Fuck I hope it will be ok.

His legs were shaking terribly now, the pain that tore through them with each step just forcing him to push himself harder, to run faster even as the shackles dug into his ankles so badly they bleed.

He huffed when he finally saw a staircase up, his eyes scanning the top of the stairs for activity there as he held the little pup close. “We, fuck… We need to go up, there could be bad guys kid.’ He lowered his head, peering into the child’s golden eyes so that his next words were clearly understood.

“Kid, I… I may have to fight up there which means I would need to set you down. If I do, run.” He said sternly shaking his head the moment the little one began to protest. “No, no you fucking run do you hear me? Find stairs and get to the main deck of this nightmare and escape. You are small, you can hide better than me. Be smart, be quick but run.”

“Run where?”

Raphael frowned, uncertain how to answer that question. Honestly he didn’t even know where they were now, were they even in the city any longer or were they in a different state now? Who knew?

Shit, I.. I am so outta my league here. If only I had found Leo, if only I was better at making decisons, if only my body wasn’t such a piece of shit right now, if only…

Suddenly two little clawed hands reached up and rested on the side of his cheeks, the frantic and rather panicky turtle looking down to find the child looking at him intensely, far too intensely for one so young.

“Together or not at all.” The little voice told him, mimicking the words he had spoken earlier and Raph felt his heart break with them.

“No, no kid. You, you… I can’t let them take you again, I can’t let them hurt you. I…” A sob broke from his aching throat and his eyes burned with how incompetent he felt, how young and unsure.  I fucked up so bad. SO bad and now everyone is gonna suffer for it, JUST LIKE ALWAYS!

“They can’t hurt ya…” The hulking turtle said mournfully, his arm tightening around the child as he leaned forwards and rested his forehead against the little wolf’s. “I am a terrible damn rescuer.”

“No, good! Little broken, but good.” The child told him and Raph chuckled bitterly at the words.

You have no idea how broken kid… Damnit, I never should have pulled him outta that cage, now everyone is looking for me, the kid might get screwed just because I tried to rescue him and Leo… Ohhh fuck it all… Leo, where are you? I, I need you so fucking much right now. You were always the hero, not me…

Not me…

“THERE HE IS!”

Whatever emotional rollercoaster he had been riding immediately crashed to a halt and Raph hardly spared a glance behind him, taking note of the handful of troops now running his way before he was bounding up the stairs blindly.

“Hold on kid!” He yelled, his tattered body again pulling strength from pure adrenaline and rage as he stumbled up the stairs his ankles bleeding more than ever now as the shackles continued to dig deep into his flesh.

Fuck! Where to go, where to go!? He wondered just to have his answer forced upon him as another gaggle of soldiers suddenly appeared to his right. Left it is.

Again he took off again praying, begging that his ankles wouldn’t break and legs wouldn’t collapse, that he could make it to the highest level of the ship. It was then that Raphael realized something and that something was that he had made a choice once the alarms went off, one that he didn’t even notice before, not fully at least and it filled his heart with warmth as well as frigid cold…

He was now choosing the life of this child over his brother.

He stumbled a bit with that epiphany his already thundering heart feeling like it was suddenly trapped in a vice of some sort and was slowly being squished tighter and tighter and tighter… Leo I… I am s-sorry…

“Ahhhhh!”

Raph’s head snapped up as the child cried out and pointed in front of them and he growled as another group of soldiers came running at them.

Arrrgh FUCK! Not ONE FUCKING BREAK! He spun peering behind him at the other approaching guards. Going back was out, going forwards lost so… What was around him?

Four doors were close to him, all of them shut and he had no idea what to expect inside but, he didn’t have much of a choice. He ran to the closest door. “I gotta put you down kid, stay between my legs.” He instructed as he placed the pup down as gently as he could and grabbed the wheel.

“Come on, COME ONNNNN!” He snarled as the half rusted valve stubbornly remained stuck in place. “ARRRGH FUCKING MOOOOVE!” He screamed , his rage, his demon at the forefront, more so than it had been this entire time and he nearly tore the wheel off as it finally worked through the rust that covered it and he stumbled forwards into darkness.

“IN KID!” He yelled, reaching out with his broken hand unconsciously as he grabbed the shirt and tugged, slamming the door shut and twisting the wheel as he stood against the metal.

He could hardly see around him but he could hear the child gasping for breath next to him. “Kid, you ok?” He asked raggedly, grimacing as the sound of many footsteps on the other side of the door.

“Mm ok. Raphe, what we gonna do?”

There was a bang on the door, the valve trying to turn but the turtle grunted and held it tightly in place, well… As well as he could with one hand. Grabbing the kid must have split his already broken limb even more so and now even just hanging it at his side made it throb as his blood raced through it.

“I… Shit kid, I dunno. I… I can’t see a fucking thing.” He muttered, that last streak of adrenaline quickly dissipating and the agony that had haunted him this whole time began to increase to an almost numbing level. I… I am s-so s-stupid. I… I won’t be able to keep them out forever, I just fucking trapped us…

What the fuck are we gonna do!?

There were voices in the hall, screams and demands and something loud slammed against the metal door.

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

He was exhausted, he was bleeding, and he had probably just damned not only himself but Leo and this poor kid to a far darker future than had already been promised…

Leo! Ohhh fuck man. I, I don’t know what to do! I, I tried… I tried so fucking hard. His eyes burned as he held tight to the door, despair clawing up his throat like acid…

Why can’t I ever get anything right? Leo I… I need you so much.

As more thundering bangs hit the door he tried to protect and the child he sought to protect curled itself around his leg, the young Hamato brother closed his eyes and whispered a prayer to any that would answer.

Please if, if there are gods, if there is anything up there help us… No. No help me help two innocents. Leo, this kid, they don’t deserve to suffer for my ignorance.

Another barrage of hits vibrated against the door he held shut and with it a few of his tears finally fell.

“R-Raphe, are we gonna die?”

The terrified child’s words were like a spear through Raphael’s heart and when he looked down he whimpered at the broken shimmer of pleading eyes he found.

“I…” He started, his words again catching in his far too dry throat. “I will be here.” He said at last, his broken, bleeding hand gently patting the child’s furred skull.  “I, I won’t leave you to this nightmare kid, not unless they kill me first.” He promised, his teeth grating against one another as he grunted and another jarring vibration pulsed through the door he held shut.

The hits on the other side of the door increased, each bruising the terrified turtle’s shoulder more and he found himself praying once again to gods he never believed in.

Please, ohhh… Oh please don’t let this kid suffer for my stupidity. Don’t let Leo suffer for it… ANYONE suffer for it I… I… I was wrong. I tried to be better than I am, I tried to be more and now…

And now, like always, the innocent will fucking suffer for it… Arrrgh FUCK! FUUUCK!

“What have I d-done?” The far too young turtle asked, the alarm blaring overhead, the innocent child clutching to his leg as his storm brewed and demon whispered dark promises of relief that he tried to push back…

I… I need help. Don’t, don’t lose it, you can’t… Ohhhh  I, I cannot do this alone! Please! Please, so-someone, anyone… Help… Help me, please?

“Please…” Raphael begged with desperate tears and as the heavens remained silent the bangs of breaking metal and mournful weeping continued…