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You're All Hopeless

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Donghyuck turned to his best friend, giving him an unimpressed look. “You do realise how dumb you sound, right?” He ignored the glare Renjun shot back. “And I thought Jeno was the dumb one in the group.”

“But it’s both of them. How is that going to work out?” Renjun sighed and shook his head. “It’s pointless. Besides the whole idea is crazy.”

“And you three are the perfect definition of crazy.” He smiled back at him, ignoring the glare. “It will work out, Jun. Trust me. Now what did you get for number seventeen?”

“I thought you said you did the homework? Should I tell Doyoung hyung that you lied so you could come over while he babysat Jisungie last night?” Renjun raised an eyebrow at Donghyuck with a grin.

“Oh shut up, besides I had to listen to you whine over your crushes the entire time. I should have just stayed home and actually did homework rather than deal with you.” Donghyuck scoffed, turning his attention back to the notebook in front of him.

“You know you love me, Dongsookie. Besides, would you rather go back to having Jeno as your best friend?”

Donghyuck turned back to see Renjun’s smirk, rolling his eyes in response. “Shut up, Jun.” He turned back to the textbook in front of him, trying to make sense out of the homework questions.

A notebook was dropped over the textbook and he jumped, causing Renjun to laugh. “Here, just don’t make it obvious that you copied. I’m going to grab a drink before class starts, do you want anything?”

“No thanks, I have this-“ he gestured to a mini thermos cup sitting on the table beside him. “Appa didn’t have to go in to work early today so he insisted on making breakfast. He gave me some tea as well.”

“Nice. Nǎinai packed the normal full box for lunch, but no regular morning drink since Bàba had an early meeting.”

Donghyuck laughed as Renjun stood. “You should make coffee date plans with Jaemin then.” He smirked at the blush that spread across his best friend’s cheeks. “You know how much he loves coffee. Almost as much as he loves you and Jeno.”

“Shut up, Hyuck.” Renjun’s voice held no real bite and Donghyuck just laughed again, playfully winking at him as he turned to leave for the small canteen store.

He turned back to the notebooks in front of him, trying to quickly go through Renjun’s answers. He didn’t understand how his best friend could be so smart, yet so dumb as well. Anyone with eyes could tell the trio liked each other. They just couldn’t seem to notice themselves. It was almost enough to call for an intervention. Perhaps he would need to resort to drastic measures soon.

~*~

Donghyuck frowned at the only other person at their normal lunch table. Renjun was out at an art competition his teacher had encouraged him to enter. Jeno was out sick, as he has “the death plague” (aka a bad case of bronchitis). That left Jaemin, who had just sighed for the tenth time already.

“Could you stop sighing? I’m trying to actually do the homework for history, since I can’t just copy your boyfriend’s answers today.” Donghyuck grumbled as he took another bite of the lunch that his brother had packed out of the leftovers from last night’s dinner.

“Real funny, Donghyuck. You know me and Renjun aren’t dating.” Jaemin shot back with a frown, absently stabbing at his own food with what was probably too much force.

Donghyuck scoffed and tossed a carrot slice at him. “You would be if you actually asked him. Jeno too.” He rolled his eyes at the glare. “Renjun is my best friend and Jeno is basically my other brother. Trust me. Besides, I’ve been forced to listen to both of them complain about how much they like you, and each other. You all three have giant crushes on each other. It would be cute if you all weren’t so clueless and whiny about the other two.” He shook his head. “Honestly the other two have to be either dense or in serious denial because you’re not subtle.”

“What do you mean?”

Donghyuck laughed. “If you stared at them any harder they would probably explode. And I’m pretty sure everyone has caught your expressions when you stare too.” He laughed at the look Jaemin threw at him. “Besides, you can’t keep your hands to yourself around them.”

Jaemin crossed his arms over his chest with a frown. “If I’m so obvious as you think, that just shows they don’t feel the same. If they did, then they would have said something already.”

Donghyuck dropped his head into his hands. “You are all hopeless I swear.” He glanced back up at Jaemin with a frown. “Renjun is actually shy when it comes to relationships and he’s not the best at reading signals, besides you’re always around them both so he probably doesn’t think of it as anything special. And Jeno is just beyond help, there’s no saving him. You could walk up to him and kiss him and he still wouldn’t get it.” He threw another carrot slice at Jaemin when he started to shake his head. “So do everyone a favor and just ask them out already.”

It looked like Jaemin was about to say something back (likely continued denial), but the bell for the end of lunch rang. Donghyuck sighed as he started packing away his lunch, turning back to Jaemin. “It will work out, trust me. Just please get together already.”

Jaemin shook his head and grabbed his bag. “I’ll figure something out.”

Donghyuck frowned as Jaemin started to walk off before raising his voice at him. “If you don’t, I’m not afraid to resort to drastic measures! It’s for your own good!”

Jaemin kept walking away, obviously ignoring him. Donghyuck frowned to himself. None of them were going to actually do anything about their crushes. But just in case he would wait another week or so. If they still hadn’t done anything by then, perhaps it would be time to step in for them.

~*~

“And this is why I dumped you as my best friend.” Donghyuck teased Jeno as he dropped the video game controller on the couch beside him. “You’re a bad luck charm. Your boyfriend is way better.”

Jeno’s face blushed a deep red as he shook his head. “I don’t have a boyfriend, what are you talking about.”

Donghyuck laughed as Jeno started to fidget with his own controller, keeping his head turned away. “Oh sure you don’t. You have two boyfriends. That is, if any of you will actually step up and do something about the big fat crushes you all have on each other.”

“You’re wrong, they don’t feel that way about me.”

“You really are the dumb one in the group.” Donghyuck laughed at the offended look. “As someone who has been pulled into the middle of your fun little triangle, I can promise you that you are all hopeless.” He picked up the controller again, setting up for another game. “I should lock you three in a closet somewhere until you sort it all out. And you can’t come out until it’s all settled.”

“Why are you talking about coming out, Hyuckie? You did that years ago.” Doyoung walked into the living room with a plate of cookies before sitting in the chair next to the couch. “Don’t tell the parents, I grabbed a few when they weren’t looking.”

Donghyuck laughed and shook his head at his brother. “Oh that wasn’t it. I’m just trying to convince him to con-“

Jeno laughed awkwardly as he clapped a hand over Donghyuck’s mouth, interrupting him. “Nothing, hyung. It’s nothing. Thanks for the cookies.”

Donghyuck stuck his tongue out to make Jeno move his hand, laughing at the expression on the other’s face. “Jeno has a giant crush and he’s refusing to confess. Even though I’ve told him the feelings are returned, because I’ve had to listen to the whining all around.”

Doyoung laughed and Jeno’s face turned even redder. “Aww our Jeno has a crush? Who is it? We can help you out.” Donghyuck watched as his brother moved to sit on the opposite side of Jeno, sandwiching him between them. “I’ll even drive you out for your first date.”

Donghyuck laughed at his brother’s excitement. “You can bring Jaehyun hyung and make it a double date to chaperone them.” He grinned at the slight blush tinting his brother’s cheeks as well.

“No, it’s really no use. They don’t like me that way so I need to get over it.” Jeno’s voice was quiet as he kept his eyes down, avoiding both of their gazes.

Donghyuck stood with a groan. “Where’s your phone, I’m going to settle this.” He moved to reach behind Jeno to grab the phone, but Jeno pushed him away. Donghyuck tried again, only managing for the two of them to end up on the floor in front of the couch.

“Hyung, grab his phone!”

Jeno jumped away from Donghyuck to scramble back to the couch after his phone as Doyoung picked it up with a grin. Jeno jumped on Doyoung, reaching for his phone. “Hyung give me my phone.”

Just as Donghyuck was about to race over to take the phone from his brother, Jisung walked into the room with a confused look on his face. “Uhm, I was told to tell you guys that the food is ready.”

“Jisungie, unlock Jeno’s phone for me. I know you know his passcode.” Donghyuck grinned as he took the phone from his brother who was still being pinned to the couch by Jeno. He handed the phone to Jisung with a smile. “I’ll tell you the cheat code to get to the secret bonus section you’ve been complaining about?”

Jisung took the phone, with a suspicious look. “You better not back out.” Donghyuck shook his head as he watched Jisung typing in the passcode, laughing when he saw what it was.

“You’re such a sap, Jeno. Using your birthdays?” Donghyuck smirked as he went to start a new text, fully intending to set up an intervention. Donghyuck had almost finished the text when Jeno grabbed him, reaching for the phone again. They both lost their balance and fell to the floor, Jeno refusing to move from on top of Donghyuck who had dropped the phone that was now just out of reach.

“Why are you fighting over a text to Jaemin hyung and Renjun hyung?” Jisung picked up the phone, glancing at the cause of the fuss was.

“Press send, Jisungie!” Donghyuck tried to push Jeno off of him, as Doyoung made a shocked noise from the couch behind them.

“You have a crush on both of them?!”

Jeno jumped off of Donghyuck and moved to try and silence Doyoung’s loud question. “Hyung-“

“It’s done. Now while you wait for a reply, can we go actually eat?” Jisung held out the phone with a grin.

Jeno grabbed his phone back, groaning when he saw the text they had sent. “I hate you.” There wasn’t any true malice behind his words, but he still crossed his arms over his chest the phone held tightly in his hand.

They were standing to walk out to the patio when Jeno’s phone played his text notification sound. Before Donghyuck could attack for the phone again, Jeno turned to run up to his room.

“You’re welcome!” Donghyuck shouted up at him before turning to go outside to eat. He swore if they didn’t get things together now he would go through with his closet idea.