Sam watched you as you walked through the library, rubbing your hand over his shoulders when you passed him. The touch burned his skin, he loves the burn. This is the base of your friendship - lingering touches, flirtatious comments and just being closer than friends should ever be. It’s the perfect balance for you, close to a relationship, yet not so close that Sam would realise just how messed up you are. If he knew that, you wouldn’t be here any more.
“I’m gonna head off to bed” You smiled. Dean nodded. Sam smiled up to you and rubbed his hand over yours before watching you leave the room, towards the bedrooms.
“Dude” Dean said, watching as Sam watched you walk away with a smile covering his face. Dean rolled his eyes when Sam didn’t respond. It’s been going on for months, maybe even a year at this point, Dean’s gone out of his mind and tried to just block it out. Sam gets all dewy eyed whenever you’re around. Dean’s never seen the kid in love this much since he saw Sam with Jess so many years ago.
“Dude!” Dean says again, throwing a screwed up piece of paper to the back of Sam’s head.
“What?” Sam asked, turning to face his brother.
“Tell her already man, you’re killing me and her” Dean exclaimed.
“What do you mean?” Sam asked. He tried to act confused, though he fooled no one.
“You’re like a lovesick puppy. Go tell her how you’re feeling before I do” Dean responds.
“I’m not!” Sam responded.
“Yeah, and I’m going to become a doctor” Dean rolled his eyes, the sarcasm dripping from his voice. Sam sighed.
“The friendship me and (Y/N) have is fine as it is” Sam responded, looking pointedly at Dean.
“I don’t love (Y/N), she’s a friend and that’s it” He reiterated. The lie was clear though, to anyone who was in the room. Outside of the room is a different matter.
Walking out of the bathroom, you heard the conversation that Dean and Sam were having. You felt your heart sink. You do have feelings for Sam, how could you not? He’s the sweetest guy, he’s so intelligent, and his looks, they’re the perfect addition. But Sam wouldn’t want you. A wreck from a broken home who can’t get through each week without wanting to die and even going so far as to try to act on it some weeks. Hearing Sam say it though, hearing him say that he doesn’t want to progress the relationship is a killer. With your heart breaking again, you go to your cold, empty bedroom.
Looking around your bedroom, your eyes fall onto the photo of you and your sister beside your bed. You lifted it into your arms. A tear streamed from your cheek, splashing onto the picture frame.
“I’m so sorry, I hope I’m doing right by you” You whispered, voice shaky. You remember the day that she died.
Walking home from high school, you noticed a number of police cars speeding past, with an ambulance not far behind. Your street was full of the flashing lights of the emergency services when you got there. Assuming they were for someone else, you began moving the trash cans to put them back in the garden after they’d been emptied.
“Excuse me, I’m Officer Jason Smith. Are you a resident of this house?” He asked, his eyes following your every move.
“I am. Me, my mom and my sister live here. What’s going on?” You asked.
“There has been an incident” He said. You wanted to say ‘yeah no shit. I can see that dick stain’. Instead, you were more polite.
“Lemme guess. Drugs or abuse were involved” You responded, while moving to put the trash can back where it belonged.
“Yes, your mom is on the way to the station now. Do you have any relatives I can take you too?” He asks.
“Probably. I need to get some stuff from inside though” You said.
“I will escort you through” He said. You nodded and followed him into the house. Sure enough, blood was coating the walls. There was a faint smell of something that you couldn’t identify, possibly rotten eggs. You avoided the blood, thankful that the room was cordoned off with police tape.
“What happened?” You asked.
“We’re not entirely sure. Your mom was seen out on the streets with an axe, when we came here to bring her home, we found the body. She was immediately arrested and an ambulance came to take away your sister” The officer said. You nodded, it didn’t sink in though. It wouldn’t sink in until weeks later, when you were unable to return home because your mom was jailed for 25 years.
Looking to the calendar, you sigh as you realise she is due to be released sometime this year. Here’s praying she doesn’t try to contact me.
Setting the photo back onto the nightstand, you pull your pyjamas from the floor. Pulling your tee over your shoulders, your eyes fall to the scars lining your stomach. Some from hunts, some not from hunts. Dean and Sam don’t suspect anything though. You used the excuse of stretch marks the last time they’d asked, Dean didn’t know any different. Sam made no comment, instead fleeing the room. Dean shrugged at his brothers response.
“The kid’s never seen skin, gotta jack it out” Dean had joked. What neither he, nor you, knew was that Sam had in fact done just that. Sam would never admit how turned on he got at the sight of the slightest bit of your skin. It wasn’t seeing skin though, it was you who did it for him.
You pulled the flannel shirt over your body, hiding from yourself. Next off and tossed aside is your jeans. Your eyes fall to the scars covering your thighs. Thankfully, Dean and Sam have never seen this part of your body. They’ve never seen these scars, these would be harder to explain away. The shorts, you think you stole them from Sam, easily cover your thighs and knees.
Sleep doesn’t find you. It never does. It hasn’t since that day 25 years ago. Even then, it was hard. It’s harder now though. You know the monsters under the bed are real, you know the real cause of your sister’s death was a demon. You know everything that was only ever talked of in fairy tales and nightmares is real. It’s all real, and if not for you and a handful of others around the states, they would be causing mayhem more often than not.
You hear Dean going to bed, his bedroom is next door to yours after all. It must be close to midnight, if not later. The clock in your bedroom doesn’t work, you keep making note to change the batteries, but much like sleep, you never get around to it. Before long, Dean’s snores can be heard in your room and you’re going insane.
It’s a demon hunt. Whenever it’s a demon hunt, you’re ruthless. After everything they’ve done to you and your family, you’ll kill every last one that exists. Dean knows this, he invites you on all of the demon hunts. You wouldn’t have it any other way. This hunt though, this hunt might change that. It’s in your home town, you haven’t been back since… well since Dean and Sam rescued you from a douchebag at the bar you worked at. Not long after that night, you left with them both, and never looked down. Sam had caught your attention first, he was clearly underage, looking only around 16. You didn’t care though, you don’t get paid enough to stop kids having some fun.
There was a drunk guy at the far end of the bar, you’re avoiding him, but there are patrons there too. The ones who are paying attention move to the other side, ignoring the guy. There are a few though who won’t move a few steps further to serve you.
It was close to closing time, he was one of three patrons left, with Dean and Sam being the other two. The guy was slurring drunk comments to you, ones that would make prostitutes blush and squirm. Dean walked over to the guy.
“Listen dude, the girl’s clearly uncomfortable. Shuddup and leave” Dean growled. The guy stumbled to stand up, clearly looking to start a fight. The guy stumbled on the spot, attempting to punch Dean. Dean fisted the guys shirt and dragged him outside, leaving him rolling in the parking lot.
“Thanks” You shrugged. Dean winked to you, moving to sit in the booth with Sam.
Driving back into town, everything looked the same. The same buildings were dilapidated that were 25 years ago. You passed your old home, it was still boarded up.
“I’m gonna take a walk in a bit” You stated, passing the graveyard where the remains of your sister are buried.
“That’s cool. I can grab lunch while you do that” Dean said. You didn’t respond, you didn’t need to.
Finding a motel, Dean swung the car into one of the parking spaces. You all climbed out, with Dean heading off to the reception.
“Hey, are you okay? Being back here?” Sam asked, moving to stand close to you. You were almost chest to chest, his scent filled your nostrils. It strained your neck to look up at him.
“Yeah” You lied with ease. Sam nodded and rubbed your side.
“If you want someone with you when you go to see your sister, let me know” He said. You nodded.
“I think I need to do it alone, thank you though” You smiled, watching as Dean came out. He smiled as he saw you.
“That room” He nodded towards the door in the corner.
“One of us is sofa though” Dean said.
“I’ll take it” Dean smirked, looking at Sam. Grabbing your bags, you all walked into the room. You dumped your bag on the bed.
“Peace out bitches” You said, moving to the door and grabbing the spare key.
“Call us when you’re ready to meet us, we can grab lunch” Dean said. You nodded, eyes meeting Sam’s as you left.
The cemetery was empty when you entered. That wasn’t a surprise. You found your sister’s grave, it wasn’t hard. The route will forever be ingrained in your head.
You were sat on the grass, talking nonsense to your sister’s grave when you heard a voice you never want to hear again. Mom. She called your name, speed-walking towards you.
“I’ll see you later” You said, before standing up and walking away. Your ass is wet, from the damp grass. That doesn’t bother you though. You feel a hand on your shoulder. In a swift movement, you have the hand bent backwards.
“Do not fucking touch me” You growled.
“(Y/N), please it’s me, your mom” The woman begged.
“You stopped being my mom the minute you killed my sister. Keep out of my way, I’m not in town long” You growled out, pulling your phone out. You punched in Sam’s number and hit call, completely ignoring your mom.
“Hey Sam, wanna meet me? I could grab lunch” You said.
“I’ll grab lunch with you” Your mom cried. You shook your head and started walking towards the exit. She was still following you, hunter’s instinct told you that much. Sam was at the gate before you’d finished the call. He moved close and hugged you tightly as soon as he saw you. You relaxed into his arms, trying to hide the tremors that rocked your body. Seeing your mom brought bad memories to you.
“Is that your boyfriend?” Your mom asked.
“Dean wants to go to that diner we saw on the way in” Sam said.
“Sounds good with me, where is he?” You asked.
“Back at the motel, said I’d buzz him when I got here” Sam said. You nodded and handed Sam your phone.
“(Y/N) please, I know I fucked up. I want to do right by you while I still can” Your mom begged. Sam glared at her over the top of your head. She sighed and walked away. You chuckled up to Sam, watching as Dean walked over from Baby.
Returning to the motel, while Sam and Dean began investigations, you couldn’t help but think back to your sister and everything that happened, both before your sister’s death and after.
It was a common occurrence, your mom would walk into the house drunk, high or God only knows what else. Your sister would protect you, telling you to go upstairs, that she’d be there soon. As you got older, you realised that your mom was beating your sister, that there was no way that you could help your sister.
As you got older, it was you who started to get abuse too. Your sister tried to protect you, but it would never be enough. Your mom always found a way.
A hunting blade was in your hand, an old habit that would never die. It was your thigh this time. Somewhere easy to hide them.
Dean and Sam had a wonderful habit of informing you when they would be returning. It allowed you to climb into the shower and hide before they returned. It made it easier to cope.
The hunt passed with ease. Exorcising a demon is, and always has been, a walk in the park for all three of you, could be done with your eyes shut, though that was not recommended. You had completed the hunt within two days of arriving in your home state, the delay only coming because you chose to visit your sister again, this time not being disturbed by the woman who claims to be a mother, yet did little more than being an egg donor. While you did that, you could hear Sam and Dean talking about you, but what it was they were talking about, you didn’t know.
Walking back to Baby, Dean walked off ahead, leaving you and Sam alone. It seemed odd, as though there was something planned between the pair that they wouldn’t admit to, not any time soon anyway.
“I was wondering…if uh, maybe you’d uh, wanna go on a date with me?” Sam asked, stuttering and stumbling over his words while his hand rubbed over the back of his neck, a sure sign of his nervousness.
“That would be nice” You smiled. Sam’s eyes widened in surprise.
“W-woul-It would” He stuttered, a small smile on his face. You smiled and rolled your eyes.
“C’mon Romeo” Dean shouted, while honking the horn. Sam rolled his eyes and chuckled, sending Bitch Face #57 Dean’s way before climbing into the passenger seat, while you climbed into the back seat.
While the journey back home, to the bunker, progressed, Sam was looking at somewhere to go on the date. Every so often, he would send you a link to possible restaurants that he had looked at.
There’s that one we went to for Dean’s 40th? - SW
What about the one just off the highway we passed on the way here? - SW
Or even Garozzo’s if you’re a fan of Italian? - SW
Sammy, I’m easy. Send me McDonald’s or Wendy’s for all I care :) - (Y/I)
Sam looked to you through the rear view mirror and smiled.
I wanna take you somewhere nice though. You deserve the best, not Wendys - SW
Sam, I’m happy with anything, as long as you’re with me. Hell, I’d sit in a forest all night, as long as you’re with me - (Y/I)
By the time you arrived back at the bunker, Sam had booked a fancy restaurant for three weeks time, plenty of time to prepare, or what is more likely to happen, plenty of time for you to panic about it.. You’d tried to persuade him to book somewhere else, somewhere less formal and cheaper but Sam wouldn’t listen. He wants the best for you, nothing less than perfection.
As the date got closer, June 26th, you felt anxiety rising inside of you. Part of you wanted to cancel the date, to run and hide, and never see Sam again. But I can’t. The logical side of you knows that doing that would only make the situation worse, that Sam does care. He’d find you, again, like he did the last time you left. The same thought process circles through your brain a few times until eventually it leads to some form of panic attack, though they seem to be smaller ones that can be hidden easier. No matter what though, the anxiety lingered, deep down. You were able to hide it, to swallow it down most of the time. Those times where you couldn’t, you were able to hide away from Dean and Sam, claiming that it was that time of the month, or some other bullshit excuse.
The morning of the date, you wake up at 8am, like usual. Sam was returning from his morning jog, you heard him walk past your bedroom. Dean was wide awake, jamming to what could’ve been Guns n’ Roses, or could’ve been Led Zeppelin, the thick walls blurred and blocked the sound until you could only just hear it.
Your bare feet found the cold concrete floor as you slid out of bed. You felt the lingering anxiety bubbling up again, like a volcano on the verge of erupting. A sigh leaves your throat, it’s gonna be a long day.
The kitchen has a lingering smell of bacon when you walk in. A plate and a pan rest by the faucet, waiting to be washed and cleaned, Dean.You pulled down a box of Froot Loops and poured some out, adding milk to the bowl. Taking a seat, you begin eating the cereal. Sam walks into the kitchen sometime after you’ve finished eating. He has a towel around his shoulders, still damp hair and he’s only wearing sweatpants.
“Morning” He smiled to you, grabbing an apple and a bottle of water. You smiled in response, knowing that if you spoke, the shakiness in your voice would show your anxiety, your weakness.
After breakfast, you went to grab a shower and clean yourself up for tonight. You grabbed a towel and walked towards the bathroom, the anxiety inside of you still bubbling and rumbling.
7pm. That’s the time Sam said he’s made the reservation for. He said that he wants to leave at around 5pm, to go grab some drinks first and chill out. Chill out. Not possible for someone with anxiety.
By the time you were dressed, though only in sweatpants and a t shirt for now, it was close to 11am. Dean waltzed into your bedroom, like he so often did.
“Hey, how ya feelin’?” He asked.
“Alright. Why wouldn’t I be?” You asked.
“Sammy finally asked you on a date from what I heard,” Dean said, moving to sit on the edge of your bed.
“He did. He is taking me to an Italian place tonight” You responded.
“Glad to see he listened to what I suggested” Dean smiled.
“He wouldn’t listen to me when I said to him that I’d be happy with the Roadhouse, or Wendy’s or even McDonalds for that matter” You responded.
“Of course he wouldn’t. He wants you to have the best” Dean responded.
“I wish he would have just listened to me on that though. I have no idea what to wear tonight, my anxiety is sky rocketing and it’s only fucking 11.29am.” You responded, looking at the clock on the wall, and then your phone when you realised that the clock said that it was 6.
“Take a deep breath, (Y/N)” Dean said, and patted the bed beside him. Nodding, you moved to sit beside him.
“You know Sammy, you know that he expects nothing but you. You as you are. Hell, he’s been in love with you for as long as I can remember. He’d be happy if you rocked up tonight in only your pyjamas. It’s you that he wants to spend the time with, not a false image made for random people who you’re never gonna see again” Dean said. You nodded shakily. Reaching up, Dean brushed his thumb over your cheek.
“Don’t get upset, (Y/N)” He said softly. You sighed, nodding shakily.
“It’s just… what if I mess up somehow? I mean, I’m already a state and it’s not even noon. Dean, I could fuck all of this…this dynamic, this unit, I could fuck it all up tonight” You said.
“(Y/N), no matter how tonight goes, it won’t change how Sammy feels about you…do you remember around 15 years ago. You and Sammy were around 24, 23 maybe” Dean said. You nodded, though you had no memory of that time. No doubt Dean would remind you.
“We had a hunt, can’t remember the specifics of it now but it was something. Anyway, you and Sammy took the main part of it, I had a busted shoulder” Dean said.
“You thought you fucked all that up over God knows what. You left. Sammy spent every waking hour searching for you. He drove up and down the states, searching everywhere til he found you” Dean admitted. You felt every breath leave your lungs.
“That night, after he found you. When you slept, I found him talking to you, even though you were sleeping. He was terrified that he’d lost you, that you would never come back to him, to us. That was the first time I’ve heard him say that he loves you. His feelings haven’t changed in the last fifteen years” Dean said softly.
“Why hasn’t he said anything?” You asked.
“Why do you think? He’s scared. Every girl he’s loved has died…” Dean admitted. You nodded, wiping your eyes.
“I don’t know if you feel the same way, but I know that the relationship between the pair of you is so…strong, that everyone knows it. Don’t let your fears ruin you” Dean said softly. You nodded and hugged him gently. Dean smiled.
Dean left your bedroom a while later, something about getting some food for something. While he left, you were left alone with your thoughts. Before long, you were struggling. It was agony to breath, it felt like your throat was blocked with an invisible barrier. Your hands are clammy, shaking in your lap. The room around you was spinning, and yet, still, calm. Somewhere distant, the door opened. You couldn’t see it, it felt miles away. But you heard it. Close enough to touch. Warm arms embraced you like a comfort blanket. The small action set in motion enough to calm your frantic chest.
“(Y/N)” The voice said. You recognise the voice, but can’t place it.
“(Y/N) it’s me. Deep breaths. C’mon, breath with me. In…” The voice said. Though you didn’t know who it is, you did as they said, inhaling deep. Cool air filled your lungs, it felt as though you had been drowning and then, nothing.
“And out” He spoke. You let the breath out.
“And again…in” The voice said. Clarity began returning.
“And out…” He spoke. Dean. Dean.
“(Y/N)...?” He asked. You nodded, though shakily. Dean shifted to hug you gently
“Are you okay?” He asked.
“No” You sighed.
“What can I do to help?” He asked.
“I have no idea” You sighed.
“Lemme go grab some water and a protein bar. Once you’ve had that, you might feel a little better” Dean said. You nodded and sighed.
Dean offered a reassuring smile to you as he stood up. He rubbed your shoulder before he left the room. Walking down the dusty corridors, he searched for Sam, unsurprisingly finding the younger Winchester in the library.
“Dude, I think you should cancel tonight” Dean said.
“What, why?” Sam asked, panic immediately filling his eyes.
“(Y/N) has been worrying all morning. She just had a panic attack” Dean said.
“What?” Sam asked, taken aback by the news.
“She was hyperventilating, shaking and just…I can’t describe it man. I think you should talk to her, or cancel” Dean said. Sam nodded.
“Does she need anything?” Sam asked.
“Water and a snack bar” Dean responded. Sam nodded and made his way to the kitchen, grabbing one of the cereal bars and a chilled water bottle. He practically sprinted back to your bedroom. He knocked gently on the door, three times. He eased the door open, his eyes falling to you on the bed.
“Hey” He said softly. You nodded towards him, not having the energy to smile. Sam moved to sit beside you on the bed, offering you the bottle of water and snack bar. You smiled and took them with shaky hands.
“Dean told you, huh?” You said. Sam nodded, but didn’t speak. He watched as you ate the snack bar with small bites, drinking the water in three large glugs.
“Do you want me to cancel tonight?” He asked. You shook your head.
“I’ll be fine in a few hours” You lied. You did want him to cancel it. You wanted to run, to hide and never look back. Last time that happened, Sam still found you.
“But you’re not okay now, (Y/N)” He said. You shrugged, unsure of what you could say.
“I won’t be upset, you know, if you wanna cancel and just hang out here” Sam said.
“Sam no, I’ll be fine. Keep the booking” You said. Though reluctant, Sam nodded.
“Is there anything else I can get you?” He asked. You shook your head.
“I think I’m gonna take a nap” You admit. Sam nodded and rubbed your shoulder.
“Look after yourself, okay?” He asked. You nod and smile, catching his hand with your own.
A few moments later, Sam left your room. Guilt filled his mind. I caused that panic attack. I should’ve listened to her when she said to go somewhere else. God I’m such an idiot. He pulled his phone out of his pocket, finding the restaurants number.
When you awoke again, it was mid afternoon, close to 3pm. Climbing out of bed, you reached for a jacket and pulled it on as you made your way out of your cold bedroom, towards the kitchen for another bottle of water. Sam was in the library, as usual.
“Hey” He smiled. You smiled to him and grabbed some water before moving to sit beside him.
“What are you looking at?” You asked, finally managing to cope with the bubbling in the pit of your stomach.
“Netflix. Looking at what we could watch tonight” He shrugged, scrolling through the Horror section. You frowned, but didn’t take your eyes off of the screen.
“Sammy, thought we was going out?” You asked.
“Cancelled it” He shrugged, not taking his eyes off of the computer in front of him.
“What, why?” You asked, silently having a party in your mind.
“You were anxious. It wasn’t worth seeing you upset. We can have a perfectly good date, in my room with Netflix and chinese food” He shrugged. You smiled and hugged him sideways.
“Thank you” You whispered. Sam smiled.
“Plus, it means that we don’t have to get dressed out of pjs” He smiled. You nodded and giggled slightly. Sam chuckled and slid his hand to your waist.
“I was thinking, meet in my room at 6.30? Unless you’d prefer your room?” He asked.
“Sounds perfect with me. I’ll come to you. Need me to bring anything?” You asked.
“Yourself…ooh and that fluffy blanket” He smiled.
Six thirty. It rolled around too quickly and you found yourself at Sam’s bedroom door. You felt as though you were a teenager again, going on her first date. It’s only Sam, you know him so well and he knows you. This won’t change your relationship with him. You knocked against the wood with a shaky hand, trying to hide how clammy they were. Your stomach felt as though you were on a roller coaster, after drinking as much Pepsi as possible. It was impossible to calm your stomach and your head. The door eased open. You were met with the sight of a shower - damp Sam, wearing only some loose fitting sweatpants. He smiled and let you enter the bedroom. It’s spotless, as you had thought. The walls had shelves with books, photos and little trinkets that you’d never seen before. It was everything you expected from Sam’s bedroom.
“Hey” He said, shifting awkwardly. Glad to see the anxiety is shared.
“Hi” You smiled. Sam gestured for you to sit on the bed.
“Get comfortable, I couldn’t decide what to put on so I figured you could choose” He smiled. You smiled and watched as he moved to lay on the bed, his arm falling over the back of your shoulders as you laid back. Sam handed you the remote before leaning over.
“Beer?” He asked.
“Where did you get that?” You asked, chuckling.
“Mini fridge” He shrugged, smiling.
“Don’t tell Dean that has beer. We’re low in the fridge” You chuckled. Sam smiled and opened the beer. You smiled and watched as he got another, for himself.
“I was gonna order some chinese, or pizza, soon too” He smiled. You nodded.
“That sounds good with me” You respond. Sam smiles and watches as you find a movie on Netflix.
The “date” passed slowly. You expected it to be awkward, nothing to talk about or to learn. Yet it was perfect. Sam was curled around you, his muscled chest keeping you unbelievably warm. By the time the third movie had ended, the food was all gone and you were yawning.
“Want me to walk you back to your room?” Sam asked.
“Unless…you can sleep in here if you want?” He offered.
“I’ll go back to my own. You can walk me over if you want” You smiled. Sam nodded and eased himself to sit up. Standing up, you were slightly taken aback when Sam held your hand and opened the door for you. He followed you back to your bedroom, even though it was only a few metres away.
“It’s been fun tonight…we should do it again some time” Sam smiled. You nodded and leaned against the door frame.
“We should, maybe next time we can actually go out” You responded, a small smirk.
“That we could, although maybe just Wendys and a movie instead?” He suggested.
“That sounds perfect” You smiled. You didn’t miss the look Dean gave as he walked into his bedroom door, to focussed on yourself and Sam to notice where he was.
With a shot of metaphorical liquid courage, you leaned up and kissed Sam gently. His hand cupped your cheek, soft and gentle. He didn’t push you, letting you lead the kiss until eventually you pulled away, though more for need of air than discomfort. Sam smiled and brushed his thumb over your cheek.
“Go on, go to bed” He smiled. You nodded and gently kissed his cheek. Sam smiled and gently stroked his fingers over your cheek, before reluctantly standing back. You smiled and slowly closed the door, hearing Sam walk away.
The smile that covered your face didn’t leave for three days.
A few demons. An easy hunt. You offered to take it alone, but Dean and Sam wouldn’t let you. They never do. So here you are, in the back seat of the impala with Sam reeling off the information about the hunt to Dean, while you only half pay attention.
Once you were in the town where the deaths had occurred, Sam went to find a motel while you and Dean went to get dinner, Sam had promised to meet you in the diner.
“So, have you and Sammy got another date planned?” Dean asked.
“We discussed it but then we got sidetracked with hunts and stuff” You shrugged.
“I think you guys should get another date planned out, maybe after this hunt. Like properly planned out, with an actual day and time as well” He suggested.
“Maybe” You respond. Dean smiles, watching as Sam walks in, tossing two keys onto the table.
“They only had singles. Got two, one of us can share, sleep on the sofa or something” He said, moving to sit beside you. You smiled and shifted closer to him, not missing the way his arm moved to wrap around your shoulders. Dean looked at you pointedly, a waitress came over.
“Hello Gentlemen, Lady. What can I get you today?” She asked.
“Three beers, a bacon cheeseburger, a salad and the club sandwich with fries to share” Sam said, without having to look at the menu. You smiled up to him, watching as the woman scribbled a note down before walking away. Dean chuckled and rolled his eyes.
“I’ll never understand your brain Sammy” Dean shrugged.
It didn’t take long after dinner to have the fed suits on and begin the investigations and interviews. By the time you’d finished them, it was close to 4.30pm.
“Dinner then hunting time?” Dean asked, while parking the car.
“Sounds good. Who’s sharing?” Sam asked.
“I can share with you, Sammy” You offered. Dean smirked and nodded.
“Sounds good with me” Dean responded. You smiled and climbed out with Sam, opening the trunk. Sam pulled both of your bags out and walked to the door.
“Come over when you are changed” Sam called to Dean, before opening the door. You walked into the room, with Sam following you. Once the door was closed, you smiled and turned to Sam.
“Pretty sure that’s a double?” You said, raising your eyebrow. Sam chuckled. You smiled and cuddled him gently, hearing the thud of the bags falling to the floor. Sam groaned and pulled your hips closer, barely pulling apart for air.
“Fuck” He grunted. You felt a bulge forming in his pants, and knew that you needed to stop this before it headed into unexplored territories. Reluctantly, you pulled away.
“Maybe you should shower first” You blurted, unsure of what to say. Sam nodded, and though you could see that he wanted to take it further, he didn’t push you too.
On the hunt, you split up and each of you took a different floor in the warehouse. You took the bottom floor, already knowing the demon would be there. Sam and Dean took the next two floors. You found the demon, exactly where you expected it to be. It took a hit at you first, you let it, before you fought back and killed it. Turning on the spot, you were taken aback by the sight of Sam in the door way.
“Hey Sammy” You smiled, walking over to him.
“Did you just…” He breathed.
“Kill the demon? Yeah, done it before Sammo” You chuckled. Sam sighed.
“Alright, let’s go then” He said. You nodded, calling out to Dean while you took Sam’s hand in your own.
The next hunt was a vamp nest. You and Sam took it alone, Dean had a busted shoulder, or some excuse. Sam paid close attention to you, watching your every move. He saw you taking more and more risks after every vamp, he was starting to get worried
A werewolf. That’s what it took for Sam to finally talk to you about his concerns. You and Sam took half of the nest, Dean took the other side. Walking around, you and Sam decided to split up and go in opposite directions, to clear out the area quicker. Sam cleared out the rooms he was searching quickly and he went to find you. The sight he found was a kick to the gut. You stood and let the werewolf take the first hit, a slash that would definitely require stitches. He watched as you took the steps to get rid of the wolf before turning around.
“Oh hey Sammy” You smiled, before walking out. You couldn’t get far before Sam’s hand on your shoulder stopped you.
“What was that about?” He asked. There was an emotion in his eyes, somewhere between seething anger and pure upsest, an emotion you couldn’t place.
“W-what do you mean?” You asked, feigning confusion. You knew it was futile though, Sam saw it all.
“You know what I mean” He said. You sighed.
“What do you want to know?” You asked.
“I know it’s not the first time…why do you want to do that…?” He asked. You shrugged, looking down. Sam reached up and gently cupped your cheek.
“Please don’t hurt yourself like that” Sam begged. He held you in his arms for a few moments, you felt a tear hit the top of your head gently.
“C’mon love birds. I wanna be back at the bunker by morning” Dean shouted, forcing you and Sam to separate. You pulled away from Sam and began walking to the car, not missing the heartbroken look on Sam’s face. He eventually caught up to you, climbing in the front of Baby.
The journey back to the bunker was filled with tension so thick that even a butter knife wouldn’t be able to cut it. Dean sensed something immediately, but he didn’t say anything, instead noticing every time that Sam looked to you through the rear view mirror.
When you returned to the bunker, you were out of the car and almost sprinting towards your bedroom before the car was even in PARK. Dean watched, confusion filling his eyes. Sam sighed as he climbed out.
“I’ll head over and see her” Sam said.
“I have an idea what it’s about” He added. He made his way towards your bedroom, biting his lip. He gently knocked on your door before easing it open. You were laid on your side, staring at the wall. Sam felt his heart twitch when he saw you. It ached, he longed to be by your side, curled close to you and protecting you from everything in the world that shouldn’t exist yet does.
“Hey, it’s me” He said. You looked over to him, but didn’t speak.
“I get it. Who wants the kid who wants to die” You sighed, laying on your back.
“Don’t say that” He said. He moved to sit on the edge of your bed.
“You’re perfect…I know you don’t believe me, but you are” He said softly.
“And I know you won’t want me too, but can I clean that up?” He asked, looking pointedly to where there was blood staining your bed. You nodded.
“Yeah, you better had. I’ll have to change my sheets after” You sigh.
“Share with me tonight” He offered, while grabbing the first aid kit from beside your bed.
“(Y/N)... you know we love you don’t you. Me and Dean, we love you. Sure, Dean sees you like his baby sister, but even still, he loves you. And I, God I can’t describe just how much you mean to us, to me” Sam said softly. His eyes were focussed on patching you up, avoiding your eyes.
“I don’t want to force you into a relationship, you’re clearly not in the right mental state. I want you to know though, I love you and that will never change” Sam promised. You stopped his hand for a moment before leaning over and kissing him gently. Sam smiled and brushed a bloody thumb over your cheek.
“I love you too Sam, you know I do… I have a question” You speak, almost silently.
“A while back, I heard you say to Dean that you don’t love me…” You trailed off.
“Yeah, about that” He started, immediately your heart sank.
“I was trying to get him off my back because he would not stop pushing at me to ask you on a date. It was starting to get irritating” Sam admitted.
“He knows full well that I’m in love with you. I’d be an idiot to try and hide it from him…and you” Sam whispered. You smiled and kissed his cheek gently.
By the time you were all cleaned and patched up, it was midmorning. Sam’s eyes began to close.
“C’mon moose, let’s get you off to bed” You said, while sitting up. Sam nodded and stood up, swaying on the spot for a moment or two before he began to walk with you back to his bedroom.
It took him a few moments to strip out of his clothes and climb into bed, while you changed to some of Sam’s sweatpants and a tee of his. When you climbed into the bed, Sam was drifting in and out of consciousness, clearly barely able to keep awake. Smiling, you curled close to his warm chest, watching as he leaned down to kiss your head gently before he fell asleep, holding you tightly in his arms.
You know, in your heart, that it won’t get better immediately. It can’t get better immediately, nothing ever does, and nothing ever will. But one step at a time is all that is needed to get you there. Even if the step is a baby step, it’s a step.