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Aizawa Doesn't Deserve This

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Chatroom It Has Been 2 Days Since Our Last Explosion is active

letmesleep: @mousebear permission to turn off internet access in the 1-A dorm

umpire: uh-oh

justdrawnthatway: lol what did they do

mousebear: for what reason?

letmesleep: bakugo katsuki has started a public twitter war with current number one hero endeavor

letmesleep: astonishingly todoroki shouto is backing him up

letmesleep: kirishima eijirou and midoriya izuku appear to be trying to help by intermittently tweeting 'you suck' at endeavor because that's the meanest they know how to be

bitch.I.all.might.be: How wonderful! They are finally united in a common purpose! 

letmesleep: shut up toshinori

yeahhhhhhhhboi: they want to punch the stars and drink the moon! your students aim high! encourage their ambitions!

yeahhhhhhhhboi: because it's hilarious!

letmesleep: shut up hizashi

letmesleep: @mousebear please

mousebear: permission granted

mousebear: public shaming is the least that man deserves

mousebear: but they should consider how this affects their own image too

mousebear: someone should teach them about covert tactics

justdrawnthatway: @bitch.I.all.might.be he's talking to you

bitch.I.all.might.be: covert tactics? I don't know her, what's her civilian name.

lucky#13: lol

letmesleep: I swear this class is going to fucking turn my hair grey

justdrawnthatway: when he snaps and murders them all are we liable because we saw it coming?

lucky#13: yes

bobthebuilder: yes

canhefixit: yes

mousebear: no

umpire: uh are you aware they're still tweeting?

letmesleep: what

letmesleep: ….

letmesleep: HOW

justdrawnthatway: did they go off campus? Or to another building?

canhefixit: nope cameras show them in their dorms 

lucky#13: phone data?

letmesleep: their phones are UA issued, I turned off their data when I did the wifi

letmesleep: so again, HOW

mousebear: hm

mousebear: remember how you predicted that if he worked on his finesse, kaminari denki might eventually be able to emit a field that blocked electronic devices and even someday act as a wireless hotspot? 

letmesleep: are you kidding me

justdrawnthatway: …this is the kid who couldn't successfully electrocute a plant right? 

mousebear: necessity appears to have been the mother of invention

yeahhhhhhhhboi: this is what happens when you turn off a teenager's wifi

letmesleep: I predicted that if his focus and work ethic improved, he might be able to do that *by the time he graduated*

umpire: plus ultra 

umpire: lol

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 Chatroom It Has Been 4 Days Since Our Last Explosion is active

 

bobthebuilder: overheard in the UA hallways, season 2 episode 12:

umpire: nice i love this show

bobthebuilder: "so anyways the moral of the story is I'm probably going to be a virgin forever, because acid, but at least it's not nitroglycerin I guess" -- pink alien girl, 1-A

justdrawnthatway: oh honey

highnoon: yikes

umpire: …. @letmesleep

bobthebuilder: @letmesleep

yeahhhhhhhhboi: @letmesleep

bitch.i.all.might.be: @letmesleep

letmesleep: i have 15 minutes until my next class and this is my only prep period today you assholes, I hope this is important

letmesleep: ….

letmesleep: @mousebear I fucking quit

yeahhhhhhhhboi: lol

bitch.i.all.might.be: that's not very plus ultra of you shouta!!

justdrawnthatway: give your class the quirk sex ed curriculum you absolute coward

letmesleep: second year

letmesleep: we do sex ed in second year 

letmesleep: AND THAT'S WHY I TEACH FIRST YEARS

umpire: well your class is precocious about everything else, idk why you didn't see this coming honestly

letmesleep: you know if my class gets it yours has to too, right?

umpire: that's fine with me, my class rep keeps the problem children well in hand

yeahhhhhhhhboi: lol 'in hand' i see what you did there

umpire: no :/

mousebear: hm an interesting discussion

mousebear: aizawa, resignation not accepted

letmesleep: dammit

mousebear: and I suppose given the changed social dynamics of the dormitory system, it would be prudent to move the sexual education curriculum to the first year, yes

letmesleep: DAMMIT

mousebear: @justdrawnthatway please modify your usual content and format as necessary to accommodate a younger audience and present it for all 9 first-year classes within the next month

justdrawnthatway: aw dammit

justdrawnthatway: this was only funny when it didn't lead to more work for me

letmesleep: :)

bitch.I.all.might.be: wow I've never seen him use an emoji before

yeahhhhhhhhboi: I've never seen him happy before

letmesleep: I'm fueled by spite alone

mousebear: hm. That's a mood, as the kids say

mousebear: :3

justdrawnthatway: fear

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Chatroom It Has Been 5 Days Since Our Last Explosion is active

 

canhefixit: hey uh

canhefixit: @letmesleep

canhefixit: todoroki shouto just put in a request for new support equipment

letmesleep: I don't need to approve those, leave me alone

canhefixit: well he asked for, quote:

canhefixit: "a thermovoltaic generator, as small and portable as possible without compromising voltage potential. Preferably handheld with a directional capacity."

bitch.I.all.might.be: holy fucking shit

justdrawnthatway: well that's terrifying

highnoon: excuse me did you just tell me endeavor's kid asked for a GUN THAT TURNS HIS FIRE INTO LIGHTNING???

canhefixit: I thought you might want a. uh. heads up about that one.

letmesleep: sigh

letmesleep: kaminari denki shocked him pretty good in the 1v1s last week and he's surprisingly petty

letmesleep: it's not a terrible idea though

letmesleep: plenty of heat-resistant materials have high electrical conductivity so he's actually addressing a legitimate weak point

letmesleep: go ahead and give him one

canhefixit: oh yeah that was going to happen either way

canhefixit: hatsume mei got ahold of the request and has built five prototypes already

canhefixit: I can't stop her 

letmesleep: huh

letmesleep: it's actually very comforting to hear that

letmesleep: at least the next time bakugo curses on international television, I know you'll understand my suffering

canhefixit: oh for sure

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Chatroom It Has Been 7 Whole Days Since Our Last Explosion! is active

 

highnoon: @yeahhhhhhhhboi what the hell are you teaching these kids

yeahhhhhhhhboi: ?

yeahhhhhhhhboi: not much, based on averages from the last test???

justdrawnthatway:

highnoon: I just walked past tokoyami fumikage in the hallway and heard him mutter to himself "I am darkness, I am the night" in heavily-accented English

highnoon: then his demon shadow scooped him up and either phased him through a wall or just straight-up swallowed him

yeahhhhhhhhboi: lol wtf

highnoon: im Shook tbh

letmesleep: huh that's new

highnoon: which…part…?

letmesleep: the phasing

letmesleep: the rest is pretty standard honestly

highnoon: cool great thanks I'm gonna go…lie down

justdrawnthatway: legendary

yeahhhhhhhhboi: I'm so proud???? automatic A in my class

justdrawnthatway: i have a new favorite of your little weirdos aizawa

umpire: third in the sports festival, first in our hearts

yeahhhhhhhhboi: ugh don't bring up my trauma I'm still mad about uraraka

yeahhhhhhhhboi: she was robbed

letmesleep: we know hizashi

yeahhhhhhhhboi: just wait until the rematch

yeahhhhhhhhboi: she's going to send that bakugo kid into orbit

yeahhhhhhhhboi: i've got money on it

letmesleep: we know hizashi

lucky#13: uraraka's my favorite too actually

letmesleep: she kicked you in the face

lucky#13: lol what face

letmesleep: ...touche

lucky#13: also it was a good tactical move!

letmesleep: fair enough

letmesleep: she's got real potential

yeahhhhhhhhboi: high praise!

yeahhhhhhhhboi: so who's your favorite shouta??

letmesleep: no one

yeahhhhhhhhboi: come on!!

letmesleep: it's counter-productive to choose a favorite

letmesleep: what would the point even be

umpire: don't lie, you must have one even if you don't want to admit it

bitch.I.all.might.be: no need to be embarrassed shouta!! 

bitch.I.all.might.be: I'll say my favorite if you say yours!

letmesleep: yours is midoriya

letmesleep: we all know that

letmesleep: everyone knows that

bitch.I.all.might.be: oh

bitch.I.all.might.be: well you should still share yours!

letmesleep: no

mousebear: his favorite is yaoyorozu momo

letmesleep: dammit nedzu

justdrawnthatway: awwwww

letmesleep: shut up

letmesleep: she has a long way to go before her overthinking habit isn't a liability

letmesleep: and she isn't comfortable enough yet with creation of matter beyond the solid state

letmesleep: not to mention she hasn't defined her ambitions nearly as well as some of the others

letmesleep: her utility in rescue situations is an asset she could be focusing on if she had a more coherent vision of her desired role

umpire: so today we learned aizawa shows favoritism through harsh criticism

yeahhhhhhhhboi: definitely knew that already

bitch.I.all.might.be: yes that was always very clear

letmesleep: shut UP

ensemble: I like ashido mina

umpire: !!!!

bobthebuilder: the chat cryptid appears!

canhefixit: hey long time no see!

ensemble: you saw me this morning

canhefixit: sure in *meatspace*, like that counts

ensemble: wow sorry for having other friends to text besides my coworkers

justdrawnthatway: lol burn

justdrawnthatway: anyways, ashido's your favorite?

ensemble: yeah

justdrawnthatway: can't say I saw that coming

justdrawnthatway: wasn't she one of the ones who failed the final last semester?

ensemble: yep

ensemble: girl can't strategy for shit

ensemble: but at the sports festival I saw her uppercut that sparkly kid so hard he needed recovery girl

ensemble: and then five minutes later she was leading a group of elementary schoolers from the audience in a cheer for her classmate

ensemble: that's a hero

letmesleep: huh

justdrawnthatway: T_Tb

bitch.I.all.might.be: How moving!!

ensemble: also I'm pretty sure she's the one that dared the tape kid to come up to me and ask if my quirk was "reverse vore"

ensemble: gotta respect that instinct for chaos

umpire:

bobthebuilder: nO

justdrawnthatway: asjkhfsdkjl;lsfk

letmesleep: sigh

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Chatroom It Has Been 8 Whole Days Since Our Last Explosion! is active

 

lucky#13: that was a big explosion?????? @everyone hey who has eyes on the crisis?

the.food.network: bakugo katsuki's squaring up with someone in the cafeteria

the.food.network: @letmesleep is already on his way, so…

the.food.network: who's he fighting this time?

the.food.network: let the betting commence

yeahhhhhhhhboi: oh shit okay 2 on midoriya

bobthebuilder: same

canhefixit: same

ensemble: 4 on midoriya

yeahhhhhhhhboi: damn???

ensemble: I play to win 

ensemble: and we all know where the smart money is

lucky#13: hm 2 on uraraka

yeahhhhhhhhboi: fuck I hope so

bitch.I.all.might.be: since shouta is handling his problem children let me be the one to say:

bitch.I.all.might.be: we know, hizashi

yeahhhhhhhhboi: lol

yeahhhhhhhhboi: okay big guy who's your bet?

bitch.I.all.might.be: hm. 2 on todoroki *because of* midoriya

yeahhhhhhhhboi: iiiiiiiiinteresting

umpire: 1 on monoma neito

bobthebuilder: putting it on the line for your class! I respect that

umpire: honestly monoma's just that annoying

justdrawnthatway: 1 on shinsou hitoshi from 1-C

highnoon: nemuri you are my best friend but that is a dumbass bet

justdrawnthatway: wow okay

highnoon: anyways I'm here with ryo, he says 1 on midoriya

ensemble: how about you?

highnoon: well

highnoon: you know I'm not a gambling man

highnoon: but 1 on bakugo fighting his own reflection in a mirror

yeahhhhhhhhboi: askfskflajklASDAKJLFSDL;K

justdrawnthatway: ahahahaha holy shit

bitch.I.all.might.be: I wish I could say that that's not a possibility

the.food.network: okay that's almost everyone...@copay you want in? 

copay: as long as midoriya doesn't end up in my office again I don't care

bitch.I.all.might.be: :(

copay: 🖕

the.food.network: all right, and the winner is.....

the.food.network: living up to their name, @lucky#13!

lucky#13: !!!!!

yeahhhhhhhhboi: !!!!!!!!!!

umpire: wow really?

umpire: how did that happen?????

the.food.network: you aren't ready

ensemble: please I have to know

the.food.network: well

the.food.network: I didn't hear the start of the conversation

the.food.network: but the first thing I did hear

the.food.network: was uraraka yelling at the top of her lungs

the.food.network: "YOU CAN'T CALL DIBS ON KIRBY I'M LITERALLY KIRBY IN REAL LIFE"

justdrawnthatway: omfg

bitch.I.all.might.be: what

the.food.network: I believe bakugo's response was something along the lines of

the.food.network: "you wanna fucking go"

the.food.network: she did

ensemble: hoyl shit

the.food.network: last I saw before aizawa got them with his capture weapon 

the.food.network: was uraraka sitting on bakugo twisting his arm behind his back and yelling 

the.food.network: "SAY I'M KIRBY BITCH! SAY IT!"

the.food.network: he did not, as far as I know, say it

umpire: dear lord

highnoon: top heros have stories about them from their school days...this is one such legend

 

@justdrawnthatway has changed the name of the chatroom to It Has Been 0 Days Since Our Last Explosion But It Was Worth It

 

justdrawnthatway: is this what motherhood feels like

canhefixit: yamada is openly sobbing in the staff lounge jsyak

lucky#13: I'm so proud

lucky#13: I dedicate every single one of the 16 hours of detention I no longer have to monitor to uraraka ochako

ensemble: shit

bobthebuilder: why did I bet T_T

canhefixit: because we're fools

lucky#13: I believe that means I'm detention-duty free for the rest of the term in fact :)

letmesleep: that's great awesome so glad no one HELPED ME STOP THE FIGHT OR ANYTHING

yeahhhhhhhhboi: you needed help?

letmesleep: no

letmesleep: it's the principle of the thing

letmesleep: you're all terrible educators

justdrawnthatway: someone's cranky because he's not allowed to bet

letmesleep: at least I don't have 4 extra hours of detention duty now unlike some people

ensemble: wow just @ me next time

Chapter Text

Chatroom It Has Been 3 Days Since Our Last Explosion But We all Agree That One Was Worth It is active

 

justdrawnthatway: okay I know this chat is pretty much solely for funny You Won't Believe What My Student Just Did stories 

justdrawnthatway: but I gotta say it

justdrawnthatway: @letmesleep why the hell are you letting mineta minoru get away with his shit?

yeahhhhhhhhboi: so you got around to 1-A with the new sex ed curriculum I guess

yeahhhhhhhhboi: rip

highnoon: I've been wondering that too actually @letmesleep

umpire: same

bobthebuilder: ^^^

canhefixit: ^^^^^^

letmesleep: I filed expulsion paperwork for him two months ago

letmesleep: nedzu approved the action but postponed its execution indefinitely for "exigent circumstances"

letmesleep: I'm not even allowed to suspend him or give him detention

justdrawnthatway: wtf @mousebear

mousebear: all will become clear in time

yeahhhhhhhhboi: I hate it when he says that

letmesleep: only answer I ever get with this subject...

justdrawnthatway: so in the meantime you know you're sending the message you don't give a shit about your female students dignity or safety right?

letmesleep: seconded

letmesleep: I have a monitor robot specifically tasked with following him around and alerting me in time to stop the worst of it

letmesleep: but even that doesn't catch it all

letmesleep: this can't go on

 

@bitch.I.all.might.be sent a private message to @mousebear

      bitch.I.all.might.be: you think he's the leak, don't you

      bitch.I.all.might.be: there's no other reason you'd handle the situation this way

      mousebear: I think it is a likely enough possibility that to expel or suspend him would be to place him and the other students in danger

      mousebear: until we can identify the exact cause of the information leaks and address it

      mousebear: I see no other option but to pretend to everyone that mineta minoru is a welcome member of class 1-A

      mousebear: whose behavior is not under suspicion for any reason

      mousebear: any other action could result in his removal as a burned asset

      mousebear: or more drastic attempts to gain access to our campus and the dorms

      bitch.I.all.might.be: I see

 

bitch.I.all.might.be: I'm sure the principal has his reasons!!

bitch.I.all.might.be: in the meantime, may I suggest a more indirect method of intervention?

yeahhhhhhhhboi: you? indirect?

justdrawnthatway: this I've gotta see

bitch.I.all.might.be: @letmesleep could I have 15 minutes of private training time this week with each member of your class other than mr. mineta?

letmesleep: ….why?

letmesleep: actually you know what I don't care

letmesleep: sure

Chapter Text

Chatroom This Time The Explosion Was Higari's Fault is active

 

copay: @highnoon come collect your best friend she's crying in my office

highnoon: ?????

highnoon: omw

highnoon: nemuri u ok????

copay: she's fine

justdrawnthatway: my heart has grown 12 sizes TT_TT

yeahhhhhhhhboi:

yeahhhhhhhhboi: no dick joke to follow that up?? 

yeahhhhhhhhboi: who are you and what have you done with kayama

justdrawnthatway: shut up yamada

justdrawnthatway: you're gonna cry too when I tell you what happened

copay: please leave my office first

highnoon: yes'm I've got her

yeahhhhhhhhboi: side note anyone else think it's kind of charming how respectful @highnoon gets around ladies of a certain, uh, wisdom?

copay: I'm old you cockatiel you can just say it

canhefixit: adlfsjkdkjlgldk

lucky#13: c o c k a t i e l

bitch.I.all.might.be: requisat in pace present mic, a hero to the last

canhefixit: WASDKFGJHS;L

lucky#13: not sure higari's breathing

canhefixit: aslfdkjak why is all might using the full latin so much funnier???

 

@ensemble has changed @yeahhhhhhhhboi's username to @cockatiel

 

cockatiel: that's fair

canhefixit: hahaha @ensemble did you come online just to roast yamada?

ensemble: nah I wanna hear kayama's story too

lucky#13: oh right!

lucky#13: @justdrawnthatway what happened?

justdrawnthatway: okay

justdrawnthatway: OKAY SO

justdrawnthatway: scene: UA hallway

justdrawnthatway: your hero, the alluring pro midnight, is undertaking perhaps the most challenging mission she's ever faced...

justdrawnthatway: peeing between classes

cockatiel: you fool

bitch.I.all.might.be: hubris

highnoon: some mountains we weren't made to scale nemuri

lucky#13: ???? is it that hard???

highnoon: yes????? there's no time?????

ensemble: oh right @lucky#13 you don't have a bladder

highnoon: damn I wish that were me

highnoon: I had three classes in a row last year; that's four hours of kegels suffering

lucky#13: ?????

highnoon: don't worry about it

ensemble: just count yourself lucky honestly

lucky#13: well it's in the name

cockatiel: lol

justdrawnthatway: so your hero arrives at the 3rd floor bathroom

justdrawnthatway: only to find the door blocked

highnoon: uh oh did someone get stuck in there again?

ensemble: again????

highnoon: uh nothing

justdrawnthatway: that's what I thought at first 

justdrawnthatway: especially cuz kirishima eijirou was the one blocking it and whenever the others start some nonsense he's usually in the background yelling "bro that was manly" somewhere

cockatiel: lol true

justdrawnthatway: but koda koji was there too

justdrawnthatway: also rock boy was doing his adorkable hero stance

justdrawnthatway: and poor koda honestly just looked like they were trying not to burst into tears

letmesleep: the only time they don't look like that is when they're actively crying

cockatiel: lol

bitch.I.all.might.be: they're doing their best to overcome their anxiety in pursuit of their dream! Inspiring!!

letmesleep: sure

letmesleep: I will say this, their quirk is almost impossibly powerful for their age

letmesleep: I've seen them direct hundreds of animals at once

letmesleep: plenty of pros have animal communication quirks but not like that

justdrawnthatway: that's a fact I didn't know and I'm very interested but SHUT UP AND LET ME TELL MY DAMN STORY

bitch.I.all.might.be: sorry

justdrawnthatway: so who is outside the door that's being blocked?

justdrawnthatway: who else but mr. mineta himself

justdrawnthatway: throwing a whole-ass temper tantrum about them not letting him in

justdrawnthatway: so at this point I'm realizing that I'm not going to get to pee

highnoon: tragic

justdrawnthatway: ikr

justdrawnthatway: but I don't know what's going on so I wait to try to figure out wtf is happening

justdrawnthatway: and what I hear is:

justdrawnthatway: horrible purple child: "it's against school policy to block access to a bathroom!!!"

justdrawnthatway: koda, barely audible but very firmly: "that's on the basis of gender, perceived gender, or disability, not because you want to harass someone"

justdrawnthatway: kirishima: "yeah dude let yaomomo do her business in peace okay??"

highnoon: seriously??

lucky#13: ew

justdrawnthatway: YEP

justdrawnthatway: so I'm getting ready to unleash hell upon his unsuspecting little grape-covered head

justdrawnthatway: when sure enough Aizawa's Favorite comes out of the bathroom

letmesleep: shut up

justdrawnthatway: and very reasonably is like

justdrawnthatway: "...why are you all standing here?"

justdrawnthatway: immediately mineta is all "they're not letting me in the bathroom, surely as class vp you don't think that's okay???"

justdrawnthisway: so of course girl knows something is up but not what

justdrawnthisway: and starts with the "okay let's talk about this! It's important for classmates to get along!"

cockatiel: @letmesleep you have exactly one student with social skills and she's TOO polite

letmesleep: shut up

lucky#13: it's true but he shouldn't say it

justdrawnthatway: so I'm thinking i better step in at this point right?

justdrawnthatway: and that's when something MAGICAL HAPPENS

justdrawnthatway: kirishima gives koda what he probably thinks is an Extremely Subtle Nod

justdrawnthatway: and AS IF THEY PRACTICED IT koda immediately scoops yaoyorozu out of mineta's reach and starts power-walking her away down the the hallway mumbling  "hi yaomomo sorry to bother you but I need more wood shavings for my bunny cage can you come make some for me please?"

justdrawnthatway: and as soon as they're around the corner

justdrawnthatway: kirishima: "bro I need you to know that it's really not cool when you do things like that and it means you're not gonna be a good hero because you don't respect people's bodies and boundaries"

justdrawnthatway: "and we're not gonna let you do it any more because being a hero means intervening when someone's doing something bad, even if you're friends or classmates"

justdrawnthatway: "all might said so"

highnoon: aw

cockatiel: T_______T

justdrawnthatway: I told you you'd cry!!!

canhefixit: can confirm, he's crying irl

bitch.I.all.might.be: I knew young kirishima would take my advice to heart! He was very moved during his individual training session!

justdrawnthatway: what the hell were those training sessions anyways? They sure were effective but it's not typical hero tactics

bitch.I.all.might.be: well

bitch.I.all.might.be: as many of you know, my quirk...manifested late

bitch.I.all.might.be: I spent my childhood assumed to be quirkless

bitch.I.all.might.be: but I still wanted to be a hero so I attended many lectures and trainings on how to better society without the use of quirks

bitch.I.all.might.be: including tactics in bystander intervention

bitch.I.all.might.be: techniques designed to deflect the attention of the perpetrator, and remove the target from the situation before confronting the behavior

bitch.I.all.might.be: I figured that if the teachers cannot intervene for now, the students should

copay: you did good

bitch.I.all.might.be: :)

highnoon: good idea

lucky#13: ^^^

cockatiel: yeah well done toshinori!!

letmesleep: i'm grateful

bitch.I.all.might.be: (*´∀`*)

canhefixit: something is very wrong with seeing the symbol of peace make that face

canhefixit: but yeah good job yagi

canhefixit: is that the end of the story @justdrawnthatway?

justdrawnthatway: oh right!! I forgot to tell you the best part!!!!

highnoon: how is everything you already told us not the best part?

justdrawnthatway: okay so you might think that for mineta, being confronted like that by the two nicest people in the entire class would be a wakeup call, right?

justdrawnthatway: nah

justdrawnthatway: his response: "that's disgusting, you're trying to act all noble to get the chicks but I'm onto you"

bitch.I.all.might.be: oh dear

justdrawnthatway: BUT THEN KIRISHIMA

justdrawnthatway: this absolute icon 

justdrawnthisway: this perfect precious child

justdrawnthisway: looks at mineta with utmost scorn

justdrawnthisway: just utter, complete loathing

justdrawnthisway: and says: 

justdrawnthatway: "dude I'm gay"

justdrawnthisway: "and you suck"

canhefixit: asldfja;jlfklxfn 

justdrawnthatway: and then he just WALKED AWAY

justdrawnthisway: and that's how I had to get @bobthebuilder to cover my class while I went and sobbed in the nurse's office

cockatiel: !!!!!!!

letmesleep: …welp

highnoon: still the meanest he knows how to be, huh

highnoon: someone needs to teach that kid how to actually insult someone

justdrawnthatway: he (willingly???) hangs out with bakugo katsuki

justdrawnthatway: if he hasn't learned by now he's never going to

highnoon: valid and also I love him with my entire shriveled heart

ensemble: whoops that's a mood

cockatiel: same hat!!!!!!!!!!!!

canhefixit: he's crying harder now

justdrawnthatway: told you so 

cockatiel: 👍

canhefixit: can "I'm gay and you suck" replace plus ultra as our school motto please @mousebear

mousebear: ...I'll consider it

bitch.I.all.might.be: I've never been so proud of anything or anyone

bitch.I.all.might.be: this is the highlight of my teaching career, my hero career, and my life

cockatiel: same

ensemble: same

letmesleep:

cockatiel: say it shouta

cockatiel: you know you want to

letmsleep: …same

Chapter Text

Chatroom Someone Else Please Blow Something Up So It's Not My Fault Any More is active

 

umpire: jsut read yesterday's chatlog

umpire: and it explains a lot about what I witnessed today

cockatiel: ??

umpire: @bitch.I.all.might.be you'll be glad to know that your students are really taking to your training

umpire: but. uh. Some of them are taking it a little…

umpire: well I'll just tell you what happened I guess

bitch.I.all.might.be: uh oh

justdrawnthatway: ruh-roh

highnoon: nemuri no

justdrawnthatway: nemuri yES

cockatiel: lol

highnoon: please just tell your story @umpire

umpire: I'm trying!

bitch.I.all.might.be: sorry

umpire: okay so I took over yamada's english class today because he's lazy

cockatiel: I got called in to a rescue op?????

umpire: lazy

cockatiel: wow okay

umpire: his lesson plan said to practice the conversation in groups so I told them to get into groups

cockatiel: lol u didn't group them yourself? rip

umpire: listen my class can be relied upon to get into groups of 2-3 without all hell breaking loose how was I to know??

cockatiel: they all fought over who got to pair with kaminari denki didn't they?

umpire: like half the class DID

umpire: WHY????

cockatiel: he's a dual citizen and fluent in english

umpire: ohhh that explains so much

cockatiel: lol yep maybe I should've put that in my class notes

umpire: you think???

umpire: so anyways after we sorted out that drama there were a few students left over 

umpire: the important point for this story is that mineta minoru was left and so was jirou kyouka

umpire: incidentally the only girl left unpartnered which I'm pretty sure is why he paired with her

umpire: which she didn't look thrilled about, but he behaved himself fine during class

umpire: so we finished up and all went off to lunch, which I also had to monitor thanks to yamada's negligence of his duties

justdrawnthatway: lol

cockatiel: wOW

umpire: at which point I witnessed the following interaction: 

umpire: mineta, walking up to jirou's table: "hey wanna get together after school and practice our conversation assignment?"

umpire: (pretty innocuous, but also you could tell that if she said yes, it was going to get...weird. Very fast.)

umpire: jirou, removing her giant headphones: "what?"

umpire: mineta: repeats himself

umpire: jirou, staring him dead in the eyes and definitely no longer wearing headphones: "what?"

cockatiel: asklnfsjkljsfd

justdrawnthatway: perfect, flawless, heroic

umpire: they proceeded to do this *four more times*

umpire: both getting louder each time

highnoon: ahahahahaha

bitch.I.all.might.be: well it's a little more confrontational than I would really suggest, but...

umpire: oh I'm not done

bitch.I.all.might.be: oh

umpire: so then who walks by on his way to his own table?

umpire: todoroki shouto

bitch.I.all.might.be: oH

umpire: yeah

umpire: mineta and jirou are locked in a staring contest

umpire: todoroki approaches

umpire: and he just

umpire: looks at mineta

umpire: looks at the cup of tea on his tray

umpire: picks up the cup

umpire: heats the tea up with his quirk

umpire: and then DUMPS THE ENTIRE CUP ONTO MINETA'S HEAD

cockatiel: asklnfgdfkl

highnoon: ooooh yikes

bitch.I.all.might.be: oh noooooo

justdrawnthatway: I know I'm supposed to be upset about that but I'm not???

umpire: mineta: shrieks in pain

umpire: todoroki, expressionlessly and completely unconvincingly: "oops"

bitch.I.all.might.be: oh dear

bitch.I.all.might.be: one option in bystander intervention is to create a distraction such as spilling one's tea

bitch.I.all.might.be: I perhaps should have considered certain students' acting skills before sharing that one

cockatiel: and their vindictive nature

justdrawnthatway: I understand and respect the policy that we don't speculate as to students' sexualities

justdrawnthatway: so I'm not going to say that the only straight endeavor jr is is a straight-up bitch

justdrawnthatway: I'm just going to think it really hard

cockatiel: lol

bitch.I.all.might.be: you definitely just…

highnoon: shhhhh

bitch.I.all.might.be: okay????

bitch.I.all.might.be: @umpire what happened next?

umpire: mineta: "you melted half my hair!!"

umpire: (yes today I learned that 1. those purple balls are apparently his hair, and 2. I guess they melt in high temperatures? I didn't need or want any of that information but I have it now)

umpire: todoroki: "unfortunate"

umpire: you know that voice he does 

bitch.I.all.might.be: like he's a robot but that robot has the capacity to judge you and is doing it

umpire: yep that one

umpire: then he and jirou high fived

umpire: on the third try because she had to teach him how

umpire: which was sad but also kind of endearing I guess

umpire: and I had to pretend I didn't see anything because otherwise I would've had to give him detention

bitch.I.all.might.be: ….I'm so sorry

justdrawnthatway: how dare you apologize for art yagi

cockatiel: you, todoroki, and jirou have done nothing wrong, ever, in your lives

highnoon: I mean heating the tea up was a little excessive but honestly? He defended his classmate, I'm not mad about it

umpire: me neither

umpire: but I do feel I have to let @letmesleep know

umpire: it's his class and he's responsible for their behavior

letmesleep: really? Again during my only prep period??

cockatiel: just read the story shouta

bitch.I.all.might.be: this is an....ominous pause

justdrawnthatway: seconded

letmsleep: hm

letmesleep: on one hand the use of a quirk to harm another student, even indirectly like that, is a serious breach of UA's code of conduct

letmesleep: on the other, todoroki shouto's biggest weakness as a hero is collaboration

letmesleep: taking steps towards building a stronger relationship with a classmate, particularly one with a reconnaissance quirk that has a lot of applications to enhance the success rate of his area-effect moves…

letmesleep: that should be encouraged

letmesleep: I'll call him in and discuss his actions

letmesleep: his punishment will be denial of permission to visit home for the rest of the month

bitch.I.all.might.be: doesn't he submit requests to stay in the dorms instead of going home for all official holidays…?

justdrawnthatway: shhhhhh yagi it's a ~punishment~

bitch.I.all.might.be: ah got it

Chapter Text

Chatroom I Didn't Mean You, Hatsume is active

 

highnoon: why do I always have the weirdest interactions with @letmesleep's students???

highnoon: do they wait in the hallways for me?????

highnoon: is it some kind of curse????????

letmesleep: it's a plot to drive you insane

letmesleep: so I can have your job

letmesleep: and not have to teach them any more

cockatiel: aw that was almost a joke!

bitch.I.all.might.be: well done shouta!!!

letmesleep: shut up

bobthebuilder: okay but what happened this time @highnoon?

justdrawnthatway: please hold, I'm trying to get him to stop giggling hysterically first

canhefixit: it's very creepy coming from behind his costume mask actually

highnoon: YOU DON'T KNOW THE MEANING OF CREEPY

justdrawnthatway: deep fucking breaths buddy

highnoon: I've faced major villains that unsettled me less tbh

highnoon: okay

highnoon: you know how I contra dance on weekends?

lucky#13: O_O

bobthebuilder: no??? I did not know that about you???

justdrawnthatway: I knew

cockatiel: of course you did

cockatiel: but the rest of us definitely did not!!!

highnoon: well I do

highnoon: we all have hobbies

mousebear: in fact having a hobby or non-hero interest is a significant screening factor on the psychological examination to become a UA teacher

justdrawnthatway: uh

lucky#13: O_____O

bitch.I.all.might.be: wait how did I pass then

mousebear: you didn't, we made an exception because you're the Symbol of Peace

letmesleep: wow that explains a lot

highnoon: ANYWAYS

highnoon: so I was waiting for 2-C's classroom to free up to teach my next class and was going through some steps

highnoon: as one does

highnoon: and I turn around and midoriya izuku is just….staring at me

highnoon: like he was trying to SEE INTO MY SOUL

highnoon: and he whispered: 

highnoon: "that's going in the notebook ehehehehe"

highnoon: and then scuttled away down the hallway mumbling to himself

lucky#13: O____________O

justdrawnthatway: I can't decide if that's adorable or creepy

highnoon: creepy! Definitely creepy!!

letmesleep: I'm so sorry

bitch.I.all.might.be: I'll have a talk with the lad about appropriate expressions of fandom

highnoon: that would be appreciated

letmesleep: @mousebear if he actually does get chased out of the school by the little weirdos, though, can I have his job for real?

mousebear: no

Chapter Text

Chatroom The Explosion Was Bakugo That Time But I'm Still Willing To Say It's Higari's Fault Somehow is active

 

letmesleep: hey anyone know where @mousebear is? he's not in his office

justdrawnthatway: nope sorry

bobthebuilder: hm no

canhefixit: he was there an hour ago

canhefixit: also who named the chatroom that????

justdrawnthatway: :3

canhefixit: I hate you

justdrawnthatway: :333333

highnoon: did you check the UA staff master calendar @letmesleep?

justdrawnthatway: lol u nerd

highnoon: this is EXACTLY WHAT ITS FOR NEMURI

letmesleep: I did actually, there's nothing on his schedule

bitch.I.all.might.be: ah the principal is in a confidential meeting right now!

bitch.I.all.might.be: my apologies

bitch.I.all.might.be: what did you need him for shouta?

letmsleep: I need to file a Q-21B and an M-336

cockatiel: okay from all of us who haven't memorized every form in this school: ?????

highnoon: that's a change of quirk registration and a…registration of a quirk as a controlled substance??? wtf aizawa?????

justdrawnthatway: NERD

highnoon: you knew that when you best friended me

justdrawnthatway: true

canhefixit: wtf @letmesleep what happened???

cockatiel: what else? Class 1-A

letmesleep: I wish you were wrong

letmesleep: ashido mina has learned to change the properties of the substance she secretes

letmesleep: it apparently doesn't have to be that formula of acid

canhefixit: ah yeah that's a big enough change to warrant re-registering

cockatiel: okay but why the other form????

letmesleep: she discovered this by accidentally producing some kind of hallucinogen

bitch.I.all.might.be: oh dear

cockatiel: askngsklfdmsgk

cockatiel: why?? How?????

letmesleep: as far as I can tell:

letmesleep: she was grouped with tokoyami fumikage and tsuyu asui for a forest rescue practice

letmesleep: they wisely took advantage of the overall high mobility in the group by traveling through the treetops

letmesleep: ashido noticed that she was about to spray acid onto a branch that tsuyu was reaching for with her tongue

letmesleep: in a desperate bid not to corrode her teammate's tongue she apparently managed to change her acid's properties at the last moment

letmesleep: she did not, however, manage to render it fully harmless

letmesleep: so now my most responsible student is tripping balls in the nurse's office and my least responsible one can make LSD on command

cockatiel: omfg

bobthebuilder: yikes 

highnoon: that's rough buddy

canhefixit: rip

justdrawnthatway: fucking fantastic she's doing amazing

justdrawnthatway: @ensemble your fave leveled up

ensemble: ??

justdrawnthatway: scroll up

ensemble: …I know that no good can come of this but it's still the funniest thing I've ever read

letmesleep: tHANKS

Chapter Text

Chatroom It Has Been 2 Days Since Higari Was Last Wrongly Blamed For An Explosion is active

 

ensemble: overheard in the UA hallways, episode 107:

justdrawnthatway: whoop here we go

cockatiel: my body is ready

letmesleep: please

letmesleep: just this once

letmesleep: shut the fuck up hizashi

cockatiel: ...fine but only because @ensemble has important news to share

ensemble: I sure do

ensemble: @bitch.I.all.might.be needs to be here for this though

bitch.I.all.might.be: ?

justdrawnthatway: wait aren't you teaching right now?

bitch.I.all.might.be: we're in a Bakugo Is Yelling At Someone interlude

bitch.I.all.might.be: I've got at least five minutes

justdrawnthatway: shouldn't you…stop him yelling?

letmesleep: kayama you fool

bitch.I.all.might.be: ah my dear naive colleague

bitch.I.all.might.be: one does not simply stop young bakugo katsuki from yelling

bitch.I.all.might.be: he feeds on attempts to stop him and grows only stronger

bitch.I.all.might.be: and louder

letmesleep: yep

letmesleep: you've got to maintain a delicate balance of ignoring him

letmesleep: keeping midoriya out of the blast radius

letmesleep: and shoving kirishima into the line of fire to slowly defuse the situation

bitch.I.all.might.be: quite

justdrawnthatway: I thank providence every day that I didn't get assigned class 1A

umpire: same

highnoon: same

bobthebuilder: same

lucky#13: aw I think they're fun!

letmesleep: you can have them

lucky#13: no that's okay you've got a ~rapport~ now

justdrawnthatway: lol

justdrawnthatway: wait did ecto go idle??

justdrawnthatway: @ensemble get back here!!

cockatiel: @ensemble

umpire: @ensemble

ensemble: oh right

justdrawnthatway: how did you forget you were about to tell a story?

ensemble: because I have other things to do with my life kayama

justdrawnthatway: touche

ensemble: anyways so this happened yesterday but I just remembered it and realized I needed to share

ensemble: I was walking to a class

ensemble: just living my life

ensemble: when I happen to see midoriya, iida (tensei's brother), and that shinsou kid that applied to move out of gen studies

ensemble: all clustered together in the hallway

ensemble: and then I was gifted with the following conversation

justdrawnthatway: oh boy

ensemble: midoriya: "hey guys can I ask you a weird question?"

canhefixit: oh no

lucky#13: if this is about puberty we don't want to know

ensemble: iida: "of course my friend!!! I am honored by your trust!!!!"

ensemble: shinsou: "no"

cockatiel: LOL

ensemble: midoriya: "okay cool so….okay so just say that hypothetically my quirk gives me visions sometimes okay?"

highnoon: hypothetically that's very worrying??

bitch.I.all.might.be: nah it's fine

highnoon: okay????????

ensemble: that's basically exactly the exchange midoriya and iida proceeded to have tbh

ensemble: and then

ensemble: midoriya: "so anyways I'm definitely not having a psychotic break haha, that's not the question!! The question is, like...if when you have a quirk vision you kinda shift to some kind of pocket reality or something where everything is bright glowing rainbow colors that go really fast…."

ensemble: "does that mean you're gay?"

cockatiel: ajkngakg;l

cockatiel: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

justdrawnthatway: LOLOLOL

canhefixit: sdkalngkjbaDgnj[JGK;NJd

letmesleep: jesus fucking christ

lucky#13: XDDDDDD

bobthebuilder: higari's crying-laughing again

highnoon: lol understandable

 

Chatroom Sky High Is a Fucking Masterpiece You Philistine is active

 

drugs?: so like does bakugo not need to breathe to live or…?

broken.bone.machine: i've always wondered tbh

rainforest_cafe: does anyone remember why he started yelling in the first place?

hard_rock_cafe: no

pikapiiii: nope

shouto: I don't listen when he talks

just_hard_rock: all might sensei told us our grade on next week's practical will be 50% collaboration points

rainforest_cafe: ah yes that would do it

pikapiiii: more importantly is all might….laughing at us?

hard_rock_cafe: I think he's laughing at his phone

drugs?: omg all might was texting in class????

drugs?: who was he texting who makes him laugh like that?????

drugs?: A SECRET LOVER???????

spacegay: someone help mina take some deep breaths please

rainforest_cafe: on it 

spacegay: ty babe ^__^

rainforest_cafe: <3

pikapiiii: lol did yaomomo actually just ask all might if he was okay?

pikapiiii: can't tell if she's trolling or honestly concerned

shouto: and you never will

hard_rock_cafe: why am I into that?

spacegay: you're a disaster lesbian

hard_rock_cafe: ur right

rainforest _cafe: and we support you

hard_rock_cafe: T_Tb

pikapiiii: oh thank fuck this class is finally over

spacegay: if we all leave do you think bakugo will just keep yelling at an empty room?

broken.bone.machine: yes

shouto: I'm concerned that you seem to be really sure of that answer

 

Chatroom It Has Been 2 Days Since Higari Was Last Wrongly Blamed For An Explosion is active

 

bitch.I.all.might.be: @ensemble how dare you make me laugh that hard while teaching the children

bitch.I.all.might.be: yaoyorozu asked if I was okay

bitch.I.all.might.be: and I can't tell if she was making fun of me or not

canhefixit: oh now I get why she's aizawa's favorite

letmesleep: :)

justdrawnthatway: wow that's a threatening emoji coming from you

letmesleep: good

letmesleep: but also @ensemble how dare you make hizashi laugh that hard, period

letmesleep: he broke a window

cockatiel: and I'm not sorry

ensemble: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

highnoon: okay so what did they even say after that????

ensemble: iida: "I. uh. I would hazard a guess that though each individual's journey is different and worthy of respect, it's not likely that--"

ensemble: shinsou, completely deadpan: "yes"

ensemble: midoriya: "oh, okay. good to know thanks"

ensemble: and then they just...all went off to class

justdrawnthisway: holy shit that's art

highnoon: amazing

cockatiel: you guys @letmesleep is actually kind of smiling almost

letmesleep: …okay it's a little funny

cockatiel: a human emotion? from shouta? it's more likely than you think

letmesleep: shut up hizashi

Chapter Text

Chatroom It Has Been 1 Day Since Presentation Michael Broke School Property is active

 

umpire: today I learned that kendo has been doing weekly laundry loads for half of 1-B ever since they moved into the dorms

umpire: and now that she's on a field placement and doesn't have time

umpire: HALF MY CLASS ISN'T DOING LAUNDRY BECAUSE THEY DON'T KNOW HOW

cockatiel: lol sounds about right

umpire: what are parents teaching their kids these days???

justdrawnthatway: spoiled, the lot of them

highnoon: nemuri I lived with you for three years, don't even start with that hypocrisy

justdrawnthatway: ...withdrawn

highnoon: yeah that's what I thought

umpire: what do I do? do I actually have to hold a class on how to wash your clothing? is that where we are as a society?

umpire: @letmesleep, I'm assuming your class is as much if not more of a disaster, help a fellow hero out

letmesleep: oh actually bakugo taught them all how to do laundry their first week in the dorms

justdrawnthatway: …

justdrawnthatway: what

highnoon: bakugo…katsuki? that bakugo?

letmesleep: yep

lucky#13: oh I remember that!

lucky#13: I was on monitor duty that day

lucky#13: it was the loudest, angriest, most comprehensively informative approach to laundry I've ever seen

cockatiel: what????

lucky#13: "the symbols on the tag correspond to the fucking machine settings you dumbasses, you have to separate by color and material type and then set the fucking machine based on what it says on the goddamn tag"

lucky#13: "and don't leave it in the washer to fucking mildew, either, take it out right away you useless incompetent motherfucking paperclips!!"

justdrawnthatway: …wow

highnoon: amazing

letmesleep: he's got some unexpected personality facets that almost make up for the…rest of him

letmesleep: he also taught them all how to load a dishwasher and take care of cast iron pans

canhefixit: I would pay actual money for that monitor footage

justdrawnthatway: oh hell yes

highnoon: please can we compile bakugo's greatest hits into a documentary film

letmesleep: no, that's illegal and also morally wrong

justdrawnthatway: dammit

highnoon: welp guess this is my villain origin story then

lucky#13: lol

lucky#13: actually though @letmesleep what are the chances of me borrowing bakugo for a seminar on deodorant use for my class?

highnoon: oh dang same here

justdrawnthatway: SAME HERE

letmesleep: not good

letmesleep: seeing as his quirk is basically him sweating

lucky#13: oh right

lucky#13: darn

letmesleep: I did once hear todoroki explaining to iida that fireproof industrial strength deodorant exists though

letmesleep: that was a journey 

justdrawnthatway: industrial strength??

letmesleep: he's either frozen or on fire most of the time

letmesleep: at any given moment he's either actively sweating or his sweat is being rapidly cooled to his skin or both

justdrawnthatway: oh no

highnoon: poor kid

justdrawnthatway: my suit is sweat-wicking because too much moisture interferes with deploying my quirk

justdrawnthatway: maybe I'll tell the support company to offer him that feature next time he upgrades his--and I use this term loosely for that jumpsuit--costume?

letmesleep: good idea

highnoon: aw, a combination of good mentoring and harsh fashion judgement

highnoon: that's the midnight-sensei brand all right

justdrawnthatway: accurate

lucky#13: okay but if bakugo can't help me, how do I get my students to stop marinating in their own sweat?

letmesleep: they're teenagers

letmesleep: you can't

lucky#13: thanks I hate it

umpire: can I actually borrow bakugo for a laundry demo though?

letmesleep: sure

letmesleep: have fun explaining to your students that the biggest asshole in 1A is coming into their dorm

umpire: ...fuck

Chapter Text

Chatroom It Has Been 3 Days Since President Mitochondria Broke School Property is active

 

cockatiel: @everyone i have VERY IMPORTANT NEWS

highnoon: ????

umpire: uh oh, what

bobthebuilder: is everything okay?

canhefixit: what's happened to the students this time and is everyone still alive

justdrawnthatway: ?????

lucky#13: what's wrong?

thefoodnetwork: where's the crisis?

ensemble: this better actually be important

mousebear: yes?

copay: what

cockatiel: wow that @ really does get everyone here huh

letmesleep: that's what it's *for*

letmesleep: to alert everyone in situations of emergency

letmesleep: is this an emergency hizashi?

cockatiel: no it's better

letmesleep: jfc

copay: goodbye

cockatiel: rude

letmesleep: nope that's valid

cockatiel: anyways

cockatiel: i'm proud to announce that after almost a year in this position, All Might-sama is now officially actually a teacher!!!

justdrawnthatway: what, he got a teaching license?

bitch.I.all.might.be: no

cockatiel: no you fool

justdrawnthatway: my bad, idk why I thought that a teacher at this school might be actually qualified

highnoon: it's true but you shouldn't say it

cockatiel: @bitch.I.all.might.be tell them what you said to me

bitch.I.all.might.be: I don't understand why you're making a fuss about this

letmesleep: are you kidding me, making a fuss is his entire hero concept

canhefixit: askhfklasdj;gh

highnoon: lol

justdrawnthatway: ah yes, prestidigitation micronesia, the making a fuss hero

cockatiel: no one else gets their hero name so relentlessly mocked :(

justdrawnthatway: yeah hon you should consider why that's the case

cockatiel: rUDE

bitch.I.all.might.be: anyways all I said was:

bitch.I.all.might.be: "sometimes I think the parents are worse than anything the students can do to me"

canhefixit: oh same hat

umpire: big mood

highnoon: +1

lucky#13: +50000

justdrawnthatway: awwww, he *is* really one of us now!

bobthebuilder: good news you definitely don't need a teaching license, you already understand the essence of the profession

the.food.network: true that

highnoon: …wait, when do you interact with parents, Lunch Rush?

the.food.network: :|

the.food.network: "hi I'm just calling because I don't see my son's lunch grade on this report, does that mean he failed lunch?"

canhefixit: oh no

the.food.network: "I know this form specifically asked about allergies and food sensitivities, but instead I've written three paragraphs about how blueberries have antioxidants"

bobthebuilder: oh nooooo

the.food.network: "what do you MEAN lunch is FREE at this school, you're giving my child the same food as the POOR KIDS????"

justdrawnthatway: oh nooooooooooo

bitch.I.all.might.be: you're a true hero

the.food.network: damn right I am

the.food.network: so what did the parents do to you, yagi?

letmesleep: was it bakugo's mom

letmesleep: I have flashbacks to that home visit sometimes when I close my eyes

justdrawnthatway: that's a story i'm very interested to hear

letmesleep: no

bitch.I.all.might.be: while my blood also runs cold at that memory, it wasn't her

lucky#13: ugh was it that colossal dickmunch endeavor?

cockatiel: ???????!!!!!!

justdrawnthatway: excuse me did my innocent child just say a curse word

ensemble: hello POLICE

lucky#13: I said what I said

letmesleep: good to know we're keeping this work chat professional

mousebear: it's true and they should say it

mousebear: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

lucky#13: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

letmesleep: wow

bitch.I.all.might.be: actually endeavor apparently has a restraining order against me now

bitch.I.all.might.be: so it couldn't have been him

letmesleep: what

justdrawnthatway: what???

cockatiel: WHAT

highnoon: damn I wish that were me

highnoon: teaming up with him is some kind of circle of hell

lucky#13: tell me about it

lucky#13: you know I once watched him singe off a civilian's hair because she was "in the way"?

highnoon: jfc

lucky#13: of course she was in the way????

lucky#13: that's the sole occupation of civilians??? it's what they do?????

lucky#13: whereas it's literally the job of a hero to deal with the fact that they're in the way!

lucky#13: that's why we get paid!!!!!!

justdrawnthatway: oh boy

justdrawnthatway: whatever your equivalent of taking some deep breaths is? You might wanna do that

lucky#13: you know what happens if I clip a civilian who's in my way with my quirk?

lucky#13: THEY DIE

lucky#13: but somehow that negligent, incompetent asshat gets to be #1 hero?????

lucky#13: FUCK THAT GUY

letmesleep: you're so right

lucky#13: I am?

letmesleep: absolutely

letmesleep: the hero rankings are completely illogical

letmesleep: they're an attempt to split the difference between public opinion and actual effectiveness

letmesleep: and they don't competently measure either one

letmesleep: number of minutes of media attention and number of viewers reached by that attention are the sole predicting factors of which hero becomes most popular

letmesleep: which not only creates a self-fulfilling prophecy effect

letmesleep: it also draws heroes to the urban centers with major media outlets 

letmesleep: leaving rural areas completely vulnerable

letmesleep: even worse, the rankings privilege responses to crises over prevention of crises

letmesleep: which means way too many heroes are completely reactionary

letmesleep: not to mention the measure of number of incidents resolved completely fails to take into account the conduct of the hero at those incidents

letmesleep: endeavor can resolve 5 incidents with his customary civilian and villain casualties

letmesleep: and he'll still get a higher ranking than a hero who resolves 2 incidents with better conduct

letmesleep: and they'll BOTH get a higher rank than the hero that prevents 5 incidents before they even start

letmesleep: then with the rankings tied to compensation

letmesleep: it creates a two-tier system where the only people who can afford to take on and pay sidekicks are the higher-ranked heroes in the urban centers

letmesleep: which means that new pros not only continue to neglect rural areas

letmesleep: they're also being trained in how to conduct their work by the pros who are least methodical, least preventative, and most grandstanding

letmesleep: the fact that the entire thing hasn't crumbled in on itself already is mostly because of all might

letmesleep: his popularity, ranking, and actual genuine effectiveness correlated so strongly for so long that no one noticed him skewing the data

letmesleep: so unless the ranking system undergoes a major overhaul very soon

letmesleep: we're heading for a complete collapse

lucky#13: O_____O

lucky#13: I'm not happy that I'm right

cockatiel: there there shouta

cockatiel: isn't it nice you got to traumatize someone new with that rant at least?

letmesleep: I guess :/

bitch.I.all.might.be: would you like to show us the algorithm again?

letmesleep: …

letmesleep: I know you're patronizing me but yes I would

letmesleep: I've updated the predictive models

letmesleep: it now eliminates 72% of all identified errors

letmesleep: meaning the Algorithm for Logical, Impartial & Effective New Rankings And Comparative Evaluation is now 720% superior to the current system

cockatiel: good job buddy

bitch.I.all.might.be: shall we write another letter to the Hero Commission while we're at it?

letmesleep: fine but I want to you know I'm aware I'm being handled

cockatiel: sure thing shouta

bitch.I.all.might.be: I'll get the Fuck You stationary

lucky#13: …

bobthebuilder: …

the.food.network: ...

justdrawnthatway: what the heck just happened?

highnoon: friendship I guess

justdrawnthatway: ew

Chapter Text

@lucky#13 sent a private message to @letmesleep

     lucky#13: hey aizawa, do you have a minute?

     letmesleep: ? yes?

     lucky#13: thinking about what you said yesterday about the ranking system

     letmesleep: oh

     letmesleep: this is where I'm supposed to apologize for disillusioning you but I don't want to

     lucky#13: no, no, I'm not traumatized

     lucky#13: I've been a pro long enough, I know how it goes

     lucky#13: I do my job and I save lives, I've never needed my name on a billboard to validate that

     lucky#13: so if the ranking system collapses I'll be happy enough to just keep doing what I'm doing

     lucky#13: I'm honestly just wondering why you teach kids to be pro heroes, though, if that's how you see things?

     letmesleep: ah

     letmesleep: well you said it yourself: live long enough as a pro, it doesn't surprise you too much to hear the problems laid out like that

     letmesleep: because you've seen it firsthand

     letmesleep: but you don't live long as a pro if you're not fighting to survive and improve

     letmesleep: complacency kills

     lucky#13: true

     letmesleep: kids, especially these kids, pick things up quickly

     letmesleep: tell them even a piece of the puzzle, and they fill in the rest

     letmesleep: and what happens if these kids fill in the whole picture and realize the rankings are worse than meaningless?

     letmesleep: that fire inside of them, the one that's going to save all of their lives multiple times, goes out

     letmesleep: experience will make up for that burning ambition eventually

     letmesleep: but until it does, letting them buy into the rankings as if they mean something is a rational deception

     lucky#13: rational deceptions again huh

     letmesleep: absolutely

     letmesleep: we need them alive

     letmesleep: we need them as heroes

     letmesleep: and we need them as the best damn heroes they have the capability to be

     letmesleep: and until they each learn to motivate themselves with something real

     letmesleep: it's fine for them to chase a shiny prize at the end of a rainbow of bullshit 

     letmesleep: I don't care as long as it gets them moving

     lucky#13: guess I buy that

     lucky#13: are you ever going to tell them?

     letmesleep: eh

     letmesleep: if they get through those first couple years as pros and haven't put it together for themselves they don't deserve to know

     letmesleep: honestly though I've got my hands full stopping them from figuring it out too soon with this damn class

     letmesleep: bakugo's uncanny perceptiveness is only matched by his capacity for delusional narcissism

     letmelseep: and I walk a knife's edge between them every day

     lucky#13: lol yikes

     letmesleep: and thank god for midoriya's blind faith in authority structures right up until they tell him 'no' tbh

     letmesleep: endeavor's not helping

     letmesleep: with all might it was easy for people to look at him and think "he's number one because he's the best" 

     letmesleep: and because both were true, it didn't matter that they weren't actually causally related

     letmesleep: now people look at endeavor and think "is he really the best?"

     letmesleep: and it's an easy leap from there to "if he isn't, why is he number one?"

     letmesleep: I just hope that by the time they make that leap the kids have something else to hold on to and drive themselves with

     letmesleep: otherwise we're going to lose a lot of heroes that we can't afford to lose

     lucky#13: …

     lucky#13: I don't think we are, actually

     letmesleep: ?

     lucky#13: I was there at USJ remember

     lucky#13: when the students decided to fight back, none of them said "this is what a #1 hero would do"

     lucky#13: they said "this is what sensei would do"

     lucky#13: I'm sure some of them are motivating themselves with those rankings

     lucky#13: but I think more are motivating themselves with the image of a hero whose name they'd never heard before coming to UA

     lucky#13: but who they respect greatly

     lucky#13: we joke a lot that you got unlucky being assigned class 1-A

     lucky#13: but they're very, very lucky to have been assigned you, aizawa-sensei

 

Chatroom It Has Been 4 Days Since Presque Michelle Broke School Property is active

 

cockatiel: hey who broke shouta?

cockatiel: I haven't seen him have this close to an entire facial expression since high school

cockatiel: also, michelle, really??? you guys suck

Chapter Text

Chatroom It Has Been 5 Days Since Prescient Microfiche Broke School Property is active

 

canhefixit: whoop, big explosion

canhefixit: we all good, folks?

justdrawnthatway: it came from the 1A dorms, we're fine

canhefixit: k

ensemble: some day something other than bakugo is going to blow up in those dorms and none of us will notice or respond appropriately

justdrawnthatway: nah you're looking at this wrong

justdrawnthatway: when that day comes the kids will be so used to explosions that they won't notice or care either

ensemble: yeah okay sounds legit

 

@justdrawnthatway has changed the name of the chatroom to It Has Been 0 Minutes Since the 1-A Dorms Last Exploded

Chatroom It Has Been 0 Minutes Since the 1-A Dorms Last Exploded is idle

Chatroom It Has Been 8 Minutes Since the 1-A Dorms Last Exploded is active

 

justdrawnthatway: woah

highnoon: another explosion???

justdrawnthatway: still 1A but now im curious????

 

Chatroom It Has Been 0 Minutes Since the 1-A Dorms Last Exploded is idle

Chatroom It Has Been 35 Minutes Since the 1-A Dorms Last Exploded is active

 

letmesleep: @bobthebuilder I need a patch-up job on the 1-A dorms

letmesleep: again

letmesleep: sorry

bobthebuilder: np omw

justdrawnthatway: @letmesleep what were those explosions all about????

letmesleep: sigh

letmesleep: someone who remained anonymous but is almost definitely kaminari denki

letmesleep: photoshopped bakugo's face onto a yapping pomeranian video

letmesleep: and then set it to music

justdrawnthatway: lolololol

highnoon: :D

canhefixit: asjhfsakdjk;l

letmesleep: bakugo of course found out

letmesleep: which accounts for the first explosion

canhefixit: and the second one???

letmesleep: kirishima claimed responsibility for the video

letmesleep: obviously only because bakugo can't actually explode him

letmesleep: which bakugo took as a challenge

justdrawnthatway: of course

letmesleep: he waited until kirishima was in the shower, presumably reasoning that he'd be off his guard and unlikely to activate his quirk immediately

letmesleep: and also that if he aimed for the water he could use more firepower without risking serious injury or property damage

canhefixit: a decent idea, I guess?

letmesleep: sure

letmesleep: except he apparently wasn't prepared for the obvious fact that kirishima would be naked in the shower

letmesleep: by the time I got there half the dorm wall was missing

letmesleep: and the two of them were avoiding each others eyes

letmesleep: and in bakugo's case, blushing hard enough I was genuinely concerned for his bloodflow

justdrawnthatway: aw bless

highnoon: tactical genius betrayed by his own gay thoughts || what happens next will shock you

letmesleep: what happened next was he screamed at the sky and then slammed the door to his room

letmesleep: so, no, it didn't

highnoon: lol

justdrawnthatway: yeah that tracks

highnoon: so can I get a link to that pomeranian video or….?

letmesleep: yep

letmesleep: would you like the original, the 10-hour loop version, or the dubstep remix?

canhefixit: ah the ingenuity of youth

justdrawnthatway: youredoingamazingsweetie.jpg

highnoon: idk why anyone is concerned about the future of hero society

highnoon: the kids are doing just fine

Chapter Text

Chatroom It Has Been 2835 Minutes Since the 1-A Dorms Last Exploded is active

 

cockatiel: I need you all to know what just happened to @letmesleep

letmesleep: no

justdrawnthatway: yes

lucky#13: yes

bobthebuilder: yes

canhefixit: yes

cockatiel: just let this happen shouta

cockatiel: okay, SO

cockatiel: we are in the faculty office

cockatiel: doing office things

justdrawnthatway: painting your nails?

bobthebuilder: staring at the ceiling?

canhefixit: hiding from your students? 

cockatiel: yes all of those, especially the last one

letmesleep: I was working

letmesleep: in my workplace

letmesleep: where I get paid to work

justdrawnthatway: sounds fake but okay

cockatiel: and then, who waltzes in? 

cockatiel: 1-A vp yaoyorozu herself

cockatiel: I can totally see why she's shoutas favorite now btw

cockatiel: because she started with:

cockatiel: "sensei, I have a concern about my quirk limitations - I feel that they're in some way illogical"

justdrawnthatway: aw that's his favorite word!

lucky#13: I thought that shinsou kid was going to be mini-aizawa but I guess there are two now

cockatiel: "it just doesn't make sense that I can't produce living things"

cockatiel: "after all my body is significantly composed of living organisms like bacteria"

letmesleep: which is a perfectly reasonable observation, and I counseled her to consider whether it might be a mental block instead, end of story

cockatiel: you liar

cockatiel: you didn't say that

cockatiel: you opened your mouth to say it and instead your class vp gestured like she was on a debate stage and then said

cockatiel: "why, if I wanted to, I could even create an entire new human being in my uterus!"

lucky#13: O__O

justdrawnthatway: honestly that's also a very reasonable observation???

bobthebuilder: true but also….yikes

cockatiel: the best part though!!!

cockatiel: I watched pro hero eraserhead, a man who until today I would have sworn to you has never known fear

cockatiel: turn completely pale with terror and say, blankly,

cockatiel: "please don't"

bobthebuilder: lol

canhefixit: lol

justdrawnthatway: LOL

 

@justdrawnthatway has changed @letmesleep's username to @pleasedont

 

pleasedont: no

 

@pleasedont has changed their username to @letmesleep

@letmesleep has locked their username

 

justdrawnthatway: :3

 

@justdrawnthatway has changed their username to @pleasedont

 

pleasedont: :333333

canhefixit: that's true dedication to mockery right there

bobthebuilder: respect

letmesleep: I hate this fucking family