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how i became an overwatch sugar baby, a twitter thread

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Jimin stares at the email from paypal in his inbox for a couple of moments, then locks his phone and places it back on the nightstand. He’s simply still dreaming. Yeap, still dreaming or just hasn’t woken up enough and the numbers are supper blurry and unreal. Typical morning problems.

He goes through the usual morning routine on autopilot. First the morning pee, then washing his face and teeth. Next comes breakfast and a few minutes spent angrily glaring at the news anchor before Jimin switches the channel to the cartoons. Everything is good in the world, he doesn’t have to be in work today, despite it being a Wednesday, and he has some extra money on his bank account to spend on grocery shopping.

Extra money. Yeah. Just a little bit extra money.

“I bet I hallucinated the email. I knew listening to Jungkook and getting a stupid tiktok account will come to bite me in the ass one day.” Jimin stumbles back to his bedroom and glares at his phone. “Not today, Satan.”

But he still wants to know if the email is actually true and not some Indian scammer.

Jimin takes a deep breath. “You can do it, Park. You’re a bad bitch and you can’t be defeated by an email app.” He nods and then grabs his phone.

Right there, in his email inbox, is a message from paypal that Jimin has just (well, sometime around 4am to be precise) gotten a payment sent to his account. A payment that consists of seven numbers. Someone going by the name of SugaDVaTeaDaddy has left him a measly 2 million won payment with the message of join my overwatch team and ill give u more lol.

“What the fuck is an Overwatch?” Jimin mutters to himself. And tries not to faint from the number of zeroes floating before his eyes. “Just, what the fuck?”

As much as he loves (and needs) this money, Jimin is still a sensible young millennial, so he goes on twitter with the intention to make a poll and a story time thread, accompanied by as much laughing-crying emojis as possible, in hopes of answers and fleeting internet fame. Also, he is low-key panicking. And proud panicked gays go out in glory and not-so-smart decisions.

Only, when he goes to open twitter, there are a few hundred new notifications that Jimin managed to miss. It’s not that unusual. Apart from the tweet that the notifications are from. Which was made yesterday while Jimin was beyond just tipsy and is just an all caps, no stops text with an addition of a kissing emoji and a sparkly heart.


For a moment Jimin blinks at the message. The purses his lips. “Can’t believe that’s all it took.”

So, as any logical adult in his situation would do, Jimin makes a new tweet as a reply to the original one. He grins as he hits tweet and his masterpiece is out there on the internet now, a perfect follow-up. Everything is good in the world and Jimin is no longer panicking.

lol guess who’s a fucking genius bitches btw unrelated question whats an overwatch.

He checks his dms in hopes that his new sugar daddy has left a message, since there is no way to contact the dude otherwise. Besides, he needs that Overwatch team info, or whatever it was, to pay the old fart back. “Is he an old fart though? I don’t think old farts would write like that… or be on twitter.”

No luck in dms, but Jimin isn’t worried. He has the money anyway. And a whole day off to do nothing but self-care binges, grocery shopping and maybe drilling Jungkook over the Overwatch thing. And smearing his obvious genius in everyone’s faces.

“Suck it Seokjin, I am so a sugar baby material.”

“You’re a faker, there is no way in hell you have a sugar daddy. Admit it, Jimin hyung, this is all for clout, isn’t it?” Jungkook is bundled up in an oversized hoodie and the same sweatpants he has been wearing for two weeks straight now. There is Cheeto dust in the corners of his mouth.

Jimin peeks over the top of his sunglasses. “How dare you. I’d never sink to the level of youtubers. I got an actual dm and money. I bought food and paid my rent on time. This has never happened before.”

On the other side of the room Seokjin snorts. He’s gently massaging cream into his cheeks and forehead. “Please tell me you used protection and there were no weird kinks involved.”

“Jin hyung please, I have class.” Jimin pouts into his mug of cheap wine.

Jungkook snorts. And then he chokes on the Cheeto he was about to swallow. With a sigh Jimin leans forward and slaps the younger on the back a couple of times. Seokjin doesn’t even bother to pretend that he’s paying them any attention.

“So, what did you do to get money?” Jungkook ends up asking a few seconds later, voice hoarse from the almost-death by a Cheeto.

“It’s like you don’t even read my tweets.” Jimin sips his wine. “He asked me to join his Overwatch team. I got the game and even made an account, or whatever, but I have no idea what to do next.”

Seokjin looks over his shoulder with a raised eyebrow. “And that doesn’t seem weird to you… why, exactly?”

By Jimin’s feet, Jungkook has started to shake from uncontrollable laugher. “Y-you’re go-gonna play Overwatch? Oh my god, rip your daddy.”

With an indignant huff Jimin drinks the rest of his wine and kicks Jungkook in the head with his tiny foot. Tiny foot clad in gudetama socks. Fashion icon indeed. “Shut up! He didn’t say I need to be good, he just asked me to be on his team and shit. And, like, maybe he already forgot about me, which means I got free money. God!”

“I still think this is someone pranking you.” Seokjin shakes his head, though he sounds thoroughly amused. “But whatever, go wild, I guess. Just remember, safety is sexy.”

Jimin groans. Jungkook groans. Seokjin laughs at the both of them.

It’s three days later, when Jimin has just gotten home from a torture shift at the cosmetics store he works at, when he opens twitter to complain about the weird old man on the metro and sees a new dm. Not just any new dm, no, but a dm from a profile called Taelicious. Jimin squints at this phone for a few moments.

storytime so like a gross old man almst gROPEd me on the metro and i think a beyonce follower is trying to hmu, hows ur day been going losers

Jimin hits tweet and nods to himself, pleased. There is an instantaneous reply from Jungkook and it makes Jimin contemplate just finally blocking the kid once and for all. Too bad Jungkook is damn legal hacker and block button is not effective against him.

One day, one day Jimin will find his weakness.

looool mby that’s ur daddy 👅 👅 👅

hello @twitterppl pls block this dude for me pls n thx

He ignores the pings of new replies and messages in favor of taking off all of his clothes except the hello kitty boxer shorts that Seokjin got him as a gag gift once. Joke’s on Seokjin though, because Jimin loves those damn, bright pink and comfy boxer shorts. Therefore, with the shitty Thursday shift in mind, Jimin goes to get his chocolate pudding and a cider from the refrigerator and then plops down on the sofa, ready for some quality trash television time.

The phone pings with more messages.  Jimin sighs and picks it up.

There are more messages from Taelicious, altogether ten from the dude, and Jimin is kind of curious now. No one, except for his friends, ever send him that much. The regular random dms are just weird thirst messages, scam bots and ugly dick pics.

o shti i frgot to tellu my team
and taht im ur new daddy looool 💦
but ye im teh dude who gave u the $$$ nowbe on on my team
im desprnte my usual bro bailed on us that dick
dude pls
i know ur online
u cant run from mei know ppl
lol tbh idc but also i need sm1 on my tema
duuuuuuuuuude replyyyyyy im ur daddy u have to listn 2 me

Jimbo Size
omg chill i had to take a shit
also prove that ur my glucose guardian i tweeted abt this and i dont trust twitter to not try and prank me rn

my paypal is sugadvateadaddy
and I paypaled u 2mil
also damn ur so bossy thas hot

Jimbo Size
oh cool ur my dude
cool cool
i made the account n stuff for u but like
it’s thursday??? and i have work 2morrow
but i can join ur team on like a weekend or smth like i gotta adult
also i will not call you my daddy ever so forget it

heck yeaAh
yeeee any free day is cool I just wnted to be sure
i take my overwatch srsly
and also
fuck u u gottqa call me daddy its in the rules of sugar daddies and babies smh wtf

Jimbo size
suck my dick i refuse

yes daddy u can call me tae igu ess

Jimbo size
… having
conflicting feelings but
whatever i guess
ill let you know when im free

in the mean time im gna stalk ur twitter lol
also follow me back ho

Despite leaving his new sugar daddy on read, Jimin does follow him back. The account is mainly memes, overwatch facts and game results, as well as posts about an insanely cute, fluffy dog. Jimin likes as much of the doc pictures that he can like before he gets tired of twitter and Tae’s weird replies to random tweets. It’s time for Hello Counselor and making himself feel better by listening about the weird shit other people get up to.

Overwatch, as it turns out, is a lot harder than just moving around and clicking the mouse button a couple of times. Jimin grits his teeth at the screen as he dies for the who-knows-what-time already, steadily ignoring the loud yelling his own stupid teammates are hurling at him. He has yet to hear Tae himself, as far as Jimin is aware, but right now he couldn’t care less.

Zen. Jimin thinks of the lessons in Zen and relaxation that Seokjin taught him, the anger management course lessons that he had to take at one point in his life. And yet, despite everything, Zen is not happening.

“Listen here you crusty neckbeard dipshit, you scream that shit at me one more time and I will find you and I will shove that controller so far down your urethra that all you will be able to do for the next week is sit on the bathroom door and wish your mother never birthed you.” Jimin says this in a completely calm, quiet voice that always manages get his most troublesome customers to turn white and calm down in seconds.

So, naturally, what follows is complete and utter silence. Tae’s team is quiet, the damn opponents are quiet. There is a ping from Jimin’s chat window – it’s a lone F posted there.

“Holy fuck, I don’t think I’ve ever been as hard as I am now.” A new voice echoes in Jimin’s headphones.

There are more Fs in the chat and the asshole that got on Jimin’s case the most offers a most sincere apology, with a dash of a request to spare his life. Jimin sits backs and says nothing, takes in the feeling of power he has over some internet asshole. Who happens to be Tae’s friend, which… Brings forth some questions about Jimin’s supposed sugar daddy.

“I will let you off this one time. But yell at me again and you’re done for.” Jimin says as he types in a ‘owo’ in the game chat and hits enter. “Also, this is my first time playing, so like, fuck you all.”

More silence in the game room, or whatever it is that Jimin is a part of. He hums to himself and sends a dick emoji in the chat, one that is followed up with a ‘uwu’ face. Beautiful.

The person that got hard from angry Jimin, presumably Tae, full on gasps. “Oh my god, you are a video game virgin! And I made you play with us! Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I thought you stalked my twitter, therefore you should have known. Seriously.” Jimin enjoys the question marks that follow his emoji art in the chat, though he’s even more pleased by the answering dick and furry emojis that someone from the opposing team sends him back.

Tae groans and damn, the guy’s voice is deep. “I thought you were jo—wait, stop flirting with the enemy, Jimin! You’re my glucose bae, you’re not supposed to canoodle with other people!”

Jimin hums. “I do what I want. Now, are we playing another round, battle, whatever it’s called, or can I log off and do adult stuff?” He doesn’t have anything planned, really, but it sucks to always be killed within 3 seconds of the start of the game and then just keep dying the second he respawns.

Someone from Jimin’s own team offers to teach some basics on how the game actually works, with Tae joining in with various advice that goes right over Jimin’s head. But it’s the thought that counts and so Jimin spends another hour or so getting his ass beat and starting to really hate this whole sugar arrangement.

Damn money, his only weakness.

“I’m giving you private lessons and making you into an Overwatch legend.” Tae says when they are in a private phone call. His discord profile picture is an image of a foot.

Jimin is judging the foot picture so hard. “I refuse to take orders from a foot fetishist. Also, I have a life.”

“I’ll pay you. You learn and play Overwatch and I keep giving you that sweet bread.” Tae smoothly ignores the foot comment, though he starts to spam their chat with pictures of the fluffy dog that is a constant on the dude’s twitter. “I’m an amazing sugar daddy, admit it.”

“Hmm. I’ll get back to you on that.” Jimin says. And then sends a gif of a sassy cat back.

yall im in gangnam and i almost dont want to breathe everything looks so fucking expensive. what if i taint the store windows with my germs and get fined lololol

get ur daddy to buy me gucci shades while ur there pls thx

get your own daddy you leech

srry bunny man ionly pay fr my mans sugar child jimbles

this is homophobia

i hate everything also @vforvictory im like 5mins away

yAYYYAYyy im ready to teach u the ways of dva my dude


Jimin purses his lips at the fancy Gangnam apartment complex he stands before. Aesthetically, it looks amazing and beautiful, but he still feels way too out of place. Whatever. If he gets fined for breathing the same air as some stuck-up rich people, he’ll get Tae to pay it.

Speaking of Tae, Jimin still has no idea what the dude looks like. He asked for a picture before coming over, but the image that Tae sent back was… not overly helpful. Just a very closeup shot of the guy’s face, eyes overly large and mouth pulled in a grimace.

Which, okay, was maybe a whole 0,3% cute, but also very unhelpful.

With that in mind, Jimin walks up to the fancy building and blinks at the tenant list. He finds the Kim Taehyung that he is supposed to look for and now that he thinks about it, wasn’t one Kim Taehyung a self-made designer of sorts? Like, clothes and art? Something along those lines.

“I should have looked him up on naver, damn it.” Jimin glares at the nameplate, as if it’s to be blamed for everything.

The bell rings. And then rings some more.

Jimin spends good five minutes ringing the damn doorbell.

There is a very familiar feeling of annoyance simmering in the overly cheerful smile that Jimin decides to put on when an old lady gives him weird looks on her way to her fancy Rolls-Royce. Damn rich people – Jimin now knows that Haruhi Fujioka was right all along. He should have never questioned the words of the sanest anime character to walk this earth.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry!”

Jimin turns towards the street, breaking his stare-down with the old lady, and looks towards whoever had just yelled. A tall-ass, beautiful angel-man almost runs face-first into the electricity pole just when Jimin realizes who he is looking at. The man’s beret falls down and Jimin feels sorry for it, because surely that one piece of clothing costs more than his entire rent for one year.

The angel-man scoops up his beret and gallops towards Jimin. He looks damn good, even while sweating. “I got held back in a meeting about my new accessory line, so sorry. I forgot to text you completely.”

Jimin blinks once, slowly. “You’re goddamn Kim Taehyung. The model or whatever dude.”

“Model and designer. Also painter, on the side.” Kim Taehyung nods and grins wide. His smile is rectangular and Jimin’s heart does a thing. ”Anyway, come up, I even made up a training regime for you! This is gonna be great.”

“Somehow, I don’t trust you. But sure, lead the way, daddy.” Jimin says the last word as seductive and sultry as possible, carefully side-eyeing the old lady that’s still hanging around. He smirks when she gasps, scandalized.

Taehyung, on the other hand, blushes. “Why do I feel like I just made a deal with the devil?”

Jimin glares and pinches Taehyung’s nipple, first meetings be damned. “How dare you, I’m a fairy!”

“I didn’t see the hamster before. I want to be hamster.” Jimin points to the huge television screen. There is a giant hamster there, sitting in a robotic hamster ball. If that isn’t goals, Jimin doesn’t know what is.

Taehyung looks from the hamster to Jimin, then back again. “Um, are you sure about that? You can try Reaper or Soldier, that one is easy.”

“Do I look like I want to play those?” Jimin raises one finely sculpted eyebrow.

There is a moment of silence, as if Taehyung is thinking over his options and the possible outcomes to the things he replies with. “Hamster it is then.”

The next couple of hours consist of Taehyung trying to teach Jimin how to play and Jimin getting progressively more angry and annoyed with the game. Turns out he sucks at Overwatch (or, like, any game that is not a rhythm game). Instead of getting annoyed himself, Taehyung just gets more and more amused, laughing without any real intention to hide his mirth.

Jimin snarls and kicks the other man. He doesn’t care if Taehyung has some weird and specific insurance on his body, some model underground business or whatever, because at this very moment Jimin just wants to wipe that sparkly-eyed, rectangular-mouth-smile look from Taehyung’s face.

Or something.

Feelings are weird.

Fuck you!” Jimin snarls at the game over screen and furiously types out a very explicit message to the enemy dude that had spent the last mission doing his best to stop Jimin before he even manages to do anything. “I will voodoo your goddamn dick, your whole fucking sperm reservoirs. You will get no descendants, ever.”

Taehyung, in the meantime, seems to have ascended to somewhere. Better not to know where, exactly. “You are so hot when you turn into this tiny rage monster, oh my god. Step on me.”

Without even breaking concentration from his serious chatroom spat with the asshole, Jimin snorts. “I explicitly said no foot fetishes on my original tweet, so forget about it.” With a satisfied cackle Jimin sends his final message in the chat. “Eat this, you fucker. Never underestimate the hamster.”

It’s then that a small pom-pom on legs skitters in the room, barking up a tiny storm. Jimin blinks down on the moving fluff ball and makes a tiny sound. It’s the dog from Taehyung’s twitter. He’s even rounder and fluffier in real life, a bouncy little thing that sniffs Jimin’s socks and then sits on his toes. Jimin is in love.

“Oh my god, you are the fluffiest thing I have ever seen, and I already love you.” Jimin coos and gently rubs the dog behind the ear.

Taehyung grins down on the fluff ball. “Tannie is an angel, aren’t you? The best boy, the bestest boy ever!” The model then gets down on all fours and proceeds to exchange kisses with Tan.

Jimin is double fluffy feelings for some reason.

“Anyway.” Taehyung rolls to sleep on his back, on the ground. With Tan on his stomach and Tan’s tail pretty much in his mouth. “I already wired today’s allowance to your paypal, my rage baby. You already stopped dying in the first couple of seconds, so the training works. We will turn you into a full-on pro in no time, young padawan.” The last sentence is said in a voice even deeper than Taehyung’s usual one.

Jimin has some other, not so fluffy feelings now. He’s also a bit conflicted.

“I’m still not calling you daddy. Ever.” Jimin thinks about it, then places his tiny foot on Taehyung’s stomach. “This is a freebie, I guess.”

Taehyung has gone still. Tan barks.

“Everything about you is so tiny. Like a preschooler, wow.”

It takes all of Jimin’s willpower not to follow his want to push down with his heel, but Taehyung might actually enjoy that and he refuses. Instead, Jimin pulls his foot away, looks down at the other man and clicks his tongue. “Just for that comment, I will do everything in my power to mess up your team’s progress the next time we play. On purpose.”

my new suga bby is a bully tHIS IS SO Ow I DIDNT EVEN DO ANYTHGN TO DESRVVE THIS


The next time Jimin plays with Taehyung and his team he doesn’t die as much, but he is as unhelpful as he was last time. He uses the hamster hero and while everyone else battles it out for… whatever reason they are battling for that round, Jimin just kind of rolls around the map and tries to annoy the other team with his very existence.

It’s a pretty effective strategy, all things considered.

In the end, however, Jimin is once again reduced to his ragemuffin, as Seokjin calls it, persona and curses out that one cowboy dude from the other team, as well as the dude’s whole blood linage. Taehyung moans into his microphone, which makes Jimin stop in the middle of his rant and call him nasty.

All in all, a pretty good game.

It’s another evening after work and Jimin is ready to blow up the whole store, the damn lady that yelled at him for solid fifteen minutes because they were out of one stupid lipstick and maybe also that one drunk salary man that thought he was a stripper. While he was sitting on the metro, full of like fifty other people.

With a groan Jimin slumps into his bath, legs raised as much as the lip of the bathtub allows him to. On the floor, buried in his work pants, his phone beeps with incoming messages. Jimin groans and flicks water up in the air.

“Shhhhh, phone. I don’t care now.”

Once done with his bath Jimin checks his notifications. There are a couple of messages in his work chat group, some fifty different memes from Jungkook and Seokjin both. Nothing from his sugar daddy, though, which is weird. But also, Taehyung did say something about a work function or party, so Jimin’s not worried.

in this house we love aftercare once done with shit work day

answer to my memes you tasteless fool

how abt u annoy ur stupid boyfriend and not me with them

He already does and I refuse to suffer alone.

wow do i feel the love here lmao

I’m still dating you, aren’t I?

can u two mby not flirt in my mentions that shit is nasty

wowtehy r couple goals why arnt u flirting w/ me like that huh??!1?

bcs u say shit like this and also call me short. btw dont u have some work stuff y are u on twitter

rip me bois ✊✊ lol im bored and got ur notiffs on 😘😉

i cant tell if weird or kinda flattering

hey @vforvictory how abt I bcme ur new sugar bby im an overwatch pro

srry my dude but I get a boner every time chim turns into a angerfairy irefu se to give that up ksksksk


Jimin can’t help it. He giggles even as his phone falls on his face and then tumbles on the bed. Jimin snorts and decides to ignore the rest of the conversation going on in his mentions in favor for a cheesy romance novel and some wine. The classy kind, from a carton box and everything.

He flexes his toes for a moment, contemplating if and what he should reply with to the ever-growing thread where his two friends and sugar daddy seem to be battling it out on the opinions of socks on during sex. Jimin is siding with Seokjin on this one, a 100% against the very notion.

In the end he snaps a sexy selfie and posts that.

hey daddy, this for u 😘

ssfdsgdsiojds omggggg fdfsfsdiiiiffss

Disgusting pt 2.

The shop has been busy today, more so than usual, and Jimin is ready to end it all. Sadly, he likes having money even more than sticking his foot up his boss’ ass. Which is why Jimin takes a huge breath and smiles before he looks up from the stock catalogue on the computer to help whoever has come to bother him with stupid questions next.

The smile slips off from Jimin’s face when he sees just Taehyung. “No.”

Solar shoots a very unimpressed and pointed what the fuck glance over her shoulder at him for that, though her attention is soon back on the two teenage girls that have been asking for some specific youtuber lipstick for whole 20 minutes now. Jimin feels vindictive glee about that.

“I just breathed!” Taehyung whines.

“Whatever you want and are here for it’s gonna be a forever no.” Jimin clicks off some other items that need to be restocked and hopes he remembers to mail the main branch soon. “How did you even find me?”

Taehyung opens his mouth, thinks about it for a moment, the closes it.

Jimin is super suspicious.

“If it involves hacking and, or stalking, I will end you.” Jimin uses his ragemuffin voice and pretends he doesn’t see the shiver that his sugar daddy makes. He grimaces because of the sugar daddy term usage.

Taehyung blinks once and grins wide and innocent. Jimin is not fooled. “I didn’t do anything, promise. I asked your friend, the bunny guy. We also exchanged some good Kermit memes and declared our unrelated brother-ness. Brotherhood?” The man tilts his head in confusion, eyes wide and mouth slightly parted.

The fuzzy heart feelings are back and Jimin doesn’t know what to do.

So, in his chaotic panicked gay fashion, Jimin picks up the shimmery sparkle powder tester from a nearby shelf and puffs it along Taehyung’s face. The other man splutters a bit and his long, dangly earrings make twinkling noses.

“Fuck, I made you shiny.” Jimin pulls back and groans. Taehyung is twice as beautiful now, like one of those sparkly edits that twitter likes to make lately. “It’s so unfair how goddamn good-looking you are.”

Unexpectedly, Taehyung flushes pink and turns shy. He looks away, ruffles his hair a little and makes the shimmers stuck the wavy fringe flutter down. It goes from 70 to full on 100 real quick then – twitter heartthrob edit gone real all the way. Jimin blushes right back at Taehyung when the model peers at him with half-lidded eyes and a tiny, moan-like noise.

“You two are like two blushing maidens. But gay and awkward.” Solar snaps a picture, maybe five. “I’m putting this on my insta and you can’t stop me, Jimin. Your boyfriend probably can, though.”

Taehyung snaps out of the mood quicker than Jimin. Although he is still flushed and sparkly, he laughs. “Show me how the picture looks and I’ll tell you which filter is better.”

Jimin purses his lips. “Excuse you.”

Solar passes her phone onto Taehyung easily enough. “You’re excused. Now, boyfriend-ssi, what do you think about lipsticks? Because I need new promo pics for our shop insta and Jimin is refusing to model for me again.”

“Wait, he refused?” Taehyung turns big, sad eyes towards Jimin and all-out whines. “But Chim! Your lips! You need to show off those pillow perfections!” His voice goes down deeper than usual for extra effect. It almost works.

“We already did lipsticks. It’s the eyeshadows now.” Jimin turns back to the computer, still pouting and playing up the sulking for pity points. Drama, what is drama?

Taehyung turns his puppy-eyes towards Solar. This time they are super effective, and the woman swings her arm towards the eyeshadow display. The next hour and something is spent with Solar and Taehyung modeling eyeshadows in different parts of the store. Taehyung says it’s because each shade needs a different light angle, Jimin thinks the dude is showing off too much.

Jimin almost forgets to ask why Taehyung is even here. Almost. “Did you want something?”

With a blindingly charming and fake-innocent smile on his lips Taehyung shakes his head. “Nah, I just wanted to come and see you in the uniform. Your friends were right, by the way, it is very nice. Ten out of then for the bun shaping. I will let twitter know.”

Solar almost trips from the sudden snort she lets out. Another customer throws Taehyung an alarmed glance. Jimin just blinks once and absent-mindedly wonders if this is his life now. If the money is really worth it.

Somehow Taehyung manages wink, drop a small box in front of Jimin and then prance out unstopped thanks to the chaos he leaves behind. Jimin is both impressed and jealous.

“I love him, please keep this one.” Solar is crouched behind one of the stands, still dying from laughter.

Jimin opens his tiny box and then looks down at the Cartier panther earrings. “You only like him because he’s a rich model, and whatever else that he is, and modeled for your thirst insta account. So don’t even.”

mgo how dAre u Park Jimin
how drae not tell me

Jimbo size
i would be worrying about wth this is about if u actually learned how to use ur spellcheck
but i will pretend for ur sake

*gasps* omg tae what is wrong

u are so rude ily
wait no
dont distrct me u demon

Jimbo size
first things first i will murder the idiot boyfriends
u spelled ‘thought’ wrong both times and the second one is the worst thing i have ever seen ever


Jimbo size
listen, its a thing i do on the side
bcs i did graduate mbcbeauty n stuff
but also finding a job is hard
and i like makeup, so the insta side acc
i dont see why its such a big deal its just an account
so chill

dontu dude me u deprived me of all this beauty
i am hURT
u need to do the spakrlt y blue look from may24th 2018 post

Jimbo size
never call urself my daddy ever again or i will murder u in ur sleep with a fucking spork
wtf tae

u herd me do it u bitch

Jimbo size
[sends gif of squinting cat]
tf did u call me
u ho

u heard me do it u precios love of my life*

Jimbo size
u better pay me if i do it

all for u bby 💜 💜 💜 💜 💜 💜

Jimbo size



It’s weekly Overwatch night and Jimin has by now learned how to actually roll towards the enemy in his giant hamster ball. Today is the first time he manages to survive long enough to kill someone from the enemy team. Everyone cheers on him, even the player of the Buddhist robot that he killed. Jimin feels proud of himself and giggles at the hoots he gets.

The whole first kill might have been a coincidence, but damn it, Jimin will milk it for all it’s worth.

“Good job, tiny Hulk, you finally did it!” Reaper from his own team says over the chat. “We’ll aim for two kills and, like, 5 deaths less next time. Gotta keep it real.”

Taehyung is still yelling and whooping in the background of their group call, Yeontan is barking up a storm as well, so Jimin doesn’t quite hear what the other people are trying to tell him. But he takes it all in stride and mutes Taehyung’s channel. Life gets easier then.

They all play a couple more rounds and Jimin keeps the model on mute for the whole duration of the gaming session. They are a plethora of angry exclamation marks and anger ticks in the chat from the man, but Jimin ignores those as well. After a while he sends one sparkly heart and then everything is fine again. It takes so little to appease Taehyung and Jimin is all about that power.

“You give me so little and I give so much. Ah, the sad fate of a sugar daddy.” Taehyung fake-cries into the group call at the end of the game.

The rest of the teammates kind of know about the whole arrangement and kind of think it’s an inside joke between the two of them, which Jimin is all for. Better they think that than realize it’s a very real deal of gaming for money. Which, while not bad, is still kind of weird.

Cowboy dude player snickers into the microphone. “You two are cute. But also, you gotta work for it, my dude. You always gotta work for it.”

“Why do all the good guys are gay. That is so unfair.” A girl everyone calls Ripper sighs.

“Hey, I have been trying to ask you out for, like, months now. How dare you?” Cowboy dude seems to be getting more fired up.

This also happens every week and is some sort of a foreplay for Cowboy and Ripper, who have been dating for the last three years. This little tidbit of information Jimin found out after the third gaming night with the crew, when Taehyung finally bothered to properly introduce everyone.

Five minutes later Jimin is in a new discord call with Taehyung, once again staring at the feet picture.

“About that make up thing---” Taehyung starts with no build up or extra greeting.

“Pay me the usual rates and give me time and date.” Jimin butts in quick and efficient. Maybe he’s being too obvious about how excited he is about finally being able to do what he studied to do. On a whole-ass model.

Taehyung makes a high-pitched squeal. “Hell yes! I love you, my Chim!”

Jimin feels himself blush. In giddy excitement he shakes his head from side to side, his tiny ponytail at the top of his head bobbing with the movement. “Ehehehehe.”

“You’re so cute.”

“Psh, you’re cuter.”

Jimin ends the call with an over the top kiss and then glances down at the paypal notification that comes through. So many zeroes again. This is indeed his life now. Such a good life, not worrying about bill deadlines and finally being able to afford those brand clothes and shoes he always saved up for instead of actual, good food. And make up, all of the make up.

Life is fucking good, even if Jimin does suck at video games.

a lesson for all u kids out there fuck the sugar daddies and their lying ways u don’t need a rich raisin to pay for u u do all the work and earn THAT BREAD YOURSELF

What happened now? Did Tae not praise the ground you walk on for once? Talk shit about your hamster character?

bet its smth petty as usual

u both SUCK

the only thing i suck is hyungs big diccc

i know i saw. im still traumatized bcs of that day

You’re just jealous you’re not getting any lol.


all u do is lie kim taehyung

ooooohhh buuuurnnn

😭 😭 😭 😭 😭 😭 😭 😭 😭 😭 😭 😭 😭 😭 😭 😭

Seokjin makes a vague, moan-like sound as he hits tweet once more and then drops his phone on the floor. Jungkook’s foot moves a few millimeters closer to his dick and that might be the actual reason for the borderline sexual moan-like noises.

Jimin judges them both from his seat across the room, drowning in a sweater he stole from Taehyung last week.

“Why are you pissed at Tae hyung this time? You just stormed in here, disrupted our Saturday cuddling and took over the comfy beanbag.” Seokjin wiggles into the couch. Suspiciously closer to Jungkook’s foot.

Jungkook has stared straight at Jimin the whole time, daring the other to say something.

Jimin narrows his eyes at the younger. He glances down only when his phone dings with a new twitter notification.


“Oh my god, why are you here, you tiny gremlin? I’m too lazy to read your thoughts today.” Seokjin groans loudly as he throws his hands up as dramatically as he can while lying down.

“As I was saying…” Jimin gropes around the close vicinity of the beanbag and finds a pair of socks. That will do. “Tae and I had planned to meet up today for the weekly get together, so I showed up looking this good and just marched into his apartment, as usual. I then proceed to greet that idiot with a charming hello there, daddy, gonna spank me today. You know, like a good sugar baby, or whatever. And pretty much his whole family was there. Can you imagine my shock?” He lobs the socks straight into Jungkook’s face and slumps down into the beanbag, pouting mode fully on.

There is a moment of silence. Jungkook even ignores the sock hanging from his nose. And then all hell breaks loose and the two boyfriends just explode into uncontrollable laughter, Seokjin even going as far as rolling off he couch. Jimin breathes in once, holds it and then screams into his sweater paws.

In his lap the phone keeps buzzing.

Jungkook downright chokes. “T-this is th-the best thing ever.”

“This shit only happens to you, w-what the fuck?” Seokjin is lying on his stomach, cheek squished against the carpet and lips puffed out. He slurs just a little as he speaks. “Being your friend is the best thing ever.”

Jimin’s phone begins to ring with a call, but is completely ignored.

“Holy shit. What will you do now? Can you ever go back there, talk with Tae?” Jungkook rubs one eye as he breathes in deep. There is a healthy flush on the younger’s cheeks.

Jimin uncovers his face and flops his palms around. “That was the worst. But I’ll probably get twitter famous after I post about it on there.”

“You’re such an attention whore, Jiminie hyung. Respect.” Jungkook kisses two of his fingers and sends a salute to Jimin from the couch. Right this instant the man looks and sounds like some sleezy youtube star.

Meanwhile, Seokjin has managed to drag himself across the room and grab one of Jimin’s ankles. He swings it around for a while, then lets go of it and rolls onto his back. The eldest of the three looks especially amused by the whole thing. Seokjin quietly giggles once more and sighs.

“I hate everything.”

“No, you don’t.” Seokjin points to Jimin and shakes his finger, like some kind of a bad imitation of a parent figure. “You just have to continue your relationship with Tae and make sure you never ever meet his family again. Ever.”

Jimin pouts down at Seokjin. “Give me better advice.” He then finally checks his phone. There are so many calls and notifications on it.



With a sigh, Jimin ignores the texts and the dms, as they are all mostly some kind of a variation of the same thing as the tweets. The most surprising thing, however, is how quickly Taehyung seems to post and switch from the different ways there are in order to contact Jimin. It’s kind of touching, in a weird and completely what the heck kind of way.

i hope u have a plan to make it up to me BCS THAT WAS HORRIBLE U BITCH


but aslo dontworry my grandma lieked u lol

that doesnt help for shit u kno

Jungkook checks his phone to follow along the conversation. He snickers. “You’re soft.”

“Shut up, Jungkook.” Jimin bares his teeth at the younger boy in hopes to be intimidating. The action fails, but the thought was there, at least.

“This is Joon-hyung, my manager. He helped me get you in my team for this shoot.” Taehyung is all sunny smile and child-like excitement as he swings his manager’s arm back and forth in a wide arc.

Jimin, on the other hand, is looking at the two other men as if they are batshit crazy.

Which they are. For sure.

“You got me… in your team. Of professional makeup artists. That work for huge models and movie stars, and god knows who else.” Jimin takes a deep breath. Smashes some imaginary pineapples in his head. “Are you completely insane?”

To be fair to the manager though, he does look parts apologetic and parts very not fully on board with the idea. And yet there is also Taehyung, who doesn’t even seem to be paying attention anymore and has instead gone off to speak with the hairdressers, photographers and stylists. Jimin kind of gapes after the dude, uncaring about who sees him.

Manager Joon shakes his head. “As you probably already know, Park Jimin-ssi, Taehyung has the superpower of talking anyone into whatever he wants. He was very, hmmm, strong this time. With the power.”

Jimin stares at the manager for a few seconds, then pulls up his phone and takes a picture. “When I embarrass myself here as well, in front of all these pros and best of the best people, I will look at this picture of you and remember that it was all your fault, manager Joon-ssi.”

“Oh, it’s Kim Namjoon. Also, isn’t that blackmail?” Manager Namjoon doesn’t even look flustered. Must be because he works with someone like Taehyung on a daily basis.

“Is it?” Jimin slides his phone back into the pocket of his jacket. Then he smiles wide and sparkly, enough that his eyes squish shut.

Manager Namjoon makes a tiny sound and coos.

As if summoned by a vengeful demon, Taehyung choses that moment to pop back into their conversation and lay his whole weight atop of Jimin. The model smells like peaches and Jimin is feeling very conflicted. Both in body and mind. Does he give his sugar daddy a lecture on misuse of power and influence, or does he just go along with this chance and get some connections.

Jimin makes eye contact with manager Namjoon and purses his lips. Both sound good.

“Tae, first of all, I expected to do all this in a not supper important and serious modeling environment. And second, if I am gonna be called out by these industry pros then I will get my revenge on you. But I will acknowledge that this is a good payback for the humiliation you brought me.” Jimin pats Taehyung’s head exactly once, unsure if his hair is already done or not.

Taehyung blinks, pouts. “But, I gotta spoil you. You know, like it’s in the rules of sugar daddies.”

“Please don’t speak about that here, Tae. We don’t want the press to know.” Manager Namjoon sighs. He checks his watch, then looks towards where everyone else is setting up. “Now, we should get started. Jimin-ssi, you have a workstation ready for you, just go and set up. Tae will be sent to you soon enough.”

Jimin nods and marches off to where manager Namjoon pointed to. Taehyung whines that he wants to get his makeup done now, but the hair people are kind of frightening, so the model is whisked away and Jimin is left on his own to set up what needs to be.

The day passes quickly, Jimin gets to know the other makeup artists and gets some connections going. It’s probably not going to lead anywhere, he already knows that, but he at least needs to try. Besides, Taehyhung is still paypalling him enough money to not worry about anything for a while still.

“Tell me you love me.” Taehyung is still wearing the makeup Jimin put on him – eyeshadows and liner and all.

Jimin is a weak, weak man. “I love you, babe.” He then raises on his tiptoes and kisses Taehyung’s cheek.

Taehyung practically glows. And Jimin has more fluttery heart feelings.

Jimin is having a gay crisis, so as any proper millennial that lives in this digitalized world, he takes it to twitter to whine about it. Not really thinking about the very real possibility that Taehyung follows him, has his notification on and is a very perceptive guy that will understand everything in two seconds.

But alas, Jimin is gay panicking and twitter is an addiction.

hey @ google how to not get a crush on what is basically ur boss

Your boss is a woman and last I checked, you’re gay.

…..not…. that…. Boss….


Jungkook shut

About time loool

im gonna go and like pretend i dont exist this is so HUMILIATiNG

I see.

Jimin stares at Taehyung’s tweet and feels dread. The tweet is just two words, but with no typos and with punctuation. He takes a breath, locks up his phone and puts it away. It dings with new messages and notifications, but Jimin ignores it completely in favor of falling in his bed face-down and screaming into his pillows.

jiminie i probs have a crush on u 2
i mean i litreraly have dreams abtu
hey answer me when u dne panicking?

Ten minutes later Jimin resurfaces from his pillows and breathes in deep, holds it. Lets it out. Just like in yoga. He takes a moment and then makes a lazy cat stretching pose, head thrown back and back stretching into a bow.

“I kind of want to play some Overwatch.” Jimin mumbles to himself.

And Jimin does just that. He ignores his phone, takes off the tight jeans and sits in front of his laptop. Overwatch loads and Jimin choses the hamster as usual, enters a random match. His discord logs in on its own, but Jimin pretends he doesn’t see and notice anything in favor of going wild with the hamster. People yell at him in the chat and Jimin sends back emoji middle fingers as revenge.

He dies in seconds, but the chaos he leaves behind is marvelous.

Discord pings first with a few massages and then a call. The caller is someone with feet for a profile picture and, despite everything going on, Jimin judges Taehyung just as much as he always has.

With a huff, he picks up the call. “Admit it, you have a fucking feet fetish.”

“I just like to show off mine because shoes are evil. Also, not the point.” Taehyung clicks his tongue and then grumbles something under his breath. “Anyway, will we be doing the actual sugar baby things? Like, hand holding and maybe nose kisses? And dates.”

Jimin blinks and squints at his laptop screen. “What.”

In the background Yeontan barks just as Taehyung lets out a huge sigh. “Jimine, get on with it. You like me, I’ve been imagining our wedding since that one time you first cursed out my Overwatch people. That was so hot.” The model lets out an appreciative hum.

“This is all so stupid. I have a crush on a dude who pays me for playing games with him. How is this normal? Also, if I date you, I can’t take money from you, that would be just weird. Damn you and your stupid good looks and cute-ass personality. How dare you be so fine, Kim goddamn Taehyung?” Jimin has gotten his hands on the soft poop plush toy Jungkook gave him last Christmas during his rant and keeps on squishing it. He doesn’t know if that’s from nervousness or embarrassment. Probably both.

During the whole rant Taehyung just keeps on giggling.

“You’re perfect.” The model coos first at Jimin, then at his dog. “I can stop paying you if you want to, but I will still buy you stuff and pay for your stuff. Because you need spoiling. What else, uuh… I don’t know anymore.”

Jimin lays on his floor and has another freak out by rolling around his carpet. He may or may not be making weird noises.

Taehyung seems to dig it. “Jiiiiiiiminie, please. Come on, date things! Come on, come on, come on!”

“Fffffffff! I have nothing to do on the weekend! You should know already, you know my work schedule perfectly, you stalker.” Jimin sits up and glares at the discord call for a moment. The he remembers his fluttery heart feelings and makes a dopey face at the picture of Taehyung’s feet.

There is an excited yell from Taehyung’s side, with Yeontan’s enthusiastic participation. “Hell yeah, I have a date with the god ragefairy! Wanna go to go-karts? Though, I will pout and grumble if we lose. We can’t lose, Jiminie.”

“You’re a competitive little shit and I have anger problems. We’ll burn the place down. I’m in.” Jimin smiles and pokes Taehyung’s profile picture with his finger. He’s getting sappy and it’s kind of weird.

A twitter notification pops up on the corner of his laptop screen just then, one from Taehyung. The model isn’t the only one who has notifications on for certain peoples’ profiles. Who would have known, huh?

i have a date and u all beter be be jelaous bCS MY DATE IS FIIIIIINE

Oh, so no drama? How utterly boring.

all i got were memes from tae and nothing from jimin hyung since he went mia and this happens? Wtf hyungs

At least they skipped the pinning and dealt with it with minimal twitter drama.

um ECXKSUSE YOU u should b happy fr me and Jimine WERE IN LOVE

Get your disgusting love off of my perfectly crafted timeline of memes and foodporn?

excuse me hyung wbt me?

I live with you and am dating you, what else do you need from me?

hbt some romance from time to time?/???

Says the one who thought that romance was writing ‘let me top and I will show u stars’ on our bed with hot Cheetos.

…. im neither surprised nor shocked by u both

jiminie they took over my anouncment 😭😭😭

it was a shitty announcement tho lol

ur a bully dsfsfafsafa

Jimin giggles some more and then sends some pretty pictures of himself to Taehyung in his DMs. Nothing too racy, just an uncovered shoulder and a collarbone, a sweater a few sizes too large making sure everything looks artsy and nice. And make up, of course.

With that all done Jimin goes to take a bath, coupled with the good skincare routine, some nice and cheesy mom romance book, accompanied by a glass of something alcoholic. A truly perfect evening after all.

Jimin lays his head on Taehyung’s shoulder. Then he also drapes his legs over the other man’s lap, getting as comfy as he possibly can on the blanket covered ground, surrounded by noisy people gathered together for this open-air cinema experience. With the combined power of Taehyung’s beauty and Jimin’s sweet-talking they managed to snag a seat right in front of the contraption that keeps the projector high enough for the movie to show on the whole width of the white wall.

And that adds all the comfy points.

Taehyung is playing with Jimin’s fingers, occasionally comparing their palm size. When the model starts giggling too much, Jimin, in all his petty and drama queen fashion, elbows him in the guts.

Before them the old horror movie plays on and soon Jimin feels Taehyung’s fingers in his hair. It’s easy to burrow his cold nose in his boyfriend’s (hehehehehe) scarf’s folds and rub the tip against warm skin. And then listen to Taehyung whine low and deep. That’s another hehehe worthy moment.

Next to them another couple has full on stopped even pretending that they are paying attention and the girl has almost managed to tear the guy’s shirt from his body. Jimin glances at them and then makes a thoughtful sound. Looks at Taehyung’s button-down grandpa shirt and decides not to do anything. Who knows how much that shirt costs, better not play with financial karma.

“Can I put my hand on your butt, Jiminie?” Taehyung asks. He’s not even trying to be quiet. Which is fine, because no one cares.

Jimin pokes Taehyung’s nipple through the grandpa shirt. “Sure. But no pinching. And if you do, your dick suffers.” He gropes his boyfriend’s whole man tiddy and sighs. Such a good man tiddy indeed.

When Taehyung’s hand settles on his butt cheek, however, Jimin blinks just once and slowly. That really is one big hand. Damn. Now he is getting both fluffy heart feelings and not so fluffy horny feelings. In the middle of an open-air movie screening with moths and ants crawling everywhere.

Taehyung squeezes once. “I’m, like, the luckiest man alive. If only you were also somewhat good at gaming.”

“Shut up, I beat your ass in Minecraft.” Jimin doesn’t remove his palm from Taehyung’s tiddy.

“Minecraft doesn’t count, but I’ll give it to you because you’re cute.” Taehyung kisses Jimin on the forehead and then returns to the movie. He gets to see a scene where one of the main heroes dies in a stream of obviously fake blood and makes a tiny, adorable wow.

Jimin is very in crush with this man.

[Jimin’s and Taehyung’s couple selfie]
ur all just jealous my bf is also my sugar daddy and also is hot

He’s got nothing on my muscle bunny, I feel nothing but boredom looking at that twink.

iwas abt to fight u btu I am a twink lol

still rich and hot so suck it jin hyung

twink in the streets freak in the sheets lol

[gif of the office man doing finger guns]


Jimin is lying in Taehyung’s bed, dressed in one of his boyfriend’s large shirts and underwear, with Yeontan asleep on his stomach. It’s raining outside, but Jimin doesn’t much care about that, especially so when he doesn’t have work and can send slightly (very) bragging-themed selfies and snapchats to Solar.

Being the amazing and wonderful coworker that Solar is, she sends him back pictures of her middle finger in varying stages of blurriness.

Jimin loves Solar.

The shower shuts off and Taehyung comes out of the bathroom completely naked and glistening from the water he hasn’t bothered to wipe off. Jimin lets the phone drop on his face and just stares. And keeps staring long enough for Taehyung to raise on very fine eyebrow in smug satisfaction. Jimin notices that too, but… there is the whole everything else of Taehyung just kind of… there.

It’s both not enough and too much.

“I want to lick you like a lollipop.” Jimin mutters. His lips brush along his phone’s screen and vaguely, somewhere veeeeery far back in his head, he curses himself out for getting it dirty with his own face fluids.

“I’ll let you do that today, but you gotta get at least five kills in Overwatch first.” Taehyung shakes out his hair and the water goes everywhere.

Jimin absentmindedly scratches Yeontan behind the ear and the tiny dog makes a pleased doggy sigh. It’s so cute he finally looks away from Taehyung in order to coo at the ball of fluff sleeping on his stomach.

Taehyung hasn’t moved at all. “What do you say?”

Despite everything Jimin knows he is pouting. Not too much, just enough. By his standards. “I can barely kill one, I might as well no try. But I’m also petty, so I will do it. Just to rub it in your face that I am amazing and can beat one dumb game.”

“You really can’t beat the game.”

Jimin now glares playfully at Taehyung. “Try me, bitch.”

Taehyung doesn’t say anything back, but he does come to sit on the bed and lean his head on Jimin’s chest. Just like Yeontan does often. Although the dog is much better at playing cute and adorable than Taehyung (that’s a lie). Jimin drops his phone next to his head and scratches Taehyung behind the ear, the same way he does for the model’s dog.

“I’ll pay you by the hour for this.” Taehyung brings his legs up to his chest and curls to sleep on Jimin’s chest. He’s like a big and naked cat.

“I will do it for free for as long as you want.”

This whole thing shouldn’t be as adorable as Jimin sees it. But Jimin is also just a weak man with needs and overflowing fondness for his dork of a boyfriend. So he just sighs and continues to lightly scratch Taehyung’s head, grunting just a little when Yeontan wakes up and stomps on his bladder on his way down from the bed.

“Why are you naked, though?” Jimin finally asks.

Taehyung smacks his lips and accidentally kisses Jimin’s nipple through the shirt. “I hate clothes.”

Which, knowing Taehyung, both does and doesn’t make sense. Jimin can live with the reply, though, so he just nods and moves on.

There is one other thing, though, that Jimin needs to bring up. “Your grandma called me. You will be the one explaining to her why I called you daddy that one time because I refuse.” He pokes Taheyhung’s head, the part where hair forms a tiny circle of a fake bald spot.

Taehyung whines. But doesn’t refuse.

Good enough.

my sugar daddy just told me that his grandma now thinks we’re some 50sog couple
he had one



Who needs comedy series when I have your whole relationship happening in close proximity.