warning: heavy angst and triggering scenes; possible things that are weird and scary so please be very very careful while reading...
the title is a pun btw (it's not a funny one), which you'll understand at the end of the one-shot.
jungkook had been long dealing with his boyfriend's depression. for almost 5 years, jungkook had been dating jimin. before that, jimin was heavily abused, leaving a permanent and bloody picture for his brain to remember. jimin became anti-social and hopeless, where his mind fell prey to voices that never existed in his head.
jungkoko thought that after dating jimin, jimin had gotten better. jimin let his lips curve up a little more everyday, until his sweet cheeks made his almond eyes disappear. left in the dark, jungkook thought jimin was okay.
dear how he was wrong...
a f e w m o n t h s a g o:
jungkook went to work and returned back extremely tired. his manager was especially hard on the employees today, but he got a month of break. in hopes and tiredness, jungkook headed back home to see his loving boyfriend.
jungkook slumped against the wall adjacent to their end-unit apartment, knocking on the door. falling into a silly slumber, jungkook knocked again, but a little more awake this time. he usually knocks once and sees his beautiful baby, jimin, giving him a sweet hug and calling him for dinner. jungkook had his keys, but he preferred jimin's welcome home.
jungkook was fully awake now, worried as to what happened. he didn't hesitate to dig his hands into his pockets and take his keys out as they rattled against the door knob.
click, and the door opened. jungkook was extremely confused when he saw the whole apartment dark. there weren't any lights, and the curtains were drawn exactly to the point, to block every ray of light out (not that there was much since it was 10 at night).
jungkook turned on the lights and found jimin nowhere. all the furniture was fine, as it was everyday. cautiously, jungkook walked around the house, inspecting every corner to see where jimin might be.
it became a habit after a few depressing episodes of jimin's to keep the bathroom door open. jungkook didn't to explain why. so to his partial relief, the bathroom door was open.
jungkook then turned the corner and opened the door to their shared room, hoping that he was sleeping.
rubbing his eyes, jungkook shook his head and opened the door.
and to his horror, jimin was standing right there: in the doorway, possessively staring at jungkook's chest.
"jimin-hyung!" and by human nature, jungkook closed the door again in fear, letting the lights in the rest of the house give him some realization as to what happened.
jungkook was heavily breathing by the time he toppled on the ground, horrified of jimin. not that he was trying to scare jungkook, but something had seemed quite off with jimin's behavior.
jungkook waited 5 minutes before mustering up the courage to bust the damn door, and finally he did. the light in the house gave him a better picture. jungkook opened the door finding jimin's eyes to be unwavering, as he stared at jungkook's chest.
"j-jimin hyung?" jungkook asked again, taking a baby step in absolute fear.
jimin stood there staring at him like he was before.
"baby, please what's going on?" jungkook pleaded before trying to hug him in desperation and shitloads of fear.
jimin suddenly moved his eyes, and stared jungkook down into his soul. jungkook tensed up for a minute, blood pressure rising, as he saw something peculiar and dark in jimin's eyes.
jimin seemed to be reaching to step outside but stopped when jungkook was in front of him. during this time, jimin's eyes were back into the same spot they were, like previous line of vision being a magnet to his eyes.
jungkook moved out of the way, watching jimin going into the living room and turning all of the lights off again, same with the kitchen, and walking back into their shared bedroom. jimin walked back only to stand exactly in the same place and stare at the same thing again.
jungkook was now scared more for jimin, than himself.
"jimin hyung you need to talk to me!" jungkook rattled jimin to wake him up out of whatever evil trance he was in.
"shh." jimin said, while placing a cold, cold finger against jungkook's.
jimin took jungkook's hand and made him stand next to him, while taking a few steps back and jungkook was now looking at the same thing jimin was.
the white door to their shared room as closed. jungkook stared at jimin not knowing what was going on.
"do you see it? do you see it jungkook?" jimin asked.
"s-see what h-hyung?" jungkook asked again, while looking at jimin.
"LOOK AT THE DOOR!" jimin screamed into his face, and jungkook felt his head being twisted painfully towards the door.
"look at it..." jimin whispered again, while jungkook silently had tears running down his face. something wrong, something paranormal happened and jungkook was so fucking scared, he thought jimin was going to kill him.
"you know what my parents did when I was younger? hmm pretty boy?" jimin asked while back-hugging jungkook and whispering into his ear.
"I DIDN'T TELL YOU TO TALK!" jimin shouted and jungkook broke out sobbing.
jimin smiled wickedly while saying...
"aww baby, don't cry." jimin said, then continued.
"my parents used to take me to graveyards. haunted ones. threatening that they would leave me there if I couldn't meet their expectation. they told me stories about devils devouring my soul alive, and living in the darkest layer of hell. they'd show me scary pictures saying they'd lock me up in a room, in anticipation energies and demons and ghosts would invade my mind..." jimin stopped.
"and now, it's been three years since my whore of a mother died. and everything she told me, all the things paranormal in relation to death are settling back into my mind, and i want to succumb to the forces.. i want to become one of them, that tortures happy people... and pretty boys like you."
and jungkook kept sobbing through jimin's words. the damage that jimin's parents did to him was so painful that jungkook was terrified of jimin's life before his own.
he was snapped out of his thoughts
"j-jimin stop." jungkook said when he felt a tiny poke of a knife at his head.
"shh, you don't tell me what to do..." jimin said while putting more pressure and letting blood seep out.
jungkook cried out in pain, doubling over with his knees buckling.
"i don't want to hurt you jungkook. i don't. but something is telling me to... to watch your body be painted by the scars of my doing."
"this isn't the jimin i know. baby, you've gotta snap out of it, please!" jungkook desperately begged and wailed like his life depended on it.
and by some miracle, jimin snapped.
jimin panicked when he saw blood coming from the side of jungkook's head, as it gushed out.
jimin frantically turned the lights on.
"j-jungkook, baby, don't worry, I'm sorry!" jimin cried. he didn't know what happened or what came over him. it felt like his body was used by some external force and something just left his body and he was back to normal.
jimin ran to get the first aid kit. he tended to jungkook until jungkook looked into jimin's eyes, shaking. jimin's eyes were soft and glassy again, inexplicably hurt and confused by seeing jungkook's state of pain.
"jimin-hyung?" jungkook wailed again while jimin rocked him.
"y-yeah honey, I'm here. i'm here." jimin rocked him again.
so jimin and jungkook talked once jungkook was able to ration with his fear again.
"i'm sorry jungkook, it was memories of what my parents did and i made you suffer from that horror, i'm such a terrible person-"
"please don't say that hyung. i'm here to help you, please d-don't cry." jungkook sniffled and comforted jimin, this time.
"d-do you want to get a mental health check-up? hyung? because that wasn't normal and I'm scared i'm going to lose you..." jungkook ruffled jimin's hair.
"y-yeah jungkookie, yeah, I need to see someone, please."
c u r r e n t l y:
jungkook and jimin were on their way to see psychiatrist, because jimin's mental health kept on getting worse and worse. the fact jimin was about to kill jungkook, even though jungkook didn't care, just made death thoughts grow in his mind of fertile darkness.
jimin was sitting quietly in the car. he couldn't stand living anymore. whenever jimin felt sad, jungkook was saying that everything would be okay, but his pessimistic and hopeless attitude towards life let his guard down, and now jimin knows there's no getting better.
the doctors had records of his deterioration for about 1 year now, however the (above described) situation was extremely unexpected and meant something was terribly wrong. things were getting so so much worse since then, and leads to now.
"jimin, we're here." jungkook softly said and gave a kiss to jimin's forehead.
jimin sadly smiled and stepped out of the car, mindlessly walking wherever jungkook took him.
the wait time was not even one minute before they were both called in.
it was hell. sitting in there, as jungkook described all that happened in such grueling detail of his fears and confusion. deep down, jungkook was making jimin even more guilty even though kook was tryna' help him.
"how did you feel while you were carrying out this assault, jimin?" the psychiatrist rudely asked, however jungkook was busy tying his shoe to realize.
jimin's eyes got glassy quickly, however, neither of the two sitting in the room had seen.
"w-well i-i didn't know what i was doing. it was stemmed from bad memories of my parents telling horrifying stories. i didn't mean to do it, i didn't mean it."
"clearly you have weak control over your mind. i'm not sure, but i may have to consider reporting this be-" but jungkook cut her short.
"please, ma'am. he didn't mean and there's something wrong, and you need to help that first before you try to do anything major. please ma'am please don't do this." jungkook pleaded.
"fine. i'll write a medication and i suggest that you guys go out frequently in places that there is light. i will also sign him up for session that may help his depression." she said.
she walked out busy writing the prescription.
"jungkook, i think i should die."
"no, baby. my universe is you and you only. i'd suffer so badly if you were gone. don't you EVER say that." jungkook cupped jimin's lifeless cheeks.
but jimin heard this so many times, these sweet words that got boring because of his depression.
it was time for him to give up.
jungkook and jimin left, going back to their apartment.
"baby, let's spend some ti-" but jungkook's phone rang.
"sorry hold on baby..." jungkook smiled and took the phone.
jimin listened intently hoping it wasn't his work.
well fuck his luck.
"sir i'm sorry i can't come!" jungkook exclaimed.
"it's just one week jungkook, and then i promise you're free. if you decide to go against them then you lose your fucking job." his manager rudely stated.
"f-fine, i'll be in right now."
and jungkook had to leave.
"jimin-hyung, I'm so sorry. my manager is being an asshole and i need to go for the next few days. i'm sorry." jungkook sobbed on jimin's shoulder.
jimin chuckled sadly and gave jungkook's shoulder a kiss.
"i'll get some food ready baby, you go and shower love." jimin said sweetly and watched a reluctant jungkook walk away to get ready.
so soon, jimin masked his face with happy smiles and watched jungkook run off to work.
jimin decided that he would go for a walk, hoping the late sunshine would cheer him up. jimin started out to get better, hummin his fav. tunes and strolling happily. but fuck...
he tried to kill his boyfriend.
he's a psychopath
a useless piece of shit
and all the thoughts came back. everything.
jimin fumbled around in his pocket to find a blade. dried up with blood.
this is it.
and cut after cut after cut came blood dripping from his arms. he started feeling dizzy, and to his horror, his ankle broke after tripping over the curb of the sidewalk.
so jimin screamed his loudest before toppling to the ground.
a f e w h o u r s l a t e r:
jimin woke up to find himself in the dreary hospital, getting used to the terrible beds and spirits of sadness wallowing around him.
he looked to the side and found his soulmate, taehyung, sitting their while crying.
"j-jimin-ah." taehyung whispered before carressing jimin's face and sobbing into his shoulder.
jimin felt so guilty, and to make it worse.
"JIMIN-AH." and there jungkook was roaring in anger and pain.
"j-jungkook i'm sorry, p-please." jimin sobbed.
jungkook was heavily breathing when he banged his hand against the wall, causing jimin to flinch and make taehyung hold jimin's hand tighter.
"i-i thought we fucking t-talked about this?" jungkook questioned.
"p-please jungkook. i'm feeling helpless and i-i d-"
"you haven't been taking the medicines have you?" jungkook snickered in disappointment.
jimin closed his eyes. he wasn't.
"you're fucking asking for the pain aren't you? WELL I'M FUCKING HERE AND I NEED YOU! WHEN WILL YOU UNDERSTAND?!" jungkoko screamed and jimin sobbed and sobbed.
"shut the hell up, jungkook. what has gone to your fucking head?" taehyung screamed while holding jimin close.
"he tried to kill me anyway, so how is this wrong? at least i'm not slitting his throat open!" jungkook shouted so loud, that jimin froze.
jimin stared into jungkook's eyes, watching as realization dawned upon jungkook.
"o-oh my g-god." jungkook held his hands to his mouth.
jimin stopped crying, to lay there empty. he couldn't believe it. his boyfriend got angry at something jimin couldn't control.
"it's fine jungkook." jimin laughed.
"no jimin, I'm so sorry. what the fuck was i thinking..." jungkook panted heavily and tried to give jimin a hug.
but, taehyung stood in his way.
"fuck you jungkook. he's the one suffering this whole time because he couldn't control his impulses when it wasn't his fault, and you're here indirectly threatening that you would've killed him if you could. get the fuck out." taehyung stood in front of the maknae.
"h-he's my boyfriend you asshole," and jungkook punched taehyung, barely.
it turned into a fisted fight before jimin screamed.
"STOP!" jimin cried again.
both boys reached out to comfort him, but he flinched away.
"leave." jimin said.
"no please." jungkook tried, but...
"both of you, FUCK OUT OF HERE!" jimin yelled at his youngers, so angry and confused.
"get out or else i'm hanging myself with this IV tube." jimin growled.
they went out faster then ever, regretting everything that happened.
jimin breathed in and out, in and out.
just a few minutes later, the doctor came in, saying the old blah blah shit that jimin was used to hearing.
"doctor?" jimin asked.
"yes, sir?" the doctor quietly asked back.
"please make sure jungkook and taehyung are escorted out, and then I need to ask you something."
so jimin listened to both of their yells as bulky officers forced them out of the building.
the doctor came back, and jimin asked...
"may I have a does of morphine?" jimin plainly asked.
"s-sir that's going to kill you!" the doctor pleaded.
"i want to fucking die. i know myself better than any of the people in this world. these fucking up medicines and words don't help. i've hit rock and bottom and if you want me to die the death of a dog, then make me suffer. or else, make me happy and give that dose of morphine." jimin growled.
"physician assisted suicide is allowed here right? it's my right, not yours." jimin said intimidatingly.
the doctor gulped. he had no choice.
"h-how much sir?"
"enough to kill me, now get on with it."
jimin was given a few hours to enjoy his last breaths on Earth, before the doctor came to reluctantly give the first dose (out of two) dangerously high levels of morphine.
"i-i'm s-sorry sir. you d-didn't deserve to be in so much p-pain. whoever they were, I know they love you. i love you too." the doctor gulped while injecting the morphine.
"what's your name doctor?" jimin asked.
"yugyeom sir." and jimin smiled into his eyes before closing his eyes.
and the morphine did it's job, as the doctor watched jimin fall into a deep sleep.
it was 12 hours before yugyeom gave the second dose, and jimin relapsed into a coma, and his heart gave up.
jungkook, given permission to come back the hospital, walked in with flowers to apologize.
jungkook asked about the jimin's room number.
"where is park jimin?" jungkook asked happily.
"he's being taken for an autopsy sir." the nurse said.
jungkook's blood went cold and he dropped the flowers on the ground.
"w-what? h-he's dead?" jungkook asked through tears.
"y-yes sir. he asked for a lethal dose of morphine because he was in extreme pain, i'll get you to the doctor." the nurse bowed quickly and walked away.
jungkook fell to his knees. he slumped against the ground wailing because he didn't know jimin would do this. fuck. that was the love of his life thinking he should die, because of jungkook.
jungkook's irrational words haunted him as he bawled on the ground with his painfully contorted face.
jungkook got up emotionless, all of a sudden tired and empty. he stood back up feeling dizzy.
"sir?" yugyeom asked.
jungkook looked up to see his childhood best friend, yugyeom.
"yugyeom please tell me you didn't give the dose, please!" jungkook held his shoulders tight while crying.
"it's allowed, and it was his request. i had to fulfill it." yugyeom looked down knowing jungkook was hurt beyond means.
"FUCK YOU! I NEEDED HIM!" Jungkook screamed shaking the walls.
"STOP BEING SELFISH JUNGKOOK! HE WAS IN PAIN. IF HE WAS STILL HERE, HE WOULD'VE BEEN TOO HURT TO EVEN BE WITH YOU. HE WOULD'VE BEEN MISERABLE SO GET IT IN YOUR HEAD!" yugyeom shot back.
but he was right.
so jungkook was left to tell everyone how jimin died.
because of him.
who's the murderer?