THE NEXT DAY:
Arya Stark created a group chat.
Chat renamed: FAIRY GOD FAMILY!
Friends added: Gendry Baratheon, Jon Targaryen, Ygritte Wyld, Theon G Stark, Esq., Robb Stark, Bran Stark, Rockin’ Rick Stark, Tyrion Lannister, Margaery Tyrell, Loras Tyrell, Renly Baratheon, Myrcella Baratheon, Tommen Baratheon, Shireen Baratheon, Lya Stark
ARYA: ALRIGHT FAM BAM! I waited a whole day before doing it! But I just couldn’t let the naysayers win - I’m looking at you Gen! It IS a completely reasonable and even expected thing! So here is the dealio! Our Lady Wolf has FINALLY found herself a worthy fairytale Knight! YES! There will be plenty of opportunity to make very appropriate jokes at BOTH of their expenses in this group in time! AND I expect some well thought out attempts at hilarity people! BUT! Our main focus here is going to be BETS! A small buy in price - you are ALL required to BUY IN! And the one who comes closest to the correct time frames/significant relationship moments - will take the pot for that particular bet! Understand?
ARYA: Silly Celly, Tommychops? How are you - before we get into this?
ROBB: I am in - though do you think we can maybe NOT EVER introduce talk of their potential PRIVATE activities? I’m looking at you Babe! - AND BOTH TYRELLS!
MYRCELLA: I’m not sure I’m comfortable with this? Still struggling to find the GOOD and HAPPY here! And I’m fine - for someone who’s mother has suffered yet another breakdown and who’s uncle is a dirty old man who can keep it in his pants around her pretty friends. Peachy. Dads home and he said they didn’t have any issues settling her in again. We are both staying at home with him for now. So I guess it COULD be worse?
TOMMEN: Did you really just call me Tommychops? You are so WEIRD sometimes Arry! I’m alright. Dads pretty quiet though. Love you Cell! And I’m in! But are they actually together? I thought they were taking some time to sort their own stuff out before trying or something?
TYRION: Arya? I love your devious mind my young apprentice! I am absolutely in! BUT - I need clarification because Jaime was laughing too hard to explain? WHY would My disgustingly smitten big brother laugh like a jackal over his girlfriends car breaking down? Considering he had been sulking like a small child at having to part with her the whole way and then laughed at her misfortune? I am very confused. TOM - yes on the together, yes on the break before they go any further. I think the aim is to do more than screw each other’s brains out. Like actually talk! Large distances between geographical locations will ensure such things.
MARGAERY: DING DING DING! We should make this a drinking game of an evening too guys! Every time sex or anything sex related is mentioned? We drink! - maybe we should restrict it to weekends?
THEON: Margy! If I wasn’t a happily married gay man? I’d think about kissing that pretty mouth for the brilliant mind behind it! I AM IN FOR EVERYTHING!
ROBB: I SAID NOT TO DO THAT! I SPECIFICALLY NAMED YOU BOTH!
ROBB: I’m sorry this is hard on you right now Celly. But we all love you and completely understand.
MYRCELLA: Sorry guys... I’m going to have to check out for a bit... I’ll just block notifications for now - but I’m not there yet with this! I love all of you wild and wonderful people though! Thanks Robb! I’m with you on the icky stuff too okay? Gross!
ROCKIN’ RICK: I am in. Can I borrow the buy in little sister?
ARYA: Not if you are gunna give me lip pup!
BRAN: I’ll cover us both Rick - IF YOU CHANGE YOUR RIDICULOUS NAME! Which reminds me! GAYJOY! We are in Westeros and you are not a lawyer!
LYA: Why am I here? And what in all of the worlds did I miss? Who is our Lady seeing? Is she alright? What happened to her car? SHE HAD SEX? WHO HAD SEX WITH MY SWEET LADY NIECE WITHOUT COUGHING UP THE SHINY HEIRLOOM GEMS?!
JON: Hey there Mother! I’m in Runt. Yg too she said to tell ya. Also - THANKYOU BRAN!
LYA: Hello son. Hello daughter in law.
MARGAERY: Don’t worry Lya! I missed it all too! But to clarify - Our sweet Sannie up and climbed under - potentially over? The very fine specimen that is Jaime Lannister! Over the weekend - Crazy hijinx ensue and now we have an adorable fairytale love happening! (not without hiccups) - Sans is fine - a bit sulky. Mr Royce had someone tow the car back to his until Gen can come down to take a look. Until then yours truly will be DRIVING MISS SANSA.
LYA: Thank you darling! Jaime Lannister huh? I had a thing for pretty older blondes once upon a time. Must be a Stark thing.
JON: NO MUM! ARYA! Why is my mother here?
ARYA: Because Aunt Lya is hilarious. CASE IN POINT JONNY!
LORAS: This is going to be so much fun! Jon? Can I please meet your Mama?
JON: You met her at the wedding Tyrell! Older version of Arya who started the bar dancing.
LYA: Loras? Little Ren’s pretty boy right?
LORAS: Little Ren? Oh that’s delicious! And yes that is me. And I do remember you now too!
THEON: LORAS FOR THE INAPPROPRIATE INNUENDO! TAKE A DRINK KIDS! IT MAY NOT BE JAIMSA BUT WAS FABTASTIC! ALSO? SUCK IT BRAN!
ARYA: HA! Hilarious! Off track! So? Everyone is in right? Except Celly - until she gets past the discomfort of knowing one of her best friends is having sexy time with her uncle anyway!
TYRION: Margy My Love? Perhaps we should also admit to our intentions to elope and just get it all out there? Take one for the team? Cell just needs some time to process guys, She will be okay.
MARGAERY: be still my heart! Such romance! Alas - I am currently on a cock free diet darling! I’d let you know when I’m done? But I have an aversion to my lovers loving my Granny more than me!
TYRION: WELL! Olenna IS my favourite Tyrell. That IS A shame.
ARYA: It is well established that she’s everyone’s favourite Tyrell! ALRIGHT! First bet? Throw in a fifty each? And we are going with.... DUN DUN DUN! When will Jaime lose his shit and drive up to visit, subsequently locking them up together in our Ladies bedroom until she agrees that the break is over and we are full steam ahead?
ARYA: I’m banking within the week!
BRAN: That was oddly specific? My money is on Showcase weekend!
JON: DAMMIT BRAN! Fine! Graduation.
TYRION: I’m taking the insider route here children! He will wait until Celly talks to him and Sans gives the nod. And it’ll be AFTER the third weekend of bedroom lock ups - that’s a trick double header Arya Stark you devious little darling! Do I get double when I win?
TOMMEN: Uncle Ty has the right of it! Get specific guys! NEXT weekend for the first of many weekends. And I’m giving them wiggle room! Two months before they’re ready for the ‘next step’ - I’m playing a little blind here though! Didn’t even know they were practicing giving me adorable baby cousins until Sunday people!
LYA: Oh my sweet summer children! What do you know of she wolves! (Think about your very specific wording my little underfoot!) My money - and yes I am in baby niece! Is on it being SANSA NOT JAIME who does both the locking in bedroom AND has the final say on the when! But I’ll give her three months to get her pretty head out of her pert little bum to do it! If he’s as well proportioned and talented as I hope he is, for my girls sake? She’ll last two weeks at most without wanting more. NOTE MY SWEETS - repression is unhealthy!
JON: MUM! Seven hells!
GENDRY: I take no responsibility for any of this! Tom? Hug our ‘little’ sister for me.... I give Jaime two days for ALL of it. And I am taking into account my knowledge of she wolves Lya! Irresistible beasts!
ROBB: NO GENDRY! NO! ENOUGH OUT OF YOU TOO LYA AND TOM! I’ll go in the middle and give them a respectable three weeks for ONLY the dating part!
THEON: I love it when you get all weird about sex talk! Robbs on the money for the ‘announcement’ of the next step. And Gen has it made for the sexy times... But I’ll happily point out that it isn’t just SHE wolves that are irresistible beasts! Anywho - so I’ll split there and go a day behind each!
LORAS: oooh! Close bids! Let’s see? I’m backing a single day for the ‘visit’ and have it resulting in the agreement that waiting is stupid - and I’ll correctly assume THAT was what Little Wolfling meant! Let’s see? The day BEFORE her showcase and they’ll go together looking like superstars. Ren isn’t home to play yet, and I imagine Shireen is still at the office too - she helps Stan out when she doesn’t have class. Such a darling girl she is! Also? Theon? You aren’t subtle at all my friend! And it’s hilarious!
THEON: tried and tested Tyrell! It is in the BAG!
ROBB: Don’t be so sure babe.
JON: Stop it! Where is Lady Sansa when I need protection from you pervs?
MARGAERY: Is it really a break when the term Baby is uttered into the phone? I’m going with there is no actual break and it’s naive to think that they aren’t full fledged going steady already. And it won’t take an actual visit. Phone sex will happen by midnight tomorrow! - I’ll keep you posted!
ROCKIN’ RICK: You muppets! The bedroom lock up already happened, yes Lya it WAS Sans who led the charge on it AND Margy is right about the break being utter horseshit! Pay up peeps! I went the insider route too and asked the smartest person in the world for the scoop! Catwolf knows all! She is BIG BROTHER (MOTHER).
ARYA: DAMN! THATS GOOD PUP! Alright troops! There is a secondary purpose to this too - besides the hilarious joking that is! I feel it’s important that this reaches its natural and vital conclusion : The fairytale wedding and all the cute nieces and nephews who will love me the best! So! Being that we all have a vested interest in seeing this through - read that as MAKING this go through? ENSURING? We communicate all updates here AND any potential ‘help’ any of us have offered.... That doesn’t exceed what is acceptable limits of their privacy - Gendry, you stupid Bull! We need no voice of reason! This is a full scale mission and it’s IMPORTANT! Alright my pretties! FLY!