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Sorry but I fell in love

Chapter Text

He remembered it all.
Yoongi remembered the last time they saw each other before he got on the train that took him so far for years.
He remembered the feeling of Hoseok's hands clutching his own asking him to stay through his eyes.
But he also remembered the first time they met and everything they did together.

When it came to Hoseok there wasn't a single thing he could forget.

The image of the little kid crying at the park was still clear in yoongi's mind, he remembered how he sat next to him on the grass and tried to comfort him.
Yoongi closed his eyes and smiled as the memory was beginning to play in his mind.

A little boy was sitting on the grass alone, crying, some meters further than where Yoongi's family was having a spring pic-nic.
Yoongi told his mom he was going to play with a friend and sat next to the crying kid asking him what was wrong.
The little boy blinked a few times trying to get the tears out of his eyes and sniffling answered

-"M-mom said sh-she was c-oming b-bu-but…"

He was gonna burst in tears again so Yoongi tried to calm him as he could

-"Hey, hey… okok, don't cry she'll be back… what's your name? I'm yoongi"

He offered his hand for the kid to shake it, like his parents teached him to do when introducing himself to someone.

-"M-my … name is H-Hoseok"

He said his name while reaching out for Yoongi's hand and once he had it in his own he looked like he had no intention to letting it go.
Hoseok seemed to feel better this way so Yoongi let him.
Just like that, Hoseok's hand clasped around Yoongi's and eyes asking him not to leave him alone, they began talking and went on for a while until Hoseok's tears were long forgotten.

Later on, that became a habit of them. Whenever Hoseok was feeling upset Yoongi would offer him his hand and Hoseok would hold it in silence, speaking through the expression in his eyes.

Yoongi's mom came to call him in the exact moment a woman came running towards them. By Hoseok's reaction Yoongi understood the woman was his mother. Hoseok hugged her immediately while telling her what she missed

-"I made a new friend mom! He's a great friend mom!! His name is Yoongi and he is older than me and... OH! he likes music and is so cool and-"

-"Ok dear, haha, let me thank him uh?"
Hoseok's mother cut his rambling or else only God knows when would he had stopped speaking.
She thanked Yoongi and then began speaking with his mother, he heard they were exchanging numbers and addresses so that the boys could meet again and play.

And so, that was the beginning of their endless adventures.
Yoongi opened his eyes, still sitting in the train’s seat, just to check how much time was left before drifting back into his memories.

They were always together, either at Yoongi's or Hoseok's place.
Day after day their bond became stronger. They had some fights occasionally but they always made it up in a way or another.
Hoseok's mother referred to Yoongi as Hoseok's "savior", she loved to bring up their first meeting and when people began questioning their relationship and their closeness she always said he was Hoseok's best friend, his soulmate and like a brother for Dawon nothing less, nothing more.
And that was okay, that was perfectly fine … until it was still true though, because Yoongi developed some feelings he shouldn't had.
Yoongi wasn't afraid of Hoseok's reaction to his sexual orientation, that wasn't the problem at all, not in the slightest, they talked about it a long time ago so they both knew that Yoongi liked boys while Hoseok was bisexual. The true problem was that Yoongi was afraid to tell Hoseok that the boy he liked was no one else but him, Yoongi feared rejection more than anything in his life. Maybe if it was someone else he would had taken the risk but with Hoseok he couldn't.
It was better to bury everything and be able to keep being close to him than slowly drifting apart because of his feelings in the case Hoseok didn't reciprocate and things become awkward between them.
He didn't want to lose Hoseok.
He couldn’t lose Hoseok.
So he just kept everything tucked inside his heart, enjoying every moment he could spend with him, doing everything he was allowed to as his “best friend”, wanting any kind of closeness, yearning for every kind of touch while his heart sank a little bit more every time he realized that this "thing" he settled for them and decided was right, all by himself, couldn't go on forever.

The situation didn't change much until eventually one day Yoongi received a letter informing him that the scholarship he applied for had been accepted and he'll must move to the new school in two days to be able to settle in and learn what he needed to before the semester began. That was a huge scholarship that was gonna let him pursue the musical career he always dreamed of by taking charge of his studies letting him reach the highest levels of education. Thanks to his talent and dedication he was even offered an apartment with little to no rent in Seoul where he would had to live for the time necessary for his studies.
Yoongi's efforts finally paid off, he felt so proud and as soon as he could he ran to the Jung's house to let them know as well and share the happiness with the people who became his second family.
They were having dinner when Yoongi barged in, he had a spare key given to him years ago, shouting that he made it.
Everyone began clapping and shouting with pure joy, Dawon and Hoseok jumped up to hug him and congratulate. Yoongi joined them for dinner and it felt so nice he thought he was on cloud nine, his heart was full of emotions and he could even see sparkles of happiness dancing in the air, or maybe he just drank too much of that alcoholic drink Hoseok's father insisted on giving him…
After dinner Yoongi and Hoseok were both sitting on the younger's bed, one next to the other in comfortable silence.
Yoongi was thinking about everything seriously for the first time that day, the news and its implications needed some time to actually sink in and properly hit him. He thought that probably it was the same for Hoseok.
A while passed like that when Hoseok laid down putting his head on Yoongi's lap not facing him. Yoongi almost unconsciously began playing with Hoseok's soft locks.

-"Don't you dare thinking I'm not happy for you because I am actually exploding with joy right now. I know this is a step you must take to make your dreams come true and I fully support you, I always did and I always will."

Hoseok finally shifted on the older's lap turning his head upwards facing Yoongi. Hoseok's smile was genuine and sweet, but his eyes hinted there was so much more in his head, yoongi knew Hoseok was trying to find the right words so he patiently waited for him to keep on speaking.

-"Actually, I was thinking… what will I do without you here next to me? You know it's gonna be so hard not being able to see you or hang out with you every single day… I won't make it without you Yoongi hyung!"

Hoseok spoke in such a dramatic way sniffling so adorably Yoongi resisted the urge to coo at him but failed to keep his laugh in.

-"You… you dumbass, I'm not dying Oh God!"

Yoongi lightly smacked Hoseok's head still giggling

-"We'll be able to see each other on holidays and maybe even some weekends if we're lucky. And of course whenever we'll have the time we could see each other through Skype or FaceTime, there are so many ways nowadays"

Hoseok huffed with his whole chest and pouted avoiding his gaze.

-"But it won't be the same. Seeing you through a screen won't let me boop your nose or squish your cheeks or hug you or cuddle and you know I'll suffer endlessly while hugging a stupid edgy computer screen right?"

Yoongi truly thought Hoseok was the most adorable boy he ever saw in his life especially while whining like that. He was still the kid he first met at the park. The thought made him sigh softly.
Hoseok went on speaking, a little hesitant this time and more serious.

-"I won't be able to hold you close when you feel down and I won't be able to hold your hand which is basically the anchor keeping me steady when it feels like everything around us is in chaos… Wha- what I'm trying to say is that… God I feel so stupid right now"

He suddenly got up, covering his face with his hands trying to calm down and think clearly. He needed to talk to Yoongi but he was getting so nervous and his anxiety decided it was the right moment to make a fool out of him. He tried to steady his breath and heartbeat and it was slowly getting better.
Yoongi saw Hoseok in way worst moments so he knew he just needed to give him some time and space that's why he did the only thing he felt right doing. He put his hand on Hoseok's thigh stroking it gently as a reassuring gesture to let him know that he was there, right next to him.
Hoseok took the hand in his own and finally looked Yoongi straight in the eyes again.

-"Yoongi what I'm trying to say is that I… I need you to be by my side, to be close to me and I don't mean only physically because... scratch that, I can survive a few years ok? What I mean is that I want to be close to you on so many different levels, I want to share everything with you, all of my 'firsts' have been with you until now and I don't want that to change. I want to grow old with you, next to you, loving you and don't tell me I'm 'too young' or that I don't have 'enough experience' because I know what I'm saying and I thought about it for a long time now and I really mean everything I said until now and I’m absolutely sure about what i’m going to say now..."

He stopped talking to breath properly since he spoke without breathing even once and Yoongi would surely had missed some words by how fast Hoseok was speaking if it wasn't for the fact his ears were trained by his own rapping speed. Yoongi would had considered teaching Hoseok to rap after this if only he wouldn't be dying to hear the conclusion of Hoseok's monologue and his heart wasn't pounding so fast and loud making it hard to focus on anything else in that moment.
Hoseok clutched Yoongi's hand tighter than both thought was possible and finally said it.

-"...I'm sorry, I'm sorry but I'm sure I fell in love"