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I'll Try Giving Up (But maybe you won't let me?)

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Jihoon had always known that his love was a fruitless one. There would be nothing he could do to make the person he loves love him back. After all, the said person was already hopelessly whipped for another. All he could do was watch. And feel his heart get crushed as he observes the person he loves look tenderly at another. 

There was a reason why crushes were named as such, he supposed.

 

“Woozi, what’re you thinking about?” Soonyoung asked him. He wiggled his eyebrows cheekily. “Or is it a who?” 

Jihoon’s immediate reaction, of course, was to slap his friend’s face with the thin stack of music scores he was holding. That made Soonyoung pout and sulk, as he rubbed his nose gingerly. “Geez, you’re too violent! What’d you do if you broke my precious nose?” he whined, making Jihoon roll his eyes. Soonyoung was always too dramatic.

Soonyoung continued chattering as Jihoon looked through the new song he’d made. “Hmm… Hoshi. I think the song’s quite good. I’ll make a few changes to the tune here, to make it slightly catchier. And I think you should scrap the lyrics for this part. Change it to something else.” “Okie dokie! Thanks, Jihoonie!” Soonyoung all but shouted at him, grinning as he stood up and made his way out of Jihoon’s studio.

However, he suddenly paused right before the door, and turned to look at Jihoon. Jihoon raised an eyebrow. What happened? To make the weirdo of his friend stop his cheerful mood and look so solemnly at him, something very serious should’ve happened.

Soonyoung hesitantly opened his mouth. Then, he closed it. And soon, he was opening and closing his mouth repeatedly, like a fish out of water. That made Jihoon’s patience run thin.

“Just say what you want to say,” he snapped. Unfortunately, that just made Soonyoung’s mouth snap shut. He then reluctantly opened it again, and this time, fortunately for Jihoon, he spoke. “Jihoonie… We’re friends right? You know you can tell me anything? Everything?” he asked quietly. So unlike Soonyoung. Jihoon smiled and chuckled. “Of course, you idiot.” Soonyoung stared at him, brows scrunched up as he thought about whatever he was thinking about. “I mean it, you know. You can tell me what’s on your mind sometimes. I know how hard it is, feeling like the group’s success is on your shoulders. And…” He paused. “I think you deserve to get at least one piece of happiness, for all you’ve done for the group.”

 

Jihoon felt the colour drain out of his face. “What… What are you talking about?” he stuttered, forcing a laugh. 

Soonyoung frowned. “I see it, you know. The way you look at him.” Jihoon turned even paler, if that was possible. “Did you really think you could hide it from your best friend?” Soonyoung asked sadly. 

Jihoon looked down at his hands. He didn’t want anyone to notice. He thought and hoped that no one would. He didn’t want them to unnecessarily worry for him. He didn’t want to cause trouble in the group. Not when they’re at the peak of their success.

Soonyoung sighed. “You don’t have to be so scared of confessing. He likes you, you know.” But not in the way I like him … Jihoon thought bitterly.

 

When he didn’t reply, Soonyoung gave him one last pitiful glance and sighed. Then, he was out the door, leaving Jihoon alone in his dark studio, his thoughts turbulent in his mind.