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He Makes Me Happy

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He comes over to the manor on the evenings when Lucius is out of town, which is quite often lately. His work with the Ministry takes him all over, and now Draco is at school, which would leave Narcissa alone many a night were it not for Remus. He goes to the back entrance, so the neighbors don’t see, and they spend the evening dining, talking, laughing, and making slow, sweet love in an unoccupied bedroom.

Remus Apparates just outside the grounds and starts to walk, thinking as he makes the long trek to the main house. He still marvels at how they’ve managed to carry on this affair for so long without anyone knowing. No, not affair, he thinks, slightly irritated. I had her first. If it hadn’t been for her parents and their bloody pureblood ideals… He shakes his head slightly as if to clear it, knowing it’s pointless to think about the past. And then he does anyway.

He saw her one day, out on Hogwarts’ front lawn, and wondered how he never managed to notice her before. She was laughing with a group of her friends, her blonde hair cascading down around her and her eyes lit up with mirth. Remus was instantly smitten. Then she turned more towards him, and he saw the Slytherin crest on her robes and gave up any hope of ever winning her.

It was she who pursued him, in the end, but not in the way he was hoping. She approached him after Charms to ask if he’d mind tutoring her in the subject. He was taken aback at first, but she told him she’d heard he was the best in their class, and she only accepted the best—besides, she wanted top marks on her O.W.L.s. So they began weekly tutoring sessions, in secret, meeting in an unused classroom on the third floor. For a while everything was innocent enough—he helped her with her Charms, and she ended up helping him with his Potions. Then one day, the agony of being so near to her without being able to touch her got to be too much for Remus, and he kissed her.

Instead of being slapped, or worse, hexed, as he was fully expecting, she laughed. Crushed, he made to leave, wishing he’d never got his hopes up, but to his surprise she called him back. She explained to him that she’d been waiting for him to do that since she first spoke to him, and was beginning to contemplate making the first move himself since he was being so shy. Then she kissed him, and the world was turned on its head. Summer came, and the agony of separation, and upon their return to Hogwarts their secret study sessions turned to secret lovemaking sessions. Sirius, James and Peter started to wonder where he went once a week, and he admitted to still having to tutor Narcissa in Charms. They offered their sympathy, especially Sirius, and Remus thanked them, thinking all the while that none of them would ever know the real Narcissa—the Narcissa he knew.

~

 

Narcissa Black Malfoy looks out the window of her bedroom, watching her lover approach, feeling her heart grow lighter with every step that draws him nearer to her. She wants badly to fly down the stairs, out the door, and run straight into his open arms, asking him to take her away forever. But she knows she’ll never do that. Instead she’ll be content with these frequent rendezvous, remaining a wife to Lucius and a mother to Draco, giving them her life but giving Remus her heart. He was, she thinks, the one who claimed it all those years ago.

Everyone at Hogwarts believed Narcissa to be the quintessential Pureblood. Outwardly, she was every bit the perfect Black and the perfect Slytherin. Proud, haughty, and materialistic, she looked down on the other Houses and refused to associate with Muggleborns. She was the apple of her parents’ eyes, favored above both her sisters, with stunning good looks and impeccable breeding. But what no one knew was that Narcissa hated her family. She despised the pretentious appearance they had to maintain. She didn’t understand why she couldn’t be friends with whomever she wished. And when she saw Remus, staring at her from across the lawn, not knowing she was aware of his gaze, she knew he was her way out, at least in her own mind. So she asked him to help her with her studies, despite having outstanding marks, believing this half-blood Gryffindor prefect would be the perfect way for her to secretly rebel against her family. But then, the unexpected happened. They began to meet weekly, and she discovered that Remus was a genuinely nice person. He was kind, thoughtful, wickedly funny, and oddly attractive—and she knew she could never use him like she’d originally planned, as an escape. She didn’t want to use him; instead, she wanted to love him. And so she did, secretly, living for their weekly meetings, when she would revel in the feeling of Remus above her and inside her and surrounding her very soul.

For over two years, they kept up their secret relationship, learning each other inside and out, loving each other with every breath, taking every precaution to make sure no one ever found out. They had each other, and they were happy. Eventually, however, reality comes crashing down on all of us, and so it happened with Remus and Narcissa when it came time for them to leave Hogwarts. Remus finally summoned the courage to tell her about his lycanthropy, and while she was surprisingly understanding, Narcissa’s main weakness was her fear of openly defying her family, and so she broke it off with Remus, telling him that he deserved someone who could love him all the way, without having to hide. Eighteen months later she was Mrs. Lucius Malfoy, and Remus died a little inside, knowing she was lost to him forever.

Once again she was the one to pursue him, and this time in exactly the way he was hoping. Six months after the wedding, she showed up on Remus’ doorstep, wearing a black cloak and crying. She proceeded to tell him that she’d never stopped loving him, and she couldn’t live any longer without him in her life. Remus was surprised, and then ecstatic. He didn’t waste another moment; instead, he lifted her easily in his arms and carried her to his bedroom. They discovered then that absence truly does make the heart grow fonder.

The secret affair resumed, and they picked up right where they left off, enduring through the birth of Draco (Lucius’ child, to Remus’ dismay), the fall of Voldemort, the deaths of the Potters, and the incarceration of Sirius Black. The day the news broke that Sirius was responsible for James & Lily’s deaths, Narcissa took a huge gamble and stayed the night at Remus’ flat, holding him as he mourned the loss of his friends. Years passed, Draco got older, and Narcissa began to employ the nanny in keeping him distracted when Remus would visit. The house was large enough so that they never even had to be in the same wing, and Narcissa wished to keep it that way.

Remus was incredibly patient, his love for Narcissa the reason he endured being her dirty little secret. He asked her on numerous occasions why she didn’t leave Lucius to be with him, since he knew he was the one she truly loved. All she would ever say was that Lucius made her happy. Then she would kiss him, and he’d forget everything except loving her.

~

 

The door opens before Remus even reaches it, and once he’s inside he kicks off his shoes and socks and immediately backs Narcissa against the wall, hands resting on her slender hips, and claims her mouth in a deep, searching kiss. She returns the kiss hungrily, her hands reaching up to entwine in Remus’ hair, moaning softly as his hands move from her hips to her bottom, pulling her against him. He pulls away just enough to be able to look at her, and no words are spoken as he sees clearly in her eyes the desire she is feeling. Make love to me. Here. Now. Passion burns bright inside him, like a white-hot flame, and he lets out a low growl as he roughly frees her of her crisp white shirt, buttons flying and clinking softly on the marble floor. She reaches behind her, unclasping her bra with a flick of her hand, tossing it away before making quick work of his robes and jumper.

Remus leans down to crush his mouth against hers, his tongue searching, his hands moving back to her bottom, pressing his hips against her. The feeling of her breasts pressing against his bare chest is almost too much for him to bear, and he kisses his way down her neck, bending down to close his mouth over one pink nipple, teasing it with his tongue. Narcissa gasps, throwing her head back and closing her eyes in sheer ecstasy, the sensation of her lover’s lips and tongue driving her to sweet madness. Kneeling, Remus slides his hands up under her flowing black skirt, only to discover there’s nothing underneath. He lets out a low moan and kisses her belly before grasping the skirt at the waist and sliding it off in one swift motion.

Grinning wickedly, pleased that he likes her little surprise, Narcissa reaches down to put one finger under Remus’ chin, pressing slightly, guiding him to stand. She runs eager fingers over his chest, raining kisses on the jagged scars, sliding her hands down to unbutton his trousers. She mimics his action, kneeling down as she slides off his trousers and pants, waiting for him to step out of them before placing her hands on his hips and taking him into her mouth. Remus growls, pushed to the brink, but reaches a hand out to gently brush her cheek so that she looks up at him. He shakes his head slowly and she removes her mouth, knowing what he wants and feeling more than happy to give it to him.

Narcissa stands and Remus lifts her easily, wrapping her legs around his waist and bracing her against the wall. She cries out as he buries himself inside her with one thrust, raking her fingernails across his back. They easily shift into a steady rhythm, years of being together allowing them to anticipate each other’s moves. Narcissa silently urges him on as Remus picks up the pace, slamming himself into her and laving at her neck. His senses on overload from the feeling of her around him, he empties himself inside her, seeing stars. She comes a moment later, fueled by his release, threading her fingers through his hair and bringing his mouth to hers.

Reluctantly, Remus lifts her off of him, but doesn’t put her down. He takes a step back from the wall, arms encircling her waist, and kisses her softly. Narcissa wraps her arms around his neck, smiling, and drops a kiss on his forehead. They stand there like that, drinking in each others’ presence, sharing kiss after passionate kiss, until Remus’ shaking legs demand that he set Narcissa on the floor. She reaches for her wand and Summons fluffy bathrobes for them, kissing Remus’ chest once more before tying his around him. Taking his hand, she leads him into the dining room, where a sumptuous meal has been laid out.

Hours later, after the plates have been cleared, after the endless conversation, after Remus has made Narcissa laugh so hard she has tears in her eyes, they are sitting together in the study, Narcissa on Remus’ lap. He runs a hand through her hair absently, and though he knows he shouldn’t spoil the moment, the inevitable question is on his lips before he can stop it.

“Why don’t you leave Lucius, Narcissa? We both know I’m the one you truly love. Does he really make you happy?”

Narcissa turns to look at him, reaching her hands up to cup his face, wishing she could tell him everything she’s feeling - her fear of her family, her loyalty to her husband and son, her love for him so intense it’s almost painful. Instead, she says the only words she can find a voice for.

“Lucius makes me happy, Remus. He really does. But you? You make me feel as though I can fly.”