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We Gladly Feast on Those Who Would Subdue Us

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After her marriage to Itt, Margaret visits Morticia at least twice a week to have tea. They have grown close, especially as they went through their pregnancies at the same time, and she looks forward to their chats. She and Itt are having trouble locating a suitable nanny for their dear little What, and she is hoping to get some guidance as to where they should look for help, as the Addams have mentioned they are quite pleased with their own recently hired nanny.

But today, Morticia is having too many troubles of her own to give such advice. “It’s the children… they want to go to camp,” she whispers in hushed horror as she clutches baby Pubert to her.

Margaret normally would have had to look down at baby What and hide a smile, as there are still some things she will never completely understand about her new family, as fiercely as she loves them. But she can’t help being worried by this news, as camp is a highly unusual request for an Addams child.

Then again, perhaps it is not so odd that Wednesday and Pugsley are looking for such a drastic way to escape from the new baby. Her son from Tully has all but disowned her since What was born, and wants no part of the family she has made with Itt. Not knowing what else to do, she has allowed him to move in with his aunt for the time being.

After the mothers put their babies down so they can play together under Lurch’s watchful eye, Margaret takes Morticia’s hand in hers and pats it both sympathetically and reassuringly.

“Itt says it’s best to give children their space, especially after such a big change in the family. I do know of a camp for privileged young adults that’s only a short drive from here, called Camp Chippewa. Back when my first husband was still with us, we never had the chance to send Tully Jr. due to our, ahem, financial difficulties. But I know others who have sent their children there, and they highly recommend it.”

“It sounds perfectly horrible,” Morticia says happily. “Dear Margaret, I just knew you would be able to help.” She rises from her seat with her usual cool and silky elegance. “Would you care to join me in the greenhouse? I have some roses coming into bloom that need to be dead-headed right away.”

Margaret smiles and pulls a pair of pruning shears from her purse. “I’d be delighted to help!”

XXX

Margaret still hasn’t managed to find a nanny of her own when she finally gets the chance to meet Debbie Jellinsky at the bridal shower celebrating her and Fester’s upcoming nuptials.

Initially, she is delighted to meet yet another woman who is lucky enough to join the Addams clan. But she can’t help noticing the brittle composure in Debbie’s eyes, as well as the barely concealed disdain and disgust. This is not a woman who is marrying for love. This is either the demeanor of a naïve girl who has found herself in way over her head, or the carefully calculated act of a gold-digger looking for a wealthy husband.

If it’s the latter, that’s precisely why the Addams will love her, and Margaret respects that. Either way, it is not her place to intrude. And she has not lost her ability to conceal her misgivings behind a polished veneer. So she smiles sweetly at the stranger, and remembers the family motto.

XXX

Margaret’s suspicions are confirmed during the wedding, when Debbie can barely manage to choke out a bewildered “Ditto!” after Fester pours out his poignant and heartfelt vows.

“I don’t think they will be happy together for very long,” she says sadly to her husband, shortly after they have returned home from the reception. She knows a loveless marriage when she sees one, and her heart breaks for Fester.

Itt nuzzles her just as sadly. Having officiated at the ceremony, he confirms the discomfort and revulsion he witnessed in Debbie’s expression as Fester spoke, and the way she shrank from his eager embrace.

Margaret sighs. “Debbie is a monster, so I’m sure Fester loves her dearly. But she’s not the right kind of monster – that is, she’s not the kind of monster who will make him a good wife.”

“We Addams can hold our own,” Itt reassures her. “She will not find Fester so easy to take advantage of as she’s expecting.”

Margaret nods, and decides to let go of her reservations for the time being. If Debbie is truly up to no good, she will soon find herself a permanent home next to Tully Alford and Dr. Pinder-Schloss in the stately family graveyard.

XXX

“Debbie has taken Fester from us,” Morticia says gravely during one of their teas. “She has enslaved him. We have not been able to see him since the wedding. She won’t let us near him. And that’s not all… ” Too overcome to speak further, she gestures listlessly at Pubert’s newfound blonde curls and dimples.

Margaret has ever seen anything more wrong in all her life. Not knowing how to comfort her dear friend, she simply shakes her head and clucks her tongue. If only there was something she could do

XXX

After hours and hours of interviews, all of which have ended in fear and disgust on the part of the potential nanny and great frustration on her end, Margaret finally finds someone she can trust to care for her child. Her name is Dementia, and she not only proves to be the perfect nanny for What, she also displays exactly the kind of personality that could make her a fitting match for Fester.

But Margaret is not so graceless as to set the two of them up together right away, not even after Debbie’s “unfortunate accident.” Instead, she waits until Morticia discloses a few months later that Fester has finally stopped spending his nights sleeping on top of his dead wife’s grave. Then, after careful consideration, she selects Pubert’s first birthday as just the right occasion to introduce him to Dementia.

“I hope no one minds,” Margaret says cheerfully as she, Itt, and What walk into the Addams family mansion. “We brought along a guest… ”