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Kokichi makes even more terrible life decisions (HIATUS)

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Kokichi stood in front of the call center's doors. It felt like a lifetime ago that he walked into the reception and pissed off Celestia, lost his napkin to BOPIT and befriended Nagito Komaeda. After working there for only six or seven months, he was no longer able to go inside it. The building was closed up, stripped of its interior and sold to a random D-list company he'd never heard of nor cared about. 

The wind rustled his hair as footsteps approached. "Hey man," Kazuichi called out, "your shift begins at eight, right? The bawss is callin' ya." Kokichi looked up, a lenny face plastered across his skin. "Sure bro I'm coming" he sang, showing no remorse or loss as he skipped hand in hand with Kazuichi to their new place of employment: McDonald's. 

A luxurious salty smell wafted through the air as the boys stepped inside, smiling to themselves. When Rantaro Amami announced their branch was closing down, well.....things weren't quite as smooth as they are now....

"WHAT THE FUCK AMAMI?!"

Miu's voice rang out above everyone else. Her expression was one of confusion, anger and fear, all of which were also conveyed through her tone. "WE'RE SUPPOSED TO JUST CLOSE DOWN, LIKE THAT? NO NOTICE, NO SEVERANCE, NOTHING?!"

As more people riled up, Kaito sighed. "We're sorry guys, honestly, it's the police force's decision. They said they're just not interested in us anymore."

"Sounds like my ex-wife" Junko sighed. "Fucking alimony, you know?"

"For a second there I thought you said "fucking Amami" and I was about to have a lot of questions but that's not important. Where do we go now?" Kokichi asked.

Rantaro sniffed. "Everyone will be coming in tomorrow to clean out their stuff, but then it's over. I've managed to secure quite a few positions for you all at the nearby McDonald's. They opened recently and only have a handful of staff. For those who don't want to work in a greasy ballpit, you can find your own work. It shouldn't be too hard given the hardware store down the road suffered a fire which killed most of their team."

"Ouch" Nagito whispered. "I heard about that."

"For now I suggest everyone goes home and gets some sleep. Good work today, guys. The concert was amazing. I'm sure our charities will be pleased." Rantaro waved as the doors slid shut in front of him. There was a palpable silence, broken slowly as the group headed out, one by one.

Kokichi's sleep was light and uneasy that night, probably because he was literally sleeping on an IKEA box. Broke ass. In the time since he joined the team he lost most of his fortune through gambling and Hungry Hippo competitions.

Kokichi tied his apron around his waist as the clock struck 8am, signalling the start of his shift. Smiling, he took in the new workplace environment:

Nagito and Leon were carrying around trays of food to the early customers, as they'd both gotten positions as servers. Makoto, Hajime, Yasuhiro and a few others were stationed as cashiers. In the back, Mukuro Ikusaba, a long-suffering cook was demonstrating to Mondo, Ibuki and Maki the importance of using cleaning solution. Ibuki wasn't paying attention; instead she was licking fat  straight from the grill out of boredom. Tenko and Gonta, two previous McDonald's employees were taking out last night's trash whilst the "floaters" (himself, Miu and Gundham) waded around, looking for work. The jobs of the floaters were to help out any position that needed it: they never had a set task and were always switching about. 

Kiyotaka and Kaito had both joined the management team, alongside Tsumugi Shirogane and Himiko Yumeno, the strange witch lady who Kokichi encountered dumping a mattress a few months ago.

As he watched Tenko and Kazuichi trying to put out a small garbage fire in the corner, Kokichi grinned. Things were looking up at the new workplace...

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"AND THE STARS TURN INTO FIIII-IIRE, AND THE ROSES CHANGE FROM RED TO BLACK-" Kokichi sang loudly as he made his way through the McDonald's kitchen, grabbing some fries off the counter and stuffing them into his mouth. "YOU ENCOURAGE MY DESIII-IIRE, AND YOU-" He pointed two hands at Ibuki, who was fixing an oven. She screamed "PUT THE ARROW IN MY BACK AND I'M!!"

"SHOT SHOT SHOT SHOT SHOT" They cried together, joined by Kazuichi, who was passing through to pick up an apron. "LIKE A BULLET, STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP-"

They were silenced by Byakuya slamming his foot into a wall and screeching. "MOTHERFUCKER" he gasped, "THAT HURT LIKE A BUTTCHEEK ON A STICK." Kazuichi winced. "Jesus are you okay dude".

"I'm perfectly fine, which will not be said for your paychecks if you don't shut the fuck up and get this kitchen running. Kazuichi, there are tables to be waited. Kokichi, ass."

Kokichi nodded as Ibuki gave him a confused look. "Ass?"

"Ass."

Elsewhere in the building Gundham was looking for members to partake in the Christmas Committee. It was a great honour to serve the company on such an amazing holiday, and he wore the badge with pride. Literally, there was a painted-over birthday badge from the trash chute with "HOLIDAY KING" written on it attached to his scarf. Who cares if it smelt like a week-old vomit bag?

So far he had recruited Mukuro, Kaito (whose idea it was originally) and Sayaka. As Air Traffic Controller's "This is Love" flooded over the restaurant speakers, he entered the kitchen. Perfect place to scout. 

"What's good man" Kokichi hollered. Maki looked up at him from the other door, her words inaudible, but somehow her lips lined up with the music, so Gundham assumed she was saying "on the wall on the couch, on the corner of my mouth, you must like being the victim you've done nothing to get out." Kazuichi hit his head on a fryer as he attempted to give him a hug. 

"Which of thee in this cubiculo wouldst careth to joineth the Christmas Committee 'longside me?" He questioned. "You don't gotta speak French all the time bro" Leon told him with a shrug. "Oh okay thank God the author was struggling with the English-to-Shakespearean translator website anyway."

"I'm down if you are Makiroll!" Kokichi giggled, dislocating his hips. The Makiroll in question stared at him, then back at Gundham. "私がしなければならない場合。" she sneered, and left. 

Leon, in the middle of helping Kazuichi to his feet, grinned: "Fuck yes, I'm down." Gundham nodded, taking notes, and crouched down beside Kazuichi. "My dark angel, can I count on you too?"

The dishevelled and probably drain-bamaged Kazuichi made a noise somewhere between "Hnghh" and "Ree", rolling over and passing out again. "I'll take that as a yes."

Kokichi whip/nae nae'd. "This about to be a Hot Girl Holiday y'all we OUT HERE!!!!" He was knocked out with a pan by Maki, who never really left the room. She has a habit of phasing into walls.

Chapter Text

After Kokichi had recovered from getting whipped on the noggin with a pan, Kazuichi and Leon dragged him over to the break room. Gundham and Kaito were at the head of the table, the former checking his notes and the latter choking on a fidget spinner. Maki had her arms folded in the corner of the room, and Mukuro smiled from across the table. As soon as the guys sat down, Sayaka burst through the door. "Sowwee!!! I had to help Hajime give Nags CPR after he swallowed a plastic bag." Gundham motioned for her to sit, and she did so, dropping her Hydroflask. 

"So, you all understand why you are here. We have been tasked with organising the establishment's holiday celebrations. Momota and I have already selected your specific teams." Ham-man slid a sheet of paper to the pre-mentioned Momota. "Yeah bros, we're counting on you. And it goes like THIS:" he dabbed on the paper. 

"Kazuichi, Kokichi an' Maki, you guys are on music, Leon and Mukuro, ya doin' the food, Sayaka, you're gonna help us with the decorations."

Kazuichi nudged his partner. "Eyy, this is gonna be like the concert planning! But instead of naive egg Makoto we have deadly quiet Maki...man, that sucks." Kokichi shrugged. "That's okay, we can still make the most of it. I already have a couple playlists in mind."

Kaito threw a chair at the window, and grinned. "ALRIGHT TEAM, GO MAKE THIS PARTY E P I C!"

As everyone filed out of the room, Maki approached her partners. "Just so you know," she said, "music is something I actually enjoy. So don't fuck this up for us." 

"Maki roll, we would never" Kokichi declared. She eyed him, her arms doing the "big fish little fish" dance. 

Entering the front of the restaurant, Byakuya and Peko waved them over. All we need is Gonta and Tsumugi to make this the Megane Mash, Kokichi thought, humming.

"So you lot are arranging the Christmas party? I want Mother Mother and Adam Lambert on the playlist" Byakuya told them with a glare. "And if it's no trouble, Fuyuhiko really likes Set It Off. Could you play them as well?" Kokichi gave Peko a nod. "Sure thing gang."

Nagito stook his head in. "Ooh, playlist prep? Shuichi told me to request Lemon Demon and Jack Stauber", followed by Ibuki screaming for them to add Panic!. She, Junko and Makoto instantly began shrieking the lyrics to "Miss Jackson" without hesitation. 

After collecting a multitude of requests, the group headed to the kitchen, where Shuichi and Korekiyo were talking. "Hey Sewage-y, Nagitoad told us you wanted some surreal-pop on the playlist. That right, bro?" Kazuichi asked him. 

Before Shuichi could answer, the door swung open and the decoration team filed in. "Heeeeeey broskis" Kaito waved. Shuichi passed out. "Damn, is he okay? That was the guy I needed to see, wasn't it?" The former boss asked Gundham, who nodded. 

As Maki and Korekiyo helped him to his feet, Kokichi sighed. "Eh, don't worry. He probably ate some bad pasta."

With Sayaka and Kazuichi breakdancing to REOL's Yoiyoi Kokon in the background, Kokichi filled the others in on their progress. Gundham smiled. "Good job, Ouma. Your choices seem perfect for the occasion."

Kokichi quickly wrote down "Dad Feels" on the list as they left. "This is gonna make the party POP, oh yeah."

Chapter Text

There was just over a month until the McDonald's Christmas #ThrowbackThursday #Jackshit #WeGoinWild #XmasTime #HotGirlChristmas Party, and already the colleagues were getting in the holiday spirit. Kazuichi sprinted into the kitchen one Friday morning with a size XXXL Santa costume, ribbons and a freshly-burnt mixtape of everyone's reccomendations. "What's the suit for?" Kokichi asked. The beanie-wearer struck a pose. "Oh, Kaito said we're either filling it with acid, making Gonta wear it, or donating it to charity. I like the first one, imagine how cool that would be when it explodes over the customers!" His coworker nodded thoughfully. "Donating it would be nice though, you could easily fit a few kids in those leg holes. Free clothes if anything."

They looked over to Mukuro, who was stood in the doorway. "Did you guys finish the music?"

"Sure thing, GunGale Online!" Kazuichi waved the CD in the air. "Oh good, Gundham's called an emergency meeting. We need you in the break room in five."

Just as Mukuro asked, Kokichi and Kazuichi arrived at the aforementioned break room in five. What greeted them was a form of subtle chaos:

-Gundham was pacing the back wall, followed by Sayaka, who was trying to calm him down,

-Kaito was hissing into a phone, evidently angry with whoever was on the other end,

-Mukuro and Maki were both lying facedown on the table,

-Leon was watching Black Mirror with a bucket balanced on his head.

As his accomplice stood stunned, Kokichi yelled above the noise. "NOW WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN THIS HERE PLACE". Maki looked up and sighed. "The head offices don't want us throwing a party. Apparently it's too distracting from our work."

"WHICH, BY THE WAY, IS BULLSHIT!" Kaito added, holding the phone away from his mouth. "I mean, Leobro is just watching Netflix and he's still getting work done!" Truth be told, when Kokichi looked over at the papers on the table in front of Leon, they were all letters to their sponsors discussing future endorsements. Albeit written in crayon, they were still official work. 

"So? Just tell them we'll go on strike if they don't get up to speed" said Kazuichi, who was now letting a distraught Gundham sob into his shoulder. "They can't stop us from working either way."

Kaito dropped the phone on the desk, smashing it in half. "Ugh, then they'd just dock our pay. Or fire us, and I'm not boutta go job-hunting for a second time in six months."

"What if we throw it in secret?" Kokichi asked. Mukuro sat up and ran over a few things in her head. "Actually, boss, that might work. Especially if it's in the early hours of the morning. We could try and convince the night boys to let us take over."

Sayaka suddenly screamed "BLUEFACE BABY!", making everyone jump. "That's perfect! We can go wild cause there's like no houses nearby, and any customers who show up can join too! It'll be so fun and excloooooosive!"

Gundham, who was now attempting to tear open a window, held back by Kazuichi and Maki, stopped suddenly. "A Christmas party in the dread black hours of the day? Hm....so long as we make sure it is past 3am and all malevolent spirits have departed, that would be brilliant."

Pumping his fist in the air, Kokichi sang. "I'M DIGGING UP YOUR COFFIN! AND POURING OUT THE CONTENTS! YOUR SEXY SWEE-OOOOOF!" 

With a resounding crash he flailed into the space heater, knocking it into a bucket of water supposed to catch leaks and by some electrical bullshit, setting off a small fire. Gundham, who had succeeded in opening a window, grabbed Maki and Kazuichi by the hands and pulled them outside onto the ledge. Mukuro bolted for the door as Kaito screamed in the corner, and Leon, having finished his episode of Black Mirror, shot up out of his seat. Forgetting where he was, the redhead smashed straight through a window and dropped a whole storey to the ground below. Kokichi's brain shut down and he did the same, feeling the weight leave his body as gravity caught up with him and he tumbled towards the earth. 

Bless up Gonta the cleaner, who was passing underneath and caught both boys before either of them broke any bones. 

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Hey guys! I'm so sorry for not getting back to you all sooner, but the past couple months have been stressful to say the least. There was my birthday, Christmas and New Year's, but we also recently lost my grandmother in December. Between funeral related things and helping my grandfather cope, I haven't had a ton of time to write. Good news is, I'm attending online school now instead of physical school, which means more time home and to myself. 

Right now I'm not massively into Danganronpa, but it's not a fandom I plan on leaving (especially now that I'm playing THH) so don't worry, this fic will definitely continue. For now I think I need to take another hiatus, so I'm putting a pause on my ongoing fics. 

My last hiatus for this fic lasted between March to July 2019, so I'm hoping this one will be shorter.

Thank you for reading Crackanronpa so far, and I hope you stick around for the future!