"Seriously man you've never ..." Adam made a crude gesture and laughed shoving his hands into his pockets, he caught the tail end of Matt's glare and he cleared his throat going bright red.
" just ..." he thought for a moment, watching Jay box with Antonio with a soft look in his eyes. " treat him like he's glass, show him that you love him more than anything in this world." Adam only went redder and he rubbed his face with his hands, embarrassment swallowing him whole again.
" but you already knew that man! - so why are you asking me." Adam snorted and glanced over at Matt who merely shuffled his feet and rubbed the back of his neck.
" just double checking I guess — and hey it gave me a reason to get out and see jay in action. I'm still shocked he's kicking Antonio's ass. No one kicks Antonio's ass."
Adam grinned a little and elbowed Matt, "Alright Fangirl." He teased lightly and looked back to the ring when he heard Antonio protest, Jay had won— again, it wasn't uncommon.
Jay ducked out of the ring and took off his boxing gloves, sneaking up behind Adam and sliding strong arms around his waist.
" hey there handsome, I'm gonna go change then we can head out" Adam shivered as Jay purred into his ear lowly, chin resting on his shoulder that smug half smile on his beautiful face.
" sure thing sweetheart, I'll be waiting out here for you like always"
he grinned and turned in his arms. Pushing Jay against the closest wall, Adam pressed a tender kiss to Jays tender lips, chuckling quietly. Jay in return, snaked his arms around his neck and tilted his head pushing himself into the kiss, nipping at Adams lip teasingly.
" your playing a dangerous game beautiful."
"Danger is my middle name you know" jay whispered lowly grinning as he said it. What Adam would do to have everyone else see him like this, so carefree and relaxed.
" I thought it was babydoll"
Jay laughed, eyes crinkling and cheeks rosy.
" that's right. Jay babydoll Halstead. Though, Danger does sound cooler, more gangster. Scarface is more fitting though for someone as awesome as me."
Adam rolled his eyes and snorted pecking Jay on the lips before pushing him away lightly.
" alright Al Capone, go get cleaned up." He pinched his ass and winked.
Jay raised an eyebrow and smirked " don't start something you can't finish Ruzek" he hummed and followed Antonio into the changing room, Adam watching his every step until he couldn't.
Matt stifled his laughter and patted Adam on the arm.
Adam flushed scarlet and punched the firefighters shoulder.
" says the married man!"
" exactly! I'm married it's expected of me to be whipped" Matt cackled and picked up his jacket ready to leave.
" also, babydoll? That was so cheese. Kelly could do better than that and he's the king of cheese trust me."
Adam glared without any real heat and threw a boxing glove at him, " just go asshole"
The rest of it happened quickly after that. Adam was the first to react to the sound of gunshots coming from the back of the gym. Without hesitation he grabbed his gun and ran into the locker room, only caring that his omega was in there unarmed.
Though Adam didn't doubt Jays abilities, after-all the guy had fought in a damn war, he was still unarmed against an armed assailant and he was still his omega, his love, his mate... his partner. He would die to protect him.
Even so, Adam wished he had stayed outside that damned changing room.
The first thing his eyes went to was Jay's lifeless body, lying between the lockers. Then to the dead attacker a few feet away, neck snapped. Jays doing no doubt,
But not clever enough apparently. Jay was still shot, he was still badly hurt. Antonio wasn't anywhere in sight probably have gone after a second attacker.
Adam didn't realise he had run to Jay's side until he was there, gently pulling the veteran from between the lockers and laying him on the floor carefully; he grabbed his gym bag from close by and cushioned his head with it.
" it's okay sweetheart I'm here now, it's all gonna be okay."
Blood. So much blood.
On the floor on his clothes, pouring out of him. All adam could see was blood.
Swallowing the lump in his throat, Adam firmly applied pressure to the gunshot wounds with shaking hands. Remembering Platt's drilling on what to do in case of a shooting.
He never thought he would have to remember it for jay.
Adam looked at Matt desperately " can you grab my radio and hold it up to me man. I'll call it in - it'll be quicker." He muttered looking back to Jay and pulling off his jacket and pressing it against jays chest to try and stop the blood pooling at his fingertips, feeling like he was going to throw up or cry.
He could hear rustling behind him then Matt was beside him switching the radio on and holding it to his mouth.
"50 21 Charlie , 10 1 10 1 — shots fired at police! roll an ambo I've got an officer down two GSW's to the chest and a DOA! Armed offender in the wind, Officer in pursuit. Plain clothed officers at the scene I repeat plain clothed officers at the scene!" Adam pulled his attention to jay when he coughed, hearing the wet sound of him choking on his blood.
"Hey hey, sunshine look at me — you know how this goes, just stay with me ... focus on my voice— c'mon baby...please.."
Adam spoke hurriedly, voice breaking and tears pooling in the corners of his eyes as he kept pressure on the wound while cupping the omegas face shakily, unintentionally smearing blood on his face.
Jay was watching Adam, sapphire eyes glazed over as his chest stuttered and started, trying to get just enough air into his screaming lungs. Biting his lip, Jay felt tears tracking down his face and mixing with the blood there.
"A-Adam..." He rasped quietly, vision spotting with black and body tingling with numbness that left a special type of scared that one only got when facing death. The only thought that jay could cling to in the moment was that he couldn't die.
Not like this.
Not when they had finally gotten the chance to be happy, to start a life together— a family.
Adam could see the fear shining in his love's eyes. It only broke his heart more.
Adam shook his head and he ground his teeth together a growl rumbling in his chest "You going to be fine Jay. Just fine. You both are. "
He hiccuped on his tears and held jays hand tightly. Adam could practically feel Jay slipping away from right underneath him and it pushed the raw emotions out of Adam, despite him not wanting them.
"Jay... Baby... don't - don't you go anywhere, 'yhear? Just hold on, please ."
Adam swallowed back more tears and heard sirens and twisted to look at the door seeing the flashing lights from down the hall.
" you hear that Sunshine? They're here now. It's gonna be okay. . ." He looked back to jay and could barely choke out his words.
He lifted his lover's hand and checked for a pulse, eyes searching his face —watching him; waiting for a sign, anything, that could tell him that Jay was still here... still with him. And thought he felt a pulse in his lover's wrist it was fluttering and weak.
"Don't you dare leave me. Don't you dare. Not now. Not after all the shit we've been through together." He whispered to him as he cupped that beautiful face in his hands, tears making pathways down his face.
" we were going to start a family... Jay. If not for me then for the baby... please jay."
He brushed his thumbs against his cheekbones, body trembling with suppressed tears.
"I can't do this without you."
When the paramedics got there, Adam stayed, religiously gripping Jays hand the whole time. Needing him to know that he wasn't going anywhere— that he wasn't leaving him. He had promised.
The team was already there waiting in the hallway as jay got loaded into the back of the ambulance, nervous energy flowing through them in ripples. When Adam was about to get into the ambulance when he felt a hand on his wrist pulling him back. He turned quickly, ready to crush whoever who had stopped him before he saw that it had been Alvin.
Sturdy hands found his shoulders and squeezed tight. reassuring. Comforting. Al always knew the right thing to say or the right thing to do to calm his nerves.
. " You've gotta hang tight here for a bit kid. Once we've gotten your statement I'll drive you to the hospital myself. Promise"
Al said softly searching his boy's face, needing to know he was hearing him.
" I'll take you up on that Al" Adam murmured voice cracking as fresh tears escaped his eyes from the shock of it all. Adam heard the backdoor slam shut and the light footsteps echoing around the boxing gym. He felt pure rage fill the room like a heatwave as Hailey entered, the other alpha making a beeline for him.
Adam squared his shoulders and he glared at her right back as she stormed over to him — all 5 foot of her, full of condensed rage and betrayal. He opened his mouth to try and explain what had happened and reason with her but all that came out was a broken;
Knuckles impacted squarely with his jaw and Adam found himself sprawled on the floor of the boxing gym, tasing copper in his mouth after she had split his lip.
" YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PROTECT HIM-"
another punch to his face.
"-TO WATCH HIS BACK WHEN IM NOT THERE TO!"
The third blow broke his nose for sure but Adam was focused on controlling the concentrated bundle of anger sitting low in his stomach; threatening to unravel and take everyone with him in his self destructive rage.
" IF HE DIES.." Hailey clenched her jaw and choked on a half sob punching Adam again, weaker this time— like she didn't have it in her to hit him anymore. But though her punches had weakened, the venom in her words was just as potent.
" Then you'll be as guilty as the person who pulled the trigger ." She snarled and cut the last thread of control Adam had been holding onto.
Adams anger came spitting of him in repeated punches to Hailey's face, stomach, wherever he could do damage. He only really realised what he was doing when Hailey's blood was caked on his hands and mixing with Jays dried blood.
Barely 10 minutes had passed since jay was sent to the hospital but already Adam felt his lover's absence like a missing limb. He should be there, with him for when he wakes up. He doesn't want him to be alone.
Suddenly Atwater's arms wrapped around his torso like a cage and hauled him off of Hailey whilst Burgess helped Hailey up and restricted her to the other half of the room.
" YEAH WELL WHERE WERE YOU TONIGHT ?! WHY WERENT YOU FIRST ON SCENE WHY WERENT YOU HERE TO HELP WHEN HE NEEDED IT ?!" Adam yelled across the room resorting to painful jab's to mask the guilt and sorrow he was feeling.
shaking from the shock of it all, Adam knew he was being unfair. It hadn't been Hailey's job to protect Jay whilst off duty, to have his back, that was his job; and he failed.
He failed Jay.
He felt water pressed into his hands and he vaguely recalled being seated but all he could focus on was the fear that because of his incompetence tonight he might loose the love of his life for good. He shook his head and Concealed his face in his arms as tears fell like a river bursting its banks. The only thing that made this world worth living in anymore was the man holding onto his life by his fingernails.
Adam felt like he was going to be sick. Just before he was about to leave to call the hospital for an update—hoping to quell the painful anxiety riding shotgun in his chest— Voight stormed in with Antonio, one of the shooters being dragged between them alive and kicking; not so much as a scratch on him. Adam growled deep in his chest.
That was going to change. Right now.
Him and Hailey both moved towards the guy at the same time. All the anger and pain they were feeling being directed as someone who was actually to blame. It was the first time the agreed on something all night. This guy had to pay and Adam was going to make sure he got his full circle of Karma.
Justice was about to be served —
the Hank Voight way.
Or it would have if Antonio hadn't pushed himself in-between the two Alphas, the omega radiating calm and clarity. Ever the model cop— barely moving a inch over the line of the law. Like Jay. Anger and sorrow pierced him like a shotgun buck to the chest. Look where that got him.
Dying in the back of an ambulance.
Adam recalled something Al had said to a victim some years ago when he was still fresh out of the academy:
" Some men don't deserve to walk the face of this earth."
He was one of those men. Standing right in front of him.
Yet despite the Omeg not being able to deter Adams rage he had succeeded with Hailey's. He couldn't say he was surprised, she never had been one for beating an unarmed man. He was.
Especially when said man had open fired on the love of his life and his... his ... it probably didn't matter now anyway.
Adam gave Antonio a look so cold even he stepped aside. The others didn't understand— they didn't know. Jay wasn't just his boyfriend.
Wasn't just the love of his life. He was his Omega.
He was the father of his unborn child. Or he would've been anyway.
Adam was if anything realistic.
Adam grabbed the man by his neck and dragged him to his feet slamming him into the nearest wall. " that man you shot?! He was good police!" He snarled punching the offender in the stomach and winding him.
"Ruzek" Al warned softly hovering but not intervening. Yet.
Adam shoved him back against the wall ignoring his protests, hand clamped around his neck dangerously tight.
" he was MY omega! " he yelled watching the man wheeze for air without an inch of remorse.
" ADAM" Voight barked.
An order. No— a demand for him to stop. He couldn't, not after what the bastard had done.
"Bro let him go, c'mon man!"
two pairs of arms had to be used to drag him off the offender, all the while he was yelling and fighting up a storm, ready to kill him.
" HE WAS PREGNANT YOU PIECE OF SHIT!" Adam screamed.
Silence smothered the boxing gym in a matter of seconds.
"He- he ... he was .. but n-now I don't ..I don't-" a broken sob betrayed him and Adam sagged in Kevin and Antonio's grip, the reality of it all crashing down on him.
Voight and Al exchanged a glance mingled with shock, rage and guilt all at once.
Cursing mentally Voight pointed a cocked gun to the perp's head. He should've known. He should've seen the signs and taken jay off duty.
Subconsciously he had known. He could see it — even if jay wasn't showing physically. But the way Adam acted had shifted so drastically that Voight was shocked the others hadn't spotted it either.
The need to be touching him all the time.
The way that if Jay wasn't in Adams sight he lost all focus.
The way that jay favoured his middle in a fight now.
The way his centre of gravity had seemed to shift and his balance was shot.
The way they both had seemed to be acting as startstruck as when they first mated.
He should've known. It was his job to know— so he could look out for them. Voight sighed and he pinched the bridge of his nose, eyes watering slightly; Jay was like a second son to him which made the pain worse than if it had been just another officer, just another detective. No one told their bosses everything right? But Jay should've told him, especially after everything.
Jay had helped Voight become a better cop, a cleaner cop; and Voight had helped Jay deal with the side effects of war.
When he saw Al move to comfort a distraught Adam, Voight dismissed everyone to give the two a moment alone. If anyone could pull the kid out of the spiral he was in then it was Al, their bond ran as deep and as strong as his did with jay. He made sure everyone had cleared out and walked to his car, scrubbing his hands over his face, a hollow feeling of dread swallowing him up.
Reaching down, Al carefully wrapped his arms around Adam, with what could only be described as a purr rumbling in his chest, calming the alpha and releasing some of the pent up tension and rage he was feeling. Even so, he couldn't take away the pain that he was feeling, the despair ... the guilt.
Pulling the alpha into his lap, Al gently ran his fingers through his, what he considered him as, sons hair.
"All isn't lost Adam, there's still hope."
looking down at the usually headstrong and brash alpha sobbing in his arms and hearing a scoff he raised an eyebrow and sighed,
" I mean it kid."
Adam simply pressed his face against his shoulder, his sobs quieting slightly as he processed the information that Al was telling him. Knowing it was better for him to be emotional here rather than at the hospital with Jays brother and Hailey around, Al let him cry it out, rocking them slowly.
Adam hiccuped, he would've killed that man— without a hesitation or a doubt. He still would. The rawness and lack of restraint Adam felt by Jays absence altogether scared him to no end. He had always said that Jay was the stronger half of him— the better half of him. Now he knew it to be true.
" what if I loose both of them?..." Adam whimpered pathetically.
" Then there'll be a que of people waiting to kill him."
Adam found some comfort in that.
Disinfectant and death. The two most prominent smells in hospitals, it was part of the reason that Adam hated them so much. Yet Adams hatred of hospitals paled in comparison to jay. The only way someone could get the stubborn ex-soldier to go to a hospital instead of patching himself up was if he was unconscious or dead.
Adam flinched, he sincerely hoped that it was the former and not the latter, though he suspected if Jay was actually... gone, then he would know. It was the only thing from stopping him from loosing his mind. Instinctively, whilst thinking about Jay, his hand went to his bicep — tracing the scar in the shape of a bite on his arm.
At least Jay had tried to be discreet, placing it so it was hidden by shirts and jumpers. Adam had not been so considerate.
He could practically hear jays complaining, clear as a bell in his mind. As soon as he'd bitten Jays hand he knew the location was a big mistake. He thought it would be sexy but Jay thought otherwise — he didn't speak to him for 3 months and wore gloves for 6.
He remembered the first time that Jay hadn't worn gloves, finally feeling comfortable enough in their relationship for it to be common knowledge that he was claimed, even as far as to allow others to joke about it —to an extent. Everyone knew there was a line that was not to be crossed. For the ex ranger may have the body of an omega but he had the temper of an Alpha, especially when it came to people doubting his ability.
Even on their first date, it was made especially clear that Adam did in no way controll or own Jay and that if he even thought about trying to get jay to yield to him without his consent then he would, in no uncertain terms, Tear off his testicles and shove them back down his throat.
Feeling a shadow cast over him from someone standing in front of him, Adam looked up nervously. The people willing to give him a piece of their mind was no short list and Adam was just about keeping his temper in check as it was. Though when he saw Will Halstead standing in front of him, looking as though someone had sucked all the life out of him, Adam was ready to take whatever tongue lashing he wanted to give if only it meant he stopped looking so sad.
Adam wondered if that was how he looked,
he hoped not.
Will sighed defeatedly and sat down in the chair next to Adam, still in his burgundy scrubs from his shift earlier. Dr. Rhodes was standing in the doorway of the waiting room, watching Will protectively.
" he's out of surgery." Will said quietly. Looking over at the Beta, Adam felt like there was something Will wasn't telling him. Scratch that— he knew there was something he wasn't telling him.
Apparently the whole pack felt it too as they all had a look of tense anxiety on their faces, tuning into what will was saying and what signals he was giving off. His scent was the big give away. He smelt of... of grief and sorrow.
Adam frowned and he clenched his jaw, staring back at him, silently willing him to tell him the truth.
" Jays going to be fine.." Will started quietly,
" a lot of recovery and a while before he can work in the field again yet we're optimistic."
There it was. That dreaded word but. He knew. Adam knew what Will was going to say even before he said it but hearing it made it even worse.
"He had a miscarriage. Probably from the stress or the blood loss or the shock...I'm so sorry Adam.. Truly i am."
He felt like someone had physically punched him in the gut, knocking all the air or of him. Adam didn't realise that he was shaking until he ran his hands through his hair, feeling them trembling.
Stifling a cry by biting his lip, Adam tried to keep his composure, if only until Will left .
" Does.." Adam swallowed thickly, tears escaping from his eyes already.
"Does he know ... Jay I mean... Does he know?"
Will shook his head, watching Adam carefully.
"No... he only just woke up and i didn't know if you wanted to break it to him or not— if you need me to i will.."
Adam nodded and stood up, pain in his eyes but murder in his heart.
" no." He cleared his throat. " No... it needs to be me. It has to be." He said quietly, still wrapped in a little bubble of shock. He didn't realise how much he had loved that child, even though he had never even met it, only seen it on a screen — even though he never truly had it in the first place .
It had taken a week to convince Jay that it was a good thing, that this didn't make him any less of a cop. Adam had thought that he was going to get rid of it. yet when he saw that little blob on the screen, jay had fallen in love.
Not waiting for permission, Adam took off down the corridor, heading straight for Jay's room; he identified it by smell, Jay smelt of gunpowder and peppermint — refreshing yet dangerous.
Knocking softly, Adam gently pushed open the door, peeking into the room.
" Hey sunshine.. how you feelin' ?" He asked quietly, slowly walking over to the edge of his bed and taking Jays hand. He needed to know he was there, that he was real.
Jay had been starting up at the celling quietly when Adam had entered, his face brightening a little when he sat down next to him. Jays hand found Adams and he squeezed it tightly, a thin tired smile creeping onto his face.
" a little worse for wear but .. okay."
Adam smiled faintly through watery eyes. "You has us all worried there for a moment.."
He squeezed his hand back gently and tried to find the right words on how to tell him that their baby... their unborn child was gone.
Jay frowned and he brushed his fingers against Adams jaw. Sensing something was terribly terribly wrong. " what? What is it?"
Kissing Jay's knuckles Adam leant in close and sighed wiping his eyes quickly with his sleeve. His other hand white knuckles from where it was gripping his own leg.
" Baby you had a miscarriage... I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry... Jay— baby say something"
Jay shook his head and he bit his lip tears tracking down his face. He turned his face away from Adam, trying to preserve some dignity. Adam had been trying to encourage him that crying wasn't a sign of weakness, that it wasn't something he should hold inside of him.
Sobs shook Jay's shoulders uncontrollably and Adam had never felt like he had failed more as an alpha in his whole life .
He bundled The taller man up into his arms and he tucked him against his chest, trying to provide any amount of comfort he could.
"baby I'm sorry
I'm so so sorry..."
he hiccuped, equal amounts of tears tracking down his own cheeks as he rocked them, gently rubbing the devastated omegas back.
Jay pressed his face into his shoulder, letting himself go completely as his Grief gripped him tight and refused to let go, trembling violently with tears as he sobbed his heart out, feeling completely broken beyond compare.
" it's okay darlin' it's okay, it'll pass.... in time"
Adam buried his face in his hair and rocked them gently, feeling Jays damaged chest heave with sobs and cries.
" it's not fair"
" I know... I know jay."
He could feel the omega coming appart underneath him— could feel his defenses and walls cracking and crumbling, leaving him bare and vulnerable. So Adam did the only thing he knew would help his grieving lover...
He put him under.
Adam gently took his wrist and went to run his thumb over the bite mark there. But before he could Jay sharply pulled his hand out of Adam's grip, hissing with pain.
" Jesus jay! you just got out of surgery be careful" Adam scolded the omega, gently laying him back down, concern replacing the fear.
Jay shook his head. "Don't do it." He said hoarsely, monitors around him settling to a steady beeping again.
" I need to feel it."
Adam nodded and he pressed a kiss to Jays freckled forehead.
He would never force jay to yield if it wasn't what he wanted. He wasn't that kind of alpha. If jay wanted to ride out the pain then all Adam could do was be there for him.
Jay had undergone 2 follow up surgeries and a week in the ICU and Adam had been there every single day, no leaving his side unless he was forced to.
In a fortnight he had been released from hospital and within the month he was back in the field, more or less whole, as strong and agile as he had been before he was shot.
Though it appeared that Jay was fine and in good health, everyone on the team knew that he was processing his grief the way that jay always did; by pushing it down and barrelling through whatever case he had in front of him.
It seemed to be working at work but at home was another story. Adam knew that Jay's PTSD was rearing it's ugly head when the nightmares started up again. One night, Jay had nearly choked Adam to death when he had tried to wake him up when he was screaming.
Jay had only let go and woken up when Adam had kneed him in the dick. After that Jay slept on the sofa most nights.
Just as things had been starting to get better, starting to be normal again, Jay's father died. It was then Adam knew he was going to loose jay no matter what he did.
One morning when Adam had slept through his alarm and was in work later than everyone else, he saw Jay and Voight sharing heated words in his office. Adam frowned and walked over to Antonio who looked particularly grim.
"Hey man, what's going on?"
Antonio looked up at Adam and frowned confused.
"Wait he hasn't told you?"
Now Adam was really concerned.
" told me what Antonio?" He demanded lowly.
"Halstead walked in this morning asking Voight if he went on leave for a year would his position still be here when he got back. I think he wants to enlist for another years tour." Antonio flinched when Adam slammed his fist through the wall by his head.
" not if I have anything to do with it he won't." He growled and stormed into Voights office.
" like hell your enlisting Jackass! Don't you see what it's done to you the first time over?" He yelled grabbing Jays arm and pulling him around so that he was facing Adam.
Jay glared at Adam, " since when is it your right to tell me what I can and can't do?" He pulled his arm out of his grip .
" since I'm the one left her alone and the one who has to deal with you when you come back broken! That is if you come back at all!" Adam hissed and put his hands either side of Jays face, voice breaking.
" please don't do this jay... please"
Jay placed a hand over Adams gently.
" I have to Adam. If you love me then don't ask me to choose... please" his eyes were watering now.
" I do love you Jay but if you go I won't be here to pick up the pieces if you get back." He growled and pulled away sharply.
" don't jay! You've made your choice— I've made mine"
Adam hadn't thought jay would actually do it. He hadn't thought jay would betray him like that. He stood by what he said, he wasn't planning on being there for jay if he came back.
Walking into work one day, he noticed the empty desk nearest voights office and he stopped dead in his tracks. He turned to Hailey who was looking particularly forlorn today.
" where is he." He ground out glaring at her.
" airport, which you would know if you had bothered to talk to him in the last week." She hissed right back to him.
Adam had tuned out after she said airport, grabbing his keys and bolting back down the stairs, making a beeline for the airport. He knew now that he couldn't leave it like this, not after everything. Yes he had said it but it had been heat of the moment and he had been too stubborn to take it back. That was the problem with words, they were hard to take back.
He probably broke every speeding limit possible and ran every red light on the way there— god the fine would he huge. But he didn't care about that right now, because his omega was about to get on a plane to go to a war zone thinking that Adam didn't love him.
Pushing himself to the limits, he pelted through the terminal looking for a black mop of hair and a dark green uniform. He was loosing hope that he had already left, thy his last words to him would be that of anger.
But then he saw him and Adam hadn't been more relieved to see him in his life. He yanked him out of the line and kissed him fiercely cupping his face in his rough hands. When he pulled away he laughed at Jay's shocked face.
" go on babydoll, go save our country, I'll be here when you get back." He saw the relief in jays eyes and he smiled.
" I love you jay."
" I love you too Adam."