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Peter's Home Alone...But Not

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Peter Parker dozes against the window of the school bus taking them to Stark Industries. He can tell Flash is trying to talk to him. Likely to tease him about his internship but he can't hear him.

His first act when getting on the bus was to put his earbuds in.

He'll admit when the trip was first announced he was terrified. The Avengers have no chill and he knows that they're going to be excited to embarrass him.

He'd been so nervous he had tried asking Loki to pretend to be him. There was no luck on that front. But Loki hasn't been on Earth since that day so he hadn't had a chance to rat Peter out.

May had signed the permission slip for the trip with little notice to where he was going because he waited till she was exhausted after a long shift at work.

He doesn't bring it up to Mr. Stark because he knows the man barely remembers what days Peter has off and there would be no reason anyone would mention the trip.

He'd still been worried about the other Avengers finding out about it. That is until movie night last week. They'd watched Home Alone.

The movie had given him ideas.

The Avengers should be very afraid.

The bus pulls up outside SI and Peter murmurs into his watch, "KAREN activate Operation: Begone Thots."

"Activating operation protocol Sister swap. Estimating complete take over in two minutes," KAREN says in his earpiece and Peter follows Ned off the bus.

Normally Peter hates Mr. Harrington's boring field trip safety lectures but he's glad for one today because it means that KAREN will have enough time to fulfill her portion of the plan.

"I'm in," KAREN says and Peter breathes a sigh of relief. They step into to lobby and Peter sees Lillian, an intern who had been sympathetic to his problems, waiting for him.

She sees him and gives him a smile and raises an eyebrow. He wiggles his hand back and forth letting her know it's okay for her to mention his internship but to not go overboard.

"Hi, are you guys Midtown?" She asks and Mr. Harrington nods and they talk quietly before she produces a bundle of ID badges. Peter clips his to his jacket and watches Ned do the same.

"Peter, can you help me hand out these badges? I'll fill in your internship paperwork that you helped with tours," Lillian says and Peter takes the offered badges and hands them out quickly and efficiently.

"Thanks Pete. Okay Midtown. You're gonna walk right through this little blue square on the floor and Mr. Stark's AI will scan the card," she says and steps through and KAREN announces her.

"Lillian Vance, Educational intern, level Delta," KAREN says voice souind like FRIDAY enough to fool the casual person. It wouldn't fool Happy, Pepper, or Tony. But hopefully she won't need to.

Lillian motions the class on and one by one they step through the scanner and KAREN announces each kid until it's Ned's turn.

"Ned Leeds, frequent guest, level omega," KAREN says and Ned grins and Peter breathes a sigh of relief. Once he's through KAREN can let FRIDAY take over again. She won't even know anything is amiss.

"Peter Parker, R&D Intern, level Delta," KAREN says and Flash's face turns red and Lillian gives Peter a look when she hears the wrong level.

Peter just gives her a grin. They step into the elevator and Peter's watch buzzes his arm and he glances down.

The screen reads, 'activating protocol: birdcage,' and Peter smiles, he imagines he can hear the sound of the panels clicking into place trapping Sam and Clint in the vents so they can't get out.

Peter had other protocols in place before he even got here. The boy scout protocol will have Steve helping a little old lady do her errands and protocol wild goose chase will have Nat and Wanda following and LMD around thinking it's this girl he's interested in.

"Everyone, this is the Avengers Museum. Everything you see here has been hand picked by Mr. Stark so that it may serve as a beacon of hope," Lillian says.

Peter follows Ned to the Captain America exhibit. The sign says; facts you may not know about Cap.

1.) He was once so startled that he jumped and put his head through the cabinets.

2.) He was out for the day and a golden retriever snuck in and we thought he had been turned into a dog.

3.) He has a boyfriend, and will rant if you so much as imply anything homophobic.

"They though he was turned into a dog? Seriously," Ned giggles and Peter nods.

"We spent the day trying to find a way for him to communicate with us," Peter whispers back.

Clint's exhibit points out that he's deaf and aromantic.

Natasha's mentions that she's asexual.

After a while they get to the Spider-Man exhibit.

1.) He's afraid of Spiders

2.) He'll walk on the ceiling if he is distracted

3.) He is more than fit to be an Avenger but he wants to work on a grassroots approach.

"You're afraid of spiders?" MJ asks from behind him and Peter shrieks and if it weren't for Ned grabbing him he'd have probably jumped onto the wall or ceiling.

"W...what are you talking about?" Peter asks. There's no possible way MJ could know. Could there?

"I know," MJ says before wandering off to look at Wanda's exhibit.

"Mr. Stark is going to kill me," Peter says and then looks up when he notices Flash coming over to him.

"How'd you get an internship? Was there a contest? An application? What did I miss?" Flash asks.

"The head of the internship program saw a movie science explained video I did on YouTube and was impressed by my understanding. He took it to Miss Potts and she agreed and so did Mr. Stark. It was a one in a million miracle Flash," Peter says and Flash seems to deflate a little and it's times like this he's reminded that Flash's home life isn't exactly peaches and cream.

"Oh... thanks Pen... Peter," Flash says and heads towards the Iron Man exhibit. Mr. Stark had initially left it out but both he and Steve had broken down his refusal.

Before he disappears behind it though Flash turns around and says, "I'm sorry...for a lot of things," and then he's gone.

"Peter... I know that look. Don't do it hoe," Ned says and Peter smiles at his friend but knows that he's going to be sending Flash an invite present at the summer of science showcase.

And Flash may get a visit from Spider-Man on his birthday next week.

"Okay guys lunch and then we'll visit the labs," Lillian says and they go to the dining area and gets some food and eats it all and Ned even passes him some fries so no one will be suspicious of how much he's eating. He's surprised when MJ does it too.

He nearly has a heart attack when Flash does it too. But then again Flash might think he doesn't get enough to eat at home.

He can see the small glimmer of respect the move causes in Ned's eyes.

Peter checks his watch and sees that protocol fridge was activated.

Peter's probably going to lose cookie privileges for magnetizing the fridge so Bucky will get stuck to it but needs must.

All Peter has left is the Nursing Home protocol and he prays he doesn't have to use it because avoiding an oblivious Tony is easy compared to actively fighting against a dedicated Tony.

They make it to R&D and Peter sees Bruce heading towards the elevator with a box of fancy teas. Peter was going to get them for his birthday but he'll just have to find something new to give the man.

They talk with some of the interns, look over projects, and even get to build some stuff of their very own.

They're already in the lobby waiting for the bus when the notification comes in on his watch, 'activating protocol Nursing Home'.

Peter breathes a sigh of relief when they manage to get outside and onto the bus and as hey pull away Peter ends all his traps and leans his head on Ned's shoulder.

"By the way, where was Dr. Strange? I can't believe he couldn't get past anything you could put together," Ned asks.

"I asked Wong to keep him in the Sanctum looking up some ridiculously complex spell that doesn't even exist. He should be getting let," Peter says with a smile before drifting off a little.

When he gets back to school he checks his watch and sees a message from Tony.

'You're dead meat kid. Next week is career day. All of us will be coming there,' it says and Peter groans and buries his face in Ned's shoulder.