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Self Destruction

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Sebastian pressed the beer bottle to his lips, tipping it back to finish off the drink before he set it to the side with the other empty bottles on his car hood. He stared out over the cliffside, watching the world pass by as cars sped down the busy highway and people shouted to one another. A car backfire, or a gunshot but nobody could tell the difference anymore, would bang loudly followed up by a scream.

Sebastian grumbled and rubbed his head, standing up from leaning on the car hood before he grabbed one of the bottles and gripped it in his hand tightly, turning to look around before he smashed the bottle over the hood of his car, tossing the handle over the edge of the cliff with a shout. He grabbed another bottle, repeating the action. Sebastian grabbed a third empty bottle and did the same as before, turning to the car he saw the broken glass shattered on the hood of his car and he grimaced. Grabbing the broken glass off the car he tossed it over the cliffside with a loud yell, and turned his attention to his hands- pulling out the little bits that stuck in his palm before he slumped down onto the grass in front of his car, feeling himself starting to bleed from grabbing the glass.

He heard the sound of another car coming up the road and let out a sigh, leaning his head back against the front bumper.

“Sebastian!” Stefanos voice, and then a following of heavy footsteps on the dirt path leading up to where Sebastian was sitting. “Sebastian…” Stefanos voice softened when he walked closer and he knelt down. “What are you doing out here? We’ve been looking all over for you- Joseph, Ruvik and Lily are worried sick.” Sebastian shrugged, rubbing his thumb over his palm to try and wipe the blood away. “You’re drunk again. I thought you were going to stop drinking.”

“Any of the others with you?” Sebastian slurred the words out and looked to Stefano, receiving a head shake in return to the question. “Good. I don’t want Lily to see me like this.” Stefano closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, letting out a deep sigh. “If you’re going to drag me home at least let me sober up.” Sebastian carefully got back up to his feet, looking at the remaining bottles on the car hood, reaching out and grabbing one.

“Whats wrong Sebastian?” Stefano got up as well, brushing himself off quickly. “You’re acting odd.”

“I’m mad.”

“At who? Or at what?” Sebastian bit his tongue. He wasn’t mad at Stefano, or Joseph or Ruvik or Lily. Couldn’t even pull himself to blame the anger on mobius for the time being. He just shrugged at Stefanos question. “You can tell us when you’re angry you know.”

“I don’t know. I’m just, mad.” Sebastian fidget with the bottle in his hand and gripped it tightly. “Haven’t you ever just been pissed off Stef? Haven’t you ever wanted to just-” He smashed another bottle again over the hood of the car, making Stefano jump at the sudden movement. Sebastian turned and tossed the glass again over the cliffs, stumbling a little as he turned back to Stefano. “You know? I’m not mad at anything, or anyone. I just needed to be alone.” Stefano nodded and stepped up to Sebastian, carefully grabbing his arm.

“Well its two in the morning. Time to come home. I’ll call the others and let them know I found you, and we’ll come get your car from here in the morning okay?” Sebastian mumbled an agreement before Stefano led him over to the other car to get him into the passenger's side.

Sebastian stared out the window for the entire drive home.

When the two arrived home it was Joseph who was waiting outside for them, holding a lit cigarette between his fingers while still looking anxious. He smoked sometimes, only when he was anxious or stressed about something, usually avoiding them any other time.

 Stefano got out of the car first, pulling Sebastian out moments later to lead him up to the house.

“Where was he?” Joseph asked quickly, taking a quick drag of the cigarette before he put it out.

“At some cliffs, you were right to suggest I look there when the bars were empty.” Joseph nodded and helped Stefano lead Sebastian inside. “Sebastian you’re drunk.”

“And you smell like cigarettes.” Sebastian smiled slightly, looking to Joseph. “You should quit that, its a nasty habit.” Joseph snorted and rolled his eyes, trying to lead Sebastian to the steps unsuccessfully. “Hang on a minute.” Sebastian got himself away from Stefano and Joseph, stumbling the five feet to the bathroom and barely making it to the toilet before he began retching into it.

Joseph couldn’t help but rub his eyes as he heard Sebastian. “This feels just like before. Did he say anything?” Stefano shook his head, yawning and glancing to the clock.

“He told me he was mad, didn’t say anything more, and then I dragged him home. He was already drunk by the time I arrived.”

“Thank you for getting him. I can get him to bed at this point, or he’ll be passed out on the toilet here shortly. You should get some rest. Lily is in bed and Ruvik said he’d wait up for you to get home. Go.” Joseph kissed Stefano on the cheek and shooed him up the stairs before he head into the bathroom and saw Sebastian with his head resting on the toilet seat. “Are you done?”

“Just about.”

“Good.” Joseph grabbed one of the cups from the sink, filling it with water before handing it to Sebastian so he could swish out his mouth. “I thought we were past this Sebastian, you were doing so well. What happened?”

“Nothin happened.” Sebastian swished the water through his mouth and spat it into the toilet, getting himself up before he flushed it and walked to the sink to refill the cup. “I just wanted to be alone.”

“Alone, on the cliffs, drunk, and you cut your hand with glass I’m guessing?” Joseph gestured to Sebastians hand which had stopped bleeding, but obviously had a wound on it. “Seb, we all love you a lot but you don’t need to hide things from us.”

“I’m not. I promise I’m not.” Sebastian swished water in his mouth again and spit it into the sink, grimacing at himself. “I was just thinking about… Everything. But I’m alright, I’m sorry.” Sebastian smiled at Joseph the best he could, and Joseph slumped his shoulders, worry still on his face. “Am I sleeping on the couch tonight?”

“No, you’re not. Brush your teeth come on, we need to get you to bed.” Sebastian smiled and grabbed his toothbrush, staring at it for a moment. “Whats wrong?”

“I want to do something with you three, tomorrow if you’re not too mad at me.” Josephs brow shot up at the statement. “Just go out, do something. We don’t all get days off together often. It’d be nice.” He grabbed the toothpaste quickly, putting it on the toothbrush before he began brushing his teeth while Joseph kept an eye on him.

“Of course. Hurry up then because it is-” Joseph checked the clock and groaned. “Its three a.m. We were all supposed to be in bed hours ago.” Sebastian nodded and spat out the toothpaste, rinsing his brush before he put more fresh paste on to brush again like how he always did after getting sick.

When he was done the two head up the stairs to the bedroom where Stefano and Ruvik were laying down, both of them already deep asleep in eachothers arms. Joseph climbed into bed next to them, stirring them only slightly before they fell still again. Sebastian couldn’t help but watch the three of them cuddle against one another, he knew there was a space for him in there, but a feeling tugged his chest and he looked away, stripping out of his dirty clothes and tossing them close enough to the laundry bin before he climbed into bed along with them. He lay next to Stefano and wrapped his arms around him to tug him close, earning a huff as Stefano readjusted to get comfortable in Sebastians arms.

Sebastian was awake for awhile longer, while the other three slept.

He watched them close.

He felt his heart tug- a feeling of sadness and a feeling of anger.

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Sebastian twirled his lighter in his hand, his fists stuffed into his pockets while Stefano bickered with Ruvik over which shirt would look better on him. Sebastian was having a hell of a hangover and regretted asking the three if they wanted to go out for the day. What he wanted to do was go home, curl up on the couch, and slug down a whiskey before promptly passing out for the remainder of the day.

None of them would let that slide.

Joseph was almost clinging to Sebastian, keeping his hand on Sebastian in some way or having his arm around Sebastian to lean on him. It was driving him up a wall, being treated like he couldn’t be let out of anyones’ sight. Sebastian hadn’t had a cigarette in three hours and he was going to strangle the next person who annoyed him.

“-Okay well what do you think Seb?” Stefano turned to Sebastian and held the shirt up to Ruvik. “I think he’d look nice, it makes him look good. We’d need a good tie of some to go with it but wouldn’t he look wonderful?”

“I think it looks like something I’d have worn when I was still living at my estate, leeching off my parents' money.” Ruvik pushed the shirt away and shook his head. “The red is too much, maybe a blue.” Stefano scoffed and rolled his eye. The two of them looked at Sebastian, like he would be able to help out in any way.

“Let Ruvik pick out his own shirt.” Sebastians tone came off a bit more irritated than he’d meant, and he tried to shrug it off. “He’s right about the red, looks like he’s some rich asshole who drinks wine at breakfast. Cooler color would look better.” Stefanos brow shot up and he let out a sigh, putting the shirt back to rifle through the rack for a cooler color. Sebastian ran his thumb across the length of the lighter again and finally excused himself, making a beeline to the exit without waiting for any of the three to stop him.

He pulled his pack of cigarettes out, lighting one to take a long drag from it as he sat down on the bench outside of the store. A woman walking past with her child gave him a disgusted look and rushed her kid past, muttering about ‘people having no respect for non smokers.’ He didn’t let it bother him. He held the cigarette in his lips and closed his eyes, taking in another drag of it. Sebastian felt better now with the nicotine in him to help keep calm.

By the time he finished the cigarette the other three had finished in the store, heading over to him with concern on their faces. “Are you better now?” Joseph crossed his arms and Sebastian nodded. “You could have said you needed a cigarette. I’d have come out with you.”

“I don’t need a babysitter.” Sebastian got up from the bench, rubbing over the back of his neck. “Did you find a different shirt?”

“We found him a nice one in purple. Found you one too, I think you’ll like it.” Stefano tapped the bag from the store and smiled “Do we want to get something to eat soon? I heard some chat about a good place to eat just around the corner from here.” Stefano moved up to Sebastian this time, putting his hand gently on Sebastians hip. “Or do you want to go home? It’ll be up to you.” Sebastian raised an eyebrow at Stefano.

“Lets head home.” Stefano smiled and kept his arm hooked around Sebastians hip as the four of them began the walk back to the car. Sebastians mind began to race when during the short walk and he placed his hand over Stefanos to grip it tightly. “Would you mind doing something for me tonight?” The three looked back to Sebastian and exchanged glances. “I’ll explain later, at home.”

“Of course Seb.”

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Sebastian clenched his eyes shut as he let out a gasp, reaching back he hooked his arms around Josephs legs, gripping at him as he dug his nails into Joseph slightly. Joseph only responded by caressing Sebastians cheek, whispering down to him that he was doing a lovely job.. Stefano was between Sebastians legs, his cock pressed into Sebastian while he gently rocked his hips to pull out stuttered breaths from Sebastian. Ruvik sat next to Sebastian, gently caressing and running his hands across Sebastians chest and abdomen- sometimes carefully taking Sebastians cock into his hand to stroke him before he let go and continued to play with Sebastians chest again.

Opening his eyes again, Sebastian tried to look to Stefano- but Joseph stopped him and made him tilt his head back again, made Sebastian part his lips to take Josephs cock into his mouth. He took in a deep breath and let his jaw slack as Joseph rocked his hips in time with Stefanos. Sebastian gripped again at Josephs hips, arching his back up slightly before he felt Ruvik push back down on him. He let out a groan around Josephs cock and was hushed with a quick thrust into his mouth that made him gag for a moment.

Sebastian took in another deep breath and closed his eyes, letting himself drift slightly as the three continued to touch him and fuck into him, chasing after their own pleasure. Stefano’s thrusts were beginning to stutter, getting closer to finishing.

“Seb, stay with us.” Josephs voice broke through Sebastians haze and he snapped his eyes open, gently patting Josephs thigh to let him know he was there. “Good.” Sebastian moves one of his arms off his leg and reaches out next to him, feeling Ruvik still there. He runs his hand across Ruviks leg and shifts slightly to grip at his hip- he was still wearing his pants.

Sebastian loops his fingers in one of the belt loops and tugs, trying to get a message across for Ruvik to get his god damn pants off. Instead Ruvik gently grabs his hand and lifts it up, kissing over his knuckles gently. “Enough tugging, I’m here for you.” Ruvik holds Sebastians hand and Sebastian grips it.

His anchor.

He feels Stefanos hips stutter and pause, feels him pull back like he’s ready to pull out and Sebastian wraps his legs around Stefano and pulls him close, moaning around Josephs cock and it does the trick. Sebastian jolts slightly when Stefano cums in him, saying words of encouragement to him before Sebastian lets his legs relax and Stefano can pull out. Stefanos hand wraps around Sebastians cock, making Sebastian groan out- low and in his throat which in turn makes Joseph gasp out.

Stefano strokes Sebastian and places one of his hands back on Sebastians thigh to keep his legs open. He bucks his hips up and finishes quickly, overstimulated from the attention he’d received from the three already. Stefano leans down and kisses his chest softly before moving. The bed dips as Stefano moves over next to Ruvik and Sebastian can hear their kisses- he feels Ruviks grip on his hand tighten for a second before they pull away from eachother.

Joseph is close too, and he gasps out and presses into Sebastians mouth as deep as he can before he cums as well, down his throat. Sebastian swallows around his cock and waits until Joseph pulls away before he opens his eyes again.

Ruvik helps him sit up and Sebastian takes a moment to take in a deep breath, rubbing his neck gently. “Thank you.” His voice is raspy and he clears his throat, wiping away the spit at the corners of his mouth.

“We didn’t hurt you did we?” Stefanos hand finds it way back onto Sebastians thigh, comforting and warm right there.

“No, that was what I needed. Thank you.” Sebastian moves off the bed slowly and carefully, he feels sore and it just reminds him that his age is catching up. “I’m going to clean up.” He quickly makes his way into the bathroom thats connected to the bedroom, locking the door behind him.

Sebastian starts up the shower and steps into it, rubbing his hands over his face. He listens carefully, waits until he can hear the footsteps of the three in the other room head out of the bedroom. Ruvik knocks, says they’re going to look for a movie for all of them to watch, and he follows the others out. Sebastian waits a moment, just waiting for be sure they're all gone before he presses his fingers to his throat. He gags, pulls his hand away momentarily before putting his fingers back on either side of his neck and squeezing.

Sebastian closes his eyes, he thinks about Lily. Thinks about Myra. About beacon, mobius, stem, union.

Sebastian chokes and coughs, doubles over and retches, spitting up white and bile onto the shower floor. He shakes, rubs circles into his neck carefully as he takes in a deep breath. Sebastian tilts his head up to the stream of water and rinses his mouth, spitting out water in disgust.

He washed himself off, scrubbing off the sweat and grime quickly to get downstairs.Sebastian stepped out of the shower, drying off and rushing into the bedroom to grab pants and a shirt. Heading downstairs Sebastian can hear the others laughing and talking. He smiles, the anger he'd felt dissipating finally.

Somewhere, deep in his gut Sebastian thinks to himself that it's okay, and he'll be okay.