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Peter Parker is an Idiot

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Peter Parker took a deep breath. He hadn’t thought he would ever get this far, but here he was, awkwardly standing in the Stark Industries Tower lobby as he waited for his turn with the receptionist.

“Over here!” called a voice. Peter’s head whirled around as a flustered-looking man jogged to the other desk. Peter stepped forward. 

“Um, I’m Peter Parker, here for an interview about the internship?” 

The man smiled good-naturedly. “10th floor, room 1011 on the left. I just gotta get you a pass and you’ll be good,” Peter nodded uncertainly as the man opened a drawer and handed Peter a pass. “Keep that on you at all times, make sure it’s visible, you get the idea. Don’t do anything stupid and you’ll be good,” 

“Thanks,” Peter said, turning to walk away. “Wait,” Peter turned back. “Where’s the elevator?” 

“Down that hallway, third door to the left,” Peter smiled gratefully.

    “Hi, there! You’re Peter, right?” Peter nodded. “I’m Amelia Gottieb, the head of the internship program here,”

“Ok,” Peter said awkwardly. “Um, can I sit down?” Ms. Gottieb smiled. 

“Of course. This is Mr. Stuart and Mr. Nelson, who will be helping interview you” Ms. Gottieb gestured to the two men sitting beside her. 

“So,” started one of the men, “the work you submitted with your resume was quite impressive. What more can you tell us about it?” 

Peter blinked. He hadn’t been sure why he had been accepted, but he had doubted it had been because of the robot he had made. “Oh, um, I call the robot I made Baymax, like from Big Hero 6? He can assist in administering first aid and stabilizing people that have been injured, like instruct CPR and help immobilize broken bones. Oh, and he can like, fly to get help if the person using it is out of cell service, and could probably fly alongside a person if they were walking somewhere if not for the battery problem,” 

“Yes, can you tell us about the battery problem?”

Peter sighed. “I was going to use solar power or something, but I don’t have access to anything of that sort, so that was out of the question. I figured that I probably wouldn’t want to have it charge by being plugged in, because in a lot of situations that wouldn’t work out, but for now, it kinda has to. Also, I’m not much good at any of that, so it would’ve been like, impossible. The other thing is that the battery sucks, so I doubt it would’ve had the power to fly unless it was necessary,” 

Amelia nodded, writing something down on the paper in front of her. “Tell me a little about yourself, Mr. Parker,” one of the men started. Peter thought for a second, wondering how he had come in so unprepared.

“Um, I go to Midtown Tech. I mostly do engineering stuff, but I took a few programming classes to make Baymax and I like chemistry too. I’m on the AcaDeca team, and…” Peter froze, wondering what else he could say. 

“Ok,” Ms. Gottieb scribbled some more notes on her clipboard. “What are your professional strengths and weaknesses?”

Peter smiled. He had figured this would come up. “I think I’m a pretty diligent worker and I can learn new skills decently fast. As for my weaknesses, I’m not the greatest at working with others, and I tend to overestimate how much energy I have and how much I can do. I also kinda fail at really anything having to do with writing, like essays and explaining my work and all that,”

The man next to Ms. Gottieb nodded. “Alright. Why do you think we should choose you instead of another candidate?” 

“Um…” Peter blinked. He honestly didn’t know how or why he of all people had gotten this far. “I don’t know?” he chuckled awkwardly. “I’m not actually sure why I got this far. I honestly just applied to this position on a whim, because SI is honestly amazing, and it works as a force for good within the world when it could probably make more money selling weapons to the government and-” Ms. Gottieb nodded, calmly cutting off what Peter figured was turning into a ramble. “Ok, moving on,” she said, not unkindly. “Can you tell us why you say you aren’t good at working with others?”

“Um, whenever I’m in a group project in school, I tend to do most of the work myself unless I’m working with my friends, and I also try and avoid the people I dislike, but usually, there are people in my group that aren’t the nicest, so group projects usually tend to work out really poorly,” Ms. Gottieb smiled understandingly before moving onto the next question.

 

    “Peter!” came May’s excited voice. “Get your ass home, now,” 

Peter froze. “Are you mad?” he asked. He wasn’t sure what had happened, but by the sound of it, Ned probably wouldn’t be able to hang out.

“Hell no, it’s about the internship. You-” May cut off. “Just get home,” 

“Um, ok? Can Ned come over?” 

“Yeah, course, just hurry,” May seemed to have calmed down a bit. Peter put his phone down as May hung up. 

“Dude, what was that about?” Ned asked. Peter shrugged. 

“May said it’s about the internship position I applied for a few weeks ago,” 

Ned stared at Peter. “You mean the mother-fucking-Stark-internship you applied to? Bro, you probably got it,” 

Peter shook his head instinctively. “No, there's like, no way I got it. It’s for college students, remember?”

 Ned raised his eyebrows. “I guess we’ll find out. Did May say I could come over?” 

Peter nodded, turning towards the bus window. He had pretty much blown his interview, so he had pretty much given up on the internship. Honestly, Peter wondered if he should accept the internship if he somehow was given it, given that then he would be a teenage superhero working at the company of Tony Stark, who just happened to be an Avenger. Peter sighed.

“Y’know, I probably should reject the internship even if it’s offered to me,”

Ned looked over at Peter, shocked. “You think you should reject the internship because of Spider-Man.”

 Peter nodded. “I didn’t expect to get this far, but… whatever. I probably didn’t get it anyway,”

Ned nodded back, much to Peter’s surprise. “Sure. Let’s say you didn’t get it. But promise me, if you get it, you’ll accept,”

Peter sighed. “Fine. But there’s no way in hell I got it,”

Ned chuckled. “I doubt that, but thanks for promising, now, let’s go,”

“Oh shit!” Peter snapped, realizing they were at their stop. Peter jumped up, nearly sprinting to the door of the bus, Ned closely following.

    By the time they reached the apartment, Ned was positively buzzing with excitement, and Peter was about ready to throw himself off a cliff. Ned rushed upstairs as Peter lagged, still trying to make sense of the situation. Peter supposed it wouldn’t be horrible if he got the internship, seeing as it would be ridiculously fun, but he wasn’t sure if he really wanted to risk his secret identity, even though he knew he would have access to better tech. Peter paused. Right now, his webs came from extra ingredients from the chemistry lab, and his webshooters came from spare parts in the dumpster. He could probably use the upgrade, now that he thought of it. Finally, Peter pushed open the door to his apartment.

“Peter!” May cried. Peter froze, his eyes going from the evil grin spread across Ned’s face to the phone laying in May’s hand. 

“Uh, yes?” Peter said, praying he didn’t sound as awkward as he felt.

“You got it!”

Frick. 

Slowly, Peter made eye contact with Ned. “You promised,” Ned reminded him.

“Dammit,” Peter mumbled.