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Family Vacation

Chapter Text

Sherlock just sat there for a few vital seconds. John couldn’t tell if it was disbelieve or if he was fighting for self-control. No matter, his parents rattled on....

“And our seats are up by Mycroft and Greg since we see even less of them than we do of you two. It was so good of you boys to invite us in secret!”, Margaret said with a fond smile. Touching John’s face she said, “we really do have the best sons-in-law don’t we?”

Timothy, smiling broadly, said, “yes, we really do! We’ll be back later to talk!” And with a wave they moved back towards Mycroft and Greg.

John didn’t look at his spouse as he waited for the fallout. After a couple of seconds of silence, he finally gave in and turned his head.

Sherlock was sitting there, open mouthed, still stunned. Finally, he turned to his husband and said, “for the first time in my life, words fail me.”

John, sensing an explosion, tried to explain, “Greg and I thought it would be a nice thing to become closer as a family. Neither Greg nor I have family of our own (Harry doesn’t count), so we are adopting yours. And since we have so much to celebrate this year,” Sherlock glared at him, “with your brother’s marriage and your dad’s clean bill of health that we thought we’d do a family vacation.”

Before Sherlock could get a word out, John went on, “so you will be civil to your brother and his husband and nice to your parents! Or else!”

“Or else what?”, the detective said through gritted teeth.

“Well I really wanted to join the Mile High Club. And if you’re good, I’ve thought of a way to do it without getting caught.” Sherlock perked up instantly. “However, if you act like an ass, I’ll tie you to the bed in our cottage, make you watch me get myself off and leave you there. Erect and unable to do anything about it.” John sat back and picked up his book. “You decide.”

Sherlock looked at him in disbelief, “you wouldn’t!”

”Watch me. Pun intended.”

Chapter Text

They had settled back into their seats and were getting comfortable when Mycroft came down the aisle towards them. John was prepared for this, having discussed in-depth possible reactions to the news with Lestrade, so was able to smile pleasantly at his brother-in-law.

“Hello Mycroft. Stretching your legs already?”, John nonchalantly looked up from his book.

The British government looked over his shoulder and said, “yes, I’ll be right back! Just need to see if Sherlock brought the book he told me about!” Bending down he looked John in the eye and said, “since I love Gregory more than anything and I don’t want to deal with my brother for the rest of my life, I won’t shove the two of you out of the door at 60,000 feet. But understand, if it wasn’t for those minor details, the Holmes boys would be unexpectedly widowed.” Standing back up, he said louder, “I can’t believe you forgot the book Sherlock. Maybe I can find it at the airport when we land.” And turning smartly around, he went back towards his seat.

John smirked, just about what he and Greg had expected him to say. Mycroft really was becoming predictable in his happiness.

Sherlock looked up, “you have no idea how close I was to handing him The Journal Of Forensic Medicine just to see the expression on his face. He’d have that sour lemon facial expression that he gets.” Sherlock waved his hands for emphasis. “Now, what do I have to do to become a member of the Mile High Club?”

“The flight basically just started! We’ve got hours. Let’s let some people fall asleep first. Because if your mother comes up and starts talking to me while I’m groping her youngest son under a blanket, I’ll be traumatized for years.” John pointed out. “I know it’s not in your nature but patience is a virtue.”

The detective picked up his book and proclaimed, “Patience is boring.”

Chapter Text

Sherlock was dozing with his head against the window, shoes off and blanket pulled over him when he found a hand, under the blanket, moving towards his groin. Smiling to himself, he waited to see what said hand would do.

Moving casually, as if it knew the way and had all day to get there, the hand gave his (growing) bulge a squeeze and trailed its way to his zipper. Unzipping his trousers, the hand also got the fastening without much difficulty. Sherlock was impressed. And getting harder.

The hand trailed its way into his trousers, tracing the growing outline of the detective’s erection. Sherlock bit back a moan and didn’t move a muscle.

The fingers moved over his length then up to the leaking head, lightly rubbing the growing wet spot on his pants. Then the talented digits lightly moved down his length to cup his balls. Sherlock bit his lip hard to keep quiet.

The owner of the hand hadn’t said a word yet which somehow made the whole thing more erotic. The fingers started moving languidly up and down his length, as if they had all day and nothing better to do. Sherlock shifted slightly to give better access but made it look like he was shifting in his sleep. The hand lightly patted his arse.

The talented fingers moved over his clothed length one more time then went to his waistband. Pulling his pants down and aside allowed Sherlock’s cock to spring free, copiously leaking pre-come. He turned his face into his pillow to stifle any inadvertent moans and gave himself up to the ride.

The hand’s rhythm changed, grabbing Sherlock more firmly and giving shorter strokes, making him even harder, if that was possible. Feeling his balls tighten, as the hand’s owner must have, he was on the verge of coming when the hand was replaced by a mouth (how?!?! Must ask later he thought) and he quietly shot his load down John’s throat.

John withdrew, adjusted the spent cock in his pants and covered him back up. A voice in his ear said, “God I love you.”

Chapter Text

Sherlock had turned his body to face his husband, and though still feigning sleep, let his own fingers rove under the blanket. He heard a gasp and a smothered moan as he grasped his husband’s cock and squeezed. He was just getting the zipper on John’s jeans to cooperate and had succeeded in pulling it down, when he heard his mother’s voice.

“Hey John! Mind if I sit for a minute?” Sherlock could hear her take the empty seat across from them. John hadn’t said a word but he’d probably made an affirmative facial expression as his mother got comfortable.

“Timothy and I are so pleased with how happy our boys are. I don’t know if you fully realize how, well, different our boys are.” John wasn’t wearing pants. Sherlock wrapped his hand around John’s hardening length and put his thumb over the head, lightly teasing the tip and rubbing the pre-come around. “We never expected either of them to find someone to love and appreciate them the way they deserve to be.” John was growing in Sherlock’s hand as the detective gave him a quick stroke. John gulped and moved slightly. His mother continued. “When you and Sherlock got together and we could see how happy you both were, I didn’t know how to thank you.” Sherlock gave John’s cock another tug. “With Sherlock’s past history with drugs and such, well, we were never sure how long we’d have him.” She sniffed delicately. Sherlock began stroking John in a steady rhythm. John shifted slightly. Sherlock’s fingers were sticky with pre-come. “You literally saved my boy John and Timothy and I have come to love you as our own.”

John probably had his “tell me all your troubles. I’m a doctor” face on since he wasn’t saying much but grunting here and there. His mother didn’t appear to notice. “Now that Mycroft is married as well, we’re just beside ourselves! Our little family has grown and we’re so happy!” Sherlock’s hand moved faster. “If there is ever anything I can ever do for you John, just let me know!” Sherlock could feel John’s testicles pulling close to his body and knew he was close. Using his long fingers, he cupped his spouses’ balls while squeezing his cock. He could feel John starting to come on his hand and made a loud snoring sound to cover up John’s moan. He could hear his mother stand up, leaned over to muss his curls (which he hated) and say, “thank you for everything John. Timothy and I are looking forward to spending this week with our sons and their spouses.”

John swallowed a couple times and finally managed to say, “we’re looking forward to it as well. And I love your son more than anything although he can be difficult.” John subtly pinched his earlobe. Sherlock smiled. “We’ll stop up and talk in a bit.”

He could hear his mother move off. John whispered fiercely, “I could fucking kill you! Are you nuts! Clean me up!”

Sherlock smiled and disappeared under the blanket. John moaned again.

Chapter Text

After some minor insanity, the Holmes clan had landed, deplaned and made their way to their respective cottages. After promising to meet everyone for dinner, John had grabbed his spouse and drug him into their temporary abode.

“Sherlock, I love you more than anything but I may have made an error.”, John was leaning against the door of the cottage breathing heavily. “A week of excessive Holmes may make me crazy.”

Sherlock was moving around the cottage, looking through their luggage. He stopped long enough to say, “if you had asked me, I would have told you it was a bad idea. Since you didn’t ask me, I feel no sympathy. You have a week of family and my mother likes you. Deal with it.” Finding his laptop, he made a happy sound and sat on the sofa, preparing to do god knows what.

John interceded before his spouse got going. “I’m going to take a shower. You missed a couple spots and my cock is stuck to my balls. Not that I’m complaining mind you...”

Sherlock didn’t even look up but made shooing motions, “go wash. You’ll feel better when you get out.”

When John re-emerged fifteen minutes later, he had to admit he felt much better. He found Sherlock standing right outside the bathroom door as if waiting for him.

“John! We have to meet everyone for dinner shortly but I found these when I was unpacking and I’d like you to wear them.” He held out the red pants. “Please John! I don’t have time to molest you now but knowing you have these on will keep me keyed up all night which will be to your advantage later. It will also help me ignore 🍰 boy and not throttle him.”

John smiled, did an eye roll, but took the pants. “Ok but you owe me.” He began to get dressed. “What will you be wearing for me?”

Sherlock unzipped his pants just a bit to show a hint of red silk. With a smile he said, “I’m wearing my red pants as well.”

Chapter Text

Sherlock’s parents had picked the restaurant that night (they were taking turns) which seemed to have your standard fare. John had even managed to get his spouse to loosen up with his dress somewhat and was wearing lightweight clothes and a short sleeve shirt.

Dinner was progressing well. John and Sherlock were sharing a slab of cheesecake, Mycroft and Greg were holding hands and the Holmes’ parents were discussing their plans for the next day.

Margaret turned to John and asked, “I was wondering if I could borrow you and Greg tomorrow. I want to do some shopping and the boys refuse to go (Sherlock snorted, Mycroft mouthed “hell no”). Timothy is slow (he smiled) so I was hoping you’d come with me.”

John looked across the table at Greg and they both smiled and said they’d be delighted. Timothy excused himself at that moment and made his way to the men’s room. Margaret continued, “I want to get Timothy a new speedo. He’s had his old one for years. I’m thinking a bright blue.”

John felt his mouth fall open and desperately looked to his spouse. Sherlock took another bite of cheesecake and smiled. “Welcome to the family!” And then under his breath, “just wait until she gets comfortable with you,”

Mycroft smirked and said, “wait until you see him in it. He actually doesn’t look as bad as you’d expect.”

Margaret stood up and said, “I think he looks great! He has quite the nice arse John. Where do you think Sherlock gets it from.” Putting her purse over her shoulder, she said she’d be back shortly.

Greg looked up, “your father wears a Speedo. Aren’t these things you should have shared before we got married?” He shuddered.

”Don’t be ridiculous Gregory! If you’d known how insane my parents were, you would have run. As it was, I was surprised you’d come near me knowing Sherlock.” Mycroft smiled thinly.

”Yes Greg,” Sherlock piped up, “where do you think we get it from. My mother taught us how to deduce people. She just hides it whereas we don’t bother.”

John suddenly looked queasy. “Do you mean she knew you were awake and jerking me off on the plane?!?!”

”Of course.”, Sherlock looked unconcerned. “Mycroft and I are beyond embarrassment with her. This is the woman who could tell you’d been masturbating in the bathroom just by looking at your shirt collar.”

”Not to mention, which hand you favored.”, Mycroft added.

John sank down in his chair, “oh my god. I’m never going to have sex again. Your sexy pants aren’t going to help.”

Sherlock sat up, “I thought that might happen so I added something to it.” He unbuttoned his shirt a couple buttons to show a matching red bra. “I think I can make you forget my parents.”

Chapter Text

John entered the cottage exhausted. He and Greg had taken their mother-in-law shopping and they had gone all over the island in search of the perfect speedo. Mission accomplished, thank god! Now if he could erase the visual from his mental screen, he’d be eternally grateful.

Sherlock was lying on the chaise on their patio getting some much needed sun. He no longer glowed in the dark but he was only tan in comparison to his usual self. John plopped down in the chair next to his and reclined back.

“So,” Sherlock’s deep voice intoned, “mission accomplished?”

“Yes. Thank god! Your mother has more energy than Greg and I put together.” Shutting his eyes, the doctor said, “ok, I’m going to hate myself for asking but will your dad really wear that?”

“Look over onto their patio. He’s probably modeling it now.” Sherlock said, eyes closed.

John involuntarily put his hands over his eyes, “ugh, no thanks!”

At that moment a yell came from his parent-in-laws cottage. John nearly fell off the lounge chair. “Jesus Christ! We’d better go see if they’re alright!” John started to get up.

“Seriously John? They’re fine. Although I wish they’d remember to close the windows.” Sherlock rolled onto his front.

As a loud masculine moan came over the yard, John turned horrified eyes to his spouse. “No.”

“Yes.”, Sherlock said sleepily. “My mother is quite loud usually. Just wait until tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?”, John said horrified. “What’s tomorrow?” More moaning.

“They’re going to a nude beach.”, Sherlock stood up in disgust. “Let’s go inside. I can’t listen to much more.”

Chapter Text

“Where are Greg and Mycroft? I thought I heard them.” John asked as he came out onto the patio with a breakfast plate.

Sherlock was sitting at the table, reading the paper. Turning a page calmly, he said, “They left already. They’re going to a nude beach.”

John set his plate and coffee cup down and said, “they’re not going with your parents are they? That would be creepy.”

Sherlock smiled evilly, “no, but they’re going to the same one. My mother evidently didn’t tell him they were going.” Sherlock put the paper down. “I didn’t tell them either.”

John just sat there with his mouth open. “Your brother is going to kill you.” He put his head down on the table and laughed hysterically. “But it will be so worth it!”

His husband chuckled as well. “What do you want to do today? I suggest we not be home when Mycroft comes knocking!”

“Let’s take a pic-nic lunch and bike around the island. If you’re good, I’ll wear my red pants.”

Chapter Text

The sand was hot, the water delightful and (some) of the bodies buff. Mycroft and Greg were lying on a blanket, comfortably nude and holding hands. England felt a million miles away right now and they were both incredibly relaxed.

The nudity part had been strange, at first. Greg had been worried that others would look at him and see an out-of-shape, middle-aged cop who needed to relax. Mycroft hadn’t thought much about his physique since it was usually covered by an expensive three piece suit and his husband thought he was wonderful. They had both had qualms, at first, but seeing others who looked worse than they did, they soon relaxed.

Greg was mentally congratulating himself on remembering to put sun block on their more vulnerable areas when the sky darkened on his closed eyelids and a familiar voice said, “Hey boys! Did Sherlock tell you we’d be here? Our blanket is further down if you want to stop down and say hi to your father!”


Greg closed his eyes. They had avoided meeting up with Timothy by a complicated tap dance but promised to meet everyone for dinner. Mycroft was fuming.

”I will kill that little prick. He will never fuck with me again!”, Mycroft ranted.

Lestrade let him run down. Finally, Mycroft stopped talking. After a few moments, Greg looked at his spouse to find him smiling. “What?”, Greg asked suspiciously.

Mycroft laughed to himself. “Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.”

”What???”, Greg asked uneasily.

”We’re going to do absolutely nothing. We have five more days here. We’re going to enjoy ourselves. Sherlock will go nuts trying to figure out what’s going to happen and when.”, Mycroft leaned over and kissed Greg’s forehead. “Then, on the way home, he’ll have trouble at the airport. Can you say, “strip-search??”

Greg touched Mycroft’s lips. “Oh you are good!”

Chapter Text

“Mycroft is playing with me!”, Sherlock announced two days later at breakfast. “He’s pretending things don’t bother him and he isn’t plotting something to drive me nuts. Well it won’t work!”

“Seems to be working pretty well so far.”, John observed. “Initially you were so paranoid you were convinced he put something in the lube.”

His husband looked over the newspaper at him, “it would be just like him! I’m still traumatized over the plastic spider he put in my bed when I was six.” Sherlock shuddered delicately.

John rolled his eyes, and swallowed his bite of egg. “Dare I ask what you did to him?”

“Irrelevant.” Sherlock took a bite of toast. “It could never be bad enough to justify his actions.” He brandished his fork, “bring it on cake boy!”



Mycroft took a bite of his toast, “my apparent lack of reaction is driving my brother nuts!” He said in glee.

Greg rolled his eyes and swallowed his bite of egg. “You’re obsessing about it! He’s winning in his own way.”

“He is not! I want him to be so paranoid, he’s looking at his lube funny.”

“He’s winning by doing nothing,” Lestrade said with a sigh.

“Is not!”, Mycroft said brandishing his fork, “bring it on clue boy!”


“Timothy, do you think the boys are fighting?”, Margaret asked.

“Aren’t they always?”, he responded swallowing his bite of toast.

“True.”, she thought for a second. “I know we just got up but I was wondering if I could entice you back to bed?”

Timothy smiled, stood up and held out his hand. “Bring it on sexy woman!”

Chapter Text

“Greg? John. Can we meet for coffee? Our husband’s are driving me crazy and I have an idea how to put a stop to the insanity.”

“Oh thank god! Meet me in the resort coffee shop in fifteen?”


Later that night,
When they had planned this family get away, the up-coming plot twist hadn’t even entered their mind. Now, however, they weren’t hesitating.

Standing in a private dining room with the rest of the Holmes clan, including the parents, Greg and John stood and asked for quiet.

Lestrade motioned for John to lead the way so he took a deep breath and began. “When we planned this family vacation, we both envisioned great family times and growing closer. Greg and I really have no family and we both adore your parents,” they beamed, “so this was our chance to become one big Holmes unit.”

Sherlock looked bored, Mycroft muttered something under his breath. Margaret stood up, walked behind them and grabbed an earlobe of each son in hand. “Pay attention or so help me I will twist until your lobes turn blue.”

John was entertained to see both Holmes boys quit fidgeting and sit up straight, glaring at he and Lestrade. John smirked and continued, “you two can’t stop yourselves can you? I know how old you are but god help me, you act like four year olds. So, we’re going to get you to behave by resorting to your level. Ready?”

No one said a word.

“Have you ever read the Greek play Lysistrata? The women are tired of the men making war and until they stop, there will be no sex.” Sherlock looked concerned. Mycroft was stone-faced. “So, Greg and I are going to do the same thing. Until you two behave nicely and bury the hatchet, there will be no sex. Do not smirk at me Sherlock! I am more than capable of withstanding your charms as I’m sure Greg can with you Mycroft.” Timothy let out a low chuckle. “So, no sex. Oh,” he eyed Sherlock specifically, “and we can make you want it but not give it to you.”

Sherlock looked smug as did Mycroft. Lestrade chipped in, “the word he wants is dicktease.” He got right into his husband’s face and said, “and I can be the biggest dicktease walking.”

Mycroft said, “I find it bizarre that we’re talking about this in front of my parents.” He sat primly in his chair.

“Seriously?”, said Greg. “Your mother saw me naked, I’ve heard them having sex (Timothy grinned), she deduced why I was walking funny and, most importantly, they agree with us.” Both parents nodded. “So, starting now, there will be no sex until you both grow the fuck up and act like adults!”

Timothy and Margaret applauded.

Chapter Text

At first the “no sex” rule wasn’t much of an issue. Sherlock had found a mini-case to absorb himself in so John didn’t have to argue about it. That is until Sherlock solved the case brilliantly and came to bed, happy and hard, to regale John with the details.

Not that John wasn’t interested because he was but the usual result of this would be a randy Sherlock who would get very oral. John refused to be distracted.

“So the wife not only did the murder but she did so from 3000 miles away! Slow acting poison and a poison tipped broken glass that the spouse cut himself on.”, Sherlock preened. “I was particularly brilliant if I do say so myself.”

John was impressed and said so. “What was the give away?” He was sitting up in the wonderfully comfortable king-sized bed, watching his husband disrobe. He wasn’t surprised to see that Sherlock was erect.

“The cat’s toenails and the refrigerator door!”, Sherlock said happily. Climbing into bed next to John, he put his arms around his spouse and hugged him tightly. “God I want to lick you until you can’t take it anymore, bury your fingers in my hair and curl your toes in preparation to come. Then just as you’re about to let go, I’ll stick my finger in your beautiful pink hole and finger fuck you.” He breathed heavily in John’s ear. “God I want you so bad.”

John could imagine the scene quite well and shifted his lower half uncomfortably. “Sherlock.”, he said as his husband starting kissing his neck and nuzzling his ear. It really did feel good. “Sherlock!”, he said a bit louder. When a hand reached for his cock, he removed it (reluctantly he had to admit) and said, “No sex! Remember? I’m mad at you. No sex until you and your brother act like adults.”

”Seriously John?”, Sherlock said in his ear. Taking John’s hand, he placed it on his erection. “You’re going to let a perfectly beautiful erection go to waste because I was mean to Cake Boy? You know you want to suck me in, feel me grow harder in your mouth...”

With the name calling, John snapped out of the hormonal haze he was in. Disentangling himself from his husband, he stood up and put some distance between them. Turning to Sherlock in disgust, he said, “see!!! You aren’t sorry at all! No sex Sherlock!” He could feel his own half-hard cock drooping.

His husband stared in amazement. “You’re serious. You won’t put out until I apologize and act like an adult to my brother?”

”Exactly! Did you think I was kidding?”, John was glaring, arms crossed over his chest.

”Well, yes, I mean why would you deny yourself? And what am I supposed to with this?”, Sherlock gestured to his still hard cock.

”Well, as an American friend of mine used to say, you’d better beat off.” At Sherlock’s puzzled look, he elaborated, “masturbate Sherlock. Or you could just think yourself to an orgasm. I’m sure you’ve done it before.”

Chapter Text

“So, what do you want?”, a rough voice asked him.

Mycroft Holmes, tied to the headboard and only able to move his head, said, “relief.” Turning his head slightly, he added, “please Master.”

The voice continued, “Do you think you deserve relief?” The whip sang as it met flesh. Mycroft moaned. “You’ve been a first-class shit since we got on the plane. And frankly, it’s getting old.” The whip sang again. The British government tried to jump. “And remember, I said there will be no sex until you and your brother make amends. Or were you not listening?”

“No.”, Mycroft managed.

“No what?”, the voice asked.

“No Master.” Mycroft hung his head.

“There should be more to this statement. Exactly what are you saying no to.”, the voice continued.

Mycroft hung his head, “I have been a first class shit since we boarded the plane. You were right. And it’s not that I wasn’t listening but that I didn’t think you were serious.” He closed his eyes reflexively for the expected pain/pleasure.

Lestrade didn’t disappoint. The next blow hit his right buttock. Mycroft hissed through his teeth.

“So you thought that you could come to me with your pert little ass (light whip touch), beautiful erection (Mycroft’s legs were tied a little apart for easy access, the tip of the whip went between his legs and came back glistening), amazing amount of pre-come, (Greg licked the tip of the whip) and I’d forget everything and drop trou for you?”

Nothing from Mycroft.

“Excuse me?”, the whip sang again. Mycroft’s left shoulder blade.

“Basically yes.”, he admitted.

Lestrade chuckled, “you are such an arse.” Into Mycroft’s ear as he let his fingers trail over the whip marks, “but you’re my arse and you’ve been bad. So, I’m going to untie you, briefly. I’m going to sit in that chair and you’re going to crawl to me, showing some repentance for your behavior. I’m going to let you lick me. (Mycroft perked up). You however are not going to come. If you do a good job, I may consider unlocking the cock cage and maybe letting one arm free after I tie you back up.” Mycroft’s eyebrows rose. “Yes, I may let you get yourself off, I haven’t decided.”

Lestrade moved to the chair. “I may just make you watch me for awhile.” He sat down and took his cock in hand. “You’ve made me watch you often enough.”

Mycroft moaned again.

Chapter Text

The Holmes parents were lying in their nice bed together, intertwined and sticky. Margaret turned to place a kiss on her spouse’s nose and said, “god I love you! You know, one thing I’ve always wanted for our boys is for them to be happy. And I think they are but good lord they don’t make it easy for John or Greg.”

Timothy smiled and hugged her tighter, “no they don’t but honestly, I think that’s part of the attraction. And we like the both of them, I do want us to be one big family.”

“Me too.”, Margaret sat up. “Do you think they have the ability to say no to them? The Holmes boys can be very sexy and hard to resist.”

Her husband said, “yes I think they can resist just fine. Want to take a bet on who cracks first?”

“Mycroft!”, Margaret said promptly. “He only thinks he’s in control.”

“Ok, and I’ll take our youngest. He’s not as strong and tough as he thinks. Our usual bet?”

Smiling, she said, “of course.” They clutched pinkies and shook.

“Now,” Timothy said, sitting up and putting his arms around his wife, “allow this Holmes boy to lure you back to bed.”

Chapter Text

John was surprised that the families were meeting for breakfast. Usually they did that meal on their own and met everyone later. However, the parents had insisted so here they were.

Sherlock, however, had a different view. “Of course they want to meet for breakfast. My parents probably bet on whether you and Lestrade gave in and, if not, which one of us will crack first.”

John looked stunned. “Your parents would bet on something like this?” He pulled out a chair and sat down. So far they were the only ones there.

Sherlock dropped into a chair as well and ordered coffee for them both from the hovering waitress. As she walked off, he called, “and if you could leave the pot, that would be great.” She turned, smiled brightly at the detective and continued towards the kitchen.

“Ok, so your parents take bets on you and Mycroft?”, John was still stunned.

The waitress was back with the coffee. She smiled prettily at both of them, served them, and left the pot saying she’d be back when the rest of their party arrived.

“Sherlock! Your parents bet on you two?”, John wanted clarification.

“Of course. They’ll each back one of us or the other, pinky shake on it and settle up at the end. If we take too long, they’ll subtly “help” by asking questions or helping their person along.” At John’s stunned look he added, “just watch. They think they’re subtle.”

“Dare I ask what the winner gets?”, John asked. Knowing the Holmes parents, he’d believe just about anything.

“It usually involves nudity. I made the mistake of coming home from uni one weekend unexpectedly and interrupted a “no clothes weekend”.”

John just sat with his mouth open. “Nudity?”, he squeaked.

“It may involve oral sex though. Mycroft overheard them congratulating the winner and telling exactly how they wanted to be serviced once. He’s never been the same.” Sherlock picked up the paper and started to scan the headlines. “Oh look, here comes the rest of the pack.”

Chapter Text

Greg and Mycroft got to the table slightly ahead of the Holmes parents. Mycroft gallantly pulled out a chair for his husband then seated himself, wincing slightly.

“Feeling ok Mycroft?”, John asked, the doctor in him never far from the surface.

His brother-in-law smiled thinly and announced that he was just fine.

Margaret and Timothy overheard the last part of this as they moved to sit down. Margaret smiled broadly and said, “do you take turns? With Greg walking funny the other day and now you, I’d expect so.

John, realizing what they were talking about, sat with his mouth open. Timothy winked at him. Sherlock laughed out loud.

”Mother!”, Mycroft said between his teeth. “You used to be subtle. Now you’re acting like your youngest son.”

”Oh please!”, Margaret made shooing motions. “I’m not into the BDSM lifestyle myself but I have questions. For instance, does the dominant one wear leather?

Sherlock gave up any pretense of self-control. He put his head down on the table and howled.

John elbowed his spouse sharply in the ribs which did nothing but make him sit up and continue laughing.

Greg’s face was scarlet and hidden behind his hand. Timothy was silently laughing as well. Mycroft tried to get control of the situation, “Mother!”, he said sharply.

Sherlock interjected, between laughs, “oh this is great! I know exactly what to get you for your birthday! Would you like your own whip?” He retreated back to the table top to hide his face.

”I don’t know if Timothy would be up for it,”, they smiled at each other, “but yes, that would be lovely.”

The waitress arrived at that moment to take their orders. Thank god thought John sincerely.

Chapter Text

After breakfast was over, Margaret excused herself and asked to borrow Mycroft and Sherlock for a few hours. Neither brother looked thrilled but they went along reluctantly.

John leaned back in his chair and took a sip of his coffee. He saw Greg glance over his shoulder as well. Finally Greg moved to say something when Timothy lifted his hand and said, “wait.” Both brothers-in-law were confused until Margaret came rushing back in looking flustered.

“Oh there it is!”, she said happily picking up her purse from her chair. “Couldn’t think where I’d left it!” Throwing a kiss to Timothy, she waved at the others and bustled off.

Timothy promptly sat up and said, “OK, so none of them suspect?

Once the other Holmes got out the door of the restaurant they picked up the pace. Walking two blocks to a different coffee shop, they sat down and ordered.

Margaret glanced at both of her sons and said, “so, they suspect nothing?”

Chapter Text

John leaned forward and said, “so they don’t suspect that you were part of the plot to get all of us on vacation at the same time for your fifty-fifth wedding anniversary celebration? Would Sherlock even remember that fact?”

Lestrade chipped in, “I don’t think it’s dawned on Mycroft but it’s hard to be sure.”

“Well I’ve been working on being unreadable to Margaret for almost sixty years. I don’t think she’s figured it out yet. I keep distracting her with my hot body.”, Timothy grinned as did his sons-in-law.

“So is everything in place for the dinner tomorrow night? I’m asking Margaret to remarry me on the beach at dawn of our last day.” They all smiled happily.

Greg said smiling, “I’ve got the ring tucked away in the room safe.”

John said, “And the dinner is all set. Anything else you can think of?”

The three conspirators thought and then put their heads together.

“Now is everything in place for our extended honeymoon?”, Margaret asked.

Her sons nodded their heads and Mycroft said, “I have the tickets to Egypt in Sherlock’s room safe. Greg has something in ours so it seemed easier.”

Sherlock said, “And the honeymoon breakfast is set for our last day so you can surprise Father and be on your way.”

“Do you think anyone suspects anything? I started setting this up when I found we were joining you on this trip.”, Margaret said. “It’s so hard to surprise your father after almost sixty years together. And he’s always wanted to sail up the Nile.”

Mycroft smiled and said, “I don’t think he suspects a thing. I haven’t noticed any signs.”

“One thing though Mycroft,” Sherlock said, “can we apologize at lunch today??? I’d really like to molest John tonight.”

Chapter Text

As was usual, the whole family was meeting for lunch. As was most unusual, Sherlock was looking forward to it.

“Come on John! Let’s go! You’re pretty enough.”, said one impatient consulting detective to his spouse who was brushing his teeth.

“You ate at breakfast! Are you really that hungry?”, John asked in bewilderment.

“No! Yes! Just let’s go!”, Sherlock said and dragged him out the door of their cottage.


The British government came up behind his spouse and said, “I miss you. And I see signs of apologies at lunch.” He buried his face in his husband’s neck.

”Miss you as well. But the cage stays on until a real apology is had.” Lestrade kissed his cheek, patted his arse and moved to the sitting area.


”You have a beautiful all-over tan my darling!” Margaret was watching Timothy get dressed. “You are just as beautiful as the day I met you!”

”Keep that up and we won’t make it to lunch!”, Timothy smiled.

”Oh, I meant to tell you. Sherlock is weakening. I really thought it’d be Mycroft.”,

Timothy smiled, “the day is young my darling. Let’s see what happens at lunch.”

Chapter Text

The Holmes parents were the first to the restaurant oddly enough. They were calmly perusing the menu when their offspring and spouses began to arrive.

John and Sherlock arrived first. “Where is Cake Boy?”, Sherlock said with a sniff. His parents exchanged glances.

John rolled his eyes. “You are absolutely hopeless!” He held out a chair for Sherlock and then seated himself. “If I didn’t know better, I’d swear you were raised by wolves.” He and Margaret exchanged smiles.

“Whatever.”, Sherlock mumbled and picked up the menu. He went straight to the dessert section.

Mycroft and Greg arrived shortly thereafter. John thought his brother-in-law looked a little more sour faced then usual and gave Greg a questioning look. The cop just smiled and held Mycroft’s chair for him.

“Since today is our last full day on the island, let me say how wonderful this vacation has been and how happy we are that we were invited along.”, Timothy said cordially. Everyone raised their glass in salute, Sherlock after John elbowed him.

Margaret looked confused. “What is that buzzing sound? Does anyone else hear it?”

Mycroft said casually, “I’m sure it’s nothing Mother. Maybe someone’s phone.”

She didn’t look like she believed him but subsided.

The main course had come and gone (John refused to let Sherlock order an entire key lime pie, “What are you, four?”) and dessert was being served. Timothy and Margaret were sharing a slab of something called “Sinful Chocolate Surprise “, when Margaret put down her fork.

“That buzzing has gotten louder.” Standing up she followed the sound to her eldest son. “Mycroft, why are you buzzing?”

Mycroft looked pained, “seriously Mother, it’s fine. Just something I can’t reach right at this second.”

The buzzing subsided somewhat. Margaret looked at him oddly but went back to her seat.

Timothy turned to John and asked, “What are you and Sherlock planning to do for the rest of the day?”

Margaret interrupted again, “the buzzing has gotten louder Mycroft and you’re squirming.” Her son shifted uncomfortably while Greg smiled. Her eyes lit up, “is that one of those prostate massager things? I’ve wondered about those. How do they work? Do you recommend them?” Getting up, she moved her chair between Mycroft and Greg.

“Mother!”, Mycroft ground out between his teeth. “This isn’t the time or the place.”

“Oh nonsense. Besides, who else can I possibly ask?”

“Mummy,” Sherlock interjected, “is your birthday wish list growing?”

“Why yes, Sherlock, I believe it has. When we get back to London would you take me to one of those stores? I want to look at toys.”

John nearly choked on the sip of wine he was taking.

And two things happened at the same time that led to two other things happening at the same time. A gasping John put his hand down to steady himself and accidentally touched his husband’s neglected groin at the same time that Lestrade took his hand out of his pocket to thump John on the back if needed and accidentally flipped the remote control on the vibrating butt plug up two notches. These actions caused both Holmes boys to yell, “I apologize Sherlock!” And “God damn John! Mycroft I apologize!”, at practically the same time.

Margaret looked at Timothy. “A tie? We’ve never had a tie before. How do we decide that?”

Chapter Text

Sherlock wasted no time. As soon as they were back in their cottage, he had John up against the wall grinding his erection into him as he passionately kissed him.

As Sherlock moved his lips to John’s neck and his fingers to shirt buttons, John managed to get his wits about him to say, “do you think you deserve this?

Fingers trailing down nicely tanned flesh, Sherlock moved to the buttons on John’s shorts. “Yes.”, he said simply as he took John into his mouth. “I most definitely do.”


Greg looked at his husband, “are you going to behave?”

Mycroft closed his eyes, “yes, I’ve apologized to my brother, I was polite to my parents even after my mother asked to see my butt plug. I think I deserve some relief.”

Greg pulled his husband to him, “how about you ask me nicely and show me your appreciation.”

Mycroft sank to his knees...

Timothy looked at Margaret and smiled. She really was beautiful. “Darling?”

“I cannot believe we tied! Ordinarily I would be gearing up for some really nice tongue or for licking you if I’d lost. How do we cover a tie?”

“Well, we could give mutual oral...”, Timothy said as he slid into position.

Chapter Text

John and Greg met up with Timothy before dinner to check that everything was set. Greg produced the ring which Timothy pocketed.

“Thank you both for all your help.”, he gave both of them hugs. “Now shall we go get our respective Holmes?”


John and Sherlock arrived first. The private dining room was set for six and beautifully decorated. John felt that he and Greg had done an excellent job and hoped the rest of the evening was just as successful.

Sherlock looked around and cryptically said, “makes sense.”

John didn’t have time to ask though as Mycroft and Greg appeared.

“Should have known,” was all the British government said. Greg looked confused as well.

However the senior Holmes’ were upon them so no one asked.

Margaret clapped her hands in delight. “Timothy! It’s beautiful! Happy Anniversary darling!” Standing on tiptoe, she kissed his cheek.

Timothy stood straight and smiled down at Margaret. “Happy Anniversary to the most wonderful thing that’s ever happened to me. Margaret,” he took her hands and looked into her eyes, “light of my life. For almost sixty years you’ve been my world and I can’t imagine life without you.” Getting slowly down to one knee, he clasped her hands and said, “Margaret Elizabeth Sherringford Holmes, would you marry me all over again?” He pulled the box from his pocket and opened it, “please?”

John felt his eyes getting a little misty and held Sherlock’s hand tighter. His husband had a smile on his face as well as he watched his parents.

Margaret’s face showed surprise and delight. Kissing Timothy’s upturned face she said, “oh hell yes!”

The applause was loud and long lasting.



Mycroft and Sherlock had a short conversation with their mother then the detective disappeared briefly.

Upon his return, he handed her an envelope and seated himself next to John.

Margaret stood and Mycroft banged on his champagne flute for silence. She turned to Timothy, “I got you something as well which I wasn’t going to give you until we were leaving tomorrow but I can’t wait.” Reaching into her purse she pulled out a ticket folder, “to the love of my life, Happy Anniversary and thank you for making me so happy. I especially wanted to get you something you’ve always wanted so,” she handed the folder to Timothy, “we’re sailing up the Nile for a week. We leave tomorrow.”

Sherlock stood. “John and I wanted to get you something special for this day as well.” (John raised an eyebrow, “we” did?). He handed a package to his mother. “Sherlock! You shouldn’t have!”, Margaret tore open the paper as Timothy looked on. Margaret looked up in delight, “oh you dear boy!” For in the box were a small whip with instructions, a blind fold, hand cuffs, a butt plug and something John couldn’t even identify. Timothy beamed.

Chapter Text

The plane leveled out and John sat back with a sigh. While the week had been relaxing in many ways, he felt exhausted and was looking forward to being home. He did feel the week had been a success though: they had enjoyed themselves, he and Greg had gotten to know their in-laws better and the Holmes boys hadn’t killed each other. Of course Greg would never be the same after the nude beach incident and they’d had to withhold sex to bring their husband’s to their senses but all in all it had been a success.

Sherlock, sitting next to him, looked more relaxed and somewhat tan, for him. John has found a book to replace the one Mycroft was holding hostage so his husband was happily reading and picking out errors.

Greg and Mycroft were a few rows ahead of them and John knew the British government had barely waited for take off before he’d started working.

The wedding had gone beautifully although at the last minute Margaret tried for a clothes optional wedding. Sherlock had stepped in, oddly enough, and told his mother that she since wasn’t pagan the “sky clad” (nude) option was out. She’d reluctantly agreed.

And the elder Holmes were on their way to Egypt. After the toys Sherlock had sent them off with, he really hoped their fellow passengers had ear plugs.

Reaching for the pillow and blanket the airline had provided, he settled back for a nap.


John awoke to a darkened plane and couldn’t figure out what had disturbed him. That is until he felt a hand moving towards his crotch. Pretending to stretch, he moved to a better position. The hand lightly patted his arse and continued its wandering.