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a (number) neighborhood of seven

Chapter Text

AUGUST 9, 2019

You created group “number neighborhood wassup”

You changed this group’s icon

You changed this group’s subject to “were number neighbors yall”

Richie: sup B)

207-xxx-1112: what the fuck

207-xxx-1112: who are u ppl

Richie: read the subject bro

Richie: were # neighbors

207-xxx-1115: You forgot the apostrophe.

207-xxx-1114: oh, is this that twitter thing???

207-xxx-1117: I thought you were only supposed to text one person tho?

Richie: thats boring i wanted a whole STREET

207-xxx-1114: why 7 tho

Richie: lucky number ig lmao

207-xxx-1116: uhh hi?? lmao

Richie: finally someone said it back

207-xxx-1113: do… do I know u people?

Richie: probably not if u dont recognize the #s lmao

Richie: hey can i learn ur names real quick so i can add yall to my contacts

207-xxx-1112: what the fuck no

207-xxx-1116: yeah why not my names bev

Richie: cool cool thx

Bev: wby??

Richie: my names richie lmao

207-xxx-1114: im mike :)

Richie: noted B)

207-xxx-1113: is that the only emoji u use

207-xxx-1113: also uh im bill

207-xxx-1117: im ben!

207-xxx-1112: wtf yall are just giving him ur names

207-xxx-1112: what if hes like a serial killer

Richie: I literally dont know any of u but go off ig -3-

Bill: I mean…

Bev: u could be a stalker

Mike: we do live in the same area after all…

Ben: suspicious

Richie: wait

Richie: no were just neighbors >:(

207-xxx-1112: we’re literally not we probably dont even live in the same state

207-xxx-1115: We all have the same area code.

207-xxx-1112: wait

207-xxx-1112: jesus christ im a dumbass

207-xxx-1112: time to move


Richie: its okay neighbor im sure were all dumb B)

207-xxx-1112: fuck u dickwad im not dumb

Mike: you just said-

207-xxx-1112: also i have a name that’s not “neighbor” thank u

Bill: but we haven’t heard it

Richie: good point bill

Bill: thanks richie

Richie: Expose Urselves Pls

207-xxx-1115: If I state my name, can you please use proper grammar?

Richie: hmm maybe

207-xxx-1115: I’m Stan.

Richie: col thx mn

Stan: What the fuck

207-xxx-1112: fuck im the last one

Richie: now u have to oh mysterious one

Ben: yeah cmon! we’re all friends here :)

207-xxx-1112: I dont know any of u tf

Mike: do we seem that bad :(

207-xxx-1112: I mean

207-xxx-1112: not really i guess

Richie: come onnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

207-xxx-1112: ugh whatever ig if u were a serial killer u wouldve gotten me already

207-xxx-1112: im eddie

Richie: nice nice

Richie: welcome to the neighborhood eds B)

Eds: dont call me that

Chapter Text

“number neighborhood wassup”

AUGUST 10, 2019

Richie: so like

Richie: what do yall do

Bev: im in school lmao

Mike: like,, middle school??

Bev: do

Bev: do I give off middle school vibes

Bev: oh god

Mike: I mean not really I just assume everyone is younger than me

Eds: how old are u tf

Mike: 19 lmao

Eds: oh are u in college too then??

Mike: yeah! second year

Bev: ooh me too

Richie: same rip

Richie: fuk skool B)

Stan: You clearly need more of it.

Richie: i

Bill: ksjkjdks

Bill: Im in college too

Ben: me too!

Ben: did you guys stay in state?

Richie: community college yeet

Eds: oh fuck no

Eds: I refused to stay at home any longer than I had to

Bev: lol same

Richie: oof

Richie: whatre yall in college for

Mike: teaching :)

Bev: cute :’)

Bev: im in for fashion design uwu

Bill: mostly the basics

Bill: I wanna be an author

Ben: architecture!! I love making things

Stan: Accounting.


Stan: What?

Richie: sorry that just makes so much sense

Stan: Okay??

Richie: anyway im gonna be a comedian

Eds: ur not even funny

Richie: ouch eds way to hurt my feelings :’)

Eds: dont call me that

Richie: anyway u just havent known me long enough ;)

Richie: im fuckin hilarious

Eds: yeah sure tell a joke then

Richie: ur mom

Bev: we-

Eds: thats so old shut the fuck up

Stan: I can see your career as a comedian going down in flames already.

Richie: jesus the fact that u type perfectly™ makes that wayyy more threatening

Richie: anyway I dont usually do jokes

Eds: what kinda comedian doesnt tell jokes-

Richie: I do Voices™ tyvm

Eds: what

Eds: tf does that mean

Mike: voices like,, how

Ben: like a ventriloquist?

Richie: ur onto something my dear benjamin

Richie: but not quite

Richie: I cant throw my voice yet v.v

Stan: Is that meant to be an emoticon.

Richie: yah

Stan: Alright.

Bill: what do you wanna be eddie?

Eds: oh I dunno yet

Eds: im focusing on basics too

Eds: maybe something that involves travelling tho?

Mike: youll figure something out!

Eds: ur so positive how

Ben: omg I wonder if any of us go to the same college

Bill: thatd be interesting tbh

Bill: we wouldnt recognize each other tho

Richie: we should send ~selfies~

Stan: Ew

Mike: maybe in the future??

Mike: weve only been neighbors for like

Mike: a day

Ben: less than a day actually

Richie: fine fine

Richie: ur all missing out tho ;)

Stan: Somehow I doubt that.

Eds: yeah im with stan on this one

Richie: this is MY neighborhood and I WILL kick yall out

Chapter Text

“number neighborhood wassup”

AUGUST 11, 2019

Bill: do any of you have younger siblings

Bill: I need someone to Relate To

Ben: no sorry bill :(

Bill: kskdjsk it’s okay

Richie: im like 99% sure I have a feral twin brother that my parents keep in our basement but they haven’t admitted anything yet

Eds: w h a t

Richie: also i have a baby sister

Mike: excuse me can we rewind a bit

Mike: feral twin?????

Mike: what?????????????

Richie: i have proof

Eds: u are the most confusing person ive ever met

Eds: well technically

Richie: fuck yeah I am B)

Bev: I dont have any siblings thank fuck

Ben: I have a cousin but thats it

Bill: how old is your sister richie

Richie: like 3

Richie: she doesnt do anything except yell and throw things at me

Richie: idk why bc i never do anything to her??

Stan: Somehow, I’m sure she has her reasons.

Richie: bitch

Stan: Bitch.

Bill: oh yeah toddlers are just

Bill: Like That

Bill: georgies ten and i love him dont get me wrong but hes a handful

Bill: until the new school years start for us both im his babysitter

Eds: rip bill

Eds: i cant wait to go back to college

Richie: who Wants to go to school

Eds: me dumbass i just said so

Richie: hmm okay okay

Bev: me too eddie

Bev: i like to be ~alone~

Eds: ~same~

Richie: ~understandable have a nice day~

Mike: ~what are we doing~

Ben: ~who knows anymore~

Stan: What is ~ ?

Mike: its ~

Bev: ~~~

Stan: What

Bill: so georgie just brought home a dog

Bill: i let him go play outside for like 10 minutes and he just

Bill: walked in with a dog????


Ben: omg yes

Bill: ksdkjskdk okay

Bill sent a picture.


Bev: Y E S

Eds: BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!


Stan: Cute :)


Richie: also stans first emoticon omg

Stan: And my last.

Richie: uh huh


Ben: OMG

Bill: georgies just holding her kjskjs

Bill sent a video.

Eds: i love that dog oh my FUCK

Bill: the dog doesnt have a collar?? who is she

Richie: KEEP HER

Richie: and name her after me B)

Eds: she doesnt deserve that

Richie: ill have u kNOW that being named after mE would be a Privelege™ thankyou

Stan: You spelled privilege wrong.

Richie: okay and

Bev: bill

Bev: send more dog pics

Ben: please :)

Bill sent a picture.

Ben: thank you omg

Mike: I love her,,, oh my god,,

Mike: also your brothers adorable omg

Mike: wait is that weird ahh im sorry

Bill: no its fine kjsdkdj he said thanks

Mike: okay yay omg

Stan: Does he look like you at all?

Bill: oh no hes way more blond than i am

Bill: and smaller

Bill: which im sure you already assumed

Bill: but anyway

Richie: hes tiny for a 10yo wtf

Bill: oh wait he wants to say hi apparently??

Bill: im gonna give him the phone ksjdskd

Bev: omg ive never spoken to a child before

Stan: You make it sound like they’re rare creatures or something

Bev: thats bc they Are

Bill: hi billys friends i hope your havin a good day!!!



Ben: oh my god :')

Mike: omg georgie is adorable please

Stan: Tell Georgie to have a good day as well, Bill

Eds: wait that was so cute what the fuck

Richie: georgie i would die for u

Richie: bill can we trade siblings

Bill: no sorry

Richie: damn

Richie: also were your friends?? nice B)

Bill: id say acquaintances but sure

Eds: if this is a friendship its like

Eds: a level 1 friendship

Richie: how to unlock more friendship levels

Richie: wait this isnt google

Eds: no im only friends with bill sorry

Richie: r00d

Bill: its bc of the dog isnt it

Eds: yeah sorry bill

Bill: damn

Chapter Text

“number neighborhood wassup”

AUGUST 12, 2019

Richie: ive decided to change yalls contact names

Richie: just ur names is boring

Richie: what should they be

Eds: idfk

Eds: why not just stick with our names??

Richie: b o r i n g

Richie: whats mine in urs eds

Eds: dont call me that

Eds: and originally it was just “weirdo” but now

Eds: i think itll be “fucking weirdo”

Richie: okay so urs will be eddie spaghetti then

eddie spaghetti: theres??? no correlation there?????

Richie: i dont believe in correlation

Stan: Why.

Richie: stan ur new name is stan the man

stan the man: Again - why?

Richie: why Not

Richie: bill is big bill

big bill: i guess thats not horrible

Richie: bev whaddya want ur name to be

Bev: queen bev

Richie: perfect

queen bev: its what i deserve!

Richie: now for mike and ben

Mike: can i be something nice pls

Richie: naturally

Richie: ull be

Richie: mikey

mikey: nice and normal thank you

Richie: and ben is benjamin

benjamin: cant complain with that :)

eddie spaghetti: okay but why did i get the weirdest fucking name

Richie: i think it fits

eddie spaghetti: how?????

Richie: it just does dont question me spaghetti man

eddie spaghetti: im?????

Richie: omg should i change my own name too

benjamin: you can do that??

Richie: yah

eddie spaghetti: make it trashmouth

trashmouth™: perfect thanks eddie spaghetti

eddie spaghetti: :|

queen bev: anyway hows everyone doing today

benjamin: im good! how are you?

queen bev: tired as FUCK but thats normal

queen bev: thanks for asking tho ben uwu

benjamin: of course :)

stan the man: I’m well

stan the man: I saw a dog earlier and it made my day

mikey: god me

mikey: speaking of dogs bill what happened to georgies?

big bill: oh yeah! my parents got home and took her to the vet

big bill: turns out she was just a stray and pretty healthy so they were like “guess we’ll keep her”

eddie spaghetti: GOOD

benjamin: oh my god yay :’)

queen bev: that means u can send more pics bless

mikey: okay but does she have a name yet

mikey: she Needs one

big bill: georgies just calling her “dog” for now

trashmouth™: big good omens energy

mikey: omg yes

eddie spaghetti: wait i love that show

trashmouth™: as you should

stan the man: What’s Good Omens?

mikey: it’s a show about this angel and demon whove been friends for thousands of years and they try to stop the apocalypse together

queen bev: the angel and demon are also really gay so like

eddie spaghetti: bevs an intellectual

stan the man: I’m intrigued. Maybe I’ll watch it

trashmouth™: okay is it invasive to ask yalls opinions abt the gays™

trashmouth™: cause tbh if any of yall are homophobic yall gotta go

queen bev: im bi as fuck are u kidding

trashmouth™: bitch me too the fuck!!

queen bev: omg twins uwu

mikey: im gay lmao

eddie spaghetti: me too

benjamin: im not sure really?? but im definitely an ally :)

big bill: im bi

queen bev: triplets sksksks hell yeah

stan the man: I don’t really know either.

stan the man: I’m definitely not homophobic though

trashmouth™: i love my neighbors

benjamin: :)

queen bev: this is v wholesome uwu

mikey: bill can we have more dog pics pls

big bill: hell yeah

big bill sent a picture.

big bill sent a picture.

big bill sent a picture.

eddie spaghetti: I LOVE THIS CONTENT

queen bev: i!! love!! her!!!!!!!!

mikey: shes suddenly the only dog ever

mikey: bill pls hug her for me

big bill: okay ksjdksd

trashmouth™: kiss her head for me B)


queen bev: SKSKSKSKSK

stan the man: Yes, dogs tend to do that

big bill: that was so gross ew

big bill: georgies laughing at me what an evil child

eddie spaghetti: bc its funny

big bill: >:(

big bill: haha she licked georgie too

trashmouth™: name her lickitung

mikey: a pokemon name omg yes

eddie spaghetti: richie had a good idea wow incredible

trashmouth™: ALL of my ideas are incredible eddie spaghetti

eddie spaghetti: debatable

big bill: georgie said that name sucks sorry richie

trashmouth™: WHAT THE FUCK

queen bev: wow sad

queen bev: tell georgie I support whatever name he chooses uwu

big bill: he said thanks sdjsldjs

big bill: I think hes finally decided??

stan the man: What is it?

big bill: he

big bill: hes calling it turtle???


mikey: turtle it is!

Chapter Text

“number neighborhood wassup”

AUGUST 13, 2019

big bill: can we change the chat name

trashmouth™: why tho

big bill: its old

trashmouth™: its been less than a w e e k

big bill: but like

big bill: its o l d

trashmouth™: it’s a perfect chat name

trashmouth™: ur just a coward

queen bev: idk mayhaps bill has a point

trashmouth™: this neighborhood sucks im moving

mikey: who will our landlord be now

trashmouth™: im passing landlord duties to eds

eddie spaghetti: stop calling me that

eddie spaghetti: and do neighborhoods even have landlords

benjamin: i think so??

trashmouth™: if not well be the first

mikey: okay but back to the chat name

mikey: what should it be

mikey: personally im all for calling us The Gays

trashmouth™: mike u fuckin intellectual

You changed the name from “number neighborhood wassup” to “the gays™”

trashmouth™: this fits much better

mikey: hell yeah it does

eddie spaghetti: yeah i can get behind this

queen bev: guys do any of u have good music suggestions

queen bev: i Need new songs

benjamin: new kids on the block are really good!!

queen bev: ben ur so valid ty


benjamin: theyre good-

eddie spaghetti: i bet richie listens to fuckin rick astley or something

trashmouth™: how dare u insult me like that

stan the man: What’s wrong with Rick Astley? I listen to him sometimes.

trashmouth™: ofc u do

mikey: is

mikey: is “never gonna give you up” your favorite song by him

stan the man: Yes?

mikey: o k a y

big bill: the songs not That bad

big bill: I like it

stan the man: Bill has good taste

big bill: ksdksdj thanks stan

queen bev: only ben and eddie can give me suggestions fuck the rest of yall

mikey: >:(

queen bev: >:)

eddie spaghetti: queen

eddie spaghetti: david bowie

eddie spaghetti: acdc is kinda good

queen bev: thank you eddie uwu

trashmouth™: wait why is ur music taste actually good

mikey: okay but like who Doesnt listen to at least queen

stan the man: Even I do

trashmouth™: finally, stan has taste

big bill: okay but whats the best song ever tho

big bill: i wanna see what yall think

trashmouth™: africa by toto

eddie spaghetti: africa by toto

stan the man: Africa by Toto

stan the man: Oh

trashmouth™: OUR MINDS

stan the man: I can’t believe I’m agreeing with Richie

stan the man: Disgusting

trashmouth™: listen

benjamin: I wonder if we’ll ever see richie and stan agree again

stan the man: No, never again

trashmouth™: bet

queen bev: nkotb actually arent bad

mikey: maybe ill listen too :)

benjamin: you should!! theyre my fave group

eddie spaghetti: does ben deserve rights? no

queen bev: nobodys allowed to take bens rights hush eddie

benjamin: thanks bev sksksk

queen bev: of course ben uwu

eddie spaghetti: okay but can we at least agree that richie has no rights

queen bev: oh yeah definitely

stan the man: Yes

trashmouth™: im Right Here

Chapter Text

“the gays™”

AUGUST 14, 2019

trashmouth™: hey

trashmouth™: hey

trashmouth™: hey

trashmouth™: ehy

trashmouth™: wait fuvk

eddie spaghetti: what the fuck richie

trashmouth™: oh my god finally,,,,,

trashmouth™: after so many long,,, lonely years,,,,,

mikey: sksksjks u good richie

trashmouth™: ive recieved an answer,,,

trashmouth™: also no mike but thx for asking B)

queen bev: god mood

trashmouth™: anyway can we finally do face reveals™

trashmouth™: i wanna see my neighbors

big bill: i mean

big bill: youve already seen my brother so

big bill: i guess it wouldnt hurt??

queen bev: yeah ill send a selfie sksksk

queen bev: yall have to promise to only say Nice Things tho

queen bev: i love validation uwu

benjamin: of course!!

benjamin: and

benjamin: maybe ill send one too

benjamin: im bad at taking pictures tho lol

mikey: im sure youre great!!

mikey: and yeah sure im cool with face reveals

queen bev: im excited tbh sksksks

mikey: same actually skdjksd

eddie spaghetti: ill,, consider it

stan the man: Me too

trashmouth™: aw cmon were all curious

trashmouth™: i bet yall are cute B)

eddie spaghetti: shut the fuck up

trashmouth™: sad yeehaw

stan the man: Literally what the fuck

trashmouth™: why is that the only thing you can say to me

stan the man: Gee, I wonder

queen bev: k im gonna send a pic now nobody laugh or im moving far far away

benjamin: we wont!!

queen bev sent a picture.

benjamin: bev youre so pretty omg! i love your hair :D

queen bev: ben omg ty :’) i cut it myself~

trashmouth™: okay how dramatic can i get with compliments

queen bev: im good with anything not creepy

trashmouth™: okay good bc WHAT THE HELL UR HOT


big bill: you look amazing bev!

eddie spaghetti: okay im gay but ur v pretty

mikey: bev wtf!! ur an Actual Queen love that

mikey: ur hair is so good?? and u cut it??? amazing

queen bev: yall are so nice shut up omg

stan the man: You look very pretty

queen bev: okay im validated thank you guys omg :’)

big bill: ill send mine now if yall want

mikey: yeah go for it bill!!

big bill: oof okay

big bill sent a picture.

trashmouth™: ur hot too wtf

queen bev: BILL UR SO CUTE

eddie spaghetti: my self esteem,,,

trashmouth™: MOOD

big bill: ksjdksd

mikey: bill your little smile!!! congrats u own my heart now

big bill: mike u have mine too omg ksjdksdj

benjamin: your eyes are so nice omg!

stan the man: Oh wow

big bill: is that a good oh wow or

stan the man: Yes

big bill: okay kjsdksd

mikey: its really gay in here rn and im Not complaining

mikey: im gonna send my pic now hang on

queen bev: YES MIKE LETS GO

mikey sent a picture.




big bill: wow okay mike okay

big bill: okay

trashmouth™: bigbill.exe has stopped working

queen bev: SKSKSKSK

stan the man: Oh… wow

stan the man: Yes that’s also a good wow

benjamin: you look so nice mike what!!

eddie spaghetti: mike ur so attractive im OFFENDED

mikey: im crying yall are sweet omg

benjamin: should i send a picture lol

queen bev: UH OF COURSE?? CMON BEN

trashmouth™: BEN BEN BEN BEN EBN


benjamin: okay

benjamin: sorry in advance-

benjamin sent a picture.

queen bev: SHUT THE FUCK UP





big bill: aw omg ben!

stan the man: You look great, there’s no need to apologize

eddie spaghetti: BEN UR CUTE TF

benjamin: AH THANK YOU!!

stan the man: Maybe I’ll send a picture too

big bill: yes please

mikey: I agree yes

stan the man: Okay

stan the man: Give me a minute

trashmouth™: hell yeah lets go stan the man

stan the man sent a picture.

queen bev: STANNN OKAY UR C U T E

big bill: your hair looks so soft omg I love it

mikey: ur adORABLE WTF

mikey: happy to announce again that im gay

stan the man: :)

trashmouth™: BITCH W H Y ARE U CUTE

eddie spaghetti: stans cute omg

benjamin: your smile is so nice omg!!

trashmouth™: ben out here with the Normal Compliments

eddie spaghetti: should i send one now

trashmouth™: yes do it eds

eddie spaghetti: dont call me that

eddie spaghetti: but okay

queen bev: YAY

eddie spaghetti sent a picture.

trashmouth™: WHAT THE FUCK

trashmouth™: UR SO FUCKIN CUTE????

trashmouth™: WHAT THE FCUK

eddie spaghetti: THATS EXTREME BUT OKAY

trashmouth™: NO IT ISNT THE FUCK

trashmouth: richie.exe haS D I E D


queen bev: eddie ur ADORABLE WHAT

stan the man: Cute

big bill: youre adorable omg


benjamin: you look great omg!!

eddie spaghetti: THANK YALL WOW

eddie spaghetti: i can die happy

trashmouth™: yes join me in the afterlife where im still recovering from ur CUTENESS

eddie spaghetti: IM-

queen bev: okay richie ur the last one

queen bev: show us ur f a c e

trashmouth™: oh no i cant

eddie spaghetti: bitch why

trashmouth™: 1. bc im dead

trashmouth™: 2. im literally a troll compared to yall lmao

big bill: i doubt that smh come on richie

eddie spaghetti: yeah wtf

eddie spaghetti: i wanna know what ur annoying ass looks like

trashmouth™: maybe

trashmouth™: hm okay hang on

trashmouth™ sent a picture.



trashmouth™: what no thats totally a pic of me

stan the man: If we sent real pictures, then you have to, too.

eddie spaghetti: yeah richie u started this anyway

trashmouth™: ugh fine but if yall make fun of me this neighborhood will be Demolished

trashmouth™: prepare for ur screens to crack!!1!

trashmouth™ sent a picture.

eddie spaghetti: wait is that actually u

trashmouth™: yah

eddie spaghetti: okay that’s fucking NOT ALLOWED

eddie spaghetti: why the FUCK are you ACTUALLY HOT

trashmouth™: OH SHIT REALLY

eddie spaghetti: YEAH WTF???


big bill: your hair is so Fluffy omg


benjamin: richie i love your glasses!!

stan the man: Huh, you’re actually not ugly

trashmouth™: stan ur this close to getting evicted

stan the man: Try me bitch

trashmouth™: b i t c h

trashmouth™: BUT THX GUYS WOW

trashmouth™: my bi ass can die happy now <3

eddie spaghetti: ur so dramatic shut up

trashmouth™: u said the same tHING???

eddie spaghetti: okay and

trashmouth™: why are the cute people always so mean -3-

eddie spaghetti: why are the hot people always ANNOYING

trashmouth™: ill never get tired of hearing eddie call me hot

eddie spaghetti: never again

trashmouth™: s a d y e e h a w

queen bev: why are richie and eddie Like That

mikey: it’s a real mystery

Chapter Text

“the gays™”

AUGUST 15, 2019

trashmouth™: @big bill hows my favorite dog LICKITUNG doin

big bill: why did you capitalize lickitung

trashmouth™: for Emphasis bc i refuse to call her “”turtle””

big bill: idk georgies sticking with it ://

big bill: but shes good!

big bill sent a picture.

eddie spaghetti: BEAUITFUL

eddie spaghetti: SPECTACLUAR

eddie spaghetti: AMZING

stan the man: You just misspelled every single word

eddie spaghetti: dammit

trashmouth™: haha eds cant spell

eddie spaghetti: richie shut the fuck up before i kiss u

trashmouth™: huh

eddie spaghetti: NO WAIT

eddie spaghetti: WAITWAITWAITFUCLK


benjamin: that?? escalated???? quickly??????

big bill: oh my god-

eddie spaghetti: AUTOCORRECT WHAT TH VFJ K

eddie spaghetti: KILL*** I MEAN TKILL


eddie spaghetti: IMSORRY

stan the man: This is so fucking funny

eddie spaghetti: ill k word u too stan watch urslef


mikey: kill? kiss? kin? kakorrhaphiophobia?

mikey: I guess we’ll never know


benjamin: kinesthetic

mikey: killmonger

queen bev: kryptonite

benjamin: knighthood

mikey: kerchief

stan the man: Kinephantom

big bill: kjsdksdskdj

mikey: no bill thats not a real word

eddie spaghetti: i fucking hate all of u

trashmouth™: aw but eds i thought u wanted to k word me B)

eddie spaghetti: yeah and rn that word is KILL

benjamin: right now...

eddie spaghetti: I Can And Will Leave Just You All Watch

stan the man: Eddie…

stan the man: You’re not very threatening

eddie spaghetti: clearly im not trying hard enough

trashmouth™: eddie ur too cute to be threatening ;)

eddie spaghetti: shut the fuck uP

queen bev: psst i wonder how much eddie is blushing rn

eddie spaghetti: im as pale as awalsy THNSKS

eddie spaghetti: wow thanks @ autocorrect for abandoning me when i really need it

trashmouth™: send a pic and prove it B)

eddie spaghetti: n e v e r a g a i n

mikey: this is extremely entertaining

mikey: i need some popcorn

benjamin: I’m not sure if we should intervene or not,,

stan the man: No, it’s funny

big bill: yall know they can read the chat right

eddie spaghetti: once again: I hate all of u

trashmouth™: ur so mean eddie ;(

eddie spaghetti: Good

big bill: who wants another pic of georgie w/ turtle

stan the man: Yes

mikey: PLEASE

big bill sent a picture.

big bill sent a picture.

mikey: b l e s s

mikey: thank u bill <3

big bill: kjsdjksjd

big bill: <3

stan the man: Nice

trashmouth™: this gc name fits so well rn

queen bev: id be concerned if it didnt

benjamin: I love turtle the dog more and more every day :')

big bill: she deserves it

big bill: OHMYTGIKJ

stan the man: Huh, weird

stan the man: Usually Bill has better spelling than that

trashmouth™: maybe he died and those are his last words

queen bev: imagine ur last words being a keysmash

trashmouth™: dying but in a gay way

big bill sent a picture.


eddie spaghetti: OHMYNBGOSVIDBS[

eddie spaghetti: AMAZING

eddie spaghetti: PET HER FR ME PLAESA

big bill: i did she loved it

big bill sent a picture.

eddie spaghetti: GOOD


benjamin: bill,, never stop sending dog pics please

big bill: id never deprive yall of turtle the dog

trashmouth™: lickitung*

big bill: no

Chapter Text

“the gays™”

AUGUST 16, 2019

queen bev: why is sleeping so Hard

trashmouth™: maybe ur just nocturnal

queen bev: hmm good point

eddie spaghetti: im trying to sleep shut the fuck up richie

trashmouth™: BEV TEXTED FIRST

eddie spaghetti: shut up im sleeping

trashmouth™: WHSKSLSKDFD???????

big bill: we’ve only had this chat a week and not once has eddie stopped bullying richie

big bill: how do you do it

eddie spaghetti: im not a bULLY

eddie spaghetti: I was nice to him when we sent selfies

trashmouth™: best day of my life ngl B)

big bill: thats gay

trashmouth™: yah

eddie spaghetti: goof NGITH

eddie spaghetti: GOD

big bill: rip eddies spelling skills

eddie spaghetti: ill bully u too bill

trashmouth™: or will u k word him

eddie spaghetti: im This close to blocking u

trashmouth™: sad yeehaw

queen bev: guys who wants to be nocturnal with me

queen bev: I Cannot sleep

big bill: me neither

big bill: any particular reason bev?

queen bev: not to get Annoyingly Personal but my dad lmao

queen bev: hes a piece of shit

big bill: shit im sorry

trashmouth™: shitty parents deserve the electric chair

eddie spaghetti: u okay bev?

queen bev: no yeah im fine

queen bev: just

queen bev: ugh

queen bev: can yall excuse me real quick for being Gross™

queen bev: i dont know many good people irl lmao

queen bev: i consider yall friends and weve known each other for like a week

queen bev: and idk just thanks

queen bev: yallve made me really happy this past week

queen bev: so yeah

big bill: im glad we could be here for you bev

big bill: you deserve good people in your life

queen bev: thanks bill

eddie spaghetti: :( im sorry bev but u’ve got us!

trashmouth™: yeah of course bev

trashmouth™: maybe me making this chat was fate B)

queen bev: maybe so sksksk

queen bev: im grateful either way

queen bev: ugh this is so sappy wtf

queen bev: so why arent Yall asleep too

eddie spaghetti: anxiety

eddie spaghetti: new semester starts soon ugh

trashmouth™: same @ new semester

trashmouth™: i cant sleep bc of my sister tho

trashmouth™: shes Loud

eddie spaghetti: wonder where she gets it from

trashmouth™: eds,,, why are u so cruel to me,,,,

eddie spaghetti: dont call me that

eddie spaghetti: and i have my reasons

benjamin: bev!! im sorry i was asleep

benjamin: im glad we can be here for you :( im sorry your dads shitty

queen bev: omg no ben dont apologize!! ur okay

queen bev: and its fine

queen bev: yall help

queen bev: <3

benjamin: good :)

trashmouth™: not that i dont love watching young love develop,

queen bev: RICHIEE

benjamin: omg

trashmouth™: but im on the verge of Passing Out so gnight gays

benjamin: ill probably sleep again now lol gn guys!!

eddie spaghetti: gn to everyone but richie

trashmouth™: why do u hurt me this way

eddie spaghetti: im kidding gn nerd

trashmouth™: B)

big bill: kjsdks good night guys

queen bev: uwu

Chapter Text

“the gays™”

AUGUST 16, 2019

mikey: omg bev im so sorry

mikey: im glad youre okay :(

mikey: and we’re always here for you i promise <3

queen bev: miiike ur too sweet omg :( <3

queen bev: ty uwu

queen bev: also gm losers

benjamin: good morning bev!!

queen bev: ben!! uwu

trashmouth™: interesting

queen bev: we-

eddie spaghetti: good morning im fuckin tired

stan the man: Mood.

trashmouth™: stan says mood??? wack

stan the man: You realize I’m the same age as you, right?

benjamin: stan im so sorry I keep thinking youre like

mikey: oh god

benjamin: 30 or something-


benjamin: IM SORRY!!

stan the man: I… don’t look thirty, do I?

mikey: no stan youre adorable dw

mikey: you just text like,, an older person

stan the man: …Right

mikey: it’s Endearing™

stan the man: That makes me feel a little better

trashmouth™: haha stans old

stan the man: Bitch

eddie spaghetti: wait whens everyone bday

eddie spaghetti: I wanna be sure im not the youngest

benjamin: omg why sksks

eddie spaghetti: im already the smallest probably >:(

trashmouth™: cute B)

eddie spaghetti: richie drop ur location im gonna fight u

trashmouth™: bet

trashmouth™: anyway march 7th lmao

queen bev: ur a pisces omg uwu

trashmouth™: pisces is the superior zodiac B)

eddie spaghetti: HA IM A DAY OLDER THAN RICHIE

eddie spaghetti: FUCK YEAH

trashmouth™: EXCUSE ME??????




queen bev: FEB13

trashmouth™: FUCK

eddie spaghetti: its okay at least im older than richie

trashmouth™: i cant believe this

trashmouth™: betrayed by my own birthday,,,,

eddie spaghetti: s u f f e r

big bill: good morning im older than all three of you

big bill: january 4th kjsdksd

queen bev: how could u betray me like this bill

mikey: youre all so Old wow

mikey: im July 3 skjdskd


benjamin: im june second sksks

queen bev: ur babies,,,

stan the man: My birthday is July 13th.

queen bev: GASP


benjamin: that doesnt feel right omg

stan the man: I don’t want to be the baby…

trashmouth™: drop an f in the chat for stan

mikey: f

big bill: ffff

eddie spaghetti: im older than mike thats so weird??????

benjamin: so in order its bill, bev, eddie, richie, me, mike, and stan

mikey: i feel like the earth just started rotating in the wrong direction

mikey: i thought i was the oldest but no its bill smh

big bill: sorry mike ksdkjsdjks

mikey: Some Crimes Can Never Be Forgiven

queen bev: SDKSKDSJKD

big bill: georgie just came in to ask why im laughing so loud

big bill: apparently I woke him up oops

mikey: omg thats cute

big bill: kjsdks

benjamin: wait I wonder what everyones voices sound like omg

trashmouth™: we should skype B)

stan the man: It’s too early to see your annoying face

trashmouth™: never too early to see me ;)

eddie spaghetti: skype would be cool

eddie spaghetti: WE COU;D SEE BILLS DOG


big bill: y e s

big bill: yall could meet georgie kinda too omg

queen bev: lets set a date for skype!!

queen bev: whens the best time for yall

trashmouth™: mayhaps sunday

eddie spaghetti: yeah that sounds good

benjamin: im free!

stan the man: Yeah, that’s fine

mikey: hell yeah

big bill: sunday then :)

Chapter Text

“the gays™”

AUGUST 17, 2019

benjamin: good morning gang!!

queen bev: gm uwu

trashmouth™: good morning gamers**

benjamin: no we’re a Gang

trashmouth™: a gang of Gamers

stan the man: But I don’t game

trashmouth™: like,, ever?

trashmouth™: how do u Live

stan the man: I Don’t


queen bev: stans a ghost I cant believe this

benjamin: omg stan whats the afterlife like??

stan the man: Great since Richie isn’t here

trashmouth™: pls im a Delight

queen bev: u spelled dreadful wrong

stan the man: Richie’s “a dreadful”?

queen bev: wait fuck

trashmouth™: DSKJDSKJDSKJ

benjamin: it’s okay bev we understood what you meant sksks

queen bev: bens the only valid one here idk the rest of yall

benjamin: :)

eddie spaghetti: good morning gamers dont have rights

trashmouth™: ive never had rights

eddie spaghetti: I can believe it

mikey: I feel like

mikey: eddie wakes up and the first thing on his mind is

mikey: “how can I insult richie today”

queen bev: god he probably does sksksks

eddie spaghetti: i will neither confirm nor deny that TERRIBLE accusation

trashmouth™: aw eds im the first thing on ur mind every morning??? B)

eddie spaghetti: that I will deny

eddie spaghetti: u fuckin wish trashmouth

trashmouth™: I Will Not Confirm Or Deny

mikey: I feel like that in itself says a lot

mikey: also wheres bill omg

stan the man: He’s usually awake by now, isn’t he?

trashmouth™: ofc u would know

stan the man: ??

big bill: hi billys friends!!!

queen bev: w

queen bev: OH


big bill: yeah its me!!

mikey: hi georgie!!

benjamin: good morning georgie!

big bill: good mornin!!

trashmouth™: omg georgie can u tell me something

eddie spaghetti: oh god richie dont corrupt the child pls

big bill: yea what??

trashmouth™: what are our names in bills phone

trashmouth™: if mine isnt something along the lines of “handsome devil” im blocking bill

stan the man: Isn’t this an invasion of privacy…

benjamin: it shouldn’t be a big deal knowing our contact names!

benjamin: well hopefully

big bill: your name is richie!

trashmouth™: damn

queen bev: R ICH I E

trashmouth™: I meAN DANG

trashmouth™: dont repeat that georgie

big bill: ok!!

stan the man: Georgie, why do you have Bill’s phone?

big bill: hes still sleepin & i heard it makin noise so i took it!

benjamin: does bill not have a password omg

stan the man: That seems risky

mikey: incredible

mikey: but georgie maybe you should give it back?

big bill: i will when he wakes up!

big bill: can i talk 2 u until then???

queen bev: yes ofc omg georgie I Love u

big bill: i love u 2!!

queen bev: AWWW <3

queen bev: do yall think bill will let me adopt georgie

mikey: probably Not but im gonna ask too tbh

eddie spaghetti: georgie can u tell me what my name is too

big bill: your name is eddie!

eddie spaghetti: thank god

stan the man: What about mine, Georgie?

trashmouth™: “isnt this an invasion of privacy”

stan the man: Suddenly I can’t read


big bill: yours is prdfkj

stan the man: What?

benjamin: oh no what happened

eddie spaghetti: bill sniped georgie before he could finish

big bill: fucking hell hi guys

big bill: anyone want a little thieving brother

big bill: free of charge

mikey: yes please

queen bev: YES PLS I NEED HIM

stan the man: Good morning, Bill

big bill: morning stan kjsdks

big bill: also just so you dont think I have some ugly keysmash as your name, its just “stan”

stan the man: Oh, okay

stan the man: Cool

trashmouth™: petition for bill to change all of our names to keysmashes to make it harder for him to know whos who

benjamin: I mean we all have pretty distinct ways of texting so

benjamin: logically he’d know

trashmouth™: okay but i want it to be Challenging for him

big bill: no

trashmouth™: dang

trashmouth™: wait no i can say damn* again

trashmouth™: fuck yeah

Chapter Text

“the gays™”

AUGUST 18, 2019

trashmouth™: skype day skype day skype day

eddie spaghetti: cant wait to bully u to ur face rich

mikey: “rich”

eddie spaghetti: yeah what about it

mikey: i said Nothing

trashmouth™: and i cant wait to see ur cute face eds B)

eddie spaghetti: shut up dont call me that

trashmouth™: what u can call me rich but i cant call u ***

eddie spaghetti: I dont see u complaining about “rich”

trashmouth™: u got me there B)

mikey: im

mikey: so confused

mikey: anyway SKYPE DAY

mikey: cant wait to see bills dog <333

big bill: gee thanks kjsdksdj

mikey: and bill too ofc :)

big bill: nice ksjdjks

queen bev: im excITED

queen bev: I get to see ur dumbass faces but like

queen bev: m o v i n g

stan the man: Yes, that’s how video calls work

queen bev: listen staniel

eddie spaghetti: S T A N I E L

benjamin: staniel,,, the maniel

trashmouth™: ben u fuckin GENUIS

trashmouth™: say hello to stans new name

staniel the maniel: :/

mikey: okay so When

trashmouth™: Right This Very Moment

eddie spaghetti: its not even noon yet

trashmouth™: okay so right at noon then

eddie spaghetti: yeah thats good with me

queen bev: hell yeah

staniel the maniel: I’m good with that

benjamin: yeah!!

benjamin: i cant wait to see turtle omg

queen bev: gee thanks ben v.v

benjamin: and you too of course bev!!

benjamin: I just love dogs sksksk

queen bev: its okay ik sksks uwu

trashmouth™: @queen bev dont steal my emoticon

queen bev: oh u mean this one

queen bev: v.v v.v v.v v.v v.v v.v

trashmouth™: how to physically fight someone over text

eddie spaghetti: me about richie

trashmouth™: v.v.v.v.v.v

mikey: I think thats ALL of us about richie

trashmouth™: when did it become national fight-richie-over-text day

staniel the maniel: My favorite holiday

trashmouth™: one day ull have to answer to a god who may not be as merciful as me

benjamin: we’re gonna have to hear richie and stan fight but with sound

benjamin: terrifying

mikey: god what did we do to deserve this

trashmouth™: listen listen,,

staniel the maniel: No

trashmouth™: bITCH

trashmouth™: anyway as I was sAYING

trashmouth™: wait I forgot

eddie spaghetti: good job richie

trashmouth™: rivalry ended with stan now eddies my rival

eddie spaghetti: i breathed

mikey: again – what did we do to deserve this


It’s not that he’s nervous. No, that’d be stupid, of course. There’s nothing to be nervous about.

At least, that’s what Richie’s telling himself as he opens up and signs into his laptop, tapping his fingers against the keyboard impatiently as the sign-in screen takes forever to load like it’s been doing lately. Maybe he should look into getting a new laptop soon, considering the fact that he goes back to school in, like, a week, and he’s certain to get an absolute shit-ton of schoolwork in just the first few days.

But whatever. He’ll worry about that later. The only thing on his mind right now is his “skype date” with his annoyingly endearing number neighbors.

If he’s being honest, and he usually is if he’s in the mood, he didn’t think he’d grow to like them this much after only a little more than a week.

Richie doesn’t really have friends, is the thing. He’s got people he sees around the neighborhood that he can say hi to, he’s had co-workers he was friendly with before at previous jobs, he knows he’ll have some classmates he can get along with when he goes back to school. But actual people that he has fun talking to and that he’s pretty sure enjoy his company too? Actual people that, by this point, if he stopped talking to, it would really fucking hurt? He’s not used to that.

Yeah, okay, it’s kind of sad, but whatever. He has friends now – his dumbass number neighbors. And they’re cool. Like, they’re fucking annoying and dumb, yeah, but they’re funny and easy to talk to and some of the only people that he really, truly likes. And now they’re all going to video chat.

It was nerve-wracking enough just sending a picture of himself, really. Richie knows he’s not, like, the ugliest person alive, sure, but compared to his friends? Jesus, it’s a wonder he didn’t wimp out completely and just block all of them. He didn’t, though, and he sent a picture, and it went strangely well. Maybe they were exaggerating, but they sure made him feel better about himself.

But now they’re going to Skype. They’re going to hear his voice and see his face for longer than the few seconds they probably spent looking at his photo and realize very soon just how long he can ramble and how fast he speaks and how much he fidgets if he sits still for too long, and they might grow tired of him. And that would fucking suck.

God, maybe he is nervous. “This is gonna go so great,” he mutters to himself, clicking the Skype icon and wiping his hands against his shorts. They’re sweaty, which is gross and embarrassing, but at least they won’t be able to tell over a video call. Hopefully.

His phone chimes and he flicks over to their chat. Eddie’s just sent a message telling them that he’ll be a minute late and to get started without him. He grins and taps out a quick response.

“aw wed never start w/o u eds ur too cute B)”

“shut the fuck up rich im gonna fight u over skype just watch”

Eddie’s response is immediate and draws a loud laugh from Richie when he reads it. Out of everyone in their little chat, Eddie might be his favorite. Richie has no fucking clue why, since Eddie’s a little shit most of the time, but he’s a funny little shit who’s fun as hell to talk to, even if they’ve never had, like, a one-on-one conversation, though Richie would definitely not complain about doing so. Eddie’s also unfairly adorable, which is just a plus because it makes teasing him all the more fun. Not that he’d ever outright admit to that, though he’s sure it’s been made fairly obvious at this point.

More messages come through, everyone sending their Skype names and confirming once they’ve friended each other on the app. Richie quickly adds them all individually and then to a group, where he sends a test message to make sure they’re all present.

richiethegreat14: alright bitches are we missing anyone

QueenBeverly: what kinda username-

richiethegreat14: i was 14 okay give me a BREAK

StanleyU: Clearly

BillyBoy: i’m here kjsdks

nkotbfan101: here!

StanleyU: Nice username, Ben

nkotbfan101: thanks stan :)

michaelhanlon: present!

BillyBoy: “StanleyU” and “michaelhanlon” have the same energy

richiethegreat14: yalls users are so BORING who raised u

michaelhanlon: oh so now the user “richiethegreat14” is gonna preach to us


richiethegreat14: ill find u and ill k word u michael hanlon

StanleyU: I don’t think Mike wants you to kiss him, Richie

michaelhanlon: no offense richie but I rly dont :/

richiethegreat14: none taken my dear michael

richiethegreat14: id only ever kiss eds anyway B)

eddieee: shut the fuck up trashmouth id never let u get within 10feet of me

richiethegreat14: but well only be inches apart soon ;)

nkotbfan101: that sounds so ominous if you forget that we’re skyping soon

QueenBeverly: or maybe richie is outside eddies house This Very Moment


richiethegreat14: damn I thought I was being quiet

eddieee: RIHCE

BillyBoy: wow thats spelled horribly wrong

richiethegreat14: idk I kinda like it I think ill legally change my name to “Rihce”

eddieee: I fuckin hate u

nkotbfan101: lets call now!

michaelhanlon: hell yeah!

Chapter Text

Richie flinches when the “incoming call” ring starts up, and he wipes his hands against his shorts again. God, this is ridiculous. They’re not gonna suddenly decide they hate him because, what, his voice is annoying? No, if they really disliked him, they would’ve left the chat days ago. It’s fine, he’s fine, and he needs to hit answer, now, before he misses the call and makes himself look like a dumbass before they can ever hear him.

He tucks in his earbuds and hits the green “answer call” button.

He can see he’s the last one to answer when six other faces fill his screen. Everyone’s quiet, staring into their cameras awkwardly or letting out small, nervous laughs. Richie sighs with relief when he realizes that he’s clearly not the only one freaking out.

It’s still silent after a few moments, and Richie decides then that he has to be the one to break it. He’s good at talking, after all.

Grinning, he says, “Wow, y’all are quiet as fuck. Who died?”

He watches as they all startle at the sudden sound and then start giggling, likely more from surprise than actual amusement, but Richie will take what he can get.

“I don’t know why, but I wasn’t expecting you to sound like that,” someone says, and Richie realizes after a second that it’s Eddie. He’s in the top-middle section of Richie’s screen, smiling at him, and Richie, for whatever reason, blushes. Maybe I’m getting sick from all that worrying earlier, he muses, then gives a mental shrug and refocuses on the call. “Your voice is deeper than I thought it’d be,” Eddie continues, and Richie just grins, latching onto the words “expecting” and “thought it’d be” immediately.

“You were imagining my voice, Eds? Wow, that’s kinda gay.”

Eddie’s eyes go comically wide and his face darkens worryingly fast. “You’re putting words into my mouth!” he snaps, flipping off the camera. Richie slaps a hand to his chest, feigning hurt. “I don’t think about you any longer than I have to, Trashmouth. Also, stop calling me that.”

“You sure know how to charm a guy, Eddie,” Richie sighs, wiping away a fake tear. He struggles to hold back a laugh. “What did I ever do to you to deserve this kinda treatment?”

From the bottom left corner, Bev starts laughing hysterically. “Somehow, actually hearing you two argue is a lot fucking funnier,” she says, grinning at them. “I don’t know why, but it is.”

“I don’t see how you can enjoy hearing them argue,” Stan says, sounding as disgruntled as he looks. He’s below Eddie, frowning into his camera. “It’s even more annoying than it usually is.”

Richie snickers, too amused by Stan’s tone to be insulted. “You sound exactly the way I figured you would, Stan the Man – like an angry old man.”

“So, what, sixty rather than thirty?” Mike says from his space in the bottom right corner. He’s grinning, obviously amused by his own joke. Richie laughs if only to annoy Stan, who’s now frowning even harder, though Richie can tell he’s also fighting a smile. “I thought we figured out that Stan’s the baby, though.”

“A baby who can fight,” Stan mutters, rolling his eyes.

“You d-don’t look l-like a f-f-fighter,” Bill says then, smiling. His box is beside Eddie’s. “W-With words, mmm-m-maybe, but not ph-physically.”

“I feel like I should be offended by that,” Stan says, finally smiling if only a little. “But I’ll let it slide because you said it, Bill.”

Richie coughs, “Gay,” into his hand and studiously ignores the scathing look Stan sends him.

Ben finally chimes in from his space above Bev, smiling nervously at everyone. “So how’s everyone’s day going?” he asks, perfectly polite both in voice and over text, it seems.

“Just fine, Ben, thanks for asking,” Bev says, grinning. “How about y’all?”

“I’ve been packing,” Eddie sighs, gesturing at a few open boxes in his bedroom. “I’m heading to New York tonight.”

Richie feels his eyebrows fly up. “New York? Whatcha got going on there?”

“College,” Eddie replies. “I refuse to stay in Derry any longer than I have to,” he adds, and Richie blinks because did he say Derry?

“You’re in D-Derry, t-too?” Bill says before Richie can, surprised. “I kn-knew we w-were all i-in M-Maine, b-but I d-didn’t th-think any of y-you were in m-my c-city.”

“Shit, so am I,” Richie says, leaning back to rest on his hands. “Tell me you guys hate this hellhole as much as I do, because wow.”

Bev scoffs. “Literally. I fucking hate this place. I’m heading to New York too, Eddie. It’s a lot bigger than Derry, sure, but it’s better.”

“Exactly!” Eddie exclaims, waving a hand like it’ll emphasize his point, and Richie finds himself momentarily distracted by the weirdly endearing action. “My mom thinks I’m an idiot for going, but, like, at least it’s not here.”

“I’m going to the community college here, but I kinda wish I wasn’t,” Mike admits, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms. “It’s closer and cheaper, but I don’t like this city. It’s just boring, y’know?”

“Tell me about it,” Ben says then, a small pout on his face. “I used to live in Texas and then we came here, and it just… sucks? And it’s stupidly close-minded considering what year it is.”

Richie rolls his eyes, dragging a hand through his hair in agitation. He may be going to community college in Derry, too, but only to save money and shit. In a perfect world, he’d be in fucking California or New York or something, not the ugly city that is Derry. “It’s crazy the number of assholes that live here,” he says, heaving a sigh. “I wish I could get out of here, but, y’know.”

“I’m staying in Derry, too,” Stan finally says, his frown back. “Only to please my parents, really. The second I graduate, I’m leaving.”

“Mood,” Richie says, grinning when his friends laugh a little.

They all fall quiet again, studying each other through their respective screens. Richie taps his fingers against his leg, wondering how else to keep the conversation going. He hasn’t felt this content talking to people in a while, so he doesn’t want it to end now.

“When does everyone’s school year start?” he says eventually when he can’t think of much else. He’s actually pretty curious, anyway, especially regarding Eddie and Bev since they wouldn’t be in Derry much longer, which… feels a little disheartening to Richie. It’s stupid, he knows, since they’ll still be able to talk, but Richie likes that they’re all currently in the same city right now. They could be real neighbors, for all he knew, though that wasn’t likely, since he’s never seen any of them around before.

They could potentially meet up in person, he suddenly realizes, and he debates suggesting doing so before he shakes his head at himself, frowning. That’s ridiculous, they’re probably too busy to do so, and besides, just Skyping is enough.

“Wednesday,” Eddie says. “I’m flying tonight and spending Monday and Tuesday just making sure I’m prepared, I guess.”

“Same here,” Bev says, nodding. Then her face brightens and she adds, “Eddie, maybe we’re going to the same college!”

“Columbia University?” he asks curiously, and Bev gasps with delight.

“Yeah! Eddie, we should meet up at some point!”

Eddie grins excitedly, nodding with agreement, and Richie feels – jealous? No, that’d be dumb, there’s nothing to be jealous of. They’re all friends here; who cares if some of them manage to see each other in real life before the rest of them can?

He’s not jealous. Not at all.

Richie catches Ben frowning a little from his corner, and he’s about to ask what’s wrong before Ben sort of blurts out, “Maybe we could all meet up in person soon? Before we all go off to school?”

“Yeah, that’s a good idea, Ben,” Richie agrees immediately, silently thanking whatever higher being exists that someone else said something first. Maybe they’ll be more inclined to agree since it’s Ben asking.

Mike and Bill start smiling, like they’re pretty into the idea, but Eddie sighs a little and shakes his head. “I can’t, I’m sorry,” he says, and Richie catches his gaze for half a second through their screens before Eddie drops his. “I need to finish packing and making sure my mom will be okay while I’m gone. She’s wayyy too overprotective considering I’m, y’know, an adult, but, like…” He trails off and then shrugs, looking apologetic. “I’m sorry.”

“No worries, Eddie Spaghetti,” Richie tells him, waving a hand. “There’ll be other times.” He’s disappointed, sure, but it’s not the end of the world. They’ll think of something.

“I can’t, either,” Stan says. He sounds fairly casual about it, but Richie can see disappointment flickering in his eyes. “Not in time for all of us to get together, at least.” Richie sees Bill’s face fall at that and sighs silently in agreement.

“What about during winter break?” Bev offers, face brightening again. “I’m sure we’ll all have break around the same time, yeah? Eddie and I can fly back and see you guys here!”

Mike sits up in his chair and grins. “Yeah, I can do that. And, actually, on that subject, what schools in Derry are y’all going to? Maybe the five of us can see each other at some point, too, since Bev and Eddie’ll likely see each other in New York.”

It’s stupid, but the reminder that Bev gets to see Eddie in person before Richie can makes his chest tighten. Like he himself told Eddie, there will be times in the future they can all see each other. Who cares if some of them happen to do so sooner than the rest of them?

Richie, apparently, but whatever. Nobody has to know.

“J-Just the D-Derry c-community college,” Bill says, shrugging. “It’s ch-cheaper than m-m-most, and I’d r-rather n-not be d-d-drowning in d-debt.”

“Same here,” Richie says just as Mike says, “Hey, me too!” Then he adds, laughing, “And yeah, exactly, it’s the cheapest one in the area, so why not?”

Ben and Stan both confirm that they’re attending the same school, smiling, and Richie feels a little better. At least he’ll be starting the school year with most of his friends with him. It’d be cool if Eddie and Bev were there, too, but oh, well.

“Are you guys dorming or staying at home?” Ben asks curiously. “I’m dorming, but only so I can access the library quicker.”

“Nerd,” Bev and Richie chorus together, exchanging grins when Ben just rolls his eyes playfully. “I’m dorming, too, but that’s so I can pretend that I’m, like, really living the college life somewhere farther than just an hour from my house,” Richie continues, dramatically collapsing backwards on his bed. “It’s a sad, sad life, but alas, I must live it.” He sits back up in time to see Eddie cover his obvious grin with his hand.

“You’re so dramatic, shut up.”

Richie winks at him. “Never.” Eddie looks a little startled and Richie immediately thinks jesus christ, why do I do the things I do, dear god, now he’s gonna be weirded out.

He’s mostly saved from being embarrassed at his own actions by Bill shaking his head. “I’m s-staying h-here. G-Georgie gets s-sad wh-when I’m n-not home.”

Speaking of Georgie,” Bev says suddenly, slapping her hands down on her desk and giggling when Stan and Eddie both yelp. “Where is my child? I need to see him face-to-face.”

“Right,” Bill says, but he’s grinning when he turns around to his door and yells, “G-Georgie! Come h-here, p-please.”

Bill’s little brother appears in the doorway, tilting his head curiously, and Richie gives an exaggerated gasp. “And he has arrived, the better of the two brothers!”

Georgie giggles and crosses the room to climb onto Bill’s lap, leaning in close to the webcam. “Billy, are these the friends you keep texting?” he asks, waving.

“Y-Yeah, the r-really annoying o-ones I’ve t-told you about.”

“I take offense to that,” Mike says, grinning. “I thought only some of us fit that description.”

“Good p-point,” Bill agrees, “I mainly mean R-Richie and Bev.”

Bev scoffs in a way that suggests she’s holding back a laugh. “Excuse you, Billiam, I’ve never been annoying in my life.”

Billiam?” Eddie asks, giggling, and Richie really should not be focusing so much on Eddie just laughing but he’s just too adorable for him to not, honestly. “Are you gonna make all of our names weird like that?”

“Staniel, Billiam…” Ben lists off, nodding. “What would fit for the rest of us?”

Georgie giggles. “Can I be Georgiam?” he asks. “It sounds funny.”

“Georgiam,” Bev says in mock-seriousness, “I would kill a man for you.”

“O-Okay,” Bill says, shaking his head and shooing his laughing brother from the room. Once he’s gone, he gives them all a look. “You’re all t-terrible influences, I h-hope you know.”

“I’ve never known a single thing, ever,” Stan says flatly, and they collapse with laughter.

They end the Skype call pretty soon afterwards; Mike says he needs to go help his parents around the house and Stan has “shit to do, unfortunately”. Then Bill leaves when Georgie yells at him to “come and watch TV with me, Billy!” and after another few minutes, Bev and Ben sign off, too.

Richie ends up staring at Eddie through his camera for a few seconds before they both give embarrassed laughs.

“D’you need to go, too?” Richie asks finally, hoping that he doesn’t; he’s not sure how he’ll survive off of just texts now that he’s heard Eddie’s voice. It makes him a lot more… real to Richie in a way that words on a screen never could.

Eddie shrugs and leans back in his chair to glance around his room. “I mean, I should, because I still have to pack some stuff, but…” He looks back at Richie and smiles. “I don’t really want to.”

“That’s cool,” Richie says, relieved. “I don’t have much to do, anyway, so I guess spending time with you is better than nothing.”

It’s better than a lot of things, is what he doesn’t add out loud, and yet still means every bit of.

“Jackass,” Eddie says, but he grins as he says it. “So when’re you going back to school?”

“Ugh,” Richie groans, lifting his glasses to rub at his eyes. Even just a mention of school makes him exhausted. “Uhh, Friday, I think. I’m only taking, like, five courses this year, it’s great. I can’t wait to finish up, though. I’m gonna go to fuckin’ California or some shit someday, pursue my great career choice, and become a comedian, despite how disbelieving y’all are.” He grins a little to get across that he’s joking; he’s pretty sure they believe in him. Maybe.

“Oh, yeah, we have no faith in you at all,” Eddie says sarcastically, but his smile is so genuine that Richie’s a little taken aback. “Of course you’ll do it, Rich. You’re funny, actually.” When he sees the huge, shit-eating grin that Richie knows he has, he quickly adds, “Only sometimes. You’re rarely funny, forget I said anything.”

“Wow, Eds, you’re so nice when we’re alone,” Richie teases, and for some reason his face feels warmer than it should when he points this out. “Maybe I should talk to you individually more often.”

“I’ll just block you,” Eddie says, “and don’t call me that.” He’s still smiling, though, so Richie figures he’s won this round. “Anyway, I should probably… finish packing. Finally.” He sighs heavily and Richie ignores the way his heart sinks, as though they’re never going to talk again after this. Get over it, he snaps at himself. “My flight’s at, like, midnight, I think, so…”

“Yeah,” Richie says, nodding a little too fast. “Yeah, don’t let me get in your way, man. Have fun packing.” He grins and flashes a peace sign that he almost immediately regrets. “I’ll text you.”

Eddie laughs at the peace sign and does one back; Richie should not be getting this happy over it. “Bye, Richie.” He hangs up and Richie’s left staring at his reflection in the screen. He sighs and shuts his computer, then grabs his phone and goes to whatsapp. Ignoring the twenty-something new messages in their group chat, he finds Eddie in his contacts and starts a new chat with just him.

“eddie spaghetti”

AUGUST 18, 2019

trashmouth™: today is a momentous day

eddie spaghetti: oh god why

trashmouth™: were having our 1st individual chat Right Now

trashmouth™: theyll put this one in the history books for sure B)

eddie spaghetti: only history books that cater to u and u specifically maybe

eddie spaghetti: lemme Pack pls

trashmouth™: oh no am i

trashmouth™: distracting u B)

eddie spaghetti: shut the fuck up and let me pACK

trashmouth™: i think that answers my question quite well

eddie spaghetti: ohmygod

Chapter Text

“the gays™”

AUGUST 19, 2019

staniel the maniel: Would anyone like to see this picture of a bird I took?

mikey: YES

benjamin: of course!!

staniel the maniel sent a picture.

mikey: wait thats a really good picture stan omg

benjamin: its so clear!!

staniel the maniel: Thank you :)

benjamin: what kinda bird is it?

staniel the maniel: It’s a blue-gray gnatcatcher

staniel the maniel: I’m not usually able to find them when I’m out so I’m very happy I got this picture :)

trashmouth™: stan?? using not 1 but 2 emoticons in a 2 min span?? who Are u

staniel the maniel: Bitch

big bill: do you usually take pics of birds??

staniel the maniel: Yes, it’s a hobby of mine

mikey: thats so pure omg

mikey: is it too much to ask to see other photos or-

staniel the maniel: I have an Instagram page with a lot more if you’re curious

mikey: yES

staniel the maniel: It’s stansbirdbook

big bill: followed :)

big bill: stan these are all amazing??

benjamin: i love the fun facts you put in the descriptions omg

staniel the maniel: Thank you

queen bev: STAN ur insta is so pretty??

queen bev: i dont even like birds that much but Wow

trashmouth™: yah theyre actually not terrible

staniel the maniel: Gee thanks Richie

trashmouth™: B)

mikey: i mightve just liked every single photo stan oops sorry

staniel the maniel: I don’t mind

trashmouth™: oh my god wait i JUST realized something

benjamin: do we wanna know,,

trashmouth™: uh yes its V important

trashmouth™: we never traded instas??? tell me yalls Now

queen bev: queen.beverly uwu

trashmouth™: thx queen B)


mikey: WHAT


big bill: bevs an insta celeb omg

benjamin: bev your page is so aesthetically pleasing?? how

queen bev: SKSKSKSK thanks ben uwu

queen bev: richie whats urs

trashmouth™: trashmouthtozier

trashmouth™: i changed it recently B)

staniel the maniel: Fitting

mikey: mines mike.h sksksk

staniel the maniel: Creative

mikey: listen,

big bill: im billyboy3000

big bill: georgie chose it ksdjsk

mikey: c u t e

benjamin: mine is the same as skype sksks

trashmouth™: new kids on the block,,,,,,,

benjamin: theyre Good >:(

queen bev: ben using an angry emoticon is weirdly adorable

benjamin: omg sksks

trashmouth™: successfully followed everyone except my boy eds

trashmouth™: where is he

eddie spaghetti: moving into my dorm

eddie spaghetti: hello gays

queen bev: omg I forgot u were getting there before me

queen bev: im flying out in a few hours so ill be there like

queen bev: tonight I think??

eddie spaghetti: !! nice omg

eddie spaghetti: when do u wanna meet up?

queen bev: noon tomorrow??

eddie spaghetti: yeah thats good!

trashmouth™: EDDIE

eddie spaghetti: WHAT

trashmouth™: do u have an insta

eddie spaghetti: yeah??

eddie spaghetti: its gazebos.r.bullshit

trashmouth™: what the Fuck does that mean

eddie spaghetti: its an inside joke with myself

mikey: oh

big bill: my god??

trashmouth™: aw bill finished mikes sentence

big bill: kjsdksdj

staniel the maniel: Cute

trashmouth™: NOW ive successfully followed everybody

trashmouth™: stalking time B)

benjamin: i barely have any posts to stalk sksks

benjamin: I dont post often

queen bev: u should omg

queen bev: ur sky pics are so pretty?? I love them uwu

benjamin: bev omg thank you :’)

staniel the maniel: Bill has a lot of pictures of him and Georgie

big bill: is that weird-

staniel the maniel: No, it’s adorable

big bill: oh cool okay kjsdks

mikey: time to go like Every Single One

eddie spaghetti: ive made a discovery

queen bev: ooh what

eddie spaghetti: richie is only capable of taking mirror selfies

trashmouth™: its my Aesthetic

queen bev: mirror selfies are valid eddie idk what ur tryna say

eddie spaghetti: its just an Observation

trashmouth™: are they good selfies tho eds B)

eddie spaghetti: call me that one more time and my answers gonna be no

mikey: okay so rn its yes

eddie spaghetti: idk what ur talking about

trashmouth™: sure sure ;)

eddie spaghetti: Shut Up

staniel the maniel: Between Bill and Mike alone liking all of my posts I’ve just gotten over 100 notifications

staniel the maniel: Wow

mikey: SKJDSKJD was that too much stan-

staniel the maniel: No, it’s welcome

staniel the maniel: Just surprising

queen bev: ben just liked all of my photos and commented on my recent uwu

benjamin: theyre very nice photos sksks

eddie spaghetti: okay why the fuck did I just get forty notifs for likes AND comments all at once

eddie spaghetti: RICHIE


queen bev: he only liked all of mine smh v.v

staniel the maniel: He commented bird emojis on every single one of my photos.

big bill: he only commented on pics with georgie ksdkjs

trashmouth™: I have no life ill admit

trashmouth™: did u appreciate my comments eddie B)



benjamin: he really did omg

trashmouth™: dont doubt me benjamin

big bill: richie is a chaotic bisexual

trashmouth™: yah

staniel the maniel: You’re all extremely chaotic

mikey: -says stan, also a chaotic person

staniel the maniel: How am I chaotic???

mikey: just take my word for it

staniel the maniel: Right

Chapter Text

“the gays™”

AUGUST 20, 2019

queen bev: new york is so b i g

queen bev: i forgot how much there is here sksks

eddie spaghetti: right?? what the fuck

trashmouth™: the two most valid members of the gays™ are gone,,,

trashmouth™: derry feels emptier w/o u two v.v

mikey: gee thanks richie :/

trashmouth™: ur the third most valid B)

mikey: i’ll take it

eddie spaghetti: u act like we’ll never be back smh

eddie spaghetti: winter break remember

trashmouth™: feels like a million years away

eddie spaghetti: its less than 4 months im-

benjamin: four months… is so long…

trashmouth™: RIGHT

trashmouth™: ben lets fight and k word time itself

benjamin: okay but how would we manage that

trashmouth™: idk ill think of something

big bill: somehow i doubt yall could accomplish that

staniel the maniel: I don’t know, I kinda want to see them try

staniel the maniel: And then fail spectacularly

benjamin: so rude stan :(

mikey: idk I have a little faith in them sjkskjk

trashmouth™: mike u’ve been upped to Most Valid Member of the gays™

mikey: I shouldve already been there but okay :///

big bill: youve always been the most valid dont listen to richie kjsdjksd

big bill: well you and stan at least

staniel the maniel: Thanks Bill :)

trashmouth™: hmmm interesting

staniel the maniel: What

trashmouth™: nothing nothing


queen bev sent a picture.

queen bev: MY FAVORITE GAY


trashmouth™: IM SO BI WHAT THE FUCK

eddie spaghetti: RICHIE SKDJSDKJSK

mikey: LOOK AT YALL!!! WOW


trashmouth™: hows it feel seeing each other irl

eddie spaghetti: its so fucking surreal u have no idea

queen bev: i literally screamed when i saw him skjsdkjs

eddie spaghetti: we mightve scared some people actually oops

staniel the maniel: What are you guys up to right now?

queen bev: we’re getting food then we’re gonna wander campus uwu

trashmouth™: god i wish that were me

trashmouth™: bev be sure to give eds a hug for me at some point B)

eddie spaghetti: when we meet irl im gonna fight u the same number of times u’ve called me that

trashmouth™: haha and then what ;)

eddie spaghetti: SHUT UPPPP

queen bev: SKDJSKDSJKD

queen bev: anyway i gave him 6 hugs for all of us uwu

big bill: thats sweet aw

eddie spaghetti: she hugs so tightly i think my ribs broke

queen bev: ur half my size u couldve easily escaped me

eddie spaghetti: im not That mean >:(

mikey: is eddie actually that tiny omg

queen bev: no sksksk hes a little shorter than me and im 5’5 so

trashmouth™: 5’5 is short tho what

trashmouth™: HOW SHORT IS EDDIE

queen bev: like 5’3 maybe

trashmouth™: UR TINY??????? WTF

trashmouth™: IM LIKE 5’8

eddie spaghetti: god i hate tall people

mikey: alright time for all of us to exchange heights

mikey: im also 5’8 :)

trashmouth™: i take it back im 5’9

trashmouth™: 5’8.5 maybe

mikey: richie,, just accept that im taller

trashmouth™: never bc its not true

benjamin: im 5’4 sksksk

queen bev: omg tiny

big bill: youre only an inch taller ksjdskj

queen bev: mentally im six feet tall so

eddie spaghetti: ME TOO THE FUCK

big bill: also im 5’5

staniel the maniel: I’m 5’6

staniel the maniel: I can’t believe Richie’s taller than me

staniel the maniel: How… disappointing

trashmouth™: haha stans short

staniel the maniel: I hate you

eddie spaghetti: at least u arent FIVE FOOT FUCKING THREE

mikey: SKSKJSDK poor eddie

staniel the maniel: Fair point

benjamin: how the hell is richie the tallest tho like

mikey: *almost the tallest

benjamin: whoops youre right mike

benjamin: how the hell is mike** the tallest

trashmouth™: v.v

benjamin: i kinda figured it’d be bill sksksk

big bill: im like

big bill: in the middle rip

benjamin: so it’s like, what

benjamin: eddie, me ( :/ ), bev, bill, stan, and richie/mike

trashmouth™: bruh moment

mikey: im gonna grow another two inches out of spite now

mikey: just so im s u r e im the tallest

trashmouth™: fuckin b e t

eddie spaghetti: why has god forsaken me this way

staniel the maniel: This is so sad

staniel the maniel: Alexa, play Despacito


trashmouth™: that meme died liKE A C E N T U R Y AGO WTFFF

big bill: if stan used it then clearly it’s not dead

eddie spaghetti: haha sick burn bill

trashmouth™: u all disgust me

Chapter Text

“the gays™”

AUGUST 21, 2019

queen bev: ughhh

benjamin: good morning bev!

queen bev: UGHHH

eddie spaghetti: god mood

queen bev: v.v

queen bev: gm tho ben sksks uwu

big bill: you okay?

queen bev: yeah sksks just

queen bev: s c h o o l

big bill: heres a pic of turtle the dog to help

big bill sent a picture.

queen bev: OH MY GOD UWU

benjamin: AWW YAY


mikey: we’ve been deprived of turtle content lately bill smh

big bill: georgies been keeping her from me sorry mike :(

big bill sent a picture.

big bill: heres another to make up for it ksjdks

mikey: no it’s okay omg sksks but bless i love her :’)

queen bev: i Love her uwu

queen bev: but anyway why did i sign up for a 9am class i wanna d*e

queen bev: someone k word me

benjamin: i dont think any of us could do that-

queen bev: thats okay at least eddies suffering with me

queen bev sent a picture.

queen bev: we’re in m a t h

eddie spaghetti: WHEN DID U TAKE THAT OF ME

staniel the maniel: Clearly when you weren’t looking

mikey: omg eddies adorable when tired tho

eddie spaghetti: skdjsk thanks i think-

mikey: anyway lets guess what richies reaction to that photo of eddie will be

mikey: will he a) call eddie hot again, b) fall out of bed, or c) cry

mikey: personally im voting c


eddie spaghetti: M I K E

big bill: b

benjamin: a

staniel the maniel: I hope it’s B

queen bev: all of them at once

eddie spaghetti: ohmygod

big bill: now we wait

trashmouth™: im offended that any of u would think so lowly of me

trashmouth™: i actually screamed instead

trashmouth™: now my sisters awake and crying oop

eddie spaghetti: RICHIEKSJDSKDKS


trashmouth™: if i do shell just throw her toys at me tho :/

staniel the maniel: Then definitely go comfort her

trashmouth™: weird it says that stan sent a message but i cant see anything

mikey: comfort her

trashmouth™: damn messages arent coming through for mike either

benjamin: comfort her!!

big bill: comfort your sister richie kjsdks

trashmouth™: chat must be broken how sad v.v

eddie spaghetti: richie go help ur sister stop crying smh

trashmouth™: wonderful idea eds ill see to that right away B)

eddie spaghetti: im-

benjamin: oh my god

staniel the maniel: Are you really surprised

benjamin: honestly,, no

trashmouth™ sent a picture.

trashmouth™: shes happy now are yall satisfied v.v

eddie spaghetti: is she laying on u omg thats cute actually

trashmouth™: B)

eddie spaghetti: wait forget i said anything fuck u

trashmouth™: too late i screenshotted that message and will now print and hang it above my bed

eddie spaghetti: umm wow obsessive much ://

trashmouth™: only with cute ppl ;)

eddie spaghetti: STOPSDBSKDKH

mikey: can yall shut UP im tryna SLEEP

trashmouth™: ur literally awake rn what-

trashmouth™: also no never

queen bev: intriguing,,,

queen bev: im gonna get back to class now :)

eddie spaghetti: wait

benjamin: that smiley is so,,,, ominous

queen bev: :)

trashmouth™: uhh whats with the scary face bev

queen bev: :)

mikey: im?? terrified??

queen bev: :) :) :)


You created the group “r+e?”

the queen: im sure ur all wondering why ive gathered u here today

billy boy: uh

billy boy: why arent richie and eddie here

the queen: u shall see

ben uwu: omg wait

ben uwu: im guessing r+e means richie+eddie

the queen: correct

michael with a b: SKDJSDK

michael with a b: so its agreed that they like each other right

billy boy: OH

the queen: yes indeed mike sdkskd

stanny: I fucking knew it

stanny: They’re so annoyingly obvious

the queen: sdjskd

billy boy: well richie definitely is

ben uwu: im pretty sure eddie likes him too!

billy boy: no im sure he does but like

billy boy: do They know i wonder

the queen: they dont skdjsk theyre dumb but thats okay

ben uwu: are we gonna do something omg

the queen: oh no nothing complicated at least

the queen: just drop hints that they like each other bc theyre DUMB

billy boy: thank god thats all im not in the mood for ~scheming~

michael with a b: what kinda hints tho-

the queen: idk we’ll think of something

the queen: lets just go with the flow for now

Chapter Text

“the gays™”

AUGUST 22, 2019

trashmouth™: successfully moved into my ugly dorm

trashmouth™: aND LOOK WHOS WITH ME

trashmouth™ sent a picture.

trashmouth™: CAN YALL B E L I E V E THIS SHIT

benjamin: oh my gOD


staniel the maniel: Please help me.


mikey: this is SO SAD

trashmouth™: hey im suffering too

trashmouth™: hes already yelled at me about being messy t w i c e

eddie spaghetti: stan how messy is richie

staniel the maniel: He arrived after me and already has clothes all over the floor

trashmouth™: now that kids is what we call an EXAGGERATION

staniel the maniel: I can’t believe you spelled that right

trashmouth™: I have one (1) sock on the floor bc im too lazy to pick it back up and two (2) shirts on the end of mY bed

staniel the maniel: A Mess

trashmouth™: benjamin where are u we have to trade

benjamin: i cant my dorm mate is really nice :/

benjamin sent a picture.

queen bev: MIIIIIKE UWU

queen bev: take care of my boy ben okay >:(

mikey: SKSKSK I will bev dont worry :)

benjamin: aw guys sksks

benjamin: also mike im very glad i got you as a roommate :)

mikey: me too ben!!

staniel the maniel: :/

big bill: richie cant be That bad right stan

trashmouth™: see bill has faith in me

big bill: I do

big bill: for now

trashmouth™: damn alright then v.v

eddie spaghetti: my dorm mate sucks hes loud and annoying

staniel the maniel: I didn’t know you were dorming with Richard

queen bev: R I C H A R D SKDSKDSJDK

trashmouth™: OH I SEE HOW IT IS

trashmouth™: S T A N L E Y

eddie spaghetti: richard-

trashmouth™: watch urself edward

eddie spaghetti: yknow a few messages ago i was gonna say id gladly trade roommates with stan if possible

eddie spaghetti: but if ur gonna pull out my full name then ://

trashmouth™: whos edward ive never heard of him i only know eds

trashmouth™: I mEAN eddie*

eddie spaghetti: ://

queen bev: aw eddie u’d dorm with richie??

queen bev: cute uwu

trashmouth™: of course he would who wouldnt B)

eddie spaghetti: apparently stan

staniel the maniel: For good reason

eddie spaghetti: and i changed my mind i wouldnt either fuck u

queen bev: skskjdsksd sad

mikey: richie: h

mikey: eddie: fuck you richie


trashmouth™: i thought we were friends eddie v.v

eddie spaghetti: only on wednesdays

trashmouth™: oddly specific but ill take it B)

big bill: i kinda wish i was dorming now

big bill: it’d be fun kjskdj

staniel the maniel: Please take Richie’s place

staniel the maniel: He can sleep in the hall

trashmouth™: staniel

trashmouth™: sleep with one eye open tonight

staniel the maniel: No

trashmouth™: damn alright

benjamin: anyone else concerned that richie and stan might actually k word each other

trashmouth™: if stan kisses me I think id die so no thx v.v

eddie spaghetti: oh my god

staniel the maniel: As if

mikey: i just realized

mikey: yall are in the same room but talking over text

mikey: are yall like talking to each other irl too or

mikey: cause me and ben are talking sksks

trashmouth™: were sitting in opposite corners and refusing to look at each other

trashmouth™ sent a picture.

trashmouth™: see

queen bev: the clownery

mikey: SKDJSKD yall are ridiculous

eddie spaghetti: i cant believe u two skjdskd oh my god

trashmouth™: okay okay fine ill talk to him irl smh

staniel the maniel: Please don’t

staniel the maniel: ......

staniel the maniel: He just threw a fucking pencil at me and yelled “get the fuck out of my dorm”

big bill: oh my god f

staniel the maniel: If you don’t hear from Richie ever again you’ll know why

benjamin: rest in peace richie it was nice knowing you :’)



staniel the maniel: :)

queen bev: the ominous smiley face is back

trashmouth™: if i d*e eddie gets all of my belongings

trashmouth™: which for the record would be several hawaiian shirts some cool posters and a rock i found outside of the dorm

eddie spaghetti: stan pls dont kill richie i dont want his stupid rock

trashmouth™: but its a nice rock v.v

mikey: wow



AUGUST 22, 2019

michael with a b: why are they the way they are

the queen: im sick of them kjsdksd

Chapter Text

“the gays™”

AUGUST 23, 2019



big bill: richie,,

mikey: literally why would we start on a friday that makes no sense

trashmouth™: when has the american school system Ever made sense

mikey: i mean

mikey: yeah good point

queen bev: i see richie survived stans wrath sdjskd

staniel the maniel: Only because I fell asleep first and then he escaped before I woke up this morning

staniel the maniel: One day I’ll get him

trashmouth™: no

trashmouth™: also guess who i ran into while wandering campus B)

trashmouth™ sent a picture.

mikey: BILL!!

queen bev: BILL UWU

mikey: how do you look so nice rn it’s like nine something in the mORNING

big bill: ksjdjskdj thanks omg

benjamin: aww omg

benjamin: what’re you doing on campus?

big bill: had to make a schedule change f

big bill: but it’s all good now :)

benjamin: good!!

benjamin: also can the five of us meet up soon or-

big bill: yes please

staniel the maniel: When?

mikey: maybe this afternoon?? im not busy

big bill: same

big bill: i need to be home by at least 4ish tho for georgie so like

big bill: maybe yall can just come over if you want??

mikey: yES

mikey: I need to see turtle irl oh my godf

trashmouth™: OH HELL YEAH

staniel the maniel: I’m fine with that

benjamin: yeah thats good!

benjamin: we should watch something

benjamin: like the history channel

mikey: ben youre so fucking valid I love the history channel

benjamin: oh good!! :D

trashmouth™: why am I friends with u nerds

mikey: I seem to recall that this was all your doing richie

trashmouth™: and what about it

eddie spaghetti: i cant believe yall get to see ****** irl before me

eddie spaghetti: the homophobia,,

benjamin: why?? did you censor turtle????

eddie spaghetti: reasons

queen bev: sdkjskd eddie im

trashmouth™: ill take tons of pics with turtle just for u eds B)

eddie spaghetti: like selfies with her

trashmouth™: yah

eddie spaghetti: make sure to crop urself out of them before u send them to me then smh

trashmouth™: we

trashmouth™: what have I ever done to u v.v

eddie spaghetti: called me eds >:(

trashmouth™: oh fuck

queen bev: edDEI GET OFF UR PHONE

trashmouth™: yeah eddei u dont wanna get in trouble after all

queen bev: goddammit

big bill: f

big bill: also is maybe like two-ish good for yall? I can send my address and yall can come over then

mikey: yeah thats great!

mikey: im excited omg I’ve still only seen ben irl skdjs

mikey: which is valid!! but Still

staniel the maniel: I’ll just be glad to see anyone but Richie

trashmouth™: heads up im gonna **** stan when i see him again

eddie spaghetti: ur gonna whaT-

mikey: there are,,, so many four lettered words to choose from

benjamin: is,, is it a k word

big bill: ksjdjksd richie-

queen bev: I just fuckin choked on my water thanks richie

trashmouth™: DECK!!!!! THE WORD IS DECK!!!!!

staniel the maniel: I’d like to see you try

trashmouth™: then I Will

eddie spaghetti: u guys are too much im goin back to class

trashmouth™: study hard eds B)

eddie spaghetti: no fuck u


By the time Eddie’s classes are done for the day and he makes it back to his dorm, it’s a little after three and there’s several unread texts from both the group chat with his only friends in the world – which isn’t even as depressing as it sounds, since he really likes these guys – and also Richie. His heart does a weird little jump in his chest when he reads the notification that he tries to ignore as he sets his bag on the floor and checks the group chat first.

Most of the messages are from Richie and Mike yelling about their little get-together at Bill’s house (that Eddie is only a little jealous of) and Beverly enthusiastically responding to the pictures of Turtle they send, as well. Eddie notes – with only a little disappointment, of course – that none of Richie’s pictures are selfies, like he’d mentioned earlier. Maybe he took my suggestion seriously, Eddie thinks, wincing.

Despite what his texts said, Eddie would gladly accept just about any picture from Richie that included his face, because. Well. It’s a nice face, alright, not that Eddie’s going to say so ever again. He still can’t really believe he actually called Richie hot; despite being true, Eddie’s not usually one for admitting things like that out loud – or over text, at least – and certainly not to the person it’s about. It’s weird, how open he can be with these people and not be concerned about repercussions despite only having known them all for barely two weeks. Not that he’s complaining, though. He smiles to himself at the thought as he reaches the end of the new messages and types out a quick reply.




bill: oh my god shes iN STANS LAP

mike: HWTA

bill sent a picture.

beverly: OH YMY HO


staniel: I am

staniel: She’s very soft



Eddie’s still grinning when he finally backs out of the chat and then notices that the number of messages he has from just Richie has jumped from five to seven. Not a huge number, but considering the fact that they don’t text each other directly, it’s significant enough to Eddie that he starts to feel stupidly excited and just a little nervous.

He shouldn’t be nervous, he knows. It’s just Richie, after all.

Just Richie. Eddie sighs to himself because even adding the word just in front of his name doesn’t make him any less important to Eddie, and he’s kind of terrified of that fact.

Since their group chat began a few weeks ago, Eddie’s been able to admit to himself – and only to himself – that he’s grown a little attached to Richie. He likes everyone in the chat, of course, but Richie is his favorite, embarrassing as it is. He’s not even really sure why, though maybe it has something to do with how actually funny he is and how easy he is to talk to and how often he teases Eddie (which he will never admit to enjoying, ever). Him being stupidly attractive is a plus, too, since Eddie’s a gay disaster.

Anyway. It’s not a big deal. He’s slightly attracted to Richie, whatever, it’s not like it’s going to affect him at all.

Sighing, he opens his chat with Richie.


AUGUST 23, 2019

dumbass sent a picture.

dumbass sent a picture.

dumbass sent a picture.

dumbass sent a video.


dumbass sent a picture.

dumbass: also ik u said to crop any ~selfies~ with turtle but ill send u just one anyway pls enjoy B)


eddie: also wow cant believe u held urself back and only sent one good job

dumbass: aw ur not even gonna compliment me how rude v.v

eddie: i literally said good job i????

dumbass: no compliment my face B)

eddie: skjdskd what-

dumbass: blease

eddie: im

eddie: only if u Never say “blease” again oh my god

eddie: nice face rich

dumbass: aw thx eddie im bleased u think so B)

eddie: i Hate u

dumbass sent a picture.

dumbass: okay okay heres an apology in the form of a dog photo

eddie: okay ur forgiven THANK U

dumbass: ur belcome B)

eddie: BLOCKED

A knock at his door makes Eddie yelp, and then a text from Beverly pops up, reading “here to hang lemme in”.

He texts her back to let her know that the door’s already unlocked, and it’s only when Bev walks in that he realizes he’s blushing, probably because he was texting Richie, and isn’t that ridiculous? He tries to will it away, but clearly Bev notices because she pauses, gaze flickering from his phone to his face a few times before she gets this knowing grin that Eddie immediately distrusts.

“Oh? Who’re you texting?” she asks, dragging Eddie’s chair away from his desk and then dropping into it, peering at him with bright eyes. “Your face is a little red, Eddie.”

“Shut up,” he snaps, throwing his pillow at her. She just catches it and holds it against herself, still grinning, and he adds, “I’m not – it’s just warm in here, alright.”

“Sure, sure,” she says, but she drops it as she tugs her phone out of her pocket and starts playing on it. Eddie turns back to his own phone and tries to fight back a smile – and a blush, ugh – when he sees that Richie’s messaged him again.


dumbass: BLEASE

eddie: why are u like this

dumbass: aw cmon u love it B)

eddie: in ur fuckin dreams trashmouth

dumbass: B(

eddie: ur sad sunglasses emoticon isnt helping

dumbass: B( B( B(

eddie: oh my goD

eddie: okay fine i wont block u just yet smh

dumbass: u wouldnt anyway but fuck yeah B)

eddie: try me bitch

dumbass: we

dumbass sent a picture.

dumbass: if u blocked me u’d never get content like this again tho B)

eddie: another selfie with turtle,, hm

eddie: okay u’ve convinced me

eddie: for now

dumbass: B)

Eddie backs out of the chat with Richie, but after a moment of consideration, clicks back into it and scrolls up to the selfie he’d just received of Richie with Bill’s dog.

It’s a good photo. Mostly because of Turtle, of course, but Eddie can admit to himself that Richie looks cute. He hesitates, then, blushing yet again because he’s a fucking disaster, saves the photo to his camera roll.

So maybe his slight attraction to Richie is affecting him, after all.

Damn it.

Chapter Text

“the gays™”

AUGUST 29, 2019

trashmouth™: is today friday yet

eddie spaghetti: u have a calendar on ur phone-

trashmouth™: ik im hoping its wrong

big bill: unfortunately today is Not friday

trashmouth™: FUCJ

trashmouth™: wait no fuck**

eddie spaghetti: fucj

queen bev: fucj

mikey: fucj

big bill: fucj

benjamin: fucj

staniel the maniel: Fucj

trashmouth™: fucj u guys

queen bev: SKDJSKD

benjamin: okay but how would you pronounce ‘fucj’

big bill: im gonna say fuck-jay

queen bev: bill????

eddie spaghetti: what

eddie spaghetti: no its like

eddie spaghetti: fuck-g

eddie spaghetti: fuckjee???

trashmouth™: fuckjee makes sense to me B)

trashmouth™: hey that rhymed im a fuckin poet

mikey: dr. suess who

staniel the maniel: I’m agreeing with Bill

trashmouth™: ** ****** * ***

queen bev: oh fuck richies speaking in code

staniel the maniel: Do I even want to know what that means

trashmouth™: B)

staniel the maniel: I’m locking you out of the dorm tonight

trashmouth™: ill just break in

big bill: hey guys who wants to help me on an art project

mikey: ooh whats up??

staniel the maniel: I’m willing

trashmouth™: ***********

eddie spaghetti: richie???

benjamin: is richie okay sksksk

eddie spaghetti: never

trashmouth™: aw eds u know me so well B)

eddie spaghetti: wdym ive never met u before in my life

trashmouth™: damn thats tragic we should change that ;)

eddie spaghetti: SHUT UPSKJDSD

queen bev: is this what the kids call ********

queen bev: see i can speak in code too

eddie spaghetti: wha

trashmouth™: the b in bev stands for BLOCKED


mikey: the m in mike stands for mlet bill speak about his art project >:(


queen bev: who allowed mike to be THIS funny

trashmouth™: at least credit me for my joke v.v

mikey: ©trashmouth

trashmouth™: thx B)

big bill: oh my god

big bill: anyway its just a simple portrait project

big bill: gotta draw someone other than myself and it can be anyone ksjdks

big bill: so if one of yall could send a selfie thatd be helpful BUT nobody has to

mikey sent a picture.

mikey: done :)

big bill: !!! thank you mike omg ksjdkjsd I hope to do your face justice

big bill: also did you just take that bc wow

big bill: I mean you look nice

mikey: skdjsk thanks omg

big bill: ksjdksjs

mikey: skdskjdskshjds

big bill: ksqkjsdkjsdkjdskj

queen bev: I love the single q in there

benjamin: are they communicating like this from now on-

trashmouth™: communigayting

big bill: richie-

mikey: all the communicating I do is gay

eddie spaghetti: oh shit me too

trashmouth™: wait wait

You changed the name from “the gays™” to “communigaytion”.

eddie spaghetti: all of the future chat names better have gay in them some how

trashmouth™: the day it doesnt is the day im d***

eddie spaghetti: dork

queen bev: dick

benjamin: dime

trashmouth™: im TIrEd of yall

staniel the maniel: Richie, could you steer clear of the dorm for a little bit

staniel the maniel: I’m going to try and nap

trashmouth™: uhh yah ig

trashmouth™: can i chill @ urs mike n ben

benjamin: yeah that’s cool!

benjamin: hope youre okay stan :(

big bill: yeah is anything wrong?

staniel the maniel: Just tired

staniel the maniel: Thanks, though

mikey: rest well stan!!

queen bev: yeah go sleep and u’ll feel better uwu

eddie spaghetti: yes its rest time now

staniel the maniel: Thanks

trashmouth™: see yall in 5

benjamin: yeah! well do hw together

trashmouth™: what the fuck



AUGUST 29, 2019

Richard: hey stan not to be ooc or anything but like

Richard: were ~roomies~ so yknow if u ever need to bitch abt smth

Richard: u can bitch to me

Richard: i wont judge

Richard: unless u tell me that ur like a het or smth cause ill totally judge then


Stan: I’m not

Richard: not what

Stan: Straight

Richard: oh cool okay

Richard: welcome to the gay world B)

Stan: Thanks

Stan: And

Stan: Sorry about earlier

Stan: I had to think about some stuff and I realized something

Richard: care to share

Stan: You can’t tell anybody.

Richard: i wont smh im not That much of an asshole

Stan: I like Bill

Richard: oh shit

Richard: is it bad if I say I figured u did or

Stan: I guess not

Stan: I was probably being obvious

Richard: have u met bill that boys a dumbass lmao

Richard: it was obvious to me but only bc im an expert at being obvious in my feelings to dumbasses B)

Stan: …Care to share?

Richard: im sure u know

Richard: but anyway

Richard: dont be a sad gay

Stan: Bisexual*

Richard: OH YEET welcome to the bi club B)

Richard: anyway dont be a sad bi

Richard: I bet he likes u back

Stan: He likes Mike

Richard: mayhaps but he def likes u

Stan: I’d rather not get my hopes up

Richard: okay okay understandable

Richard: but hey congrats on discovering urself B)

Stan: Thanks I guess

Stan: I’m gonna sleep for real now

Stan: Good night

Richard: gn fellow bi B)

Stan: :/

Chapter Text



trashmouth™: hey quick question how the FUCK is it september

eddie spaghetti: dont u mean fucj*

trashmouth™: ur on thin fucjing ice eds

eddie spaghetti: thats not my name fucjer

trashmouth™: it is now fucj u

eddie spaghetti: how fucjing dare u

queen bev: shut the FUCJ UP its like 9am on a SUNDAY

staniel the maniel: I’m so tired

big bill: oh no why ksdjks

staniel the maniel: Richie woke me up because he was laughing about something

staniel the maniel: I assume it was because of what Eddie was saying

staniel the maniel: Also good morning, Bill

big bill: morning stan :)

eddie spaghetti: skjsdkjs im

eddie spaghetti: sorry stan im just That much of a comedian

trashmouth™: what no dont listen to stan hes a liar

trashmouth™: ive never laughed once in my life

queen bev: ur an even worse liar than stan

staniel the maniel: I’m not even a liar?

trashmouth™: liar

staniel the maniel: Richard

trashmouth™: yah stan

trashmouth™: WHY DID U THROW A PILLOW AT ME???

mikey: please,,, please all i want is a peaceful chat

mikey: just one day,,,,,,,,

mikey: anyway good morning why is it already september


staniel the maniel: Clearly it went away

queen bev: staniel-

benjamin: I mean he’s not wrong technically

staniel the maniel: I’m never wrong

mikey: idk I can believe that

staniel the maniel: Thanks Mike

mikey: of course skdjsd

trashmouth™: h m

eddie spaghetti: hm what

trashmouth™: nothing nothing

staniel the maniel: Richie

trashmouth™: n o t h i n g

eddie spaghetti: ?????

trashmouth™: anyway

trashmouth™: bitches go to school for a week and then decide to drop out

trashmouth ™: its me im bitches

queen bev: hey im also bitches

big bill: what a coincidence so am i

mikey: oh my god

benjamin: dont give up yet guys!! youve got this :)

queen bev: how dare u be positive sdjskdjks

queen bev: but uwu

trashmouth ™: damn guess were all bitches

staniel the maniel: What the fuck did you just call me

trashmouth™: a bitch stan cmon keep up

staniel the maniel: You do remember that we share a room, right?

trashmouth™: hey mike n ben on a completely unrelated note can i stay in ur room

eddie spaghetti: dont be a coward rich just stay in urs skdjsd

trashmouth™: but I Am a coward

mikey: no sorry richie ://

staniel the maniel: I know where their room is anyway, so it’s not like you’d escape me for long

trashmouth™: bill can i stay at ur house

eddie spaghetti: richie-

big bill: i dont think my parents would approve ksjdsdkj

trashmouth™: guess im flying out to ny

queen bev: LIT u can stay with eddie

eddie spaghetti: WHEN did I agree to this

queen bev: JUST now

eddie spaghetti: i??????

benjamin: but?? your classes??

trashmouth™: who needs school

queen bev: yeah fuck school it SUCKS

benjamin: hmm,, you guys make a valid point

mikey: no ben dont let them corrupt you

trashmouth™: come to the dark side benjamin

queen bev: yeah its fun >:)


benjamin: maybe,, going to the dark side,, wouldnt be So Bad

trashmouth™: B)

big bill: oh no,,, we lost him

queen bev: HA TAKE THAT

eddie spaghetti: why do we suddenly have good and bad sides

trashmouth™: irrelevant are u good or bad eds

eddie spaghetti: until u call me my full name im on the good side

trashmouth™: okay then EDWARD

eddie spaghetti: fuck does that mean RICHARD

trashmouth™: jokes on u my full name isnt richard

staniel the maniel: Yes it is?

trashmouth™: shut up staniel no it isnt

eddie spaghetti: then?? what is it??

trashmouth™: r

trashmouth™: hang on im thinking

queen bev: think faster we gotta knOW

trashmouth™: rrrrrichmond

big bill: ,,,r i c h m o n d

mikey: like spelled with that many rs or

trashmouth™: yah

benjamin: richie,,,

trashmouth™: thats rrrrrichmond to u

benjamin: we need proof :/

trashmouth™: no

eddie spaghetti: Well Okay Then

Chapter Text



trashmouth™: can u guys imagine if killer clowns existed

trashmouth™: would that be fucked up or what

eddie spaghetti: i

eddie spaghetti: excuse me

trashmouth™: wouldnt it tho

queen bev: are u implying that killer clowns Dont exist

benjamin: I’m?? pretty sure clowns have killed people before???

trashmouth™: no like

trashmouth™: some kinda alien clown or somethin

trashmouth™: and it came to earth only to kill ppl and shit

mikey: what the fuck

eddie spaghetti: stan can u check richie for a temperature he sounds sick

staniel the maniel: You couldn’t pay me to touch him

trashmouth™: first of all, rude,

staniel the maniel: Anyway, he looks fine

queen bev: are u Sure

staniel the maniel: Like… 90% sure

trashmouth™: im fine smh its a genuine question

eddie spaghetti: ok but Why

trashmouth™: yall are gonna make me be honest huh v.v

eddie spaghetti: honesty is usually good yeah

trashmouth™: i had a weird dream abt a killer clown that came to earth only to kill ppl and like eat them

big bill: that sounds terrifying??? oh my god

trashmouth™: IT WAS i hate clowns so that made it Worse

big bill: georgie does too so I don’t blame you

eddie spaghetti: ur scared of clowns??

trashmouth™: no who told u that

staniel the maniel: You did, literally a few seconds ago

trashmouth™: dont believe everything u read online kids B)

eddie spaghetti: oh my godskdjsd

mikey: I mean good point but Still

mikey: anyway! how’re y’all doing today

queen bev: pretty good uwu

eddie spaghetti: t i r e d

trashmouth™: go nap eds

eddie spaghetti: You Can’t Tell Me What To Do

trashmouth™: Watch Me Bitch

eddie spaghetti: im????

benjamin: I love that we go from talking about killer alien clowns to just

benjamin: richie and eddie being Like That

queen bev: it wouldnt be a normal day w/o them being Like That tho sksksksk

eddie spaghetti: im not Like Anything wdym

eddie spaghetti: its all richie

trashmouth™: I breathe and u come at me I cant believe this v.v

eddie spaghetti: whoops :)

trashmouth™: small cute ppl are always so mean and ur no exception B(

eddie spaghetti: SHUSHSKJDS

staniel the maniel: Wow

big bill: I’m done with classes today so I’m working on my art assignment :)

big bill: the mike drawing I mean ksjdks

big bill: yall wanna see how it’s coming along?

mikey: omg yes!!

staniel the maniel: Of course

queen bev: show us your ~talent~ bill

big bill: yay okay ksjdsk

big bill sent a picture.

big bill: it’s definitely a Work In Progress but you know

mikey: I’M

mikey: THAT’S SO GOOD??

mikey: I LOOK SO NICE???

mikey: BILL????


staniel the maniel: That’s amazing, Bill

big bill: :D

queen bev: THE T A L E N T


eddie spaghetti: BITCHSHDKJ WOW

trashmouth™: what the fUCK

trashmouth™: N I C E

benjamin: bill that’s so good omg!! the shading?? wow??

big bill: THANKS OMG

big bill: it’s not done yet but it’s getting there ksdjkd I’m glad yall like it omg


mikey: I’M


mikey: okay I’m calm now

big bill: kjsdksdjk you can keep yelling if you want



big bill: THANK YOU

trashmouth™: yall are loud as FUCK

trashmouth™: both literally and figuratively

eddie spaghetti: figuratively??

trashmouth™: no comment

eddie spaghetti: im


“staniel the maniel”


staniel the maniel: This is so stupid

trashmouth™: w

trashmouth™: o h

trashmouth™: hey being annoyed is valid so long as u dont like

trashmouth™: take it out on them or anything

staniel the maniel: I know

staniel the maniel: I won’t

staniel the maniel: Ugh

trashmouth™: :/ sorry man

staniel the maniel: It’s fine

staniel the maniel: When do you think they’ll get together?

trashmouth™: u dont know that they will

staniel the maniel: I guess

staniel the maniel: So

staniel the maniel: How are you dealing with your own feelings?

trashmouth™: me? talking about feelings?? idk seems kinda gay dude :/

staniel the maniel: Richie

trashmouth™: oh god dont do this to me

staniel the maniel: Look, I’m willing to listen since you did for me

staniel the maniel: It couldn’t hurt

trashmouth™: h

trashmouth™: whatever

trashmouth™: idk im dealing by just???

trashmouth™: oh god idk what u mean i just know im gay for eds and it sucks ok

trashmouth™: idk what ur looking for

staniel the maniel: Okay

staniel the maniel: Sorry, I won’t bother you about it again

staniel the maniel: He could like you back, though

trashmouth™: lmao

trashmouth™: im gonna nap bye stan

staniel the maniel: Rest well

trashmouth™: yeah yeah

trashmouth™: thx ig

staniel the maniel: No problem

Chapter Text

“eddie spaghetti”



eddie spaghetti: wha

eddie spaghetti: excuse me???

eddie spaghetti: anniversary???????

eddie spaghetti: what

trashmouth™: its been a month since that Fateful Day

trashmouth™: by the grace of god herself,

eddie spaghetti: oh my g o d???

trashmouth™: our number neighborhood was built B)

eddie spaghetti: oh

eddie spaghetti: OH

eddie spaghetti: wait actually oh my god?

eddie spaghetti: its already been a month??

trashmouth™: RIGHT WTF

trashmouth™: so

trashmouth™: happy anniversary to us being number neighbors B)

eddie spaghetti: ur such a dork shut the fuck up

eddie spaghetti: and anyway why not just say this to the All our neighbors

trashmouth™: i wanted to tell u first B)

eddie spaghetti: oh my god ur so fuckin

eddie spaghetti: weird

trashmouth™: yah B)

eddie spaghetti: happy “anniversary” dumbass


“tiny gay”


tiny gay: richies cute im gay and i hate him

tiny gay: why do i like him

the queen: HA

the queen: but i thought we established this a while ago

tiny gay: ur Not Helping

the queen: :)




the queen: eddie def likes richie

michael with a b: wbk

michael with a b: but what makes you say so

the queen: he just said so

billy boy: oh my god

billy boy: now what

ben uwu: do we,, tell them

ben uwu: or just?? let them figure it out themselves?? sksks

the queen: the latter

the queen: theyre dumb but theyll figure it out eventually skdjsd

stanny: It’d be weird to tell them straight-up, anyway

stanny: They can decide when they want to say something

michael with a b: valid point stan





mikey: it’s been a month???????

queen bev: holy shit really

staniel the maniel: I’ve really known some of the weirdest people ever… for a month

staniel the maniel: Time flies

trashmouth™: when ur having fun B)

big bill: it feels like it’s been longer omg??

benjamin: exactly?? like two months maybe and not just one

eddie spaghetti: ive been dealing with richie for only a month oh my god

trashmouth™: with many more to come hopefully ;)

eddie spaghetti: sHUT

trashmouth™: ;)

queen bev: get a ****

eddie spaghetti: gOOD B YE

staniel the maniel: So long Eddie

big bill: ksjdksd rip eddie

benjamin: it was nice knowing you :)

eddie spaghetti: fuck u guys

mikey: wait yall

mikey: we should skype to celebrate

queen bev: omg yes!!

queen bev: after class tho

benjamin: we should meet up! that way we can minimize computer usage sksks

queen bev: the intellect u have ben

benjamin: :D

queen bev: uwu

trashmouth™: hm

trashmouth™: anyway yah skype sounds good

trashmouth™: cant wait to see ur face again eds B)

eddie spaghetti: ur ridiculous hush up

mikey: omg eddie replaced “shut” with “hush”

queen bev: progress :’)

eddie spaghetti: im blocking all of u bye

trashmouth™: even me?? tragic v.v

eddie spaghetti: if u keep acting Like That then yeaH

trashmouth™: like what

trashmouth™: u gotta be Specific

eddie spaghetti: That

trashmouth™: v insightful thx eds B)

eddie spaghetti: bitch-

trashmouth™: yah B)

eddie spaghetti: im

mikey: oh my god

staniel the maniel: Bev

staniel the maniel: Can I

staniel the maniel: Please

big bill: kjsdsdk me too stan

queen bev: nO!!

queen bev: we Cannot

staniel the maniel: Ugh

trashmouth™: what

trashmouth™: cant what

trashmouth™: do i wanna know

queen bev: its nothing skjdsd

queen bev: stans just being weird

staniel the maniel: ...Yes

staniel the maniel: Definitely just that

eddie spaghetti: i dont trust yall

queen bev: its nothing!!

queen bev: i promise uwu

trashmouth™: uh huh

trashmouth™: anyway yall ever been on the Dark Web(™)

mikey: no?? why would we do that

big bill: right isn’t it like,, almost impossible to do that

benjamin: you need a specific browser i think

benjamin: so no i have not sksksk

trashmouth™: damn too bad

eddie spaghetti: why would u wanna go on the dark web tho-

trashmouth™: hire a hitman so he can k word me B)

eddie spaghetti: STOPSNDSDKJ

big bill: can you actually do that??

trashmouth™: im like 87.6% sure u can yah B)

eddie spaghetti: do i even wanna know why u know that

staniel the maniel: Don’t give Bill any ideas, Richie

big bill: i wouldn’t do that omg ksjdksd

big bill: it just sounds impossible

benjamin: no you can do that!

benjamin: so i hear

benjamin: that sounded really suspicious oh god

queen bev: ben do u hire hitmen from the deep dark web in ur spare time

benjamin: sksks no never!

queen bev: hmmmmm

queen bev: idk guys do yall believe him

mikey: ben hiring hitmen would explain the weird guy i saw him talking to earlier,,,

queen bev: HWAT


benjamin: M IKW

queen bev: mikw

mikey: mikw

staniel the maniel: Mikw

trashmouth™: mikw

eddie spaghetti: mikw

big bill: mikw

benjamin: >:( maybe now i will

trashmouth™: oh fuck guys bens out to get us

benjamin: no never mind i could never sksks

mikey: his morals are too good to let him do that sjkds

queen bev: hes also too soft sksksk

big bill: i doubt ben could hurt a fly tbh

mikey: actually he killed on in the dorm yesterday skjksd

big bill: damn never mind ksjdks

eddie spaghetti: guess we’re doomed then

benjamin: omg no sksks :(

staniel the maniel: Ben, could you kill a fly in my dorm too?

benjamin: probably yeah!

staniel the maniel: Cool, it looks like this

staniel the maniel sent a picture.

eddie spaghetti: thats just a picture of richie

eddie spaghetti: OH WAITSDNSODJSOD


trashmouth™: the FUCK

trashmouth™: u bitch v.v

benjamin: i,, i cant k word richie sorry stan

staniel the maniel: Worth a shot

trashmouth™: how to hire a hitman from the dark web

trashmouth™: wait this isnt google

mikey: no hiring hitmen today pls

mikey: it’s our one month anniversary after all smh

trashmouth™: ok fine v.v

trashmouth™: tomorrow then B)

mikey: yeah that’s fine

trashmouth™: fuck yeah

eddie spaghetti: lets not Please

Chapter Text


SEPTEMBER 10, 2019

trashmouth™: excuse the morbid question but what do yall think is the worst way to die

eddie spaghetti: richie what the fuck

trashmouth™: i cant sleep B)

staniel the maniel: He really can’t

staniel the maniel: He keeps tossing and turning

staniel the maniel: You’re keeping me up, Richie

staniel the maniel: Please sleep soon

trashmouth™: i Cannot

queen bev: so ur thinking about?? horrible ways to die??

trashmouth™: yah

queen bev: ok understandable

eddie spaghetti: i???

queen bev: anyway drowning in blood would be a pretty fucked way to go out

eddie spaghetti: jesus christ

big bill: drowning in general would be fucked up

mikey: i mean youre not wrong but like??? why that???

queen bev: idk it sounds fucked is all sdjskd

mikey: okay but it really does tho

mikey: burning to death would suck too

eddie spaghetti: god that sounds awful too

benjamin: dying alone is the one way i Dont wanna go

queen bev: ben :(

queen bev: its ok we’ll die together uwu

benjamin: SKSKS BEV

benjamin: i appreciate it but like,, please dont die on my behalf

queen bev: hmm ill consider it

benjamin: wait-

trashmouth™: wow get u someone who would die for u

eddie spaghetti: dying for someone is the only way i’ll go out

eddie spaghetti: god cant take me unless im saving someone else

big bill: how heroic ksjdksd

staniel the maniel: Dying to save someone wouldn’t be so bad

mikey: that sounds so serious pls dont die stan-

staniel the maniel: I refuse to die before Richie, don’t worry

trashmouth™: we-

trashmouth™: anyway eds would u die for me? B)

eddie spaghetti: hmmmm

eddie spaghetti: depends

eddie spaghetti: what would i be saving u from

trashmouth™: idk that fuckin alien clown maybe

eddie spaghetti: then no wtf getting killed by an alien clown sounds fucking awful

trashmouth™: B(

big bill: damn eddie you want richie dead?? ksjdks

eddie spaghetti: wait no-

eddie spaghetti: ok fine id save u damn smh

trashmouth™: hell yeah u would B)

trashmouth™: also i finally thought of it

trashmouth™: the absolute Worst way to die

big bill: oh god

queen bev: alright richie what is it

trashmouth™: imagine someone calls u a clown

trashmouth™: and ur so offended u just keel over and melt

trashmouth™: and then u die

eddie spaghetti: thats

eddie spaghetti: thats so oddly specific??

eddie spaghetti: richie???

queen bev: oh,,, my god

benjamin: okay should we be concerned

mikey: i?? think so??

big bill: good lord

staniel the maniel: What, and I cannot stress this enough, the fuck

trashmouth™: B)

Chapter Text


SEPTEMBER 12, 2019

trashmouth™: school??

trashmouth™: useless, expensive, exhausting, kicks me out of the house, burns my belongings

trashmouth™: dropping out??

trashmouth™: saves money, energizing, beautiful, tells me it loves me every day, i would die for it,

eddie spaghetti: its been less than a month rich

trashmouth™: and what about it

queen bev: okay ariana grande

trashmouth™: we

queen bev: but mood im so tIREd

queen bev: richie lets drop out together

trashmouth™: i like the sound of that B)

trashmouth™: only if eds comes with

queen bev: thats fair lets go eddie

eddie spaghetti: sdjskds im

eddie spaghetti: okay yeah why not

queen bev: dropout gang!!

trashmouth™: maybe dropout will be our always :’)

eddie spaghetti: whatsdjsdkls

mikey: a fault in our stars reference?? in 2019???

trashmouth™: tf is a fault in our stars

benjamin: oh my god

benjamin: the john green novel??

trashmouth™: who

big bill: ksjdksd he’s an author richie

trashmouth™: oh wait the guy who writes the same book over and over again right

benjamin: not

benjamin: really

benjamin: i mean yeah i Guess but they’re not terrible or anything

queen bev: ben do,, do u read john green novels

benjamin: m

benjamin: maybe

benjamin: on occasion

queen bev: OHNYOJDF

queen bev: sorry i sneezed

mikey: bless you

queen bev: thank u

eddie spaghetti: SKDJSKD

queen bev: anyway im not judging but Why

benjamin: i like,, dumb romance novels,,,

benjamin: i like,,, romance,, in general,,,

queen bev: ok wait thats valid

queen bev: i support u uwu

benjamin: :’)

mikey: ben,, idk if we can continue this friendship

benjamin: WAIT NO

mikey: okay im kidding skdjsdk

mikey: but really

mikey: john green?

benjamin: :(

mikey: okay okay ill stop

staniel the maniel: Ben reads John Green?

benjamin: oh boy

queen bev: bens a hopeless romantic thats all sksksks

trashmouth™: i bet he listens to ed sheeran too

trashmouth™: when hes not jamming out to nkotb that is

benjamin: well,


eddie spaghetti: okay but i mean-

eddie spaghetti: ed sheeran isnt like That Bad

eddie spaghetti: divide is a good album

trashmouth™: Who Even Are You

staniel the maniel: Someone with taste, it would seem

trashmouth™: U TOO??? I

trashmouth™: WOW

big bill: i,, i like ed sheeran

trashmouth™: what

trashmouth™: the fuck

trashmouth™: anyone else wish to expose themselves as a HET

queen bev: GASP

eddie spaghetti: HOW DARE U

big bill: damn richie isnt that a little too far :// ksjdks

trashmouth™: i will Not apologize

benjamin: what have i done,,,,

benjamin: i’ve caused,, so much destruction,,,

trashmouth™: drop an f in the chat for ben causing all this destruction

mikey: f

queen bev: f

eddie spaghetti: f

eddie spaghetti: uck u richie

trashmouth™: u lil BITCH

eddie spaghetti: call me lil again i fuckign dare u

trashmouth™: l

trashmouth™: i

trashmouth™: l

eddie spaghetti: u dared,,,

trashmouth™: i dared B)

eddie spaghetti: blocked

trashmouth™: wait no B(

eddie spaghetti: okay fine smh

trashmouth™: knew i could win u back over B)

eddie spaghetti: HA u thought

eddie spaghetti: blocked bitch

trashmouth™: WAHT

big bill: oh my god????

queen bev: i

queen bev: i cannot believe



SEPTEMBER 12, 2019

the queen: theyre FLIRTING

the queen: and they dont even rEALIZE IT

the queen: men smh

billy boy: KJDSKS

michael with a b: RIGHT

michael with a b: it’s cute but also like

michael with a b: “oh my god why are yall like this”

michael with a b: yknow?

the queen: y e s

stanny: They’re ridiculous

stanny: They better get their shit together soon

ben uwu: they will!

ben uwu: hopefully,,

stanny: :/

stanny: They’re pretty clueless TBH

michael with a b: okay side note but stan i love that you capitalized tbh skdsld

michael with a b: it’s cute

stanny: Oh sksks thanks

the queen: GASP


stanny: Oh

stanny: Whoops

billy boy: ksjdks

billy boy: one of us one of us


michael with a b: SKDJSKD

ben uwu: SKSKSKS

stanny: ...Sjsksjs?

the queen: Y ES

the queen: WHAT A DAY

Chapter Text

Bill can’t sleep.

More accurately, he had been sleeping, just a few minutes ago, but then he had that nightmare that he’s been having for years yet again and, well, now he’s awake. With bleary eyes, he checks his phone for the time and sighs when he sees that it’s a little past one. He’d only gotten - he counts the hours in his head quickly - about two hours of sleep. Great.

He sighs and rubs his eyes. His heart is still beating a little too fast, and the urge to check on Georgie is getting stronger with each passing second because what if he’s not okay and what if the nightmare is real and what if he’s hurt and what if what if what if. Chewing on his bottom lip anxiously, he finally gets up out of bed, careful not to wake Turtle from her spot at the end, and sneaks down the hall to his brother’s room. He peers in to find Georgie sound asleep in his bed, not hurt or missing or any of the other horrible thing his brain keeps trying to convince him of. He sighs with relief.

Back in his room, he debates trying to go back to sleep, but he knows that’s not possible quite yet. Every time he has this damn nightmare, it always takes him forever to fall asleep afterwards. He needs some sort of distraction, then, something to take his mind off of it and help him get tired again.

Writing is one choice; he has a few ideas floating around in his head that he could try and get out for now. He could draw, too. That’s another option. He recently finished the drawing of Mike he’d been working on, but, if he’s honest, he wants to draw him again. It was weirdly soothing - and a little flustering, too, actually - to be drawing a portrait of the guy he kinda-sorta-maybe likes, and it’d be a good way to pass time. He could even draw Stan, which is equally as flustering because he kinda-sorta-maybe likes Stan, too, and maybe it’s a little weird, Bill feeling the same way about two different boys, but it’s not like anybody knows, so. Yeah. God, it’s too late to be thinking about that right now.

He sighs to himself and fiddles with his phone for a moment before his eye catches on the whatsapp icon. Maybe somebody from the group chat is awake? Talking to any of them would be helpful, because Bill really loves these guys after only a month, and he smiles a little as he types out and sends a quick text.


SEPTEMBER 16, 2019

bill: is anyone awake?

After a couple of minutes, Mike replies, and then Stan only seconds later. It’s a little ridiculous, but just seeing their names pop up in the chat calms him down immensely, and he smiles as he reads their new messages.

heart owner: i am!

pretty boy: Me too

pretty boy: Are you okay?

bill: technically

bill: sorry

bill: i just had a nightmare

bill: needed a distraction

heart owner: oh no bill im sorry :(

pretty boy: :(

pretty boy: Do you want to talk about it?

bill: dont wanna clog up the gc

bill: i’ll be okay!! thanks guys

heart owner: wait no hang on


SEPTEMBER 16, 2019

heart owner added you to group “bill support group”

heart owner: now we wont clog the chat :)

pretty boy: Oh

pretty boy: Good idea, Mike

heart owner: thanks stan sksjsks

bill: bill support group omg im

bill: :’)

Bill buries his face in his hands, hiding his grin and his very slight, barely noticeable blush. There’s nobody around to see it, of course, but that doesn’t stop him.

He’s been doing this a lot lately when talking to Mike and Stan. It’s worse in person, which is probably why he’s picked up the habit of hiding his face whenever they say or do something that makes him react like this, but they still have the same effect over text.

It’s just… he really likes them. He loves their entire group of friends, of course, and he’s pretty close to Bev as well, but there’s just something about Mike and Stan that makes him want to talk to them more, to see them in person more, to sit against them and hug them and a bunch of other oddly romantic shit that he’s still confused by.

God, he hates being awake so late. Normally, he can avoid thinking about this kind of thing in the day, but at night, his brain seems to decide that it’s a free-for-all in things Bill hates thinking about and throws everything at him all at once. It’s usually just that same nightmare, but over the past week or so, it’s been shit about his Mike-and-Stan situation.

He should probably talk to Bev about it. That might help a little.

heart owner: well of course!!

heart owner: so

heart owner: what’s up?

bill: just

bill: ugh i hate being a downer

pretty boy: Bill

pretty boy: You had a nightmare that’s clearly bothering you

pretty boy: You’re not being a downer by talking about it

bill: oh

bill: yeah i guess

bill: okay

bill: it was about georgie

bill: a few years ago he got seriously hurt and obviously he’s okay now

bill: but sometimes i have this recurring nightmare where he’s not

bill: it’s that Older Sibling thing

bill: i’m just

bill: always worried about him

bill: anyway here’s a picture of turtle

bill sent a picture.

bill: she slept in my bed tonight :)

heart owner: my beautiful girl!!

heart owner: and i’m sorry bill :(

heart owner: at least you know that georgie really is okay

heart owner: your brain’s just being a bitch that’s all

bill: KSJDKS thanks mike

pretty boy: Nightmares are the worst, I’m sorry

pretty boy: Did talking about it help at least?

bill: a little actually

bill: i don’t usually talk about it

pretty boy: Talk to us if you have another one, Bill

pretty boy: We’re here if you need us, okay?

bill: :)

bill: thank you guys

bill: yall are too good

heart owner: you deserve it bill!!

heart owner: let’s talk about something else tho

heart owner: we need ~distractions~ so you can sleep and hopefully avoid more nightmares

bill: like what ksdjks

heart owner: hmmm

heart owner: what’s your favorite memory?

bill: like in general??

heart owner: yeah!

bill: uhhh

bill: oh i know

bill: we go on family vacations sometimes and we went on one like idk two years ago

bill: nothing special happened really but it was the first summer after georgie got hurt that we were all really happy

bill: things were hard for a while but that summer everything felt right again

bill: not to say that things aren’t okay now!! it was just

bill: really nice then

heart owner: aww omg

pretty boy: That’s really sweet, Bill

bill: ksjdsk

bill: what about yall?

heart owner: hmmm

heart owner: wow that is a hard question

heart owner: high school graduation maybe skdjskd

heart owner: i was just glad to be done with high school smh

heart owner: my parents were super happy too so that helped :)

bill: i love that omg

bill: what about you stan?

heart owner: yeah what’s yours?

pretty boy: Meeting you

pretty boy: Guys

pretty boy: Meeting you guys*

pretty boy: As in everyone in the group

pretty boy: Sorry I hit enter too fast

heart owner: stan that’s so cute omg :’)

pretty boy: You guys are just

pretty boy: Really great

pretty boy: I’m glad we all met

bill: omg stan <3

bill: i’m glad we met too :)

pretty boy: :)

heart owner: getting gay in this chat tonight and i’m not complaining skjdsdk

bill: ksdjksd good

bill: i think i’m okay to sleep now though

heart owner: okay!! go get some sleep bill

bill: gnight guys <3

heart owner: gn <3

pretty boy: Sleep well, you two

heart owner: stan!! you have to complete the trio of heart emojis >:(

pretty boy: Oh

pretty boy: Right

pretty boy: Okay

pretty boy: <3

heart owner: yay :)

heart owner: gn yall!

big bill: gnight!

Bill sets his phone aside gently, his grin coming back full-force. Getting heart emojis from both of them at once is making him a little too happy, but he definitely feels much more calm now, so it’s worth it.

As he starts to lay back down, ready to finally sleep, an idea lights up in him. He pauses, thinking it over, then decides fuck it, he’s lost a lot of sleep already and picks his sketchbook up off the floor, flicking on his lamp, too. He flips to a blank page and taps the pencil against the page, wondering what, exactly, he wants to draw. A recent memory comes back to him and he smiles as he begins a new sketch - just a rough outline, really - of Mike and Stan sitting together on Bill’s couch from the last time they were over.

When he falls asleep a half-hour later, the sketchbook is still in his lap, open to an incomplete pencil drawing of his friends smiling up at him.

Chapter Text


SEPTEMBER 20, 2019


benjamin: friday??

big bill: a school day, unfortunately

eddie spaghetti: mood bill

queen bev: no no

queen bev: its




mikey: FINALLY

mikey: let’s go r a i d

mikey: but carefully so we’re not caught

benjamin: okay but that sounds dangerous-

queen bev: exactly the point

benjamin: oh no

staniel the maniel: What the fuck

staniel the maniel: There aren’t aliens at Area 51

queen bev: says who

staniel the maniel: Area 51 says so?

queen bev: and u just?? believe them??

trashmouth™: stanley

trashmouth™: the manley

big bill: ksjdkds richie

trashmouth™: do u not believe in aliens

eddie spaghetti: he should

eddie spaghetti: he knows u after all

trashmouth™: wait wait wait

trashmouth™: eds are u calling me an alien

eddie spaghetti: obviously yeahsdkjsdh

trashmouth™: oh so

trashmouth™: am i an alien

trashmouth™: bc

trashmouth™: my looks are out of this world

trashmouth™: B)

eddie spaghetti: WAIT FUCK

mikey: SDJSDK you walked into that one eddie

staniel the maniel: You really did

eddie spaghetti: i wont take this slander

eddie spaghetti: also im not going to the raid

trashmouth™: but Why

trashmouth™: dont u wanna see the aliens

eddie spaghetti: but i already know u

trashmouth™: dskjdsf

mikey: eddie only knows one (1) insult today and that is

mikey: “youre an alien”

queen bev: yeah eddie whered ur creativity go skjdsk

eddie spaghetti: excuse u it went Nowhere

trashmouth™: idk being called an alien feels like a compliment to me B)

benjamin: to be fair

benjamin: eddie never said that your looks Aren’t out of this world

benjamin: so maybe he really is complimenting you

staniel the maniel: Good point, Ben


eddie spaghetti: EXCUES EME

mikey: there go eddies typing skills again

big bill: aw f

eddie spaghetti: bye fuck yall

trashmouth™: so eddie DOES think my looks are too beautiful to be of earthly origin good to know B)

eddie spaghetti: im denying it now fuck u

trashmouth™: rude B(

trashmouth™: anyway stan why dont u believe in aliens

staniel the maniel: I never said I don’t believe in them

staniel the maniel: Aliens are real

big bill: that sounds so confident even over text ksdskjd how do you Know

staniel the maniel: I just do

big bill: okay good point

benjamin: he provided no proof tho???

mikey: it’s stan he doesn’t need to give proof

staniel the maniel: :)

staniel the maniel: Anyway, I just don’t think they’re at Area 51

trashmouth™: then where tf are they

staniel the maniel: In space? Where else dumbass

queen bev: hes got u there rich

trashmouth™: i wont listen to this

trashmouth™: im gonna go just to prove u wrong

mikey: okay but on that subject

mikey: which of us could actually get into area 51

mikey: personally i’m saying myself

benjamin: you or richie sksks

queen bev: stan

big bill: yeah probably stan

eddie spaghetti: the guards would take one look at richie and think he was an escaped alien and throw him back in

eddie spaghetti: so im saying him

trashmouth™: there goes eddie calling me beautiful again love that for me

eddie spaghetti: ??? source???

trashmouth™: calling me an alien B)

eddie spaghetti: oh my god

mikey: yall are ridiculous

staniel the maniel: I almost wish Richie would go and get trapped in Area 51 at this point SMH

trashmouth™: at least u said almost B)

staniel the maniel: Never mind now I really mean it

trashmouth™: if i go yall are going down with me the fuck

queen bev: gc field trip!! lets get trapped at area 51 and become one with the aliens

trashmouth™: bev,, thats such a galaxy brain idea,,,

queen bev: i try uwu

big bill: i’d go but georgie would miss me :/

mikey: we’ll send you postcards bill

big bill: hell yeah ksjdskj

eddie spaghetti: hmm

eddie spaghetti: being at area 51 does sound better than going to school

eddie spaghetti: i changed my mind lets go

trashmouth™: i wouldve dragged u along anyway so yeet B)

eddie spaghetti: im

eddie spaghetti: the nerve

staniel the maniel: Have fun being horribly disappointed by the lack of aliens

benjamin: wait for it

eddie spaghetti: but we’ll have richie

eddie spaghetti: BEN

trashmouth™: i should start keeping a tally of how many times u call me beautiful

trashmouth™: oh wait i mean an alien**

eddie spaghetti: ://

queen bev: change of plans im taking yall to area 51 and then Leaving yall there

queen bev: bye bitches

trashmouth™: ill just naruto run out and escape

staniel the maniel: Sure you will

trashmouth™: i w i l l

trashmouth™: just u watch bitch

queen bev: eddie will u make sure he stays trapped there

eddie spaghetti: how the fuck am i supposed to do that

queen bev: idk think of something skdjskd

benjamin: or maybe

benjamin: we just don’t raid area 51 at all

benjamin: there’s an idea :’)

queen bev: mayhaps ben has a point,,,

queen bev: i’ll consider it

benjamin: better than nothing i suppose sksks

big bill: good idea ben i’m all for everyone staying safe

big bill: tho idk if yall would be staying safe from aliens or area 51 guards

trashmouth™: yall are no fun B(

Chapter Text


SEPTEMBER 23, 2019

mikey: who wants a fun fact about ben

benjamin: mike omg sksks

queen bev: im always down to hear about my favorite boy uwu what is it??

benjamin: favorite boy,,




big bill: “favorite boy” i see how it is bev smh ksjdksd

queen bev: im sorry u had to find out this way bill skjdskd v.v

mikey: youre my favorite boy bill dw

mikey: you and stan that is sdsjkds

staniel the maniel: Aw :)

big bill: wait mike omg ksjdskd yay

queen bev: gay

queen bev: sorry i misspelled "mike whats the fun fact"

mikey: SKJDSKD B E V

mikey: but anyway bens the best roommate in the World

big bill: i mean believable but why

benjamin: all i did was help him study for something-

mikey: yeah but you made more sense than the teacher did

mikey: so now i understand Everything

queen bev: bens mind,, ur so lucky mike wow

benjamin: SKSKS guys please

big bill: it’s national love ben day!!

queen bev: my favorite holiday uwu

mikey: national love ben day is Every Day

staniel the maniel: I can get behind this

trashmouth™: its what he deserves B)

benjamin: GUYS,, MY TEARS,,,

queen bev: SDJSKD UWU

eddie spaghetti: i support it!!

eddie spaghetti: also holy shit yall

eddie spaghetti: i just had a fucking heart attack

trashmouth™: oh shit why

trashmouth™: u good???

queen bev: yeah are u okay eddie??

eddie spaghetti: oh yeah im fine

eddie spaghetti: i just thought i saw richie on campus

trashmouth™: now ur imagining me?? aw eds B)

eddie spaghetti: nO i really thought i saw u

eddie spaghetti: but it was some other kid named mike or something

mikey: damn eddie you imagined me too??

benjamin: eddie why are you imagining everyone omg

eddie spaghetti: im nOT

trashmouth™: eddie,,, i thought i was the only one,,,,

trashmouth™: my heart,,,,, i think its broken,,,,,,,,,,

eddie spaghetti: BITCHJHYDGFGHJ

eddie spaghetti: NO it was a kid named mike who just looks like u not the mike we know

trashmouth™: am i better looking than him B)

eddie spaghetti: oh my god

eddie spaghetti: i plead the fifth

trashmouth™: WHAT

staniel the maniel: That means he’s refusing to answer

trashmouth™: ik what that means s t a n i e l

staniel the maniel: R i c h a r d

queen bev: y a l l

trashmouth™: thx for ur contribution bev

queen bev: shut up richie skjdsd

big bill: what’s this about richie being at yalls college

queen bev: eddie thought he saw richie but it was some other kid

queen bev: like a doppelganger or something ig

mikey: omg eddie should talk to him

benjamin: how similar does he look to richie??

eddie spaghetti: i mean he doesnt have glasses and his hair is like way wilder but other than that

eddie spaghetti: they could be twins

trashmouth™: twins u say,,

trashmouth™: wAI T

trashmouth™: MY FERAL TWIN BROTHER!!!!!



big bill: KSJDKJSK richie’s feral twin brother is real omg

trashmouth™: AND HIS NAME IS M IEK

staniel the maniel: Miek

mikey: nice thor ragnarok reference

trashmouth™: thx i try B)

trashmouth™: ANYWYA

trashmouth™: eds u should befriend my feral twin

eddie spaghetti: if hes anything like u then im good

eddie spaghetti: one richie is enough ://

trashmouth™: i dont believe that for a SECNDN

trashmouth™: i bet u would have a million of me if u could B)

eddie spaghetti: dear god no

eddie spaghetti: then id have a million dumbasses calling me e*s all the time smh

trashmouth™: exactly B)

eddie spaghetti: yeah exactly

eddie spaghetti: n o

eddie spaghetti: :///

trashmouth™: ur so mean to me,,,

trashmouth™: and my feral twin,,,

staniel the maniel: Implying that you yourself aren’t the feral twin

benjamin: maybe they both are

benjamin: a pair of feral twins, perhaps,

mikey changed the name from “communigaytion” to “feral gays”

mikey: yall kept saying feral too much so Here

queen bev: PERFECT

big bill: yeah that sums us up pretty well ksjdks

queen bev: wAit eddie where are u

eddie spaghetti: outside the library why

queen bev: is The Twin™ still there

eddie spaghetti: yeah hes on the stairs with some other ppl

queen bev: omw

big bill: bev are you gonna talk to richie’s twin kjsdks

queen bev: of Course

staniel the maniel: Could you pass along a message from me

queen bev: sure whats the message staniel

staniel the maniel: “Please come and take Richie’s place”

queen bev: STAN

trashmouth™: the NERVE v.v

big bill: i think ppl would notice ksjdsks

trashmouth™: they would bc im one of a kind B)

staniel the maniel: Uh huh

eddie spaghetti: update bevs talking to doppelganger richie

eddie spaghetti: he seems confused but chill

eddie spaghetti: not like rich at all then since hes Never chill

trashmouth™: i take offense to that

trashmouth™: bc im chilling Right Now

trashmouth™ sent a picture.

trashmouth™: see look how chill i am B)

eddie spaghetti: ohmyikgf

staniel the maniel: Did Eddie die

big bill: wow f

trashmouth™: damn i always knew my good looks would be fatal to somebody sorry eds

eddie spaghetti: shut the fuck up loser i dropped my phone

trashmouth™: likely story B)

eddie spaghetti: ill fight u

mikey: okay but richie in sunglasses is surprisingly attractive

staniel the maniel: IDK he looks the same to me

eddie spaghetti: dont feed his ego mike wtf

trashmouth™: wdym surprisingly im ALWAYS attractive

trashmouth™: but thx B)

staniel the maniel: Debatable

trashmouth™: one day ull regret this

staniel the maniel: I regret nothing, ever

staniel the maniel: Except maybe staying in this group chat

trashmouth™: wjksdsjd yah ok

big bill: stan i thought you loved us tho :(

staniel the maniel: Wait

staniel the maniel: I take it back

staniel the maniel: I only regret knowing Richie

trashmouth™: thats not what u said the other night but ok v.v

eddie spaghetti: oh my god???

mikey: richie-


trashmouth™: DSKJDSKSKJD

staniel the maniel: Oof

trashmouth™: dw i only have eyes for u eddie B)

eddie spaghetti: ohmgyho shut the fuk uP

big bill: im going to lose my mind

big bill: for no particular reason

big bill: anyway

eddie spaghetti: wha

queen bev: ok im back

queen bev: mike the doppelganger is pretty nice

queen bev: hes got a tiny bf named will

queen bev: and he and his friends like playing dnd

queen bev: they invited me and eddie to hang out at some point uwu

eddie spaghetti: oh no what did u say about me

queen bev: only good things dont worry sjdsks

trashmouth™: did u tell him the truth abt him being my feral twin B)

queen bev: i did and he looked scared SKDSJDK

queen bev: i showed him a pic and he agreed that yall look weirdly alike

queen bev: will also agreed and called richie cute uwu

trashmouth™: WKDJSDSK

trashmouth™: as he should B)

eddie spaghetti: wait actually omg

eddie spaghetti: hang on im gonna join yall

mikey: omg eddies gonna go stake his claim to richie

benjamin: hopefully he does it politely-

staniel the maniel: Pass along my condolences to Will

queen bev: can do sjdskj

eddie spaghetti: WHAT NO OH MY GODSDKJDFLK

trashmouth™: aw eds dw im urs and urs only B)

eddie spaghetti: bye i hate all of u



SEPTEMBER 23, 2019

the queen: i

the queen: am going to go feral

the queen: eddie came over and was like “hi sorry im bevs friend eddie” and mike was like “yeah she talked abt u” and eddie was like “oh haha cool”

the queen: and then will said “wait u know richie then right, the cute guy who looks like my bf” and eddies face went SO RED and he was like “yeah i do”

the queen: and will sAID “oh are yall dating?” LIKE STRAIGHT UP AND EDDIE JUSVFLWKDK

the queen: WALKED AWAY

billy boy: N O

michael with a b: oh my FUCKING GOD


the queen: its ok i apologized and explained and will just laughed skjdsdjk

the queen: im gonna fight eddie tho

michael with a b: i think we’re ALL gonna fight eddie

stanny: And Richie

michael with a b: yeah him too

Chapter Text

“feral gays”

SEPTEMBER 27, 2019

trashmouth™: guys stan just fuckign k*lled me

staniel the maniel: I hate you


eddie spaghetti: im sure he had a good reason

eddie spaghetti: what was it tho

trashmouth™: ur words,,, they wound me so,,,,

eddie spaghetti: im kiDDING im glad ur not Actually dead sdkjsd

trashmouth™: ofc u are B)

eddie spaghetti: i

trashmouth™: anyway THIS is why

trashmouth™ sent a picture.


trashmouth™: i just walked into the dorm to see him wearing

trashmouth™: a shower cap


eddie spaghetti: stan???

eddie spaghetti: why?????

staniel the maniel: I’m not speaking to either of you

big bill: omg stan

mikey: i

mikey: okay im confused too but like

mikey: honestly what a fashion statement

staniel the maniel: ...Thanks?

mikey: no really you look cute!!

big bill: you do actually kjsdksd

big bill: stan’s the only person who could look nice in a showercap let’s be real

staniel the maniel: Oh

trashmouth™: h m

staniel the maniel: Sksks

trashmouth™: WH


trashmouth™: WHO ARE U

trashmouth™: he just threw a shower cap at me

trashmouth™: wait why do u have mUTLIPLE

benjamin: im so scared what is Happening

eddie spaghetti: apparently stan hordes shower caps

benjamin: ,,,okay but why-

big bill: im sure he has a valid reason ksjdks

queen bev: and i need to know that reason Now

staniel the maniel: If you must know

queen bev: yes

staniel the maniel: There was a spider in the dorm earlier and I lost it

staniel the maniel: So I’m wearing the shower cap to protect my hair

big bill: that’s actually not a bad idea

mikey: stan,, your Mind

staniel the maniel: At least some of you appreciate my idea

mikey: of course skjdsk

trashmouth™: w h a t

trashmouth™: of all the things u thought to do

trashmouth™: it was to wear a shower cap

staniel the maniel: Yes

trashmouth™: w h y

big bill: he just said why ksjdk

trashmouth™: irrelevant

trashmouth™: where did u even get them

staniel the maniel: The store?

staniel the maniel: Where else

trashmouth™: wait

queen bev: ignore richie he has dumb bitch disease

trashmouth™: ur not wrong but Still

benjamin: stan do you want me to come kill the spider for you sksks

staniel the maniel: Yes please

staniel the maniel: And if you happen to get Richie while you’re here

staniel the maniel: I’ll make sure you’re not found out

benjamin: o-oh


staniel the maniel: Whoops

trashmouth™: eddie protect me

queen bev: hes like 2ft tall he cant

eddie spaghetti: bev keep in mind that i can and will physically fight u

mikey: and in a surprising turn of events eddie was the one k worded tonight and not richie

eddie spaghetti: mike ur next

big bill: eddie you shouldnt fight people youre too small

eddie spaghetti: bill u just put urself on my Fight List™

big bill: terrifying ksjdsk

mikey: at this point eddie’s just gonna fight all of us

eddie spaghetti: I Can And I Will

eddie spaghetti: anyway rich im literally in a whole other state how am i supposed to protect u

trashmouth™: idk find a way pls v.v

eddie spaghetti: i

eddie spaghetti: ok wait hang on



SEPTEMBER 27, 2019

eddie: if u k word richie

eddie: ill be sad forever

eddie: and complain about it every day

eddie: do u want that stan

eddie: do u


staniel: Wow

staniel: Fine

staniel: I won’t k word him

eddie: ty stan

staniel: Yet

eddie: wait


“feral gays”

SEPTEMBER 27, 2019

staniel the maniel: Eddie convinced me to spare Richie

staniel the maniel: For now

mikey: “for now”

staniel the maniel: Yes

big bill: pls,,, no k wording Ever

benjamin: thank you bill omg

trashmouth™: EDS I OWE U MY L I F E

eddie spaghetti: i just saved it and now ur giving it away?? the audacity

trashmouth™: hmm good point

trashmouth™: what do i owe u

eddie spaghetti: i?? dont know??

eddie spaghetti: nothing i guess skjdsd just avoid getting k worded by stan

staniel the maniel: :)

trashmouth™: no no u Deserve something

trashmouth™: ok guys suggestions on what eddie deserves after saving my life

eddie spaghetti: PLEASEKSJDKSD its not a big deal im

queen bev: richie u owe him a ****

eddie spaghetti: A WHAT

staniel the maniel: A kick

queen bev: stanley-

eddie spaghetti: well Excuse U

big bill: a bike

mikey: why a bike???

big bill: i dunno bikes are cool ksjdkds

benjamin: a,, card??

benjamin: omg no a poem

queen bev: ok a poem is cute but No

mikey: wait oh my godskjdk

mikey: is it a ****

queen bev: mayhaps

eddie spaghetti: so it IS what i think it is GOODBYE

trashmouth™: w

trashmouth™: am i supposed to know bc like i can speak code not read it

queen bev: that sounds like a u problem

trashmouth™: i have dumb bitch disease leave me alone B(

trashmouth™: Wait A Minute

trashmouth™: is it

eddie spaghetti: oh my god

trashmouth™: a rock

trashmouth™: cause like i can mail u that one i found B)

eddie spaghetti: ,,, no u can keep it

trashmouth™: oh thank god

trashmouth™: sorry ive just grown really attached to it

benjamin: like,, for real??

staniel the maniel: He has

staniel the maniel: He sleeps with it

queen bev: he WHATSJDFKJDP

big bill: richie what the fuck ksjdks

trashmouth™: NO I DONT WHAT THE FUCK

eddie spaghetti: richie that sounds dangerous

eddie spaghetti: what if u like rolled over and hit ur head against it in ur sleep

eddie spaghetti: then u would really die oh mY GOD

eddie spaghetti: leave it on the floor or something omg

trashmouth™: i dont!! sleep with the rock!! stans a LIAR

staniel the maniel: Or am I

trashmouth™: if ur not careful ill make U sleep with the rock

staniel the maniel: You could never

trashmouth™: fuckign watch me bitch

mikey: yall worry me so much goodbye skjdksd

Chapter Text

“feral gays”

OCTOBER 1, 2019

queen bev: HAPPY

trashmouth™: FUCKING

eddie spaghetti: HALLOWEEN

trashmouth™: BITCHES

staniel the maniel: It’s October 1st

trashmouth™: yah

queen bev: stanley dont u know that halloween lasts the entire month of october

staniel the maniel: It absolutely does not but okay

mikey: yes it does

staniel the maniel: ...Alright then

trashmouth™: oh so ull believe him but not me

staniel the maniel: Obviously

trashmouth™: the nerve v.v

mikey: sdkjsd sorry rich

big bill: georgie said the same thing this morning ksjdks

big bill: he’s already decorating the house

big bill: i’m expecting to arrive home and immediately trip over the fake gravestones in the front yard

queen bev: georgie better catch that on video if it happens then

big bill: why oh my god kjsdk

queen bev: he loves me so he would never deprive me of such content uwu

big bill: i’ll just delete it before he can send it :)

queen bev: how dare u smh sksjks

benjamin: oh dear be careful bill!

benjamin: also are any of y’all dressing up??

queen bev: mayhaps

queen bev: eddie and i might hang out with the feral twin and his friends that night

queen bev: since none of us would be down for an Actual Party skdjsd

queen bev: so we could dress up just for fun uwu

benjamin: ah be sure to send pictures!!

queen bev: of course! ill send them ur way first uwu

benjamin: yay :D

benjamin: i’m excited omg

benjamin: i love halloween sksks

mikey: mood it’s the only holiday Ever

queen bev: it really is fuck all the others

staniel the maniel: It is one of the better ones TBH

mikey: see stan’s an intellectual

staniel the maniel: Do I have what the kids call... a galaxy brain

big bill: KSJDSKD

big bill: yes you do stan

mikey: stan oh my GOD

mikey: you have the only galaxy brain Ever

staniel the maniel: :)

trashmouth™: wtf no IM the one with a ~galaxy brain~

staniel the maniel: Not according to Mike

trashmouth™: damn ok then v.v

eddie spaghetti: bev i didnt agree to that

eddie spaghetti: wtf am i supposed to dress up as

queen bev: hmm

queen bev: we’ll find something >:)

eddie spaghetti: i???

trashmouth™: ill help u out bev B)

queen bev: YES

eddie spaghetti: IM RIGHT HERE????

staniel the maniel: I’m not dressing up

staniel the maniel: There’s no point

staniel the maniel: Also I’d have no idea what to wear anyway, so

mikey: i could help you find something!!

mikey: i’m dressing up bc i’ll be passing out candy that night

mikey: omg stan you could come over and help with that! if you want to that is skdjsk

staniel the maniel: Oh

staniel the maniel: Yeah, that could be fun :)

mikey: we need to find a costume for you then omg

mikey: oh and maybe all of y’all could come over too!

big bill: kjsdsjk i’ll see if i can!

benjamin: yeah that sounds fun!!

queen bev: brb flying back to derry bc that sounds FUN fuck yall v.v

benjamin: if only teleportation existed :(

trashmouth™: god mood its almost 2020 where is it

trashmouth™: anyway @mikey FUCK YES

trashmouth™: the more people to see my costume the better B)

eddie spaghetti: what are u dressing up as rich

trashmouth™: wouldnt u like to know ;)

eddie spaghetti: SKDJKSJ yeah thats why i asked dumbass

trashmouth™: u have to guess first

eddie spaghetti: god ok uhhh

eddie spaghetti: a rock

trashmouth™: DSKDJSD NO

trashmouth™: i dont wanna be associated with rocks anymore pls

staniel the maniel: No I think you should be a rock

trashmouth™: good thing i dont listen to u then bitch

staniel the maniel: Eddie tell him to be a rock

eddie spaghetti: skdjsd

eddie spaghetti: u should be a rock rich

trashmouth™: WOW

trashmouth™: i mean id love to my dear eds but unfortunately i already bought a costume that is Not a rock

eddie spaghetti: oh my god

trashmouth™: maybe next year B)

mikey: oh no what costume did you get richie

trashmouth™: i SAID yall have to GUESS

big bill: are you a celebrity?

benjamin: an,, animal??

queen bev: guys hes clearly going as a werewolf

mikey: why?? is that “clear”??

queen bev: idk i was just hoping i was right skjdsd

trashmouth™: wrong wrong and WRONG

trashmouth™: man yall suck at this smh

eddie spaghetti: ok then richie what are u dressing up as

trashmouth™: hang on lemme give yall a hint

trashmouth™: it starts with s B)

benjamin: scarecrow??

staniel the maniel: Satan

trashmouth™: not today satan

trashmouth™: why did stan autocorrect to satan wtf

mikey: “not today” are you planning on dressing as the devil any other day???

staniel the maniel: He’s already the devil anyway

trashmouth™: DSKDJSKD BITCH

benjamin: that doesn’t even make sense as a response anyway since today isn’t halloween,,,

trashmouth™: uh yes tf it is

big bill: okay richie we give up what’s your costume?

eddie spaghetti: wait i wanna guess real quick

trashmouth™: guess away eds B)

eddie spaghetti: shrek


queen bev: S H R E K

staniel the maniel: He wouldn’t even need to dress up if he was going as Shrek

trashmouth™: first of all, fuck u,

eddie spaghetti: WHAT THE FUCK ARE U THEN

trashmouth™: dsjdkjs

trashmouth™: i am

trashmouth™: gonna be

trashmouth™: a

staniel the maniel: The suspense is killing me.

trashmouth™: bitch

eddie spaghetti: ur gonna be a bitch

trashmouth™: N O DSKJDSK

trashmouth™: anyway

trashmouth™: im gonna be a sexy clown B)

eddie spaghetti: a

eddie spaghetti: fucking WHATJDKSDJ

queen bev: RICHIESKDJSK???//

staniel the maniel: I've said it before, and I'll say it again

staniel the maniel: Richie, what the fuck

big bill: did i read that right

big bill: richie

big bill: youre going as

big bill: a sexy clown?????

trashmouth™: yah

mikey: richie

trashmouth™: yes mike

mikey: i

mikey: i can’t function

benjamin: why,, of all things,, are you going,,

benjamin: as that

benjamin: does it even exist??

trashmouth™: yes i googled it to be sure

trashmouth™: and i just feel like it rly captures my essence

trashmouth™: bc im both sexy AND a clown

eddie spaghetti: jesus christ rich

trashmouth™: i dont hear u disagreeing

trashmouth™: with either part for that matter

eddie spaghetti: shut uP

trashmouth™: B)

eddie spaghetti: anyway arent u scared of clowns

trashmouth™: pfft no

trashmouth™: but if i Was then id be facing my fear B)

queen bev: by dressing up as a sexy version of said fear

trashmouth™: yah how else would i

queen bev: richie u fuckin genius

trashmouth™: THANK U

mikey: yall are RIDICULOUS SKJDSDK

mikey: what are the rest of yall going as tho

mikey: personally i haven’t decided yet

big bill: a vampire :)

big bill: georgie wants us to match kjsjskd

staniel the maniel: Aw that’s cute

queen bev: idk yet skdjskd im gonna go to a costume shop when i can

queen bev: eddie ur going with me uwu

eddie spaghetti: i-

eddie spaghetti: ok why not skdjsk

benjamin: maybe a ghost?? i haven’t really thought about it oops

trashmouth™: i cant believe im the only person who already has a costume idea

trashmouth™: besides bill

big bill: i’m surprised too kjskds

mikey: we should all go shopping together!! i need to help stan find a costume anyway

staniel the maniel: Oh no you shouldn’t feel like you have to

staniel the maniel: But

staniel the maniel: The help would be appreciated

mikey: of course stan!

staniel the maniel: I’m down for shopping, then :)

mikey: yay!

mikey: the rest of y’all should come too it’ll be fun omg

benjamin: okay!!

benjamin: when do y’all wanna go?

big bill: this weekend?

trashmouth™: hell yeah lets go B)

eddie spaghetti: this sucks i wish we could all go together :/

trashmouth™: i know rip

trashmouth™: well just be sure to send pictures B)

eddie spaghetti: u fuckin better

trashmouth™: anything for u eds ;)

eddie spaghetti: SKDJSKD BYE

staniel the maniel: Wow

queen bev: skdjsdk anyway eddie should we go shopping then too

benjamin: if you do it’ll feel like we’re all together :)

queen bev: ben thats so cute oh my god my uwus

benjamin: omg sksks yay :')

trashmouth™: hmm

queen bev: watch urself richie

eddie spaghetti: yeah im good with that bev

queen bev: HELL YES

big bill: this weekend then :)

Chapter Text

“feral gays”

OCTOBER 5, 2019

the queen: ok guys updates

the queen: where are yall

rrrichmond: WE HAVE ARRIVED

rrrichmond: to derrys only costume store

rrrichmond: i swear it gets worse every year

tiny gay: i dont remember it being That bad

rrrichmond: oh no it is

ben uwu: it’s really not!

ben uwu: i think it’s pretty nice sksks

rrrichmond: no it isnt they dont have my sexy clown costume ANYWHERE

tiny gay: SKDJSKD have u even Actually looked yet

rrrichmond: yes >:(

stanny: No he hasn’t

rrrichmond: shut up yes i have

stanny: We’ve been here less than a minute, how could you have possibly looked everywhere already

rrrichmond: dont question me

tiny gay: question

stanny: Question

rrrichmond: the nerve yall have v.v

the queen: we just got to our store too uwu

the queen: its so b i g for a costume shop???

ben uwu: to be fair ny seems big in general sksks

the queen: ok good point it really is skdsjk we got lost getting here

ben uwu: oh no omg but at least y’all are there now!

the queen: yeah uwu and i already see some nice costumes HELL YEAH

ben uwu: send pictures of them!!

the queen sent a picture.

the queen sent a picture.



rrrichmond: wear them ALL AT ONCE

stanny: That sounds… interesting

the queen: richie ur MIND

michael with a b: alright guys we’re on a MISSION no texting

rrrichmond: WHAT

michael with a b: You Heard Me

ben uwu: but mike,,,

michael with a b: i’m sorry ben,, i must

ben uwu: oh no,,,

tiny gay: haha bev and i can still use ours

michael with a b: no y’all can’t either

tiny gay: WHAT

billy boy: KSJDSK cmon guys it’s fine

billy boy: yall can talk later

the queen: jokes on mike he cant stop me

michael with a b: I Can And I Will

stanny: Spooky

the queen: SKDJSKD FINE

“You’re not seriously listening to him, are you?”

Beverly glances up from her phone and grins at the confused look on Eddie’s face. “Of course not. I just won’t text the main chat.”

She appreciates Mike’s attempts at getting all of them to focus because fuck knows that they’d be able to actively look around the shops without getting distracted by the chat at least once, but come on. Since their chat has come together, she hasn’t gone a single day without texting any of them, and in those almost-two months it's been, they’ve just… effortlessly become such a huge part of her life. Even now, in the middle of something as simple as looking for a Halloween costume, she has this want to talk to them.

It’s not so strong with Eddie, and she thinks that must be because she actually has the ability to see him in person nearly every day. With the others, they’re hundreds of miles away, and she’s never been face-to-face with any of them except through a computer screen. She really wants to hug them.

When she thinks about it, though, it’s… a little scary. She’s never really had friends before, unless you count her smoking buddies in high school, and she really doesn’t. Those kids weren’t there for her the same way these guys are, is the thing, and maybe that’s the reason she’s so attached to them. Sure, they’re easy to laugh with and fun to tease in a friendly way, but they’re also so incredibly genuine in that they actually like her, too, and it just feels good. She loves them.

Especially Ben. Just thinking his name has her smiling softly at nothing in particular, and it’s a little embarrassing, sure, but the only one around who can judge her is Eddie, and he knows better.

It’s just… it's different with him. Sure, she loves all of her friends equally, but Ben’s the only one that makes her heart flutter when they talk; he’s the only one that comes to her mind whenever she thinks about the concept of dating; and he’s the one she wants to see the most, when they finally meet up in December. Winter break can’t come fast enough, she thinks to herself, sighing lightly. Two more months, and then you can see him.

“Oh, that’s a good idea,” Eddie says suddenly, startling her out of her thoughts and back to the present. He’s still on his phone, tapping at his screen, but he glances back up after a moment, grinning at her mischievously.

She grins back, not sure what has him looking like that but immediately ready to hear about it. When she met him in person, Beverly discovered that Eddie’s actually much wilder than he is over text, and really easy to have fun with as a result. Though they haven’t done anything, like, illegal, because she really doesn’t want a record when she’s a nearly-broke college student, they’ve gotten yelled at more than once for “being nuisances” in front of the library, when all they were really doing was either laughing at videos or the group chat. Maybe it was a little annoying, sure, but not to the point of getting yelled at, in her opinion. She’d understand if they’d been caught doing, like, graffiti or something, but they wouldn’t go that far.

Well. Maybe. They wouldn't make anything horrible, at least.

Still grinning and more than a little curious at this point, she finally asks, “What’s with the look, Eddie?”

Eddie takes another few seconds to mess with his phone again before he looks at her again. “Are you gonna text Ben?”

Her face flushes faster than she thought was possible, which, wow, okay. It’s not like she’s kept her crush on Ben a complete secret, especially not from Eddie, and yet here she is getting all red at the mere mention of him. She knows it’s ridiculous, but that doesn’t stop her from rolling her eyes and shoving at Eddie, who just ducks out of the way, laughing.

Maybe he doesn’t know better, she thinks, and then asks, “What, you mean the same way you’re texting Richie?”

She laughs when Eddie scowls and turns away, which does nothing to hide his blush. “I’m not texting anybody, shut up.”

“Uh-huh,” she says, shaking her head and grinning. It makes her feel better seeing Eddie get just as embarrassed, if not more so, over his own crush. “Hey, do you have an idea on what you’re gonna be yet?”

Shrugging, Eddie steps up beside her, looking up the wall of costumes they’re standing before. “Uh, I’m not sure yet. You?”

“I might be Carrie White,” she muses, running her hand over a row of bloody prom dresses before her. “She’s badass. And the dress is pretty, too, which is a bonus.”

Her phone vibrates in her pocket before she can say any more and she tugs it out to see a few messages from both Ben and Richie. She’s tempted to answer Ben’s first, but Richie’s message is in all caps, so she opens it instead, intrigued.


OCTOBER 5, 2019



rrrichmond: A DOCTOR

the queen: i

the queen: why a doctor SKDJSD

rrrichmond: bc reasons

rrrichmond: dont tell him it was my idea

rrrichmond: also i think itd suit him B)

the queen: oh my god

the queen: ok lemme ask him skdsdj

She’s itching to reply to Ben, but she might as well get this over with first. “Hey, Eddie,” she says, and she’s quite pleased at how casual she sounds, “why don’t you be a doctor? Y’know, for Halloween. It’s a pretty simple costume.”

Her friend eyes her suspiciously, but she must manage to keep her face perfectly blank and innocent, so he shrugs again and says, “Yeah, I guess that’d be fine. I can’t think of anything else, anyway.”

“Too focused on your phone? Maybe Mike was right,” she says, laughing when Eddie groans and stalks off, both to find a costume and to get away from her. She’s still grinning when she opens up Ben’s messages.

“ben uwu”

OCTOBER 5, 2019

ben uwu: richie distracted mike so i could text you sksks

ben uwu: i mean he’s busy helping stan too so that probably helped but still

ben uwu: did you find a costume yet??

the queen: i think so uwu

the queen: mayhaps ill be carrie white skdjkds shes an icon and i love the dress

the queen sent a picture.

ben uwu: omg yes!!

ben uwu: i think you’d really suit it :)

the queen: BEN UWU thank you skdjsd im glad

ben uwu: sksks of course!!

Beverly pauses for a moment in the middle of typing her next message, chewing her bottom lip. Texting is fun and all, but suddenly she just… really wants to hear his voice. She hasn’t skyped any of them for a few weeks, and phone calls are even more rare since most of them prefer talking in the main chat due to it being easier. Right now, though, alone here in the store since Eddie is off probably just messaging Richie at this point, she thinks a phone call with Ben would be nice.

the queen: also would u mayhaps wanna talk on the phone instead

the queen: ive been abandoned and am very lonely skdjsdk v.v

ben uwu: oh yeah definitely omg!

ben uwu: here i’ll call you sksks

His name flashes across the screen only seconds later and Beverly grins, swiping up on the answer button and pressing her phone to her ear. She’s heard his voice more than once already, but that doesn’t stop her heart from picking up just a little in her chest. “Hey, Ben!” she says cheerfully. Her face feels warm again, and she silently thanks Eddie for running off so he can’t laugh at her again.

“Hi, Bev!” Ben replies, and his voice shakes just barely, like he’s nervous. At least I’m not the only one, then, she thinks, relieved. There’s just something so different about a phone call compared to texting or even skype, and she thinks both of them can sense it. “So, um, why did Eddie desert you?”

“Oh, he just went off to get his costume,” she admits, grinning. “And probably to text Richie, but I don’t mind. At least we can talk.”

“That’s true,” Ben says, and she can tell he’s smiling, too. “So you’re dressing up as Carrie, right? Do you like the movie?”

“Oh, I love it,” she replies, absently finding and tugging a costume from the wall that’s labeled with her size. After glancing it over and wincing at the price, she decides, fuck it, it’s nice enough that she can deal. “It’s probably my favorite horror movie. I mean, a girl with telekinesis fucks up all of the kids who bullied her? Sign me the hell up.”

“It was really good, yeah,” he agrees. Then, thoughtfully, “Okay, but do you prefer that or the book?”

Beverly tucks the costume bag under her arm and heads down the aisle in search of Eddie. “I haven’t gotten around to the book yet, actually,” she admits, sighing. “I will eventually, but for now I definitely prefer the movie.”

“That’s fair! I still haven’t finished it, but it’s pretty good,” Ben says. “And, uh, if you want, I can lend you my copy when you come back for break. Only if you want, though!” he repeats quickly.

It’s endearing, him willing to let her borrow it. Beverly finds herself grinning at nothing in particular as she rounds the corner and spots Eddie still texting from where he stands in front of a wall of career-based costumes. “Yeah, I’d love that!” she says, waving dismissively at Eddie’s curious look. “I promise I won’t lose it or ruin it or anything. If I do, I’ll buy you another, though.”

“Oh, no, it’s fine! I trust you not to do anything bad to it,” he says. “You’ll be careful with it.”

She smiles and wishes, not for the first time today, that she could see him. “Of course.” Eddie pokes her arm to get her attention and waves his costume at her, then tilts his head like he’s asking, Should we leave? She nods and follows him towards the front of the store, working her wallet out of her back pocket as she goes. “Hey, did you find a costume yet?”

“Oh,” Ben says, and he sounds a little sheepish. “Yeah, I did. I took a page out of Richie’s book and decided to go as a… fear of mine, I guess.”

“Ooh, what is it?” she asks, falling into line behind Eddie when they reach the checkout counter. “Is it a zombie? Ghost?”

“No, but that’s what Stan’s going as, actually,” he says, laughing a little. “He said he didn’t want to put in too much effort, so Mike suggested it and Stan just went with it.”

Beverly giggles at the image of Stan with a white sheet draped over him. “That’s valid,” she says, still grinning. “But what about you?”

“Oh, right,” Ben says, and his laugh is more awkward this time. “I’m gonna be a, uh, mummy. There was a pretty basic one that I found, so, why not?”

“Mummy costumes are cool!” Beverly says. “How come you’re scared of them, though? You don’t have to answer, of course, I’m just curious.”

“It’s fine.” Ben sighs a little, then adds, “It’s not even that big of a deal, really. They creep me out. I mean, they’re corpses wrapped up in- in these gross sort of bandages- things, and I’m really just not a fan.”

It’s enough of an explanation for Beverly, and she says, “Well, when you put it that way, they are pretty weird. But good on you for being one for Halloween! You’ll get over this fear in no time.” And she really believes it, too.

“Thank you, Bev,” Ben says, and the honesty in his voice throws her for a second. She’s not sure she’s ever met somebody who could sound that serious saying thank you for something as simple as reassuring him that he’d get over a fear, and she thinks for a second, That’s why I like him. He’s just so… sincere. “That… it helps. Uh. If that isn’t weird.”

God, she wants to hug him right now. “Of course it isn’t!” she tells him, finally reaching the counter. She flashes a smile at the employee and hands over the costume and a couple of tens. She gets her bag and change back after a minute and joins Eddie at the door, following him out as he leaves. “So, are y’all done yet?”

“Oh! Almost, I think? Mike’s going to be Miles Morales, and Richie’s still looking for his, uh, sexy clown costume-” He pauses to laugh and Beverly joins him loud enough to make Eddie jump from where he’s walking next to her. “-but I’m starting to think that he’ll just get a regular one and, I don’t know, make little rips in it? Something like that. What did Eddie get?”

“He’s gonna be a doctor,” she says, grinning. “Richie suggested it.”

“Wait, what?” Eddie says and that’s when Beverly belatedly remembers that she was meant to keep that bit quiet. “Are you fucking kidding me, of course it was his idea, he’s probably got some dumbass shit to say about it, too, fucking…” He trails off, tapping furiously at his phone, and when Beverly’s starts vibrating against her ear, she figures that he’s texting the group chat.

She doesn’t want to hang up on Ben, but she also really wants to see what Eddie’s saying. “Hey, wanna keep talking in the chat?” she asks. “We might have to stop Eddie from bullying Richie again.”

“Shut up, he bullies me,” Eddie mutters, but Beverly catches a very faint smile on his face. She’s noticed, lately, that he’s been struggling to stay genuinely angry at Richie for too long. She’s not sure that either of them have noticed, though.

Ben laughs, and Beverly finds herself missing the sound already. “Yeah, that’s fine.” A pause, then Ben’s adding softly, “It was, uh. It was nice hearing your voice. I… missed it.”

It takes everything in Beverly not to walk to the airport and board the next plane to Maine. “I missed yours, too,” she manages, and then, “Well! See you in the group chat.”

She knows he’s smiling again when he says, “Of course. Bye, Bev.”

They hang up at the same time and Beverly just lets herself grin at the sky.

“feral gays”

OCTOBER 5, 2019


tiny gay: WHY

billy boy: kjsdksd why are you so concerned omg

tiny gay: idk i just know that richies got a Specific Reason for it

michael with a b: i said no pHONES

ben uwu: but we all have our costumes-

michael with a b: okay good point

michael with a b: phone ban is Lifted

stanny: What costume did you get, Bev?

the queen: im gonna be carrie white uwu

tiny gay: wheres richie i wanna yell at him

rrrichmond: do u not like my suggestion eds smh

tiny gay: i mean a doctor costume is fine But Like why did u suggest it

rrrichmond: no reason B)

tiny gay: yeah rIGHT

ben uwu: at least you have a costume eddie!

the queen: yeah cmon be grateful sdjsdk

tiny gay: ok but im only like 50% grateful

tiny gay: thanks rich

rrrichmond: of course eds B)

stanny: What’s the other 50%

tiny gay: suspicious

the queen: skdjskd thats valid

the queen: richie did u get ur sexy clown costume

rrrichmond: no B( i just got a regular one smh

rrrichmond: ill just shred parts of it to make it Look sexy B)

tiny gay: jesus christ

ben uwu: so i was right sksks omg

the queen: yall need to send pictures uwu

ben uwu: we will! and be sure to send some back :)

ben uwu: i can’t wait to see omg

the queen: hell yeah sdkjsd uwu

Chapter Text

“feral gays”

OCTOBER 9, 2019

the queen: ok guys

the queen: question

ben uwu: yeah what’s up??

the queen: actually first

the queen: HAPPY 2 MONTHS


ben uwu: another month already???

the queen: i know!!! ben weve been friends for 2 months how do u feel

ben uwu: very happy sksks it’s been the best two months ever :)

the queen: ur so SOFT BYE UWU

ben uwu: SKSKS YAY

stanny: It’s only been two months??

billy boy: right it feels like so much longer omg ksjdsk

billy boy: happy two months yall :)

michael with a b: !!! two months oh my god

tiny gay: GOD thats crazy


stanny: Wow



the queen: oh my GODDDD

michael with a b: “and everyone else” i see where we are on your list of priorities rich

rrrichmon: what no ur all equal in my eyes B)

stanny: Why are you even trying

rrrichmond: trying what

the queen: SKDJSKD anyway

the queen: would yall be opposed

the queen: to a chat

the queen: with richies feral twin and his friends

ben uwu: ooh that could be fun!

billy boy: yeah i’m fine with it kjsdksd

billy boy: they sound pretty nice anyway

the queen: they are uwu

the queen: eddie and i have been hanging out with them lately

the queen: and they said that they wanna meet yall

the queen: well not really meet but u know what i mean

rrrichmond: YES

rrrichmond: my lost twin and i shall be

rrrichmond: ~reunited~

tiny gay: oh god not both of them in one place

rrrichmond: i thought my twin was “””more chill””” than me tho

tiny gay: i mean he kinda is

tiny gay: but hes still chaotic

rrrichmond: FANTASTIC

tiny gay: NO

michael with a b: damn rip eddie

tiny gay: gee thanks mike ://

michael with a b: anytime skdjskd

stanny: How many of them are there?

the queen: six uwu its mike, will, dustin, lucas, el, and max

the queen: el and max being in the chat would finally make it to where im not the only girl YES

rrrichmond: ew girls


the queen: too late ur BLOCKED

stanny: It’s what he deserves

rrrichmond: BITCH

the queen: ok yall fight it out here while i make the chat skjdskd


“college buddies”

OCTOBER 9, 2019

the queen: ok are yall still cool meeting mine and eddies friends thru a gc

william: the ones from Derry, right?

the queen: yeah skdjsdk we have no other friends v.v

dustin: that’s okay neither do we

lucas: but you have steve and robin lmao

lucas: WE don’t have any other friends

dustin: ok yeah that’s true

dustin: also yes beverly

the queen: valid!

tiny gay: u really dont have to theyre terrible

feral mike: i thought you had a crush on the one that looks like me tho

tiny gay: i

tiny gay: fuckign BYE

william: Mike sksks

feral mike: LOOK he said it not me

madmax: LMAO WAIT thats right

madmax: i HAVE to meet him beverly please

the queen: SKDJSKD u will

lucas: couple of quick questions

the queen: yeah whats up

lucas: how many of them are there again

lucas: and are they cool

the queen: oh no theyre all losers sdkjsd

the queen: and theres five of them uwu

the queen: ben, richie, bill, mike, and stan

the queen: theyre all chaotic as fuck so i think yall will get along sdjskd

dustin: another mike,, thats gonna get confusing

madmax: it’ll just add to the chaos >:)

dustin: oh god oh fuck

el: Are they nice?

the queen: yeah uwu

the queen: and im sure theyll like u!

el: I hope so…

madmax: theyll like you bb i just know it

madmax: and if they dont i’ll just fight them

el: Please don’t beat up anyone on my behalf

el: Again

madmax: i have to show my love somehow :)

el: Max

madmax: smh fine

el: Thank you

madmax: yeah yeah youre welcome lmao

lucas: ah, young love

lucas: disgusting

madmax: shut up youre just mad youre still single


el: MAX

madmax: AM I WRONG

feral mike: tbh no

lucas: i’m about to block your ass

madmax: do it do it do it

lucas: for once you have a good idea

madmax: thanks i know

feral mike: try it bitch

lucas: bitch

william: i’ll leave this chat again if y’all don’t Stop It :/

el: I’ll go with you :/

feral mike: wait no guys dont leave me with them

william: ://

el: :/

feral mike: p l e a s e


the queen: anyway itll be great uwu

the queen: i mainly wanna see richie and mike interact anyway skdjsdk

tiny gay: its gonna be a mess oh god

the queen: e x a c t l y

madmax: YES

the queen: lets go!!


OCTOBER 9, 2019

You created group “a mess™”

You changed this group’s subject to “lets be c h a o t i c”

the queen: and here it is

the queen: quite possibly the most chaotic chat to ever exist

the queen: ok introduction time

dustin: the chat name lmao yep

dustin: also hi guys! im dustin :]

ben uwu: i’m ben!!

lucas: hey, im lucas

billy boy: hey ksjdks my name’s bill

rrrichmond: WHERE IS HE


rrrichmond: YAH WHO ARE U

madmax: IM MAX


lucas: oh my god


rrrichmond: FUCK YEAH

william: ...Eddie

tiny gay: i know dont mention it

rrrichmond: WHOS THAT

william: sksks i’m Will :)


rrrichmond: wait a minute ur the one who called me cute

tiny gay: richie-

william: oh yeah sksks you don’t mind, right?

rrrichmond: nah its cool B)


stanny: Why must you y e l l

stanny: Anyway

stanny: Hi there, I’m Stan

dustin: hello!

lucas: you type the same way el does lmao

stanny: ...Hopefully that’s a good thing?

ben uwu: is el also old

the queen: BEN SKDJSDK

stanny: How dare you

ben uwu: SKSKS i’m sorry-

lucas: what

michael with a b: who’s el??

madmax: the best person EVER

el: I’m really not omg…

madmax: you are

el: :)

el: Also hi, I’m El!

el: What’s your name?

michael with a b: i’m mike!

feral mike: ah so youre my name twin

feral mike: im a mike too lmao

michael with a b: we really got blessed with the best name huh sdjskd

rrrichmond: GASP

rrrichmond: TWIN

rrrichmond: ITS U

feral mike: oh SHIT HELLO

rrrichmond: FINALLY



rrrichmond: YAH THATS ME

feral mike: COOL NAME

rrrichmond: THX I WAS BORN WITH IT


rrrichmond: FUCK YEAH

tiny gay: jesus fuckign christ

stanny: Wow forget I ever said anything about wanting them to switch places

william: maybe this wasn’t a good idea sksks omg

madmax: are you kidding me this was the best idea EVER

madmax: but also mike stfu

michael with a b: wait what did i do-

feral mike: no she meant me

feral mike: anyway no YOU shut the fuck up

madmax: fucking make me BITCH

feral mike: EL tell your gf to stfu

madmax: will tell YOUR bf to stop

el: Mike, don’t be mean

feral mike: she STARTED it!!!

william: yeah i have to agree with el here :/

feral mike: will,,, not you too,,,

william: sksks ily <3

feral mike: ily too smh

rrrichmond: haha gay

feral mike: yeah

william: :)

tiny gay: yall are ridiculous oh my god

billy boy: max and mike remind me of richie and stan omg ksjdksd

stanny: Don’t compare me to them

stanny: Please

dustin: yall are so childish lmfao

dustin: oh my god wait is this how steve felt.....

lucas: oh yeah definitely

billy boy: ooh who’s steve?

dustin: my best friend!!

lucas: wow thanks a lot dustin fuck you too

the queen: sdkjsdk tragic

dustin: YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT he’s my best friend outside of yall smh

lucas: bro...

dustin: bro.....

madmax: bruh

lucas: no

madmax: okay wow blocked

tiny gay: oh yeah u mentioned him before

tiny gay: isnt he dating mikes sister

michael with a b: i don’t have a sister tho??

tiny gay: ok u Know i was talking to other mike skdjsd

michael with a b: yeah sorry skdjskd the opportunity was there

william: i can’t believe my boyfriend’s been reduced to “other Mike” rip :/

madmax: it’s what he deserves

feral mike: okay you know what

madmax: what

feral mike: blocked

madmax: bitch

stanny: ...We are like them…

rrrichmond: oh shit stan

rrrichmond: that means max is ur twin

madmax: hello there twin :)

stanny: No thank you

feral mike: anyway yeah steves dating my sister nancy

william: and they’re both dating my brother Jonathan!

billy boy: at the same time??

william: yeah.. you don’t have a problem with that right

billy boy: oh no of course not omg

billy boy: sometimes i just forget people can do that

billy boy: i hope they’re all happy together :)

william: they are!

feral mike: theyre all nancy can talk about ugh

dustin: steve does the same damn thing smh

william: El talks about Max all the time, i don’t see you guys complaining about her sksks

el: ...Do I talk about Max all the time?

feral mike: yes

lucas: yes but in yellow

madmax: shut UP it’s cute

el: Yay :)

ben uwu: at least that means they’re all happy!!

william: exactly thank you ben

ben uwu: of course sksks

the queen: as u can see bens the most valid one out of all of us

ben uwu: SKSKS no you’re the most valid bev omg

the queen: absolutely not that title belongs to u and u only

ben uwu: what if i refuse the title,, and give it to you

the queen: nope not allowed

lucas: i seriously have to deal with more of this shit

lucas: what did i do to deserve this......

the queen: wdym lucas

lucas: what

lucas: are you kidding

tiny gay: no shes not

lucas: seriously??

tiny gay: ik smh theyre not subtle at all :/

ben uwu: wait omg

the queen: BITCH

the queen: thats funny coming from u eddie

tiny gay: ok BYE

madmax: why is eddie always leaving

rrrichmond: yeah eds come back

tiny gay: no fuck yall

el: Is he okay?

the queen: yeah hes fine skdjsd

michael with a b: well i’d say this chat was a success skdjsdk

lucas: it was definitely Something

michael with a b: a good something?

lucas: hmm maybe

dustin: it was fun!

lucas: okay yeah it was lmao

rrrichmond: im just glad i got to reunite with my long lost twin B)

feral mike: hell yes it was cool meeting you lmao

william: I didn’t think he’d be as wild as you… And Yet

feral mike: oh yeah no he’s way more chaotic than me

rrrichmond: fuck yeah i am B)

Chapter Text

“feral gays”

OCTOBER 12, 2019

trashmouth™: is it halloween yet

eddie spaghetti: i??? its only the 12th

trashmouth™: FUCK

queen bev: wow mood halloween needs to hurry the FUCK up

big bill: ksjdkds why do yall want it to be halloween already??

trashmouth™: why Dont u

queen bev: bc spooky things uwu

trashmouth™: anyway its so i can reach my Final Form

benjamin: final form as in,, sexy clown i assume

trashmouth™: exactly B)

eddie spaghetti: i still cant believe ur serious about that god

trashmouth™: my dear eds when am i Not serious??? B)

eddie spaghetti: i

eddie spaghetti: have to go

staniel the maniel: How sudden

big bill: bye eddie ksjdsk

eddie spaghetti: IM

benjamin: eddie are you okay sksks??

trashmouth™: mayhaps he just cant handle the mental image of me being a sexy clown B)

eddie spaghetti: I Cant Stand U

trashmouth™: DSJKDJS RUDE



OCTOBER 12, 2019

eddie: if he calls me “dear eds” one more time

eddie: ill probably d*e so just be prepared



beverly: u are Such a disaster

eddie: so are u the fuck

beverly: fight me bitch

eddie: i cant fight u yet im waiting to fight richie first

beverly: im???

beverly: why do u have to fight him first SDKJSDS

eddie: bc he Deserves it

beverly: oh my god


“feral gays”

OCTOBER 12, 2019

queen bev: richie get ur ass to ny and fight eddie

benjamin: oh god

trashmouth™: WSDKJSDW WHY?????

queen bev: he wont fight me until he fights u

queen bev: apparently sdkjsd

trashmouth™: alright bet lets go eds

eddie spaghetti: no fuck u i think i WILL fight bev


eddie spaghetti: OH WELL

benjamin: one day,,, just one day without threatening to fight that’s all i ask

queen bev: yeah guys stop upsetting ben

benjamin: sksksk thank you bev

queen bev: of course uwu

trashmouth™: UR THE ONE WHO BROUGHT IT UP???

queen bev: no i didnt

big bill: ksjdskd omg

staniel the maniel: Why are you acting like fighting Eddie first is a privilege?

trashmouth™: B)

staniel the maniel: That’s not an answer

trashmouth™: B)

staniel the maniel: Wow

eddie spaghetti: goodbye

mikey: oh my god,

mikey: okay i have an announcement

benjamin: ooh what is it?

mikey: Am not against Gay s . but you are all so Anoying . God bless

big bill: KSJDSKD MIKE

queen bev: me too mike tf

eddie spaghetti: SKDJSKDSKD WELL OK THEN

trashmouth™: OH MY GOD

trashmouth™: also good job mike u made stan lose his shit with that

mikey: SKDJSK good

trashmouth™: hes fucking WHEEZING WOW

mikey: my fucking mind wow i love being a comedian

big bill: mike’s truly the funniest person in this chat :)

mikey: as i deserve!!

eddie spaghetti: im respectfully disagreeing

queen bev: gee i wonder why

eddie spaghetti: what i didnt say anything

trashmouth™ sent a video.


eddie spaghetti: is he ok-

trashmouth™: I THINK SO???

benjamin: i don’t think stan’s ever laughed like that omg sksks


big bill: it really is ksjdsdk omg

trashmouth™: oh my GOD

trashmouth™: @mikey ur earlier announcement is now a mood

mikey: SKDJSDK okay rich i see how it is

staniel the maniel: Why did you record it Richie SMH

staniel the maniel: Oh

staniel the maniel: But thank you Mike and Bill

staniel the maniel: That’s good to know sksks

big bill: of course stan ksdjksd it’s a nice sound :)

mikey: it is omg i hope we can hear it again

queen bev: WOW

benjamin: mike-

mikey: oh no was that weird

big bill: no i agree kjsdskd

eddie spaghetti: from one gay to another,

eddie spaghetti: thats gay

mikey: SKJDSKD i mean

staniel the maniel: Oh

staniel the maniel: You probably will actually

staniel the maniel: You’re some of the only people who can actually make me laugh

queen bev: AW STAN!! UWU

benjamin: omg wait that’s so soft sksks

trashmouth™: stan admitting he finds me funny? i must be dreaming B)

eddie spaghetti: now hes gonna take it back bc u said that dumbass

staniel the maniel: Yeah I take it back only Mike is funny

trashmouth™: B I T C H

queen bev: HA

mikey: stan you’re the only valid person in this chat besides bill oh my god

big bill: ksdjsk omg mike

staniel the maniel: What no you guys are more valid

eddie spaghetti: side note its really weird seeing stan use the word valid

staniel the maniel: They deserve it

big bill: omg :’)

mikey: i

mikey: hang on there’s a fly and it’s annoying me smh

big bill: oh no mike ksdjsk you should have ben go and get it omg

benjamin: yeah i can leave the library early if you want!

mikey: no it’s fine skdjs i got it



OCTOBER 12, 2019

mike: i lied there’s no fly

softie™: oh alright sksks but why?

mike: i had to take a break from the chat

mike: stan’s so cute ben what the fuck

softie™: SKSKSK mike omg

softie™: i mean this in the nicest way possible but you’ve told me before

softie™: but!! it’s sweet :)

mike: i know skdjdk he’s just

mike: adorable

mike: god so is bill

mike: i’m suffering

mike: liking two people is HARD

softie™: liking people in general is hard :’)

mike: okay yeah fair point

mike: on that subject

mike: bev “defending” you earlier was cute skdjsd

softie™: suddenly i have to study


mike: wait shit there’s actually a fly now and it’s buzzing RIGHT IN MY EAR what did i do to deserve this

softie™: SKSKSK okay i’ll be back in a few to get it

mike: sdjskd god bless



OCTOBER 12, 2019

Stan: I’m having a crisis

Richard: oh man what now


Stan: :/

Stan: You suck

Richard: B(

Richard: n e way whats ur crisis about?

Stan: I

Stan: Think I might like Bill

Richard: u already told me that what

Stan: And Mike

Stan: At the same time

Richard: OH

Richard: firstly: yeah ik

Stan: Excuse me

Richard: secondly: oh my god you bisaster

Stan: What

Richard: bi disaster

Richard: I invented the term myself B)

Stan: I highly doubt that

Stan: Anyway

Stan: I don’t know what to do

Richard: hmmm

Richard: are u open to a 3-way mayhaps B)

Stan: Excuse me???

Stan: A threeway with who???

Stan: Because if you’re offering that’s a definite “absolutely not”

Richard: HUH??????

Richard: what the FUCK NO?????/



Stan: OH

Stan: Then specify next time holy shit Richie


Richard: u know my heart belongs only to eds B)

Stan: I never know what to expect from you that’s all

Stan: And

Stan: I don’t know

Stan: Maybe

Richard: hey

Richard: u know they 99% like u back right

Stan: There’s that one percent though…

Stan: And anyway if they like me then you know for a fact Eddie likes you

Richard: no he doesnt wtf hes way out of my league

Stan: You’re exhausting

Richard: wh????

Stan: Thanks again

Stan: You made me feel 1% better

Richard: djskdjk any time staniel

Chapter Text

“feral gays”

OCTOBER 16, 2019

queen bev: guys i have an announcement to make

eddie spaghetti: beverly i Will end u

big bill: oh shit eddie pulled out the full name ksjdskd

queen bev: EDDIE

queen bev: just for that now i Will

eddie spaghetti: N O


eddie spaghetti: NO ITS NOT I WANNA D*E

trashmouth™: what happened

trashmouth™: why is eds dying

trashmouth™: i must know Right Now

eddie spaghetti: nO u of all ppl u cant know

trashmouth™: see that just makes me Need to know even more

eddie spaghetti: N O

trashmouth™: W H Y


trashmouth™: NO U

staniel the maniel: I just want one peaceful day devoid of yelling

staniel the maniel: Please

benjamin: don’t we all :’)

trashmouth™: never B)

benjamin: richie,, Please

trashmouth™: my dear benjamin, no

eddie spaghetti: oh my god

mikey: why were yall yelling what did i miss

queen bev: SLDSDKJ HANG ON

eddie spaghetti: bev is still laughing im gonna

eddie spaghetti: idk what yet but ill think of something

benjamin: don’t,, don’t do anything eddie pls

queen bev: BEN will u protect me

benjamin: SKSKS of course bev omg

queen bev: HA now u cant do anything eddie >:)

eddie spaghetti: OH my god

mikey: okay mood eddie

big bill: nobody:

big bill: eddie: omg

mikey: technically it’s “oh my god” but yeah

eddie spaghetti: ohhh my GOD

eddie spaghetti: wait fuck

queen bev: SKDJSDK

trashmouth™: bev whats the announcement

queen bev: right yes

queen bev: eddie has dumb bitch disease

trashmouth™: bitch me too the fuck

mikey: i think we ALL have dumb bitch disease

staniel the maniel: I take personal offense to that

mikey: okay everyone but stan

staniel the maniel: :)

mikey: yes that includes bill

big bill: KSJDKS okay yeah i agree

eddie spaghetti: bev ur on thin ice shut uP

queen bev: it was an honest mistake eddie skdjsjdls

trashmouth™: w

trashmouth™: what did u dO eds

eddie spaghetti: none of ur BUSINESS

queen bev: i mean technically it is

trashmouth™: what the FUCK does that mean

eddie spaghetti: NOTHIGNEDSJDP

staniel the maniel: I think we have to know at this point, Eddie

big bill: yeah c’mon eddie ksjdsdk i’m sure it’s not that bad!

eddie spaghetti: ok but what if it is

big bill: uh

queen bev: its Not eddies just being dramatic

mikey: when is he not skdjsd

eddie spaghetti: ok, look,

trashmouth™: pls,,

trashmouth™: i beg of u,,,

trashmouth™: tell us,,,,,

eddie spaghetti: i give up yall are relentless

eddie spaghetti: say One Single Thing and im coming after all of u

trashmouth™: promise B)

eddie spaghetti: SHUT UPPP

benjamin: sksks bev what horrible thing did eddie do

queen bev: SDKJSKJD OK SO

queen bev: we were with richies feral twin mike and his friends

queen bev: and idk he probably picked it up from the other gc

big bill: oh no

queen bev: but mike called eddie “eds”

trashmouth™: excuse mE

benjamin: rip feral mike omg

queen bev: AND EDDIE SAID

queen bev: “SHUT UP RICHIE”

trashmouth™: NO

trashmouth™: DID HE RLY

queen bev: YES

mikey: OH MY G O D


eddie spaghetti: FUKC YALLSJDLJDK

big bill: i mean

big bill: in eddie’s defence

big bill: he apparently looks A Lot like richie so

eddie spaghetti: THANK U BILL

queen bev: i did say it was an honest mistake skjdskd

staniel the maniel: Eddie…

staniel the maniel: Nice going

eddie spaghetti: goodbye

trashmouth™: i still cant believe he called u eds oh my god

trashmouth™: i invented that nickname B(

benjamin: are you not more interested in the fact that he said your name instead of mike’s tho sksks

trashmouth™: nah im not surprised he had me on his mind B)

eddie spaghetti: d*e

queen bev: EDDIE dont be rude

eddie spaghetti: never

trashmouth™: bev tell him he cant use it

mikey: holy shit richie skjdskd

trashmouth™: its TRUE

staniel the maniel: Isn’t that a little ridiculous

trashmouth™: ofc not smh

benjamin: sksks don’t make bev do it omg you have his number remember??

queen bev: sdksjdk love when ben fights for my rights!

benjamin: :D

mikey: wow

trashmouth™: OH RIGHT I DO

trashmouth™: brb B)

eddie spaghetti: R I C H I E

benjamin: i didn’t think he’d grow to be so,, protective

benjamin: over a,, nickname

big bill: somehow i’m not surprised ksdjskd


“the twin”

OCTOBER 16, 2019

trashmouth™: that nickname is illegal for anyone but me to use B)

the twin: the

the twin: what????

the twin: oh wait

the twin: “eds”???

trashmouth™: yah

trashmouth™: i invented it B)

the twin: oh??? kay??

trashmouth™: which means its copyrighted

trashmouth™: to me

the twin: I don’t think that’s quite how it works

the twin: but okay

the twin: I guess I won’t use it anymore lmao

trashmouth™: yes

the twin: .....alright

trashmouth™: thx B)


“feral mike”

OCTOBER 16, 2019

feral mike: what the hell was that

the queen: im so sorry SKDJSKDS


“feral gays”

OCTOBER 16, 2019

queen bev: i think u scared mike skjdsd

trashmouth™: B)

mikey: excuse you richie never scares me

mikey: wait


eddie spaghetti: richie oh my god im-

benjamin: okay but like,, i’m also slightly scared sksks

trashmouth™: my impact >B)

staniel the maniel: Never do the angry sunglasses face again

staniel the maniel: It’s an abomination

trashmouth™: ok just for u stan

trashmouth™: >B)

staniel the maniel: I don’t know what I expected

big bill: kskdjskd anyway do yall want a picture of turtle??

mikey: YES

staniel the maniel: Please

staniel the maniel: I miss her

big bill: aw ksdjskd she misses you too!!

trashmouth™: does she miss me too B)

big bill: what was that

trashmouth™: WHAT

trashmouth™: eds tell bill to stop bullying me >B(

eddie spaghetti: bill keep bullying richie

trashmouth™: how Dare u

eddie spaghetti: yes

trashmouth™: we

trashmouth™: @queen bev please vibe check eddie for me

eddie spaghetti: wait no-


queen bev: im vibe checking all of u fuckers when we meet in person

queen bev: and that vibe check shall be a smack

big bill: KJSKDSD BEV

queen bev: except ben his vibe check shall be a kiss

trashmouth™: WHAT

mikey: OH??

queen bev: on the cheek


staniel the maniel: Are you sure about that

queen bev: question me again staniel i’ll vibe check u right the fuck now

staniel the maniel: No you won’t :)

queen bev: Watch Me

mikey: guys i think ben’s dead

queen bev: OH GOD SKDJSD

big bill: KSJDKS OH NO

big bill: f

staniel the maniel: F

benjamin: i appreciate the f’s thanks guys sksksk

trashmouth™: bev i cant believe u k worded ben thats so rude

queen bev: SHUT UP SKDJSKD

queen bev: BEN IM SORRY

benjamin: SKSKS IT’S OKAY

trashmouth™: this is the highlight of my day

queen bev: vibe check fuck u

big bill: OKAY heres the picture ksjdksd

big bill sent a picture.


staniel the maniel: Aww

staniel the maniel: I want to pet her again :(

big bill: come over this weekend!!

big bill: you’re all invited kjdksds

trashmouth™: oh its ok im gonna be busy

benjamin: me too rip

benjamin: but y’all have fun!! pet turtle a lot for me :’)

big bill: oh okay ksjdsd

big bill: what about you two?

mikey: i can come over!

staniel the maniel: Yeah, I should be able to make it

big bill: yay okay ksjdskd is saturday good then??

mikey: yeah!

mikey: i can’t wait to see turtle again skdjsdk bless

big bill: :)


OCTOBER 16, 2019

You created group “side eye emoji”

You changed this group’s subject to “mike bill stan amirite”

trashmouth™: B)

eddie spaghetti: i fuckin knew u were lying oh my god

eddie spaghetti: ur lucky ur doing this to give them time otherwise id be mad about no turtle pics

trashmouth™: bill sent one earlier tho dsdjks

eddie spaghetti: not the same thing

trashmouth™: oh rly now B)

eddie spaghetti: goodbye

queen bev: hey ben and i exist too smh

benjamin: sksks so richie you lied on purpose too?

trashmouth™: i sure fuckin did djskds

queen bev: also why not just put the Actual emoji as the group name

trashmouth™: bc spelling it out is funnier and im a comedian duh

trashmouth™: also should we bet on whether or not any of them will confess B)

benjamin: that’s,, immoral so no

queen bev: ben makes a valid point skdjsk

eddie spaghetti: are we ganging up on richie now

queen bev: yeah

eddie spaghetti: GOOD

trashmouth™: yall SUCK >B(

trashmouth™: but fine smh v.v

trashmouth™: hopefully this weekend is interesting at least B)

Chapter Text


OCTOBER 20, 2019

Richard: sooo

Stan: What

Richard: u nervous ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Stan: What the fuck is that

Stan: I’m blocking you if you ever send me that thing again

Stan: Also you do realize that they’re my friends first, right?

Stan: Just because I may or may not have feelings for them doesn’t change that

Richard: “may or may not” bitch u Admitted it

Stan: Proof?

Richard: >B(

Richard: im too lazy to scroll back up so u win this round

Richard: but thats lit good job on not being scared or anything B)

Stan: Please go away

Richard: oh shit are u there already

Stan: No

Richard: liar

Stan: Go bother Eddie instead

Richard: already am B)

Richard: also send turtle pics

Stan: Wow

Stan: TTYL Richie

Richard: ur such an old man

Richard: wtf is ttyl bitch ill k word u

Stan: I’m telling Eddie you won’t leave me alone

Richard: suddenly i must go

Stan: :)

Richard: now go forth staniel,,, go forth and be gay

Stan: :/


“side eye emoji”

OCTOBER 20, 2019

trashmouth™: stan just got to bills house

queen bev: thank u richie very cool

trashmouth™: listen,

queen bev: no

trashmouth™: >B(

trashmouth™: eddie vibe check bev for me


eddie spaghetti: ur spared bev

eddie spaghetti: im doing hw so i cant anyway

eddie spaghetti: which ik i already told u @ richie and yet here u are

eddie spaghetti: bothering me

eddie spaghetti: :///

trashmouth™: hey stan said the same thing B)

eddie spaghetti: skdjsdk oh my god

benjamin: so like,, what do we do

queen bev: just chill until one of them panic-texts us

queen bev: stan will text rich, mike will text u ben, and bill will text me

eddie spaghetti: ive been spared of the gay drama thank god

benjamin: sksks congrats eddie

trashmouth™: every day is a gay drama with u tho

eddie spaghetti: IM???

queen bev: richie thats gay

trashmouth™: maybe so B)

eddie spaghetti: good BYESKDJSKD

benjamin: isn’t goodbye one word

eddie spaghetti: i cant stand any of u

queen bev: EDWARD dont talk to ben that way

benjamin: :’)

eddie spaghetti: U BROUGHT OUT THE EDWARD????

queen bev: U DESERVED IT

eddie spaghetti: ok fair sdkdjs

trashmouth™: ok but what about me

queen bev: no u deserve it

trashmouth™: DSKJDSK the nerve v.v


“queen bev”

OCTOBER 20, 2019

queen bev: ur not subtle

queen bev: like at all

trashmouth™: yah B)

queen bev: sdkjsd god ur so valid

trashmouth™: so

trashmouth™: like

trashmouth™: hes not actually bothered by it right

queen bev: w

queen bev: no??

queen bev: i cant say more than that but yes eddie doesnt mind ur ridiculous flirting sdkjsdk

trashmouth™: thank FUCK

trashmouth™: in that case halloweens gonna be an especially fun night B)

queen bev: SDKJSDKS pls dont k word him

trashmouth™: no promises B)

queen bev: oh my god

queen bev: id say more but bill just texted me AHHH

trashmouth™: OH SHIT

trashmouth™: brb texting staniel

queen bev: SKDJSK


“billy boy”

OCTOBER 20, 2019

billy boy: this is so dumb beverly

billy boy: we’re trying to do homework together and i keep getting distracted

billy boy: both by them and turle kjsdsks

billy boy: but yeah i’m suffering

queen bev: SDKJSDK it be like that sometimes

queen bev: also ur a disaster

billy boy: ksjdksd yeah i know

queen bev: sooooo nothings happened then?

billy boy: oh my god

billy boy: no nothing has happened ksjdskj

billy boy: like

billy boy: i kinda wanna say something

billy boy: but how do you just say “hey i like you both lets date maybe if you're down idk”

billy boy: like,,, i dunno

queen bev: ok heres how u say it

queen bev: “hey i like u both lets date maybe if ur down idk”

billy boy: you’re as bad as richie omg ksjdksk

queen bev: thanks its part of our charm uwu

billy boy: “charm”

queen bev: hEY

billy boy: kjsdksk brb i’m gonna go back to my work

queen bev: u mean ur gonna go back to getting ~distracted~ by mike and stan

billy boy: KSJDSK bye beverly

queen bev: uwu


“staniel the maniel”

OCTOBER 20, 2019

trashmouth™: stan

trashmouth™: the

trashmouth™: man

trashmouth™: are

trashmouth™: u

trashmouth™: having

trashmouth™: fun

trashmouth™: being

trashmouth™: a

staniel the maniel: I will block you I fucking swear

trashmouth™: bisaster

trashmouth™: DAMMIT

trashmouth™: anyway B)

staniel the maniel: Do you need something

trashmouth™: read my messages bitch

staniel the maniel: No I’m busy

trashmouth™: w

trashmouth™: HWAT

trashmouth™: do i even wanna KNOW

staniel the maniel: RICHIE

staniel the maniel: I’m doing homework what the fuck

trashmouth™: oh thats boring smh

staniel the maniel: Goodbye Richard

trashmouth™: no B)

trashmouth™: u should make a move on one of them

trashmouth™: or both at once

trashmouth™: that makes more sense

staniel the maniel: :/

staniel the maniel: I’ll “”make a move”” on them if you do the same to Eddie

trashmouth™: i flirt with him everyday wdym B)

trashmouth™: and b4 u point out that he doesnt reciprocate yes ik

staniel the maniel: Wow

staniel the maniel: Maybe he flirts back in his own way

staniel the maniel: Not as straight-forward as you that is

trashmouth™: haha

staniel the maniel: What?

trashmouth™: u said “straight” B)

staniel the maniel: Alright I’m going to go back to doing homework and not flirting with either of them now

staniel the maniel: Bye

trashmouth™: suit urself v.v


“side eye emoji”

OCTOBER 20, 2019

queen bev: any updates gays

benjamin: mike hasn’t texted me yet sksks

trashmouth™: stans being lame and just doing ~homework~

queen bev: smh so is bill skdjsd

queen bev: but on the bright side he’s tempted to tell them! he just doesnt know How to

trashmouth™: damn that sucks

trashmouth™: if i had a gay crush id tell them rip to bill but im different

queen bev: shut the fuck up no u WOULDNT SKDJSDK

eddie spaghetti: if??

trashmouth™: yah its a hypothetical situation B)

eddie spaghetti: so u dont like anybody??

benjamin: omg

queen bev: ohmygod???

queen bev: skdjds ben our minds

benjamin: sksksk uwu


trashmouth™: BEN HOW COULD U


queen bev: ben continues being the most valid uwu

benjamin: please i'm not omg sksks

trashmouth™: gross flirt somewhere else

queen bev: GOD

trashmouth™: anyway eds to answer ur question: hmmmmm that depends

trashmouth™: why do u ask ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


eddie spaghetti: im just curious dumbass

trashmouth™: yah

eddie spaghetti: yeah??

trashmouth™: no its yah*

trashmouth™: and thats all im saying B)

eddie spaghetti: oh ok sdkjskd

queen bev: god


“queen bev”

OCTOBER 20, 2019

queen bev: u rly just said fuck subtlety huh SKDJSD

trashmouth™: dskjdsk im a bisaster leave me alone v.v

trashmouth™: he didnt say anything tho so

queen bev: that doesnt mean anything

queen bev: on an unrelated note suddenly i have to go

trashmouth™: w

trashmouth™: ok????

trashmouth™: oh shit are u txting ben B)

queen bev: oh my god byesdjsdk


“tiny gay”

OCTOBER 20, 2019

the queen: who do u think richie has a crush on

tiny gay: i dont wanna think about it

tiny gay: probably stan

the queen: W

the queen: WHAT???????

the queen: oh my fuckign god are u kidding me

the queen: im like 99% sure he has a crush on U eddie

tiny gay: no i doubt it

tiny gay: anyway i still need to finish this assignment

the queen: oh my god



OCTOBER 20, 2019

Ben: any updates?

Mike!: yes

Mike!: 1. i’m on my way back

Mike!: and 2. stan and bill are cute and i’m gay

Ben: SKSKS omg mike

Ben: see you soon though!

Mike!: see you!! :)



OCTOBER 20, 2019

the queen: i cant stand them

stanny: Mood :/