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Think Of Me

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[Private Chat: Hoseok & Unknown]

Hoseok: eyoo

Hoseok: 'sup homo!!!

Hoseok: hellooo

Hoseok: homoooo

Hoseok: why aren't u replying to any of my messages anymore ;_;

Unknown: Sorry

Hoseok: there u are!!

Hoseok: what took u so long

Unknown: Sorry I was on a walk

Hoseok: u?? on a WALK??

Hoseok: on a run for the D or what???

Unknown: Excuse me?

Hoseok: why are u writing all stiff like that??

Hoseok: opposite day or what??

Hoseok: but u told me it was last week!

Hoseok: or wait did u only do that so u could shake me off and tell me u didn't wanna hang out

Hoseok: hello????????

Hoseok: answer me!!!!

Unknown: I'm a bit confused

Unknown: Who's this?

Hoseok: omg

Hoseok: don't tell me u've forgotten about ur bff!??

Unknown: What's your name?

Hoseok: hobi!!!11111!!1!1!!!

Hoseok: don't u remember me???

Unknown: When did we meet?

Hoseok: four days ago!!!!

Hoseok: or if u mean for the first time, in school five and a half years ago

Unknown: Oh wait, I think I remember, right

Unknown: You've got red hair?

Hoseok: i've got black hair??????

Unknown: Got you

Unknown: I knew that haha, I'm just joking

Hoseok: jiminie u sound so weird today??

Hoseok: are u ok??

Hoseok: too much d recently??

Unknown: What D? I only get A's

Hoseok: say what

Hoseok: u've got some A too??

Hoseok: a, b, c & d???

Unknown: What?

Hoseok: *sshole, b00ty, c*ck & d1ck

Unknown: Fucking hell

Hoseok: ??????

Hoseok: i'm so confused jiminie

Hoseok: u told me that we could hang out but now ur only spending time with ur bf

Hoseok: don't u wanna hang out with me anymore!!?

Hoseok: winter is finally over and spring is the time for romance!!

Unknown: Sounds like you're in love with Jiminie

Hoseok: talking to urself in third person??

Hoseok: and i'm not, stop flattering urself, ur my baby brother

Unknown: You're related?

Hoseok: khhhhhhh no??

Hoseok: will u be here soon or what??

Hoseok: mom's wondering why i'm dressed like, quote, 'a hobo'

Hoseok: told her it's bc my nickname is hobi

Unknown: Your name's Hobi?

Hoseok: haha, funny jiminie

Hoseok: stop playing whatever game this is now and come and meet me up!!

Unknown: Why?

Hoseok: ur gonna make me CRY

Hoseok: have u forgotten about my bday now???

Hoseok: bc i didn't wanna say anything up there or four days ago when we met but i really thought u wouldn't forget since we decided to meet up!!

Unknown: It's your bday?

Unknown: Happy birthday

Unknown: How old are you?

Hoseok: twenty two!

Unknown: Shit, that was old

Hoseok: thanks for always bullying me about being old -.-

Hoseok: i'm younger than your bf anyway

Unknown: How old is he?

Hoseok: did u forget that too?

Unknown: Yeah

Hoseok: he's 45

Unknown: What the hell?

Hoseok: money makes people blind

Hoseok: or was it love?

Hoseok: nah, probably money

Hoseok: only thing that matters is clothes and rings and shoes and trips and follow number on ig

Hoseok: money makes u so blind that u forget about ur bff's big day :(

Unknown: No one's going to your party?

Hoseok: what party

Unknown: You're not going to have one?

Hoseok: ur not showing up so no

Hoseok: tae's busy and kookie's busy and mom needs me out of the house bc she's gonna give an interview

Hoseok: no one has time for me

Hoseok: on my own bday!! ;_;

Unknown: You live at home? At twenty two?

Hoseok: i'm gonna move out soon, u know

Hoseok: but ever since my sister moved i got a whole floor to myself and mom does my laundry so why move when i can live like a prince??

Unknown: Good point?

Unknown: What's the interview about?

Hoseok: she has a cookbook, think it's something about that

Hoseok: but it seems like ur avoiding the most important topic here

Hoseok: my bday!!

Hoseok: where are u jiminie!!

Unknown: I'm on my way

Hoseok: rlly??

Unknown: Where do you live?

Hoseok: lol

Hoseok: ur so funny

Hoseok: get here already and bring ur camera!

Unknown: What are we going to do once I get there?

Hoseok: go to the toy store

Unknown: Whoa

Unknown: Want me to buy you sex toys?

Hoseok: kghdfgkldfs

Hoseok: no???

Hoseok: mang wants a friend!

Unknown: Mang? Is that your dildo, or?

Hoseok: OMG how dare u…

Hoseok: mang is my loyal horse, my bff4ever

Unknown: I'm confused

Hoseok: just get ur *ss over here

Unknown: What's your name?

Hoseok: jung hoseok??

Unknown: What's my name?

Hoseok: park jimin??

Hoseok: how?? so??

Unknown: I need to go now

Hoseok: to my place??

Hoseok: have u got a cake??

Hoseok: hello??

Hoseok: answer u homo!!

Hoseok: hello :(



[Private Chat: Hoseok & Jimin]

Hoseok: >:(

Hoseok: >:( >:( >:(!!!!!!!! %&//(=/&/&/

Hoseok: JIMIN!!!

Hoseok: did u really write to me as unknown number just to mess with me on my bday???

Hoseok: i've waited for u for three hours and i just saw that it was a new number!!

Hoseok: don't prank me on my bday!!!

Hoseok: did u get a new phone or something?? wanted to prank the poor sucker that is ur hyung?? (me)

Hoseok: hello

Hoseok: PARK JIMIN!! >:(

Jimin: chill

Hoseok: finally!

Hoseok: where are u!?

Jimin: i'm at charles'

Hoseok: who's that??

Jimin: my bf?

Jimin: anyway, he wanted me to stay for lunch and what was i supposed to do? say no? haha!

Hoseok: jiminie did u forget

Jimin: forget what?

Hoseok: it's my bday today

Jimin: oh

Jimin: wait, is it the 17th already?

Hoseok: it's the 18th

Hoseok: :(

Hoseok: didn't u even know the date

Jimin: no i did haha, just kidding u

Hoseok: i've waited for u to show up for three hours

Hoseok: i already bought mang a friend

Jimin: who's mang?

Hoseok: >:'(

Jimin: wait, ur dog?

Hoseok: mickey is my dog, mang is my bff4ever

Jimin: i thought that was arthur?

Hoseok: no!!!

Jimin: sorry hyung, i'll be there in a little bit

Jimin: just gonna buy a present first

Hoseok: haven't u bought a present yet??

Jimin: sure i have, i meant another one!

Jimin: sorry that i forgot, i was just blinded by charles

Hoseok: 's money

Jimin: huh?

Hoseok: nothing??

Hoseok: see u at my place then, i'll go home now jiminie, and mom made a cake if u want some

Hoseok: she invited over the neighbor family too bc she thought i looked lonely so u should prob hurry or there will be nothing left of the cake

Hoseok: hello

Hoseok: jiminie???

Hoseok: "good bye hoseok, best hyung ever who always helps me with homework and buys me candy etc etc, i love you! happy birthday!"

Hoseok: see u



[Private Chat: Hoseok & Unknown]

Hoseok: ur not jiminie

Unknown: Hello to you too

Unknown: What gave it away?

Hoseok: jimin just left and i showed him our chat and he told me u were an old creep who tried to trick me!!!!

Unknown: Jimin seems clever

Hoseok: who are u????

Unknown: Yeah, who am I?

Unknown: Maybe you shouldn't give out your name easily like that

Hoseok: don't make me feel bad tnx, i just had the worst bday ever

Unknown: Did I ask?

Hoseok: rude??

Unknown: If you wanna compete in who had the worst day I win

Hoseok: suuure

Hoseok: i stepped in dog pee just now, beat that if u can

Unknown: You have a dog?

Hoseok: it was my neighbor's dog

Hoseok: a big rottweiler who loves to hump my leg, help, #scarred for life

Unknown: Stepping in shit is worse though

Unknown: My dog just ate my favorite shirt

Hoseok: u have a dog??

Unknown: How rude of you

Unknown: Min Holly isn't merely a dog, she's a champion poodle

Hoseok: a champignon? on pizza??

Unknown: Are you an idiot?

Hoseok: who are u asking

Unknown: Who else but you?

Hoseok: the ghost in the chat

Unknown: Who would that be?

Hoseok: i dunno

Hoseok: feels like ur a creep with creepy friends reading over ur shoulder...

Hoseok: but what about that shirt

Hoseok: why was it ur favorite

Unknown: It was signed by Drake

Hoseok: who's that

Unknown: Are you kidding me?

Unknown: Drake? The rapper?

Hoseok: oh wait, him! i know who that is

Hoseok: do u know who tinashe is

Unknown: Yes, I'm not raised in a cave

Hoseok: hurtful

Hoseok: do u know big bang

Unknown: How the universe was made?

Unknown: My friend knows all about it

Unknown: He's the biggest nerd

Hoseok: that's not what i meant, i meant the k-pop band

Unknown: Okay

Unknown: So that was awkward

Hoseok: super awkward?? i'm cringing

Unknown: Same

Hoseok: but do u know them, like the band

Unknown: Ofc I do, I love them

Hoseok: interesting…

Hoseok: tell me about ur friend

Hoseok: the nerd

Hoseok: does he love anything more besides the universe

Unknown: Why so curious?

Hoseok: jealous??

Unknown: Ptth, no

Unknown: His name is Kim Namjoon and he just, he's a nerd. That's all. A nerd.

Hoseok: why do u keep calling him a nerd

Unknown: Because he is one?

Hoseok: so he's smart and intelligent and quirky?

Unknown: Feels like you've got a soft spot for nerds

Hoseok: are u a nerd

Unknown: I'm as far from a nerd as you can get

Hoseok: u wasted ur chance to be in my soft spot

Unknown: Who's Jimin?

Unknown: Did he show up then?

Hoseok: he did

Hoseok: four hours later when my neighbor had eaten half of the cake

Hoseok: he'd bought me the biggest gold chain

Unknown: That's cool?

Hoseok: i wanted a bag :/ and rings

Hoseok: i don't really fit in gold chains and they're so heavy, and my mom gives me weird looks when i'm wearing them

Unknown: I have this feeling that your mom wouldn't like me

Hoseok: why? you wear chains?

Unknown: Chains, rings, all that stuff

Hoseok: are u only saying that to scare me

Unknown: Who knows?

Hoseok: could u send me a selfie, mr. stranger

Unknown: No

Unknown: And you didn't ask if I was a mister or not

Hoseok: are u?

Unknown: Well, I am

Hoseok: how old are u then, sir

Unknown: I'm twenty two

Hoseok: like me???

Hoseok: are u born 94 too??

Unknown: Not so fast there

Unknown: 1993 ftw

Hoseok: uhm no??

Hoseok: 1994 ftw!

Unknown: 1993 is the best year, fight me

Hoseok: how can u say that when u were only a baby??

Unknown: I'm just stating facts

Hoseok: when's ur bday

Unknown: 9th of March

Hoseok: omg, it's soon!

Unknown: Ugh, don't remind me

Hoseok: why not?

Unknown: I'm getting old

Hoseok: 23 is not thaaat old

Hoseok: think of jimin's bf, charles is 45

Unknown: How old is Jimin?

Hoseok: 20

Hoseok: i tried to talk some sense into him but he says he wants to 'make his own mistakes'

Unknown: I'm not gonna say anything

Hoseok: why don't u wanna age then?

Unknown: I need to move out

Unknown: And I don't know where to go?

Hoseok: ur living at home too??

Unknown: Not because I want to

Unknown: Mom's a bitch and the circus starts as soon as I'm talking about moving out

Hoseok: ur living with ur mom?

Hoseok: what about ur dad?

Unknown: He fled ten years ago

Hoseok: haven't u got siblings?

Unknown: My brother fled six years ago

Hoseok: u don't like ur mom?

Unknown: I don't think anyone does

Unknown: She's a witch

Hoseok: witch??

Unknown: Cruel, horrible, god I just hate her

Hoseok: do u wanna talk about it?

Unknown: No?

Hoseok: but u already are

Unknown: No I'm not

Hoseok: but u are

Unknown: K.

Hoseok: what does k mean

Unknown: It's short for 'okay'

Hoseok: ok. so tell me about namjoon

Unknown: Why?

Unknown: Want his number?

Hoseok: would u give it to me??

Hoseok: i have an assignment on planets for next week and i could use some help

Unknown: You're in school?

Hoseok: dance academy

Hoseok: but i took an astronomy course bc tae wanted company

Unknown: He's dancing too?

Hoseok: all my friends are dancing

Hoseok: and me

Hoseok: ur not asking a lot about me

Unknown: Want me to?

Hoseok: was it obvious??

Hoseok: so what do u wanna know…?

Unknown: What type of dance is it that you do?

Unknown: Dirty dancing, lap dances, pole dances

Hoseok: djdlkgd

Hoseok: not that!!

Hoseok: i do hip hop, free style, street and some modern

Hoseok: modern isn't really my thing tho but i joined that class bc jimin wanted company

Unknown: Seems like your friends are using you?

Hoseok: they're not!

Unknown: Have any of them joined a class to keep you company then?

Hoseok: yes

Hoseok: once i took a rapping class and tae joined

Hoseok: but maybe it was bc he wanted to himself...

Unknown: Friends are only going to use you

Hoseok: uhm what

Hoseok: i love my friends???

Unknown: K.

Hoseok: don't u love ur friends?

Unknown: I do

Unknown: But they're more like family, I don't count them as friends

Hoseok: you say they, i only know of one

Unknown: Jin is my other friend

Hoseok: tell me about him

Unknown: Why?

Hoseok: why not??

Hoseok: how old is he

Unknown: 23

Hoseok: ooooold!

Unknown: 19 days left until i'm that old

Hoseok: tell me something about urself

Unknown: Me?

Unknown: No

Hoseok: why not??

Unknown: Not much to say

Hoseok: u've lived for 22 years, i think there's a lot to say

Unknown: Hm, but you're wrong?

Hoseok: are u in school

Unknown: Nope

Hoseok: what do u do then??

Unknown: It's complicated

Hoseok: omg

Hoseok: are u a drugdealerrr?????

Unknown: Calm down

Hoseok: no????

Unknown: I'm not a drug dealer, I'm just between jobs

Hoseok: what does that mean??? ur a hitman or something???

Hoseok: am i ur next target!?! ?g ogmggomg

Unknown: What the hell?

Unknown: I'm not a hitman or whatever

Unknown: I quit my job the other day and now I'm looking for a new one, simple as that

Hoseok: what job

Unknown: Bookstore

Hoseok: omg cute??????????

Hoseok: why did u quit

Unknown: Okay so actually they fired me

Hoseok: why??

Unknown: I sort of fell asleep all the time

Hoseok: don't u sleep at night??

Unknown: No I don't, and that's why I fell asleep during the day

Unknown: But it's in the past now

Hoseok: what do u wanna work with now

Unknown: Secret

Hoseok: u wanna dance with me???<333

Unknown: I can't dance

Hoseok: phh, everyone can dance

Unknown: Not me

Hoseok: i can teach u

Unknown: You know nothing about me?

Hoseok: i can teach everyone

Unknown: Sure lol

Hoseok: no seriously, i taught my grandma to dance! with a cane and everything!

Unknown: You hit her with the cane?

Hoseok: no haha

Hoseok: but i taught her how to dance

Hoseok: if u ever wanna learn how to dance

Hoseok: [sends address to Seoul's Dance Academy]

Chapter Text

[Private Chat: Hoseok & Yoongi]

Unknown: Fancy school, but I've already wasted my life and I don't have the money

Hoseok: what do u mean u've 'wasted ur life'?

Unknown: It's too late to teach me dance now

Hoseok: no it's not

Hoseok: but what do u wanna work with now

Hoseok: what's your passion

Unknown: Feels weird to tell a stranger that

Hoseok: why?

Unknown: You know nothing about me?

Hoseok: isn't that nice

Unknown: I don't know

Hoseok: tell me something about urself then!

Hoseok: something u like

Unknown: Music?

Hoseok: what type of music

Unknown: Rap

Hoseok: like american rap or korean rap?

Unknown: Both?

Hoseok: me too!!

Hoseok: remember about that rap class i took? i've been rapping since then

Unknown: That's cool

Hoseok: you haven't heard me

Unknown: Will you let me hear?

Hoseok: maybe

Hoseok: depends

Unknown: On?

Hoseok: could u show me a selfie?<3

Unknown: Uhm, no

Hoseok: why not

Unknown: I'm not really dressed

Hoseok: what do u mean

Hoseok: do u sleep naked??

Unknown: Okay, so I'm not home

Hoseok: what?

Unknown: I'm at Jin's place with the nerd

Unknown: They're watching a movie downstairs and I'm in his bedroom

Hoseok: naked??

Unknown: No I'm not naked, but I'm wearing a face mask

Hoseok: why didn't u just say so??

Unknown: It's not that manly

Hoseok: who said that

Unknown: Jin

Hoseok: is he a nice friend like tae or a whimsy friend like jimin

Unknown: Jin is a nice friend when he wants to be, but most of the time he's the biggest pain in the ass

Hoseok: why

Unknown: He just loves to tease me and talk about things that make me uncomfortable

Hoseok: such as

Unknown: Nice try, but I won't bring up that here

Unknown: Namjoon is much nicer and kinder, but he's very busy and he pities himself too much, worries over too much

Hoseok: *sips tea*

Unknown: They complement each other, since one is loud and talks all the freaking time and the other is quiet and calm and a good listener

Unknown: Don't know how I joined the friend gang

Unknown: gayng*

Hoseok: what's a gayng??

Unknown: You don't know what it is?

Hoseok: no

Hoseok: but ur friends sounds nice!!

Hoseok: what movie are they watching?<3

Unknown: The Hunger Games

Hoseok: what??

Unknown: It's a trick

Unknown: Five minutes ago Jin screamed and pretended to be afraid so he could hug 'Joonie'

Hoseok: so they like to hug each other??

Unknown: They've friendzoned each other so many times and now it's awkward as fuck downstairs so I escaped

Hoseok: what??

Hoseok: are they gay?!!

Unknown: Does it bother you?

Hoseok: no! not at all!

Hoseok: all my friends are gay too!

Unknown: All your friends? What?

Hoseok: +me

Unknown: Wait, you're gay?

Hoseok: should i have kept that a secret, or

Unknown: No

Unknown: I just think it's funny

Hoseok: why??

Hoseok: think i'm one of those flamboyant gays who death drops and chants 'yes mama' all the time??

Unknown: Yes?

Hoseok: okay so u are not wrong

Hoseok: yes mama!! *tongue pop*

Hoseok: why do u think it's funny tho

Unknown: Maybe you're not the only homosexual in the chat

Hoseok: is this a group chat?? is jimin here??

Unknown: I meant me?

Unknown: I'm gay too

Unknown: No homo

Hoseok: oh

Hoseok: wait, wait!!

Hoseok: YOU're gay!?

Unknown: Why do you sound so shocked?

Hoseok: no reason just, you ehm

Unknown: You took for granted that I was straight?

Hoseok: yes?? u seemed to stiff and tense and not very fun

Unknown: Offence taken

Unknown: Just because you're gay doesn't mean you're fun

Hoseok: no, i know

Hoseok: but ur gay okay...

Hoseok: but like, we mean the same thing, right? man x man?

Unknown: What else would we mean?

Hoseok: dunno, gay prob means different things to different people??

Hoseok: it can mean happy, uhm, homosexual, probably more things that i can't remember right now, you know??

Hoseok: brb

Unknown: What?

Unknown: Hello?

Hoseok: so i'm back sorry hhaahh

Unknown: Are you okay over there?

Hoseok: yes sir my mom just wondered why i was screaming haha

Unknown: Screaming?

Hoseok: the hunger agamdn

Hoseok: gamsd

Hoseok: GAMES*

Hoseok: just thinking about it makes me shaky!!

Hoseok: ahh, cato!! don't kill me!

Unknown: Okay

Unknown: I'm at the top of the stairs now btw, glancing through the steps

Unknown: Looks like they've taken the hugging to another level, burn my eyes and save me jesus

Hoseok: what do u mean

Unknown: The movie is paused on the cave scene

Hoseok: i love peeta

Unknown: You don't love Gale?

Hoseok: omg waiT,

Hoseok: do u love gale? bc then i don't think we can chat anymore

Unknown: I'm neutral

Hoseok: how can u be neutral when peeta almost died for katniss' sake!?

Hoseok: he was friendzoned to DEATH!

Unknown: Do you wanna hear about someone else who got friendzoned to death?

Hoseok: you????

Hoseok: who did that to u!!

Unknown: Not me, I mean Jin and Joon

Hoseok: huh??

Unknown: So fast version, they met in school when they were like 16 or something, Jin is two years older than Namjoon btw

Unknown: But they liked each other, then Jin confessed but Namjoon told him he liked him as a friend since he still denied the fact that he was gay

Hoseok: seriously??

Unknown: Yes, seriously

Unknown: Jin moved on and got a bf, two years later they broke up and now Namjoon was out of the closet and asked Jin to date him. Jin told them to be friends since he'd taken years to get over him and had just broken up with his bf and needed time alone

Unknown: Now it's been like 3 years or something and they both like each other but no one dare spell it out anymore since they're afraid to get friendzoned again

Unknown: So here they are, hugging in the couch like two awkward teenagers since that's what they are inside

Hoseok: can't u help them??

Hoseok: poor things, being friendzoned is awful :(

Unknown: As if you've ever been friendzoned

Hoseok: uhm, who says i haven't??

Hoseok: u don't know what i look like anyway

Hoseok: i look like a hamster and most people wants hamsters as pets, not to kiss

Unknown: I like hamsters

Unknown: But I look like a cat

Hoseok: i like cats

Hoseok: did someone friendzone you????

Unknown: Did someone friendzone you?

Hoseok: you answer first

Unknown: Obviously

Hoseok: ok same

Hoseok: but i'm single right now in case anyone's wondering

Hoseok: super single and ready to try out new waters

Hoseok: hello

Hoseok: are u single, a friend is asking

Unknown: Why does Jimin wonder that?

Hoseok: it wasn't jimin, it was jungkook the rabbit boy

Unknown: Tell rabbit boy that I'm single

Unknown: Also, what did he do to earn that nickname?

Hoseok: he looks like a rabbit??

Hoseok: tae looks like a tiger and jimin's a little chicken

Hoseok: don't your friends look like animals?

Unknown: Jin just looks annoying and Namjoon looks whipped

Hoseok: we need to help them get together!

Unknown: Why?

Unknown: I'll officially be the third wheel then

Hoseok: aren't u already?

Hoseok: and it's still better than my situation!

Hoseok: i'm a lonely, single wheel! my car can't run

Unknown: But maybe you're a bike? They can run on one wheel

Hoseok: smart of u, didn't think about that

Hoseok: ok

Hoseok: but where do u live

Hoseok: and sorry for texting the wrong number and calling u a homo earlier

Hoseok: thought i was texting with someone else...

Unknown: It's okay, it's what I am anyway

Unknown: I live in Seoul, outskirts of it

Unknown: Thinking about moving in with Jin soon

Hoseok: how will u do that when ur mom's stopping u?

Unknown: Namjoon gonna lure her out of the house and then Jin and I will grab my stuff, and Holly

Hoseok: ur gonna kidnap the dog??

Unknown: She's mine

Unknown: I bought her with my own money six years ago when my brother left me

Hoseok: tragic story :/

Hoseok: does holly want a playmate btw, mickey wanna play with her!!

Unknown: We'll have none of that

Unknown: I don't want bastard puppies

Unknown: Only pureblood poodles in my home

Hoseok: that sounded slytherin of u!

Unknown: How did you know I was in Slytherin?

Hoseok: i'm a hufflepuff!

Unknown: Why am I surprised?

Hoseok: what do u mean by that??

Hoseok: hufflepuff ftw!!

Unknown: Jin's Hufflepuff too

Unknown: I take it that you like to talk a lot?

Hoseok: no one wants to listen :(

Unknown: Bohoo, poor you

Unknown: Namjoon's too nice to say no to anyone, I could give you his number

Hoseok: why, are u leaving??

Unknown: yeah, I need to go

Hoseok: no :(((

Unknown: Gonna miss me?

Hoseok: didn't say that…

Unknown: Hope you had a good bday

Hoseok: it was the worst ever

Unknown: K.

Hoseok: i sat in a park alone with mickey most of the day

Unknown: My mom broke my laptop

Hoseok: what??

Unknown: Never mind

Unknown: sorry to hear about your bad bday

Unknown: I don't really know anything about you, but I hope Jimin will make time for you soon

Hoseok: why does it sound like ur gonna block my number

Unknown: I'm just gonna go downstairs, Jin's shouting for me, think they just friendzoned each other again

Hoseok: oh okay

Hoseok: i'm gonna go to bed

Unknown: at eleven?

Hoseok: i like to go to bed early

Unknown: Me too

Unknown: Early in the morning

Unknown: After sunrise

Hoseok: in february??

Unknown: All year around

Hoseok: ok

Hoseok: but...

Hoseok: sure i can't get a selfie?

Unknown: Yeah, I look like shit

Hoseok: no u don't

Unknown: Can I get a selfie of you then?

Hoseok: not if ur not gonna send me one back

Unknown: Okay then

Unknown: bye

Hoseok: bye :((



[Private Chat: Hoseok & Jimin]

Hoseok: jiminie are u there

Hoseok: jiminieeeeeeee

Hoseok: hellooOoOOOOOOOOooooooooooo

Hoseok: JIMIN!!

Jimin: eyooo!

Jimin: 'sup?

Hoseok: hi jiminie!

Hoseok: so i started chatting with this weird guy

Jimin: he's weird?

Jimin: stop texting him

Hoseok: no wait, but he seems super lonely!

Jimin: okay? why are u telling me this?

Hoseok: jimin cmon

Hoseok: i need ur advice

Jimin: counselor jimin charges 10$ an hour

Hoseok: -.-

Jimin: since ur my bff i'll give u a discount??

Hoseok: okgay?

Hoseok: so this guy, he says he's a year older than me

Hoseok: i'm gonna be his friend

Jimin: bur i'm ur friend??

Hoseok: ur bff is tae tae

Jimin: true?

Hoseok: >:(

Jimin: but my 2nd bff is you hobi! ily<33

Hoseok: ily too chim chim but listen

Hoseok: do u think it's safe to chat with him or is he a creep?

Jimin: i dunno? probably a creep, most men on the internet are

Hoseok: how do u know??

Jimin: has he asked u for a selfie? asked your name? your sexuality?

Hoseok: omg yes??

Jimin: he's a creep :/

Jimin: don't send him pictures of your face or head

Hoseok: face or head??

Jimin: head as in the department downstairs

Jimin: he'll spread the pictures around and you'll be deported from school just like that girl last year, remember?

Hoseok: amber??

Hoseok: it wasn't the same thing!

Jimin: still??

Jimin: don't send pictures to this creep or tell him any personal info

Hoseok: how else am i going to get to know him?

Jimin: ok good point, but don't tell him my name, i've got enough creeps following me around as it is! ever since i got that tattoo people can't keep their hands to themselves

Hoseok: what

Jimin: nevermind

Jimin: (get it? my tattoo?)

Hoseok: do u think he wanna be my friend??

Hoseok: i think his mom is being mean to him!

Hoseok: his friends are friendzoning each other all the time!!

Jimin: okay hobi wait! this shit sounds messed up??

Hoseok: it is??

Hoseok: they're hugging but then they don't kiss!

Jimin: no i meant the mom thing

Jimin: how old is he?

Hoseok: almost 23

Jimin: say what?

Jimin: i thought you were gonna say 15 or something

Hoseok: why??

Jimin: this sounds shady

Jimin: he says that his mom is mean to him?

Jimin: probably only a cover so you will pity him and feel like you can open up to him

Jimin: once you do he'll snap, kidnap you and then you're history

Hoseok: stop scaring me pls, jiminie

Jimin: you know what happened with tommy

Hoseok: no i don't??

Jimin: see? he got kidnapped and now no one remembers him

Jimin: want that to be you?

Jimin: no, so stop chatting with that creep now, hyung

Hoseok: but who else am i supposed to chat with?

Jimin: tae?

Hoseok: he's playing games with kookie, and they live far away

Hoseok: i remember the time when you and i were neighbors :(

Jimin: it was five years ago

Hoseok: the good times

Jimin: okay hobi, i'm on a date with charles rn but wanna know something? he's going overseas tomorrow and will be gone for a while so then we can hang out again!

Hoseok: so we can hang out when you've got time but when it's my bday and i wanna hang out it's no good?

Jimin: what?

Hoseok: nothing

Hoseok: i'm not gonna text that creep again

Jimin: good

Jimin: why pretend to be his friend anyway?

Jimin: you've got me!

Hoseok: right

Hoseok: bye jiminie<3

Jimin: bye!!

Chapter Text

[Private Chat: Hoseok & Unknown]

Hoseok: hello<3

Hoseok: hello and good morning to you!<3

Hoseok: it's a lovely day today and i hope the sun is shining where you live too!<3

Unknown: Since when is a snow storm and -4 called a lovely day?

Unknown: Haven't seen the sun in three days

Hoseok: hi!!<3

Unknown: Hello

Unknown: Why are you so happy?

Unknown: Won on the lottery or something?

Hoseok: no, i'm just happy to chat with u!<3

Unknown: okay

Hoseok: aren't u happy to chat with me?<3

Unknown: Not really?

Hoseok: okay...<3

Hoseok: slept well?<3

Unknown: I slept okay

Unknown: You?

Hoseok: okay too

Hoseok: i feel so old now! 22 years!

Unknown: Well, you are old

Unknown: Have any plans for the future?

Hoseok: why

Hoseok: gonna sign me a model contract and throw me into ur shady van??

Unknown: What?

Hoseok: so my plan is to become a dancer, you??

Unknown: Move out and find a meaning with life

Hoseok: a meaning with life? you need to find it?

Unknown: Don't all?

Hoseok: no, i don't

Hoseok: i thought there only was one

Unknown: And that is?

Hoseok: find happiness? be happy?

Unknown: How will you be happy then?

Hoseok: i am happy!

Unknown: You didn't sound as happy yesterday when your friend ditched you on your birthday

Hoseok: stuff happens, i'm over that now

Hoseok: jimin's bf gonna go somewhere so i'll get him back for myself soon

Unknown: I see

Unknown: Does that mean that you don't want to talk to me anymore?

Hoseok: i didn't say that

Hoseok: but how so...

Hoseok: do you like to chat with me...

Unknown: I didn't say that

Unknown: I'll probably get a new job soon too, so I won't have that much time over either

Hoseok: but rn ur jobless

Hoseok: so u can chat with me all day!!!

Unknown: I'm going to help Namjoon with nerd stuff today

Hoseok: what stuff

Unknown: There's an eclipse later

Unknown: He's gonna take pictures of it

Hoseok: ohh what!!!!!!

Hoseok: i love eclipses!

Hoseok: moon or sun

Unknown: Sun

Unknown: Jin buys him a new camera for his birthday every year, expensive ones, and he's taking pictures of nature now

Unknown: His biggest hobby besides being a nerd

Hoseok: i love nature omg

Hoseok: but those cameras are expensive!

Unknown: I know, but Jin just inherited millions from his distant uncle so he's bathing in money now

Hoseok: and he wants to spend it on namjoon bc he loves him?

Unknown: You snap on quickly

Unknown: He wanted to buy me a house but I don't take charity

Hoseok: charity? is it called that if it's your friend wanting to be nice?

Unknown: If he pities me first it's called charity

Hoseok: ok

Hoseok: are u still at jin's place?

Unknown: Yeah

Unknown: Jin's making pancakes and Namjoon's red in the face

Unknown: I think they just kissed

Hoseok: they did?? they're not friendzoning each other anymore!

Unknown: No, I think they're back at it now that I walked into the room

Unknown: They're wondering who I'm texting with

Unknown: What should I call you?

Hoseok: hobi?

Unknown: Ok so Jin misheard me on purpose, thought I said lobby

Hoseok: u could send me a selfie

Unknown: That was random?

Hoseok: so i know that ur not a creep tricking me…

Unknown: Same goes for you

Hoseok: but jimin told me not to send you any pics, sry :(

Unknown: You could always send a picture of someone else, I wouldn't know

Unknown: This is me

Unknown: [sends picture of Kim Seokjin]


Hoseok: omg really??

Hoseok: you don't look like i had expected you to!

Unknown: What do you mean by that?

Hoseok: nothing just, i guess i thought you'd look like a small little softie or like a thug with chains or something? dunno

Unknown: Weird, I don't look like that at all haha

Hoseok: ur not soft or thug??

Unknown: Nope

Unknown: I'm tall and handsome obviously

Hoseok: i see

Unknown: Could you send me a picture now?

Hoseok: that sounds creepy

Unknown: How?

Hoseok: like ur asking me to send u a d*ck pic hahah

Unknown: I'm not?

Hoseok: feels like ur ditching my effort at joking

Unknown: Are you going to send me a selfie or not?

Unknown: Jin wants to see too

Hoseok: is he reading over ur shoulder or something??

Hoseok: hi jin!!!<33333

Unknown: He got hearts?

Hoseok: people who i know the names of get hearts

Hoseok: what's ur name?

Unknown: Nice try

Unknown: You're just gonna search me up

Hoseok: so??

Hoseok: have something to hide??

Unknown: If I didn't I probably would've told you my name by now, don't you think?

Hoseok: i don't know?? that's why i'm asking

Hoseok: what's ur name

Unknown: Agust D

Hoseok: omgg d???

Hoseok: as in the D???

Unknown: What?

Hoseok: d*ck???

Unknown: Excuse me?

Unknown: D stands for Daegu, where I'm from

Hoseok: ohh!! haha

Hoseok: thought u were a p0rn star there for a sex haha

Hoseok: sex*

Hoseok: SECF

Hoseok: second help

Unknown: I'm not a porn star

Hoseok: why can't u tell me ur name

Hoseok: what kind of name is agust d

Hoseok: ur european??

Unknown: It's just a name

Unknown: Don't google it

Hoseok: i'm already on it!

Unknown: I feel stupid

Hoseok: no don't

Hoseok: but i'm from gwangju btw!

Hoseok: what if we were at hwagae market at the same time!!

Unknown: I don't think so, I moved to Seoul when I was ten

Hoseok: imma pretend that we've been on the market together lots of times!

Unknown: Why? You're being creepy

Hoseok: I'M being creepy??

Hoseok: says mister agust the D(ick) the p0rn star!????

Unknown: Excuse me? Calling me a dick?

Hoseok: no jfskdghsd

Hoseok: sure ur not a p0rn star tho

Hoseok: jimin would be so jealous

Hoseok: he's dated 45 year old charles for two months and he's nothing compared to his ex who was a p0rn star

Hoseok: his ex2 was a candy shop worker and his ex3 was the rap teacher at school and ex4 was a guy named fernando, exotic, ex5 was tony jones, the previous hip hop history teacher

Unknown: I think Jimin needs help

Hoseok: he just doesn't like being single i think

Hoseok: ex6 was peter which is against the bro code since i dated peter before that, ex7 i have forgotten the name of, ex8 was the first one who i've forgotten the name of, jimin tried to brainwash us into forgetting

Unknown: You dated Peter?

Hoseok: u know him??

Unknown: No

Hoseok: he's a loser

Unknown: Really? What did he do?

Hoseok: he needed attention all the time and didn't let me talk at all

Unknown: Like Jimin?

Hoseok: hgjdfgh

Hoseok: what are u saying about my friend!!

Unknown: Feels like it's true?

Unknown: And he's had 8+ exes? Feels like a lot

Unknown: Still less than my mom

Hoseok: has ur mom had more than 8 exes??

Unknown: She has like 200

Unknown: Sadly they all dumped her so I'm stuck with her, still

Hoseok: ok, sorry to hear that :/

Hoseok: but do u have any exes...

Unknown: Does it matter?

Hoseok: dunno

Hoseok: i'm just curious

Hoseok: trying to understand u

Unknown: Why?

Hoseok: bc i wanna be ur friend??

Unknown: I've already got friends

Hoseok: so u don't wanna be my friend then, or

Unknown: I don't think you become friends by asking

Unknown: It usually happens naturally from similar interests or beliefs

Hoseok: do we have any of that

Unknown: I don't think so?

Hoseok: aren't u gonna ask if i have had any exes

Unknown: No?

Hoseok: why not?? aren't u curious??

Unknown: Nope

Hoseok: jimin set me up on a date with a spanish guy once and he thought i was a girl it was so funny haha!!

Unknown: Did I ask?

Hoseok: what are we gonna talk about if i don't write something random??

Hoseok: ur being boring over there with ur one word replies!!

Unknown: K.

Hoseok: ok so are u a porn star or not haha

Unknown: You didn't write p0rn?

Hoseok: oh shit!

Hoseok: i mean sh1t

Hoseok: sorry mom!!!

Unknown: I'm not gonna ask

Unknown: Or I am, why don't you curse?

Hoseok: what if mom sees this conversation??

Unknown: You're afraid of her or something? Don't you have a lock on your phone?

Hoseok: i'm not afraid of her phhh, i just love her so much and i don't want her to die from a heart attack!

Hoseok: i'm a perfect son and will make mommy proud until the day i die!

Unknown: What about daddy? Don't wanna make him proud?

Hoseok: kinky

Unknown: Ouch watch it

Unknown: What if mommy reads this?

Hoseok: why do u ditch all my efforts at joking!!

Unknown: Because I'm smarter than you?

Hoseok: what do u mean?? ur not??

Unknown: I'm a year older?

Hoseok: so do u have a lock on ur phone then, or

Unknown: Code + voice

Hoseok: how can u even do that??

Hoseok: pls tell me the code?<3

Unknown: 1111 'Hobi is an idiot'

Hoseok: that's the code?? imma take a screen shot!

Unknown: It's not the code

Unknown: Lol

Hoseok: what

Hoseok: wait did u just trick me??

Unknown: Who knows?

Unknown: You need to get over here to find out

Hoseok: omg are u inviting me over???

Unknown: Uh, no

Hoseok: but u did

Unknown: I changed my mind

Hoseok: ok

Hoseok: but now i googled that p0rn star name and i found some interesting stuff

Unknown: Found my videos?

Hoseok: what videsos?!!?!?11++

Unknown: Just kidding

Hoseok: stop shouting wolf or i won't trust anything you say anymore

Unknown: I'm not 'shouting wolf', I'm saying just kidding?

Hoseok: -.-

Hoseok: so agust d is a rapper

Hoseok: he has 5 songs on his yt channel AGUSTD

Unknown: Doesn't he seem cool?

Hoseok: brb

Unknown: Where are you going?

Hoseok: just gotta scream for a sec!!

Hoseok: this guy's rap is to die for!!!

Hoseok: eargasm

Unknown: I'm listening

Hoseok: ur listening to give it to me too??

Hoseok: i'm in heaven!!!

Hoseok: gay heaven!!

Hoseok: and shit he's hot too!!!!!!

Hoseok: thug and wild but soft and cute at the same time!! so short!! CUTEEEE

Hoseok: who is he???

Hoseok: why did u say u were him??

Unknown: Well, it is me

Hoseok: no lmao, stop trying to trick me all the time

Hoseok: ur tall and handsome

Hoseok: this guy is so cute and so soft and he looks like a CAT!!!!

Hoseok: I WANNA KISS HIM!111111111111111111!!!!!!!111jfjkfgjkfgf!!!!!!kfgjgfkgjfg

Hoseok: hug hughughughguhgughug

Hoseok: his voice jkfddghdkg

Unknown: okay

Unknown: don't you remember when I told you that I look like a cat?

Unknown: The picture I sent you was on Jin, my rich friend




Unknown: I take it that you're not reading what I'm writing rn

Unknown: I did not expect this reaction

Unknown: Jin says hi btw

Hoseok: omggggg help me gtg

Hoseok: (got to go to the bathroom for a second but don't tell mom, perfect son is supposed to be asleep by now!!)

Unknown: what

Unknown: hello?

Unknown: It's been fifteen minutes

Hoseok: ok hi i'm back sry that I left

Hoseok: but wait haha

Hoseok: what did u write up there

Hoseok: u look like a cat too? like that agust the d boy?

Hoseok: i'm his biggest fan now btw, fite me

Unknown: Oh, you're his biggest fan?

Unknown: When's his birthday then? Year of birth?

Hoseok: wait, gimme a second

Unknown: Where were you for fifteen minutes?

Unknown: Jin has some guesses

Hoseok: are u sleeping over tonight again?

Hoseok: and agust d's bday is 9th march, born 1993 according to wikipedia

Unknown: I'm sleeping over again

Unknown: And 9th march 93? Don't you know someone else born that date?

Hoseok: who?? mickey??

Unknown: Seriously?

Hoseok: not jimin

Unknown: Me?

Unknown: I'm born that date?

Unknown: I'm Agust D

Hoseok: wait-

Hoseok: no ur not haha

Hoseok: u look nothing like him!

Unknown: The picture was of Jin, my friend

Hoseok: waitt

Hoseok: no.

Hoseok: ur not

Hoseok: but then

Hoseok: waitt!!!!

Unknown: [sends picture] 


Unknown: My real name is Min Yoongi, but sometimes I rap under Agust D

Hoseok: omg

Hoseok: omg so uhm

Unknown: ?


[Private Chat: Hoseok & Taehyung]

Hoseok: omg tae tae!??????????


Hoseok: omgkgkfjg help hyung is dying

Hoseok: drop dead

Hoseok: i just dropped dead

Hoseok: bc agust is drop dead gorgeous!!!

Taehyung: hi hyung!<3

Taehyung: who's agust?

Hoseok: agustd?? google him and listen to give it to me and go to a bathroom!!

Taehyung: is he a fuckboy?

Hoseok: ew i had forgotten that you like annoying f*ckboys

Taehyung: only one

Taehyung: and kookie only thinks he's one so not sure if it counts...

Hoseok: anygay!!

Hoseok: i started chatting with this guy by mistake and he seemed super lonely so i told jiminie that i would be his friend but now it seems like he's super hot and super soft??

Taehyung: softer than kookie?

Hoseok: yes?!??!?!?!?!

Taehyung: hotter than kookie?

Hoseok: tae tae he's almost 23, ofc he's hotter than fetus kookie?!?!?!

Taehyung: he's 19, he's not 15 anymore, he's a big boy

Hoseok: please don't add a winking smiley to that

Taehyung: he's a big boy ;)

Hoseok: ok never mind??

Taehyung: i'm with jimin, can he listen too?

Hoseok: are u with jimin?? this late??

Taehyung: yeah he wanted to have a sleep over!

Taehyung: and congratulations again hyung, i'll come over soon when kookie isn't sick anymore :*

Hoseok: the world really circulates around jungkook, doesn't it

Taehyung: what?

Hoseok: nothing!!

Hoseok: i just needed to scream with someone!!!

Hoseok: gonna go back to the chat with hottie now!!

Taehyung: okay, goodnight!<3

Hoseok: night!<3

Chapter Text

[Private Chat: Hoseok & agustkissme]

agustkissme: Hello

agustkissme: it's been five minutes now

agustkissme: Jin left btw, I'm alone

agustkissme: If it matters

agustkissme: I'm gonna stop writing now

agustkissme: Good night

Hoseok: wiat1

Hoseok: wait!*

Hoseok: i'm back hehe

Hoseok: just had to eh do something

agustkissme: Do what?

Hoseok: hug mickey!

agustkissme: Okay

agustkissme: You know what I look like now

agustkissme: Can't I get a picture of you?

Hoseok: that sounds so creepy ghfjghf

agustkissme: How?

Hoseok: it just does okay??

agustkissme: I didn't mean your dick

Hoseok: watch ur language, what if mom reads this!!

agustkissme: Dick, dick, dick

agustkissme: Hoseok sent me a picture of his dick, Hoseok's mom

Hoseok: no i didn't!?!?

Hoseok: but ehm would u want one…

agustkissme: I wouldn't oppose

Hoseok: why not

Hoseok: u don't know what i look like

agustkissme: Are we talking about your face or dick now?

Hoseok: both??

agustkissme: You don't know what I look like either

Hoseok: i do, u just sent me a picture

agustkissme: I didn't mean my face

Hoseok: oh

Hoseok: well i mean, i guess u could send me a picture if u want to...

Hoseok: ;)

agustkissme: That smiley just killed everything

Hoseok: what's 'everything'

Hoseok: the s3xual tension??

agustkissme: What sexual tension?

Hoseok: did u mean m00d

agustkissme: Think it's spelled mood, with o's instead of zeros

Hoseok: ha-ha

Hoseok: do u want a pic of my d1ck or what, pls beg for it

agustkissme: Oh, what's this?

agustkissme: Why does it feel like you've got a begging kink?

Hoseok: jgshjfgk id o not!

agustkissme: Sure

agustkissme: That's why you suddenly can't spell anymore then?

agustkissme: Daddy, please, please send me a picture of your cock?

Hoseok: gfgkf


[Private Chat: Hoseok & Taehyung]

Hoseok: ok tate

Hoseok: taef

Hoseok: tae uhuh

Hoseok: help me

Taehyung: what is it hyung?

Taehyung: i'm showing the music video to jimin and kookie now

Taehyung: they all love it! <3

Taehyung: jimin thinks agust looks hot

Hoseok: tell him to back off!!

Hoseok: i've got dibs on him!

Taehyung: but jimin just said the same

Hoseok: omg that hoe

Taehyung: he says that he wanna live the single life while charles is gone

Hoseok: not with agust!!

Taehyung: okay!

Taehyung: but hyung did u want something?<3

Hoseok: i need someone to catch me when i fall

Taehyung: fall?

Hoseok: for agust!

Taehyung: i'm a bit confused?

Hoseok: ok!!!

Taehyung: is agust the one you're chatting with?

Taehyung: do you have his number? jimin wants it

Hoseok: thanks for chatting with me tae tae, bye!!!<33333333

Taehyung: but jimin-

Hoseok: BYE


[Private Chat: Hoseok & agustkissme]

agustkissme: Please, pleeease?

agustkissme: Hello?

agustkissme: Gonna send me or not

Hoseok: so i'm back hehe

Hoseok: i'm not gonna send u a pic haha

agustkissme: 'Haha'

agustkissme: Do you have any more kinks?

Hoseok: no

agustkissme: Okay so you do, interesting

agustkissme: Do you like the daddy kink?

Hoseok: no???

Hoseok: can we change topic??

agustkissme: Why?

Hoseok: i don't even know ur fav food but now u wanna talk about kinks

agustkissme: It's meat

agustkissme: *wink*

Hoseok: ofjkdgffffffff

Hoseok: wahat what* wsas was* that!!= dhwink?!

agustkissme: What wink?

agustkissme: Jin must've sent it

Hoseok: is he there??

agustkissme: Nope

agustkissme: But okay, begging and daddy

agustkissme: Do you have any more kinks, hyung?

Hoseok: stop it or i'll block u

agustkissme: Hm...

agustkissme: Please don't block me, hyung?

Hoseok: last warning

agustkissme: Threatening me? Dominant?

Hoseok: stop it rn!!!

agustkissme: You seem pretty innocent when we're texting like this

agustkissme: Maybe you're not irl

Hoseok: -hobi has left the chat-

agustkissme: Selfie please?

agustkissme: I'm gonna add please to everything now

Hoseok: just to be a devil??

agustkissme: I know you like it

Hoseok: you need to be stopped

agustkissme: Why aren't you denying?

agustkissme: Because it's true?

Hoseok: ok so i wanna talk about puppies now!!

Hoseok: puppies and rainbows and stars!!

agustkissme: The moon is superior to stars though

Hoseok: do u wanna argue

Hoseok: i like the sun

agustkissme: Moon ftw

Hoseok: the moon is scary??

agustkissme: I'm offended?

Hoseok: ur not the moon??

agustkissme: Who knows?

Hoseok: what do u mean...

Hoseok: is there a man on the moon after all...

Hoseok: mom always told me there was

Hoseok: and he's fishing among the clouds like the dude at the beginning of shrek

agustkissme: Shrek? You mean the DreamWorks logo?

Hoseok: no i mean at the beginning of shrek??

Hoseok: once upon a time there was a lovely princess and all that

agustkissme: Not that lovely

agustkissme: She's quite bossy

Hoseok: omg wait so u've seen shrek

agustkissme: Who hasn't seen Shrek?

agustkissme: Jin loves it and he loves screaming that I'm Shrek and an ogre and has layers, so he puts it on every time I'm here

Hoseok: but u watched hunger games??

agustkissme: Last night was the exception, since awkward Namjin wanted to kiss and friendzone each other again

agustkissme: They're watching the second movie downstairs now

agustkissme: I don't want to be there

agustkissme: For all I know they might start fucking only to friendzone each other again when they're done

Hoseok: wth??

agustkissme: Did that count as cursing?

Hoseok: nope!!!

Hoseok: but ur like shrek then?

Hoseok: jimin always tells me i'm like donkey

agustkissme: Ouch, annoying as fuck?

Hoseok: noo?? super fun and the life of the party?? gives great advice?? positive?? mood setter??

agustkissme: No I think the right description of donkey is annoying as fuck?

Hoseok: shrek is grumpy and a loner

agustkissme: True?

Hoseok: so ur grumpy and a loner

agustkissme: Loner sounds like boner

Hoseok: are u really 23

agustkissme: No I'm 22, thanks for not remembering

Hoseok: ur welcome!!

agustkissme: Lol

Hoseok: ok so what do u think of lord farquuad

Hoseok: u look a bit like him

agustkissme: I think he seems rich and I wanna be rich so thanks?

Hoseok: i didn't mean it like that

Hoseok: but that chain ur wearing in the mv is kinda big

Hoseok: compensating for something, hm??

Hoseok: representing ur big ego??

agustkissme: What was that last thing?

Hoseok: nothing

agustkissme: Mocking me?

Hoseok: no, but for scientific research

Hoseok: are u big or small

agustkissme: I'm big

Hoseok: compared to what

agustkissme: Why the hell are we having this conversation?

Hoseok: isn't it interesting

agustkissme: No?

Hoseok: ok so ur small but it's ok, small is fun too

agustkissme: You're talking about my dick as if you know him

Hoseok: it's a he??

agustkissme: What else would he be?

Hoseok: gender neutral?? an 'it'?

agustkissme: My dick is offended

agustkissme: And he tells me to tell you that he's really big

Hoseok: ask him compared to what

Hoseok: a grain??

agustkissme: Do you wanna mock me?

Hoseok: yes?? mock u into sending a picture??

agustkissme: You can send me a picture

agustkissme: Are you big?

agustkissme: For 'scientific research'

Hoseok: not compared to tae, but compared to jimin

agustkissme: Ugh, I did not ask about your friends

agustkissme: Are you seriously comparing each other's dicks?

Hoseok: yes?? but it was like five years ago so i dunno how accurate it is anymore

agustkissme: I'm a bit grossed out

Hoseok: jimin is an exhibitionist btw

Hoseok: he loves walking around naked

Hoseok: tae loves trying out new stuff and he's a bit coco (like crazy fun)

Hoseok: so it wasn't that hard to compare them to me when they walked around naked all of a sudden

agustkissme: It wasn't that 'hard'

Hoseok: i knew you would make that joke, u dirty creep!!!

agustkissme: I'm a dirty creep?

agustkissme: Says the one comparing penis sizes with his younger friends

Hoseok: i didn't tell u how old tae was

Hoseok: but he's born 95 like jimin

agustkissme: K.

Hoseok: now i'm gonna woo u with a pickup line

agustkissme: Woo me?

Hoseok: make u laugh*

Hoseok: ok are u ready??

agustkissme: That's what he said

Hoseok: i can't believe i thought u were mature before

agustkissme: *shrugs*

Hoseok: ok here i go

agustkissme: That's what he said pt.2

Hoseok: STOP IT!!

agustkissme: That's what she said haha

Hoseok: mr. agust D please stop

agustkissme: That's what everyone says bc I'm so big

Hoseok: wait hold on

Hoseok: and don't make another joke there!!

Hoseok: but have u done it

agustkissme: Does it matter?

Hoseok: i don't know

agustkissme: Have you?

Hoseok: i'm not gonna tell u that??

agustkissme: You're 22, if you haven't it's quite worrying

Hoseok: you're almost 23??

agustkissme: Thanks for the reminder

Hoseok: ur welcome

Hoseok: and i didn’t know u had to do it before a certain age

Hoseok: who decides that

agustkissme: so you're a 22 years old virgin or what?

Hoseok: are you??

Hoseok: ok it's been two minutes, i can change topic

agustkissme: Please do

Hoseok: did u say please on purpose...

agustkissme: Who knows?

Hoseok: ok but,

Hoseok: have u heard of platform 9 and 3/4? well, i can think of something else with the exact same measurements

Hoseok: ;) ;) ;) *wink, wink, wink*

Hoseok: get it????

Hoseok: funny right???

Hoseok: hello???

agustkissme: No comment.

Hoseok: did i make u laugh??

Hoseok: it's true u know, my d1ck is known as the hogwarts express since it's so long

agustkissme: What the hell

Hoseok: ur d1ck can be called 'the side wagon on sirius/hagrid's motorcycle'

Hoseok: not quite as long as the hogwarts express, but still very functional and fun

agustkissme: Should I feel offended?

Hoseok: ???

Hoseok: tae's d1ck is arthur weasley's flying car

agustkissme: I'm not going to ask why

Hoseok: jimin's the firebolt

agustkissme: I repeat, I'm not going to ask why

Hoseok: min yoongi, would you like to take a ride on the hogwarts express sometime...?? ;)) ;)) ;))

Hoseok: you could get a free ride, no need to buy a ticket

Hoseok: seven hours long and candy on the way!

Hoseok: nice view too

Hoseok: hufflepuff wagon

Hoseok: hello!??!?!?

agustkissme: Did you seriously just ask me to take a ride on your dick?

Hoseok: ptjkhgfdgh

Hoseok: no!! i asked u to hop on the hogwarts express!

agustkissme: Which is your dick?

Hoseok: yes or no

agustkissme: I'm only sitting in the Slytherin wagon

Hoseok: but i'm in the hufflepuff wagon

agustkissme: Guess you answered the question yourself

Hoseok: i'll move to the slytherin wagon, right

Hoseok: make room bc here i come with platform 9 and 3/4 in my pants!

agustkissme: Watch it, you almost poked my eye out with that thing

Hoseok: sorry

Hoseok: only have this pair of pants left

agustkissme: Broke the others?

Hoseok: something like that

Hoseok: oh look! here comes jimin with his broom!

agustkissme: He's Slytherin?

Hoseok: yes, but i thought my friends could sit with us too

agustkissme: Oh no, here comes Jin with his wand

Hoseok: (is jin's d1ck a wand??)

agustkissme: (yeah)

Hoseok: (that's what he said)

agustkissme: (seriously?)

Hoseok: (what?? i can't make jokes like that??)

agustkissme: Okay, end of weird roleplaying

agustkissme: I'm jumping off the Hogwarts Express now

Hoseok: wait!! did u enjoy ur ride?? wanna ride it some other time?

agustkissme: Yeah, without annoying company

Hoseok: it's clear that ur sirius' motorcycle's side wagon bc u've got attitude just like him

agustkissme: What?

Hoseok: nothing??

Hoseok: what were we talking about?

agustkissme: Dick size?

Hoseok: right

Hoseok: how is it going for the star-crossed lovers downstairs btw?

agustkissme: Oh, gonna check

agustkissme: So they're kissing on the ground, will probably friendzone each other again

Hoseok: wait, do you mean jin and joon or katniss and peeta? bc i meant katniss and peeta?

agustkissme: I mean Namjin

agustkissme: Katniss and Peeta are kissing on the beach lol

Hoseok: doesn't that sound romantic...

Hoseok: kissing on a beach...

Hoseok: in the sunset...

Hoseok: only you and i...

agustkissme: You and I?

Hoseok: katniss and peeta* haha

Hoseok: which one would u be btw

agustkissme: Katniss ofc

Hoseok: omg i would be peeta??

Hoseok: katniss is so stiff and insensitive

agustkissme: Peeta is a crybaby who can't protect himself

Hoseok: maybe now is the time when i let you know that i love peeta again

agustkissme: You don't love Katniss?

Hoseok: she kills innocent animals??

agustkissme: To survive? She feeds her family

Hoseok: peeta is feelsy and full of love but no one wants his love so he's being played!

agustkissme: Sounds like Namjoon?

Hoseok: omg?? he's like peeta!?

agustkissme: Gonna jump Namjoon now?

Hoseok: but he isn't single

agustkissme: In a few minutes he will be

Hoseok: but he isn't my type

agustkissme: You have a type?

agustkissme: Losers like Peter?

Hoseok: jgfhd forget about peter! he was nothing serious and not my type

agustkissme: I will forget about him. not

agustkissme: What's your type?

Hoseok: hm, i'm not sure but perhaps quirky dark haired rappers with dirty jokes and small dicks?

agustkissme: Wow, never heard about someone like that before

Hoseok: right? they're veeery rare!

Hoseok: only like 0.00001% of the population

agustkissme: You even have statistics? Impressive

Hoseok: do u have a type

agustkissme: Yeah I do

Hoseok: are u gonna tell

agustkissme: I don't like nosy brats, extroverts, loud people that talk all the time etc

Hoseok: i feel hit

Hoseok: i asked u about ur type not anti-type

Hoseok: jin prob feels offended too

agustkissme: Okay so my type, I don't know?

agustkissme: Don't really think I have one

agustkissme: Just like kind people that's positive and has nice smiles

Hoseok: is that so...

Hoseok: [sends picture]


Hoseok: like that smile?

agustkissme: who's that

Hoseok: someone kind, positive with a nice smile

agustkissme: who?

Hoseok: think their name was jung hoseok!

Hoseok: also known as hobi, hobina, bobbis, hopie, with platform 9 and 3/4 in his pants

agustkissme: that's you?

Hoseok: yup!!!

agustkissme: seriously?

Hoseok: yes?? me, jung hoseok!! hufflepuff, dancer, mang's bff4ever

Hoseok: what do u think???

Hoseok: am i pretty??

Hoseok: cool???

Hoseok: hello!?!?

Hoseok: did u leave now :((((

Hoseok: whyyyyyyyyyyyyy

agustkissme: sorry that I left

Hoseok: there u are! it's OK!<3

Hoseok: but i sent i that pic!

Hoseok: don't u have anything to say

agustkissme: Jin says you're catfishing me

agustkissme: are you?

Hoseok: hdhdj no???

Hoseok: google my name + seoul dance academy and videos of dance competitions should come up

agustkissme: brb

Hoseok: leaving to check??

Hoseok: wait u left


[Private Chat: Hoseok & Taehyung]

Hoseok: how's the party going

Hoseok: do u miss me

Hoseok: why didn't u invite me btw

Hoseok: it's my bday??

Taehyung: who's this

Hoseok: forgotten about me now??

Hoseok: it's hobihobi!

Taehyung: this is Jungkook

Taehyung: Tae and Jimin left for the store an hour ago

Hoseok: hour??

Hoseok: long how have i talked with agust!?

Taehyung: who's agust?

Hoseok: sleep tight!

Hoseok: call me when tae gets back, i wanna scold him for being out so long

Taehyung: wha

Hoseok: agust is back now bye kiddo!!

Chapter Text

[Private Chat: Hoseok & agustkissme]

agustkissme: I did not know you had danced to Fantastic Baby

Hoseok: are u trying to figure out my kinks again bc u just found another one

agustkissme: Baby?

Hoseok: i must have a death wish

agustkissme: Yeah

agustkissme: That dance looked freaking cool, baby

Hoseok: t-thank you

Hoseok: do u believe i'm me now?

Hoseok: i'm not catfishing u!

agustkissme: I believe you

agustkissme: Jin doesn't

Hoseok: what about namjoon?

agustkissme: He's crying in the bathroom I think

Hoseok: why??

agustkissme: Katniss and Peeta parted ways he says but I think it's bc Jin friendzoned him again

agustkissme: Gonna talk some sense into them in a bit, don't worry

Hoseok: what is 'talk some sense'??

agustkissme: Throw Jin into the bathroom with Joon and not let them out until they've talked through 5+ years of bullshit

Hoseok: oh okay!

Hoseok: but back to my picture...

Hoseok: you didn't comment on it

agustkissme: Didn't think I had to

Hoseok: why did u think i was catfishing u?

agustkissme: It was Jin

Hoseok: answer the question

agustkissme: Yes, Sir ;)

Hoseok: h-

agustkissme: You looked like a model so I showed Jin and that's when he told me you were prob catfishing me

Hoseok: you think i look like a model???

agustkissme: Model for baby clothes

Hoseok: since i'm ur baby?<3

agustkissme: Since you look like a baby

Hoseok: thank you!<3

Hoseok: so am i pretty?

Hoseok: did u save the picture?

agustkissme: Ofc not

Hoseok: what did you say 'ofc not' to?

agustkissme: Who knows

agustkissme: But I think I need to go now

Hoseok: no :(

agustkissme: Sorry, gotta fix the friendzoning mess

Hoseok: spoiler alert, katniss and peeta won't stop that until the last movie

agustkissme: I meant Namjin

Hoseok: oh

Hoseok: right??

Hoseok: but yoongi

Hoseok: can i call you that?

agustkissme: You may, if you want to be disrespectful?

Hoseok: okay, yoongi

Hoseok: just say my name and i'm yours for the reaping... *wink*

agustkissme: No comment.

Hoseok: i'd love to show you my three-fingered salute...

agustkissme: Up my ass?

Hoseok: where else??

agustkissme: My mouth maybe? Maybe you wanna choke me?

Hoseok: wait do u mean to death or like 'choke me' like kinky-sexy

agustkissme: I'll leave it to your imagination

Hoseok: i feel like i've already imagined enough today

agustkissme: Happy birthday btw

Hoseok: thank u!!

Hoseok: and u too, in 19 days

agustkissme: Technically it's 18 now since it's past midnight

Hoseok: right, 18 days left until u turn super old!!

Hoseok: and wait shit i just laughed and i think someone's outside my door now??!?!

agustkissme: Don't be scared, it's me

Hoseok: WHAT

agustkissme: Just kidding haha

agustkissme: Not me

Hoseok: ok phew....

agustkissme: But what happened with that offer? The free ticket to the Hogwarts Express?

Hoseok: ffdkjf

Hoseok: the express takes off 1st september young man!

agustkissme: That late? over 6 months away

Hoseok: let me finish ehm

Hoseok: your ticket is special, one of its kind, and it can be redeemed whenever you want

agustkissme: Good to know

agustkissme: Keep your eyes open, I might knock on your door in the middle of the night

agustkissme: And ask

agustkissme: "Going to sleep? Mind if I Slytherin?"

Hoseok: kkhfhdjhgj hahaha!!!

Hoseok: that was a funny one!!!

agustkissme: Namjoon loves Harry Potter so I've heard them all from Jin trying to woo him

agustkissme: My name may not be Luna, but I sure know how to Lovegood

Hoseok: we'll see about that

Hoseok: mr lovegood

Hoseok: ur new name

Mr. Lovegood: Your contact name is 'Kinky-motherfucker'

Hoseok: ghdkjghjdf!!

Hoseok: i'm NOT!

Mr. Lovegood: Sure, daddy

Mr. Lovegood: Good night, hyung

Hoseok: ur evil

Mr. Lovegood: ;)

Hoseok: dgjdk!!!

Hoseok: u must have kinks too!!

Mr. Lovegood: Who knows?

Mr. Lovegood: Gotta help Namjin now, good night

Hoseok: bye!!!

Hoseok: and u can slytherin here anytime

Hoseok: ur welcome into the hufflepuff house

Mr. Lovegood: Everyone in your fam is Hufflepuff?

Mr. Lovegood: My fam is Slytherin

Hoseok: i feel the beginning of a very interesting hogwarts au

Mr. Lovegood: What?

Hoseok: never mind

Hoseok: good night!!

Mr. Lovegood: Bye


[Private Chat: Hoseok & Taehyung]

Hoseok: u never called?? hope ur not running around outside with jimin this late??

Hoseok: hyung is happy btw so don't worry about me!

Taehyung: we weren't//jimin

Hoseok: okay

Hoseok: good night!!<333333333333333333



[Private Chat: Hoseok & Mr. Lovegood]

Hoseok: i've been whomping my willow thinking about you

Hoseok: mischief managed… xoxo

Mr. Lovegood: That's one way to say hello?

Hoseok: hi!!!

Mr. Lovegood: Hello

Mr. Lovegood: With 'whomping your willow' do you mean what I think you mean?

Hoseok: depends on what u mean, i can't read minds

Mr. Lovegood: I'm glad you can't

Hoseok: why???

Mr. Lovegood: No reason

Mr. Lovegood: But nice pickup line

Hoseok: thank you mr lovegood

Mr. Lovegood: You're texting me early, aren't you in school?

Hoseok: i have lunch break!

Hoseok: jiminie, tae, kook, momo and sana are here too

Mr. Lovegood: Momo and Sana?

Hoseok: two girls in dance class, teacher's pet the both of them

Mr. Lovegood: You seem to have a lot of friends

Hoseok: i do, but look, i'd rather chat with u!!

Mr. Lovegood: Why? I think you should talk to them

Hoseok: i'm the 6th wheel anyway

Hoseok: jimin just ate my last bite of kimchi

Hoseok: don't wanna talk to him rn

Mr. Lovegood: Okay

Hoseok: so what's up??

Mr. Lovegood: I'm home, in the basement

Mr. Lovegood: The bitch just left so it's cool

Hoseok: you remind me of harry potter in the cupboard

Mr. Lovegood: I feel a strange resemblance to him

Hoseok: are u ok

Mr. Lovegood: I'm ok

Hoseok: ok...<333

Mr. Lovegood: Why the hearts?

Hoseok: don't u want them???

Hoseok: <33333333333333333333

Mr. Lovegood: What do you mean by them?

Hoseok: do i have to mean something

Mr. Lovegood: No

Mr. Lovegood: Just wondering

Hoseok: how did it go with namjin? *sends heart and a hug*

Hoseok: [sends picture of food on table]

Hoseok: there's a free seat next to me where u could sit!

Mr. Lovegood: Please send selfies and not pictures of tables, you're making me excited in vain

Hoseok: excited???

Hoseok: i'm making u excited!??!?

Mr. Lovegood: Who said that?

Hoseok: u!!!

Hoseok: :D :D :D

Mr. Lovegood: Anyway, Jin and Namjoon are finally together now

Hoseok: really?!!?

Mr. Lovegood: Yeah

Mr. Lovegood: I forced them to talk and when they didn't I spelled it out for them and then they hugged each other, pulled me into the hug, started kiss-crying and I fled

Mr. Lovegood: That's why I'm home, didn't want to be there when things turned pg23

Hoseok: i understand, ur only 22

Hoseok: but i'm so happy for them!!

Hoseok: finally no more pining!

Mr. Lovegood: Right? I'm happy for them too

Mr. Lovegood: And now that that's out of the way they're gonna help me move out

Hoseok: u mean kidnap u and min holly??

Mr. Lovegood: Exactly

Hoseok: when?

Mr. Lovegood: Later tonight I think

Hoseok: good luck

Hoseok: do u need help btw

Mr. Lovegood: That was nice of you but we should be fine

Mr. Lovegood: Or wait, you could send me a selfie

Hoseok: why??

Mr. Lovegood: No reason, just want one

Hoseok: ok... i took one earlier...

Hoseok: [sends picture]


Hoseok: hello! please be happy!

Mr. Lovegood: Thanks

Mr. Lovegood: Have you heard about the concert btw?

Hoseok: what concert??

Mr. Lovegood: Big Bang

Mr. Lovegood: They're gonna have one last concert of the Made tour

Hoseok: really?? i had no idea

Hoseok: when do they release tickets?

Mr. Lovegood: They did at 8 this morning

Hoseok: what??

Mr. Lovegood: I have tickets

Hoseok: what do u mean

Mr. Lovegood: I accidentally bought 4 instead of 3

Mr. Lovegood: Namjin wants to go as a couple so I have one extra

Hoseok: oh...

Hoseok: one extra ticket to MY favorite band in the whole world you say...

Mr. Lovegood: It's my fav band too, you know

Hoseok: i know

Hoseok: what are u gonna do with that extra ticket?

Mr. Lovegood: Dunno? Give it to Holly?

Hoseok: *cough*

Mr. Lovegood: Did you hear something?

Hoseok: *coughs louder* *jumps like donkey* me!!

Mr. Lovegood: You want it?

Mr. Lovegood: Maybe you should beg for it ;)

Hoseok: hjdfghjf

Hoseok: never!!

Mr. Lovegood: Maybe I'll just throw it in the trash then...

Mr. Lovegood: Along with the t-shirts...

Mr. Lovegood: And caps...

Hoseok: t-shirts and caps??

Mr. Lovegood: Jin bought like 80 of them

Mr. Lovegood: He thinks that he'll be able to sell them for thousands of dollars in ten years or so

Mr. Lovegood: And he gave a bunch to me as thanks to the end of the friendzoning

Hoseok: do u have a t-shirt in my size

Mr. Lovegood: Is your torso huge like your 9 and 3/4 dick? Then no

Hoseok: i'm fit!! small or medium

Mr. Lovegood: We'll see about that

Hoseok: how?? gonna hug me or something??

Mr. Lovegood: Would you oppose?

Hoseok: no

Hoseok: definitely not

Hoseok: but if u hug me there's a slight chance that i might never let you go...

Mr. Lovegood: That's a risk I'm willing to take

Hoseok: you're brave, soldier

Mr. Lovegood: Thanks, I know

Hoseok: and ur soft and thug, stop being so perfect! >:(

Mr. Lovegood: Oh, where did that angry smiley come from?

Mr. Lovegood: And thanks for the compliment, same

Hoseok: what do u mean same

Hoseok: what's same

Hoseok: do u think i'm soft and thug bc i'm not

Mr. Lovegood: I didn't mean that

Hoseok: what did u mean then??

Mr. Lovegood: Never mind

Mr. Lovegood: Do you want the ticket?

Hoseok: am i gay and desperate to have u in my arms??

Mr. Lovegood: What?

Hoseok: ahh! jimin took my phone!

Hoseok: that little shit haha first he took my kimchi and now my phone!! totally

Mr. Lovegood: Okay

Mr. Lovegood: I'm waiting for you to beg, go on

Hoseok: when's the date?

Mr. Lovegood: 7th march, in two weeks

Hoseok: but that's almost on ur bday??

Mr. Lovegood: You remembered

Hoseok: do i need to bring u a gift

Mr. Lovegood: Yes, thanks for asking

Hoseok: what do u want??

Mr. Lovegood: A cock ring and a vibrator

Hoseok: kgfdg"!!!!!1!

Hoseok: dkf

Hoseok: shit

Hoseok: ijust dropped my phone in santa's salad!!! sana*

Mr. Lovegood: Why?

Hoseok: i can't buy u that???

Mr. Lovegood: Why not?

Hoseok: why would i?!?!?!!!

Mr. Lovegood: Don't you want me to feel good?

Hoseok: fkgfgd

Hoseok: that doesn't sound like any normal presents!!

Hoseok: i thought i could buy something to holly or something!

Mr. Lovegood: But it's my birthday, not Holly's?

Hoseok: do you want leash and a collar or what, i already bought something

Mr. Lovegood: You already bought something for my bday after knowing me for 4 days?

Mr. Lovegood: Thanks, I'd like the leash and collar

Mr. Lovegood: Also, are you a giving kind of person or do you like me more than I thought?

Hoseok: mickey is lonely and i was gonna ask if we could meet on a playdate!

Mr. Lovegood: You want to play with me?

Hoseok: gdjghj OUR DOGS!

Mr. Lovegood: Doggy style? Is that what you're saying?

Hoseok: STOP IT///

Hoseok: stoppppppppph

Mr. Lovegood: Feels like you're blushing

Mr. Lovegood: Ask Jimin to send me a picture

Hoseok: i'm ngt not!!**

Hoseok: i'm not blushing!!

Hoseok: i want our dogs to be friends!! no doggy style! mickey is too young to be a father!

Mr. Lovegood: And Holly is purebred and a virgin, she doesn't want to get mounted by your dirty dog

Hoseok: omg mickey isn't dirty!?!? i wash him often! brush him every third day!

Mr. Lovegood: I brush Holly every day

Hoseok: holly sounds like a diva

Mr. Lovegood: Correct

Hoseok: mickey is a cozy bff!

Mr. Lovegood: Sounds like a Hufflepuff

Mr. Lovegood: Holly is Slytherin just like her dad

Hoseok: i didn't know u were a dog

Mr. Lovegood: I'm not?

Hoseok: so do u wanna meet on a play date or what!!!!

Hoseok: i'm super excited now!!

Hoseok: the leash is green and the collar is super big bc didn't wanna risk it being too small and choke holly

Mr. Lovegood: Planning on choking me with that thing instead?

Hoseok: no??

Mr. Lovegood: Jin doesn't want me to meet up with strangers like that alone

Hoseok: sounds like what jimin is telling me rn

Hoseok: but i'm not a creep! promise!

Mr. Lovegood: Isn't that what they all say?

Hoseok: i don't know??

Hoseok: but can't u send me another selfie so i know ur not a creep

Mr. Lovegood: What happened to the begging

Hoseok: please? pretty please? <333 :*

Mr. Lovegood: More like it

Mr. Lovegood: [sends picture]


Hoseok: ogmfkgfkgfkgjdfkgjdg

Hoseok: you look SO CUTE! are you trying to look tough or smth!?

Hoseok: you've already got perfect skin, you don't need those s3x toys

Mr. Lovegood: It's called filters

Hoseok: i think it's called being good looking

Mr. Lovegood: Lol

Hoseok: i'm being honest??

Hoseok: you look like my type, spot on

Mr. Lovegood: You're making me nervous

Hoseok: why

Mr. Lovegood: No reason

Mr. Lovegood: you just are

Hoseok: you look super cool

Hoseok: and please give the extra ticket, t-shirt and cap to me?<3

Mr. Lovegood: Feels like you only gave me compliments to get the ticket

Hoseok: does that mean i got the ticket

Mr. Lovegood: It does

Mr. Lovegood: [sends picture of ticket]

Mr. Lovegood: It's yours

Hoseok: omg yes!!!

Mr. Lovegood: On the condition that you buy me a present

Hoseok: i won't buy you a c0ck ring, mr lovegood

Mr. Lovegood: So a vibrator? Cool, I'll act surprised as I open the gift

Hoseok: not that either jfdj ???

Hoseok: where do we meet before the concert

Hoseok: and why is it so soon??

Mr. Lovegood: It soon bc it's VIP and only super fans like myself will get what's happening and have the time to buy tickets

Hoseok: i'm a super fan too

Mr. Lovegood: To Agust D?

Hoseok: to big bang??

Mr. Lovegood: But someone called Hope_On_The_Street has commented on all videos and I'm pretty sure it's you?

Hoseok: what!?

Mr. Lovegood: "omg sexy!!!!"

Mr. Lovegood: "EXACTLY my type!"

Mr. Lovegood: "agust with the biggest D, i'm ur biggest fan!!!"

Mr. Lovegood: "like this if ur also watching at 2am"

Mr. Lovegood: "i'm whomping my willow to this rn"

Hoseok: OMG i did NOT write that last one?!!!

Mr. Lovegood: No, but I bet that's what you were doing as you started this chat

Hoseok: no??? i told u?? i'm on lunch break??

Hoseok: currently choking

Mr. Lovegood: I'm flattered to have a no.2 fan

Hoseok: no.2?? i'm no.1??

Mr. Lovegood: No, that's Namjoon

Hoseok: no it's me, back off namjoon

Mr. Lovegood: He's the one who recorded the mv with his expensive cameras

Hoseok: i would've done that if i'd had expensive cameras and had known u

Mr. Lovegood: No, I think you would've exploded from cheering too much?

Hoseok: maybe???

Hoseok: but haha don't take those comments too serious

Hoseok: i comment a lot of mvs!

Mr. Lovegood: It says here that you've only subscribed to 6 channels

Mr. Lovegood: me, tinashe, big bang, jay-z, Lady Gaga and chim-booty95

Mr. Lovegood: Who the hell is chim-booty95?

Hoseok: jimin!!

Hoseok: but don't click on it!

Hoseok: he's giving twerking classes and tutorials on how to pole dance

Mr. Lovegood: He can pole dance? Wow

Mr. Lovegood: He sounds awesome

Hoseok: are u trying to make me jealous

Hoseok: bc i'm awesome too

Mr. Lovegood: Can you pole dance?

Hoseok: i can do other things with a pole

Mr. Lovegood: Like what? Hump it?

Hoseok: i'm not a dog??

Mr. Lovegood: What else did you mean?

Mr. Lovegood: And I'm checking that tutorial now

Mr. Lovegood: I did not expect him to look like that

Hoseok: what do u mean

Mr. Lovegood: He looks so sexy

Hoseok: omg

Hoseok: give jimin another compliment and i'll block u

Mr. Lovegood: Stop threatening me already, I'm only teasing you

Hoseok: ur teasing me??

Hoseok: bc all my life people's been comparing me to jimin, telling me he's sexy and cute while i look like a horse

Mr. Lovegood: Horse?

Hoseok: i was called horse face before hamster face

Mr. Lovegood: By who?

Hoseok: why are u asking? gonna write them in ur death note?<3

Mr. Lovegood: I'm wondering who has imagination like that

Mr. Lovegood: You look as far from a horse and hamster you can to me

Hoseok: are u only saying that to be nice...

Mr. Lovegood: Nope

Mr. Lovegood: What was it you could do with the pole?

Mr. Lovegood: If you made a video I would watch it

Hoseok: i have lots of videos on hopeonthestreet

Mr. Lovegood: Hip hop is cool but now we're talking about that pole

Hoseok: are u saying that u wanna see me pole dance...

Mr. Lovegood: Is that what I'm saying?

Hoseok: yes??

Mr. Lovegood: The video ended now

Mr. Lovegood: Jimin seems really special

Hoseok: ouch

Mr. Lovegood: But you seem special too

Hoseok: 'too'

Mr. Lovegood: I don't see why people are comparing you?

Hoseok: bc he's younger and hotter and sexier

Mr. Lovegood: Compared to me you are all that

Hoseok: compared to me ur all that too

Mr. Lovegood: I'm older

Hoseok: same thing

Mr. Lovegood: Not really

Hoseok: did u subscribe to chim-booty95

Mr. Lovegood: No

Hoseok: did u subscribe to hopeonthestreet...

Mr. Lovegood: Maybe

Hoseok: really??

Hoseok: do u think jimin is sexier than me

Hoseok: hello

Chapter Text

Mr. Lovegood: Jin tried to teach me something a few years ago

Mr. Lovegood: You own your sexuality, and you use it however you want

Mr. Lovegood: Jimin seems to be using his, or it's just part of his personality, but if you don't want to express yourself that way then you should not feel forced to

Hoseok: did jin say all that??

Mr. Lovegood: No it was my opinion down there

Mr. Lovegood: I don't think Jimin is sexier than you daddy, you're the only one for me<3

Hoseok: kfgfgdgl

Hoseok: wwhat!!!

Hoseok: realyy!?!982?!

Mr. Lovegood: ;)

Hoseok: why the smug face?!?!?

Mr. Lovegood: I really like your dance cover of whenever wherever

Mr. Lovegood: Hips don't lie *wink*

Hoseok: i haven't danced to hips don't lie??

Mr. Lovegood: Right

Mr. Lovegood: You should

Hoseok: okok,,,,

Hoseok: but yoongi where do we meet up before the concert

Hoseok: and will it be only me and you...

Mr. Lovegood: The clowns Kim Seokjin and Kim Namjoon will join, sadly

Mr. Lovegood: Though, if we're lucky they'll sneak away to kiss somewhere or Namjoon will almost kill himself since he's so clumsy like usual

Hoseok: that doesn't sound good??

Mr. Lovegood: Jin screaming for Taeyang to throw water on him doesn't sound good either

Mr. Lovegood: Trust me

Mr. Lovegood: We went to a concert three years ago and he got T.O.P's water bottle in the head and thanked him for the headache three weeks later by sending him letters

Hoseok: jin sounds like a super fan??

Mr. Lovegood: Weird super fan

Mr. Lovegood: Worst part is that Namjoon got jealous and tried to dress like T.O.P

Mr. Lovegood: You know, weird hair, dark voice, sunglasses inside

Mr. Lovegood: He stopped when Jin changed bias to Taeyang and friendzoned him again

Hoseok: they sound a bit chaotic??

Mr. Lovegood: Wait until you meet them

Mr. Lovegood: But they're probably saying similar things about me

Hoseok: i wanna hear what they're saying about u

Hoseok: prob that ur an angel!!

Mr. Lovegood: Last time I checked angels didn't have tails or horns

Hoseok: u have a tail??

Mr. Lovegood: I meant a devil

Hoseok: uh, but ur not??

Mr. Lovegood: Sure

Hoseok: so can we meet at ur place

Mr. Lovegood: Sounds like a bad idea considering I don't know where I'll live on the 7th

Mr. Lovegood: How about we meet at your place?

Hoseok: no!! mom would pass out if she saw u!

Mr. Lovegood: Doesn't she like devils?

Hoseok: she would pass out bc ur so cute ofc :* :* :*

Mr. Lovegood: did you just send me kisses

Hoseok: three kisses*

Hoseok: :* and another one!

Hoseok: xoxoxoxoxo hugs and kisses

Mr. Lovegood: Why did you send me those

Hoseok: the first kisses were lonely

Hoseok: but i say we meet at jin's place

Mr. Lovegood: No, at the train station

Hoseok: it's dirty and full of people!

Mr. Lovegood: I thought we were going to take the train to get to the concert?

Hoseok: i thought we were taking a car??

Mr. Lovegood: Can you drive?

Hoseok: yes, can u??

Mr. Lovegood: Yup

Mr. Lovegood: But getting a parking lot can be hard

Hoseok: resist that joke

Mr. Lovegood: Just like something else ;)

Hoseok: never mind

Mr. Lovegood: I think you need to punish me, daddy

Hoseok: stop it!!

Hoseok: we'll meet at the train station then, seoul train station, at 6pm??

Mr. Lovegood: You decide

Hoseok: you're not a planner?

Mr. Lovegood: I can be, but I'd rather have someone else do the work

Hoseok: good, i wanna plan everything! so we'll meet at 6pm, it starts 7, ends 9, we'll be back by 10

Hoseok: it gets dark fast so wear a reflex

Mr. Lovegood: Ptth, no

Hoseok: so i will bring one and force you to wear it, okay

Hoseok: take a screen shot of that plan and send to jin and joon!

Mr. Lovegood: Alright, captain

Hoseok: now i wanna talk about that playdate for mickey and holly

Hoseok: wanna give u that leash

Mr. Lovegood: So you can order me around?

Hoseok: i think i already am??

Hoseok: but when do u wanna meet me?<3

Mr. Lovegood: Never

Hoseok: what??

Mr. Lovegood: I actually have a serious case of social anxiety, and that concert thing is already stretching it

Hoseok: what's social anxiety

Mr. Lovegood: You don't know what it is?

Hoseok: does it mean that u don't wanna meet cute hobis or cute mickeys

Mr. Lovegood: It means that social situations make me sweat

Hoseok: *wink*

Mr. Lovegood: Not that type of sweat

Mr. Lovegood: Bad sweat

Hoseok: sounds tough :(

Hoseok: but i'm really kind and i'd hug u!<3

Mr. Lovegood: Maybe I don't like bodily contact either

Hoseok: is that why you want me to buy u s3x toys

Hoseok: so u don't have to get close to anyone else??

Mr. Lovegood: Feels like you're starting to get me

Mr. Lovegood: I don't really like other people

Hoseok: but i'm not other people, right??

Hoseok: i'm a dog??

Mr. Lovegood: This conversation got weird

Hoseok: woof woof!!

Hoseok: ahh, full moon today!! help!!

Mr. Lovegood: I think you're mixing up dog with werewolf

Hoseok: look, wolf!!!

Mr. Lovegood: What? Where?

Hoseok: no, the ordinary kind

Hoseok: hahahahahaha!!! get it??? wherewolf-werewolf??

Mr. Lovegood: What the hell

Hoseok: swearwolf!!

Mr. Lovegood: I'm not getting what's fun with these jokes?

Hoseok: maybe ur a slowwolf

Hoseok: i'm a funwolf

Mr. Lovegood: What was in that kimchi you just ate?

Hoseok: do u know what knotting is

Mr. Lovegood: Why are you asking me that?

Hoseok: jimin showed me a fanfic yesterday

Mr. Lovegood: Do I want to hear the rest of this?

Hoseok: do u read fanfics??

Mr. Lovegood: No

Hoseok: write them??

Mr. Lovegood: No?

Hoseok: but u still know what knotting is??

Mr. Lovegood: I'm up to date

Mr. Lovegood: How come you asked?

Hoseok: i dunno i kinda regret it now i don't know why i asked

Mr. Lovegood: Do you want a knot up your ass or something?

Hoseok: jgfdjg

Hoseok: no????

Mr. Lovegood: Buy a knot dildo while you're at it

Hoseok: stop writing!!!

Hoseok: jungkook almost glanced at my screen!

Mr. Lovegood: He's over 18, or?

Hoseok: so????

Hoseok: i'd still like to imagine that he's pure!

Mr. Lovegood: I think most people that age aren't

Mr. Lovegood: And I know about knotting since I'm educated, duh

Hoseok: educated?? you get taught that in school in daegu??

Mr. Lovegood: Educated as in street smart

Hoseok: what does knotting have to do with being street smart??

Mr. Lovegood: Can you stop panicking over there?

Hoseok: i'm not panicking???

Mr. Lovegood: Do you have to write double question marks all the time?

Hoseok: is four better????

Mr. Lovegood: No, I think I preferred it when there was only two

Hoseok: ok but platform 9 and 3/4 is a normal train, no knotting

Mr. Lovegood: I want to repeat my 'what the hell'

Mr. Lovegood: I didn't think so

Hoseok: ok

Hoseok: sorry haha i'm sounding so weird

Hoseok: the sun is hot today

Mr. Lovegood: Why do you keep saying that when it's a snow storm out?

Hoseok: don't u just love fabruary??

Mr. Lovegood: I think you mean February

Hoseok: no fab, jimin renamed it a few years ago

Hoseok: but ok so when do you have time for me mr lovegood, mickey wants to go on a playdate

Mr. Lovegood: I think you meant Hoseok*

Hoseok: maybe i meant both

Hoseok: please play with me!!!!

Mr. Lovegood: Kinky?

Hoseok: jfhdjg

Hoseok: no but please!!!

Hoseok: charles has left now and jimin wanna hang out every night but i don't wanna do that

Mr. Lovegood: You don't?

Hoseok: no?? i have to be his wingman or cry-on-shoulder-man and i hate it bc whenever i need him he's never there for me but i'm too nice to spell it out!

Mr. Lovegood: What will happen if you tell him?

Hoseok: he'll cry on my shoulder until i apologize??

Mr. Lovegood: If you don't apologize then?

Hoseok: no change

Mr. Lovegood: So you'd rather spend time with me and Holly in a cold as fuck dog park than hang out with your friends?

Hoseok: yes???

Mr. Lovegood: You don't know me though

Hoseok: that's what the meeting is for??? duh????

Mr. Lovegood: I have thin legs

Hoseok: why did u tell me that

Hoseok: u can't walk or something?? u ran in that mv

Mr. Lovegood: I can walk, just wanted to say that so you won't be surprised when you meet me

Hoseok: so we can meet??? YES!!

Hoseok: pls tell me if i'm being too close and clingy bc i sometimes am

Mr. Lovegood: What do you mean by that?

Mr. Lovegood: Gonna cling to me like a monkey or something?

Hoseok: if i can

Hoseok: it's cold

Hoseok: mind if i slytherin into your jacket, wink, wink

Mr. Lovegood: Don't steal my jacket, it was expensive

Hoseok: have u ever met up with someone u've only texted with before btw

Mr. Lovegood: I have

Hoseok: rlly?? what happened

Mr. Lovegood: Well, only the most awkward thing ever

Mr. Lovegood: We'd chatted every day for a month, then we met up and they were totally different from how I'd imagined them, we didn't click at all, I walked back home and we never texted again

Hoseok: was it a friend or more than a friend?

Mr. Lovegood: Friend, but not after that, I cringe only thinking about it

Hoseok: me too??

Mr. Lovegood: You then

Hoseok: oh i have one time too

Hoseok: but we only chatted for a week and then we met up and decided to hang out again but it never happened

Mr. Lovegood: A classic

Mr. Lovegood: If someone tells you 'I'll call you later' it translates to 'bye bitch, now imma run'

Hoseok: it does??

Mr. Lovegood: To me it does? That's what I tell people before I run and block their numbers

Hoseok: so ur one of those

Hoseok: a blocker...

Mr. Lovegood: Says the one who's threatened to block me twice

Hoseok: are u keeping count

Mr. Lovegood: I take it that you don't?

Hoseok: i'm listening to give it to me btw

Hoseok: jimin took the other earphone, he doesn't suspect that i'm chatting with the awesome rapper himself!!

Mr. Lovegood: Tell Jimin to teach you how to pole dance

Hoseok: jkdgdg

Hoseok: no??

Hoseok: but are u signed or something, where does this rap come from

Mr. Lovegood: I was a trainee but never made it to a band but then I met Jin and he knew someone who helped me record those songs

Hoseok: you were a trainee??

Hoseok: but then u can dance???

Mr. Lovegood: It was many years ago

Hoseok: i'm sorry that you didn't make it to a band

Mr. Lovegood: It's okay

Hoseok: jungkook was a trainee too btw

Hoseok: he's been to usa

Mr. Lovegood: Really?

Hoseok: he didn't make it to a band either which is insane considering he's a prodigy at dancing

Mr. Lovegood: Aren't you the prodigy?

Hoseok: ok, jungkook's no.2, or no.3 after jimin

Hoseok: but it's okay too, we're all gonna become dancers now, life is long and full of surprises!

Mr. Lovegood: The words of an optimist

Hoseok: why be negative when you can be positive?

Mr. Lovegood: Good point

Mr. Lovegood: Your life motto?

Hoseok: my life motto is dance, smile, be happy

Mr. Lovegood: Inspiring

Mr. Lovegood: Mine is be bitter, curse, be passive aggressive

Hoseok: if ur asking me i think u should change ur motto some

Hoseok: maybe to mine

Mr. Lovegood: I'd like to change it too

Hoseok: why are u passive aggressive? you don't seem to be that here

Mr. Lovegood: Maybe you bring out the better side of me, or maybe I'm just good at playing someone else

Hoseok: someone else?

Mr. Lovegood: I get bitter sometimes but I'm not going to drag you into my world

Hoseok: why?? i wanna be dragged in, please do!

Mr. Lovegood: Isn't lunch over soon?

Hoseok: yeah it was ten minutes ago!

Mr. Lovegood: What?

Hoseok: but i don't wanna say goodbye!!

Hoseok: jimin's texting with someone too and we're listening to give it to me again :* :* :*

Hoseok: u sound a bit passive aggressive in that song btw, but i love it!!

Mr. Lovegood: I want to say thank you but I don't think that's good

Mr. Lovegood: You should head to class

Hoseok: no!!

Hoseok: when are we gonna meet??

Hoseok: i won't leave until i get a date!

Mr. Lovegood: 1st march?

Hoseok: too far away

Hoseok: how about the day after tomorrow?<3

Mr. Lovegood: On a Wednesday?

Hoseok: u don't like wednesdays?

Mr. Lovegood: Usually I don't but we'll see, I might have moved then

Hoseok: 'we'll see' no sir, we'll decide now

Hoseok: [sends location of Seoul's dog park]

Hoseok: on wednesday we'll meet in the dog park by the gate, you'll bring holly and i'll bring mickey and your present

Mr. Lovegood: The cock ring?

Hoseok: gfgdkg MO

Mr. Lovegood: Mo?

Hoseok: NO*

Hoseok: the leash and collar!

Mr. Lovegood: Okay

Hoseok: text me later and tell me how it went with the moving/kidnapping please!

Mr. Lovegood: Sure thing

Mr. Lovegood: Gonna prepare the bags now

Hoseok: bags with ur stuff?

Mr. Lovegood: One bag for Holly and one for my electronics

Hoseok: you don't have anything else? no books? photo albums?

Mr. Lovegood: Wait right, my knot dildo

Hoseok: whaht?!?

Mr. Lovegood: Just kidding lol, I don't have one of those

Hoseok: okay... if u say so...

Mr. Lovegood: ;)

Hoseok: why did u send that flirty creepy thing??

Mr. Lovegood: The ghost sent it

Hoseok: arthur??

Mr. Lovegood: Do you know him?

Hoseok: do you know him???

Mr. Lovegood: Who are we talking about?

Hoseok: no one hehe

Hoseok: but we'll meet in two days then? in the dog park?

Mr. Lovegood: Yup

Mr. Lovegood: I really hope you're not a creep about to kidnap me

Hoseok: same

Hoseok: i'll bring a pepper spray

Mr. Lovegood: I'll bring a knife

Hoseok: isn't that illegal??

Mr. Lovegood: Not if I do it in secret?

Hoseok: ok

Hoseok: so jimin's dragging me into the classroom now??

Hoseok: good luck with the escape!!

Mr. Lovegood: Thanks, I'll need it

Mr. Lovegood: Ask Jimin to teach you pole dancing

Hoseok: ghdj he read over my shoulder!!

Hoseok: "who is mr lovegood?!"

Hoseok: "a boner, wait, a loner!"

Mr. Lovegood: You sound so mature, wow

Hoseok: haha

Hoseok: bye bye!

Mr. Lovegood: Bye



[Private Chat: Hoseok & Yoongi]

Hoseok: okay bitch, hobi has stared at his phone for three hours

Hoseok: always in this chat, he hasn't talked to any of us

Hoseok: who the hell are u???

Hoseok: ur contact name reads yoongi but i'm pretty sure ur that 'lovegood' person

Hoseok: like harry potter, huh?

Hoseok: bet ur a hairy otter too!

Hoseok: HELLO

Yoongi: Hello?

Yoongi: For your information I'm Sirius' motorcycle's side wagon

Yoongi: You must be the Weasley car or the Firebolt

Hoseok: what the hell??

Yoongi: Who are you?

Hoseok: i asked first, bitch??

Yoongi: I'm Yoongi

Hoseok: bitch i can see that, think i can't read??

Yoongi: Why did you ask then?

Yoongi: Where's Hobi?

Hoseok: why did u call him by his nickname??

Yoongi: Because we know each other?

Hoseok: since?

Yoongi: Five days or something

Hoseok: are u the one he's gonna meet tomorrow!?

Hoseok: he said he would meet with his sister but he's looking too nervous to meet her

Hoseok: tbh, DON'T go into the bathroom, jesus

Yoongi: Uh

Yoongi: Is he sick?

Hoseok: with nervousness

Hoseok: who are u

Yoongi: Could you give his phone back?

Hoseok: could i, what???

Yoongi: Could you teach him how to pole dance then?

Hoseok: if he pays me ten dollars

Yoongi: Could I pay?

Hoseok: why? wanna see him dance or something?????

Hoseok: wait, he noticed that his phone is gone now

Hoseok: i'm not done with u!!

Yoongi: Was that a threat?

Hoseok: hi omg hi yoongi!!

Hoseok: sorry

Hoseok: jimin took my phone and i didn't notice

Hoseok: but ur here now, how did it go with the mission? i was worried it went bad

Yoongi: Well, it did

Yoongi: but then it went good, I'm at Jin's place now

Hoseok: long version pls

Yoongi: Not much to say

Yoongi: Mom returned home as I was inside getting Holly and she started fighting about where I was going with 'her' dog

Hoseok: but u bought holly?

Yoongi: I know, but that bitch is crazy

Yoongi: Anyway, she didn't let me leave so I pushed her on the shoulder and she acted as if I'd slapped her in the face

Hoseok: wth??

Yoongi: Jin drove away in the car, with me, Holly and my electronics in it

Hoseok: what about namjoon

Yoongi: He was there too, just, he's only staring at Jin these days, didn't help much, think he's in a trance

Hoseok: so are u living with them now?

Yoongi: Yup

Yoongi: I have my own bedroom and everything

Yoongi: Jin gave me a guitar as a move in present

Yoongi: His parents are here rn btw, Jin told them about Namjoon being his boyfriend and they wanted to meet him

Hoseok: your life is so eventful??

Yoongi: Is it? It's ironic because all I want is peace and quiet

Hoseok: i take it that ur not excited about meeting me tomorrow then

Yoongi: Define excited

Yoongi: I'm more nervous

Hoseok: why

Yoongi: I haven't met you before and you could've tricked me

Yoongi: + if it's awkward we might never text each other again

Hoseok: can't we promise then that we'll keep texting even if it gets awkward

Yoongi: Sure

Yoongi: Are you excited?

Hoseok: yes, but mostly nervous

Yoongi: Why?

Hoseok: don't know

Yoongi: Okay

Yoongi: Why is Jimin there? Did he want to cry on your shoulder?

Hoseok: he wanted to talk about ex number 5

Yoongi: Who was that?

Hoseok: u don't remember?? tony jones

Hoseok: he wants them to get back together, but tony's a teacher at our school so tae and i are trying to tell him no

Yoongi: Let me guess, Jimin never listens to advice?

Hoseok: not jimin or jungkook

Hoseok: tae and i are exhausted

Hoseok: jungkook just left on a run

Yoongi: This late?

Hoseok: yes??

Hoseok: 'ur not my mom' he told me and then he left, without a reflex or a phone or anything!

Yoongi: No phone?

Hoseok: he listens to music on an mp3 player

Hoseok: i regret giving it to him

Hoseok: but anyway

Hoseok: yoongi... what does ur voice sound like...

Yoongi: Raspy

Yoongi: Yours?

Hoseok: that's all i get??

Yoongi: I thought you'd listen to my songs?

Hoseok: usually your voice sound a bit different when u sing vs when u speak

Hoseok: and my voice is deep according to tae but screechy according to jimin

Yoongi: So both of us has deep voices

Yoongi: Watch it, don't want you to scare away Holly

Hoseok: likewise?? mickey is sensitive to sounds!

Hoseok: but he loves hugs

Hoseok: just like me!

Yoongi: Good to know

Hoseok: will u hug me...

Yoongi: Was that a question? Because I saw no question mark

Hoseok: it was a question...

Hoseok: will u hug me...

Yoongi: Maybe...

Hoseok: omg what do u mean by those three dotss+??

Yoongi: I thought three dots meant a question mark

Hoseok: so u will hug me??

Hoseok: wait

Hoseok: are we going to meet up alone? really?

Yoongi: Think I'm gonna kidnap you?

Yoongi: Jin wants to follow me, he's gonna walk me there

Hoseok: he's gonna help u kidnap me??

Hoseok: i wanna bring someone too

Yoongi: Jimin?

Hoseok: not him, thinking about asking tae, he's kind

Yoongi: So are they gonna hide around the corner as we meet or what?

Hoseok: you never walk alone!

Hoseok: or u should never

Hoseok: don't walk alone!!

Yoongi: Wise words

Yoongi: What time do we meet?

Hoseok: 4? before it gets dark

Yoongi: It doesn't get dark until 7 or something

Hoseok: so we have lots of time to hang out!!

Yoongi: I thought it was a playdate for our dogs

Hoseok: a date u say...? ;)))

Hoseok: buy me roses!

Hoseok: or not haha

Hoseok: hello where did u go

Yoongi: Still here

Yoongi: Told Jin that he has to hide in a bush tomorrow

Yoongi: He went 'I'm used to it'

Yoongi: Don't ask

Hoseok: i wanna ask now??

Yoongi: He loves gossip

Yoongi: and spying on people

Hoseok: so will he spy on us??

Hoseok: not that we're gonna do something weird hehe

Yoongi: 'Hehe'

Hoseok: ok but we'll meet at 4 then... stranger...

Chapter Text

[Private Chat: Hoseok & Yoongi]

Yoongi: Bring that gift for me

Yoongi: And Mickey

Yoongi: What breed btw?

Hoseok: shih tzu!

Yoongi: Cute

Hoseok: wait until u see him!

Yoongi: Will do

Yoongi: Uhm, see you tomorrow then

Yoongi: Hope I'm not going to regret this

Hoseok: hope, that's my name!

Hoseok: and u won't, according to tae i'm very funny :*

Yoongi: I'm silent, maybe you should know that

Hoseok: good! if it turns awkward i'll blame it on u!

Yoongi: Hey

Hoseok: hey, hey, hey, ganja's in the house okurrr!

Hoseok: it's kinda dry up in here! kinda like ur v4gina!

Yoongi: What? I don't have a vagina

Hoseok: don’t u know what that's from??? rpdr??

Hoseok: mickey's favorite show!

Hoseok: after survivor

Hoseok: are u watching that show btw?

Yoongi: I've seen an episode of rpdr, not survivor

Hoseok: omg ur missing out!!

Hoseok: and in the latest survivor episode the traitor tricked everyone into sending home the kind one

Yoongi: Sounds dramatic

Hoseok: u should've been there

Hoseok: but ok i'm just rambling now bc i'm nervous, and excited!!!

Hoseok: what are u gonna wear??

Yoongi: Clothes?

Hoseok: haha, i mean what kind of clothes!

Yoongi: Black jacket?

Hoseok: ok but i'll wear red and green! so keep ur eyes out for me! oh and mickey's jacket is green and he has pink hairclips

Yoongi: Holly has green ribbons in her hair

Hoseok: bc green's my fav color...?<3

Yoongi: Slytherin colors ofc

Yoongi: Didn't know green was your fav, like snakes too?

Hoseok: jdhgj no i hate snakeu

Yoongi: Snakeu?

Hoseok: where?!?

Yoongi: Are you scared of lots of things?

Hoseok: practically everything but soft things

Hoseok: but sometimes soft things can trick you and become scary, like bunnies

Yoongi: You mean rabbit boy Jungkook?

Hoseok: him too

Hoseok: he bit me once! when i tried to take his popcorn!

Yoongi: Life sounds tough over there

Yoongi: It's so calm here, only Jin and Namjoon crying in the other room

Hoseok: crying?? why?? are they sad

Yoongi: Have no idea

Yoongi: "I love you, no I love you more" is all I've heard for the past ten minutes

Yoongi: Emotional fest

Hoseok: i take it that ur not very emotional

Yoongi: I see myself as a rock

Hoseok: what do u mean by that

Yoongi: I'm a rock? Prefers not moving around too much, likes sleeping, am silent, observing, doesn't like bullshit

Hoseok: who likes bullsh1it??

Hoseok: but if ur a rock i'll put u in my pocket

Yoongi: Thought you were gonna say that you'd put me somewhere else first

Hoseok: i choked

Yoongi: [sends picture]



Hoseok: hahahahavesexwithme

Yoongi: What?

Hoseok: omg autocorrect!!?

Yoongi: Why do you have 'haha have sex with me' as autocorrect?

Hoseok: no reason?? anyway, shrek!!

Hoseok: funny picture!

Yoongi: Do you want to have sex with me?

Hoseok: kfjksghdgh OMG!?!? what are you saying

Yoongi: Never mind

Yoongi: You like Shrek, right? I downloaded some funny pictures

Hoseok: to impress on me?<3

Yoongi: Totally not

Hoseok: sure…

Yoongi: Seriously that wasn't why

Hoseok: ah, now i wanna rewatch shrek!!

Hoseok: i know!

Hoseok: why don't we watch it together?<3

Yoongi: I'd rather do something else

Hoseok: like??

Yoongi: Sleep for twelve hours

Hoseok: wow! that was long!

Yoongi: That's what you'll say when you meet Mister Lovegood

Hoseok: gkgjsfg

Hoseok: did u just name ur d1ck mister lovegood?!?

Yoongi: Easier to say than platform 9 and 3/4

Yoongi: Also, I will never be able to take Harry Potter seriously again

Hoseok: bc it makes u think of me?<3

Yoongi: No

Yoongi: I think Jin and Namjoon just started roleplaying?

Yoongi: Said something about a wand and imperio

Hoseok: jin's a wizard!?

Hoseok: do u think he can make mickey talk??

Yoongi: Roleplaying

Yoongi: He's not a real wizard

Hoseok: ok wait i get it

Hoseok: sorry jimin's trying to take my phone away from me now

Yoongi: It's okay, I'm thinking about going to sleep now

Hoseok: oh okay

Hoseok: good night!! see u tomorrow jkjfkds

Yoongi: See you

Hoseok: aren't you gonna write hsjdghjd too

Yoongi: Nope, bye

Hoseok: bye!!!



[Private Chat: Hoseok & Yoongi]

Hoseok: where are u

Yoongi: Hello to you too

Hoseok: hi

Hoseok: on a scale of 1 to 10 you're a 9, because I'm the one you need…

Hoseok: omg so ditched

Yoongi: I don't reply to cringy pickup lines, sorry, you need to try harder

Hoseok: i'm not a photographer, but i can picture me and you together…

Hoseok: are you an onion? because i'd like to take off a couple of layers...

Hoseok: do you like sales? because clothing is 100% off at my place

Yoongi: Oh really?

Hoseok: ok but wait!! where are u??

Hoseok: i've been waiting in the freezing cold for 5 minutes!

Yoongi: 5 minutes? Thought it was more

Hoseok: ???

Yoongi: Jin had to buy something on the way, that's why we're late

Hoseok: oh

Hoseok: knew i had forgotten about something!

Yoongi: You need to buy something too?

Hoseok: no but i forgot to ask jungkook to go with me??

Yoongi: You're alone?

Hoseok: yes??

Yoongi: Good, will be easier to kidnap you then

Hoseok: no jokes like that allowed?? and mickey's with me

Hoseok: but u know, i'm the only human here

Hoseok: save from that old hag and spanish guy in the corner over there

Hoseok: their dogs really seem to like each other

Hoseok: wait

Hoseok: i think the spanish dog just jumped up on the hag's dog??

Yoongi: I will not let them near Holly

Yoongi: And I know who they are, Maggie and Alejandro

Hoseok: friends of urs??

Hoseok: they seem a bit weird the both of them

Yoongi: They are

Yoongi: They're neighbors down Jin's street

Yoongi: Think they hate each other

Hoseok: *sips tea*

Hoseok: oh shit the dogs are running towards me!!

Yoongi: Take Mickey and run

Yoongi: That hag has a cane

Hoseok: ???

Hoseok: ok eiw

Hoseok: wait*

Hoseok: mickey's under my arm now

Hoseok: he says he wants to meet u now!!

Hoseok: i'm always on time btw

Hoseok: i take it that ur not

Yoongi: I'm not

Yoongi: Maybe I should've told you

Hoseok: yeah??

Hoseok: jimin says i have OCD

Yoongi: That was random?

Hoseok: no but like i'm tied to a schedule

Hoseok: always on time, neat, clean freak

Yoongi: I think those are good things

Yoongi: Jin could be more of that

Yoongi: I made breakfast and he faked sleep so I had to do the dishes too

Hoseok: i don't think u know what OCD is

Yoongi: I do, but I don't think the things you're bringing up is quite that

Yoongi: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, right?

Hoseok: jimin actually never told me what it stood for??

Hoseok: he just said i was bossy and stiff and should 'chill'

Hoseok: i hate it when people tell me to chill!

Yoongi: Same

Hoseok: but u seem chill to me

Yoongi: On the outside perhaps

Hoseok: so ur not chill on the inside

Yoongi: I'd say I'm everything from it

Yoongi: A storm

Hoseok: good thing i've got a warm jacket and sturdy boots *wink*

Hoseok: i could tackle any storm rn!

Yoongi: You know that sounded a bit weird bc it sounds like you want to go inside me

Hoseok: yoongi -.-

Hoseok: here i'm trying to be deep and positive but you keep being dirty!

Yoongi: What am I supposed to do?

Yoongi: Jin has Holly

Hoseok: what's that supposed to mean?? holly keeps ur dirty thoughts at bay?

Yoongi: Something like that?

Yoongi: She's a princess, I have to behave around her

Hoseok: u really seem to love her

Yoongi: I do

Yoongi: Jealous?

Hoseok: i'm not jealous of a dog haha

Yoongi: Not yet

Hoseok: what do u mean

Yoongi: I put her in a green jacket and green ribbons

Yoongi: Maybe you're jealous of that?

Hoseok: i don't want to wear green ribbons haha

Yoongi: 'Haha'

Hoseok: but back to the other topic

Hoseok: don't u think having OCD is weird?

Yoongi: Depends on what you mean

Yoongi: Obsessively checking that the door is locked fourteen times before you go to bed is weird, but vacuum cleaning every day can be good

Hoseok: ur fifteen minutes late and my right eye just twitched

Yoongi: Okay

Yoongi: I'm almost here though

Hoseok: aren't u gonna judge me??

Yoongi: No?

Hoseok: why not

Yoongi: Out of all things in the world OCD is not the worst of them

Yoongi: Plus, you didn't judge me for having social anxiety so it would be unfair of me to judge you

Hoseok: but i don't really know what you mean when u say social anxiety

Yoongi: And I don't really know what you mean when you say OCD

Yoongi: To me it just sounds like Jimin says it to be mean

Hoseok: jimin isn't mean

Hoseok: he's just insensitive sometimes

Hoseok: which is weird since he's sensitive himself and u need to guard ur tongue??

Yoongi: Feels like I know more things about Jimin than things about you

Hoseok: do u like him more than me

Yoongi: No

Hoseok: ok

Yoongi: Do you like Jin more than me?

Hoseok: no?? why would i do that??

Yoongi: Why would I like Jimin more than you?

Hoseok: oh

Hoseok: ur smart…

Yoongi: Thank you

Yoongi: I'm trying to make Jin hide behind the tree here but he's shouting about wanting to 'protect me'

Yoongi: He's convinced you're a 50 years old man with a van, going to lure me in with your cute dog

Hoseok: kinda true but i'm only 22

Yoongi: So you wanna lure me in?

Hoseok: into my arms...!!

Hoseok: for a hug

Hoseok: wouldn't u like that?<3

Yoongi: If you want to hug you can hug Jin

Hoseok: no :(

Hoseok: i wanna hug u! >:(

Yoongi: Ouf, scared me with that smiley

Hoseok: i'm cold!! >:(

Hoseok: i've been waiting forever, u need to hug me now to make it better!

Yoongi: Sorry for being late, but Jin wanted something to eat while he's waiting

Hoseok: he bought food??

Yoongi: Candy

Yoongi: Here, take this Shrek meme as an apology

Yoongi: [sends picture]


Hoseok: omg that's me!!

Hoseok: are you ready for Shrek 5??

Hoseok: i know! we can go to the cinema together and dress up as the characters!

Hoseok: you'd be Farquuad and I'd be Fiona bc I look good with red hair

Yoongi: Okay wait, we're here now

Hoseok: ditched</3

Yoongi: Jin looks upset but he says I'll get 20 minutes before he 'saves me'

Hoseok: i should've brought rabbit boy

Hoseok: maggie looks scary!

Yoongi: Are you by the fence? I'm by the trees

Hoseok: i'm by the scary old hag by the fence!

Hoseok: green jacket and green pants and red shoes

Yoongi: You look like a Christmas tree

Hoseok: u see me??



Hoseok looked up from his phone. His hand was nearly frozen from the cold. He put his phone in his pocket and swept his gaze around, seeing that the hag and the Spanish man was bickering to his right, seeing that a young woman had walked into the park to his left. She released a big dog and Hoseok tightened his grip on Mickey's leash.

"Can you see anything, angel?" Hoseok whispered to Mickey, crouching down, so Mickey could put his paws on his knees and Hoseok could bury his chin in the dog's soft fur. He looked around again, seeing the high trees on the other side of the dog park. It was pretty big. About three football fields, the biggest one in Seoul, with benches along the fence on the sides.

Mickey whined, wanting to jump up on Hoseok's lap. Hoseok's heart jumped when the big dog belonging to the young woman to the left ran for them, wanting a taste of Hoseok's arm, or Mickey's paw. Hoseok stood up and started jogging away, pulling cute Mickey along, keeping his eyes out for Min Yoongi.

Min Yoongi... Hoseok was meeting up with a total stranger. Idiot behavior. He'd only known Yoongi for what, five days? He hadn't asked Jungkook to go with him either. Or, technically he had tried. One time. In the middle of the night yesterday. Hoseok wasn't the best with timing, or he was, but he'd wanted Jungkook to say no. He wasn't sure why. He just felt like keeping Yoongi a secret for a bit longer. Jimin knew who he was, but if Jimin knew who he really was; that he was badass rapper Agust D, then Hoseok would probably never get him for himself again.

Jungkook do you wanna follow me to the dog park tomorrow? Hoseok had asked through text at one in the morning before he'd went to bed.

Why? Jungkook had replied. A good question that Hoseok hadn't wanted to answer. Jungkook didn't have time for him. Hoseok had known he would say no already. He was only asking to have it over with.

I wanna hang out. Hoseok had said, weirdly. I'm gonna be with Tae, sorry. Jungkook had replied, and that's that. That's how most of Hoseok's conversations with Jungkook went these days. Hoseok felt left out. Felt like Jungkook was hiding something. Him and Taehyung. They probably were, with how they suddenly disappeared on lunch break and returned an hour later with secret eyes and giggles escaping from their lips when Hoseok asked them where they'd been.

Hoseok didn't know what had happened these past months. Jimin found Charles on a dating site online and started hanging out with him. Will say, he started making Charles buy him expensive things like the sugar daddy that he is. And Taehyung hung out with Jungkook basically all the time. Sana and Momo, Hoseok's spare friends, didn't really have time for him either. Last year he'd spent every night with Jimin, watching TV or dancing and singing ABBA songs, but now it was like everything had changed. Everyone had changed. Hoseok felt like he was the only one who hadn't grown up. Yet he was the oldest.

Maybe this was why he was meeting up with an almost-total-stranger. Min Yoongi was the only one who had time for him. He replied to Hoseok's messages. He didn't leave him on read like Jimin or make up excuses like Jungkook.

Was Hoseok annoying? He'd wondered about that a lot. Taehyung said that he wasn't. He hadn't dared ask anyone else. Dear Anna, the anonymous relationship expert on the internet, had told him that it was time that he invested in new friends. He didn't want new friends though. He wanted Jimin to stop being blinded by money and Taehyung and Jungkook to invite him to their sleep overs. Hoseok still lived at home. It was weird. How he felt like a kid when he was the oldest.

Yoongi had seemed lonely. He probably was lonely. Hoseok didn't make much sense of the things Yoongi said about his mother. She didn't seem very nice. Actually, she seemed to be somewhat of a bitch. Like Hoseok's aunt. A crazy liar who thought they ruled the world and could dictate everyone in it.

Hoseok decided to be Yoongi's friend. It was selfish of him, to pretend that Yoongi was himself and that he was helping himself, since he was the one who wanted a friend.

Okay, so that sounded weird.

Hoseok didn't know if he and Yoongi were friends though. Sometimes they felt like strangers. Sometimes, when the conversations got a bit... too friendly, Hoseok thought it felt like they were going to hook up. He wondered what Yoongi was thinking. How he would label them. They couldn't be just strangers after they'd met up.

"Hey baby, howl you doing?"

Hoseok snapped his head up. He'd spaced off thinking. He felt his heart jump in his chest when he saw who'd walked up to him in the dog park.

Min Yoongi.

"Mister Lovegood!" Was what Hoseok said. Probably the weirdest thing he'd ever told someone he met up with for the first time. Yoongi didn't seem to mind. A small smile curled his lips. He didn't look like in the music videos. He didn't look like he'd done in the picture either. His hair was hidden under a blue beanie. A mouth mask was resting under his chin, and a long, black jacket reached him to his ankles. His skin was pale. It made his eyes stand out. He was shorter.

He was real.

Chapter Text

"That's the funniest nickname I've ever had?" Yoongi countered, shrugging. He held out a hand from his pocket. He was wearing black gloves. Hoseok felt a bit disoriented. Couldn't really grasp the fact that Yoongi was real. Was he a celebrity? It felt a bit like Hoseok was meeting a celebrity, after spending hours watching Agust D rap on his screen. "Hello, nice to meet you. Min Yoongi." Yoongi said politely.

"O-oh! Jung Hoseok!" Hoseok snapped back to reality and took Yoongi's hand and shook it, feeling the leather of Yoongi's glove crunch under his hand. His cheeks tinted pink as Yoongi gripped his hand. His grip was strong. Firmer than Hoseok had expected. It wasn't like he'd expected Yoongi to be a weak loser, but, well, his mind stopped working there. His mind was blank as he watched their hands, wondering why he wasn't wearing gloves himself since it was so cold out. He couldn't remember.

"Did you bring my gift?" Yoongi asked as they let go of each other after the hand shake. He whistled and Hoseok felt his cheeks blush harder, thinking that Yoongi was wolf whistling at him, thinking that Yoongi thought Hoseok looked good, before he noticed the little dog by Yoongi's feet. A brown poodle in the fanciest green jacket and ribbons Hoseok had seen. Holly. Hoseok felt super awkward for having thought Yoongi had whistles at him.

"Hi Holly!" Hoseok cheered, loosening Mickey's leash, letting Mickey approach the other dog. Mickey leaped forward, wagging his tail as he sniffed at Holly who growled at him. Mickey barked and Holly barked back.

Yoongi tugged at Holly's leash, trying to put a distance between the dogs. Holly kept barking, even baring the teeth. "Sorry, uhm. Holly doesn't really like other dogs."

"I think Mickey loves her!" Hoseok said, unable to focus on anything besides how happy Mickey looked. Mickey was like a baby to him, and right now Mickey's tail was wagging and he rolled to his back playfully.

Holly tried to hide behind Yoongi's legs, lowly growling. It didn't sound threatening. The dog just seemed annoyed. Mickey followed the poodle around, chasing it around Yoongi with Hoseok in tow. In a minute Yoongi's legs were tangled in Mickey's leash.

"Sorry," Hoseok laughed awkwardly, walking several laps around Yoongi, loosening the leash around his legs, releasing him.

"Kinky," Yoongi joked, eyes meeting Hoseok's. Hoseok snorted and started laughing, hoping that Yoongi couldn't see how flustered Hoseok got. Yoongi's eyes were sharp. Hoseok looked at the dogs instead.

"Speaking of kinky-" Hoseok played along, still not looking Yoongi in the eyes. He took a step away from Yoongi who raised his eyebrows at him, letting Mickey and Holly sniff (and growl) at each other between their feet. The old hag and the Spanish man had left, and the woman with the big dog was far away.

"Did you buy me the cock ring?" Yoongi asked bluntly, crossing his arms with a small smirk on his lips.

Hoseok felt his heart jump from the vile words, felt his cheeks grow hot, but he played along and playfully slapped Yoongi on the arm, hoping Yoongi wouldn't be mad about Hoseok touching him. "No?" He snorted, hoping Mickey hadn't heard the dirty words. It was freezing cold out but he started sweating. Yoongi had to stop being so suggestive all the time. Hoseok didn't know how to act. No one else had acted like this around him before. Was it flirty? Did Yoongi just want Hoseok to feel embarrassed? Did it mean anything or not? Because it was a weird way to break the ice.

"What is it then?" Yoongi wondered, eyes going for Hoseok's pockets.

Hoseok buried a hand in the pocket of his jacket. His pants were too tight to fit anything in the pockets. Why had he even put on super tight pants? He had no idea. Mom hadn't looked too happy when he'd left, after he'd basically sprinted home from school to shower. If she asks Hoseok was going to the grocery store. At four. Extra prize on apples.

"Here you go." Hoseok picked up the leash and collar from his pocket. Green and glittery. He'd originally bought it online for Mickey, but the collar had been too big and he was too kind to complain to the company. Also, when he found out about Yoongi's birthday he'd wanted to give it to him instead.

"Why, thank you." Yoongi took the things from Hoseok's frozen hands. "Do you want my gloves, by the way? Didn't you bring any?"

Yoongi started taking off his gloves. Hoseok watched him, unsure of what to say or do. It was strange. He was brilliant at making conversation in school. All teachers loved him and he was the best at taking command on group projects, making sure that everyone was on board, help with dance steps and so on. He wasn't shy. But right now he felt shy. Stiff even. Unsure. Yoongi handed him his gloves and Hoseok didn't take them. He stared at them as if gloves were foreign to him. Then he stared at Yoongi's hands. At his fingers. He had long fingers. Fingers knobby and palms wide. Big hands. Pale.

"You have big hands," Hoseok said. Why had he said that? He regretted it instantly.

"'You know what they say about big hands', Jin pulls that joke every other day or so," Yoongi said with a sigh over his friend. "Do you want them or not?" He gave the gloves in his hands a little shake. The material flopped in the air.

Hoseok let out an embarrassed laugh. Then he stopped. He sounded so awkward and flustered. Why had Yoongi said that thing about big hands? Was it true? Did Yoongi have a big dick? Why did Hoseok care? This was not any topic to discuss at a dog park with princess Holly and prince Mickey present.

"My hands aren't nine and three quarters though," Hoseok said. Maybe he could only say strange things today. He bit his lip and took Yoongi's gloves, putting them on to distract himself from how tense he felt. The gloves were a bit too long in the fingers for him. Just a bit. They were warm. Not sweaty inside, which was a relief, because Hoseok was pretty easily grossed out.

"But your dick is, or what?" Yoongi snorted. Hoseok looked up at him, wondering how he could look so calm when Hoseok felt like a miserable potato inside.

"Here." Hoseok pushed the leash and collar to Yoongi's chest, wanting to put a stop to the conversation once and for all. Yoongi took the leash and held up the collar in front of his face.

"This isn't my only birthday gift, right?" Yoongi asked, opening his jacket some to see if the collar fit around his neck. Hoseok gulped and looked away. He made eye contact with that young woman over there. She was frowning at them, probably thinking they were acting strange. Hoseok looked back at Yoongi again.

"No, I'll give you something else too, but you'll get it on the concert," Hoseok said. He wasn't sure why he'd said that. He just made it up. He hadn't bought anything. He definitely wasn't going to buy Yoongi sex toys. "You haven't gotten me anything for my birthday though..."

"There's something in my jacket for you," Yoongi said, and didn't that sound creepy? Hoseok tried to shake the thoughts away as Yoongi fastened the collar around his neck and stretched, handing the leash to Hoseok who absentmindedly took it, hoping that the woman staring at them wasn't going to call the police on them.

"That sounded super creepy," Hoseok commented out loud. It sounded like Yoongi meant something else. His broom. Dick. Whatever it was he had in there. Maybe a gun or something.

"I bought it on the way here, that's why I was late," Yoongi said. "It wasn't only because Jin wanted candy." He shrugged, acting casual, looking cool. Too cool. Hoseok probably didn't look half as cool.

"What is it?" Hoseok urged. He tugged at the leash and Yoongi took a step forward, taking him by surprise. Hoseok started smiling. On the ground Mickey and Holly looked confused over their weird humans.

"I'll show you later," Yoongi decided.

"What is it?" Hoseok repeated, tugging at Yoongi's leash with a creepy smile on his lips.

"I regret putting this on now," Yoongi stated, hands going for the collar to remove it.

Hoseok grabbed a stick from the ground and threw it. "Go on Yoongi, fetch it!" He teased, snickering at Yoongi who frowned at him, his cold fingers failing to open the collar. Hoseok's fingers were warm now.

Mickey started whining. He glanced up at Hoseok with his adorable puppy eyes, wanting to fetch the stick himself. Holly jumped on Yoongi's legs, looking like she wanted to get carried. Maybe this playdate hadn't been that fun for them. Hoseok got candy from his pocket and fed Mickey, hoping he would be silent for a few more minutes while Hoseok acted stiff with Yoongi.

"Jin will never let me live this down if he sees me in this," Yoongi muttered as he managed to open the collar and took it off. Hoseok almost pouted. Yoongi looked so good in green.

"Why?" Hoseok asked. Yoongi put the leash and collar in his pocket and picked up Holly from the ground. Hoseok noticed Yoongi's sturdy boots. Then he looked at Yoongi who patted the dog in his arms. She gave Hoseok the stink eye. Hoseok gaped.

"He doesn't know where to draw the line most of the time," Yoongi explained as a crease appeared on his forehead. "He can go too far, you know. So he would probably call me a dog for a month if he saw me in that."

"I understand," Hoseok said, not sure if he did.

It went silent. They were standing in the middle of the dog park and it was cold and windy. Yoongi's gloves were warm around Hoseok's hands. Yoongi seemed to be freezing though. His fingers went pink.

"Do you wanna sit down?" Hoseok asked to break the silence. Yoongi looked a bit tense, like he was thinking of things to say but couldn't find any. Hoseok couldn't really think. He wasn't sure what he was feeling. He wasn't bored. He was a bit excited. Mostly he was on edge. He didn't want to do anything wrong. Yoongi was new to him. He knew practically nothing about him.

Yoongi shrugged with one shoulder and Hoseok led them to the bench to their right. It was located close to a trash can so it smelled kind of bad. Hoseok smiled awkwardly before he led them to another bench, close to the trees. No trash can in sight. Far away from the woman and big dog.

Hoseok brushed away the faint layer of snow from the bench and sat down. Yoongi sat down next to him, keeping a distance. Hoseok glanced at him, not sure what to say. He picked up Mickey, jerked back when Holly growled at him.

"Yeah..." Yoongi voiced, glancing back at Hoseok who tried to look casual and not like he'd been staring at Yoongi's ear. His beanie had ridden up some. It looked like Yoongi had ear piercings, several, one silvery earring dangling to his shoulder.

The silence went strained. Awkward. Hoseok heard cars in the distance and an airplane in the sky. It was cloudy. No sun. No moon. Only the raw cold and the awkward silence between them.

Hoseok had to say something. Fast. Ask Yoongi about his favorite food or anything.

"He, he," A dry laugh made its way from his throat. His eyes widened and Yoongi looked confused as he met his gaze. "The concert!" Hoseok blurted, just remembering about it. "Are you excited for the concert, eh?"

"Yeah, you?" Yoongi asked. The clever sod bounced the question back at Hoseok that fast. Hoseok should take notes from him.

"Really excited," Hoseok said with a nod. And then the conversation died. He swallowed, rolling his thumbs and kissing Mickey on the top of his head to seem less tense. "Where's Jin?" He asked when he'd thought Yoongi had fallen asleep next to him since he was so silent. The presence wasn't bad though. Hoseok liked his presence, but being close to Yoongi felt so different from being close to Jimin, Taehyung, Jungkook or anyone at dance school. Yoongi was intimidating. He didn't just fade into the background.

"Probably spying on us somewhere," Yoongi pondered. Hoseok felt surprised and started looking around, wondering where Jin was. Yoongi seemed calm. Like normal. Or maybe he wasn't calm. He'd said he was a storm before. Whatever that meant.

"So... what do you want to talk about?" Hoseok asked, regretting asking since it was even more awkward.

Yoongi gave Holly a pat before he glanced at Hoseok, looking amused, as if he liked it when Hoseok was acting awkward. "I didn't think we had to talk?"

"What else?" Hoseok wondered, hugging Mickey closer to hide his face.

"Why don't you decide, baby?" Yoongi whispered the last in a low voice, winking at Hoseok who almost feel off the bench since his heart jumped so much.

"W-what!?" Hoseok sputtered, forgetting about Mickey in his lap until he clawed at his legs, almost falling off. Hoseok pulled the dog back in his arms and hugged him, staring at cocky Yoongi with big eyes.

"What? You don't like it when I call you that?" Yoongi asked innocently.

Hoseok shook his head, forcing himself to look away. He focused his gaze on the boy in the distance, watched how he released his little dog in the park.

"Hey," Yoongi kicked Hoseok's heel with his boot. "Baby."

"Who's that? I'm Hoseok," Hoseok mumbled, embarrassing himself with how silly he sounded. Yoongi nudged his foot again. "Stop kicking my shoes, they're new," Hoseok told him. He'd got them as a birthday present.

Yoongi stopped kicking Hoseok's heel. He went silent. Holly occasionally growled at Mickey, in between licking Yoongi's hand since she was an asslicker and a princess. Hoseok held Mickey away, wondering what Mickey saw in that bitch.

Yoongi rubbed his hands together, blew air on them. Hoseok felt guilty for having taken Yoongi's gloves. He scooted a bit closer, made Yoongi look at him.

"Do you want your gloves back? Thanks for lending them out." He started taking them off.

"No, it's okay," Yoongi reassured. He must be lying. He started rubbing his hands again.

"Here." Hoseok took Yoongi's hands and held them in his own, lowering them to his lap after Mickey jumped down to sniff the ground. He let out another embarrassed laugh, feeling giggly and strange. They were holding hands. Now Yoongi went silent too. He didn't push Hoseok away. Hoseok glanced at Yoongi's face. He didn't look like Hoseok's friends. No big eyes. No toothy smiles. No baby fat in his cheeks. He had a unique face. Voice too. It was deeper than Hoseok had expected. A bit rough. Hoseok wanted to listen to it more. He wanted to look at Yoongi's face too. He had cute features.

"Is there something on my face?"

Hoseok blinked rapidly. He'd spaced off again. Spaced off staring at Yoongi's cute face. Not good. Yoongi must think he was being creepy.

"No, uhm." Hoseok raised a hand to scratch his chin, not realizing that he was still holding Yoongi's hands. He ended up rubbing his chin against Yoongi's hand. Yoongi stared at him. When Hoseok realized what he was doing he squeaked.

Yoongi took his hands back for himself. Hoseok felt like a loser. Yoongi didn't look angry though. He opened his jacket and picked something out from an inner pocket before he closed it again. It looked like a CD. Several CDs. And something that looked like a package of bubblegum.

"What's that?" Hoseok asked, instantly feeling happier. "For me?"

"Yup. Happy late birthday," Yoongi said casually, holding the things out for Hoseok. Hoseok took them, put the box of strawberry bubblegum on his lap, wondering what albums Yoongi had gotten him when he saw that the first CD was signed by AGUSTD.

"What's this!" Hoseok gasped, opening the CD case.

"Just my songs on a CD I made yesterday," Yoongi said. He looked a bit shy when Hoseok started kissing the CD. Maybe he shouldn't have done that. He stopped doing so. He just got so happy. Yoongi had made him an unique CD himself. He hadn't forgotten about Hoseok's birthday like Jimin or gotten him something he didn't want.

"Thank you!" Hoseok grinned. "I'll play this all the time."

"Okay." Yoongi looked like he fought a smile. His lips trembled and he put a hand over his mouth to hide it. "Check the other one."

"Alright." Hoseok checked the other CD, feeling a bit confused when he saw that nothing was written on the green cover. He opened it, wondering what it was when he saw that Shrektastic songs was written on it. "What's this?" He asked, feeling happy from just reading the word Shrek.

"You told me you like Shrek, right? This is a CD with the Shrek soundtrack," Yoongi explained.

"But isn't that illegal?" Hoseok asked, turning the CD over in his hands. He felt like laughing. This was funny.

"Illegal? Why would it be that?" Yoongi made a funny face. "If it is, then don't tell anyone I made that CD. Oh, and there's a bonus song at the end."

"A bonus song?" Hoseok asked. Yoongi looked sneaky and a bit shy.

"You'll have to check it out yourself, I guess," Yoongi pondered. "Right, Holly?" He patted Holly with care. "She doesn't like Shrek, by the way. She thinks he's scary and starts barking at the TV."

"I don't think Mickey and Holly have very much in common," Hoseok contemplated, giving Holly a pout. How could you not like Shrek? Unbelievable.

"Like you and me then?" Yoongi said. "Do we have anything in common?"

"Don't tell me you've lied about liking Shrek..." Hoseok scooted further away on the bench, holding in laughter when Yoongi chased after him.

"You lied about liking Drake? Is it true?" Yoongi played along.

"You told me you liked dogs!" Hoseok staged a gasp, his butt threatening to slid off the bench when he reached the end of it.

"You're going to fall off," Yoongi stated as he followed Hoseok the last bit. Holly jumped off his lap, appearing offended and jealous of Hoseok.

"Nope!" Hoseok laughed as he stood up, holding the gifts in his hands, and sat down on Yoongi's lap. "Not if I'm sitting on you!"

Yoongi wrapped his arms around Hoseok's waist, making him feel giggly again. "Oh, watch out, you're falling!" Yoongi exclaimed before he leaned to the side, making Hoseok scream as he threatened to fall off his lap. He grabbed Yoongi's arms in an iron grip and shouted until the boy and little dog stared at them and a tall man peeked his head up from the other side of the fence by the trees.

"I-is that J-Jin?" Hoseok asked in-between squeals of fear as Yoongi leaned him here and there on his lap.

"Probably? Can't see anything when you're sitting on me," Yoongi said. He didn't push Hoseok away. Instead he started bouncing his legs, making Hoseok bounce on his lap. Hoseok was torn between wanting to complain and laugh.  

"Let me go!" Hoseok said after a minute of bouncing on Yoongi's legs. Bouncing on Yoongi's lap stopped being fun when Hoseok straddled his thighs. Yoongi's grip around him and it wasn't fun either. Or it was fun. A bit too fun. Hoseok had picked tight pants today and he didn't want things to get even more awkward.

"That's not how you ask nicely?" Yoongi teased him. He finally stilled. Hoseok glanced back at him, wondering if Yoongi was always like this or if he just liked playing around with Hoseok.

"I feel a bit humiliated," Hoseok mumbled in a low voice, actually feeling like smiling.

"Why is that, baby?" Yoongi asked innocently, making it worse. Hoseok faced Yoongi's lap with a red face, feeling stupid. He wished there would have been trees. Bushes. Anything to hide his red face from the world, and from Yoongi.

"Please let me go," He piped, swallowing.

"Good boy." Yoongi let his arms drop. He put his hands on Hoseok's back, helping him stand on wobbly legs. Hoseok crouched down to pat Mickey on the ground, his back to Yoongi. He took a second to pull himself together, put the gifts in the pocket of his jacket, before he sat back down next to Yoongi on the bench, keeping a safe distance. The silence wasn't awkward anymore. It was tense. Hoseok didn't like it at all. It felt like Yoongi was going to say something snarky or tease him any second now. Hoseok anticipated it, prepared to act a fool, and then Yoongi was silent.

"So Hoseok," Yoongi said a million years later. A couple had walked into the park and Jin was sitting on a bench himself, looking at them with binoculars, or sunglasses, Hoseok wasn't sure what.

"Yes?" Hoseok replied, first thinking about calling him mister Lovegood but deciding against it when it made him feel embarrassed again.

"If I remember it correctly you said something about a hug before...?" Yoongi said.

Hoseok faked ignorance. He did not want to hug Yoongi. Not when he felt so weird. Not when Jin was watching. "Oh, ehm, what? No I- I don't remember that..." He trailed off, smiling at Mickey to pretend that he was focused on him.

"But you said that you wanted to hug me right here," Yoongi surprised Hoseok by showing him his phone. Showing him their conversation. Where Hoseok had said that. Hoseok blamed his one hour younger self. Why had he said that? Had he thought that Yoongi would be like his other friends? Yoongi wasn't the type you just hugged like that. Yoongi was smart. Not easy. And now Hoseok didn't know what he was thinking anymore.

"I can't believe you actually named me kinky motherfucker," Hoseok said, seeing his contact name, the sight of it making his heart jolt.  

"What? It's true?" Yoongi put his phone back in his pocket with a half smile. "Isn't it, hyung?"

Hoseok felt his cheeks heat up. He turned his back to Yoongi, a hundred percent done with him and his antics. Damn Hoseok and his many kinks. He didn't know who to blame.

"If you keep mocking me like that you won't get a hug," Hoseok said, crossing his arms, probably acting like a baby. Which was funny since that's what Yoongi called him.

"I'll be silent then," Yoongi decided. He went silent. Hoseok glanced at him over his shoulder, regretting it when they made eye contact and Yoongi winked at him.

"Stop doing that!" Hoseok sputtered, slapping Yoongi on his knee.

"Ow!" Yoongi rubbed his knee, making a pained face. "Doing what? I'm just sitting here." He faked ignorance. Under the pain there was a satisfied smirk on his lips. That bastard. He probably liked making Hoseok flustered.

Chapter Text

"Sorry that I hit you," Hoseok apologized. He was too kind. He patted Yoongi's knee, taking his hand back for himself quickly when Yoongi's hand brushed against his own. He started bouncing his leg to have something to do. Mickey gave him an encouraging look. Hoseok shook his head. Hoseok should keep his hands to himself and act non-awkward. Mickey might want him to touch Yoongi's knee again but Hoseok would not.

"Am I seeing things or are you sharing looks with your dog?" Yoongi asked, leaning forward to give Mickey a pat. Mickey started licking his hands, loving him instantly. Hufflepuff's were annoying. Why did they love Slytherins? Not that Hoseok loved Yoongi. Just, Mickey loved both Holly and Yoongi.

Yoongi kept looking at him. Hoseok wondered why, feared that he'd got something on his face, when he remembered about the question Yoongi had asked him. He hadn't replied.

"Oh! Uhm, what?" Hoseok scratched the back of his head. "I'm- I'm not?" He forced out a dry laugh. He leaned down to pat Holly, regretting it when she gritted her teeth at him. Hoseok took his hand back for himself and silently thanked god that he still had all of his fingers left.

Yoongi checked his watch. He made a sound of distress before he made shooing motions for Jin sitting on the other bench. Hoseok darted his gaze from Yoongi to Jin, feeling like the third wheel for a moment before Jin made a scene and walked back the way he'd come, motioning '5 minutes' with his hand.

"Jin wants to say hi," Yoongi explained, glancing at Hoseok. "I told him to go to hell."

Hoseok sputtered. "What? How could you tell him that with your hands?"

"I just do this," Yoongi showed Hoseok his hand and started making the fuck-you sign. Hoseok hurriedly put Yoongi's hand down, making sure Mickey hadn't seen him.

"Yoongi! Don't do that here?" Hoseok hissed. "Or anywhere. That's super mean!"

"But I'm super mean?" Yoongi countered, rising his eyebrows. He looked happy. As if he liked acting like a bastard just to see how Hoseok would react.

"No, you're not," Hoseok huffed, letting Yoongi's hands go.

"If you say so," Yoongi trailed off. They looked each other in the eyes until Hoseok started sweating, thinking that this was a staring competition he would lose. Yoongi didn't blink. Hoseok could see his eyes under the beanie. Hoseok was wearing a green bucket hat himself. His ears were cold.

"Are we still going to text each other after this?" Hoseok asked after a hundred years of staring. He broke eye contact and faced his lap, feeling a bit nervous. He didn't want to lose contact with Yoongi. He wasn't sure what he wanted. The thought of meeting him again made him nervous. Meeting outside was one thing. Many things to look at and on neutral grounds. Hoseok had no idea where they would meet the next time.

"I think so. We're still going to the concert, right? Only if you want to, though," Yoongi said, reminding Hoseok about it. How could he have forgotten about that? It felt like he'd forgotten about everything for a moment.

"I want to." Hoseok nodded excitedly, smiling at Yoongi who watched him. Did he have to be so mysterious? His eyes were calculating and his smile made Hoseok think that he was hiding something. Secrets probably. All information about himself. Hoseok wanted to lurk it out of him. The question was how.

"Seoul train station at 6?" Yoongi checked.

"You've got a good memory," Hoseok complimented him. Yoongi rolled his eyes. He probably liked compliments and praise. Hoseok would give him more.

"I can't feel my ass," Yoongi complained, standing up before he sat back down again, frowning at his bum.

"Me neither. Or my legs," Hoseok joined in, slapping them to get his point across. When Yoongi's eyes flicked to his legs he changed his mind. He stopped slapping himself and hurriedly thought of things to say. He didn't find anything. When had it been five minutes? Would Jin take Yoongi away from him? Hoseok didn't want to say goodbye. Not yet. Not when the awkward introduction was over and they had broken the ice.

"If you still want that hug maybe I could consider giving it to you," Hoseok said when he'd spent a minute searching his mind for things to say. He wondered why he'd told Yoongi that. He got nervous. Yoongi's eyes lit up for a second. Maybe they should've gone to the cinema or something. It was hard to fill the silence out here.

"I can't say no to an offer like that," Yoongi said, sounding confident but looking hesitant. His body language said leave-me-alone. It felt like it always did. Maybe that was why Jin had let him meet Hoseok alone.

Hoseok opened his arms, feeling hesitant himself. He didn't really hug strangers. Had only done once after a dance performance at school when a woman who looked like his mom has mistaken him for her son. It had been weird. Why was Hoseok thinking about that now?

Yoongi didn't move. Hoseok felt awkward with his open arms and tense smile. He felt like he should say something. Laugh. Make a joke. Anything. Then Yoongi finally moved. He scooted closer and loosely wrapped his arms under Hoseok's armpits. Hoseok wrapped his arms around him, overwhelmed by softness. Yoongi looked so tough but he was so soft. Hoseok got his blue beanie in his face, and he heard the crunch as the materials of their jackets brushed together.

"Are you a hugger?" Hoseok asked, thinking that Yoongi must be. The hug was super good. Hoseok felt his cheeks heat up again. Yoongi was adorable with his arms around him. He didn't struggle against him like Jungkook or hug too tightly like Jimin. Maybe Hoseok shouldn't compare Yoongi to his friends all the time.

"Nope," Yoongi mumbled against Hoseok's shoulder. It was strange. Hoseok didn't want to let go. Yoongi was cozy. He made the weather not feel as cold anymore. Yoongi leaned on Hoseok's shoulder. Hoseok didn't dare move. He was awfully aware of every body part. His right arm hugged Yoongi a bit tighter than his left. He breathed a bit too fast. The bench was hard under his butt. The wind blew him in the face. Yoongi sighed. Why was he sighing? Was he bored? Was he feeling hot?

Wait. Feeling hot? Hoseok wasn't feeling hot. No. Totally not.

Hoseok gulped. How long had they been hugging? Too long. Why didn't Yoongi let go? Had he fallen asleep? Would he mind if Hoseok leaned his head on his shoulder? So many questions. Suddenly Hoseok felt helpless. He licked his dry lips before he slowly leaned his chin on Yoongi's shoulder. He held his breath. He did it. Now it was silent. Was it supposed to be silent when you were hugging a stranger? They weren't strangers though. Hoseok should stop thinking that. But what were they then? Friends? Strangers-that-hugged? Hoseok had no idea.

He closed his eyes, thinking that he could hug Yoongi some more since it was so warm and cozy, when he heard a funny sounding giggle. He got instantly embarrassed. Was Yoongi giggling? He hadn't thought that about him.

"Uhm," Yoongi voiced. "What was that just now?"

Hoseok felt confused. Then he felt heat rush to his cheeks. The giggle. It had been him who'd made it. Not Yoongi. Oh lord.

Hoseok detangled himself from Yoongi and leaned back with an awkward laugh. "Just- just thought about something," He made up, not sure what else to say. Maybe it was time to go now. Before he embarrassed himself further. Mickey was already jumping on his leg. They have to have been here for half an hour at least. Probably more. His legs were numb. He felt sorry for Jin who'd had to spend his afternoon hiding behind the trees.

"What did you think about?" Yoongi asked curiously. "A joke?"

"S-sure?" Hoseok patted Mickey. He didn't want to look Yoongi in the eyes. He couldn't. Yoongi must think he was acting odd. Not so strange considering he was.

"Is it something about me?" Yoongi wondered then. He didn't sound as curious anymore. He sounded hesitant. Hoseok glanced at him over his shoulder, wordlessly shaking his head. He didn't get the time to say much more. Mickey started running, pulling Hoseok along with the leash still in his hand. Holly followed, barking at them until she dragged a muttering Yoongi after her, making him slip on a patch of ice.

"Mickey, what is it?" Hoseok asked, wondering what was going on until he spotted the group of dogs playing on the other side of the park. Big dogs, three of them. They looked like they could eat Mickey for breakfast. "Mickey stop!" Hoseok said, forcing him to stop. He grabbed Holly's leash too, not wanting Yoongi to lose his dog now that their dogs were going to be best friends.

"Thanks," Yoongi said as he caught up to Hoseok. He picked up Holly who looked like she wanted to go home now. Mickey looked the same. Mostly he looked like he wanted to play with those other dogs but they'd have none of that.

They stood in silence for a moment. Just as it went so awkward that Hoseok would pull a joke about dogs Yoongi waved at someone over Hoseok's shoulder. Turning around Hoseok saw that it was Jin. It had been five minutes. Hoseok didn't feel ready to say goodbye yet. He wasn't done.

"Well," Yoongi said, looking back at Hoseok with an overly polite smile on his face. "Nice meeting you, kinky motherfucker."

Hoseok slapped his arm with a gasp. "Don't call me that…" He muttered.

"Sorry, my bad," Yoongi excused himself, sarcastic, sneaky smile on his lips. "Meant to say baby."

Hoseok grunted, frowning and pouting. Yoongi raised an eyebrow, acting cool. "Bye."

"You're not going to call me anything?" Yoongi wondered.

"No, you're just mister Lovegood," Hoseok said. He wasn't going to bring up the previous name 'agustkissme'.

"Will do," Yoongi said. When he stopped talking it went silent again. Even Holly looked awkward. Hoseok wanted to say more. Ask more. He didn't dare to. They didn't have time to. Some other time.

"Talk to you later?" Hoseok asked, feeling like he took a risk. He anxiously watched as Yoongi thought about it, wondering why he was anxious in the first place.

"You want to?" Yoongi checked.

"Yes? Don't you?" Hoseok felt like he was seven again and was asking his friend if he could sleep over. This felt more serious though. He wanted Yoongi to want to spend time with him.

"Yeah I do, I just- I've heard that I'm sort of boring. Or scary?" Yoongi made an uncomfortable face.

"I think you're nice." Hoseok shrugged, acting casual as his heart jumped in his chest. Whatever he said it felt like he said too much. He wondered what Yoongi was thinking.

"Cool." Yoongi gave Hoseok a wink. "Think you're nice too."

If Hoseok had been alone he would have screamed. He did scream. On the inside. On the outside he merely checked his nails, acting casual, or as casual you could be checking your nails while wearing gloves.

"Cool. Talk to you later then," Hoseok said. He started walking away, secretly wanting another hug but feeling too shy to ask for one. He glanced at Yoongi over his shoulder, smiling when he found him staring after him, looking like he had more to say. He wanted Yoongi to miss him. Wanted him to be curious. "Bye!"

"Bye," Yoongi said, eyes lingering on Hoseok, before he gave Holly a soft kiss over the ribbon on one of the fluffy ears that made Hoseok's heart melt a bit. Then Yoongi walked the opposite direction, going for the trees where Jin was hiding.

Hoseok missed Yoongi instantly. Mickey struggled against Hoseok, wanting to run back to Yoongi and Holly. Hufflepuffs were silly. Slytherins were too mysterious. Maybe it wasn't that. Right now it felt like it was though. He blamed Jungkook who'd wanted to watch Harry Potter last month. Taehyung had only stopped casting spells left and right yesterday.

Hoseok glanced over his shoulder with a pout. Not even thinking about Taehyung and his pretend-broom made him feel better. Yoongi was meeting up with broad-shoulders Jin by the bench. Hoseok was alone. Almost. He picked Mickey up from the ground and kept to the fence as one of the scary dogs passed them.

On the other side of the fence Hoseok stopped to glance at Yoongi again. He felt his heart sink when he found him gone. Already. Hoseok hadn't appreciated his company enough when they'd been together. Now he missed him.

He felt his phone buzz in his pocket and stopped sulking. He picked it up, starting smiling when he saw that he'd got a message from Yoongi. Yoongi still wanted to talk. Hoseok couldn't stop smiling. Yoongi was just so special.


[Private Chat: Hoseok & Yoongi]

Yoongi: Hello

Hoseok: hello!!!

Hoseok: that was fun! or was it only me??

Hoseok: i lovedf

Hoseok: i mean

Hoseok: mickey loved it!!

Hoseok: hello

Hoseok: we're still gonna talk to each other right??

Yoongi: Sorry, I just stepped in dog shit

Hoseok: WHAT

Yoongi: Asked Jin to get a stick to wipe it off but he took Holly and ran away

Yoongi: He's actually 5

Hoseok: how mean!1

Hoseok: want me to come and help u??

Yoongi: No, it's fine haha

Hoseok: ok

Hoseok: but i could come and give u moral support of u wanna, hold ur hand, hug u, whatever

Yoongi: Okay

Yoongi: Hold my hand?

Hoseok: why are u focusing on that haha

Yoongi: You still have my gloves

Yoongi: or did I drop them?

Hoseok: oh shit!

Hoseok: i do?!

Hoseok: i just took them off to reply to u

Hoseok: want to meet up so i can give them back??

Yoongi: Is it only me or do you want to meet me again?

Hoseok: khh, whaat? only you

Yoongi: Okay

Yoongi: You could give them back before the concert

Hoseok: but that's in a hundred years :(

Yoongi: Isn't it one and a half week?

Hoseok: as i said, a hundred years! :(

Yoongi: So you want to meet me soon?

Hoseok: am i being clingy

Yoongi: I don't know

Yoongi: I don't think so?

Yoongi: What's clingy is the shit on my boot

Hoseok: prob from one of those scary dogs

Hoseok: not from mickey, i ALWAYS pick up!

Yoongi: Good boy

Hoseok: enough

Yoongi: Enough?

Yoongi: Don't like it when I say that, baby?

Hoseok: i changed my mind

Hoseok: i don't wanna meet up soon!!

Hoseok: ur a tease!

Yoongi: You're just too kinky

Hoseok: says the one who wishes for s3x toys for his bday

Yoongi: To be fair I'm a big boy, so I can wish for things like that

Hoseok: do u usually wish for stuff like that, or

Yoongi: Every year

Hoseok: what??

Yoongi: Ok no I don't lol, who does that?

Hoseok: you??

Yoongi: I want a piano from Jin and earphones from Namjoon

Hoseok: that was specific, no surprise when you know what and from who u want stuff from

Yoongi: I like to have things under control

Hoseok: are u wishing for something from ur fam

Yoongi: No

Yoongi: Left mom when she was furious and dad and my brother have probably forgotten

Hoseok: didn't they celebrate u last year?

Yoongi: No

Hoseok: :(

Hoseok: suddenly it feels like ur bdays have been worse than mine

Hoseok: i mean, mom made me cake and i had my annoying neighbors as company

Yoongi: Annoying neighbors? Sounds worse to me

Hoseok: are u gonna do something for this bday?

Yoongi: Like what? Have a party?

Hoseok: yeah?

Yoongi: Haven't planned anything

Yoongi: I'm suspicious of Jin though

Yoongi: He drops hints and asks me if I want to do things pretty often

Hoseok: such as

Yoongi: 'Do you like amusement parks, have you seen this movie, what do you think about this restaurant'

Hoseok: jin seems like a good friend

Yoongi: He is, just too pushy sometimes, not really good at reading me or my facial expressions

Hoseok: i wish i had a friend like jin

Hoseok: also, what is the right way to read you or your facial expressions?

Yoongi: You should probably ask Namjoon

Hoseok: will do

Hoseok: pls send me his number

Yoongi: Are you serious?

Hoseok: yes??

Yoongi: [sends Kim Namjoon's phone number]

Yoongi: So

Hoseok: ok so i didn't actually think u were gonna send it??

Yoongi: He's not the best at replying though

Yoongi: He prefers 'living life outside of the screen'

Yoongi: Aka reading books, kissing Jin, studying

Hoseok: that middle thing wasn't like the rest

Yoongi: I know

Yoongi: But you want a friend like Jin? I'm not sure if I want to send you his number

Hoseok: why not?

Yoongi: He's very good at spilling secrets, and he bends the truth so it will be to his benefit

Hoseok: what do u mean??

Yoongi: Well, he can tell me that he doesn't like something, he asks me if I agree, I shrug, and then before I know it he's telling people that I don't like that thing

Yoongi: So he's very dramatic

Hoseok: sounds a bit like jiminie

Hoseok: except for the great friend part

Hoseok: i love jimine but i don't think he loves me anymore :(

Yoongi: Want me to talk to him?

Hoseok: gfdkjg no!!

Hoseok: no mama

Yoongi: Mama?

Hoseok: he'd send u a d1ck pic and then u wouldn't want to chat with me anymore

Yoongi: Why wouldn't I?

Hoseok: bc i won't send d1ck pics

Yoongi: Why not?

Hoseok: why would i?? mom didn't raise an idiot!

Yoongi: So only idiots send d1ck pics?

Hoseok: idiots + jimin and i don't want to know if tae or kookie has done it

Hoseok: and jimin is so cute and funny, if i gave u his number u wouldn't chat with me anymore, don't fite me

Yoongi: Wanna bet?

Yoongi: Send me his number and we'll see

Hoseok: no??

Hoseok: but i want jin's number

Yoongi: So you can ask him about my secrets?

Hoseok: what secrets do u have??

Yoongi: Nothing

Hoseok: have u killed anyone

Yoongi: Me? No.

Hoseok: not convincing...

Hoseok: wait, jimin's writing something

Yoongi: Are you going to leave me here with dog shit on my shoe?

Hoseok: gimme a minute?? ok

Hoseok: and sorry that u stepped in poop


[New Group Chat: S.O.S - HOBI'S MISSING!!!]

[Created by: Park Jimin]

[Jung Hoseok was added to the Group Chat]

[Kim Taehyung was added to the Group Chat]

[Jeon Jungkook was added to the Group Chat]

Jimin: hello?? where is hobi??

Jimin: i was gonna surprise him with a visit but mrs jung told me he wasn't home!

Jimin: has anyone seen him??

Jungkook: have you tried calling him lol

Jimin: oh

Taehyung: darling can't you hear me, s.o.s~<3

Taehyung: ABBA!

Jimin: hashtag, what the fuck

Jimin: how can u be so calm??

Taehyung: kookie just gave me a massage!

Taehyung: maybe u should get one too, u seem a bit stiff, no offence

Jimin: offence taken

Hoseok: hello?

Jimin: HOBI!

Jimin: where are you??

Jungkook: told you to call him lol

Jungkook: he was probably buying stuffed animals

Hoseok: no i was out with mickey

Jungkook: close enough?

Jimin: were u out with mickey for an hour??

Hoseok: yup! did u want something?

Taehyung: don't u wanna chat with us?

Hoseok: i'm busy rn, maybe later

Jimin: this smells fishy...

Jimin: or wait, it's just me! i'm so hot :*

Jungkook: dafuq?

Taehyung: fishy means sexy or cute, feminine

Jimin: it means sexy bad boy, not feminine??

Taehyung: haven't you watched rupauls drag race?

Hoseok: can i leave again, or...??

Jimin: no!

Jimin: it feels like ur hiding something!

Hoseok: what haha

Hoseok: i'm not hiding anything

Taehyung: that doesn't sound convincing, hyung :/

Jimin: where were you??

Taehyung: can we come over later?

Hoseok: nO!

Jungkook: normal, lol

Jimin: why are u saying no??

Jimin: are u meeting someone else??

Jimin: didn't think u liked peter anymore!?

Hoseok: i don't like peter, he's annoying

Hoseok: i'm just busy

Taehyung: with?

Hoseok: gonna spend time with my fam!

Jimin: mrs jung loves me, she won't mind if i'm there

Jimin: see u at 8

Hoseok: but we hung out yesterday

Taehyung: i thought u liked hanging out with us?

Hoseok: i do just, not tonight

Jimin: okay mama, spill

Jimin: what's on ur heart!

Hoseok: i have nothing to spill haha

Hoseok: talk to u later! don't worry about me, i'm here with mickey!

Taehyung: where were you?

Hoseok: the dog park

Hoseok: bye


[Private Chat: Hoseok & Yoongi]

Hoseok: so i'm back

Hoseok: i just remembered that we didn't take a picture!

Yoongi: You wanted one?

Hoseok: yes??

Hoseok: to remember

Yoongi: What about the CD's

Hoseok: oh!! i'm gonna listen to them now! and eat bubblegum!

Hoseok: i just got home

Yoongi: I'm almost home too

Yoongi: Jin helped me scrape off the last shit from my shoe while you were gone

Yoongi: Did Jimin want anything btw?

Hoseok: oh he's just suspicious, wonders where i was

Hoseok: and now he's coming over later so i can't chat with u

Yoongi: Had you planned to chat with me tonight?

Hoseok: ehh maybe

Hoseok: not if u think i'm clingy

Yoongi: I don't

Hoseok: why

Yoongi: I just don't

Hoseok: ok

Hoseok: so i'm putting on the CD now

Hoseok: feel free to send me jin's number

Yoongi: [sends Kim Seokjin's number]

Hoseok: that was fast

Yoongi: Jimin's?

Hoseok: i'll regret this

Hoseok: [sends Park Jimin's number]

Yoongi: Think I'm going to ask him for a dick pic?

Hoseok: i've lost friends to him before

Hoseok: and crushes

Yoongi: Really? Did he steal your crushes?

Hoseok: it's not easy to have such a sexy friend like jimin

Yoongi: He must be sexy if he's even seducing teachers, which is questionable

Hoseok: jimin doesn't like following rules, or norms

Hoseok: but do u wanna hear a joke

Yoongi: Bring it on

Hoseok: "save a broom, ride a quidditch player"

Hoseok: ;) *wink, wink*

Yoongi: That one was so bad it was good

Hoseok: did i make u smile...

Yoongi: Totally not

Hoseok: earlier today, when i said "accio hottie", i didn't think it would actually work

Yoongi: Ha-ha

Yoongi: Think Jin is hot?

Hoseok: no i meant you silly

Yoongi: so

Yoongi: you think I'm hot?

Hoseok: ehh

Hoseok: who said that,,??

Yoongi: you just did

Hoseok: ok

Yoongi: are you going to answer

Hoseok: answer what haha

Yoongi: the question

Hoseok: hey now, i'm an all-star *trudges into the swamp*

Yoongi: what?


[Private Chat: Hoseok & Seokjin]

Hoseok: hello??

Hoseok: anybody home??

Chapter Text

[Private Chat: Hoseok & Seokjin]

Seokjin: who's this?

Hoseok: hello! this is jung hoseok!

Hoseok: the one yoongi met up with today!

Hoseok: i was wondering if you could answer some questions for me

Hoseok:  ok tnx, here i go!!

Hoseok: 1. what does it mean when yoongi winks at you

Hoseok: 2. what does it mean when yoongi gives you things

Hoseok: 3. is yoongi flirty by nature or is there something there

Hoseok: 4. how do you know if yoongi likes you

Hoseok: 5. does yoongi really use s3x toys or is he playing cool

Seokjin: not so fast there!

Seokjin: hello there 'Hoseok'

Seokjin: who are you and what have you done to my Yoongi!?

Hoseok: what do u mean ur yoongi?? he's urs??

Seokjin: he's practically my baby!

Hoseok: but he said i'm his baby

Seokjin: Jesus! just what did I miss??

Hoseok: could u answer the questions, please

Seokjin: who are you?

Seokjin: what did you do to make Yoongi drop everything and meet you? (and force me to wait by a tree that smelled like pee!)

Hoseok: i asked him if we could meet up, he said ok after a while

Seokjin: haha, funny joke!

Seokjin: now stop joking and tell me the real story, I'm waiting

Seokjin: did you bribe him? give him money? alcohol? drugs?

Hoseok: money?? alcohol?? drugs??

Seokjin: who knows what shady things go on in dog parks?? I have no idea!

Seokjin: so you didn't give him anything then?

Hoseok: i gave him an early bday present

Seokjin: why??

Hoseok: bc i wanted to make him smile

Seokjin: ouf that's so soft, get out of here!

Hoseok: what

Seokjin: who are you??

Hoseok: jung hoseok, sir, just turned 22 years old!

Hoseok: oh and thank you for rescuing yoongi from his mom and for letting him live with you! and congratulations on your relationship with the nerd, i mean, namjoon! i'm happy for you!

Seokjin: thank you!

Seokjin: ahh, Namjoon<3

Seokjin: but wait

Seokjin: how do you know all this?

Hoseok: yoongi told me

Seokjin: just like that??

Hoseok: i can't remember

Hoseok: could u pls answer my questions?<3

Seokjin: the last one is easy, yes he has sex toys!

Seokjin: don't ask how I know

Hoseok: okay

Seokjin: ohh come on, stop begging me for details! I'll tell you already!

Hoseok: what

Seokjin: I was helping him clean his room one time when I moved a book in his bookshelf and found some stuff??

Hoseok: stuff? what stuff??

Seokjin: maybe you should ask Yoongi… ;)

Seokjin: are you gay btw? some type of homo?

Hoseok: why are u asking, that was a very private thing to ask

Seokjin: can't you just answer?

Hoseok: i'm some type of homo, yes

Seokjin: single?

Hoseok: yes

Seokjin: into short, dark haired, mysterious men?

Hoseok: maybe…

Seokjin: what do you mean by that maybe? ;)

Seokjin: spell it out please!

Seokjin: Yoongi's reading over my shoulder

Hoseok: is he???!1

Seokjin: ok so he's not

Hoseok: i'm confused??

Seokjin: you don't want him to read? ;)

Seokjin: interesting…

Seokjin: why not? like him?

Hoseok: ofc i like him, i wouldn't meet up with him otherwise haha

Seokjin: drop those fake laugh things and tell things to me straight

Hoseok: i'm not straight, sorry

Seokjin: I feel like I should've seen that joke coming??

Hoseok: if i was yoongi i would make a joke about coming

Seokjin: ew?? why would you do that?

Hoseok: bc yoongi makes dirty jokes

Seokjin: he does?

Seokjin: last time I checked he only replied with one word replies and only texted back in case of an emergency!

Hoseok: what do u mean by that

Hoseok: does he like me

Seokjin: try adding a question mark to your questions dear, it's hard for me to reply fast otherwise!

Hoseok: 'it's hard for me'

Seokjin: how old are you?

Hoseok: told you, just turned 22

Seokjin: you and Yoongi fit each other -.-

Seokjin: you act ten years younger than you are!

Hoseok: was that a read

Seokjin: was it? I'm not sure!

Seokjin: but how come you're texting me? I had actually planned on finding out who Yoongi was texting with all the time myself, but here we are, you beat me to the chase!

Hoseok: i texted u bc yoongi told me that u knew a lot of secrets, that i want to know

Seokjin: so you're a curious one hm?

Seokjin: sorry, I won't slip anything!

Seokjin: secrets are things you should figure out yourself, from the person it's about, or leave them alone

Hoseok: ;_;

Seokjin: or okay, just between you and me I don't think Yoongi will notice if I tell anyone or not ;)

Hoseok: :D :D :D

Seokjin: what do you want to know?

Hoseok: could u answer the questions up there, please?

Seokjin: you'll have to send them again, I have no time to scroll up!

Hoseok: 1. what does it mean when yoongi winks at you

Seokjin: ptth what? how am I supposed to know! he's never done that haha!!

Hoseok: what

Seokjin: did he wink at you or something? he probably had something stuck in his eye!

Hoseok: oh okay

Hoseok: 2. what does it mean when yoongi gives you things?

Seokjin: like a kick on the knee? that he doesn't like you LMAO

Hoseok: oki

Hoseok: 3. is yoongi flirty by nature or is there something there?

Seokjin: Yoongi flirty by nature? you're making me laugh over here!!

Hoseok: i'm confused

Seokjin: why? Yoongi is the least flirty person I know, even Namjoon is flirtier! oh Joonie buys me flowers and chocolates<3

Hoseok: i didn't ask

Seokjin: what?

Hoseok: nothing!!

Hoseok: 4. how do u know if yoongi likes u

Seokjin: easy! he leaves you alone or bickers with you!

Hoseok: what

Hoseok: what if he hugs u then?

Seokjin: Yoongi? hugging? only happens once in a blue moon!

Hoseok: there was one last year

Seokjin: there was?

Hoseok: thanks for answering the questions, bye

Seokjin: wait! don't you want to hear what Joonie bought me today!!


[Private Chat: Hoseok & Yoongi]

Yoongi: hello

Yoongi: did you leave

Yoongi: Jin just told me he was chatting with you but I think he's making it up

Yoongi: he told me he's telling you all my secrets

Yoongi: and I texted Jimin but I regret it, he can't shut up

Hoseok: hello sorry for leaving so sudden!

Hoseok: i chatted with jin but he didn't really tell me anything

Hoseok: only that u prob don't like me ehe

Yoongi: What?

Hoseok: and that u had s3x toys...

Yoongi: What more did he tell you?

Hoseok: so u have s3x toys??

Yoongi: I'm almost 23, let me be a sinner

Hoseok: what's a sinner?

Yoongi: Depends on who you're asking, but I think it's when you're being dirty, have sex, masturbates etc, are homosexual

Hoseok: okjkjd but maybe u should try adding some * and 4 and 3 and stuff when u write?? u scared me with those words!

Yoongi: You can't write masturbate?

Hoseok: i write m4sturb4t3

Yoongi: Why?

Hoseok: who knows who finds my phone??

Yoongi: Sorry to break it to you, but I don't think those *, 4 and 3 will make much of a difference, you still get what word you mean

Hoseok: oh

Hoseok: but...!! u said ur a sinner

Hoseok: does that mean that ur a s4t4n1st

Yoongi: I'm not a satanist, and I'm joking, all people are sinners one way or another

Hoseok: jimin says he's an angel disguised as a human, don't think he's a sinner

Yoongi: Sorry? Jimin is the biggest sinner

Yoongi: After him is Jin

Yoongi: Don't ask

Hoseok: i don't think i wanna know??

Hoseok: what happens if ur a sinner then

Yoongi: You're going to hell? Depends on what you believe in

Hoseok: what do u believe in

Yoongi: I don't think people will go to hell, and people have 'sinned' since day one so who cares

Hoseok: what's 'day one'??

Yoongi: Since humans were monkeys or something

Hoseok: i'm afraid of monkeys! :((

Yoongi: I'm not surprised

Yoongi: Are you afraid of skeletons too?

Hoseok: yes??

Yoongi: Blood?

Hoseok: don't mention it!!

Yoongi: Okay

Yoongi: So did Jin say anything more

Hoseok: not really, he was kinda boring

Hoseok: ur much more fun to talk to!

Yoongi: Thanks

Hoseok: didn't u like talking with jimin?

Yoongi: He's annoying as fuck

Yoongi: [sends screen shot]


[Private Chat: Yoongi & Jimin]

Yoongi: Hello Jimin, I'm Yoongi

Jimin: who??

Jimin: who the f are u??

Yoongi: Hoseok's friend

Jimin: hoseok?? who's that?

Jimin: wait! u mean hobi?

Jimin: what friend??? he doesn't know anyone named yoongi?

Jimin: or waiTTTTT

Jimin: are u that creep?? the creepy creep he chatted with??

Jimin: are u HiM?!?

Jimin: HELLO!??!


[Private Chat Hoseok & Yoongi]

Yoongi: He seems emotional

Yoongi: Or no, unstable

Hoseok: he's just excited and protective of his friends

Hoseok: are u more of a thinker then

Yoongi: Yup

Yoongi: Over emotional people drain me

Yoongi: And extraverts?

Hoseok: i'm an extravert

Yoongi: You know, I suspected that

Hoseok: did i drain u of energy?

Yoongi: A little bit, but not much

Hoseok: ok

Hoseok: so u still wanna meet up... again...

Yoongi: Yes

Yoongi: Want to get my bday presents

Hoseok: i need to buy them first

Yoongi: I like purple, don't like orange

Hoseok: why are u telling me that

Hoseok: and sunset orange is beautiful!

Yoongi: I'm not talking about the sunset

Hoseok: no i know i realized that now

Hoseok: hello it's been five minutes

Yoongi: I didn't know what to type

Hoseok: ok hehe

Hoseok: mom wants to talk to me btw

Yoongi: Oh okay

Yoongi: Scary

Hoseok: no i think it's about jimin being here earlier

Hoseok: but bye!!

Yoongi: Bye



[Group Chat: S.O.S - HOBI'S MISSING]

Jimin: guys, guys!! i did it!! i took his phone!!

Taehyung: is that what ur doing in the closet?

Jimin: ok so i called tony but haha don't think you want any details :*

Taehyung: i don't </3

Jungkook: gross

Jimin: a lot to come from you, young-cock

Jungkook: hey! one teacher pronounces it wrong one time and you never let it go

Jimin: young-cock, young-cock hahaha!!

Taehyung: jiminie could you stop? :/ /

Taehyung: you're not being funny

Taehyung: and please give hobi his phone back? he's been looking for it for the past ten minutes

Jimin: no lol he's listening to shrek in his room, hasn't even noticed i'm gone

Jungkook: listening to Shrek? wth?

Jungkook: I thought it was a movie

Jimin: it's the soundtrack, airhead -.-

Jungkook: what did you call me, lol

Jungkook: dick

Jimin: dick isn't a curse word, it's what i eat for dessert every night :*

Jungkook: gross

Jimin: you just think it's gross bc you haven't tasted any haha!

Jungkook: who says I haven't tasted any?

Taehyung: you don't need to have this conversation kookie :/

Jimin: what?? do you know something i don't, tae tae??

Taehyung: no

Taehyung: hehe

Jungkook: still don't get how you can listen to Shrek lol

Jimin: what do you think blind people do, stupid??

Jungkook: I don't think blind people's priorities are to watch Shrek

Jungkook: and stop calling me mean things or I'll cut your hair off in your sleep

Jimin: yikes!! you promised not to do that again!

Taehyung: guys, i think hobi's looking for his phone now?

Taehyung: he's mumbling something about 'lovegood'?

Jimin: xenophilius??

Jungkook: what's that haha

Jungkook: sounds like a disease

Jimin: it's luna's dad

Jungkook: nerd

Jimin: virgin

Jungkook: I'm not a virgin?

Taehyung: could you stop bickering, please? <3

Taehyung: hobi just asked me where his phone was and i lied and said i didn't know :s

Jimin: ouff, didn't expect that from you tae tae, didn't think u were a liar

Jimin: good job! i'm proud of you!!

Jungkook: lol

Jimin: ok so could you stop writing lol after every sentence? it's kind of really annoying :/

Jungkook: no lol

Jimin: one more lol and i'll block your number

Jungkook: how will you chat then? lol

Jimin: with hobi's phone? duh!

Jimin: anygay, he has three new contacts

Jimin: i'm thinking about making a group chat

Jimin: who knows? they might be single!

Jimin: great right? then you two can get yourselves a bf each

Taehyung: i'm not looking for one right now, jiminie

Taehyung: thanks anyway

Jungkook: me neither

Jimin: uh, what?? why not??

Jimin: ur really missing out on D!

Taehyung: the world isn't about getting D

Jimin: what else is it about?

Taehyung: love and happiness?

Jimin: but that's what getting D is about??

Taehyung: can't you give hobi his phone back now? :/

Jungkook: i think mrs. jung's serving dessert now, bye

Jimin: are u together?

Taehyung: what do u eanm mn

Taehyung: mean*

Taehyung: what do you mean?

Jungkook: no

Jimin: why are you acting so weird, lmao?

Jimin: i thought you were in the same room downstairs

Taehyung: oh haha

Taehyung: we're not together, kookie was in the bathroom and i'm in the living room!

Jimin: you're still acting weird?? what the hell?

Taehyung: don't know what you're talking about<3

Jimin: young-cock? why are you acting weird?

Taehyung: he's not answering to that name

Taehyung: and he's eating cookies in the kitchen with mrs. jung

Jimin: okay damn it!! i'll give the phone back, just gonna make the chat!

Jimin: ok here i go!! hope there's two hot singles in there for u and jungkook!

Taehyung: bye

Jimin: ???


[New Group Chat: Singles Club]

[Created by: Jung Hoseok]

[Park Jimin was added to the Group Chat]

[Kim Taehyung was added to the Group Chat]

[Jeon Jungkook was added to the Group Chat]

[Min Yoongi was added to the Group Chat]

[Kim Seokjin was added to the Group Chat]

[Kim Namjoon was added to the Group Chat]

Hoseok: 'sup y'all

Hoseok: welcome to the funky, chunky, fab singles club chat where hot singles can hook up!!

Hoseok: feel free to send dick pics!!

Hoseok: i like my dicks like i like my coffee, dark and strong

Seokjin: I think it's supposed to be 'men', not 'dicks', dear

Hoseok: who are u calling dear lol

Hoseok: i'm human

Seokjin: dear, not deer

Seokjin: can't you read all of a sudden?

Hoseok: excuse you???

Taehyung: give hobi his phone back now jiminie

Yoongi: Jiminie? So that's not Hoseok?

Hoseok: hello 'mister lovegood'

Hoseok: what did u do to get a nickname like that??

Seokjin: I wonder that too!

Namjoon: Hello?

Seokjin: Joonie!<33

Yoongi: Here we go

Taehyung: hello everyone! i'm kim taehyung!

Taehyung: jimin stole hobi's phone and made this chat for unknown reasons

Hoseok: no it's bc i want u to get laid lol, hot singles chat, pretty simple what the chat's about

Seokjin: I'm not single though?

Seokjin: I'm happily boyfriends with my prince charming!

Seokjin: (*cough* Joonie *cough*)

Namjoon: He means me

Namjoon: I'm his boyfriend! Namjoon :)

Yoongi: Shit, that smiley's creepy

Taehyung: no cursing allowed from now on

Yoongi: Sorry?

Jungkook: Jungkook has arrived!

Jungkook: and I ate all the cookies, sorry not sorry

Hoseok: unfair!!!

Jungkook: what did you expect when you're hiding in the closet?

Seokjin: Jimin's in the closet, you say?

Seokjin: why! get out of there, my dear! live true to yourself and get your full potential!

Hoseok: are u high or something??

Hoseok: i'm in hobi's closet??

Yoongi: Where is he?

Taehyung: looking for you

Taehyung: did you give him a Shrek CD?

Taehyung: he's listened for Shrek for half an hour

Seokjin: Shrek? I love that movie!

Seokjin: personally I see myself as Rapunzel, and Joonie is the beautiful prince charming!

Hoseok: so u mean that ur a fake bitch and namjoon is the villain, okurr mama

Seokjin: I'm not your 'mama', kid, don't call me fake

Hoseok: prove that ur not then

Taehyung: do you need to bicker? <3

Taehyung: can't we eat the crumbs from the cookies now and hug with mrs. jung?<3

Yoongi: Can you give Hobi his phone back?

Yoongi: I want to talk to him

Namjoon: Who's Hoseok?

Namjoon: Feels like I've missed something

Taehyung: it's usually best to just go along and smile

Namjoon: Okay

Namjoon: So I'm confused?

Namjoon: Why was I invited to a singles club when I'm not single?

Namjoon: Or Jinnie, we're still together right?

Yoongi: Don't tell me he's friendzoned you again

Seokjin: we're still together!!

Seokjin: till the day we die!<33

Yoongi: R.I.P

Namjoon: Really?<3

Seokjin: yes!!

Taehyung: aww<33

Taehyung: i don't know you but you really seem to like each other! cute!

Hoseok: *vomits*

Hoseok: couples are disgusting! what are they doing here in the hot singles club!

Taehyung: you're not single though, jiminie?

Hoseok: i broke up with charles, didn't u hear

Yoongi: What?

Hoseok: he already bought me a car, and i found out that he had another sugar baby around the corner

Hoseok: damn mason -.-

Jungkook: what's a sugar baby

Hoseok: you're one

Jungkook: no I'm not?

Seokjin: Joonie's my sugar baby <333333

Seokjin: I spoil him every day!

Yoongi: Aaand here's where I leave the chat

Hoseok: fine! i'll give hobi his phone back now, stop begging me

Seokjin: no one's begging you, dear

Hoseok: stop calling me a deer, everyone knows i'm a chicken

Jungkook: you just said you're a chicken lol

Hoseok: you're 5

Yoongi: Could you stop spamming?

Seokjin: keep spamming!!

Yoongi: Are you serious?

Seokjin: no I'm Jin! haha!

Yoongi: No comment.

Hoseok: omg hello

Hoseok: jimin just gave me my phone back??

Hoseok: who's chat is this??

Seokjin: yours!

Hoseok: wait what

Jimin: ok everyone i'm going on a gay date tomorrow, should i wear yellow or orange?

Seokjin: who cares?

Hoseok: with who??

Jimin: tony ofc

Hoseok: what happened with charles??

Jungkook: they broke up lol

Jimin: why are you writing 'lol' is me being single fun to u??

Jungkook: yeah lol

Jimin: nevermind -.-

Seokjin: in case you didn't know, I'm Kim Seokjin!

Seokjin: pleasure to meet you! for you that is! getting to know me is everyone's dream, ha!

Jimin: sure mama

Seokjin: where did Yoongi go? hello??

Yoongi: I'm still here

Hoseok: hello

Yoongi: Hello

Seokjin: what is this tension I feel??

Jimin: it's just kookie and the last cookie having a staring competition

Seokjin: no I'm pretty sure it's the tension between Hoseok and Yoongi??

Seokjin: which reminds me

Seokjin: what did you do when you met up today?

Seokjin: that hug looked a bit too long for me! if you know what I mean ;)

Namjoon: That was supposed to stay a secret :s

Jimin: WHAT

Taehyung: what do you mean met up?

Jimin: hobi, did u meet up with someone?

Hoseok: eheheh???

Hoseok: nooooo hahah

Seokjin: what do you mean no? you met up with Min Yoongi here, I was there myself!

Seokjin: [sends blurry, zoomed in picture of Hoseok and Yoongi sitting next to each other on the bench with Mickey and Holly by their feet]


Yoongi: Knew I should've gone alone

Hoseok: ehh that's not me??

Jimin: then who's that with mickey?!?? u don't suppose someone dog-napped him!?

Taehyung: that looks like you, hyung

Namjoon: Didn't you know that they met up?

Jimin: what do u think, einstain!?

Seokjin: hey! only I am allowed to call him that!

Hoseok: how romantic

Jimin: i can't believe this??

Jimin: hobi did u meet up with a stranger ALONE!?

Jimin: anything could have happened!!

Seokjin: they talked and hugged!

Seokjin: you're welcome for spilling the tea ;)

Jungkook: can I leave this chat?

Jimin: no lmao why would u do that, ur single

Jungkook: sure

Namjoon: How old are you all? I'll turn 22 this September :)

Seokjin: Joonie, honey, I've told you fifty times, stop using that smiley or Yoongi will get mad

Yoongi: He said it

Hoseok: u don't like that smiley??

Yoongi: I'd say I hate it?

Yoongi: Only creeps use it

Jimin: why aren't u using it then


Jimin: high five tae tae!

Taehyung: *crickets*

Jimin: shade

Seokjin: everyone! what do you say about spilling everything we know about Hoseok and Yoongi?

Taehyung: what do you mean?

Seokjin: like secrets and stuff ;) *wink*

Namjoon: I don't think that's a very good idea?

Yoongi: Could you stop writing as if I'm not here?

Seokjin: did you hear anything, guys??

Seokjin: I sure didn't!

Yoongi: You're on thin ice

Seokjin: I'm not standing on ice cutie, I'm sitting in the couch downstairs :*

Yoongi: It's an expression

Yoongi: The ice is cracking

Seokjin: no it's only the candy in my mouth :*

Taehyung: do you not like each other?

Jungkook: I'd say they don't :3

Jimin: focus back on me? hello??

Jimin: where's hobi??

Taehyung: he ran back downstairs into his room, i think

Seokjin: Hoseok, don't you think Yoongi is hot? ;)

Seokjin: didn't you tell me your type was short, dark haired mysterious men before?

Yoongi: Did he?

Hoseok: what phhhhtttthh

Hoseok: no?? hahahavesexwithme!

Hoseok: OMG autocorrect

Seokjin: [sends screen shot of Hoseok agreeing to his type being that]

Seokjin: always screen shot everything!

Yoongi: And you wonder why I don't like texting with you

Yoongi: Can't trust you

Jungkook: burn!

Jimin: fetus calm down in the court, let the hyungs chat

Jungkook: da hell?

Taehyung: let kookie join the chat if he wants to?

Seokjin: tension!!!

Hoseok: jimin took my phone and wrote that, totally

Jimin: liar liar!! pants off and dive into the lake

Yoongi: What?

Namjoon: I think the right way to say it is "liar, liar, pants on fire"

Jimin: i know

Namjoon: Okay

Jungkook: *cough* stiff *cough*

Jimin: hashtag, what the fuck

Taehyung: you shouldn't curse like that jiminie :(

Jungkook: can I leave this chat, or

Jimin: no??

Yoongi: Hobi, can we chat in private?

Hoseok: oh sure hahahavesexwithme

Seokjin: wow!

Hoseok: haha* help me

Seokjin: is it only me or do I feel like there's something in the air here??

Taehyung: what

Seokjin: I'll have you know that I'm so intuitive that people call me that's so Raven!

Yoongi: No one calls you that

Seokjin: why not? you should!

Yoongi: And you're not that intuitive

Yoongi: Not at all actually

Yoongi: Can't sense a situation or that you're annoying

Seokjin: annoying? me!?

Seokjin: when have I ever been that!

Yoongi: Right now?

Taehyung: do you hate or love each other?

Taehyung: i'm intuitive too, but i'm struggling to sense that!<3

Yoongi: Hate

Seokjin: love!

Namjoon: It's complicated

Namjoon: Yoongi is like our son

Namjoon: But he's actually our closest friend

Taehyung: your son?

Taehyung: isn't he older than you?

Jimin: kookie is our son tho tae tae, so i get what they mean

Jungkook: no I'm not? what the hell?

Taehyung: kookie isn't our son

Hoseok: hello?? yoongi i've been waiting in our chat for five minutes??

Yoongi: Oh right, sorry

Seokjin: ohh! Yoongi apologizing?? not a sight you see every day?? or any day ever??

Hoseok: what do u mean??

Yoongi: Nothing, ignore him

Taehyung: what are you going to chat about?

Hoseok: the bonus agustd song!!

Hoseok: i've listened to it five times!

Hoseok: i love it!!

Jimin: wait mama!!!

Jimin: say what??

Seokjin: I'm not saying anything!

Taehyung: agustd?

Taehyung: the rapper?

Jimin: the HOT rapper!

Yoongi: I'm not sure if I feel uncomfortable or flattered

Seokjin: Jimin, do you like him??

Seokjin: he's single!

Hoseok: back off

Taehyung: what?

Jimin: wait!!!! is yoongi agustd??

Jimin: with the d??

Chapter Text

[Group Chat: Singles Club]

Hoseok: no!

Hoseok: i was just joking haha!

Jimin: then why are you running down the stairs??

Jimin: after him, kookie!

Jungkook: why, I'm eating ice cream

Jimin: nevermind?

Seokjin: what's going on over there??

Seokjin: feels like I've missed out on some tea!

Namjoon: You told me you didn't want any?

Seokjin: I mean gossip, sigh

Seokjin: some never learn!

Namjoon: What

Hoseok: yoon, chat in private??

Yoongi: Sure

Seokjin: no!!

Jimin: hello is that agustd or not??


[Private Chat: Hoseok & Yoongi]

Yoongi: hi haha

Yoongi: 'Haha'

Hoseok: ??

Yoongi: Hello

Hoseok: ok so i accidentally revealed that ur agustd now, hope u don't mind??

Yoongi: It's fine

Yoongi: But Jimin seemed surprised

Hoseok: it's bc he wants to take everything i like away from me

Yoongi: That doesn't sound nice

Hoseok: it isn't

Yoongi: But you like me then? Okay, nice

Hoseok: fjhjd

Hoseok: u know what i meant!!

Yoongi: That you like me?

Yoongi: Thanks daddy<3

Hoseok: dfdjg

Hoseok: i changed my mind!!

Hoseok: don't wanna chat with u anymore!!

Yoongi: Why, hyung? :(

Yoongi: Please don't go? <3

Hoseok: it feels like ur playing with me

Yoongi: Maybe I am?

Yoongi: Because you love it

Hoseok: love it?? phtthhh haha unniest joke funniest i mean

Yoongi: Did you run downstairs, daddy?

Hoseok: ok now you stop, last warning

Yoongi: *starts crying*

Yoongi: Daddy's being mean

Hoseok: -hobi has left the chat-

Yoongi: Okay I'll stop haha

Hoseok: finally///

Yoongi: Did you listen to the bonus track?

Hoseok: if i did!!

Hoseok: hello, why isn't that song on ur yt??

Hoseok: i love it so much!!!

Yoongi: Thank you

Yoongi: But I just made it last month, it's the demo

Hoseok: so

Hoseok: does that mean that i'm the only one who's heard it...

Yoongi: Pretty much

Hoseok: did u just call me pretty...<3

Yoongi: No, I don't think so?

Hoseok: thank you...<333

Yoongi: I didn't call you pretty

Hoseok: thANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! :*

Yoongi: Okay, now you need to stop

Hoseok: thank you baby :*:*:*

Yoongi: I thought you were baby?

Hoseok: well, i need to call u something??

Yoongi: My name is Yoongi, you can call me that

Hoseok: no ur name's mister lovegood bc u love good

Yoongi: You don't know that

Hoseok: are u saying i could find out? ;)

Yoongi: On the hogwarts express or what?

Yoongi: Gonna whomp your willow?

Hoseok: u know, if i was someone else i think this conversation would be really weird??

Yoongi: Bc we're two weirdos maybe

Hoseok: talk for urself!!!

Yoongi: Okay

Yoongi: So you listened to the song then

Yoongi: Five times, you say?

Hoseok: did i say five?? haha

Hoseok: one time*

Yoongi: I think you said five

Hoseok: i said one

Yoongi: Five

Hoseok: one

Yoongi: Five

Hoseok: okay????? speaking of five, is that ur real age??

Yoongi: No, I'm almost 23

Yoongi: [sends picture]


Hoseok: seriously

Yoongi: No reaction to the legendary Shrek meme?

Hoseok: ok but hello so let me talk about ur voice

Yoongi: I'm listening

Hoseok: it's wonderful

Yoongi: okay

Yoongi: that's it?

Hoseok: what do u mean that's it??

Hoseok: want me to spell out what it does to me??

Yoongi: what do you mean by that

Hoseok: uh

Hoseok: nothing??!?!

Hoseok: hehehe

Hoseok: hello

Hoseok: are you a snitch? because ur the finest catch here!

Hoseok: okay so i need to stop writing these pickup lines now haha

Hoseok: funny jokes!

Hoseok: hell o

Yoongi: [sends a voice message where he says 'So you like my voice?' in a teasing, sultry way]

Hoseok: jesus

Yoongi: ?

Hoseok: why did u send me that?? haha

Yoongi: Why did you say Jesus?

Hoseok: i didn't say, i wrote

Yoongi: Same thing

Yoongi: Answer the question

Hoseok: maybe i like jesus??

Yoongi: I meant the question up there in the voice message

Hoseok: it wasn't really a question, more of a statement haha

Hoseok: help me

Yoongi: Help you?

Hoseok: did i just write that??

Hoseok: oh look jimin's knocking on the door!!

Yoongi: If you want to listen to my voice you could call me

Hoseok: dfgjf

Hoseok: i don't!! don't want to listen to ur voice lol

Yoongi: You don't usually write 'lol'

Hoseok: now i do??

Hoseok: and i thought u had social anxiety

Yoongi: You remembered

Hoseok: doesn't that mean that u don't like making phone calls??

Yoongi: Well, most of the time

Hoseok: but not with me? does that mean i'm special?<3

Hoseok: can i call u rn?

Yoongi: So I was joking haha

Yoongi: Don't call mw

Yoongi: me*

Hoseok: don't u wanna hear my voice?<3

Yoongi: Nope

Yoongi: Too screechy

Hoseok: hurtful?

Hoseok: ur voice is low and deep and well, damn it

Yoongi: Oh, cursing now?

Yoongi: Feeling hot from imagining my voice?

Hoseok: who said anything about feeling hot??

Hoseok: i just dropped the cd! almost broke it

Hoseok: but if i broke it, would u make me a new one?<3

Yoongi: No<3

Hoseok: omg why did u send me a heart??

Yoongi: You keep sending me, but it was a sarcastic heart

Hoseok: why are u sarcastic, do u wanna rile me up grrr

Yoongi: Feels like you're already tense

Hoseok: u are

Yoongi: [sends voice message where he says 'Why so tense?' in a mocking voice]

Hoseok: jfghjf

Hoseok: no!!!!!!!!! stop sending me those!!!!!!!!!

Yoongi: Why?

Yoongi: Flustered?

Hoseok: me??? flustered?? haha, funniest joke lmao

Hoseok: never

Yoongi: Never?

Yoongi: And here I thought you liked me

Hoseok: who said that?? i don't lol

Yoongi: You don't? I'm hurt

Yoongi: [sends voice message where he says 'Daddy's being mean!' in a pout-y, whiny voice]

Hoseok: stop!!??!?!

Hoseok: [sends voice message where he whispers 'You seriously need to stop right now, it's not-, not funny anymore, okay, just- just stop it!?' with knocking on the door in the background]

Yoongi: Oh, didn't expect you to send one back

Yoongi: Who's knocking on the door?

Hoseok: told u?? jimin??

Yoongi: Does he want to hear the song?

Hoseok: i think everyone would want to if they knew how good it is

Hoseok: i think u should sing more

Yoongi: That wasn't singing though, it was rapping

Hoseok: no it sounded like singing to me

Yoongi: Point stands that you loved the song

Hoseok: who said love??

Yoongi: You?

Hoseok: no i said like

Yoongi: Sure, daddy

Hoseok: >:(

Hoseok: imma leave this chat now bc ur so immature!

Hoseok: ur a BABY! 1 years old

Yoongi: I think it's 1 year* not years

Hoseok: brat

Yoongi: Stop acting hurt, I know you love being teased

Hoseok: no??+????+?

Hoseok: u just love teasing me, that's why, sadist!!

Yoongi: What gave it away?

Hoseok: ?????

Yoongi: Ok I'm not a sadist, promise

Hoseok: that promise felt fake

Yoongi: It was

Hoseok: what

Yoongi: What

Hoseok: bye

Yoongi: Wait, where are you going?

Hoseok: to the other chat

Hoseok: and i wanna eat ice cream bef kookie eats it all himself!

Yoongi: Okay

Hoseok: please think of me while i'm gone<3

Yoongi: I will not

Hoseok: that hurt

Yoongi: Just kidding, I'll think of you, hyung

Yoongi: I'll whomp my willow really hard to thoughts of you

Hoseok: i regret everything i've ever told u

Hoseok: ur using it all to make fun of me, u clever snake

Yoongi: Thank you for seeing me for what I am

Hoseok: a snake??

Yoongi: A genius*

Hoseok: no a snake

Yoongi: Genius

Hoseok: b-y-e

Hoseok: i won't miss u!!

Yoongi: I won't miss you either

Yoongi: Not at all

Hoseok: good, bye, whatever your name was!

Yoongi: What number is this? Can't remember

Hoseok: ok bye

Hoseok: don't block me

Yoongi: Why would I?

Hoseok: who knows??

Hoseok: bye

Hoseok: i've said bye like fifty times now aren't u gonna say bye back

Yoongi: Bye

Hoseok: with a little b

Yoongi: Don't order me around daddy, I'm the one making the rules here

Hoseok: jung hoseok has blocked your number

Yoongi: Nice try ;)

Hoseok: a flirty emoji???

Hoseok: BYE

Yoongi: bye


[Group Chat: Single's Club]

Jimin: hobi came out of his room now!!

Jimin: he denies all cd's and agustd's

Seokjin: am I the only one who thinks this Hobi and our Yoongi likes each other?

Taehyung: you must be slow because i figured that out hours ago

Seokjin: thanks dear, I'm so flattered by your kind words -.- not!

Namjoon: I think it's best to give them privacy and leave them alone

Seokjin: boring!

Seokjin: who asked haha

Taehyung: you're mean to your boyfriend?

Yoongi: Maybe you shouldn't talk about me and Hobi when we're here in the chat

Seokjin: look who decided to come back!

Seokjin: what did you and Hobi talk about, hm? ;)

Seokjin: did you sext??? ;))

Yoongi: Not your business and no

Seokjin: okay... ;)

Jimin: hobi's red in the face haha!!

Jimin: tae do u see??

Taehyung: he told u not to tell yoongi :/

Taehyung: now u did

Seokjin: red in the face?? Yoongi what did you talk about??

Yoongi: Send picture

Jimin: uh no??

Jimin: i'm still suspicious of u!

Hoseok: i'm not red in the face haha

Yoongi: Hello ;)

Jimin: look!!!

Jimin: he dropped his phone!

Seokjin: tea??

Taehyung: we'll eat ice cream now! bye everyone!

Taehyung: nice talking to you!

Seokjin: no?? don't go yet??

Seokjin: why did Hobi drop his phone??

Seokjin: ditched -.-



[Private Chat: Hoseok & Yoongi]

Hoseok: hello

Hoseok: it's been four days

Yoongi: Missed me?

Hoseok: no ptthhh??

Hoseok: but hey, u never text me first!

Yoongi: True?

Hoseok: why not

Yoongi: Not really my thing

Hoseok: maybe it's not my thing either

Yoongi: Feels like it's your thing?

Hoseok: what would happen if i didn't text u first

Yoongi: The chat would die, we wouldn't talk anymore and would eventually forget about each other and find other people to talk to

Hoseok: that sounds horrible??

Yoongi: Does it?

Hoseok: wait, is that what ur planning to happen, or…

Yoongi: I'm not planning anything

Yoongi: I just don't feel like texting first

Hoseok: why not

Yoongi: Many reasons

Hoseok: such as??

Yoongi: For one you might not answer, and that would be bad

Hoseok: so u want me to answer?<3 fast?<3

Yoongi: If I text you I want you to reply, duh

Hoseok: </3

Yoongi: Secondly I don't know what to say

Yoongi: And you have school, I don't want to disturb

Hoseok: no it's okay

Hoseok: but let me hear the real reason

Yoongi: That was the real reason?

Hoseok: no i think u don't text me bc ur afraid of how much u like me...

Yoongi: No, that's not the reason

Hoseok: sure...

Hoseok: maybe u don't wanna text me bc u get nervous...

Yoongi: Did you want anything special?

Hoseok: why, are u busy

Yoongi: I'm doing something

Hoseok: what's 'something'

Hoseok: something secret??

Yoongi: If it wasn't secret I would tell you?

Hoseok: so i was right??

Hoseok: what is it

Yoongi: You feel stubborn

Hoseok: i am stubborn

Hoseok: i'm on my way home from jimin btw

Yoongi: Does he have a place of his own?

Hoseok: i think everyone has but me

Yoongi: Bc you can live like a prince?

Hoseok: yeah, but there hasn't been much of that lately :/

Yoongi: Poor you

Hoseok: mom's on a business trip and i have had to make my own laundry this week :( and feed mickey bc dad doesn't wanna do that, and my sister visited yesterday and treated me like a baby

Yoongi: Why is that a surprise? You are one?

Hoseok: ha-ha

Hoseok: so what's up over there

Hoseok: except being secretive

Yoongi: Nothing much

Yoongi: Jin's begging Namjoon to move in

Yoongi: He's wavering since he would get the bedroom next to me

Hoseok: doesn't he want to sleep close to you?

Yoongi: I can get very angry if I get my sleep disturbed

Yoongi: Think that's why

Hoseok: what do u mean 'very angry'

Yoongi: Jin used to call me Moody Min

Hoseok: moody min??

Yoongi: Just, it's not nice, so it's best if I don't have any direct neighbors

Hoseok: so do u have anger issues or something

Yoongi: I do not

Hoseok: u seem pretty calm to me??

Yoongi: I don't like disturbing noises when I'm going to sleep is all

Hoseok: when u go to sleep at sunrise, u mean?

Yoongi: Yup

Hoseok: if i lived there i would be the perfect house mate bc i can be really quiet and considerate

Hoseok: and i fall asleep kinda fast most of the time

Yoongi: Bragging?

Hoseok: can't u sleep?

Yoongi: Not before 4 in the morning

Hoseok: what if someone holds u then

Yoongi: Who? Holly?

Hoseok: me ofc :* :* :*

Yoongi: No, thank you

Yoongi: If a stranger 'held me' at 4 in the morning I don't think it would be soothing, I think I would chase them out

Hoseok: but i'm not a stranger

Hoseok: and my hugs are the best!! according to jimin, tae and kookie

Yoongi: You're fit though

Yoongi: Doesn't sound very good

Hoseok: u've already hugged me and i'm pretty sure u liked it, don't try saying anything else!!

Hoseok: if i hugged u i think u would fall asleep in a heartbeat!

Yoongi: I think you would fall asleep and then I would feel stressed over the fact that I'm still awake

Hoseok: i'll force myself to stay awake until ur asleep

Yoongi: You'd be up all night

Hoseok: are you saying you'll keep me up all night? ;)

Yoongi: Lol

Hoseok: ok but do u wanna try or, i could come over tonight

Yoongi: you don't know where I live

Hoseok: you could tell me...

Hoseok: mind if i slytherin...

Yoongi: Don't use my own joke against me

Hoseok: ur not the one who made it

Yoongi: Still

Hoseok: do u have a slytherin room btw

Yoongi: What's a Slytherin room?

Hoseok: dark walls, metallic things, dark green etc

Yoongi: My room has light walls and purple curtains

Hoseok: that came as a surprise

Yoongi: Think it's originally a baby room

Yoongi: A family lived here before Jin bought the house

Hoseok: told u ur a baby, everyone knows u are :*

Yoongi: I was not prepared for that

Hoseok: ;)))

Hoseok: are u sucking on a pacifier too

Yoongi: I'm sucking on something but it's not a pacifier

Hoseok: what

Yoongi: what

Hoseok: what do u mean??

Yoongi: Nothing

Hoseok: ????

Yoongi: Have you watched Shrek lately?

Hoseok: are u trying to change the topic??

Yoongi: Yes?

Hoseok: how's it going with ur fam

Yoongi: Not a topic I'm comfortable with

Hoseok: u can tell me anything, i won't spread it around!

Yoongi: You might leave your phone around though?

Hoseok: i've got a password now

Hoseok: YoongiIsABadBoy

Yoongi: Seriously?

Hoseok: a really bad boy

Yoongi: Do you like bad boys?

Hoseok: i like soft boys

Hoseok: but ur pretty soft too

Yoongi: Am not

Hoseok: sure

Hoseok: tell me now, how it's going with ur fam

Yoongi: Fast version, not good

Hoseok: :(

Yoongi: My brother says I should move back since 'mom needs me'

Yoongi: bullshit

Yoongi: I'm not going anywhere

Hoseok: no i don't think u should go back

Hoseok: stay with jin and joon, ur real parents

Yoongi: I will

Yoongi: And Holly will stay here too

Yoongi: I bought new clothes to her just now btw

Hoseok: do u wanna change topic?

Yoongi: Yes

Hoseok: ok

Hoseok: was that the secret thing u were doing?

Yoongi: No, but I did this before

Yoongi: A green dress with matching ribbons

Hoseok: i think mickey's in love with her

Yoongi: All dogs are

Yoongi: She's not ready for a relationship yet, though

Hoseok: isn't she six years?? isn't that like 42 human years or something

Yoongi: Still too young

Hoseok: mickey says 'if u change ur mind, i'm the first in line, take a chance on me, i'm still free'

Yoongi: Mickey sounds desperate, paws off

Hoseok: what if i sang that song then

Hoseok: to u

Yoongi: What do you mean

Hoseok: but now it isn't true...

Hoseok: now everything is new...

Hoseok: don't go wasting your emotion!!

Hoseok: lay all ur love on me<3

Yoongi: ABBA?

Yoongi: Are you telling me to lay all my love on you?

Hoseok: is that what i'm doing whaat haha no, it's mickey singing to holly

Yoongi: Really?

Hoseok: totally hehaha

Yoongi: Btw, don't sing honey honey if Jin's near

Yoongi: He'll sing nonstop for five hours

Hoseok: interesting

Hoseok: like tae with any john legend song, but seven hours

Hoseok: now where were we??

Hoseok: yes, so do u wanna have a slumber party?<3

Hoseok: i could sleep over and help u fall asleep!

Yoongi: No, thank you

Yoongi: I don't think that's a good idea

Hoseok: why not

Yoongi: I need to sleep alone

Hoseok: why

Yoongi: I don't like the feeling of someone staring at me as I'm falling asleep

Hoseok: what about holly

Yoongi: She sleeps in the hallway

Hoseok: mickey sleeps in my bed

Yoongi: Spoiled?

Hoseok: pretty much??

Hoseok: but ok, so are we gonna have the sleep over before or after the concert?<3

Yoongi: Never?

Hoseok: i could bring popcorn and shrek (the movie, not the ogre) and we could cuddle all night long!

Yoongi: Or we could not

Hoseok: ok

Hoseok: i'll give u time to warm up to the idea

Yoongi: A million years then, thanks

Hoseok: i meant more like a week

Yoongi: You don't even know where I live

Hoseok: in good-looking-town haha!

Yoongi: I'm cringing

Hoseok: :* :* :* :* :*

Yoongi: Stop with the kisses, thanks

Hoseok: bc u like them? :* :* :*

Yoongi: They're annoying

Hoseok: *sends kisses*

Hoseok: better??

Yoongi: No

Hoseok: ok but i'm home now, talk to u later!!!<33

Yoongi: Bye



[Private Chat: Hoseok & Yoongi]

Hoseok: last time i checked 'talk to u later' meant within a few hours, not two days

Hoseok: hello

Yoongi: Feels like you're complaining at the beginning of our conversations nowadays

Hoseok: bc i am??

Yoongi: Missed me?

Hoseok: why do u keep asking that

Yoongi: You're right, it's so obvious haha

Hoseok: lol

Hoseok: the concert is in a week!! aren't u excitedddd!!

Yoongi: I'm excited

Hoseok: bc we're gonna go together?<3

Yoongi: You're sending me an awful a lot of hearts

Yoongi: Do you mean anything by them?

Hoseok: they're cute, aren't they??

Yoongi: Yes

Yoongi: So you're sending them because they're cute?

Yoongi: Not because your heart feels funny when you chat with me?

Hoseok: what do u mean by that??

Yoongi: Tell me... what are you wearing?

Hoseok: clothes??

Yoongi: But underneath that, aren't you... naked?

Hoseok: aren't everyone??

Yoongi: Are you wearing underwear...

Hoseok: yoongi what are u doing??

Yoongi: It's hard to be sexy when you keep writing like a panicked squirrel

Hoseok: panicked squirrel?? i didn't know they could write??

Yoongi: They can't

Hoseok: for a moment there it almost seemed like u wanted to sext with me!! haha

Yoongi: Weird, haha

Hoseok: what would u do if i said i was naked

Yoongi: Ask why?

Yoongi: Normal people aren't naked at seven on a Monday night

Hoseok: i'm special

Hoseok: and i'm taking my clothes off

Yoongi: Why

Yoongi: And seriously?

Hoseok: mom and dad are out somewhere and mickey's asleep somewhere

Yoongi: So you're going to walk around naked?

Hoseok: i'm listening to ur song

Yoongi: Gay

Hoseok: u sound gay

Yoongi: How can someone sound gay?

Hoseok: let me rephrase

Hoseok: u sound so good that u would turn anyone gay*

Yoongi: I'm honored

Hoseok: so, u can ask me what i'm wearing again

Yoongi: What are you wearing?

Hoseok: nothing

Hoseok: *wink, wink*

Yoongi: Seriously?

Hoseok: socks don't count

Yoongi: why are you naked

Hoseok: thought u wanted me to be...

Yoongi: send picture or I won't believe you

Hoseok: picture of what

Yoongi: I think you know what I mean

Hoseok: okay

Hoseok: but

Hoseok: like

Hoseok: isn't it hot in here??

Yoongi: I'm wearing clothes, so yes

Yoongi: But you're naked so that leaves me thinking you meant another type of hot ;)

Hoseok: okay heee i'll, just, brb

Yoongi: wait

Yoongi: where are you going?


[Private Chat: Hoseok & Taehyung]

Hoseok: hello tae tae do u have time????

Hoseok: help hyung pls???

Taehyung: hello!<3

Taehyung: i'm with kookie!

Hoseok: when are u not??

Taehyung: you seem a bit stiff?

Hoseok: what's stiff is platform 9 and 3/4!

Taehyung: what's that?

Hoseok: nevermind???

Hoseok: ok shit tae, so i'm chatting with yoongi but then it seemed like he wanted to s3xt and i kind of took my clothes off?????

Taehyung: you did what

Hoseok: what do i do now?!??!?!?!?

Hoseok: we'reo nly frienss

Hoseok: we're only friends*

Hoseok: and i omg what do i do???

Taehyung: ur only friends?

Hoseok: yes??

Taehyung: why would u take off ur clothes for a friend, hyung?

Hoseok: oh

Taehyung: do u feel hot?

Hoseok: i feel extremely awkward having this conversation with u, thank u very much

Taehyung: hyung, answer

Hoseok: i feel hot??

Hoseok: listening to that song doesn't help

Hoseok: help me

Taehyung: what song?

Hoseok: yoongi's agustd, remember, he made a special song that only i have heard uhuu

Taehyung: why did u type 'uhuu'?

Hoseok: stop analyzing me pls

Taehyung: are u afraid of ur feelings?

Hoseok: what feelings???

Taehyung: hobi.

Hoseok: hobi's here

Hoseok: and he thinks that yoongi's just playing with him

Hoseok: hobi's thinking too much into it so he will get hurt

Taehyung: stop writing in third person, please?<3

Hoseok: hobi says okay

Hoseok: i mean i

Hoseok: help

Taehyung: i think u should put ur clothes back on

Taehyung: ask him what he's doing, what his intentions are

Hoseok: since when did u become a relationship expert??

Taehyung: so u have a relationship?

Hoseok: no????

Taehyung: u like him?

Hoseok: no, we're friends

Hoseok: i only texted u bc it got weird and i didn't know what to do

Taehyung: so u left him in the chat?

Hoseok: uh

Hoseok: yeah????

Taehyung: how long have u known each other?

Hoseok: like two weeks, dunno??

Taehyung: that's not long

Hoseok: i know

Hoseok: so he's playing with me then

Taehyung: no i'm not sure?

Taehyung: but talk more with him, you can't know each other yet

Taehyung: if u wonder something u can always text me, hyung<3

Hoseok: tae i have a question bef u leave

Taehyung: okay?

Hoseok: did u confess to kookie, yes or no

Taehyung: no

Hoseok: okay mama... kookie told me something else...

Taehyung: what do u mean? has kookie said something?

Hoseok: he loves you, confess now pls

Taehyung: it's not that easy

Taehyung: u can confess to yoongi

Hoseok: confess what?? there's nothing to confess haha

Hoseok: u've loved kookie for two years, two weeks is nothing in comparison

Taehyung: when ur soulmates u just know, how long u've known each other doesn't matter

Hoseok: yoongi and i aren't soulmates??

Taehyung: who's ur soulmate then?

Taehyung: haven't u always said it's someone super cute and soft but with humor and temperament? someone who looks soft but could beat you up?

Hoseok: not those exact words, no??

Taehyung: keep that in mind, hyung

Taehyung: fate is real

Hoseok: jimin would say otherwise

Taehyung: jimin isn't here in this chat

Hoseok: ok

Hoseok: bye tae!!

Taehyung: bye!

Chapter Text

[Private Chat: Hoseok & Yoongi]

Yoongi: where did you go

Yoongi: hello?

Hoseok: i'm here

Yoongi: okay

Yoongi: where did you go?

Hoseok: what do u mean haha

Hoseok: i'm here??

Yoongi: you were gone for ten minutes

Hoseok: whaaat haha

Hoseok: but what were we talking about hm??

Hoseok: oh, u wanna send me a selfie?<3

Hoseok: sure i mean, if u want to? haha<33

Yoongi: are you really naked?

Hoseok: no lmao hahaa

Yoongi: but you said you were

Hoseok: i was joking!

Yoongi: not very funny

Hoseok: why not do u wanna see me naked or anything why how when, question mark

Yoongi: what?

Hoseok: are u naked???

Yoongi: no?

Hoseok: why did u ask me what i was wearing

Yoongi: I was wondering

Hoseok: so u could imagine me or something haha that sounds reallyyyy gay to me

Yoongi: me too

Yoongi: but guess what, that's what I am

Hoseok: me too

Hoseok: so like can't u tell me what ur wearing or something so we both can be gay

Yoongi: I'm wearing a black shirt

Hoseok: that's it??

Hoseok: no pants??

Yoongi: depends

Yoongi: are you naked or not?

Hoseok: i put my underwear back on, so no

Yoongi: so you were naked?

Hoseok: uhm

Hoseok: no??

Yoongi: why did you get naked for me?

Hoseok: pthhh what are u saying haha

Hoseok: i didn't

Hoseok: i didn't get naked for anyone

Yoongi: yes you did, for me

Yoongi: tell me why

Hoseok: what happened to the please

Yoongi: no please for bad boys

Hoseok: i'm not a bad boy

Yoongi: now you are

Yoongi: tell me why you got naked for me

Yoongi: or else

Hoseok: or else what

Hoseok: are u gonna come here and ask me urself or something haha

Yoongi: what if?

Hoseok: don't do that??

Yoongi: didn't you say you were home alone?

Yoongi: I still haven't used that ticket

Hoseok: what ticket

Yoongi: for the Hogwarts express

Hoseok: waithgfj

Hoseok: are we talking about what i think we're talking about??

Yoongi: what are we talking about?

Hoseok: you spell it out

Yoongi: no you

Hoseok: i'm confused

Yoongi: why?

Hoseok: i can't remember what way of my shirt is the inside and the outside

Yoongi: so you're putting on your shirt?

Yoongi: feels like a waste

Hoseok: please explain

Yoongi: you didn't even send me a picture

Hoseok: so u wanna see a picture of my chest

Yoongi: I didn't specify a picture of what, but sure

Yoongi: bet you're really fit

Hoseok: what if i am

Hoseok: why do u want a picture

Yoongi: do I need a reason?

Yoongi: can't an old, lonely gay man want a picture just to admire the beauty?

Hoseok: beauty??? what beauty??

Yoongi: the body of his pal*

Hoseok: pal

Hoseok: so i'm ur pal haha

Yoongi: it's short for three words

Hoseok: no i'm pretty sure it means friend

Hoseok: i feel stupid

Yoongi: why?

Hoseok: no reason haha

Hoseok: i need to go now

Yoongi: already?

Hoseok: yeah uhm i need to do stuff

Yoongi: what stuff?

Hoseok: why do you care?

Yoongi: I thought you were going to chat with me some more

Hoseok: what does pal stand for?

Yoongi: perfect and lovely

Hoseok: what

Hoseok: really???

Yoongi: who knows

Yoongi: didn't you have to go?

Hoseok: i changed my mind haha

Hoseok: so u think i'm perfect and lovely?<33333333333

Hoseok: really???<33333333333333333333333333333

Yoongi: did I say that?

Hoseok: yes??<33333

Yoongi: so are you going to send me a selfie or not

Hoseok: why would i??

Yoongi: please?

Hoseok: ok damn it, a selfie on its way

Hoseok: [sends picture]


Hoseok: here u go! paaal <333

Yoongi: nice, tnx

Yoongi: you may be a muggle, but that body is magical

Hoseok: thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hoseok: (but u can't see my body in the picture??)

Yoongi: uh, right

Hoseok: are u a wizard? bc i think u've cast a spell on me!

Yoongi: how did you know I was a wizard?

Hoseok: bc ur magical *wink, wink*

Yoongi: bouncing my own joke back at myself?

Hoseok: yes :* :* :*

Yoongi: you're sending me a lot of hearts and kisses again

Hoseok: am i? <333333333

Hoseok: didn't notice!<333333 :* :* :* :* <333333333333333

Hoseok: do u wanna meet soon or something??

Yoongi: in ten minutes? sure

Hoseok: what??

Yoongi: I'm kidding

Yoongi: why do you want to meet?

Hoseok: i thought u were gonna ask when, why do u ask why

Hoseok: do we need a reason

Yoongi: in most case scenarios, yes, people need a reason to meet

Hoseok: jimin, tae, kook and i don't

Yoongi: I'm not Jimin, Tae, Kook or you

Hoseok: ur right, ur special boy min yoongi!

Hoseok: so we need to meet up so i can give u back ur gloves

Yoongi: I had forgotten about those

Hoseok: and i want to give u a long hug!

Yoongi: gayyy

Hoseok: talking to urself???

Yoongi: ouf, burn

Hoseok: i know u wanna hug me too :* :* :*

Yoongi: yes I do, daddy, I wanna hug you forever

Hoseok: ok but seriously, stop calling me daddy, i'm not your dad and it makes me think of my own dad and it's weird

Yoongi: you don't like your dad?

Hoseok: i love my dad?? but he's a bit stiff and very no fun most of the time

Hoseok: mom is the best mom in the entire universe of moms

Yoongi: do they want to adopt a second son?

Hoseok: i could ask?? u mean mickey?

Yoongi: I meant me

Hoseok: but jin and joon are ur parents

Yoongi: a mom that makes cookies sounds better

Yoongi: Joon burns all food, and I don't like tasting blood or parts of him every day

Hoseok: ewww????

Hoseok: but if u come over u could hug my mom too, she loves hugs!

Yoongi: I'm not sure if I would fit in there with the Hufflepuffs

Hoseok: my sister passed as slytherin on a test once, u'll be fine

Yoongi: your sister doesn't live there anymore

Hoseok: she can visit if u'll visit??

Hoseok: but anyway! where do u wanna meet so we can hug?<3

Yoongi: meet alone?

Yoongi: just you and me?

Hoseok: u can bring jin if u want to but it was a bit creepy with how he took pics of us, don't u think??

Yoongi: I'm not gonna bring him, just checking

Yoongi: what if it gets awkward

Hoseok: then we laugh about it

Yoongi: what if I'm boring

Hoseok: nice one

Yoongi: no, I'm serious

Hoseok: ur not boring tho? ur very interesting and u can tell me anything and i'll listen and then it won't get boring!

Yoongi: what if

Hoseok: what if what?

Yoongi: what if I wanna hold your hand

Hoseok: oh

Hoseok: then u take my hand...

Yoongi: ok

Hoseok: so when's the date??

Hoseok: or haha it's not a date but u know like date in the calendar haha

Yoongi: right

Yoongi: not a date haha

Yoongi: I have time anytime, you decide

Hoseok: thursday after class

Yoongi: when's after class?

Hoseok: thursday at 4

Yoongi: where?

Hoseok: by the flower shop

Yoongi: down the street?

Hoseok: it's not down the street for me, it's like a ten minutes' walk

Yoongi: okay

Yoongi: is there a reason for that place?

Hoseok: no i just thought we could start there and look at roses haha

Hoseok: or lilies?? not red roses they mean love

Hoseok: help

Yoongi: help?

Hoseok: where do u wanna go??

Yoongi: home

Hoseok: but ur home

Yoongi: I mean when I'm out, then I wanna go home

Hoseok: okay, so i'll make the rest of the plans then

Hoseok: flower shop -> ice cream -> watch funny movie

Yoongi: you want to go to the cinema?

Hoseok: pals can do that haha

Yoongi: what funny movie? I don't like funny movies

Hoseok: we can do something else, but i thought it would be fun

Hoseok: haven't been to the cinema in a while... :(

Hoseok: no one wants to go with me... :(

Yoongi: okay drop the whining, I'll go

Hoseok: yay!!!

Hoseok: ok but flower shop at 4 on thursday

Hoseok: be there!!

Yoongi: Alright, captain

Hoseok: ok!!

Hoseok: i'm so excited!!!

Yoongi: me too

Hoseok: u are??

Yoongi: no

Hoseok: what

Yoongi: I dunno

Hoseok: ok but tell me something about urself<3

Yoongi: I'd rather not

Yoongi: Jin says it's dinner time

Yoongi: hope Joon didn't help him make it

Hoseok: u have to go?

Hoseok: okay, it was fun talking to u!!!

Yoongi: same

Hoseok: really?????<3333333333333333

Hoseok: maybe u could send me a heart sometime if u think so!!

Yoongi: nah

Hoseok: ok

Hoseok: bye then!!!

Yoongi: bye


[Private Chat: Hoseok & Taehyung]

Hoseok: ok tae tae, i survived!!

Hoseok: hello

Hoseok: anyway, thanks for the help, ur an angel!!

Hoseok: yoongi called me perfect and lovely!! and we're going on a date!!

Taehyung: say what??

Hoseok: there u are!

Taehyung: this is jimin??

Hoseok: what

Taehyung: tae's in the bathroom, we're at the cinema

Hoseok: but u said u hated going to the cinema

Taehyung: that was ages ago!

Taehyung: but hello, are you going on a date? move to our chat, i'll pick up my phone

Hoseok: no i don't wanna, bye jiminie

Taehyung: do it or i'll tell yoongi ur only chatting with him bc u pity him

Hoseok: what?

Hoseok: i'm not?

Taehyung: but you are?

Taehyung: move to our chat


[Private Chat: Hoseok & Jimin]

Hoseok: ur lying jiminie

Jimin: but it's what u told me?

Jimin: [sends screen shot of hoseok telling jimin that he will chat with Yoongi because Yoongi seems lonely]

Jimin: u told me u would 'be his friend'

Jimin: is this what this is about?

Jimin: why u don't talk to us at lunch anymore?

Jimin: we miss u hobi!

Jimin: do we even know u anymore?

Jimin: and what is that chat with tae?

Jimin: is he ur bff now? are u having secret conversations without me?

Jimin: i feel left out!

Hoseok: eh?

Hoseok: what?

Jimin: what do u mean what? answer!

Hoseok: this has nothing to do with u, leave me alone

Jimin: you shouldn't chat with people bc u pity them hobi

Jimin: i know that u want well, tae knows it, everyone knows that ur full of love and wants to help everyone any way u can

Jimin: but yoongi will find out one day, and when he does it won't be pretty, trust me

Hoseok: no i seriously don't know what ur talking about, i'm not chatting with him bc i pity him? i really like him

Jimin: after you found out he could rap?

Jimin: or do u only 'like' him because i like him?

Hoseok: u don't like him??

Hoseok: u don't KNOW him??

Jimin: but you do?

Jimin: he's a stranger hobi!

Jimin: i can't believe that u met up with him without telling anyone!

Jimin: anything could have happened, what kind of role model are u??

Hoseok: excuse me?

Hoseok: i'm being good every day

Hoseok: i help ladies cross the street and i return my homework in time

Hoseok: but ur being a sugar baby to who knows how many guys at once and ditch me for MONTHS and then u have stomach enough to tell me what to do or not!?

Jimin: i haven't ditched u?

Hoseok: where were u on my bday

Jimin: i showed up??

Hoseok: hours late!

Hoseok: and you only 'like' yoongi because i like him!

Hoseok: u can't stand the fact that someone likes me better than you for once!

Hoseok: i'm always number two

Jimin: what are u talking about??

Jimin: and i haven't met yoongi, if he'd met me i would've gotten a fair chance

Hoseok: what 'fair chance'?

Hoseok: yoongi isn't a trophy?

Hoseok: he's human?

Jimin: and u shouldn't chat with him out of pity

Hoseok: u always chat with people with a goal in mind

Hoseok: (money, cars, clothes+++)

Jimin: i happen to like money, cars and clothes

Hoseok: u don't even have a driver's license

Jimin: someday i will??

Jimin: anyway!

Jimin: u told me u would stop chatting with that creep! u promised!

Hoseok: well, he was there when u weren't?

Hoseok: i like him

Jimin: you don't know him

Jimin: and now you're going on a date?

Hoseok: it's not a date

Jimin: why did you call it one then?

Hoseok: it was a joke

Jimin: hobi, i think he's tricking you

Jimin: once you warm up to him he'll take your money or phone or anything and leave

Hoseok: just bc someone tricked u doesn't mean it will happen to me

Jimin: that hurt

Hoseok: u hurt me first

Jimin: hobi!! i just care about u!

Hoseok: show it then

Jimin: i am?

Hoseok: support me

Hoseok: show up on my bday

Hoseok: bring me to the cinema

Jimin: how can i do that when all u do is stare at ur phone all day? with that chat with 'lovegood'

Hoseok: u stare at ur phone too

Jimin: what was the color of my clothes yesterday?

Hoseok: yellow?

Jimin: no! red!

Hoseok: what has that to do with anything??

Jimin: you're not paying attention anymore, hobi

Jimin: all u do is stare at that chat with the creep

Hoseok: he's not a creep

Hoseok: but sorry, i'll pay more attention

Hoseok: i'm not chatting with him bc i pity him

Jimin: but u did?

Hoseok: not anymore

Jimin: so he doesn't seem 'lonely'?

Hoseok: how so

Hoseok: he has time for me

Jimin: so he doesn't have a job?

Jimin: creep

Hoseok: he's just unlucky that he got fired

Jimin: did he get fired? wow, nice guy you've got there lol

Hoseok: jimin, pls stop being mean

Jimin: is he giving u a lot of compliments?

Jimin: first saying how bad he has it and then makes u feel special?

Hoseok: how so

Jimin: i don't like the sound of this hobi, i think he might be tricking u :/

Hoseok: u have his number, u could ask him urself

Jimin: why can't i meet him?

Hoseok: u can

Jimin: really??

Hoseok: but i wanna meet him a few times more before u do that

Hoseok: he's not a creep tho i know him

Jimin: sure

Hoseok: u sound doubtful

Jimin: i am??

Jimin: don't send him

Jimin: 1. nudes

Jimin: 2. selfies

Jimin: 3. money

Jimin: don't promise anything

Jimin: don't meet up with him in the dark

Jimin: don't have sex with him

Hoseok: jfhgjdfhg

Hoseok: jimin what are u saying???

Jimin: maybe i don't need to worry about that last one??

Jimin: but don't sent those things!

Jimin: not before i've met and talked to him irl anyway, and tae and jungkook too

Jimin: ok???

Jimin: hello?! homo

Hoseok: okay

Jimin: okurr*

Hoseok: no nudes, selfies and what money

Jimin: good question?

Hoseok: u send nudes all the time tho jiminie

Jimin: it's different

Jimin: i get paid for it, and i could beat up those old men easily, they're easy

Jimin: but this 'lovegood' seems mysterious and mysterious is never good

Hoseok: i think i would be able to beat him up

Jimin: u?? beating anyone up?? the only thing ur beating is ur meat!

Hoseok: i'm not?? ///

Jimin: wait hobi

Jimin: don't tell me ur beating ur meat to him??

Hoseok: no omg

Jimin: so u are???

Jimin: ew???

Hoseok: jiminie pls stop it

Hoseok: i'm not

Jimin: sure...

Jimin: remember what happened with peter tho

Hoseok: don't bring him up?? he's a loser

Jimin: tony is a loser too

Jimin: says he doesn't want me back

Jimin: now i need to hunt boyfriends again, sigh

Hoseok: good for u that u made that singles club chat

Jimin: think so?

Jimin: how about i invite some hot guys to it?

Jimin: tae and kook could chat with them too haha

Hoseok: sure, fun

Hoseok: but i need to go now

Hoseok: gotta catch some sleep

Jimin: at 8??

Hoseok: tired zzz

Jimin: sure

Jimin: bet ur gonna chat with the creep -.-

Jimin: or just stare at ur chat

Hoseok: no haha

Hoseok: bye jiminie, ily<3

Jimin: ily!! xoxo



[Group Chat: Single's Club]

Seokjin: what do you call a rude Yoongi?

Seokjin: Mean Yoongi! haha!

Seokjin: thank you, thank you, no need to overdo the applause!

Yoongi: No one's cheering

Yoongi: It's dead silent, can't you see?

Seokjin: thank you Yoongi, I am flattered by your kind words, really!

Yoongi: Out of my room

Seokjin: you're so happy today! not!

Yoongi: Not funny

Seokjin: wow, you're so tense!

Seokjin: you really need to get fucked soon

Yoongi: True?

Taehyung: say what

Jimin: tae?? are u here?

Namjoon: I'm here too

Jungkook: lol

Hoseok: does yoongi really need to get fcked, a friend is asking

Seokjin: he does!

Seokjin: funny that you picked up on that!

Seokjin: do you want to help him? ;)

Yoongi: Just stop.

Namjoon: Hello everyone! :)

Yoongi: Drop the creepy smiley, dad

Hoseok: i'm not writing any smileys

Seokjin: what

Yoongi: You're not dad, you're daddy

Jimin: excUsE meE!?!?

Taehyung: i did not see that coming

Seokjin: oh, wondering who's coming??

Seokjin: Min Yoongi fifteen minutes ago!

Taehyung: what

Jungkook: ew?

Yoongi: I did not

Hoseok: what do u mean??

Namjoon: What he means is, good evening everyone! :)

Jimin: that smiley is scaring me??

Namjoon: What's wrong with it? It's a smile :)

Jungkook: only grandpas uses it

Seokjin: why aren't Yoongi using it then? haha!

Jimin: burn!!!!

Jimin: anyways, can i invite some people into this chat?

Seokjin: how nice of you to ask!

Seokjin: no

Jimin: ok cool, so there's this one guy called sam who seems super nice

Yoongi: He said no?

Jimin: and another guy called peter

Hoseok: what???

Jimin: just kidding haha, his name's arthur

Taehyung: stop joking now, hobi doesn't think it's fun<3 please

Jimin: hahaha okurr

Seokjin: did I miss something?

Seokjin: who's Sam, Peter and Arthur?

Jimin: foreign guys!

Yoongi: You talk a lot about this Peter

Yoongi: Who's that?

Hoseok: he's no one, i don't like him

Jimin: hobi used to date him lmao

Hoseok: stop writing :)

Namjoon: Look, told you people still used that smiley!

Seokjin: only when they're irritated, darling :/

Yoongi: Your pet names become more annoying every day

Seokjin: did you hear anything, sweetheart??

Yoongi: Seriously?

Hoseok: pls stop stressing over there

Hoseok: it's not good for the baby!

Seokjin: what baby??

Hoseok: yoongi



Yoongi: That was a good one haha

Hoseok: thanksss mr lovegood!<333

Jimin: hey hey, don't get too flirty over there!?

Jimin: i've got my eyes on u

Jimin: literally

Jimin: across the room

Yoongi: Across the room? You're outside the house?

Jimin: hobi's in my apartment

Yoongi: That you bought with Charles' money?

Jimin: yes??

Jimin: but he's history now

Taehyung: it was last week :3

Jimin: yes?? history!

Namjoon: I love history

Namjoon: Interesting that it repeats itself, isn't it?

Seokjin: grandpa, you officially have permission to use the grandpa emoji!

Namjoon: What :(

Seokjin: (sorry honey, love you!)

Yoongi: You've said I love you already?

Seokjin: things happen fast in gay town, you know!

Seokjin: I hope we'll be engaged within a week or so

Seokjin: *wink, wink* ;)

Namjoon: Haha :)

Hoseok: ok creepy smiley, help

Jimin: ok sam says he wanna join the chat

Jimin: he's from canada btw

Jimin: so he's kind and a people pleaser and loves maple syrup

Taehyung: that sounded stereotypical

Jungkook: does he love Total Drama Island?

Jungkook: only people who love TDI can chat here

Namjoon: I didn't know that?

Namjoon: Where do you come from?

Jungkook: Busan

Jimin: i was born in busan first!!

Jimin: and sam says he likes TDI

Taehyung: ask him if he ships courtney and duncan or gwen and duncan

Namjoon: What are you talking about?

Seokjin: a show for kids, I believe?

Seokjin: I only watch real TV!

Yoongi: You mean Hollywood Wives?

Seokjin: yes, real TV!

Yoongi: Is Hobi even here anymore?

Seokjin: i think u scared him away with the creepy smileys!

Taehyung: me too, lol :P

Yoongi: And you are 12, or? Why are you using smileys?

Taehyung: how else are you going to know what my facial expression look like? :o

Jimin: [sends Sam's number]

Jimin: hobi, add him

Yoongi: I think you should ask please

Seokjin: why is that?

Seokjin: is that some weird kink you have? ;)

Yoongi: Ironic of you to talk about weird kinks, mr foot-fetish

Seokjin: I do not have a foot fetish!?

Jungkook: ew, feet stinks

Hoseok: my feet doesn't stink

Seokjin: oh, look who's back!

Seokjin: do you have any weird kinks?? hm??

Hoseok: no haha

Yoongi: ;)

Hoseok: stop it!!!

Jimin: okay, what did i just witness

Taehyung: think it was love<3

Hoseok: what

Yoongi: what

Seokjin: what???

Seokjin: no it was not! it was cringy flirting!

Jimin: add sam

Hoseok: why?

Jimin: so we can flirt with him??

Hoseok: i don't wanna

Jimin: why not??

Hoseok: yoongi, do u wanna chat for a moment?

Yoongi: Sure?

Seokjin: hm...

Seokjin: what are you going to talk about? ;)

Namjoon: If they wanted to share I think they would do that here

Seokjin: stop being so stiff now!

Seokjin: or wait, it was only your dick haha

Jungkook: why are old people so gross

Jimin: says mr-masturbate

Taehyung: don't call him that?

Jungkook: everyone knows that I'm rabbit boy lol

Seokjin: you eat carrots??

Jungkook: no, I look like a rabbit

Jungkook: [sends picture]


Jimin: i wanna send a picture too!

Jimin: [sends picture]


Jimin: hi i'm single, pls flirt with me!


[Private Chat: Hoseok & Yoongi]

Hoseok: hello

Yoongi: Hello

Hoseok: weird chat right haha

Yoongi: Super weird

Yoongi: Who's Sam?

Hoseok: who knows? haha

Hoseok: but did u see the pic of jimin btw

Yoongi: I did

Yoongi: Are you wondering if he's more good looking than you or something?

Hoseok: i was quiet over here??

Hoseok: but what if i was wondering that

Yoongi: Then I'd say that you have nothing to worry about

Hoseok: what do u mean by that

Yoongi: What do you think I mean?

Hoseok: i dunno, that's why i'm asking??

Hoseok: do u think i'm cute...

Hoseok: hotter than jimin...

Yoongi: I think you should stop comparing yourself to Jimin now

Yoongi: You are very different to each other

Hoseok: ok

Hoseok: but hello...

Hoseok: are u excited...

Yoongi: For?

Hoseok: our meeting in two days!!

Yoongi: Now I got nervous

Hoseok: me too

Yoongi: Why

Hoseok: why did u get nervous

Yoongi: No reason

Yoongi: I didn't

Hoseok: why did u lie

Yoongi: What are we talking about?

Hoseok: dunno

Hoseok: but really random

Hoseok: can i call u

Yoongi: Why

Hoseok: so i can't

Yoongi: I didn't say that

Hoseok: so i can

Yoongi: If you tell me why

Hoseok: i wanna hear ur voice

Yoongi: Gay

[Hoseok is calling]



Oh my god, you picked up, *sounds surprised and nervous*

Why wouldn't I? *sounds nervous too, and a bit stiff*



*strained silence*

So I picked up,

*forced, awkward laugh*

Yes! I know, haha *even more awkward laugh*

You wanted to hear my voice? *teasing albeit hesitant voice*

Yes and now I did, thank you, bye-


Wait? *sounds busted because he'd been about to hung up*

You want to hang up already?

I don't have anything more to say, eh, *sound of slapping his forehead because how awkward can you be!?*

*silence and sounds of awkwardly scratching his neck*

Well okay, good night then? *awkward, dry laugh*

Good night! *voice squeaks*

Or wait- *says hurriedly*


*sounds of inhaling*

Let's be more than friends,

*shocked silence*

*internal panic, why had he said that!?*


Best friends, ha, ha!

Got to go, bye,

I thought you meant something else-


Did you just curse-


[Call Disconnected by Hoseok]


Yoongi: That ended fast

Hoseok: that's what she said

Yoongi: Seriously?

Hoseok: ok sorry?? hehe

Hoseok: i just realized that i had to ehm

Hoseok: brush mickey!

Yoongi: Holly's already got a brush today

Hoseok: why am i surprised

Yoongi: You want us to be more than friends?

Yoongi: What was that?

Hoseok: ptthh haha

Hoseok: nothing, just forget about it pls

Yoongi: No, I don't wanna do that

Yoongi: Still feels like you meant something else

Hoseok: mega best friends??

Yoongi: Something that starts with boy

Hoseok: boy?? what starts with boy haha

Yoongi: +friend

Hoseok: i really don't understand

Hoseok: i think i'm getting ill, gtg

Yoongi: You're getting ill? Sick? Just like that?

Hoseok: yeah, tragic i know, i have dance tomorrow and all

Yoongi: Does this mean we can't meet up?

Hoseok: no!!

Hoseok: it just means that i'm sick rn, will prob be good in two days

Hoseok: or now that i think about it maybe i won't

Yoongi: What?

Yoongi: I don't really understand

Hoseok: i'm sick, bye

Yoongi: Are you leaving?

Yoongi: Hello?



Hoseok excited his chat with Yoongi. He stared at his background picture, hurriedly changing it from the picture of Yoongi he'd changed it to yesterday. He must be an idiot. He didn't feel very good. His face was hot and he was nervously sweating. Had he just asked Yoongi to be more than friends? Everyone knew what that meant! Hoseok didn't even want to be that. It was stupid.

Or did he want that?

He turned off his phone, only growing nervous from the hello's Yoongi sent him. He put his phone away on his nightstand, laid down in bed with his face pressed against his pillow, nearly suffocating, not really minding about that at the moment. He had a problem. A growing problem. He liked talking to Yoongi a bit too much. Chatting with him too. Flirting with him. He'd decided to be Yoongi's friend, to make him happy, but why? Now Hoseok was stuck with these- these weird feelings in his chest that wouldn't leave him alone.

He emerged from his pillow, gasping for air. He searched his mind. What did he know about Yoongi? Well, nothing. He knew absolutely nothing about him. So Hoseok was only confused. You couldn't like someone you'd only met once. You don't know people from only texting with them. That much Jimin had taught him after ex number 3.

But Hoseok wasn't Jimin. Yoongi wasn't ex number 3. Yoongi was very different. Special. Witty. Everyone knew that Hoseok liked jokes. No one could keep up with him at school. No one could hold his attention. He was restless, always searching for a new adventure that never came. Dance class was too easy and essays bored him out. Yoongi... he wasn't boring. He wasn't dull. He was mysterious. Hoseok had to drag things out of him.

Mysterious equals trouble Jimin had taught him after ex number 2. Hoseok had other opinions on mysterious. All great movies were mysterious. All great stories had a mystery to solve. What if Yoongi was the great mystery in his own story?

He turned to his back, faced the ceiling, focusing on those weird feelings swirling around in his chest. He was just nervous. For the day after tomorrow. Just nervous. Nothing more. Meeting up with strangers, or almost-strangers, was always scary after all.

Hoseok was being secretive himself, and it wasn't like him. He was worried that mom would be disappointed in him, even if it was embarrassing to worry about your mom's opinion at the very, very Dumbledore-old age of twenty two. Hoseok cared. About his family. About his friends. He cared about everyone. That's why he cared about Yoongi. It was just nature.

That still didn't explain why he'd suddenly felt sick when he'd heard Yoongi's voice on the phone just now.

He groaned. Then he let Mickey into his room and hugged him tight in bed, kissing him and patting him on his soft head. What was Hoseok afraid of? He didn't want to end up like Tommy, or whatever had been the name of the boy that had gotten kidnapped a few years ago, or end up like Amber whose nude pictures had spread over school like wildfire. He didn't think Yoongi would kidnap him though. He was too small to do that. He couldn't spread Hoseok's pictures around unless he sent him any first.

Jimin was suspicious of Yoongi. Taehyung too. Hoseok's mom wouldn't like Yoongi. Maybe Hoseok was afraid of them. Of judgement. He was afraid that people would be disappointed in him if he liked Yoongi. Flirting was one thing, but was Hoseok ready for a relationship?

"What am I thinking about, angel?" Hoseok whispered to Mickey, feeling confused. It wasn't like him to dwell. To overthink. He usually acted first and then thought about the consequences, following his gut feeling without thinking too much about it, and that's how he liked it. That's the Hoseok he knew. He didn't feel like himself today. Tomorrow he would be himself again.

"I think you like Min Yoongi," Mickey replied. Hoseok gaped, pretending that Mickey had been the one to say that when it really had been himself.

"Why are you making your dog talk, weirdo?" Hoseok asked himself while patting Mickey who blinked up at him with big, watery eyes. He was so cute. Jesus. Hoseok attack-kissed his dog everywhere he could reach before he hugged and spooned the soft dog, looking at the posters of Big Bang on his wall as he thought, feeling alone and confused. He wondered when Mickey had become his best friend.

He heard sounds of mom cleaning the living room outside with the vacuum cleaner. Perhaps it was dad. He grimaced from the reminder that he had no privacy here. Having the basement for himself was nice, but he was too old and it felt weird that mom cleaned for him.

"Stay there, baby," Hoseok told Mickey as he put him on his main pillow and rose up from bed. He opened the door to his room and met mom in the living room, taking over the vacuum cleaning. It would only do him good. Mom would think he was a good boy who always made good decisions and cleaning would help his mind stay empty. It always did.

After he'd cleaned the whole house and it was well past eleven, he wondered why he was cleaning so much. Mickey laid in the couch, watching him and happily wagging his tail as Hoseok wiped his forehead on the back of his hand. He slumped down on the couch, covering his face from Mickey that wanted to lick it.

Two days until he would meet Yoongi again. Two days to shake these weird feelings away. He couldn't tell Jimin about it. He only had Mickey.

Chapter Text

[Private Chat: Hoseok & Yoongi]

Yoongi: Hello?

Hoseok: hello.

Yoongi: A dot? Why so formal?

Hoseok: no reason hehe

Hoseok: good morning!

Yoongi: It's two in the afternoon

Hoseok: isn't that morning to u?

Yoongi: Well, you're right?

Yoongi: Anyway, you left kinda soon yesterday

Hoseok: oh, i did??

Hoseok: sorry had to feed mickey

Yoongi: You said you would brush him

Hoseok: i did??

Yoongi: Yeah?

Hoseok: i had to do both

Hoseok: how so

Hoseok: missed me?<3

Yoongi: What if I did, lol

Hoseok: wait, did u

Yoongi: Totally not

Hoseok: ok but it sounded like u did

Yoongi: Did you whomp your willow while thinking of me?

Hoseok: gjg no??

Hoseok: did u??

Yoongi: While thinking of myself or thinking of you?

Hoseok: what are we talking about??

Yoongi: Jacking off?

Hoseok: can we change topic pls

Yoongi: Feeling hot?

Hoseok: duh?? just had a two hours dance lesson, jesus

Yoongi: Send picture

Hoseok: why

Yoongi: Aren't you wearing a bandana or something? Sweatband?

Hoseok: yes, but i repeat, why do u want a pic

Yoongi: Daddy's hot, I wanna see, please

Hoseok: h-

Yoongi: ;)

Hoseok: STOP

Hoseok: just- just stop it,

Hoseok: whatever ur doing

Hoseok: stop it right now!!

Yoongi: Doesn't daddy like me anymore?

Yoongi: but daddy makes me feel so hot and sexy, please, please take me back...

Yoongi: Hello

Yoongi: did you leave?

Hoseok: yes i left?!?

Hoseok: gotta hide my phone from jimin, bc he's standing right next to me?!?!

Yoongi: Fuck me daddy, hard and rough until I cry


Yoongi: Lol

Yoongi: You won't block me

Yoongi: you like me too much

Hoseok: u sound very cocky considering i just threatened to block u??

Yoongi: because I know you love me, daddy, ah, ah, p-please, harder

Hoseok: whatever game this is, u won

Hoseok: my face is red and jimin's chasing me, help!!!

Yoongi: He's chasing you?

Yoongi: Where? Back into the closet?

Hoseok: no??? and i'm still in there, aint coming out

Hoseok: he chased me to the bathroom

Hoseok: so, now u can continue that daddy talk and fake moaning etc, i'm alone!

Yoongi: Oh, want me to continue?

Yoongi: Please inform me why you had to lock yourself up in a bathroom?

Hoseok: no reason?? told u, don't want jimin to see and think weird things

Yoongi: And those weird things would be?

Hoseok: who knows?? u can continue now, i'm ready

Yoongi: You're ready?

Yoongi: Gonna fuck yourself or something?

Hoseok: jdfghdjf

Hoseok: watch the language!!

Yoongi: hyung, please faster, you're- you're so b-big, ah

Yoongi: I'm- I'm gonna c-come

Hoseok: seriously???

Yoongi: So, I just texted Jimin and asked him to snap a picture of you when you come out of there

Hoseok: what

Hoseok: wait

Hoseok: i'm very confused

Yoongi: Think you mean flustered

Yoongi: You know, making you flustered is just too easy sometimes

Yoongi: You have too many kinks, baby

Hoseok: you're evil

Yoongi: I'm smart*

Yoongi: Big difference

Hoseok: i'm frustrated

Yoongi: Think you mean horny

Hoseok: could u tell jimin to go away??

Yoongi: Why? Need five minutes to yourself?

Hoseok: i'm not a naughty boy, no

Yoongi: Since when were 22 years olds considered 'boys'?

Yoongi: You're a man

Hoseok: thanks for the compliment<3

Yoongi: Wasn't really a compliment, just stating facts

Hoseok: thank you<3

Yoongi: you're welcome<3

Hoseok: omg why did u send me a heart

Yoongi: Something to help you nut

Hoseok: OK STOP

Hoseok: jesus, i'm not doong that

Yoongi: What's 'doong'?

Hoseok: DOING*

Hoseok: god, i'll go out of here now, tell jimin to leave me alone

Hoseok: and u! u leave me alone too!

Yoongi: Does that translate to, 'please sext with me'?

Hoseok: no

Yoongi: but I wanna make you feel good hyung, p-please let me make you feel good

Hoseok: satan called, he wants his devil back

Yoongi: Do you seriously like that overly kinky shit?

Yoongi: Didn't think that about you

Hoseok: and now ur judging me okay i see, evil

Yoongi: You don't think I feel hot too?

Hoseok: what

Yoongi: I mean

Yoongi: That's what I would say if we sexted

Hoseok: okay but we're not so pls stop that ok

Hoseok: i'm happy last class is over

Yoongi: Are you hard?

Hoseok: kghkgk stop asking private things!!

Hoseok: no i'm not

Yoongi: Lucky you

Hoseok: what do u mean by that

Hoseok: are u h4rd???

Yoongi: 'stop asking private things!!'

Hoseok: u answer first, then i answer

Yoongi: Nothing to answer

Hoseok: what do u mean

Yoongi: brb


[Private Chat: Hoseok & Jimin]

Jimin: okay bitch, what are u doing in there??

Jimin: u ran away when i tried to check ur screen? SHADY AF!

Hoseok: nothing, just had to do number 2 jiminie<3

Jimin: last time i checked doing number 2 didn't include moaning

Hoseok: i'm not moaning???

Jimin: what are u doing then??

Jimin: i've been pressing my ear against the door for a while and i regret that now!

Hoseok: i'm constipated, ok

Hoseok: gimme five min then i'll be back

Jimin: is that why you looked so sweaty? thought you looked stiff!

Jimin: ok but good luck in there

Jimin: and i'll just ignore the message 'min yoongi' sent me

Hoseok: yes please do that hehe

Jimin: -.-

Jimin: are u chatting with him?

Hoseok: oh i can feel the poop coming now! yesss i'm not constipated anymore!

Jimin: ew GROSS

Jimin: keep details to urself please!

Hoseok: how come ur not complaining when tae gives u gross details

Jimin: we're soulmates, different thing, he can never be gross

Hoseok: hurtful?? ok but see u in five

Jimin: i'll meet tae and kook by the entrance, see ya!

Hoseok: and don't eavesdrop??

Jimin: lmao why would i wanna listen to u shit?? bye!

Hoseok: phew


[Private Chat: Hoseok & Yoongi]

Hoseok: hello it's been seven minutes to be correct

Hoseok: not that i'm counting or anything

Hoseok: did u leave

Yoongi: I did leave, but now I'm back

Hoseok: why did u go

Yoongi: Can't tell

Hoseok: that sounds suspicious

Yoongi: Ikr?

Yoongi: Did you think of me while you fucked yourself?

Hoseok: jgfhg

Hoseok: no!! phhhh

Hoseok: and it's called beat ur meat or whomping ur willow, or polishing ur car, stroke ur snake, anything but those vile words!

Yoongi: Stroke your snake? That's the first time I heard that

Yoongi: I'm a snake btw

Hoseok: why did u tell me that, want me to stroke u??

Yoongi: Sure I mean, preferably somewhere South

Hoseok: what dod um ean??

Hoseok: were u stroking ur snake to thoughts of me just now or something??

Yoongi: No

Hoseok: convincing...

Yoongi: Likewise

Yoongi: Convincing that you disappeared for seven minutes after we had almost sexted

Hoseok: u were the one who disappeared??

Yoongi: True?

Yoongi: Do I make you feel hot, hyung?<3

Hoseok: u know, i regret chatting with u now

Yoongi: You make me feel so hot that I came within a minute

Hoseok: i can't tell if ur joking or not??

Yoongi: I'm joking ofc haha

Yoongi: Why? Aren't you?

Hoseok: i'm doing nothing, ur the one that's being dirty!!

Hoseok: stop dragging me into ur sinning!

Yoongi: You really want that?

Yoongi: I think you're a sinner too, deep down, under those sunshine smiles and pretty eyes

Hoseok: omg did u just give me a compliment

Yoongi: Nah, it's just facts

Hoseok: no i think u just called my eyes pretty

Hoseok: thank u, i think u have pretty eyes too

Yoongi: Gayyy

Hoseok: ur gayer

Yoongi: Yeah, I know

Hoseok: i thought u were gonna push it back??

Hoseok: why are u gayer, explain, i go to dance school, think that's pretty gay

Yoongi: Hm... I have a poodle

Hoseok: i have mickey, an angel

Yoongi: I have a dildo

Hoseok: okay PAUSE!

Yoongi: Shouldn't I have told you that?

Hoseok: one day u will kill me with the amount of heart attacks u give me

Yoongi: I'm giving you heart attacks?

Yoongi: Why? Like me?<3

Hoseok: >:(

Hoseok: stop making me flustered RIGHT NOW and have a NORMAL conversation with me!

Yoongi: You just admitted that you're flustered lol

Hoseok: h-

Yoongi: Got you, haha

Hoseok: tease me one more time and i'll-

Hoseok: god now jimin's back wondering why i screamed!!!!??!

Yoongi: I make you scream? b-but I'm not even touching you daddy?

Hoseok: imma throw my phone into the toilet, i-

Hoseok: imma throw myself into the toilet

Hoseok: right now

Hoseok: lord jesus have mercy

Yoongi: Seriously?

Yoongi: You're just too kinky

Yoongi: I don't think I've ever met someone who liked that daddy, hyung and begging kink so much

Hoseok: no excuses allowed

Hoseok: admit that u love making my life hard

Yoongi: 'Hard', yeah, is that what I'm doing?


Yoongi: Genius jjang jjang man bboong bboong

Hoseok: what!?

Yoongi: Nothing

Yoongi: But yeah I have a dildo, so I think I'm gayer

Hoseok: do u mean that u've had it up ur 4ss too, or

Yoongi: Among other things

Hoseok: what other things??

Yoongi: Didn't you just say you wanted to have normal conversation with me?

Yoongi: This doesn't seem that normal to me

Hoseok: who cares!!! tell me now, i wanna know before i drown in toilet water

Yoongi: Ugh

Hoseok: also, jimin's trying to break inside, he brought tae and kook and they wanna go buy ice cream

Yoongi: To help you cool down when you're feeling so hot?

Hoseok: bitch

Yoongi: Excuse me?

Hoseok: just tell me what ur doing with the d1ldo now

Yoongi: Did you call me a bitch?

Yoongi: What did I do to deserve that, hyung? :'(

Hoseok: please just stop, i'm crying

Yoongi: You're crying?

Yoongi: Hello?

Hoseok: still here, but imma be silent bc no matter what i say u over smart me and make me feel like a kinky loser

Yoongi: Maybe because you are one

Hoseok: just u wait...

Hoseok: one day...

Yoongi: You'll fuck me hard and rough like I want you to?

Hoseok: what+!?!

Yoongi: What happened? Did you come from the thought?

Hoseok: stop making fun of me, mr bully

Yoongi: Don't think it's called bullying, it's flirting

Hoseok: no it's not, grr

Hoseok: just u wait, tomorrow when we meet i'll get revenge on u

Yoongi: How?

Hoseok: i dunno i'll like punch u or something?!?!?

Yoongi: You? Picking a fight? Didn't think that about you

Yoongi: Besides, there's other things you could do to release pent up frustration

Hoseok: don't

Hoseok: 1. call me daddy/hyung

Hoseok: 2. say something with the word f*ck

Hoseok: 3. tease me

Hoseok: so, go on

Yoongi: You could always fuck me daddy, you're so good at it and you make me feel so, so h-hot, ahh, t-touch me

Yoongi: Haha

Yoongi: Did you leave?

Yoongi: Drown yourself in the toilet?

Hoseok: sadist

Hoseok: that's what u are

Yoongi: Is that what I am?

Yoongi: I always wondered

Hoseok: i need to go now

Yoongi: No, you will not

Hoseok: stop playing with my kinks, jesus

Yoongi: What? What weird kink was that?

Hoseok: nothing

Yoongi: You like being bossed over?

Hoseok: please help me

Hoseok: don't tell mom!!! i beg u

Yoongi: Begging me? Interesting

Hoseok: don't u have any more kinks

Yoongi: I have like 20 kinks

Hoseok: 20?? that's a lot??

Yoongi: I know? But unlike you I have a good poker face

Hoseok: offence

Yoongi: ?

Hoseok: for scientific research, would u consider urself being a dom or a sub...

Yoongi: Feels weird that you're asking me that

Hoseok: why??

Yoongi: I don't think a 'dom' would send messages reading 'p-please' etc

Hoseok: but

Hoseok: i thought that was only u playing with my kinks

Yoongi: I'm pretty good at playing with my own kinks as well, mind you

Hoseok: so

Hoseok: are u a sub...

Yoongi: Why else would I let you put me in a collar

Hoseok: good point

Hoseok: but like okay, interesting...

Yoongi: What now?

Yoongi: Gonna straddle me or push me against a wall tomorrow?

Hoseok: would u like that

Yoongi: Yet again, kinda obvious that I would

Hoseok: but ur so soft

Hoseok: what if i break u

Yoongi: You don't need to smash me against a wall, you know

Yoongi: Unless you want to kill me

Hoseok: never

Hoseok: but ur so soft, please wear layers of clothes and a beanie and gloves

Yoongi: You still have my gloves

Hoseok: right

Hoseok: but like did we decide that i'm gonna press u against a wall now, or

Yoongi: Wouldn't you like that?

Hoseok: focus off of me ///

Hoseok: we're talking about /you/

Yoongi: Why? I prefer talking about you

Hoseok: i can see that

Hoseok: but ur other kinks, spill

Yoongi: No

Hoseok: why not??

Yoongi: Maybe because they're private?

Hoseok: mine are too??

Yoongi: All kinks aren't private though

Yoongi: Like, praising kink is joked about and daddy kink is funny

Hoseok: it's not funny

Yoongi: Perhaps not for the ones who actually have the kink, but for others

Hoseok: what kinks do u have then, that aren't 'funny'

Yoongi: Why so curious?

Hoseok: i wanna know

Yoongi: For 'science'?

Hoseok: yeah??

Hoseok: but like, i'm trying to think of kinks but my mind went blank

Hoseok: gonna walk out to jimin and co and ask them about different kinks

Yoongi: Sounds like a bad idea

Yoongi: Should I be prepared for Jimin taking your phone?

Hoseok: no haha

Hoseok: ok so i'm out of the bathroom now

Yoongi: I'll be expecting the picture of your flustered face from Jimin

Hoseok: he's not gonna send u one, so don't wait!!

Yoongi: Okay

Yoongi: Pity

Hoseok: why is it a pity

Yoongi: It just is?

Hoseok: why did u want the picture of me being flustered

Yoongi: For blackmailing purposes, clearly

Hoseok: no i think u wanted it bc it makes u feel hot

Yoongi: It doesn't

Hoseok: it feels like i'm very bad at trying to tease u

Yoongi: You are?

Hoseok: ok but i asked them for kinks and tae replied 'foot fetish'

Hoseok: do u have that?<3

Hoseok: my feet are very cute, just so u know<3

Yoongi: I do not have that, thank you, sext

Hoseok: i think u mean next

Yoongi: No, I mean sext?

Yoongi: Wanna sext?

Hoseok: no??

Yoongi: Guess another kink then

Hoseok: blindfold said jimin

Yoongi: TMI, does Jimin have a kink like that?

Hoseok: no judge, it's a nice kink he says

Yoongi: I haven't tried it so no, not a kink of mine rn

Hoseok: u haven't tried it??

Yoongi: How so? Have you?

Hoseok: we're talking about u here

Yoongi: No, now we're talking about you, answer.

Hoseok: are u being bossy just bc u know i like it, or

Yoongi: Not sure?

Hoseok: ok but we'll drop that topic...

Hoseok: kookie said whipped cream

Yoongi: What? Weird kink

Hoseok: oh wait, it's just what he wanted on his ice cream haha, awkward

Yoongi: Namjoon likes getting spanked

Hoseok: tmi, tmi, tmi??

Yoongi: I didn't want to know Jimin's kink, now we're even

Hoseok: do u have a spanking kink??

Yoongi: Can't say that I've tried that either, sounds interesting though?

Hoseok: getting spanked sounds awful!

Hoseok: didn't u get spanked as a kid??

Yoongi: Only twice

Hoseok: and u miss it or what??

Yoongi: I don't think you get it

Hoseok: explain to me then, why spanking

Yoongi: I'm not gonna 'explain it' lol

Yoongi: Explain your hyung kink

Hoseok: why??

Hoseok: can't u tell me one of ur kinks instead

Yoongi: Why?

Yoongi: Will you send me a picture then?

Hoseok: sure??

Yoongi: Really?

Hoseok: a picture of my ice cream, yeah??

Yoongi: I didn't mean your ice cream

Hoseok: that's all u get, spill ur kink pls

Yoongi: So I have a really bad praising kink

Hoseok: praising??

Hoseok: what do u mean by 'really bad'

Yoongi: Use your brain

Hoseok: i'm trying, think it took vacation around the time u texted me

Yoongi: What?

Hoseok: okok

Hoseok: you're so good for me yoongi, baby, who's a good boy for hyung?<3

Yoongi: I'm filled with so much regret

Hoseok: >:D

Yoongi: That's your face rn?

Hoseok: yes it is baby, you're so good for thinking that, I've never been more proud of you<3

Yoongi: I'm starting to feel the frustration you've been talking about

Hoseok: just drown yourself in the toilet

Yoongi: No lol

Yoongi: can't do that, hyung would miss me too much, w-wouldn't you? I- I like you so much, you- you make me f-feel needy

Hoseok: baby it's alright, come here, you're so pretty, let me see you

Yoongi: I did not expect you to join in

Hoseok: wanna sit on my lap as i take your pants off?

Yoongi: Skirt

Yoongi: I think you mean skirt

Hoseok: say what

Hoseok: don't tell me...

Yoongi: skirt and panties, yes that's what I'm wearing

Hoseok: right now?!!?

Yoongi: no, in that weird role playing thing

Hoseok: so

Hoseok: panties you say...

Yoongi: I feel like I just dug my own grave

Yoongi: R.I.P Min Yoongi

Hoseok: god, that's hot

Yoongi: what do you mean

Hoseok: you're right, you're gayer

Hoseok: are you real?

Yoongi: last time I checked, yes, I am real

Hoseok: but you're a soft sub with a praising kink who likes wearing skirts and panties? you have a poodle that you spoil to death, and a d1ldo you keep a secret

Yoongi: and?

Hoseok: pinch me

Yoongi: I could do that tomorrow

Hoseok: i don't think i will survive until tomorrow

Hoseok: and congratulations, i just dropped my ice cream on the ground, yay

Hoseok: kookie's eating it now, 5 second rule

Yoongi: sad to hear about your ice cream

Hoseok: it's okay

Hoseok: but i'm imagining you in panties now, wow

Yoongi: what does that 'wow' mean?

Hoseok: it means that i'm very curious about the rest of your kinks

Yoongi: I had expected you to make fun of me

Hoseok: why

Yoongi: seems kinda obvious

Hoseok: bc it's so hot u wanna explode or what

Yoongi: say what

Hoseok: haha i'm gonna buy a new ice cream now

Hoseok: don't make a joke about feeling hot

Hoseok: ur not allowed to say that after saying that thing up there

Hoseok: ur too soft

Hoseok: stop

Yoongi: I'm silent?

Hoseok: just stop

Hoseok: i can feel ur softness from here

Hoseok: and thanks to u jimin's been laughing at my red face for twenty minutes

Yoongi: tell him 'you're welcome'

Hoseok: no

Yoongi: tbh Jin has been laughing at my red face for a while too

Hoseok: jin's there?

Yoongi: I'm actually not home

Hoseok: ur not?

Yoongi: no Jin brought me to this event for sex toys

Hoseok: what?!?

Yoongi: Just kidding, it's an event for expensive soaps and bathroom things

Hoseok: sounds fun

Hoseok: maybe bc i'm a clean freak

Yoongi: I wish Jin had brought you instead

Yoongi: I'm bored to death

Yoongi: And the host is a real diva, she gave me the stink eye when I walked out of the bathroom, as if she knew what I did in there

Hoseok: wait wait

Hoseok: what do u mean??

Hoseok: did u do something weird in there!?

Yoongi: Uh

Yoongi: No

Hoseok: when u disappeared for seven minutes?!?!!!

Hoseok: did u do what i think u did?!

Yoongi: Depends on what you think I did

Hoseok: did u stroke ur snake

Yoongi: I don't have a snake

Hoseok: u must be able to speak parseltongue bc ur certainly speaking to my snake

Yoongi: what

Hoseok: i dunno that sounded so weird omg??

Hoseok: hehe

Hoseok: hello

Chapter Text

[Private Chat: Hoseok & Yoongi]

Yoongi: Jin and I are job hunting now

Hoseok: u are?? how's it going?

Yoongi: Like shit, tbh?

Yoongi: don't think I'm made to work

Hoseok: what are u made to do then

Yoongi: sleep

Hoseok: but u can't sleep

Yoongi: you see, it's very complicated

Hoseok: things got deep fast

Yoongi: that's what he said

Hoseok: ha-ha -.-

Yoongi: Jin says I need to focus on him now or he'll break my phone

Yoongi: Or my neck?

Yoongi: Didn't really hear the last past

Hoseok: okgayy

Hoseok: it was nice talking to you

Yoongi: think so, hyung?<3

Hoseok: and there i changed my mind -.-

Yoongi: All jokes aside, it was nice talking to you too

Yoongi: Have you changed your mind about tomorrow?

Hoseok: no, i'm gonna meet u up

Yoongi: And punch me?

Hoseok: press u against a wall and tell u how pretty u are, perhaps whisper in ur ear

Yoongi: oh look at the time, bummer, looks like I can't meet you up after all, something came up

Hoseok: ur d1ck!?

Yoongi: okay, so that joke was actually funny haha

Hoseok: all for you, sweetheart<333 :*

Yoongi: sweetheart?

Hoseok: your new pet name

Hoseok: like it?<3

Yoongi: nope

Yoongi: but you can call me that, hyung<3

Hoseok: we should have a point system

Hoseok: five points every time you make the other blush

Yoongi: I make you blush?

Yoongi: that makes me so happy to hear, daddy<3

Yoongi: did I get five points?

Hoseok: i changed my mind

Hoseok: i will not compete against you, evil mastermind...

Yoongi: I'd prefer being called sweetheart again

Hoseok: i'll make sure to call u that as i press u against the wall and grind u from behind

Yoongi: what

Hoseok: just kidding!! haha

Hoseok: did i get five points now?

Yoongi: bastard

Hoseok: think it was daddy? or hyung?

Hoseok: call me one of those two or i'll make sure to punish u, angel

Yoongi: you just took this one step too far

Hoseok: you don't like getting punished? i thought that was spanking?

Yoongi: Jin is reading over my shoulder, just so you know

Hoseok: tae's reading over mine, helping me with what to say

Yoongi: we might as well make a group chat

Yoongi: I don't like the other one

Hoseok: me neither

Hoseok: tae tells me to tell you that he thinks that you like the idea of me punishing u

Yoongi: that sounded complicated

Yoongi: also, do you want to slap my ass?

Hoseok: i dunno

Yoongi: was that a yes?

Hoseok: i dunno??

Yoongi: Jin says it was a yes

Yoongi: he also says some more things that I will not write out

Hoseok: what things

Yoongi: don't mind that

Hoseok: now i'm curious

Yoongi: I need to go

Yoongi: Talk to you later?

Hoseok: sure thing, daddy's favorite baby boy in lace panties

Yoongi: Who said anything about lace

Hoseok: what else

Hoseok: i don't suppose it's thong

Hoseok: or is it!??!

Yoongi: I'll leave it to your imagination

Hoseok: please don't

Hoseok: my imagination is very vivid??

Yoongi: Farewell

Yoongi: oh, and don't whomp your willow too hard while I'm gone, just a tip

Hoseok: i won't do that, i have company

Yoongi: So you would if you were alone? Is that what you're implying?

Hoseok: no??

Hoseok: BYE

Yoongi: Bye!



[Private Chat: Hoseok & Yoongi]

Hoseok: i didn't think about it, but u texted me first earlier today

Hoseok: i am flattered, from the very bottom of my kind heart that's too often used and played with by *cough* evil, sneaky slytherins *cough* no offence or anything

Yoongi: No offence taken

Hoseok: ho

Yoongi: Ho?

Hoseok: hi*

Hoseok: hello

Yoongi: Hello to you too

Yoongi: You're up late?

Hoseok: it's nine??

Yoongi: Late to be you

Hoseok: how did it go with the job hunt

Yoongi: Pretty bad

Hoseok: pretty, that's u

Yoongi: Smooth

Hoseok: thank you

Hoseok: sad to hear about the job hunt

Yoongi: Don't be sad, I'm in bed and my bed loves me

Yoongi: Literally

Hoseok: what do u mean by that

Yoongi: I'll leave it to your imagination

Hoseok: stop doing that

Yoongi: Is that free ticket to the Hogwarts Express still in service btw?

Hoseok: what do u mean

Yoongi: You said I could get a ride whenever I wanted, didn't you?

Yoongi: Does it include just fucking or some kissing and hugging too

Hoseok: dfghjfdgdfk

Hoseok: what are u talking about!?

Yoongi: You don't remember?

Yoongi: Jin told me again today that I needed to get fucked and then I remembered about that offer

Hoseok: u want me to fuck u?!?!

Yoongi: Haha just kidding

Hoseok: wait

Hoseok: that wasn't funny??

Yoongi: Yeah, and I wasn't joking either

Hoseok: what??

Yoongi: Or I was joking

Hoseok: i'm so confused

Yoongi: Have you been using Accio? Because I've been coming to you every night


Hoseok: i'm gonna faint

Hoseok: just

Hoseok: just stop playing with me, tnx/////

Yoongi: But you like it

Hoseok: who said that

Hoseok: arthur!?

Yoongi: Who's Arthur?

Hoseok: he's no one

Yoongi: He's like Peter?

Hoseok: no peter's a real loser

Yoongi: So you don't like losers

Yoongi: I see why you like me, I'm a winner baby

Hoseok: 1. did u just quote rupaul

Hoseok: 2. i said that i like u but don't flatter urself too much, i might not do that soon if u keep treating me like this

Yoongi: I quoted Ru Paul, and I think you'll still like me even after I 'treat you like this'

Yoongi: You like being teased

Hoseok: i don't think u know me that well

Yoongi: Same?

Yoongi: Isn't that why we're meeting tomorrow?

Hoseok: no we're meeting so i can punch u

Yoongi: Ouf, trying to scare me?

Yoongi: Because you're not very intimidating

Hoseok: i'm growling

Yoongi: Are you a wolf? I didn't know

Yoongi: This explained why you brought up that knotting thing before though

Hoseok: jesus, mary, three wise men, please make him stop talking

Yoongi: I could rhyme instead

Yoongi: Hoseok, why won't you let me speak, are you afraid that you will leak?


Yoongi: What is it that you fear, when you have me near?

Yoongi: Try your luck, if you're looking for a fuck

Hoseok: awfully bad rhymes with foul language, u can do better

Yoongi: Touch my hips, kiss my lips

Hoseok: what are u writing now

Yoongi: It's called improvisation

Hoseok: are u using ur d1ldo

Yoongi: That was random?

Hoseok: are u???

Yoongi: No

Yoongi: It wants friends

Hoseok: i won't buy it to u

Yoongi: Sigh...

Yoongi: Guess I won't let you borrow them then...

Hoseok: why would u wanna borrow ur used old, rotten, s3x toys??

Yoongi: Ouch? Hurtful?

Yoongi: The only used, old and rotten thing in this house is me, leave my beloved toys out of the picture

Hoseok: ur not used, old and rotten

Yoongi: but I am?

Hoseok: ur old but not the other two

Yoongi: You do realize that we're the same age right now, right?

Hoseok: uh i had forgotten about that hehe

Yoongi: Why are you asking if I'm using my dildo?

Yoongi: His name is bilbo btw

Yoongi: A dildo called bilbo

Hoseok: are u serious??

Yoongi: Yes?

Yoongi: Jin named him when I got him last week

Hoseok: have u only had him for a week?? jin told me he found something in a bookshelf

Yoongi: Don't listen to what Jin's saying, I've only had bilbo for a week

Yoongi: Couldn't have any nice things at moms place

Hoseok: so u hurried to buy a d1ldo as soon as u moved

Yoongi: What else would I buy?

Hoseok: oh i dunno?? furniture?? cutlery?? like normal people

Yoongi: Well, maybe I'm not 'normal people'

Hoseok: you're certainly not, ur very weird

Yoongi: For the first time I feel like blocking your number

Hoseok: u don't like being called weird?

Yoongi: What do you think?

Yoongi: I was called weird by that bitch all my life, there you have it

Hoseok: i feel embarrassed now

Hoseok: i didn't know, sorry

Yoongi: Not your fault

Yoongi: Don't just tell people they're weird like that

Yoongi: You know nothing about them and you could hurt them

Hoseok: i won't

Hoseok: i'm just so used to jimin speaking his mind all the time, and he calls people weird all the time whenever he feels like it

Yoongi: I think Jimin's and my lives are very different

Yoongi: I wouldn't tell someone they're weird like that

Yoongi: I'd think it, but still

Hoseok: so you think mean things about people?

Yoongi: Don't all?

Hoseok: i don't

Yoongi: Peter?

Hoseok: peter doesn't count, he's a LOSER

Yoongi: What did he do to earn that tag?

Hoseok: why are u asking

Yoongi: Whatever he did I don't wanna make the same mistake

Hoseok: oh

Hoseok: well, to put it simple he tried to compete with me all the time

Hoseok: we went to the same school a few years ago and if i took one class he took the same and tried to be the best, and he called me a clean freak, told me i had ocd like jimin

Hoseok: he just messed with my vibe and tried to turn me into something i'm not

Yoongi: Were you together?

Hoseok: it's not important to the story

Yoongi: So you were?

Hoseok: it's not important to the story??

Hoseok: fact stands that he's a big fat LOSER

Yoongi: In?

Hoseok: life

Hoseok: dance

Hoseok: he's a loser in jung hoseok's life

Hoseok: he dragged me down so i dumped him

Yoongi: So you were together?

Hoseok: you can dump friends too

Hoseok: grrrrr now i'm agitated!!! i hate him!!

Yoongi: You hate him? He must've messed up bad

Yoongi: You don't seem like the type to hate people

Hoseok: nice observation, i'm not

Hoseok: but peter man, you'd hate him too

Hoseok: and dean

Hoseok: i hate him too

Hoseok: but it's all forgiven now, i'm over it

Yoongi: Sure

Yoongi: and I'm over my mom too

Hoseok: ur not

Yoongi: I don't think you're over those people either?

Yoongi: And I don't only hate my mom

Yoongi: I'm full of hate

Yoongi: I hate practically everyone

Hoseok: not me<3

Yoongi: I'm pretty sure you're not human by now, so you don't count

Hoseok: ur right, i'm a dance god from the skies haha!

Yoongi: Cocky?

Hoseok: i wanted to plant a joke there in case someone from FBI read this chat and found out that we're so full of hate?? can't be good

Yoongi: I don't think you're full of hate though

Yoongi: You're full of love

Yoongi: It's just me that's bitter, old and hateful

Hoseok: you just called me old too

Hoseok: and can't you be full of love? isn't it a choice?

Yoongi: It is

Yoongi: But there comes a point in life when you keep getting the short end of things, keep losing, keep being used, and then it's best to stop being nice and start being hateful so people will stay away and won't hurt you again

Hoseok: that sounds like the storyline of shrek

Hoseok: doesn't sound nice

Yoongi: Life isn't nice

Hoseok: that sounded depressing

Yoongi: [sends picture, shrek meme]


Hoseok: haha funny picture

Hoseok: tell me more about urself now, counselor jung is here to listen

Yoongi: Hm, no

Yoongi: Feels like I've already told you too much

Hoseok: what do you mean 'too much'?

Hoseok: you don't like telling people things about yourself?

Yoongi: I thought that was obvious, that I don't

Yoongi: I'm not really chatting with anyone besides you

Yoongi: Only have two friends

Hoseok: i only have like six

Hoseok: but no one i trust 1000% like you have with jin/namjoon

Yoongi: There's only 100 percent

Hoseok: what

Yoongi: I know, gays can't do math, sorry

Hoseok: is that why i'm bad at math?? always wondered, jimin said it was bc i watched too much tv

Yoongi: Weird reason?

Hoseok: ok but ur full of hate u say

Hoseok: isn't there something u love?

Yoongi: A few things

Hoseok: me?<3

Yoongi: Holly, Jin and my bed

Hoseok: not me?</3

Yoongi: I have mixed feelings for you

Hoseok: i'm listening

Hoseok: what kind of feelings

Hoseok: and u have feelings then, i wondered with how evil u were being teasing me before

Yoongi: I'm not a psychopath, I have feelings

Yoongi: A relief?

Hoseok: yeah??

Hoseok: [sends picture]


Yoongi: Okay, enough of that Shrek meme now

Yoongi: I like you

Hoseok: [sends picture]


Yoongi: *Face palm*

Hoseok: you like me? ;))

Yoongi: You know what I meant

Hoseok: no i don't, please clarify

Yoongi: You know what I meant, daddy ;) <3 *

Yoongi: fuck me ah, ah, hard and fast and touch my cock until I cry your name, please

Hoseok: kfjgdfgd

Hoseok: whatareu sayingd?!

Hoseok: do u rlly want me to f*ck u?!?!

Yoongi: Too mature topic?

Hoseok: i'm 22, bring on the mature topics

Yoongi: Then please buy me that vibrator and cock ring, mature hyung

Hoseok: i meant the topic of u wanting to get f*cked by ME!?

Yoongi: Who said I wanted that lol

Hoseok: u just did?!?!

Hoseok: up there!?

Yoongi: I don't see anything?

Yoongi: Anyway, so there's a few things I love, how so?

Hoseok: u clearly forgot to add being dirty to that list!!

Hoseok: here's the real list of things min yoongi loves:

Hoseok: 1. being a dirty boy

Hoseok: 2. teasing and mocking hoseok for his kinks

Hoseok: 3. talking about wanting to ride the hogwarts express before drastically changing the topic

Hoseok: 4. music

Hoseok: 5. holly

Yoongi: You forgot my bed and my brand new dildo named bilbo

Hoseok: oh sorry your highness, how could i have forgotten about that

Yoongi: You sound sarcastic

Hoseok: i wonder why?!?!

Hoseok: stop playing with me!!

Yoongi: I repeat, but you like it?

Hoseok: i think u like it more, u sneaky snake!!

Yoongi: Snake? Are you stroking your snake right now?

Hoseok: jgdfjkghj no!!

Yoongi: I'm stroking my dildo

Hoseok: u are!??!?

Yoongi: Just kidding


Yoongi: bilbo looks almost like a real dick btw, a bit scary

Hoseok: for ur information it's spelled D, mister D boy

Hoseok: and send pic or i won't believe that

Yoongi: If you want to see bilbo you need to walk here yourself, he's shy

Hoseok: ur d1ldo's SHY!?

Hoseok: that's the weirdest thing i've ever heard in my LIFE!

Yoongi: No need to use caps, I can read what you're writing just fine

Hoseok: now i'm agitated

Yoongi: Should I read that as horny?

Hoseok: no???

Hoseok: god, anyway

Yoongi: Wondering where I bought bilbo?

Yoongi: [sends link to super shady website]

Hoseok: omg do u wanna give me virus!?!?

Hoseok: i'm not clicking on that link!

Yoongi: Okay

Yoongi: So how was your day?

Hoseok: gonna pretend like nothing now!??!

Yoongi: Yeah?

Hoseok: okay, sure

Hoseok: my day was okurr

Yoongi: Okurr or okurr death drop schablam?

Yoongi: Jin taught me some new slang the other day

Hoseok: my day was only okurr

Hoseok: what is okurr death drop shablam?

Yoongi: According to Jin, it's either making a great deal, winning something or getting kissed by Joonie

Hoseok: ok so it was def only an okurr??

Hoseok: after we ate ice cream tae and kook walked off secretly and i was left with jimin who teased me for my red face

Yoongi: He never sent me a picture, that traitor

Hoseok: my cheeks were red bc of the cold

Hoseok: snow and ice u know, since it's fabruary

Yoongi: Sorry to break it to you, but it's not February anymore

Yoongi: It's March, aka my month

Hoseok: wait, right

Hoseok: mate-me-march

Yoongi: Sorry?

Hoseok: jimin and tae has funny names for all months

Hoseok: mark-me-may is jimin's fav

Hoseok: don't ask

Yoongi: I don't think I want to know?

Hoseok: date-me-december, also known as drunkember

Hoseok: sextember, september

Yoongi: I don't think I need to ask to understand those names

Yoongi: Sextember, creative

Hoseok: i'm born in fabruary the gay-teenth, and jimin's born on hook-me-uptober the thrust-teenth

Yoongi: What?

Hoseok: it's supposed to be oct 13th, he's a bit mad that my birth date sounds better but if he asks i think his date is better

Yoongi: I'm just surprised

Hoseok: why

Yoongi: That you're calling me dirty when you're even renaming the calendar over there

Yoongi: You're much creepier than me

Hoseok: it was jimin and tae tho!

Yoongi: I don't hear you opposing?

Hoseok: okok but yoongi...

Yoongi: Yes?

Hoseok: are u excited for tomorrow!!??

Yoongi: Yup

Yoongi: Mostly nervous though

Hoseok: why

Yoongi: Can't say that the thought of being pressed against a wall thrills me

Hoseok: but it does

Yoongi: Wait, you're right

Yoongi: I can't wait ;)

Hoseok: don't call me hyung tho, or daddy, or it might get awkward

Yoongi: I'll call you that then

Yoongi: And then I'll take a picture when you grow hard

Hoseok: why do u wanna blackmail me

Hoseok: what do u want from me

Yoongi: To get fucked ofc

Hoseok: you know, i've passed the point of embarrassment and surprise

Hoseok: i just wonder how far you'll take this

Hoseok: how long you'll joke with me until u grow tired

Yoongi: Oh, it takes long before I grow tired

Yoongi: I can go on for hours

Yoongi: Just ask bilbo

Hoseok: that's not what i meant!!

Hoseok: and just for science, lasting long alone doesn't mean that u'll last long with someone else

Yoongi: I'm not alone, I'm with bilbo

Hoseok: bilbos or arthurs don't count!

Yoongi: Is Arthur your dildo?

Hoseok: he's my bff4ever, after mickey

Yoongi: Interesting

Yoongi: I'm a bit confused?

Yoongi: But back to the topic, do you last long?

Hoseok: why do u only wanna talk about s3x

Yoongi: I'm a 22 years old male, what else would I want to talk about?

Hoseok: puppies?? flowers??

Yoongi: I'm not you

Hoseok: i last normal when i'm alone, thank you very much, there u go

Yoongi: What's 'normal'?

Yoongi: A minute?

Hoseok: more than a minute lol, i'm not 95

Yoongi: Think you mean 12, I think elders above 90 die when they release

Hoseok: okay so first, eww???? secondly, that was a bit rude??

Yoongi: Maggie isn't dead yet though, but I guess her sex life died long ago

Hoseok: is she over 90

Yoongi: Must be something close to it

Yoongi: But over a minute then, two minutes?

Hoseok: i haven't timed myself??

Yoongi: You haven't? Why not?

Hoseok: why should i?? feels like it would stress me

Hoseok: have u timed urself or something

Yoongi: Yeah, told you, I last for hours

Hoseok: so three minutes?

Hoseok: don't be ashamed, you can work with that baby boy

Yoongi: Very funny, I'm not laughing

Hoseok: four minutes?

Hoseok: i'm proud, that's really good

Yoongi: This conversation stopped being funny when you cornered me

Hoseok: less than four minutes then?

Hoseok: the ride on the hogwarts express is longer than that, but you can hop off on one of the earlier train stations

Yoongi: Please write out what you mean because I can't really translate that right now

Hoseok: why, are u feeling hot...??

Hoseok: wait, are u timing urself or something??

Yoongi: If I was, would you give me a hand, daddy?<3

Hoseok: are u or are u not??

Yoongi: I'm not

Yoongi: I'm writing with my right hand, you know, hard to stroke your dick and type at the same time

Hoseok: thanks for the biology lesson

Yoongi: You're welcome

Hoseok: so three and a half minute?

Hoseok: 210 seconds?

Yoongi: Wow, a gay that does math!

Hoseok: ha-ha

Hoseok: so it is 210 seconds then

Hoseok: that doesn't explain why you were gone for seven minutes before

Yoongi: I am not going to answer your questions, perv

Hoseok: calling me a PERV!?

Hoseok: excuse me!?

Yoongi: Have you learned how to pole dance yet?

Hoseok: no

Yoongi: Belly dance?

Hoseok: i already know how to belly dance

Yoongi: Right

Yoongi: Gonna give me a show tomorrow?

Hoseok: when pigs fly, u creep

Yoongi: When the moon colors red maybe? It did last month

Hoseok: no when pigs fly bc it will never happen, haha

Yoongi: Lol

Hoseok: do u feel flustered

Yoongi: No, I feel stupid

Yoongi: I need a hug

Hoseok: wanna virtual hug me?<3

Yoongi: I was thinking more of hugging bilbo, my faithful friend

Hoseok: i feel betrayed

Yoongi: Hug Arthur or something

Hoseok: he's not an object, he's more of a ghost

Yoongi: Creepy?

Hoseok: i'll hug mickey instead

Hoseok: he wanna meet holly again btw

Hoseok: he keeps telling me how he loves soft poodles

Yoongi: Holly isn't soft, she's edgy

Hoseok: just like her owner she fails to see how soft she is!

Yoongi: Just like his owner, Mickey should watch it, Holly bites

Hoseok: what do u mean by that?? do u bite or something

Yoongi: If you want me to bite you I could bite you

Hoseok: freaky???

Hoseok: ur part dog

Yoongi: Says the one who growls and talks about knotting


Hoseok: please let it drop

Yoongi: What's the deal with that? You wanna knot someone or you wanna get knotted yourself?

Hoseok: can't u read??

Hoseok: let it drop

Yoongi: So you want to be knotted yourself

Hoseok: no i wanna knot someone else ofc

Yoongi: Got you

Hoseok: h-

Hoseok: i'm out of here, bitch BYE BYE

Yoongi: Haha

Yoongi: You're not going anywhere

Yoongi: Five points to me?

Yoongi: Hellooo

Yoongi: If you come back from hiding I could bite you tomorrow

Hoseok: Hello! Jung Hoseok does not want to talk to Min Yoongi right now. Also, he doesn't want you to bite him. That's all. Please do not contact him again. Dirty creep.

Yoongi: Wow formal, professional, especially how you called me a dirty creep down there lol

Hoseok: Jung Hoseok wants you to stop writing now. No points for you.

Yoongi: Daddy doesn't like me anymore? :'(

Hoseok: you're making me irritated, u know

Hoseok: i'm done with u

Yoongi: Think it's called sexual tension

Hoseok: no just tension

Hoseok: no sexual anything

Yoongi: Save from the fact that you think I'm hot and sexy and cute?

Hoseok: when did i say that??

Yoongi: You're not objecting

Yoongi: I'm your type?

Hoseok: my type doesn't exist i think

Hoseok: my type is kind people

Yoongi: You're your own type?

Hoseok: did u just call me kind or

Yoongi: I think I did

Hoseok: do u have a tiny dick

Yoongi: That was random?

Hoseok: yes or no

Yoongi: I wouldn't call it tiny, but bilbo is bigger

Hoseok: send a pic of bilbo or else

Yoongi: Or else what?

Hoseok: or else i won't meet u tomorrow

Yoongi: An ultimatum?

Yoongi: Can't have that happening

Yoongi: [sends picture]


Hoseok: uhm, that's a banana

Hoseok: is bilbo a banana!??!

Yoongi: He's not a banana

Yoongi: Did you honestly think I was going to send you a picture of my dildo though?

Yoongi: You wish

Hoseok: >:(

Hoseok: no meeting tomorrow then!!

Yoongi: Fine with me

Hoseok: no pressing you up against a wall!

Yoongi: No me calling you hyung

Hoseok: no me giving u ur gloves back

Yoongi: No me wearing my beanie

Hoseok: no me giving u a private show of belly dancing

Yoongi: Wait, what?

Yoongi: You're gonna do that?

Hoseok: well, not anymore

Hoseok: have fun rotting inside that house tomorrow

Hoseok: i'll hang out with jimin, bye

Yoongi: Wait

Hoseok: hm?

Yoongi: Don't go?

Hoseok: i'm listening

Yoongi: Are you mad?

Hoseok: i'm a bit sad and a bit irritated bc ur insensitive sometimes

Yoongi: It's a flaw

Hoseok: i tell u to stop teasing me but u just go on and on and on

Yoongi: I honestly thought you liked it

Yoongi: But I can stop

Hoseok: really?

Yoongi: If you'll stop talking to me otherwise, then yes

Hoseok: ok...

Hoseok: maybe i like a little bit of teasing, but not being made fun of or mocked

Yoongi: I understand that

Yoongi: Sorry

Hoseok: an apology??

Hoseok: it's fine now!

Yoongi: So you'll still meet me up tomorrow?

Hoseok: i mean, u can't walk around without gloves...

Hoseok: but it would be nice with some appreciation...

Hoseok: maybe some flowers...

Yoongi: You want me to buy you flowers?

Hoseok: i mean, i do love flowers more than anything in the world...

Yoongi: Any special color?

Hoseok: red, pink, yellow, purple and blue in a mix

Hoseok: lilies smell good but not too many of them, and roses are pretty but i don't like the thorns so cut them off

Yoongi: That was a specific order

Hoseok: ???

Yoongi: Anything more you want me to buy to make you feel better?

Hoseok: i want a long hug when we meet and a pic of bilbo right now!

Yoongi: I waited for you to say that

Hoseok: no silly banana pic this time

Hoseok: i'm 22, i can handle a pic of a d1ldo

Yoongi: But it's a bit awkward

Hoseok: why

Yoongi: Because I've used it

Hoseok: ok i agree now i feel awkward too

Hoseok: but please tell me u've washed it

Yoongi: Yes, I've washed it, I'm not gross

Hoseok: then what are u waiting for?? send a pic

Yoongi: I will regret this

Yoongi: [sends a bad quality, super zoomed out picture of his dildo called bilbo standing on his nightstand very far in the distant, so far away that you need to squint to see it]

Hoseok: yoongi, i can't see anything in that pic

Yoongi: Squint?

Hoseok: u need to send me another one

Yoongi: Why are you so interested in bilbo? Buy your own dildo

Hoseok: i'm not interested in the d1ldo, i'm just trying to see how big it is since u said u were smaller

Yoongi: Right

Yoongi: I had forgotten about that, damn it

Hoseok: bildo doesn't look that big?

Yoongi: Things have a tendency to feel bigger when you have them up your ass

Hoseok: i know

Yoongi: What?

Hoseok: don't ask

Yoongi: I really wanna ask

Yoongi: Exactly what did you have up your ass?

Hoseok: now that u've sent me the pic we can change topic!

Hoseok: so, what normal things do u wanna talk about?

Yoongi: What did you have up your ass?

Hoseok: so normal topic :)

Yoongi: Fingers?

Yoongi: Peter's dick?

Hoseok: ptthhh!

Hoseok: peter's dick was never in my ass, ew, i hate him

Hoseok: stop bringing him up all the time??

Yoongi: Okay, I was just wondering

Yoongi: We could talk about Jin and Namjoon

Hoseok: what about them

Yoongi: Namjoon bought Jin a ring today

Hoseok: OH MY GOD


Yoongi: Wait, it's not like that

Yoongi: It was just a very very veryyy early birthday present

Hoseok: oh okay

Hoseok: when's his birthday? in march too?

Yoongi: 4th December

Hoseok: okay, so that was early??

Yoongi: Yeah, Jin cried all dinner and after dinner they told me to hide somewhere

Hoseok: and then you texted me?<3

Hoseok: do i make u feel happy?<3

Yoongi: Jin calls me crazy when I talk to myself so you were the second choice

Hoseok: </3

Hoseok: always the second choice </3

Yoongi: You are? Story of my life too

Yoongi: I'm not that friendly though

Yoongi: I thought you were everyone's first choice?

Hoseok: no, that's jimin

Hoseok: after jimin is tae

Hoseok: after tae is kookie

Hoseok: who needs a fourth choice when u've already got three?

Yoongi: Deep man

Hoseok: i know, i can't even swim

Yoongi: Me neither

Yoongi: Maybe that's why I'm drowning in your eyes

Hoseok: smooth

Hoseok: i almost blushed

Yoongi: 'almost'

Yoongi: I bet you did, don't try to hide it

Chapter Text

[Private Chat: Hoseok & Yoongi]

Hoseok: do u talk to urself a lot?

Yoongi: Uh, in my head I do

Hoseok: out loud then

Yoongi: I mostly talk to Holly

Yoongi: Jin and Joon can reply ways I don't like so talking to Holly's better

Hoseok: what are 'replying ways I don't like'

Yoongi: We don't need to go into that topic

Hoseok: what if i wanna

Hoseok: tell me everything, i wanna get to know u

Yoongi: I don't think you do

Hoseok: i just said i did??

Hoseok: tell me now

Yoongi: Why can't we talk about you?

Hoseok: we already have

Hoseok: i'm so simple, i go to dance school and live at home, i dance on yt and used to play tennis etc etc so boring, i'm mommy's good boy so i don't curse, u already know everything about me

Hoseok: now tell me about u

Yoongi: No

Hoseok: why not???

Hoseok: u told me u hadn't killed anyone!

Yoongi: I just don't like to talk about my past, it's over now

Hoseok: so we can talk about the future then

Yoongi: I actually hate the future

Hoseok: how about present

Yoongi: Nah

Hoseok: so all u wanna talk about is s3x toys and how long i last

Yoongi: Kinda?

Yoongi: Why overcomplicate things

Hoseok: ??

Yoongi: Okay, truth be told I like talking to you because you don't know much about me

Yoongi: You don't judge me like others do

Hoseok: so u don't want me to judge u? i promise that i won't

Yoongi: I don't want to weigh you down with my problems

Hoseok: you won't, i'm strong! and i'm hugging mickey

Yoongi: It's nothing, I just didn't have the brightest upbringing is all, no need to talk about it

Hoseok: feels like u wanna talk about it

Yoongi: I don't

Yoongi: and if I would I don't think text message is the way to go

Hoseok: are u saying u'd want to hug?<3

Hoseok: i could hug u

Hoseok: you don't even need something sad to share, i could hug u anyway

Yoongi: You're making me emotional, please stop

Hoseok: u have emotions?<3 i didn't know!

Yoongi: Very funny

Hoseok: i just care yoongi

Hoseok: i hope u know that

Yoongi: I didn't really know that

Yoongi: thanks

Yoongi: and I care too, even if I seem emotionless most of the time

Hoseok: emotionless?? i think ur far from emotionless!

Hoseok: only someone with lots of emotions could read situations and pull dirty jokes like you!

Yoongi: thanks for the strange compliment haha

Hoseok: no problem!

Hoseok: btw if u want me to bring something tomorrow i could do that too, u don't need to buy me flowers

Yoongi: I wanna buy you flowers now

Hoseok: why

Yoongi: many reasons

Hoseok: please spill

Yoongi: you're nice, for one

Hoseok: and

Yoongi: you're beautiful

Hoseok: what

Yoongi: I mean, you have a beautiful personality, kinda

Yoongi: You're much nicer than anyone else I know

Yoongi: Well, maybe competing with Namjoon but he's blinded by Jin these days

Hoseok: thank you<333

Hoseok: i wish i could say the same, but tae's much kinder than u

Yoongi: Ouch?

Hoseok: what i mean is!! at first glance u seem sarcastic and cold, but under that ur soft and emotional and only want to get loved

Yoongi: Feels like you're reading my soul

Hoseok: tomorrow i will give u a big hug!

Yoongi: Can't wait

Hoseok: and a kiss

Yoongi: what

Hoseok: just kidding!

Hoseok: hahaha

Yoongi: Not funny

Hoseok: what do u mean

Yoongi: Nothing

Yoongi: I think Jin and Joon are done downstairs btw

Hoseok: are u leaving??

Yoongi: Aren't you going to bed soon?

Hoseok: i don't feel tired at all

Yoongi: If you don't have anything to do you could time yourself and text me the result ;)

Hoseok: ggdjhfg

Hoseok: no!??!?!

Yoongi: Shit, Jin's knocking on my door now

Yoongi: Got to go

Hoseok: i'll miss u

Yoongi: Really?

Hoseok: not if, if it's weird or anything haha, pal!

Yoongi: Not weird at all

Yoongi: I'll miss you too

Hoseok: are u joking or not...

Yoongi: Completely honest

Hoseok: okurr (the good one with a death drop and schablam)

Yoongi: Haha

Hoseok: see u tomorrow!! can't wait!!

Yoongi: Bye Hobi

Hoseok: bye agust D with the D<333


Hoseok fell back in bed with a sigh. He was excited for tomorrow. Was it more than excitement? Some nervousness too. There were several feelings swirling around in his chest.

He rolled around, squealing into his pillow. Why was he squealing? He had no idea. Perhaps since Yoongi had flirted with him. Just now and earlier today. Yoongi was going to buy him flowers.

Were they going on a date?

No, they weren't. Still. Hoseok felt so happy that it would be a miracle if he could fall sleep tonight.

Maybe he didn't need sleep.

He hugged Mickey close, buried his nose in his soft fur and smiled, hoping that Yoongi was smiling too, in the house with Jin and Namjoon, and that he would never feel alone ever again. If he did Hoseok would make him happy again. Even if he only wanted to talk about sex. Hoseok could do that. He wasn't complaining. It almost seemed like Yoongi wanted Hoseok to fuck him. Or not almost, it really seemed like it, considering he'd said it about ten times or so. Adding a 'just kidding' to everything didn't make it undone. According to Taehyung. According to Hoseok too. Yoongi wouldn't bring it up all the time unless he wanted... that.

The question was what Hoseok wanted. He didn't know. He didn't know anything. The only thing he knew was that he was going to meet Yoongi tomorrow, and he was nervous. So nervous. He couldn't wait to press him up against a wall.


Hoseok snapped his eyes open the next morning. His phone was buzzing from the alarm. Today he would meet Yoongi again. In secret. Mamma Mia!

Turning off the alarm, he jumped out of bed, putting on the CD with Shrek songs that Yoongi had made him as he gathered an armful of clothes and jogged for the shower. He wasn't meeting Yoongi until much later, but still. He felt jittery. He had to hurry to the toilet. Had to shower. Had to figure out a way to turn his face hot like Yoongi's face somehow.

He gave up after spending nearly an hour in the bathroom. He was going to be late for school. He gave Mickey a kiss on the top of his head in the living room, hoping that someone else would give him a walk, now that Hoseok had wasted his morning pulling and tearing at the skin of his face in the mirror, trying to find a good angle like some anxious teenager.

Grabbing his phone and bag, he walked upstairs to eat some kind of breakfast. He was too nervous to eat the protein bomb he usually ate, and needed, before dance class. Today a banana would do. He had to eat it before he met Jungkook. Jungkook must be part monkey with how he loved bananas. They'd had a fight over a banana once. It hadn't ended nicely.

"Bye mom!" He called by the door, lime green jacket on and an equally as green cap on his head. His sneakers were bright yellow and probably not made for the snow outside. Oh well. He looked like a rainbow and it was all that mattered.

Mom didn't answer. He realized that she wasn't home. Her shoes were gone and dad's too. What time was it? He checked the time on the kitchen clock. He was half an hour late. Shit. Not like him. He had to hurry or Jimin would have to play the role as teacher's pet on street dance class instead of him. Jimin acting as teacher's pet usually wasn't good. It often ended with him seducing the teacher. Too many teachers had lost their jobs because of him, or transferred schools. If you ask Jimin that wasn't the reason they got new teachers all the time at all. Hoseok, Taehyung and Jungkook thought else way. It was the Jimin effect.

"Mickey, come here," Hoseok said as he crouched down and picked Mickey up in his arms. He opened the front door before he put the dog down on the little lawn outside, clapping his hands and cheering him on until he peed. Against the porch. "Bad dog," Hoseok scolded him. "Dogs pee on the grass, not on the house."

Mickey gave him the saddest, cutest puppy-dog-eyes look and Hoseok felt instantly guilty. He couldn't stay mad at Mickey. He picked him up and gave him the biggest kiss before he put him back inside the house, telling him to guard the house like a good dog before mom returned later. On Thursdays mom was home and experimented with new cookie recipes in the kitchen. Why did Hoseok know that? He should spend more time with his friends and less time with his mom.

He left the house, checking that the door was locked three times OCD-style before he realized that he'd forgotten his gloves, and Yoongi's gloves. He hurried back inside, almost stumbling on Mickey as he barked and threw himself on Hoseok's legs, chasing him down the stairs eagerly, thinking Hoseok wanted to play.

"Gloves, gloves..." Hoseok mumbled to himself as he swept his gaze over the room. He found Yoongi's gloves under his pillow. Awkward. How had they ended up there? He pretended not remember how he'd hugged them last night when he'd felt sappy and weird. Yeah, that totally hadn't happened. Hoseok hugging Yoongi's gloves was simply embarrassing.

Mickey looked at Hoseok as if he knew what he'd done. Then Hoseok didn't mean hugging Yoongi's gloves, but letting his hand lower to between his legs yesterday in the bathroom at school when he'd chatted with Yoongi. Hoseok felt idiotic now. Close to it anyway. Jerking off at school was stupid for many reasons. There was cameras in the corridors, even if they weren't on all the time. Jimin had been outside the door most of the time. Hoseok had been stressed. Also, he hadn't had time to say goodbye to the teacher like his first and most important duty as teacher's pet. He was teacher's pet in every subject, save math. Math was even stupider than what Hoseok had done in the bathroom.

Hoseok found his own gloves in the drawer by the door in the hallway upstairs. They were green. Of course they were green. He would turn green himself soon. The thought of meeting Yoongi later made his skin feel green. The world was green.

He gave Mickey a pat before he put Yoongi's gloves in his backpack and left, locking the door three times again. He had a backpack. Was he five? Felt like it. A five years old who loved Shrek and pancakes on Saturdays and eating mom's homemade cookies.

Checking his watch, he found his stomach clench. He was so late. He would have to make an excuse about having helped grannies over the road again. He'd pulled that excuse once before, and had done it one time. Hoseok usually wasn't late. Never actually. He was bad at thinking of excuses.

Half-way to school he remembered that he could've taken his bike. Bus. Mom's car had been on the parking lot. Why was he walking in the snow? His brain didn't work anymore. It was sad, in a way. It was Yoongi's fault. And now Hoseok was thinking of Yoongi again. How he'd played with Hoseok yesterday. Or played was the wrong word. What had he done? Flirting sounded too kind. Mocking sounded too harsh. Hoseok didn't know what Yoongi had done. What they'd done. He didn't know why he'd felt hot and had had to help himself in a disgustingly dirty school bathroom. It wasn't like him. He had a lot of self-control and determination. It was essential if you wanted to become something in the world of dance. Suddenly, and desperately, jerking off after your stranger-friend-pal-thing had jokingly wrote you cheesy-cringy-sext messages was only weird.

The worst part wasn't doing it though. Doing it was nice. It always was. The worst part was walking out of the bathroom with a red and sweaty face afterwards only too meet the wall of curious eyes that was Jimin, Taehyung and Jungkook. Jungkook was a rabbit boy. He'd given Hoseok a look over with his rabbit eyes and had scrunched up his nose. Taehyung was better of an actor. He'd looked apprehensive. Jimin had put on a show of gasping and shaking his head and laughing at him, Jimin-style.

Texting with someone for hours wasn't the best tactic if you wanted to keep the person a secret.

"Put down your phone," Jimin had said one minute into ice cream eating. Eating ice cream outside wasn't that nice. Hoseok preferred his fingers in the non-frozen state, and that went for his eyes and nose as well.

"Are you texting with that creep?" Jimin had said another minute later as Hoseok blew hot air on his hands and tried to hide his screen from Jimin. He hadn't known where they were. It was almost scary how lost you could get in a text conversation with someone.

Sometime along the way Hoseok had dropped his ice cream and Taehyung had started reading over Hoseok's shoulder, serving as the 'ghost in the chat'. It was a bit scary chatting with someone you didn't know that well. You never knew who was actually really reading what you were writing on the other side. What if Yoongi walked away and someone else pretended to be him for an hour? Hoseok thought Yoongi was trustworthy, but mommy hadn't raised a fool.

Jimin didn't seem to trust Hoseok's judgement. Hoseok understood that Jimin cared about him and wanted his best, but sometimes he could be too much and too negative; clingy, you name it. Yoongi wasn't any of that. Perhaps negative, but definitely not clingy or too much. More like too little. Why couldn't he tell Hoseok more things about himself? Did he have things to hide or did he just think that he wasn't interesting? Hoseok thought he was. Mysterious and interesting.

At school Hoseok threw his stuff into his locker and hurried for the dance classroom, seeing that he'd missed half the lesson. How that that even happened? He must've spaced off as he walked to school. He'd checked his phone, seeing that Yoongi had sent him a good morning. His stomach had flipped and he'd turned his phone off without replying, because he was a mature twenty two years old. He wasn't ready to chat with Yoongi yet, and what was Yoongi doing up this early? Hoseok had thought this was the usual time he fell asleep.

"Sorry, sorry..." Hoseok mumbled as he walked into the classroom. True to his suspicion Jimin was batting his eyelashes at Sejun, their dance teacher. Hoseok hurried forward, smiling at his classmates, pretending not to sense the weird, confused looks he got from Momo and Sana along the way.

"Hoseok, you were late today?" Sejun commented, struggling to tear his eyes off of Jimin.

Hoseok placed himself in front of Jimin, working as the usual shield between Jimin's charm and his next prey. "Had to walk my dog." Not really a lie. "And help an old lady, uh, cross the street." That was a lie and he felt bad for lying, but what was he supposed to do? Confess that his stomach had collapsed this morning and he'd sat on the toilet for who knows how long? That he'd shaved his armpits for Yoongi's sake? That he'd practiced wriggling his eyebrows in front of the mirror? No, he wouldn't reveal any of that. No ma'am.

"Jimin can show you what you missed," Sejun said, looking like he snapped back to reality. Hoseok felt relieved. No detention. One good thing with having a clean record and a reputation of the grannies best friend. No one batted an eye at his horribly bad excuses.

"Where were you?" Jimin hissed, not looking amused. He started showing Hoseok the steps. It felt like he made them more difficult just to piss Hoseok off. "Don't tell me you were chatting with him."

Jimin couldn't have sounded more repelled. Hoseok pressed his lips into a thin line and wondered what to say. He hadn't. He should say that.


"When are you gonna meet him again?" Jimin asked, sounding suspicious and disapproving.

"Don't know?" Hoseok lied, growing nervous and green in the face from the reminder that he would meet Yoongi later. For some reason it felt like he was going to die. Explode from awkwardness and from Yoongi's cuteness. What would he do when Yoongi hugged him? Or would Hoseok need to hug Yoongi instead? What wall should he press him up against?

"Hello? World to Hoseok?" Jimin waved a hand in front of Hoseok's face. Hoseok blinked rapidly, seeing nothing for a moment until Jimin appeared in view. Sejun stood behind him, along with Momo and Sana. "What happened? You don't look well."

Hoseok swallowed. He couldn't tell Jimin that he was nervous because he was going to meet Yoongi who had flirted with him all day yesterday. He couldn't tell him that he was nervous because Yoongi knew his kinks and might use that knowledge to his benefit. So Hoseok put on a smile and acted like nothing, hoping that when he told Jimin about this one day he would be supportive. He could always wish.


Hoseok stood outside of the flower shop, feeling so nervous. Stomach-turning nervous. Feeling green like Shrek-nervous. Jimin's voice echoed in his head. You're hiding something. I can see it in your eyes. Don't try to tell me otherwise. I'm 90%; always right and never straight, ha!

Maybe Jimin knew that Hoseok was hiding something since Hoseok was a bad actor. He had always been. It was a miracle that Jimin, Taehyung and Jungkook had let him scurry away after class, without following him like a trio of overly curious spies like usual. Now Hoseok was here, by the flower shop, feeling silly in his bright green clothes. He looked like a fruit. Hopefully Yoongi would think he looked explicitly hot and sexy.

Hoseok groaned. Who found fruit sexy? Yoongi probably wouldn't.

Why was Hoseok even feeling so nervous in the first place? He suppressed the urge to bite his nails and started tapping the ground with his foot. He hoped Yoongi would show up. Hoped he hadn't grown bored of Hoseok in the eighteen hours that had passed since they'd last texted. Yes, Hoseok kept count. He hadn't been able to concentrate on what the teachers had told him all day. He hadn't replied to Yoongi either.

He glanced down at the bouquet in his hands, feeling sappy. He'd bought a bouquet of pink roses. Why? Why not? Yoongi had said he'd buy Hoseok flowers. Hoseok wanted to buy flowers back. Was it too gay? Too obvious? Hoseok wasn't sure what he was hoping for. They weren't a thing, but he hoped Yoongi felt like this too. Nervous and excited and confused since they hadn't known each other for that long. It was strange. Sometimes it felt like Yoongi cared more about Hoseok more than Hoseok's friends. That he knew Hoseok better than his friends that he'd known for years.

The friendly worker inside the flower shop had told Hoseok that pink roses meant, uh, what had she said? Hoseok couldn't even remember that. Something about friendship. Or was it love? Something about young friendship-or-love. Hopefully Yoongi wouldn't know what the flowers meant. If he did Hoseok would seem stupid. He already was stupid, per se, with how he was meeting up with almost-strangers in secret, but still.

He checked his watch. He hadn't turned his phone on for the whole day. Why hadn't he? If Yoongi had sent him messages he wouldn't know. Probably why. He didn't want to see if Yoongi cancelled last minute or made up an excuse. He didn't think he would. But Hoseok was too jittery to talk with him right now. It was better to pretend like his phone didn't have any battery.

He glanced inside the flower shop, checking the watch there this time. Five past four. Yoongi was five minutes late. Why was he always late? Hoseok would crap his pants if he didn't show up soon. It was best for everyone if that didn't happen, for Hoseok's sake and for the group of old ladies standing next to him on the street waiting by the crossing. Lord have mercy.

Ten over four the group of old ladies had changed for a group of young, chattering girls. They couldn't be older than fourteen. They giggled at Hoseok with his roses before they walked into the shop to buy flowers for themselves. Hoseok was too nervous to speak. He stared forward, scaring a foreign looking man who was crossing the street, almost making him drop the bags in his hands since Hoseok looked so stiff and uncomfortable.

Where the hell was Yoongi?

Hoseok picked up his phone. He was still carrying his backpack. To be honest he looked like a man in kid's clothing. Maybe Yoongi had seen him, had laughed at him, and had walked back home when he figured that Hoseok was a Shrek-loving loser.

Why was Hoseok thinking about Shrek? God, he'd gone beyond the point of nervousness into the waters of panic. When he panicked he thought of Shrek. What would Shrek do in this situation? Yoongi had to show up soon or Hoseok really would crap his pants.

Maybe Yoongi didn't want to meet him anymore. Maybe he'd gotten social anxiety again. Hoseok just remembered about it. He made a mental note to make a list with things Yoongi had told him so he wouldn't forget them in future states of nervousness and Shrek thoughts.

He turned on his phone, seeing that it was close to quarter over four on his watch. He was going from nervous to sad. Soon he would get annoyed. Yoongi could've said something. Even if Hoseok's phone had been off he could've told him through smoke signal or something. Anything. Now Hoseok felt like a loser.

Then he heard something.

He glanced up from his phone in his pocket and turned around, thinking he'd heard someone call his name. He felt his heart jump when he recognized the blue beanie and black jacket on the person hurrying down the street, slipping some on the ice before he waved at Hoseok. Cute. Oh my god.

"Yoongi!" Hoseok exclaimed, forgetting about being sad and annoyed, only feeling nervous and excited as Yoongi caught up to him.

"Sorry that I'm late, it wasn't easy to find all the flowers you wanted in that bouquet, and people kept stopping me on the street congratulating me on the proposal." Yoongi huffed, pressing something at Hoseok's chest as he reached him on the street. Hoseok hadn't had time to see what it was. He stared at Yoongi's face, feeling his heart beat hard in his chest when they made eye contact. Hoseok hadn't been stood up. Yoongi was here now.

Yoongi raised his eyebrows with an excusing, and attractive, smile on his lips. "Hm?"

Hoseok felt like he'd lost the ability to speak. He tried to say hi but nothing came out. He glanced down, grabbing the thing Yoongi pressed to his chest, seeing that it was a big bouquet of flowers, pink, red, blue, purple and yellow. All colors Hoseok had asked for.

"Is that one for me or did you get it from someone else?" Yoongi asked, nodding at the bouquet already in Hoseok's hands. Hoseok shook his head, giving it to Yoongi, wanting to smile but finding that he couldn't. He hugged the flowers he'd gotten from Yoongi to his chest, looking at the beautiful flowers, seeing that there was a mix of roses and lilies.

"Should I take your silence as a good sign or a bad sign?" Yoongi wondered, sounding self-conscious. "Sorry that I'm late, I really thought I'd make it in time-"

"They're really pretty Yoongi," Hoseok said, looking from the flowers in his hands up at Yoongi, looking him in the eyes. "Just like you."

Yoongi's eyes darted to the side, embarrassed. Hoseok felt embarrassed too. He hadn't planned to say that. He just had. Yoongi looked cute in his winter clothes. His black hair peeked out from under the beanie and his jacket made him look a bit like a penguin. He looked so soft. Hoseok wished he could hold him.

"You're coming for revenge?" Yoongi wondered, glancing back at Hoseok. He smirked. "Hyung?"

Hoseok pressed his lips into a thin line, resolute in keeping a straight (gay) face to not urge Yoongi on. He had to focus. Couldn't feel flustered again. He had to thank Yoongi properly.

"Thank you for the flowers, Yoongi. I mean it. And it's okay, don't worry about being late."

"I guess that you got here by four?" Yoongi asked, looking at the flowers in his own hands. He wasn't wearing gloves. Hoseok had them. Right. "Thanks for the flowers too, you- I didn't think you'd really buy any for me." Yoongi let out a weird laugh. It was nervous. Yoongi's nervous laugh sounded good. It made Hoseok's stomach clench. Hoseok hoped he would be able to blame his red cheeks on the cold.

"I got here quarter to four," Hoseok admitted, realizing that that meant that he'd waited here for over half an hour. "And of course I had to buy you flowers. You're a flower."

Yoongi opened his mouth to add something, closing it again when he looked embarrassed. "You're starting strong today, I see," He added when Hoseok had taken a step closer and then a step back, changing his mind when he'd gotten too close and had felt faint from Yoongi's cologne.

"Ten points to me?" Hoseok joked.

"Zero points," Yoongi retorted with a sarcastic roll of his eyes.

"Twenty? Wow, thanks!" Hoseok staged a laugh that turned into a nervous giggle when Yoongi kicked his foot with his own. "Wait, I have your gloves."

Hoseok made Yoongi hold the flowers as he took off his backpack and rummaged through it until he found Yoongi's gloves at the bottom of it. He had spare clothes, a towel, energy bars, fruit and a water bottle in there too. All sorts of things needed at dance school. He put the backpack back on his back, took the flowers back from Yoongi and held out Yoongi's gloves with a smile. "Here you go!"

"Thanks." Yoongi took his gloves back, making a face before he sniffed them. Hoseok's heart jumped. "They smell like sweat?"

Hoseok's eyes widened. "N-no?"

"What did you do with them?" Yoongi asked, giving Hoseok a knowing look before he put the gloves on, despite them 'smelling like sweat'. They totally didn't.

"Nothing! I- I kept them under my pillow-"

He pressed his lips shut. Yoongi's eyebrows raised in surprise before a mocking smile crept up his lips.

"Under your pillow, you say? That was an interesting spot?"

"Stop it!" Hoseok shook his head, feeling like an awkward puddle of sweat. "They- they smell like sweat since they laid next to my shirt in my backpack. I had street dance today." He just remembered it. He was going to do his laundry (or make mom do it) when he got home.

"So you didn't do anything weird with them then?" Yoongi looked skeptic. On purpose? Hoseok had no idea.

"Stop." Hoseok shook his head until he felt dizzy. "I would never."

"If you say so..." Yoongi trailed off, looking satisfied over Hoseok's state of sputtering and awkwardness. It had been minutes. Hoseok wondered what he'd look like at the end of the evening.

It went silent. Awkwardly silent. Hoseok stared at Yoongi's hands and then he stared at Yoongi's face, quickly darting his eyes away when Yoongi caught him staring at him. Why was Hoseok staring? Why wasn't he saying anything? He had to say something now. He tried to remember their plans. Meet up at the flower shop and then what? He couldn't remember!

Chapter Text

"Where do you wanna buy ice cream?" Yoongi, heroically, spoke and broke the silence. Hoseok heaved a sigh of relief. It wasn't awkward anymore. Only that it was. Hoseok had to answer. Ice cream. Right. That's what they had planned on doing.

"Over there?" Hoseok asked, remembering about the ice cream shop nearby where he used to buy ice cream with Jimin in the summers. Used to. Probably wouldn't do much of that this summer with how suspicious Jimin was, and how busy he was with his never-ending list of boyfriends and friends with benefits and whatnot, Hoseok didn't need to know the details.

"You lead the way, sir." Yoongi bowed with a sneaky smile on his lips.

"What did you call me?" Hoseok asked, thinking it was unfair how Yoongi's face could look good in every facial expression. Especially good when he was smiling like that, lips caught between a smirk and grin.

"I didn't call you anything, hyung?" Yoongi leaned back up and kept smiling like that. Clever. If only Hoseok could be clever like that. He couldn't even remember what he'd eaten for lunch. Whatever it was, it felt like it wanted to come back up soon unless Yoongi stopped smiling like that.

Hoseok started walking on the street, checking that Yoongi followed him before he walked up to the crossroad and stopped to press the button under the sign. Hoseok glanced at Yoongi nervously, looking away when Yoongi looked back at him and made eye contact. It seemed strange, to do something as normal as wait to cross the street with Yoongi. Doing anything together felt weird. For some reason Yoongi didn't feel real. He was text on a screen, save from that time they'd met up in the dog park. But here he was, a real person, walking next to Hoseok as they crossed the street, with flowers in his hands.

"Do you have a favorite flavor?" Hoseok asked, thanking Jesus that he could speak again. He sounded normal. He didn't feel normal, but that wasn't important at the moment. They reached the small ice cream shop across the street. Yoongi's lips formed into the cutest pout as the wondered what to pick.

"You, daddy."

Hoseok groaned. Yoongi laughed. It was a nice laugh. All deep and pure. It made it hard to stay mad at him for acting so immature.

"Stop calling me that out here or there will be no ice cream for you," Hoseok said, meaning to sound playful, ending up sounding flustered instead.

"Are you going to punish me?" Yoongi's face contorted into a sad pout. "Why?" He whined. He must know how cute he looked. He couldn't sense the weird looks they got from the couple walking past them.

"I'll just buy strawberry," Hoseok said, reaching for the door.

"I want vanilla," Yoongi decided, finally speaking like normal.

"Vanilla then-"

"No, I want chocolate," Yoongi changed his mind as Hoseok opened the door and they stepped inside. It was warm. Hoseok took off his gloves and stared at Yoongi, wondering why he refused to cooperate, wishing he hadn't been looking at him when Yoongi winked at him. Hoseok's heart jumped and he stumbled backwards like a flustered fool, accidentally hitting the wall with his backpack and making ice cream cones fall down to the floor.

"Really smooth, Hoseok," Yoongi commented comically, reaching down to help him up. Hoseok felt his cheeks burn. He was so embarrassed. He was lying on the floor in the shop, and he would need to pay for those crushed ice cream cones now.

When Yoongi took Hoseok's hands in his Hoseok pulled him down as well. Surprised, Yoongi fell down on top of him and Hoseok caught him in his arms. The flowers were crushed between them, some petals falling off in the collision.

"What the-" Yoongi voiced in confusion, grabbing Hoseok's shoulders to steady himself.

"You can relax baby, I've got you," Hoseok teased, waiting for Yoongi to stumble and break some things too. He didn't. He only leaned back and gave Hoseok a look that clearly said, is that all you've got?

"What's happening over here?" The worker said as they rushed up to them, gasping when they saw the broken ice cream cones. Hoseok felt guilty over messing up in the store.

It took a second, then he recognized the worker. It was a handsome looking man. Hoseok knew who it was. Sam. Jimin had talked about him all week. The question was if he would give Hoseok a discount if he told him he knew Jimin.

"You need to pay for those," Sam said. He probably wouldn't give Hoseok a discount.

"Just bucker up the money, daddy," Yoongi told Hoseok as he stood up by himself, giving Sam an excusing look. Sam's eyebrows shot up to the ceiling at the mention of 'daddy'. Damn Yoongi. He would keep embarrassing Hoseok for the rest of his life now. Hoseok didn't even like being called daddy. It wasn't funny anymore.

"I would like to buy two strawberry ice creams, please," Hoseok said as he stood up himself too, slapping Yoongi on the knee as revenge. He brushed ice cream cones from his butt and tried to kick the mess into the corner. Then he picked up the two (slightly crushed) bouquets from the floor and gave one to Yoongi.

"I wanted chocolate?" Yoongi countered, poking Hoseok's arm with a questioning look.

"Bad boys don't get to decide." Hoseok poked him back and poked his tongue out before he followed Sam to the desk, picking up his wallet from his pocket along the way. Good that he'd brought extra money today. Those ice cream cones were been expensive. Sam showed him the cost on the monitor and Hoseok opted taking a run for it.

"You can get a discount," Sam said then, as Hoseok, while nervously swallowing, handed him the money over the counter.

"Why?" Hoseok asked, wondering if Jimin had mentioned him anytime, showed him a picture maybe.

"You're cute," Sam said with a wink that didn't make Hoseok stumble backwards. He only frowned. Was this the right Sam? Why was all of Jimin's boyfriends and one night stands and so on unfaithful to him?

"What did you say?" Yoongi asked as he joined them by the desk, standing ridiculously close to Hoseok. Hoseok tried to push him out of the way since he didn't want to accidentally get pushed into something again. Yoongi pushed him back. "Don't push me?" Yoongi huffed, giving Hoseok a pitiful look.

"You started," Hoseok said even though he hadn't.

"No, you did," Yoongi countered. "Right?" He asked Sam, probably not knowing what his name was since he didn't have a name tag.

"Yeah, he started. Sorry." Sam shrugged, eyes finding their way back to Hoseok. "Want my number to go along with the ice cream?"

Hoseok choked. Could this get any more awkward!?

Hoseok looked at Yoongi, almost expecting him to shout no, feeling weirdly disappointed when he didn't. He looked at Hoseok with apprehensive eyes. He must be feeling awkward too. People never asked Hoseok for his number. Of course it had to happen now when he wanted to impress on Yoongi, when they were on an almost-date.

"Sure?" Hoseok said, thinking it was rude to say no. He was the biggest idiot in the entire world. Sam winked at him and Yoongi gave Hoseok an angry push before he started walking away, looking hurt. Hoseok felt his heart jump with panic. "I- I mean, thanks but no thank you," He hurried to say before he hurried after Yoongi in the store, grabbing his arm. "Where are you going? I told him off. I don't- I don't wanna talk to him. I've got you." He swallowed, wondering what words were leaving his lips. It felt like he should say that. He nervously looked Yoongi in the eyes, trying to read them. Yoongi looked uncomfortable.

"You can take it if you want to." Yoongi shrugged, facing the floor insecurely.

"I don't want it," Hoseok clarified, speaking in a low, sincere voice. "I really don't, I'm just bad at saying no. Don't wanna hurt anyone's feelings."

"Why can't I get chocolate then?" Yoongi asked, looking happier again. He met Hoseok's eyes, smiling a little bit. Hoseok's heart felt lighter. Yoongi's smile was the cutest smile in the universe.

"Do you really want that or are you playing with me?" Hoseok asked, feeling confused, not wanting to do wrong.

"I want it," Yoongi stated, nodding some, looking even cuter.

"Then I'll change," Hoseok said. He wanted to, but when they walked back to Sam by the desk he told them that they couldn't change the order. He'd already prepared two strawberry ice creams. Hoseok ended up paying for a third ice cream, and Sam changed his mind about the discount when he understood that Hoseok wasn't interested in his number. It was an expensive visit to the ice cream store, but when they left the shop there was a satisfied smile on Yoongi's lips and Hoseok glimpsed at it, wondering if everyone felt butterflies when they looked at Yoongi's smile or if it was just him.

Hoseok stopped walking and put their bouquets in his backpack, crushing them more but leaving their arms free. He had his two strawberry ice creams in his right hand and hooked arms with Yoongi with his left, thinking that hooking arms was safe. They were close, but not too close. Holding hands might earn them stares. It might also give Hoseok a heart attack. Hooking arms only made his heart jump now and then when Yoongi tugged at his arm to tease him.

"How's it going with Jin and Namjoon?" Hoseok asked between licks of his ice cream. He offered the second ice cream to a kid on the street. He wasn't hungry enough to eat two. The kid took it and hurried away. Yoongi looked surprised over Hoseok's kindness but stayed silent. Hoseok just loved being kind.

They were walking on the sidewalk, heading for a destination unknown. Hoseok thought that Yoongi could decide where to go. Yoongi must think the same. None of them looked at signs, only awkwardly glancing at each other until the silence got so awkward that Hoseok broke out in a giggle.

"It's going good," Yoongi replied. He was almost finished with his ice cream. Hoseok was happy he'd bought him a chocolate one. Yoongi looked so cute when he licked it. It made it hard for Hoseok to keep his creepy thoughts away, but still. "They seem happy."

"Their story is confusing to me," Hoseok admitted, thinking back on it. It was so fun to talk with Yoongi. "Did they friendzone each other all the time?"

"Yeah, weird right? Namjoon even asked me to be his fake boyfriend once to make Jin jealous. It was a mess," Yoongi said, giving Hoseok a look of astonishment.

They talked about Jin and Namjoon's relationship as Hoseok remembered about a place they could go to and led Yoongi to a little park at the outskirts of the city, located between a neighborhood and a little forest. They sat down on the bench there, with a perfect view of the low, setting sun in the horizon. The sky was pink and purple. Hoseok put his backpack beside him on the bench.

"Beautiful," Hoseok mumbled, eyes on the sky in front of them. They still had their arms hooked, which was a bit inconvenient now that they were sitting down. Hoseok wasn't about to let go. Yoongi didn't either. The topic had changed from Jin and Namjoon to Holly a while ago. Yoongi picked up his phone to show Hoseok Holly's new dress.

"Slytherin," Yoongi said as he showed Hoseok a picture of Holly in a dress with the Slytherin crest on the back. "Nice, right?"

Hoseok snorted. "Slytherins are mean."

"Ouch, that hurt my feelings," Yoongi joked, wiping a pretend tear from his eye. He swiped his thumb over the screen of his phone, jumping from picture to picture of Holly in her dress. Then something yellow showed on the screen. Hoseok squinted at it, trying to concentrate with his constant almost-heart attacks and brain feeling fuzzy.

"What's that?"

Yoongi went back to the camera function before Hoseok had the time to see what it was. "Maybe I bought something for Mickey too?" Yoongi said mysteriously, letting go of Hoseok's arm and leaning back some. Hoseok wondered why, struggling to focus on what Yoongi was saying when he was moving away and Hoseok's left side got cold.

"What?" He repeated, feeling slow. "Have you bought something?" His chest filled with excitement. A gift? Had Yoongi bought something to him?

"Say cheese!" Yoongi held up his phone and snapped a picture of Hoseok before he had the time to react. He snickered and took a picture of the sunset before he put his phone back in his pocket.

"Hey, I wasn't ready!" Hoseok gasped, starting flattening out his hair under the green beanie. "Take a new one. I'm ready now."

"I'm happy with the one I took, thanks," Yoongi said with an evil smile.

Hoseok muttered. "But I wasn't ready..." He trailed off, thinking of a new idea. He picked up his own phone, seeing that he'd received a message from Yoongi earlier saying that he was on his way. Oops. He found the camera function and raised his phone to snap selfies of them, smiling for the camera. Yoongi made an ugly face and improper signs with his hands. "Hey, behave," Hoseok scolded him, poking him in the face, only making him make an even uglier face. "Stop that!"

"Make me."

Hoseok turned his head to the side, looked Yoongi in the eyes, seeing the challenge in them. He wondered what to do when Yoongi made another ugly grimace, either enjoying looking like a fool or liking teasing Hoseok.

"Smile for the camera please," Hoseok said, taking another picture.

Yoongi didn't budge. He showed his teeth, looking like some scary cat. "Nope, told you, you have to make me."

Hoseok only got weird pictures. He wondered what to do when he thought of the first thing that came to mind. In only a second he leaned in, pressed a peck to Yoongi's cheek, and quickly leaned back, surprised by the rush of energy and unprepared for the way his cheeks heat up and his stomach swirled. He took a picture, not sure if he looked into the camera or not, still feeling Yoongi's soft skin on his lips. He glanced at Yoongi, finding him frozen on the spot, eyes big and smile embarrassed.

It was interesting, how cocky Yoongi was in text and how soft he was in person. Mister Lovegood would never smile shyly like that. Agust D the rapper neither. But Yoongi did.

Hoseok looked at the picture he'd taken of them, thinking that he'd found his new background picture. He looked like a flustered blob himself, but Yoongi looked super cute and taken off guard.

"Delete that," Yoongi mumbled, reacting again, reaching for Hoseok's phone.

"Uh-uh!" Hoseok grabbed Yoongi's hand in one hand and put his phone back in his pocket with his other. He expected Yoongi to slap his hand away, but he took his hand in his and stopped talking. Holding hands. Holy. Hoseok glanced at him, forgetting how to speak, wondering if Yoongi was really holding his hand or if he was seeing things.

When the usual silence crept up on them Hoseok looked at the sunset. He couldn't stand looking more at Yoongi. His cheeks were too adorably pink and his lips were formed down in an dissatisfied pout. The sky was only pink now. The purple was gone, just like the ice creams. The topics were gone too. Probably. Hoseok had so much to talk about, but now that Yoongi was here right beside him it felt best to be silent. Hoseok had pecked him on the cheek. Thinking about it made Hoseok feel petrified.

Yoongi staged a cough. Hoseok glimpsed at him, wondering if their hand holding made him feel dizzy too. Yoongi picked up something from his jacket pocket with his left hand, holding out the thing for Hoseok. It looked like a small, yellow towel.

"Thanks!" Hoseok chirped, overly-cheerful, wondering why Yoongi had bought him a towel. Was it to wipe the sweat from his forehead? Then Yoongi draped the thing over his lap, and Hoseok saw that it wasn't a towel at all.

"A matching shirt for Mickey, but with Hufflepuff instead. Didn't know his size though, it might be too small for him. Jin thought it was a good idea," Yoongi said as Hoseok recognized the Hufflepuff crest on the back.

"A shirt for Mickey?" Hoseok asked, feeling soft, like his heart was melting. "That's so cute, oh my god, you didn't have to."

Hoseok looked up at Yoongi, meeting his curious eyes, blinking too fast. He wanted to thank him again. Run home and put Mickey in it even if mom would ask why Mickey was wearing clothes again. He opened his mouth to say something, when Yoongi winked at him. 

Hoseok felt his heart jolt. He quickly looked away, hoping he looked cool, calm and collected. It was unfair of Yoongi to startle him like this all the time. Hoseok was too easy to take off guard.

"The stars are beautiful tonight," Yoongi said, thankfully not mentioning Hoseok being awkward and flustered.

"I can't see them." Hoseok glanced up. The sky was still too bright. The sun was still lighting it up.

"But do you know who's more beautiful?" Yoongi went on, drawing Hoseok's eyes back to him. He had a smug, cheesy look on his face. Hoseok knew what he was up to. It was like that old meme.

"Who? Jin?" Hoseok said, feeling clever.

"No, you." Yoongi winked and tugged at Hoseok's hand. Hoseok felt like someone lit a fire on his face. He let go of Yoongi's hand and turned the other way, feeling made fun of. He wanted Yoongi to call him nice things and flirt with him, but he just felt like a fool. Yoongi was only doing it to play with him. He didn't mean anything by it.

"Something interesting happening over there?" Yoongi asked, leaning forward behind Hoseok to see what he was looking at.

Hoseok turned back forward, arms crossed. "You should stop teasing me, Yoongi. Not funny."

"I'm being honest, though?" Yoongi crossed his arms too. It looked a bit funny when the both of them did it, sitting beside each other like this. "I think you are, that you're beautiful." He shrugged.

Hoseok felt his lips curl into a smile that grew into a grin. He couldn't help it. He looked at Yoongi, feeling nervous and bubbly. "You really think so?"

"I wouldn't say it otherwise." Yoongi nodded and glanced at Hoseok uncertainly. "Don't get why you always get compared to your friends."

"Told you, it's because I look like a hamster."

"You don't look like a hamster at all, have you ever looked yourself in a mirror?" Yoongi asked in confusion, looking upset. "You look good. Don't say anything else."

"Okay," Hoseok said in a little voice, overwhelmed by the praise and compliments. Yoongi's words echoed in his head. He thought about them and smiled at the pink sky, feeling happy that not only anyone, but Yoongi in specific, thought he looked good. No one had really told Hoseok that he was beautiful before. No one had told him that he looked better than Jimin. Because he didn't. Jimin was sexy, cute and sensitive. Hoseok was just Hoseok…

Maybe Yoongi was right. Maybe Hoseok was beautiful. Yoongi was so kind for calling him that.

"The sunset is nice in the spring," Hoseok said a while later. He wasn't the best at thinking of new topics. Besides, talking about the sunset was easier than telling Yoongi how cute and kind he was.

"It's still winter," Yoongi corrected him.

"I know." Hoseok thought of another topic. Wanted to tease Yoongi back. "How does it feel to be almost old?" He nudged Yoongi's shoulder. "Your birthday's coming up."

"Ha-ha." Yoongi staged a cold laugh.

"Grandpa," Hoseok teased with a wide grin, nudging Yoongi's shoulder again.

"Enough mocking," Yoongi muttered, nudging Hoseok back. Hoseok stopped. It went silent again, but it wasn't as strained as before. Hoseok listened to the sounds of the city behind them, the sound of cars starting and stopping on the street and the sound of an airplane crossing the sky above them.

"Really random, but my mom called me this morning," Yoongi said then. Hoseok's stomach knotted automatically. "I don't have to talk about it if it makes you uncomfortable, just thought you wanted to, uh, to know?" He glanced at Hoseok uncertainly.

"I care Yoongi, please tell me?" Hoseok replied before he had the time to think. He reached out with his other hand and stroked Yoongi on his shoulder, wishing that the jacket hadn't been in the way.

Yoongi shot him a small, grateful smile before he filled his lungs with air. "My brother is there now and he wants me to come back, but mom says I'm not welcomed there anymore."

"What?" Hoseok felt confused.

"I know. My family is weird as hell. I'm gonna stay at Jin's, but that call... was scary." Yoongi swallowed, letting go of Hoseok's hand in favor of tucking his hands between his knees. Hoseok's heart hurt with empathy.

"Can't you block her number?" Hoseok tried. It was all he'd got.

"I can, I know. I've been thinking about it, but she's my mom?"

"So? She's not acting like a mom should."

Yoongi shrugged, looking like something you'd find on google after searching for 'giving up'. Hoseok scooted a bit closer. Yoongi looked sad and it made him sad too. "Want a hug...?"

Yoongi blinked fast before he nodded, keeping his gaze down. Hoseok opened his arms, bringing him into a hug. Yoongi hugged him back, and Hoseok stroked his back over the jacket, leaning his chin on his shoulder. He felt deep inside, that he cared. Yoongi had to be happy. Hoseok didn't know what to do.

"It's going to be okay," Hoseok said, like he usually did when Jimin cried. Sometimes Hoseok comforted Taehyung. Once he'd comforted his mom. Maybe he was good at comforting people. He didn't feel as successful now though. Yoongi buried his face against Hoseok's shoulder, looking like he wouldn't get happy again from just a hug and a few kind words. This was more serious than Jimin getting dumped or Taehyung accidentally cutting his bangs off. Bigger than Mickey eating up mom's new cookbook. Bigger than most things.

"Shit sorry," Yoongi leaned back, wiping his eyes on his hands, as if he was embarrassed over his feelings. "I usually never cry-"

"No, it's okay," Hoseok said with a wobbly smile, feeling teary eyed too. Yoongi's eyes were glistening with tears. It was a sad sight, and it made Hoseok hurt, but it had to mean that Yoongi felt safe with him. He wouldn't lower his guard like this otherwise. "I'm proud of you." Hoseok stroked Yoongi's knee, putting more force into the smile.

Yoongi's eyebrows drew together in a frown as he smiled funnily, tears glistening on his rosy cheeks. "Are you playing with my kinks now?"

"No, ha, ha," Hoseok let out a light laugh, feeling a lump in his throat. "I just wanted to say that."

He took off his glove on his right hand and reached for Yoongi's face, wiping tears from his cheek with his thumb. Yoongi looked at him, eyes surprised, lowering his own hands, allowing Hoseok to go on.

"What can I do to make you smile again?" Hoseok asked in a low voice, feeling Yoongi's wet tears on his thumb. The water froze in the cold air.

Yoongi made a grimace, scrunching his nose up, perhaps to hide his cheeks that reddened. "You sound sappy."

"What did you say?" Hoseok asked, staging a gasp. "You want me to act out Shrek in front of you to make you smile? I mean, sure, if that's what you want?"

Yoongi snorted. "Nerd."

Hoseok grinned. Yoongi almost smiled. Hoseok stroked Yoongi's other cheek briefly before he put his glove back on. He dramatically put a hand to his chest and rose up from the bench, serious expression on his face.

"Once upon a time there was a lovely prince, trapped in a tower." Hoseok motioned for the sky, gesturing the size of a tower with his hands. He twirled around once, slipping on the ice, screamed and made Yoongi laugh. Hoseok felt a bit like a loser.

"Who are you in the story? The jester?" Yoongi joked, looking happier already.

"No, I'm the narrator," Hoseok explained. "Back to the story!" He clapped his hands together, regaining his balance on the icy ground. He walked up to Yoongi, thinking of ways to make him smile. He ended up straddling his lap. Probably since he had a death wish. He smiled at him and stroked his cheeks with his hands, gloves wiping them dry, hoping his panic wasn't showing on his face. He forgot the plot of Shrek and just sat there, smiling, hoping that Yoongi would smile too.

"You know, you're much brighter in real life than in pictures," Yoongi whispered, breathy and honestly with eyes darting over Hoseok's face.

"What do you mean by that?" Hoseok whispered back.

"I don't know?"

Hoseok felt embarrassed. Why was he straddling Yoongi!?

"What happened with the rest of the story?" Yoongi asked curiously. He wasn't crying anymore. He looked stiff. Hoseok felt stiff. Lost at sea with a ship whose captain had abandoned it.

Why was he thinking of pirate ships!?

"The- the prince, he got rescued," Hoseok tried to recollect the storyline of Shrek. It was amazing how Yoongi made him forget things.

"Just like that?" Yoongi wondered, clearly not amazed.

"Yeah, and they lived happily ever after." Hoseok nodded to himself. "The end!"

"Who are 'they'?" Yoongi asked.

"You're asking too many questions. It's an open ending and, uh, you can make up the details yourself," Hoseok said. He meant to rise up from Yoongi's lap, thinking that they were sitting too close to each other, when Yoongi's hands graced his hips. He started sweating, wondering if Yoongi was going to hold him back, keep him on his lap, when the hands left him.

"Alright," Yoongi said. He looked up at Hoseok and raised his eyebrows. "Why are you sitting on me?"

Hoseok gulped. "Good, uh, good question?" He awkwardly, finally, stepped off Yoongi's lap and sat back down beside him, feeling like he could breathe again. He closed his eyes and opened them, watched the last of the sky go from pink to blue in front of him.

"So… did you learn how to pole dance?" Yoongi asked after a while.

"Dirty creep," Hoseok huffed, giving Yoongi a playful, scolding look.

"What?" Yoongi said excusingly, eyes amused. "Wouldn't you belly dance for me or something?"

"In this cold weather?" Hoseok countered, thankful for the weather. Belly dancing for Yoongi felt dangerous.

"A man can dream..." Yoongi trailed off.


"I didn't say anything?"

They stared at each other in weird silence for a while. Then they decided to go somewhere else. It was, to quote Yoongi, cold as fuck and his butt (ass) felt like a plank. Hoseok put Mickey's new shirt in his backpack, put the backpack back on his back and followed Yoongi back the way they came. The sky was darkening. Hoseok had no idea what time it was. Had they been here for half an hour? An hour? It didn't matter.

Yoongi asked what movie they would see in cinema. Hoseok's stomach made a strange flip. Watching a movie together, didn't that sound like a date? Maybe Yoongi didn't notice. Hoseok was nervous.

Chapter Text

In the cinema they didn't find any movie that seemed funny enough. Hoseok didn't like scary movies and he definitely didn't want to watch the murder mystery of a young hitman that Yoongi wanted to see. Yoongi didn't like crowds, so they decided to leave and do something else instead, but at the last second Yoongi changed his mind. He pointed at the poster of a movie that was hidden behind a trash can by the floor in the lobby.

"Doesn't that movie look fun?" Yoongi asked, looking expectantly at Hoseok. Maybe he didn't go to see movies often. Hoseok remembered that he didn't. Hoseok didn't either. They were already here. It would be a waste to just leave.

"A movie about a summer camp?" Hoseok asked, angling his head at the poster to read the name.

"The main character looks a bit like you," Yoongi pointed out. "When did you star in a movie?" He joked.

"That's not me," Hoseok snorted, nudging Yoongi's shoulder. Yoongi nudged him back. They stopped when the worker gave them a shady look from the desk. It was a blonde girl and she looked somewhat of a bitch.

"Can we see it?" Yoongi asked Hoseok, probably not sensing how cute he was. He looked sweet, with his rosy cheeks and cute bangs. Hoseok was torn between wanting to scream from the cuteness or hug him to death. "It's cold outside."

"Of course we can see it," Hoseok said, nodding and smiling at Yoongi who looked happy. He hooked arms with him and led him for the desk. They asked the bitch for two tickets. While she complained about the old computer in front of her bitch-style Hoseok and Yoongi grabbed candy and popcorn. Either she couldn't do math or the system in the computer was broken, because they didn't have to pay for the candy. Yoongi told her that they wanted soda and they only had to pay half the prize. Or not exactly they, Yoongi was the one who paid, claiming, in an over-exaggerated British accent, that it was the least he could do after Hoseok had bought him ice cream before.

They left for the cinema with their arms full of candy and soda, smiling excitedly before they got lost two times in different corridors. Yoongi had to hold everything while Hoseok visited the bathroom, and Hoseok had to hold everything when Yoongi showed a shady guard what was in Hoseok's backpack.

With joined forces and an awful sense of orientation, perhaps since Yoongi kept pushing Hoseok into the wall all the time, making him dizzy as he teased him very roughly, they found the right salon. They took their seats in the middle. Not many had wanted to see the movie, and they only had to wait a little while until it started.

"Psst, look, it's the guy from my street," Yoongi hissed as Hoseok munched on popcorn and chips. He snapped his head around with his hamster-cheeks full of candy, squinting around until he made awkward eye contact with the man sitting right behind him. Must be the one who'd kicked him in the back a minute ago. His hair was black and he had a moustache on his upper lip.

"Who?" Hoseok whispered, looking back at Yoongi.

"Alejandro," Yoongi whispered.

"Are 'ou talking b'out me?" Alejandro asked behind them, quirking an eyebrow at them.

"Yeah, what are you doing here alone?" Yoongi wondered, leaning over the back of his seat smugly. "A handsome man like yourself should be able to find himself a date." Yoongi winked at Hoseok who almost choked and started coughing. A popcorn flied out of Hoseok's mouth and landed in the hair of the boy sitting in front of him. The boy turned around with a frown on his face and stared at Hoseok. Hoseok coughed out an apology before Yoongi started helping him breathe.

The bitchy girl walked inside the salon and told everyone to turn off their phones before the movie started. Hoseok and Yoongi did, and then they leaned back with excited smiles, tickling each other until Hoseok accidentally screamed out a laugh and everyone hushed them. Hoseok sat back down with a red face, trying to ignore the angry mutters in spanish coming from Alejandro behind him.

The movie started with a happy song. Hoseok picked it up, singing as he leaned onto Yoongi, having passed the state of embarrassment long ago. His face was constantly red and laughter was bubbling from his stomach.

"I'm a happy camper, you're a happy camper!" Hoseok sang, grabbing Yoongi's hand and making him wave at the screen.

"You're embarrassing me," Yoongi laughed lowly, face a cute grimace, throwing a handful of popcorn at Hoseok.

"Shh!" The boy sitting in front of Hoseok tried to hush them. He shouldn't have done that. Yoongi accidentally threw a handful of popcorn at his face. He boy gasped.

"Oh shit, sorry kid," Yoongi said.

"I'm not a kid, I'm fourteen," The boy said bitterly before he took his things and moved seats.

"'I'm fourteen'," Yoongi mimicked with a funny look until Hoseok started laughing again. Hoseok's stomach was hurting. Yoongi was too funny. Hoseok couldn't stop laughing.

When the bitch asked them to be silent Hoseok tried to calm down. He took deep breaths as he watched the main character on the screen drag his green suitcase into a rotten looking cabin.

"Do you wanna guess what will happen? I'm usually right," Yoongi whispered into Hoseok's ear, making him fight a shiver.

"In the movie?" Hoseok asked back. "I think the main character will fall in love, since it's a romantic comedy."

"No, I meant here," Yoongi countered, sounding sneaky, sounding about to laugh. "I think Alejandro will change seats soon."

"You do? Why?" Hoseok asked, wondering how he could know that.

"Watch this." Yoongi motioned for Hoseok to listen. Then he stood up and pointed at Alejandro. "El coco!"

Alejandro jumped up from his seat and screamed like a little girl. Half the people in the cinema followed, screaming, while the other half hushed them. Hoseok pressed his knees to his chest, screaming on auto pilot, wondering why everyone was screaming. Yoongi sat back down, snickering to himself. He played innocent and unknowing when the bitch, Alice apparently, told them to quieten down. True to Yoongi's suspicion, Alejandro soon changed seats.

Hoseok didn't know who el coco was. He didn't dare ask when Alice had her eyes on them. He slid as far down his seat as he could and hid his face behind his box of popcorn.

Yoongi must feel mischievous today. He threw popcorn at Hoseok and on other people too, pointing at Hoseok when they turned around with angry frowns, wondering who'd thrown popcorn at them. The movies was funny, but Hoseok couldn't really focus on it. And there were too many spiders in the movie. The old lady was scary and so was the boathouse late at night.

Eventually Yoongi grew tired of disturbing the other guests. They watched the movie in silence, Hoseok asking Yoongi about the plot now and then since he spaced off looking at Yoongi, at the way his face was lit up by the screen in front of them. Hoseok had tears in his eyes when the movie ended. Yoongi looked soft too, even if he denied it.

"I think the counselor looked a bit like you," Hoseok pondered.

"So that's why you started drooling? I wondered."

"I did not drool!" Hoseok slapped Yoongi on his knee, feeling his cheeks heat up. "But you certainly stared at that camper boy!"

"Told you, he looks like you." Yoongi snorted out a laugh. "What? Are you jealous?" He raised his eyebrows.

"Me? Jealous of a silly boy in a movie? Never!" Hoseok huffed. "But that counselor..."

"What about him?" Yoongi wondered, not smiling anymore.

Hoseok practically buzzed with excitement. "How so? Jealous?"

"Ha-ha." Yoongi put his empty box of popcorn upside down over Hoseok's head. "Nice hat."

"Ew!" Hoseok took the box off with an embarrassingly girly scream and tried to wipe the grease off his hair on his hands. "Why did you do that!"

Yoongi rose up with a laugh and started whistling the camper song. Hoseok followed him, started chasing him around the salon with his greasy hands.

"Wait until I catch you-!" Hoseok warned, stumbling on trash on the ground. Why had people left their trash?

"Won't happen!" Yoongi said over his shoulder as he climbed seats and hurried away.

"It will happen-" Hoseok paused there. He ran straight into Alice and pressed his lips shut.

"Please leave," She said, looking grumpy. When her eyes found Yoongi she looked less grumpy. Ew.

"We'll leave," Hoseok said, hiding Yoongi from view by placing himself in front of her awkwardly. He was too jealous. Yoongi was cute though. He'd opened his jacket in the front, revealing his super soft gray sweater underneath. Only softies wore sweaters like that. Yoongi was super soft.

Yoongi climbed seats until he walked up to them with a concerned look on his face. "Sorry miss, is he disturbing you?" He asked seriously.

Hoseok gaped. He kicked Yoongi's heel and felt betrayed.

"He's on a sugar high," Yoongi explained, which was funny since he was high on sugar too.

"It's fine," Alice said, running her eyes over Yoongi's body. Hoseok grabbed Yoongi's wrist and pulled him back for their seats, having had enough of that girl checking Yoongi out. He hadn't noticed it before, too busy chasing Yoongi around the place, but they were the last ones left in the salon. The credits had ended and so had the last tunes of ABBA - Lay All Your Love On Me.

"Don't forget your hat, here." Yoongi put the disgusting box back on Hoseok's head. Hoseok shrieked and threw it off, jumping around in disgust as Yoongi laughed at him.

Hoseok had to get revenge. He reached for Yoongi's blue beanie and pulled it off of his head, grinning when he saw how electric Yoongi's hair was. He stopped smiling when he accidentally slapped Alice in the face with the beanie over his shoulder. She'd followed them, stressing them to leave creepy-style.

"Give it back," Yoongi said, reaching for his beanie in Hoseok's hand.

"No." Hoseok put the beanie on his head, draping it over his hair, smiling, not because he would get grease on it, but because it was warm and smelled like Yoongi. His own beanie was in his backpack. He'd rather wear this one.

"You're stealing my favorite beanie?" Yoongi asked, reaching for Hoseok's head. Hoseok gripped his wrists, forcing his arms down easily.

"It's mine now," Hoseok said, keeping his grip on Yoongi's wrists before he took Yoongi's hands in his.

Yoongi stopped struggling against him. He opened his mouth to speak, when Alice cleared her throat behind them and started cleaning the floor with a broom.

Hoseok dropped Yoongi's hands, wondering what had just happened, before he put his backpack back on and picked up their trash from the floor. Yoongi walked for the door, leaving his trash behind for Hoseok to pick up. Hoseok threw the popcorn he had the time to pick up in the trashcan by the door where Yoongi waited for him, having pulled his hood up to cover his head.

"You can get your beanie back," Hoseok said, feeling guilty. They walked into the corridor, heading for the bathroom. Hoseok had to wash his hands.

"No, you can keep it," Yoongi said.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure."

Hoseok smiled. "Thanks! I will treasure it forever." He pulled Yoongi into a half-hug and walked for the bathroom with a big smile. He forced Yoongi to wash his hands before they put their gloves back on and headed outside, taking a picture with the poster of the movie along the way.

Outside the sky had darkened significantly. The sky was dark blue, almost black, and if he squinted Hoseok could make out a star or two. Hoseok wondered what they would do next when he remembered about his promise.

Without warning, he grabbed Yoongi's wrists and walked him backwards quickly, stopping when he reached the brick wall of the building.

"What-" Yoongi started. He didn't get to finish. Hoseok locked his hands over his head, pressing him against the wall with his body. He leaned in close to his ear under the hood of the jacket, ignoring his madly beating heart.

"Hi baby," He whispered airily, wishing the jackets hadn't been in the way. "Do you like this?"

Yoongi was silent for a moment before swallowed, answering, "No comment."

Hoseok pressed his body tighter against Yoongi's, slotting a leg between his as good as he could with the jacket in the way. "Do you like this then?" He whispered, leaning back to look Yoongi in the eyes, feeling lightheaded. Yoongi didn't look as cocky anymore. The bubbly happiness from the cinema was gone. Hoseok didn't know what he was doing. This had seemed like a good idea. It didn't seem as fun anymore. He felt all jittery and nervous and the need to press himself even closer.

"What happens if I say yes?" Yoongi asked, eyes briefly flicking down to Hoseok's lips before they went back up to his eyes. Hoseok's heart started racing. Yoongi had looked at his lips. He was looking at them again. Hoseok had already kissed Yoongi on his cheek. Could he kiss him on the lips? Would he let him? Would Hoseok dare? He felt nervous. It was good that he was wearing gloves or his palms would slip from sweat on Yoongi's wrists.

Hoseok's eyes flickered to Yoongi's lips. He felt the tension. He was just going to lean in, throwing caution to the wind, when the door to the cinema opened and someone shrieked in surprise. Hoseok dropped Yoongi's wrists and took a step back, hoping he looked innocent.

"Good evening," Yoongi told whoever it was in a strange, flustered voice. "Nothing to see here, move on."

Hoseok heard upset mutters over his back. He glanced over his shoulder, seeing that it was the boy and his mom from the salon. Hoseok got upset. Disappointed. He'd just wasted the moment to kiss Yoongi.

He didn't dare speak, let alone move, until the boy and his mother was out of staring distance. He turned to Yoongi, finding him with a deep frown at the boy.

"That was homophobic and kinkphobic," Yoongi muttered. It took a moment before Hoseok got that he was joking. There was a playful tone in his voice, over the hurt undertone.

"Yoongi-phobic," Hoseok joined in, making a sad face. "Sorry that they had to interrupt," He'd almost said 'Interrupt me trying to kiss you', but he swallowed the rest at the last second. The moment was gone and now he was awfully self-conscious. He felt embarrassed and too nervous to kiss Yoongi.

"We could always go somewhere else?" Yoongi suggested, making Hoseok's heart beat hard with nervous excitement.

"To?" Hoseok asked.

"You can decide what we'll do," Yoongi said with a shrug of one shoulder.

Hoseok smiled a bit. "If you want me to call you baby again you can just say it, you know..." He teased.

"I certainly don't want that," Yoongi mumbled, smiling some too. "Come, I know where to go. Are you afraid of the dark by the way?"

Hoseok nodded. "Yeah, but I have a torch."

"Right." Yoongi said, having seen it when he showed the content of Hoseok's bag for the cinema staff earlier. Most people probably didn't carry torches around. Hoseok did since he'd started going home from school alone. "The counselor would be proud."

Hoseok laughed. "I don't care about him, but look, I can do this." He grabbed the torch from the side-pocked of his backpack, lit it and angled it under his chin. "Boo!"

"Oh, you're so scary," Yoongi played along, putting a hand over his mouth as he staged a gasp. "Help!"

Hoseok tried to scare Yoongi for a while longer, then Yoongi started leading the way who knows where. Hoseok hooked arms with him, feeling that the temperature had dropped since before. The wind blew in his face, making his cheeks hurt from the cold.

"Did you tell Jimin that you were going to meet me?" Yoongi asked as they'd crossed another street. There were only creepy looking men out this late, save from the occasional woman who ran late from work.

"Nah," Hoseok admitted. "I didn't tell anyone. Not even Mickey."

"Not even Mickey? Wow, I told Holly," Yoongi let out a chuckle before he complained over the cold. "I didn't tell Jin though, or Joon."

"Hope we won't get kidnapped then," Hoseok piped, noticing the creepy man they walked past on the street. He pulled Yoongi in closer, angling the light from his torch lower so he wouldn't blind the creep and frustrate him.

"I'll protect you," Yoongi said, which was funny considering he was shorter, thinner and softer than Hoseok.

"Thank you, I'm glad," Hoseok said anyway. They made eye contact and Yoongi commented on Hoseok's red cheeks. It was from the cold. Totally.

Yoongi led them off the lit up road and into a path that brought them to a little forest. Hoseok clutched Yoongi's arm with a tight grip as Yoongi took the torch and led the way forward. Hoseok was just about to ask they turn back, too scared to go on, when they walked out on a glade.

"What's this place?" Hoseok asked, darting his gaze over the glade. It was one of the bigger glades, but not big enough to be considered a field. Snow laid on the grass, footprints from animals in it.

"You've never been here before?" Yoongi asked.

"No," Hoseok said. He'd never been in this part of the city before. He didn't fancy exploring forests on his spare time. "I hope there are no wolves out..."

"I thought you were a wolf?" Yoongi joked as he led Hoseok to the middle of the glade, stomping up a road in the snow as they did so. Some snow sneaked in under Hoseok's pants opening, melting on his skin.

"Drop that joke or I'm going home," Hoseok warned.

"What? Can't I mention the fact that you want to knot-" Yoongi didn't get to finish. Hoseok reached down and grabbed a handful of snow that he threw at Yoongi's head. Yoongi gasped, brushing snow from his hair in shock. "Oh hell no," He mumbled, and then he crouched down and started throwing snow at Hoseok who squeaked and jumped away. The torch fell to the ground, lighting up one part of the glade as they ran around, or stumbled since Hoseok was so full of adrenaline.

It wasn't until Hoseok had snow in his ears and Yoongi's hood completely had fallen off and his hair was wet that they decided on ceasefire. They shook hands on it. Yoongi pulled his hood back on and Hoseok tried to dry his ears on his wet gloves.

Yoongi said something about getting a cold before he sat down on the ground, taking the torch in his hands and angling the light at Hoseok so he got blinded. Hoseok tried to take the torch from him but he held it away. Hoseok sat down instead, feeling teased and flustered.

"Why are we here?" Hoseok asked, practically sitting on Yoongi's lap. The forest around them was creepy.

"Thought it would be nice to watch the moonrise." Yoongi shrugged. "But we can leave if you're afraid."

"No, I'm fine," Hoseok lied. He glanced up, seeing the stars better now that there weren't any disturbing city lights lighting it up. "I can't see it?"

"Me neither," Yoongi joined in, turning off the light from the torch and looking up too. "Think it's new moon?"

"What's new moon?" Hoseok asked, taking Yoongi's hand in his. The ground was cold under his butt.

"It's when the moon is in front of the sun," Yoongi explained.

"You know so much..."

"It's Namjoon," Yoongi said. "He's talking about it all the time, since he takes pictures, you know."

"Oh, right. Still." Hoseok looked from the sky to Yoongi who blended in with the darkness behind him. "Are you excited for your birthday?"

"You keep asking that," Yoongi said. "No, I'm not. How so? Have you bought me a present?"

"Have you changed your mind about having a party?" Hoseok asked, because he hadn't bought a gift yet. He wasn't going to walk into an adult shop to buy the dirty things Yoongi wished for. "I would show up."

"I'm honored," Yoongi said over politely. "I don't like parties though. No thanks."

"How about I just show up at the house then?" Hoseok proposed.

"Are you eager to see me or something?" Yoongi teased him.

Hoseok felt his cheeks heat up and mumbled something to his lap.

"If I decide on a party I'll inform you," Yoongi said, giving Hoseok's hand a tug.

"Okay..." Hoseok trailed off. "I just want you to have a good birthday."

"I know," Yoongi said. Then he went silent. Hoseok silenced too, turning his focus to Yoongi's hand in his, turning it over in his lap. They searched for the moon in the sky and started talking about Mickey and Holly. It was funny how Yoongi was certain that Holly was the best dog in the world, and Hoseok was certain that that was Mickey's title.

"Mickey can jump up my lap," Hoseok said.

"Holly can twirl around on two legs."

"Mickey can sleep on his back."

"Holly can jump in a hoop."

And so they went on. When Hoseok ran out of things to say he started making things up.

"Mickey can do b-boying."

"Holly can sing?"

"Mickey can talk!"

Yoongi snorted and nudged Hoseok's shoulder. Hoseok nudged him back, and they stopped competing in who had the best dog. The moon finally rose, peeking up behind the treetops, greeting them. Yoongi laid down and Hoseok laid down beside him, thinking that the sky looked big and scary in the darkness. The constellation above his head looked almost like a grumpy face.

"It's cold," Yoongi commented.

"Yeah," Hoseok agreed.

"I mean, it's cold?" Yoongi shifted and glanced at Hoseok in the darkness.

"What do you mean? Do you want your beanie back?"

"Maybe you should hug me…?" Yoongi proposed.

It took ten awkward seconds before Yoongi's words reached Hoseok's brain.

"Oh!" He let out an awkward laugh. Then Yoongi climbed up on top of him, and Hoseok wrapped an arm around his back.

"You're hard," Yoongi said, muttering as he tried to find a comfortable position on top of him.

"No, I'm- I'm not!" Hoseok sputtered, embarrassed. He wasn't.

Yoongi snorted. "I didn't mean that. Good to know though."

"What do you mean?" Hoseok asked, trying to calm his panicking heart. It was hard to do when Yoongi put his hands on his chest like this. Hoseok's cheeks felt warmer with Yoongi's face this close to his, but his lungs was pressed together from the weight so it was difficult to breath.

"Hyung, you're so big," Yoongi whined in a surprise-attack, running his hands up and down Hoseok's shoulders over his jacket.

Hoseok's face reddened. He felt a reaction in his whole body. Damn Yoongi.

"Stop teasing me or I won't hug you anymore," Hoseok warned, swallowing.

"Hyung, are- are you going to punish me?" Yoongi asked in a little submissive voice. Hoseok felt it. Everywhere. Then he grew irritated by his low self-control. Embarrassed over his silly kinks.

"What do you want from me?" Hoseok asked, trying his hardest to think away the way Yoongi stroked his shoulders. Why was he doing that? He'd been the cold one. Now Hoseok felt hot.

"I want you to fuck me, d-daddy," Yoongi moaned. Hoseok felt his heart jolt and his dick perked too. He hurriedly pushed Yoongi away from him and rolled around until he laid with his face hovering over the snow, feeling his heart racing.

"Stop!" Hoseok meant to sound threatening. It came out more as a breathy pant. He buried his face in the snow and held his breath, feeling stupid and embarrassed with how Yoongi was playing with him.

"You want me to stop? So you don't want to see my panties?"

Hoseok snapped his head up from the snow, staring at Yoongi in the darkness. "W-what!?"

Yoongi laughed. "You're a perv."

"What?" Hoseok pushed himself back up on his elbows. He brushed snow from his jacket and squinted at Yoongi. Had Yoongi teased him for a laugh? "Are you wearing panties or not?"

"I'm not," Yoongi stated.

"What was, uhm, what was that just now?" Hoseok asked, trill trying to regain his focus.

"What?" Yoongi played innocent.

"When you told me you wanted me to, you know."

"Look, the moon." Yoongi pointed at the moon, trying to change the topic. Hoseok wasn't done yet.

Only that he was. He didn't fancy telling Yoongi about the reaction in his pants. It would disappear soon anyway. It was cold out. Yoongi had stopped teasing him and maybe he would survive the rest of this.

They watched the moon in silence, then Hoseok started babbling about dance class for no reason. He had to release the nervous excitement someway. Talking about Jimin flirting with Sejun was one way to do it.

After Hoseok had talked about every teacher Jimin had flirted with they decided to head back. It was cold and Yoongi was freezing his balls off, he said, with a very creepy wriggle of his eyebrows.

Yoongi found the way back to the now closed flower shop. From there Hoseok led the way back home, happy that he wouldn't have to walk alone in the darkness.

He walked them to a stop by the house next to the Jung house, awkwardly patting Yoongi on his shoulder since he didn't know what to say, not sure how to say goodbye properly.

"Well... goodbye then," He said eventually. He didn't want to leave.

"Bye bye," Yoongi said, giving Hoseok his torch back.

"See you on the concert," Hoseok said, growing excited.


It went silent. The whole street went silent. The whole world. Hoseok swallowed, hearing his heart echo in his ears. Should he hug Yoongi? He wanted to. Kiss him? It felt like a good moment, but he was a coward.

"Good night," Yoongi said, and then he started walking away.

"Wait!" Hoseok said after him. He grabbed his wrist and pulled him back, hugging him tight, smiling into it. Yoongi hugged him back, feeling small and soft in his arms. Hoseok felt a rush of energy. Felt light and energetic. "Sweet dreams!" He said as he let go, quickly placing a peck on Yoongi's cheek that felt too good to be true.

He jogged away before Yoongi had the time to add anything. He glanced over his shoulder by the gate of the Jung house, big smile on his lips. There were butterflies in his stomach. He didn't know what time it was. He wouldn't be able to sleep.

He waved, not sure where Yoongi was, unable to really focus on anything with the buzzing excitement in his chest. He walked through the gate and hurried for the main door, picking up the key from his pocket and opening the door. The moment he stepped inside Mickey started barking with happiness. He came running for him in the hallway, tail wagging.

"Shh!" Hoseok tried to hush him, giving his head a pat before he closed the door and locked it. The house felt hot after having been out in the cold for so long. He took off his backpack, opening it to put the torch back, seeing the bouquets and realizing that he'd got Yoongi's flowers with him by mistake.

He put Mickey in his Hufflepuff shirt, smiling when he saw that it was a bit tight on him. He got his phone, about to snap a picture of his angel, when he heard someone clear their throat behind him.

"Where have you been?"

Hoseok felt his stomach constrict with nervousness. He glanced up, seeing dad frown at him in the hallway. How long had he been there? Hoseok quickly closed his backpack, hoping dad hadn't seen the flowers.

"I, uhm, hi dad." Hoseok put on a smile, hoping he looked casual and not like he'd just kissed the cutest boy in the world on the cheek and planned to roll around on his bed like a flustered worm and squeal all night.

"Mom and I was worried," Dad said. Hoseok was twenty two, but now he felt like he was fourteen again. His family worried a lot. They cared. But now Hoseok would've preferred not being interrogated. "She asked me to stay up until you got home."

"Oh, okay, but I'm home now-"

"Where were you?" Dad took a step forward, making a confused face at Mickey in his new shirt when he came running for him, tail still wagging.

Hoseok grew nervous. He took off his jacket and hung it on the rack, wondering what to say, wondering what time it was. He checked his watch. Eleven. He usually went to bed this time. Had it really been seven hours? No. It felt like it only had been two. Hoseok was hungry. He hadn't felt it earlier, but when he thought about it he hadn’t eaten any real dinner. Only popcorn and ice cream.

"Who's beanie is that?" Dad asked.

"Huh?" Hoseok felt for his head, remembering that he was wearing Yoongi's blue beanie. "Oh, eh."

Dad waited for an answer. Hoseok took off Yoongi's beanie and put it in his drawer along with his gloves and scarf. He took off his shoes, feeling weird and supervised.

"I was at the cinema," He settled for saying.



Hoseok held his breath. Everyone knew that Jimin didn't care about the time. It had been long since Hoseok had spent this many hours with Jimin, but the excuse had to work.

"Jimin bought you flowers too?" Dad asked, gesturing for Hoseok's backpack.

Hoseok's stomach clenched. So he'd seen. Hoseok wasn't the most secretive person. "Yeah, uh, we walked to a flower shop too..."

"Flowers and cinema? That sounds like a date to me," Dad said, putting the pieces together. He approached Hoseok, put a hand on his shoulder. Hoseok's heart leaped with nervousness. Felt like he broke out in a nervous sweat.

"Me? A date with Jimin? Never." Hoseok forced a laugh. This conversation was turning weird. Did dad think that he'd been on a date with someone else and used Jimin as an excuse, or that he'd been on a date with Jimin? It hadn't even been a date. Or had it? "I wasn't on a date with anyone."

Dad gave Hoseok a strange, almost worried look, before he took his hand back. "Wherever you were you should leave a note. Your mother was very worried."

"I will," Hoseok said, opting finding mom to hug her right now. "Oh, I will go on a concert in three days, by the way. Just so you know. Don't worry for me," He said as he took his backpack under one arm and Mickey under the other, sneaking for the staircase, wanting to run away.

"With Jimin?" Dad raised his eyebrows in question.

"Yeah, with Jimin." Hoseok gulped. Dad had to sense that he was lying.

"We'll talk more tomorrow," Dad said. Just why? Hoseok wanted to argue that no, this was end of discussion right here, Hoseok was a big boy and he could meet up with cute strangers and get teased if he wanted to. But he didn't. Instead he smiled awkwardly and nodded before he walked downstairs. He should move out already. Getting home certain times and sharing his plans with mom and dad wasn't only uncomfortable, it was embarrassing and weird. He didn't want to move in with Jimin though. His apartment always smelled like a weird mix of chips and perfume. Jungkook still lived at home too, and Taehyung was going to move out from his grandmother soon. Hoseok didn't know where to move.

Back in his room Hoseok threw himself into bed, making sure not to crush Mickey or the flowers in his backpack. He gave himself five minutes to smile into his pillow and think about Yoongi before he creeped back upstairs, getting a big vase for the flowers and making a sandwich that he brought back with him downstairs.

With the flowers on his desk, sandwich in his mouth and a happy Mickey in his lap he checked his phone, starting giggling when he saw that Yoongi had sent him a message already. Jimin had sent him messages too. Jimin could wait. Yoongi couldn't. Hoseok entered the chat with a nervous smile on his lips.

Chapter Text

[Private Chat: Hoseok & Yoongi]

Yoongi: I think you have my flowers

Yoongi: Hello

Yoongi: Good night

Hoseok: wait! !

Hoseok: hi<333

Yoongi: Hi

Hoseok: i have ur flowers haha

Hoseok: sorry

Yoongi: No, it's okay

Hoseok: dad just interrogated me in the hallway??

Yoongi: Ouch?

Hoseok: told him i was with jimin

Hoseok: he doesn't know that u exist, sorry

Yoongi: It's okay

Hoseok: what did u tell jin

Yoongi: Nothing

Yoongi: I just got home and he's chasing me around, asking things

Yoongi: Dunno, can't hear him, I'm listening to music

Hoseok: i told dad i'm going to a concert with jimin too

Hoseok: maybe u could use him as an excuse too

Yoongi: No, I told them I was with daddy ;)

Hoseok: jghjg

Hoseok: bye

Yoongi: Wait, I'm joking

Hoseok: ...

Yoongi: I had fun today

Hoseok: me too...

Hoseok: really fun...

Yoongi: Why the mysterious three dots?

Hoseok: bc ur mysterious...

Yoongi: I am? I'll take that as a compliment

Hoseok: mickey says thanks for the shirt!

Hoseok: it's a bit tight on him but he looks super duper mega cute!

Hoseok: thank u<3333333333333333

Yoongi: Oh, I'm happy it fit him, you're welcome

Yoongi: Holly wants me to tell you that she's the best dog ever

Hoseok: ha-ha

Hoseok: funny, but that's mickey

Yoongi: Nah, it's you

Hoseok: call me a dog again and i'll leave

Yoongi: Ah, ah, can't you knot m-me? p-please

Hoseok: ur unbelievable

Hoseok: are u seriously writing stuff like that while jin's chasing u?

Yoongi: No, I locked myself in the bathroom now

Yoongi: Think Joon told him to give me a minute

Hoseok: give u a minute??

Yoongi: Leave me alone*

Yoongi: Same thing

Hoseok: not really???

Hoseok: are u using bilbo??

Yoongi: No

Yoongi: I'm writing with my right hand, remember?

Hoseok: oh right hehe

Yoongi: So do you want to fuck me or not daddy, I'm waiting for an answer over here

Hoseok: could u drop that submissive character already?? not funny

Yoongi: I'm not joking

Hoseok: what

Yoongi: Just kidding, I'm joking haha

Hoseok: so u don't want me to f u

Hoseok: hello

Hoseok: where did u go, it's been five minutes??

Yoongi: Sorry, Jin broke into the bathroom, now I'm in my room

Yoongi: I can see the moon from my window

Yoongi: Is it sappy if I say it makes me think of you?

Hoseok: super sappy???

Hoseok: but answer the question now, pls

Yoongi: What question?

Hoseok: are u for real

Yoongi: I'm afraid that I am

Hoseok: why are u afraid

Yoongi: It's an expression

Hoseok: ok but...

Yoongi: You pressed me against a wall, I'm impressed

Hoseok: ur impressed??

Yoongi: Or Jin says he's impressed, I don't let people touch me

Hoseok: so i'm not people, or

Yoongi: No, you're a dog ;)

Hoseok: -.-

Hoseok: did u tell jin everything or what

Yoongi: Not the juicy details

Hoseok: what juicy details

Yoongi: Right, pity that there weren't any

Hoseok: ???

Yoongi: Jin says he wants to talk to you

Hoseok: ok scary??

Hoseok: why

Yoongi: He wants to meet you too

Hoseok: scary x2

Yoongi: Good luck

Hoseok: what, have u given him my address or something??

Yoongi: No, I just wanted to wish you good luck

Yoongi: Jin's writing in that group chat, the singles club or whatever

Hoseok: oh, jimin's too

Hoseok: are u gonna check

Yoongi: Are you?

Hoseok: i dunno...

Hoseok: i just want to thank u for today one more time

Hoseok: i had really fun!

Yoongi: Same, same

Hoseok: happy early bday too, old man

Hoseok: be careful as u walk down stairs, don't want u to hurt urself <3

Yoongi: Very funny

Yoongi: I will take it easy

Hoseok: also, maybe u should time urself when u whomp ur willow bc ur stamina will only get worse the older u get, i've heard

Yoongi: Smooth

Yoongi: You should time yourself, I already told you that I last for hours

Hoseok: no i'm pretty sure it was three minutes, baby

Yoongi: You're awfully cocky in text

Yoongi: Weren't as cocky when I laid on top of you

Hoseok: i could say the same, mr press-me-against-a-wall-and-call-me-baby

Yoongi: Long name

Yoongi: My new contact?

Hoseok: yes

Hoseok: shortened PMAAWACMB

Yoongi: I think mr Lovegood sounds better than that creepy shit

Hoseok: what is my contact name?<3

Hoseok: babe? <3 angel? <3

Yoongi: It changes, but right now it's Hoseok

Hoseok: how romantic </3

Yoongi: Right? Your parents gave you a good name, I wanna thank them

Hoseok: they say they wanna 'talk' tomorrow morning btw

Hoseok: i'm 12

Yoongi: Talk? About what?

Yoongi: Wait, do you think they found out that you're gay?

Hoseok: omg think so??

Hoseok: i only thought they were gonna tell me not to come home after mom has gone to bed??

Yoongi: Well, who knows?

Yoongi: What would happen if they found out, you think?

Hoseok: maybe they would cry

Yoongi: Cry? Why?

Hoseok: either from disappointment or from relief

Yoongi: I repeat, why?

Hoseok: disappointment since it's a shock u know, to most people, and relief bc it could've been worse, i mean, i could've been a prostitute or a murderer and so on

Yoongi: Do you think that being homosexual is as bad as being a murderer?

Hoseok: no!! murderer is much muchhhh worse

Hoseok: but just, most people still think being gay is a crime, or well, it is?

Yoongi: Fuck the law

Hoseok: preach

Yoongi: Now I got frustrated

Hoseok: me too

Hoseok: even mickey looks hurt

Hoseok: he isn't even gay

Hoseok: or wait, his paw had gotten stuck in the shirt, that's why he looked angry hehe

Yoongi: Hoseok, can I ask you a personal question

Hoseok: oh uhm sure??

Yoongi: Are you ashamed?

Hoseok: of?

Yoongi: Being the way you are

Hoseok: a dancing king??

Yoongi: You know what I mean

Hoseok: ok i do

Hoseok: no, i'm past being ashamed, i'm just worried that people will judge me and be mean to me based on that

Hoseok: you?

Yoongi: Yeah

Hoseok: what do you mean 'yeah'?

Yoongi: I think I'm still ashamed

Yoongi: Brainwashing does that to you

Hoseok: what brainwashing

Yoongi: At the Minsion

Hoseok: what's a minsion

Yoongi: The Min house, where I grew up

Hoseok: i'm sorry to hear that

Hoseok: my sister is a real human rights fighter btw

Hoseok: she taught me a thing or two and helped me a lot

Yoongi: Your sister sounds nice

Yoongi: My brother's only talent is to fry meat

Hoseok: always something?

Yoongi: Yup

Hoseok: yoongi

Yoongi: Yes

Hoseok: please don't be ashamed, you are loved by many

Yoongi: I guess so

Hoseok: jin, joon, holly, mickey

Yoongi: Mickey loves me?

Hoseok: he says it was love at first sight, and that he might be a little gay himself since u were so cute!

Yoongi: Did Mickey say that or you?

Hoseok: me?? pthh no, it was mickey haha

Yoongi: Sure ;)

Hoseok: ok drop those smug smileys now, i'm emotional

Yoongi: Aren't you always?

Hoseok: no, u make me, there u go

Yoongi: I get to your heart?<3

Hoseok: *silence*

Yoongi: I can hear your heart beating from here

Hoseok: stop making fun of me

Yoongi: So it does beat hard?

Hoseok: oh look jimin's calling, be by bye'

Hoseok: BYE*

Yoongi: I don't know why I keep joking with you btw, I usually never joke

Hoseok: wait i'm back and i'm listening, go on

Yoongi: No, that's it

Hoseok: but ur the biggest joker

Yoongi: Weird right? You turn me into a funny person

Yoongi: Or you're just the only one who thinks I'm funny

Yoongi: You think I'm funny, right? Or was there something on my face? You laughed a lot

Hoseok: definitely something on ur face, big spot of dirt right under ur nose

Yoongi: Speaking of my face

Yoongi: you kissed me

Hoseok: whatt no i didn't haha

Yoongi: but you did, two times

Hoseok: were u keeping count

Yoongi: why?

Hoseok: what do u mean why

Hoseok: u looked cute

Hoseok: why are u writing in lower case

Hoseok: did u leave??

Yoongi: still here, just ran out of things to say

Yoongi: I'm cute?

Hoseok: you looked cute

Hoseok: don't know what u look like now...

Yoongi: [sends picture]


Yoongi: I look like that



Yoongi: Did you get a heart attack or something?

Hoseok: no ptthhh???+

Hoseok: but u still look cute, ok.

Hoseok: super cute<333

Hoseok: :* :* :* :* :*

Yoongi: fuck me daddy

Hoseok: OK please stop destroying all good moments by saying that!?

Yoongi: you could say yes and I'll stop

Hoseok: what??

Yoongi: just kidding haha

Hoseok: are u joking or not bc it doesn't feel like it??

Yoongi: I'm joking ofc

Yoongi: but thanks for calling me cute

Yoongi: could you send me a dick pic?

Hoseok: nooo???

Hoseok: look at ur d1ldo called bilbo

Yoongi: he's boring

Yoongi: so what's up

Hoseok: that was random

Yoongi: are you going to answer?

Hoseok: i'm chatting with u

Yoongi: what a surprise lol

Hoseok: ikr??

Hoseok: the others are writing in the other chat tho, wanna check it?

Hoseok: jimin has sent me like a hundred messages today ugh

Yoongi: believe it or not, but he sent me ten too

Hoseok: he did??

Yoongi: I just deleted them

Yoongi: If he asks it was an accident

Yoongi: Same goes for Jin

Hoseok: ok, but what if it was important

Yoongi: If something's important you call

Hoseok: good point

Hoseok: bye then...<3

Yoongi: Bye...

Hoseok: no heart for me?

Yoongi: Nah

Hoseok: why not!??

Hoseok: i want one!

Yoongi: Ok here <3

Hoseok: thanks :*


[Group Chat: Singles Club]

Jungkook: ireumeun Jungkook

Jimin: young-cock, have u heard anything from hobi!?

Jungkook: wtf

Taehyung: don't call him that

Jimin: can't he speak for himself lol

Taehyung: no, i'm speaking for him

Jimin: anyGAY, back to the topic!!

Jimin: where is our oldest homo!?

Jimin: i sent him eighty messages and he hasn't replied to any of them!

Jungkook: no one replies to you when you're spamming

Jimin: true?

Taehyung: also, don't send us pics of ur abs jiminie

Taehyung: ur hot and super sexy, but we don't need to know<3

Jimin: why are u speaking as if ur a unit?

Taehyung: we just think alike <3

Jimin: are u talking about me behind my back or something!?

Jungkook: totally

Jungkook: we have a Jimin is annoying chat

Jimin: WHAT

Taehyung: no, we don't hehe

Taehyung: but also, could u stop stressing us about getting boyfriends please?<3

Taehyung: i don't want a boyfriend right now

Jimin: why not?

Jimin: feels like ur hiding something

Taehyung: i'm not hiding anyone

Jimin: anyone?!?!

Taehyung: anything*!

Jimin: fishy...

Seokjin: guys!

Seokjin: what's all this late night tea? I wasn't prepared for it!

Seokjin: just kidding, I'm always prepared, just bring it on B)

Jungkook: ew, no one uses that smiley anymore lol


Namjoon: It feels like someone's always asking that in this chat?

Namjoon: And I think Hobi was with Yoongi

Jimin: what

Taehyung: what

Seokjin: we weren't supposed to spill that, smarto!

Namjoon: Oh

Namjoon: Right, sorry :/

Jimin: so hobi was with yoongi!? the creep!?

Jimin: god!

Taehyung: i think he seems nice?

Taehyung: maybe we shouldn't be so fast to judge him?

Namjoon: He is nice, he has the heart of an angel

Namjoon: He always put others' needs first

Seokjin: pause, pause!

Seokjin: are talking about the same Yoongi!?

Jimin: right???

Jungkook: I'm neutral

Jungkook: if anyone's wondering

Jimin: we're not wondering, don't interrupt

Jungkook: rude?

Taehyung: stop being rude to kookie now chim chim :(

Jimin: can't help it, need to raise that fetus

Taehyung: he's a big man now

Jimin: ew?? it almost sounds like u like him!?

Seokjin: I think so too??

Seokjin: my that's-so-raven-intuitive brain is working and I can feel it??

Yoongi: Stop saying you're intuitive

Yoongi: I've told you that I don't want you to come into my room for ten minutes and you're still certain that I'm 'joking'


Taehyung: hello! ur nice right?

Namjoon: He is

Jungkook: he wasn't asking you lol

Seokjin: stop spamming!! I AM intuitive!

Hoseok: hi!

Hoseok: jin, maybe u should listen to what yoongi's telling u?

Jimin: HOBI!!

Jimin: did u meet up with that creep today again!? after i told u not to!?

Jungkook: no one listens to your advice

Jungkook: you don't even follow your own advice

Seokjin: what a read!

Namjoon: What if they met up?

Namjoon: Isn't that good?

Namjoon: Yoongi having fun sounds great to me! :)

Seokjin: grandpa spotted!

Taehyung: i think ur a bit mean to ur bf?

Jimin: what do u know about being rude to bfs tae tae??

Jimin: u've never had one!

Seokjin: say what!

Yoongi: Did you want anything or can I leave again?

Taehyung: u know nothing jiminie

Jimin: what?? have u had one without telling me??

Namjoon: Are things okay over there?

Hoseok: no, mickey just got his paw stuck in his shirt again, thanks for asking!

Yoongi: You could send me a picture if you want

Hoseok: oh, good idea haha<3

Seokjin: attention! attention! Yoongi is WHIPPED!

Yoongi: Just pretend that he's not there and he should stop soon

Hoseok: okay??

Taehyung: same goes for jiminie

Jimin: ouch??

Jimin: why are u all attacking me all of a sudden??

Jimin: i'm just trying to figure out what's going on!

Seokjin: I couldn't have said it better myself

Seokjin: that's how I feel all the time!

Taehyung: maybe you should make your own group chat, where you can gossip in peace?

Jimin: tae u sound so shady today??

Namjoon: I think you pressed the wrong key

Namjoon: He seems upset to me?

Seokjin: counselor Kim is back in town

Seokjin: don't worry everyone, he's studying psychology but he's not a psychologist yet!

Yoongi: Clearly

Yoongi: If he was your behavior would've changed

Seokjin: exactly what do you mean by that!?

Seokjin: you're the one who needs to see one!

Yoongi: Ex-fucking-cuse me?

Hoseok: ehh, could we change topic or something?

Namjoon: [sends shrek meme]

Namjoon: Oh look! Shrek! Funny!!

Jimin: tae where did u go??

Jimin: have u had a bf?? answer me!

Taehyung: u wouldn't know if i'd had one

Taehyung: ur so busy with ur bfs

Yoongi: Finally the truth is spoken

Jimin: what??

Jimin: i feel very attacked!?

Seokjin: me too!?

Seokjin: what is this? an attack Jin and Jimin chat!?

Seokjin: Joonie! defend me!

Hoseok: i need to add here that jimin i love u but u know it's true, u haven't been very nice these past months

Taehyung: year*

Taehyung: u come back with expensive clothes and watches and then u act as if ur at the top of the world

Taehyung: what if i had a bf? what difference does it make?

Jimin: i broke up with charles, he won't buy me stuff anymore

Taehyung: not my point

Jimin: ok i get it!

Jimin: i get it, i've been a brat

Jimin: i'm sorry, i'll stop now

Hoseok: haven't heard that one before...

Taehyung: kookie isn't even writing in the chat anymore since ur so mean to him :(

Jimin: what?? is that why??

Jimin: thought it was bc he hadn't learned how to write yet haha

Taehyung: now u did it again

Jimin: oh wait sorry

Jimin: why do u wanna stay single tho? having a bf is so much nicer!

Namjoon: I'll be a professional psychologist and therapist in two years, if anyone wanna talk

Seokjin: charge me and we're over

Namjoon: I won't!

Yoongi: I'll pay for him

Yoongi: Please help Jin

Seokjin: sorry??

Hoseok: ok can we all be friends again?<3

Hoseok: jimin's forgiven and jin too

Yoongi: Jin's not intuitive

Seokjin: believe what you want! I'll be intuitive over here in the meanwhile ;)

Taehyung: kookie are u there?

Jungkook: I'm here lol

Taehyung: are u sad? :(

Jungkook: sad? no I'm playing games with Bogum

Jimin: who's bogum??

Jimin: ur bf??

Taehyung: his friend

Jimin: u replied quickly

Taehyung: i know everything about kookie

Seokjin: feels a bit tense??

Seokjin: I know everything about Joonie btw!

Yoongi: No, I do that

Seokjin: oh let me correct myself

Seokjin: I know everything about Joonie's butthole!

Yoongi: I need a bucket

Jimin: hobi why didn't u reply to my messages

Jungkook: awkward

Yoongi: You're annoying

Yoongi: Sorry to break it to you

Seokjin: I think he's really funny??

Jimin: thanks hyung, ur OK

Seokjin: only ok? I changed my mind! you're only funny, not really

Namjoon: If you need me I'm in the living room

Hoseok: do u live there now?

Yoongi: Practically?

Seokjin: so ya'll, what do you say about a round of truth or dare??

Seokjin: I'll start!

Seokjin: Hoseok, what do you think of Yoongi?

Jungkook: that's not truth or dare lmao, it's just asking questions

Jimin: i'm curious to hear the answer

Hoseok: oh it's late, i need to go to bed!

Hoseok: some other time maybe

Hoseok: yoongi, check private

Yoongi: Okurr

Seokjin: with a death drop shablam??

Taehyung: what?

Taehyung: and good night hyung!<3

Jimin: the night has only started??


[Private Chat: Hoseok & Yoongi]

Hoseok: hellooo

Yoongi: Hello

Hoseok: u cursed out there

Yoongi: I know, sorry

Yoongi: Got mad

Hoseok: are u okay again now?

Yoongi: I'm perfectly fine

Hoseok: so jin left u alone

Yoongi: He left just now

Yoongi: Did you want to leave me a private message before you go to sleep?

Hoseok: yeah uhm, good night!<3

Yoongi: That's sweet

Hoseok: ur sweet

Yoongi: That's why I'm called suga

Hoseok: suga?

Yoongi: Long story

Yoongi: Good night Hobi

Yoongi: Hope you'll have sweet dreams of me ;)

Hoseok: of u?? pthh dream on

Hoseok: (get it?? dream on??)

Yoongi: Funny

Yoongi: Night

Hoseok: good nighttt

Hoseok: i'll miss uuu

Yoongi: Same

Hoseok: now i'm soft

Yoongi: Me too

Yoongi: Give Mickey a pat from me

Hoseok: will do

Hoseok: give urself a kiss on the cheek from me :* :* :*

Yoongi: Sounds hard

Hoseok: try

Yoongi: I will

Hoseok: good bye

Yoongi: bye!



[Private Chat: Hoseok & Namjoon]

Hoseok: hi…

Hoseok: yoongi told me you were nice

Hoseok: could u help me with something?

Namjoon: Hello! :)

Hoseok: ugh, pls don't use that creepy smiley

Namjoon: Okay.

Hoseok: no need to use dots either

Hoseok: thanks for picking up ur phone!

Namjoon: No problem,

Namjoon: Did Yoongi really tell you I was nice?

Hoseok: yes he did! he likes you a lot

Hoseok: which brings me to what i wanted to ask u

Namjoon: You can ask me anything and I'll answer as good as I can

Namjoon: Is this about that psychologist thing?

Hoseok: no ehehe, just a friend asking a friend for some friendly advice haha

Namjoon: We're friends?

Hoseok: don't u want to be??

Namjoon: I want to be! :)

Namjoon: Oh sorry

Hoseok: no it's ok! :D

Hoseok: use that one instead

Namjoon: =D

Hoseok: ok so that was even creepier??

Hoseok: anyway so i the thing is that i like someone... but i don't think they like me back

Hoseok: i think they're only teasing and flirting with me bc it's fun, but i don't wanna be friends

Namjoon: Oh

Namjoon: I think you're asking the wrong person for advice

Namjoon: It took years for me and Jin to get together

Hoseok: did he use to flirt with u?

Namjoon: It's a long story

Namjoon: He flirted with me yes, but I was in the closet back then and when I was out he had someone else

Namjoon: Quite painful to watch them get cozy

Hoseok: that sounds terrible!! :(

Namjoon: It was

Namjoon: But now I'm going to be a psychologist to help others!

Hoseok: is that why? bc of jin

Namjoon: Yes, because of Jin

Hoseok: so are u still mad at him

Namjoon: Not at all

Namjoon: I love him

Hoseok: love even??

Namjoon: I wouldn't have waited for years otherwise

Hoseok: so ur telling me that i should be prepared to wait years for the person i like

Hoseok: and i'm happy for u and jin btw!

Namjoon: Thanks!

Namjoon: And no, I'm not telling you that

Namjoon: Who is it that you like? Can't you tell them how you feel? How come you went to me for advice? I haven't exactly had that many relationships

Hoseok: 1. secret, 2. no, it would be too embarrassing and they'd joke it away, 3. u seem nice and mature, 4. how many relationships have u had?

Namjoon: I've had two weird ones before Jin

Hoseok: what do u mean by weird?

Namjoon: I tried to find someone that was like Jin to replace him and it didn't go that well

Namjoon: And thank you for calling me nice and mature! I think you seem nice too, that must be why Yoongi likes you so much

Hoseok: i'm listening

Hoseok: he likes me 'so much'??

Hoseok: does he talk about me?

Namjoon: When I ask

Hoseok: so u ask

Namjoon: As his almost father and best friend and supporter I ask because I want to know what he's up to

Namjoon: He hasn't got a job

Hoseok: yeah i know that

Hoseok: so what does he do all day

Namjoon: I'm not sure? Texting you?

Hoseok: but when he doesn't do that, i mean

Hoseok: is he talking to others

Namjoon: Ask him? I have no idea

Namjoon: He smiles when he talks about you though

Hoseok: smiles... okay...

Hoseok: have u ever heard him squeal?

Namjoon: I don't think Yoongi is capable of doing that

Hoseok: everyone is

Namjoon: I haven't heard him then

Namjoon: What has this to do with the person you like?

Hoseok: nothing hehe, totally unrelated

Hoseok: totally random question when we're already talking about yoongi haha, when he says he wants u to f*ck him, what does it mean? hm??

Namjoon: What?

Namjoon: Does he say that he wants you to f*ck him? With an u where the * is?

Hoseok: yes, thank u for not cursing in my presence, mickey's eyes are saved

Namjoon: I don't know if that has any hidden meaning, it seems like he means what he says? Unless he's joking, but I don't see why he would do that

Namjoon: Has he asked you that? I'm sorry if it makes you uncomfortable, his humor can be a bit weird sometimes, or all the time haha

Hoseok: it doesn't make me uncomfortable, i'm wondering if he means it seriously or not

Namjoon: Oh

Namjoon: Wait, who is it that you like?

Hoseok: no one???

Hoseok: can't i just wonder if yoongi would like to be my f*ckbuddy or not, feelings involved or not haha

Namjoon: What! You want to be his f*ckbuddy!?

Namjoon: I'm telling Jin, brb

Hoseok: wait!!1!!

Hoseok: don't tell him pls

Hoseok: yoongi is the one i like okay!!

Namjoon: Wait,

Namjoon: you're typing to fast

Hoseok: keep up grandpa!!

Hoseok: (sorry ur really nice, pls don't block me?<333)

Namjoon: You like Yoongi?

Namjoon: Or are you joking?

Hoseok: why would i joke about that??

Namjoon: I don't know your reasons? I'm just making sure that my friend won't get tricked and hurt

Namjoon: Are you going to hurt him?

Hoseok: no never!!

Hoseok: or wait it depends if he's asking for it or not, he's very kinky i think and he keeps calling me daddy and hyung even after i ask him to stop

Namjoon: What

Hoseok: i will stop writing now??

Hoseok: so help me pls

Hoseok: yoongi makes my heart beat faster and something else throb too but TMI omg sry, i think he's only playing with me bc i'm easy to embarrass! :((

Hoseok: maybe he thinks we're bffs

Namjoon: Yoongi isn't the type of have a 'BFF'

Namjoon: He doesn't like unnecessary conversation

Hoseok: am i unnecessary conversation!?

Namjoon: I didn't mean it like that

Namjoon: He makes your heart beat faster?

Namjoon: Hold on, I need to take a screenhot

Hoseok: think it's called screen shot

Hoseok: but wait, no!!

Hoseok: help me!! is he only playing with me or does he like me??

Namjoon: I need more to work on

Namjoon: Yoongi's very hard to read, he has a good poker face and doesn't say much

Hoseok: i know

Hoseok: why are mysterious people so attractive

Namjoon: Are they?

Hoseok: not important!!

Hoseok: ok but yoongi keeps hinting that he wants me to f*ck him

Namjoon: Doesn't sound like him but okay

Namjoon: What do you answer?

Hoseok: i warn him and tell him to stop teasing me

Chapter Text


[Private Chat: Hoseok & Namjoon]

Namjoon: Does he?

Hoseok: no he continues??

Hoseok: what does it mean

Hoseok: am i being played?

Namjoon: Yoongi isn't the type to 'play' people, let alone tease anyone like that

Namjoon: He's not very, uh, talkative, doesn't say much or text much

Namjoon: Like, he doesn't even have social media, that's how antisocial he is

Hoseok: u mean social anxiety?

Namjoon: No, antisocial is when you don't crave human interaction, sort of fine with being on your own

Hoseok: so what u mean is that he doesn't like being in my company!?

Namjoon: No, I didn't mean that

Namjoon: I mean that it's interesting that he seems to like your company

Hoseok: sure ur not already a psychologist, u sound like one

Namjoon: Haha, I'm not, but soon I'll be Doctor Kim Namjoon

Hoseok: sounds creepy

Hoseok: ok but doctor, please help patient jung hoseok!

Hoseok: does yoongi like me or not? how do i know and what should i do?

Namjoon: Of course he likes you

Namjoon: The question is in what way

Hoseok: i know :(((

Hoseok: what if he's only playing with me and i fall in love but he doesn't?

Namjoon: You're in love?

Hoseok: ehh???

Hoseok: how do u know

Hoseok: is it possible to fall in love in two weeks

Namjoon: I couldn't do it, but people are different and no one is the same as the other

Hoseok: okay professor dumbledore, no need to sound so old and philosophic now

Hoseok: what should i do!!

Namjoon: Can't you ask him what he means?

Hoseok: straight out ask him??

Hoseok: no, he'd only make another joke or say 'just kidding' like he always do

Namjoon: Want me to talk to him?

Hoseok: no heheh, pls don't do that ///

Hoseok: this conversation is awkward as it is

Namjoon: Can I ask you a question?

Hoseok: guess so??

Namjoon: Do you want to f*ck him?

Hoseok: kdfgkdfg

Hoseok: i dunno?? why are u asking??

Namjoon: I'm wondering if you only want him for his body or not

Hoseok: i do not

Namjoon: Okay, but Yoongi's very special, he's not the easiest to deal with

Hoseok: i'm listening

Namjoon: I'm very protective of him, Jin too, and I don't want to initiate something if it will hurt him

Hoseok: maybe u should loosen ur guard and let him live a little

Namjoon: If you knew what he'd been through you'd know how insensitive it was of you to say that

Hoseok: i'm sorry

Hoseok: what has he been through?

Namjoon: Are you sure about your feelings?

Namjoon: Sometimes people, desperate people, can force 'romantic feelings' to just anyone since they crave it so much

Hoseok: i'm not forcing anything! and i've been single for years, i'm used to it, i'm not desperate! who's desperate is jimin

Namjoon: If Yoongi told you he didn't want to do something would you listen to him then?

Hoseok: yes???

Namjoon: Okay

Namjoon: You have my blessing

Hoseok: weird

Namjoon: Sorry

Namjoon: I think Yoongi likes you though, didn't want to say anything at first

Namjoon: He's talking about you all the time, and he's talking with Holly about Mickey? Is that your dog?

Hoseok: he does??? cuTe!?!? omgg

Hoseok: it's my dog, mickey's in love with holly the poor thing

Namjoon: I think you're good for Yoongi

Hoseok: ehh u do??

Namjoon: Yes, you bring out the good, positive side in him and make him focus on the bright side of life

Hoseok: so he doesn't do that usually, or

Namjoon: Do you need help to tell him how you feel? I suggest calling him or meeting up

Hoseok: i'm not gonna confess hahaha

Hoseok: he's only having fun playing me around

Namjoon: I don't think he's doing that though

Namjoon: He consider most things being a waste of his time, so if he takes time to talk to you I think there might be something there

Hoseok: friendship or

Namjoon: Either that, or more

Namjoon: Can't you ask him?

Namjoon: Tell him something that's more than friendship and see what he answers

Hoseok: such as??

Namjoon: Like, tell him that he has nice eyes?

Hoseok: tae tells jimin that all the time tho

Namjoon: Tell him that he's cute

Hoseok: tae tells kookie that all the time

Namjoon: I ran out of imagination

Hoseok: already??

Namjoon: I know

Namjoon: Why don't you tell him, You're beautiful

Namjoon: On the phone

Hoseok: i don't think he likes phone calls

Namjoon: He will like the compliment

Hoseok: okok hhh

Hoseok: what do i do if it seems like he likes me back then?

Namjoon: Panic?

Hoseok: no??? don't wanna panic

Namjoon: Go on a date? Hug? I don't know

Hoseok: i could learn how to pole dance

Namjoon: What?

Hoseok: thanks for the help!! ur the best!<33

Hoseok: gonna text yoongi now! have an awesome day!

Namjoon: Oh, you're welcome! =D

Namjoon: Good luck talking to Yoongi!

Hoseok: thank you!!


[Private Chat: Hoseok & Yoongi]

Hoseok: help!!

Hoseok: i'm falling for u!!

Hoseok: help!! i can't get up!!

Yoongi: That's one way to say hello?

Hoseok: oh, hi mister lovegood!!<333

Hoseok: how are u today? good?<3

Yoongi: You're falling for me? ;)

Hoseok: how are u today? good?<3

Yoongi: What do you mean with 'i'm falling for u!!'

Hoseok: omg ur falling for me?? haha<333

Yoongi: I was repeating what you wrote

Yoongi: Answer

Hoseok: demanding??

Yoongi: I know you like it

Hoseok: enough

Yoongi: What did you mean? ;)

Hoseok: what do i think i meant

Yoongi: I think it means that you w-want me, d-do you daddy? *whimper*

Hoseok: haha, so funny

Hoseok: but i need to tell u something, actually

Hoseok: really random

Yoongi: You do?

Yoongi: Is it that you want to fuck me, hyung? <3

Hoseok: nevermind, i changed my mind, ur too dirty

Yoongi: Ok I'll stop, promise, tell me now

Hoseok: ...

Yoongi: Please?

Hoseok: okok i'll tell u

Hoseok: i'm beautiful

Yoongi: What?

Hoseok: wait

Hoseok: i got it wrong??

Hoseok: you're beautiful

Hoseok: so

Yoongi: I'm beautiful? Are you calling me beautiful?

Hoseok: yeah, i think so??

Hoseok: but wait!! before u answer i need to call u!!

Hoseok: damn it

Yoongi: Call me? Why?

Yoongi: I don't wanna

Hoseok: why not?? u can be silent and only listen to me as i, uh, talk

Yoongi: okay

Yoongi: call me?

[Hoseok is calling]



...Hello? *sounds hesitant and a bit confused*

Hi! *sounds hurried, nervous and flustered*

Ehm, sorry for calling you this early in the morning!

It's two in the afternoon,

But that's early for you, right?

You're right, *yawns to get his point across*

Did you just wake up? *sounds less nervous now that he hears Yoongi's calming voice*

Sort of,

How can it be sort of?

Did you or did you not!?

You sound stressed?

And I did, I went to bed really late last night,

O-oh! You- you did? *sounds curious*

Were you, eh, doing something, uhm, s-special or something...?

A friend is asking,

Why is Peter asking that? *teasing voice*


Peter is not asking! I hate him, God,

I would like to meet him one day, you know,


Just to beat him up or something, ask him why he hurt you,

I'm not sure if that was super sweet or super scary!?

Super sweet, I think,


Did you do anything special last night...

After we had had our date...

Date? *sounds flirty and a bit shy*

Who said it was a date?

*another panicked gasp*

I- I mean, ha ha, something else!

Not date,

Answer the question now!

Why so curious?

What do you want me to say?

I don't want you to say anything??

You can, and are allowed, to reply however you like!

Only reply however you like,

You're rambling,

I am!?

*nervous, dry laugh*

Are you wondering if I used Bilbo?

*silence* *gulp since why was he so awkward and flustered all the time, jesus*

What, what if I asked that?

Would you answer?


What would happen is I said yes?

Yes? Said yes to what!?

Where are you? There's a lot of noise,

I'm walking Mickey,

My sister's visiting so I'm hiding behind a tree right now,


Could you answer or not!?

What is it that you want to know?

If I used Bilbo?

What if I did?

Wanna ask me what it felt like too?

*flustered silence*

Uhm, so eh, I'm actually not sure why I asked,

No, me neither,

Slept well?

Are you trying to change the topic!?

Quite obviously?

But didn't you call me beautiful just now before you called me?

What was that about?

Oh! Eh,

*sounds of Mickey barking in the background*

Oh nooo, Mickey just ran away, I need to, uh, chase after, uh, him!


Not so fast there,

Answer the question,

But Mickey, he, uh, he's gone! *staged, dramatic gasp*

I bet your sister has him,

Answer, why did you call me beautiful?

*awkward, cornered silence*

*little, faint voice* Because you are...

Sorry? Speak louder so I can hear you,

*swallow* Because you are!

I'm beautiful? *satisfied, happy snort* Thanks, I know,

Hey! Aren't you going to tell me back or something?

Why? Sounds super gay,

You are,

Could you send me your sister's number?


Wanna ask her to send me a picture of your face right now, *amused laughing*


I regret calling you now!

Not my fault that you have the sexiest voice in the world!


*sharp inhale*

Did I just say that out loud!?

You did,



Don't say bye all the time, you're scaring me,

Scaring you!?

I'm the one who's scared of dying! All these heart attacks have made me ten years older!

But you, you're giving me heart attacks too,

*sounds of dropping his phone in a pile of snow and a faint squeal*



Are you still there? *sounds nervous*

*sounds of picking phone back up*

Still here!

I need to ask you a question,

Okay, *sounds like he's heading for his execution*

Do you fall in love easily?

That was a personal question,

I know, but can't you answer?

I can, uhm, I don't,

Okay, *sounds a bit confused because brain is fried*

Are you flirty by nature?

What is this questioning?

I'm not,

But you're flirting with me?

Oh, I wonder why, *ironic voice*

Me too?

Maybe I like you?

*sound of holding his breath*

*sound of soul leaving his body*

Ehm, ehm- *licking dry lips*

Now it got awkward,

It's just me,

I'm always awkward, *awkward laugh*

I like awkward,

Okay you've said that you like me two times now, stop it or I will seriously die-

I'll stop.

Deep breath, deep breath... *mumbles*

I can hear you, eh, *sounds awkward too*

Can you die from awkwardness?

I hope not, then you'd die all the time,


It's true,

You're right, hhh...


When you said that you're falling for me...

Oh look, my sister found me!

Your Slytherin sister?

Do I need to ask anyone for permission if I want to date you?

*incoherent sputtering*

Just kidding, *panicked, staged laugh*


No, you can't say bye now!

What- what does this mean?

What do you mean?

This, ehm, what we just said?

I like you and you like me,

That's what it means,

To be continued.


Is the Hogwarts Express open?

Stop pulling that joke now!

Pulling, ha, ha,

*annoyed grunt*

Okay, I'll stop,

I take it that this will continue when we meet the next time,

Now I got nervous,

Because you like Big Bang so much?

No, because I like you so much,

*a moment of shy silence*

I'm deeply flattered,

You're supposed to say that you like me much too,

I haven't seen a rulebook?

I make the rules here,

You're right, *staged moan* daddy~!

*weak voice* I- I changed my mind,

Don't wanna meet you again,


*staged harsh breathing*

Hyung, p-please,

*whimper, filthy, breathy moan*

I'm- I'm hanging up now! *flustered, panicking*

Scared by how much you want to fuck me?

Yoongi, listen,

Are you going to moan for me? I'm listening,

No, I was gonna tell you that I'm a romantic loser,

I may be weak, or you might be too sexy, but at the end of the day sappy things are what I like,

So what you're saying is that you want flowers and chocolate and cuddling? Not daddy jokes?

Is that what I'm saying? *staged laugh*

Why not have both…

Suddenly it sounds like pleasing you is a lot of work,

It's not,

But for scientific research, what does it take to please you...?

Do you want the long list or the short list?

There's a list!?

Don't you have a list?

What kind of list are we talking about? Birthday list? Bucket list?

Nevermind, *sounds like he changed his mind since no normal person had a list like that*

I don't know what you were about to say, but you can say it,

I'm non-judging and I wanna know more about you,

Not sure if that sounded sappy or just creepy?

Super sappy!

So what should I do to please you, baby?

Call you cute? Pretty? Pat you? *kissing noises*

No, ha, ha...

Yoongi... are you blushing?

You'll have to get over here to find out,

So you want to be called pretty...

And does that mean I can visit? Hell yeah!

Did you just curse? *sounds amused*

Only you can make me curse, baby, *more kissing sounds*

Stop calling me baby now,

Okay, angel!

*flustered, frustrated grunt*

What's happening over there?

Don't tell me...

Is baby being dirty again?

I'm not answering to that name,

Yoongi, hyung, if you're using biblo right now you can tell me,

I'm not,

What happened with Mickey by the way?

He's with Dawon,

Dawon? Is that the name of your sister?

Yup! She's super nice and kind but she can be sneaky sometimes,

I like her already,

Are you trying to make me jealous? *sounds a lot less playful*

Don't tell me you've lost crushes to her too?

Only one,

Jimin's worse,

I just told you though, I like you,

Where's your confidence?

I don't know, it's usually there, just not when I'm talking to... you,

*emotional pause*

Do I make you feel uncertain?

Well… you're playing with me a lot,

You make me question myself,

And you're different from the people I usually hang out with,

How am I different from them?

*thoughtful voice* You just feel more mature?

Save from the immature jokes,

My mental age is showing,

What is your mental age?

Over seventy or something, I think,

What's your?

Have no idea,

Probably twenty or something,

Ouf, I'm not sure if this can go on then...

I mean, with a fifty years age gap we just have the odds against us, *sad sigh*

It's worse than Jimin and Charles, *staged gasp*

It's okay though, I have nothing against your age, grandpa, you're the hottest grandpa I've ever seen!

Okay, this conversation got a bit weird now, *laugh*

Right? *laugh*

Dawon's wondering who I'm talking to,

What did you tell her?


Is he your go-to excuse?

Yeah, ha, ha,

Everyone thinks you're Jimin now,

Wait, I think I need to go,

*sounds sad* Oh, okay,

Gonna hang out with your sister?

I'd rather talk with you... *sounds hesitant and hopeful*

Thank you, you make me feel special,

I do? It makes me happy!

Mom has invited our neighbors for dinner later though, so I'll be stuck there for a while,

You need to stay on dinners?

One of the responsibilities as the prince in the basement,

The prince in the basement sounds like a weird Disney movie,

My life feels like one,

My too,


Yeah, deep man, so deep,


*burst out laughing*

*giggles or laughs, not sure what*

Okay, I really need to go now,

Okay, nice talking to you,

Think of me when I'm gone!

Won't be hard, I tend to do that most of the time,

I, uh, really!?




I'm thinking of you too!

And I think you're, eh, really beautiful!

*sounds stressed and nervous*


[Call disconnected by Hoseok]

Yoongi: Mature of you to end the call before I had the time to answer

Hoseok: haha, right??

Hoseok: did u want to answer something?<333

Yoongi: No

Hoseok: okay...

Hoseok: talk to u later, sweetie :* <333

Yoongi: Enough with the pet names already

Hoseok: bye!!<333

Yoongi: Bye<3

Hoseok: omg a heart ok i died but i'm alive again

Yoongi: Wait, I just remembered

Hoseok: remembered what

Hoseok: that u should tell me that i'm beautiful too??

Yoongi: How did it go talking with your parents this morning?

Hoseok: oh, it went ok

Hoseok: but they don't think i was meeting jimin

Hoseok: or they don't think he's good company anymore eh

Yoongi: Can you still go to the concert?

Hoseok: i can

Hoseok: i'll sneak out anyway

Yoongi: Okay

Yoongi: Train station at 6

Hoseok: yup!!

Hoseok: can't wait!!<333

Yoongi: Same

Yoongi: Bye then

Hoseok: bye!!!



[Private Chat: Hoseok & Taehyung]

Taehyung: hyung

Taehyung: where are u?

Taehyung: hello?

Hoseok: hello, i'm here now! haha

Hoseok: what is it, matey

Taehyung: where are u?

Hoseok: what do u mean, i'm right here

Taehyung: u were gonna teach kookie and me make food today, remember?

Hoseok: uh

Hoseok: was that today??

Hoseok: i thought that was like in a week or something!?

Taehyung: no it was today, kookie's home alone and everything

Taehyung: only us here and we've waited for u for an hour

Hoseok: only the two of u? confess

Taehyung: i won't do that

Taehyung: can u come? please? :(

Taehyung: kookie's wearing shorts and i'm suffering

Hoseok: he's doing it on purpose to seduce u

Taehyung: that feels like something jimin would say, if he knew

Hoseok: so u still haven't told him?

Taehyung: still think he would take it the wrong way

Taehyung: and he says he wants to get me a boyfriend, it's keeping him happy now that he's feeling lonely

Hoseok: he should get himself a hobby?? that's not being a sugar baby

Hoseok: why didn't u ask him to come?

Taehyung: he said he was busy

Hoseok: busy doing what!?

Taehyung: chatting with 'sam'

Hoseok: ugh, i don't like him

Hoseok: he tried to get my number and flirt with me when i was on a date with yoongi

Taehyung: he's a player?

Hoseok: most of jimin's bfs and one-night-lovers are

Taehyung: but can't u show up? kookie took off his shirt now, saying something about it being hot :(

Hoseok: it's march!?

Taehyung: mate-me-march*

Hoseok: right

Taehyung: do u think he suspects something? :(

Taehyung: what if he's playing with me?

Hoseok: i feel the same, with yoongi

Hoseok: what should we do tae tae

Taehyung: your situation sounds easier

Hoseok: uhm no, urs does??

Hoseok: kookie obviously likes u back!

Hoseok: he has a pic of u as his home screen and computer background and ur fifty handshakes?? he can't keep his hands to himself

Taehyung: he hugs u too, though

Hoseok: no?? i force him into hugs like once a week

Taehyung: ok omg awkward!!! kookie just sniffed the air and said it smells bad

Hoseok: ???

Taehyung: before i texted u i got nervous and borrowed the toilet

Hoseok: awkward omg!?

Hoseok: u can do this tho tae tae

Hoseok: this is great! just hug him and tell him that u like him before he has the time to go into panicked gay mode!

Taehyung: he's always in panicked gay mode??

Hoseok: so u need to be super fast?? just get it out there

Hoseok: but now... why did you say that my situation was easier

Taehyung: oh, i think yoongi likes you, it's kinda obvious

Hoseok: what do u mean??

Taehyung: remember that time two years ago when i was in charge of the school newspaper and had a column where i guessed who liked each other, who was a couple etc?

Hoseok: i remember

Taehyung: well, if i still was doing that i'd say that you and yoongi like each other, mutually

Hoseok: he did say he likes me

Taehyung: he did? u didn't tell me!

Hoseok: i felt like a panicked gay

Hoseok: didn't know what to do

Hoseok: and now i'm going on a concert with him tomorrow

Hoseok: brb, need to run to the toilet!!

Taehyung: are u nervous?

Hoseok: yes??? i've been trying to pick an outfit for two hours now!

Hoseok: i've played big bang fantastic baby all day, mom, dad and dawon left a while ago, they're gonna eat dinner somewhere else

Hoseok: mickey and i have nothing to eat!!

Hoseok: not that i'm hungry

Hoseok: i feel a bit sick, help

Hoseok: hello!??!

Taehyung: just take it easy, hyung

Taehyung: i believe in you!

Hoseok: why

Taehyung: if u don't wanna go to the concert i could go in ur place, just so u know!<3

Hoseok: how kind of u -.-

Hoseok: don't tell jimin, he will die if he finds out that i'll see taeyang

Taehyung: i wanna see him too :( and G dragon!!

Taehyung: g stands for great, gorgeous, gcool

Hoseok: okok stop talking about gdragon, ur making me nervous!!

Hoseok: what should i wear??

Taehyung: tight black pants so u can show off ur tight dancer ass!

Hoseok: right, good idea!!

Hoseok: what are u doing btw, u and kookie

Taehyung: oh, sitting in awkward, tense silence on the couch

Taehyung: think he's texting someone

Taehyung: i'm trying not to be jealous

Hoseok: ok but i need to poop, brb


[Private Chat: Hoseok & Jungkook]

Hoseok: hi jungoo

Hoseok: hello i know ur on ur phone

Hoseok: answer or i'll tell everyone that ur middle name is gretchen

Jungkook: it's not?

Hoseok: hi!

Hoseok: who are u texting with?

Hoseok: someone cute? :)

Jungkook: creepy smiley lol

Hoseok: answer!

Jungkook: Namjoon

Hoseok: what

Hoseok: ur chatting with namjoon!?

Jungkook: not anymore, now I'm chatting with you

Jungkook: how did you know I was chatting with someone?

Hoseok: tae told me

Hoseok: sorry, i accidentally double booked so i can't make it there in time :/

Hoseok: wait, i know!

Hoseok: why don't you and tae make dinner together instead? and listen to that titanic soundtrack u love!

Hoseok: i know! why don't you watch titanic together later! and hug on the couch!

Jungkook: why are you writing stiff like that?

Hoseok: i'm not stiff

Hoseok: put ur phone down and talk to tae now

Jungkook: did he ask you to say this?

Hoseok: no lmao, he thinks i'm in the bathroom pooping

Jungkook: TMI

Hoseok: why don't u kiss tae and get it over with? :*

Jungkook: kiss Tae, what

Hoseok: don't deny it, i know u want to…

Hoseok: but i won't tell him, i'll give u time to do so urself

Hoseok: ok??

Jungkook: did Namjoon tell you something?

Hoseok: wait what

Jungkook: bye

Hoseok: kiss him!!!

Hoseok: and do u seriously like him!?

Hoseok: i was only guessing!?!?

Hoseok: HELLO!?

Hoseok: nice evening, love u jungoo, kiss tae!!!!!


[Private Chat: Hoseok & Taehyung]

Hoseok: hi tae angel, i'm back haha

Hoseok: tell me, have u ever chatted with namjoon, haha?

Taehyung: how so?

Hoseok: kidding me!

Hoseok: everyone was so anti when he said he was gonna be a therapist but now everyone's suddenly talking to him in secret!?

Taehyung: who do you mean with 'everyone'?

Taehyung: are u talking to him?

Hoseok: tae! i just had the best, most random idea!

Hoseok: why don't u and kookie make dinner together and watch titanic? listen to some john legend? sing some karaoke?

Taehyung: that sounds like a date

Taehyung: don't think kookie would like it

Hoseok: oh, didn't u know that he's a hopeless romantic!?

Hoseok: hug him from behind and give him a big kiss on the neck!!

Hoseok: he likes u!!

Taehyung: u sound cheerful

Hoseok: kiss him :)

Hoseok: i need to go now, have to make 100 squats so my *ss will be especially tight tomorrow!

Taehyung: maybe i should do some too

Taehyung: u've got abs hyung, unfair :/

Hoseok: it's called working hard seven days a week

Taehyung: that sounded salty

Hoseok: i didn't mean it to?? sorry i'm starting to freak out a bit haha

Hoseok: haven't talked with yoongi since yesterday

Hoseok: don't wanna initiate contact too much tho, he needs his alone time i think?? don't wanna scare him away

Taehyung: u sound like u would need a chat with namjoon

Hoseok: was that a read??

Taehyung: no, help i'm nervous too :(

Taehyung: kookie just turned on the titanic soundtrack

Taehyung: think he can read minds?

Taehyung: i'm scared that he can read my thoughts

Hoseok: do u have something to hide haha

Taehyung: hobi. i've had a crush for two years, i have things to hide

Hoseok: ehh okay??

Hoseok: pls don't tell me u have a d1ildo called bilbo

Hoseok: or a d1ldo called jungkook?!?!?!

Taehyung: i'm not gonna tell u anything<3

Taehyung: thanks for the help!

Taehyung: think i'm gonna hug kookie now

Hoseok: suspicious with that heart??

Hoseok: but ok, bye tae tae good luck!! sorry

Taehyung: it's ok, good luck tomorrow!

Hoseok: tnx iiihhh, uhh

Chapter Text

[Private Chat: Hoseok & Yoongi]

Hoseok: hello... min yoongi...

Hoseok: ok it's been 5 minutes, but i'm going to sleep now, byeee…

Yoongi: Hello

Yoongi: Good night

Hoseok: hi!!!!

Hoseok: i'm not going to bed now

Yoongi: You only wanted me to reply? Sneaky ;)

Hoseok: ehehehe

Hoseok: are u excited for tomorrow...?

Yoongi: I'm excited

Yoongi: Last concert of Big Bang

Hoseok: yeah i know but i meant excited about meeting me haha

Yoongi: Oh, well always

Hoseok: always okay…<333

Hoseok: really random, but have u talked some with namjoon?

Yoongi: I talk to him daily

Yoongi: He practically lives here now

Hoseok: ok... has he told u something... weird?

Yoongi: Yeah, he told me he thought Jin was an exhibitionist

Yoongi: Could've lived without that piece of information

Hoseok: ugh okay

Hoseok: but so he didn't tell u something about me or anything haha

Yoongi: Why? Have you told him something?

Hoseok: no lol haha

Yoongi: Did you ask him what to do since you like me so much?<3

Yoongi: Daddy, you make me so happy, I- I don't know what to do when you make me feel so happy inside

Hoseok: when are u gonna drop the daddy jokes

Yoongi: Never?

Hoseok: seriously

Yoongi: [sends picture]



Hoseok: SHREK!!!

Yoongi: You seem happier over the picture of Shrek than over chatting with me

Hoseok: is it showing?? haha, sry

Yoongi: Back to the topic, eat before we meet up tomorrow

Yoongi: I don't know where or if there will be food anywhere close to the arena

Hoseok: i could always eat u

Yoongi: Oh, and what do you mean by that?

Hoseok: i dunno, i changed my mind eheh

Hoseok: i will eat before! eat early yes yes

Hoseok: now i need to go

Yoongi: Already?

Hoseok: yes, i want u to miss me

Yoongi: Revealing your motives?

Hoseok: no point in hiding anything, most call me as open as a book

Hoseok: or as secretive as a baby or something like that

Yoongi: I was going to make a joke about you being open as a book

Hoseok: wait

Hoseok: yoongi!?!? why are u so dirty!?

Yoongi: What? I didn't say anything, what do you think I meant

Hoseok: what else can be 'open' if not the butt

Yoongi: Well, you said it, not me

Hoseok: mr d1ldo lover should stop being so dirty

Yoongi: Mr mommy's boy should loosen up some and not be as stiff

Hoseok: make a joke about 'stiff' and u can talk to the hand

Yoongi: I'm silent?

Hoseok: i have an image u know, a well-practiced image and it's all sunshine and smiles and teacher's pet

Hoseok: don't want people to give me weird looks

Yoongi: So you think that if people found out that you are dirty they'd treat you differently?

Hoseok: pretty much?? don't wanna disappoint mom, she loves me so much

Hoseok: mom finding out that i'm a dirty boy is my worst nightmare

Yoongi: That's your worst nightmare?

Yoongi: What about getting robbed or killed or losing Mickey?

Hoseok: i have a lot of fears, thank u very much, but mom being disappointed is no.1, she has just always supported me, i want her to be proud, i need a good reputation

Yoongi: Has she never given you the talk?

Hoseok: what's the talk

Yoongi: The talk about 'a man and a woman', Adam and Eve, birds and the bees, you know

Hoseok: when i was six i think dad told me that when i was made the car went into the garage but i didn't get it and they never brought it up again

Yoongi: Okay, that sounds weird as hell

Hoseok: did u get the talk??

Hoseok: didn't think ur mom would do that

Yoongi: I got it from my brother, very awkward

Hoseok: so

Hoseok: what's ur point

Hoseok: are u gonna give me the talk or something?

Yoongi: Yeah sure?

Yoongi: You see Hoseok, when a man loves a woman he gets these urges

Yoongi: Gay version: when a man loves a man he gets these urges

Hoseok: do u have to say 'these urges' sounds kinda old fashion and awkward??

Yoongi: The talk is old fashioned and awkward

Yoongi: The circle of life

Yoongi: And the lesbian version: when a woman loves a woman, she gets these urges

Hoseok: i get it

Hoseok: what happens then, gay version thanks

Yoongi: Actually, there's only a straight version

Hoseok: sounds unfair

Yoongi: Life's unfair

Hoseok: oufff

Hoseok: tough life lessons ur giving over there

Yoongi: I know, I should charge you for them

Hoseok: pls don't?<3

Hoseok: tell me now, what happens when a man loves another man

Yoongi: First, imagine that we're sitting by a dinner table in the middle of the day, all stiff and tense, with a glass of water in front of you

Hoseok: ur making this more stiff

Yoongi: My point is, what would happen if your mom found out that you're dirty? Or not a kid anymore

Hoseok: can't we leave my angel mom out of this

Hoseok: if she's happy imagining me as the perfect son i want to help her believe that

Yoongi: I'm just trying to help

Yoongi: One day she'll find out

Hoseok: sounds like a threat

Yoongi: What 22 years olds are pure?

Hoseok: u??

Yoongi: Define pure

Yoongi: I'm pretty sure I'm not

Hoseok: i'm not sure what we're talking about??

Hoseok: and isn't the talk there to like prevent pregnancies etc?? if it's gay or lesbian u don't have to worry about that

Yoongi: The talk is there so people will understand what's happening in their bodies when it's time

Hoseok: this sounds like a biology lesson

Yoongi: Most conversations around the house here sound like a biology lesson

Hoseok: ok

Hoseok: but u don't need to give me the talk, i know what's going on already

Yoongi: Peter?

Hoseok: u can stop mentioning him

Hoseok: or are u jealous of him...

Yoongi: Depends on what you did

Hoseok: we argued a lot

Yoongi: I'm not jealous anymore

Hoseok: okok but yoongi are u excited!!

Yoongi: I'm excited

Hoseok: see u tomorrow...

Yoongi: See you

Yoongi: And eh sorry for that weird conversation up there, have no idea why I started talking about that, I'm just nervous

Hoseok: oh it's ok!! i'm nervous too hehe

Yoongi: Ok

Yoongi: Bye then

Hoseok: bye...<3

Yoongi: <3



[New Group Chat: Big Bang's Bitches]

[Created by: Kim Seokjin]

[Kim Namjoon was added to the Group Chat]

[Min Yoongi was added to the Group Chat]

[Jung Hoseok was added to the Group Chat]

Seokjin: s'up y'all!!

Seokjin: now we won't lose each other at the concert!!

Seokjin: great right??

Seokjin: we can keep track of each other with this!

Yoongi: Hobi and I are going alone.

Seokjin: Yoongi! hi!

Seokjin: but no!! Joonie wants to meet him!

Seokjin: me too!

Yoongi: Some other time, bye

[Min Yoongi has left the Group Chat]

Namjoon: That didn't go well

Hoseok: uhm hi haha

Seokjin: Hobi!! just the man I wanted to talk to!!

Hoseok: hii

Hoseok: i would like to meet u too!

Hoseok: but yoongi doesn't seem like he wants to, and i'd like to get some time alone with him

Hoseok: we haven't really been one on one a lot

Seokjin: you're speaking awfully formal with me, dear??

Hoseok: sorry, thought it would make it easier for u to understand since ur so old

Namjoon: Yikes!

Namjoon: Invite back Yoongi, he'd love that joke

Seokjin: what side are you on Joonie? -.-

Seokjin: will Yoongi suck your dick or I?

Namjoon: Oh, uh, you

Hoseok: if u'd said yoongi i would've screamed

Seokjin: why? you scream when you're disgusted? me too, I would've screamed too :/ don't want Yoongi's lips near my dick!

Seokjin: hello?

[Jung Hoseok has left the Group Chat]


[Private Chat: Hoseok & Yoongi]

Hoseok: hii

Hoseok: good morning!!

Yoongi: Hello

Yoongi: Didn't know if you were up or not

Hoseok: it's midday haha

Yoongi: Okay, so I hoped you were, otherwise I would've gotten worried

Hoseok: really? u'd worry for me?<3

Yoongi: Of course I would, daddy

Hoseok: h-

Yoongi: Are you excited for the concert?

Hoseok: super excited!!

Hoseok: do u wanna go alone tho

Yoongi: Yes

Hoseok: but jin said he and joon wanna meet me

Yoongi: They can meet you some other time

Yoongi: Or do you really wanna meet them, because then I could change plans

Hoseok: no, i wanna be alone with u, just wanted to make sure it was okurr

Yoongi: It's okurr, I'll talk to Jin

Yoongi: And you want to be alone with me...

Hoseok: yoongi, i've already kissed you

Yoongi: What? When? I must've missed it

Hoseok: on ur cheek!

Yoongi: Doesn't count

Yoongi: Only places that count are lips, hips and titties

Hoseok: titties it is then, meet me shirtless

Yoongi: What if people stare?

Hoseok: don't be shy baby, daddy will protect u :*

Yoongi: Okay end of weird role playing

Hoseok: what role playing?

Yoongi: Uh

Hoseok: just kidding haha

Hoseok: u can show up with a shirt, pls do, don't want u to freeze

Yoongi: How nice of you

Hoseok: i know, hyung's nice

Yoongi: Sometimes I think of you as hyung so much that I forget that I'm the older one

Hoseok: same?? two days left until ur an old man like jin!!

Yoongi: Can't wait

Yoongi: To get gray hair and wrinkles

Hoseok: u've got nine lives so don't worry

Yoongi: What do you mean

Hoseok: ur a cat, so like use one of ur other lives and bye bye wrinkles

Yoongi: That sounded weird

Hoseok: i know, i got that the moment i typed it out

Hoseok: weird...

Hoseok: oh look jin invited us back to the chat


[Group Chat: Big Bang's Bitches]

[Jung Hoseok was added to the Group Chat]

[Min Yoongi was added to the Group Chat]

Seokjin: welcome back!

Seokjin: you both left in a very rude way, without saying good bye or anything before

Yoongi: Good bye

Seokjin: wait!!

Seokjin: will we meet up before the concert or not? I paid for the tickets!

Hoseok: we decided that we'll meet at another time!<3

Seokjin: you and Yoongi?

Seokjin: great! I'll go with Hoseok then and Joon with Yoongi!

Seokjin: Hobi, I hope you're ready to scream!!

Yoongi: He didn't mean that

Yoongi: He means that Hobi and I will go separately and you and Joon will go separately

Seokjin: I know, I got that but I tried...

Seokjin: when will Joon and I meet you then, Hobi?

Seokjin: it would be nice to know more about the person Yoongi's dating!

Hoseok: hgjkdfjg

Hoseok: dating?? we're not dating haha

Namjoon: Aren't you though?

Namjoon: Don't you think Yoongi's beautiful? (wink)

Yoongi: That sounded normal, not

Yoongi: And of course he thinks I'm beautiful, I'm his baby

Seokjin: that sounded normal, not

Hoseok: my friends want to meet u too!!

Hoseok: or they don't actually, they only wanna meet yoongi but i didn't wanna say anything in case it would hurt ur feelings

Seokjin: mission accomplished

Seokjin: they obviously don't know me!

Seokjin: everyone who knows about Kim Seokjin wants to spend time with him!

Yoongi: Sure mama

Seokjin: you're calling me mama now!?

Yoongi: If you let me and Hobi go alone I'll play games with you later

Seokjin: deal!

Seokjin: and Joonie and I can always find you in the crowd and creep up on you from behind, no biggie ;)

Hoseok: what

Namjoon: Who will take care of Holly?

Seokjin: I already asked the old hag down the street!

Yoongi: Maggie? What the hell?

Yoongi: I asked Alejandro

Seokjin: but they hate each other??

Yoongi: Hope they won't sort it out in front of Holly

Yoongi: You need to call Maggie and tell her that you changed you mind

Seokjin: she doesn't have a phone

Hoseok: how does she talk to people

Seokjin: she has a tv

Namjoon: Hope to see you at the concert, Hoseok!

Namjoon: Would be nice to finally get to meet you :)

Yoongi: Yeah, but that won't happen so stop it

Yoongi: Hobi's too nice to say no

Hoseok: true hehehe

Hoseok: it would be nice, but ehh

Yoongi: Talk to you later Hobi

Yoongi: Don't you have school?

Hoseok: yup, i'm texting under the table

Seokjin: I'm proud of you!

Hoseok: won't happen again

Hoseok: but the teacher left

Namjoon: Left?

Hoseok: with jimin :I

Seokjin: with Jimin!??!

Hoseok: don't ask

Hoseok: but they've been gone for a while

Seokjin: we get it!

Seokjin: he's got detention, that gangster!

Hoseok: no, tae and i are pretty sure he's up to something else

Hoseok: or something's up

Hoseok: i wanna go home

Yoongi: That's fucked up

Hoseok: kookie says that one day jimin will get expelled but jimin just says that no, one day he'll be rich and famous

Namjoon: I think Jungkook will be right, sorry

Hoseok: don't bet??

Yoongi: Eat before we meet later, Hobi

Yoongi: By the train station at 6

Hoseok: i will!! see u there!!

Seokjin: meet us!!!

Seokjin: [sends picture, a brand new selfie of himself]

Seokjin: look!! don't you want to see my broad shoulders and plump lips and beautiful eyes yourself!?

Yoongi: Calling yourself beautiful is narcissistic

Seokjin: no it's not, it's stating obvious facts! :*

Yoongi: Whatever

Hoseok: sorry jin, but i wanna meet yoongi first

Hoseok: i'm going alone, so it would feel a bit weird to meet three strangers alone, meeting yoongi alone is more like equal grounds

Seokjin: what!?

Namjoon: I understand

Seokjin: if I'd known I would've bought more tickets!

Seokjin: do you want Jimin to join?

Hoseok: no

Yoongi: No

Seokjin: should we meet on Yoongi's birthday then??

Seokjin: Yoongi said he wanted to drink whiskey in the shadiest bar BUT if you kids are tagging along we could do something else!

Hoseok: drink whiskey!?

Yoongi: My darkest secret

Seokjin: since when is that a secret lol

Yoongi: I don't want to be celebrated though, please don't invite anyone

Seokjin: sure thing! I'll invite all my friends and your friends and Joonie's friends!

Yoongi: 'Joonie' only have two friends

Seokjin: oh right, you and Jackson!

Yoongi: You're not his friend?

Seokjin: no silly, I'm his boyfriend :*

Namjoon: I have quite a few more friends, actually!

Namjoon: Both men and women

Seokjin: :)

Seokjin: only gays are welcomed to the party, sadly

Yoongi: Can't invite Jackson then, isn't he bi?

Hoseok: why can't everyone be invited??

Yoongi: No one will be invited

Yoongi: I don't want to be celebrated

Yoongi: But it will be fun to see you later Hobi

Hoseok: same!!

Yoongi: Bye

Seokjin: leaving already!?

Namjoon: I think he did



[Created by: Kim Seokjin]

[Kim Namjoon was added to the Group Chat]

[Jung Hoseok was added to the Group Chat]

Seokjin: so!!

Hoseok: why did u create another chat when u just made one!?

Seokjin: Yoongi isn't in this one!

Seokjin: and now we can plan the best birthday party for him!

Seokjin: that's technically not on his birthday, because he's a big introvert and will need more than two days to recharge after the concert

Hoseok: he said he doesn't want to be celebrated

Seokjin: oh, Hobi... you have lots to learn!

Seokjin: that means the opposite!

Seokjin: I don't want to be celebrated = celebrate me!! please please!!

Seokjin: I know, that's so Raven, that's me! B)

Hoseok: he might not want to be celebrated though, he told me so this morning

Seokjin: I'll think of something super fun! Yoongi will love it!

Seokjin: I'll invite people too

Hoseok: i didn't think he had any friends

Seokjin: I'll invite my own friends of course haha

Seokjin: do you think your friends would want to come? Tee and Cookie and them?

Hoseok: you mean tae and kookie?

Seokjin: that's what I said?

Hoseok: if there's food they'd like to come

Seokjin: Jimin then?

Hoseok: i don't think inviting him is a very good idea

Hoseok: he has a tendency of taking over parties and take all attention to himself, since he's so sexy, cute and lovely and everyone falls in love with him in a heart beat

Hoseok: everyone from twelve years old boys to eighty years old ladies fall for him

Seokjin: I won't invite old hag Maggie then...!

Seokjin: Jimin can show up later when everyone's already going home or something

Hoseok: no, don't invite him pls

Seokjin: that sounds shady? won't he get upset?

Hoseok: he doesn't really like yoongi anyway

Seokjin: rude!?

Hoseok: don't tell him i said that!

Hoseok: just, no jimin on yoongi's birthday

Seokjin: wait... is this about you? do you think Yoongi will like Jimin more than you!?!?

Namjoon: Maybe we shouldn't bring up Hoseok's potentially low self-esteem/self-confidence

Seokjin: Joonie??

Namjoon: I'm here, sorry

Namjoon: Yoongi just told me he wanted to go alone with Hobi again

Namjoon: He's showering now

Hoseok: send picture

Seokjin: ooohhh1!!!

Seokjin: tell me Hobi... exactly what is going on between you two?

Seokjin: am I safe to assume that Yoongi won't live alone anytime soon?? hm??

Hoseok: he's never lived alone?

Seokjin: you know what I mean!! he lives alone in his room, fair enough

Hoseok: oh, i need to go now, bummer...

Namjoon: Is Jimin and the teacher back?

Hoseok: jimin's back, not the teacher

Hoseok: he said that the teacher wanted me to teach the rest of the class, fml

Namjoon: Can't you say no?

Hoseok: to who?? teacher isn't here

Hoseok: bye, gotta channel professor jung now, what is 2+2

Hoseok: wait, 5

Seokjin: it's 4

Hoseok: no double two

Hoseok: 2x3 is triple two

Namjoon: If you need help you could call me

Namjoon: Or Yoongi, he's smart

Seokjin: calling Hoseok stupid!?

Namjoon: No

Namjoon: Oh, I need to go, bye!

Seokjin: love you honey!!

Hoseok: thankss

Seokjin: meant Joonie

Hoseok: i know??


[Private Chat: Hoseok & Yoongi]

Hoseok: hi yoongi boongi haha

Hoseok: could u help me with something reallyyy quick?<3

Yoongi: Sure?

Yoongi: Is it to get you hard? I could send a voice message where I call you daddy

Hoseok: HFJS

Hoseok: stop now, enough

Yoongi: Worked already? That was fast haha

Hoseok: no not that!!

[Hoseok is calling]



Why are you calling? *voice echoes*

Hello to you too! *hurried, eager whisper*

Why does your voice sound so weird?

I'm in the bathroom,

Was going to take a shower when you called,


*a second of silence*

So are you naked...?

Pretty much?

What do you mean 'pretty much',

Are you or are you not!?

I've still got my socks on,

*sound of moving around*

So, now I'm naked.


Oh, gay- okay! I mean, okay, then- then I know!

*sound of water turning on*

What are you doing over there!?

Are you stepping into the shower!?

*confused sounds from around him since he's basically screaming by now*

No, I changed my mind,

Going to take a bath instead.

A bath! Okay, ha, ha, *awkward laugh*

Kinky! I mean-! Binki, she- she just-

Are you okay? *sounds smug*

No! Yes! I mean- *groan*

I'm behind the teacher's desk and everyone's waiting for me to teach them math,

Math? Didn't think you studied that?

Me neither? Or wait,

*phone pressed to his chest as someone says something to him*

Okay, so this was awkward, it was English,

Why did you call me?

Namjoon said you were smart, and for some reason I wanted to call you before him,

'For some reason'

Hobi, I think we both know what that reason is, *sounds smug again*

I know, I wanted to embarrass you in front you the class, you're right,

Do you know how to turn off speakers!?

I've had it on the whole time!

Say what,

Jimin does not look happy,

Kill me, *whispers*

Go to, uh, Jungkook and ask him, he seems smart,

*sound of Jungkook shouting 'thank you!' from the back of the classroom*


*sound of Taehyung shouting 'hope the bath is nice, hyung!'*

I should hang up now,

No! Please don't? *sound of walking around*

Kookie showed me how to turn off speakers now, only I can hear you,

And wait, I think the teacher's back now!

I would fire them if I was principal,

And give Jimin detention,

Jimin would be happy to get detention, *sigh*

I'm not going to ask?

I need to whisper now,

But, eh, thanks for ehm... answering the call,

And sorry about leaving you on speakers,

It's okay,

Are you hanging up now?

I think I need to?

Okay, see you later,

*suppressed giggle*

See you later!

Oh, and Hobi?


I- I love you d-daddy *loud, staged, echoing moan*

*sound of dropping his phone, a gasp and sputtering, flustered*

Bye, *laughs*

[Call Disconnected by Yoongi]

Yoongi: Bye daddy, miss you :*

Yoongi: gonna think of you in the bath<3

Hoseok: HEY

Hoseok: u can't just end the call like that!?

Yoongi: Oh, but I can ;)

Hoseok: you- you hjfhjdghs

Yoongi: me, what? ;)

Hoseok: the D in agust D stands for Daddy kink

Yoongi: Took a while for you to notice

Hoseok: just wait until i get u...

Yoongi: can't wait haha

Yoongi: bye!

Hoseok: bye...

Hoseok: (all frustration aside, hope ur bath is nice and see u later!!)

Yoongi: thank you

Hoseok: no same??

Yoongi: no, only a thank you

Hoseok: ok...