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Just Some Villainous Wingmen (ON HIATUS)

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“Dude. I'm like. So gay for Brainwave.”

 

Sorry buddy, can't related.

 

An empty can was tossed at his head. The ravenette caught it with both hands and dunked it in the trash.

 

"Ayyyyyy," he whispered under his breath in a silent cheer.

 

“You just don't have good tastes.” Denki says, like a bastard. He was Midoriya Izuku, of course he didn't have good tastes. Just look inside his closet. He lived off instant coffee, 5-hour energy, boiled Monster, and ramen during finals season. 2 weeks, Denki. 2. Weeks. He works at a coffee shop and drinks pure caffeine and milk. When has he had taste?

 

"Bold of you to believe I have any taste." He summarizes, because, at this rate, his sense of taste is so wacked up he might end up eating cardboard and calling it 'savory'. Y'never know with drunk Izuku.

 

"....I'm going to the Friendship store and buying a new friend. Someone who can understand my gayness."

 

Denki. Honey. Sweetie bell. Darling of my heart and eater of my eye. Grinder exists. Try it out.

 

"It seems very pitiful of you, to need to pay someone to be gay with." he said instead.

 

"Not my fault my two best friends are ace as all hell, and the third is a lesbian"

 

You did not just go there. You bastard man. Well,

 

"Just because you can't get dick doesn't mean you hafta take it out on us who don't want it."

 

That one earned him a shove off the bed. 'Worth it.'

 


 

Yesterday's hangout with Denki got him thinking.

 

It was never a good thing, him thinking. Something would explode. Someone would get hurt. He might have to leave the country under a fake name and never return. Again. His teachers might actually expel him for this.

 

He smiled.

 

He should call up Sero. He was always looking for his next adrenaline high, anyways. Denki wouldn't be too mad, right?

 


 

"This is a bad idea."

 

No shit, Sero, but. What if it worked.

 

"If it works? Denki gets a date, and Jirou kills us for being reckless idiots. Remember Yaoyorozu-sans 'Upset Mother' face?"

 

...fair point, but. Denki. Date. Brainwave. Priorities, Sero.

 

"...You're not gonna stop until I agree."

 

Ding ding ding! We have a winner!

 

"..."

 

Pretty please?

 

"...fine."

 

YES.

 

"You're getting us suits though. I don't want you to dig out a bullet from my torso again."

 

Yessiry.

 

With a mock salute that went unnoticed by the other because of the lack of sound, he hung up the call.

 


 

Izuku needed suits. 

 

Hatsume was in Kaminari's tech lecture, and made suits.

 

Hatsume is the god of wielding tech.

 

It's obvious who he should ask for suits.

 

But, how to ease her into accepting?

 

....time to review his personal notes.

 

HOW TO PLEASE HATSUME MEI - A TRILOGY

  • Hatsume, or Mei, as she said to call her, has a very peculiar taste for lightly burnt food and ginger. All ginger. Increases her mood by 32%
  • She loves edible glitter. It doesn't even need to be edible. If it's on her food, her mood goes up by 12%
  • Mei loves her coffee with a lot of sugar, but no creamer. Increases her mood by 29%
  • Mei is easier to bargain with if you give her these items after she pulls an all-nighter, but she will act more snappy.

....To the store!

 


 

 

On the way there, he noticed a dog staring at hime from behind some bushes. 

 

It kinda looked like a corgi.

 

Weird.

 

...

 

He quickened his pace.

 


 

 

After buying a small bag of ginger for Mei, some paper for him to snack on, edible glitter, a box of 60 second white rice, a small bag of mixed vegetables, and soy sauce, he headed back home, determined to burn the fried rice.

 


 

 

...After Troogling how to fry rice, he cooked the grain and fried the spices, onion, and minced ginger with olive oil, before shoving the rice in the wok with a heavy dose of soy sauce. He mixed it a bit, before adding the vegetables. He then cut the left over ginger into little sheets, putting them on a separate pan to crisp around the edges. He finished them off with salt and pepper.

 

After cooking the food, he scooped it into a plastic container and added a generous amount of glitter.

 

Cracking his hands in a backwards motion, he stretched his spine and rolled his neck.

 

"Coffee time." He mumbled to no one, a determined grin stretching wide on his face.

 


 

Finishing the final touches of his baiting tools, he snags the 'My Little Squid' themed pack and rushes over to Mei's lab.

 

Sure enough, he heard a hammer banging repetitively at some sort of metal, amd came face to back with a tired Hatsume Mei, working at what he assumes is a cannon blaster.

 

Knocking on the wall, he waited for Mei to take notice of him. If the stories Kaminari said are true, he doesn't want to startle her.

 

The blob of hair perks up at the noise, but doesn't seem really care.

 

He knocks harder.

 

"Can it wait?"

 

No, Mei. It can't wait. The food in this pack is burning my arms, please take it.

 

That gets her attention. "Food?" She asks, turning around curiously.

 

Slightly burnt, with some coffee. The kind you like.

 

She scrambled at him.

 

He chucks it at her and ducks under a desk.

 

The sounds after that were terrifying.

 


 

 

After what he's dubbed "The Feeding", she was a lot more compliant in his request. Something about how his food tasted 'the right amount of burnt'.

 

"So," she says, taking a sip from the thermos. "Waddya' need this time? Laser blankets? Pokeballs?"

 

...That would be useful in future projects, but. Not this one.

 

"Oh? Something catch your eye?"

 

You could say that.

 

"So? What about it? If you wanted something small, you wouldn't go through the process of making both my favorite snacks." She inquiries, tossing a charred, glittery ginger chip into her mouth.

 

He slides her a list, like a mafia boss doing shady business.

 

How much would you charge to make all this?

 

She takes the list. Reads it. Double checks it again.

 

"...Izuku, you aren't planning a bank heist without me, are you?-"

 

No. Nope. Nada. Not yet. This is to play wingman for Denki.

 

".....As long as my logo is hidden. I want to be able to create gizmos, not get stuck in whatever—" she waves a hand around "—THAT is. I'm not evolved enough to be a crime lord."

 

Cool. That's fair. Prices?

 

"....I'll give you the wingman discount and charge you,,,,,830,000¥."

 

.....what if, instead, I make you whatever you want when Shark Week happens for the next 3 years.

 

"4."

 

3 and a half.

 

"3 and three quarters."

 

Deal.