It's been a month - well, actually a bit longer than that, if he were to be precise - and Thor has made zero process with his Befriend Loki plan. He still can't coax more than a few words out of him and, honestly, Thor's starting to give up; no matter what he does, nothing seems to work.
At first, he was rather excited when he saw that his roommate was not a complete stranger, even though they never really hung out in high school; they barely had any classes together, anyway. Still, he thought it would be easier to get to know each other; he realized soon enough how wrong he was.
He doubts Loki has even once tried to start a conversation with him so far and even when he answers to Thor's desperate attempts to talk to him, his answers are short and usually rather sarcastic.
So yeah, Thor has started to come to terms with the fact that he's going to spend the rest of his years staying at the dorms in complete silence.
He shifts on his bed and settles on his side so that he's facing Loki. Loki is lying on his bed on his stomach, feet up, earphones on as always, watching a show on his laptop that Thor doesn't recognize. He can see the corners of Loki's lips twitch up in a small smile once in a while and sometimes a giggle escapes him before he has time to place his hand over his mouth and stop it. It makes Thor smile every time; he can't help it, it's cute.
Loki is too absorbed in his show to notice him staring, so Thor doesn't avert his gaze just yet. Loki has his hair tied up in a messy bun, a few curls having fallen out and hanging on the side of his face. He's wearing a hoodie and sweatpants, even though the weather is still quite warm. Thor has noticed that Loki always gets cold easily.
Thor lets out a sigh and checks the time on his phone; he should probably start getting ready for the party soon.
"Hey. Hey Loki," he tries and moves his hand to get Loki's attention.
Loki glances at him with a frown and begrudgingly takes an earbud off, looking expectantly at Thor, obviously not pleased with being interrupted. Thor curses himself internally; why does he even try anymore?
"There's this party tonight, if you wa-"
"Are you sure? It could be fun. Do you have early classes tomorrow..." Thor trails off, noticing that Loki has already put the earbud back on.
"Oh yes, absolutely Thor! I would love to come to the party with you. You seem like a nice guy, why not!" Thor says in a mocking, high, cheerful voice, his heart jumping in his chest in terror when he sees Loki looking at him, removing an earbud again.
"Did you say something?"
"What- who, me? Nope. Nothing," Thor says with an awkward chuckle and a wide smile, letting out a relieved sigh when Loki nods and returns to his show. Fuck, that was close; he would absolutely hate to get stabbed in his sleep.
He climbs off his bed and gets dressed eventually, receiving barely a nod when he tells Loki that he's heading out. He swears he's going to stop trying soon- he is!
Loki does his best to ignore Thor who hasn’t stopped moving around the room for the last ten minutes now, getting ready to go God knows where. He actually goes out quite a lot, which works just fine for Loki; he gets to have the room all for himself.
He was actually supposed to go out, too, this afternoon about an hour ago with Darcy, but he decided to cancel, his mood not being the best today; no reason to go out just so he can be miserable. He startles a little when Thor speaks, turning his head to look at him.
"Hey, I'm going to the cafeteria, do you want me to bring you anything?" Thor is already at the door when he asks, looking at him with hopeful, bright eyes as if he would like nothing more than for Loki to say yes; he's so weird sometimes.
"Are you sure. Have you eaten anything t-"
"I'm good," Loki insists with a tight smile and Thor nods his head but is clearly disappointed as he makes his way out of the room, closing the door behind him.
Loki keeps staring towards him even after Thor's gone, his eyes narrowed. He's been trying to figure out what Thor's deal is for weeks now and he still hasn't managed to do so. Sometimes, he truly thinks that Thor simply wants to be... friends with him? Which honestly doesn't make sense.
They had barely exchanged a word during high school; the fact that they're roommates now doesn't mean they should become best friends or something. As far as Loki is concerned, they only need to tolerate each other.
Admittedly, when Loki had seen who his roommate was, he did some research, hoping that changing dorm room would be possible, but of course he wasn't that lucky.
The best thing about college was supposed to be that he would leave everything and everyone from high school behind. Sharing a room with the most popular jock of his school was definitely not a nice surprise. The fact that Loki used to have a crush on him - like the rest of the whole fucking school did - about three years ago didn't help either; Thor probably hadn't even known his name back then.
Now, almost one and half month later, he has to admit that Thor could have been a much worse roommate. He's clean enough, even though a bit messy sometimes but that's fine, so is Loki. He's considerate and not too noisy - except for when he's talking, unfortunately - and thankfully he hasn't come back with anyone after those parties he goes to; Loki can't imagine sleeping in his bed a few feet away from Thor's while Thor's busy fucking someone.
So, all in all, things are not bad.
If only Thor would stop trying to befriend him. It's not like they have anything in common, anyway. Is Thor actually expecting him to hang out with him and his friends? It was his teammates that were assholes to him in high school and sure, Thor never actually hurt him in any way and he seems to be a decent guy, but as far as Loki knows he never did anything to stop them either - not that Loki needed his help, but that's not the point right now - so, he's not much better than the rest of them.
Anyway, it doesn't matter now. Sooner or later Thor will get the message and stop annoying him.
He starts when he hears the knob of the door turn - how long has he been staring at the wall? - and he shifts on the bed, pretending to be busy on his phone when Thor steps inside.
"Hey. I know you said you didn't want anything, but uh, I brought you something anyway," Thor says, sounding only a little sheepish. "So, I got you tea - you like tea, right? - and this!" He tells him with a wide grin, placing the paper cup with the tea and then a muffin on Loki's desk.
"Uhm okay. Thanks, I guess?" Loki says, the words coming out more like a question, and he reaches for his wallet from his backpack. "How much-"
"My treat," Thor says casually, brushing him off, already heading to his own side of the room, and Loki doesn't insist.
He eyes the cupcake on his desk, his stomach reacting immediately with a growl. He chews on his bottom lip, considering his options.
If he eats it he basically admits that Thor was right, but on the other hand he is really fucking hungry; he hadn't realized until now. His stomach rumbles again and he lets out a quiet defeated sigh.
He avoids Thor's gaze as he reaches for the muffin and the tea - he loves tea, sue him! - feelings his cheeks heat up even though he doesn't know if Thor's actually looking at him.
He takes a bite from the muffin and then a sip of his tea, not managing to hold back the pleased little moan that escapes him.
"Is it good?" Thor asks and Loki nods, hesitantly meeting his eyes.
He expects Thor to say something like 'told you so' or at least to look smug, but he's definitely not ready for the smile Thor offers him, wide and warm, making the color on Loki's cheeks deepen.
Loki ignores the weird fuzzy feeling inside him and how Thor's bright smile has somehow immediately lightened up his mood and he quickly averts his gaze, focusing back on his muffin.
Yeah, okay, Thor is not the worst roommate.
Thor has made in two weeks more progress than he had made in the previous six; it turns out that the muffins were the key to the success all along!
Every time he goes to class before Loki he brings him a muffin, and tea for when he knows he'll wake up soon or juice for the times he knows Loki has nowhere to go, which means he'll probably sleep in until late.
If Thor's honest, he's not even sure why he does it; his plan wasn't to buy Loki's friendship off by giving him food. He just knows that every time Loki thanks him, a small smile on his lips and a faint blush on his cheeks, it always makes Thor's day better. Especially when that cute blush deepens when Thor grins back at him - how could he not! - and tells him that it's his treat. It's honestly so endearing.
So, Thor keeps doing it, not willing to dwell on the actual reason yet. Things are fine just the way they are, for now at least.
"-dude. Thor, are you fucking listening?"
"Uh yes, what?"
"Why is it taking you so long to choose a muffin? No, actually since when do you even eat muffins? You'll need to eat like twenty of those at least, if you're hungry. And what's this? Tea?" Fandral asks and Thor frowns; he hadn't even noticed that his friend showed up. He was supposed to meet him later at class.
"It's not for me," Thor replies absently, still trying to decide if he should take the blueberry muffin or the banana one. If he takes both of them, it'll be too much, right?
"Well, then for who?"
"Loki? I thought he wasn't even talking to you."
"Well, he does talk to me when I get him food," he says, finally choosing the blueberry one, and turns to Fandral who's looking at him with a raised judgmental eyebrow. "It's- it's not like that. He’s nice. We're actually getting along now." Well, kind of. Loki seems definitely more willing to talk to him lately.
Fandral hums, not sounding entirely convinced, but doesn't say anything else, which Thor is grateful for.
"Anyway, I'll see you at class. Gotta leave those in our room first," he says and barely waits for Fandral's reply before heading towards it.
He's as quiet as he can as he opens the door, slipping inside the dark room and carefully making his way to Loki's desk, a smug grin forming on his lips at how successfully he has managed to sneak in, impressed by his own stealth.
"You don't have-"
"Oh God, fuck, shit," Thor curses, clearly startled and also relieved that he had already placed the hot tea on the desk and didn't drop it when he basically jumped in surprise. "Jesus dude, I thought you were sleeping. You're gonna give me a heart attack," he says, bringing his hand on his chest, feeling his heart pounding; he’s not as quiet as he thought, apparently.
Loki chuckles sleepily, looking up at him and nuzzling his face into his pillow, his hair a mess of black curly strands; he's so cute, it's not fair!
"Sorry, just wanted- well, I wanted to tell you that you don't have to, you know, to bring me tea and whatever… I- uh, I mean, it’s okay, no need-"
"I know I don't have to," Thor says gently, taking pity on him and deciding to interrupt Loki's awkward attempt to say whatever this was supposed to be.
Loki nods once, looking hesitant at first, but then smiles at him, the most adorable sleepy smile Thor's ever seen, before letting his eyes flutter closed again.
Thor lingers for a bit longer, only barely resisting the urge to reach with his hand and brush Loki's hair away from his face. He shakes his head when he realizes that he's been staring for too long and makes his way to his class, trying - and failing - to wipe the stupid wide grin off his face. Luckily, Fandral doesn't make a comment, even though his knowing expression is more than enough.
Thor watches as Loki keeps struggling and fighting with his hair, barely able to muffle his amused chuckle when Loki lets out another frustrated moan. He's been trying to tame his hair for almost half an hour now. It's a rainy day and the humidity refuses to let Loki straighten his curls and Loki apparently refuses to give up.
Thor thinks his natural curls are cute; they make him look softer, a bit younger maybe. Of course he's not stupid enough to say that to Loki; definitely not now that they've been finally getting along.
Loki finally stops trying to straighten his hair - a person can only have that much patience when it comes to hair, after all - but he apparently decides to braid it now. Unfortunately, he doesn't seem to be pleased with that result either.
Thor decides to risk it and stop pretending that he hasn't noticed what Loki's been doing for a half hour now. "I can help, if you want."
"I can help you. You know, with your hair. I can braid it for you if you want," he says and Loki raises a disbelieving eyebrow. "For real, dude. My mom taught me. How do you think I always have such pretty hair?" He says teasingly and grins when Loki rolls his eyes; it looks more fond than actually annoyed.
"Fine. I suppose you can't make it any worse," he grumbles, not exactly convinced but surprisingly he accepts Thor’s suggestion.
Thor grins at him and sits up, shifting on the edge of his bed while Loki settles on the floor between his legs.
"Just do something that will take less than fifteen minutes, I got class," Loki tells him and Thor hums, running his fingers through Loki's hair. It's even softer than it looks and Thor indulges himself for a little bit, calloused hands brushing over Loki's soft curls.
Then he starts with making little braids, a few on either side of Loki's head and on the back, smiling at the way Loki hums pleased and rests his head on Thor's thigh, most likely unconsciously.
When he's done with the little ones, he braids them together until they're plaited in one thick braid on the back of Loki's head that falls over the rest of his loose curls.
He steals a glance at Loki's face and a fond grin makes its way to his face when he sees that Loki has closed his eyes, his lips curled into a small smile. He's like a kitten.
"Is it ready?" Loki asks, sounding a bit sleepy, his cheek still nuzzling the soft material of Thor's sweats.
Thor contemplates saying no, just so he can keep Loki like this for a bit longer but he knows he has class to go. He hopes Loki accepts his offer to do his hair again in the near future. "Mhm. All done- oh wow, fuck," Thor says before he can stop himself, his eyes widening pretty much in awe when Loki turns around.
"What, what is it? That bad? Fuck, I don't have time to fix this! What have you done??" Loki asks, already panicking as he makes his way to the mirror.
"No no, it's not bad at all. You're pretty- I mean, you know, the braids I did are pretty. Very pretty."
"Oh. Yeah, huh… this- this actually looks nice," Loki murmurs from where he's standing in front of the mirror, turning his head on either side to take a better look. "Thank you," Loki says, his voice softer than usual, a genuine smile on his lips, his cheeks slightly pink.
"Anytime," Thor says and he totally means it. Loki nods at him before grabbing his backpack, bidding him goodbye and exiting the dorm room.
Thor's smile stays with him long after Loki's gone and no matter what he tries to think his mind keeps wandering back to the soft expression on Loki's face when he thanked him.
Thor was convinced so far that all he wanted was to just try and get to know Loki a bit better solely because they're roommates and he thought it'd be nice if they got along, but he has realized his feelings have started to grow less and less friendly lately. It’s kind of scary, but if he’s completely honest, he wouldn’t change any of this even if he could.
Thor wakes up from his nap feeling sleepier than he was when he went to sleep, his limbs sore and heavy. He finds his phone somewhere under the blanket – huh weird, he doesn't remember getting a blanket. Maybe he got cold in his sleep? who knows - and his eyes widen when he sees the time; he was supposed to hang out with Fandral about an hour ago. Well, shit. He grimaces and texts him an apology; naps are always a good reason for not showing up, right?
He frowns when he hears a quiet sipping sound coming from Loki's side of the room and he turns his head, finding Loki on his bed, his earphones on; he doesn't seem to have noticed that Thor's awake.
Thor shifts on the mattress so he's facing him, his lips instantly twitching up. Loki is sitting on the bed with his knees drawn up against this chest, wrapped in a blanket - the grey one with the adorable kitten faces pattern on it - that covers everything except for his head and his hands. He's holding a cup - of tea, probably - between both hands, his eyes focused on the screen of his laptop.
It's only a few seconds later when Loki turns his head and looks at him, probably realizing that he's being watched, and Thor smiles at him, can't bring himself to look sheepish or embarrassed even though he's been caught staring. Loki returns the smile and then averts his gaze back to his laptop, bringing the cup of tea on his lips to take a small sip.
Thor feels the sudden urge to just go there and snuggle up with Loki, wrap his arms around him and just hold him there, and he blushes at the thought, deciding that it's probably better to stop staring and finally get up. He should probably go and get something to eat, he thinks as he sits up on the bed, lazily stretching his arms over his head.
"Oh," he says quietly, a confused frown forming on his face when he sees the food on his desk. He knows he didn't buy anything before he took his nap, so it had to be Loki, right?
From where he’s still sitting on his bed, he can see a sandwich, a plastic cup with fruit salad, some juice, a slice of what seems to be apple pie and a chocolate bar- oh and some yoghurt.
"Thank you," he says louder now, hoping that Loki is able to hear him, and Loki turns his head toward him, pulling an earbud out.
"Thank you. For- you know, for the…” he trails off, motioning towards his desk with a nod of his head.
"Oh," Loki says and nods, his cheeks turning a light pink. “I- I couldn’t choose what to get, so…” he mumbles sheepishly with an adorable little grimace and a shrug and Thor chuckles, grinning at him.
“Well, I won’t let anything go wasted, don’t worry,” he tells him, blushing a little in embarrassment when his stomach growls loud in agreement. They grin at each other for a few seconds, immediately making warmth bloom in Thor’s chest. Then, Thor finally reaches for his sandwich, letting Loki go back to his show, the smile still plastered on his face as he eats.
Well, Loki definitely doesn't hate him anymore!
Thank you so much for all your encouraging comments!!! I hope you keep enjoying this 🤗❤️ next chapters will be a bit longer!!😁
Getting each other little snacks becomes pretty much a habit after this. Loki still keeps to himself most of the time but he's at least more willing to talk with Thor, even though he has yet to initiate any kind of conversation or accept Thor's invitations to join him when he goes out.
Still, Loki's smiles seem to grow warmer and more genuine as the time passes, and Thor catches himself thinking about them- about Loki in general, more often than not. He has accepted by now that he has a crush on Loki; a little crush never hurt anyone, right? It doesn't really change anything, anyway.
"Hey, are you sure you don't wanna-" Thor starts asking but shuts his mouth the moment he sees Loki's murderous glare. He raises his hands in surrender, offering Loki an innocent smile, and Loki nods, going back to his book.
He has asked Loki if he'd like to come to the party he’s going at least three times so far, hoping that this time might be different from the previous ones. Loki seems to like him just fine, lately. Thor wouldn't say they've become friends, but if he doesn't fuck it up, they'll get there.
"Okay, I'm going then," he says as he grabs his phone, heading to the door, and Loki acknowledges him with a hum, not even glancing at him.
They'll get there.
Loki's fast asleep when he feels the mattress shift and dip as something climbs into his bed. Said something settles on the edge of the mattress and curls up right on his feet, like a dog- well, a very large and heavy dog.
He rubs his eyes and reaches blindly for his phone. He unlocks it and sits up, using the light of the screen to see what the fuck the weight lying on his feet is, even though he has his suspicions.
And yeap, there he is.
Thor is casually lying on the edge of his bed with his knees drawn up against his stomach, a peaceful expression on his face, his eyes close. It looks rather ridiculous, Thor's huge body curled up like this so he can fit in the small empty space on Loki's bed. Loki might have even laughed, were he not ready to literally kick Thor out of his bed for waking him up in the middle of the night.
"Thor. Thor! Hey, wake up, you oaf. Thoooooor," he tries and gives a few nudges to Thor's shoulders with his feet, just for good measure.
Thor’s head finally jolts up and he looks around the room lost and confused, like he's trying to figure out where he is.
"Finally. What the fuck, dude? Are you okay?" It's obvious that Thor is drunk but he can't tell just how much. Hopefully not too drunk to find his way to his own bed.
"Uh ye- oh shit, fuck fuck fuck-"
Loki watches as Thor runs quickly to the bathroom, stumbling on his way there, probably on his shoes that are tossed carelessly on the floor, and then the sound of Thor throwing up in the toilet comes from the bathroom. Loki groans in disgust and falls back on his bed with a sigh.
Great. At least now Loki can go back to sleep; Thor is well enough to run to the bathroom and not puke all over himself, so he probably doesn't need him, right? He can take care of himself.
Just when he's about to let his eyes flutter closed, his body wonderfully melting into his comfortable warm bed, he hears Thor grumble and whine from the bathroom and then there's a loud thump, followed by a pained groan from Thor.
Of course Loki wouldn't be that lucky.
He sighs and gets up, turning the lights on and filling a glass with water for Thor before heading to the bathroom. He finds Thor sitting on the floor, with a ridiculous pout on his face as he rubs his forehead with his hand. He lifts his head up when he hears Loki entering the bathroom. "I hit my head," he whines and pouts even more, looking at Loki with sad puppy eyes.
"How the fuck- no, you know what, it doesn't matter, I don't wanna know. Just drink this," he says firmly and Thor glares at him like Loki just ruined all his fun. Oh well, he'll get over it!
Thor takes the glass anyway and drinks half of the water before handing it back to Loki. "Aren't you gonna kiss it better? It hurts," he grumbles and stares at Loki with a pleading expression.
Loki rolls his eyes, muttering a 'fuck' under his breath; he wants to be annoyed that he had to wake up in the middle of the night and deal with this, but Thor's being really fucking adorable and he makes it kind of hard for him to stay mad.
"Please?" Thor insists and damn it, that's unfair; who the fuck gave him the right to have so blue - and yes, really beautiful - eyes?
"Yeah alright, fine," Loki sighs in defeat and sits down as well, shuffling closer to him.
Thor smiles immediately and closes his eyes, eagerly waiting for Loki to kiss him. As Loki leans in, he tries his best to ignore the sudden itch he feels to brush his fingers against Thor's beard and to rub his own cheek against his, and focuses, instead, on admiring how his long, brown eyelashes shadow over the top of his cheeks that are slightly flushed probably from the alcohol. When he's finally close enough, he presses a quick kiss on Thor's forehead and pulls away right after.
Thor opens his eyes and looks at him, giving him a blinding, grateful grin.
"Can I get one more? My booboo still hurts," he says in an actually serious voice and Loki can't help but laugh.
"Fucking dork," he mutters and shakes his head - just a little bit fondly - before leaning in and kissing his forehead again, this time lingering a bit more.
"Mm now it's better. Thank you, Loki!" Thor says and nods his head, his eyes a little unfocused even as he stares at Loki.
Loki is about to speak when he suddenly sees Thor gaping at him and he just frowns, wondering what the hell happened now; he probably doesn't want to know.
"Wow," Thor says, sounding actually in awe and managing to confuse Loki even more. "Loki! Your eyes are green! They're so beautiful," he continues and then fucking giggles as he moves closer to him, forcing Loki to shuffle away until his back hits the wall.
"Wh- what?" Loki stutters and refuses to acknowledge the blush creeping onto his face, grateful that Thor doesn't seem to notice him freaking out.
"I really like them," Thor murmurs mostly to himself and brings a hand to Loki's face, gently tucking a few black locks behind his ear.
"Uh yeah, okay. Let's- let's get you to bed now," Loki says a few moments later, clearing his throat awkwardly.
"Noooo," Thor whines, as if it's the worst thing Loki could have said. "Can we stay here for a bit? I can't move," he grumbles and makes a show of moving his heavy limbs that seem to be refusing to cooperate.
How - and why - the fuck did Loki get himself in this mess??
He really wants to go back to sleep and he opens his mouth to say so, but what comes out is a resigned 'yeah okay'. It's not easy to say no to Thor when he looks at him like a kicked puppy. "Just for a bit," he adds in a stern voice, just to make sure Thor sees that he isn't pleased with this.
Thor, of course, doesn't even notice. He just grins at him excitedly and then, before Loki knows what's happening, large arms are being wrapped around him, pulling him close to a warm, solid chest.
"Thor, what the fuck- hey, easy you oaf!" Loki complains when Thor squeezes him in his embrace, making it impossible for him to move. He squirms experimentally in Thor's tight hold and Thor immediately hushes him, like he's the one annoying him.
"Mm that's really nice," he hums pleased when Loki has stopped trying to wriggle his way out, having accepted his fate and letting himself relax in Thor's secure hold.
"You better not fall asleep on me, Thor," Loki warns him, even though he doubts Thor pays any attention to his words.
Thor lets out a satisfied sigh, as expected ignoring Loki completely, and nuzzles his cheek against Loki's hair. "You smell nice," he murmurs, his voice slightly slurred, and Loki smiles despite himself. Okay, this might not be the worst thing ever for just a few minutes-
Oh, hell no!
A low snore coming from Thor stops that trail of thoughts instantly and Loki glares at the opposite wall, still trapped in a bear hug; his fucking luck!
"Thor! Thor, wake up!" He pinches Thor's forearm and receives an annoyed grunt, but Thor doesn't seem to have waken. “Of course you had to fall asleep... I should have left you sleep sprawled out on the cold floor, but no, I decided to be a good person and help you and look where it got me! Thor, I swear I'm gonna fucking bite you if you don't wake up right the fuck now,” he threatens and waits for a few seconds, huffing in frustration when nothing happens.
Oh well, he tried!
He turns his head and cranes his neck until he can reach Thor's arm with his mouth and then bites down hard at his bicep, not letting go until he hears Thor's confused - and probably pained - groans.
"Wha-" Thor croaks out and finally loosens his hold around Loki.
"Good, you're awake!" He quickly disentangles himself from Thor and stands up, tugging at Thor's hand to follow him. "Get up, you're too fucking heavy, I can't carry you."
Thor grumbles something that Loki doesn't care enough to try and understand, but thankfully he stands up.
"Okay, now brush your teeth," he tells him and Thor lets out a petulant whine, stomping his foot on the floor.
"I don't wanna."
"Just fucking brush your teeth, Thor. You're gonna be thanking me tomorrow."
"You're mean," Thor grumbles but obeys at last, brushing his teeth with clumsy movements, toothpaste dripping down his beard and chin.
Loki cleans his mouth with a towel once he's done and then gestures for Thor to follow him back to the room, grabbing his hand and dragging him all the way to Thor's bed.
"Now, take your clothes off and go to bed," he orders and Thor sits sleepily on the mattress, lifting his arms up and looking at Loki expectantly. "Oh, for fuck's sake. Fine." He tries to focus on his annoyance as he reaches for the hem of Thor's t-shirt, but he still blushes as he pulls it up and over his head. It's obviously not the first time he notices Thor's muscles, but it has never been from up this close before, and it makes his cheeks redden even more.
"Uhm, you- you can take your pants off on your own," he says - there’s no way he can handle doing that - and Thor grumbles but surprisingly obliges and even though it takes him some time to manage to unbuckle his belt, he finally succeeds.
Loki busies himself with turning the lights off as Thor disregards his jeans on the floor, the sun that has already started to rise providing enough light so that the room isn't completely dark.
Perfect, now he only needs to put Thor in bed and he can finally go back to sleep.
Or at least that's what he’s planning to do.
Instead, he finds himself being pulled down on Thor's bed and he yelps as he lands on the mattress, Thor's arm around him drawing him closer until they're lying on their sides, their faces only inches apart.
"Thor. I have to go to my bed, too," he says in a steady voice even though his heart is pounding wildly in his chest. Thor hums, but doesn't say anything else, his eyes focused on Loki's face, but without really meeting his gaze; it's almost as if he's staring at his lips.
"Is- is something wrong?" He asks hesitantly, starting to feel a bit self-conscious as Thor keeps staring but Thor shakes his head no.
"They're just... they're so pretty and pink. I bet they taste really sweet!" Thor says, sounding positively in awe, like he’s just made the greatest discovery of the century. Loki gets startled when he feels Thor's hand on his face, gently caressing his cheek with his thumb. "Wanna kiss them,” Thor whispers softly and yeap, he's definitely talking about his lips.
They’re close enough that he can feel Thor’s breath against his mouth and he can’t help but blush, even though he's fully aware that Thor is saying all these things simply because he is drunk. This doesn’t mean anything.
“Uh… we should sleep,” he replies awkwardly, feeling his face, neck and chest burning up, not that Thor will notice in the state he is. "I should probably go to my bed now," he says and Thor nods his head; well, that was easy enough.
He ignores the sudden feeling of disappointment that runs through him and shifts in Thor's arms so he can sit up, only to be pulled back against Thor's chest.
Thor makes a grumbling sound and tightens his embrace, nuzzling his face in Loki's hair.
Maybe Loki should stop pretending that he minds this; Thor will most likely not even remember it tomorrow. Maybe he can just stay there, warm and comfortable in Thor's arms. It's been a while since someone hugged him, after all, and this feels quite nice.
It's fine. He can let himself enjoy this, indulge himself just this once. They're not really doing anything, anyway.
He allows himself to relax at last and curls up closer to Thor's chest, blushing when he's reminded that Thor's wearing only his boxers.
"Mmmm, you're so, so cute and tiny and adorable," Thor mumbles sleepily and Loki frowns, trying to pull away from Thor so he can glare at him but he barely even manages to move.
"What? No- no, I'm not!"
"Yes, you are. I'm gonna keep you here forever," Thor announces, somehow sounding excited even now that he's half asleep.
The words cause Loki's heart to flutter and he has to remind himself again that Thor is drunk, and obviously very sleepy; he doesn't know what he's talking about, he doesn't mean any of this.
Thor falls silent after that and it's not long before the soft snores start, his chest rising and falling slowly with every breath he takes. Loki focuses his hearing on Thor's steady heartbeat, finally letting himself drift off to sleep, as well.
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The first thing Thor notices when he wakes up is how terribly heavy his head feels. It's his fault of course, he knows that. He doesn't usually drink more than he can handle, but yesterday he didn't bother stopping Fandral from refilling his cup every time it was empty. So, here he is now, with a headache and his mouth dry and a body pressed to his own-
What has he done?
His face is buried in a mess of black hair, he sees when he finally cracks his eyes open, and his chest is flash against the person's back. He tilts his head up, moving as carefully as he can so he won't wake said person, and his eyes widen when he sees who it is, the memories starting to come back to him only seconds later.
He remembers coming back to the dorm room and going to the bathroom, then Loki showing up, probably to help his drunk sorry ass. His face turns red when flashes of them cuddling on the floor of the bathroom come to him - Oh God, did he really asked Loki to kiss his booboo better? - remembering how tight he was holding Loki in his arms-
Just like he is now. God.
And as if things aren’t bad enough already, he realizes that his cock has woken up along with him, his erection almost poking against Loki's ass. He tries not to panic and keeps his breathing as steady as possible as he shifts on the bed, just a little bit, pulling his hips away.
Fortunately, Loki still has his clothes on so he might have not felt the hard thing brushing against his ass. Besides, he seems to still be fast asleep.
Thor forces himself to relax and tries to think anything else other than how good Loki feels in his arms or how nice his hair smells, desperately willing his cock to calm down.
He contemplates getting up, saving them both from the awkwardness that will no doubt follow when Loki wakes up, but he doesn't really want to leave the bed yet. It's nice and warm under the blanket and it feels so right to have Loki in his arms.
Is it even normal to feel like this when it's just a simple crush? He doesn't remember experiencing this with anyone else before. Maybe he really should get up.
Just then Loki stirs against him and makes a mumbling sound, and Thor stays completely still, trying to remain relaxed. He supposes disappearing before Loki wakes up is out of the question now.
Loki nuzzles the pillow - his pillow, oh God!! - and shifts lazily on the bed, but doesn't pull away, and Thor doesn't withdraw the arm he has wrapped around Loki's waist either.
"Morning," Loki murmurs, his smooth voice coming out a bit hoarse from sleep.
"Good morning," Thor croaks out, his throat feeling even drier than it was when he woke up.
"How're you feeling?" Loki asks, almost too casually, as if them waking up in the same bed and cuddling is nothing new.
"My head's throbbing a little, but I, uh, I’m fine, I think," he says, almost having forgotten about the headache completely, hard to focus on anything else other than Loki right now.
Loki just hums in reply, the silence that settles comfortable but still not really helping Thor calm down.
"I think I'm gonna take a shower," Thor blurts out and awkwardly disentangles himself from Loki, who acknowledges him with a nod, stretching out on the rest of the bed, as well, the moment Thor gets up.
Thor's glad that, at least, Loki isn't paying any attention to him and he quickly grabs a towel and a clean pair of boxers, before heading to the bathroom, glaring down at his half hard cock.
He only manages to relax once he's inside the bathroom, leaning against the closed door and letting out a relieved sigh. Even if things get awkward now, at least he won't have to worry about Loki feeling his boner against his ass, so that's something, right?
He still can't quite believe that he woke up with Loki literally in his arms. And they were so close; Loki's body fitted so perfectly against his.
Little crush, my ass.
His cock springs free when he pulls his boxers down, hanging hard and heavy between his legs, and he lets out a resigned sigh; he might as well.
He steps in the shower and lets the water run over his head, bringing his hand to his dick, palming himself. He starts giving it a few strokes, slow but firm, his mind immediately going to Loki, as it always tends to do lately.
He runs his thumb over the leaking head and uses his free hand to fondle his balls, knowing that it won't take him long to come.
He thinks about Loki in his bed, pressed against him, imagines how it'd be if Loki wasn't wearing any clothes either, if Thor was able to touch him however he wished to, if Loki would moan in pleasure for him. He speeds up his pace, his strokes growing harsher and faster, his cock throbbing in his fist just at the thought of him kissing Loki.
He was so close to do just that, last night, wasn't he? Those rosy, pretty lips, begging to be kissed, only a couple of inches away from him.
He bites down at his bottom lip hard to muffle his groans, his legs almost buckling as he starts to spill, thick spurts of cum landing on the tiled wall and getting washed off by the running water.
He sighs and cranes his neck back, letting himself catch his breath and enjoy the feeling of the hot water on his sore muscles, before finally reaching for the shampoo.
He steps out of the shower when he's done a few minutes later, grabbing the towel to dry himself and then slipping into his boxers.
The corner of his lips immediately twitches up when he sees that Loki hasn't gotten up yet, still curled up in his bed, buried beneath the blanket. Thor really hopes Loki’s scent will still be there, on his sheets, when he goes to sleep tonight.
Something warm blooms in his chest and his gaze lingers on Loki's form, before he shakes his head, the cool air of the room reminding him that he should probably get dressed- no matter how tempting the thought of joining Loki in the bed beneath the covers is and how amazing it’d be to just stay there for the rest of the day, cuddling with Loki and holding him close.
He sighs quietly and puts on a pair of sweats and the first sweatshirt he finds, turning his head toward Loki when he hears him shifting on the bed.
Loki's looking at him, eyes only half opened and cheeks pink, a sleepy expression on his face.
"Hey," Thor says, not bothering to hide the fond smile that makes its way to his face.
"So, I know you literally just woke up but I was thinking... How do you feel about going out to get some breakfast? My treat. You know, as a thank you for not letting me sleep on the bathroom floor last night," he says, and even though it's obviously not a lie, wanting to thank Loki is honestly just an excuse.
"You don't have to-"
"I want to. Come on, I'm starving," he says pleadingly and looks at Loki with a hopeful grin that grows even bigger when Loki gives in and nods his head.
"Just let me get ready."
Twenty minutes later they're walking to one of the diners near the campus, standing close enough that their shoulders brush together every few seconds, and Thor can't help stealing glances at Loki, his heart skipping a beat every time Loki catches him looking but still not able to make himself stop.
Loki's wearing a pair of black skinny jeans and a dark green hoodie that would probably be big enough for two Loki's to fit in, his hands buried in its front pocket.
Thor imagines how it'd be if he slid an arm around Loki's shoulders and drew him closer to him, welcoming Loki's weight when Loki would lean against him.
He forces these thoughts out of his head, knowing that it'll do him no good dwelling on such things right now. Loki has only now started to actually talk to him, the last thing he wants is to seem too pushy and scare him away. There's no need to make this weird.
The diner is quite full when they arrive, but luckily they find a table and take a seat across each other, immediately both reaching for the menus. They're silent for the next couple of minutes, focused on reading the menus in front them, until the waitress comes to take their order.
With everything that happened the last few hours, Thor almost forgot that they never hang out with each other, and that even in the dorm room they don't really talk much. The silence stretches between them, now definitely not comfortable anymore.
Loki doesn't seem to be willing to start a conversation - admittedly, he doesn't seem to mind the silence; maybe it's just Thor that finds it uncomfortable -, distracted by a loose thread on the sleeve of his hoodie that's apparently more interesting than Thor.
Well, Thor supposes if he wants them to talk, he has to be the one to start a conversation.
He awkwardly clears his throat, hoping that it'll be enough to get Loki's attention.
"So," he starts and meets Loki's gaze that turns out to be much more distracting than expected. Loki's finally looking at him now, his green eyes even more beautiful in the daylight, making it kind of hard for Thor to focus on whatever he's trying to say. "Uh, just wanted to say thank you for last night- well, this morning more like it."
"It's okay," Loki says and averts his gaze again, returning his attention to the thread of his sleeve.
"And sorry for waking you up," Thor continues, realizing that Loki's not planning to say anything else and that he has to try a bit harder to make him speak. "And for basically taking you hostage and not letting you go back to your bed. And for some of the things I said, I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable."
Loki's eyes widen the moment the words leave Thor's lips and he meets his gaze again, even though kind of reluctantly. "Oh... uh, you- you remember?" He stutters a little and Thor watches in amazement as Loki's cheeks grow redder and redder with every passing second.
Fuck, he's pretty. So fucking pretty.
"Yeah, I think I remember most of it," he says and Loki nods, reaching for his glass of water, probably out of awkwardness. If Thor's honest, he's feeling quite embarrassed too, but Loki's reaction is so endearing, he can't help continuing. "That doesn't mean I was lying, of course. You do have beautiful eyes."
He regrets saying it just a little bit, when Loki almost chokes on his water, coughing a couple of time before starting breathing normally again.
Luckily - for both of them - the waitress comes with their food right the next moment, saving them both from the awkwardness that was bound to follow.
They eat mostly in silence and Thor catches himself glancing at Loki every few seconds, feeling like it's impossible for him not to do so. On his defense, Loki's too pretty to not be looked at and admired, especially as he adorably licks his lips after every bite he takes. Loki has only just now stopped blushing and Thor is already missing seeing that lovely pink color painting his cheeks. It makes him look even softer than usual and all Thor wants to do is to plant small kisses all over his face and feel the smooth skin against his lips.
He shakes his head when he realizes he's been staring for too long - even though Loki doesn't seem to notice - and turns his attention back to his pancakes.
He doesn't even remember when the last time he was crushing on someone so hard was - if he's honest it didn't quite feel like this even when he was with Jane. And of course, now that it's happening, said someone had to be his roommate who sure doesn't hate him, but still, he seems to merely tolerate him most of the time.
He sighs and takes a bite with his fork kind of angrily, as if his food has somehow offended him.
"You okay?" Loki's voice startles him and he meets his gaze, finding concerned green eyes already looking at him.
"Uh, yeah, sorry," he mumbles sheepishly, offering him a smile.
Loki narrows his eyes at him, like he's trying to figure out what's wrong, but then he simply nods and continues eating his food. And Thor realizes just how stupid he's being right now.
He has finally managed to get Loki to come with him somewhere and he's spending their time together thinking about things he can't change, instead of trying to get to know Loki a bit better. And that's exactly what he decides to do for the rest of their meal!
If he's honest, Thor was low-key hoping that if he talked to Loki for more than a few seconds, Loki would prove to be less interesting than he seems to be, but unfortunately - or not - this is definitely not the case.
Loki’s funny and obviously smart and very, very cute and one and a half hour later, Thor thinks he might even be in love - he isn't!
It takes some time to get Loki to start talking, but when he starts it's even harder to stop him- not that Thor wants to. They mostly talk about random things - shows, movies, music, the fact that both of them have yet to decide on their major, and anything else that comes up during the conversation - and Thor is actually surprised to see how much they have in common.
It's definitely the best first date Thor's ever had, even if it isn't really a date.
He's tempted to order something else to eat just so they can stay there longer. He's never seen Loki being so carefree and relaxed; so far, even when he was being friendly he was still distant, hesitant.
Now though, he seems to be almost completely comfortable with Thor and Thor can't help it; he doesn't want it to end just yet. He wants to just stay there and talk with Loki and make him laugh and smile and blush.
Unfortunately, they do have to head back at some point.
They walk back slower than when they were heading to the diner, like they’re stalling, making this last longer. They’re quiet again but it feels different now; it’s nice.
That doesn’t mean that Thor can stay silent for too long, especially when the opportunity to tease Loki is right there.
“You know, I noticed something weird earlier,” Thor starts and has to bite his lower lip to stop himself from giggling when Loki turns his head to look at him, an adorable light frown forming between his eyebrows as he waits for Thor to continue. “There’s a bite mark on my arm.”
Loki’s eyes go wide - to his credit, it’s just for a moment - and he averts his gaze, a deep blush spreading on his cheeks. “Oh,” he mumbles, making it even harder for Thor to remain serious.
“Yeah, and I can’t really remember when it happened… And like, why would someone even bite me- and on my arm? So weird.”
“I’m sure they had their reasons,” Loki mutters under his breath, almost too quietly for Thor to listen.
“What?” He asks, pretending to not have heard, just to see Loki fidget a bit more.
“Nothing. I said, you know…. You were quite drunk. Who knows what you did at the party,” Loki says so convincingly - actually accusing him! - that Thor can’t hold back any longer, starting to laugh before he can stop himself.
“If I didn’t know it was you, you’d have totally convinced me, I’ll give you that,” he says between his chuckles and Loki gapes at him when he realizes what’s happening but soon he starts laughing too, joining Thor who has literal tears in his eyes by now from laughing too hard.
“Asshole,” Loki mutters, fondly and still giggling, and gives Thor’s shoulder a playful half-hearted punch, his flushed cheeks rounding around a wide grin that Thor can’t help but mirror.
“I really like it when I make you smile,” Thor says, the words slipping out of his mouth before he can actually think about it - once again, no filter whatsoever - and he regrets it only seconds later when Loki’s laugh dies, his gaze turning completely away from Thor.
Fuck. Please, please not now, don’t pull away again, not now after everything.
Why did he have to open his big fucking mouth when this was going so well?!
“So… uhm, this was really fun, we should it again. If you’d like to, of course,” he suggests, hoping that they can ignore his last comment.
Loki’s eyes return to him slowly, hesitantly, a small smile on his lips. “I would like that,” he says and Thor feels like he can breathe again, his grin growing impossibly wide.
“Perfect! And don’t forget, you promised me movie night some time soon,” he reminds him and Loki rolls his eyes, lips twitching up in amusement.
“Yes yes, I remember- or maybe I should be a dick and pretend that I don’t, hm?” he says with a pointed raised eyebrows and Thor laughs, loving this playful side of Loki even more.
When he suggested that they go for breakfast he didn’t expect that three hours later they would be joking and bantering like this, but here they are.
Maybe there is hope, after all. Maybe Loki might even like him back some day.
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(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Loki chews on his bottom lip and subtly glances at Thor across the room, shifting nervously on his bed and pretending he's paying attention to his laptop. Half an hour ago he decided to ask Thor if he'd like to watch a movie and he has yet to find the courage to actually ask the question.
It's not even a big deal, really; he doesn't know why he can't just do it.
During the last two weeks they've been watching movies together quite a lot, but it's always Thor that suggests it.
So, Loki thought it'd be nice if he ask Thor for once, but what if Thor has other plans for tonight? They spend a lot of time together lately, Thor always finding a few hours during the day to spend with him, no matter how busy he seems to be. Well, except for the last weekend of course, when Thor visited his parents.
Loki doesn't know much about them, but from what he's understood Thor and his parents are getting along quite well. Loki tries to remember when exactly the last time his mom called was, but he can't; it's been more than a month for sure. And he, of course, hasn't talked to his brothers or his father either, since the day he started college, but that’s not a surprise. His father believes he's doing a great job being a parent as long as there's money in Loki's bank account, which Loki guesses he should be grateful for.
He slightly shakes his head to get rid of such thoughts, not wanting to ruin his evening.
He should just ask Thor and be done with it.
Then again, maybe Thor wants to go out with his friends tonight; he spent last evening with Loki, after all. Loki doesn't want to seem too clingy. Who's to say that Thor is so fond of his company and that he hasn't started to get bored of him already?
On the other hand, if that was the case, Thor wouldn't insist on bringing him breakfast and wouldn't ask him to go out for lunch or dinner or anything at all. The last couple of days he even left little post-it notes with the muffin and the tea that said good morning and had a cute smiley face drawn on them; Loki might have kept them, for absolutely no reason at all, of course.
He should really stop overthinking it, he knows that, it’s just that the last days have been amazing if he’s honest, and he doesn’t want to ruin this. He doesn’t remember when the last time was when he felt so light, so happy.
It’s as if Thor’s goal is to always make him smile and laugh, and he actually seems to be genuinely happy to listen to Loki rant about random boring things, even though Loki tries to keep this to a minimum, not wanting to bore him to death.
He looks at Thor again, glad to see that he probably hasn't noticed Loki having a mild crisis right now. Thor's lying on his bed on his back, busy typing something on his phone. Loki wonders - not for the first time - if Thor is texting to his girlfriend, but immediately shakes his head, angry at himself and at the fact that the thought instantly causes an ugly twist in his stomach and he has to remind himself again that it doesn't matter- that it wouldn't change anything.
As far as he knows Thor is straight, after all. Another reason why he shouldn't have let himself get so involved.
He guesses it's too late, now, isn't it? He might as well enjoy Thor's friendship as long as it lasts.
"Hey." Thor turns to him, looking slightly surprised that Loki actually talked to him; not unjustifiably so. "Wanna watch a movie? Maybe?"
Ten minutes later they've settled on Thor's bed, backs resting on the pillows against the wall, Loki's laptop on Thor's desk chair right in front of the bed, the movie already having started. They're sitting close enough that Loki can feel the heat emanating from Thor's body and he shifts on the bed just a little bit, almost pressing their shoulders together, Thor's blanket spread over their laps.
Loki is glad they chose to watch a comedy because this way he at least has an excuse for the stupid smile on his face.
They don't talk much during the movie, only commenting when something funny or ridiculous happens, but it's still so, so nice; Loki wants the movie to last much, much longer- or maybe forever.
He frowns when Thor starts fidgeting beside him, and he can't help tensing when he feels an arm being wrapped around his shoulders, and he stays completely still until Thor stops moving.
This hasn't happened during the previous times they watched a movie! What is he supposed to do now?
He exhales a stuttered breath and lets himself relax, his heart skipping a beat when Thor tightens his arm around him, drawing slightly closer to him. And Loki can't help it, can't resist anymore; he all but melts against Thor, his head finding its way to Thor's shoulder before he can stop it, letting it rest there.
Oh God, they're cuddling, aren't they? They're fucking cuddling while watching a movie.
Is that something Thor just does with all his friends? Does it mean something- something more?
Loki squeezes his eyes close and takes a deep breath to calm himself, refusing to let his mind wander to danger thoughts like these. He should just enjoy this.
Admittedly he's never been particularly fond of physical affection, especially cuddling if he's honest, but ever since he fell asleep and woke up in Thor's arms he catches himself longing for this kind of intimacy. Thor is always so wonderfully warm and smells really good and can just engulf him whole with his huge body. It's perfect.
He both hears it and feels it the next time Thor laughs, and he can't help grinning too, snuggling up closer to Thor's side.
"Hey, I was thinking we can go out for pizza tomorrow. I've heard about a really good place that's not too far from here," Thor says and Loki smiles to himself, glad that Thor can't see him right now.
"Mhm, sounds good," he replies nonchalantly, as if he's not basically thrumming with excitement; they even have plans for the next day now!
"Perfect," Thor says and even though they fall silent again, Loki's having a hard time actually focusing on the movie.
It's just that this feels so nice and intimate and makes Loki want more, so much more. And it really fucking sucks because he obviously can never have more than he already does and he's fully aware of that.
He guesses he should feel lucky; even when he was with Svad, he never felt so good and safe, had never been able to just let himself relax and be with him.
It's both perfect and painful at the same time, being able to have this but not in the way he truly desires. A sad little sigh escapes his lips before he can stop it, immediately drawing Thor's attention to him.
"Everything okay?" Thor asks, voice low and gentle.
Loki hums and nods, warmth flooding his chest and his heart almost exploding when he feels lips planting soft kiss on the top of his head.
They stay like that for most of the movie, until Loki starts worrying about Thor's arm getting numb; he's sure Thor wouldn't say anything even if it has and Loki doesn't want to be a bother.
But he also doesn't want to just pull away; what if Thor thinks that he doesn't like this?
Yes, he's being ridiculous, whatever; it’s not the first time and it definitely won’t be the last.
In the end, he decides to use the muffin waiting for him on his desk as an excuse, climbing off the bed to go grab it.
Thor grins at him when he sees him returning with the muffin in his hand and Loki does his best to ignore the blush spreading on his cheeks as he settles back on the bed, this time leaving a couple of inches of free space between them.
"We can watch another movie when we finish this. If you want," Thor says and Loki grins around his bite: more cuddling, then!
"Mhm, sure," he agrees, grimacing a little at his voice that comes out muffled thanks to his mouth being full of the last of his muffin, but when he looks at Thor he finds him grinning at him.
"Uh, you have a bit of..." Thor trails off and motions towards his lips, reaching with his hand before Loki can do anything. Thor's hand is gentle where he grips his chin, his thumb running over the corner of his mouth. "There. Perfect," he says, his gaze almost too intense, making it a challenge for Loki to maintain eye contact.
"Thanks," he whispers, instinctively licking his lips, before turning his head toward the laptop.
He frowns when he feels Thor's eyes still on him, turning to look at him to see what's wrong.
"What? Do I still have something on my face?" He asks a bit self-consciously, ready to get up and go check himself in the mirror.
Thor shakes his head no, but doesn't avert his gaze. He moves his hand on Loki's face, smoothing his hair back behind his ear, cupping his cheek.
"Thor?" The word has barely come out of his mouth before he feels Thor's lips on his, and he gasps, too shocked to actually do anything and react in any way.
He's completely still as Thor kisses him, his eyes wide open, heart pounding loudly in his chest, mind racing and trying to figure out what the fuck is going on.
It doesn't make sense.
"Wh- I, uh, I gotta go," he blurts out the moment Thor pulls away, already getting up from the bed, putting his slippers on and grabbing his phone and keys, ignoring Thor's voice calling him as he heads out of the room.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
What the hell did just happen?
He walks hurriedly across the hallways with no specific destination in mind, relieved that at least Thor didn't decide to follow him.
He can't understand why Thor would do that; he hasn't shown any signs that he might be interested in Loki in that way. Thor was just trying to be his friend, right? Besides, since when he's even interested in guys, anyway?
It all feels like a cruel joke, like Thor realized how Loki feels about him and he decided to have some fun at his expense.
But Thor would never do that; he wouldn't. Loki knows that.
But then, why?
He angrily wipes the tear that escapes the corner of his eye with his sleeve and huffs in frustration when immediately more follow, trying his best to ignore the looks some of the other students in the hallways give him.
He starts when he feels his phone vibrate in his hand - and then again after a few seconds and again and a couple of more times after that -, both wanting to ignore it and dying to see what it is, in case the messages are from Thor.
He realizes he's shaking - not yet from the cold, even though going out with just a hoodie on was definitely a mistake - and decides to sit for a while, not trusting his legs any longer. He continues to walk for a bit until he has reached the last floor of the dorms, settling on a step of the stairs heading to the rooftop.
He pulls his sleeves over his hands and wipes his blurry eyes, before unlocking his phone, his heartbeat speeding up even more when he sees Thor's name on the screen.
He takes a deep breath and opens the messages.
Fuck Loki I'm so fucking sorry I swear I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable
I thought I read the situation right but apparently I was wrong probably saw what I wanted to see.
I hope things don't get awkward now
I really really like spending time with you
We can talk about it or just ignore it and pretend it never happened whatever you want
I won’t make this weird I swear
I understand if you want some time alone you can come back to the dorm room if you want I'm going to Fandral's now and I'm gonna sleep there probably, so you don't have to worry about that
I'm really sorry
Loki reads Thor’s texts again and then again and again, trying to understand, until a sob escapes him, not sure if he feels relieved or sad or just angry with himself.
So, it wasn't a joke, was it?
Thor really just wanted to kiss him. And Loki literally ran away and ruined everything. Of course he fucking did.
He buries his face in his hands and allows himself to cry for a while, needing to get it out of his system.
He should be happy, he knows that, so why does it still hurt so much? Even just breathing feels almost impossible right now.
He doesn't understand. What does all this mean for Thor and him? And most importantly, what exactly is it that Thor wants?
He knows he should just talk to him instead of making scenarios in his head and overthinking everything again, but he can't help it. If Thor is simply interested in just having some fun, Loki doesn't think he could be okay with that.
On the other hand, can Loki let himself trust Thor in order for them to build something more than that?
The wound Svad left behind still feels too fresh sometimes, even if it's been almost a year now. He knows it's unfair to think like that about Thor, since he hasn't really given him a reason to do so, but he can't help it. Especially because it took him a good while to realize that Svad had been treating him like shit, convinced that he didn't deserve any better, that Svad pointing out how much better than Loki other people were was normal, that belittling and talking down to a person you supposedly care about was somehow healthy.
He knows that Thor won't turn out to be that way, he knows it, but it's still hard to imagine himself opening up to someone again, trusting them.
And if he's honest, Thor seems to be too good to be true.
He always treats Loki with such care, like Loki is to be handled like something precious, like he only deserves to be cared and loved and cherished. And Loki can't help but be suspicious; he's not really used to this kind of treatment. It almost doesn't feel real.
Besides, it just doesn't add up. Thor's nice and quite popular and objectively hot; he could have literally anyone he wants and yet he somehow likes him?
And even if that's true, Loki doubts that it will last. He doesn't remember Thor being in a relationship for more than a month or two during high school, always getting bored too fast, too easily. Loki doesn't think he can be with him, if he's to worry whether or not tomorrow will be the day that Thor will dump him.
Or he simply makes up excuses because he’s really fucking scared.
He sighs and finally forces himself get up, remembering that he doesn't have to take a decision now, since Thor won't be there when he gets back. He hugs himself, pointlessly trying to shield his body from the cold as he quickly makes his way back to their room, finding it indeed empty.
He kicks his slippers off and climbs into his bed, drawing his knees up against his chest and curling up under the blankets. He stares at Thor's side of the room, considering for a moment going to sleep on Thor's bed but disregarding the thought immediately.
He decides to just go to sleep and let himself worry about everything tomorrow but the tears come before he can stop them. He feels exhausted and his eyes start to hurt and get itchy, and even though he's buried under two blankets he's still cold.
If Thor were there, he would probably make him tea or hot chocolate to drink. And if Loki hadn't run away, they might have been still cuddling right now.
He doesn't want to hold back just because he's afraid of being hurt again, but it seems really fucking hard to let himself have this, no matter how long it will last. That, of course, if Thor is still willing to give this a chance, after having Loki literally running away from him.
It's several thoughts and tears and minutes later when he finally falls asleep, welcoming the dreams of Thor being there with him that follow.
Thor doesn't come back the next day.
Loki waits for him, almost jumping where he's sitting on the bed every time he hears noises right outside the door, hoping to hear the sound of keys in the door right after.
He waits, and waits, and comes back from class only to find their room still empty. He has gotten so used to Thor’s presence these last months that being there without him feels weird. Especially since he knows that he is the reason that Thor doesn’t want to come back.
But Thor didn't say in his text anything about staying at Fandral's today, too. So, where is he? Did Loki fuck this up so bad?
Loki falls asleep trying to reassure himself that Thor will be there tomorrow.
The first thing he checks when he wakes up is Thor's bed, his hopes immediately dying when he finds it still empty and untouched, just like the day before.
He feels like staying in the bed all day, just huddled up in his blanket where he feels safer but he forces himself to sit up so he can reach for his phone on the desk; he knows that there’s no way Thor has texted him but he still wants to check. Just in case.
He freezes completely when he sees the tea and the muffin waiting for him there, as usual. His eyes widen when he sees that there's a note, too, and he grabs it, heart beating faster and faster as he reads the few words on it.
Have a good day
It also has the usual smiley face after the word day, but right now it looks sad to Loki. Or maybe it's just him.
At least, now he knows that Thor came back and that he doesn't hate him. Probably.
It's later that evening when Thor finally returns. They exchange a quiet hey and that's that. To Loki's disappointment, Thor doesn't say anything else; if he’s honest, Loki was counting on Thor to start a conversation, to mention something about what happened. Apparently, he’s not that lucky.
This is pretty much how the next days pass.
Thor continues bringing him breakfast whenever he can, but the post-it notes stop. Loki tries to find comfort in the fact that Thor isn't completely ignoring him, but it's getting harder and harder to do so.
They barely talk, apart from when they really have to, and when they do it's even more awkward than it had been at the beginning. Thor doesn't mention anything about that evening, which probably is Loki's fault. Thor told him that it's his choice whether he wants to talk about it or not, and since Loki hasn't told him that he wants to - doesn't really know how - Thor probably thinks that Loki prefers to simply ignore and pretend that it never happened, that these last couple of months never happened.
Loki hates this. He fucking hates it.
And it’s honestly only getting worse.
He thought it was bad when it was just his own pain, but seeing Thor with sad puppy eyes and a permanent serious frown on his usually grinning face hurts even more. Loki really misses his bright beautiful smiles; he hadn't realized just how much better they made his days until now that they're gone. His heart sinks every time Thor comes back to their room and barely glances at him.
Every day he hopes that today's going to be different, but nothing changes. And he has no one to blame for it but himself.
He wants to say something, he really does, but he doesn't know how.
How the fuck do you say sorry for running away when you kissed me, I like you a lot I just freaked out because you're not supposed to like me back, and it felt safer when I had convinced myself that my feelings for you weren't reciprocated, and I don't fucking know what to do now because I'm a fucking mess and I honestly don't understand why you'd like me of all people?
He doubts there's a way to say all this without scaring Thor away.
And if he’s honest, it’s not just that. The more time passes, the more he thinks that he doesn’t really deserve another chance. He lost his first opportunity when he disappeared after Thor kissed him, then the second one when Thor gave him the choice to talk about it and Loki simply did nothing, and after that every day that has passed since then is a chance that Loki basically threw away.
So, why the hell should Thor even be willing to talk to him? Now, after a whole fucking week.
He lets out a sad little sigh when he hears keys jiggling and then the door opening; every day during this past damned week he promises himself that he will have decided what to do before Thor comes back from class and every time he leaves it for tomorrow. He should at least try to make amends; he doesn’t want Thor to start hating coming back to their room.
"Hey," Thor greets him with a nod of his head, not looking at him more than a couple of seconds.
"Hey," Loki says in a small voice, wondering if him running to Thor and wrapping himself around him is a good way to solve this. Probably not.
“I don't know if you heard anything, but they said they’re gonna turn the heat off tonight because of some maintenance problems or something," Thor tells him, probably the most he has talked to him during these last few days and Loki can’t help relishing the sound of his voice; yes he’s that pathetic.
"Oh. Uhm, no actually I didn't hear anything," he replies, trying to think of something- anything to say to start a conversation but, as expected, he finds absolutely nothing. "Thank you for telling me," he says at last and Thor just nods his head.
The only good thing about tonight is that Loki's mind isn't solely focused on Thor. Instead, he's busy worrying about the fucking cold.
Fortunately, the effect of the heat being turned off isn't evident immediately. Unfortunately, Loki is already shivering when he goes to bed; not eating or sleeping or feeling well always makes him more susceptible to cold. He's wearing his warm fluffy pajamas and now he slips under the two blankets, only half of his face exposed to the cold of the room.
Even Thor has taken a second blanket tonight, even though he's still wearing a t-shirt. Weirdo.
Loki tells himself to be patient and wait for the two blankets to do their job but it feels like he's only getting colder as the seconds pass, his teeth starting to chatter. Maybe he should wear another pair of shocks? And a hoodie-
"I have an extra blanket if you want," Thor says and Loki slightly grimaces; he was hoping that Thor wouldn't notice.
"It- it's okay, I'm good. Thank you, though," he says, before he can think better of it, only to regret it barely moments later; he could really use another blanket. Why the fuck did he have to lie?
He frowns when he hears Thor moving and then there are steps getting closer to him, until a blanket is spread over him, Thor even tucking it carefully around him so it'll cover him completely, before going back to his own bed.
Fuck. Why does Thor have to be so nice? Loki doesn't deserve this after everything that's happened during this last week.
He doesn't want this to continue like this- he can't. He just fucking can't anymore. Even with the third blanket he feels cold and alone and all he wants is to just go to Thor.
So, that's what he does.
He quickly gets up from his own bed - before he can think better of it and change his mind -and climbs into Thor's, slipping under the covers, basically plastering himself against Thor's chest. He curls in on himself and makes himself smaller so he can bury himself in Thor's arms, his head nestled under Thor's chin.
Thor stays completely still as Loki rearranges himself, not welcoming him there but not sending him away either; that's good enough for Loki, for now.
"Can I sleep here?" Loki asks, his voice nothing more than a hesitant whisper, praying that Thor hasn't changed his mind about him.
Thor replies with a nod and then finally wraps his arm around Loki's waist, gently rubbing circles on his back, probably trying to warm him up, and Loki eagerly melts into his touch.
He stays silent for a while, bracing himself to finally speak, repeating the words he's going to say inside his head, not being satisfied with anything he comes up with.
“I’m an idiot,” he blurts out and immediately squeezes his eyes shut, grimacing; great way to start a conversation. At least it’s not a lie.
“What..?” Thor sounds confused, justifiably so, and Loki takes a deep breath before starting speaking.
"The other day... I- I didn't mean to run away," he says and Thor's hand stills for a second before continuing moving, a low hum coming from Thor in reply, encouraging him to continue. "I just, I freaked out, I'm sorry. It really wasn't your fault."
He forces himself to pull away just enough so that they're face to face, barely making out Thor's unreadable expression in the dark of the room. He reaches with his hand and hesitantly places it on the side of Thor's face, leaving it there when Thor doesn't pull away.
"I really like you, I just- I don't know... I guess I'm just an idiot, like I said, I don’t know what else to say. And I really am sorry. I didn’t want to ruin everything," he mumbles sheepishly, hoping that Thor can both see and hear that he's telling the truth.
"Why didn't you say something earlier this week if you actually like me?" Thor asks and Loki shrugs helplessly; he doesn't really have a good excuse for this. He wonders if Thor has already changed his mind about this, regretting even kissing him. Loki wouldn't really blame him.
"Hey, it… it's okay. You didn’t ruin anything. And I like you, too, in case that wasn't obvious," Thor says and Loki can hear the smile in his voice; it makes his heartbeat go faster for a completely different reason now. "I like you a lot," Thor murmurs, his own hand finding Loki's cheek, moving closer until there's barely any free space between their faces. "Would it be alright if I kissed you now?"
"Please," is all Loki can say, feeling breathless even before Thor's lips touch his. It's a gentle kiss, hesitant but sweet, and Loki sighs happily against Thor's mouth, barely holding back a whimper when Thor pulls away.
"I thought I'd fucked everything up," Thor says, his thumb stroking Loki's cheekbone, and Loki nuzzles the inside of his palm, turning his head to press a kiss on it.
"I'm sorry," he says, feeling guilty for making Thor suffer for absolutely no reason.
"It's okay, now. You don't have to be sorry for anything," Thor says and leans closer to him, pecks his lips, then he nibbles playfully on Loki's cheeks, the beard tickling him as it scratches against his skin, eliciting an involuntary giggle from Loki.
"Thor, stop," he whines and Thor chuckles and rubs their cheeks together, until Loki's laughing and helplessly squirming in his arms.
"You're the worst," Loki pants once Thor has stopped his assault, but more than welcomes the soft kiss Thor places on his cheek that's no doubt red now.
"Hm, I don't know. I make you smile, I can't be that bad," Thor says quite smugly and kisses him again before Loki can argue- not that he actually would. He allows the distraction and parts his lips for him, lets Thor's tongue slide inside his mouth. The kiss is still slow and gentle like before, but also deeper, both of them taking their time to explore each other's mouth.
He threads his fingers through Thor's hair and hooks his leg over his hip, shivering when he feels Thor's hand slide down his body, the touch almost too much even over his clothes. Thor runs his hand up and down his thigh before bringing it to the small of Loki's back, leaving it there, fingers caressing the few inches of exposed skin where Loki's pajama top has ridden up.
They pull away eventually and Thor rolls on his back, drawing Loki with him until he's half on top of him, his head resting on Thor's shoulder. Loki drapes his arm over Thor's stomach and his leg over his thighs, pressing himself as close to him as possible.
"I like this," he murmurs quietly, tilting his head to place a small kiss on Thor's neck.
"Good, because now you can sleep in my bed whenever you want to," Thor says and Loki's smile grows even wider when he realizes that it's true; he can just sneak into Thor's bed whenever he wants cuddles- or more. Which will probably be most of the nights.
"Then I guess I'll never sleep in my own bed, again. And you can't take it back now," he teases and Thor chuckles, nuzzles his hair.
"I won't," he promises; Loki really hopes he means it.
They’re silent for a few moments, before Loki decides to speak, not able to help himself; he wants to know.
"You know, I- I kinda thought you were straight," he says a bit hesitantly, not sure if the comment is too invasive.
"What?" Thor sounds confused but lets out an amused chuckle, and Loki just shrugs, not knowing what to say; he was apparently being stupid again. "I'm not- I mean obviously. But don't worry, I won't be having a gay crisis or anything. It's not a new realization."
"Oh. Okay. Sorry for assuming," Loki apologizes, feeling a bit embarrassed, even though luckily Thor doesn't sound annoyed.
"It's okay, Loki, you really don’t have to apologize all the time, okay?” Thor tells him and Loki nods in reply, only barely managing to stop himself from apologizing for apologizing too much. “Anyway, we should probably go to sleep now, hm?" Thor says and Loki hums, smiling when Thor yawns adorably. "Goodnight."
"Night," Loki mumbles, shifting so he can peck Thor's lips one last time and then rearranging himself in Thor's arms again, falling asleep much easier and happier than usually.