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They're dumbasses but they're MY dumbasses

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Lucy enrolls into FairyTail University with determination and " the hopes and dreams of being a aspiring writer she will be one day! " . 2 years into, she's somehow obtained 3 incompetent dorm/date mates and wants to positively die.


/celestialbeing: ok

/celestialbeing: which one of you fucks used my last tampon.


Lucy, truly, does not know how she miraculously got not only a boyfriend, but two. And a girlfriend.


/icydick: oh wow,

/icydick: two periods, I'm scared

/pyromaniacfuck: three if you're counting luce's


But Lucy regrets every single event and decision that lead up to this strange predicament. Immensely.


/celestialbeing: I will. cut the both of you.

/scarletknight: Here to offer to do it for you, babe.

/celestialbeing: thanks love, but it's fine

/celestialbeing: wouldn't want you staining you sword blades with blood, anyways

/icydick: love how it's the sword you're worried about here

/icydick: and like, not our precious blood

/celestialbeing: speaking of which

/celestialbeing: I'm?? bleeding?? and have NO tampons???

/celestialbeing: wondering whomst 's fault that exactly is

/scarletknight: I have pads.

/celestialbeing: ew, no

/icydick: just wondering exactly why you came to us when there's only one other female who could be a possible culprit ?

/celestialbeing: Erza's not on

/celestialbeing: and she's polite, she'd at least tell me if she'd take something of mine

/celestialbeing: whilst tweedle dee and tweedle dum, do not

/scarletknight: As always, babe

/celestialbeing: love you the most Erza

/celestialbeing: and gray please, don't act like that time you and Natsu went into my stash of tamps because of the time you two fucked so rough, nats swore he tore something down there doesn't exist

/pyromaniacfuck:  .... thought we swore not to talk about that

/celestialbeing: right now I am a very frustrated menstruating woman sitting on the toilet with, no! fucking! tampons! so, natsu, baby, frankly, I actually don't give two fucks about our oaths right about now

/scarletknight: In the parking lot, on the way up.

/scarletknight: I have tampons and chocolate.

/celestialbeing: Symphony ??

/scarletknight: Yes.

/celestialbeing: I have, by far, never been more in love than I am right this second

/icydick: wonder if you'll still feel that way in a few minutes because Natsu is currently tying to pry the bar out of Erza's hands as we speak

/celestialbeing: ah, I can already see the headlines

/celestialbeing: ' hormonal menstruating College girl commits murder with a giant samurai sword over a chocolate bar '




The following days later, only a few after that whole " ordeal ", our favorite poly mess were all, actually home for once. It was a Saturday, and no one really had classes. Just Erza, which was only really fencing practice, and Lucy. But it was more of a study date with her small scaled pixie of a best friend. Speaking of which.

Lucy glances at the clock on the wall, it was just brushing four-thirty and if Lucy wanted to make it my their scheduled time (4:45) she'd definitely have to get up, like, now. Because, rubbing Erza's abs through her tee while she rested her head on the girls shoulder was sure something she could lose time with, as she has before. Many, many times.

So she moves, despite herself, despite Erza's little whiny protest, and definitely despite Natsu's soft head of hair lying comfortably in her lap.

Natsu has to catch himself. Apparently, moving so abruptly with a totally-snoozing person resting on your lap will catch them completely off their guard. And if Natsu hadn't had the reflexes he does, his face would very much be becoming acquainted with their carpet. Lucy giggles childishly as she finds some pants.

"Lucccy." Natsu and Erza whines on cue and Lucy can't help but giggle again.


She buttons her jeans. "hm?"


"Where." Natsu states, and that's it. As vague and rude as ever.

But thankfully, one of them has enough social skills and politeness to ask a decent question in a decent matter. Erza's finishes for him while Natsu gets up off the ground, dust himself off, and proceeds to wrap himself around an unsuspecting Gray lounging in their loveseat. "—Are you going?"

"Out." and a few seconds of her partners leveling her with that look. She follows up. "With levy. Studying. The library. Should I also tell you guys where we're getting something to eat from afterwards?"

"It would be nice." Erza points. Natsu and Gray nod diligently.




"Can you bring me back some fish?"


"What?" Lucy scrunches up her nose as she lets her hair free from its high pony. "No, Natsu, I will not bring you back fish—does Panera even sell fish??"

"Not that I'm aware of," Erza chimes in, but it only serves fruitless to get Natsu to leave her be

"But lusheeee, I need fish. Like, I gotta feed the cat!"



"Your cat, your responsibility."



"Our cat!"


Lucy makes sure to ignore him from that point because, it's been 5 minutes and she's still not out the door and it really was his cat.

She's not even sure the dorm allows pets but, Natsu had picked up a stray cat and brought him home, deaf to this roomies complaints and inconsiderate to their opinions.

It was Erza who has to pry the phone out of Lucy's hand when she swore she was dialing Peta when Natsu dyed a pure white cat's fur a vibrant blue, save for its belly and the tip of its tail. Erza thought it look stupid. Gray still thinks it looks stupid, and Lucy tells Natsu he's stupid.

"Well, I have to be off my loves, goodbye kisses?" she inquires, phone in hand and pastel baby pink toes in sandles. And not to pick favorites, but she really wants to kiss Erza first. And maybe forever. Really.

And as luck has it, Erza seems to be having the same itch, because before Lucy can even blink, Erza's arm easily slinks right around her waist and tugs. She hardly even realizes she's been deposited on the girl's lap before she feels ah one kiss on her pulse then oh, two right under her jaw and finally, the most warmest pair of lips graze her own. It's soft, chaste, and then it's not.

Erza's tongue push past her lips without much fuss, Lucy's hands move up to cup her jaw and wordlessly turns her head for better access to dive tongue first into Erza scarlet herself

The tongue-fucking concludes, and to add the finishing touch, Lucy gently nabs her girlfriend's bottom lip between her teeth before completely backing off, rubbing a thumb over the others slightly swollen and abused lips before sighing, absolutely content. 

"Uh," Gray says, strangely sounding more winded than either of the girls whom were just trying to stick each other's tongues down their throats. "I honestly don't think I'll ever be used to, y'know. That."

"Mm, same," Natsu, as always, puts in his input, despite the fact his face is literally lodged in the crook of Gray's neck. Lucy briefly wonders if their kissing had been that loud or Natsu really only lifted his head to watch them in action. But, she doesn't really care. She has two more people to kiss and if this went smoothly, she'd be out the door by 4:40.

Natsu was next, not by honest choice but just by the looks, Natsu was well on his way to dozing off and Lucy'd feel incomplete without any of their kisses.

So she leans, and Natsu groggily meets her halfway and this time, it's actually short and sweet. Nothing more, nothing less. Lucy has to raise a brow as that's just it and Natsu does not spare her anything else, easily situating himself back into Gray's embrace.

"Sorry, should've kiss me first, you taste like Erza."

Erza is always, the most persistent. "You didn't have any qualms about my taste last night??"

"Please." Natsu half pleas, mostly whines. "There are children here."

"What children.. ?"

"My cat,  Gray."

"Oh my god." Lucy practically groans. "Gray, honey, please kiss me so I can leave before I catch dumbass?"

"Gladly." Gray mumbles, Natsu grumbles and one pleasantly cold hand snakes around the back of her neck and now that's a kiss.

It's firm, cool, crisp. Not as tongue induced as Erza likes it but still all the more smoldering and hot. Lucy's own fingers reciprocate, grasping the back of Gray's neck and slightly tugging on the fine hairs there. That being a humongous weak spot for the other and Lucy knows it, relishing quite well in the deep groan that tumbled out his throat that she so hungrily swallows up.

They ever so slowly pull apart, Gray adding the cherry with a swipe of his tongue against her bottom lip and Lucy smiles, absolutely smitten.

"I love you guys!" she calls, over her shoulder, well on her way out the door and one arm in her coat. Her three lovers follow up, faithfully. All in the same order of kisses.

"Love you more."

"Love you too."

"Love you back."

Lucy doesn't admit it often but, she loved her life. Only when the loves of said life weren't stealing her tampons, although.




Lucy and Levy are in her car, the blonde's just turned the air conditioning on and the suns just set, when Levy ask her a question.

"Lu-chan, how do you do it?"

Lucy turns to look at the girl, makes a point to show her furrowed brows, then looks beyond the girls head to scout out other cars to make sure it's safe to back up. "Um, what do you mean Levy-chan?"

The girl looks fidgety. In Lucy's peripheral, anyways. "Well." she attempts to start, only to not. And Lucy finally turns fully, taking a hnad of the steering when she's sure no cars would be coming down the aisle to their impromptu immobility, and placing it on the smaller girls shoulder in attempted comfort.

"Take your time."

"How do you like," deep inhales, a practice Lucy herself has taught her, then "datethreeentirepeopleatonce...?"

Lucy blinks. "Oh," a car horn beeps. "oh.. OH, oh. Shit. Sorry!" she hollers out her window, in hopes the white truck behind her will hear and see her thumbs up out the window as she taps on the gas and drives.

Levy, looks more and more nervous as she pulls out the parking lot of the school library and finally, does Lucy acknowledge the girls wonders.

"Uh? It's not that hard, honestly Levy."

"B-but. Three? That seems a little overwhelming."

"I mean, not to me, is it weird to say like," she slows at a stop sign, patiently waiting for a few students to walk by as a finger finds her chin in thought. "we balance each other? We're all equal, in a sense. I guess."

Levy shakes her head, as if she couldn't grasp such an idea herself. "I don't think I could never. Do you just, uh, sleep with them all?"






"At once ?"


"Not yet at least. That's in the wraps but you didn't hear that from me."




"Whaaaat. You're the one that asked," Lucy points, eyebrows waggling and Levy flushes a deep red that touches her ears. "oh you're adorable. But I have a little question of my own."

Levy hums her acknowledgment and Lucy shoots.

"Why are you to interested in my love life so much suddenly? Is it because of you new found one?? How's gajeel doing by the way, does he still have those shitton of piercings and Cana wanted me to ask does he have one in his dick???"

Levy, her poor unsuspecting innocent soul, sputters incoherent words more and more after each question fired at her and if Lucy thought the blush on her before was something, this one was brilliant.

"Hesdoingfineandimnotansweringthat, isn't panera on the right?? You just took a left."

Ah, Levy. Being one to always change the topic oh so quickly. Lucy doesn't mind, she's decided to not engage in teasing the smaller girl much more for the day because it honestly looks like she's about to burst a vein with how much red is washing down the skin of her neck.


"Short detour. We're going to Walmart real quick.













/celestialbeing: quick

/celestialbeing: what type of fish do I get  ?????

/pyromaniacfuck: you're actually getting it ????

/pyromaniacfuck: I regret everything

/pyromaniacfuck: luce

/pyromaniacfuck: I'm gonna kiss the holy fuck outta you when you get home

/pyromaniacfuck: that's a promise

/celestialbeing: the joys of buying fish, im getting tuna

/icydick: honestly don't think the blue furball with care

/scarletknight: Get me a strawberry cheesecake.

/celestialbeing: erza

/celestialbeing: hun

/celestialbeing: I got you one like, two days ago

/scarletknight: Correct.

/celestialbeing: how the fuck do you have abs I literally spend my nights and days breaking my teeth on but can consume an entire cheesecake in 72 hours

/pyromaniacfuck: only god knows

/icydick: and her workout buddy cause holy fuck

/icydick: pretty sure erza can bench press all of us at given times

/celestialbeing: ???

/celestialbeing: and I'm just learning about this NOW ??

/scarletknight: I was saving it for the bedroom.

/celestialbeing: oh.

/icydick: Oh

/pyromaniacfuck: oH