Ciel couldn’t say it. At least not to Sebastian’s face, so bluntly, so raw.
It was three words, that’s all it was. But for some reason, saying them made him become overwhelmed with embarrassment and shame, though, he knows those words should be spoken with his heart and pride.
Sebastian walked into Ciels bedroom during the night once all of his remaining duties were completed, seeing the boy was sitting up, covers draped around his shoulders. Quietly, Sebastian sat onto the bed behind the boy, arms wrapping around him from behind. He rested his chin on Ciels shoulder, pressing a couple of gentle kisses to his cheek.
“How come you’re awake, Darling?” Sebastian asked, looking out the large window they were both facing. The moon was huge, and the stars were glistening and flickering in the sky. It was a beautifully peaceful atmosphere.
“I wanted to wait for you.” The Earl responded, yawning affectionately, before leaning back against Sebastian’s chest. He grasped at his hand, giving it a tight squeeze, before tugging the glove off. He kissed their symbol, before rubbing his slender thumb over it.
Sebastian allowed Ciel to nestle and kiss his hand, and a small smile spread across his features. “Is that so? Surely you are aware that you could have called for me.” He reminded, and Ciel shrugged, head bowing down to his crossed legs. “I don’t want to order you to come to bed with me. That should be your decision to make.” He explained. His voice was forlorn, also sounding so small. It only made Sebastian want to hold him and never let go again.
“I appreciate the respect you have for my decisions. I will almost always come to bed, whether it be in the night or early morning.” Sebastian spoke, and Ciel let out a quiet, agreeing sigh, nodding his head. He pulled the blankets tighter around his shoulders, allowing his demon to hold him tenderly.
A few minutes of silence passed, the two of them sitting comfortably in the quiet, basking in their own minds, thoughts, and company. Ciel truly could not crave much more than this, than to be deeply adored and tended to by someone.
Sebastian broke the silence after a few more minutes, “I love you so.” He spoke warm-heartedly, almost positive he wouldn’t receive the words back, which he respected. Ciel stayed silent, corners of his lips twitching downwards, threatening a frown. He held Sebastian’s hand in his lap, pad of his thumb running over his black nails.
Thoughts raced through Ciels mind. He hasn’t said he loved someone in almost 4 years. The words didn’t feel acceptable to come out of his mouth. Usually when Sebastian would say that, he would reply with a snarky, or some sort of witty comment, or nothing at all. But now? It would be rude of him to do such a thing, especially after being bathed in such tender and loving actions.
Ciel shuffled and turned around, wrapping his arms around Sebastian’s front, legs resting around his waist as he sat on his lap. He leaned forward, chin resting against his shoulder, still covered in the white duvet.
“Love you.” He said in a small whisper, tears slowly filling his eyes. He blinked as he stared at the wall, allowing them to fall down his cheeks. Sebastian cooed quietly, a hand rubbing up and down his back. He heard the soft sniffles, which truly didn’t surprise him.
“There you go... It’s alright...” Sebastian soothed, wishing there was more to say. Of course, there probably was, but he didn’t want to overwhelm or embarrass the boy further. He stayed quiet for the most part, providing as much comfort as he could. Ciel clung to his lover tightly, tears continuing to fall, which he didn’t try to stop. He had no reason to hide them.
It took a little while, perhaps about 15 minutes, for Ciel to pull himself together. He pulled his chin off of Sebastian’s shoulder, looking at him with glassy eyes. Sebastian slid his remaining glove off, using his thumbs to wipe beneath his darlings eyes. He gave a reassuring and small smile.
“You do not have to say it all the time, Darling. I know how much love your heart holds for me. You tell me everyday without saying it.” Sebastian reassured, and Ciel nodded, letting out a sigh of relief, forever grateful that Sebastian had a special way with words. He was pulled into an embrace, which he relaxed into instantly. Sebastian lay down with Ciel still on his chest, covering the both of them with the covers. A hand continued to rub up and down his little lovers back, enjoying the closeness they shared.
Ciel nuzzled into Sebastian’s collar, legs resting on either side of his hips. His little hands kneaded at his overcoat, letting out a sighed out whine. He closed his bi-colored eyes, breathing in the other mans scent, which brought him a decent amount of peace.
Slowly, he drifted away for the rest of the night, held so dearly in his lovers arms.