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A young man stands in his bedroom it just so happens that today the 13th of April is the day this boy and eleven friends will play a game together that will change their lives forever. But first what was this young man's name again?


==> Enter Name


Dirtyhippy Emotool


==> Try Again Smart Ass


Stan Marsh


That is better as it happens you are correct. Your name is Stan Marsh. You are thirteen years old. You have raven black hair and dark blue eyes. You are wearing your signature blue and red beanie. You have on red gloves and a black My Chemical Romance t shirt. You have a variety of interests, amongst those interest is a passion For ANIMAL RIGHT and a deep love for SPORTS. You have participated in many various PROTESTS for the cause. You have an appreciation for DANCING. You have been known to enjoy various ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES regularly. You also like to play video games with your friends from time to time. Lately you and your friends have been trying out called pesterchum. Your chumhandle is apatheticCynic and you speak whatevez on ur mind. You stand in your room, as previously mentioned today you will play a game with your friends. But for now, what will you do?


==> Examine Room


You examine your room. You’re standing in the middle of your room. To your right is the far wall. In the back corner is your bed. There is a nightstand next to your bed and a chest at the foot of it. On the far wall is two posters and a window. One is a South Park Cows Poster, and the other Is a Animal Rights Poster you made for your first protest. To your left is the door to exit as well as your computer desk against the wall. Beside your desk is a shelf with some games and disc on it. Behind you is the left wall. There is a closet and on the wall is a Terrance and Phillip asses of fire 2 poster. You Examine the wall in front of you. If you just walked in it would be the right wall. Up against it is your dresser which houses most of your wardrobe.


==> Stan Examine Chest


You go over to your Storage Chest. You use this to house a few helpful items. You open it up and examine its contents. Inside you find the chest is full of ice. You also find: x3 Bottles of Jameson Irish Whiskey, x1 Faygo (Your friend gave you this to try.), x2 Mountain Dew, and x1 Bag Of Doritos (they are in a plastic bag to keep them dry). You Captchalogue the Faygo with your IPhone Modus. Your modus allows you to use an app on your IPhone which lets you take a picture of what you want to captchalogue and store it in your inventory. You can select it at any time by clicking it and pressing select item and selecting the correct function. You also take a Bottle of Jameson Irish whiskey, and a bag of Doritos. You take a swig of the whiskey.


==> Stan Retrieve Arms


You walk over to you closet, thankful to god that they FINALLY got Tom Cruise out of there. You open the closet and retrieve your Wooden Sword. You equip the Wooden Sword to your BladeKind Strife Specibus. You also Captchalogue your Wooden Shield. You go to your sylladex app and select the Wooden Shield. A list of options appears. You select to use the item and it appears on your left arm ready to use. You can then set it to quick select. You can now equip and unequip it at will. You unequip it for now. Suddenly you hear a chime from your computer. One of your friends must be pestering you.


==> Stan Answer Chum


You make your way over to your desk. You sit down and examine your computer screen. Your background is a scene from Terrance and Phillip Asses Of Fire that you screenshotted. You open up your pesterchum app to find that one of your friends has indeed been pestering you. You open the chat log.




guidingAcademic [GA] began pestering apatheticCynic [AC] at 10:12 a.m.

[GA]: Hey stan.

[GA]: Did you get the game yet?

[AC]: oh hey dude

[AC]: i had it but my bitch of a sister took it

[GA]: Oh, fuck dude, I’m sorry.

[AC]: its whatever

[AC]: i will get it back later

[GA]:  Ok man but try and hurry.

[GA]: AA finally got his copy, so we can all play together.

[AC]:  then why don’t you just play with him

[GA]: I would but his laptop is still downloading it.

[AC]: tc?

[GA]: He is still grounded till his dad gets home.

[GA]: Come on dude please. I promise it will be fun.

[AC]: ugh fine ill go get it back

[GA]: Yes! thanks dude you won't regret it.

[AC]: i already regret it

[AC]: see you later bro

apatheticCynic [AC] ceased pestering guidingAcademic [GA] at 10:19 a.m.


==> Stan Prepare To Strife.


You were hoping to avoid an altercation with your sister so soon, but you guess that it cannot be helped. You decaptchalogue the Bottle Of Jameson Irish Whiskey. You then proceed to take a few big swigs. You wipe your mouth and notice the bottle is now about half empty. You stand up. As you do you feel a little lightheaded, but that is just a sign the alcohol is working. You head over to your door and make your way into the hall. Once you enter the hall you stop and take a moment to examine your surroundings. To the left is the stair. They lead down to the living room. To your right is three doors, One on the opposite wall, one on the far wall, and one on the same wall as your room. The door on the opposite wall is your parents’ room. They are out of town for the weekend. Your thirteen so you are old enough to watch yourself. The door on the far wall is the bathroom. The door on the same wall as yours is your sisters’ room. Needless to say, you had your ass handed to you by her yesterday after your parents left. You are not eager to relive the experience. You slowly walk over to the door. You take another quick swig of your bottle, and then slowly reach for the door. You take hold of the doorknob and just hold it there for a moment delaying the inevitable. You slowly turn the knob and open the door. The door reveals a bright pink room covered. The walls are decorated with images of rainbows and unicorns. On the bed sits your sister shelly. She is sixteen, has chestnut brown hair that goes down to her waist. She finally got her braces off and her acne clear she actually looks rather beautiful. Her eyes are a deep purple. She looks up from her phone and glares at you. You suddenly feel the desire to run, but your already here.




[Shelly]: OUT TURD!!!

[Stan]: god damn it shelly just give me my fucking game back.!





Shelly jumps off the bed and cracks her knuckles. You stare her down for a moment. Then she gives you the come get it motion with one hand. You draw your wooden sword and shield. You rush at her and swing your sword. But shelly simply smiles as you approach. She blocks your sword with her left arm and brings up her right knee. It connects with your guts and you can feel the wind being knocked out of you. Shelly follows up with a right hook. You manage to bring up your shield at the very last second. You deflect her blow, but the pure force causes you to stumble back and almost fall over. You jump back and scowl at her. Shelly’s face contorts into a cruel smile. Shelly flash steps behind you. She chops you in the back. You are sent stumbling forward and fall hard.





You let out a small growl. You manage to stumble back onto your feet. You squeeze the handle of your sword and take a deep breath. You slash at her with your sword. She dodges and attempts to punch you. You deflect her fist with the Flat of your wooden sword. You swing your shield to drive her back; but Shelly blocks by raising both arms and crossing them. She is unscratched by it but you manage to knock her back.



[Shelly]: HA! FUCK OFF TURD!



You take a deep breath. Got to think if you go in blindly swinging, she will kick your ass again. Uh! Strategy is GA’S department. Shelly decides she is done talking. She flash steps in an punches you in the gut. Hard! You throw up and fall to your knees.


[Shelly]: HM! YOU ARE WEAK TURD!!!


Shelly brings her foot up hard kicking you. You land hard on your back. You cough and your vision grows blurry.





[Shelly]: YOU’RE WEAK!




You feel yourself begin to seethe with rage. You are so tired of her sit. She is always beating your ass and talking shit. You can’t stand it anymore! You have to fight back.

You get back up onto your feet. You don’t care if she is stronger, or faster, or if you're not the best at strategy you will not lose here! Not to her! Not again! You lunge at her with your sword stabbing at her. She easily side steps, but you were prepared for that. You spin on the heels of your feet and extend arms. You slammed your wooden shield into her face with all you might. Shelly cries out in pain as she is knocked flat on her ass. She clutches her nose which appears broken as blood is covering her hands and face already; There is also some blood splattered on your shield. Shelly looks down in at her blood-soaked hands. She blinks. Then her face contorts into pure rage. She looks up at you and before you can move, she flashes. She appears before you and brings up her right fist in an uppercut. Her fist slams into your jaw like a hammer driving a roadspike deep into the ground with one mighty swing. You are sent flying into the air. For a moment it is like time slows down and... and your floating. Huh weird this... this kind of feels familiar. You hit the floor so hard you bounce. But luckily you already passed out, so you won’t feel it till later.




Shelly wipes the blood off her nose. She smiles this time more smug than maleficent.


[Shelly]: HUH, NOT BAD TURD.


Shelly grabs you by the shirt collar and drags you to the door. She tosses you out and you hit the wall and slide down.




Shelly turns and shuts the door. as she does two envelopes float down and lands beside you.


==> Stan Wake Up


You see a rush of clouds they appear to show images in them that change. As you suddenly feel as if you are flying somewhere far away. You can recall a Golden Tower surrounded by a city of gold on a moon far away. You begin to open your eyes…




==> Be The Other Boy


You are now the other boy. You are sitting in your room waiting on one of your friends to finally come back online so you can all play this game together. What was your name again?


== > Enter Name


Dickwad Jewrat


==> Try Again Smartass


Kyle Broflovski


That is more like it. As it happens you are correct. Your name is Kyle Broflovski and you are thirteen years old. You have a passion for READING; Your favorite are FANTASY novels. You like to play BASKETBALL, though you are not the best at it. You love the idea of ADVENTURE. This has led to another passion such as Playing tabletop and fantasy games with your friends. You like LARPING with friends sometimes. You collect FIGURES of your different interest. You also have a love for PUBLIC SPEAKING, and where a member of your school DEBATE team. You were tied with another student for TOP of your class and are planning on attending YALE and becoming a SCIENTIST when you grow up. Through you haven’t found a way to tell your parents you don’t want to be a lawyer. You also like foreign television Such as Terrance and Phillip and Doctor Who. Your pesterchum handle is guidingAcademic and You speak in A very dictated and well-versed lexicon.

You are currently waiting for your friend stan to finish getting his copy of the highly coveted SPurb Beta. You are scrolling through Tumblr on your laptop. As you are scrolling through d&d homebrews, nostalgic cartoons, and fantasy games you decide to check your pesterchum one more time. It has been almost thirty minutes. You hope he didn’t get into too much trouble getting his copies of the game back. You open your pesterchum and see who is online. Looks like stan still isn’t back yet. You are starting to get the feeling something bad may have happened to him. Oh, it seems one of your other friends is online. Maybe you will have better luck getting them to play with you.


==> Kyle Pesterchum


guidingAcademic [GA] began pestering animeAddict [AA] at 10:49 a.m.


[GA]: Hey dude what’s up?

[AA]: (oh hey dude sup?)

[GA]: I am waiting on stan so we can play Spurb.

[GA]: Speaking of which did you ever get your copy of the game?

[AA]: (yeah i finally got a copy fatboy helped me get it actually)

[GA]: Wow! I didn’t think he know how to help anyone.

[AA]: (rmaotfl yeah i know right. dude made a big deal about it though)

[GA]: Haha yeah that seems about right.

[GA]: So would you like to play SPurb with me?

[GA]: I am starting to think stan is gonna be a while.

[AA]: (ehh yeah… sorry cant)

[AA]: (my laptop is a p.o.s. this thing has been downloading all morning and is still on 30%)

[GA]: Oh god damn it!

[GA]: What about TC he has a copy of the game too right?

[AA]: (nope. he has the game but he is still grounded till his dad gets home.)

[GA]: Oh fuck!

[AA]: (what about CG, can you ask them to play?)

[GA]: No there gonna go last so Stan can be there server player.

[AA]: (well if your really that desperate you could always ask CA.)

[GA]: Eh no thanks. I don’t care if my life depends on it I am not playing with HIM.

[GA]: Just, fuck that guy.

[AA]: (omfg ok man whateve.)

[AA]: (hey i gtg gotta go check on the lil sib, you know how it is.)

[GA]: Yeah that reminds me I still have to check on Ike later.

[AA]: (yeah better do that soon. dont want your mom jumping down your throat again)

[GA]: Yeah she can be a real bitch.

[GA]: I will catch you later do.

[AA]: (piece out girl scout.)


animeAddict [AA] ceased pestering guidingAcademic [GA] at 10:57 a.m.


You let out a sigh and go back go scrolling. After a few minutes decide to go check on Ike while you wait. But before you can do that you must first prepare. Kyle examine room.


==> Kyle Examine Room


You stand from your desk and examine your room. Contently your desk is on the far wall of your room. It holds your desk with your laptop on it, a lamp for studying, a stack of varies books, as well as varies school supplies. There is a widow next to your desk with a view of your neighborhood. You turn around and examine your room. Your bed is behind you in the center of your room.  Against the wall to your right is your dresser and a storage trunk you use to keep your roleplaying gear. On the wall is your W.O.W. poster, A poster from the show “The Magicians”, and a poster that came with your copy of SPurb. It has twelve orange squares that for a square with a roof on top to make a odd house. Against your left wall is your bookshelf and your entertainment center. On the entertainment center sits your tv and your PlayStation 4. On the wall is your MC Dreidel poster and a fairytale poster. The door out to the hall is also on this wall. On the far back wall is the door to your closet which host some of your personal objects. Kyle what will you do?


== > Kyle Examine Chest


You walk over to your Chest of Holding as you like to call it. Really it is just an old storage trunk you bought at a yard sell. You gave it a nice paint job and a good varnish job though so now it looks like something you would find while exploring some mystic dungeon or old wizards tower. You open it and examine the contents: x1 Wooden Staff (you use this for your druid oc when you larp.) x1 Druid's Robe (It is a long red cloak with a design of green vines on it.) x2 Hand Wraps, x1 Wooden Crown, x1 Celtic Knot Amulet With A Clear Quartz, x3 Character Sheets, x2 Set Of Dice, x1 Package Of R.P. Miniatures, x1 Leather Bound Journal, x1 Pathfinder Core Rulebook, x1 Crystal Ball (a gift from one of your friend), x1 Pathfinder DM guide, x1 Pathfinder Bestiary, x1 Dry Erase Game Board. You equip the Wooden Staff to your StaffKind Strife Specibus. You never know when you might need to slay some goblins or get in another Strife with your Little Brother. You Then catalogue your Druids Robes and The Amulet. You use the Memory Modus Sylladex. You can equip ten items and then an image is placed randomly on two of the twenty cards. You have to match the two to get the item. Most people would find this frustrating, but you are remarkable good at it and find it a fun little game. You also decide to captchalogue the Crystal Ball. You guess you could check on your brother while you wait. You were gonna check up on him earlier, but you’ve been putting it off.


== > Kyle Exit Room


You close your chest and exit out into the hall. Across from you door is your parents and down the hall to the right near the bathroom is your brothers. The staircase is to your right. You walk down to your brother room. You give a small knock and wait a moment. No reply. Must have his headset on again. You open the door.


== > Kyle Enter Room


You enter your Little Brother Ike’s room. He’s sitting at his desk with his headphones in again. Probably watching PewDiePie or something on YouTube.


Chat Log


[Kyle]: Hey Ike what’s up!


You brother pauses his video and turns around lowering his wireless headphones. Ike is ten years old, though tall for his age. He has dark black hair that’s drapes down in places. His eyes are like golden orbs. Lately you and he have been kind of distant, but you’re not sure why.


[Ike]: Ugh what do you want kyle?

[Kyle]: I just wanted to check in on you.

[Kyle]: Mom and Dad won’t be back until tomorrow and I am going to be playing a game later, so I just wanted to make sure you’re ok really quick.

[Ike]: Oh, you got your hands on the beta? let me play it bro.

[Kyle]: Um sorry Ike but i only have one set of copies and i promised stan and the guys I would play with them.


Ike turns around in his chair and jumps to his feet. He has a serious look in his young eyes.


[Ike]: Yeah, I know! But the thing is bro I am honestly not sure if you can handle it yet. You should just let me take care of it for you.

[Kyle]: Hey! I can to handle!!!

[Kyle]: Besides I am the big brother I am supposed to be telling you to let me handle it.

[Kyle]: Wait this is just some game why are you even being so serious?

[Ike]: Ha! just a game?! Knew you weren't ready.

[Ike]: Ok how about a bet then. Prove you can handle it and I’ll take it back. If you can’t I get to play in your place.

[Ike]: Deal?

[Kyle]: Fine! I take it you want to handle this the usual way, right?

[Ike]: *Smiles as he retrieves a spear from his strife deck*

[Ike]: Well Kyle what are you waiting for?

[Ike]: Kick the Baby!




You retrieve your wooden staff from your strife deck. You two lock eyes. The tension as your wills fight like two beasts in the heat of combat. He brings up a hand and summons you to him. You oblige. You lunge forward and swing your staff; but he blocks it with the handle of his spear. You turn on your heels and try to stab at him with the end of your staff. Ike manages to sidestep. Then like flowing water his spear slashes downward. You let out a hiss as he nicks your arm. You jump back to lick your wounds and think. Ike has been getting better and better over the years. Lately he has also been extremely lucky as well. Your train of thought comes derailed as Ike leaps at you. He stabs at you with the blunt end of his spear a few times. You dodge the first and barely block the second.

“Damn for a Ten-year-old he is sure good with that thing.”

You try to kick him, but he avoids it. You don’t back off though. You stab at him with your staff trying to push him back a little. He obliges and takes the defensive; taking a step back to avoid your thrusts. Ike readies himself to counterattack but you jump back. Ike charges at you swiping with his spear, but you manage to deflect his slash with you staff. You punch Ike in the face. He grimaces and stumbles back a bit. But he quickly regains his balance and slams the blunt end of his spear into your gut. The wind is forced out of you for a moment. Ike takes a step back and smiles at you smugly.


[Ike]: Aww, What’s a matter Kyle?

[Ike]: I thought you liked this game?

[Kyle]: *Cough*

[Kyle]: Are you really still holding a grudge?

[Kyle]: I mean come on I was eight! I’m sorry ok; I am sorry that I was a horrible little kid.

[Ike]: Ha you know what I am over it! Been over it, after all I have more important things to worry about.

[Ike]: Like whether or not you can beat this game. So, I will say it one more time…

[Ike]: Come on kyle, kick the baby.


You let out a growl of frustration. You lunge forward bringing your staff down hard. Ike manages to catch it with his spears handle. You two are lock there for a moment and your eyes meet. One pair an emerald green inferno of anger; The other a golden tempest of determination. You two exchange blows, slashing and jabbing at one another. Ike tries to slam the shaft of his spear into your face. You sidestep and swipe his legs with your staff. Ike is sent tumbling backwards, dropping his spear in the process. Ike tries to stumble to his feet, but before he can you slam your foot down onto his gut. He lets out a grunt of pain. You raise your staff above his face and glare down at him. He returns your glare for a moment but then lets out an amused chuckle.


[Ike]: Ha-ha ok.

[Ike]: Damn kyle I got to say I wasn’t sure, but I think maybe you can handle this after all.

[Kyle]: Hey watch your language! Also, now will you tell me why you're being so weird about this game.

[Ike]: Nope!


In one fluid motion Ike hooks his legs around the foot not currently planted on his stomach and twist his whole body. Before you know what happened you land flat on your ass.


[Ike]: But good job really!

[Ike]: Now you should really get back to your computer; Stan should be done with his moonwalk by now.

[Ike]: Nice time I won’t take it easy though


You open your mouth to protest, but Ike simply walks over to his desk, sits down, and puts his headphones back on. You let out a frustrated sigh. You could walk over there and demand answers, but he probably won’t reply. So, you stand up, grab your staff, and leave.


==> Stan Dream


You are now Dream Stan. You are in your room; high upon your tower on the moon of prospit. You are currently sitting on the windows seal with your legs hanging off the ledge. You have been sitting here for a while now watching the clouds. They are very helpful; they show you things. Things from the past present and future. You see yourself in another land; then you see an image from your Homecoming Dance. It was a few months ago and things got a bit out of hand. You are getting a little bored, so you jump off the tower. You fall a little over halfway down before stopping yourself. Of course, you can fly. You fly just over the Golden city. You look down and see the white carapascions down below. They look up at you waving and pointing. You wave back as they talk amongst themselves. You have been awake on prospit when you sleep for as long as you can remember. Unfortunately, you can’t seem to recall this while awake, but you try not to stress about it. As you fly you notice the other towers off in the distance. You wonder if any of your friends are awake. You fly over to the nearest tower and go up to the window. You go to peek inside. Suddenly before you can see into the room you disappear in a flash of light.


==> Stan Wake up


You slowly open your eyes. As you sit up rubbing the back of your head you become aware of a sharp pain. You have a major headache. Ugh nothing like getting your ass beat to sober you up a bit. You are also aware you are extremely sore now. You slowly hobble back to your room. Once inside your room you lock your door. You DO NOT want to see your sister again for a while. You walk to your desk. Seems Kyle has been pestering you while you were out. Better answer him or he’ll keep bugging you.




guidingAcademic [GA] began pestering apatheticCynic [AC] at 10:50a.m.

[GA]: Hey man are you back yet?

[GA]: Hello Stan?

[GA]: Hello!

[GA]: Hurry man!

apatheticCynic [AC] began pestering guidingAcademic [GA] at 11:18a.m.

[AC]: geez man calm your tits I’m back

[AC]: but I want you to know how much trouble I had to go through to get this I got my ass laid ooout!

[AC]: this game had better be worth it damn it

[AC]: Kyle?

[GA]: Hey Stan. Sorry, I was busy with Ike.

[GA]: But now that I’m back we can play the game!

[AC]: wtf man did you not read the part where I was beat down

[GA]:  No, I saw it; sorry man I am just excited.

[GA]: If it is any consultation Ike just gave me a run for my money.

[AC]: not surprising

[GA]: Oh, ha-ha really funny Stan.

[GA]: Have you downloaded the game yet?

[AC]: im doin it now mom


==> Stan Download SPurb Client


You insert the client disk into your computer's disk drive. The computer begins stirring to life. Suddenly a window appears on your computer screen. An Image of Spirograph appears. The image begins to change size and shape in an amazing visual display. Once it finishes loading an image of twelve orange boxes forming a house appears.


[AC]: ok its done now what

[GA]: Ok one second while I connect to your client.

[GA]: Hey I can see you on me screen!

[AC]: um what?

[AC]: no way man

[GA]: No, it’s true dude.

[AC]: what did I just do then

[GA]: You are sitting at your desk waving at the air.

[GA]: Now you're flipping me off.

[AC]: ok that’s creepy

[GA]: Hold on I want to test something.

[AC]: wait what…


Suddenly you hear something behind you. You turn around and see that your trunk is suddenly floating in the air; Suspended by some sort Cursor that looks like the SPrub logo. Then it suddenly flies off disappearing when reaching the wall. A few moments later you hear a loud thump somewhere in the house.


[AC]: kyle wtf just happened to my booze!

[AC]: I mean trunk

[GA]: Amazing! It seems I can manipulate your environment.

[GA]: Wait! You’ve been stashing alcohol in your room again Stan!

[AC]: ok now is not the time for a lecture MOM!

[AC]: wtf is going on

[AC]: what kind of game is this

[GA]: I’m not sure exactly. I mean I knew it involved house building, but I didn’t know it meant literally.

[GA]: It appears there are strange machines I can deploy as well.

[AC]: really like what

[GA]: Hmm well it appears I can use something called build grist to deploy most of them. As well as manipulate your environment in various ways.

[GA]: But four of the items are free for me to deploy.

[GA]: Here one moment I’m going to set one down.

[AC]: wait kyle whe-


You suddenly hear a loud crash behind you. You turn around and see a giant machine now stands in your room. It has a large square base with a wheel on one side, and a tube extending from the top with a lid on it. There are also small indentations on every side with metal slides. You facepalm at the site of this atrocity


[AC]: kyle…

[AC]: what the fuck am I looking at right now…

[GA]: It’s called a cruxtruder. I’m not sure what it’s for though.

[GA]: I’ll see if I can find out more about this game online.

[GA]: You should try seeing if you can figure out what it is.

[AC]: uhhh! fine whatever


==> Stan Examine Cruxtruder


You immediately uncaptchalouge your whiskey and take a few swigs. You have a feeling it’s gonna be a long day. You captchalogue the bottle again so Kyle can’t steal this one too. Then you get up and go over to the strange machine sitting in your room. There doesn’t appear to be any writing or instructions. You try turning the handle. You can feel it is trying to push something out, but the cap on top appears to be stuck. You go back over to your desk.


[AC]: hey dude looks like the kids stuck on this thing

[AC]: any idea how to open it

[GA]: Huh weird, give me a second.


Suddenly you hear an odd noise from somewhere in your house. A few moments later your toilet appears being carried by the courser. It is then dropped onto the lid of the cruxtruder. Out pops a strange orb that flashes purple and white sporadically. As well as a strange purple cylinder. On the base of the cruxtruder the metal slots fall, and a countdown begins. 20:00, 19:59, 19:58...


[AC]: dude die you just rip out my toilet!

[GA]: Um yeah sorry…

[GA]: But I am fixing the bathroom now; though it cost grist to do that, so we are almost out.


[AC]: not cool dude

[AC]: also there is some stupid orb thing now

[GA]: Yeah, I found this strange game guide on this weird server.

[GA]: It says that it is called the kernelsprite apparently, we need to “prototype it”

[AC]: ok how

[GA]: Look for something relatively harmless. I need to deploy the rest of these machines.


You question what he means by harmless. You begin looking around your room. You hear a crash and assume there is some new monstrosity in your house. You head to your closet. You did around for a bit and find an old Terrence doll. Maybe this could work. Suddenly you hear another loud crash and a blood curdling cry. You Immediately drop the doll and head over to your computer.


[AC]: Kyle what the fuck was that

[GA]: Oh shit. Of fuck oh no oh no I-

[GA]: I didn’t mean to; it was an accident…

[GA]: m-my finger slipped… I..

[GA]: I can fix this Stan!

[AC]: fix what!

[AC]: what did you do Kyle!?


Suddenly you see the bloody crushed form of your beloved pet sparky. You gasp in horror; but before you can react the remains are dropped into the kernelsprite. Suddenly there is a bright flash. When your eyes recover the sprite orb now bears the face of your dear pet.


[AC]: Kyle did killed MY FUCKING DOG!!!

[GA]: It was an accident Stan I am sorry.

[GA]: The controls are tricky, and my finger slipped.

[GA]: But I did bring him back… sort of…

[AC]: ugh!!!

[AC]: fine whats next

[GA]: It says you need to finish “entering the game” before the timer runs out or else.

[AC]: or else what

[GA]: This can’t be right. It says that some disaster occurs.

[GA]: Usually a meteor hitting your house.

[AC]: …

[AC]: Kyle we have done a lot of crazy shit together over the years, but I swear if look outside and see a fucking meteor I’m gonna smash all your figurines for making me play this game.

[GA]: Hey this isn’t my fault! I didn’t make the fucking rules man leave my figurines out of this.

[AC]: where is my trunk I’m gonna need a lot more whiskey

[GA]: It’s by something called a Totem Lathe in your living room. You need to take that Cruxite Dowel from the Cruxtruder to it. Then insert the pre-punched card by the machine

[GA]: Next you take your Cruxite Towel to the Alchimiter. It’s the big machine near the Totem Lathe.

[GA]: You put your totem on the pedestal to get a Cruxite Artifact. You break it to enter the game. It should be easy.

[AC]: fine but I swear this conversation isn’t over.

apatheticCynic [AC] ceased pestering guidingAcademic [GA] at 11:36a.m.


==> Stan Examine


You get up and go look out your window. It appears to be an ordinary day. You guess Kyle is overreac-... Wait. What’s that off in the distance. You look closer and see what appears to be something in the sky. Your no expert, but it does appear to be heading towards your general direction…

You retrieve the whiskey again and start chugging. You’ll be damned if you die sober.

You turn around and examine the time.


Fuck you need to hurry. You run over and captchalogue the Cruxite Dowel.


==> Stan Exit


You exit your room. You hurry down the stair quickly to avoid another encounter with Shelly.

You reach the bottom of the stairs the fin a strange sight. Next to your front door is your chest; as well as a strange machine. It is taller than you but then in width. It has a place for something to be clamped into place with an arm looking thing over it.

Then where your dining table used to be is the biggest machine yet. It is a huge platform with a pedestal and another odd arm like appendage.

You walk over to your turn and immediately stash another two bottles for safe keeping.

You then go over to the first machine, which you assume is the Totem Lathe. You find a strange captchalogue card with rectangular holes punched into it. You retrieve the Cruxite Dowel and place it into the clamps. You then insert the Pre-Punched Card Into the card slot. The machine whirls to life. A set of complex tools is dispensed, and the Dowel begins to spin. The tools begin carving away at the Cruxite. A moment later the machine returns to sleep. You retrieve the newly crafted Cruxite Totem.

You make your way over to the large machine, when you notice something strange. There is something red on the side of the machine. Oh god. Oh God! This… this is how sparky died crushed by this thing. You can’t believe it, this thing must weigh a ton. God, you’re gonna kill Kyle.

As you contemplate this you suddenly remember your life is currently in danger. You rush over to the pedestal on the side.

You place the Cruxite Totem on the pedestal. Suddenly an arm extends from the Alchemitor and begins scanning the Totem. Then a strange purple bottle made of Cruxite appears on the platform.


==> Stan Enter


You are taken back by the strange bottle for a moment. You pick up the Cruxite Artifact. You take a sip and spit it out instantly. Eww! This taste worse than warm beer. You slam down the bottle in discussed. As it shatters there is a bright flash of light. You are blinded as the light engulfs your entire house. Then as suddenly as it appeared it is gone as well as your house just as the meteor strikes leaving a crater where your house once stood.


Elsewhere in paradox space. You see a small planet covered with fast lust overgrown forest everywhere. The trees are blue and vast mist covering the planet. There is a single volcano breaching the mist. On the side of the mountain now rest a house with seven gates above it.


Land Of Haze And Frogs

Chapter Text

==> Be the other boy

You are now the other boy. You are standing in your room. What is his name

==> Enter Name

Fascist Fatass

He seems upset. Though I suppose it is kinda true he is fat. He says not to call him fat he is big boned. Well tell us your name then…
He is being rude and seems to be throwing a tantrum. Maybe we will just come back to him later.

==> Be the other other boy

You are now the other other boy. You are sitting on your bed with your shitty old laptop. You are trying to download this game, but it’s taking forever. You’re a chill guy, what’s your name.

==> Enter Name

Poor Stonerboy

==> Try Again Smart Ass

Kenny McCormick

Much better as it happens you are correct. Your Name is Kenny McCormick and you are thirteen years old. As previously mentioned, your sitting on your bed with your laptop. You are waiting for this stupid PIECE OF JUNK to finish downloading already.

==> Examine Room

You look around your ro-... wait hold on. Ugh him again what does he want. Well it seems a certain someone has something he would like to say. You suppose in the spirit of good faith you’ll hear him out, let’s get this over with.

==> Be the other boy Again

You are now the other boy again. So, what was it you wanted to say? Surprisingly enough you wanted to apologize although very begrudgingly and seemingly false. But it seems you get we as the narrator of this world aren’t going to take his lip and we kind of need to get this shit started and soon. You decide to say whatever and let him introduce himself.

==> Introduce Yourself

Your name is Eric Cartman and you are thirteen years old. You are a TOTAL BADASS and SUPER COOL like CEREAL you guys. Are at least that is what you like to tell yourself. When all is said and done you are a bit of an ASSHOLE. You have a variety of interests including but not limited to a deep passion for PHOTOGRAPHY and a love for MUSIC. You can sing as well as play several instruments including the GUITAR. You also like to study BUSINESS and HISTORY; particularly WARFARE and STRATEGY. You also like to think of yourself as a sort of PUPPET MASTER pulling at the strings, even if you’re the one being directed as of late. As such you have many IRONS IN THE FIRE, such as the various SHENANIGANS you and your best friend that are sometimes LESS THAN LEGAL. Speaking of puppets, you also keep a collection of DOLLS. Though you hide them from your friends ever since you freaked out years ago and destroyed your old ones. Your pesterchum handle is cartmanbraAwesomeness and you type in a ROWDY MANNER! Your currently KILLING TIME in your room. What will you do?

==> Examine Room

You examine your bedroom. The wall on your left holds his desk/workstation. You have a desk setup with your gaming computer, your gamer chair, your mic, your headphones, and a portable green screen. This is where you record for your epic YouTube channel. You also have your guitar set up next to it, you sometimes write your own songs and record them. But you haven’t posted one yet because you they are very personal. Your bed is set up with the head facing the right wall. Next to it is your TOY CHEST where you store your stuff. Though with all the crap you have accumulated through SHENANIGANS you keep some stuff in the BASEMENT. Across from your bed is the door to exit the room. Your closet is on the back wall and houses most of your wardrobe; you have a small dresser next to it to house the rest. On the wall in front of you have your PHOTO collection. You like to take photos of various things around town and put them up on your bulletin board. Right now, you have a pic of all the different people who are playing this game up divided into two teams. You already have your own plans for this game the others don’t know about as such you already planned your entry chain. Speaking of which your waiting on your informant to message you.

==> Cartman Examine Toy Chest

You walk over to your Toy Chest. You like to store some useful items here. You open it up and examine its contents. Included amongst the items in your chest are: x1 Spare Headset, x1 Karaoke Set, x1 Terrance Doll, x1 Philip Doll, x1 Tea set, x1 Cartmanbrah Doll (you had this made as a prototype for your new Merch Line.), x1 copy of Law And War, x1 Nerf Pistol, x50 nerf bullets, and x1 Camera. To name a few of your random belongings.

==> Cartman Retrieve Arms

What this old thing? It’s just a toy you used to play with. You only keep it for the occasional strife with your mom. You got an upgrade with the help of your “friend” a while back. Regardless you retrieve the NERF PISTOL and store it in you PistolKind Strife Specibus. You then switch to your sweet upgrade. You
retrieve your Luger 09 from your strife deck. You got this baby a while back, it comes in handy whenever you find yourself in a sticky situation. You also decide to captchalogue the nerf ammo in your WalletKind Fetch Modus. Best to keep up an innocent appearance in front of your mom. Though you doubt she will be able to notice beyond her usual narcotic induced haze.

==> Check For Informant

You make your way over to your workstation. You started receiving messages awhile back from a questionable source. Usually you’d think it was just someone trolling you, but they have provided a lot of valuable information and have yet to be wrong. So, despite your better judgement you have been going along with them and their wild claims. You open up pesterchum and see if you have any new messages. Hmm seems he hasn’t bothered to message you yet. You would message him, but you can’t. His messages are encrypted by some strange technology. You do notice that some of your other friends are online. You suppose they are already playing this game. Seems like he was right about that as well.

==> Cartman Examine Channel

You kill time by checking on your YouTube channel CartmanBrah! You have managed to acquire a large following over the last few years with 4.13M followers. You took a bit of a hit though with the new regulations, so you often get demonetized. You are scrolling through some comments on your latest video of you reacting to the latest marvel movie. In addition to your channel you also have a patron, a twitch stream, and a merch line. You also have more elicit means as well. Suddenly you receive a ping, huh looks like he if finally pestering you. Better answer he sure is impatient. You open up pesterchum and get ready to get down to business. But it seems it is just one of your friends. Great what does this douc bag want.

==> Cartman Answer Douc Bag


animeAddict [AA] began pestering cartmanbraAwesomeness [CA] at 11:21 a.m.
[AA]: (hey man sup?)
[CA]: Ugh nothing just waiting on this asshole.
[CA]: He said he would message me before the game.
[AA]: (oh right your lil “informant”)
[AA]: (you know what your doing is risky right?)
[CA]: Yeah whatever Kenny, I know what I am doing ok!
[CA]: Besides its no different than your bullshit.
[AA]: (speaking of the game ga said he and ac were starting soon)
[CA]: You act like you’re surprised.
[CA]: You have your hand in this shit too.
[AA]: (true but that just means i know what comes next.)
[AA]: (I need to know your ready and can keep focused on the mission at hand)
[CA]: Blah blah blah!
[CA]: Whatever ok JEEZ MoM!
[CA]: I’m fine ok, just worry about your part.
[AA]: (fine but ill check on you in a bit)
[AA]: (my laptop is taking forever anyway)
[CA]: Anyways I need to get ready.
[CA]: I’ll catch you later dude.
[AA]: (later man)
animeAddict [AA] ceased pestering cartmanbraAwesomeness [CA] at 11:26 a.m.

Man, that guy may be your best friend, but he sure can be meddlesome at times. Oh well looks like you will be waiting a bit longer.

==> Cartman Be The Other Boy

You cannot be the other boy as you to busy already being Stan. Who else would you be? You were blinded by a strange bright light after breaking the Cruxite Artifact. Now you are standing in your living room trying to get your bearings. You rush over to the window to see if you are still in immediate danger. You expected to see your families weed farm. But instead you find a dense haze which is making it impossible to see anything else. You are not sure what is going on here. You are trying to figure it out when your phone pings. Oh yeah, your server player must be worried sick about you. Better answer them.

guidingAcademic [GA] began pestering apatheticCynic [AC] at 11:41 a.m.

[GA]: Stan are you ok?
[GA]: I can still see you, but I you are not on your farm anymore.
[AC]: yeah im fine
[AC]: do you know where i am now
[GA]: I think you are in the game.
[GA]: But I am not completely sure what that means.
[AC]: damn

==> Young Man Find Your Sprite

[AC]: i need to find sparky can you see him too
[GA]: Um yeah, he is outside.
[GA]: Why do you need to see him?
[AC]: im not sure

==> He Will Have Answers About Your Quest

[AC]: he will have answers about my quest
[GA]: Good thinking Stan.
[AC]: yeah i guess
[GA]: Is something wrong?
[AC]: nothing my head just feels foggy
[GA]: Probably because you have been drinking again!
[GA]: Speaking of which I thought we were going to talk about that.
[AC]: we will but later
[AC]: i just really need to find spark rn ok
[GA]: Yeah ok I am sorry man.
[GA]: I’ll give you some time alone while I find someone to connect with me.
[GA]: I will also look for more info about this game.
[AC]: ok ill catch you later man
guidingAcademic [GA] began pestering apatheticCynic [AC] at 11:44 a.m.

You pocket your IPhone and head towards the front door. You feel the unexplainable urge to find your sprite. You are just certain he will hold the answers. You peer into the dense fog. You can’t tell for sure, but you are quite certain you are no longer in South Park anymore. You can barely see a purple light coming from somewhere off in the distance. You walk tell you can make out a strange sight. The purple glow is coming from your sprite; which now appears as an odd ghostly version of your beloved childhood pet, sparky. He is floating near the edge off a cliff looking off into the haze. You approach him and give a small wave.

[Stan]: um hey boy
[SparkySprite]: WOOF! WOOF!
[Stan]: um
[SparkySprite]: Stan! It is so good to see you oh boy oh boy!
[SparkySprite]: Hi Stan!
[Stan]: it is good to see you too boy
[Stan]: but i am not sure what is going on
[Stan]: where are we?
[SparkySprite]: We are in the game Stan. Do not worry this is what was supposed to happen.
[SparkySprite]: I may just be a dog, but I also know things now that I am a sprite.
[Stan]: well yeah I get that were in the game
[Stan]: but wtf does that mean
[SparkySprite]: We are a place called the Medium. It is in the furthest rings of paradox space.
[SparkySprite]: More specifically we are on your planet, The Land Of Haze And Frogs. Each player in your session has their own land tailored for their own personal journey.
[SparkySprite]: There is must to learn but for now what is important is you collect more grist. Soon the agents of the dark kingdom of Derse will come. You must defeat them to leave up and advance. Then you must get your server player to build your house up to the first of the gates above it.
[Stan]: um ok I guess that kind of makes since
[Stan]: basically I am in a game world and there is some bs about frogs but w/e
[Stan]: I just need to fight these derse guys and get kyle to build up
[SparkySprite]: Woof!
[SparkySprite]: Well that is all for now, but there is much more to it than that.
[SparkySprite]: I feel like as a sprite I am not supposed to tell you to much, but I know you will find what it means to be a Knight Of Space one day.
[Stan]: knight of space?
[Stan]: what is that
[SparkySprite]: WOOF WOOF BARK!

Your mystical spirit guide smiles at you before flying away. Seems he is done answering questions for a bit. You are left staring down wondering about the cryptic thing you just heard. You can’t possible see the bottom with this fog everywhere, but you get the feeling you are quite high up. After a few minutes you decide that standing next to this cliff edge isn’t safe, especially knowing enemies are probably on there way. You make your way back to your house. You walk in the front door and are suddenly ambushed by a strange small black creature. It has a hard-polished pure black shell, sharp animal claws, and a k-9 like face complete with fangs. It lunges at you ready to attack.


The imp lunges with its claws bared. You barely manage to step to the side in time. You feel a sharp sting as the imp grazes your shoulder. You retrieve your Wooden Sword as you turn on your heel to face it. It lunges again, but you bring out your shield and deflect its blows. You try to slam your shield into it. The imp jumps back and growls at you. The imp slash at you, but you parry. You then slam your blade into the Imps side. You hear a slight crack as the Imp stumbles backwards. You stab at it, but the Imps dodges. The imp starts barking up a storm. The jumps at you with its fangs. You step out of the way at the last second. The you bring your sword down hard on its back. There is a loud crack and the imp explodes into a pile of strange multicolored shapes. Huh they kind of look like gushers.

==> Stan Level Up

You manage to level up from slaying the Imp. You climb your echeladder from the lowly and highly embarrassing rung of Baby Brawler to the Still lowly but slightly less embarrassing rung of Squirtly Squire. You gain 43 boondollars and a new puffball for your hat. Your grist limit expands to 50 units of Grist. You enjoy the spools of your fight for a moment before you go off to fuck up some more imps. First though you collect all the gusher looking stuff. Grist you guess? Whatever. You now posses 32 Build Grist, 7 Shale, and 3 Tar. You head upstairs looking for more of these things. You notice that there is some odd black ooze on smeared on the wall. Huh weird. You go in you room and find there is now some weird new machine next to the Cruxtruder. It kind of looks like an odd workbench. Huh maybe you should check this out.

==> Stan Be The Seer

You are now Kyle. You have just finished deploying something called the Punch Designex in stans room. You want to message him about it, but you get the feeling he may want some space. He is your best friend and all, but sometimes he can be draining to deal with. Plus, you need to find a way into this game. You need to get ahold of one of your friends pronto. You open up pesterchum damn there are only two members of your team online, and one of them is an asshole. So, you message your other friend instead.

guidingAcademic [GA] began pestering animeAddict [AA] at 11:57 a.m.
[GA]: Hey Kenny I need your help!
[GA]: I need you to play this game with me right now!
[GA]: We must hurry we are all in big trouble!
[AA]: (wow calm down bro)
[GA]: No! I won’t calm down!
[GA]: A meteor just almost killed Stan, and this guide suggest there are more coming for all of us!
[AA]: (ye I know)
[GA]: What!
[GA]: You know! How do you know!
[GA]: Did you read the guide CA gave us?
[AA]: (hehe nah)
[AA]: (its complicated but tbh I just know ok)
[AA]: (but itll be fine man trust me)
[GA]: Ok well you know what fine whatever.
[GA]: You, CA and CG have all been super weird about this game for some reason.
[GA]: So if you would connect to me we can get this show on the road.
[AA]: (um yeeeeah…)
[AA]: (thing is I cant)
[AA]: (my pos laptop is only on 48%)
[GA]: Fuck! You are the only one online right now.
[AA]: (am i)
[GA]: …
[AA]: (look I know you have been like avoiding this as a possibility)
[AA]: (but why not talk to ca)
[GA]: Because he is an asshole and I hate him!
[AA]: (dude its me)
[AA]: (we both know thats not totally true)
[GA]: Do I have to.
[AA]: (listen just maybe try dealing with this ok)
[AA]: (hey I gtg need to prepare some shit later bro)
animeAddict [AA] began pestering guidingAcademic [GA] at 12:06 p.m.

You really do not want to message that Fatass. Sure, you did take the guide he sent you the link for, but you can’t stand him sometimes. Plus, you already have enough to deal with. Cartman isn’t that bad. In fact, he has really calmed down the last few years. Despite the fact you always fight with him, you are still friends. But you haven’t talked to him very much since the Homecoming Dance a few months ago. It’s been weird not having him bugging you. But you feel weird about reaching out to him for some reason. You just want to see another option, any option. There must be a better way. Maybe if you believe enough you can make yourself see a better way.

==> Seer See

You concentrate as hard as you can. You just must have hope after all. After a few moments something strange happens. You can’t see it yourself, but your eyes begin to glow with a soft white light. You see flashes of strange events begin to unfold. You see yourself getting mad at your computer; storming off before connecting. You see a meteor hitting your house. Then you see stan. He is all alone on some strange world. He tries to get ahold of the other, but he can’t it seems you set off some chain reaction of doom. You feel like months go by in seconds. Stan is wondering his land drunk. He is looking for something. He finds a bed of stone. He lays on it and then. Oh god stan stabs himself. He dies there but then the scene changes. You are on a strange gold moon. Stan is there and is glowing. He is consumed in light when it dissipates, he is wearing some strange black pajamas with a white symbol on the chest. He seems upset he is still alive. then he flies off into the darkness. Time passes again but, in this place, it seems that years pass in seconds. Stan seems to lose all hope. Then he is consumed by darkness. His skin turns the color of ash his eyes turn black and he begins to give off a dark aura.
Suddenly you snap out of it. You have been at your desk spaced out for a few minutes. You are not sure what that was, but you can’t help but feel that it was real.

==> Be the Fat Ass

You are now Cartman a few minutes in the past. You have been wasting time waiting around for this fucking asshole to message you. You are busy shooting a poster on your wall with the nerf gun when a ping goes off. Fucking Finally. Time to see what this guy has to say.


Future!cartmanbraAwesomeness [CA] began pestering Current!cartmanbraAwesomeness [CA] at 12:04 p.m.

[FCA]: Hey I’m back.
[CCA]: Finally! For someone who claims to be me you sure do love to keep the real me waiting
[FCA]: I am busy ok.
[FCA]: Besides I told you before that timing is important here ok.
[CCA]: Whatever.
[CCA]: Lets just get on with this shit.
[FCA]: Fine so, you need to get the Jew into the game like we discussed.
[FCA]: Then you need to hurry and enter your meteor comes quickly after his.
[CCA]: Yeah you said that, but AA is hours away from finishing downloading it.
[CCA]: So, I guess you don’t know everything after all.
[FCA]: Wrong again asshole.
Future!cartmanbraAwesomeness [CA] sent file Accelerate.ATH
[FCA]: Send him that after your done helping Kyle.
[CCA]: Oh ffs jsijifds
[CCA]: Ok fine whatever you win.
[FCA]: Oh yeah, also you are going to need to go get the thing we discussed so you can prototype it.
[FCA]: It’s still in the basement where we left it.
[CCA]: God I hate time shit.
[CCA]: Fine
[FCA]: Good and don’t fuck this up for us.
[FCA]: Later.
Future!cartmanbraAwesomeness [CA] began pestering Current!cartmanbraAwesomeness [CA] at 12:10 p.m.

Fucking Christ! You don’t care if he is technically you that guy is an asshole. He started messaging you a few months ago after the shit show that was the Homecoming Dance. He knew about your plans which is the only reason you didn’t immediately ignore him forever. Usually you would assume it was someone trolling you but, you hadn’t even told Kenny what you were planning that night. Since then he has been very helpful, though equally as annoying. Hmm maybe people communicating with there future/past self is bound to end up with the two halves hating each other. Your train of thought is broken seems you won’t need to get ahold of Jew after all. He is pestering you, better answer.

guidingAcademic [GA] began pestering Current!cartmanbraAwesomeness [CA] at 12:12 p.m.
[GA]: Cartman are you there?
[CA]: Why Kahl to what do I owe the pleasure of you actually messaging me.
[GA]: Ugh! Seriously Cartman?
[GA]: You know that’s not how my name is spelled.
[CA]: I don’t know what you mean Kahl.
[CA]: Haven’t you ever heard of a typing quirk?
[GA]: Oh, fuck you!
[GA]: We both know you don’t use a quirk typing quirk!
[GA]: You are just doing it to fuck with me.
[CA]: Hehe whatever man.
[GA]: Ugh!
[GA]: *deep breathe*
[GA]: Ok you know what fuck it. Spell my name however you want, but I need you to play SPurb with me.
[CA]: Oh? So, you barely talk to me and now your begging me to play video games?
[GA]: Fuck you Fatass!
[GA]: You are the one who has been acting weird since homecoming.
[CA]: Yeah yeah.
[CA]: Anyway, while I do love fucking with you, we don’t have time.
[GA]: Wait do you know about the meteors too?
[GA]: Duh! Of course, you do you’re the one who found that weird game guide.
[CA]: Yeah, but I didn’t read it myself.
[CA]: Shit was way too boring.
[GA]: Then how?
[CA]: Same way I got the game guide.
[CA]: Shenanigans.
[GA]: Ugh fuck ok whatever I am done with the cloak and dagger shit.
[GA]: Can you please stop being a prick and connect with me, so I don’t die!
[CA]: I connected a few minutes ago when you first asked.
[CA]: Despite what you think I am not THAT much of an asshole.
[GA]: Great now can you start deploying the machines please.
[GA]: Preferable somewhere with plenty of space and near each other.
[CA]: Whatever mom!

You have SPurb open and have already connected to Kyle. You see him sitting there in his room. Hehe this could be fun. You expand his room a bit. It is easy since you have started with 200 Build Grist. You then drop the Cruxtruder, the Totem Lathe, and The Alchemiter in the empty new space. Then you proceed to rip out his toilet and drop it on top of the cruxtruder. That will teach him to meddle. You contemplate dropping the disk labeled Grist Torrent, but it would cost half of your grist to deploy. Instead you go back to talking to Kyle while you fuck around with his house.

[GA]: Hey careful you almost broke my dresser.
[GA]: What the fuck dude!
[GA]: Is that my toilet why?
[GA]: No don’t open that!
[CA]: Relax the stupid meteor will come whether we open it or not.
[CA]: The timer is just a way of warning you.
[GA]: Ok whatever.
[GA]: But was it really necessary to destroy my toilet?
[CA]: Why yes Kahl.
[CA]: Yes, it was.
[GA]: Oh, fuck you!
[CA]: HA! You wish.
[GA]: Don’t even start, I am not it the mood.
[GA]: Anyway, the timer says I only have like four minutes, so I need to hurry.
[CA]: Ok but, and I am being cereal here, DO NOT forget to prototype something before you finish.
[CA]: I set the prepunched card on your bed.
[GA]: Yeah sure also thanks, I guess.
[GA]: Other than my toilet you did set this up nicely.
[CA]: Aww I’m not used to you thanking me.
[GA]: Well don’t worry it will probably never happen again.
[GA]: Later Fatass.
[CA]: Whatever Jew.

guidingAcademic [GA] began pestering Current!cartmanbraAwesomeness [CA] at 12:19 p.m.

Why is everyone acting so weird. Well weirder than usual. You turn and regard the gold colored sezuireskernel. Huh? You wonder what to throw into it. You go over to your trunk and peruse over a few of your belongings. That is when you here another crash. Then there is a bright flash. You turn around and find a truly stupid sight. Cartman must have been fucking around again and in the process, he knocked down your poster. This wouldn’t be the bad, but the MC Dreidel poster has fallen into your Kernel Sprite. Great your mystic sprit guide now holds your favorite Jewish rapper. You guess that you will just have to deal with that later. You go over to the bed and grab the prepunched card. You the proceed to the Cruxtruder and grab a Cruxite Dowel. You Carve a totem at the Lathe and take it to the Alchimiter. You must admit asshole or not he did a good job with this set up. You place the totem on the pedestal. It produces a Golden Menorah. You are stunned. This is weird. You figured you would get a bottle too. You are a bit hesitant to break it. But you remember that strange vision. You retrieve your staff and smash the thing.

== > Kyle Enter

Land Of Temples And Faith

== > Finish being the other guy

Before moving on to chapter three you decide to finish introducing this cool bro. You apologize, but he says the it is no big deal. Your name is Kenny McCormick. You are thirteen years old. You like to think of yourself as a dashing rouge of sorts. You have an a very personal interest in the occult. You as have a love ANIME and CARTOONS. You like to spend time watching your favorite shows, smoking WEED, drinking faygo, and practicing your mad HACKING skills. You are a bit of an outcast and spend your night trying to protect your city. You know you and your friends will be playing a game today. In fact you probably know more than anyone else. You are jacked into this shit. You have so many irons in the fire. You doubt any kid has ever has as irons in the fire as you. You are currently hanging out on your bed frustrated. You know Kyle and Cartman should be done soon. Both have little time to enter the game. But this piece of shit you call a laptop is only at 51%. You don’t want to think about what it means if it doesn’t load in time. But actually, now isn’t the time for this. Kenny tells you to be the other other other guy for a while first.

Chapter Text

= > Be The Other Other Other Guy

A young man stands in his room. Today is the day he and his friends will play a game against a group of your other friends. But first what was this you man’s name again.

==> Enter Name

Narcissistic Crybaby

Ugh! Why do I even give you the chance? Ok one more time try again smart ass.

==> Try Again Smart Ass

Clyde Donovan

There you go. See isn’t it nice to just enter the correct name. Your name is Clyde Donovan and you are thirteen years old. As previously stated, you are planning on playing a game with your friends today. It took a while, but you think you have finally got the order figured out. You have a variety of interest. You have a love LARPing and engage in various role-playing games with your friend. You also like FOOTBALL. Some people say you tend to be COMPETETIVE or SENSATIVE when you lose. But they just don’t understand you are a WINNER. You also have a love for MOVIES. You like action movies the most, but romcoms give them a good run for there money. You tend to think of yourself as a kind of rebel and all-around cool guy. You like to sneak out with your friends and go to bonfires. You also like FISHING though you usually catch and release. You are slightly squeamish. You like to spend times hanging with your bros and talking to babes. You also have a knack for strategy and persuasion. What will you do?

==> Clyde Examine Room

You examine your room which houses some of your various interest. You begin by examining the bottom half. Against the far wall is a Wardrobe, a desk where you fuck around on your laptop and plan your LARPing Campaigns. On the walls you have a Map of Morrowind, Oblivion, And Skyrim. You really like the elder scrolls games, so you put up posters of them near your wall to draw inspiration from. You also have a hand draw map of Zorran. The fantasy setting for your campaigns. The wall to you right has shelf with some of your favorite movies, games, and cd’s on it. There is a entertainment station set up with a tv, an Xbox one, and a WII U. You spend a lot of time here playing elder scrolls online, fallout 76, and Minecraft Xbox edition. You also have a few posters on this wall. One is a signed posted of Night at The Museum. Your best bro got you this for your birthday. It was signed by Stiller himself and is one of your most priceless possession. You also have a poster of Friends with Benefits. On the wall to your left is the door to exit your room as well as your bed facing your entertainment center. You have a South Park Cows poster over your bed. You have been trying for years to become quarter back, but despite your efforts Marsh always manages to win the title. You have even tried losing some weight to help, but you’re not necessarily heavy you are bulky. So instead it just firmed up the muscle. There is also a pin up of Marilyn Monroe. You have an interest in Adult Literature. The wall behind you Has your closet Where you like to keep most of your Larping supplies as well as other handy items inside of your Mystic Trunk. Which is just an old toy box you had painted to look cool. Your birthday is in a few days. Your dad is of course at work. Ever since your mom died, he has had to work a lot to keep you guys stable. You don’t mind much in fact you are grateful, but you would like to spend more time with him. Your chumhandle is casanovaCommander and you speak in a confidant if somewhat smug manner. You like to use your Axekind strife specibus when things get to sticky. You of course always have a weapon equipped. Right now you have a Woodcutter Axe, which you use to gather firewood when your dad is out. So basically, all the time. You use the BagOfHoldingModus. It can hold a certain limit of items in a small pouch on your side. If it reaches the limit it burst, and everything is ejected. You can increase the storage side though by upgrading it with additional cards.

==> Clyde PesterChum

You decide to message your best bro and see if he is ready to play yet. You pull out your phone and open up pesterchum.


casanovaCommander [CC] began pestering astralGuineapig [AG] at 11:36 a.m.
[CC]: hey man.
[AG]: oh hey dude.
[CC]: you ready to play?
[AG]: um yeah about that.
[CC]: something up.
[AG]: ye so AT kinda ask me to be his server player instead
[CC]: what but I thought he wanted to your server player?
[AG]: he did but then he got nervous.
[AG]: he said it was to much pressure.
[CC]: ok so is he my server player.
[AG]: nope.
[AG]: he said it would be weird.
[AG]: so it will be you, then GG, then AT, then me, then TT, and then TA.
[CC]: man this is so lame why didn’t anyone tell me.
[AG]: we just decided on it this morning.
[AG]: but anyways you should probably message GG soon.
[AG]: stan’s gang has already started.
[CC]: really fuck!
[AG]: yes fucking really.
[AG]: they may be ignorant fucks, but they do seem to get shit done somehow.
[CC]: man you sure do hate them.
[AG]: I still want my fucking money back.
[CC]: dude you are still on the pan flute thing?
[AG]: whateves anyway I got to check on AT ill catch you later bro.
[CC]: Yeah later man.
casanovaCommander [CC] began pestering astralGuineapig [AG] at 11:42 a.m.

You end the chat and proceed to message GG to get this ball rolling. Luckily, she appears to be online


casanovaCommander [CC] began pestering gorgeousGumshoe [GG] at 11:42 a.m.
[CC]: hey beautiful.
[GG]: Lol hey bro what’s up?
[CC]: nm did you hear about the change in game plans?
[GG]: I did looks like I will be…
[GG]: Serving you ;)
[CC]: haha your so cute when you do puns babe.
[GG]: Aww thanks honey.
[CC]: but seriously we should probably start soon.
[CC]: apparently the other group has already begun.
[GG]: Ok cool did you install the game yet.
[CC]: you know it.
[CC]: I may not seem like the smartest guy but when it comes to strategy and games, I am your man.
[GG]: You are cute when you get all nerdy.
[CC]: hey I am totally cool.
[GG]: Lol whatever you say Clyde.
[GG]: Anyway, go ahead and launch the game and I will connect.
[GG]: CG and I went over the basic mechanics so I should be able to walk you through it.
[CC]: ok brb

You must admit other than this is the fifth time AT wanted to change the order of your group this is nice. You and GG have a been hanging a lot here recently, but she asked you to get back together at the homecoming dance. You do like to think of yourself as a bit of a bachelor, but she is different from other girls. Like you can’t explain it exactly. She is smart, funny, strong, and a serious power gamer. You can’t help but think upon this as you walk over to your laptop and launch the SPurb game files you downloaded earlier.

[CC]: k done
[GG]: Ok great.
[GG]: Give me a second to connect to your client.
[GG]: Oh wow!
[GG]: Clyde I can see you right now.
[CC]: me too in my daydreams ;)
[GG]: No like seriously.
[GG]: Like aww! That is like super fucking sweet and all, but I can see you in your room.
[CC]: wait what?
[GG]: So, this is what CG meant by manipulate your environment.
[CC]: uhh what?!
[GG]: One second I need to test these controls

You are not sure what is going on here. You suddenly hear a strange noise. You turn and see that your room is suddenly bigger. Near the corner the room expands where the corner once was out into a new blank space. It kind of looks like someone fused to rooms at the connecting corner. You then hear so strange noise. Seconds later your toilet appears being carried by some strange cursor. It is placed in your room

[CC]: um babe…
[CC]: why is my toilet in my bedroom?
[GG]: Fuck I am sorry!
[GG]: I was trying to test the controls and accidently uprooted it.
[CC]: k
[CC]: well um where do I…
[CC]: you know what never mind
[GG]: I will fix this, but first I need to deploy these machines.
[CC]: sure that totally makes since
[GG]: Oh, shh you!
[GG]: Give me a second.

Suddenly there is a loud crash. You turn and see some sort of huge machine with a giant platform in the new area GG made. Then you watch as a Strange machine that is tall and small appears and falls next to the other machine. A few seconds late you hear another crash somewhere else in the house. You turn back to face your monitor.

[CC]: ok so what the fuck are all these strange machines?
[GG]: The one with the platform is called an Alchemiter, and the one next to it the Totem Lathe.
[GG]: There is another one in your front room called a Cruxtruder.
[GG]: From what CG told me you need to Open the Cruxtruder before we can continue.
[CC]: ok cool
[CC]: ill go check that out brb
casanovaCommander [CC] ceased pestering gorgeousGumshoe [GG] at 11:48 a.m.


You get up from your desk. You captchalogue your phone and head out the door.

== > Clyde Exit

You exit into the hallway. The bathroom is across from you. Your Dads door is to the left on the far wall. The wall is decorated with some of your dads’ hobbies. There are a few pictures of Pirates ships. An interest you two share because FUCK YEAH PIRATES ARE AWESOME! There is also some painting made by your late mother. You still have so issues surrounding the events of her death. You would rather not talk about it. You turn right and head down the stairs. You walk into the front room and find a huge square machine with a cylinder coming out the top of it. You still have no idea what the fuck is going on. Like are you playing the game. But this does seem cool. You walk over to the machine and find a wheel on one side. You try turning it, but it wont budge. It feels like something trying to come out, but the lid is stuck. You think for a moment but shrug almost immediately. You retrieve your wood cutters axe. You jump into the air and swing your axe. You hit exactly where the lid meets the machine and it flies off. Suddenly a strange red orb appears. You… are not sure what to make of this. Despite your best research you couldn’t find any information on it. Supposedly Fatass found a guide for his team, but you call bullshit. Cartman is always full of it. You stare at the strange flashing seizure kernel for a moment, before retrieving your phone.


casanovaCommander [CC] began pestering gorgeousGumshoe [GG] at 11:51 a.m.
[CC]: ok I opened the thing and now there is some sort of seizure kernel thing.
[GG]: That is your Kernel Sprite.
[GG]: You need to prototype it with something.
[GG]: You also need to turn the wheel and retrieve a Cruxite Dowel.
[CC]: k
[CC]: but why?
[GG]: CG said it was needed to “Enter the Game”.
[GG]: Though I am not totally sure what that means.
[CC]: ok well what do I prototype?
[GG]: Just throw anything into it.
[CC]: Cool one sec.

You walk over to the fireplace. You approach the mantle. It houses an earn containing the remains of your mother ashes. As well as a photo of her, and a bottled pirate ship you made with your dad when you were ten.

== > Clyde Prototype Sprite

You know exactly what to prototype. You grab the ship and throw it at the seizure sprite thingy. There is a huge glow of light. When it dies down the strange orb now bears a skull and crossbones on it. Fucking nice! You then go over and retrieve a Cruxite Dowel from the Cruxtruder. You Captchalogue it and slip the card into the bag on your side. That is when you notice there is timer on the machine. It must have appeared when you opened the thing. It appears to be counting down. 30:00, 29:59, 29:58, etc. It… is a little unnerving.

[CC]: ok I made the kernel thingy like 9000% cooler.
[GG]: Oh?
[GG]: What did you prototype?
[GG]: Lol wow you are a dork.
[CC]: haha
[CC]: but um there is this time thing…
[CC]: it is making me nervous.
[GG]: That is apparently the time we have to enter the game.
[CC]: cool
[CC]: oh fuck one sec gtg
casanovaCommander [CC] ceased pestering gorgeousGumshoe [GG] at 11:55 a.m.


You are suddenly interrupted by the sound of the keys at the door; followed by the door opening. Your dad is standing in the doorway with a look of shock and confusion. Seems he has noticed the new addition GG made to your room. You then notices the machine, and the kernel sprite. His Shock turns to rage.

[Dad]: Clyde what is going on here!
[Dad]: What is that machine and that thing? Why do you have my axe?
[Clyde]: I can explain dad
[Dad]: Don’t bother!
[Dad]: You are in so much trouble young man.
[Dad]: And why do you have my axe?
[Dad]: Give it here!
[Clyde]: no I need it!
[Dad]: For what reason?
[Clyde]: well for starters to cut wood since you are never here!
[Dad]: What did you say!

Things are getting out of hand. You didn’t mean to say that it just slipped out, but damn it you aren’t going to back down now. You clinch the handle of the axe. Your dad scowls and then he retrieves a Hammer from his strife deck. Guess you are doing this.


[Dad]: Clyde you need to put the axe do-

You don’t let him finish. You are so tired of his shit. What does he care what you do or what happens to the house? He is never even here. Hell, you haven’t seen him in like five days. You leap forward and swing the blunt side of your axe at him. he manages to parry with his hammer. He shoves you back before taking a swing at you with his hammer. You just barely manage to avoid it. You drop down and kick his leg. He stumbles forward off balance you take this chance to slam you axe into his back side. You send him falling face first. He drags himself up to his feet. He whirls around to face you eyes full of rage and nose bloody. He brings his hammer down hard. You try to block is with your axe handle, but the seer force of his swing forces you onto your ass. He then slaps you across the face.

[Dad]: I don’t know what has gotten into you young man, but how dare you behave this way.
[Dad]: You are grounded!
[Clyde]: of course you wouldn’t know dad!
[Clyde]: you don’t know anything about me dad cause you are never here
[Clyde]: you are always at work! you even missed my birthday last year

You try and keep composed but you can’t. You have been bottling this up for a long time now. You feel tear begin to trickle down your cheeks. You just let it all out right here, right now.

[Clyde]: and I know you haven’t even though about the fact its coming up again you know why?
[Clyde]: because I had to plan it!
[Clyde]: I plan my own birthday, I clean the house, I make dinner myself and eat myself every night!
[Clyde]: I know things are hard since mom died and I know that it is all my fault ok!
[Clyde]: I am sorry, I was fucking eight its hard enough without you hating me!

The tears turn from trickles into streams as you start yelling. Your dad is just standing over you frozen for a minute. The blood from his nose is trickling down. It lands on your shirt making a slanted line of dried blood. After a minute he sits down and looks at you.

[Dad]: Clyde I don’t hate you. You are my son, and I will never ever hate you understand.
[Dad]: Yes things have been hard ever since your mother has died, but I do not blame you.
[Dad]: I am sorry I have been working so much. I just want to be able to give you a good life, but…
[Dad]: But I was wrong. I’ve been taking the most important thing in my life and I am sorry.

Your dad is now crying too. He opens his arms to give you a hug and you accept. You can’t believe you said all that, but it feels great to finally get it off your chest. You two stay there for a moment just letting yourself cry. Finally, you pull back and wipe away your nose.

[Clyde]: i-i know you don’t hate me dad…
[Clyde]: I just wish I could see you more is all
[Clyde]: i… still think about what happened and I wish there was someone I could talk too
[Dad]: I’m sorry son. I promise I will try to be here for you more.
[Dad]: I came home because I forget my wallet, but I will take off early tonight and we can go get something to eat and talk about everything ok?
[Clyde]: id like that dad.

You and your dad get up. He grabs his wallet from the table before stopping and looking at you.

[Dad]: So what um is this?
[Clyde]: im playing a game with my friends
[Dad]: Ok…
[Dad]: Well if you have time I can hangout for a few minutes.
[Clyde]: dope

You let a huge smile spread across the face. This is a very touching moment. In fact we will give you two some privacy for father son bonding. Lets be another member of this group;

==> Be The Girl

You are now the girl. You are sitting on your bed with your laptop. You are playing a game right now. But first what was your name again?

==> Enter Name

Blonde Bimbo

Try again smart ass

==> Try Again

Bebe Stevens

There much better. Your name is Bebe Stevens. You are sitting on your bed playing a game with your boyfriend. Well you were, but right now you are waiting. You watched as Clyde and his dad had a quick strife. This was immediately followed by a feelings jam. You are getting kind of worried. You have been warned from multiple sources that entering the game before timer runs out. Clyde still has twentyish minutes though, so you decided to be patient. You have a variety of interest. Amongst said interest are a love for gaming and being a bra. You have a love for young detective novels. You like to think of yourself as an ace Problem Sleuth. You like make up and fashion but feel that your looks should not define you. You have an interest in cartoons and love My Little Pony. You like to think of Rainbow Dash as your spirit animal. Which is why you have a plushy of her you always keep on your bed. You also like adventure. You tend to be a bit rebellious. You like to sneak out with your friends, and you are usually up to go along with the guys plans when they aren’t stupid. You have a love for coding and like to make your own games. You also like to dabble in writing fanfiction on occasion. You wield the BatKind Strife Specibus which is equipped with a wooden baseball bat. You like to store items in your Purse Modus. Your chum handle is gorgeousGumshoe and You speak in a flirtatious manner. You decide to kill sometime looking around your room while you wait for Clyde to finish his feelings jam.

==> Examine Room

You look up for your computer you bed is directly across from the door. The wall in front of you has a dresser, a bookshelf, and a desk against it. On the wall is a poster from the MLP movie. There is also a picture on the desk of you and Clyde at the homecoming dance. On the wall to your right is your closet. There is a nirvana poster on the door. There is also a She-Ra poster on that wall. You love the idea of a bad ass warrior princess fighting to save the world. The wall to your left has a window looking outside. It is also where you have your unicorn bean bag chair and your tv with a ps4 hooked up. You like to play fighting and shooting games mostly, but you also like other games when the mood strikes. You also have your Princess Chest against the wall in the corner. It is where you store things you might need or don’t want others to see. It is locked and only you know where the key is. The wall behind you houses your bed and nightstand. As well as a poster of Steven Universe, Spy Girls, and Kim Possible. Some of the best show in your opinion. You like the idea of solving mysteries with your guile and wit.

==> Bebe Examine Princess Chest

You walk over to your Princess Chest. Your dad bought you this when you were seven. It is pink and decorated with rainbows and unicorns. It is a little silly but brings back good memories, so you haven’t gotten rid of it. You open it up and examine its contents. There is x1 Pair of Roller Blades, x1 Rainbow Dash Helmet, x3 Fashion Magazines, x1 Make Up Kit, x1 Six Pack of Reds Apple Ale (You got this for Clyde’s birthday. You planned to sneak out from the party and have some drinks on the roof.), x1 Aluminum Baseball Bat (Never hurts to have a second weapon nearby. Though you prefer your wooden one.), and x1 Manga (Kenny gave you this and told you he thought you might like reading it. It is called Sailor Moon and you love it! Sailor Neptune is your absolute Favorite.)
You quickly captchalogue the aluminum bat and added to your strife deck for later. You also captchalogue your Make Up Kit. Never know when you will need a touch up. You go back over to your computer and notice someone is pestering you. Better check it out.

==> Bebe Answer Chum


callGirl [CG] began pestering gorgeousGumshoe [GG] at 12:10 a.m.
[CG]: Hey Bebe!
[CG]: What are you up to?
[GG]: Oh nothing just watching a dork have a bonding family moment.
[CG]: Oh good!
[CG]: So you are playing the game then.
[GG]: Yeah speaking of which…
[GG]: How did you know all of this again?
[CG]: Oh um…
[CG]: Well Cartman found this guide.
[GG]: Oh what?
[GG]: No fair we couldn’t find anything on it.
[GG]: Where did he get it?
[CG]: I have no idea.
[CG]: But don’t worry I explained all the basics.
[GG]: Ok cool.
[CG]: So how long does Clyde have.
[GG]: Well he started with thirty minutes, but he is around ten.
[CG]: You really should hurry and get back to him then.
[GG]: Yeah looks like his dad finally left so now is a good time.
[CG]: Ok I’ll talk to you later.
[GG]: Ok later
callGirl [CG] began pestering gorgeousGumshoe [GG] at 12:14 a.m.

==> Get Back To Clyde

You decide to get back to being Clyde. Though you are pretty sure you have always been Clyde. Whatever you guess. You just finished having a much-needed feelings jam with your dad. He ran back to the shop to grab some paperwork, but he promised to be back soon. You decide to go back to your room. You had almost forgot about the game, but this strange orb keeps bugging you. You noticed the timer was at eight minutes when you came up here. Maybe that is why it is going ape shit. You enter your room and realize you need to ask Bebe what to do next.


casanovaCommander [CC] ceased pestering gorgeousGumshoe [GG] at 12:17 a.m.
[CC]: hey bebe sorry about that had to deal with my dad
[GG]: I know I was watching. ;)
[CC]: aww what no
[CC]: not cool babe
[GG]: Lol dork fest.
[CC]: hehe anyway I got the dowel what next?
[GG]: You take the dowel to the Totem Lathe.
[GG]: The tall one.
[GG]: Then you get a totem by inserting the pre-punched card by it.
[GG]: You take it over to the Alchemiter. It will make a Cruxite Artifact and then you break it.
[CC]: ok cool I guess
[CC]: the timer is almost up so im gonna hurry

You do like any power game and rush through this tutorial shit. You go over snatch the card and insert the dowel. A few moments later you have a Cruxite Totem. You take it over to the alchemiter and put it on the pedestal. Then a Trophy appears. Aww sweet obviously the game knows you are a true pro. You admire it for a second. Then slash through it with your axe. There is a bright flash of light and that engulfs your house.

==> Clyde Enter

Land Of Pulse And Gallows