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Explaining Draco To A Muggle

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Harry stopped frozen in surprise at the person he had just bumped into on the busy streets of London.

“Dudley?”

“Harry?”

The pair looked at each other for a moment, neither it seemed knew what to say, feeling nervous Harry cleared his throat awkwardly and extended a hand. “It’s been awhile, how are you?”

Dudley looked at his out stretched hand for a second before taking it in a firm shake, “Not bad, I’m here attending a conference for dad’s company. What about you?” he asked and it sounded like he actually wanted to hear the answer.

“I live here,” Harry said and realising now weird that sounded continued quickly, “I’m doing great; things are…they’re good.”

“This is so strange,” Dudley chuckled as he shoved his hands in his pocket and shifted his feet. “I actually heard someone mention you just the other night. They seemed to hate you a lot.”

Harry watched as Dudley snapping his mouth shut even as he wondered if he had said as an excuse to find out more about Harry or if he was concerned for him.

“That could be anyone, what did they look like?” Harry asked a little worried that Dudley might have run into a dark wizard.

Dudley shrugged his shoulders as he frowned in concentration, “Um, tall, blond, pale, grey eyes I think and his face was kinda pointy.”

A large grin spread over Harry’s face and he had to hold back the laughter building in his belly.

“Ah, that’d be Draco, my boyfriend,” he explained as a chuckle slipped free and he shook his head in amusement. Of course it was Draco that had been complaining loudly about him to everyone he met.

"What?" Dudley said, his face screwed up in confusion. "But he said that he wished you were dead and even suggested several ways to it could happen. They were...um...very graphic," he finished looking away from Harry and shuffling his feet.

"Oh I bet they were," Harry replied knowingly, Draco was very creative when it came to coming up with ways for people to suffer. Harry’s personal favourite was when he had suggested setting fire to the chief of a fancy restaurant so that the idiot would be able to see first-hand what medium rare is meant to look like. Pushing aside the memory he continued easing Dudley’s worries, "He doesn't mean it, he's just a little mad at me right now."

"A little! He's contemplating poisoning you!" Dudley shouted as he threw his arms up in frustration.

Despite being slightly touched at Dudley’s concern, Harry still scoffed at his dramatic exclamation and crossed his arms, "Poison takes too long and lacks a personal touch, he's more likely to stab me or....I don't know, suffocate me in my sleep."

This obviously wasn’t the answer Dudley expected as he gazed at Harry, his expression strongly suggesting that Harry was crazy, "How are you so calm about this?"

Harry gave Dudley a look that said clearly, seriously, you’re asking me that, before he settled for rolling his eyes. It wasn’t like Dudley was aware of the stuff he’d been through during the war or anything about his life after leaving Privet Drive.

"Draco threatens me at least once a week and has yet to successfully kill me," Harry explained in a bored voice as he pulled his phone from his pocket.

"You really are a freak Potter, but I have to know. What the hell did you do to piss him off?"

Dudley had leaned forward in interest, an almost awed look on his face and Harry gave him a small smile as he thumbed through the contacts on his phone until he found Draco’s name.

"I told him that I think he's a big softy. He disagrees, obviously, and promised me a painful death if I said it again," Harry said as he pushed the call button on his phone.

Lifting the phone to his ear he holds up a finger to Dudley telling him to give Harry a minute while taking in his slacked jaw expression. A few moments passed as he waited for Draco to pick up the phone and then he waited some more as Draco went off on a lengthy rant that made Harry’s grin bigger. The moment Draco stopped to take a breath Harry uttered one word and winked at his cousin.

"Softy."

As Draco began screaming down the phone Harry pulled it away from his ear and laughed quietly before quickly shouting down the phone that he would see Draco tonight for their date.

"I swear Potter; if you turn up tonight I will hex you into an early grave! Not even the house elves will be able to get the stains out of the carpet when I'm done with you!"

Draco’s words were loud enough that Harry was sure even Dudley had heard since he had flinched back and was looking a little pale.

"Sounds good baby, love you," Harry answered and delighted in the groan of annoyance that Draco made. Winding Draco up, even now, was a thrill that Harry enjoyed immensely. There was just something about living dangerously that appealed to him and it certainly kept things interesting.

"Damn it Potter!" Draco said before falling quiet. Harry could picture him glaring down at the phone as he sneered in annoyance; before it slowly turned to a smirk and he shook his head in fond exasperation at Harry antics. A loud sigh came down the phone followed by a muttered whisper, "Love you too. See you later."

The words and the gently tone they were spoken in made Harry’s heart flip as he said goodbye and hung up the phone. Putting it back in his pocket and wearing what he knew was a sappy smile he patted Dudley on the shoulder.

"There all better; I'll take him some chocolate and live to see another day. Sorry to disappoint you big D. Take care alright,” Harry said as he began walking away to get ready for his date tonight.

Dudley hadn’t moved an inch or changed his expression of shock during the entire phone call but Harry heard him quietly whisper, “yeah, right. You take care too.”

Oh, I will, Harry thought with a spring in his step as he imagined how his night would end, unless Draco got mad at him again.