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the snake made me do it

Chapter Text


Crowley did not have a snake on his head. After his fall, he made quite a fuss when Hastur and Ligur pressed him to conform. His new scaly friend was, however, stuck to him forever. Desperate to be rid of him, Crowley trapped the snake on the side of his face, to whisper into his ear forever, not unlike how he tempted Eve. Crowley may have restrained the snake with his imagination, but the snake made his presence known often, and had very unfortunate timing.

Wwwhhhhoooo’sss tttthhhiiisssss

Let’s find out, shall we?

Crowley had just laid eyes on the most beautiful creature he had ever seen in his life.


“Well that went down like a lead balloon.” Crowley couldn’t resist curiosity, and he was very curious about this angel.

The snake remained quiet until;


He’ssss perfect for you. Make him yourssssss.

Shut up.

A dear friend died eight years ago, and Crowley needed a drink. His carefree long locks were replaced by a short and serious cut that Crowley was still adjusting to. Hell had been keeping Crowley busy with one temptation after another. No matter what Crowley did, humans always seemed to conjure up with things far worse than anything he could imagine. To make things worse, he was still coming to terms with what he learned the day God let Jesus be killed. That day, his faith that he would be forgiven by his creator died with Jesus. If She would not save her beloved Christ, she would certainly not save her fallen angel.

I need a drink.

As soon as he walked into the bar, he saw him.


Now’sss your chance. At long last we have found him again. Do not let this go to waste.

Against his better judgement, he sat. Not a minute after ordering the angel approached. He was smiling this time, their last chance encounter left no room for joy or pleasantries, which the blonde was currently fumbling through.

He can’t seriously think I would be anything other than a demon. Ugh he’s so dumb.

He’ss not dumb, just awkward. Be thankful he wants to speak with you at all, you know he’s out of our league. He’sss gorgeous. Finish your drink and take him to your room.

Crowley ignored him in favor of answering Aziraphale, “I’ve never eaten an oyster.”

The angel brightened, “Oh! Let me tempt you to – oh” he paused, sheepishly, “no that’s your job.”

Crowley tried to hold back his smile, whatever an oyster is, you MUST go try one with him. For the first time in a long time Crowley agreed.

And it was one of the best nights of his very long life.