“Trickster… Welcome to my Velvet Room.”
Those where the words Akira heard his first night at prison. How did he end up in this situation? Oh right, the night he and Makoto went on a date in Shibuya. It was like any other romantic night, where the two newly wed youngsters went to a fancy restaurant, shoot at demons in the arcade and Makoto won a Jack Frost plushie for Akira. Everything was going marvelously, until…
“Hey sexy lady. Want to abandon this loser and be with a real man?”
That drunken guy should knew that Akira is a protective boyfriend, and after the beatdown he received he fell on the street and got run over by bus with a Big Bang Burger ad. Sadly for Akira and Makoto, the now dead guy was Masayoshi Shido, a candidate for prime minister.
“So, why do you have that cat plushie?” said Ryuji.
Joker turned around.
“It’s for my daughter’s birthday. Makoto says she likes cats.”
“That is adorable, man. Just one day more and you are free of this hell hole, my dude.”
“It’s been 7 years. 7 years of my life wasted here.”
Joker was innocent, but some of Shido’s accomplices wanted him to suffer for the accidental murder of a very important politician that had connections everywhere. Fortunately, thanks to Sae’s help Joker got a small sentence as part of a deal she made and now Joker is going to be freed because of good behavior.
“Hey, Joker.” Said Iwai in the cell next door. “I hope your daughter likes that cat. You don’t know what I had to do to get from outside.”
During his time in prison Joker got tough. He befriended Ryuji, an ex-athlete with rage issues that got arrested after he vandalized an Olympic Games building, Iwai, a guy with a shady past that can get anything you want (even burgers), Yoshida, an ex-politician that was betrayed by his party, and Mishima, a guy that tried to be a vigilante kind of super hero and got arrested in the most stupid way possible. Thanks to these guys Joker learned how to survive in this environment of toxic masculinity and social Darwinism. He learned to avoid the most evil guys, how to craft tools, how to negotiate, how to not stand out and how to hide stuff.
“It’s reading hour.”
Joker has seen the same old man for seven years. That old man with balding hair, pointy nose and creepy looking eyes has been coming every afternoon to your cell and pushing a car full of books and magazines.
“Hello, Trickster. It seems today is your last day as a prisoner. Will your path lead to freedom, or ruin?”
“Hey, Igor.” Said Ryuji. “Do you have the new Nintendo Magazine?”
“Shin Megami Tesei V is still without announcement, Mr. Sakamoto.”
“Goddammit! Rotten Adults from Atlus!”
“Now, I have two specials for today: ‘Law or Chaos’ by Vincent Brooks and ‘Thoughts about Lobsters’ by Yusuke Kitagawa.”
“I will continue my reading from yesterday” Said Joker.
“Ah yes, the last book from LeBlanc.”
Joker was ready to return home and see his wife and daughter. No control freak god and no demonic forces were going to stop him.
“Tomorrow begins our plan, gentlemen.” Was written in papers that the receivers threw into the toilets after reading.
These men were evil and wanted to escape at any cost.
Don't trust Akechi. He will do anything for pancakes.
“This is horrible idea, boss!” said Sae Niijima through her phone.
“The SIU has to keep and eye on a special subject during the transportation of prisoners.” Said the SIU director. “It’s an extra precaution.”
“But why are you sending Goro Akechi of all people?! He is an amateur!”
“Mr. Akechi has been a good asset to the SIU, and he has an eye for criminal behaviors. I can’t trust simple guards to deal with whatever is happening in the mind of a mobster like Junya Kaneshiro, and we can’t risk to lose Okumura.”
“I hope we get sexy stewards on our travel.” Said Ryuji.
Ryuji and Joker were pushed by one of the two female guards keeping everyone in line. Joker had called Makoto and told her that he was being transported with other prisoners to a prison close to Hawaii, and from there he would be freed and will travel to Los Angeles and arrive in a few days. Joker had promised to take his wife and daughter to the original Destinyland in LA.
“So who are we transporting today, Miss?” asked the guard named Justine to the prosecutor Niijima.
“You have to keep an eye on Junya Kaneshiro. He is a mobster that still has control over Shibuya through an elaborate network of blackmailing and drug dealing. He probably has people helping him inside the penal system, so we can’t risk losing him until the authorities in the new prison get him. Also, there’s the ex-CEO of Okumura Foods, Kunikazu Okumura. He got arrested for corporate corruption, breaking sanitation laws and abusing of his employees, but he will get a short sentence because he agreed to sell out important people that can’t be arrested normally.”
“Is there someone else that we have to worry about?”
“There’s only minor criminals, but they are still dangerous. There’s Suguru Kamoshida, an Olympic medalist who became infamous for trying to rape a minor. He is a record of physical abuse and sexual harassment. There’s Ichryusai Madarame, accused of stealing the works of others, but most importantly he technically caused the death of one of his students. There’s Ryuji Sakamoto, a common thug that vandalized an Olympic Games building as a protest towards the corruption in the Olympic Games. The anti-Olympics activists have been asking for his liberation.”
Sae looked at her notes and got worried.
“And… Kurusu Akira. He is getting freed once you arrive.”
“What crimes has he done?”
“He did nothing wrong.”
“Everyone raise your hands in the air where I can see them!” shouted Akechi, who was pointing his gun at one of the guards. “This as cool as in the movies.”
Akechi took the keys from one of the guards and threw it to Kaneshiro, who freed himself and the other inmates.
“Listen y’all!” Screamed the fat mobster. “We are taking control over this plane. Those that want to escape can come with us, or just do nothing and wait till we arrive at Hawaii to not get involved with us. If anyone tries anything funny we will kill you. Did I made myself clear?”
Kaneshiro and his goons broke into the armory of the plane and armed themselves. He then ordered his goons to handcuff the two guards. Kamoshida looked excited about this in all the worst ways possible.
“What are you looking at, freak?!” shouted Caroline.
“Don’t talk to me like that, bitch.” Kamoshida threatened her with a knife. “We now make the rules and you better respect those above you.”
“You bastard!” Ryuji tried to punch Kamoshida, but he got knocked down by Akechi.
“Kamoshida!” Akechi pointed a gun at the sexual predator. “I don’t mind killing people, but if you try to take your pants down during our forced cooperation I will splash the walls with your brains and none of the other inmates would care what happens with a low life rapist.”
Kamoshida turned to Kaneshiro and then resigned.
Joker went to look over Ryuji. His friend was unconscious. This isn’t how Joker wanted the day to go by.
Chapter 3: Chapter 3: Morgana isn't amused about this depiction of him.
This chapter will make Homestuck fans quote a favorite movie of John Egbert.
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
“It says here that you are married to the sister of prosecutor Niijima.” Said the Yakusa named “The Cleaner”.
The Cleaner opened the box containing Joker’s belongings. He took out a black cat plush.
“Put the cat back in the box.”
“Mr. Akechi isn’t going to like that you lied to him. You were supposed to be freed in Mementos Island. You are a free man.”
“I said, put the cat back in the box.”
“Gentlemen, we have arrived at the Mementos Island,” said Akechi. “Where I will pretend to be one of the plane’s officers and we will retrieve our benefactor today. He wants to have a special talk with you, Mr. Okumura.”
Madarame and Kamoshida tied Okumura to his chair with tape and covered his mouth.
“Those that stayed quiet will be left with the local authorities, and if you try to talk we have men in the local prison that will silence you.”
Joker could have left at that airport and be with Makoto and little Sae, but Ryuji was still unconscious and he couldn’t leave the two female guards alone with these men. Was he going to do what is right or do what is convenient?
Let’s do this.
You choose “Let’s do this”. You have to keep your friend and the two condescending women safe for the rest of this journey. Now you just have to gain the trust of these criminals.
After the exchange of prisoners happened, a new powerful criminal joined the crew of rogues: a white collar criminal named Sugimura.
“Good to see you, Mr. Okumura.” Said Sugimura. “I heard you were going to betray all of us just to save your own ass, you petty old geezer.”
Sugimura punched Okumura in his face.
“The felt good.”
While Sugimura was continuing his beating on Okumura, Kamoshida took his chance to sneak behind the group of rogues and harass the guards. Joker saw this and stood up to Kamoshida with a defying glare.
“The boss said he would spray your brains.”
“Why you little-“
“Kamoshida,” Akechi appeared behind him. “Listen to… what is your name, sir?”
Akechi shoot Kamoshida on his leg and he screamed in pain.
“Joker, would you kindly take over Kamoshida’s duties? The answer is either a yes or a bullet to your legs.”
“Why couldn’t you put the cat back in the box?”
The Cleaner laid impaled in that dark machinery room, and Joker puts the cat back in the box.
Morgana doesn't approve that he only appears in this story as an inanimate object.
Chapter 4: IHOP doomed Akechi
Akechi, the smartest conman on Japan, makes a big mistake because of his habit of eating foreign pancakes.
At Los Angeles
“That Akira did what?!” screamed Makoto through her phone.
“Okay, there’s no evidence, but it seems Akira got involved with some criminals that hijacked the prison plane.” Answered Sae. “I am still surprised that they actually did it.”
Three hours ago
Sae knew there was something off when Akechi was assigned for such an important investigation, but the key everything were pancakes. Literally. It turns out Akechi had been delivering tools and information to his goons through IHOP’s take out containers where small notes, razor blades, keys and other stuff was hidden between soft pancakes. Sae had seen Akechi visit the new IHOP store in Shibuya, which is a really rare American store in a Japanese city. Akechi could have gotten away with Big Bang Burgers, or with plushie animals, but his obsession with soft baked goods was his downfall.
“Prosecutor Niijimaa.” Said a policeman. “You have to see this.”
The policeman turned the bed in Kaneshiro’s bed, and below it were hundreds of children’s labyrinths and crosswords in papers from IHOP, all connected scribbled with crayons that showed a system to decipher the messages of Akechi.
“Motherfucker!” shouted the prosecutor.
“Look sister, I don’t want to doubt your husband, but he didn’t leave the plane at Mementos Island.
“Sis, Akira is a good man. If he did something so counterproductive it means he had a good reason. Why else would he not get away and return with his family?”
Makoto believed her husband wouldn’t do something so stupid, but she still worried about his safety. They have seen each other through conjugal visits, and even little Sae has met her dad and talked with him during these last seven years. However, the anxiety about the current situation was too much for her and she just wanted to see the rebellious black haired idiot again.
“Mommy, when is daddy coming?”
“S-soon, my darling.”
“Did something bad happened to daddy?”
“N-no, Sae. Daddy is just… busy with something that… just happened. He will be fine. Your dad is a strong man.”
Somewhere in an island in the Pacific Ocean, closer to California.
“What kind of mess we got involved with, Joker!” screamed Ryuji.
Both friends were hiding behind a car during a shooting spree where the rogues of Akechi and the police where killing each other.
“Ryuji, we have to return to the plane to rescue the hostages.” Said Joker.
“Dude, I am all for social change, but if we return there’s no turning back. I mean, I still have like 5 years more of prison for what I did to the rings of the Olympic games.”
Back at Los Angeles.
“Mommy, I want that one!” Little Sae pointed at an action figure.
“Satanael?” Makoto read the box. “These toys are more expensive here than in Japan. Let’s wait until we return home so we buy you one.”
“But mommy! I want it now!”
“Sae, your daddy already got you a gift once he returns.”
Back at the plane.
“You betrayed my trust, Joker!” shouted Akechi with a crazy grin.
“Take it easy, Akechi.”
“Oh no, you have done it.”
Akechi shoot Ryuji and Joker caught his friend from his fall.
“We could have been friends, Joker, or should I say Akira Kurusu?” Akechi took the cat plushie from the floor and pointed his gun at it’s head.
“Now, nobody moves or the cat gets it!”
“Boss…” Kaneshiro tried to get Akechi’s attention.
“What, you fat pig?!”
Kaneshiro pointed at the helicopters approaching the plane.
Chapter 5: Chapter 5: HOW DO I LIVE WITHOUT YOU?
John Egbert is doing an air guitar solo.
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
“Mommy.” little Sae tried to get Makoto’s attention.
“Sister, are you shitting me?!” Makoto screamed at her phone. “Why did the authorities give permission to this… Oh right, this is America.”
Makoto was worried about Akira’s safety now that the police and the army were allowed to attack the airplane. Usually there would be a safer way to deal with the problem because there are hostages, but because of current policies of the United States since 2016 things look… terrifying.
“Sae, not now. No, sister, I was referring to my daughter.”
“Mommy, the plane!”
Makoto saw the airplane approaching Los Angeles at a really low height for an aircraft.
“We are going to die, Joker!” screamed Ryuji.
The airplane received damage by the machine guns of the military and Akechi ordered his pilot to land soon. Unfortunately for all the passengers, the landing would be messy.
“Akechi!” screamed Sugimura. “This wasn’t supposed to happen!”
“You think I planned this?!” Akechi pointed his gun at Sugimura, and Sugimura did the same. “You wanted to beat the crap out of Okumura, so it was your choice to risk your life here. Don’t come crying at me when things don’t go your way.”
While the two criminal masterminds were threatening each other, Joker took the chance to knock down Kaneshiro and steal the keys so he could free the hostages.
Somewhere in Los Angeles, a team of teenage detectives is taking a vacation.
“Yu, who of us do you like the most?” asked Chie.
“Are you really a manwhore?” asked Yukiko.
“Girls, you all are cool to hang out with.” The bespectacled gigolo tried to handle the situation. “Can’t we just enjoy our vacation?”
“Oh no, we are hearing this.” Said Rise.
“Who-do-you-like.” Said Chie with emphasis in each word.
Before Yu could answer, an airplane landed on the streets and caused a lot of destruction.
The landing wasn’t safe at all. Kamoshida, who was on the floor for most of the voyage and barely alive because of his leg injury, got sliced by a rotating blade; the rest of the passengers got injured, but they would survive; Joker, Ryuji and the two female guards got out by helping each other.
“Don’t let me fall, inmate!” shouted Caroline. “I may have some broken ribs from that horrible landing.”
The police and paramedics arrived at the crash site, and thanks to Caroline and Justine the situation didn’t escalate to the usual shoot first make excuses later.
“Officers, these two helped keeps us safe.” Said Justine to a police man. “In fact, one of them is no longer an inmate.”
Ryuji was taken by the paramedics to attend his wound.
“See you some day, Joker. Oh god, I forgot I was dying!”
Soon, a miracle happened.
“Akira?” Joker heard Makoto outside of the crash site.
“Makoto?” Joker saw his wife and daughter.
Joker approached them with caution because he couldn’t believe this was actually happening.
“Hello, Fist of the North Star.”
“Don’t call me that silly nickname.” Makoto blushed.
Joker looked down to his own daughter and remembered the cat he was holding. The cat was slightly burned and with dirt.
“I-I am sorry, I had bought this plushie but I guess I have to get you a better present.”
“It’s okay, daddy.”
Little Sae hugged her dad, and then her mom joined the hug.
Joker bought the Satanael collectible figure to Sae, and she uses it and the crispy Morgana to do tea parties.
Meanwhile in an IHOP, Akechi was enjoying his breakfast.
“Hello, Mr. Goro.” Said Sae from behind him.
Akechi was in the middle of taking a bite and now he felt like panicking.
“How did you-“
“Pancakes. It’s always pancakes with you.”
Akechi turned around and saw many police officers outside of the IHOP. He knew he fucked up.
“Can you at least let me finish my breakfast?”
“Not a chance.”
Thanks for reading my story.