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Unthinkable

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To myself,

I have not written in this journal in a really long time, this entry is actually just to ease my mind from the events of these past two months. Cinder-(scratch) Angelina, had married Prince Ramiro, it was a long travesy of mistakes and deceit. I will start by the beginning of course, Clorinda and I were supposed to attend a ball that the Prince was hosting to search for a wife, the most charming one would be the chosen one. When the prince arrived, we acted as charming as we could, he was tall and handsome (scratch) stout but gente, with a powdery white face, a moustache and combed black hair. Although, he looked young, I think he couldn't be older than thirty. I tried to do as much to win his affection, now i see that I was borderline ridiculous and vulgar. How ashamed I feel by remembering all of that, things have changed, but I will write that later. Long story short, a mysterious guest arrived and it was not other than Angelina, with a beautiful sparkly dress, I couldn't tell it was her at the time, but later I discovered that indeed, it was her. At the time I still believed that I could win the Prince affection, with my face powder coated, my over done hair and my bright colored frock. It wasn't the case, cause at last the valet was actually the Prince... And the "Prince" was actually the valet. How embarrassed I felt, I still can remember when I saw the fake Prince with the valet clothes, my natural blushed face went cold and pale, but at the moment my rouge shielded my betraying face. The actual Prince Ramiro came to marry Angelina, she just desired to feel a part of the family, and us, cruel and hurtful, we rejected her... Poor child, I am abashed now, at the wedding, when we were there, our heads low with disgrace waiting for our punishment, she decided to forgive us. Angelina is truly and angel on earth, I don't deserve her sisterly love. I'm frivolous, spoiled and stupid, I wonder how could she be so forgiving and loving to still call us her family, I haven't been brave enough to go visit her, Clorinda and father have gone several times, how quickly they forgot about the past and made amends, my conscience is still heavy on me, I can't face her and pretend everything is good. I have learned a lot now that I take some time for myself, we haven't been able to hire a new servant or cook, we are living in misery, the house is messy and everything is dusty and frail. Father is trying to persuade Angelina to send a few servants to our house, we are miserable without her, and even with her we are miserable, I should just speak for myself. I want to go visit her... I can't confront her, what could I tell her? How can I ammend years of abuse and neglection? How can I feel less guilty, If I still feel some of that hatred and arrogance in my heart? I'm trying to be different for my sake and for everyone else's. (Except Clorinda and father) I can't confront Prince Ramiro, he must still hate us all, I couldn't bare a hateful glance. I also can't confront the valet, I don't even remember his real name, no that he said it in front of us, I think father mentioned him once. After the things I did to win his affection, he really must think that I am vulgar and vain, and he was not wrong, I was, but I want to change, to find someone that loves me, someone I can marry... All I can do is hope for that, we are publicly ashamed, the baron and his stupid and ugly daughters... It would be a miracle if someone wanted to marry us. I need to be more like Angelina, maybe she can teach me to be good, to be less ridiculous and pompous. I need to be different, if not, I will be as bitter and rotten as those ladies I've met at the poised and fake gatherings I have attended. I have made my mind, I will visit Angelina tomorrow, maybe she will make me feel less lonely, I will take her word of 'to visit her whenever we want'. As soon as possible, I will write the events of the day. I can only hope everything turns out well and I that I don't make a fool of myself.

Sincerely yours,

Tisbe