Severin Snape wasn't really excited about the approaching Christmas. She didn't like holidays, but that wasn't the main reason.
What bothered her more were the days that followed. Ninth of January, to be exact.
No, she never really liked her birthday either, it was just another depressing reason to remind her father of her presence in the world, and besides Lily, no one ever wished her a blessing. But here, too, that's not the reason. Not really.
Well, as you can see, it wasn't just a birthday. She's going to be sixteen this year.
Here, too, she stood out among her peers.
Almost everyone was looking forward to this long-awaited day when they will finally have the connection to their soulmates.
Well, Severin wasn't exactly a typical teenage girl.
For her, this whole connection was just another cause for further gloom.
She was worried about this day, the day he would connect her to someone out there in the world... she would be more vulnerable than ever.
She hated it.
That someone was aware to all her vulnerability, to the life she led...
If only the signs of the soul were limited by the names of the people on the body, she could have avoided that person, even if he knew it was she, at least she would not have been more humiliated and more vulnerable...
But of course these were marks.
All the bruises and scars will be revealed before this person.
She felt deep nausea rising in her throat. She couldn't bear such a thought.
The only thing that comforted her was the possibility that her soulmate's fateful birthday would be much later.
Besides, she didn't believe in love, she didn't believe anyone could ever love her. No matter how strong this soul bond is.
Say what they say, Severin wasn't blind. She knew exactly how low her physical qualities were, if only because of the fact that since she was born, it had not stopped slapping it in her face, though the situation until Hogwarts was not as bad as it is now.
She had nothing to offer. No appearance, no character, no family. She came from the holiest place. She had no money and status at all. She was nothing. Worthless. As Potter bothered to point out last year, it's more of the fact that she's exists.
So no, with all due respect, Severin wasn't really enthusiastic about the new soul connection to be revealed to her.
She just hoped that everything would be far behind her already.
January flew by.
No one came to bother Severin about the signs. Almost no one knew at all that her birthday had passed. Of course except Lily, but she... Severin shook her head sadly, Lily wanted nothing more to do with her.
After her birthday, Severin relaxed a little, though not much. She showed no sign of her soul mate, and even though she wanted exactly that, it was hard not to make mock of it. Either the boy was very careful or he was a prince of the good life. She didn't know and didn't want to.
It was good that Severin was the oldest in her year. At least, in one thing, life considered her. To give birth in January signifies that the soul bond is likely to open to her sooner than anyone else. Well, at least in her year. It was always possible that the unfortunate spouse with whom fate united her was older than her.
But she really didn't think so.
Most people would jump at the first opportunity that fall in their hands and mark their skin in some way. Whether tattooing a message to their spouses, or the barbarians between them, etch their initials with a knife or an iron bar, whatever.
Because nothing was found on her skin, umm, anything beyond what was supposed to be there, she concluded that her partner was probably younger.
Severin buried her head between her hands and let out a muffled groan. She hated it, but why did it keep her mind busy all the time?
She hardly ever left her dorm beyond class time, trying as much as possible to avoid any possible scenario that would make a new mark on her skin. Of course it wasn't ideal, but so far, she's done a good job of avoiding everything.
Her body, too thin as it, was normal enough to miss regular meals. Besides, she wasn't a potion genius for nothing. Most of her existence amounted to nutritious potions every day that passed.
She didn't know how long it would last, but that was her only option. Once she walks around the area, she will return to being a victim of bullying and violence, and Merlin knows that school is not lacking it. The dumb Gryffindors gang will be celebrating and the rest of the house won't be left behind either... and she couldn't risk the prospect of her partner being present and recognizing the signs. She wouldn't bear such humiliation.
Severin concentrated on her homework, it would have been better to engage it then thinking about this relationship again.
Damn girls in her dorm! Only that they talk about, who they hope they will receive and who they are ashamed of. It was unbearable!
Severin let out another moan.
Fortunately, February and March passed quickly as she avoided everything and hid in her room. All the soul mate's matter slowly eroded for her, fear still lingering in her mind, but after nearly three months of quiet, she began to calm down.
It all went into a kind of quiet routine and it provided Severin for the while.
In early April, on the first Hogsmeade weekend, she slipped to the library, knowing that the vast majority of those who were harassing her had left the castle for the sake of goofy worthless pleasures.
She sat in her regular corner, her research books scattered across the table as she took notes. Suddenly, her hand slid across the page, creating a smudged ink stain on the last two lines. She stared at the ruined page for a moment as she felt again the tingling tingling crawl on her right arm.
The research remained deserted and forgotten as Severin stare her black widened eyes on her hand. A blurry form was initially created on the pale skin slowly, until the process was finally over.
Severin continued to sit in the same spot for another hour, staring at the proud stag standing on her arm.
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If there is someone who want to read it, you can find it here → Forward to the Past
James Potter wondered what he should do.
For some reason, all his attempts to identify his soul mate came to nothing.
He was so sure his soul mate was his age! However, it still may be. After all, she may not be from Hogwarts, or she may not have noticed it yet...
Who is he kidding on? They couldn't help but notice it!
It occupied his mind for months. He even neglected his noble duty to do pranks over Hogwarts for it. What a ungratefulness!
On his birthday he awoke with tremendous excitement, he really hoped to find some sign that would solve the mystery.
There was nothing.
For over two weeks there was nothing.
James really wasn't the type to sit patiently waiting for ages, until a certain soul mate decided to appear. No. Ah-uh. Peter maybe. Remus definitely. But not him. Nor would he have chosen Sirius's aggressive methods.
Oh, no. James was much more elegant.
This is why the closest Hogsmeade weekend, the band of marauders found themselves in a tattoo shop.
It was not difficult to choose the desired illustration. A stag, his personal symbol, a noble and beautiful animal. What wonder was it that this was his spirit animal? Well, anyway, the boy was convinced his partner would fit it just as well.
He first debated where exactly to tattoo it. It should have been a featured spot that would be easy to locate, but not the forehead, as Sirius suggested. Eventually Remus recommended the arm.
James himself was too excited to think clearly, clutching at the possible occurrences of identity revelations. It was as exciting as in the Muggle movies that Sirius loved so much.
Watching the proud deer slowly forming on his arm, his mind swirled around the development.
Well, to be honest, James was still hoping it would be Lily.
He knew Lily would recognize the animal. He remembered the time she first saw his patronus. True, they were not in such good conditions at the time, but he was sure she had not forgotten. And judging by the expression of her stunned face when she first saw the deer, this knowledge was engraved in her mind.
But Lily didn't go to him.
When he himself made the move and came to her, he found nothing.
He did his flirtatious role, but his eyes soon found her smooth white arm.
It wasn't her.
Only then he realized how much he hoped it would be her.
He couldn't believe otherwise.
How can it be..?
For a whole week his mind repeated the same loop of thought and would not let him focus on anything else. The grades suffered, the pranks were neglected, the rest of Hogwarts pushed to the back of his head...
How could it not have been Lily?
For six years he pursued her. For six years he was sure she was his other half. Six years he tried to get her to see it.
He lacked only the final proof, to prove her it...
All the towers collapsed before his eyes.
Another week took to his friends to comfort him, but he eventually rose.
Overall, he could be with Lily. Who cares about this soul connection! James was the only one who allowed to dictate his fate!
He kept flirting and inviting the redhead girl out with him. But something has changed. Something inside.
He felt the need to know who his soul was, to understand... net out of curiosity. Really. It didn't matter.
He was just curious.
So he tried to locate the girl with the emblem that he set without her permission.
He announced it to half Hogwarts the next day.
He couldn't find anyone.
Moreover, no one approached him.
All this time, and not a single hint.
Well, to be honest, twice he felt as if his body was bruised, but when he looked for signs, he found nothing.
Not. A. Thing.
So yes. He had no clue.
If he had not known better, he would have thought his soul was trying to avoid him.
Why couldn't this magic work simpler? It would have been much more comfortable if instead of signs, the connection would have written the names of soulmates, wouldn't it?
James smiled. Yes. It was definitely simpler.
But a puzzle was more interesting.
And the young Gryffindor was not an one to refuse the challenge.
After all, he was curious.
It was eternity, I know. Sorry it take me years to update. Also sorry for being so short and stupid. I really wonder if I should just stop writing this... ><
Anyway, I'd really love to hear from you, your comments warm my heart and are very encouraging!
Thanks for reading.
Severin knew it was just a matter of time.
It couldn't go on for a long time, and yet... She really hoped it would last longer.
She stared at the stag standing on her arm. Hypocrisy. The deer was hypocrisy. Lie, lie with volume. She hated it so much.
She knew exactly what it was.
She knew already than last year. From that moment when a cursed stag intervened to save her life from a bloodthirsty wolf.
After planning for himself, her go in there.
So proud animal. Noble.
Because that's all James Potter was.
A proud and arrogant man who looks only at his pompous outward appearance.
How. How could he be her twin soul? Could the laughter of fate be more cruel?
She wasn't wrong. Of course not. She still remembered the day he announced to the school that he was already tying his partner and letting his sleeve fall off with a towering smile. Expect from whoever that be to fall to his feet.
How could her other half be this towering creature? The idiot who has been cursing her entire stay at Hogwarts?
As much as she didn't want her soul to find out... as much as she tried to hide the signs, barely breathing so as not to draw attention...
It didn't matter anymore.
She didn't care anymore. She didn't worry. This idiot will never link the scars to her. His head is too busy with the madness of narcissism.
And actually... actually , he deserves the scars. He deserves signs. Especially after many of them in his fault. Especially after marking her skin with his hypocrisy symbol without any permission. Especially after being so proud of his outside appearance and making sure to look the best he can.
Such a shallow person. Surface.
Severin narrowed her eyes and shook her head.
No. She was done with it.
She would not neglect her education and avoid meals, no matter how nauseous they were now.
She will do nothing more for her stupid partner. She would not sacrifice for a man who ruined her only friendship, who make miserable her life for the simple reason that she exists.
All the scruples that attacked her from the beginning of the year, evaporated.
And she knew it was only a matter of time before the impulse overwhelmed her.
She raised her lip and looked down at her arm, sparkling purplish drops right on the cursed stag's body. A thin line that joins three bleeding lines slightly above the animal.
"That, Potter," Severin whispered, pinning the knife to the deer's neck, "that's the only symbol you deserve."
She hardly hurt herself. People do it enough for her. But there were times that were too much. She hated falling to physical violence, it reminded her too much of her father... but she had nothing. Nothing at all.
All painful from the recent blows suffered by some students who encountered her. Her nose broke again. She could barely stand, she knew she had to come back to eat meals every day, but it was so hard...
Then she just had to meet them.
The Chaos Bunch. She could hardly believe their brutality at times. The humiliation they make her suffered...
Still, she almost laughed. When Potter suddenly turned pale and held his stomach exactly where he kicked her one moment before.
When he swore a curse and couldn't resist vomiting. Indeed. There were benefits to missing meals.
In the face of Potter's miserable situation, they retreated, and Black did not forget to kick her and threaten to end.
If she had any doubts about his cleverness, the matter was clear.
Only a year earlier, she would not have dreamed of hurting herself. But just one year before, she still had Lily, a single point of sanity in the cruel ocean that charges her.
But no. And all thanks to her partner for life.
She looked at her arm with hatred. Torn between self loathing and loathing everything else.
She had nothing.
And she felt drowning.
I can't believe I'm updating so soon. For someone lazy like me its a miracle.
I was really glad to hear from you, your comments are so nice and it really makes me happy. But unfortunately, I run out of ideas, I have no idea what I'm doing already... I have no one to consult with and I really think the story won't go beyond a few chapters, I'm sorry. I think maybe I'll give the story for adoption or something...