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Dean can feel the humanity coursing through his veins, wrought iron against the sulfur-sweet of his own blood. He’s drunk on it, high and so, so low.

 

He rips the covers off of Sam and Castiel and chains them with a thought. “You did this to me,” he slurs. “You-” He points to his brother and snarls. “You had to go and start the fucking Apocalypse, and you!” He twists his hand in Castiel’s hair and pulls. “You lost the tablet and you helped Metatron slam the gates of Heaven! And me! I had to fix your mess! And then... And then...” The room spins and he staggers away. “And then you let me do this to you!” He spits at them. “Look at you. You’re broken, Sam. And you, Cas. You? You’re shattered.

 

He laughs bitterly when they start to cry. His eyes flash from black to green and he feels wetness gathering at the corners. “You just gave in! You let this happen! You should have killed me when you had the chance.”

 

“Master-” One of them says.

 

He slaps them both. “Shut up!” He snarls. “Shut up, shut up, shut up.” He starts to cry. He shouldn’t be hurting them, shouldn’t be making them cry, shouldn’t be here at all. Two tears fall from his eyes and he tries to catch them, but he can’t and they splatter onto the floor.

 

“Dean,” Sam says. “Dean.”

 

Dean spins around. “No, no, no. You don’t understand. Just shut up.” He climbs on top of his brother and licks a long strip up his neck, tasting the blood underneath and wanting to bite.

 

“I’m sorry,” Castiel whimpers. “I didn’t mean... I do everything wrong. I’m sorry. Please, Master, Dean, please, I’m-” Dean cuts him off with a kiss and doesn’t relent until he tastes blood.

 

“Quiet, Cas.” He sucks Castiel’s lower lip into his mouth and groans as his favorite poison spreads across his tongue. He pulls away at the taste and whimpers. “God, Cas... I... I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m...” He lets their chains fall away. “I...” I’m sorry, he wants to say. For everything. “Stop crying,” he begs.

 

Sam and Cas just cry harder. He curls up between them and starts to sob. “It’s okay,” he tries to soothe them. “I’m here.”

 

He falls asleep to the to sound of Castiel’s heartbeat and Sam’s sniffles.

 

***

 

Dean wakes up with a horrible hangover. He looks to his left and sees Castiel staring back at him. “What happened to your lips, baby?” Dean asks as he runs a healing finger over them.

 

Castiel bites his newly healed lip and doesn’t answer.

 

“Oh.” Dean closes his eyes as snippets of the previous night flood back into his mind. “I’m sorry, Cas. You know... You know I don’t blame you, right?”

 

Cas swallows. “Nothing happened last night.”

 

Dean furrows his brow. “What?”

 

Sam kisses his shoulder. “You came home last night and fell asleep in our bed,” he whispers into Dean’s skin.

 

Dean closes his eyes and wonders if this is how his pets feel all the time, never knowing what’s real and what’s not, what’s imagined and what’s half-remembered. He swallows the lie because it’s the least he can do. “I know.”