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The First Time Is Different for Everyone

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Shen Wei doesn’t need to lean over Zhao Yunlan to set the plate in front of him. The slight touch—the inside of his arm brushing against Zhao Yunlan’s shoulder—is torture as much as it is an indulgence. This casual contact on his part isn’t flirting, truly—just a message that Zhao Yunlan’s increasingly frequent touches are welcome without speaking in words. That’s not taking advantage. No harm in it.

The past several days have been a steady stream of Zhao Yunlan pressing into his personal space. Shoulder pats, arm grabs, even a few hip checks and one heart-stopping moment when Zhao Yunlan reached out to wipe a bit of sauce from his lower lip.

The fallout caused by the wedding disaster was a valuable lesson. He will no longer lie about things that don’t directly affect the timeline but that doesn’t mean he can say and do everything he wants. Not nearly everything he wants.

Zhao Yunlan’s eyes follow him as he settles into his spot across the kitchen counter. He matches his gaze as Zhao Yunlan picks up his bowl, reaches for a piece of fish, and motions at the spread.

“Shen Wei,” he says, not looking at the food. “Looks… beautiful.”

He has to look away, sets down his bowl and reaches for his water. Takes a reasonable swallow that isn’t desperate or stalling. Puts down the glass.

“Thank you. I am glad it pleases you.”

Zhao Yunlan snorts softly.

“It does,” he says lightly, reaching for a vegetable. “A lot of what you do pleases me, even though a lot of it drives me crazy.” His eyes flick back up as he brings a bite to his mouth.

He stares as Zhao Yunlan’s tongue reaches out, unnecessarily, just past his teeth to taste the food before his lips close around the chopsticks. Zhao Yunlan pulls them out, slowly, eyes still locked on him.

He has to look away again. Steadies his breath as he focuses on taking a bite without dropping the food or choking on it.

Zhao Yunlan must know how much Shen Wei wants him. He knows he’s terrible at hiding it and Zhao Yunlan is observant and intelligent. He’s also impulsive. Why won’t he touch him in a way that can’t be disregarded or explained away? Does he not want him now? Surely he wouldn’t be so cruel as to tease like this when he isn't interested. So why doesn’t he do something? Why won’t he reach out?

Zhao Yunlan has to make the first move. Shen Wei can’t be the one. Not this time.

Kunlun had been with them for several weeks and he'd spent a lot of it watching Shen Wei. Some of that was necessary— for a warrior and hero, the man knew bizarrely little about simply existing—but a lot of it wasn’t. Shen Wei had to admit to himself that he liked it. He liked being the main object of Kunlun’s attention and he wanted it in ways he never had with anyone before.

He was inexperienced but not ignorant. He’d heard soldiers discuss their lovers and evening engagements, and for the first time he wanted his own. It was a distracting, pleasurable feeling. The thrill of holding a beautiful secret that you wanted to reveal but didn’t—at least not yet.

The mask had never worked with Kunlun. He was exposed under his gaze whether he was wearing it or not—as if Kunlun knew everything about him beneath his very skin. Being seen by him was tantalizing. Did Kunlun also know how much he wanted to touch and be touched by him—more than just a shoulder-grasp or back-slap? Did Kunlun want to touch him like that, too?

Shen Wei's heart might break if he didn’t, so he said nothing.

He waited for Kunlun to reach out. The person with more experience must be the one to initiate, anyway, surely. Wasn’t that how it should work? All he knew was that life was precious and time could be short even in peace. Nobody expected forever during a war, but he felt like he was going to wait forever for Kunlun’s invitation.

Had he misread a cue somewhere? Had he missed an opportunity that would have been obvious to a more experienced person? So many questions and the person who might be able to help was the person he couldn’t ask. But should he? Life was precious, and time could be short.

Standing together on their hillside, he gazed at the stars, mask-less and nervous. He didn’t have to look in Kunlun’s direction to know he was watching him. Again. Still. He wished he’d at least brought the mask with him, even if it would have been ridiculous to wear it. Feeling inept and bare, he took a deep breath and turned to Kunlun.

“Why do you watch me so much?” he asked. “It’s not just when I’m… helping you. You watch me eat. You watch me in council when others are speaking. You watch me, always. Why?”

Kunlun’s eyes widened and a slow, soft smile spread across his face as he replied, “I like to watch you.”

Surprised at the simple, honest response, he took a step back and Kunlun’s smile faded. He leaned forward to close the sudden distance, immediately and unusually earnest. “Is that okay?” Kunlun reached out, stopped, and returned his hand awkwardly to his side. He looked disappointed and uncertain. “Don’t you like it when I watch you?” he asked.

He’d not seen Kunlun look awkward like this before and a thrill of anticipation dropped his heart into his fluttering stomach. He forced himself to maintain eye contact. He couldn’t let himself look away now, even when his response came out in a barely-audible whisper.

“I like it when you watch me.”

Kunlun inhaled sharply, but he stayed motionless, hands at his sides. His wide eyes fell to Shen Wei’s lips, started to travel down his body, and jerked back up guiltily. His mouth came open but only a small “oh” escaped. For a moment, he looked very young, and helpless, and…nervous?

Shen Wei gathered all his courage and reached out.

He gathers the dishes, and starts filling the sink. He adjusts his cuffs to sit higher on his arms for washing and Zhao Yunlan watches, leaning on his elbows at the counter. He never offers to help with the clean-up and Shen Wei never asks. He still likes being the focus of Zhao Yunlan’s attention even though the constant scrutiny makes his life difficult.

A difficult life with Zhao Yunlan is better than an easy existence without him. He reminds himself of his small consolations. Kunlun promised they would meet again, and they did. Kunlun loved him and nothing will change that, even if Zhao Yunlan never touches him in this life. It will be fine, because it had been good.

The clink and splash of dishes are the only sounds in the apartment for several minutes before the stool under Zhao Yunlan creaks. He’s thinking about something. He tries not to worry. Maybe he’ll want to talk about the latest case developments, or something simple like the corrupt Dixing political structure and its effects on Dixingians as well as local Haixing and Yashou populations and possibly the world at large.

“Shen Wei, you always do this after cooking for us. Why don’t you ever ask me to do it?”

He snorts a small laugh in answer. “Because you wouldn’t do it.”

“Ah! Slander! How can you think so little of me? I would so do it. Actually, I'd love to do it. You’ve just never given me a chance.”

He hears the innuendo, but it’s not an invitation. And Zhao Yunlan has turned a firehose of innuendo on him lately so he responds to it like all the rest. A quick glance thrown over his shoulder with a slight eyebrow raise. He freezes at Zhao Yunlan’s expression.

His face doesn’t match the joking tone. He’s leaning forward on the counter, eyes focused and slightly narrowed, intense. He remembers the man is a trained police investigator, quick-witted, and ruthless when it comes to finding truth. He can’t speak or look away for several seconds and his heart kicks into high gear. When he regains control, he turns back to the sink and swallows hard, clearing his dry throat before he can speak.

“I… next time… I’ll ask you next time.”

Now it’s Zhao Yunlan who makes a disparaging sound. “No. You won’t,” he says, and sighs.

He finishes the rest of the dishes in nervous silence. It’s ridiculous. He’s one of the most powerful beings on the planet and this man worries him by merely being quiet. He dries his hands, straightens his shoulders, and turns around.

Zhao Yunlan’s posture has relaxed slightly, but he’s still highly focused—hasn’t even reached for a post-dinner lollipop. He feels the scrutiny like a physical weight and attempts a casual posture by leaning back against the sink. He ruins it by gripping the counter as he waits for Zhao Yunlan’s next question—which, of course, surprises him.

“Why don’t you wear an apron when you’re working in the kitchen?”

Decades of practiced obfuscation suggest a variety of easy but terrible answers. Truth is simple but difficult. He takes a deep breath before offering it.

“If I spill something on me, I just…” He lifts one hand to make a small twisting motion, feeling exposed and foolish at the simple admission.

Zhao Yunlan blinks at him a few times, leans back on the stool, frowns, and leans forward again.

“Wait, so. You… one of your powers is… cleaning things?”

He nods.

“Then why don’t you just…” Zhao Yunlan mimics his hand-curl, “with the dishes?”

A lifetime of waiting comes down to such a simple question. He has the answer but can’t speak. His mouth is parched and blood pounds in his ears. He wants his glass of water back but makes do with a halting breath and a dry swallow. He looks into Zhao Yunlan’s eyes and pours every bit of intent he can into his answer.

“I like it when you watch me.”

Zhao Yunlan rocks back as if struck, then he’s up and around the counter, pushing their hips against the sink, sliding his hands over Shen Wei's face, burying them in his hair. Shen Wei stops them short of a kiss, though, inhales shakily and presses their foreheads together. He can barely think, much less move, but he can’t let this happen yet.

Kunlun caught his wrists and muttered, shaking his head, “Hang on, hang on, wait a minute.”

It was every nightmare he’d had about this. He’d made a terrible error. He wanted to fall through the ground, or fling himself off the cliff. How had he so horribly misread the situation? The only thing that kept him from fleeing was Kunlun’s grip on his arms. Through numb lips he mumbled, “I’m sorry. Forgive me. I thought wrong. I’ll go. I’ll…”

“Shen Wei, no, don’t. Don’t apologize, it’s not—” Kunlun ducked his head to look up into his downcast eyes. “Shen Wei, it’s okay. Look at me. Look, I just need you to do something for me, okay?”

Terrified of another misstep, he stayed silent and still. He forced himself to look in Kunlun’s eyes which were full of desperation and… love? Kunlun softened his grip and slid his hands comfortingly up his arms to rest at his shoulders. His slow, gentle movements contrasted with the bitten-back smile on his lips and he shook his head, as if he was amused at himself.

“Shen Wei, I need to know for sure that you want this to happen now. I need you to tell me that. Because I can’t promise I’ll always be here and… and I hate that. And I hate that there are things you don’t know and things I can’t tell you. So you’ve got to tell me you want me despite all that. I don’t want you to ever regret this. Do you really want me, here and now?”


That wasn’t a refusal. That was love. Not a campfire tryst or wartime fling. Did Kunlun love him? Was Kunlun in love with him? Was he… was he in love with Kunlun? He’d never done any of this before. He only knew he wanted it, whatever it was.

“I want you,” he answered. His voice shook, but he was certain, reaching up to wrap his fingers around the hands holding his shoulders. “Yes. I want you, here, and now, and always.”

“Zhao Yunlan,” his voice shakes and he pulls back, just a bit, enough to look into Zhao Yunlan’s eyes. “Yunlan, stop. I need to know— I need to hear—that you want this. That you want me.”

“Are you serious?” he replies in sharp gasps. “You’re joking with me right now. You’ve got me—” he presses them together, hard, “here, like this, and you’re actually asking me if…” Zhao Yunlan tries to capture his lips in a kiss that he manages, just barely, to dodge.

“Yunlan! Please. Please, this is very important to me. Listen. There are still things I can’t tell you. I’m sorry, but I can’t. I hope you understand someday. But right now, you must look at me and tell me you want us…” he can’t stop his pleading tone or his own press into Zhao Yunlan’s body. “I have to hear you say that you want us like this, despite everything that might happen.”

He’s near tears, frantic and frightened of ruining everything. His entire body is shaking. Zhao Yunlan stills and looks at him closely. They breathe, inches apart. An expression of soft surprise fills Zhao Yunlan’s face before he runs his thumbs along his jaw and nods.

“I want this, Shen Wei. I want you. I want us like this. Despite anything that might happen.”

He takes what feels like his first full breath in millennia and they are finally, finally kissing.

“You're amazing,” Kunlun murmured before his lips closed over Shen Wei’s mouth. Kunlun kissed him, hard, licking past his pursed lips, encouraging them to open. He parted his lips, surprised. Kunlun’s tongue pressed past his teeth, ran slick across the roof of his mouth, slid over his tongue. He tried to match his mouth to Kunlun’s but, clumsy with impatience, caught his lip between their teeth and felt a sharp sting. He didn’t stop, he didn’t care.  Kunlun must have tasted the blood, though, because he pulled away with muttered apologies and pressed his lips to his ear.

Kunlun whispered, barely audible. “How did you do this? How did you wait so long? You’re so good, so patient, so brave… I—you’re amazing.”

He had indeed waited plenty long enough. He had no idea what he was doing but he wanted it. He fumbled his hands down Kunlun’s body to grab his hips and pulled them closer. Through the robes he felt Kunlun’s erection, pressed against his, and his mouth fell open in a groan. Kunlun answered with a moan that reverberated against his lips as his tongue ran along his already-healed bottom lip. He regretfully pulled away from the kiss. He had a lot to learn and he very much looked forward to learning all of it, and soon, but he had to ask.

“If you felt this way, why didn’t you do something?”

Kunlun barked out a laugh and reached up to cradle his face. “I couldn’t. It’s…” he snorted. “It’s complicated. I just couldn’t. You’ll…trust me, you’ll understand one day. Honestly, you will. Do you trust me?”

He nodded. He trusted Kunlun with everything—his life, his love, his body, and also a small truth.

“I need to be honest with you, too. I’ve not done this, with anyone. I’ve never even kissed…like that,” he admitted. He ducked his head down, shy. When he looked back up, Kunlun’s eyes were wide.

“No one? Ever?”

“No one. Is… is that alright?”

“Yes, yes, of course it’s alright! It’s just…” another laugh, this one softer. “I didn’t know. You never said. Oh, Shen Wei, how do I do this?” Kunlun wrapped his arms around to gather them close against each other but the quiet gesture was interrupted by their erections brushing between them. “Oh,” Kunlun gasped. “Oh, right. I know. I do know. Shen Wei, you are perfect. Perfect.” And he brought their mouths together again.

His mouth falls open as soon as their lips meet and Zhao Yunlan’s tongue immediately presses inside. The kiss is strong and insistent and Zhao Yunlan, holding his face, tilts it for a better angle. He is drowning in this first kiss like he did in their first one so long ago. He knows more now, though, and their lips fit together, smooth and graceful. He kisses Zhao Yunlan like they’ve been kissing each other for thousands of years.

He’s still gripping the counter behind him, possibly hard enough to damage it. He pries his fingers loose and reaches toward Zhao Yunlan, pulls him closer, never wants to let him any farther away than this.

Their bodies are pressed tight from shoulders to knees and he feels Zhao Yunlan’s hardness and heat against him. A jolt runs the length of his body and this isn’t going to last long. He needs to slow down, he needs to calm down, he needs—Zhao Yunlan’s hand suddenly at his crotch and he gasps, squirming away to escape the slight and overwhelming pressure.

Zhao Yunlan’s mouth slides away from his with the movement, but it doesn’t lessen the intensity of the connection. He seems only half aware that Shen Wei moved at all as he mutters into his hair.

“Want you, need you, I need you so much Shen Wei,” he whispers into his hairline. “Do you have any idea? Do you want me this much?”

He nods, reassuring and desperate. “I do. I always have.”

“Oh, fuck,” Zhao Yunlan grinds their hips together again, harder. “Why didn’t you say something sooner?”

He has to laugh. The situation is ridiculous and overwhelming and like nothing he’s ever heard of. “I couldn’t. I… I just. I couldn’t.”

Zhao Yunlan grunts and brings their mouths together again, bruising, and makes astonishingly short work of Shen Wei’s trouser buttons and zipper. His hand weaves through the barriers of fabric between them, pulls his erection out, and drops to his knees.

His own knees nearly buckle just from watching and he grips Zhao Yunlan’s shoulders.

“Yunlan,” he gasps. “You… I can’t…” He hadn’t been embarrassed about intimacy with Kunlun and he’s not going to start now with Zhao Yunlan. “I’m not going to last long if you do that.”

Zhao Yunlan doesn’t even look up, just licks his lips and stares at Shen Wei’s cock in his hand. The hand that isn’t otherwise occupied starts to unfasten his own belt and jeans. He makes a choking laugh.

“I’m not either, it’s okay.” He pauses and looks up. “Um. Unless you want to? Go slow?”

He’s ten seconds from coming with just Zhao Yunlan’s hand gently squeezing the base of his cock. That perfect mouth is hovering inches away from where he’s wanted it for far too long. He shakes his head.

“I don’t. No, not this time.”

The second kiss was softer, like Kunlun was collecting his self-control, pressing kisses across his face, to his jaw, and down his neck. He felt Kunlun’s breath, coming faster against his skin as he reached up to unfasten Shen Wei’s collar. His fingers struggled with it, unfamiliar.

“Let me,” he offered, taking advantage of momentarily being the more knowledgeable one, and gently pushed Kunlun further back from the cliff edge, out of sight from camp below. He was inexperienced with most of what was happening at the moment, but he knew how to hold Kunlun’s attention.

“Sit down.” He smiled, and ducked his head slightly. “Watch me.”

Kunlun collapsed with a laugh and pulled his hand down his face. “Ah, Shen Wei,” he croaked, “you’re gonna be the death of me.”

Without looking away from Kunlun’s face, he unbuckled the straps of his pauldron and let it fall to the ground, lifted the cross-body strap over his head to let it fall as well, and the gauntlets followed. When he reached for his waist to unfasten the wide leather belt, Kunlun groaned and started to fumble with his own garments. He slipped the hooded cloak off his shoulders and spread it on the ground.

“Nobody’s gonna come up here looking for us, are they?” Kunlun asked, glancing to the cliff edge. He kneeled his way onto the cloak and settled down, looking up at him. “I might kill someone if they interrupt us.”

He shook his head and knelt down to straddle Kunlun’s lap. “No one will approach. It’s just us.”

Kunlun sighed and ran his hands around his waist, over his hips, down his ass, where he gripped, hard, before his hands stilled, tucked under Shen Wei’s thighs. The touch created a current unlike anything he’d ever experienced. An echo of it traveled under his skin, as if Kunlun was pushing past his clothes into his flesh.

He tugged Kunlun’s robe open, shaking only a little, and slipped his hands inside. Kunlun was so warm—did his own hands press a cool, contrasting energy into Kunlun’s skin? He ran them over his belly toward his chest—pressed, open-palmed, to feel his heart pounding. He slid them up and over his shoulders, gently pushing the robe to his waist. His mouth went dry as Kunlun’s torso flexed and shifted to pull his arms free of the sleeves. He’d allowed himself furtive glances at bare-chested Kunlun before, but now he indulged himself a long stare at the beautiful, smooth skin, the slim angles and curves of his body. He leaned forward to kiss his shoulder and the shifting movement brushed their erections against each other. The sensation was intense even through layers of fabric and they both gasped.

They rolled apart to hastily remove their remaining clothes, which Kunlun gathered into a bundle and lumped behind him in a makeshift pillow. He held out a hand, inviting him back to his lap.

He was lost in the touch of their thighs, hips, hands sliding over and around each other. Kunlun reached up to pull him into a gentle kiss that rapidly spun out of control. Their mouths slid together and apart in licks and gentle nips. Kunlun wrapped his arms around him and brought his knees up slightly to pull him flush against his chest, pinning their cocks between them. He groaned, unable to restrain the stutter of his hips grinding them together and once he started he couldn’t stop. Clinging to Kunlun, face buried in his hair, he rocked, gasping, lost and reveling in this new intimacy.

He could barely breathe and his heart was going to beat out of his chest. Did lovemaking always feel like this? How did people survive it?

“Kunlun…” he panted.

Suddenly, Kunlun was motionless under him. He forced himself to stop moving, and opened his eyes in time to catch a pained expression before Kunlun looked away and reached for his hands. He laced their fingers together and looked up apologetically.

“One more thing. This sounds weird, I know, but… I’d like it if you called me something else when we’re… doing this,” he said, his voice steady until it broke on the last words. “Um, please?”

It was the honest, awkward “please” that told him he would love this man forever, regardless of his name or his secrets.

“Of course,” he smiled down at him and squeezed their hands together tight. “Of course, my love.”

Kunlun’s eyes fluttered closed, then opened with a look of adoration. His tongue ran along his bottom lip before it disappeared behind a mischievous smile.


Kunlun tilted up his face for another kiss but when he leaned down, Kunlun pulled them both to the ground, sliding his fingers out and upward from their grasp. His hands dropped around Kunlun’s wrists as they fell to the ground. Now he was straddling a prone Kunlun, pressing his narrow wrists into the clothes beneath them. The position sent a hot surge of a new desire through him—the desire to restrain, to possess. He squeezed harder, not hard enough to injure but hard enough to hurt, and the answering roll of Kunlun’s hips under him was a revelation and a relief. He groaned and lowered himself closer, pressing harder into the fabric, and resumed the slow grind of his hips.

His hair formed a curtain around their faces but moonlight filtered through the strands just enough to illuminate Kunlun’s eyes. They shone up at him, held his gaze, patient and waiting. He shifted his hips, and Kunlun gasped at the added weight. He pulled in a steadying breath to keep from crushing the fragile bones under his hands or mindlessly rutting himself to completion against Kunlun’s hip. He pressed kisses down Kunlun’s jaw and neck. Closed his teeth, hard, in the skin of his shoulder. Kunlun whimpered and shuddered. Curious, he continued the bites, a little softer, down to a nipple. He paused before pulling it into his mouth and sucking as if it were one of Kunlun’s sweets.

Kunlun jerked under him, nearly pulling out of his grasp, and writhed under his hands and mouth and hips. He pressed Kunlun harder into the ground, testing, and a thrill ran through him when Kunlun sighed and stilled. He trailed more bites and kisses down Kunlun’s body, drinking in his taste and scent. His skin was warm silk under his lips, salt and honey on his tongue.

He gave a final nip over his ribs. Shaking hair away from his face, he looked up to see Kunlun gazing at him with barely-focused eyes, lips wet and parted. He’d done that—reduced a powerful, intelligent warrior to a helpless, panting mess. He couldn’t help smiling and felt a warm glow rush through him when Kunlun briefly smiled in return before letting his head fall back with a sigh.

Sitting back on Kunlun’s thighs, he released his wrists—he would need to check them for bruising, later—and ran his hands over the damp bite marks covering his chest. Kunlun’s erection, leaking onto his belly, twitched under his observation and he looked up to see Kunlun’s heated stare locked onto him. He smiled again and brushed the back of his fingers low on Kunlun’s belly, just above his pubic hair.

“I don’t know what to do now, love,” he admitted, shameless.

Kunlun took a long time to clear his throat. “Do you want me to show you?”

He nodded.

“Good,” Zhao Yunlan mutters as he licks his lips and leans forward to close his mouth over Shen Wei's erection. No teasing, no build-up, he simply slips the head past his lips and pushes down to meet his hand at the base, moaning.

He feels the vibration all around him and he’s grateful for the support of Zhao Yunlan’s shoulders under his hands. Panting, he fights the desire to thrust into the long-remembered heat. He hasn’t allowed himself the indulgence of fantasies about this—not after meeting Zhao Yunlan. It’s just as well. Fantasies would have been a poor substitute. He’s entirely in the moment, gasping with the newness and the now of it all. The velvet pressure of gorgeous lips curling around him, sliding back and forth in a shallow, steady rhythm.

Zhao Yunlan pulls off briefly to lick up his cock with the entire flat of his tongue. Shen Wei watches him lap at the head, down the sides, flicking his tongue over the front, nose buried in his pubic hair. He pauses for a moment to wet his own palm before giving one last, long lick, and swallows him down again, drenched with saliva and pre-come, past his lips to the back of his throat.

He gasps and shudders, barely keeps from gripping Zhao Yunlan’s shoulders hard enough to injure. The distraction of necessary control is the only thing that prevents him from coming. Biting back a groan, he forces himself upright—just enough to resume his grip on the sink counter behind him. He gazes down at Zhao Yunlan’s mouth stretched around him, catches the movement of his hand working himself and it’s so beautiful he almost can’t bear it. His eyes fall shut, his head falls back, and he breathes a moan toward the ceiling.

After they switched places on the cloak, Kunlun stroked his thigh and placed a hand on his cheek.

“Is, uh…is this still good? You’re sure you want me to keep going?”

He nodded, but Kunlun seemed to want words.

“My love, I will be very upset if you stop touching me,” he said as firmly as he could.

Kunlun snorted a small laugh and lay down between his thighs.

“Far be it from me to argue with you about not touching things.”

He couldn’t imagine wanting to stop this, now. He never wanted to stop these sensations. He tried to pay attention. He wanted to learn, but Kunlun’s mouth on him was overwhelming, hot, and intense. All he could do was let his head fall back on the cushion of fabric and pant. He had a vague notion that he shouldn’t thrust even though every instinct was screaming at him to do so.  He didn’t know where to put his hands. He was afraid of pulling Kunlun’s hair so he curled them into fists and held them up to his chest. Maybe they could keep his heart from beating out of him as Kunlun continued to suck and lick, slow and gentle for a long time, then briefly hard, his tongue seeming to be everywhere, all at once, before resuming the sweet, soft pressure.

He drifted in the suction and the bliss of knowing that the man he loved more than anyone else alive was doing this to him, doing this for him. He forced his head up, made himself open his eyes to watch and appreciate, even if he wasn’t able to learn from it this time. He needed to share and absorb the sensation with more of his senses. But seeing Kunlun’s mouth and hand wrapped around him, eyes closed and apparently in bliss himself, was too much. He could feel himself losing control and panted out a barely audible “Wait.”

Kunlun’s mouth and hand were instantly off him, and he looked up, concerned.

“Stop?” he asked.

He shook his head.

“No, it’s just…it’s so much, I’m…”

“You feel like you’re gonna come?”

He’d never heard the phrase, but the context made it obvious. He nodded.

“And you don’t want to?”

He shook his head.

Kunlun smiled, placed a calming hand low on his belly and kissed his thigh. He pulled his hair out of the way, removing the strands caught in his mouth, and moved to sit up. Shen Wei grabbed his wrist.

“I don’t want to stop, I just want...” he had no idea what he wanted, he just wanted it to be with Kunlun.

“I can lie down next to you,” Kunlun offered. “Touch us both at the same time. Would you like that? You wanna come like that?”

Instead of answering with words, he gripped, hard, on Kunlun’s wrist, pulling him higher up on the cloak. He rolled to his side and wrapped a leg around Kunlun’s hip, bringing them as close as he could. He tangled his hands in Kunlun’s hair, indulging himself in the soft locks, and brought their mouths together in another kiss. This one harder, messier, more like their first, bruising one. Kunlun pulled away to lick sloppily across his palm and reached between them to grasp both their cocks together. They groaned into each others mouths, not kissing anymore, just connecting with lips and tongues, gasping each other’s air.

His hips fell into the perfect rhythm he’d instinctively found before and this time he chased the sensation with no hesitation. He squeezed his fingers harder in Kunlun’s hair, eliciting a loud groan and a sudden, more desperate clutch of their erections. A hard press of Kunlun’s hips crushing them together tipped him into his climax and he latched his mouth over Kunlun’s to muffle his cry. His hips jerked uncontrollably and his fingers dug into Kunlun’s scalp, holding them together in a bruising grip. Kunlun continued to squeeze and grind against him in a steady rhythm until he was spent, floating in a euphoric haze.

Nothing could ever feel as good as this.

He’s going to come after less than a minute of Zhao Yunlan’s mouth on his cock and he doesn’t care. It’s been too long since he felt anything more than dreams of those lips around him. Zhao Yunlan shifts a bit, for a better angle to take him all the way down. The head of his cock brushes the back of Zhao Yunlan’s throat and he feels him swallow against the pressure, continuing to suck and lap. It’s electric—hot and intense. The jolt travels from where Zhao Yunlan’s lips grip the base of his cock to his toes, fingers, the top of his head. The hand that was holding his cock moves to cup and stroke his testicles, pulled up snug against his body—slides back a bit to press behind them, gentle and perfect. He can’t hold back any longer.

“L…Yunlan, I…” he gasps out a warning but Zhao Yunlan just moans around him, sucks a tiny bit harder, and he’s done for. He can’t resist the tiny pulses of his hips pushing him into that glorious mouth any more than he can quiet the hoarse cry of pleasure. Lightheaded, he holds desperately to the counter until the tremors of his final spasms diminish. Once again he pries his hands from the counter, this time to gently grip Zhao Yunlan’s jaw, pulling his mouth away.

Zhao Yunlan whimpers, attempts to keep sucking, but he maneuvers his body away and down, to join him kneeling on the kitchen floor. He closes their mouths together, tastes himself, feels the sticky wetness clinging to Zhao Yunlan’s beard and mustache. He reaches for Zhao Yunlan’s hands, one still frantically stroking himself, and brings them together to grip them tightly in one hand while his other pushes on Zhao Yunlan’s chest. Zhao Yunlan obeys, lowers himself down, and gazes with wide, dazed eyes as Shen Wei brings his wrists above his head, pinning them to the floor.

“Let me?” he whispers, pressing down on Zhao Yunlan’s wrists gently but firmly.

The response is barely audible but echoes down to his core.


Still dizzy and floating, he pulled away to breathe. He opened his eyes to Kunlun looking at him, eyes wide, full of love and awe.

“Shen Wei, you are so beautiful to me, you’re…everything—”

Kunlun brought their mouths together in another kiss and rolled them over so he was kneeling over them, propped up on one arm. Kunlun’s still-hard cock slid in the mess between them, and Shen Wei looked down, transfixed.

“Do you want to help me?” he asked.

He couldn’t look away from the sight of Kunlun’s erection, covered in ejaculate. He wanted to try sucking him, but that could wait for another time. Kunlun was still gentle and slow, but now that Shen Wei was free of the debilitating fog of arousal he felt the tremor of barely-held tension.

“Yes. Please,” he answered.

Kunlun groaned and reached for his hand. He brought it to his mouth, licked across the palm and guided it to his cock. He folded his fingers around him, and began to stroke.

He let Kunlun guide the motion entirely, memorized Kunlun’s exact speed and pressure, listened to his breaths getting faster and more desperate, felt his hips joining in the rhythm, watched the head of Kunlun’s cock slide in and out of his fist. When he looked up, Kunlun’s eyes were entirely focused on his face, pouring out an array of unidentifiable emotions. He held Kunlun’s gaze and smiled soft encouragement at him.

“My love,” he whispered.

Kunlun’s eyes started to flutter close with a gasp, then widened, locked onto his own. Kunlun bit his lips together, the edges going white, and his hips jerked hard as he spilled over their hands. He dropped to an elbow as he shuddered through the aftershocks, still holding their hands together around his softening cock. After several moments he rolled to the side with a low moan, smearing his hand across his own chest. He brought it up to Shen Wei’s face, wiped mostly clean but still smelling of them.

“Oh. Shen Wei. You’re mine too, you know. My love.”

He smiled wide and accepted a future of loving and being loved by this man. He nodded, and reached out to mirror Kunlun’s posture. Cradled his face, and leaned closer for another kiss. He knew there would be danger and difficulties—the war wasn’t going to stop for them or their love—but they would figure it out.

His mouth is still too dry from desperate panting, so he holds his palm in front of Zhao Yunlan’s mouth. Zhao Yunlan groans, wets it thoroughly, clumsy and sloppy. A strand of saliva stretches between his hand and Zhao Yunlan’s lower lip and he feels a curl in his belly that wants to re-ignite. He ignores it and, still holding Zhao Yunlan’s wrists above his head, wraps his wet hand around his cock. A bit mischievous, he pulls slowly, soft and light. Zhao Yunlan whimpers under him, his hips jerking. He slides his body down to lie beside him, and leans over to lick across Zhao Yunlan’s lips, bitten closed. When Zhao Yunlan gasps he fastens his teeth in the plush lower lip and sucks hard, letting up only to push their tongues together, holding Yunlan’s groans in his mouth. He lets up from the hard kiss and begins jerking him in earnest, using the exact right speed and pressure to bring him off quickly.

When Zhao Yunlan is just on the edge, he balances heavier on the hand holding Zhao Yunlan’s wrists to throw a leg over his thighs, pinning him above and below. Zhao Yunlan arches up between the heavy points of contact and comes, spilling over onto his belly with a ragged shout.

He strokes him softly through his final spasms. He rolls to lie on top of him as Zhao Yunlan quiets with a sigh, holds himself up on his elbows and brushes kisses across his lips. He doesn’t ask for more, and lets him recover his breath. Zhao Yunlan’s eyes stay closed, but his arms wrap around to pull him close. He rests his head against Zhao Yunlan’s shoulder, absorbs the vibrations of his slowing heart, and smiles when Zhao Yunlan presses a kiss into his hair.

He wants to say how much he wants him, forever, that nothing will ever feel as good as this, that he loves him. So many things haven’t happened yet, though. They are preparing for another war, even if he’s the only one who knows it. He is suddenly afraid—fearful of losing this, not sure he can survive it again. He tries to relax, but of course Zhao Yunlan notices.

“Hey. Hey, you okay? You kinda tensed up there. You don’t—” Zhao Yunlan sounds nervous. “You aren’t having regrets, are you? Because I don’t. At all. The only thing I’d regret is not doing this again. A lot. As often as possible, in fact.”

He huffs a laugh into Zhao Yunlan’s neck, buries his nose into the soft skin there.

“No. No regrets about this. Not ever.”

“Good. Excellent. Glad to hear that. I would’ve been very disappointed if there were regrets.”

They lay in silence a little while longer. His belly and groin start to itch but he can’t bear to pull away yet. One of Zhao Yunlan’s hands strokes down his back, the other reaches up to pet his hair. He’s thinking. Eventually, Zhao Yunlan pulls back to look him in the eyes. The hand in his hair slides down to cup his face and he clears his throat.

“Shen Wei, I…” he takes another breath but doesn’t look away. “I care about you. This wasn’t… just sex. To me, anyway. But I…”

Yunlan pauses but continues to gaze at him with love and a soft smile so he pushes down the panic building in his stomach and waits for him to continue.

“But I’ve never done this before. A relationship, I mean. With someone I—someone I care about. I have to be honest with you. I have no idea what I’m doing.”

He can’t stop the relieved laugh and delights in Zhao Yunlan’s answering smile. Life is precious and time can be short. He presses their lips together in a soft kiss.

“We’ll figure it out. We’ll figure it out, my love.”