The scorching heat of the fire on my face didn’t bother me. My tears flowed down my freckled cheeks like an ice cube cooling me down. I had just got off the phone with him.
“I might be getting married this spring,” he said into the phone.
I was dumbfounded. He never spoke of her and now he’s going to be with her forever. My emotions were a melting pot. Confusion. Broken. Then mourning. And even outrage. I was just starting to get my life back together after he left.
“I remember everything...” he whispered after a long beat.
I don’t remember what I said after that. It was all a blur. Though, it was a familiar feeling I had experienced that day at the Crema train station. I sat down in front of the fireplace.
“I’m a mess.” I thought to myself as I sat down in front of the fireplace.
Tears filled my eyes. My mind raced with thoughts. Flashbacks came flooding of that summer. It seemed like it had happened so long ago almost like a distant memory. I remember singing “Love My Way” in the echoey Cascate del Serio, dancing through the streets in Bergamo, and making love with him for the last time. So much happened that summer. I wonder if I knew it was going to end the way it did, him leaving me at the station. I knew I would have trouble sleeping tonight, and that there would be more sleepless and lonely nights to come.
“Elio…Elio?” my mother called out from behind me.
I sniffled and wiped my tears away as I got up from the floor to help my mother set the table for dinner. I could tell she was concerned as a mother should be. I felt my mother’s eyes on me, so I averted them as she tried to make contact with me.
“Je n’ai pas faim et je suis très fatigue maman.” I’m not hungry and I’m very tired mom. I whispered.
“D'accord, bonne nuit mon cherie Elio.” Okay, goodnight my dear Elio. She replied.
I trudged up the stairs. I stopped in front of Oliver’s old room. There was hesitation, but I touched the doorknob and entered inside. After Oliver left, I left his room untouched. I didn’t want him to go. Yes, he was already gone but, I felt him there. The ghosts of his past lingered. I stood in the doorway in awe, reminiscing the night we first made love. We woke up the next morning with our legs tangled together like interlocking hands. I sat down on the twin size bed hunching over my back. I looked down next to me on the bed. There laid Oliver’s billowy blue shirt. I placed it next to the pillow and laid down next to it, and I imagined that I was lying next to Oliver. I smiled at the thought and soon fell asleep.