Band-aids don’t fix bullets holes.
Nothing could bother or hurt Maki anymore. Yes, she could be hurt in a mission, like she was now. But the pain stopped. She didn’t feel it. She got blood and bruises in several body parts. She didn’t feel any pain from it.
She became empty.
She wasn’t living anymore.
She was surviving.
Walking down the streets, blood on her, Maki couldn’t care less of people she could meet. She was a professional, and she knew that no one was around. She was walking with no goal in mind. Of course, she had to go back here. But now ? She was trying to have peace. She was trying to have a moment away from everything. She was trying to forget the blood she had to spill.
She finally stopped.
She closed her eyes.
She felt the wind against her minor injuries. She felt nothing more.
« This is for the best. »
Actually, telling she felt nothing was a lie. She didn’t feel anything emotionally towards others. In a way, Maki was relieved. At least, she wouldn’t have to train again to forget all the unnecessary emotions. Deep down she feared to forget about herself, about what made her human. But she would do anything necessary to keep the orphanage safe. This was her goal, and she would achieve it even if she lost herself in the process.
Because of what she did to her, Maki hated herself. She doesn’t consider herself human. She was empty. She was an assassin. She killed people and she will kill other people. More and more. She won’t stop. She can’t stop. The orphanage was the priority. No one would understand.
She didn’t care if no one understood.
Maki returned to The Holy Salvation Society Headquarters where assassins were trained. She had a mission to do and she succeeded. She had to report to her superiors.
« Good work. Go clean up your mess and train. You can leave now. »
Her mess was her injuries. Blood was running on her body. Her mission wasn’t easy and her target left her a little ‘souvenir’. She didn’t discuss and she left the office. Getting back to her modest room, she jumped in the shower. She wanted to make herself comfortable before doing anything. Closing her eyes again, she placed her forehead on the wall. Water was running on her body and was mixed with Maki’s blood. Did she care ? No. She gave herself a moment like earlier. She sighed. Who was she kidding ? She couldn’t have a moment for herself.
She chose to wear a top and a short because she had to train after treating her wounds. Maki sat on the flood, which was her bed too. She didn’t take too long to treat her wounds. She knew how to do it fast. They would make new scars anyway. She didn’t mind having scars. It was her life now. They always reminded her why she would go through hell. Again and again. They reminded her how strong she was. She had scars but she was alive unlike her targets. A new scar would mean a new victory in a fight.
She didn’t mind them.
She didn’t like them.
She didn’t hate them.
Again, she felt nothing.
She sighed. She stood up, finally bandaged. Time for training.
Obviously, her bandages wouldn’t make it through the training. Here she was in blood again. She had blood on her phalanges and on her knees. Her bandages were bloody again. She stood in the training area for a few minutes letting people leaving the place. She moved to go in front of a mirror. She wanted to look at herself, to know how bad she was. But she was fine actually. Only her bandage on the left hand was stained by blood. She was fine.
She untied her bandage a little in order to redo it again. She had to stop the blood again. She had blood on her right hand too, less than the left hand though. She was fine. She was always fine. She had nothing to worry about. After all, she was empty. She wasn’t a human being anymore. Monsters never worry about injuries. Monsters never die anyway. That’s what she was. A monster. So she thought.
« Harukawa. We got a new mission for you. »
And here she went again.
On the road.
After a target.
Losing herself again.
When she closed her eyes, she was the children of the orphanage. Laughing. Smiling. Running to her when she comes.
She hated children.
But she couldn’t turn her back on them.
She wanted to flee before.
But she didn’t do it.
She would never do it.
Deep down, she is attached to them.
Deep down, she cared for them.
She cared because of her.
She hated this feeling.
It would make her weak.
And Maki Harukawa is not weak.
« I’m coming. »
Did she say.
She put her jacket on and left the training room with her natural grace.
New day, new target, new assassination.
The usual, she would say.