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In His Arms

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That first night he can't let go of her, he just can't and he stops feeling guilty or too selfish about it after the third time that she leans into a hug or just simply against him. They arrive back at the bunker so late in the afternoon that it is already legit to call it evening and after a short introduction between Eileen and Cas, Dean tucks their angel away into the kitchen to make dinner.


It is as much a sign that Dean needs some space and mundane tasks to wrap his head around this gift, this miracle, as it is an offer for Sam to have that first moment alone with Eileen. They've just spent nearly five hours in Baby, sitting together on the backseat because he couldn't just let go of her hand, and they talked, about meaningless things because he doesn't want to talk about this shitstorm around them just now, not when he just got her back.


But Dean had been there as well and he hadn't really been alone with her and as much as he wanted it on the car ride home, he is getting a victim of his own nerves now.


"Sit and talk?" Eileen proposes in words and signs and Sam nods, gently tugs on the hand he is holding and pulls her towards the couches at the back of the library. It's not something many people have frequented over the years aside from him, in fact the only other person he has ever caught reading in this corner is Gabriel, so it has unofficially become Sam's own little nook in a library that Dean already called Sam's happy place. He doesn't do research here, what he reads in this place is truly only for pleasure so it really only has happy connotations when they sit down and lean back into soft fabric and pillows.


They talk but it is nothing heavy, Sam tells Eileen, promises and swears that he'll explain everything and try to answer every one of her questions in the morning but right now he can't. He got her back. She is back and she is sitting there right next to him and one of her hands is holding onto his as much as he is holding onto her, her other hand is picking at the remaining stains on his jacket. He tells her he missed her about a dozen times by the time Dean calls them for dinner and he can't properly sign his words because he only has one free hand but he can't let go of her.


He manages somehow while they eat, probably only because Dean had sent him a look and Sam hadn't wanted to hear his comments and because Eileen presses her leg up against his under the table. They talk some more, now the four of them, Sam and Cas take breaks from eating to sign and Dean actually remembers to look up when he talks at all times and Eileen just look so happy.


Sam wants her to keep looking like that. Happy and safe and just alive. Just alive. Alive and Back and still so fucking perfect.


After dinner Cas volunteers to clean up and kinda also sends them all off with a scrunched up nose and a clear comment over how filthy they all were. They find some clothes for Eileen to wear and Sam doesn't spent a single braincell on trying to figure out where they might have come from because he wants to remain so fucking happy right now. They take turns showering, the brothers letting Eileen go first and by the time it's Sam's turn last, Dean has already basically said goodnight to him and gone off to find Cas to drag the angel away from any more research and probably continue torturing him with Western movies.


Sam takes his time in the shower, not just to get clean because there is actually zombie gore stuck to his hair everywhere and he feels mortified that he hasn't noticed it until now. He also breathes and takes a moment to really let it drop, to really let it hit him.


Eileen was back.


And he doesn't question how or why right then, it can wait, at least until the morning, right now he just wants to enjoy every single second of it. He missed her so much. He mourned her so much. He felt so guilty.


When he is done and dressed down in what is basically his pyjamas, he chooses to just quickly drop off his dirty clothes in the laundry hamper in his bedroom before he goes looking for Eileen. It's like a pull in his body, in his heart, in his freaking soul that he needs to seek her out, to feel her pulse beneath his fingertips again, to keep assuring his mind that she wasn't a hallucination, even if the continued fact that Dean and Cas had also interacted with her had already brought him a long way there.


He rounds into his room though and stops when he finds Eileen sitting cross-legged on his bed, looking through one of the books on his nightstand. He takes her in, all of her, how she looks so relaxed sitting there on his bed, how her nose twitches when she must find something interesting in the book. How she is wearing one of his shirts instead of the women's one that Dean had given her from some closet, the sleeves are too long and slipping over her hands. The collar is big enough that he can see her collarbones.


Eileen looks up after a moment and the lack of surprise in her eyes tells him she had known he had been standing there and watching her. She sets the book back onto the heap on the nightstand and then smiles, and Sam just melts back into those million little pieces.

"Do you mind?" Eileen signs and Sam shakes like head, probably a few times too many but he really really doesn't mind at all, his pounding heart agrees happily. He finally also gets the rest of his body to move again and pushes the door closed in the same movement as he drops the laundry into the hamper to finally get it out of his hands.


The moment his hands are free and he turns back to the bed Eileen holds out a hand and begs him over with a single look. He grasps her hand and follows like a puppet on a string when she pulls him closer and closer and closer until he has to kneel on the edge of the bed to not just fall onto her.


"I'm gonna do something now," Eileen says this time and Sam feels like his heart wants to beat right out of his chest when she keeps holding his hand but uses the other one to stroke over his cheek before she cups his face. She shifts and moves until she can pull herself up a little and then his eyes slip close because there are soft lips pressing a kiss against his. It's a dream and it's a miracle and it's the best damn thing that has happened in months. He tentatively kisses her back and wraps his free arm around her waist and back.


They pull apart for air when they really have to and they are grinning at each other like lunatics, knees pressed together and she is wearing his shirt and she smells like his shampoo.


"I'm real," Eileen signs when their hands break apart because Sam wants to push strands of hair out of her face and keep stroking over her waist at the same time. "I'm here and I'm real." And she does it two more times until he nods because he can't find words right now that would come anywhere close to what he was feeling in this moment. There just aren't words. "Let's sleep, a lot happened.We can talk about everything tomorrow." she signs and speaks and already moves to lie down and Sam only quickly gets up again to turn off the light. He slips under the covers in some trance, a trance that was controlled by the beats of his heart and the memory of her lips.


He lies down and doesn't even need to reach because Eileen crowds close to him, as close as possible really, quite on her own immediately, seeking every inch of warmth and contact she could get. He wraps his arms around her, buries his face in her hair and maybe he is crying a little because he is just so damn happy and this has been a long day and he'll never forget that moment he laid eyes on her on that street.


Eileen wraps an arm around his waist and strokes over his back, pressed a kiss right against his neck where she has her head nestled into the crook of his neck. She slips a leg between his and her feet are ice cold but he doesn't twitch away, quite on the contrary he wraps himself only more around her, gently rubs along her feet with his. Eileen moves his hand under his shirt, fingers splayed out over the bare skin on the small of his back and Sam knows that this is just pure happiness bleeding through him.


They fall asleep like that.


No space for even a sheet of paper between them.


And Sam's last thought before sleep claims him for oblivion is simple, simple but powerful.


Eileen is back.