We've been touring the new album for a few weeks now, doing concerts and photo shoots and interviews. Naturally after having done weeks of endless promo, Louis and I wanted to have a day to ourselves. We spent the majority of the day at home just relaxing and spending time with each other. I don't mind just staying home and talking with Louis. I could sit on our couch cuddled up with him and have random conversations forever. Though, nowadays I do most of the talking. Louis' been pretty quiet today. But quiet's kind of the new normal for him. He's probably just stressed, at least that's what he tells me when I bring up the fact that he's barely spoken in a week.
I offered to take Louis out for dinner but he refused. I don't know, I guess he just wasn't in the mood. He did agree to a movie, though. Which is where we are now.
"Babe, I've been hogging the popcorn this whole time. Here, have some." I whisper, passing the popcorn to my boyfriend.
"It's okay. I'm fine." Louis whispers back. I was with him at lunch and he barely touched his food. We haven't eaten since then, he should be hungry by now, I sure am.
"Are you sure? Because otherwise I'm going to end up eating all of it." I say quietly, hoping not to disturb anyone else watching the movie.
"Yup" is all he says back.
We get home after the movie and Harry offers to make us dinner. Normally, I can get away with saying that I had a big lunch or something but not today. He was with me at lunch, he knows how little I ate. I'm just on a diet, no big deal, but he doesn't know that and he doesn't need to. It'll just worry him. I've been on this diet for a few months now, I think it's been going well. I know I've lost weight but I'm still not skinny enough. I'm a public figure, I have to look my best. People have made that very clear to me on twitter.
@1Dislife: Louis looked absolutely amazing at Good Morning America!!! But looks kind of bloated now. He might be putting on a few...Oh well :(
@hesbabes_ : Does anyone else see Louis' tummy? Love him but boo needs to hit the gym
@lwtisbae124: Lou put on a bit of weight. Am I right? cuz damn
The fans want me to be skinny so that's exactly what I'll be. I can deal with the hunger pains that get so bad sometimes, they almost bring me to tears. I can deal with the constant dizziness and being lightheaded all the time because I know that this is worth it.
Eating less is the only way I can achieve the body shape I want. I thought about just purging after I eat but I really don't like throwing up, this way I don't have to. Most of the time.
"Louis? I asked if you wanted me to make us dinner?" Harry says, pulling me out of my thoughts.
"I"m okay. Don't worry about it." I say hoping he'll let it go. I walk over to the couch and sit down, closing my eyes. The hunger pains are back. I put my hand over my stomach and apply pressure, trying to ease the incessant cramping.
Harry walks over and sits beside me. "Love? Are you feeling okay?" he asks, resting his hand on my knee.
"Yeah, just a bit of a stomach ache." I respond.
"That's why you haven't eaten very much today. I should've known that you weren't feeling well. It's alright, Lou, you don't have to eat anything, if you're not feeling up to it." he says sympathetically.
"Thanks Haz." I say
"Do you need anything, love?" he asks.
I open my eyes and look at him. I'm completely exhausted. "Just wanna go to bed" I say.
"Alright, Lou. Let's go to bed." He says, standing up.
As I stand up, the rooms spins around me and I feel myself sway. "Woah, Lou." Harry says, reaching out and steadying me.
"I'm okay, Harry." I say trying to walk, losing my balance again. Good thing Harry hadn't let go yet or I would've fallen.
"No, you're not Louis." He says picking me up bridal style, and carrying me up the stairs and into our bedroom. I would protest but I can't seem to find the energy.
He lays me down in bed and pulls the duvet over me before climbing in himself.
Today was the first day, alone, we've had in forever and I've ruined it.
He would've had a good day if I wasn't so fat and disgusting. I squeeze my eyes shut in an attempt to stop myself from crying but a tear rolls down my cheek anyway.
"Aw, Lou. What's wrong?" Harry asks. I turn over and face the wall instead of him.
"I'm so sorry." I say quietly, not sure if Harry heard me. I'm not sure if I wanted him to.
I feel him move closer and wrap his arm around me. "Louis, listen to me. You have nothing to be sorry for." He says into the crook of my neck.
"I ruined everything. We could've gone out and had fun if it wasn't for me." I say trying to keep myself from sobbing.
"Lou, I don't care if we go out or just stay in. It's fun as long you're with me. I like taking care of you and I would've gladly done that if you'd told me you weren't feeling well. I love you. Alright? You mean more to me than some date and I know that sounds cheesy but you need to know that." He says.
"I'm so lucky to have you." I mumble before falling asleep, safely wrapped in Harry's arms.