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Blow the Man Down

Chapter Text

Chapter 1: 


Viktor frowned down at his compass, shaking it irritably. The sea witch had sworn that the compass was enchanted to lead him to the greatest treasure of his life, and yet…


“Sails ahead, Cap’n,” his first mate called out to him. 


“I’m not blind, Christophe,” he snarled back, once again shaking the compass. This was the third time in as many weeks that he’d sailed straight into the tell-tale flag of the notorious…




“Captain Katsuki!” 


“Kaptain,” Yuuri muttered absent-mindedly, his gaze fixed through the telescope as he peered at the approaching ship. “It’s important that you really feel the ‘K’.”


Phichit rolled his eyes. “It sounds the same, Yuu.”


Yuuri dropped the telescope with a huff. “Peach, I need all the edge I can get. The ‘K’ is both alliterative and intimidating,” he explained for the thousandth time. 


His first mate giggled. “You’re so funny, Yuuri!” 


The Kaptain frowned, pulling the telescope back up to his eye and resuming his perusal of the Stammi Vicino and her devastating Captain. Devastating as in murderous. Evil. Notorious. Definitely not as in ‘devastatingly handsome, gorgeous, perfect,’ Yuuri clarified in his own mind. For reasons.


“Annnyway,” Phichit drawled. “Kaptain, we’ve gotten a messenger parrot from Seung-gil. The dog fleet has made safe harbor in Hasetsu.” 


Yuuri brightened. “That’s great news! Does that mean he’s finally trained the parrots to say something other than ‘no’?”


“Not at all!” Phichit chirped. “But he tied a letter to its leg this time!”


Yuuri sighed, feeling a headache coming on. “The entire point of the parrots was for them to be more secure than the pigeons and crows. If we’re just tying messages to them like savages, then why did we spend the coin on them?”


Phichit looked thoughtful for a long moment. “Because Seung-gil thought they were pretty?” he offered seriously. 


Sometimes Yuuri had serious doubts about his entire crew. “Right. The dog fleet is safe, that’s good news at least. Now we can engage Captain Vik and his murdering cohorts without loss of civilian life. He’ll regret harassing us!”


“Ah, Kaptain, Minami and Ji are still aboard, and I think they’re still technically civilians.”


“Right. Well, now we can engage Captain Vik and his murdering cohorts without loss of puppy life,” Yuuri conceded. 


“Ooooooh,” Phichit breathed. “Does that mean you and Captain Vik are finally going to whip out your swords?”




“Either the sea witch has lied to me, or my booty lies aboard that ship,” Viktor announced.


“You know Mila gets annoyed when you refer to her as a sea witch,” his navigator, Georgi, pointed out. 


“That’s right!” Yuri called out from where he was busy pretending to swab the deck. “She prefers the term hag! Because she’s old. Like you!” The boy returned to his work, cackling.


Viktor sighed. Sometimes he had serious doubts about his entire crew. “Georgi, Chris, can you please just prepare the crew to board the Vicchan? I mean to cross swords with her Captain to claim my treasure!”


“With a ‘K’,” Otabek muttered. 


Viktor blinked in surprise as his normally silent weapons master spoke up out of nowhere. “I’m sorry?” 


“It’s more intimidating,” Chris explained. 


“That doesn’t make any sense,” Viktor complained. 


“Didn’t you change the ‘C’ in your name to a ‘K’?” Otabek queried, the lack of inflection in his voice making it clear that the question was rhetorical. 


Viktor replied anyway. “That was logical! ” he insisted. “It makes more sense with a ‘K’ given my region’s dialect and…” 


“The Vicchan is getting closer,” Georgi pointed out, interrupting Viktor’s well-rehearsed diatribe. “Did we maybe want to get ready for that?” 


“Right,” Viktor said crisply, checking his compass one last time. “Prepare to engage the Vicchan. But leave her Kaptain to me! I plan to claim that treasure!” 


He turned away from his crew, still staring out at the other vessel. Softly, as if to himself, he continued. “You can’t run from me this time…”




“Give up the booty, Kaptain Katsuki!” Captain Vik called out, his low voice taunting. A bead of sweat slid down his neck, highlighting the crease between his chest muscles before slipping out of sight. Yuuri definitely was not contemplating the continued journey of that bead of sweat. Definitely not.


Shaking off the distraction of glistening, perfect pectoral muscles, Yuuri lunged forward, crossing their swords yet again. “I haven’t the faintest clue what you’re on about, Nikiforov, but you’ve made a grave mistake boarding my ship with your entire crew!” he taunted, sword flashing as he pressed his advantage. 


“Oh?” Viktor hummed in query, his chest heaving with exertion. “And why is that?”


“Borf! Bork!”


Viktor spun in fear at the sound of the familiar high-pitched barks, ignoring the peril of Yuuri’s blade in favor of staring back at his ship. Yuuri pulled his blow at the last moment. As much as he liked the idea of taking Viktor from behind, it would be rather ungentlemanly to do so without warning, he reasoned to himself. 


Onboard the Stammi Vicino, Phichit and Leo were half-restraining, half-cuddling an overly excited poodle. 


“Makkachin!” Viktor gasped. “Unhand her at once! This is unsporting, even for you, Kaptain Katsuki!”


“We’re literally pirates,” Yuuri pointed out reasonably. “I don’t think ‘sporting’ is supposed to be in our vocabulary. Besides, you’re lucky my frien…er, crew found her. Now you have a chance to save your ship and your men.”


“And women!” called out a redheaded pirate as she grappled with Yuuri’s violet-eyed quartermistress. 


“Oh, Yuuri’s very equal opportunity. His sister was the original Captain of this ship; she trained him,” Sara pointed out, wriggling in the redhead’s grasp. She didn’t look particularly distressed at her current situation. Yuuri would have to have a word with her about appropriate enemy engagement techniques. And about using his first name in front of said enemies. Again.


Now, however, he had to take advantage of the upper hand while he could. “It’s rather fortunate that you were carrying such a treasure, Nikiforov,” he murmured in his most menacing tone. (Phichit said it was a bedroom voice, but Phichit also had, like, twenty-seven hamsters, so he clearly wasn’t of sound mind.) “Now you have the opportunity to make a choice. Your ship, or your dog.”


“…you’re positively diabolical!” Viktor gasped. 


“Why, thank you.” Yuuri beamed, delighted at the compliment. 


“Not so fast!” a voice called from behind the C(K)aptains. The men spun and it was Yuuri’s turn to gasp. Struggling in the clutches of a pair of enemy pirates were his young apprentices (well, they had originally been stowaways, but they were just such nice kids…) 


“Kenji! Guang Hong!” he cried out in concern as he began to rush forward. 


“Stay your sword, Katsudon!” the young blond pirate shouted, tightening his grip around Minami’s throat. 


Yuuri paused in surprise. “What did you call me?” he asked, confusion winning out over his protective instincts. 


“Katsudon,” the blond huffed impatiently. His companion glanced over at him, one dark brow raised in query. “Oh, come on, Beka. It’s fucking clever. His favorite food is katsudon, his name’s Katsuki…get it?”


“Why do you know what my favorite food is?” Yuuri asked, still befuddled. 


“I…that’s…you’re just…” The blond pirate suddenly flushed as red as the streak in Kenjirou’s hair. “That is entirely beside the point! We have your strange child-pirates. You have our dog.”


“His crew also has our ship, Yura,” the darker haired pirate pointed out.


“Right,” snarled the blond. “You also have our ship. Whatever.”


“I believe,” Viktor finally interjected, “what young Yurio is trying to say is that we are at something of an impasse.” Yuuri turned to glance at the other Captain. The tall silver-blond tapped his finger thoughtfully against his chin before breaking out into a delighted grin. 


(Oh god, his smile looks like a heart, Yuuri found himself thinking, apropos of absolutely nothing.)


“Well, Yuuuu~uuri,” the devastating Captain purred, his brilliant blue eyes flashing. “Shall we parley?”


Chapter Text

“You are, quite possibly, the world’s worst pirate captain,” the young blond snarled as Yuuri paced the deck of his ship. “I can’t believe we share a bloody name.”


“Kaptain,” Yuuri muttered, distracted by the sight of long silver hair flowing in the breeze on the ship sailing close beside them.


“I literally just fucking said that,” Yuri Plisetsky groaned.


“He prefers it when he really hears the ‘K’ sound,” Minami piped up from the barrel where he’d perched, clearly not too worried about the sword that was occasionally brandished in his direction.


“Oh for fuck’s…shut it, Fangs, it literally sounds exactly the same,” Yuri snapped in exasperation, brandishing said sword.


“Land, ho!” Leo called out from his post on the rigging.


Down on the deck, Guang Hong sighed. “He’s so good at that,” he confided to Otabek, who had long since given up on even pretending to hold the teen hostage.


“At finding land? Isn’t that his literal job?” the stoic pirate asked.


“Well, yes, but he does it so well,” Guang Hong sighed dreamily.


“I am surrounded by morons,” Yuri said flatly.


“You didn’t have to stay onboard the Vicchan,” Yuuri pointed out, finally annoyed out of his ogling contemplation surveillance of the Stammi Vicino’s Captain.


Someone had to make sure you kept up your end of the parley. Isn’t that why your first mate stayed on our ship?”


“Your ship has a very good dog,” Yuuri replied seriously. “Phichit stayed to ensure her safety.”


Yuri glared at the Kaptain. “Gods, you two are birds of a fucking feather. Don’t you know he’d rather lose a leg than that mutt?”


“That’s good,” Sara chimed in from where she was curled up in a suspiciously cozy puddle with the red-headed enemy pirate. “Most of the Captains we meet are glad to hand over their dogs in exchange for their ships.”


Yuuri shook his head in disbelief. “I can never understand. How can you value a boat over a dog?”


“A boat and an entire crew of actual people , Yuuri,” Yuuko pointed out. “We’ve discussed this.”


Yuuri turned towards his childhood friend and weapons mistress. “I wouldn’t actually kill all the people,” he said grumpily.


“I know this, you know this, they don’t know that,” Yuuko added nonchalantly. “Now!” she said briskly, “Takeshi’s got lunch ready, who’s hungry?”


As if on cue, Yuri’s stomach grumbled loudly enough for the surrounding pirates to hear. Flushing brightly, he feigned deafness at the pirate woman’s announcement.


“Yura needs food,” Otabek said, blithely ignoring the poisonous glares his crewmate threw in his direction.


“We could all use food,” Yuuri allowed magnanimously, glancing around at the veritable horde of teenagers currently occupying the deck of his ship.


“Coming right up!” Yuuko chirped.




“…And when Yuuri was 17, he won Hasetsu’s regional dance competition,” Phichit said, concluding the completely out of the blue history he’d begun telling about his Kaptain.


“Tell me more about this dancing with the poles,” Christophe purred, his hazel eyes heavy with every evidence of interest.


“No, please don’t,” Viktor snapped, exasperated. He knew more than enough about Yuu... Katsuki’s abilities on a dance floor. “After all that, I can’t understand how Katsuki even ended up on the Vicchan. He doesn’t sound like the sort to end up in a life of piracy. Also, why are you the only member of his crew that stayed on board? That seems like a strange choice when we left three of our crew on your ship.”


Phichit flashed a sharp grin from where he was still draped over Makkachin, his blade held loosely in his hand. “Why, Captain, are you saying you need more sharp weapons in the vicinity of your pupper?” he asked languidly.


“No!” Viktor yelped as Chris pinched the bridge of his nose in exasperation. “No need for more swords near my girl, thank you!”


“Vitya, you do realize there’s literally one enemy pirate holding our entire crew hostage at the moment, yes? We could probably overpower him,” his first mate pointed out.


“Hey! I’m literally right here, you know that, right?” Phichit pointed out, indignant.


“And you look very menacing, darling,” Chris conceded with a smirk.


To the bemusement of the Stammi Vicino’s crew, a brilliantly colored parrot fluttered in, landing on Phichit’s shoulder.


“NO!” screeched the parrot, startling Victor and several of his crew.


“Sorry!” Phichit chirped. “We’re working on the vocabulary!”


“DIE!” the parrot screeched.


“And, yes, well, it’s a slow process,” Phichit admitted.


“Borf!” Makkachin chimed in, adding to the confusion.


“Anyway!” Phichit continued, waving a thin roll of paper that he’d painstakingly unraveled from the bird’s leg. “We’re nearly at the parley point. I’m sure you all will miss my sparkling company and witty repartee, but it’s time to put on your game faces! Kaptain Katsuki is very firm when it comes time to parley.”


“You know,” Chris said in a low tone, his expression thoughtful. “I honestly have no clue which side that kid is on.”


“The side of true love!” Phichit trilled in joyful amusement as a small island came into view.


“Well, then,” Georgi suddenly chimed in. “I believe you and I will get along just fine, Pirate Chulanont!”




“Permission to come aboard?” Captain Vik called out. 


Which was ridiculous, since most of the crew of the Stammi Vicino had already disembarked onto the tiny island of Grand Prix. You didn’t need permission to step onto an island. 


Yuuri tried not to roll his eyes. He failed. Miserably.


“Just meet us at the fire pit,” he muttered, refusing to play along with whatever weird congeniality game Nikiforov was playing. He spun on his heel and made his way towards the rest of his crew, trusting that nobody from the Stammi Vicino would break the rules of parley by shooting him in the back. At least Yuuri was fairly certain that was part of the rules of parley…


Just in case, he started walking a bit faster.


“Everything good, Kaptain?” Yuuko asked as he arrived at the fire pit, only slightly out of breath from his mildly brisk jog-walk.


“Fine, fine,” he puffed. “Captain Vik and his crew are here.”


“Ooooh, and you didn’t provide an escort? Going for the passive-aggressive first impression. I like it,” Yuuko said with a grin.


Shimatta. Should I have escorted them here? I should have. Oh gods, he’s going to think I’m rude. It’s a parley and I’m supposed to be following code and now they aren’t going to think I’m not taking this seriously and I’ll never get to pet the dog and…”


“Who broke Yuuri?” Takeshi asked, strolling up to lean on his wife’s shoulder. She shrugged.


“I think Yuuri broke Yuuri. He’ll be fine.”


Yuuri narrowed his eyes at Yuuko’s calm words. “I’m right here, you know.”


Yuuko smiled sweetly. “Oh look! Is that Captain Vik?”


Yuuri spun around, feeling the blood drain from his face. “Crap! Do you think he saw me freaking out? Where’s my Kaptain’s hat? The one with the big feathers? I need it…and my sword…Yuuko, quick, I need a bigger sword! Vik’s got a big sword—I need one too!”


The weaponsmistress nodded seriously. “He does have a big sword. But yours is good, too Yuuri. And you know how to use it, so I’m sure you’ll be able to keep up if you need to whip it out.”


“Thanks, Yuuko,” Yuuri replied, feeling calmer as he watched the approaching crew. “You’re right. I’m sure Captain Vik doesn’t have my stamina. I can wear him out if I have to.”


“You almost sound as if you expect things to come to blows despite the parley,” Takeshi said, concern coloring his voice. “Is there really that much tension between you two?”


Yuuri shrugged. “Hard to say. Leo said he’s spotted Captain Vik’s sails lurking in our vicinity the last few weeks, but this is the first time they’ve taken aggressive action. He wants something, I’m just not sure what. Taking his dog hostage made him hesitate, but I don’t really trust him.”


“Even if he is a dog person?” Yuuko asked, her eyes wide in surprise. “I mean, he seemed pretty upset when Leo and Phichit captured his poodle!”


“Ugh, he is a dog person. And it’s such a cute poodle! It’s almost as pretty as his sword!”


“Yuuuu~uuuri! You think I have a pretty sword?”


Yuuri glared at Yuuko and Takeshi. “Seriously? You couldn’t have warned me? You’re both fired, I swear it this time!” He turned to face his nemesis. “Perhaps I’m just looking to add your sword to my collection,” he said in his most menacing-and-definitely-not-a-bedroom-voice voice.


For some reason Captain Vik was ignoring him to stare down at a brass compass. The tall Captain shook it, his brow furrowed in confusion. He circled Yuuri, gaze still locked on the compass as he walked. Yuuri kept his hand on his sword, perplexed by the other Captain’s strange behavior. Finally, he cleared his throat. “Is everything quite alright?” he asked, not bothering to hide his irritation.


Viktor finally looked up, his sea-blue eyes blazing. “Oh, not at all Kaptain,” he purred. “In fact, it looks like you have something I want.”


“O-oh?” Yuuri stammered. “Is that so?”


“Yes,” the silver-blond affirmed. “Looks like I’m going to have to figure out what's inside of you, Yuuri Katsuki.”


Chapter Text

“Viktor Nikiforov, I’m certain I must have misheard you, because that hinted vaguely of a threat. During a parley.”


“Oh, I, too, must have misheard, dear friend, for I thought it sounded more like flirtation!”


Yuuri watched in satisfaction as Captain Vik’s face drained of color at the familiar voices. Smirking, he glanced over the taller pirate’s shoulder at the pair of imposing figures who had made their sudden appearance. “Ah, my Ladies. I see you were able to find our location with ease, then?”


Viktor straightened, tugged his tunic into a neater formation, then turned gracefully on his heel and into a sweeping bow. “My Ladies, I was unaware that you would be gracing us with your presence.”


Captain Minako snorted delicately. “Oh, stow it, Nikiforov. Save your charm for someone who will enjoy it.” Yuuri ignored the way her eyes slid towards him.


“Your bow needs work, Vitya,” Captain Lilia mused. “See me later and we shall rectify that error.”


Yuuri found himself rather enjoying the way Viktor’s throat bobbed when he swallowed. Because he was enjoying the other Captain’s discomfiture. Not for any other reason.




“Yuuuri! Don’t think you’ve gotten off easily,” Minako trilled. “Once you’ve properly fed us, I expect a sparring demonstration. I need to be certain you haven’t forgotten my training.”




“O-of course, Minako-sensei,” he murmured, sweeping into his own deep bow. (Deeper than Viktor’s had been, he noted with satisfaction.)


Hmmmm. I suppose your manners are not entirely without grace, Captain Katsuki,” Lilia said.


Yuuri felt he was very tactful in not pointing out the proper pronunciation of his title. “Thank you, my liege,” he murmured instead. “If you Ladies would care to grant us the pleasure of your company, the cooks of the Vicchan and the Stammi Vicino have both been hard at work in anticipation of your arrival.”


Viktor was kind enough to wait until the Pirate Queens had moved out of earshot before glaring in Yuuri’s direction. “Not only have you apparently pressed my cook into your service, but you summoned the Queens?”


Yuuri felt himself flushing. “I’m not sure what you’re insinuating, Captain.”


“Of course not, Kaptain,” Viktor said with a sneer.


Yuuri whirled, heedless of their witnesses. “Alright. I had them summoned. I don’t trust you, Nikiforov. I don’t know why you keep seeking out my ship, but I won’t be giving you whatever it is you’re after!”


The silver-blond’s lips twisted in a smirk. “And what makes you think you have anything I desire?”


Yuuri felt his own mouth spread in a cheeky grin. “Why Viktor, you’ve already admitted it. Though I fear getting inside of me will be harder than you might imagine!” As he moved to trail after the Queens, Viktor’s jaw fell open in shock.


If Yuuri swaggered just the teeniest bit, well, he couldn’t really be blamed, right?




Viktor couldn’t really be blamed for the burst of lust that met his perusal of Kaptain Katsuki’s cocky little walk. After all, the man had truly surprised him by producing the Pirate Queens as their apparent parley arbiters. Anyone who had sway over the Queens was clearly a force to be reckoned with.


And Viktor was a man that admired force.


He followed the sinuously swaying hips of the other captain, furtively pulling out his compass yet again. Sure enough, the needle pointed without error in Katsuki’s direction. Somewhere, hidden beneath that magnificently ruffled shirt and the skintight (and rather well-filled) leather pants, was the booty he’d always dreamed of.


“Careful there, Vitya.”


His first mate slunk up to him, sauntering along at his side for a moment.


“Are you going to explain why I should be careful or were you just being dramatic for drama’s sake?”


“Why not both?” Chris replied with a little shrug. Viktor didn’t need to look to know that the pirate was smirking at him. “But you should be careful. You look like you want to unleash your kraken on the good Kaptain’s ship, but that’s a surefire way to be meeting Davy Jones.”


“I’m just after his booty, Christophe,” Viktor replied, exasperated.


“We’re well aware,” his first mate said with a laugh. Viktor glared at him in response.


“I just don’t understand,” he snarled, pulling the battered compass from his pocket. “Mila said her source swore this would lead me to the greatest treasure of all. A score like that…” He paused, shaking his head. “We’d be set. Could sail however we wanted, wherever we wanted. How the hell did Katsuki end up with something like that?”


Chris looked at him appraisingly. “Y’know, you’ve been fixated on Katsuki ever since…”


“I’m not fixating!


“Right. Of course not. The Silver Tsarevich is above such things as lust or disappointment.”


Viktor bristled, his hand hovering near his hilt. “Was there a reason you’re being more of a pain in my ass than usual? Because you’re treading dangerous waters, Giacometti.”


“Ah, I didn’t think I was the one you wanted to cross swords with, cher. Did I strike too close to the mark?” Chris’s drawl was amused, though his own hand settled casually near his blade.


“Whoa! Am I interrupting something, or can anyone slide into this fencing match?”


Viktor turned at the cheerful voice. Katsuki’s first mate. Of course.


“Ahhh, Phichit, darling,” Chris purred. “Is that a hamster in your pocket or are you just happy to see me, mon petite?”


“NO!” squawked the parrot sitting on the young pirate’s shoulder.


Phichit chuckled, reaching into his pocket and producing…


A hamster.


The tiny creature bore sleek, mottled fur of tan and white and stared up at the dumbfounded pirates with brightly shining little eyes.


“I…honestly was not expecting that,” Christophe admitted as Phichit produced a second wriggling hamster from another pocket.


“You asked,” the man said with a shrug, though the teasing little grin belied his nonchalant pose.


“Ignore him,” Viktor said with a sigh. “I fear my first mate is something of an incorrigible flirt.”


“Perhaps dear Phichit enjoys it,” Chris said with a waggle of his bleached-out brows.


“NO!” the parrot screamed again, drawing a snort from Viktor.


“Well, his pet certainly seems to have an opinion on your flirting, anyway,” he said with a chuckle.


“Not his,” said a flat voice from behind them. Viktor and Chris whirled, their swords clearing their sheaths with ease. The pirate that had snuck up on them was clad all in black leather, dark eyes blank as he stared at them. His aura of menace was heightened by the large silver-grey dogs that flanked him, their lips peeling back as they started to snarl lowly at the tension that filled the air. Viktor absently noted the high-pitched squeak that came from Phichit’s direction.


Probably the hamsters.


“Silent Wolf,” Viktor said warily in greeting. “I’d heard rumors that you’d been kenneled.”


A rustle of feathers filled the air as a brightly colored blur shot past Viktor. The parrot perched on the newcomer’s shoulder, nuzzling its face against the dark pirate’s face before both bird and man turned back to face them.


“NO!” the parrot squawked, following up with an emphatic “DIE!”


Silent Wolf raised an eloquent brow, a tiny smirk of satisfaction dancing around his pale features.


“Ah! Commander Lee!” a familiar voice called, and that smirk twisted into a pout of annoyance before all expression vanished once again from the pirate’s face. 


Kaptain Katsuki rushed past them, dropping to his knees in front of Silent Wolf. Viktor exchanged a shocked glance with his first mate. Anyone who could bring the notorious Kaptain Katsuki to his knees was clearly a pirate to be wary of.


Then the cooing started.


“Who’s the prettiest girl in the seven seas? Is it you? Is it you? And the best boy? Such a good boy! Yes? Oh, my goodness, yes, thank you for kisses, so good…”


Viktor watched incredulously as the dreaded pirate captain rolled around in the sand with a pair of suddenly boisterous huskies. He was a little jealous; they were very pretty doggos.


(And if a teeny part of him wanted that silky voice to call him a good boy, well…nobody need ever know.)


Phichit moved past them, pausing outside of his Kaptain’s exuberant cuddle pile and clearing his throat. Katsuki suddenly seemed to remember his audience, bouncing to his feet and brushing off his pants with an embarrassed little flush gracing his cheeks as he turned in Silent Wolf’s direction.


“I, ah, see you got my message. Thank you for coming,” he offered graciously. A slight nod from the dark pirate was the only response, but it didn’t seem to phase Katsuki. The Kaptain then turned in Viktor and Chris’s direction, his eyes narrowing as he took in the still bare blades. Katsuki sauntered forward, seeming to have regained his composure in an alarmingly rapid fashion. He ran an idle finger up the flat of Viktor’s blade, his cinnamon eyes blazing as he held Viktor’s gaze.


“Ah, ah, ah Captain. I’ll be needing you to stow that away. The only soul you’ll be crossing swords with will be me.”


Viktor swallowed, but sheathed his blade, Christophe following suit a beat later.


Katsuki nodded in satisfaction. “Lovely. If we’re all done measuring our cutlasses here, the Queens would like to see us.” 


Chapter Text

“You know,” Sara said in a conversational tone as she sauntered up to walk beside Yuuri, “I thought parleys were supposed to be a way to avoid things coming to blows.” Yuuri flashed an exasperated grimace in his quartermistress’s direction. Before he could respond, however, he heard a low snort from behind them. Sara halted, turning to face Captain Vik and his first mate. “I’m sorry, did you have something to add?” she asked coolly.


“I was just curious how much they taught you about parleys when you were wearing the royal colors,” Viktor replied seriously, his sea-blue eyes narrowing as he observed the effect of his words. “Although it seems you turned coat quickly enough when you were given the chance.”


Yuuri caught Sara’s arm before she could lunge at the other captain. “Let it go,” he murmured, turning them both back in the direction they’d been heading. Sara bristled at his side but followed him readily enough. He felt a surge of gratitude for his friend’s loyalty. As they reached the gathered group of men and women, she split off to wait for him, joining the Stammi Vicino’s redheaded cook with a glower in Victor’s direction.


Yuuri continued forward until he was in front of the makeshift bower where Lilia and Minako had ensconced themselves. He lowered himself into a bow, awaiting their pleasure. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Victor join him.


“Oh, enough with the bowing and scraping,” Minako snorted. “It suits neither of you, really.”


“I find it perfectly proper,” Lilia sniffed in disagreement.


“You would,” Minako replied, fond amusement heavy in her lilting tone.


Yuuri rose from his bow, wondering yet again how his former mentor could be so utterly terrifying while she strode the decks of her ship, yet so utterly ridiculous when she allowed herself to relax. It was an interesting dichotomy to be sure. So many of his frie… krew were the same, really. Each of the fearsome pirates, save Seung-gil, had two sides to their personalities. Phichit swore Seung-gil had a softer side too, but Yuuri really didn’t want to think about that. He snuck a considering glance in Captain Vik’s direction. Did even the legendary Sea Tsar have another facet hiding behind that untouchable surface?


Viktor rose from his own courtly bow, winking in Yuuri’s direction. Yuuri had clearly been less subtle in his gawking than he’d thought. “See something you like, hmmm, Yuuu~uuuri?” the other captain asked under his breath, accompanying the question with another of those outrageous winks. Yuuri felt himself flush. Viktor was obviously trying to throw him off before their sparring demonstration.


He forced himself to lean back, running an appraising eye up and down Viktor’s long, lean, objectively perfect frame. Feigning a cool nonchalance he was in no way feeling, he shrugged. “I’ve seen better,” he drawled, trying to find satisfaction in the way Viktor’s blue, blue eyes blew wide in shock.


If he didn’t know any better, he’d think there was hurt in those perfect eyes, too. But surely, he was imagining that…


Minako cleared her throat. “If you two are quite finished with…whatever it is that was…I believe a sparring demonstration would make for delightful pre-dinner entertainment,” she said into the sudden silence.


“Of the non-fatal variety,” Lilia added dryly.


Viktor nodded his head curtly. “Of course, if that is the wish of our esteemed Queens, I would be delighted to demonstrate my skills. If Kaptain Katsuki thinks himself up to the match, that is,” he added with a mock bow in Yuuri’s direction.


Yuuri bristled but forced himself to stay calm. “Oh, I believe you’ll find my stamina worthy of your blade, Captain. Just be sure to let me know if you find yourself too winded to continue, I’d not wish to wear you out before our main event.”


Challenge flashed in Captain Vik’s eyes. “So confident,” he murmured. “Very well then, Kaptain, shall we dance?”




Silent Wolf, who apparently was also known as Commander Seung-gil Lee, was selected as mediator for the demonstration. “It’s because he technically works for Kaptain Katsuki, but neither of them seem to be aware of that fact,” Chris muttered in a droll aside to Viktor. Viktor would be far more convinced of Silent Wolf’s supposed neutrality if it weren’t for the way Katsuki’s first mate kept draping himself over the black-leather-clad pirate. Seung-gil didn’t exactly seem to encourage this behavior, but he certainly didn’t seem hasty to discourage it either.


He sidled up to Seung-gil and Phichit, the latter currently doing his best impression of a limpet. 


“You two seem rather, ah, cozy,” Viktor said diffidently.


Seung-gil shifted his attention in Viktor’s direction, the flat, steely-grey gaze sending a chill down the captain’s spine. “And?” the pirate asked, no inflection marking his low voice.


Viktor swallowed. It wasn’t that he was nervous precisely, it was just that Seung-gil was a bit…unnerving. “Just wondered how that might affect your neutrality,” he said delicately.


Seung-gil blinked slowly. “Are you planning on dueling Phichit?”




“Good. Keep it that way,” Seung-gil said, his voice still an eerie monotone as he turned away, apparently considering the conversation ended.


“DIE!” screeched the scarlet parrot on the pirate’s shoulder. Viktor backed away slowly, rejoining Christophe.


“Sooooo,” his first mate sing-songed. “That seemed to go swimmingly!”


“Shut up before I lock you in the brig,” Viktor replied under his breath, sensing rather than seeing Chris’s answering smirk. On the other side of the clearing, Kaptain Katsuki finally made his appearance. Yuuri had removed his jacket and heavily plumaged hat, and Viktor privately noted that the snug leather trousers, high boots and stark white shirt made for a simpler but far more dashing look. Not that he cared.


He’d learned his lesson.


Yuuri’s quartermistress strode proudly at her Kaptain’s side, her violet damask overcoat swaying provocatively as she moved. Viktor had to admit, grudgingly, that they made for a striking pair. The last time he’d seen the so-called Jewel of the Seas she’d been clad in a Naval uniform; Sara Crispino had, quite literally, jumped ship. Of course, the treason had paid off. No longer a lowly Ensign, the Jewel of the Sea shared second-in-command status aboard a notorious vessel.


Something ugly stirred in his gut. He should have known Kaptain Katsuki was weak to a pair of pretty eyes.


“Not sure whose ship you’re aiming to sink, but you should maybe stow that thought for another night, mon ami,” Christophe murmured in his ear as Viktor watched his opponent stretch. “This is supposed to be a friendly display for the Queens, remember? You still have a parley to negotiate after this bit of rigmarole.”


“Of course,” he snarled back, baring his teeth in something approximating a grin. Or a grimace. No matter. “Friendly.”


Across the clearing, Kaptain Katsuki was stretching, chatting idly with his violet-eyed quartermistress as he waggled his hips in a decidedly distracting display. Viktor wasn’t swayed, though. Katsuki was clearly trying to gain the upper hand and Viktor was not so weak as to succumb to such dastardly measures. His focus had to be on the greater booty.


“I believe it is time, Commander Lee,” called out the dreaded Pirate-Queen Minako, her gaze steely as she surveyed the scene before her.


“Yes, pray get on with this demonstration,” Queen Lilia chimed in, her own gaze fixing Viktor with the same fierce deliberation she had bestowed upon him in the days of his youth upon her fabled ship.


“Right,” Silent Wolf said, managing to sound bored despite the excitement filling the rest of the clearing. “You both know how this goes. No killing. No maiming. First blood ends the exhibition. Salute and fight.”


Viktor blinked a bit at the perfunctory introduction but recovered quickly enough to answer Kaptain Katsuki’s swirling salute with a whirl of his own blade.


“On my mark then,” Silent Wolf drawled. “One, two…”




Both captains straightened from their poses, turning to stare incredulously at the black-leather-clad pirate, who was currently whisper-fighting with his bird. He finally turned back to them, a faint tinge of pink highlighting his otherwise expressionless face. “Right. On my mark then,” he said as the combatants settled back into position. “One, two…”



Chapter Text

For a long moment the clearing was silent, aside from the rustling of the leaves in the trees and the occasional cough from one of the onlookers.


Viktor watched the other captain as they slowly began to circle each other. He was reminded of his first mentor’s advice; watch the eyes, old Yakov’s voice seemed to practically echo in his head. Right now, Kaptain Katsuki’s eyes were gleaming like a copper coin in the sunlight, something fierce and determined shining in their warm depths. Viktor swallowed as he glanced down, watching Yuuri’s footwork instead. There was something unnerving about staring too closely into those amber orbs; it stirred things he’d rather leave below deck.


“Are you always so cautious, Captain Vik?” came a low, teasing taunt. Viktor glanced back up, catching the smirk as it crossed his opponent’s face.


“Merely granting you the opportunity for the first move,” he replied, allowing a hint of a purr to curl through his voice. “After all, I’ll be making the last one.”


“Your confidence is nearly as legendary as your sword,” the raven-haired pirate conceded, still circling slowly, “though I’ve yet to encounter any folk with firsthand experience.”


It was his turn to smirk now. “Dead men tell no tales, Kaptain Katsuki.”


His opponent hesitated at that, giving him the opening he’d been looking for. He lunged, aiming to place a slice along the meaty portion of Yuuri’s upper arm. Quick as a whip, Katsuki parried, their blades clashing before the men sprang apart. Victor grimaced. Yuuri didn’t even look winded after the encounter.


“You take a thrust better than I expected,” he admitted as they circled once more.


“Oh, I can handle harder thrusts than that,” came Katsuki’s murmured response. “Though you wield your sword quite well.”


“I’ve had my hand on a sword for many years.”


Kaptain Katsuki danced into striking range, their blades once again meeting as they struggled for dominance. This time they pulled close enough together that Viktor could see the beads of sweat forming, the way those raven locks were slicked back, the panting breaths that parted the plush lips…


With a deft twist of his wrist, Katsuki sent him tumbling backward.


“You’ll find I’m quite familiar with my sword as well,” came a low purr as the Kaptain stalked towards him, accompanied by the cheers of his krew.


“Yes, well, I suppose you practice often,” Viktor conceded as he stayed out of Yuuri’s range. “With your quartermistress, perhaps? I’ve heard the Jewel of the Sea is no bad hand with a sword herself.”


Yuuri blinked, pivoting slowly on his bootheel as he tracked Viktor’s progress around the clearing. “She’s good in a fight, yes,” he replied hesitantly. “As are many on my crew,” he added, raising one brow.


“Can she hold her own against the famed Kaptain Katsuki, though?” Viktor asked, lunging forward once again, the tip of his blade flashing perilously close to the other man’s face, causing him to dance back as he parried. “Can she make you move like this?” Another slash, another parry. Yuuri stumbled, cursing as he scrambled out of Viktor’s reach. Seizing the moment, Viktor advanced in a wild fleche, the point of his sword stopping inches from Yuuri’s throat.


Both men stilled, their eyes locked as they panted in exertion. Yuuri tilted his head back, his slender throat tantalizingly exposed. One little flick to draw blood and this whole farce would end. Viktor steadied his hand on the hilt of his sword…




The whole sparring match had been a puzzle for Yuuri. He’d bided his time as Captain Vik lunged and pranced, his moves aggressive and almost wild in their extravagance. It was…it was almost as if the man were showing off. But for whom? Then the strange fixation on his quartermistress. What was Viktor after with his probing questions? It struck him suddenly that the silver-haired pirate almost sounded…jealous.


Of Sara.


He’d been so startled by the realization that he’d fallen for Captain Vik’s reckless move, the glistening tip of the man’s well-polished blade hovering inches from his throat. Yet his opponent seemed unwilling to press his advantage, reveling in Yuuri’s vulnerability, perhaps. Yuuri tilted his neck, inviting the kiss of the blade that would bring an end to their dance.


“Yield,” came Viktor’s low command, sea blue eyes suddenly stormy as he strained to hold his weapon steady.


Yuuri shifted slightly, his off hand drifting to the small of his back. “You have me at your mercy Captain Vik. A touch of steel and you’ll have claimed your victory over me, for all to see.” He couldn’t understand why the other man was hesitating, couldn’t decipher the raging emotions flickering across those perfect blue eyes. Yuuri shifted his weight, cocking his hips slightly. He was almost surprised at the way his heart rate jumped at the answering little tilt from his opponent.


Viktor never saw it coming, his eyes glued to Yuuri’s throat, his focus too sharp on Yuuri’s sword arm. Yuuri whipped the dagger from its hidden sheath with his left hand, slashing it in an almost gentle cut across Viktor’s cheek as he pivoted out of the other man’s reach. The onlookers gasped at the move, the crew of the Vicchan breaking into cheers as he held the bloodied dagger aloft.


“You cheated,” Viktor gasped, his free hand reaching up to staunch the wound. Yuuri was strangely relieved to see that his aim had been true: the cut had barely broken the skin, there’d be no scar to mar those perfect features.


“We’re pirates, not the royal navy,” he pointed out with a shrug as he sheathed his sword, leaving his dagger loose for cleaning. “I was merely more prepared than you.”


Viktor’s sword hand finally went slack, the tip of his blade hitting the sand in admission of his defeat. A rustle of cloth heralded the arrival of their Seconds, Chris and Sara on hand to be sure nothing else developed.


“You’re different than I expected,” Viktor murmured softly, yielding his sheathed sword to his first mate.


Yuuri shrugged, passing his own weapons off to Sara as he prepared to greet the Queens. “I’d apologize, but it would be dishonest.”


“You misunderstand me,” the silver pirate replied earnestly. “I like surprises.” The taller man brushed past him, leading the way to where the Pirate Queens awaited them.


“Careful, Kaptain,” his quartermistress muttered. “It could be a ploy.”


“Right, I know. He’s after something, some treasure he claims I hold on board our ship.”


Sara glanced at him, her violet eyes sparking in the sunlight. “Aye. He’s looking to board something, alright. I imagine he wouldn’t mind walking your plank when the sun goes down.”


Yuuri shook his head. “I haven’t the slightest clue what you’re on about, me hearty.”


She chuckled as they reached the Queens. “Oh, I think you savvy just fine,” she concluded with a smirk as they halted beside Chris and Captain Vik. 




Viktor felt adrift, his sea legs lost from under him as he stood before the Queens. Kaptain Katsuki stood tall and proud at his side, seeming almost smug in his victory. He should have felt angry at the Kaptain’s trickery, should have felt embarrassed by his loss. Instead, he brushed his hand against the still tingling cut on his cheek as he listened to Minako and Lilia effuse praise upon the wily, raven-haired pirate. No, he wasn’t angry or ashamed. He felt…



Somehow, he feared rum would do little to solve this dilemma. 


Katsuki dipped into one of his ridiculously low bows, his quartermistress echoing in a graceful curtsy of her own. Viktor hastened to follow suit, Chris a half-beat ahead of him. 


By the time he straightened, Kaptain Katsuki and his violet-eyed shadow had already turned to leave, striding from the clearing with sure steps.


“You fought well, Captain,” Queen Minako conceded, one hand waving languidly as she accepted a goblet from a man that Viktor vaguely recognized as the Vicchan ’s cook. 


“You were distracted,” Lilia sniffed in disagreement. 


“As if you don’t know why,” Minako said to her partner, one brow arching in the direction of the departed Kaptain Katsuki.


Lilia sighed, shaking her head. “I taught you better. He taught you better. I expect to see you more focused at the parley tomorrow morning.”


“Fairly certain you’re supposed to at least pretend to be a neutral party,” Minako murmured sotto voce. She blithely ignored the withering glare Lilia aimed in her direction. Viktor heard Chris chuckle at his side. 


“Ah…if that’s all, my ladies?” Viktor asked, tentatively, nodding at Minako’s dismissive little wave. He turned on his heel, feeling Chris still at his side as he strode out of the clearing. 


“You were distracted,” his first mate purred, echoing Lilia’s words.


“Not in the mood, Christophe,” he bit out. He ran a finger along the cut on his cheek, finding a strange sort of clarity in the faint flash of pain.


“You should let Morooka take a look at that,” his first mate said, a hint of concern in his voice. 


Viktor shrugged, pausing to lean against a palm tree now that they were out of hearing range of the clearing. “It’s shallow, shouldn’t even scar.”


“Our lovely Kaptain knew what he was doing, it would seem.”


Viktor tipped his head back against the trunk. “So it would seem.”




“You almost let him beat you.”


Yuuri ignored his quartermistress, eager to get out of earshot before giving in to his clamoring nerves. 


“Yuuuri!” Sara called after him, a teasing lilt to her voice. “It’s okay if you still like him.” 


Yuuri spun, glaring suspiciously at his friend. “What do you mean, still? I don’t like Captain Vik. He’s dangerous.”


You’re dangerous,” Sara reminded him. “You’re also human. Both of you are. I think. I mean, he might be some sort of siren, I guess?”


Yuuri threw her a withering glare. She grinned sweetly at him. 


“Sorry, boss. But…you ever think that maybe he’s after more than just your booty?” she asked, her voice softer than usual. 


“I don’t even have any booty! I spent most of our coin on food for the dog fleet!”


Sara rolled her eyes for some reason, then threw her hands up. “I’m going to go see what Mila is up to. You go…do what you do best. Y’know, the oblivious thing.”


Yuuri glared at his supposed underling. “Rude.”


“You know I love you,” Sara called teasingly over her shoulder.


He watched her leave, then leaned against the nearest tree, tilting his head back as he finally allowed himself to get lost in his swirling thoughts. 

Chapter Text

The sun was beginning to set by the time Yuuri’s thoughts had cleared enough to lift his head from the thick tree trunk. With a luxurious moan he stretched his neck, rolling his shoulders in a deep stretch to clear the tension that had settled in since the sparring match.


“Ah…am I interrupting?”


Yuuri snapped upright, his brain freezing at the sight of Captain Nikiforov standing a plank’s breadth away. Something akin to shock had blown the silver-blond’s pupils wide as he stared at Yuuri.


“You seem surprised to see me, Captain Vik,” Yuuri said, striving to keep his voice steady. Had the other man sought him out? Was he looking for revenge after Yuuri’s somewhat questionably attained victory?


“Surprised to see you alone, perhaps,” the other pirate muttered, something almost bitter in his tone.


Yuuri raised an inquisitive brow, almost without thought. “Y’know, I’m honestly not sure what that’s supposed to mean. I’m well able to watch my own back.”


Vik… Captain Vik gave a short bow. “As you’ve proven. My apologies for intruding on your solitude. I shall not do so any longer.”




Viktor turned back to him, gaze inquisitive. Yuuri felt himself flushing. “Ah, well, that is…if you’re just seeking a quiet place away from the hordes, I’m not averse to company.”


The tall silver-blond hesitated for a long moment before nodding. “Aye. I suppose I have no desire to join in the revelry.” He smiled wryly, then moved a bit closer. “I’ll not lie. You know your way around a blade. I was…impressed.”


Yuuri felt himself preening slightly at the unexpected praise. “You’ve a deft hand yourself. Though I’m glad to hear you see more than just my booty when you look at me now.”


In a lightning quick change of mood, Captain Vik pressed closer, slamming his hand onto the trunk near Yuuri’s head. “Do not trifle with me Kaptain. I will have your booty. You cannot deny me the treasure I’ve been promised!”


Yuuri swallowed. “And I have told you, Captain. I hold nothing which you can possibly desire!”




Viktor couldn’t help himself, he felt as a ship drawn by a whirlpool, Yuuri’s pull just as inexorable. He tilted precariously close to the other pirate, his hand drifting to the front of that ridiculously ruffled shirt…


Kaptain Katsuki shoved him away and Viktor overbalanced, his hand tangling in the loose linen and dragging the raven-haired man down with him. Yuuri landed in his lap and Viktor had a moment to acknowledge the surge of lust that the action produced in his long-deprived body.


“Oh. It seems you’ve raised your mizzen-mast,” Yuuri gasped.


“Aye, Kaptain,” Viktor replied, rocking his hips a bit. “I fear you should prepare to be boarded.” He leaned down, finally giving in to the urge to plunder those plush lips.


“Ahhh,” Yuuri shuddered. “Shiver me timbers…”


“Oh,” Viktor purred. “I fully intend to.”




Yuuri found himself wondering if he was in some sort of fever dream as he slipped furtively onto his abandoned ship, Viktor a warm shadow wrapped like some sort of strange octopus around his back. He’d given chase to the silver legend for years, yet there had been a predatory look in those bright eyes that made him feel as if he was the prize in Nikiforov’s net.


He shook his head to clear the strange thoughts, cocking his ear to listen for any of his krew that may have decided to eschew the fireside festivities. He’d seen lanterns lit on the decks of the Almavivo, so he suspected that his first mate, at the least, would not be in his neighboring quarters anytime soon. Viktor’s hand dipped teasingly low on his hip and he promptly banished all thoughts of his krew, focusing instead on the soft lips pressing hot kisses into the crook of his neck, the hard presence he suspected was a blade of the fleshly variety.


They stumbled somehow on the smooth boards of the darkened deck, Yuuri guiding them by muscle memory to his door and thanking Poseidon for the foresight of shipping off his furry companions with Seung-gil weeks ago. Deftly, he spun, Viktor’s knees colliding with the bunk as the taller man collapsed onto the mattress. In the dim lighting, the man looked ethereal, and he felt a stirring in his loins in answer to Viktor’s siren call. Yuuri plucked at the cords of his trousers, staring down at the treasure sprawled out before him.


“So, Captain, I hear you desire my booty…”




As Yuuri shed his layers, Viktor felt like a man long deprived of drink, each inch of skin like a drop of water for his parched throat. Laid bare, Yuuri licked his lips, looking like the picture of sin.


“I believe it’s customary for both parties to be unclothed. I don’t intend to take a flyer,” the Kaptain said, a smirk twisting his lips as Viktor hastened to comply. He shimmied back on the bed a bit as he worked the snug leather over his thighs, taking pleasure in the way Katsuki’s eyes widened as he freed himself.


“See something you like?” he purred. Yuuri pressed closer, caressing his chest, leaving a trail of fire on Viktor’s skin. The Kaptain leaned down, caging him within slender but strong arms, still silent as he stole a searing kiss. Both men groaned into the embrace as their below decks began to take active interest in the proceedings. Viktor reached up, pulling the other man closer as he ran his hands down that muscled back, finally settling on the ample swell that had so bewitched him. Perhaps there was something to be said for fleshly booty over cold metal and jewels after all.


With effort, Viktor flipped them so that he could peer down at Katsuki’s panting chest and molten amber eyes. “My dear Kaptain,” he said tauntingly, his hips pressing down in a teasing thrust. “Would you fancy a rematch?” He moved again, biting his lip at the sensation of Katsuki rising up to meet him, thrust and parry, as well matched here as they had been on the sparring grounds. Viktor rarely fancied a scuttling, but as Yuuri’s eyes blew wide with lust, the thin band of iris turned almost scarlet with desire in the thin moonlight, he wanted nothing more than to be pulled under the cresting waves of this heated moment. He gasped as Yuuri nipped at his shoulder, tilting his head to buss the plush lips once more. “Finally. I finally have you, I won’t let you run this time,” Viktor gasped.


Yuuri rolled them once more. “I’ve no notion of your meaning,” the raven-haired beauty choked between panting breaths, “but I fully intend to make sure you remember my name.”




Yuuri woke in a mess of tangled sheets and mingled limbs, the early morning sun spilling out over the vision sprawled out at his side. In slumber, the dreaded Sea Tsar was softer, almost ethereal. Carefully, Yuuri sat up, unwilling to wake the other man just yet. He wasn’t sure why Captain Vik had surrendered so willingly to Yuuri’s lustful urges; some sort of ruse to get onto the Vicchan to seek out his desired treasure, Yuuri could only suppose. Still, as he stretched, luxuriating in the pleasurable ache, he couldn’t bring himself to regret their brief dip into the seas of passion.


Tentatively, he reached out a hand to brush the fine silver strands from Viktor’s eyes, smiling as the fearsome pirate nuzzled into his touch. He’d spent half his life trying to meet the legendary Captain Vik on the seas upon which he reigned. He could never have imagined being here, Viktor so soft and unguarded. He could never have imagined that they would…


“FUCK!” came an ear-piercing shriek, wrenching Viktor from his repose and startling Yuuri off the bed entirely. He crawled back off the floor, bemused by the sight of the dreaded Captain Vik stark naked, glaring indignantly at a bright green parrot.


“I thought that feathered menace was red,” Viktor said suspiciously, his eyes still narrowed.


Yuuri felt a strange urge to giggle as he plucked the note from the parrot’s proffered leg. “That’s Mambo. This is her sister, Mango.”


“There’s two of them,” Viktor muttered under his breath. “How charming.”


Yuuri gave in to his urge, laughing at the put-out expression on the pirate Captain’s dashingly disheveled features. He unrolled the note, his amusement fading as he read the message. Sudden heat covered his skin as Viktor draped himself over Yuuri’s back, peering down inquisitively at the note.


“The Queens have summoned us,” Yuuri said, knowing his brief, idyllic interlude had passed. “Seems they’re ready to proceed with the parley.”