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Lullaby

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You were roused from your sleep by the bed dipping. Your eyes slowly opened and were met with the sight of your husband holding your four month old daughter with his back to you. Jim seemed unaware of your consciousness as he started talking to the fussing bundle in his arms.

“Little one, you’ll wake your momma. Let’s let her sleep.”

The baby continued to be upset, so Jim started rocking her gently back and forth. He started singing lowly, getting into a rhythm with his movements.

“Bones sinking like stones

All that we’ve fought for

Homes, places we’ve grown

All of us are done for

We live in a beautiful world

Yeah we do

Yeah we do

We live in a beautiful world”

You recognized the song, so you started humming along to the melody. Jim turned around, your daughter no longer crying in his arms. Sitting yourself up against the headboard, you turned to your infant. “Good morning, my darling Ella. Are you hungry?” you cooed softly.

Jim placed her in your arms and kissed you lovingly on the cheek. “Good morning, Love. I didn’t wake you did I?”

“No you didn’t, I just woke up naturally,” you replied while you started nursing.

You sat there for a few minutes while your daughter ate, a comfortable silence settling over you small family. Jim sat with his arm around your shoulder, rubbing circles on your arm.

After feeding Ella, you get dressed and start to make breakfast. While you’re turning pancakes on the stove, Jim comes up behind you to wrap his arms around your waist, your back against his chest. James starts swaying you both back and forth, humming along to the song he was singing your daughter earlier. You sigh happily, letting yourself relax with your husband.

The moment is bittersweet though because you know that Jim leaves for another mission in the morning. This time he will be gone for at least three months, and you will miss him terribly. And so will Ella. It’s torture for Jim, having to leave his wife and daughter so soon after becoming a family, but it’s all part of the job s a starship captain. You’re content in the moment, though, your husband swaying you softly and your daughter cooing happily in her seat behind you.

That night, you and Jim have put Ella to sleep and are sitting in your room together. Jim’s just finished packing, and you both are talking about the mission.

“We’re just going on a diplomatic mission to a planet that Starfleet wants to become allied with. You shouldn’t worry about me, unless I die of boredom in political meetings,” Jim assures you, trying to lighten the mood.

“You promise? Because it’ll be hard enough being without you for three months, I don’t know what I’d do if…” you cut yourself off as you wiped your tears away.

Jim hugged you tight to his chest, shushing you as he tried to keep his own tears from falling. He would miss you so much.

I am in love with you, YN, and I will come back to you. I promise.”

You felt comforted by Jim’s words and willed yourself to relax into Jim’s side as he sang to you the tune from earlier in the day.

“We live in a beautiful world

Yeah we do

Yeah we do

We live in a beautiful world

all that I know

There’s nothing here to run from

here

Everybody here’s got somebody to lean on”

You fell asleep curled against your husband, dreaming of your family and friends returning safely on the Enterprise.

Jim watched as you slept. You had made him promise to wake you before he left, but he just couldn’t bring himself to disturb your peace in the early hours of dawn. Jim pressed a kiss to your forehead before picking up his packed bag and exiting your room. He knew you would be angry when you woke up and he wasn’t there, but goodbyes always seem too final. He would most definitely see you again.

Jim made his way to the nursery, rubbing his hand along Ella’s back and humming quietly to her. “I love you. I’m gonna miss you, my bug.” He kissed her cheek and slipped into the hallway and out the front door, but not before leaving an envelope for you on the rocking chair beside your daughter’s crib.

You awoke later in the morning, automatically reaching for the other side of the bed where Jim should be. You mutter his name sleepily, hoping he would answer from somewhere in your shared bedroom, but there is no reply. You groggily open your eyes, doing a quick search of the space and coming up empty. Unwilling to believe that Jim would leave without saying goodbye, you rose from the bed and walked around your apartment but found no-one.

Giving up on the search for your husband, you decided to check on your daughter. Ella was still sleeping peacefully in her crib and you relaxed a little. As you made to exit the nursery, something caught your eye. Sitting in a rocking chair was an envelope with your name written on it in Jim’s handwriting. You picked it up and sat down in the chair, deciding to read it right then and there.

Dear Y/N,

I am so sorry for letting you sleep but I just couldn’t bother you. I know you’re angry with me for not saying goodbye in person, but you can yell at me when I get back, or over video message. I hope this letter will do for now, though. I will miss you, and I am already looking forward to coming home to you and Ella. I apologize for having to leave, but duty calls. I’m not very eloquent, which you know. I just wanted to tell you how much I love you. I will miss you so much, and I already do. You and Ella take care of yourselves, I’ll be home before you know it.

Love, Jim.

You smiled through the tears that began to fall and relaxed back into your seat. You would miss him so much, but he would be back and he made a promise. James Tiberius Kirk had never broken a promise to you, and you knew he would move mountains to get back to you and your daughter. After you make a mental reminder to call your husband and chide him later, you saw Ella stirring out of the corner of your eye.

As you pick her up in your arms and start to feed her breakfast, you hum that same song that Jim was singing yesterday. You know that the next three months will not be easy but at the end of it, you’ll have Jim back. And that is all that matters.