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Name Calling

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“Gabriel.” Beelzebub snapped their fingers in the Archangel’s general direction, “Pay attention or I’ll make you pay attention.”

Gabriel who had been absentmindedly looking out the window of the cafe they were meeting in turned his head to look at them. He blinked a few times like his brain was trying to do a hard reboot. After a long moment, his eyes went wide and sparkled.

Beelzebub’s expression immediately darkened, concerned about whatever was going on in the Angel’s head. They hated when he got this expression, it usually meant he had thought of something annoying.


“I think this is the first time you’ve ever called me by my real name,” Gabriel said with enthusiasm.

“No.” They paused and then realized with horror he might actually be right, “Z-ZZhut up.”

“It is .” He said clapping his hands together, “Oh this is exciting. Over time, I’ve noticed you never address me by name and instead default to rude, derogatory terms. It was honestly really offensive and I took it very personally for a while, but then I figured it must part of a Demon's nature so I decided to be the bigger celestial being and not hold it against you.”

They gave him an exasperated look. "What, like I'm not able to invoke your name in person or something stupid?” 


"Presumptuouzzzz...You know nothing of Demonzz.” 

“Well my experiences are limited,” Gabriel responded, unperturbed. “Mostly to interactions with you.”

Beelzebub rolled their eyes, “Dumbazz.”

“Okay, now this feels more familiar.”


“You do also like that one.”


“A classic.”


“Having a little trouble there, hm?” he half mocked, commenting on their extended buzzing.

“Bird brain,” Beelzebub spat back but there was no force behind it and they weren’t able to stop themselves from grinning. They would never admit it, but they were actually having the tiniest bit of fun with this.

“A new one! But not very well thought out,” he mused, “since you also have feathers, even if you never show them.”

"Urg," it was so obnoxious when he was correct about something, “Bane of my entire existenzze...”

“I thought that was Crowley?” Gabriel grinned at his own jab.

Beelzebub raised an eyebrow at him. Had he just told a joke? One of the strongest and most upstanding of God’s soldiers, known for being unable to understand the most basic social graces, had just told a goddamn joke about the failed Apocalypse. They almost laughed.

“Alright, alright.” they huffed out and crossed their arms. “...Gabriel.” 

He beamed.