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In the comfort of your arms

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Doyoung doesn’t get jealous; in fact, he vows to never do so. The bubbling, uneasy feeling that is called envy or jealousy is a waste of energy he thinks, pulling his freshly cleaned blankets over him and snuggling into it. But, as he ponders more, hugging the nearest pillow he could find (not sure if it’s his or Mark’s), if there’s anything he wishes he could have, is that he wishes he had energy. 

You see, as long as Kim Dongyoung could remember, he’s only had limited amounts of it. In the past, he tried his best to change how his body worked, attempting to make it stronger to withstand the long days that drain the life out of him—but in the end, it just made him more tired. He isn’t as high tension as Johnny, who can sleep for three hours, endlessly perform and go to the gym, all before doing his nightly radio show. Or as physically and strong minded to stay positive when switching between different group schedules like Haechan or Mark, though the latter gets more grumpy. 

Doyoung closes his eyes, enjoying the darkness it gives — definitely a blissful break from all the studio lights and camera flashes. He loves laying down, ignoring the world in which eyes are constantly on him. As much as he loves getting all this recognition, he still can’t help but have this grey cloud just floating around him, doubting how much of it he actually deserves. So, at times like these, he feels guilty for loving the way he drowns in the comfort of his bed, rather than singing his heart out for hours to days on end... no, he tries to stop the negative chain of thoughts that are clouding his brain. Doyoung pulls the pillow up to his face and releases frustrated screams into it, until a knock at his shared room’s door stops the sad act. 

“Doyoungie, is this a bad time?” 

A voice that he is very familiar with fills the room, making him scramble upwards to fix his hair as he jumps over Mark’s bed to unlock the door. 

“Hey,” he awkwardly said, scratching his hair and avoiding eye contact with the only member who’s able to make the butterflies that reside in his stomach flutter. “Uh, is there anything you need, Jaehyun?” he asks, stepping aside to let him enter, while waiting for the younger to answer. 

Jaehyun simply hums and walks across the room to his bed, looking around first, before sitting down. Doyoung lets out a sigh and smiles at him, which is returned with the sweetest dimpled smile he would ever receive in his life. 

“So, why the sudden visit?” He walks towards Jaehyun, putting his hands on his hip and stands still. 

“Can’t I visit my boyfriend for no reason?” Jaehyun asks back with a teasing smile, which Doyoung rolls his eyes at. 

The room grows silent and Doyoung gets tired, again , motioning to him to scoot over so he could lay half down. “I don’t believe that,” he finally replies, after getting into a more comfortable position, peering to see his man’s reaction. 

Jaehyun catches on fast and moves to the other side of the bed, sitting crossed legged as he starts massaging Doyoung’s shoulders. “Well, you looked down when we came back, just wanted to ask how you are.” 

Doyoung simply smiles at the response. He pulls himself up to mirror his sitting position, much to Jaehyun’s protest, who is telling him he should lay down and rest more. Although he agrees laying down more sounds amazing, at this moment he’d rather find comfort in the arms of Jaehyun than his blankets. Or both of them together, at the same time. 

“I’m fine, just a bad day for me,” he finally replies. Doyoung puts Jaehyun’s arms apart so that he can snake into them. Jaehyun chuckles at the way he attempts to snuggle into his chest, which he easily allows. He, too, loves the way the elder feels against him, when Doyoung gets comfortable enough and hangs onto Jaehyun’s neck, legs looped around him. He continues on to give Doyoung comforting touches, trying his best to absorb the tiredness out of him. Rubbing his back in the beginning, then switching between combing his hair and petting him. 

“Want to talk about it?” Jaehyun asks, pulling back to observe Doyoung’s face, cupping it in the process. “No?” he adds, drawing circles with his thumb at his cheek. 

Still not responding, Doyoung pushes his face to Jaehyun’s hand, loving the contact he is getting from it. 

“Doyoungie,” he asks more seriously and stares intensely into his eyes. But the only response he gets is his silence and a pout. Too cute, Jaehyun thinks out loud and smiles stupidly as he watches a wave of pink flush grow on the other one’s cheek. 

“Oh, god,” Doyoung whispers and retracts his arm to pinch his cheeks. 

“Ouch,” Jaehyun rubs his cheeks but goes back to admiring his boyfriend’s face. “Hey, your cheeks and ears are matching,” he giggles. 

Doyoung nods his head, dismissing what he just heard and plays with Jaehyun’s earlobe instead, then ever so gently touching his eyebrows before poking his dimples. 

“You really are good at avoiding my questions,” Jaehyun goes back to their initial topic, and true to his words, Doyoung is still ignoring it. 

Choosing to graze his thumbs over Jaehyun’s lips, Doyoung mutters, “it’s so soft,” making the younger one so much shyer until he stops breathing for a second. Doyoung finally breaks into a wider smile at the sight of his handsome boyfriend completely falling apart and turning red because of a small compliment. He can’t help himself but go down for a kiss, lifting Jaehyun’s chin with his thumb as his hand rests in the crook of his neck. It’s a fleeting sensation, not hungry or rushed, but just right for that moment. Doyoung doesn’t add in any more pressure than he can muster, simply enjoying having their lips touched and synched. 

Until Jaehyun pulls them apart, that is. “Doyoung, I love you, but please answer me,” he tries to continue, but gets cut off by a quick peck. 

“So why are you up here so late?” Doyoung asks him. Jaehyun shakes his head at another attempt at avoiding his question, while Doyoung smiles a small and pleading smile. 

Jaehyun gets the message and goes on to explain how Mark is now in his and Haechan’s room, and how he hasn’t left the youngest’s side, ever since he came back from his recovery. “It’s cute though,” he continues his story, “Hyuckie is playing hard to get, Mark is confused why he isn’t getting his attention like he’s used to, and I think Hyuck is enjoying making him get a taste of his own medicine.” 

Doyoung hums to confirm he’s indeed listening. 

“But really, I came here for you, my love,” and with that finally Jaehyun ends his story. Doyoung stares at him like a deer (bunny) caught in the headlights, but inside he wants to swoon into oblivion at that very second. The bedroom they’re currently in feels a lot brighter, the blankets and pillows that surround them suddenly are a lot softer, and all he wants is to melt into him. 

He appreciates how his boyfriend is caring and attentive, but also careful enough to not push all his buttons when doing so. He can’t help but fall deeper in love with the way he’s handling him at the moment. Doyoung holds Jaehyun’s face like it’s fine china and caresses it. “How is that face of yours so perfect?” 

Jaehyun laughes at the sudden comment. “Seriously?” he replies. 

“I mean, I just love your face,” he says, feeling hot and flushed at how shameless that compliment was. 

“Ouch, Doie, do you really love me for my face only,” Jaehyun responds, feigning hurt. 

“No, you dork,” he reaches his arm out for a hug and buries himself back into his neck, resting his chin on his shoulder. “I love all of you,” he whispers. 

Jaehyun wraps his arm around the fragile boy’s body and deepens the embrace. “I know, love,” he’s patting his back now, “but I think you have the loveliest face, and are the most perfect person in the whole wide world,” he compliments him back. 

Doyoung pulls them apart to give him a disgusted look. “No, I don’t, my face is boring and the only interesting thing about it is that I look like a damn rabbit—” 

“—the cutest rabbit you mean.” 

Doyoung ignores him (again). “My skin so dull and weak, and on days I can barely sleep I breakout like no tomorrow, and I have this scar near my lips which frustrates the makeup artists since it creases the foundation easily, and then I get so tired easily that I feel much better sitting down rather than dancing, which is a shitty thing to think off,” Doyoung finally lets out and starts to breathe heavily. 

Jaehyun frowns at the breakdown his boyfriend’s experiencing, but is half relieved he’s finally able to let it out for him. Of all the things the world has to offer, he only wishes his Doyoung gets the best out of it. “Thank you for telling me this,” Jaehyun kisses his forehead. “And I’m sorry you think this way,” he says, planting another kiss on his left cheek. “Because in my opinion, every part of you is beautiful,” he kisses Doyoung left eyelids, then moves on to the right one. “Even, no, especially your scars,” he kisses the spot he’s mentioned, right next to the corner of his lips. “It just shows how lovely and beautiful of a human being you are, Doyoungie,” he says, as he cups his face and pecks his nose, “please know that.”

Doyoung is too tired, physically and emotionally, to reply so he just nods, at a loss of words and overwhelmed by the love he is receiving. 

“We all have our bad days, but it’s just one day. We all, you included, have the right to feel down and to rest, recharge,” he reassures him. “Everyone is different, Doyoung, so please, it is okay to feel down and it sure doesn’t devalue anything you have done so far.” 

Doyoung is so utterly grateful, even if he only manages to show it by choking out a tiny thank you. 

Jaehyun’s dimple reappears and he smiles at how calm Doyoung has become. He kisses away the little tears that have escaped and continues to carefully place kisses all over his face. They act as a reminder to what he’s just said, making sure it locks down into his memory permanently. 

Doyoung gives him sleepy smile and glances down at his lips, and no more words are needed. Jaehyun lifts Doyoung off him, laying him down slowly on his back and making sure he’s fully tucked in and relaxed, before going down for a kiss. It’s one of the sweetest they have shared, so comforting and longful that he can feel his energy transferring through each movement. When they break it off to catch their breaths, Jaehyun goes in once more, this time shorter but still as sweet. He kisses the top of his head one last time, before getting off the bed to turn on the night lamp on the desk and walking to the door to switch off the lights. Coming back to bed, only illuminated by the dim light coming from the bedside table, he’s still able to faintly see the content on Doyoung’s face. Jaehyun feels like a kid at the moment, like a child finally achieving to cross over the jungle gym. He feels proud that he has been able to successfully aid his beloved back to comfort, he hopes that by tomorrow Doyoung is able to feel more at ease. Feeling more satisfied than ever, he also lays beside him and falls into the night.