(Present - 8pm)
Jungkook is used to this. He’s used to the deep-seeded pain he currently feels in his chest, however, no matter how used to it he is, it doesn’t make it any more bearable. It feels as though his heart is being squeezed in the hands of a man with impossible strength and shoved into his throat to block his airway. He knows he doesn’t have any right to feel the way he does but he can’t help it. He can’t breathe, not like it makes the pain better anyway. The sky is dark above him though he doesn’t even bother to stop and look at the stars. He isn’t interested in anything other than getting the pain to stop.
He walks down the sidewalk, arms crossed as tightly as possible over his chest to try and numb it even just a bit. All he can register is the sound of air being inhaled through his nostrils every time he has to stop the snot from trailing down to his lip along with his sneakers scuffing against the cement. He wishes it was cooler out. His body is hot, his face is hot, his chest is hot. If he wasn’t too focused on the hurt in his heart, he’d probably think his body was failing on him.
He hadn’t planned on going anywhere in particular. His vessel walking aimlessly while his brain is busy spitting nasty things into his ears as well as flashing images of Hyeon’s smile behind his eyelids. His eyelids that he just wants to shut for as long as his brain will let him. So when he ends up in front of large glass windows with light that makes him squint, he snaps back to reality rather quickly. It takes him a few moments to realize exactly where he is, still a bit out of it, but the head of purple-grey hair on the opposite side of the glass makes it clear. Yoongi’s cafe.
Yoongi is a few years older than Jungkook, however a few inches shorter than the younger. Jungkook had liked to tease him about that. Yoongi had happily taken over his parent’s cafe when they had decided to retire, something Jungkook liked to tease him about as well. You see, if you were to see Min Yoongi on the street you’d probably think he was a delinquent. Well, the older generations would think so anyway. The man has tattoos that travel from his neck to his wrists and an eyebrow piercing to match but Jungkook thought it was cool. He thought Yoongi was cool. Still thinks he’s cool, even though someone who looks like such a badass knows how to create such perfect designs atop a latte.
The two had met on an afternoon, the environment similar to the one he was in now, just colder and without the heartache. Jungkook had been standing at the bus stop just outside of the cafe, his jacket pulled so tightly around him he was surprised he was able to breathe. He had forgotten his bus pass at his apartment and thanks to that, he’d missed the bus he needed to make. The wind felt like ice against his skin and he was thankful no one else was around to hear the whimper that pushed past his lips, or so he thought.
“Uh, excuse me,” the voice came from right behind him, startling Jungkook and making him yelp- yet another embarrassing noise leaving the body of a 19-year-old man, “You look freezing. Do you want to wait inside?” Jungkook felt his eyes widen involuntarily at the sight of the man standing in the doorway to what looked like a coffee shop. He had icy blonde hair, Jungkook was a sucker for boys that could pull off a hair color other than black or brown- anything natural like his own, and… tattoos. A lot of tattoos. Jungkook had never really been exposed to people with that much ink adorning their skin and thought to himself that damn, he’d been missing out.
“U-um no it’s… it’s okay. I can’t miss the bus so-”
“Nonsense,” the man, who Jungkook now realized had a silver ring around the end of his eyebrow, replied, “I’ll get you a drink. On the house.” The blonde stepped aside, opening the glass door a bit wider for Jungkook to fit through.
Jungkook bit his lip, bouncing on the soles of his feet slightly as he glanced in the direction the bus would be arriving from. Seeing no sign of the said bus, he nodded once and grabbed his backpack from the sidewalk. He couldn’t help but smile sheepishly and stare at his feet as he walked by the other man, into the coffee shop. The warm air hit his skin instantly, causing Jungkook to sigh loudly enough for the other to hear while freeing the tension from his shoulders.
“Here, follow me.” The man said, motioning for Jungkook to follow him to the barstools aligning a long island that had a large menu behind it. Jungkook dropped his bag to the floor once again and made himself comfortable on one of the stools. “Coffee or hot chocolate?
Jungkook thought for a moment. He’d already had coffee this morning, he probably didn’t need any more caffeine. “Hot chocolate,” he replied softly, placing his hands between his thighs in an attempt to warm them up faster. He watched as the blonde grabbed a mug, white with yellow detailing on the handle, and held it under a machine. “I’m Yoongi,” he, who Jungkook now knew as Yoongi, said, “What’s your name?”
“Oh- um, I’m Jungkook.” He cursed himself mentally for being so shy. He was the typical “introvert until you get to know him” type of person. With his friends he was loud and obnoxious, laughing and telling stupid jokes and fighting over who cheated at whatever game they were occupied with.
Yoongi smiled softly in response and Jungkook’s stomach felt funny. Yoongi’s smile reminded him of his childhood cat’s smile when he was asleep in the sun. Idly he wondered if Yoongi would purr if he were warm as well. Jungkook was shaken out of his thoughts when a mug was slid across the counter landing just in front of him. He smiled softly, moving his hands from between his thighs to wrap around the mug. “Thanks,” he replied quietly, for the first time thankful that his hands were being burnt.
Yoongi nodded in response, clasping his hands together and leaning forward to rest his forearms on the countertop. He looked kind, Jungkook thought. He had kind eyes. Jungkook felt his cheeks become warm and looked down to the drink in his hands instead, internally blaming the drink for the warmth, but he knew better.
The two didn’t talk much for the short time Jungkook was there. However, it wasn’t awkward and he silently thanked whoever was listening for that though he quickly realized that he wouldn’t have minded hearing Yoongi’s voice for hours… was that weird? Yoongi asked whether or not Jungkook was in uni to which Jungkook replied with a groan and a simple “yeah, it sucks.” Yoongi had laughed at that. Jungkook liked his laugh- add that to the list of things. Yoongi asked what his major was and Jungkook told him photography. When the elder has asked what Jungkook wanted to do with that, he’d just shrugged replying with, “dunno. Just like it, I guess.”
Jungkook asked Yoongi if he was in uni as well to which Yoongi chuckled awkwardly while scratching the back of his neck. He then told Jungkook that he’d dropped out after his freshman year, no longer having the money to support himself through it. Jungkook didn’t ask why didn’t want to intrude on a possibly sensitive topic. Yoongi told Jungkook that he enjoyed music, piano to be exact. Jungkook was surprised, thinking that Yoongi’s visuals didn’t go with the stereotype of the typical piano player and Yoongi laughed at his expression. He was used to that response, he had said.
The younger of the two glanced around the cafe, a confused look on his face as he turned back to Yoongi. “How come there’s no one here?”
Yoongi let out a breath that sounded more like a laugh and stood up straight, crossing his arms over his stomach. “We close at 1 pm on weekends,” he replied simply, a barely-there, yet still so warm, smile playing on his lips.
“Oh,” Jungkook replied, looking back down to his drink only for a moment before meeting Yoongi’s gaze again. Why did eye contact with a coffee shop employee make his cheeks feel hot? “What time is it?”
Yoongi hummed, barely audible in response and pulled up his sleeve to look at the face of his watch. Nice tattoos, Jungkook noted. Nice watch too. “1:30.” Yoongi replied, not bothering to push his sleeve back down and Jungkook’s eyes widened, “shit,” he whispered to himself, instantly feeling guilt bubbling up in his stomach. He sighed, running a hand over his face, “I kept you here, huh. You probably wanted to leave I-I know work sucks who would want to stay longer than they have to I’m sor-” The younger was cut off by the sound of laughter which caused him to peek through his fingers and drop his hand back onto the wooden table. “What’s so funny?” Jungkook wondered, nose scrunching up in confusion.
Yoongi stopped laughing, his cheeks heating up and Jungkook noticed but wasn’t exactly sure why. Little did he know Yoongi thought Jungkook looked like a bunny when he scrunched his nose up and it may or may not have made his heart stutter in his chest. “Ah, nothing just-” the blonde bit his lip before shaking his head, shrugging off the question, “you didn’t keep me here I invited you in. Don’t worry about it.”
A faint smile formed on Jungkook’s face in response to that and he nodded, blushing for what felt like the hundredth time. God, it felt as though he were a flustered manga character and he tried to ignore how embarrassing that was.
Jungkook had made it halfway through his hot chocolate when the bus arrived, their conversation being cut short by him gasping and almost falling off the stool to grab his bag. “Um, thank you.” Jungkook murmured, fiddling with the strap on his backpack as he stared at the counter, too shy to make eye contact with the blonde. “for the drink I mean, um-” the younger trailed off as he glanced back up only to see Yoongi staring intently at a napkin while scribbling something on it.
Jungkook furrowed his brows, glancing back at the bus anxiously. He needed to get going and when he turned back around to tell Yoongi, he was met with the other man’s hand holding out the napkin. “Text me sometime, yeah?” Yoongi grinned, and Jungkook couldn’t help but notice when the other slightly bit his lip. Jungkook nodded quickly, grabbing the napkin and rushing out of the cafe, a simple goodbye thrown over his shoulder.
He was going to text Yoongi.
(Present - 7:15pm)
“You love him, don’t you?”
Jungkook jumps in his seat as a notebook is thrown down onto the island in front of him. Not just any notebook, his sketchbook or, well, his journal. He keeps everything in there: poetry, photography, his thoughts, sketches of visuals that wouldn’t leave his mind. Jungkook blinks, looking up at Hyeon as he places his hand atop the sketchbook and slides it closer to himself slowly. “My journal?” he asks softly, confused as to what’s happening. Though in the back of his mind, hidden deep, he knows.
“You left it open on the bed,” Hyeon mutters, sitting down in the chair next to Jungkook. He has a look on his face that Jungkook hasn’t seen once in the year and a half they’d been together. Well, a year and a quarter but Jungkook has always thought it was easier to just round up, “can you read what you wrote last night?”
Jungkook stares directly at Hyeon, his forehead creasing in confusion. “You read what was in my journal?” he asks softly, not quite sure how he feels about that information.
Hyeon sighs, placing the palms of his hands over his eyes before running them up to his forehead and through his hair. “Just- read it. Please.”
Jungkook inhales deeply through his nose, sinking into his chair slightly as he opens the notebook to the most recently used page. He lets his eyes skim over the words, surrounded by messy sketches of a person in particular’s face. His heart sinks. “Do I have to-”
The younger can hear the frustration in his boyfriend’s tone and he knows better than disobey him now. He’d read the words Jungkook had written about someone else and he doesn’t deserve to be told bullshit. “Okay,” Jungkook murmurs, clearing his throat and letting out a shaky breath.
“Sometimes when it’s dark out and the light casts from the moon
I stare at the shadow of the windowpane and I can’t help but think of you.” He bites his lip for a moment, glancing up at Hyeon whose head is in his hands. Jungkook made him feel that way. He looks back down to the page and continues, trying his best to keep his voice steady. “Your eyes would shine when your fingertips would roam and they felt like fire against my skin and if I could do anything, I’d do it all over again…”
(The rest of Jungkook’s poem, feel free to skip)
I’d do anything and everything to go back to when we met
Maybe I could do things differently
Things that I wouldn’t regret
I reminded you of the melodies you couldn’t get out of your head
You reminded me of the rain, a taste not everyone enjoys
But that I let into my bed. Willingly.
I let you into my brain, into my deepest darkest thoughts
And I let you explore the plains of my skin until you mapped out every spot
And do I regret falling for you, I don’t think that I ever could
Because someday you’ll come back to me
And I’ll come back to you
As Jungkook stares at the page below him he can hear Hyeon let out a laugh. However, it’s quite obvious that it’s not a happy one. It sounded somewhat akin to disbelief. The younger closes the journal before placing it on the counter in front of him gently and dropping his hands to his lap. From his peripheral he can see that Hyeon has a hand over his mouth, his head shaking slightly. “Are you going to say something?” Jungkook asks softly, picking at the skin around his thumbnail.
Hyeon inhales deeply, dropping his hand to the countertop and staring at it intently. “What do you want me to say to that?” Jungkook simply shrugs, feeling oddly like a small child and Hyeon rolls his eyes as he pushes out his chair and stands up. “I think you should find somewhere else to stay for a while,” he says simply, walking back toward his bedroom. Jungkook had moved in with Hyeon about eight months into their relationship. He’d insisted on paying his share of the rent many times but the elder, decently well off, assured him it was fine. Therefore, he had every right to kick Jungkook out, but that didn’t mean Jungkook wanted to accept it.
He stands up quickly, almost tripping over the leg of the chair as he turns to follow Hyeon. “Hy, please,” Jungkook can feel his throat begin to constrict, the pain shooting down into his chest, “please don’t do this I-I’m sorry I’m so sorry just- please I don’t want to lose you!” he rambles, the words tumbling out desperately. And they’re true. He may still love Yoongi, a part of him most likely always will, but he had grown to love Hyeon too. He’s happy here, happy with Hyeon.
Hyeon lets out a laugh, a loud one this time as he turns back to Jungkook who stood in the doorway. “You don’t want to lose me?” he repeats Jungkook’s words although when coming out of his mouth they sound incredulous. Jungkook can’t blame him for that. “Maybe you should’ve thought about that when you told me you loved me while you were still in love with someone else,” Hyeon’s voice is louder now and Jungkook can feel his eyes begin to sting, “maybe you should’ve thought about that when you said yes to moving in with me while you were still,” he takes a step toward Jungkook, “in love,” places his hands on the younger’s chest, “with someone else!” and pushes.
Jungkook stumbles backward into the hallway, instinctively placing a hand on his chest where Hyeon’s own had just been. He knows he has absolutely no real reason to be upset right now but he can’t help it when his lower lip begins to tremble. “I’m-” he lets out a breath, trying to keep his voice from trembling and grips his shirt where Hyeon had pushed him, “I’m sorry.”
Hyeon shakes his head again and runs a hand over his mouth before pointing in Jungkook’s direction. “Find somewhere else to stay,” he says simply and Jungkook can’t stop the sob that finally makes its way out of his throat.
It was 11:45 pm on a Friday, Yoongi resting against the headboard of his bed, shirtless with a doe-eyed Jungkook laying against his side. Jungkook and Yoongi had known each other for three months and to say they’d gotten close was an understatement. The two seemed to know more than they should have in such a short period but they didn’t think anything of it. They liked it, they liked each other. A lot.
Yoongi felt Jungkook’s fingers drag up his chest to the left side of his neck, pressing against the jaguar in his skin. Jungkook had been mindlessly tracing Yoongi’s tattoos for about a half-hour now, pushing and pulling at his skin to get a better look. He ran his thumb along the jaguar’s jaw before placing his hand back on Yoongi’s upper chest. “When did you get your first one?” The younger asked softly, still staring at the ink on Yoongi’s neck.
Yoongi hummed, the arm around Jungkook reaching up to play with his hair. “18,” the blonde replied, letting his eyes fall shut at the feeling of Jungkook’s breath against his neck and the soft hair beneath his fingers, “a music note behind my right ear.” What a coincidence Jungkook happened to be to the right of Yoongi. His eyes flickered up to the elder’s ear as his hand gripped Yoongi’s jaw, turning his head to the left.
“Oh yeah,” Jungkook smiled, turning Yoongi’s head straight again, “music is a really big part of your life, huh?”
“Has been since I was little.” The elder replied, twisting a few strands of Jungkook’s hair around his fingers.
Jungkook closed his eyes as well and rested his chin on Yoongi’s shoulder, his nose pressing against the ink. “Show me your work sometime?” He mumbled.
The room was quiet other than the two breathing, Yoongi’s chest rising and falling underneath Jungkook’s hand. He focused on the elder’s heartbeat, thinking to himself that Yoongi was real. Jungkook couldn’t believe someone like Yoongi was real and here, laying in the same bed as him, running his finger along the back of Jungkook’s neck and causing goosebumps to rise across his skin. He liked it, he liked Yoongi… a lot.
Jungkook tilted his head slightly, letting out a breath against Yoongi’s neck. He felt the elder’s fingers stop for a moment against his skin before Yoongi’s palm is pressed flat to the back of Jungkook’s neck. “Yoongi?” he whispered, nudging his nose against the elder’s skin like a puppy would to his mother.
Jungkook knew that Yoongi didn’t speak because he was trying to keep his cool and that made the younger smile, pleased that he had such an effect on the elder. “I wonder if you’d be able to see a bruise through a tattoo.”
Jungkook chuckled when he felt Yoongi inhale sharply, the hand on the back of his neck gripping him a bit tighter. “Why don’t you find out?” Yoongi spoke in response, his voice barely above a whisper and that was all Jungkook needed to do what he’d wanted to since he saw Yoongi’s neck in the first place.
He pressed soft kisses to Yoongi’s inked skin, from just underneath his ear to where the collar of his shirt covered his shoulder. The elder’s skin was warm against Jungkook’s lips, he noted as he swung his right leg over Yoongi’s thighs and pushed himself into a sitting position to straddle the blonde.
The soft gasp Yoongi made when Jungkook’s teeth grazed his skin only urged the younger further, lacing his fingers through Yoongi’s hair and gripping it to pull his head to the side. The elder’s skin tasted oddly sweet as Jungkook pulled it between his teeth, something like vanilla but not quite. The noises Yoongi made as Jungkook let his tongue trail across the tattoo were like music to the raven-haired boy’s ears, making it that much greater when he finally allowed his teeth to sink into Yoongi’s skin.
Yoongi gasped again and bit his lip, exhaling heavily through his nose. “Jungkook,” he sighed softly, his eyes fluttering shut and the tips of his fingers digging into Jungkook’s thighs, “fuck- ah!” The blonde let out a moan louder than he intended to as Jungkook sucked on his skin, his heart rate beginning to speed up.
Jungkook couldn’t help but chuckle against Yoongi, flicking his tongue against the beginning of a mark to soothe it before taking it back between his teeth. He never knew someone could get so worked up by a pair of lips on their neck but judging by the vice grip Yoongi had on Jungkook’s thighs and the way he squirmed underneath him, it was obvious that it was possible. The immense amount of pride that swelled in Jungkook’s chest made it ache in the best way possible. He was fairly inexperienced when it came to anything like this yet Yoongi seemed to think or feel, the opposite.
Jungkook tried his best to focus on Yoongi’s neck, the feeling of the skin against his tongue and the way it snapped back when he released his teeth. However, his control threatened to slip when he’d adjusted his position slightly and Yoongi choked on a moan, his head dropping forward onto Jungkook’s shoulder and Jungkook soon realized that he could feel Yoongi’s length pressing against his thigh.
The younger brought his hands to Yoongi’s and pulled them away from his thighs to intertwine their fingers. He nipped at the elder’s skin once more before pulling away to look at Yoongi. The fact that he looked so wrecked from barely anything made heat coil in Jungkook’s abdomen and he pressed Yoongi’s hands harshly against the headboard next to his head, his own hands sliding down to wrap around the elder’s wrists. Yoongi stared at Jungkook and smiled softly, though all the younger could focus on were the lips only inches apart from his own. Yes, they’d kissed before. Of course, they have, but Jungkook thought to himself that it never felt like this. It was never this heated from the beginning, it never began with something other than their lips meeting, it was never in Yoongi’s bed. Jungkook’s gaze met Yoongi’s only for a moment. Yoongi had never looked at him like that before.
Jungkook could feel the elder’s breath hitting his lips and he let his eyes fall shut, basking in the feeling of goosebumps rising across the entirety of his skin. He felt Yoongi lean forward just enough to place a kiss against Jungkook’s jaw, his grip only tightening on Yoongi’s wrists. The lips traveled along the line of Jungkook’s face, stopping right before his ear before he heard Yoongi whisper. “Kiss me already, will you?”
Jungkook couldn’t stop himself from grinning widely and letting out a laugh at Yoongi’s tone. He opened his eyes and finally let go of Yoongi’s left wrist, slowly dragging his fingers up the blonde’s arm, across his shoulder, and up to his neck, pressing a bit harder against the tattoos as they walked upward to grip Yoongi’s jaw.
Jungkook hummed, purposely grazing Yoongi’s lips with his own as he did so. He pushed his fingers into the skin just above Yoongi’s jawline, loving how they looked dug into the paleness of the elder’s face. Loving the contrast of his skin tone against Yoongi’s, not obvious from far away but definite when close together. His skin was smooth underneath Jungkook’s fingertips, he swore Yoongi didn’t have a single physical flaw. He swore that his heart would still beat faster at the sight of Yoongi, even if he did.
Finally, the younger’s lips pressed against Yoongi’s and from the giggle, yes, Yoongi giggled, the elder let out Jungkook could tell he was happy about having his request fulfilled. Their lips moved together slowly, much more than a quick kiss, much less than shoving their tongues into each other’s mouths. It was slow, languid, Jungkook’s hand sliding up into Yoongi’s to intertwine their fingers against the headboard. The dark-haired boy let his fingers give Yoongi’s jaw one last squeeze before sliding them down to rest in the center of his breastbone. He could feel Yoongi’s heartbeat. It was fast, as was his own.
Only a few moments later, however, Yoongi became impatient, his tongue dragging across Jungkook’s lips, seeking a companion. The younger chuckled, opening his mouth and accepting Yoongi’s tongue welcomingly, finally letting go of Yoongi’s other wrist and wrapping an arm around his shoulder instead. The kiss was still slow, yet their tongues battled for dominance, Yoongi eventually letting the younger win. There was something behind the kiss that Jungkook couldn’t quite place and he swore he wasn’t crazy when he felt the elder’s heart stutter in his chest.
He felt Yoongi shiver at the first roll of his hips, Jungkook’s mouth falling open against Yoongi’s as he let out a soft gasp himself. He rolled his hips again, harder and pulled away just enough to press his thumb against Yoongi’s bottom lip, disconnecting the string of spit between them. It fell against his chin but Jungkook couldn’t bring himself to care enough to wipe it away, too busy staring at the elder wrapping his lips around his thumb. How someone like Yoongi could submit so easily to someone like Jungkook, he would never know.
Jungkook sped up the roll of his hips, tightening his arm around Yoongi to bring their chests together and he could feel how warm Yoongi was even through his shirt. The pleasure surging through his abdomen every time their dicks ran against each other was incredible and he felt like a high schooler again. Like he was high school Jungkook again, dry humping his first crush in the basement of his house while his parents were asleep upstairs. However now he knew how to control himself enough to not cum in his pants, but he couldn’t deny that maybe Yoongi could get him to a bit too easily.
He pulled his thumb from between Yoongi’s lips, watching with darkened eyes as it moved down the blonde’s chin and dragged its way to his adam's apple. The younger’s eyes trailed back up to meet Yoongi’s gaze. It was darker now as well and Jungkook felt as though he’d been punched in the gut. “What do you want?” he murmured, never once breaking eye contact.
Yoongi whispered, “touch me.”
And so Jungkook did.
The camera in Jungkook’s hands shuttered quietly before the light from the flash radiated through the room, lighting up the subject in front of him, Yoongi who flinched at the blinding light.
“Yah! Jungkook what did I tell you about taking photos of me?” The elder grumbled, shooting Jungkook a glare before focusing back on the laptop in his lap.
“Mmm,” Jungkook hummed, smiling softly at the photo on the camera screen, “you told me not to take them.” The smile on his face didn’t fade as he spoke, exiting out of the photo and holding the camera up to his eye once again.
“Exactly so why do you keep-” he was cut off by yet another flash causing him to snap his head up to glare at Jungkook again. “Will you stop that?”
The younger giggled, his shoulders shaking slightly. He knew Yoongi’s words held no real malice, he wouldn’t ever actually stop Jungkook. He was all bark and no bite, too soft for his good but Jungkook liked him that way.
It’d been four months since the two started talking and at this point, they were practically inseparable. Whenever Yoongi wasn’t at work and Jungkook wasn’t busy with classes, they were hanging out with each other. Sometimes in Yoongi’s cafe, it had wifi so Jungkook could do his homework, and sometimes in their apartments. Yoongi’s hair was black now and to Jungkook’s surprise, he didn’t find it boring. He found Yoongi to be just as pretty with black hair as he was with icy blonde. He thought the elder looked even more cat-like with dark hair, it complimented his eyes. Jungkook liked it a lot. Though, he’d probably like any color on Yoongi.
The younger leaned over the edge of the bed to put his camera back in his bag before crawling up to lay on his stomach next to Yoongi. “Whatcha doing?”
“Nothing. Jus’ reading some excerpt from a random music theory book.” Yoongi mumbled, his words getting lost in a yawn. He stretched his arms out above him and Jungkook couldn’t help but coo at the noise that slipped from Yoongi’s mouth. He sounded like a baby dinosaur.
Outside lightning lit up the sky and Jungkook shut the laptop before leaning over Yoongi to place it on the bedside table. “Dork.” The younger chuckled softly, laying his head in Yoongi’s lap where the laptop had been. A loud boom of thunder caused the apartment to shake and Jungkook sighed when he felt Yoongi’s fingers in his hair, his eyes falling shut.
Yoongi just let out a small laugh in response and Jungkook’s body felt warm. He pulled his knees to his chest and smacked his lips like a kitten would in its sleep before speaking again. “Yoongi?”
Jungkook’s eyes blinked open and he stared his finger as it traced lines against Yoongi’s knee. “Does it ever feel like the world is closing in on you?”
Yoongi’s hand paused in Jungkook’s hair and it was quiet for a moment, the elder wondering where the sudden topic came from. After a good ten seconds, Yoongi’s fingers started to move again, twirling and tugging gently at the younger’s hair. “Of course. I think everybody feels that way sometimes.”
Then it was quiet again, Jungkook’s gaze continuing to follow his finger. The two of them had become close friends, that much was obvious. They talked about everything yet Jungkook always found himself wanting to know more. He wanted to know who Yoongi was on the inside. He wanted to know the parts of Yoongi that the elder didn’t show the world. He wanted to know why his heart felt as though it were in his throat and his hands began to sweat whenever he was around him and deep, deep down Jungkook knew why. Deep down a seed had started blooming into something beautiful yet something that could easily be crushed. Love.
“What makes you smile when you feel that way?” The younger eventually asked.
Yoongi clicked his tongue, his fingers gently scraping their way down Jungkook’s neck, to the tip of his spine and back up. “Sometimes,” the elder sighed, and Jungkook waited patiently, “sometimes it’s hard to smile when it feels like everyone and everything is against you. It’s hard to focus on anything positive, to remind yourself that things aren’t as bad as they seem. To remind you that things will get better.”
Jungkook turned onto his back to look up at him, letting out a breath as the elder’s hand rested upon his chest and he let his hand lay atop Yoongi’s. He couldn’t help but stare at Yoongi’s lips as he continued speaking, “But when I’m able to remind myself of the positives, I guess I think of my grandmother, the piano. The way the keys feel under my fingertips,” the elder’s fingers tapped Jungkook’s breastbone, “the way she would scold me when I didn’t practice… memories of her make me smile. She reminds me that it’s possible to be happy even when you’re scared that you won’t be.”
Jungkook let his hand run up Yoongi’s forearm, resting at his inner elbow. “She’d be proud of you, you know,” he said, voice barely above a whisper. He didn’t ever know Yoongi’s grandmother, but who wouldn’t be proud of someone like him?
The younger watched as Yoongi bit his lip to keep himself from smiling too wide. “You think so?” he asked, looking down at Jungkook who smiled softly in response and nodded his head.
“I know so.”
The elder’s cheeks turned a soft pink color, kind of like a cat’s nose, as he stared down at Jungkook intently and unconsciously gripped the younger’s shirt in his fist. Jungkook wanted him. His mouth opened in awe as his fingers moved from Yoongi’s arm to his lips, his pointer finger pressing ever so slightly against the lower one. He wanted all of him.
Not just physically but emotionally too. He wanted the elder inside and out. On days that it was sunny and days where it poured, through laughter and hardship. He wanted to hold Yoongi’s hand and kiss all of his fingers, the same fingers he wanted Yoongi to explore his body with. He wanted to know every inch of Yoongi’s skin and every thought in his brain. Jungkook thought that loving someone took way more than a few months but he quickly realized, that with the right person, time didn’t define anything. That with the right person just the sound of their voice could make you just as dizzy as the feeling of their lips on your body. That with the right person everything could feel okay even when it wasn’t.
And Jungkook hoped to God that Yoongi was the right person.
Yoongi’s body was everything Jungkook thought it would be and more. He only had a few tattoos on his legs, which were pale like the rest of him. He was pretty; Jungkook liked pretty. His eyes trailed from the elder’s throat to his hip bones, and down to his feet. Did Yoongi not have a single physical flaw? Jungkook’s eyes flickered back up and the normally “confident in his looks” nineteen year old felt small- albeit being larger than Yoongi. But if he could read anyone it was Yoongi, who was looking at the younger like he wanted to be his prey.
He watched Yoongi’s adam's apple as the smaller of the two swallowed, finally letting his gaze meet Jungkook’s once again. “Are you gonna kiss me or are you just gonna keep standing there like a deer in headlights?” Yoongi whispered, obviously still awestruck despite the sarcasm in his voice.
Now it was Jungkook’s turn to gulp as he nodded, unable to break his gaze from Yoongi’s lips as he stepped forward. “Sorry you’re just...” he shook his head, letting out a breath as he placed a hand on the elder’s small waist. Jungkook looked down to his hand as he pressed his fingertips into Yoongi’s skin. It was soft. Yoongi was so small and so soft and Jungkook knew what was coming and he felt like he could die right then and there, “you’re stunning.”
Yoongi blinked up at the younger, his eyes wide and his mouth hung open just slightly, “I’m-I’m stunning?” he whispered, the tone of his voice making it all too obvious that Yoongi had never been told that before, nor did he believe it himself. And that broke Jungkook’s heart because someone like Yoongi deserved to be told that every single day. Deserved to be reminded of his greatness, both mentally and physically. Jungkook would remind him.
He nodded in response, letting his fingers dig just a bit deeper into Yoongi’s skin before dragging them upward, his hand splaying out against the elder’s mid-back and pulling him closer, “absolutely” he whispered. And the way Yoongi reacted, well, Jungkook couldn’t bring himself to complain; the shorter boy’s hand resting against the back of Jungkook’s head to pull him into a desperate and bruising kiss and euphoria blooms within Jungkook’s chest. He can feel it.
Jungkook could’ve sworn they’d kissed for hours, eventually ending up on the bed with a flushed Yoongi on top of him, biting at his neck like he hadn’t eaten in days. He wasn’t sure how long it had been but he knew that his boxers felt tight and whenever Yoongi would move, Jungkook’s body would ignite.
“Is this real?” Jungkook whispered and he didn’t mean for Yoongi to hear it, really he didn’t but the universe liked to see him suffer. Yoongi chuckled warmly against his skin, pulling away to look down at Jungkook, “Is what real?” he whispered back.
Jungkook knew that he may as well just answer, may as well just risk sounding like a complete sap because Yoongi was already on top of him anyway. “Just… this. You. Us.” And he thought he saw something akin to uncertainty flash across Yoongi’s face but then it was gone and he was kissing him so quickly that he forgot it. Forgot that Yoongi didn’t respond. Could get used to the feeling of his lips everywhere.
He used his hand to push at Yoongi’s shoulder, getting the elder to roll off of him and onto his back. “Tell me what to do,” Jungkook said softly and he didn’t mean that he wanted to be controlled- he knew that Yoongi knew that- he just didn’t know what he was doing. Knew how to touch, knew how to make Yoongi shiver but only with his mouth and his hands, nothing further and further is what he wanted. Yoongi knew that.
“Work up to it,” Yoongi whispered. He grabbed Jungkook’s wrist, leading his hand to his right nipple and Jungkook took it between his thumb and forefinger immediately, loving the way goosebumps rose across Yoongi’s skin. Loving the way he sighed, his ribs moving underneath his skin as he let out a breath. Jungkook took Yoongi’s nipple into his mouth, skimming over it with his teeth and tugging at it a bit roughly and he loved, loved, loved the sounds Yoongi made because of it. Loved Yoongi.
Yoongi didn’t need to speak for Jungkook to know what he wanted, he’d done this before. Made Yoongi squirm underneath him and he’d do it again and again, whenever Yoongi asked him to. He ran his tongue over the elder’s other nipple, rolling it between his fingers and clenching his thighs when Yoongi let out the prettiest moan he’d ever heard. Yoongi was the prettiest thing he’d ever seen, he thought.
Yoongi’s skin was warm underneath the younger’s lips as he trailed them down the center of Yoongi’s stomach, leaving flames in their wake. He stopped at the waistband of Yoongi’s boxers, looking up to him with ambiguity. He’d used his mouth on Yoongi before, but not here… not yet. Yoongi though, he always knew how to calm Jungkook down, no matter the situation. And so with a small yet so, so fond smile, he reached down to brush his thumb across Jungkook’s cheek, “Do whatever you’re comfortable with doing, baby. You make me feel good regardless.” And Jungkook felt light, felt comfortable, felt safe.
Jungkook hooked his fingers around the edge of the fabric, pulling it down and internally thanking Yoongi for lifting his hips to help and there it was. The part of Yoongi that made Jungkook’s head spin. He wrapped his hand around the base of the elder’s cock, familiar with the weight and the warmth of it in his hand. Familiar with the feeling of butterflies exploding in his abdomen.
He moved his hand upward, watching Yoongi as he did and God did he wish he could live in this moment forever. As he moved his hand back down he thought that the way Yoongi’s eyes fluttered shut and the way his eyebrows knitted together was right out of a movie. A sex scene you always thought was too good to be true, too perfect to be realistic in any way yet here he was, witnessing it with his own to eyes.
“Oh God, Jungkook,” Yoongi moaned out, causing Jungkook to let out a shuddery breath. He had no idea that causing someone else pleasure could make him feel so good, “Oh~” Jesus Christ, Yoongi was perfect in every way, huh? Even his sounds of bliss were like music to Jungkook’s ears. He wasn’t going to last inside of him and he just knew it. Though weirdly enough the thought didn’t make him feel embarrassed in any way.
The way Yoongi’s back arched off the mattress, his fingers gripping the sheets as if to anchor himself like he’d float away if he didn’t hold on made Jungkook’s mouth dry. His tongue becoming a desert and Yoongi being the water he needed and “fuck Gi… you’re incredible.” And through it all, Yoongi blushed…. Jungkook was screwed.
“J-Jungkook I- Ah- I want you I-” And there it was, the nail in the coffin. The boy Jungkook had met only a few months back, who he had fallen for as quickly as the sun rose in the morning and who Jungkook wanted to spend every day with. Yoongi, Yoongi, Yoongi. It was all Yoongi, it was always Yoongi.
“You have to tell me what to do.” He whispered, keeping a steady pace with his hand while staring up at the elder and Yoongi nodded, reaching in the direction of his bedside table and shaking his hand, “l-lube… top drawer.”
And Jungkook swore he moved at lightning speed, hand fumbling through all of the shit in Yoongi’s drawer- God he needed to organize this thing- before finally wrapping his hand around a bottle and pulling it out. Yoongi had already gotten rid of his boxers completely by the time Jungkook was back and so he did the same, barely even registering while he had seen every part of Yoongi before this, Yoongi hadn’t seen him. But that was okay, he was safe.
Jungkook didn’t even have to speak for Yoongi to continue, sitting up in front of Jungkook and pressing the cap open himself. “You sure you wanna do this?” he whispered, looking up at Jungkook through fluttering lashes and the younger nodded vehemently. He pressed his hand to Yoongi’s chest, a silent way of telling the elder to lay back down and he did almost instantly and Jungkook poured some of the lube onto his fingertips and it was sticky and wet and smelled like candy- kind of like Yoongi.
“Y-You’ll tell me if it hurts, right?” he whispered, scooting a bit closer as he pushed Yoongi’s thighs apart with his clean hand and Yoongi scoffed, shaking his head, “You’re not gonna hurt me, Guk… I promise.” Jungkook believed him. Perhaps he always would.
He looked up at Yoongi once more, obvious uncertainty in his eyes but Yoongi just smiled, whispering a soft “It’s okay.” And that was all he needed to continue forward. Jungkook helped Yoongi to hook his legs over his thighs, lifting his hips Yoongi’s hips off the mattress and Jungkook was in awe at the sight, forcing himself to continue though if he were being honest, he could stare at Yoongi just like that for hours.
He ran his middle finger over Yoongi’s entrance gently, a barely-there touch just to gauge Yoongi’s reaction; Yoongi laughed. “Guk. I swear you’re not going to hurt me, okay?” Okay, Jungkook thought. Okay.
Pressing the tip of his finger into Yoongi, the elder sighed, letting his body relax onto the bed and raising his hips a bit more. Jungkook continued to push his finger inside of Yoongi slowly, his eyes wide and filled with wonder at the sight of Yoongi’s body just taking him right in. It was almost like they were made to fit together; both physically and mentally. And the sigh that Yoongi let out when Jungkook’s finger was fully inside of him? Jungkook swore he could pass out.
“You can move it, Guk,” Yoongi whispered and so Jungkook did, pulling his finger out slowly before pushing it back in. Yoongi’s walls enveloped Jungkook’s finger in tight, wet heat and his legs felt like jelly when he realized it would be ten times better before he knew it. However, if he was given the chance, he would stay just like this for as long as he could.
He continued to move his finger, in and out and repeat and eventually, he got a bit curious, pulling his finger out completely and shoving it back in as deep as it would go. Yoongi choked on a moan and so Jungkook did it again, quickening his pace and before he knew it Yoongi was asking for more and so Jungkook complied. He’d do anything Yoongi asked, he was wrapped around his finger. He added a second finger, keeping his pace and pushing them in as far as possible and Yoongi was already shaking below him. God how why did he have to be so sensitive? Jungkook was already beyond wrecked but he kept his cool, tried his best to anyway.
Scissoring his fingers in and out of Yoongi he shuddered, licking his lips at the sight and finally looking up to Yoongi’s face. “Oh Jesus Christ, baby…” he murmured. Yoongi’s mouth was hung open like a silent scream, his head pressed back into the pillow and his eyes squeezed shut. Jungkook idly thought about turning him into a photography project sometime.
“Guk- Jungkook m-more… more please m-more- ah-” and Jungkook gave more, pushing in a third finger and it was tight, he had to be slow but Yoongi didn’t stop him. He trusted Yoongi and so he kept going, pulling his fingers out and pushing them back in. The squelching sound of the lube mixed with Yoongi’s little ‘ah’s’ were the only sounds filling the room, Jungkook way too mesmerized to say or do anything else.
The pace of his fingers sped up a bit, crooking upward every time they bottomed out which would cause Yoongi’s thighs to attempt to squeeze shut. However, Jungkook didn’t let them, sitting on his knees between Yoongi’s thighs to keep them apart without stopping his fingers once. His wrist was starting to cramp up but the pleasure he was causing Yoongi and the pleasure he was gaining from witnessing it was enough to keep him going though ,Yoongi stopped him. He grabbed Jungkook’s wrist to halt his movements and opened his eyes.
Neither of them said anything for a few moments, Jungkook waiting for Yoongi to tell him what to do next and it didn’t take long.
It was quiet, barely audible and too breathy but Jungkook heard it clear as day. He heard the shaky “fuck me” that drifted out of Yoongi’s mouth and
He knew it was coming. He knew from the beginning yet it hadn’t sunk in until now and when he doesn’t move a muscle Yoongi looks up at him, his eyebrows furrowed. “Jungkook?”
Jungkook nodded, swallowing thickly as he pulled his fingers out of Yoongi, trying to be as gentle as possible. “Yeah, ‘m okay,” he replied, moving his knees to the outside of Yoongi’s thighs and bending down to kiss him softly.
“Are you sure you’re ready?” Yoongi asked, the palms of his hands running up and down Jungkook’s forearms and the younger nods, letting out a shaky breath.
“Yeah, yeah I’m ready I’m just-”
“Scared?” and Jungkook nodded, trying to look anywhere other than Yoongi’s eyes but the elder wasn’t having it, letting out a sigh and gripping Jungkook’s jaw gently, but hard enough to turn his gaze back to Yoongi’s own. “Why are you scared, baby? You can tell me… You can tell me anything, you know that.”
Jungkook did know that. He knew that with all his heart but that didn’t make it less awkward to say it out loud. But Yoongi was patient because, well, he’s Yoongi. Yoongi would wait, Jungkook knew. After a few moments of complete silence Jungkook spoke, deciding he may as well just say it and if Yoongi laughed at him, he could always make a run for it.
“What if…” Jungkook trailed off, staring into Yoongi’s eyes and he wasn’t looking for anything in particular but… he could see love. Whether it was love, love or if Yoongi just cared a great deal about him, it didn’t matter. He didn’t care. Because he knew that Yoongi felt something, and right now something was enough, “what if I can’t make you… feel good?”
And Yoongi did laugh but he wasn’t making fun of Jungkook. The younger knew that laugh, knew it from all of the times he’d chase Yoongi around his apartment. From all the times he’d snap photos of the elder and he’d try to look mad but end up bursting into a fit of giggles. From all the times it would wake Jungkook up in the middle of the night when Yoongi would watch anime. He knew that laugh, it was okay. “Jungkook,” Yoongi finally said, calm enough to speak now, “no matter what you do, it’ll feel good for me. Seriously. You have nothing to worry about, I promise.” And the second he held his pink up, Jungkook knew.
He wanted Yoongi to be his person forever.
And it wasn’t long before Jungkook was inside of Yoongi, digging his fingers into the elder’s thigh as he moved in and out at a steady pace. He kept things slow, knowing that there was absolutely no way he would last if he went any faster than that but Yoongi didn’t object, let Jungkook do whatever he wanted, whatever he felt was right. The confidence Yoongi’s trust caused him made him feel like he could do absolutely anything.
Neither of them spoke other than the occasional “oh’s” and “ah’s” and curse words that slipped from Yoongi’s mouth but that was okay. Jungkook was okay with the only sounds being skin against skin, lube making the slide easier, and heavy breaths.
He’d never felt anything like Yoongi and though it was obvious to anyone, this felt ten times better than his hand ever had. The ridges and curves inside of the elder drove Jungkook wild, Yoongi’s rim catching on the head of his cock with every pull out and Jungkook was shaking. Yoongi was shaking too. And Jungkook wanted to last longer, wanted to be better than everyone else before him, wanted to make Yoongi scream but there was always next time. Next time he’d make Yoongi scream.
And when he came he did his best to keep thrusting into Yoongi, wrapping his hand around the elder’s cock and setting a quick pace because he felt a little guilty. Felt a little guilty that he couldn’t make Yoongi cum first but he knew that he would assure him it was fine…
Eventually, his hips stilled, releasing completely inside of Yoongi and making sure not to slow his hand down and thankfully, the elder came shortly after with a broken moan. A moan that could send Jungkook into a frenzy all over again.
And then they laid there, breathless and sticky and they probably smelled terrible but they didn’t move. Instead, Yoongi wrapped all four of his limbs around Jungkook tightly, almost like a koala. An angsty koala, Jungkook thought, smiling to himself and God…
He was so, so happy.
However, when the next morning came, Jungkook woke up to a note stuck to his phone screen. He scrunched his nose a bit as he stretched before grabbing the note and sitting up to read it.
Went to work
See you around
See you around? Not see you later? Or see you soon? Just… see you around? Was Jungkook thinking about this more than he needed to? Maybe it didn’t mean anything concerning but, Jungkook couldn’t remember a single time Yoongi had said: “see you around.”
When he checked the time he groaned, flopping back down into the bed and letting out a dramatic sigh. It was only 7 am and Jungkook didn’t have classes that day but he couldn’t sleep. Not now. Not when he was busy overanalyzing a sentence. Barely a sentence. There were only three words.
Was he crazy?
It was around noon when Jungkook woke up again. He didn’t remember falling asleep but he must have at some point. He grabbed his phone and-
No new messages.
Yoongi always texted him during his lunch break. 12 pm every day….
12:05 - No new messages
Jungkook needed to go home and shower.
12:10 - No new messages
Maybe he could go to the store… he probably needed groceries anyway.
12:15 - No new messages
Did Yoongi need groceries?
12:30 - No new messages
Jungkook locked Yoongi’s door behind him, putting the key back under the mat and started his walk home. Sure, he could’ve texted Yoongi first but… Yoongi always texted him at noon. The only times he didn’t were days he didn’t work and they were together and maybe anyone else would think Jungkook was overreacting but… he felt something in his gut. Something not too good. A bad feeling. Though he pushed it down because maybe today was unusually busy at Yoongi’s shop. Maybe there were so many customers that Yoongi didn’t even have time for a break. Yeah… that must have been it.
But when Jungkook texted him a simple “how was work?” that night and never got a response, he knew something was wrong. It had been hours and Yoongi hadn’t even opened his message. The idiot kept his read receipts on, God knew why but that meant he was ignoring Jungkook. He had to have looked at his phone at least once after he’d gotten out of work… right?
Or maybe not. Maybe he was too tired to talk to anyone because of the huge amount of customers he’d gotten that caused him to miss his break. Yeah. He was probably just tired.
March 5th, 2018
Jungkook: didn’t hear from you yesterday… is everything okay?
Jungkook: are you not feeling well? Lmk if I can do anything to help!!!
March 6th, 2018
Jungkook: I’m a bit worried… can you at least let me know you’re okay?
Yoongi: I’m fine, guk.
Yoongi: Just been tired.
Jungkook: Oh! Well, do you want me to come over?
Jungkook: I can make you soup and we can watch anime!!!
March 7th, 2018
Jungkook: I heard the music store across town got a new record shipment!
Jungkook: Wanna check it out with me???
Yoongi: Kinda busy today, guk
Yoongi: Another time
Jungkook: Oh, okay…
Jungkook: Well, let me know!!!
March 8th, 2018
Jungkook: It’s a bit chilly out today! Don’t forget to wear a scarf, okay?
March 9th, 2018
Jungkook: Happy Birthday!!!!
Jungkook: Wanna get lunch to celebrate? I’ll buy of course hehe
Yoongi: Gotta work today
Jungkook: Well maybe tomorrow?
March 10th, 2018
Jungkook: Did I leave my external hard drive at your house?
March 13th, 2018
Jungkook: Have you heard Epik High’s new song???
Jungkook: It’s amazing!!!!
March 18th, 2018
Jungkook: Are we okay?
March 29th, 2018
Jungkook: What happened between us?
Jungkook: Did I do something wrong?
Jungkook: Can you please just tell me what happened?
April 5th, 2018
Jungkook: Was that your plan all along? Get me to fall for you so I’d fuck you and you could leave? Was that all I was to you? A quick fuck?
April 10th, 2018
Jungkook: I met a boy… he’s nice
April 30th, 2018
Jungkook: I can’t stop thinking about you
May 1st, 2018
Jungkook: That boy I met, he asked me out. I said yes... He’s nice, I like him a lot. I wish things didn’t turn out the way they did between us… I miss you every day. I hope you’re doing well… I love you, Yoongi.
Sometimes Hyeon would find Jungkook awake in the middle of the night, sitting at the end of the bed or in the windowsill. He’d sit up and turn on the bedside table lamp, causing Jungkook to jump slightly and turn around.
“What are you doing awake?” he asked softly, his voice still filled with sleep and Jungkook would just smile solemnly at him.
I can’t stop thinking about Yoongi. “Couldn’t sleep.” he whispered, standing up and crawling over to Hyeon when the older boy would pat the bed beside him. “You wanna talk about it?” he asked and God, Jungkook didn’t deserve him. Didn’t deserve the treatment he got from Hyeon because while he cared for the elder a lot, he wasn’t Yoongi. He never would be. No one would...
Jungkook shook his head, curling into Hyeon’s side and sighing when he got comfortable. “I’m here if you need to though, okay?” Hyeon asked and Jungkook nodded, pressing a kiss to the elder’s chest. “I know, Hy. I know.”
“Do you wanna move in with me?
Jungkook began to choke on his drink and Hyeon rushed to his side, rubbing his back as he took the glass and set it down. “Jesus, Guk,” Yoongi called him that, “are you okay?
Jungkook nodded, finally able to take a deep breath and calm himself down. “Yeah, yeah sorry I just- you caught me off guard is all,” he replied, letting out a sigh of relief when he could breathe properly again.
They were both silent for a moment or two, Jungkook staring at the counter in front of them with furrowed eyebrows and Hyeon staring at Jungkook nervously. “It’s um… it’s okay, you know if you’re not ready or-”
“No!” Jungkook exclaimed, causing Hyeon to jump slightly, his eyes widening. “S-Sorry I just- Yes. Yes I want to move in with you I-I just didn’t expect it out of nowhere, that’s all.” And the look on Hyeon’s face, the obvious excitement, made Jungkook’s chest ache.
Over the past few months, he had come to like really really Hyeon… but he was never able to stop really really loving Yoongi. He knew it wasn’t fair to Hyeon who quite obviously cared a great deal for the younger but he hoped that someday he would wake up and Hyeon would take Yoongi’s place in his heart. He knew that was a stupid thing to hope for, he knew deep down that there was no way in hell he’d ever fully get over Yoongi. But maybe the more he told himself he would, the easier it would be to at least pretend to.
And so a week later Jungkook moved into Hyeon’s apartment and he had to admit, he was happy. Was he in love? No, but at least he was happy. For the most part at least.
Of course, there were still those nights where he would sit at the end of the bed, his knees to his chest as he stared blankly at the wall and of course certain things still reminded him of Yoongi.
But other than that, he was happy. He was having a good time with Hyeon. They got along great, they lived together even better. Everything was good.
Until Jungkook’s birthday came around.
He was woken up to breakfast in bed, Hyeon was such an angel. God Jungkook was a horrible person. Love him, love him, love him.
“What’s this?” he asked, his voice groggy with sleep as he sat up, looking down at the muffins sitting in front of him. They smelled good and Jungkook’s stomach seemed to think so as well because it rumbled just after his words left his mouth.
Hyeon laughed and so did Jungkook. Everything was good.
“Blueberry muffins,” Hyeon replied, pushing Jungkook’s messy bangs away from his forehead, “your favorite.” And Jungkook couldn’t deny that as he smiled wide, leaning forward to press a gentle kiss to his boyfriend’s lips, “thank you.”
He peeled the paper off of one of the muffins before letting his teeth sink into the top of it, sighing at the way it melted in his mouth and… it felt familiar. The way the sweetness was almost too much but not quite, just perfect for Jungkook and the blueberries were just the right texture, but not everyone’s cup of tea… just like- “Where’d you get these?” he asked, looking up at Hyeon with just slightly furrowed eyebrows.
The elder looked up from his muffin, clearing his throat before he spoke, “Oh, they’re from that little coffee shop downtown. The Min’s?” He phrased the name of the shop as a question as if to ask Jungkook if he had heard of it and-
Jungkook felt sick.
He blinked at his boyfriend, nausea bubbling up in the pit of his stomach, his skin becoming clammy and “Jungkook are you okay?” The younger blinked at Hyeon, not moving a muscle before throwing himself over the edge of the bed and vomiting all over the floor.
Hyeon was at his side at an instant, rubbing his back and whispering soft “It’s okay’s.” Jungkook’s fingertips dug into the sheets as he continued to hyperventilate, his throat spasming as he tried to calm down.
And all of a sudden he felt sick again, dry heaving but nothing came out, his stomach empty. Jungkook didn’t even register that Hyeon had left until he was being pulled back to lay against the pillows, a cool washcloth being rested against his forehead. “Well, I guess today’s a stay in bed kinda day.” Hyeon teased and Jungkook forced himself to smile. Tried to force himself to feel something stronger for Hyeon.
(Present - 8:02pm)
If Jungkook thought his heart already hurt the worst it possibly could, he was wrong. So so wrong.
Yoongi’s standing behind the counter, counting money from the cash register and Jungkook feels paralyzed; feels completely numb. His breathing begins to speed up and he knows he should look away, knows he should turn and keep walking but he can’t. He can’t look away from the boy with the purple-grey hair and what looks to be a new neck tattoo, and- he took his eyebrow piercing out? Well whatever, he still looks good without it.
And Jungkook really must be staring like a fool in love because out of nowhere Yoongi looks up, their eyes meeting dead on and Jungkook’s can’t seem to process what’s happening but he swears his breathing stops. Swears the world stops spinning.
Yoongi still looks like a cat, he thinks. Soft and delicate facial features while his skin is adorned in dark ink. Dark ink that Jungkook finds himself longing to touch, longing to feel against his skin again.
And before he knows it and can even comprehend what’s going on, the door is opening in front of him and there he is… Yoongi. Who he wants to call His Yoongi.
“You look like you could use a hot chocolate”
His Yoongi’s voice is just as he remembered it and God, he could use much more than a hot chocolate right now but
“Y-Yeah I um- that’d be nice,” he says softly, not even bothering to feel embarrassed about stuttering over his words because it was His Yoongi. It was okay.
He follows Yoongi inside the cafe and for a place he hasn’t been to in over a year, it sure as hell feels familiar. Safe. And most of all it doesn’t feel weird. As he sits down on one of the barstools he realizes that it feels exactly like the day he’d met Yoongi- except quieter. And Jungkook knows he should feel awkward right now, any normal human being would but… he’s sitting across from the boy that’s held his heart in the palm of his hands this entire time. Through happiness and heartbreak, his heart stayed with Yoongi.
He’s brought out of his thoughts when a mug is slid across the table, familiar. He looks up to Yoongi and he looks so different yet the same? Jungkook can’t quite put a finger on what it is but he figures it doesn’t matter. Yoongi is Yoongi.
They continue to stay silent as Jungkook sips at his hot chocolate, Yoongi having gone back to counting the money in the register. Should Jungkook speak first? Should he wait for Yoongi? Will Yoongi even say anything? God, maybe he wouldn’t… maybe he just felt too bad to ignore Jungkook and- “So how’s school going?”
Jungkook’s head snaps up, his gaze flickering to Yoongi who’s now leaning against the counter, his arms crossed over his chest. Safe.
“It’s um- it’s good.” Jungkook replies, nodding his head, “Stressful but good.” Yoongi nods and he should ask something too so- “How’s everything with… this?” he asked, using his hand to motion to the shop around them.
Yoongi smiles just a bit, familiar, and sighs. “It’s going well… I’ve hired a few more people so I don’t have to work as many hours as I was.” And Jungkook nods too, looking back down to his drink and then it’s silent again. His fingers tap against the mug and he can just barely see his reflection in the liquid.
“Where’d you go?” Jungkook whispers, his voice small and he hates that he sounds so helpless, so vulnerable. Hates how his heart aches all over again but for a completely different reason, a completely different person.
It’s silent again and Jungkook doesn’t like it anymore and so he lifts his head to look at the older boy, ready to repeat himself but stops when he notices that Yoongi’s eyes… they’re shiny.
Is Yoongi… trying not to cry?
“Yoongi I-” Jungkook goes to stand up but Yoongi holds up a hand as if to tell the younger to stop and so he does. He sits back down, his hands falling to his lap and stares at Yoongi, waiting for the elder to speak.
And it takes a few moments, the elder trying to calm himself down, to swallow the lump in his throat and Jungkook understands. He gives him time, lets him breathe. He can be patient, especially for Yoongi.
And finally, Yoongi clears his throat, keeping his gaze fixated on his feet as he speaks “I uh- I thought about you… every day, Jungkook,” he says and Jungkook wants to speak, wants to ask “Really?” but he keeps his mouth shut, watches Yoongi as he continues, “What I did to you… it was terrible and you’re not the first person I’ve done it to but… you’re the first person I-” he lets out a shaky breath and finally forces himself to meet Jungkook’s gaze, “you’re the first person I couldn’t let go of after I left… and I’m sorry. I am so truly sorry for hurting you the way that I did, Jungkook.”
Jungkook tries to speak but Yoongi cuts him off, stepping forward and resting his elbows on the countertop so he’s directly across from Jungkook. “I was scared, which is a lame-ass excuse, I know but it’s true. I-” he places a hand over his mouth before dragging it down and rubbing his chin, “I told you about my grandma she- she meant the world to me, Jungkook. She was my best friend and that might sound so fucking lame but it’s true. And when I lost her… my entire world just-” he shakes his head, letting out a sigh as he looks down to his hands, “I was scared. Scared that if I- if I let you in if I let myself… fall for you that the same thing would happen all over again and I-”
Jungkook reaches out to place a hand on Yoongi’s wrist and squeezes gently. He can tell the elder is getting a bit worked up and he hates it. Hate’s seeing Yoongi anything but happy.
Yoongi looks up at him and Jungkook stares back. Stares with what feels like hundreds of different emotions swirling around inside of him all at once... Love, happiness, anger, confusion, lust, but most of all, forgiveness.
“It’s okay,” he replies softly before furrowing his eyebrows, “Well it wasn’t okay but… now it is. Well, not what you did I just mean- like- I’m not mad at you anymore… I haven’t been for a long time.”
Does he expect everything to go back to the way it was? Of course not. Forgiving Yoongi is probably the easiest thing he’s done in the past year and a half but he knows that forgetting, that’ll be a bit harder. But the way Yoongi smiles at him, small but still so full of emotion that Jungkook’s heart swells, well, it’s enough for Jungkook to be okay with that.
“Friends?” Yoongi asks and Jungkook finds himself smiling and nodding his head as he repeats Yoongi’s words, “Friends.”
And Jungkook is okay with that too. Friends. He still loves Yoongi and he hopes that Yoongi still loves him too but friends is smart, friends is the first step and maybe, hopefully, someday they can get to the next one.
And Jungkook doesn’t mind in the slightest that they talk till almost two in the morning. He doesn’t mind that he has class in five hours because catching up with Yoongi is worth barely being able to keep his eyes open in class. Being able to see Yoongi’s smile and hear his laugh again is worth possibly being late and just being here, with Yoongi, is worth any type of way he feels tomorrow.
Yoongi is worth everything.
And isn’t it funny, Jungkook thinks, that where they began to heal was exactly where their journey had begun.
(2 Months Later)
“Jungkook I swear to God!”
The younger laughs even louder, rolling off of Yoongi and clutching his stomach as his head falls back against the mattress. Yoongi sits up, staring down at him with a scowl and crossed arms. “It’s not fucking funny,” he mumbles.
“It- It is, though!” Jungkook gasps, yelping when Yoongi smacks his thigh a bit harsher than he intended to but whatever, Jungkook’s an asshole.
Jungkook lets out a breath, finally starting to calm down before he sees Yoongi’s scowl and starts laughing again. “You- You look like a grumpy old man,” he wheezes, turning a bit to grab onto Yoongi’s thigh for some sort of support, “W-who knew an old man’s voice could crack like a teenager going through puber-”
He’s cut off by Yoongi pushing him back over and crawling over to straddle his hips, holding the younger’s arms down. “Do I need to remind you of the time someone peed their pants because the doorbell rang during a horror movie and they got scared?”
Jungkook instantly stops laughing, “that wasn’t funny.”
Yoongi hums, “Mm it kinda was, though.”
Now it’s Jungkook’s turn to scowl, letting out a huff as he pulls his arms free from Yoongi’s grasp to cross them tightly over his chest and Yoongi can’t help but coo. “Aw~ is my big Jungkookie upset?” Yoongi teased, pinching Jungkook’s cheeks softly, “Is he embarrassed? Did he learn his lesson? Does he-”
Jungkook rolls his eyes, shutting the elder up by grabbing the sides of his head and pulling him down into another kiss. “You’re so lucky I love you.” he murmurs against Yoongi’s lips and the elder pulls away, pointing down at him.
“Hey, you’re lucky I love you.”
A goofy grin appears on Jungkook’s face because fuck those three words will never get old. Especially coming from Yoongi.
“I am.” he murmurs, this time sitting up to place his lips against Yoongi’s and holding the purpled haired boy in place with a hand to the back of his neck. Are things perfect? Not yet, no but Jungkook doesn't doubt that they will be eventually.
Yoongi was still hesitant sometimes, despite being the one to admit he loved Jungkook first. While it had been an accident, the elder embraced it despite being terrified but Jungkook was there. Repeated the words back to him over and over and over and promised that he would never leave Yoongi.
Yoongi showed Jungkook his music. Sometimes they would sit on Yoongi’s piano bench at three in the morning when Jungkook couldn’t sleep, his head rested on Yoongi’s shoulder as the elder’s fingers danced across the keys in front of them.
Jungkook would stop by Yoongi’s coffee shop between classes with real food because “you have to eat something other than pastries for lunch, Yoongi.” And he’d leave with a hot chocolate and a kiss to the cheek and a beating heart that would somehow last him the rest of the day.
Jungkook continued to take photos of Yoongi, the elder eventually getting used to it and no longer trying to make him stop and Yoongi’s music started to become lighter.
Jungkook remembers when he had hoped and prayed that Yoongi would be the right person for him. Remembers the nights that he would stare at his ceiling, his fingers tracing over the skin Yoongi’s lips had touched. Remembers aching to touch him, to hold his hand, to hear his laugh, to be in his presence no matter the situation.
Jungkook hoped to God that Yoongi was the right person.
And it turns out that Yoongi wasn’t just the right person.
He was Jungkook’s person.