Bucky had been living in the tower with the team for two months now. He shared the second floor with Steve. Many of the floors including their own, was like it's own house in the tower. Everyone had a floor to them selves, except Bucky and Steve, as well as Thor and Loki when they came to visit or help with a mission.
Bucky and Steve were quickly becoming close. Memories were coming back Bucky more and more, he remembered almost everything, most of his missing memory was from the war. He could remember up till Steve had saved him fairly clearly. After that it was mostly random and foggy memories, up until HYDRA. He can't forget about what happened when he was tortured, when they controlled him, he remembered it all. Those were the memories he dreaded. The ones that kept him up at night, the ones that woke him up crying, the ones that made him afraid. For quite some time he didn't know how to deal with it, and when he joined the avengers the stress and fear got worse.
Not to long ago Steve and Bucky had been watching documentaries on TV. One was talking about strange life styles, not based on different cultures, just lifestyles that were unusual for most people. It had talked about age play, Bucky hadn't told Steve about his interest in it, but after hearing that some people did it to reduce stress, he wanted to try. Of corse he thought it was a little bit strange, acting like a child, but he was fascinated. Bucky only went was far as acting like a child when he was alone, and eventually purchasing a pacifier. He wouldn't go any further, he really wanted to, but he was to afraid of being discovered, he didn't want Steve to find out and think he was weak.
It was only recently that Bucky had even gotten the courage to buy a pacifier in secret. Less than a week ago, he had walked to a nearby drug store to buy one, nervous that if someone asked about it he would panic and they would find out. But of course since Bucky was clearly old enough to have a child no one cared. Bucky was so happy he had it, the only thing he didn't like was the color, at the time all they had in stock was pink. The color didn't bother Bucky anymore he was just happy he had it.
"Are you alright Buck?" Steve asked grabbing the attention of the spaced out soldier.
Bucky looked back at Steve processing the question "Uh, yea just a little distracted" he answered.
He was alright, he just wanted to get back to the tower. He wanted to go home and take a warm bath, he wanted go to sleep sucking on his pacifier, he just wanted to be little for a while.
"Alright." Steve rubbed his sore neck "Man, I feel like I could sleep for a week straight"
"Yeah, me too" Bucky replied yawning a little completely exhausted.
Steve smiled, he couldn't help but think that Bucky was cute. His yawn made Steve's heart pound, everything about Bucky was so cute and beautiful. He had started to develop a crush on Bucky ever since he moved into the tower.
The team soon arrived back at tower, completely exhausted and beat up, at least the mission had been a success. Clint and Natasha where leaning on each other to keep the other from falling. Thor was practically dragging Loki back in. Steve, Bucky, Bruce and Tony were all tiredly dragging there feet while they walked, occasionally one would sway a little.
The team parted ways, Bucky and Steve headed back to their floor. Only a little longer before Bucky was alone and could escape. Bucky was good at controlling his little space. He never really had to worry about babyish things slipping out, so it wouldn't be terrible being with the team a little longer. Bucky just wanted more than anything to be little right now.
"Goodnight Bucky" Steve muttered walking into his room.
"Goodnight Steve" Bucky replied going into his own room being sure to close the door tightly.
Bucky got some pajamas and boxers from his dresser before heading off to his bathroom. He turned on the faucet to fill the tub with warm water. While it filled he walked back into his bedroom to grab his pacifier from underneath his pillow. He slipped it into his mouth and began to suck on it. Once back in to bathroom he got out of his mission suit and boxers, then lowered himself into the bathtub.
After laying in the tub until the water was cold Bucky finally got changed into his warm pajamas. He snuggled into his sheets, and pulled the blanket over his body. He relaxed and drifted off to sleep, happily sucking on his pacifier.
Later that night Bucky shot up from his bed in cold sweat. It was only four in the morning. Another nightmare, a nightmare about before his mind was wiped, the torture he revived from HYDRA. Remembering those things always made him feel so small, it was the only time he felt he couldn't control his little side. He wanted to scream, he wanted to call out for someone, he wanted someone to hold him and make him feel safe again. Living with the fear of what Steve would think less of him, he didn't call out for help. Instead he cried into his knees, his cries slowly got louder.
Bucky realized he needed to calm down, Steve might wake up if he got too loud. He looked around his bed but he couldn't find his pacifier. It wasn't under his pillow or anything. He finally saw it on the floor, just off the the side of his bed. He quickly snatched it off the ground and slipped it back in his mouth.
His pacifier helped calm him a little, but not much, for the most part it simply muffled his cries. Bucky laid back down on his side pulling his knees into his chest as tears continued to fall.
It was nearly seven when Bucky heard Steve walking through the hallway. Bucky hadn't gotten any more sleep after the nightmare, he just cried, sucking on his pacifier until there were no more tears to cry. He wanted to stay in bed longer, his eyes where still red and puffy from the tears, he didn't want Steve to see him like this. But he heard the foot steps walking towards his door.
Bucky quickly shoved his pacifier under his pillow and tried to wipe away any tear stains on his face as Steve knocked on his door, before walking in. When Steve knocked it was more of a way to tell Bucky he was coming in rather that a request to enter. Bucky sat up and looked at Steve.
"Good morning." Steve smiled as he opened the door. "Hey, Bucky, are you alright? You look exhausted" Steve exclaimed noticing Bucky's red, tiered eyes.
"Yeah, I'm fine" Bucky replied getting out of the bed. "Just a nightmare"
"I'm sorry. You want to talk about it?" Steve asked walking into the room.
"I'm alright" Bucky knew if he talked it about it he would have a hard time containing his little side "It isn't that big of a deal anyways, just freaked me out a little"
Steve looked concerned "Ok Buck, you know that you can tell me if something ever is bothering you, right?"
"I know Steve" Bucky replied
Steve let out a small sigh "Well I just came to see if you wanted to go running with me"
"Sure I'll get ready" Bucky responded getting Steve to leave the room so he could change.