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time to say goodbye

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Tonight the couple decided it's movie night for them. Before they start. Bokuto usually would ask tsukishima what movie they should watch for the night. tsukishima whom always in kitchen to prepare snack for them would answer him. Even though in the end they would watch what bokuto picked anyway, Tsukishima never complain because it's doesnt matter what movie they watch is, tsukishima just like to spent some times with bokuto at time like this. unless there's movie that he really want to watch. he'll fight with bokuto for it.

why he said "at times like this"? well, Bokuto is professional volleyball player and tsukishima is a model. With how tournament for new season is start soon bokuto spent most of his time practicing. tsukishima himself recently just signed new contract with famous brand therefore he's busier than usual with his work. that's why he said at times like this. because when this happened they really barely had times for each other despite the fact that they live together.

the couple used to this though. afterall it's not like this happens for the first time, they've been together for years now. this happenes for several times and they can face it together all this time.

but tonight is different. well, if tsukishima can say honestly it's not just tonight, things been different for a couple of weeks now. there's tension between them. tsukishima doesnt know why.......... actually, he knows. he can guess what or why it is. but he'd like to pretend that he doesnt know.

***

Ever since "it" happened. Tsukishima started feel insecure but he tried to keep it inside. this thing, it just happened suddenly out of nowhere. They called it "the red string" now. Yeah, just like how it called. It's how people suddenly claimed they can see a red string on their ring finger one day. but it's not everyone though. Apparently in a pair, only one person can see the red string on them. and for the other person to see it, both participants need to have the same feeling toward each other. whatever the feeling is, be it love, admiration, even hatred.

it's really become chaos the first time it's happened. one by one people see the red string, one by one too a good relationship is broken because of it. most people decided to leave their current lover because of it. even the one whom already married. it's a mess. but now, after a year, things have been calmed down. yes, there's still people who decided they'll find the end of their red string attached to, but there's also people who ignore it either.

In this case. not to long after that thing happened, Bokuto admit right away to tsukishima the moment he saw the red string on his finger. Tsukishima doesnt ask if it's him that his red string attached to. because he knew bokuto so much by now. if it's really him, bokuto would already shout it out. but back then bokuto just told him only about the red string not the whom he attached to. so, tsukishima can picked himself the answer. he knew, he never expect to be the one but he still had a bit hope for it.

tsukishima doesnt remember how he reacted back then after bokuto told him. he only remember the moment bokuto hold his face force him to back to that moment. tsukishima bliked his eyes. he watched bokuto sighed "hey stop overthinking, i dont care about this thing at all. the reason i told you about this because i thought you desevered to know, also i dont want hide things with you."  bokuto paused "so, you dont need worry. okay?"  tsukishima can saw the determination on bokuto thats why he answer him with nodded. bokuto grinned at him then kissed him after that "good, because i like you so much kei".

***

"...kki"
"Tsukki" bokuto voice brought tsukishima out of his mind
"Hmm" tsukishima answer it while pretending to focus on the movie they played.
"Can we talk?" Thats what coming out next from bokuto's mouth. Tsukishima already can feel that bokuto is restless. He want to keep avoiding this. But he cant do that to bokuto. So tsukishima straight himself upand turn the tv off. he sighed then looked at bokuto "sure".
Bokuto stare at each other for awhile in silence before bokuto divert his eyes and looks down. tsukishima start feeling annoyed because he, himself can't take it anymore. he really want to force bokuto to looked at him and told him to say whatever it is he want to say to him. before all those happens tho tsukishima suddenly feel bokuto's lips on his, bokuto's hand on his nape. there's many things that's come up what will happens now on tsukishima mind. kisses is far from it. tsukishima bring back from his shocked. so he did what's his heart told him to. he kissed bokuto back.

their kissed start slow and gentle but eventually it's become intense. the tounge clashes with each other, the silvia is exchange too. despite the nervous feeling he felt he still cant help but feel glad that the kisses feel like their usual kiss. Tsukishima doesnt realise that he is now laying on the sofa. the moment he realise it is when they both let go of each other and bokuto already over him. tsukishima close his eyes to catch the breath that he just lost. so does bokuto, tsukishima can hear his breahing near him because bokuto lean his head right on beside him.

eventually things get quiet after few minutes. there's no longer harsh pants, only soft breathing fill the silence. bokuto pull his head from sofa makes tsukishima turn his head and looks up at bokuto. the moment tsukishima see bokuto's expression his heart feel like it being wrench. sure, all this time they're together they have fought, if it's bokuto fault's he would looked sad or guilty or regret while he appologized. but now, tsukishima cant pinpoint what it is bokuto feeling. yes, it's looks like bokuto is sad, but tsukishima can see the guilt too, also regret can be seen, even some anger in it too. it's all mix of it. tsukishima never see bokuto looks like this. it's hurt him so much to makes bokuto feel like this.

tsukishima slowly get up so he can sit and bokuto ended up straddle him. tsukishima hug him "you found them" he whisper. just like that bokuto break. he hug tsukishima tightly while crying. bokuto keeps repeating "i'm sorry" over and over again and tsukishima only can caress his back gently despite his heart feeling so hurt right now. "it's okay, bokuto san" tsukishima says it softly hoping he can comfort him.

it takes awhile for bokuto to calm down. they're now sit side by side now. tsukishima already stand up and leave to kitchen so he can bring water for both of them. now they just sat in silence. tsukishima waiting for bokuto to say anything because he doesnt know what to say either.

after few minutes bokuto finally find his voice to speak again "it's keiji" there's silence again after that. tsukishima cant stop the thought "ah. Of course"  thats come up in his mind. Seeing there's no respond from tsukishima, bokuto continue "I-i.. really meant it when i say i don't care about the string at all back then kei. i really do. but.. then i accidently met him, met keiji and saw the string attached to him. then suddenly my heart feel like it brust, like there's weight being lift from it, like suddenly i'm being fill too. i.. i can't explain it. i want to stop this because i know it will hurt you but i cant. i'm sorry kei. i'm really sorry" bokuto start broke again. tsukishima warp his hand on bokuto's shoulder. sure, he's feeling hurt but his love makes him feel hurt more to watch bokuto wreck like this.

they sit in silence only bokuto's sob fill it. there's something tugging his mind. he's really want to say it but he's too afraid to know. "Is he knows it?" Tsukishima doesnt mean for it to come out of his lips. he's wides his eyes when he realise he says it out loud. bokuto looks at him confuse. tsukishima wants to tell him to forget it but it seems finally bokuto get whats he meant. "NO!.. no, of course not. god, i can't do that to you" bokuto looks frantic "please believe me kei" he's now turn his position and hold tsukishima face. tsukishima breathe in reliefs. he doesn't know what he'll be if he heard that bokuto secretly already try to get closer to akaashi again behind him. he's glad at least for this one. tsukishima lean on bokuto touch, he close his eyes while hold bokuto hand thats on his face "thank you"

***

Later that night both of them lay in their bed. Bokuto hold tsukishima from back tightly. tsukishima listening to bokuto breathing. when it's become even and he's sure that bokuto finally sleep, Tsukishima open his eyes slowly. he stare at darkness quietly. He cant help but start thinking maybe this whole red string is really fate. You see, the three of them is being friend for so long. well, bokuto and askaashi is. Tsukishima met them in middle school. ever since then they become so close. to the point Tsukishima watched it all, he watched how bokuto started liking akaashi. Even bokuto himself didnt realised it. To finally when bokuto realised the feeling. The change how bokuto acted around akaashi. It's all beautiful. Endering. Giving how bokuto is. It's makes him hoping it was him in akaashi place.

When akaashi rejected bokuto and leave them to study aboard. he cant help wanting to try to replace akaashi in bokuto heart. so he did. he tried it when he get in the same collage as bokuto. It takes time but in the end he got a place in bokuto heart too. Even though he knew he's not replace akaashi's place. it's still makes him happy because he knows all this time they're together bokuto never fake his feeling. bokuto is too kind to do that. Thats why he understand bokuto just then. Knowing your long lasting love is your the other one. He get it that bokuto want to fight for akaashi again. He closed his eyes again. He get it but it doesnt stop the aching he feel in his heart. "It's fine. It's fine"  tsukishima try to told himself

Tsukishima slowly opened his eyes again and looked at his hand. He focus on his ring finger. is there's someone out there that had red string attached to his?  Will that person fight for him too? Will tsukishima be ok with it? Since he didnt want if that person already had someome and said that person feeling the same pain he had. He dont know. He's not sure. That's for next time. for other story. Right now let him be in the hold of someone he love for the last time.