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They Make Me Feel Hope (and Gay Panic)

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Hajime had always been (or would at least try to be) self-sufficient. He also kept to himself most of the time, he had a hard time making friends, and he had no talents or anything like the "Ultimates" did in the main course at Hope's Peak academy. He knew he was nothing special, but when Hope's Peak opened up the reserve course for people that didn't have an ultimate talent, Hajime instantly knew that was what he wanted to do. But he needed to pay a ridiculous amount to get into the reserve course. And because of the ridiculously high fees his family was having money problems.

Hajime was now in his second year of high school in the reserve course of Hope's Peak. One day a few months into the school year he was on his way to school, he had been lost in thought about how he should get another job soon so he can keep up with the fees, he then accidentally bumped into a shorter boy. The short boy loses his balance and trips.


"Ah!! I'm sorry! I wasn't looking where I was going! I'm really a klutz, sorry again." A short boy with light golden brown coloured hair that was now sitting on the ground apologized, the boy started to get himself up. I held out my hand to the boy.

"No it's alright. I wasn't paying attention either, I was… lost in thought… I'm sorry" I atoned. The boy grabbed my hand and then brushed himself off from the dirt. I finally could get a good look at him now. He had olive green eyes that sparkled in the sunlight, he had a round face. 'And he had an ahoge, just like me. He is kinda cute.. wait! Why am I thinking that?! I just met him! I-' I felt my face heat up and my shoulders stiffen, I looked away from the boy and covered my face with my right hand.

"Hey, what's your name? I'm Naegi Makoto, I'm the ultimate lucky student from the 78th class, my talent is pretty boring, I only got into the school out of pure luck… what about you?" Naegi smiled and tilted his head to the left as he asked me. He had no idea that I wasn't part of the main course. I looked back at him and uncovered my face.

"Ah… I'm Hinata Hajime from the reserve course…" I looked away once again from Naegi's eyes widened and then covered his mouth with both of his hands.

"Oh my goodness I'm so so sorry! I shouldn't have assumed you were part of them main course… please forgive me!" He uncovered his mouth and then bowed. I looked back at him and then said

"No, no it's okay, but I have to go, we'll both be late to our classes if we keep talking any longer." I said this reassuringly. Naegi stopped bowing and looked up at me.

"Alright, I'll see you around, Hinata!" He waved his hand goodbye to me as he turned the other way so he could walk to the main course building. I turned the other way and started to walk to my own classroom.

~~~~~~~~~ During class ~~~~~~~~~

'This class is never ending… I wish it would be over soon. I just want it to be over… what is the teacher even talking about? I have no idea. It's almost the end of the day, I just want to hang out with Nanami at the fountain and talk about video games.' I had my face leaned up against my hand that was hoisting up my head. I watched the clock, only a minute left of class. Half a minute. A quarter of a minute left. Ten seconds.


"Class is dismissed." I heard the teacher say as I eagerly got up and out of my seat. I grabbed my bag, put it over my shoulders and headed for the fountain to meet up with Nanami. I got there in less than a minute, how you ask? I actually have no idea. I just ran, that's all I remember.

"Hey hey." Nanami didn't look up from her game but waved at me with her left hand. I walked over to her and sat down next to her.

"...By the way, Hinata. I have someone coming I'd like you to meet… they'll be here soon…" Nanami mentioned this in her usual slow, tired voice. I wondered who it could be. As I waited next to Nanami I watched the other students leave the school on there way home. That was when a certain cloud-haired boy came up to us.

"Hello Nanami and Hinata!" Smiled Komaeda. I was a bit confused though, I looked to Nanami for guidance.

"Komaeda..? Nanami was the person you wanted me to meet Komaeda? Because I've already met him..?" I inquired uncertainly. Nanami paused her game and looked up at me and then Komaeda, who was still smiling. She took a second to answer my question.

"...No, I'm guessing he came to talk to us on his own accord." Nanami said this and went back to her 3Ds to play what looked like to be Mirby's Epic Yarn. I then looked back at Komaeda and tilted my head to the left.

"Uh, what do want, Komaeda?" Komaeda frowned a bit but then smiled again, but this time softer than before.

"I just wanted to hang out and talk to you guys, I always see you guys sitting here while everyone is leaving, so today I decided to talk to you guys. Is there something wrong with that..?" Komaeda queried. My eyes widened and I shook my head.

"No, there's nothing wrong with that, it's just a bit… unexpected, that's all." I scratched the back of my neck with my right hand. Komaeda sat down right next to me and we looked each other in the eyes. 'I never really noticed how pretty Komaeda's eyes were…' my face heated up for the second time that day, I turned my face the other way and looked at my feet. 'What is it with me today?! I keep thinking weird things about boys that are pretty! AUGH! There I go again!!'

My hands turned into fists in my lap and my shoulders stiffened up. Komaeda must have noticed me stiffening up, because he placed a hand on my shoulder and asked,

"Hey, you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." I turned my head to face him, and that's when I heard a familiar sounding voice that I had heard earlier that day.

"Hey, Nanami! Sorry I'm late! I got stuck with cleaning duty today, lousy luck, huh." Nanami paused her game and looked up at Naegi and gave him a small smile.

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"Hey, Nanami! Sorry I'm late! I got stuck with cleaning duty today, lousy luck, huh." Nanami paused her game and looked up at Naegi and gave him a small smile.

"...Hey, hey. This is the person I wanted you to meet, and I guess you can meet Komaeda, too..." Nanami yawned right after she said this. Naegi turned to me and Komaeda. His eyes widened and then he smiled.

"Hi, Hinata!!" Naegi cheered. I waved at him as he walked towards me and Komaeda. Komaeda seemed a little... too happy to see Naegi..? But nonetheless Naegi introduced himself to Komaeda.

"Hi! I'm Naegi Makoto! I'm the Ultimate Lucky student, my talent is kinda boring eheheh..." Naegi scratched his head as he spoke. Komaeda smiled at him and started introducing himself.

“Hello, Naegi! My name is Komaeda Nagito, I’m also the Ultimate Lucky student! I see that you have already met Nanami and Hinata? How did you guys meet?” Komaeda asked, but he seemed to have something else on his mind as he spoke, though.

“Oh! I just met Hinata this morning. We accidentally bumped into each other on our way to school. And for Nanami, I met her by her accidentally falling asleep in the hallway... standing up… so I woke her up so she would get to class on time, and so we became friends from there!" Naegi beamed. Komaeda smiled and nodded.

"You know, I get this aura around you and Hinata, it fills me with hope, I feel as though you two people have an amazing hope living inside you… trash like me shouldn't be in the presence of such hope.." Komaeda hugged himself as he spoke and his eyes looked like they had swirls in them. Me and Naegi looked at each other and then at Komaeda, Nanami was too focused on her game to notice what Komaeda was saying. My eyebrows were now curved and my mouth was slightly open, I opened my mouth wider to speak but I was beaten to it by Naegi.

"You're not trash!" Komaeda looked at Naegi who was holding his hands into fists. Naegi walked forward towards Komaeda and sat down next to him, Naegi then looked him straight in the eyes and said;

"I may have only just met you but you seem like a really nice person! So please don't say that about yourself."

Komaeda only chuckled softly and looked away from Naegi.

“What makes you say that, Naegi? We’ve only just met a few minutes ago, how can you be so sure of yourself that I’m not trash?”

“Komaeda, I...” Naegi started but was cut off by Komaeda.

“Exactly, you can’t disprove that I am not utterly useless trash, only a stepping stone for the ultimates and Hinata!” I clenched my fists as he said that. I kinda hate it when he talks like that, but it is a little admirable how much he loves hope. But I was just so mad that he was talking himself down so much.

And before Naegi could say anything else to protest or Komaeda could said any more self-deprecating things I stood up. I had moved so fast that I didn’t even realize it before what I had done had been done. No one could stop me. Not even myself could.


“Komaeda! Get ahold of yourself! You’re not trash OR a stepping stone. You’re just unique, that’s part of what I like about you. You cannot change my mind that you are *NOT* trash or whatever else you said!” I addressed aggressively. I had certainly gotten the attention of everyone in the group, even Nanami. I watched as the little round pink character was attacked by an orange character.

But now everyone was staring at me. Oh god. At least Komaeda’s eyes were back to normal.

His eyes. Big beautiful gray eyes looking up at me. It pained me to see the slap mark on his pale face, the pink slap mark stood out like a green thumb contrasted to Komaeda’s pale skin. But I felt that slapping him was one of the only way to get 1. the point across, and 2. His attention. But now I had everyone’s attention. Though I guess that was to be expected after bitch slapping someone.

Komaeda put his hand to his cheek to feel the slap mark, but then instantly pulled away, I assumed it hurt. I felt really bad. I shouldn’t have done that. I can’t believe I did that. Oh god oh god. I was about to cry. I could feel it.



My cheek hurts.

I see Hinata. He’s the only one standing up. He must have been the one who slapped me.

“I am so so sorry, Komaeda-” Hinata apologizes sincerely. I can tell it was sincere. His tone of voice changes when he’s sincere to, well I don’t know how to describe it.

“It’s no problem! It’s fine, Hinata. ...Damn personality changes...” I mumbled the last part. I held out my hands into a comforting gesture. Though I really hope no one heard the last part. Hope. Hope is nice. It’s the best feeling someone could ever feel.

“...What... just happened..?” I hear Nanami question a seat away from me. She wasn’t playing her video game anymore, but it isn’t on the pause screen. I turn my head to look at her. I then looked at Naegi who looked just as confused as I imagine Nanami felt. I looked up at Hinata who looked teary-eyed.

Was he about to cry? I hate it when Hinata cries. He doesn’t do it often, I’ve only seen him cry once but I hated it. Though he did look pretty when he cried. He looked pretty all the time though, so when he cries is no acception.

What did I say in my personality change? Did I get angry at him and insult him? Did I insult.. Myself? He gets upset when I do that.

Oh yeah. Now I remember. I was so caught up in how Hinata slapped me that I had forgotten, or was it the dementia? Well it doesn’t matter because I remember now. I was insulting myself and saying I was his and the ultimate’s stepping stone. People think it’s weird when I do that, but I’m only saying the truth.


I need to remember that he has dementia and I shouldn’t act like that… I can’t be going around saying stuff like that and slapping him. I need to stay calm and react to his emotions, not his actions. I need to remember he isn’t doing this on purpose.

“I am really sorry. I shouldn’t have done that… How about I take you and the others out for something to drink?” I suggest calmly, though it wasn’t really a suggestion, more of a ‘I will do this’ than a ‘hey we could do this thing’.

Komaeda shook his head and his hands to protest, though.

“No, no!! I’m sorry for being such an inconvenience to you, Nanami, and Naegi! I should be the one offering!” He protested. I sighed.

“That wasn’t a suggestion, it was more of a ‘I will take you and the others out to have a drink’.”

Komaeda smiled nervously. He knew how stubborn I am and that I most likely was not gonna back down out of this. Naegi then piped in and said

“Ah!! I’ll go but I’ll at least pay for my own drink.” I wanted to protest to this, but I was tired. I saw Nanami stand up and close her 3DS.

“..Well I can’t go, sadly... I have plans with family… Speaking of which I have to go now.”

I nodded as she started to walk away. Before

“Bye, have fun… gays.”

I was shocked. She just outed me in front of two people. But I guess she also outed the two of them as well…

“Hey!! Nanami! You can’t just out me like that!” I heard Komaeda yell at her

“Yeah!” Me and Naegi said at the same time.

We all then looked at each other.

We realized we were all gay.

And I realized I had feelings for the both of them.

Oh goodness gracious, lord save me from my gayness.