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The Silence Between

Chapter Text

Castiel walked into school, keeping his head down as he went. Nobody greeted him or paid any attention to him. It was as if he didn’t even exist. It hurt, but Cas would never admit that to anyone, especially not his friends back home.

Being in Lawrence, KS was different than back home in Pontiac, IL. He had friends there and everyone knew him and greeted him. He was involved in school activities and helped out in the community. But all of that was taken away from him earlier in the year when his parents were killed by a drunk driver and he was forced to move to Kansas to live with his brother, Michael. At least he’d been able to finish out the school year before moving.

Cas sighed as he got closer to his locker. Raphael and his gang were hanging around, not even 10 feet from Cas’ locker. Cas knew who they all were. Every one of them picked on him constantly. But, there was a new face in the crowd. Cas could see his broad, flannel covered shoulders and his light brown spiked hair. His green eyes were fixed on his phone as he texted with someone. Of course, Cas couldn’t see Dean’s eyes, but he knew the color. He’d seen pictures and heard the girls drooling over the Winchester.

They were a few weeks into the year and this was the first time he’d seen Dean. He had to admit that appearance wise, Dean lived up to all the hype. But he’d also heard about how nice Dean was. There’s no way that could be true if he hung out with Raph and the other assholes.

Cas checked his watch and sighed when he realized he’d have to go over to his locker with them there. He’d hoped they’d leave and he could do what he needed without being harassed, but obviously that wasn’t going to happen.

As he got closer, he could hear the guys making jabs at students as they walked past. They were picking on the nerds, even going as far as to trip one and knock the books out of another’s arms, hitting on the hot girls, and making fun of anyone that wasn’t good enough to be them .

Cas caught Raph’s eyes as he got closer and groaned. Here it comes. He quickly opened his locker, shoving things inside and pulling out what he needed.

"You'd think they wouldn't let gay little retards in this school. It's like we have no standards." The whole group laughed and agreed with Raphael’s statement, even Dean. His laughter was the loudest of them all. How could he have believed that Dean would be the nice guy that people claimed he was? Cas slammed his locker shut and hurried to his first class.

Dean glanced up from his phone in time to see Cas slam his locker and high tail it away from them. “Don't use that word. I hate that. You don't know how much that hurts someone to be called that."

“What? Gay or little?”

Dean slipped his phone in his pocket as he rolled his eyes. “You know what I’m talking about. Stop calling people retarded. It makes you sound ignorant.”

“Whatever. I call it like I see it. You haven’t been here to see how retarded he is. He doesn’t even talk to anyone.”

Dean grabbed the front of Raph’s shirt and slammed him back against the lockers. “I’m not gonna tell you again. Stop using that word.”

“Ok, ok. He’s a dumbass. Better?”

Dean sighed. “Not really. I gotta go to class.” Dean said as he grabbed his bag and headed for his first class.

————

Dean had been at school for a week now. He was so far behind that there was no hope of catching up without some help. One of his teachers suggested he go talk to the new kid, Castiel, and see if he’d be willing to help since he was a straight A student.

Dean slowly walked into the library, looking around until he saw the dark mop of hair hunched over a book at a table. He sighed and made his way over. “Uh, hey. I was told you might be able to help me with some of my classes. I’m, uh, behind on all of them. I don’t really care if I fail, but my uncle does, so I need some help. Think you could help me?”

Cas looked at Dean with wide eyes as he rambled. Their eyes met, then Cas flipped a page in his spiral notebook and started writing.

“You know what? Fuck you. I don’t need your fucking help. You think you’re so much better than me, huh? Gonna give me the fucking silent treatment? Straight As, big house, rich-ass parents. You’re not fucking better than me.” Dean said, as he stormed out to his locker, punching it.

He was shocked when a hand grabbed his shoulder and forced him to turn around. His eyes met very pissed off blue ones, as the spiral was shoved against his chest forcefully. Dean swallowed and took the spiral and Cas motioned to it like ‘read it dumbass’.

Dean held the spiral so he could read it.

What subjects are you failing? I’d be more than happy to he

You can go fuck yourself, Dean Winchester! I’m not better than anyone and I sure as hell don’t think I am! What gives you the right to sit there and judge me? I’m not giving you the silent treatment! I’m mute, you assbutt!

Dean closed his eyes and sighed then looked up at Cas. “I didn’t know. I’m sorry. I thought you were just blowing me off when you started writing.”

Cas gave Dean a skeptical look and took the spiral back, writing on it.

Seriously? You expect me to believe you didn’t know I was mute? You and your friends make fun of me everyday because of it.

“I’m being honest here. Nobody told me you were mute. They all just said you’re quiet and you never talk. I thought you were just this quiet, nerdy kid. I didn’t know we were making fun of your disability. God, I feel like such an ass.”

As you should.

“I’ve been such an ass to you and you were still going to help me?”

Cas shrugged and circled where he’d written ‘ What subjects are you failing? ’.

“Math is the hardest to catch up on.”

Cas rolled his eyes and underlined ‘ subjects ’.

“Oh, uh, Calculus.”

Cas nodded. I can help with that. It’d be easier if we can set up somewhere with my laptop. I’m faster at typing and could send you the explanation digitally.

Dean watched as Cas wrote. “Ok. Sounds good. When do you think we could get together?”

Tomorrow after school?

“Works for me. Where?”

Cas held his pen to his lip in thought. Either of our houses should be fine, unless you’d rather meet in public.

“My place? You need a ride?”

Cas nodded. My car doesn’t work. It'd be easier to just ride with you.

“What’s wrong with it?”

Cas shrugged.

“Maybe I could take a look at it sometime. You know, since you’re helping me.”

You know how to fix cars?

Dean snorted. “I’d better or Bobby will fire me.”

Bobby?

“My uncle. He’s like a dad to me. He’s a damn better one than my real dad. Anyhow, meet you here after school tomorrow?”

Cas smiled and gave Dean a thumbs up then watched the other man leave. He’d just spoken to Dean freaking Winchester, one of the biggest bullies in school. Or well, he hung out with the biggest bullies, so guilt by association.

————

Cas sat in the library waiting for Dean. To say he was nervous would be an understatement. He couldn’t help wondering if this was some sort of trick. What if Dean didn’t really need the help? What if they were just trying to get him alone to hurt him?

Cas touched his throat as he thought about just leaving and texting his brother to come get him. He jumped when a hand touched his shoulder.

“Hey. You ready to go?”

Cas chewed on his bottom lip and nodded as he grabbed his stuff. He walked with Dean toward the parking lot.

“Wait until you see my Baby. I’ll bet you’ve never seen a sexier car than her.” Dean said as he lead Cas toward where she was parked.

Cas kept his eyes peeled for Dean’s friends. When he realized Dean was heading for a gorgeous black ‘67 Impala, he snorted. Dean looked over at him. “What?”

Cas mouthed ‘Mine’s sexier.’

Dean furrowed his brows. “Did you say your broken down car is sexier than Baby?”

Cas smirked and nodded.

Dean crossed his arms over his chest. “No way. Not possible.”

Cas pulled out his phone and swiped through the photos. He turned the screen to Dean and watched his eyes widen, then listened as he laughed. “You have a two door?” Cas nodded. “1967?” Cas grinned and nodded again.

“Four doors are still sexier.”

Cas rolled his eyes and pulled up the notepad, typing. They look the same, just more doors.

Dean looked at the screen and shrugged. “Back seat’s a bonus.”

Two door has a back bench.

“Four door has easier access.”

Unfortunately, Dean did have a point. Instead of typing, Cas just stuck his tongue out at Dean, who laughed.

“Get in.”

Cas got in the car, running his hand over the leather bench. Mine has separate front seats.

“Another bonus of the four door then.”

Cas rolled his eyes.

Dean started the car and started driving. “So what kind of shape is yours in? Paint looked ok in the picture.”

Cas rolled his eyes and stared at Dean like he was a moron. Dean glanced over at him. “Oh. Right. Can’t really read while I drive, huh?” Cas rolled his eyes again and rested his elbow on the window, then rested his cheek on his fist.

Not being able to talk sucked, but it was worse in moments like this. He couldn’t write or type, so there was just silence. Cas once again wondered if this was a mistake. He’d tutored people at his last school, but he had a voice at the time. It was going to be harder than hell to tutor with just written text. He sighed sadly.

Dean glanced over at Cas. “Hey. It’s ok. We don’t have to talk while I’m driving.” Cas nodded and gave a thumbs up, but didn’t look at Dean.

Once they got to Dean’s house, it didn’t take long for Cas to find out that tutoring Dean was infuriating. He’d drum on the table, spin his pen between his fingers, click his pen nonstop, make weird noises, hum classic rock, basically he’d do anything but focus on what Cas was trying to explain to him. Cas had to knock on the table a few times to get Dean’s attention back on the work in front of them. This time, that wasn’t working so Cas tried a different approach.

‘Dean. Please pay attention.’ Cas whispered breathily.

The pen in Dean’s hand stopped moving and he slowly turned toward Cas. “Did you just talk?”

Cas rolled his eyes. ‘No. The other person in the room did.’

Dean’s jaw dropped. “I thought you couldn’t speak.”

‘I can’t, but I can whisper. It has to be quiet for anyone to hear me, so I just don’t do it.’

“Holy shit, dude. This’ll make things so much easier. I’ve been going crazy with all the silence.”

‘Really? I couldn’t tell.’

Dean snorted. “You’re kinda a dick when you can talk.”

‘It takes one to know one.’

Dean belted out in laughter. “You’re an ok dude, Cas.”

‘Cas?’ Cas asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Yeah. Castiel’s a cool name and all, but it’s kinda a mouth full.”

‘Says the person who can talk.’

Chapter Text

Cas sat on a bench watching Dean work on his car. He was thrilled that it was getting fixed, but it was boring. He and Dean couldn’t hold a conversation without Dean stopping what he was doing, so Dean was working and he was watching. Cas had to admit, the view wasn’t bad.

Cas sighed and looked away from Dean bent over the engine with his jeans wrapping tightly over the swell of his ass. It wasn’t right for him to be thinking about Dean like that. Dean was straight and he was only helping him because Cas was tutoring him. They weren’t friends. If he’d met Dean in Pontiac or met him before Raph, then they would be friends. Unfortunately, this school saw him as someone to avoid at all costs.

Cas messed with the hem of his shirt as he thought about his friends back home. They’d all probably be hanging out at the park right now, but maybe not since he wasn’t there anymore. He’d normally be at the park, enjoying the silence and the group would slowly find him and grow in size. What would they be doing without him there? They’d probably be at someone’s house playing video games or watching movies. That’s what they did when Cas couldn’t be involved.

“Cas?”

Cas startled and looked up at Dean, who had a raised eyebrow.

“Pretty deep in thought there, huh? I said your name three times. What’cha thinking so hard about?”

‘My friends.’

Dean’s eyebrows shot up. “Oh? I hadn’t seen you hanging out with anyone.”

Cas shook his head. ‘Not here. Back home. Just wondering what they’re doing right now.’

Dean leaned back against the car with his arms crossed. “You had a lot of friends before you moved?”

Cas nodded. ‘The whole school, but only 5 very close friends and about 20 that would just hang around our group.”

“So you were popular?”

‘You could say that.’

“Why aren’t you now? I mean it’s like you’re not even trying here.” Cas shrugged and looked down. “So, why’d you move here?”

Cas’ hands balled up in his lap. ‘My parents were killed by a drunk driver. One of my brothers flew up and stayed with me so I could finish the year, but he couldn’t stay longer so I had to come here.’

“Shit, Cas. I’m so sorry. My mom was killed by one, too, my dad. He blames me. He snuck booze into my game and wrecked on the way home. I was on the team bus. If I’d been in the car I probably wouldn’t have made it either. I’m just glad Sammy wasn’t with them.”

‘Sammy? Is that your brother?’

Dean smiled. “Yeah. He’s a great kid, fucking genius. You two would probably be, like, best nerd friends or something. He’s got this one nerd friend, Kevin, but dude’s mom is crazy strict and they never get to go do shit. He ends up dragging me to the boring new exhibits at the museum.”

Cas furrowed his brow. ‘Those exhibits aren’t boring.’

Dean laughed. “Yeah. You two would get along great. Maybe I’ll introduce y’all sometime.”

‘So he can drag me to them after my car is fixed?’

“Exactly!” Dean said as he laughed. “Come over here. I’ll show you how to maintain this beauty.”

Cas walked over to Dean and looked at the engine. ‘My brother was trying to get the local specialist to work on my baby, but he’s booked solid for months. Looks like he’ll be able to cancel that, huh?’

“You didn’t tell me you call yours baby, too.” Dean said as he nudged Cas with his elbow. “What garage was he gonna take her to?”

Cas shrugged. ‘I think it was Singer something.’

Dean glanced at Cas. “Singer Garage & Salvage?” Cas nodded as Dean took his hand and shook it. “Dean Winchester. Local Impala specialist and employee at Singer. Looks like you weaseled your way into upping your appointment and getting me to do house calls.” Dean said with a laugh.

Cas’ eyes widened. ‘How much do I owe you?’

“Nothing.”

‘I have to pay you, Dean. If Gabe had brought her in, then you would have been paid.’

“You don’t owe me anything, Cas. Seriously. But if you feel like you do, then we can go out for pizza, your treat.”

‘That’s not enough, but ok.’

Dean clapped his hands together. “Alright. Let’s get started on your lessons.”

Dean quickly found out that Cas would not make a good mechanic. He kept dropping tools or pieces that they needed and Dean would have to fish them out. He also kept banging his knuckles on things when his hands slipped. Dean decided to call it a day and let Cas treat him to pizza.

Dean took a bite of his pizza. “Seriously, Cas. Don’t ever touch your engine. I think you’ll be ok topping off fluids, but that’s it.”

Cas did the mocking face at Dean, then rolled his eyes and stuck out his tongue.

Dean laughed and threw a wadded up napkin at Cas. “If you honestly want to learn, then you can come to the shop with me and we can work on the junkers.”

‘Ok.’

“You ready to head out?” Cas nodded and finished his drink, then followed Dean out to the car, getting in. He smiled when Dean turned up the radio and started singing along. Cas could listen to Dean’s singing all day, everyday.

They pulled up to Cas’ house as Gabe was walking out the door. Cas groaned internally when he saw the smirk on Gabe’s face.

“Have fun on your hot date?”

“It wasn’t a date! Fuck off!” Cas signed as he blushed.

“What’d he say?”

Cas glanced at Dean. ‘Nothing. He’s just being an asshole.’

Dean nodded. “Ok. See you at tutoring.”

‘Ok.’ Cas whispered before getting out of the car and running into the house.

————

Cas sighed as he listened to everyone making plans for the Homecoming Dance. If he was back home, then he’d be doing the same thing. He’d be involved in the preparations and be looking forward to the game and the dance. This year he wouldn’t be going to either.

Cas glanced across the cafeteria at Dean. He’d have no problem going if he could go with Dean, but that’d never happen. Dean would never like him like that. How could anyone ever like him like that now that he’s broken?

Cas watched as Lisa walked up behind Dean, wrapping her arms around his neck. Cas had to look away. He could feel the tears threatening to come. He gathered his stuff, throwing away his untouched lunch, and made his way to the library.

Once Cas got to the library, he sat down in his favorite corner. He pulled out a book and began reading. His skin itched. He wanted to be at home where he could carve another line into his flesh and will away the pain and emptiness in his heart. Since he couldn’t just skip his classes, he pressed his thumb into the freshest cut on his arm, wincing at the pain. At least it helped take the edge off.

Some days Cas thought about just ending it all. His parents were gone. His friends were gone. His voice was gone. His scholarship was gone. Sure, his brothers would miss him, but they’d eventually go on with their lives. It’s not like he had much to do with them since the attack. Dean wouldn’t miss him. He probably wouldn’t even notice he was gone. He’d just find someone else to tutor him.

Cas winced when he realized he’d dug so hard into the cut, that he’d caused it to open up. He pulled a bandage from his backpack and put it over the bleeding wound to keep it from getting on his clothes. The last thing he needed was anyone catching onto what he does. His brothers would force him to go to therapy, where he wouldn’t talk so I’d just be a waste of time and money.

He’d have to make sure nobody found out.

————

Cas groaned when he heard the Impala pull up in front of his house. He didn’t want Dean to pick him up today. He didn’t want to hear about the game or the fucking dance. He just wanted to stay home in bed. Maybe if he didn’t move then Dean would just leave.

“Cassie, lover boy is outside waiting on you.”

Stop calling him that!”

“Awww. Come on, Cassie. Why don’t you just tell him how you feel?”

Because he’s fucking straight, Gabe! I’m already a big enough freak as it is!” Cas grabbed his bag and went out the door, turning when he got close to the Impala and signing back to Gabe. “ Shut up you bag of dicks!”

“You wound me!”

Dean bust out laughing as Cas got in the car. Cas glanced over at Dean with a raised eyebrow.

“...What?”

‘Why were you laughing?’

“Dude, that was funny.”

‘What was?’

“What you said...oh…”

Cas’ eyes widened. ‘You know ASL? Since when?’

Dean rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, uhh, I started learning. I wanted to surprise you, so, surprise.” He said with a small smile.

‘Why?’

“Why what?”

‘Why would you learn ASL to surprise me?’

“Dude, I like to talk to my friends and this will make it easier in louder places.” Cas stared at Dean. “What?”

‘I’m your friend?’

“Uh, yeah.”

Cas narrowed his eyes. ‘But you think I’m a retard.’

Dean’s eyes widened. “What?!? No, I don’t!”

‘You laughed!’

“When?”

‘When I was at my locker. Raph called me one and you laughed!’ Cas whispered as he looked down sadly.

“Hey. I wasn’t laughing at that. Sammy sent me a funny text. As soon as I heard what he said, I told him to stop. I hate that word, Cas. I hate anyone being called that, but dude, even if that was an acceptable word to use, you’d be the last person it’d be used on.”

Cas played with the hem of his shirt. ‘You told them to stop?’

“Yeah. You didn’t notice that they stopped using that word?”

‘Only around you.’

Dean sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “I should have known that they were still saying it. Sorry.”

Cas slowly looked up at Dean. ‘So, I hated you because of a misunderstanding?’

Dean furrowed his brows. “You hated me?” Cas shrugged and Dean shook his head. “Yeah. I guess, unless you also hated me because of my devishly good looks.”

Cas snorted.

“I know. It’s a curse.”

‘Must be horrible for you to have to deal with that on a daily basis.’

“It really is. Sometimes I can’t even stand to look in a mirror because I get jealous of my own reflection.”

Cas snorted and shoved Dean. ‘Narcissist.’

“Nah, but it made you laugh.”

Chapter Text

Cas straight up skipped the last half of his classes. He didn’t care. He couldn’t sit there listening to fucking Lisa going on and on about how amazing the dance had been and how awesome a date Dean was. Of course Dean went to the fucking dance with fucking Lisa Braeden.

He didn’t want to know how amazing Dean was as a date. How it felt to be held by him as they danced. How good of a kisser he was. He didn’t want to know any of this from someone else, especially not Lisa. He wanted to know these things because he’d experienced it himself.

Cas swiped his arms across his desk, scattering books and papers all over the floor. The more worked up he got over the fact that he’d never experience anything with Dean, the more he tore up his room. If he’d had a voice he would have screamed to get some of his anger out, but that’d been taken from him and thinking about it pissed him off even more.

Cas picked up a book and threw it across the room, his eyes widened when Dean just barely ducked in time to not get hit.

“Hey, everything ok?”

‘Just peachy, Dean. I’m just redecorating.’

Dean’s eyes drifted around Cas’ destroyed bedroom. “I didn’t see you at the dance.”

‘Why the hell would I go to the dance, Dean? Nobody wanted me there! Nobody wants me here!'

Dean was taken aback. “That’s not true. I want you here.”

Cas turned so his back was to Dean and hugged himself tightly, digging his thumb into a fresh cut. ‘I’m not up for tutoring today. You should just go.’

Dean started to take a step toward his friend. “We don’t have to study. We could just hang out.”

Cas wiped at his eyes. ‘Please, just go.’

Dean sighed. “Ok. See you around, Cas.” He said before leaving.

Cas fell to the floor crying when he heard Baby start and her rumble fade off into the distance.

————

Dean walked up to Cas when he saw him at his locker. The guy had been avoiding him for a few days now.

“Hey. What’s going on with you? Everything ok?”

Cas’ shoulders slumped when he heard Dean’s voice behind him. He shrugged in response then closed his locker and turned to leave.

Dean grabbed Cas’ arm, stopping him. “Cas? Whatever I did, I’m sorry. Just tell me how to make it right.”

Cas pulled out his spiral notebook. You didn’t do anything.

“Then why are you mad at me?”

I’m not. I wanted to go to the dance... Cas quickly scratched that out, but Dean still caught it. If I was back home I’d be doing things with my friends. I would have had a reason to go to the game and dance. I would have had a date or a friend to go with. I don’t have that here. Yeah, I could have gone, but what would I have done? I would have sat in some corner watching everyone enjoy themselves. Nobody would have come up to me to hang out or ask me to dance. And before you say, you would, you had a date. You wouldn’t have even seen me if I’d been there.

Cas handed the notebook to Dean and looked away.

Dean sighed as he read what Cas wrote. “I didn’t even think about that. Maybe we can find you someone before the Winter Formal.”

Cas snorted while rolling his eyes and took the spiral back. Nobody wants me.

“Do you like anyone?”

Cas shrugged. Doesn’t matter if I do. They don’t want me. Cas shook his head when Dean started to say something. Class.

Cas grabbed his stuff and hurried off toward his next class, leaving Dean standing by their lockers.

————

Cas sat on a bench, watching Dean work on his Impala. There was just something about Dean when he was working on a car. He seemed much more confident than normal. Cas also enjoyed watching how Dean’s muscles moved under his shirt and how his biceps flexed when he was tightening or untightening something. Cas didn’t understand much about cars, but he did understand that when Dean was in the garage, he was even hotter than normal.

Dean pulled away from the engine, wiping his hands on his rag. “Fingers crossed.”

Cas held up both hands, crossing as many fingers as he could. Dean glanced over and laughed before sliding into the car and turning the key a few times. The third time the engine roared to life. Dean pumped his fist as he got out of the car.

Cas was so overjoyed that he threw himself at Dean, locking his lips with the other man, as he wrapped his arms around his neck. Dean froze for a moment before placing his hands on Cas’ hips and returning the kiss. It only took a split second for Dean’s brain to catch up with him. He pulled away and shoved Cas.

“Dude! What the hell?!?” He asked as he wiped at his mouth.

Cas’ eyes widened and he held his hands up in front of him. ‘I’m sorry!’

Dean wiped at his mouth again. “Don’t worry about it. It’s no big deal.” He said as he refused to look at Cas. Cas gave Dean a sad look then looked down. “I, uh, I gotta go.”

Cas blinked back tears as he nodded and signed “ Thank you.”

Dean grabbed his toolbox, tossed it in Baby’s trunk and tore out of there.

Cas watched Dean leave as tears rolled down his cheeks. He got in his Impala and turned it off before putting his hands on the top of the steering wheel and resting his forehead on them. His silent tears turned into crying, which turned into sobs.

He’d ruined everything.

————

Dean raced all the way to Bobby’s house and almost tore the door off the hinges when he went inside. Sam looked up from his studying.

“Bad day?”

Dean paced back and forth in the kitchen. “Sammy, I don’t know what to do! You gotta help me!”

Sam’s eyes widened as he put his stuff down. “What’s wrong, Dean? What happened?”

Dean sighed and deflated. “I think I’m falling for a guy.”

Sam raised his eyebrow. “Really? You came in here like you were just told you’re dying.”

“This is serious, Sammy! Did you not hear me say I think I’m falling for a guy?”

“Is it Cas?”

Dean visually paled. “....What?”

“Well, he’s all you talk about anymore…” Sam smirked. “So when am I meeting my brother-in-law?”

“What?!? Fuck you, Sammy!”

Sam doubled over in laughter, then straightened when he saw the look on Dean’s face. Dean really was upset. “Did you kiss him yet?”

“Well... I, uh...he kissed me and I flipped out and ran.”

Sam rubbed his face as he shook his head. “Seriously, Dean? How do you think that made him feel?”

Dean thought about it for a moment, then got this mortified look on his face. “Oh, shit.”

“Do you like him?”

“I...I like hanging out with him.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “Obviously. Did you like the kiss? Can you see yourself kissing him again? Do you like him?”

Dean put his hand over his mouth. “Oh, shit. I fucked up.”

“You don’t say.”

“No. You don’t understand. He wanted to go to the dance. All I’ve been talking about was going to the dance. I fucking took Lisa. He didn’t even go, Sammy. He basically told me he likes someone, but they’d never like him back, so it didn’t matter. He likes me . He wanted to go to the dance with me and I took Lisa because I was too stupid to see it.”

“Sounds about right.”

“How do I fix this?”

“Uh, talk to him. Tell him how you feel and that you’re the biggest dumbass that ever lived?”

“Thanks, Sammy! You’re the best!” Dean yelled as he ran out the door.

“You’re welcome!”

Chapter Text

Cas went out of his way to avoid Dean. If he saw Dean in a hallway, he’d turn and take another route. If he saw Dean coming toward him he’d duck somewhere and hide until he was sure it was safe to come out.

He’d kissed Dean Winchester. He’d ruined the only friendship he’d been able to form since moving to this horrible city. Cas knew that if he came face to face with Dean, that the other man would tell him they weren’t friends anymore. Cas couldn’t handle that happening.

On Tuesday Cas got a text from Dean. I’m coming to the library after school. We need to talk.

Cas texted Gabe to pick him up immediately after school, so he wouldn’t run into Dean.

On Wednesday Cas got another text from Dean. I know you’ll be home tonight. I’m coming over so we can talk.

Cas locked himself in his room and got Gabe to say he was out at some museum. Cas heard the Impala leave. Tears rolled down his face as he found new places to cut to make the pain go away.

On Thursday Dean texted yet again. Am I gonna have to stand at the door of each of your classes? We need to talk, Castiel.

Cas told Gabe his throat was hurting really bad and had him call the school. He emailed his teachers for his assignments and didn’t go in Thursday or Friday. Cas’ anxiety was so bad at this point that he could barely hold the razor when he made new cuts.

Nobody was home. Cas looked down at his arm and wondered how much it’d hurt to make the cuts that would end everything. He dropped the razor as he curled up in a ball, crying.

After a week of successfully avoiding Dean, the inevitable happened. Dean caught him off guard.

Cas was sitting in front of the school waiting for Gabe to pick him up, when he heard a familiar voice behind him.

“Dude. Where’s your car?”

Cas’ whole body tensed as he pulled out his spiral notebook. Home

“What’s wrong with her? She stop running again?”

Can’t drive her without thinking about you. When Cas realized what he’d written he tried to scratch it out before Dean saw it, but Dean’s hand grabbed his wrist before he could.

“..... What?”

Cas kept his eyes downcast and didn’t move to write or sign.

“Dude, get in Baby. We need to talk.”

That’ll be kinda one sided won’t it?

“Get in the damn car!”

Cas jumped, but got up with his stuff and walked over to Baby, getting in. He flinched when Dean slid in beside him. Cas wiped his eyes, as he tried to keep from breaking down. This was it. Dean would tell him they weren’t friends anymore. He’d tell him how disgusting he is for liking guys and how much of a freak he is for not being able to talk.

“All I can think about is you, Angel.” Cas’ breath caught in his throat. There was no way he’d heard that right. “You, and that kiss, and how all I want to do is kiss you again.”

Cas slowly looked at Dean, finding his green eyes watching him. He searched them, looking for any sign that this was a cruel joke, but found nothing like that. His eyes flicked to Dean’s lips as he licked his own, then back to Dean’s eyes.

Cas was frozen. He couldn’t whisper or sign or write. He needed Dean’s lips on his, so he pleaded with his eyes as they flicked to Dean’s lips again.

Dean surged forward, claiming Cas’ lips, making the other man squeak in surprise. Cas reacted almost immediately. His lips moved against Dean’s, as his fingers raked through his hair. Kissing Dean was amazing and he never wanted it to end.

Cas slid on the bench, putting less distance between them. He shifted so he was straddling Dean without breaking the kiss. Dean’s hands found his hips, pulling them even closer.

The sound of people nearing the car forced them to pull apart as they gasped for air. Dean glanced around then looked at Cas’ kiss swollen lips then at his eyes.

“Let’s get out of here. Text your brother that you’ll be helping me study.” Dean said as he ran his fingers through Cas’ hair.

‘Ok.’ Cas whispered before moving back to the passenger seat. He pulled out his phone, texting Gabe. Cas rolled his eyes when his phone chimed.

“What?”

‘He forgot.’

Dean raised an eyebrow. “He forgot you needed a ride?” Cas nodded. “Good thing I saw you then.” Dean said as he pulled Cas’ face closer and kissed him softly. “Let’s go back to my place.”

Cas smiled and nodded. ‘Ok.’

Dean started the engine and drove towards his house. Cas smiled and looked down at his hand when Dean took it in his, lacing their fingers together. Dean hadn’t ended their friendship. He’d taken it to the next level. For once, Cas hadn’t ruined everything.

Cas squeezed Dean’s hand, then watched the scenery pass out the window. He couldn’t wrap his head around how all of this happened. He went from being the lowest man on the totem pole to making out and holding hands with one of the most popular guys in school. All the girls threw themselves at Dean, but Dean wanted him.

Cas glanced back over at Dean as they pulled into the driveway and Dean killed the engine. He smiled when Dean looked at him. “We’ve got the house to ourselves, Angel.” He said before getting out.

Cas quickly got out of the car and followed Dean into the house. As soon as Dean closed the door, he pushed Cas up against it, causing him to have a moment of panic before Dean’s lips crashed against his. Cas’ hand caressed Dean’s chest as his lips moved against Dean’s.

Cas ran one hand down to Dean’s ass, pulling their hips together. Dean moaned into Cas’ mouth then quickly pulled away as he tried to catch his breath.

“Fuck.”

Cas huffed a breathy laugh. ‘Yeah.’ He ran a hand under Dean’s shirt, letting his fingers blindly map out the dips and curves of his muscles.

“Want me to take it off?” Cas’ eyes flicked from the T-shirt to Dean’s eyes. He chewed on his lip then nodded. Dean kissed Cas softly then pulled his shirt off.

Cas’ eyes went to Dean’s bare abdomen. He ran both hands over Dean’s abs, then up to his chest. He pulled one hand away and fanned himself.

Dean laughed and tugged at the bottom of Cas’ shirt. “What about you?”

‘Not as sexy as you.’ Cas whispered.

“Let me be the judge of that.” Dean said as he lifted Cas’ shirt over his head then looked at the exposed skin. “Damn, Cas. With a body like that I’d think you were in sports.”

Cas blushed and looked down. ‘I played soccer before I moved.’

Dean stared at Cas like he had a third eye. “You played soccer? Are you going to play here?”

Cas shrugged sadly. ‘Can’t talk.’

“That didn’t stop you at your other school.”

Cas sighed. ‘I could talk then.’

“Wait. What? What happened?”

‘Doesn’t matter.’ Cas looked up at Dean, trying his best to hide the sadness in his eyes. He leaned against the other man, tucking his head under Dean’s chin. ‘Can we please go back to what we were doing?’

Dean wrapped his arms around Cas. “Sure.” He guided Cas over to the couch, sitting down with him. Cas leaned into Dean, kissing him deeply as his hand roamed over his toned chest then down Dean’s stomach to the bulge in his pants. Dean moaned as his hips bucked, then quickly pulled away when he heard the familiar sound of John’s truck pulling up.

Dean jumped up, grabbing their shirts. “Fuck. Shit.” He tossed Cas’ to him as he tugged his on. “Go up to my room. Don’t come out until I tell you to.”

Cas furrowed his brow as he crossed his arms. Dean frantically looked at the door then at Cas. “Please. Please, Cas. I’ll be up there shortly.”

Cas glared, then stomped up the stairs, slamming Dean’s door.

Dean jumped when John stumbled in. “Hey, Dad. I wasn’t expecting you for another week.”

John backhanded Dean, splitting his lip. “Shuddup, boy. Gimme a beer.”

Dean squeezed his eyes shut, praying that Cas would listen to him and not leave the bedroom.

Cas sat on Dean’s bed with his arms crossed. He thought Dean was different. He thought Dean wouldn’t be the type of person to hide him from his family. He really wanted Dean, but he wasn’t going to be someone’s dirty little secret again.

Cas stormed over to Dean’s desk, picking up a pen and grabbing some sheets of paper. He sat down and put into words just how he felt about Dean treating him like that. The ink flowed across the paper and before Cas knew it, he’d gotten most of his anger out on paper.

He sat and waited, and waited, and waited. By the time Dean finally opened the door, Cas was laying on Dean’s bed, staring up at the ceiling.

“Hey. That took a lot longer than I thought it would.” Dean said softly. “It’s safe for you to leave now.”

Cas sat up with a pissed look on his face. ‘Leave? You want me to…’ Cas’ eyes widened and he jumped up, hurrying over to Dean. He gently took his chin in his hand and tilted his head. His fingers barely brushed the skin next to Dean’s split lip.

‘Who was that?’

Dean closed his eyes with a sigh. “That came home? My dad.”

‘Your dad did this to you?’ Dean nodded. ‘Come with me. Stay the night at my place. My brothers won’t care.’

“I can’t. I need to stay here.”

‘Then I’ll stay with you.’

Dean sighed. “You can’t stay here. I dunno what he’d do if he found you”

‘Please, Dean.’ Cas whispered before kissing Dean’s neck.

Dean pulled away, putting distance between them. “I’m not gonna be some fucking fling, Cas. If you came over here thinking you’d fuck me and have some wham, bam, thank you, ma’am, then you can just stop this shit right now. That’s not gonna fucking happen.”

Cas’ eyes widened as tears filled them. He was mortified that Dean would think he wanted to just use him for the night.

‘Why would you think that? I can’t drive my car without missing you.’

“Yeah, just because you want to hit this sweet ass then leave me high and dry.”

Fuck being mortified. Cas was deeply hurt that Dean didn’t think more of him than that. Cas wiped his eyes as he started gathering his things.

“Shit. I’m so sorry, Angel. I'm just freaked. I've never even been attracted to a guy before. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm sorry. I don't mean to be an ass.”

Cas wiped his eyes and sniffled as he threw his backpack over his shoulder. ‘I'm so worthless. I mean, I can't even talk. Why would you want me? Why would anyone want me?’

Dean grabbed Cas’ shoulders. “But I do want you. I don’t care that you don’t have a voice, Cas. We talk just fine. We’re talking right now aren’t we?”

Cas shrugged. ‘I don’t do this with anyone else.’ He slowly looked up to meet Dean’s eyes. ‘How could you think I’d only want to fuck you then leave?’

Dean sighed and kissed Cas softly. “Like I said, I freaked. I’ve never been attracted to a guy and us almost getting caught by my dad…” Dean rested his forehead against Cas’. “He wouldn’t understand. This split lip? That’s him in a good mood while he’s drunk. If he’d walked in on us… Cas, I don’t know what he would have done, but I know I wouldn’t have let him touch you.”

Tears fell from Cas’ eyes. ‘You sent me up here to protect me.’ Dean nodded. ‘I thought you were ashamed of me.’

“I’m not ashamed of you, Angel. You wanna meet Sammy or Bobby? I’m fine with that. I just don’t want to deal with John.” Dean raked his fingers through Cas’ hair. “I know it’ll happen eventually. When it does, we gotta say we’re just studying, ok. I hate to do that to you, but I don’t want him hurting you.”

‘Ok.’ Cas kissed near the cut on Dean’s lip. ‘Please come stay at my house. I don’t feel comfortable leaving you here.’

“You’re brothers won’t mind?”

Cas shook his head. ‘They’ll probably throw a party just because I brought you home.’

“Ok. I’ll stay the night with you.”

Cas watched as Dean grabbed an overnight bag, then followed him down the stairs and out to Baby. Cas slid into the car as Dean got in beside him. He took Dean’s hand in his own, kissing the back of it. Dean glanced at him with a small smile and started the car, heading for Cas’ house.

Cas lead Dean inside when they arrived at his home. They were met by Cas’ older, but more immature brother.

“Well, well, well. Who’s this stud, Cassie?”

Cas rolled his eyes. “ Dean. I told you about him. He needs to stay the night.”

Gabe smirked. “He needs to or wants to? You have condoms and lube?”

Cas pinched the bridge of his nose while Dean’s eyes widened. “ I do, but that’s not what this is about. His dad’s drunk and I didn’t feel right leaving him alone.”

Gabe eyed the two boys. “The guest room has clean sheets, but I doubt he’ll be using it.”

Cas flipped Gabe off then took Dean’s hand, leading him to his bedroom. ‘Sorry about that. That was Gabe.’

“He thinks I’m here for sex and he’s still letting me stay?” Cas shrugged. “So where’s the guest room?”

Cas furrowed his brows. ‘You don’t want to sleep in here? I thought that maybe…’ He sighed sadly. ‘Nevermind.’ He grabbed Dean’s hand and started pulling.

“You want me in here?”

‘Yeah.’

“Why?”

Cas shrugged and wrapped his arms around himself. ‘I miss being held.’

“By your ex?” Cas nodded sadly. “You still want him.”

Cas looked up at Dean. ‘I want you.’

“You want me like you wanted Raph over the summer?”

Cas’ eyes widened and he signed frantically. “ I didn’t want him! I never did anything to make him even think that! Is that what he’s telling people? That I wanted to fuck him? Why the hell would I want to be with someone that stole my voice? Why would I want to be with someone that beat the shit out of me and left me passed out at the park? Why would I want to be with someone that put me in the hospital for over two weeks? Why would-“

Dean grabbed Cas’ hands, stilling them. “Whoa. I didn’t catch anything after you didn’t want him.”

Cas pulled his hands from Dean’s and went over to the bed, sitting on it with his head between his knees as he tried to stop the anxiety attack from building. Dean sat beside Cas, carding his fingers through his hair.

“Did he do something to you?” Cas nodded. “Did he...did he force you?” Cas shook his head.

Cas wiped his eyes then shifted so he was straddling Dean with his head tucked into the crook of his neck. Dean gently wrapped his arms around Cas and kissed his temple. “I’ll stay in here and hold you, ok.” Cas nodded against Dean’s neck. "You can tell me about it when you're ready."

Chapter Text

Cas woke up with Dean’s strong arms wrapped around him. It hadn’t been a dream. They’d really made out, then ended up at his house, sharing his bed. Cas smiled and snuggled closer. He couldn’t help but notice that Dean was not sporting a morning wood.

Cas chewed on his lower lip. Was Dean even interested in him? What if Dean was straight and he was just bicurious? What if he was just someone for Dean to experiment with and once he was done he’d just dump Cas as if it meant nothing at all?

Cas closed his eyes, keeping the tears away. Of course Dean wasn’t really interested in him. Why would he be? He was broken. He couldn’t speak. He was just the nerdy, mute kid that nobody wanted to get to know. He was desperate for friends and a relationship and made it too easy for anyone to just come in and make a place in his heart.

He’d done the same thing with Raphael. He missed his friends and teammates so much that he’d missed all the warning signs that Raph gave off until it was too late. Look where that got him.

Cas gently played with Dean’s fingers. How far would Dean take it? Would he fuck him then decide he didn’t like the experience and just walk out? Would he string Cas along for a while then turn it all into one big joke? Dean could have any girl or guy that he wanted. There was no way he’d really want Cas.

————

Dean slowly woke up, pulling Cas back against him. “Mmm. I like waking up like this.”

Cas smiled a little. ‘Me, too.’ He looked back over his shoulder at Dean. ‘It’s not too weird since I’m not a girl?’

“What? No.” Dean kissed the back of Cas’ neck. “I like you, Cas. I think I have for a while. I was just too stupid to realize it.”

Cas nodded. ‘Wish we didn’t have to go to school today.’

“But you’re not the skipping type, so we do. We can do this again over the weekend, if you’d like.”

Cas smiled. ‘I’d like that.’

————

That weekend Dean drove Cas to a lake just outside of town. He’d hoped they could go back to his place, but John was still around, so that wasn’t an option. Dean parked and smiled at Cas.

“I like to come out here to get away from things sometimes.”

Cas turned and looked at Dean. ‘Like your dad?’

Dean sighed and nodded. “I don’t know why he’s still hanging around. He’s normally gone before now.”

Cas slid across the bench until he was against Dean. ‘I don’t mind being here with you. We can make out just as easily in your car as we can on your couch.’

Dean smiled and kissed Cas as he ran his hand under his shirt. He pulled back when his fingers brushed over a bandage that hadn’t been there the other day. “How long have you been doing that?”

Cas chewed on his lip and looked down. ‘A little before my parents died. It got worse after that, but then I lost my voice and I started doing it more.’

Dean gently took Cas’ arms in his hands and looked at his wrists. He ran his thumbs over the scars there. “Please don’t. Not here. Not anywhere where it could take you away from me.”

Cas blinked back tears and nodded. ‘Ok.’

Dean looked up, meeting Cas’ eyes. “I’m not gonna tell you not to cut. It’s your body. I will say that I wish you wouldn’t keep hurting yourself like that, though.” Dean brushed away Cas’ tears with his thumbs. “Can I see?”

Cas swallowed and nodded. He closed his eyes as Dean pulled his shirt off of him. Dean’s fingers gently touched bandages and traced healing cuts and scars. “My Dad hurts me when he’s home.”

Cas opened his eyes and looked at Dean. “Like I said, the split lip is him as a happy drunk. He’s beat the shit out of me more times than I can count. That’s why Sammy doesn’t live with me. I won’t let him hurt Sam.”

‘You shouldn’t let him hurt you either.’

Dean shrugged. “If he hadn’t then I wouldn’t have needed you to tutor me.”

‘What do you mean?’

Dean kissed Cas softly then sighed. “He came home really pissed one night before school started. He’d been playing cards and lost, as usual. I was in my room when he came in. He doesn’t normally go up the stairs, but he needed a punching bag so he did, and he found me. He started hitting me. When I fought back, he grabbed my bat and hit me with it. He didn’t stop until he got it all out of his system.” Dean wiped away Cas’ tears. “Luckily my phone ended up on the floor during the fight. I called Bobby then I called 911. John was gone when they showed up. The hospital put me in a back brace for a while and Bobby made me stay with him while I healed. I missed school because I was still healing.”

Cas leaned forward, kissing Dean deeply. He licked into Dean’s mouth as he tangled his fingers in his hair. Cas slowly pulled away when he felt Dean’s tears. He gently kissed them away.

“Now do you understand why I don’t want you around him? I can’t let something like that happen to you. He could have killed me. If he found out about you…”

‘He’d have a problem with you being with a guy.’

“Yeah.”

‘Do you have a problem being with a guy?’

Dean looked up at Cas. “No. If I did, we wouldn’t be here right now. If I ever seem hesitant, it’s just because this is something new. I’m not used to this.” Dean said as he ran his hand over Cas’ chest. “Or this.” He said as he moved his hand lower and cupped Cas’ dick. “I’ve never even touched another guy like this before.”

Cas kissed Dean softly. ‘It’s not any different than touching yourself.’ He said as he kissed Dean’s neck. ‘The great thing about touching another guy is you have the same equipment. You know what feels good.’ Cas moved his hand down to Dean’s dick, cupping it over his pants. ‘Girls don't know if they're using too much pressure on your dick or not enough. You already have first hand experience on just how to touch and tease.’ Cas kissed Dean’s neck as he undid his pants and slipped his hand inside.

Dean moaned as his hips bucked. Cas kissed up to Dean’s ear. ‘Go ahead. You can touch me. I like the same things you do.’

Dean swallowed and nodded, then undid Cas’s pants, slipping his hand into his boxers. He wrapped his fingers around Cas’ cock and tugged on it, running his thumb over the head. Dean watched as Cas’ eyes fluttered shut. ‘Just like that.’

Dean stroked Cas harder, watching as Cas’ breathing became more labored. Cas groaned softly and let his forehead fall onto Dean’s shoulder. ‘Fuck...Dean…’

“I, uh, I wanna try something.”

Cas lifted his head and looked at Dean. ‘Ok.’

Dean pushed his own pants down some then pulled Cas until he straddled his lap. He carefully pulled Cas’ cock out of his pants and wrapped his hand around both of their lengths. Cas kissed Dean with a smirk. ‘Where’d you learn this?’

Dean turned bright red and pressed his lips against Cas’ mumbling “Shut up.” against them.

Cas snorted, then pushed his tongue into Dean’s mouth as he shifted his hips, creating friction between their cocks. Both men moaned at the sensation.

Cas deepened the kiss as they both rocked against each other. Cas brought his hand between them, wrapping it around Dean’s to create a tighter grip on their dicks.

Dean pulled away, breathing in Cas’ air as they rocked harder. “Fuck.” Dean breathed out as he rested his forehead against Cas’.

Cas wrapped his free arm around Dean’s neck. He planted soft kisses on Dean’s lips as he rocked his hips harder. Dean’s hips faltered and he groaned as his cum coated their hands. Cas nipped at Dean’s lower lip and thrust into their hands. His breathing hitched as his own cum mixed with Dean’s.

Cas kissed Dean softly. ‘Wow. I wasn’t expecting that.’

Dean chuckled softly. “Me either. I just...Yeah.”

Cas snorted as Dean looked down at his cum covered hand and wrinkled his nose. “I don’t have any towels.”

Cas grabbed Dean’s wrist, bringing his hand to his mouth. He licked the cum from Dean’s hand as Dean watched with wide eyes. After Cas cleaned Dean’s hand he licked his own hand clean.

‘What? It’s not any different than swallowing after a blow job. And you wanted your hand cleaned off.’

“Yeah… I just didn’t expect you to do...that.”

‘You’ve never tasted your own cum?’

“Uh, no.”

‘Not even after someone went down on you? You didn’t taste it when they kissed you?’

“No.”

Cas ran his fingers through Dean’s hair. ‘Do you want to?’

“Ok.”

Cas kissed Dean, opening his lips so Dean could have access. Dean slowly slipped his tongue into Cas’ mouth, tasting himself and Cas for the first time. Dean tangled his fingers in Cas’ hair as he deepened the kiss even more. Cas moaned and tangled his tongue with Dean’s.

They both broke apart, smiling at each other as they gasped for air.

“Wow.”

‘Yeah.’

Chapter Text

Cas looked at himself in the mirror. Dean was going to love his costume. He just knew it. He heard the Impala pull up and ran down the stairs to greet Dean. He opened the door, snorting when he saw Sheriff Dean leaning against the Impala.

Dean’s grin grew when he saw that his Angel was dressed as an angel. “Wow. You’ll be the hottest angel at the dance.”

Cas blushed and rolled his eyes. “ Will not.”

Dean walked over to Cas, kissing him softly as he wrapped his arms around his waist. “Yeah you will. Everyone’s gonna try to steal you from me.”

Cas sighed sadly. Nobody would know he’s there with Dean. ‘Promise you won’t wander off and leave me alone.’

Dean fixed Cas’ halo. “I promise. I’ll have to hang with my friends some, but I’ll never leave you alone for too long.”

Cas nodded. ‘Ok.’

Dean slipped into the car shortly after Cas did. “You really are a gorgeous angel.”

‘You’re a pretty hot sheriff.’

Dean winked and started the Impala, driving to the venue. He followed Cas in and leaned close to him. “I gotta go make the rounds. I’ll catch up with you in a few.”

Cas nodded and watched Dean walk off. He stood in the same corner watching Dean bounce from one friend to the other for over an hour. Dean didn’t even look his way once. Cas sighed sadly as he made his way to the exit. He walked out to the Impala and took off his wings and halo. He draped both items over the side view mirror on the driver’s side, then pulled out his notepad.

I can’t keep doing this, Dean. I can’t only be yours when it’s convenient to you. I’m sorry.

Cas put the note under the wiper blade and started walking home. He wiped the tears away as he walked. He’d told Dean how he thought the Homecoming Dance would go and why he’d chosen not to go. He’d asked Dean to not leave him alone during this dance and Dean promised he wouldn’t. Five minutes in and he was already forgotten.

Cas slowly made it home with tears streaming down his cheeks. He immediately went up to his room and pulled out his razor, making fresh cuts on his body. Cas wished he could go back and say he couldn’t tutor Dean. He wished he’d never taken the time to know him. He wished he could just make it all go away.

———

Dean looked at the clock and realized there was only 30 minutes left to the dance. He hadn’t spent any of the past two and a half hours with Cas. Dean darted around the room looking for the other man, but couldn’t find him anywhere. He checked his phone for any texts from Cas, but he didn’t have any.

Dean ran out to the Impala hoping he’d find his boyfriend waiting at the car, but what he found broke his heart. Cas had left. His wings and halo were hanging on the mirror and there was a note on the windshield.

Dean’s hand shook as he reached for the note. He swallowed hard and unfolded it, tears fell as he read what Cas had written. He’d fucked up yet again and this time he wasn’t sure he’d be able to fix it.

————

Dean looked for Cas at school for three days. He thought Cas was just avoiding him until he asked teachers if they’d seen him in class, and they hadn’t. They even went as far as to say he hadn’t even emailed for his assignments, so they were worried about him.

This, of course, made Dean worry. He thought about the cuts on Cas’ body and how he had so many and hadn’t even been doing it for a year. Cas didn’t say it, but Dean knew some of them had his name on them. He didn’t know how many, or which ones he’d caused, but he knew he’d caused some. He couldn’t help but wonder how many more had been added to Cas’ body because of him.

If Cas wasn’t at school today, then he’d go to his house and demand answers. As long as the answer included that Cas was ok, then he didn’t care if the rest was 'but he never wants to see you again.' Ok, he did care, but he’d deserve it. And maybe he could find a way to make it up to him and possibly win him back.

Dean walked into the cafeteria and was shocked when he saw Cas sitting at a table in the corner. He slowly made his way over to him. Cas looked like shit.

“Have we always had lunch together?”

No. I just changed my entire schedule today so I’d have to run into you.

“Ok. I deserved that. I’m sorry about Halloween.”

Go sit with your friends, Dean. The longer you stand here the more your social status will drop. Can’t have that happening now can we?

“My social status? I don’t give a shit about that. How much is it gonna drop after I do this?” Dean asked as he sat at Cas’ table.

Cas shrugged. Maybe a dozen points.

“Is it ok if I sit with you?”

Cas shrugged again. It’s a free country. I can’t really tell you not to. But I don’t really know why you’d want to.

“I wanna be near you, Angel.”

Cas raised his head, glaring at Dean with red rimmed eyes. Don’t call me that. Just go sit with your friends, Dean.

“Cas, I haven’t seen you since Friday night, and yeah, I know that’s my own fault. I fucked up. I lost track of time and when I realized it, you were already gone. I’m not good at this, Cas. I’ve only dated people in my group or people who want to be a part of the group. I’ve never looked outside the group for someone, so I don’t know how to balance shit.”

Cas sighed and put his face in his hands.

“But I’m not the only one that’s bad at this, Cas. We have no classes together and I work most days after school until baseball season starts. The only time I get to see you is the handful of hours you help me study. Now, I find out we could have been having lunch together every day and you never told me?”

Cas rubbed his face with his hand. I wanted to tell you. I want you to sit with me. You just can’t.

“Why not?” Cas shook his head. “Should I go?”

Cas glanced over at Raph, who was glaring at him. Doesn’t matter now. You’re already here.

“Can I come over after school?”

Cas glanced at Dean. To study?

“No. Just to hang out. I don’t want this to be over, Cas. Please tell me I still have a chance and I’ll make it up to you.”

Cas chewed on his lip. You can come over.

Dean smiled softly. “Think my social status has banished me from the cool table yet?”

Cas snorted. Possibly.

————

Cas walked down the hall toward the exit. He wasn’t sure what time Dean would come over, but he wanted to be ready when he got there. He was passing a bathroom when he was grabbed and pulled inside of it.

Raph slammed him against the wall with his hand squeezing his throat. “What was Dean Winchester doing at your table today?”

Cas wheezed and tried to pull Raph’s hand from his neck.

Raph held Cas tighter as he punched him in the face. “Not gonna answer me, retard? Oh, that’s right. You can’t.” Raph laughed as he released Cas and he fell to the floor. “I wouldn’t let him sit there again if I was you.” He said before leaving the bathroom.

Cas leaned over, coughing. He pulled out his phone with shaky hands and texted Dean. Sorry. I can’t hang out today. My brother needs me to run some errands for him.

Cas slowly got up, wincing when he saw the bruise already forming on his cheek. He slowly made his way out to his car and made it home. He went inside and put ice on his cheek then heard a knock at the door. He walked over, opening it without checking who it was first.

“Don’t text me some bullshit lie, Cas. If you don’t… Who hit you?”

Cas shoved the hand not holding ice into his pocket.

“Was this because I sat with you?” Cas looked away. Dean gently turned Cas’ face back toward him and carefully lifted his hand so he could see the bruise. “Who hit you, Angel?”

‘It doesn’t matter.’ Cas lifted his tear filled eyes to look at Dean’s. ‘I need you, Dean. Please.’

“I’m not sure that’s such a good idea right now.”

Tears slowly rolled down Cas’ cheeks. ‘Please, Dean. Please...just...make me feel something...good.’

Dean gently wiped Cas’ tears away. “Ok. You’re gonna have to help me with this. I’ve never done this before.”

Cas leaned into Dean’s touch and nodded. ‘I can do that.’

Dean kissed Cas softly. “Let’s go up to your room, Angel. I promise I’ll make you feel good.”

Cas walked up to his room with Dean right behind him. When he got to the room, he sighed and put the ice pack on his desk, then glanced at Dean. Dean moved closer to Cas and gently ran his fingers over the bruise on his cheek. “I’m so sorry you got hurt.” He said before gently kissing the bruise. “If I ever find out who did this I’ll kill them.”

Cas turned his head, kissing Dean softly. ‘Don’t worry about that. Please make love to me, Dean.’

Dean kissed Cas softly. “You’ll tell me when you’re ready, right?” Cas nodded. Dean kissed Cas, licking into his mouth as he ran his hand down to Cas’ ass, pulling their hips together.

Cas melted against Dean as tears rolled down his cheeks. He ran his hand over Dean’s chest then down to the front of his pants. Cas undid Dean’s pants and slipped his hand into his boxers, stroking him.

Dean slowly pulled back, dipping his head down to kiss Cas’ bruised neck. He ran his tongue to Cas’ pulse point and sucked on it, making Cas moan breathily. Cas tangled the fingers not working Dean’s cock in Dean’s short hair.

Dean pulled back, wiping Cas’ tears. “How do you want to do this, Angel?”

Cas shrugged. ‘I can be face down if it’s easier for you.’

Dean furrowed his brow. “Huh? Easier for me?”

‘Yeah. Since I’m not a girl, if you have to imagine I am, then that’s ok.’

Dean caressed Cas’ cheek, kissing him softly. “If I wanted a woman’s body, then I’d be with a woman. Yeah, it’ll be different seeing another dick instead of boobs, but I’m ok with that. I want to see you, Cas.”

Cas wiped at his eyes and nodded.

“Why would you think I’d want to picture I was with a girl?”

Cas shrugged as he wiped his eyes more. ‘Sometimes Balth had to do that. He liked girls more.’

Dean gently took Cas’ face and kissed him softly. “Just because I’ve only been with women before you, doesn’t mean I want one. I’m with you, Cas. I want you , Cas. I’m so sorry I’ve made you feel like I don’t. I’m trying, Angel, and I promise I’ll try harder. If you ever feel like I’m not doing a good enough job, then I want you to tell me. Ok?”

Cas nodded. ‘Ok.’

“So, how do you want to do this?”

Cas glanced over at the bed. ‘Umm. I can prep myself if you don’t want to.’

Dean ran his fingers through Cas’ hair. “Tell me what to do.”

Cas chewed on his lip, then went over to his nightstand and opened it, pulling out his lube. Dean looked over Cas’ shoulder as he kissed his neck. He eyed the toys Cas had. “We gonna use any of those?”

Cas glanced back at Dean. ‘If you want to.’

Dean ran his hands up and down Cas’ arms as he kissed and nipped at his neck. “Do you prefer them?”

Cas shrugged. ‘It’s easier for me to use them on myself than just using my fingers. Balth always preferred them.”

Dean kissed Cas’ cheek. “Then we’re not using them today. I want you thinking about what I’m doing to you and not what he used to do to you.”

Cas turned in Dean’s arms with a smile on his face. ‘I’d like that.’

Dean lifted Cas’ shirt, stopping when Cas bit his lip. “What?” Cas sighed. “You’ve got new cuts?” Cas nodded and looked down as Dean carefully pulled Cas’ shirt off. He gently ran his fingers over the new bandages. “I’m so sorry that I made you feel like you had to do this.”

Cas watched Dean’s fingers caress bandages and run the length of scars. He grabbed the hem of Dean’s shirt and pulled it off of him. He took in Dean’s chest and abs as he ran his hands down them and grabbed the waistband of his pants and boxers. Cas flicked his eyes up at Dean then looked back down as he pulled his pants down, exposing his cock.

Cas completely removed Dean’s pants then took his cock in his hand, stroking it. Dean’s hips bucked as he moaned. Dean kissed Cas deeply as his hips thrust into Cas’ hand. He brought his hands to Cas’ pants, undoing them and slipping them down enough that he could stroke the other man’s cock.

Cas moaned softly into the kiss as his hips rocked into Dean’s touch. Dean slowly pulled back, his eyes trailing down Cas’ body until they fell on his erect dick. Before he’d met Cas, he’d never thought he’d see another man’s dick in his hand, but he really liked how it looked and felt. Dean gave it a few pumps and twisted his wrist how he knew he liked it when he jerked off. Cas groaned and grabbed Dean’s shoulders to steady himself.

Dean looked up at Cas’ face as he continued to work his cock. Cas’ jaw was slack and his eyes shut. Dean kissed Cas’ jaw. “Think you could cum twice?”

Cas’ eyes opened slightly and locked onto Dean’s. He licked his lips then bit it with a groan. ‘I don’t know. Maybe.’

Dean smirked as he stroked Cas faster. “We’re gonna find out, Angel.”

Cas whimpered and his legs shook as Dean stroked him harder and faster. Cas’ breathing became labored and he dug his fingers into Dean’s shoulders. Dean flicked his wrist and twisted his hand and Cas almost collapsed as his orgasm tore through him and coated Dean’s hand.

Cas leaned heavily against Dean as he panted. He wrapped his arms around Dean’s neck, using his boyfriend to keep him upright. Dean wrapped an arm around Cas and helped him onto the bed. He grabbed a towel to wipe his hand off, but Cas grabbed his hand and brought it to his mouth, licking the cum from Dean’s fingers.

“Holy shit, Cas. That’s fucking hot. Watching you cum was so fucking hot. I’ve never watched a guy cum before.”

Cas smiled as he sucked Dean’s fingers into his mouth. ‘Do you know what to do now?’

Dean glanced at the lube. “Uh. I have a basic idea. I stretch you with my fingers, right?”

Cas nodded and handed the lube to Dean. Dean put some lube on his fingers and ran them over Cas’ hole when he pulled his knees to his chest. Cas’ eyes fluttered closed and he bit his lip when Dean slowly pushed a finger into him. Dean thrust his finger into Cas then added a second one. Cas licked his lips then chewed on his lower lip as Dean thrust his fingers deep into him.

Cas let go of one leg and made a scissoring motion before grabbing his leg again. Dean scissored his fingers, making Cas groan and nod. Dean slowly worked Cas open, then easily added a third finger, thrusting them into Cas. Cas’ back arched and he threw his head back with a groan that made him wince.

“Did I hurt you?”

Cas shook his head frantically. ‘Do that again.’ Dean thrust his fingers in at the same angle and got the same result. Cas panted as he looked at Dean. ‘Please. I need you.’

Dean nodded and pulled his fingers from Cas. He glanced around. “Condom?”

Cas shook his head. ‘Don’t want one. I’m clean. You?’

“I’m clean.” Dean said as he lubed up his cock then moved so he was over Cas. Dean smiled then kissed Cas softly. He positioned himself and slowly sank into Cas’ tight heat. Dean watched as Cas’ eyes fluttered shut and his mouth went slack. His hands wrapped around Dean, the fingers of one hand digging into the back of his neck while the others dug into his shoulder blade. Cas’ legs wrapped around Dean’s waist, urging him to go deeper.

When Dean finally bottomed out, Cas sighed happily and his eyes fluttered open and locked on Dean’s. What he saw in Dean’s eyes filled his heart with joy. Balthazar had never looked at him like that. Cas was broken and Dean looked at him like he was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. Cas blinked back tears as he pulled Dean down and kissed him. He rocked his hips into Dean, making him moan into the kiss.

Dean pushed his tongue into Cas’ mouth as he thrust into him. Cas moaned into the kiss, his hand running up and down Dean’s back as the other tangled in his hair. Cas moaned and pressed his body against Dean’s when Dean grazed his spot. Dean slowly pulled back with a grin. “That feel good, Angel?”

Cas swallowed and nodded, then moaned when Dean hit his spot. “I think I’ve got the hang of this.” Dean said with a smirk and a wink, before hitting Cas’ spot again.

Cas’ back arched and he threw his head back. “Dean.” He moaned with a strained voice.

Dean licked and nipped at Cas’ exposed neck as he thrust deeper and harder into him. “I like the way my name sounds coming from your lips.”

Cas groaned as he rocked his hips harder. ‘C-close.’

Dean kissed Cas hard, pulling back and licking his lips. “Me, too.”

Cas’ grip in Dean’s hair tightened. He bit his lip hard as he watched Dean get closer and closer to climaxing. Cas pulled Dean down to him so his mouth was close to his ear. “Dean.” He groaned with a less strained voice as his orgasm ripped through him.

Hearing Cas’ voice threw Dean over the edge. He came, filling Cas. “Cas!”

Dean rested his forehead on Cas’ shoulder, smiling softly when he felt Cas’ fingers carding through his hair. ‘It’s never been like that.’

Dean lifted his head, looking at Cas and seeing tears fall from his eyes. “Is that a never been that good or never been that bad?”

Cas huffed a laugh and wiped his eyes. ‘Never been that good.’ Cas glanced at Dean. ‘Did you enjoy it?’

Dean kissed Cas softly. “Angel, it’s never been that good for me either.”

Cas smiled as he caressed Dean’s cheek. ‘Stay the night?’

Dean smiled and kissed the palm of Cas’ hand. “Ok.” Dean laid beside Cas, pulling him close. “How’s your throat?”

Cas swallowed and winced a little. ‘Sore. I haven’t made noises in a long time.’

“And you spoke.”

Cas snuggled closer to Dean. ‘I did. Don’t expect that very often. It hurt.’

Dean ran his fingers up and down Cas’ spine. “I wouldn’t ask you to do something that hurts you, but thank you for doing it.”

‘You’re welcome.’ Cas gently ran his finger over Dean’s chest, drawing shapes. ‘Are you really ok with this?’

“With what?”

‘Being with me like this.’

Dean turned his head so he could look at Cas. “Holding you like this or us having sex?”

‘Both, but mainly the sex.’

Dean kissed the top of Cas’ head. “Yeah, I am. I wasn’t sure how I’d feel about it. I mean, since kissing you I’ve wondered what it’d be like to have sex with you. I thought it wouldn’t be much different than the two girls I’ve been with, but it was. You’re way more responsive. Like when you dug your nails into me...I liked that.”

Cas tilted his head to look up at Dean. ‘You did? Balth never liked that. I scratched him once and he complained for a week about the marks.’

“He doesn’t sound like a very fun lover.”

Cas snorted. ‘He wasn’t. It was good, but sometimes it was almost mechanical. He was never as into it as you were.’

Dean lifted Cas’ chin, kissing him softly. “I was very into it. Just let me know when you wanna do it again and I’ll be just as into it then.”

Cas smiled and snuggled closer to Dean.

Chapter Text

Cas woke up to Dean’s hard cock pressed against his bare ass. He couldn’t help but smile. Cas bit his lip as he adjusted so Dean’s length was in the cleft of his ass, then started rubbing his ass against Dean.

Dean moaned and tightened his arms around Cas’ torso, kissing the back of his shoulders and neck. “How much time do we have, Angel?”

Cas glanced at the clock. ‘Enough.’

“How do you want to?”

‘Like this.’ Cas whispered as he ran his hand to Dean’s ass and looked over his shoulder at him. ‘I’m still good from last night.’

“You sure?” Cas nodded and turned his head even more, reaching for Dean’s lips. Dean leaned forward, kissing Cas as he positioned himself and slowly pushed into him. Cas dug his fingers into Dean’s ass as he pushed his tongue into his mouth.

Cas pulled back, tugging on Dean’s lower lip. ‘Fuck me. I want to feel it all day.’

Dean ran his tongue over Cas’ shoulder to his neck. He bit down, then sucked as he started thrusting hard and fast into Cas. Cas moaned and dug his nails even harder into Dean’s ass. He rocked his hips, meeting every thrust as he scratched up Dean’s back.

Cas bit his lip with a groan when Dean thrust hard against his spot. Dean’s fingers wrapped around his cock and started stroking him. Cas reached back and tangled his fingers in Dean’s hair as his breathing became labored.

Cas tried to suppress the groan that fell from his lips when his orgasm tore through him, but it was no use. “Dean…”

Dean milked Cas’ cock as he thrust into him harder. He cried out Cas’ name when his orgasm coated Cas’ insides. Dean panted as he rested his forehead against the back of Cas’ neck. “Damn.” He said breathlessly.

Cas snorted and smiled when Dean kissed the back of his neck. Cas rolled over to face Dean. ‘Good morning.’

Dean laughed. “Morning, Angel.” He said as he ran his fingers through Cas’ hair. “Best wake up call I’ve ever had.”

Cas snorted and kissed Dean softly. ‘Glad you liked it.’

Dean nipped at Cas’ lower lip, then ran his hand over his own ass. “I think you drew blood with those claws.”

Cas shifted to look at the scratches he’d left on Dean’s ass and back. ‘Only a little. Did you not like that?’

“Loved it. We’ll both be feeling this all day.”

————

Cas sat in the cafeteria during lunch, reading a book. Lisa and her friends sat a few tables away squealing and gossiping, making Cas roll his eyes until he heard Dean’s name.

“So, I have everything planned for the Winter Formal with Dean. I’ve even got a room rented for after the dance.” Lisa was telling her friends.

“Got a room so you wouldn’t have to hook up in that old ass car he loves?”

“Exactly! There’s nothing sexy about doing anything in that thing. I want a plush bed when he fucks me again. Oh, here comes my baby.”

Dean walked over to the group, giving Lisa a hug. “Hey. What are you girls up to?”

“We were just waiting for you to grace us with your presence.”

Dean held his hands out to his sides. “Well, here I am.” He said as he grabbed a chair and sat next to Lisa.

Cas shoved his book in his bag and got up so quickly that his chair fell backwards, hitting the floor.

Dean’s head shot up and his eyes caught Cas’ before Cas ran from the room.

Lisa snorted. “He’s probably upset you didn’t sit with him again. He has a big gay crush on you, you know.”

Dean quickly got up. “I gotta go.”

Dean rushed from the room, looking for Cas. He finally found him at the end of a hall, bent over with his hands on his knees as he tried to control his breathing. Dean gently placed a hand on Cas’ shoulder, making him jump.

“Hey. What was that? What happened?”

Cas shrugged Dean’s hand off and set him with a hard glare before walking away.

“Cas! What did I do wrong?!” Dean sighed and put his face in his hands. He wished he knew what he’d done to piss Cas off like this. Last night and this morning had been so wonderful. What could have possibly happened between then and now?

Cas walked out to his car, not caring that he’d be skipping half the day. He started her as tears flowed down his cheeks. He’d thought sex with Dean had meant something, but of course it didn’t. How could Dean ever want him when he could have someone like Lisa. He could have someone that wasn’t broken and wasn’t a guy.

Cas wiped away his tears as he drove home. Hearing that Dean was taking Lisa to the Winter Formal shouldn’t have hurt so much, but it did. Cas knew Dean wouldn’t take him. Nobody at school knew about them. They only knew he was tutoring Dean so he could keep his grades up for baseball season.

Once Cas got home, he crawled into bed and ignored every alert he heard on his phone. They were all Dean. He knew that.

————

Dean hadn’t seen Cas the rest of the day. He texted numerous times, but never got any replies. He tried to think of anything he could have said or done to upset his boyfriend, but nothing was sticking out.

Boyfriend. Cas was that, right? They hadn’t discussed labels, but Dean was pretty sure they’d crossed into that one. Of course, after today they might not be anymore.

Dean sat at his desk with a sigh. He texted Cas, yet again, and got nothing back. He tossed his phone onto his desk, raising his eyebrow when he saw a paper with Cas’ handwriting on it. Dean pulled the paper out and read it, tears falling down his cheeks at what Cas was saying.

He’d made Cas feel like he was a dirty little secret? Dean glanced around. How had Cas gotten this into his room without him knowing? Dean went back to reading. This wasn’t from today. This was from the night John came home and interrupted them. When he’d sent Cas up here to hide. But so much of the letter sounded like it fit right now. Maybe Cas was mad that they’d became a couple and Dean hadn’t announced it? But that didn’t sound right. Cas knew he wasn’t out to his friends. He wouldn’t force him to be out, would he?

Dean jumped when an alert sounded on his phone. He crossed his fingers that it was Cas. He furrowed his brow when he saw it was from some guy named Balthazar.

You’re such a fucking wanker! If I lived closer I’d kick your bloody ass!

What the fuck? Now strangers were pissed at him, too? Dean pulled up the dude’s profile and what he saw brought tears to his eyes. Cas. But this wasn’t his Cas. This Cas was smiling beautifully and hanging out with large groups of friends. He was making faces at the camera, playing soccer, draping his arm across his friends’ shoulders, laughing. He was happy.

I don’t know what I did to piss him off.

Really? You fuck him last night and this morning and you’re already planning your next fuck with someone else? Cassie isn’t just some toy that you can discard once you’re tired with it.

Dean rubbed the back of his neck. Planning to fuck someone else? What the hell?

I don’t know what you’re talking about. I didn’t make plans with anyone else. I was hoping he’d come back to my place with me after school so we could have more fun.

Screenshots started pouring into Dean’s messenger. Cas was clearly upset and pouring his heart out to this guy. Dean had to admit that it hurt like hell that Cas would turn to someone else instead of just talking to him, but at least he reached out to someone.

Dean felt tears roll down his cheeks when he read one screenshot. Cas wished he was back home because he missed Balthazar so much. He missed being held by him.

You’re the ex.

I am. We weren’t great as lovers. We’re much better as friends.

More screenshots followed. And finally, the one Dean had been waiting for.

*****

Cas: I can’t believe I was so stupid! I slept with Dean then today I overheard that Dean has plans to take some slut to the Winter Formal and is going to fuck her afterwards. I knew Dean wasn’t going to take me because nobody knows about us, but I never expected Dean to take her.

Balth: Fuck him, Cassie. He’s not worth your time if he’s going to use you like that. Find someone else that’ll treat you right.

Cas: I love him, Balth.

Balth: I know.

Cas: Why would he do this to me?

Balth: I don’t know, sweetheart.

*****

Dean wiped his eyes. I love him, too. I don’t have any plans with her. Lisa’s just assuming that I’ll take her again this year. I really wish he would have told me what was wrong instead of just storming off.

Clearly he was too upset to talk to you.

Dean sighed. Tell me about the Cas you knew. I’ve never seen him as happy as he is in your pictures.

What do you mean?

Dean sent a few pictures he had of Cas to the other man. I guess when he lost his voice he changed. He’s always alone and hardly ever smiles. The only time I’ve seen him smile is when we’re alone. That’s the only time he talks. All he can do is whisper, but it’s enough for me. In public he writes his responses unless he’s talking to me and then he signs.

What do you mean he lost his voice?!? What in the bloody hell happened? He’s on the team, right? Isn’t he friends with them?

I don’t know what happened. It was before I met him and he won’t tell me. No. He’s not on the team. He says it’s because he can’t talk, but I think there’s more than that.

WHAT?!?

Dean wiped at his eyes. I don’t know what to do, Balthazar. After seeing your pictures I feel like I don’t even know him. I want to know him.

Cassie is such a beautiful soul. He never met anyone he wasn’t friends with. If someone was struggling he’d be the first one to help them get back on their feet. He's always at the center of attention, he was the core of our group. Without him, there is a giant hole that we can't seem to fill.

Dean couldn’t help the tears that fell. He's just so reserved here. I think I'm his only friend and now he's pissed at me.

Then fix it. He still loves you. Tell him how you feel and bring him out of the shell he’s created.

Dean looked at the two links Balthazar sent after saying that. Both were to YouTube accounts. One was Balthazar’s and the other was Cas’. Dean clicked to Balthazar’s first and click on a video. The first thing he heard had him sobbing uncontrollably. Cas’ voice. Something he thought he’d never hear. It was deep and beautiful and was directed at Balthazar.

*****

“Balth, stop filming me you ass. I’m not even doing anything.”

“You don’t have to be doing anything. Just you on film is good enough, sweetheart.”

Cas laughed and looked at the camera with a big grin. “You’re such a moron sometimes. You know that, right?”

“Of course I do. You remind me constantly. You’re such a great friend, pointing out all my faults.”

Cas doubled over in laughter. “I’d never be able to point them all out.” He said with a wicked grin. “Shit. I mean shoot!” Cas said as he scrambled to get up and started running. Suddenly a bunch of little kids entered the frame, chasing Cas. They giggled and laughed when they finally ‘caught’ him and dog piled him. “Balth! Help!”

Balthazar laughed. “It was your idea to teach the little monsters how to play. You have to pay the price now.”

*****

The video went on to show Cas teaching the children how to play soccer. He was vibrant and caring. He took his time with each kid until they knew how to do what he was teaching them. Cas was amazing. Dean had known that for a while now. He just never knew how amazing he was.

The next video was a group of friends sitting in the grass. Cas was draped across a few of their legs and looking up at the sky, giving them random, useless facts that made them laugh.

*****

“Did you know there are 293 ways to make change for a dollar?”

“When the University of Nebraska Cornhuskers plays football at home, the stadium becomes the state’s third largest city.”

“The “dot” over the letter “i” is called a tittle.” A few people snickered at that one.

“Honey is the only natural food that is made without destroying any kind of life. What about milk you say? A cow has to eat grass to produce milk and grass is living.”

“The Philippine island of Luzon contains a lake that contains an island that contains a lake that contains another island.”

“If the sun is scaled down to the size of a white blood cell, the Milky Way would be equal to the size of the United States.”

“Crows are able to recognize human faces and even hold grudges against ones that they don’t like.”

“Statistically, you are more likely to die on the way to buy a lottery ticket than you are to win the lottery itself.”

“The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.”

“Cassie?”

Cas turned his head to look at the camera. “Yes?”

“How do you know all these things?”

Cas shrugged and looked back at the sky. “I’ve picked them up over the years.”

Balthazar laughed. “You say that like you’re 80 and have years of life experience.”

Cas shrugged again. “Winston Churchill was born in a ladies’ room during a dance.”

Balthazar laughed again, making the camera shake. “You’re something else, sweetheart.”

Cas just smirked.

*****

Dean wiped his eyes. Thanks for those.

You’re welcome.

I don’t deserve him. Dean typed as he started crying.

That’s for him to decide, not you.

Chapter Text

Dean walked into the school, going straight to Cas’ locker. “Cas? Please talk to me about this.”

Cas slammed his locker and glared at Dean as he shoved his hands into his pockets then walked away.

Dean sighed as his head drooped.

The rest of the day went about the same. Every time Dean approached Cas he’d shove his hands in his pockets and leave. Dean knew what he had to do. He stopped Cas in the lunchroom.

“I talked to Balthazar.”

Cas’ eyes widened and he slapped Dean hard. “ How dare you contact him! What gives you the right to contact my ex? You think that just because we fucked you’re-“

Cas was cut off by Dean grabbing his shirt and pulling them together so their lips were only about an inch apart.

“Shut up. I love you, too.” Dean whispered before pressing his lips against Cas’. Cas squeaked in surprise before slowly wrapping his arms around Dean’s neck. Dean’s hands rested on Cas’ ass, pulling them closer as his tongue breached Cas’ mouth.

Dean slowly pulled back, caressing Cas’ cheek. “I didn’t contact him, Angel. He messaged me.”

Cas slapped Dean again. “ Don’t call me Angel! Wait, he contacted you?” Dean nodded. Cas’ eyes widened. “ Wait! ...You love me?”

“Of course I love you, Cas. I thought you knew that. You’re supposed to be the smart one in this relationship.” Dean said before pulling Cas close again and kissing him. “I’m taking you to that fucking dance and then we’re going back to my place and fucking all night. Anyone that doesn’t like it can suck my dick.”

“I thought that was my job.” Cas signed with a snicker.

Dean grinned. “It is.”

Cas glanced around when he realized they were in the middle of the packed cafeteria. He shoved Dean away. “ You just outted us to the whole school!” He signed as he turned red.

“Nah. I only outted myself. Everyone already thought you were gay.” Dean turned to look at everyone. “I’m just gonna go ahead and make it official right here. Cas and I are dating. He’s my boyfriend and if you have a problem with that, then I don’t have time for you. Y’all got that?” Dean watched as people nodded then turned back to Cas.

“Will I see you after school?”

Cas leaned forward, bringing his lips to Dean’s ear. ‘Let’s go out to Baby.’

Dean pulled away and looked at Cas. “Yeah. Ok.” He said as he took Cas’ hand and pulled him from the cafeteria. He dragged Cas all the way to Baby and unlocked her.

Cas pushed Dean against the car, kissing him deeply as he undid his pants and pushed them down. Cas pulled away and dropped to his knees. He glanced up at Dean before taking him into his mouth.

Dean moaned. “Someone could see us, Angel.” Cas responded by swallowing Dean down. “Oh, fuck.” Dean groaned as he tangled his fingers in Cas’ hair. Cas bobbed his head, swallowing Dean a few more times before he pulled off with a pop.

Cas stood up, kissing Dean as he undid his own pants and pushed them off. He opened the back door and laid across the seat. Dean quickly kicked off his pants and pulled his wallet out, searching it. “I don’t have a condom.”

Cas shrugged and motioned for Dean to join him. He reached for his wallet and pulled out a travel lube, handing it to Dean. “You sure you wanna fuck at school without a condom?”

Cas nodded and kissed Dean softly. ‘You’re my boyfriend, right?’

“Yeah.”

Cas ran his hands under Dean’s shirt, pushing it up until he could pull it off. ‘Then fuck me.’

Dean pulled Cas’ shirt off of him, then opened the lube. He put some on his fingers and pushed one into Cas. Cas licked his lips, then bit the lower one and let out a breathy moan. Dean thrust his finger into Cas, adding a second to stretch him further. Cas pulled his knees to his shoulders, giving Dean better access and was rewarded with a third finger fucking him open. “Fuck you’re flexible.”

Cas smirked and nodded. He finally felt Dean’s fingers pull out and watched him add lube to his cock. Cas let out a long, breathy moan when Dean finally pushed into him. He pulled Dean’s head down and kissed him deeply, licking into his mouth.

Cas’ nails clawed at Dean’s back as he thrust deep and hard into him. He pulled away, gasping for air as Dean thrust even harder, making Baby rock with his thrusts. Cas had to put one hand on Baby’s door to keep his head from hitting it.

Dean stroked Cas as he hit his spot. Cas had to clasp a hand over his own mouth to keep from crying out. He groaned when his orgasm hit and his cum striped his belly and covered Dean’s hand. Cas’ eyes fluttered shut when he felt Dean fill him.

Dean pried Cas’ hand from his mouth as he held still inside him. He kissed him deeply, their lips dancing together as their tongues tangled. Dean slowly pulled back, caressing Cas, cheek. “I love you.”

Cas smiled and cleared his throat with a wince. “I love you.” He managed to croak out before wincing in pain and holding his hand to his throat.

Dean kissed Cas softly as he helped him into a more comfortable position. “Shhhh. I don’t need to hear you, but thank you.”

Cas smiled and nodded as he ran his fingers through Dean’s hair. “ Sex hair.”

Dean laughed. “You always have sex hair. It’s fucking hot.”

Your fault this time.”

“Mmmhmmm. And everyone is gonna know it and know you caused mine.”

Cas raised his eyebrow. “ Not going to fix yours?”

“After you spent all that time styling it? Nah.”

Cas smirked and ran both hands through Dean’s hair, further messing it up. He snorted and reached for his phone, snapping a picture of Dean. Dean grabbed the phone and snapped one of Cas then sent it to himself.

Cas rolled his eyes and snatched the phone back, looking at the picture of himself. “ I look well fucked.”

Dean laughed. “I’d hope so.”

Cas glanced around the car. “ She was wrong.”

“Who?”

Lisa said there’s nothing sexy about doing anything in you car. She was wrong.”

Dean kissed Cas softly. “She wouldn’t know. She’s never done anything more than ride in Baby. She did kiss me once, but it never went further than that. You don’t have to worry about her.”

‘I know.’

“Do we have to go back in there?”

Cas snorted a laugh. ‘Yes. If you’re good I’ll let you fuck me after school, unless you want a turn.’

Dean chewed on his lip. “I’ll think about it. I’m not sure I’m ready for that.”

Cas caressed Dean’s cheek. ‘If you ever are, just let me know.’

————

Dean slowly made his way into the house. The car he’d been working on was kicking his ass and right now all he wanted was a nice, hot shower and his bed. He locked the front door, stopping when he heard something upstairs.

Music. He’d probably left the radio on when he’d left that morning. It definitely wouldn’t be the first time he had. Dean went up to his room and stopped dead in his tracks at the sight in front of him. Cas was naked on his bed.

“Cas? What are you doing here?”

Cas glanced down at himself. “I’m naked in your bed. I’d think that was pretty obvious.”

Dean rubbed his face. “I mean, what are you doing in my house? How did you get in?”

Cas snorted. “The fake dog poop key hider is pretty obvious, Dean. I thought I’d give you a nice surprise after work, but if you want me to leave…”

“No! No, uh, don’t leave. This is definitely a nice surprise. I just need a shower before I can join you.”

Cas got off the bed and walked over to Dean, kissing him softly. ‘I can help you with that shower.’ Cas whispered as he pulled Dean’s shirt off of him. He kissed Dean chest as he undid his pants and pushed them and his boxers down.

Dean kicked out of his shoes, then stepped out of his pants. He took Cas’ hand, following him into the bathroom and into the shower after Cas had turned it on.

Cas moved behind Dean, kissing the back of his neck and shoulders as he ran his hands down his arms. ‘You look worn out.’

Dean sighed. “I am. Had a car today that about killed me. I should have been home two hours ago, but the customer needs her car in the morning.” Dean glanced over his shoulder at Cas. “Please tell me you haven’t been waiting that long.”

Cas kissed Dean softly. ‘I haven’t. I was out with Gabe and asked him to drop me off here. I thought you’d be home. When you weren’t I let myself in.’

“Good.”

Cas kissed Dean’s shoulder, then picked up the washcloth and lathered it with soap. He ran the cloth over Dean’s body, scrubbing away dirt and oil while massaging any knots he found in Dean’s muscles.

Dean moaned and put his hands on the shower wall to help support him. His breath hitched when Cas moved the washcloth to his ass, running it between his cheeks and gently scrubbing his hole.

‘You like that?’ Dean nodded as he bit his lip. Cas pulled the washcloth away and pressed his finger against Dean’s hole. Dean moaned and pushed back against Cas’ finger. ‘You want it inside you?’

“Yeah.”

Cas nipped at Dean’s shoulder as he applied more pressure, then pulled his hand away. ‘After the shower. You’re barely able to stand.’

Dean groaned. “Then let’s finish the shower.”

Cas kissed the back of Dean’s neck as he finished scrubbing the dirt and grime off of Dean. He picked up the shampoo and started massaging it into Dean’s hair. Dean sighed and let his head roll back to give Cas better access.

‘You like being pampered.’

“Mmmmm. Either that or I just like you touching me.”

Cas snorted, then he grabbed the shower head and started rinsing out Dean’s hair. He gently massaged Dean’s scalp as he rid it of the shampoo. Cas rinsed himself off, then turned off the water.

Cas stepped out of the shower, handing a towel to Dean as he dried himself off.

“That felt amazing, Cas.” Dean said as he dried off.

Cas smiled softly. ‘I’m glad you liked it.’ He leaned closer to Dean, kissing him. ‘Let’s go get in bed so I can make you feel even better.’

“I’m not ready to bottom yet.” Dean said nervously.

Cas gently ran his hand over Dean’s chest to his shoulder. ‘I know. I’ll only use my fingers. I just want you to know how good it feels.’ He said as he ran his hand down Dean’s arm and laced their fingers together.

Dean nodded. “Ok. We’ve got lube, right?”

Cas snorted as he guided Dean to the bedroom. ‘Of course we have lube. I wouldn’t do this if I wasn’t prepared.’

Cas guided Dean over to the bed and pressed on his chest until he laid down. ‘Relax. I promise I’ll make it feel good.’ He said before kissing Dean softly, then slowly kissing down his body. He ran his tongue up Dean’s length, then took the head into his mouth, sucking and pulling off with a pop.

Cas gently ran his hand over Dean’s stomach. ‘I’ll touch you like I did in the shower before I do anything. I’m not going to surprise you, ok?’

Dean nodded. “I trust you. I’m just nervous.”

Cas caressed Dean’s stomach and chest as he kissed from his belly button to his cock. ‘It’s ok to be nervous, but I promise you’ll enjoy it. If you don’t, just say the word and I’ll stop.’

“Ok.”

Cas smiled and kissed the top of Dean’s cock. ‘I love you.’ He said before taking Dean into his throat.

“I love you tooooooo. Oh fuck.”

Cas glanced up at Dean as he bobbed his head. He brought one hand to his balls, massaging them, the other hand placed firmly on Dean’s abdomen to keep him from thrusting. Cas took Dean deep in his throat and swallowed as he ran a finger over his entrance.

Dean moaned and tangled his fingers in Cas’ hair. “Fuck.”

Cas bobbed his head as he applied a little pressure with his finger. He reached for the lube with his other hand, then pulled back and applied some to his fingers. He ran his finger over Dean’s hole as he licked and sucked on Dean’s balls. He glanced up at Dean as he pushed a finger into him.

‘Doing ok?’

Dean swallowed hard and nodded. “Yeah.”

Cas smiled and kissed Dean’s hip as he thrust his finger into him. Dean moaned and pushed back against Cas’ finger. Cas slowly added a second finger, pushing them completely into Dean.

“Fuck...Cas…”

‘Is it uncomfortable or does it feel good?’

“Good, but weird.”

Cas nipped at Dean’s hip as he thrust his fingers into him. He smirked and curled his fingers, hitting Dean’s spot. Dean cried out and clutched the sheets.

“Fuck! Do that again!”

Cas thrust his fingers hard against Dean’s spot as he swallowed his length. Dean cried out in pure bliss as he came down Cas’ throat. Cas rubbed Dean’s prostate and swallowed, milking every drop out of him.

Dean collapsed onto the bed, panting as he ran his fingers through Cas’ hair. “Son of a bitch.”

Cas pulled off of Dean with a pop, then licked him clean. ‘Did you enjoy that?’

Dean tangled his fingers in Cas’ hair, pulling him up and kissing him deeply. “That was fucking awesome, Cas.”

Cas smiled and snuggled close to Dean. ‘I told you that you’d enjoy it.’

Dean turned his head as he lifted Cas’ chin, then kissed him softly. “You did. I should have listened. It was amazing. Thank you. I love you.” He said through a yawn.

Cas smiled and tucked his head under Dean’s chin. ‘You’re welcome. I love you, too. Now get some sleep.’

Chapter Text

Cas smirked when he saw the Ferris wheel. He grabbed Dean’s hand and pulled him over to it, handing tickets to the guy running the ride.

Dean looked at Cas once they sat in their basket. “You must really like these things.”

Cas leaned close to Dean’s ear. ‘I’ve always wanted to have fun on one.’ He whispered as he took Dean’s hand in his and brought it to his dick.

Dean’s eyes widened and he looked around. “Someone could see us.”

Cas raised an eyebrow. ‘Nobody’s going to see what your hand is doing.’

“Someone might hear.”

Cas gave Dean a skeptical look. ‘Someone is going to hear me over all this noise? Seriously?’ Cas kissed Dean’s neck. ‘Please, Dean. I need you.’

“I don’t want us to get kicked out.”

Cas sighed and turned so he was facing forward. ‘Sorry.’

Dean sighed. “Don’t be sorry, Angel. It’s ok. We can have fun later.” Cas looked down sadly. “Ok?”

“Cas?”

“Cas, I’m sorry. I’m just not comfortable doing that right now.”

Dean ran his hand over his face.

Cas got off the ride as soon as it stopped, pulling his hand from Dean’s when he tried to hold it. Dean grabbed his arm when he started to walk away.

“Cas? Where are you going?”

Cas pulled out his phone. Home.

“Angel, please, don’t go home. We just got here. It’s our first real date.”

But I need you right now and you won’t help me.

“No, Angel, let's go again when it gets darker. There were too many kids in the other baskets and they were watching us. I can take my flannel off and we can use it to cover up.”

Cas sniffled and wiped at his eyes before slowly looking up at Dean.

“Please, Angel?”

Cas chewed on his lip, then nodded slowly. “But I need you now. Can we go in the fun house or something?”

“There’s too many little kids around, Cas.”

“Then let’s go to Baby.”

Dean sighed. “It’s too busy right now.”

Cas pulled at his hair as he blinked back tears. “You don’t understand! I need this! Nobody understands! Balth didn’t understand! Please don’t be like him!”

Dean grabbed Cas’ hands. “Ok. Calm down, Angel. We’ll go on the Ferris wheel, but if I think we’re about to get caught, my hand is going on top of the flannel, ok?”

Cas took a shaky breath and nodded.

Dean caressed Cas’ cheek and kissed him softly. “I’m gonna take care of you.” He said as he took Cas back to the Ferris wheel and handed over the tickets. He pulled his flannel off and sat in the basket next to Cas, wrapping his arm around his shoulders.

Cas shifted and laid his head on Dean’s shoulder. ‘I love you.’

“I love you too, Angel.” Dean said as he pulled his arm from around Cas. He situated the flannel then undid Cas’ pants enough to slip his hand inside and stroke him.

Cas’ breathing hitched and he kissed Dean’s neck. Cas turned Dean’s face to his, kissing him as he moaned softly.

Dean pulled back enough to part their lips. “This what you needed?”

Cas nodded a little. ‘Yeah. Thank you for understanding.’

Dean nipped at Cas’ lower lip as he stroked him harder. “I still don’t understand, Angel, but I want to.”

Cas buried his face in Dean’s shoulder as he moaned. ‘Fuck. Like that.’

Dean stroked Cas harder and faster as they reached the top of the ride. Cas moaned and bit Dean’s shoulder as his orgasm washed over him.

“Feel better?”

Cas nodded and brought Dean’s hand to his mouth, licking it clean. ‘Thank you.’

Dean fixed Cas’ pants and kissed him softly. “You’re welcome. Maybe you can try to explain this to me later tonight?” Cas nodded.

They circled the ride a few more times before it stopped with their basket at the bottom. Cas got up, pulling Dean up as he smiled. “Funnel cake?”

Dean laughed and walked with Cas. Cas stopped at a booth where you’d kick a soccer ball through a hole barely big enough for it to fit. He glanced at Dean with a smirk.

“What? You think you can make that? You know it’s rigged, right?”

Cas eyed the ball and then the hole. “I can make it.”

Dean chuckled. “Ok.” He handed tickets over to the vendor, who said Cas had three tries.

Cas snorted. “Only need one.” He stretched a few times then did some practice kicks. He eyed the ball and the hole again then lined up and kicked, making the ball go through the hole.

Cas glanced at Dean and snort laughed at his expression and the vendors. He looked up at a rather large blue bear with angel wings and a halo and smirked, pointing at it. The vendor pulled it down, handing it to Cas. Cas turned and handed it to Dean. “An angel from your Angel.”

Dean kissed Cas softly. “That was fucking amazing, Cas. I’ve never seen anyone do it with the regular ball.”

Cas shrugged. “I’ve always been good at soccer. You’re probably the same with baseball.”

Dean laughed. “I don’t think I could throw a baseball through a hole, but I can definitely knock down milk bottles.”

“Funnel cake!” Cas ran over to the food stand.

Dean shook his head and started to follow.

“Nice bear.”

Dean turned and looked at Sam, who was looking him over with a smirk. “Thanks. Cas just won it for me.”

Sam glanced around. “So where is this incredibly hot boyfriend you won’t shut up about?”

Dean opened his mouth to reply as Cas walked back over to him and shoved some funnel cake into his mouth. Cas snorted at the powdered sugar on Dean’s lips then leaned in, licking it off and kissing Dean, pushing his tongue into his mouth before pulling away.

Dean blushed and cleared his throat. “Uh, Cas, meet Sammy. Sammy, this is Cas.”

Cas’ eyes widened and he glanced over at Sam.

“It’s Sam.” Sam said with an eye roll. “Nice to meet you.”

Cas smiled and waved. “I thought you said he’s your little brother.”

“Dude, shut up.” Dean said with a laugh.

“What? What did he say.”

Dean chuckled. “He said, nice to meet you.”

“No I didn’t!” Cas pulled out his phone and raised his eyebrow as he wiggled his finger.

Dean sighed dramatically. “Fine, he actually said, 'I thought you said he was your little brother' you sasquatch.”

Cas snorted while Sam laughed.

Dean kissed Cas softly. “Ok smarty pants, he is my YOUNGER brother.”

“I like him. He keeps you in line.”

“Great. Like I need anyone else keeping me in line. I've already got you, Bobby and Jody riding me. That's it, Sammy, I'm getting rid of you. First in, first out.” Dean said with a laugh.

Sam rolled his eyes. “Speaking of Bobby and Jody.....” Sam said as he eyed Cas. “When are they gonna meet Cas?”

Cas looked at Dean, who rubbed the back of his neck. “Uhhhh, Thanksgiving? If that's ok with you, Angel.”

“Angel?”

“Yeah, you got a problem with that? You may be a giant, but I can still kick your butt.”

Sam laughed. “Nope, no problem. I just think it's cute, that's all.”

“Well, I am named after an angel.”

“I know. The angel of Thursday.” Cas looked at Dean with wide eyes, then kissed him deeply. Dean pulled away, laughing. “What? You thought I didn’t know?”

“Nobody ever does!”

“With brothers named Gabriel and Michael I had a feeling there was a theme.”

Cas snorted. “Mike has a twin named Lucifer. We call him Luke. Gabe calls him Luci.”

Dean threw back his head and laughed. “Really? Oh my god. That’s hilarious.”

Sam frowned. “Hey, I feel like I'm listening in to one half of a phone conversation.”

“Cas didn’t think I’d know he’s named after the angel of Thursday. But he just told me he has another brother named Lucifer, bitch.”

Cas smacked Dean’s arm. “Be nice.”

“He told me to be nice.”

Sam chuckled. “That is being nice. If he didn't call me a bitch and I didn't respond with jerk, there'd be something wrong. Right, jerk?”

“Yup, bitch.”

Cas eyed both of  them and shook his head.

Sam looked over his shoulder when one of his friends yelled for him. “I gotta go. It was nice meeting you, Cas. See you at Thanksgiving, right Dean?”

“Yeah, yeah. Get out of here.” Dean shook his head as Sam ran off, then looked at Cas. “So, That was Sammy.”

“He seems nice.”

“He’s a good kid.” Dean said as he pulled off some funnel cake and ate it.

“Sorry about kissing you like that in front of him.”

Dean chuckled. “Don’t worry about it. He’ll have to get used to it one way or another, cause I’m not letting you go anytime soon.”

Cas smiled shyly as he ate some funnel cake. “Are you going to win me a prize? You said you can knock down the milk bottles.”

Dean kissed Cas softly. “Of course I’m gonna win you something, Angel. We just have to find that booth.”

Cas pointed toward where it was set up and Dean looked. He took Cas’ hand in his own and walked over to the booth. Dean couldn’t help but notice how Cas’ eyes immediately looked at a giant plush bee.

“What do I have to do to win one of the big ones?”

“Knock down all three stacks with just three balls.”

Dean handed over the tickets. “I think I can do that.”

“If not, then we need a new pitcher, Winchester.” The guy said with a laugh as he handed the balls to Dean.

Dean tapped his lips as he smirked at Cas. “Kiss for good luck?”

Cas rolled his eyes and kissed Dean. “I didn’t need good luck.”

“Maybe I just wanted a kiss.” Dean said with a wink. He tossed a ball in the air, catching it, then threw it, knocking down the first stack. He did the same with the other two, then smirked. “The big ass bee.”

The guy got it down and handed it to Dean, who handed it to Cas. Cas hugged it close with a smile.

“You’re my honeybee.”

“Oh, I am, am I?”

Cas nodded and kissed Dean softly. ‘I love you.’

“I love you, too.” Dean mumbled against Cas’ lips.

Cas gently ran his fingers through Dean’s hair as he moved his mouth closer to his ear. ‘We should go home and have fun.’

Dean ran his hand down Cas’ back to his ass. “You’re ready for the date to end?”

Cas nibbled on Dean’s earlobe. ‘Only this part.’

Dean kissed Cas softly. “Hold on. Sammy!” Dean yelled before sprinting over to his brother and handing him the left over tickets and some extra cash. He ran back over to Cas, wrapping his arm around him. “Let’s go home.”

Cas smiled and laid his head on Dean’s shoulder as they walked back to Baby. He got into the car, smiling at Dean when he slid in beside him. ‘I love you.’

Dean leaned over, kissing Cas. “I love you, too.”

Cas smiled and watched Dean as he drove them back to the house.

Dean got out of the car, hurrying to Cas’ side and opening the door for him. Cas smiled softly as he got out. ‘Such a gentleman.’

Dean wrapped his arm around Cas. “Only for you,” he said as he walked with him into the house. He took Cas up to the bedroom and took the stuffed animals from him, then set them on his desk. “So, how do you want this?”

Cas sat on the bed and shrugged. ‘I just need you.’

Dean pulled some rope from his drawer and shoved it in his pocket. He walked over to the bed and pulled Cas’ shirt off of him. “What does it feel like when you need me?”

Cas shrugged. ‘I’m not sure how to explain it. I just know I need you right now.’

Dean pushed Cas back on the bed, getting him where he wanted him. He straddled Cas’ stomach and grabbed one wrist. He pulled a length of rope from his pocket, wrapping it around his wrist, then brought it to the headboard and secured it. “Is it the same feeling you got with the Ferris wheel?”

Cas watched Dean tie one wrist and then the other. He licked his lips and nodded. ‘Yeah.’

“Try to explain it.”

Cas tested the ropes. ‘It’s...it’s kind of like having an itch you can’t scratch. But...sometimes it hurts.’

Dean ran his hands over Cas’ chest. “How does it feel right now?”

Cas chewed on his lip as he tried to arch into the touch. ‘It hurts cause I need you so bad.’

Dean got off of Cas and removed all his clothes before straddling Cas’ stomach again. He stroked himself and smirked when Cas watched and licked his lips. “You need this?”

Cas nodded frantically. ‘Please, Dean. I need you inside me.’

Dean ran his fingers over Cas’ lips. “In your mouth or ass?”

‘Both. Use me, Dean. I need you to use me.’

“What if I just want to use your pretty little mouth?”

‘Then I’d say you should fuck my throat.’

Dean’s eyebrows shot up and he ran his fingers over Cas’ throat. “Won’t that hurt?”

Cas shrugged and opened his mouth. Dean shifted, pushing his cock into Cas’ mouth. “Open and close your hand three times if you need me to stop. Do it now so I can see it.” Cas did as he was told. “Good.”

Dean held the back of Cas’ head as he pushed until he felt Cas’ nose pressed into his groin. Cas gagged and started to turn his head, then swallowed. He blinked back tears. Dean felt Cas tensing and saw his hand about to open. He held Cas’ hair as he pulled completely out.

Cas sucked in air, then coughed as Dean wiped away his tears. “That what you’re wanting, Angel?”

‘Yeah.’

“Does it hurt your vocal cords?”

Cas glanced away. ‘It’s uncomfortable, but it doesn’t hurt.’

“But if I fuck your throat, it will.” Cas sighed and nodded. “I’ll fuck your mouth, but I’m only using your throat like I just did. I’m not messing up your voice even more, ok?”

‘Ok.’

Dean held Cas’ head as he pushed into his mouth. He thrust hard into Cas’ mouth, making him gag and tear up. Dean pulled out, letting Cas breathe, then pushed back in.

“Relax.”

Dean slowly pushed deep into Cas’ throat. He kept his eyes on Cas until Cas squeezed his shut. Dean carefully pulled out, allowing Cas to suck in a breath.

Dean held his dick to Cas’ lips. “Do that again.”

Cas opened his mouth and Dean pushed all the way into his throat. Dean ran his fingers over Cas’ stretched lips.

“So fucking hot, Angel.”

Dean slowly pulled out of Cas’ mouth when he started to turn his head. He gently wiped away Cas’ tears as he sucked in deep breaths.

“Think you can do that again?”

‘Yeah.’

Dean tapped his dick against Cas’ lips, then pushed inside when Cas opened his mouth. Cas started bobbing his head and Dean grabbed the back of his head, stopping him.

“I told you I’m not fucking your throat, Cas. I’m not hurting you. Swallow if you want me to stay in your throat.

Cas swallowed as he kept his eyes locked on Dean’s. Dean moaned so Cas swallowed again. Dean slowly pulled back and ran his fingers over Cas’ lips.

“Is that better?” Cas swallowed and nodded. “Can you explain what you need or why you need it?”

‘No, I don't know why. I just need you.’

“You need me or will anyone work?”

‘You. I only need you.’

Dean shifted and kissed Cas softly. “I only need you, too.”

Dean kissed Cas deeply. When he pulled back, he slipped a tie over Cas’ eyes. Cas squirmed as he chewed on his lip.

“Is that ok?”

‘Yeah.’

Dean kissed, licked, and nipped at Cas’ torso. At first, he worked his way down his body, then he chose random spots. Dean paid special attention to Cas’ nipples, nipping and sucking at them until Cas was a moaning mess. He undid Cas’ pants, slowly pulling them and his boxers off as he followed them with his lips and teeth.

Dean pulled back, watching Cas’ chest rise and fall as he breathed heavily. He smirked as he strapped a finger vibrator onto his hand. The hollow silicone dick of the vibrator allowed him to slip two fingers inside. The silicone covering his palm had texture so Cas would get pleasure from being stroked or fingered.

Dean applied lube to the vibrator, then ran it over Cas’ cock, without turning it on. Cas’ breath hitched and he squirmed.

“I know you have some toys. I hope you like this one. I bought it just for you.”

Dean watched as a shudder ran through Cas’ body. He turned on the vibrator, then took Cas into his hand, stroking him. Cas’ hips arched off the bed and into Dean’s touch. “Dean…” he managed to push out.

Dean smirked as he stroked Cas more. “I think you like it.”

Cas bit his lip as his hips rocked into Dean’s hand. He groaned when Dean pulled his hand away. “Not yet, Angel. I have more fun planned and I want us to cum together, ok?”

‘Ok.’

“So glad you agree.” Dean said as he put a cock ring on Cas and turned it’s vibrator on. Cas’ hips bucked off the bed and he pulled on the restraints. Dean took Cas’ cock in his bare hand, stroking it a few times before holding it and running his tongue up his length. Cas gasped as his hips bucked again.

Dean drizzled some lube on Cas’ hole and ran his bare fingers through it. He pushed one in, then two, thrusting them deep into Cas. He scissored his fingers a few times, then pulled them out, replacing them with the fingers inside the vibrator.

Cas gasped and arched off the bed, then tried to push back against the vibrator. Dean pushed Cas’ hips down, then thrust the vibrator deep and hard into Cas. Cas bit his lip and moaned as he tugged hard on the ropes. Dean smirked as he hooked his fingers, pressing the vibrations against Cas’ prostate.

‘Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck…’ “Dean…” Cas groaned.

“Yes?” Dean asked with a bigger smirk as he pressed harder.

‘I need...I need you. I love you so much, Dean. Please, I need you.’

Dean kissed Cas softly as he pulled the vibrator out of him. “How could I ever say no to that?” He asked as he lubed up his cock and pushed deep into Cas.

Cas moaned and wrapped his legs around Dean. ‘Don’t ever say no. Please, I love you too much.’

Dean kissed Cas softly as he pushed the tie away from his eyes. He slowly pulled back and smiled as Cas blinked, then looked up at him. “I had to see your beautiful blue eyes, Angel.”

Cas smiled softly, then moaned when Dean started thrusting into him. He tugged at the rope as he tightened his legs around Dean.

“Not so tight, Cas. I can barely move.” Cas groaned as he loosened his hold. Dean kissed Cas softly. “I’ll make you feel good. I promise. You can squeeze me all you want after that.”

Cas chewed on his lip and nodded. ‘Ok.’

Dean sucked on Cas’ neck as he thrust deep and hard into him. He kissed down Cas’ chest to his nipple, tugging on it as he hit his spot. Cas cried out and tugged hard on the ropes as his legs tightened around Dean.

Dean grabbed one of Cas’ legs, pushing it so it hooked over his shoulder. He thrust harder against Cas’ spot as he nipped at Cas’ lips.

‘Please, Dean. Please. I need...oh fuck…’ “Fuck…please…”

Dean thrust harder against Cas’ spot as he pulled the cock ring off of him. Cas cried out as his orgasm exploded from him. Dean thrust hard against Cas’ spot, crying out as he filled him. He collapsed on top of Cas, breathing heavily into his chest.

‘Dean…’

“Yeah, Cas?” Dean mumbled.

‘Rope.’

Dean slowly shifted and undid Cas’ hands. Cas grabbed Dean’s face, kissing him deeply as he licked into his mouth. One hand tangled in Dean’s hair as the other clawed at his back.

Dean slowly pulled back with a chuckled. “Bet you were dying to do that.”

‘I was.’

Dean shifted and took Cas’ wrists in his hands, gently rubbing the marks the ropes left behind. “I love you.”

Cas smiled. ‘I know. You keep showing me.’

“What do you mean?”

‘You show me every time we have sex.’

“So, when you want sex you’re telling me you love me?”

Cas nodded. ‘Isn’t that what you’re doing?’

“Well, yeah. I mean I have sex with you because I love you, but I know you love me even when we aren’t having sex. You know I love you without the sex, right?”

Cas furrowed his brow. ‘Yes. But…’

“But you need me to show you I love you so you know for sure?”

Cas furrowed his brow more. ‘I…’ he slowly looked up at Dean. ‘I did. But you’re not him. You tell me all the time.’

Dean kissed Cas’ wrists. “And I’ll keep telling you all the time. I love you, Castiel Novak. I don’t see that changing anytime soon.”

Cas smiled. ‘I love you, too.’ He glanced around with a confused look on his face.

“What?”

‘Where’s the toy you used?’

Dean glanced around, then picked it up. “Did you like it? It looked like it’d be great for touching you and fingering you.”

‘Did I like it? What kind of question is that? It was fucking amazing. I’ve never had a toy feel so good.’

Dean smiled. “Awesome. I was hoping you’d like it. I’d never bought something like that before.”

Cas took the vibrator from Dean and tried it on. ‘Maybe one day I can use it on you.’

Dean kissed Cas softly. “One day.” He then jumped off the bed. “Shit. I almost forgot.” He hurried over to his open laptop and hit some keys.

‘What are you doing?’

“Stopping the recording.”

‘...The what?’

Dean glanced back over his shoulder at Cas with a smirk. “We just made a sex video.”

Cas got up and walked over to Dean, looking over his shoulder. ‘Seriously? You recorded us?’

“Yeah. If that’s not cool, then I’ll delete it.”

‘Don’t you dare. I want to watch it.’ Cas wrapped his arms around Dean, resting his chin on his shoulder as he watched what he was doing.

Dean smiled and ran a hand over Cas’ arm. “I like this.”

‘What?’

“Having you hold me close. How I was just dominant, but now you’re holding me like you are.” Dean turned in Cas’ arms, kissing him softly. “I like that I don’t always have to be the strong one around you. It’s nice.”

Cas ran his fingers up and down Dean’s spine. ‘You want me to be strong sometimes? Like, you’d like me to be in charge?’

Dean chuckled. “Angel, you’ve been in charge for a while. Haven’t you noticed? I mean, yeah, I’ve been the one fucking you, but you’ve been kinda calling the shots.”

Cas thought for a moment. ‘I hadn’t realized it.’

“I think you’re what they call a bossy bottom.” Dean said with a smirk.

Cas rolled his eyes. ‘Clearly you like it.’

Dean caressed Cas’ cheek. “I do and I’m sure I’ll like when you’re a bossy top, too. I’m just not ready for that yet.”

Cas smiled and kissed Dean. ‘I know. If you want to try something like what we just did, I could always ride you.’

Dean glanced at the bed, then looked back at Cas. “That’d be pretty fucking hot.” Dean ran his hand over Cas’ chest. “I wish I’d known you years ago. I never would have wasted time with any girls.”

Cas pulled Dean’s lips to his own. ‘At least you’ve got me now.’ He mumbled against them before kissing Dean deeply. Dean tangled his fingers in Cas’ hair as he parted his lips, allowing Cas to explore his mouth. He moaned into the kiss as he ran his hand down to Cas’ ass and squeezed his cheek.

Cas slowly pulled back. He smiled at Dean as he licked his lips. ‘I love you, Honeybee.’

“I love you too, Angel.”

Chapter Text

Cas glanced over at Dean when they pulled up at Bobby’s house. ‘What if they don’t like me?’

“Don’t be ridiculous, Cas. They’ll love you.”

Cas chewed on his lip as he glanced from the house to Dean. ‘I’ve never met the family before. I mean, I knew Balth’s family, but they just thought I was a friend. Are you sure it’s ok for them to know the truth?’

Dean caressed Cas’ cheek and kissed him softly. “Of course it’s alright. I want them to know you and I want them to know we’re dating. Sammy already likes you. Bobby and Jody are gonna love you because I love you.”

Cas sighed. ‘Ok.’

“Now come on. I’ve got a brisket smoking and I’ve got a turkey to fry.”

Cas took a deep breath and nodded. ‘Ok.’

Dean smiled and got out of the car, taking Cas’ hand when they met in front of Baby. He kissed Cas softly and squeezed his hand. “They’re gonna love you.”

Cas nodded and walked inside with Dean.

“Sammy?! Bobby?! I’m back!”

“Don’t mean you have to yell across the house, ya idjit.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah.” He walked with Cas to the room Bobby was in. “Bobby, Jody, I’d like you to meet Cas. Cas, this is Bobby and Jody.”

Cas smiled and waved. “Nice to meet you.”

“He says it’s nice to meet you.”

“It’s nice to meet you, too, Cas. You look familiar. Wait, Castiel Novak. You were attacked over the summer.”

Cas chewed on his lip and nodded.

“I was one of the officers on your case. I’m guessing the damage wasn’t temporary.”

“Jody!” Cas placed his hand on Dean’s arm and shook his head.

“It’s ok. Tell her it is, but it hurts to use my voice so I don’t.”

“It hurts when he tries to talk so he doesn’t do it and I don’t want him using his voice if it hurts. We communicate just fine without him talking.”

Cas smiled and leaned his head on Dean’s shoulder as he stroked his arm.

Dean kissed the top of Cas' head, "Want a tour of the place, Angel?" Cas nodded. They started in the living room, and wandered from room to room, with Dean telling Cas stories about life at Bobby's, both before and after the death of his mother.

"And, this was my room," he said, as he closed the door to steal a kiss.

'I thought you had cooking to do, Honeybee.' Cas slipped his arms around Dean, holding him in place.

Dean kissed Cas again, "The brisket will be fine, but I should get the oil going for the turkey. Want to help me, Angel?"  

Cas nodded. ‘Are we able to be like this in front of them?’

“Of course. I want them to know how much I love you.”

Cas smiled and kissed Dean softly. ‘Let’s go take care of that turkey. So how do I help? I’ve never done this before.’

“Well, we gotta heat the oil and cook it outside. The oil tends to splatter and Bobby’d kill me if I burnt his house down.

Cas eyed Dean nervously. ‘That sounds dangerous.’

“It can be, but I’ve made them before and I’m very careful.” Dean said with a shrug.

‘Then maybe I should just watch so I don’t mess it up.’

Dean shook his head. “You don't have to worry about messing anything up, as long as you do what I tell you, Angel.”

Cas chewed on his lower lip, then sighed. ‘Ok, but if anything catches fire, it’s not my fault.’

Dean kissed Cas, sucking on his lip and then chuckled.
“I promise, nothing will catch fire, but if it does, I won't throw you under the bus.”

Cas nipped at Dean’s lower lip. ‘You keep kissing me like that and we’ll never leave this room.’

Dean thought for a minute and sighed. “As tempting as that is, and as you are, if we don't head back down soon, Sammy'll come beating down the door wanting fed.” Dean kissed Cas lightly on the cheek. “In case I forget to tell you later, I'm thankful that you're here with me today. Everyday.”

Cas smiled and caressed Dean’s cheek. ‘I’m thankful that I have you in my life.’

They headed downstairs in time to hear Sam complain about the food. “Seriously, Bobby? A bunch of meat and a ton of carbs?”

“Boy, don't you start.”

Cas glanced from Dean to Sam, then back to Dean with a questioning look.

Dean shrugged and shook his head. “Sammy, what's your problem with my cooking now?”

“It’s all meat and starches and don’t try that “corn is a vegetable” thing. Corn and potatoes are starches, Dean. Where’s the vegetables?”

Cas shook his head and glanced at Dean. “He's right, Dean. Corn and potatoes are both starches and it looks like you have dinner rolls too.”

“Who's side are you on?” Dean asked with a laugh.

Sam snickered. “I bet Cas is a salad guy. You should add a salad.”

“I do like salads.”

“Where are we gonna get a salad on Thanksgiving?

“Well, Wal-Mart is open, but stop your belly-aching. I brought a salad. Sam's not the only one that knew you'd forget about a vegetable.” Jody said as she entered the room.

Sam grinned “You’re gonna have to eat salad, Dean.” Cas glanced at Dean with his brow raised.

“I can’t live on rabbit food. I’m a warrior.”

Cas rolled his eyes and gently patted Dean’s cheek. “I know you’re a big tough warrior, but if you eat your salad I’ll blow you and let you fuck me.”

Sam coughed and beat on his chest. “Sorry. Something got stuck in my throat.”

“That sounds fucking fantastic, Angel.” Dean sighed. “Yes, I'll eat my damned salad. Let's go get that oil started before I get roped into something worse, like Brussels sprouts.”

“I love Brussels sprouts.”

“Dear, God! Why do I love you again?”

Cas shrugged. “Because I’m a good fuck?”

Dean caressed Cas’ cheek. “Angel, you know it's more than that. Don't ever think that's the only thing I want. You are brilliant and handsome and funny and kind and generous. You are nearly perfect. If it weren't for the damn vegetables....”

Cas blushed and glanced around at everyone before hiding his face in Dean’s chest.

Dean grabbed their jackets and ushered Cas outside to a pot of oil above a propane burner, which was sitting on a large piece of cardboard.

'Thank you, Honeybee.'

“For getting you out of the house?”

'For loving me.'

Dean kissed Cas softly. “I’ll always love you, Angel.”

Dean grabbed a stick lighter from his coat pocket and told Cas to turn the valve fully open on the propane tank and step back. Cas did as instructed as Dean crouched down and lit the burner. He adjusted the flame and made sure the thermometer attached to the side of the pot was in the oil.

“Perfect. Great job. Now we just need to let it heat up. Let's check on the brisket, then go inside and make sure the turkey is ready to go in.”

‘That wasn’t too hard.’ Cas glanced over at the smoker and inhaled deeply. ‘It smells amazing.’

Dean smirked. “Almost done. About the time we drop the turkey in, the brisket should be ready to come off the heat to rest.”

Cas inhaled again. ‘Does your brisket have a nice crust on it and is juicy inside?’

“Of course, Angel. I wouldn't serve it any other way.”

‘The crust is the best part. I can’t wait to try it.’

Dean pulled out his knife and sliced a chunk of the crust off the end and broke it in half, popped half in his mouth and handed half to Cas. “Quality control”

Cas smiled and popped the piece in his mouth, moaning sinfully at how delicious it was.

Dean smiled and nodded, knowingly. “Pass inspection, Angel?”

Cas nodded. ‘That’s amazing.’ Cas said before he licked his fingers. ‘I think it’s even better than the ones my grandpa made and he was from Texas.’

“That's some high praise. Let's get inside. Hopefully, Sammy will get the potatoes peeled and boiling while we handle the meat.” Cas kissed Dean softly, then took his hand and followed him inside.

Sam looked at them when they came in and pointed at a huge bowl of salad. “Look what you’re going to eat, Jerk.”

"Sam, lay off your brother. He said he'd eat his greens. Now, get peeling." Bobby said as he sat a bag of potatoes and a peeler in front of Sam and moved a bucket for the peels between his feet.

Sam snickered and started peeling. “Yeah, only because Cas is making him.”

“Whatever works, ya idjit!”

Cas glanced from Sam and Bobby to Dean. "Is this normal? Calling each other idiots?"

Dean laughed. “I-d-j-i-t. Bobby calls everyone he cares about  that.”

"My family was always so formal, especially at holidays, except for Gabriel. There's no controlling him."

Dean laughed and nodded. “Yeah, Gabe’s something else. I find it hard to believe Luke followed the rules.”

"Luke did as a kid, but once he got older, he didn't come by much. I don't think mother and father approved of his lifestyle. Too hedonist."

“I’d bet.” Dean looked Cas over. “So is that why you’re dressed so nice? You were expecting this to be formal?”

Cas nodded and blushed. "I feel overdressed and a little out of place."

“I’ve got some clothes in my room if you want to change.”

"If that's Ok?"

Dean nodded. “I want you to feel at home here too. Go on, Angel. I'll check on the bird and make sure it's ready for the fryer.” Dean kissed Cas on the cheek and swatted his butt to send him on his way upstairs.

Cas jumped a little and gave Dean a shy smile before going up to Dean’s room. He walked around the room looking at the mementos then looked in the closet and drawers. He pulled out a pair of jeans, removing his slacks and pulling them on then found a team sweatshirt with Dean’s name on if. He removed the button up and pulled the sweatshirt on. Finally he traded the dress shoes for a pair of Dean’s sneakers then ran his fingers through his hair, messing it up. Cas took a deep breath and felt more like himself. He walked back down the stairs, shyly looking for Dean.

Cas heard Sam and Dean talking in the kitchen. He knew he shouldn't eavesdrop, but he didn't want to interrupt the brothers.

“It's so cool you learned asl for Cas.”

“Yeah. I don't want him to hurt to be able to talk to me and writing and texting is ok, but signing is better. I'd love to hear his voice sometimes though. But still, I don't want him hurting himself to do it.”

Cas wiped at his eyes and took a few deep breaths. He chewed on his lip and peeked into the room.

Dean looked up, noticing Cas' red-rimmed eyes. “Everything alright, Angel?”

Cas smiled and nodded, then stepped completely into the room. “I hope this is ok.”

"Beautiful."

Cas blushed and shooed Dean. “You don’t mind that I’m wearing your baseball sweatshirt do you?”

Dean kissed Cas and gripped his hips. “I love seeing you in my clothes. I'm glad they fit.”

Cas nipped at Dean’s lower lip. “Maybe I should keep it so you can see me in it more often.”

Dean nuzzled Cas' neck and whispered in his ear. 'I want you to ride me while you wear that sweatshirt and nothing else.'

Cas’ breath hitched and he tangled his fingers in Dean’s hair, holding him in place. ‘I’d gladly ride your cock while I wear your shirt. I can practically feel you buried inside my ass right now.’

Dean shuddered with the jolt of lust that shot through him. He took a breath to gather himself. He gave Cas a nip on his ear and stepped back. “Damn. OK. Turkey. It's...  um... it's ready to go in the fryer. Sammy, can you handle the potatoes and corn?”

“Yes, Dean. I'm not a child.”

“Good. Cas, get your coat on and hold the door for me.”

They put on their coats, then Dean grabbed a hook and used it to pick up the turkey, which was secured to a stand, and headed outside.

Cas smirked as he followed Dean. ‘Pants a little tight now? You seem to be walking funny.’

“Shuddap”

Cas snorted. ‘I’d take care of it for you if I could.’

“Later, Angel. We got hungry people to feed. I'm sure Ellen and Jo will be here soon and Rufus usually shows up right as the food hits the table, with a bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue Label, complaining that Bobby never buys the "good stuff".”

Cas fidgeted. ‘There’s more people coming?’

“You'll be fine. Ellen owns Harvelle's Roadhouse. Her husband, Bill, died a couple of years ago, but they've been friends of Bobby for years. Her daughter, Jo, is Sam's age and a little spitfire. Rufus is just another grumpy old man with no family and place to go for holidays, so he comes here and he and Bobby bitch about the good ol days.” Dean slowly lowered the turkey into the hot oil as he talked.

Cas chewed on his lip as he watched Dean. He could already feel his anxiety building.

They watched the oil bubble for a minute and once Dean was satisfied with the way it was cooking, he noted the time on his watch. They had about 45 minutes before it would be ready and they had to get the brisket out of the smoker.

“Come on. Let's get the brisket inside to rest, then we can go deal with those nerves you got bubbling up.”

Cas followed Dean inside, trying to act as normal as possible.

Dean checked the potatoes. “Sammy, those spuds will be ready to drain in five. Can you handle mashing them? Milk, butter, sour cream and chives like I showed you before.  Salt and pepper to taste. And be sure to taste them.”

“Got it. What are you gonna do. Wait, never mind, I don't want to know.” Sam winked and smirked. “Just try to keep it down.”

Cas blushed and gripped his arm tightly.

“Shut up, bitch.”

“Whatever, jerk.”

Dean led Cas up to his bedroom, shut and locked the door. They laid down on the bed and kissed each other softly. “What do you need, Angel?”

Cas looked up at Dean. “You.”

“I don't think we have time to have sex, but, I think we can do this.” Dean reached for the fly of Cas'  borrowed jeans and opened the button and zipper. Cas whimpered as he tried to grip his arm tighter through the sweatshirt.

Dean reached in and stroked Cas' rapidly hardening cock. “Love you, Cas, my Angel.”

Cas bit his lip and swallowed hard. “Need you.”

“I'm right here. Do you want to touch me too?”

Cas tugged at his hair as he squeezed his eyes shut. Dean shifted above Cas and tugged his jeans down his thighs. He slid his hand back behind Cas' balls and rubbed a finger against his hole.

Cas took a shaky breath and slowly opened his eyes to look at Dean. “Please.”

Dean slipped his hand back and put his fingers up to Cas' lips. “Get them wet for me, Angel. I don't have any lube here.” Cas sucked Dean’s fingers into his mouth, swirling his tongue around the digits as he kept eye contact with Dean.

Dean rolled back over to Cas' side and stroked his cock with his free hand. When he felt his fingers were slick enough, he pulled them back and pressed his middle finger into Cas' hole gently. “You're always so tight, Angel. I love working you open.”

Cas moaned as his eyes fluttered. He reached for Dean, bringing their lips together. Cas pushed his tongue into Dean’s mouth as his nails scratched at his scalp. Dean moaned into the kiss, hands busy stroking and thrusting.

Cas’ tongue mapped out the inside of Dean’s mouth as his free hand fumbled to undo Dean’s pants then slipped inside, stroking him. Dean pulled out and slipped his index finger in, alongside his middle finger, then crooked them both to press against Cas' spot. Cas gasped into the kiss and arched his back with a moan.

Dean kissed across his cheek to nibble on Cas' ear. “That's it, Angel. Let yourself go. Fuck, your hand feels good on my cock.”

Cas stroked and squeezed Dean’s cock as he rocked his hips against his fingers. “N-need you.”

“Don't want to hurt you, Angel. I told you I don't have any lube here. I promise I'll fuck you silly when we get back the house tonight. Let me just take the edge off for now.”

Cas whimpered and let go of Dean, reaching for his pants. “W-wallet.”

Dean looked confused, but let go of Cas' cock and dug his wallet out of his back pocket. He opened it up, expecting to see a condom. “Angel, were you a boy scout? Because you're always prepared.”

He pulled the packet of lube from the cash slot, tossed the wallet on the floor and reached down to pull Cas' jeans the rest of the way off. “We gotta hurry though, Angel. Not much time left on that bird. I've never burnt one yet and I don't plan to start now.”

‘Don’t care. Just need you. Fuck me.’

Dean tore open the packet with his teeth and squirted its contents on his fingers. He thrust them inside his boyfriend's barely stretched hole. “Bossy bottom.” Dean said with a chuckle. After a few more moments of prep, Dean lined up his cock and pushed in with a low moan.

Cas’ eyes fluttered shut as he melted into the bed. ‘Fuck.’

Dean chuckled, “That's the plan, Angel.”

He started to thrust slowly, but his desire for the beautiful man under him took over and Dean began thrusting faster and harder. “God, you feel good, Angel.”

Cas moaned and bit his lip as he wrapped his legs around Dean and rocked his hips hard, matching his thrusts.

“I'm so close. Cum with me.”

Cas nodded frantically as he rocked his hips harder. He wrapped his hand around his cock, gasping at how sensitive it was. Dean felt his balls tighten as his climax drew near. Cas clenched his hole as he got close.

“Fuck, yeah, just like that, Angel. I'm... I'm…” Dean watched Cas throw his head back in ecstasy as their orgasms rocked through their bodies at the same time.

Cas collapsed onto the bed, breathing heavily as he looked up at Dean through heavy lids. Dean pulled out and slid off to Cas' side, carefully avoiding the cum on his belly. He leaned in and kissed Cas softly.

“Let me get something to clean you up, then we gotta go check the turkey.” He looked at the sated smile on Cas' face and sighed. “Next time, we cuddle after, I promise.”

Cas caressed Dean’s cheek. ‘I knew there wasn’t time for cuddles. I just needed you.’ He leaned up and kissed Dean softly. ‘Go check on the turkey. I can clean up.’

“You sure, Angel?”

‘Can’t let it burn because of me.’

Dean grabbed an old shirt from the dresser, wiped himself off and handed the shirt to Cas. He tucked himself away, leaned over to kiss Cas one more time before heading out to check the food. “Love you, Angel. See you downstairs in a few.”

Cas sighed and wiped off his stomach then cleaned off his ass. He glanced around and picked up his boxers and Dean’s jeans, pulling them both on. He looked around on the floor until he spotted his wallet and picked it up and slid it in his back pocket. Cas pulled Dean’s shoes back on then rubbed his face before slowly heading for the stairs.

Dean snuck up behind Cas before he reached the stairs. He slid his arms around Cas' waist and kissed the back of his neck. “I'm sorry, Angel. I got halfway to the stairs and realized I was being an ass. Let the turkey burn. Serves everyone right for depending on a teenager to make Thanksgiving dinner. Forgive me?

Cas sighed. ‘You can’t let it burn.’

“Come with me and we'll check on it together. Please, Angel?”

Cas nodded. ‘Ok.’

Cas walked out to the fryer with Dean and sat on a chair nearby as Dean did what he needed to. He chewed on his lip then sighed. ‘It made me think of Balth.’

Dean stopped what he was doing and looked at Cas. “What?”

‘Not the sex. That was amazing. It was you not listening to what I needed and making this,’ He said as he gestured at the fryer, ‘more important than me.’

Dean set down the meat thermometer and walked over to Cas. He crouched down in front of his boyfriend and put his hands on Cas' thighs. “Cas, you are always going to be the most important person in my life. You are more important than anyone or anything.”

Dean sighed and looked into Cas' bright blue eyes. “I'm a simple man, Angel. I take people for their word. If I'm doing something that hurts you, you gotta tell me.”

Cas looked down and rubbed at his arm. ‘I was trying to tell you how bad I needed you, but I couldn’t even do that. How was I supposed to say shut up about the damn turkey and just fuck me?’

“OK, I get that. Of course, you could have just said that.” Cas smiled a little and shook his head. “I promise I will work on trying to figure out what you mean, if you promise to work on saying what you mean and 'telling' me what you need.”

‘In all fairness, I thought I was pretty clear in the beginning. You asked me what I needed and I said you.’

Dean laughed. “Yes, you did and I was right there. I hope I gave you what you needed. And I did offer to clean you up before WE came to check the bird and you told me to go. And I promised cuddles next time.”

Cas rolled his eyes. ‘"You" meant for you to fuck me. You did give me what I needed. If you hadn’t, I’d still be a mess.’ Cas sighed. ‘I told you to check on it because I didn’t want it to be my fault if the turkey burned. I didn’t want to ruin your family’s Thanksgiving.’

Dean kissed Cas softly and stood, pulling Cas up into an embrace. “Angel, this ragtag family has been through so much worse than a burnt turkey. The first year without mom, we all got food poisoning from an undercooked turkey. I'll take extra crispy over puking my guts up any day of the week.”

Cas leaned against Dean, hugging him tightly. ‘I just want them to like me. I don’t want them to make you not want me anymore.’

“First off, no one could ever make me not like you. I'm not going anywhere. Secondly, if they don't like you for distracting me from a stupid turkey, then they can just fuck off.”

Cas laid his head on Dean’s shoulder. ‘I know. He just screwed me up really bad.’

“I know, Angel. I might punch him, just on principle.” Dean kissed the top of Cas' head, gave him another quick squeeze, then released him as he turned back to the deep fryer. He checked the temperature on the turkey and it was just perfect. “Time to pull it out, Angel. Do me a favor and grab that tray and hold it tight." Dean turned off the propane, put on his oven mitts and hooked the top of the stand with the lifting hook.”

Cas held the tray and nodded at Dean that he was ready. Dean pulled the turkey up, out of the oil, looked at it and saw the skin was a perfect golden brown. Smiling, he carefully set the turkey on the tray and unhooked it. Cas bore the weight with ease until Dean was able to take the tray from him.

“OK, got it. Go get the door for me, sexy.” Cas rushed ahead of Dean and opened the door. “A culinary success for the incredible Dean Winchester and the amazing Castiel Novak!” Dean exclaimed as he entered the kitchen.

Cas rolled his eyes and shook his head. Sam glanced up from what he was doing. “Bobby was about to send Jo out to make sure you weren’t fooling around out there and letting it burn.”

“I am offended that you would think that Cas would ever let me get so distracted by his sexiness that I would let your precious food burn. Aren't you offended, Angel?”

Cas snorted then straightened his face and deadpanned. “Deeply.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “Whatever. You know you were distracted earlier.”

Dean put the tray on the counter to let the turkey rest while he checked on the side dishes the others prepared. “Seriously, Sam, I can be completely distracted by this wonderful person and still prepare the perfect Thanksgiving dinner. I am the king of multitasking.”

Cas buried his face in the back of Dean’s shoulder as he blushed from all the complements.

“Only because it’s food, and meat.”

Dean turned to face Cas. “OK, I'll try to stop embarrassing you. But you are sexy and very distracting, not that I mind.”

Cas smiled shyly. “So are you.”

Dean kissed Cas on the nose, then started putting the turkey and brisket on their respective serving platters. Cas smiled and sat at the table, watching Dean.

Jo ran into the room, jumping on Dean’s back. “Heard you’re in looooooove.”

“Oof! Jo! Get off me, you little leach!”

Jo dropped down from Dean's back and pouted. “Spoil sport.”

“Jo, this is Castiel, my boyfriend. Angel, this little hellraiser is Jo Harvelle.”

Jo’s eyebrows shot to her forehead as she looked over at Cas, who waved. “Boyfriend? When they said Cas I was thinking it was short for Cassidy or Cassandra or something. I was definitely expecting big boobs.” Cas chewed on his lip and messed with the napkin in front of him.

“I have never gone after big boobs.”

Jo rolled her eyes. “Oh please. Rhonda shows hers off all the time. And what was the other one’s name? The one that tried to say she was pregnant. Lydia?” Cas crumpled the napkin in his hand.

“When I went out with Rhonda, she was flat as a board. And Lydia, that girl was nuts and a stalker. We had sex one time, with a condom, and I didn't even get off.”

Jo rolled her eyes. “Yeah, Rhonda was flat when you dated her for like, a month in Junior High. But she wasn’t flat last year when you were with her. And you were with Lydia for a few months, Dean.” Cas got up and walked out the back door, letting it slam shut.

“Jesus, Jo. What the fuck?” Dean ran out the door after Cas. “Angel! Wait!”

Cas stopped where he was and hugged himself tightly and he kept his head bowed to the ground.

“Angel, Jo's just a dumb kid. She doesn't know what really happened with either one of those girls. Yes, I had sex with them. I wasn't "with" Lydia for a few months, the girl was a stalker. Rhonda and I did go out last year, but it doesn’t matter. I’m with you now.”

Cas wiped at his eyes. “I don’t care that you had sex with them, Dean! I already knew you had sex with two girls! I didn’t want to know who they were! I didn’t want to know you slept with Rhonda fucking Hurley! I didn’t want to know that you’re still friends with her! God, Dean!” Cas threw his hands in the air then pulled at his hair. “She was all over you at school on Friday. I saw her hanging on you.” Cas put his face in his hands and cried.

“Angel, I told you, I'm not with those girls. I don't want those girls. I only want you. You mean everything to me. Please, come back inside.”

Cas hiccuped as he cried into his hands. ‘P-Please.’

“Please what, Angel? What do you need?”

Cas hiccuped and hesitantly walked over to Dean, leaning against him and crying into his shoulder.

Dean wrapped his arms around Cas and starts humming "You Are My Sunshine" in an effort to soothe his boyfriend.

Cas wrapped his arms tightly around Dean, clinging onto him as he hiccuped and sniffled.

Dean gently wiped away Cas’ tears, then ran his fingers through his hair. “So, there's a bathroom just inside the back door. We can slip inside and splash some water on your face. I get that you're upset, but I also know you don't like having everyone stare at you. We'll get you cleaned up, then we can join everyone else. If that's Ok? Remember, there's brisket.”

Cas swallowed and nodded into Dean’s shoulder. ‘Just don’t leave me.’

“Anyone that tries to separate us is gonna get a black eye.”

Cas wiped his eyes and snorted. ‘I meant today. I’m...I’m still not completely ok, but I know we have to go back inside.’

“I mean today too. Honest, Cas, they may be family, but I'll knock their asses out if they try to get between us.”

Cas kissed Dean’s neck then shifted and kissed Dean softly. ‘I love you.’

“I love you too, Angel.”

Cas gave Dean a small smile then wiped his eyes and took a deep breath. ‘I’m ready.’

Dean walked Cas into the house, keeping his hand on Cas' lower back. He guided them into the small bathroom and locked the door behind them.

Cas turned on the water and splashed some on his face then rubbed his eyes. He smirked a little and flicked some water on Dean’s face. Dean laughed, grabbed a hand towel and threw it at Cas.

Cas caught the towel and rolled his eyes. ‘Assbutt.’ He said as he wiped his face off.

Dean laughed even louder. “Assbutt?”

Cas threw the damp towel at Dean. ‘What? You and your brother call each other bitch and jerk and your uncle calls you idjits.’

“I've just never heard the word ‘assbutt’.”

‘I’d hope not since it’s my word.’

“Well, I like your word.”

‘I called Gabe an Assbutt when I was maybe 7. He laughed. It just made me madder.’

“Well, Gabe is an Assbutt.”

Cas snorted. ‘He definitely is.’ Cas leaned against Dean, laying his head on his shoulder with a happy sigh. ‘Please don’t ever give up on me. I wasn’t always like this.’

Dean hugged Cas close. “Like what? Smart, kind, sweet, sexy, funny, loving? Angel, that's all I see. I'll never give up on you, for as long as you'll have me.”

Cas snuggled closer as he ran his hand over Dean’s chest. 'I meant such a needy mess. I try not to be.’

Dean ran his hand along Cas' back. “I'm a nurturer, Sammy calls it Mother Hen. I guess we were just made for each other, Angel.”

‘He’s probably mad we aren’t back yet.’

“Who? Sammy? Nah. He's probably curled up with a book right now.”

‘He was eyeing the salad like he’d eat the whole thing.’

Dean thought for a moment. “Let's stay in here forever, then. That way I don't have to eat it.”

Cas snorted. ‘They’ll eat the brisket and turkey. I’ve never had a deep-fried turkey before.’

Dean sighed. “You're probably right. We have to go save the meat! You ready?”

Cas nodded and kissed Dean softly. ‘I’m ready.’

Dean laced their fingers together, unlocked and opened the door. As they walked out, they saw everyone putting the finishing touches on the meal.

“Just in time, boys. Take your seats.” Ellen said then held her hand out to Cas. “Hi there. You must be Castiel. I'm Ellen Harvelle, you've met my wild-child, Joanna Beth.”

Cas shook her hand and nodded. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Sorry, I don't understand sign language.” Ellen looked to Dean for help.

“Sorry, he said it's nice to meet you and your daughter is a menace.”

“Hey!”

Cas snorted and smacked Dean. “Ow. OK, Cas didn't say Jo was a menace. Doesn't make it untrue though.”

“She probably learned from you.”

“Hit him again!”

“JO!!” Dean, Ellen, Bobby and Jody all yelled in unison. Sam laughed out loud.

“Sorry.” Jo said as she rolled her eyes.

Cas snorted and leaned against Dean, kissing his neck.

Jo leaned in close to Sam. 'They look so cute together. Are they always this cuddly?'

‘Yup. Never thought you’d see Dean like that, huh?’ Jo shook her head and smiled.

Dean looked over and pointed at the kids. “You two. Quit your whispering. I don't trust either one of you.”

Cas glanced around at the spread and furrowed his brow when he noticed something was missing. He gently turned Dean’s face so he’d look at him. “Where’s the pies?”

Dean glared at Bobby. “Bobby hides them until after dinner. He doesn't trust me. He thinks that I won't eat the meal and will only eat pie. Love me some pie.”

“That’s because we found you scarfing down pies one year, ya idjit.”

Cas grinned. “What’s your favorite kind?”

“Oh, there are too many choices. Truthfully, if it's pie, I love it.”

“Do you like apple caramel crunch?”

“Of course. What about you, Angel? Is that your favorite?”

Cas grinned. “That’s what I brought in the box with me. I like apple. I also like lemon meringue. I love buttermilk. I was going to bring it, but some people don’t like custardy type pies.”

Dean kissed Cas' temple. “That sounds delicious. I also like sugar cream, pumpkin, chocolate-pecan. Sammy likes strawberry-rhubarb.”

Cas smiled softly. “I’ll have to make you one.”

“It’s real cute how you two get so sidetracked that you forget we’re all here waiting to eat.” Bobby grumbled.

Cas ducked his head, shyly.

“Sorry. Bobby, will you carve the turkey? I'll take care of the brisket.”

Bobby mumbled and went over to the turkey. Once the meat was carved, everyone gathered in the kitchen.

“Castiel, I'm not sure how your family does it, but we ain't religious folk here, so we don't really pray. But on Thanksgiving, we do like to say what we're thankful for.”

Cas snorted and elbowed Dean. “Tell him our names.”

Dean laughed. “Cas wants me to tell you his brothers' names. Obviously, he's Castiel, the Angel of Thursday, then there's Gabriel and the twins, Michael and Lucifer.” Cas covered his mouth to hide his snickering.

Bobby’s eyes widened. “Gotta feel sorry for Lucifer. He got a real doozie of a name.” Cas snorted and nodded.

“They call him Luke. Well, except for Gabe, he calls him Luci.”

“Alright ya idjits. What are you thankful for this year?”

“My friends and family and my history teacher that makes us research.” Sam said, going first.

Jo rolled her eyes. “Only you’d be thankful for school work, nerd. I'm thankful my name ain't Lucifer.”

Cas snorted. “Me too. Really dodged a bullet there.”

“JoAnna Beth…”

“Fine, I'm thankful for good friends and good food and being able to spend time together.”

“I’m thankful for my family and that “our” oldest is finally happy with someone.” Jody said as she smiled at Dean and Cas.

“Even if he gets distracted by texts and doesn’t finish an engine on time.” Bobby grumbled.

Cas hid his face in Dean’s arm.

“I'm thankful that I haven't pickled my liver yet and that I have all of you here today and that Dean hasn't figured out the pie hiding spot yet. Ellen?”

“I’m thankful Jo and Ash haven’t set fire to the Roadhouse yet.”

“Not for lack of trying. Not me, momma, Ash!”

“I’ve got cameras JoAnn Beth.” Jo tried to hide her surprise with a cough.

“Well, I'm thankful that this Angel came into my life and that he puts up with me.”

“We all knew that one was coming. What about you, Castiel?”

Cas chewed on his lip. “I’m thankful for...” Cas glanced at Dean and smiled. “Dean.” Dean pulled Cas into a tight hug.

“You people done with all the mushy stuff? Because I'll be thankful for that.” Rufus walked in and set a bottle down on the counter. “Bobby, why can't you ever buy the good stuff?”

'That's Rufus.' Cas nodded and snuggled closer.

“Because you’d just drink it all, ya old drunk.” Bobby said.

“I don’t drink it all. When I bring it over you drink it all and leave me with your cheap shit.”

“OK, fellas, don't make me use my sheriff voice.” Jody cut in.

“Leave the handcuffs in the bedroom. I don’t need to see what you and this old idiot do.” Sam smacked his forehead and Cas shook his head.

“OK, grab a plate and form a line. It's time to eat, people. C'mon Angel, I can't wait for you to try the turkey.” Cas took a plate when Dean handed it to him then looked around. Dean leaned over to his ear. ‘Guests first, Angel.’

Cas smiled and started loading his plate. "It all looks wonderful. Oh, and don't forget the salad, Honeybee."

Dean rolled his eyes. “I’m not gonna forget the salad.” Dean watched as Cas put some brisket on his plate, but not one of the best cuts. He reached over and stabbed a better piece, then placed it on Cas’ plate.

“Someone else might want that.”

“They've all had my brisket before. This is your first and I'm not letting you have anything less than the best.” Cas leaned over and kissed Dean’s cheek.

“Would you two hurry up? The rest of us are starving.” Jo complained.

Cas blushed and continued to fill his plate, with Dean's help, until there was no more room. He waited for Dean to finish with his own plate and they walked to the table together.

Cas glanced at Dean. “What?”

“Go ahead and try it. I wanna know what you think.” Cas picked up a piece of turkey and put it into his mouth, chewing. He moaned at how good it tasted.

“Like it?” Cas nodded and took another bite, moaning.

Dean leaned closer to Cas. 'You keep moaning like that and I might have to give you something special when we get back to the house.'

Cas smirked and put a piece of brisket into his mouth, chewing it and moaning sinfully.

"You are evil, Angel"

Cas smirked. “But you still love me anyhow.”

"You know I do"

Cas smiled and held his fork to Dean’s mouth. Dean opened his mouth and took the bite off the fork. Cas smiled and continued eating. He jumped when a roll hit Dean in the face.

“Earth to Dean.” Dean picked up the roll and cocked his arm to throw it back at Sam.

“NO!! You idjits are not starting another food fight.”

Sam grinned. “So, we’re taking bets. When will Bobby and Jody get married?”

“Probably the seventh of never. Bobby ain't got the balls to ask her." Dean laughed.

“Boy…” warned Bobby.

Sam snickered. “Ok. New bet. When do y’all think those two are getting married?” He asked, pointing at Dean and Cas.

Cas stopped his fork midway to his mouth and cut his eyes at Dean. Dean nearly choked on his mashed potatoes “Dude!?”

Sam smirked. “I’m guessing after graduation.”

“I’d give it...2 years.” Jo countered.

Cas glanced at Dean and chewed on his lip when he saw the look on his face. He nudged Dean with his elbow. “When do you think they’ll get married?” He asked as he motioned between Sam and Jo.

Dean translated for the group and everyone started laughing as Sam turned beet red.

“Before any of you jokers start getting ideas, I ain't marrying Rufus.”

“I dunno, Mom. You and Rufus are both tough as nails and like alcohol.”

Cas nudged Dean. “You ok?”

Dean blinked slowly. “Um, yeah. Yeah, I'm ok. You?”

Cas chewed on his lip and nodded. “Yeah. Just ignore them. They’re just trying to push your buttons.”

“Dean? Honey, you ok? You look sick.” Jody said with concern in her voice.

Jo poked Dean with her fork. “Hey, Winchester. Wake up.”

Dean jumped. “What? Yeah, no, I'm fine. Why's everyone suddenly so worried about me?” Dean started to get up, but he remembered that he promised Cas he would stay by his side, so he just sat back and started pushing his food around on his plate.

Cas chewed on his lip. “It’s ok. You can go if you want.”

"No, I'm fine, Angel. I'm actually better off by your side." "New topic, please. Sammy, you betting on Detroit again?” Cas leaned over and kissed Dean’s temple.

“Of course. Who are you betting on?”

“Chicago over Detroit, Dallas over Buffalo and New Orleans over Atlanta.” Cas scooted closer to Dean, lacing their fingers together and laying his head on Dean’s shoulder.

“No way. Detroit over Chicago and Atlanta over New Orleans.”

“Really? Have you been sneaking sips from Rufus' bottle? You want to make a wager, little brother?”

“Sure. How much you got?”

“No way, I'm not taking your money, as easy as it would be. Chores, Sammy. Best 2 out of 3 has to wash the dishes from today's meal.”

Sam eyed Dean. “Ok. When you lose you can’t get Cas to help you.”

Dean smiled and nodded. “And when you lose, you can't use those puppy dog eyes to get out of it.”

“I never do that.” Everyone at the table broke out in  laughter. “Shut up!”

“Aww, poor Sam, called out on his bullshit.” Sam picked up a roll and chunked it at Jo’s head.

Bobby, Jody, Ellen and Rufus picked up their plates and took them to the living room as the kids started their inevitable food fight.

Cas jumped and rubbed his eyes when something meant for Dean hit him. “Cas, are you Ok?”

Cas nodded and stretched as he yawned. “Why’s everyone throwing food?”

Dean picked some stray bits of food out of Cas' hair. “It's just a food fight. Somehow we end up doing it every year.” He noticed how tired Cas looked. “Why don't we go to the den and watch some football and cuddle on the sofa?”

Cas yawned and nodded. Dean led Cas to the den and got him situated on the sofa before he turned on the tv, grabbed a throw blanket and cuddled up with him.

‘You’re not tired from the turkey?’

“Nah. We eat a lot of turkey sandwiches. I think I'm immune to the tryptophan.”

Cas snuggled closer. ‘Oh. Dean? I want to stay with you tonight.’

Dean smiled and kissed the top of his head. “Good.”

‘Probably tomorrow night, too.’

“Do we need to stop at your place and get some clothes?”

‘Why? Yours fit.’

Dean chuckled. “A little snug, but I like it. You look damn good in my clothes.”

Cas smiled then chewed on his lip. ‘What if I want to stay through the weekend?’

“Your brothers won't mind? I love having you in my arms all night.”

Cas shook his head. ‘They won’t care.’

Dean felt a flare of sadness for Cas and anger towards his brothers. He did his best to put those feelings aside and he held Cas a little tighter. “That's great, Angel. Did you want to do anything special or just hang around the house?”

‘Just want to be around you. Gabe’s out of town and Mike’s focused on a big case so he’s locked in his office. There’s no point in going back to their house. I’d rather go home with you.’

“You don't have to justify wanting to spend time with me. Any time you want to come over, you are welcome.”

Cas smiled and snuggled closer. ‘You sure about that? I might just move in without you knowing.’

Dean hmmmed. “Not seeing the bad here.”

Cas snorted. ‘You’d find Brussels sprouts in the fridge.’

Dean groaned. “Ugh, nope, I changed my mind.” Dean laughed and kissed Cas. “I guess I can deal with green things that aren't gummy.”

‘Does that mean you’ll eat your greens?’

“I never said that. I just said I can deal with them being in the house.”

Cas did puppy eyes at Dean. ‘You wouldn’t eat them for me?’

Dean melted slightly at the puppy eyes. “Is that a little brother thing? You and Sammy both give me those puppy dog eyes and I cave.”

Cas snorted. ‘I think you cave cause you’re a big softy.’

“Shhh, don't tell anyone.”

‘You’re definitely a big softy for me...well, most of you is. There’s a part of you that gets hard for me.’

“Hmmm might have to snag the leftover brisket for protein and some OJ. You definitely give me a workout.”

Cas gently ran his fingers over Dean’s chest. ‘And you’d snag some for me?’

“Absolutely, Angel.”

Cas kissed Dean softly. ‘Best boyfriend ever.’

Dean deepened the kiss. “Yes, you are the best boyfriend ever.”

‘I hope I am.’

“Don't ever doubt that. I love you.”

Cas smiled and snuggled closer as he ran his hand over Dean’s chest. ‘I love you too.’

Chapter Text

Dean woke up with his hand on Cas’ bare back. He smiled softly, kissing Cas’ shoulder as he moved on top of him. Cas shifted and let out a sigh as Dean kissed the back of his neck and shoulders. He carefully pushed into Cas and started thrusting into him.

Cas turned his head so his face was in the pillow. Dean put his hands on either side of Cas and he thrust deeper and harder. He heard Cas sniffle and saw his shoulders shaking. Dean quickly pulled out, running his hand over Cas’ back.

“Shit. I’m so sorry. I thought you were still stretched enough. How bad does it hurt?”

Cas shook his head and wiped his eyes. ‘Please don’t pretend.’

“Huh? What the fuck are you talking about?”

Cas sniffled. ‘Please don’t be like Balth. Please don’t pretend I’m a girl. Please don’t cheat on me. Please don’t make me wear dresses.’

“Cas, Angel, I don’t want a girl. I want you.”

Cas glanced at Dean. ‘Then make love to me. Don’t pretend I’m something else.’

“I’m not pretending. I don’t want any girls.”

‘It’s ok if you’re still attracted to them. Just don’t pretend with me.’

Dean tugged on his hair. “I’m not attracted to girls, Cas.”

Cas sighed. ‘You don’t have to lie to me, Dean. I already know you’ve slept with women before you met me. I know you’re bi.’

“I slept with two women because that’s what John expected me to do!”

‘Because you thought you were straight, but you were really bi.’

“I didn’t think I was straight, Cas! I was supposed to be straight!”

‘It’s ok to be bi. Just don’t make me a girl. I’m not a girl.’

Dean tugged on his hair as he got off the bed. “I’m not bi! Why do you think I was watching gay porn?”

Cas furrowed his brow. ‘Because you liked me. You wanted to be sure that gay sex turned you on and you wanted to know how to do things.’

“I watched gay porn because I’m gay, Cas! What the fuck do I have to do to come out as gay? Wear a damn rainbow and coat myself in glitter?”

‘I wouldn’t suggest the glitter. It’s hard to get off.’

“I think you should go home.”

‘...What? I’m not leaving, Dean. Sit back down so we can talk about this.’

Dean threw his hands in the air then grabbed his clothes and tugged them on. “I got shit to do at Bobby’s. Sam still needs help studying so I guess I’ll see you later.” Dean said as he tugged on his boots and hurried down the stairs, slamming the door on his way out.

Cas sat on the bed in shock. What the hell just happened? He just didn’t want Dean to pretend he was one of the girls he’s attracted to. How had that turned into such a big fight?

Cas sighed and got out of bed, wiping his eyes. He pulled on his clothes then went out to his car, starting it and driving to Bobby’s. When he got out of the car he could hear Dean abusing some poor car with a sledgehammer. He walked over to the house and knocked, going in when Bobby opened the door.

Cas walked into the kitchen and fell into the chair next to Sam with a frustrated sigh.

“Problems with Dean?”

He’s so damn hard headed!

Sam laughed. “Yeah. In that way he is just like Dad, but don't ever tell him that. That is the only thing they have in common... thank God! So what happened?”

I told him not to act like I’m a girl, because I’m not and he tried to say he’s not attracted to girls. I don’t care if he’s attracted to them as long as he doesn’t expect me to act like one and he doesn’t cheat on me.

Sam’s eyes widened. “He told you he’s gay? Like actually said that?”

Yes, but he’s not. He only said it to make me feel better.

“Uh, yeah he is…”

No he’s not. He’s been with girls.

“Yeah. Two girls that he took home when Dad was home so he’d hear them. Do you want to know why he wanted Dad to hear him with those girls?”

Why?

“Because my brother had a crush on his friend and Dad called him a fag and beat him until he promised he wouldn’t hang out with Benny anymore. Dean couldn’t even look at the girls. He told me he couldn’t stand to look at their faces because he wasn’t attracted to them.”

Cas stared at Sam with wide eyes then jumped when Bobby picked up his notebook.

“About damn time that idjit finally admitted the truth. Ain’t one straight bone in that boy’s body. Just look at them legs he has. They’re meant to wrap around some strapping young man like yourself.”

Cas blushed and looked between Bobby and Sam. But he freaked out when I kissed him and said he was straight.

“I’ll tell you why that boy freaked out. He let his daddy get in his head. I heard him in here freaking out because he freaked out. He had all sorts of thoughts running through that head of his. He liked the kiss, but he’s not supposed to because you ain’t a girl. He wanted to kiss you, but he’s not supposed to want to kiss a guy. Somehow his daddy would know he wanted you.” Bobby sighed. “That boy came in here freaking out to his brother and told him he’d fallen for a guy and you know what Sam said?” Cas shook his head. “He asked if it was you. He told him to get his head outta his ass and tell you how he felt.”

I have to go talk to him.

“Not while he has the sledgehammer, Cas.”

Bobby rolled his eyes. “He ain’t gonna hurt him. He needs to keep that idjit from ruining every car on my property. Good luck.”

Cas got up and ran out to where Dean was. When he got closer he slowed down and cautiously approached Dean.

Dean glanced at Cas and sighed. “I’m not ready to be around you yet.”

Cas chewed on his lip as he moved closer. ‘I ordered you a pride flag and some glitter.’

Dean rolled his eyes. “What do you want?”

‘I want to say I’m sorry. I should have listened to you. I thought you were just trying to make me think you didn’t want girls to make me happy.’

Dean sighed. “I want to make you happy, but not by lying. I…” Dean wiped away tears. “I never told anyone the truth. I wanted you to know because I love you. I thought you’d understand and you’d accept me, but you kept trying to make me something I’m not.”

Cas let out a sob and ran to Dean, pulling him close. ‘I do accept you. I’m so honored that you trusted me enough to come out to me and I’m so sorry that I was a horrible boyfriend and didn’t listen. Can you ever forgive me?’

Dean sighed and wrapped his arms around Cas. “You know I’ll always forgive you.”

‘I wish I would have been more awake when you told me. I wouldn’t have questioned it as much. I would have been what you needed me to be.’ Cas kissed Dean softly. ‘I’m so proud of you, Honeybee. I promise that if you have more to tell me, I’ll listen this time. I don’t want you to remember your coming out as a bad thing. I want to make it up to you. I want this to be something happy.’

Dean leaned his forehead against Cas’. “I want that, too.”

‘How can I make it up to you? How can I turn this into something positive?’

Dean chewed on his lip. “Remember when we had sex in Baby at school? After I told you I loved you the first time?”

Cas smiled. ‘Yeah. I remember. That was wonderful.’

Dean smiled softly. “Yeah, it was.” He gently ran his hand over Cas’ chest. “Remember what you offered after?”

Cas furrowed his brow. ‘Sex after school?’

Dean blushed and cleared his throat. “Uh, no. The, um, other part...where you…”

Cas furrowed his brow more. ‘Where I...?’ His brows shot up. ‘Oh. Ohhhhh! You want me to top?’

Dean swallowed hard and nodded. “I...I’m ready.”

Cas smiled as he caressed Dean’s cheek. ‘Right now?’

Dean chuckled nervously. “Yeah, but, uh, I’m pretty sure Bobby would turn the hose on us if we did it here.”

Cas snorted. ‘Go back to your house?’

“Yeah.”

Cas kissed Dean softly. ‘Meet you there.’

Dean nodded and headed for Baby as Cas went to his car and got in. Cas followed Dean back to the house and parked, then followed Dean inside and up to his room. Dean stood there fidgeting and chewing on his lip.

“How should we do this?”

Cas kissed Dean softly as he pushed his flannel off of his shoulders and pulled his shirt off. ‘All you have to do is lay back and let me do the work.’ Cas whispered as he gently pushed Dean back on the bed.

Dean nodded. “Ok.”

Cas kissed Dean’s stomach as he undid his pants and pulled them, and his boxers, off. He stroked Dean, then held him as he ran his tongue from his balls to the tip. Cas dipped his tongue into the slit then ran his tongue back to Dean’s balls.

Cas pushed Dean’s legs toward his chest. ‘Hold them up, please.’ Dean nodded, grabbing his legs and holding them. Cas licked and sucked on Dean’s balls as he stroked him.

Cas glanced up at Dean as he nipped at the inside of his thigh. He watched Dean’s face as he ran his tongue over his hole.

Dean gasped and arched his back. “Oh fuck.”

Cas smirked and did it again. He wiggled his tongue over Dean’s hole, then put pressure against it. Cas pushed his tongue into Dean a little as he stroked his cock.

“Oh fuck, Cas. Holy shit.”

Cas thrust his tongue into Dean, wiggling it. He stroked and squeezed Dean, collecting pre-cum on his fingers. Cas gently pushed a finger into Dean as he removed his tongue. He sucked on Dean’s balls as he thrust his finger into him.

Dean moaned and groaned and breathed heavily. Cas took Dean’s length into his mouth as he pushed a second finger into him. He bobbed his head as he thrust his fingers in and out of Dean. Dean let go of one leg, letting it hook over Cas’ shoulder. He tangled his fingers in Cas’ hair as he moaned his name.

Cas deep-throated him, sucking hard as he pushed a third finger into Dean. Dean cried out, his hand gripping Cas’ hair tightly. Cas pulled back, running his tongue up Dean’s length as his fingers hit his spot.

“Fuck! Cas!”

Cas kissed up Dean’s body as he continued to finger Dean. He kissed Dean softly. ‘Ready?’ Dean nodded. ‘Want a condom so it’s less messy?’

Dean shook his head. “No.”

Cas smiled and pulled away, removing his clothes. He grabbed the lube and applied it to his dick, stroking it a few times. Cas leaned closer, kissing Dean softly. “I love you.” He said as he gently pushed into Dean.

“I love you, too.” Dean moaned.

Cas kissed and sucked on Dean’s neck as he slowly pushed all the way into him. ‘Doing ok?’

Dean nodded as he ran his hands over Cas’ back and wrapped his legs around him. “I’m doing great.”

Cas smiled and nipped at Dean’s neck. ‘Any pain or discomfort?’

Dean shifted his hips, making them both moan. “It feels weird, but not in a bad way.”

Cas kissed Dean softly as he pulled almost all the way out and pushed back in. ‘How was that?’

Dean moaned. “Fucking amazing. Don’t stop.”

Cas smiled and kissed Dean as he thrust into him. Dean moaned, tangling his fingers in Cas’ hair as he licked into his mouth. Dean rocked his hips in time with Cas’ thrusts. Cas brought his hand between them, stroking Dean as he thrust against his spot.

Dean arched his back, throwing his head back as he cried out. Cas grinned and hit Dean’s spot again. “Fuck!”

Cas ran his tongue over Dean’s neck, up to his ear, then tugged on his earlobe. ‘You like that, babe?’

Dean clawed at the pillow under his head. “Yes! Please, Cas. Please. I’m so close.”

Cas smirked and hit Dean’s spot again. ‘More like that?’ Dean cried out, nodding frantically. Cas ran his tongue over Dean’s nipple then tugged it with his teeth as he thrust deeper and harder into him. He stroked Dean in time with his thrusts as he kissed across his chest and did the same to Dean’s other nipple.

Dean’s fingers tangled in Cas’ hair tightly as his breathing became more labored. Cas smirked and continued giving both nipples attention as he stroked Dean and thrust hard against his spot.

Dean cried out and his body trembled as he got closer to release. Cas worked Dean’s cock harder as he focused on hitting his spot with every thrust. Dean’s body bowed and he cried out as his cum shot from him, landing on both of their torsos. “CAS!!”

Cas’ lost his rhythm when Dean tightened around him. He gasped and thrust into him a few more times before his orgasm hit, spilling into Dean. “Dean…”

Dean tightened his legs around Cas, forcing him deeper. “Oh fuck.”

Cas moaned and rested his head in the crook of Dean’s neck as he chuckled softly. “Yeah.”

Dean ran his hand over Cas’ back. “You used your voice a few times.”

Cas nodded. ‘Can’t do it too much, but I’m trying. I want to be able to talk to you.’

“What about other people?”

Cas shrugged. ‘I guess I’d have to talk to them, too.’

Dean laughed and kissed the top of Cas’ head. “Thank you for doing this.”

Cas smiled. ‘Thank you for letting me.’

“Anytime you want to do it again, just let me know. If I’d known how good it felt, I would have done it sooner. I expected it to hurt.”

‘You’ll be sore later since it was your first time. Hopefully I prepped you enough that it won’t be too bad.’ Cas kissed Dean’s neck. ‘When did you first know?’

“That I was gay?” Cas nodded. “You made me realize it.” Cas lifted his head and looked at Dean. “The way you make me feel clued me in, but the first time you told me that Balth would take you from behind, so he could pretend he was with a girl, is what got me thinking about it.” Dean gently ran his fingers through Cas’ wild hair. “I did that with the girls I slept with. I wasn’t attracted to them. I wasn’t pretending I was with anyone. I was just trying to get through it. But, uh, the first time I was attracted to anyone it was this guy I’d been friends with for years.”

‘Benny.’

Dean’s eyes widened. “How’d you…? Sam… of course.”

Cas nodded. ‘He said your dad wouldn’t allow it.’

Dean sighed. “We were in intermediate school so it’s not like much would have happened. Benny spent the night one weekend and instead of dealing with the air mattress, we shared the bed. Dad flipped out after Benny left and beat the shit out of me. He called me a fag and said no son of his would turn out that way. He told me I wasn’t allowed to be around him anymore. We still had classes and baseball, but I couldn’t go to his house and he couldn’t come here anymore.”

‘And nobody since him?’

Dean shook his head. “You’re the first person I’ve wanted to actually be with. If I hadn’t been with the girls to prove to my dad that I was straight then you would have been my first.”

‘So, in the time between Benny and being with me you weren’t attracted to anyone? Not even actors or singers?’

Dean shook his head. “No.”

‘Who would you think of when you’d jerk off?’

“I tried to use Benny once, but that didn’t work. It just made me hate myself. Until meeting you I didn’t think of anyone.”

Cas searched Dean’s face. ‘When did you use me the first time?’

Dean blushed a little. “About a week before you kissed me. We’d been studying and you put your hand on my thigh. I, uh, I was repulsed that my dick hardened when you touched me, but after you left I couldn’t stop thinking about it and it wouldn’t fucking go down. I came thinking about it being your hand touching me. I’d never cum that hard before. I was so confused.”

‘You canceled our next study date.’

“Yeah. I didn’t know how to feel or act. But then I got with you cause the part for your car came in and you kissed me. I’d been thinking about how that’d feel, but that was different than it happening. I wasn’t supposed to feel like this about you. I was supposed to be straight.”

Cas kissed Dean softly. ‘So you freaked out.’

“I tried to talk to you the next day.”

‘I avoided you because I thought you were going to say I was disgusting and that we weren’t friends anymore.’

Dean laughed softly. “And I just wanted to kiss you again.”

‘I thought about you the day you approached me to study.’

Dean’s eyes widened. “That fast?”

‘Yeah. Have you ever heard of a demisexual, Dean?’

“No.”

‘I think you might be one. Demis have to create an emotional bond with someone before they can feel any sexual attraction toward them. It sounds like that’s what you do.’

Dean thought about this for a moment. “It makes sense. I don’t normally let anyone get close to me, but you did while we were studying and working on your car. So, if we hadn’t done all that, then I wouldn’t have fallen for you?”

‘Not if you are demi. You’d have to know me first.’

Dean held Cas tight and kissed the top of his head. “So, if I hadn’t missed school, then I wouldn’t have had a reason to talk to you, and I would have gone on with my life not knowing what I could have had if I’d only taken the time to get to know the new guy at school.”

‘Don’t think about it, Dean. We’re together. That’s all that matters. We found each other and we’re together.’

Chapter Text


Dean looked at the front door when it opened, shaking his head when he saw Cas come through it. “Use the poop key again?”

“Made a copy. Hope you don’t mind.”

Dean watched Cas pull a rolling suitcase into the room. “If it was anyone else, I would, but I like having you here. So what’s with the suitcase? Need a break from your brothers or are you moving in?”

Cas walked over to Dean, kissing him softly. ‘I thought I’d bring some toys over so you don’t buy something I already have.’

Dean eyed the suitcase as Cas set it on the coffee table and opened it. “That’s only some?”

Cas chewed on his lip. ‘Yeah, I know, there’s a lot. My brothers gifted me some of them. The rest I bought.’

Dean eyed the unopened packages. “Why’d you buy stuff and not use it?”

Cas scratched at his arm. ‘He didn’t want to. He only wanted to use simple vibrators. After the other day I was, um, hoping you’d be ok using them…’

Dean leaned over, kissing Cas softly. “Sure, Angel. You might have to help me figure some of these out, but whatever you need.”

Cas looked at Dean with a big smile. ‘Really?’

“Of course.” Dean said then glanced at the suitcase. “So, uh, how much do you think you’ve spent on toys?”

Cas glanced at the suitcase as he chewed on his lip. ‘Maybe $1,000, but there’s probably closer to $2,000 in this suitcase.’ Dean choked and coughed. ‘What?’ Cas asked as he picked up a plug with remote. ‘This was like $150 by itself.’

“How did you pay for all this?”

Cas shrugged. ‘My parents were lawyers, Michael is a lawyer, Luke is a lawyer, Gabe claims he’s going to law school. My family has money.’

“And they don’t have a problem with you buying a ton of sex toys?”

‘Not so far. Why?’ Cas fidgeted and scratched at his arm. ‘I know, I’m a slut. I shouldn’t have brought these over here. I’ll take them back home.’

“No! No, you’re not.” Dean said as he picked up the first toy he saw. “So, how do we use this?”

Cas eyed what Dean was holding. ‘Um, well, that’s a swing…’

“Wait? A what?”

Cas smiled softly. ‘A swing. It hangs from a door.’

Dean eyed the door then looked back at Cas. “And it can hold your weight?”

Cas snorted. ‘It could hold both of us, weight wise, but I’d like to get a metal support stand, so it can be moved around or it can be attached to a beam in the ceiling. I think the door would be somewhat restrictive. Then, I'd feel like I was floating while you fuck me. There are many possibilities, Honeybee.’

“That sounds interesting.”

Cas grabbed the bag out of Dean’s hand and went over to the closest doorway. He pulled swing out of the packaging and attached it to the door. Once everything was secure, Cas jumped into the swing, smiling at Dean.

“Awesome.”

‘It’ll be even better when we’re both naked.’

“Oh, I don’t doubt that. Wait. Is this...is this a giant tentacle?”

Cas sighed and rolled his eyes. ‘Gabe thought it was hilarious. He bought it when Balth and I broke up. He just wanted me to laugh again.’

“And did that work?”

Cas shrugged. ‘I laughed. So, I guess. I’ve never used it. I mean, just look at it.’

“Then why are you keeping it? I mean, how much of this stuff would you even want me to use on you? How much would you want to use on me?” Dean asked as he picked up a whip and eyed it, then looked at Cas.

‘I dunno. I want to be prepared. Sometimes I just order stuff when I'm lonely or really horny and it comes and I'm like, why did I order that? And Mike got me the whip. He's into that stuff. I... I don't really want to touch it, let alone use it.’

“Then why keep it? What are you preparing for? Someone that doesn’t care that you don’t want to use it and will use it on you anyhow? I mean, what if I was that person, Cas? What if you just showed me you had this and said what you said and I told you I wanted to see stripes across your back.” Dean motioned to the tentacle. “What if I wanted to see you take that all the way? Would you just let me do it even though you’d hate it?”

Cas chewed on his lip as he looked down. ‘I didn't think about it that way. I'm sorry. Don't be mad at me. I know I'm a slut. I'm sorry.’

Dean got up, walking over to the swing and grabbed Cas’ face, kissing him softly. “You’re not a slut. Can you agree that there are things in here that neither one of us will ever want to use on each other? If so, then why keep them?”

Cas sniffled and glanced at Dean. ‘You’re not mad?’

Dean smiled and shook his head. “No.”

‘Ok.’ Cas let out a breath then got off the swing, pulling Dean back over to the suitcase. ‘Umm, so, let's go through the stuff. We can talk about each item and decide what to toss.’

Dean picked up the whip and tossed it toward the trash can. “Don’t even need to discuss that one. That’s a hell fucking no in my book. And that monstrosity over there can go, too.”

Cas laughed breathily. ‘Yeah, that thing has always frightened me.’

Dean smirked. “I say we put it in Gabe’s bed under his blankets so he gets a surprise when he goes to bed.”

‘Nope! He'd use it and tell me all about it. Just throw it away!’

Dean laughed and tossed it to the side. He reached into the suitcase and pulled out a plug with a cat tail and headband ears. “Uhhhh...really?”

Cas snorted. ‘You wanna wear them?’

“Dude. I’m allergic to cats.” Dean said as he tossed the items aside. He pulled out another bag and glanced inside and found strap on breasts. He closed the bag and tossed it aside then kissed Cas deeply. “Never again.”

Cas smiled softly and pulled out a vibrating mouth stroker with feminine features. ‘I think we can toss this.’

Dean glanced over at it. “Yeah. I’m not interested in it.” Dean said as he pulled another package out. “What’s this?”

‘A sex sling.’

“Huh? Why do you have two swings?”

Cas snorted. ‘That’s a sling, not a swing. It’s not just straps. It has a piece you can lay on. I can ride you on this one, but we’d need a frame to hang it from.’

“So, keep.” Cas nodded. Dean picked up another bag and smiled. “Ok. I know these are restraints.”

Cas took it from him and looked it over. ‘Under the bed ones. They go under the mattress and stay there so we can restrain each other whenever we want.’

Dean kissed Cas deeply. “Wish I’d had real restraints the other night.”

Cas blushed. ‘I liked the ropes. I wasn’t expecting you to pull them out.’

Dean smiled and caressed Cas’ cheek. “I’m glad. I wasn’t sure if you would.”

Cas smiled and picked up a penis pump. ‘What about this?’

“I don’t think we need it. Neither of us has a problem with getting it up or the size... unless, I'm not big enough for you.”

Cas ran his fingers over the bulge in Dean’s pants. ‘You’re definitely big enough for me, but it might be fun to play with.’

Dean bit his bottom lip. “Then we’ll keep it.” He said as he picked up a case and opened it. “Uh, what are these?”

Cas glanced over and his eyes widened slightly. ‘Sounding rods.’

“Huh? What the hell do you do with these?”

Cas fidgeted. ‘You put them in your dick.’

Dean’s eyes widened. “What? No. Hell no.” He said as he zipped it back up and started to toss it.

Cas grabbed his arm. ‘I...I want to keep them. I bought them and never really used them. I tried once, but got too nervous to use them on myself.’

Dean glanced from Cas to the case. “But won’t that hurt?”

Cas chewed on his lip. ‘It’s like having a catheter in you, kinda.’

“And that shit hurt when they took it out.”

Cas caressed Dean’s arm with his thumb. ‘They weren’t doing it for your pleasure.’ Cas said as he look up at Dean, then sighed. ‘We can toss them.’

Dean rested his forehead against Cas’ with a sigh. “You really want to keep them?” Cas nodded slightly. “Then we’ll keep them, but if we don’t like them they’re getting tossed. Deal?”

Cas kissed Dean deeply, licking into his mouth before slowly pulling back. ‘Thank you.’

Dean gently caressed Cas’ cheek before he brought their lips back together. He pushed his tongue into Cas’ mouth as he laid him back on the couch. Cas moaned into the kiss as his hands explored Dean’s chest and back. Dean bit Cas’ lower lip, tugging on it.

“I was just about to start a movie when you came in. You wanna watch it with me?”

Cas leaned up, kissing Dean softly. ‘Ok.’

Dean gently ran his fingers through Cas’ hair, then smiled as he sat up and leaned against the arm rest. Cas moved and sat at the opposite end. Dean furrowed his brow and looked over at Cas. “Why are you over there? Get over here.”

‘...But you want to watch this.’

“And I can’t watch it with me holding you?”

Cas chewed on his lip. ‘If we’re having sex then you’ll miss it.’

“I didn’t say anything about sex. I just wanna hold you, Angel.”

Cas looks at Dean in confusion. ‘You don't want to use any of the toys? I'm sorry. I'll go.’

Dean reaches across the couch and drags Cas over and pulls him into a tight hug. “Not tonight. It was a rough day at the garage. Bobby's friend Rufus brought in this old Mustang that needs a complete overhaul and he wanted me to pull the engine out today. I just want to cuddle with my Angel tonight.”

Cas leaned into Dean. ‘I'm just not used to cuddling with my boyfriend without it leading to sex. Friends, sure, but not my boyfriend.’

Dean gently caressed Cas’ arm. “He’d only touch you when he wanted sex?”

‘Yes. He.. he didn't like to show that we were together.’

“Well, I like showing you off and I like cuddling with you without it meaning anything more than I love you and I love being near you.”

Cas smiled softly. ‘Thank you. I love you too, Honeybee.’

“Now I know why you always seem so shocked when I hold your hand or touch you and it doesn’t lead to anything.”

Cas sighed. ‘It just throws me. I could cuddle with friends. We'd just lay on each other and it didn't mean anything but comfort. But I could barely touch my boyfriend. Then, with you, you touch me all the time. I keep thinking, does he just want to be friends, but you tell me you love me without sex being the end result. I just get confused.’

Dean kissed Cas gently. “I do want to be your friend. I want to be the closest friend you’ll ever have. I could never be with someone I’m not friends with. I’m sorry this has been so confusing to you. I want to show you what it’s like to be in a healthy relationship. You deserve to be loved and cherished and touched and held without it always turning into sex. I’m not just with you for the sex. I’m with you because I love you for you.”

Cas kissed him and sighed, leaning into his boyfriend. ‘I'll try. I want to be friends and lovers. I love you so much.’

Dean wrapped his arms around Cas and kissed the top of his head. “It’ll get easier. I promise. You’re gonna stay, right?”

Cas nodded, but planned to leave when Dean inevitably fell asleep in 10 minutes. Once Cas was certain that Dean was sound asleep he tried to separate himself from Dean's hold, Dean tightened his grip in his sleep, mumbling, “Don't leave me... love you, Cas... never leave me... need you…”

Cas sighed and gently ran his fingers through his boyfriend’s hair. ‘Dean? Shouldn’t we move to the bedroom?’

Dean mumbled and held Cas closer. Cas sighed and rolled his eyes as he reached for the lamp, switching it off, then picked up the remote and turned off the tv. He shifted into a more comfortable position and kissed Dean’s chest before laying his head on it.

‘I love you, Honeybee.’

Chapter Text

Dean had his laptop open on the coffee table and watched the video on the screen intently. Ever since Cas had brought over the selection of toys a few days before, Dean kept thinking about those damn sounds. It took some searching, but he finally found some videos that featured sounding, but weren't for punishment. ‘Oh, wow.'

Cas pulled up to the house and let himself in. He glanced around and furrowed his brow when he heard what clearly sounded like porn coming from the living room. He quietly made his way to the entrance and looked in, his eyes widened when he saw what Dean was watching.

'Yeah, I get why he wants to try that. It looks fucking hot.' Dean rubbed his hand over his groin. His cock was getting hard from the sights and sounds coming from his computer. Cas smirked and leaned against the door jamb as he watched Dean.

The breathy sighs from the man on the screen, as he worked the sound in and out of his cock got to be too much for Dean. He opened his jeans and pulled out his own cock. 'Fuck. I can't believe how hot that is.' Dean started stroking his cock in time with the man on the screen. Cas shifted a little as his pants got tighter. He debated if he should keep watching or go help his boyfriend with his growing problem.

Dean stroked his cock in time with the man on the screen. He watched as the man slid the rod in and out, faster and faster, switching between fucking his cock with the sounding rod and stroking his cock. When the rod was fully seated, with just the metal ball at the top showing, the man gripped the base of his cock, firmly. The rod started to rise from the force of his cum. 'Oh, fuck.. fuck.. Oh, Cas!' Dean's orgasm slammed through him suddenly when the man on the video came with breathy moans. 'Wow. Definitely hotter than I thought it'd be.'

Cas knocked on the door jamb to get Dean’s attention. “So this is what you do when I’m not here.”

Dean jumped and closed the laptop. “Shit! Cas! I.. uh... I can explain.”

Cas made a face like he was thinking hard. “Ok. Explain.”

Dean took a breath. “It's those damn sounding rods. I can't stop thinking about them. I dream about them. I never knew they were a thing until a few days ago, when you brought them over.” Dean looked down. “You wanted to try them. I don't want to hurt you, so I looked them up. I found porn.” Dean blushed.

“And it was hot to watch you.” He signed, then motioned to the bulge in his pants. “You hadn’t started when I walked in.”

“I can see why you want to try. It was pretty hot to watch. I'm still nervous. There's way more BDSM sounding porn than there is of, well, you saw.”

Cas walked over to the couch and sat next to Dean. He leaned over and licked the cum from his cock. ‘By BDSM do you mean tied down with a cock ring on?’

Dean gasped and twitched at the sudden touch of Cas' mouth on his sensitive dick. “No, well, yes, there is that, but I'm talking tying the balls so tight they turn purple, smacking them with a crop, then taking a rod as big around as my thumb and ramming it in the hole. Then, there's the ones with electroshock. It's like these people have no respect for the penis.”

Cas shrugged. ‘Some people are into that. We don’t have to be like those people.’

Dean nodded. “I get that. I'm pretty sure that you're not into pain like that. But I'd like to see how it's supposed to be done when pain isn't the goal. Those are harder to find.”

Cas ran his fingers over Dean’s cock, then opened his laptop. ‘This site sucks.’ He typed in a different URL, then searched sounding and pulled up a video. ‘Let’s see how hard this one makes you.’

Dean watched the screen. This video had two men. The larger man was laying back, receiving an enthusiastic blow job from the smaller man. “Already more promising, Angel.”

Cas huffed a laugh as he ran his fingers over Dean’s cock. ‘Sometimes you just have to check other sites if you don’t like what you’re finding.’

“Oh, I checked others, well, one other.” Dean let his head fall back on the couch. “That feels good, Angel.”

Cas smiled as he continued. ‘I have to admit, I was surprised to see you watching sounding. I thought you just said it was a possibility to make me happy.’

“I do want you to be happy. Trying this will make you happy.”

'You're missing the video, Dean.'

Dean snapped his head up. “Right. Sorry.” The smaller man poured an obscene amount of lubrication straight on the head of his partner's cock, into the hole. He spread more lube on the sound before gently teasing it in and out. “Fuck, that's hot.”

Cas smirked, then toyed with Dean’s slit as he mouthed at his jawline. ‘Isn’t it?’

The sound on the video was thin, but beaded. The big man let out low moans as the rod slipped deeper with each thrust. The small man murmured encouragement and praise. “Just like that, yeah.”

Cas nipped and licked at Dean’s jawline as he ran his fingers up and down the underside of Dean’s shaft, then toyed with his slit again.

“Fuck.. ohhh... pull your dick out, Angel.... please.” On the screen, the small man slid the sound in, swirled it, and slid it out. He repeated the motion several times, as the big man became more vocal. “One day, I hope you can make those noises for me, Angel.” Cas chewed on his lip and stroked Dean as he pulled his own dick out.

“Oh, Angel... So good.. I know you can't make many noises and they aren't that loud. I love any noises you make, even if it's just heavy breathing. I just want to make you lose your mind in ecstasy, my Angel.” Dean reached over and stroked Cas' cock.

Cas chewed on his lip, then opened and closed his mouth a few times. He settled on letting out a loud moan like the guy in the video did and hid his wince by stroking Dean harder so he wouldn’t notice it.

“Don't force it, Angel... ohhh... yeah... I love that you did that for me... mmmm... but I know that hurt you.” Dean leaned over and mouthed gently at Cas' throat.

Cas swallowed hard as his hips bucked. He stroked Dean in time with the guys in the video.

“That's it, Angel.  So fucking good.” The small guy on the screen used one hand to slide the rod in and out, while the other hand stroked the big man's cock. The big man fought to keep his hips still, while his legs twitched and his hands fisted in the sheets. His words tumbled from his lips, Fuck, yeah, baby, right there, gonna cum! The small man let go of the sound, letting it slide in on its own, and stroked faster. “Are you close, Angel?”

Cas nodded and moaned softly. ‘Yeah.’

Dean slid his thumb across the head of Cas' cock and pressed the nail into the slit. 'Cum for me.'

Cas gasped and moaned as his orgasm shot out, covering Dean’s hand in his cum. Dean shuddered as he kissed and nibbled at Cas' throat. He came for the second time, cum dripping down onto Cas' hand. The video ended with the small man licking the other man's cock clean. 'You're fucking beautiful when you cum, Angel.'

Cas smiled and laid his head on Dean’s shoulder. ‘So are you.’

Dean smiled and blushed a little at the praise. “So, you said you tried to do that once? That means you could tell me what to do so I won't hurt you, right?”

Cas brought his hand to his mouth and licked the cum off. ‘I only got it in a little. I was home alone and worried about what I’d do if I hurt myself and couldn’t get in touch with anyone.’

“But you know what to do and can talk me through it, right? Or should I research more and we try on a different day?” Dean looked at the cum on his hand, then looked around for something to wipe it up with.

Cas brought Dean’s hand to his own mouth and licked the cum off, sucking each finger to make sure it was clean. ‘I know how it works, but I want you to be comfortable with it. I might not be able to talk.’

“So, you can talk me through it before we do anything. Just from watching, I know that if you think you've got enough lube, add more. After that, start with a small rod and go slow.”

Cas nodded. ‘That’s pretty much it. Never force it in further. If it doesn’t want to move you add lube. If you force it, it could hurt me.’

Dean nodded. “And you'll tell me if I start to hurt you, right, Angel?”

‘Of course I will, Dean.’

“So... did you want to go try it, Angel?”

Cas gasped and looked at Dean in shock. ‘Are you serious?’

“Yeah, unless you want to wait.”

“No!” Cas winced and rubbed his throat. ‘I don’t want to wait. I want to try it.’

Dean grinned and kissed Cas, sweeping his tongue into Cas' mouth. When they separated, they were both short of breath. “Do you want to do it here or up in the bedroom?”

Cas swallowed hard. ‘Bedroom.’ He jumped up and grabbed Dean’s hand, pulling him off the couch.

Dean laughed as they ran up the stairs. “Not eager, are you, Angel?” He went to the nightstand to grab the bottle of lube and tossed it on the bed. Cas hurried over to the suitcase and pulled out the sounds, then hurried over to the bed. He opened the case and put it next to the lube.

Dean pulled Cas close, into a slow kiss. He reached up and began to unbutton Cas' shirt. Dean trailed soft kisses across his jaw, down the side of his neck and, finally, to Cas' collarbone. “Slow down, Angel. We have all weekend. I don't want to rush this and hurt you.”

Cas swallowed hard and nodded. ‘Just don’t make me wait all weekend. Please.’

“I won't, I promise.”

‘Thank you.’ Cas said as he ran his fingers through Dean’s hair.

They continued to kiss and undress each other. “On the bed, Angel.”

Cas got on the bed and laid on his back. ‘The, uh, syringe is for if you want to put lube inside me.’

Dean licked his lips and climbed on the bed, on to his knees. He stroked Cas' cock, watching as it grew harder in his hand. “Damn, your cock is so gorgeous. Stroke it for me, so I can get things ready.”

‘Yes, sir.’ Cas wrapped his fingers around his cock and stroked himself how Dean had been.

Dean bit his lower lip and moaned. “That's good, Angel. Just like that.” Dean picked up the syringe, filled it from the bottle of lube and set it aside. He squirted some lube in his hand. “Ok, Angel, I got it.” Cas let go of himself and let his hand fall to the mattress.

Dean wrapped his lube covered hand around Cas' cock and stroked it slowly. On the upstroke, he smeared lube on the head and in the hole. “So sexy.” Dean stopped stroking to hold the hole open. He moaned softly, poured some lube on the head and rubbed it around. Cas gasped as his hips bucked.

Dean set down the bottle and picked up the syringe. He put the tip in the hole. Carefully, slowly, Dean pushed the plunger down, squirting lube into the urethra. “How does that feel, Angel?”

Cas gasped and grabbed the sheets as he tried to hold still. ‘G-good. I’m green.’

Dean paused. “Green, Angel?”

Cas took a shaky breath, then swallowed. ‘Like stop lights.’

“Like safewords and stuff?”

Cas nodded. ‘Yeah.’

Dean nodded and smiled. “Ok, green is go, yellow is slow down and red is stop. Got it. Anything else, Angel?”

Cas nodded a little. ‘A safeword to stop completely.’

“Ok. Do you have one in mind or do you want me to think of one?” Dean stroked Cas' cock slowly.

Cas moaned. ‘You.’

Dean thought for a moment, his hand keeping a steady rhythm. “Ok. Poughkeepsie. Sammy and I use it to warn about John. It means drop everything and get out. Can you remember that?”

Cas nodded. ‘Yes, sir. Poughkeepsie. I can remember that.’

“Good, that's good.” Dean stopped stroking and held the hole open again. He squirted more lube in slowly. “Color?”

Cas gasped. ‘Green.’

“I'm gonna put a little more in, then get the sound.” Dean took a deep breath and let it out. He pressed the plunger down, slowly, then pulled the tip out and squirted some on the head, too. Dean stroked down the shaft with a light touch. He let go to grab the smallest sound, put down the syringe and pick up the bottle of lube. He spread some lube on the rod and put the bottle back down. Dean grasped Cas' cock again and stroked it. “Ok, are you ready, Angel? Color?”

Cas nodded. ‘Green.’

Dean held the head and opened up the hole. He lined the tip and slowly lowered the rod. It slid in smoothly about half an inch, then hit a little resistance. Dean slowly slid it back up, added more lube and slid it back in. Cas gasped and moaned as he grasped the sheets. “Doing ok, Angel? What's your color?”

‘Green, sir.’

“I know I keep asking, but I want to be sure. If you go off green, don't wait for me to ask.”

‘Yes, sir.’

Dean nodded. “It looks really sexy.” Dean slid the sound up a little, then back down. Then he repeated the motions, going deeper every time. Cas moaned and kept his hips from bucking. He’d never gotten past the first half an inch. The deeper the sound got, the more intense the feeling was.

“I know you want to touch yourself, Angel. Where do you want to touch?” Dean kept moving the rod up and down inside Cas' cock.

Cas moaned. ‘I want... ohhhhh fuck.’ He moaned long and low as the sound slipped even deeper.

“What, Angel? What do you want?” He slid the rod up and held it, just inside the hole.

Cas whimpered. ‘I...I don’t know.’

Dean lowered the rod. “Try playing with your nipples, Angel.” Dean used the rod, now about three quarters of the way in, to point Cas' cock towards his belly. He continued to slide it in and out at this new angle, holding the shaft with the other hand. “Fuck, I can feel it sliding in and out from the outside.”

Cas moaned as he pinched and plucked at his nipples. ‘Feels so good, sir.’

“Angel, give me your hand.” Cas held out his hand. “Feel this.” Dean placed Cas' hand on his cock so he could feel the sounding rod moving in and out from the outside, as well as the inside. “Isn't that amazing?”

Cas moaned and nodded. ‘Yes.’

“You're doing so well, Angel. Just a little farther. Think you can take it all?”

Cas nodded. ‘Yes, please.’

Dean nodded and chewed his lower lip as he worked the rod deeper and deeper. Finally, it was fully seated in Cas' cock, with just a metal ball sitting on the tip. Dean let out a breath that he didn't know he was holding. 'Holy shit, that's hot.' “You did it, Angel. It's all the way inside. It looks fantastic. You look fantastic. What do you think? Can you tell me how it feels?” Dean gently stroked Cas' cock.

Cas moaned as his hips bucked. ‘I feel so full like...like when you fill me with your cock.’

As Dean continued to stroke, he found he could push the rod up from the bottom, then gravity would let it sink back in. “You like it when I fill you up, don't you, Angel?”

Cas moaned as his hips bucked and he held the sheets tighter. ‘I love having you fill my ass, sir.’ His eyes fluttered and he moaned louder at the thought of having Dean inside him right now.

Dean grabbed the lube and coated his fingers. “Spread your legs and relax, Angel.” Dean pressed his index finger against Cas' anus and rubbed with a steady pressure.

Cas spread his legs wide. ‘Please please, please...’

“I got you, Angel.” Dean pressed his finger past the ring of muscle. He pushed in and wiggled his finger, twisted and pulled out. Dean repeated the action, then pushed in two fingers and scissored them.

Cas cock jumped and he arched his back. ‘Ohhhhh fuuuuck...’

“You want me to fuck you?” Dean continued to open Cas' ass, thrusting and adding more lube and a third finger.

Cas moaned. ‘Yes. Fuck, yes. Fuck me hard.’

Dean moaned and shifted so he was between Cas' legs. He removed his fingers and coated his cock with lube. “Angel, put your legs up on my shoulders.” Cas nodded and shifted his legs so they were hooked over Dean’s shoulders.

Dean shoved a pillow under Cas' hips, lined up his cock and pushed in slowly. “Fuck, I love how tight you are. You feel so good around my cock.” He pushed in until he was fully seated, then stopped to let Cas adjust. Dean took a hold of the ball on the end of the sound and slowly pulled it halfway out, then back in.

Cas moaned and tried to push back on Dean then bucked his hips when he moved the sound. ‘Oh fuck! Please. Please fuck me hard, sir.’

Dean slid the rod in and out faster, drinking in the noises Cas made beneath him. He released the sound and grabbed Cas' hips. Dean pulled almost all the way out, then thrust back in hard. “You can play with the sound if you want, Angel.” He started fucking Cas with hard thrusts. “Is this how you want it?”

Cas cried out. ‘Yes. Ohhhhh fuuuuck.’ He grabbed his dick with one hand and the sound with the other and started moving it in and out. His body quivered from the sensation of the sound and Dean’s dick moving in him.

“Fuck. That is such a fucking turn on, Angel.” Dean fucked Cas harder and faster. He moaned and growled as Cas squeezed Dean's cock with his ass. “Angel, fuck, you feel so good. Gonna make me cum soon.”

Cas tightened around Dean even harder as he kept his orgasm at bay. Sweat pooled on his body and dripped onto the bed he pushed the sound completely in at the same time Dean hit his spot. Cas cried out and gripped the base of his cock tightly.

“Don't hold back, Angel. I wanna feel you cum on my cock.”

Cas loosened his hold and stroked himself as he slid the sound in and out. He felt Dean hit his spot hard and screamed as his orgasm hit so hard, that it pushed the sound out, making it land on his chest, and cum shot far enough to land on his face.

“Yeah, Angel, let go.. Ohhh ffuuuckk!” The force of Cas' climax caused him to tighten even more around Dean's cock. Dean buried himself in Cas' ass and released his load deep inside his boyfriend. “Son of a bitch! Oh my God! That was fucking fantastic, Angel.” Dean lowered Cas' legs, then collapsed on top of him. Cas’ body trembled as he slipped into a blissful subspace.

“Wow. That was awesome. How are you doing, Angel?” Cas’ breathing slowly started to even out as he laid there, unresponsive to Dean’s voice.

Dean felt his cock slip out of Cas. He nuzzled into Cas' neck, licking and placing light kisses to the pulse point. “Angel? Did you enjoy that?” Dean got no response and reared back. “Angel? Cas? Cas!” Cas laid there, feeling like he was floating.

Dean checked to see if Cas was breathing and has a pulse. He did. Dean grabbed Cas' shoulders and shook him mildly. “Angel? Quit playing.... Cas?... Fuck! Come on.” Dean snapped his fingers in front of Cas' face. “This isn't funny, Cas. Come on, answer me.” Cas continued to blissfully float in subspace, unaware of Dean’s growing state of panic.

Dean got off the bed and hung his head. He saw the cum sticking to his chest and headed to the bathroom. “I'll be right back, Angel. Gonna get something to clean us up.” He hurried to the bathroom to wash his chest and dick quickly. Then, Dean grabbed a warm, wet wash rag and a towel and rushed back to the bedroom. He started wiping the cum and lube from Cas' body. “Come on, Angel. Please be ok.”

“Fuck!” Dean started pacing. He didn't know what to do. Slowly, Dean realized that he needed to call Gabe for help. He dialled, rubbing the back of his neck. “I think I broke Cas.”

“Uhhhh. Ok. What’s going on?” Gabe asked.

“He’s...I dunno! He’s not responding!”

“What were you doing before he stopped responding?”

“I, uh, I was fucking him while he had a sound in…”

“You were what?!?” Mike yelled.

Dean felt tears steam down his cheeks as he started crying. “What do I do?”

“Don’t do anything! I’ll be right there!”

Gabe hung up and sighed. “Mike... Calm down.”

“I will NOT calm down! What the hell were they thinking?”

“That they were having fun.”

“They should know better!”

Gabe sighed and rubbed his face. “Well, they don’t and they need your help.”

Mike grabbed his keys and headed out. “I know.  Are you coming?”

Gabe hurried after Mike. “Of course I am.”

Mike walked into Dean's house without knocking, Gabe following closely behind. “Dean! Where is Castiel?”

Dean called down from upstairs. “We're up here in the bedroom.”

Gabe followed Mike up to the bedroom. “What the fuck, Dean? How are you not prepared for this? What kind of Dom are you?”

“What? I'm not a Dom? We were just playing. He wanted this!” Dean rubbed the back of his neck with one hand and chewed on the thumbnail of the other.

“Mike... Remember, not everyone lives and breathes the lifestyle. Some people just use it to spice up their sex life.”

Mike shook his head, angrily. “Get him out of here. I can't deal with someone playing at Dom, and doing a shitty-assed job of it, right now. I have to to deal with Cas at the moment. I'll deal with him later.”

“They're kids, Michael! Who was the one that gave Castiel BDSM toys and never talked to him about aftercare? This is your fault for assuming they would know without giving any sort of instruction!”

Dean was crouched in the corner, crying. 'I'm sorry. I didn't know. I'm so sorry.'

Gabe went over to Dean and wrapped his arm around him, then looked at Mike. “You even try to deal with him and I’ll tell Luke to be on the next flight.” He said as he escorted Dean from the room.

Mike looked at Cas on the bed. His eyes were glassy, as he stared at the ceiling, seeing nothing. “Damn, baby brother, you are in deep. For a rank amateur, the boy must me a good fuck.” Mike started cleaning up the bed, putting the lube on the nightstand and moving the case of sounds to the desk. He looked around for something to put the used sound and syringe in, so they could be cleaned.

Gabe escorted Dean to the living room and sat him on the couch. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Dean.” He hurried into the kitchen and grabbed a glass of juice, then hurried back and offered it to Dean. “Drink.”

Dean looked up at Gabe and sniffed. “If I didn't do anything wrong, why is he broken?”

Gabe smiled a little. “It’s called subspace. It’s a natural high that all subs dream of achieving. He’s blissfully flying high right now.”

Dean looked at Gabe in confusion. He took a sip of his juice. “So, I broke him by making him feel too... good? That doesn't make sense.”

Gabe shrugged. “He’s not broken. He’ll snap out of it. It must have been a real intense workout you two were doing to have him that far gone, though.”

Cas shifted and blinked. ‘Dean?’ Mike looked at Cas with wide eyes when he heard him speak. Cas felt around on the bed then looked around and furrowed his brow. ‘Mike?’ His eyes filled with tears. “Where’s Dean? Why’d he leave me? Why are you here?” He asked before he started crying.

“Cas?” Mike shook his head and cleared his throat. “Welcome back, Cas. Dean is st…”

Dean heard Cas crying, jumped up and ran upstairs to the bedroom. “Angel, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.”

“...ill here.”

Cas cried and clung to Dean. “I'm sorry I'm not what you need, Angel.” Dean held tight to Cas and cried on his shoulder.

Cas shook his head as he wiped at his eye. ‘Don’t say that.’

Gabe sauntered into the room with two juices and set them on the side table, then smacked Mike’s arm. “This is all your fault.”

Cas sniffled. ‘Why are my brothers here?’

“We're here because Mikey didn't think. You, little bro, got deep into subspace and Dean-o here, didn't know how to deal with that, went into dom-drop and panicked.”

“We're here to help.” Mike glanced at Gabe. 'How long has Cas been talking?'

Gabe motioned to Dean. ‘Care to guess?’ Gabe looked at the couple. “Once we get you two fixed up, take a couple of days to rest up, then the four of us will sit down and talk about what happened and how to deal with it in the future.”

“If you’re here to help then why is Dean still dropping? Why isn’t anyone helping him?”

“Because if Gabe didn't let him come in here when you came to, he'd probably be comatose right now.” Mike turned to Dean. “Dean, I'm going to have you take care of Cas and yourself. That's the job of a Dom.”

“He's not my Dom. We were just playing.”

Then you need to pay attention too, in case the roles are reversed.”

Cas held Dean close, tucking his head into Cas’ neck as he glared at Mike. ‘Tell me how to help him, then go home.’

Dean stayed on the bed, holding tightly to Cas. “I.. I didn't know what to do, Angel. You were just laying there. I thought I b-broke you.”

Cas gently played with Dean’s hair. ‘Shhhh. It’s ok.’

“It's not Ok, Cas. You got your boyfriend to dominate you when he knew NOTHING about how to take care of you. How could either of you be so stupid?”

Cas glared even harder. “Leave!” Cas yelled in a strained voice, then winced and rubbed his throat.

“Shhh, Angel. You'll hurt your throat.”

Cas pulled away enough that he could use his hands. “If you’re not going to help us, then you can get the hell out of our house!”

Mike scowled. “Fine. Gabriel, you instruct these two on aftercare. I'll be over here.” He grit his teeth as he spoke. Mike, then walked over to Dean's desk and sat in the chair to watch his brothers and Dean.

Cas held Dean close and kissed the top of his head. Gabe glanced from Mike to Cas and Dean nervously. “Uh, I, uh, brought you juice to get your sugars up.”

Mike nodded. “Keep going, Gabe. You're doing fine. You know what they need, first hand.”

Cas glanced at the juice on the side table and grabbed a glass, offering it to Dean. Dean accepted the juice from Cas and took a big drink. “You too, Angel.” Cas licked some juice from Dean’s lips, then pushed the glass toward his mouth.

“Cas, I know Dean's dropping, but you need to drink up too, so you don't start to drop. It isn't always immediate. Sometimes a drop can hit the next day.”

Cas flipped Mike off, then pushed the glass again. Dean took another drink. “Please, Angel?” He held the glass to Cas' lips.

Mike threw his hands in the air and spun away from them in the chair. Cas smiled at Dean and took a sip, then pushed the glass back to Dean’s mouth.

Dean rolled his eyes. “You're gonna make me drink the whole glass, aren't you, Angel?”

Cas nodded and motioned to the other glass on the table. “You first.”

Dean shook his head. “You take a drink from your glass first, then I'll finish mine.”

Cas narrowed his eyes at Dean, then picked up his own glass and took a drink. “Happy now?”

Dean smiled. “Getting there.”

Cas pushed Dean’s cup toward his mouth. “I’m sorry I scared you. It was amazing, Dean.”

Dean blushed and leaned closer to Cas. 'You were so beautiful like that. I should have taken a picture.' He leaned back and took another drink.

Cas blushed a little, then chewed on his lip. “You can take one next time.”

“Uhhh... is that a good idea? I mean, what if... what if you... what if I... ya know... panic again. I don't want your brothers to know every time we do that.”

Cas sighed and looked down. “I understand.”

Dean looked down, tears prickling his eyes. “I'm sorry. I know I'm not good enough. I can't give you what you need.”

“You give me everything I need.” Cas signed before he gently caressed Dean’s cheek.

Dean put his hand over Cas' on his cheek and leaned into the touch. “I'm trying. I always seem to fall short.”

‘This was my fault, not yours.’

Mike cleared his throat. “Ok, Gabe, they're bringing sugar levels up and hydrating, but they're getting maudlin. What should they do next for aftercare?”

‘No, Angel. Mike said I did a shitty-assed job. It's my fault.'

Cas glared at Mike. “You said WHAT?!?”

Mike rolled his eyes with a sigh. “What I said was he was 'playing at Dom.... and doing a shitty-assed job of it.' Fine, he didn't know, but why didn't he know? Why didn't you explain it to him?”

“I asked him to do it to me and I forgot about subspace and drops and everything cause we’d played before and it’d never happened, but it was never that intense. Hell, I almost forgot about safewords! So, if you want to chew someone out, then chew me out! But how dare you make Dean believe he’s not enough for me! That he doesn’t know how to care for me! You yelled at him instead of showing him I was ok! Then YOU took care of me?!? How would you feel if another Dom stepped in and took care of your sub?!?”

Mike sighed. He stood up and crossed to Cas, reached out and put his hand on Cas' shoulder. “Castiel…”

Cas shoved Mike’s hand off as tears fell from his eyes. “No! It was amazing and you ruined it!” Cas put his face in his hands and cried.

Mike turned to Dean. “He's right. I did ruin it. I went into big brother mode when I should have treated you like a beginner Dom that needed guidance. I know you say that you're not a Dom, but if you two are going to be playing at this, you both need to be prepared.”

Cas cried and leaned against Dean.

“I fear I'm making things worse. If you'd like, I can wait downstairs or out in the car, while Gabe finishes giving you the basics of aftercare for tonight and we can get together on another day to go over things in more detail and you can ask questions.”

Gabe glanced from Mike to Dean as Cas cried into Dean’s neck. Dean wiped his eyes and looked at Gabe. “Can you help tonight?”

Gabe nodded. “Yeah. I have to get you two to relax.”

Dean nodded. “Ok, Mike, go. I don't care if it's downstairs or what, just get out of this room.”

Gabe glanced at Mike, then looked at Dean. “I’ll go get a bubble bath started.”

Mike nodded once before he turned and walked out the bedroom door. “If you need me, I'll be downstairs.” 'Switches.. I swear, I'll never understand them.'

Gabe went into the bathroom and got the bath going. He glanced around and wished he’d had time to grab some essentials for them, like candies and fluffy robes.

Dean brushed his fingers through Cas' hair. “Mike's gone, Angel. Gabe's getting a bath ready.” He looked at Cas and gently tugged his hair to get Cas to look at him. “I love you, Castiel, my Angel.” Then he brought their lips together in a deep, slow kiss. Cas ran his hand over Dean’s chest as he returned the kiss.

Gabe stepped into the room once the tub was full. He stopped short when he saw the intimate kiss and cleared his throat. “Your bath is ready.”

Cas slowly pulled back and ran his fingers over Dean’s lips. ‘I love you.’

“I love you too, Angel. Can you walk?”

Cas slowly got off the bed and stood and nodded. Dean stood beside Cas and wrapped his arm around his boyfriend's waist. “Let's go have a soak.” Cas brushed Dean’s hair back and nodded.

Together, they walked to the bathroom and helped each other into the warm water. Dean sat first. “Here, Angel, sit down and lean against me.”

Cas did as he was told and snuggled close to Dean. ‘I’m sorry my brother is such a jerk.’

Dean wrapped himself around Cas and chuckled. “Sometimes I hate that I'm so bowlegged, but this? Right here, right now? This is what they're for.”

Cas huffed a laugh. ‘They do wrap around me nicely.’

Gabe quietly went downstairs to find some sort of snack for the two. Mike was in the kitchen, putting the finishing touches on a plate of finger food, including chocolate and fruit. “Here, take this up to them, then we can get going.”

Gabe nodded and took the plate. “They complement each other really well. I think he’ll take good care of Cas.”

“Yes, but can Cas take care of him?”

Gabe raised an eyebrow. “Yes. Are you questioning it because he forgot to go over subspace and dropping?”

“And safewords. But it's not just that. He is our baby brother and he has plenty of issues from his ex, mother and father's deaths, the move here and the attack over the summer. I worry about him.”

“He seems to be doing a lot better. He’s whispering and smiling.”

“Yes. That is an improvement. He also stood up to me. While I am upset that he did, I am also proud that he is finally doing it.”

“I don’t think we need to be too worried about him.”

“But we will. He is our family. I worry about him, and you, and even Luke.”

“Yeah. Let me get this up to them so they can be alone.”

“Gabe, tell them... tell them that I'm sorry for getting angry and that I am glad they called for help.”

“Sooooo, tell Dean you’re sorry you were a dick to him when he reached out for your help. Got it.”

“And that I am glad he did, you little trickster.”

“Will do.” Gabe said before going up the stairs and into the bathroom. “So, Mike says he’s sorry he’s such a colossal dick, especially when you were smart enough to call us for help, and he’s glad you did.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Yeah, well... I'm sorry he's a dick too.”

Cas snorted. “We all are.”

Gabe put the tray on the side of the tub. “He asked me to bring this up to you.”

“Thank you, Gabe. I'd be an even worse mess if you hadn't come to help. Tell Mike... tell him thanks too, I guess.”

“So tell him he’s an asshole. Gotcha.”

Dean shook his head and laughed. “Are you trying to make him hate me? Don't be a dick, Gabe!”

Gabe smirked. “He doesn’t hate you.”

Cas shook his head and snuggled against Dean. Dean trailed his fingers lazily over Cas' chest. “Yeah, well, let's keep it that way.” He kissed Cas on the temple. “So, we drank the juice, we have the snacks, we're in the tub. Is there anything else we need to know tonight?”

“Just take care of each other. You could still drop tomorrow or the next day. So if you start feeling off you need to tell each other or call me. I’ll let you know if it sounds like you’re dropping.”

“Thanks. Oh, and could you lock the door on your way out?”

“Yup. You two pamper each other all night. Call me if you need me.” Gabe said before leaving the room and going downstairs.

“You hear that, Angel? You're supposed to pamper me all night.” He said, grin evident in his voice.

‘And you’re supposed to pamper me.’

Gabe walked over to Mike. “He says you’re an asshole, Mikey boy.”

“Yes. I'm sure that is exactly what they said, Gabriel. Are we ready to go?”

“Yup. Told them to call if they need anything else.”

Cas kissed Dean’s neck. ‘So are you going to pamper me?’

“Hmmm... I don't know. You seem to have already gotten blissed out tonight.” Dean scratched his nail over Cas' nipple. “But I think I could give you a nice massage.”

Cas chewed on his lip. ‘I’m really sorry about that.’

Dean swiped his thumb across Cas' bottom lip, gently tugging it free from his teeth. “Don't be, Angel. Gabe said it must have been really good for you if you slipped into... subspace?”

Cas nodded. ‘But while I was enjoying it, you were scared and worried.’

“I was. But I didn't know it could be that good. I mean, I've heard of fucking someone silly, or fucking them stupid, I just never heard of fucking them comatose.” He laughed.

‘Maybe one day you’ll get to experience it.’

Dean moaned. “Fuck, Angel. That would be awesome. Just... don't freak out and call your brothers if I do. It was hard enough to have to explain when I didn't know about it. It'd be even harder to explain when they know that we know.”

Cas sighed. ‘If I’d done things right then you wouldn’t have had to call them either. I should have explained things to you so you knew what to expect and how to handle it. Mike didn’t handle it properly and he knows it. The worst thing for a sub to come out of subspace to is their Dom not there for them. I was so scared and confused when I found Mike instead of you. I thought you’d left me or Mike had gotten me and taken me home.’

Dean shivered. “I'd never leave you in that state... not willingly, anyway. And I'd never let Mike just take you away.”

Cas furrowed his brows and picked up a snack, then held it to Dean’s mouth. ‘Are you cold?’

Dean let Cas pop the snack in his mouth and he chewed and swallowed. “Yeah, a little. Aren't you?”

Cas shook his head. ‘No. Gabe made it pretty hot. We must not have gotten your sugar up enough.’ Cas picked up another snack and held it to Dean.

“See, I knew you'd pamper me,  Angel.” Dean winked as he ate. “What is this? It's good.”

Cas picked up another and held it to Dean. ‘These are energy balls. It’s oatmeal, peanut butter, honey, and chocolate chips.’

“Cool. I'm guessing Mike made them, and if he did, you probably know how, too. You'll have to teach me.” Dean reached onto the plate and snagged an apple slice. He offered it to Cas as he bit into the energy ball.

Cas smiled and bit into the apple slice, then swallowed. ‘They’re easy to make. You just mix them up and roll them. There’s no baking.’ Cas ran his fingers through Dean’s hair. ‘How are you feeling?’

Dean had stopped shivering and was stretched out in the tub. “I'm good. C'mere and kiss me, Angel.” Cas shifted so he was straddling Dean and kissed him deeply.

Dean felt himself start to get hard. “Angel? Are you still loose?”

Cas nodded. ‘Want me to ride you in the tub?’ He asked as he slowly lowered himself onto Dean’ cock.

Dean sighed as Cas encompassed him. “I always want you to ride me, Angel.”

Cas put his hands on the back of the tub and slowly started riding Dean as he nipped at his lower lip. Dean guided Cas by gripping his hips. He bent his legs and put his feet flat on the bottom of the tub, thankful for the non-slip decals. Dean leaned up and licked at the hardened pebble that was Cas' nipple. Cas chewed on his lip and threw his head back, moaning softly as he slowly rode Dean.

“Oh, Angel. You feel so good.” Dean thrust up, matching Cas' speed. “You're always so gorgeous. Naked on my cock or bundled up in that damned trench coat, I can't take my eyes off you.”

Cas moaned and rode Dean harder as he bent over and sucked on his neck. Dean grunted as he fucked into Cas. He slid his hands across Cas' tanned skin, one to the small of his back and the other to twitching cock. Cas tangled his fingers in Dean’s hair and sucked harder on his neck as he started spelling his name with his hips.

“Oh! Oh, God! ... Aaaan-geeeell!” Dean was spilling his load by the time he got to the I in Castiel. His stroking faltered briefly, but quickly, he regained the rhythm that would bring Cas to orgasm in seconds.

Cas cried out into Dean’s neck as his orgasm tore through him. Dean panted as he held Cas close, rubbing circles on his back, as Cas shuddered.

Cas took a shaky breath and kissed Dean’s neck. ‘I love you.’

'Oh, Angel, I love you too.'

Cas smiled and ran his fingers through Dean’s hair. ‘Know what I was doing when you came?’

“Wriggling?”

Cas grinned. ‘Writing my name in cursive. You didn’t make it to the l.’

Dean looked at Cas and laughed. “How far did I make it and how did you plan on dotting the i?”

‘You dotted it for me.’ Cas said with a wink.

Dean laughed again. “Sooooo? How far?”

Cas tilted his head. ‘I’d just finished the i.’

“Oohhh, I get it, I lasted to the i, then dotted it.” Dean lowered his legs and let his head fall back to the edge of the tub.

‘Yup.’ Cas said as he leaned forward and snuggled against Dean. ‘How do you feel?’

Dean smiled as he brought his fingers up to look at them. “Umm... pruney.”

Cas snorted. ‘But you feel good? Your sugar dropped a lot during our scene.’

Dean smiled at Cas. “Yeah, Angel. I'm feeling good. But, we should take the food and go to the bedroom. I could give you a massage while we watch Netflix.”

Cas nodded, then stood up and stepped out of the tub. ‘A massage would be nice.’

Dean followed, grabbing the tray and carrying it to his bedroom. “With or without oil?”

Cas dried off and offered Dean the towel. ‘Oil.’

Dean set the tray down near the bed, took the towel and dried off. He picked up the bottle of lavender scented massage oil. “Lay down, Angel.”

Cas smiled and laid on the bed on his stomach. Dean climbed onto the bed and kneeled beside Cas. “Did you want to watch something or just listen to some music?”

‘Music is fine.’

Dean turned on the music app on his phone and handed it to Cas. “Go ahead and pick something, Angel. I forgot some extra towels. I'll be right back.” Dean hopped off the bed and hurried to the bathroom.

Cas looked through the app and smiled when he found a playlist called ‘Angel’. He pushed play on that one. Dean walked back into the room, carrying a stack of towels, and smiled at the music playing. “Songs that make me think of you, Cas.”

Cas smiled and playfully shoved Dean. ‘Such a sap.’

Dean smiled as he climbed back on the bed. “Just try to relax. I'll take care of you, Angel.” He poured some oil in his hands and rubbed them together to warm it, before starting on Cas' shoulders. Cas sighed happily as he relaxed into the bed.

Dean worked the tension out of Cas' shoulders and upper back, adding more oil as he needed. “How's that feel, Angel?” He slid his hands lower, to the small of his back.

Cas sighed. ‘Feels good.’

As Dean continued to work on Cas' back, he began to sing softly along with the playlist. Cas smiled softly. ‘I love when you sing.’

“I really only sing for you... sometimes Sammy when we were little.”

‘You have a beautiful voice.’

Dean blushed, "Thanks." He moved back up and started massaging Cas' arms, down to his fingers.

Cas sighed and closed his eyes. ‘This feels really good, Dean.’

“I'm glad you like it, Angel.” Dean moved down to Cas' feet and started at the ankles, working his way up the calves and thighs. Finally, massaging Cas' bottom, softly singing or humming with the music. “OK, Angel, flip over so I can do the front.” Cas flipped over and smiled at Dean. “Hi Angel.”

‘Hey.’

Dean started the massage on Cas' chest and abs, moving to his arms. Then moved to his feet, using enough pressure not to tickle, but not so much as to hurt. Up his legs, to his muscular thighs. Finally, Dean smiled at the erection pointing at Cas' belly.

Cas chewed on his lip. ‘Told you it felt good.’

Dean curled up to Cas' side, fingers tickling across his hip. “One more muscle to massage. Seems like I'm gonna have to rub it a lot to relieve the tension there.”

Cas snorted. ‘Dork.’

Dean smiled. “You love it.”

‘I do.’

Dean grasped Cas' cock firmly and began to stroke it. Quietly, he started singing.

Baby you're all that I want.
When you're lying here in my arms
I'm finding it hard to believe
We're in heaven.

Cas moaned as his hips bucked into Dean’s hand. Dean continued to sing, as he stroked Cas slowly, lovingly.

‘Oh, Dean...’ Cas moaned as he felt his orgasm nearing.

As Dean reached the climax of the song, Cas reached his climax. 'I am in heaven, with my very own angel.' Dean gently brushed their lips together.

Cas kissed Dean, licking into his mouth as he tangled his fingers in his hair. Dean blindly grabbed for a towel, wiped his hand off and raked his fingers through Cas' hair. Cas ran his tongue over Dean’s and pulled him closer as he played with his hair. Dean moaned and caressed down Cas' neck and chest to toy with a nipple. Cas sucked Dean’s tongue into his mouth as he slipped a hand between them. He wrapped his fingers around Dean’s cock and started stroking it.

Dean bucked into Cas' hand. He pulled away to catch a breath. 'Fuck... Angel...'

Cas nipped at Dean’s jaw, then nipped his way to the spot on Dean’s neck that drove him insane. He licked and nipped at that spot as he stroked Dean harder. Dean whimpered, turned his head to give Cas more access to that spot, and held Cas' head to his neck. He moaned and squirmed and bucked into Cas' hand.

Cas bit Dean’s neck, then sucked hard. He ran his thumb over the head of Dean’s cock, collecting precum to make his hand slicker, then stroked him harder and faster. Dean threw is head back and moaned.

Cas ran his tongue over the dark hickey and squeezed Dean’s cock as he stroked him. ‘Cum.’

“Oh, Cas! Angel! Ungh!” Dean moaned and shuddered out his release. Cas gently milked Dean’s cock as he nipped at his jawline. Dean panted and twitched as Cas teased drop after drop out. 'Oh. My. God. Angel.'

Cas kissed Dean softly. ‘Did you enjoy that?’ He asked with a smirk.

“Oh hell yeah.” Dean said with a sigh. He grabbed a towel and cleaned the cum off their hands and bellies.

Cas tilted his head. ‘Why do you always do that?’

“Do what, Angel?”

‘Use a towel.’

Dean looked at Cas in confusion. “It gets itchy when it dries.”

Cas rolled his eyes. ‘I like to lick it off of you.’

Dean's dick twitched at the thought. “Sorry, Angel. Old habits.”

‘I guess that’s not something that interests you.’

Dean gently turned Cas' face to look him in the eye. “Hey, don't be sad. I just have never done that and when you make me cum, my brain short-circuits for a bit.” Dean rubbed down Cas' chest and finds a drop he missed. He wiped it up with his finger and raised it in offering. “Here. Wanna check to see if I missed any more?”

Cas sucked Dean’s finger into his mouth. ‘I meant you cleaning me up with your tongue.’

Dean quickly kissed Cas, thrusting his tongue inside, trying to chase the taste. Cas tangled his fingers in Dean’s hair as he slid the other hand down his back.

Dean kissed down Cas' jaw, neck and chest. He slid lower, kissing and nipping lower. He found another drop he missed and hovered over it. Dean looked up at Cas' face, waiting until their eyes locked. He swallowed, then swiped his tongue across the flesh, gathering the drop into his mouth. The salty, slightly bitter, flavor burst across his tongue, causing him to moan. “Mmmm, oh Angel.”

Cas smiled and ran his fingers through Dean’s hair. ‘See what you’ve been missing out on?’

Dean's eyelids fluttered closed as he licked at more of Cas' chest and stomach. He dipped his tongue into the belly button, where some cum had pooled. He moaned and tongue-fucked Cas' navel. “Yeah, remind me if I forget next time, but, damn, I doubt I'll forget this.”

Cas chewed on his lower lip. ‘Yeah. Ok. I can do that.’

Dean crawled back up, kissed Cas lazily and tangled their legs together. “I love you, Angel.”

Cas smiled and caressed Dean’s cheek. ‘I love you, too.’