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Lonely

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“Bye husband. I will miss you.” Wei WuXian waved dramatically with a handkerchief, and Lan WangJi nodded dryly. They stood at the gate of the Cloud Recesses, and Wei WuXian was here to see Lan WangJi off, who was leaving Gusu together with his uncle and brother.

It was rare for the three to leave the Cloud Recesses unguarded, but with Wei WuXian here, strangely, Lan WangJi had convinced the others that it was alright, as they really needed to attend an important sect meeting with all three of them.

At first Lan WangJi was ready to just send his uncle and brother and stay behind himself, but Wei WuXian was the one who had offered to look after the Cloud Recesses and the disciples while they were gone.

“Are you sure you will be okay?” Wei WuXian frowned at the sudden doubt at this last minute, and he laughed, brushing his partner’s concern off with carefree humor.

“Of course. What, you want to stay behind after all? Won’t do. Want me to join you? Me and your uncle on the same trip for two weeks? Won’t do. Don’t worry dear, your sect and I will be juuust fine.” 

It was going to be at least a three-day travel. Plus the time spent at the destination, and all that time at Lan Qiren’s side? Of course Wei WuXian couldn’t come, the poor old man would die from having to be in his presence all that time.

For a moment Lan WangJi and Wei WuXian just looked at each other, and Wei WuXian could even hear Lan Qiren grumble in the distance - having heard what he had said just now and confirming it silently to a chuckling Lan XiChen.

Lan WangJi, “Mn. We’ll be off then.” Turning around, he made ready to leave. Wei WuXian stepped forward without thinking.

“…Wait!” Lan WangJi stopped and turned. Wei WuXian stared at him, and at Lan Qiren and Lan XiChen who stood behind Lan WangJi, waiting for him to come. He hesitated. Of course, his husband had lovingly embraced him back at the Jingshi. Embraced, kissed, and the night before even more than that… Wei WuXian blushed. 

Right, it was stupid to long for affection right now, right here, under the nose of his uncle and brother. Of course he could do without. He gave a nod and smiled.

“Take care,” he said. Lan WangJi bowed, his gaze softening, and he turned and followed after his uncle and brother. Well then. That marked the start. The start of two whole weeks without his husband. Surely he could do that.

“Guys! The evil big bosses are gone, let’s see how much Emperor’s Smile we can sneak in,” Wei Ying told the disciples and Wen Ning the first evening. Of course he wasn’t really going to misbehave a lot, but what about some fun? The disciples deserved it. 

As he accompanied the youngsters into town, he thought about Lan WangJi’s absence. 

He actually couldn’t remember the last time they were apart for this long. Ever since they got married, all he knew was to spend every day with his husband, and if they’d ever be separated, maybe a maximum of one or two days apart, that was it. It couldn’t possibly be more than that. Oh well. He shouldn’t worry. It was two weeks, not an entire month, not a year. Just two weeks. 

“Do you think they will punish us?” Lan Sizhui asked, worried as they all carried arms full of liquor jars back into the Cloud Recesses.

“No one will know. Right?” Wei WuXian winked at the elder Lan Sect cultivator who stood near the gate. The man even blushed in response and quickly averted his eyes. Right, with the three heads gone, and mainly Lan Qiren, no one was going to punish them now for overlooking a few rules. A drinking party all together was the best way to start a period of freedom!

They didn’t last too long. 

Wei WuXian did not feel too bad to let the disciples have fun and enjoy the delicious liquor, but at some point at nine thirty he started to feel like a responsible parent and sent them all to bed. Only thirty minutes after curfew. 

The thought of his husband’s disapproval for dragging the disciples into bad behavior did that, even though Wei WuXian was the master at breaking rules.

“Well then, good night everyone!” He waved until the last one, Lan Sizhui, greeted him one more time with a cute and polite bow, and then he was all alone. He sighed. 

“Hm! Alone at the Jingshi. I guess every day does not mean every day, right? Lan Zhan?” he told a little stuffed rabbit he had named after his husband the other day. He smiled at it. Lan WangJi had won it for him at some random festival they ran into, back when they were visiting Jiang Cheng in Yunmeng. 

Romantic, right?

“Boop.” Wei WuXian booped the stuffed rabbit’s nose, and sat down on bed with a sigh, drinking some more of his Emperor’s Smile. He had never realized how empty the Jingshi was without Lan WangJi. That was because, he actually never had to spend a night alone here.

“Uuuuff.” Lying down in bed, he felt the cold and empty spot where his husband should be, his hand touching it and eventually rubbing it to warm it up. 

…What was he even worrying about? With Lan WangJi gone, he had much more space in bed. He did miss his precious body pillow though... Having grown a habit of sleeping on top of his husband, Wei WuXian had already tried to learn to sleep back in a normal position again, with Lan WangJi’s planned absence in mind.

Eventually he did well, so tonight was time to put all that effort in practice. And it worked! That night, he fell asleep like a log, his body positioned diagonally to take up all of the space, and with a sneaky little smile on his face. 

The next day, and the day after went pretty fine. The third day went fine too. Wei WuXian spent a lot of time on what he promised to do: Lan WangJi’s job, which often included Lan Qiren’s job as well. 

He checked homework, lectured the disciples - although he had dragged them out for field trips mostly since he was no fan of standing like a teacher in class - and they went on night hunts as well. 

In his free time, Wei WuXian spent some time taking Little Apple for walks, walking around town, hanging out with Lan Sizhui, feeding the rabbits, and so on. All was fine.

The evenings were less bearable. He ate alone, he bathed alone, and he slept alone, and he had never thought how lonely that would be. It was. Quite lonely.

“Do you want to eat together?” Lan Sizhui asked him, the sixth evening of Lan WangJi’s absence. Wei WuXian blinked in surprise. Had it been showing? Did he seem lonely? Already? 

“I’m alright! I heard Lan Jingyi invite you to go to town together. It’s fine, I have work to do anyway.” He felt bad to attract Lan Sizhui’s pity with his behavior, he shouldn’t rely on him, or on anyone. He was fine too, that night. Fine enough. 

He did wake up every now and then, unconsciously looking for his lover who wasn’t there, but did end up falling asleep again. 

The night after that, Wei WuXian was worse, as he was again restless in bed and this time entirely unable to sleep. 

He rolled, squirmed, kicked the blankets off him and then picked them up again, randomly barked Lan WangJi’s name in frustration and even fetched some of his clothes to cover his face with. 

In the end, he went even as far as meditating for at least five minutes, and trying Lan WangJi’s classic Lan Sect sleeping position. He burst into a tiny giggle fit when that was not comfortable at all, but his laughter died soon when he felt he had no one to share the fun with. 

“Lan Zhan….” he whined, embracing his husband’s pillow and taking in his scent. Sniffing his pillow, his clothes, yes he was guilty of it. Every single night. 

He missed him... It now came to him as a clear, clear realization. Something he hadn’t admitted to himself yet. He missed him so much.  

He missed his arms around him. He missed talking to him. He missed his hugs, his kisses, his intense love-makings. For the first time since getting together with Lan WangJi, Wei WuXian felt lonely, and it hurt

“HanGuang-Jun will be back soon again!” Lan Jingyi said merrily, the morning of first day of week number two. They were at the archery training grounds outside on a bright and sunny day, where Wei WuXian sat on the ground and watched them practice, tired as hell from the lack of sleep. 

He had no energy or motivation to prance around and chime instructions or tease the juniors with his remarks. Which he did normally, when Lan WangJi was also around.

Wei WuXian smiled, nodding absentmindedly, “He will...”

His smile and words weren’t very sincere; a week wasn’t soon. Another week without his husband was going to be long

He felt a burning desire. A feeling of longing. Sadness, and also happiness that they could soon be together again. He clenched his fist.

“He will. And so will Uncle Qiren,” he repeated and added a joke, to which the juniors burst out in a laughing fit. 

While the disciples joked about their faults such as breaking the alcohol and curfew rules, and about the handstand-punishments that could be awaiting them if Lan Qiren ever found out, Wei WuXian had unconsciously drawn a silly cartoonish version of his husband in the sand with a stick, and he blushed when he noticed. 

With a pout on his lips, he poked cartoon-Lan WangJi-in-the-sand with the stick, and he sighed. He wondered if Lan WangJi was thinking about him too. If he missed him. If he was also drawing his face on the ground. 

Closing his eyes, he imagined Lan WangJi’s expression after hearing how much he was missed during his absence, and he smiled. Especially if Wei WuXian would tell him how bad they needed to catch up after not making love for such a long time. 

He’d drag him into the bedroom, tear off his clothes and… Wei WuXian shook his head, opened his eyes and looked back down at WangJi in the sand. He blinked when he saw a cartoonish version in a different style, next to his own drawing, resembling no one but himself. Huh? 

He immediately looked up first, then around him, and he fell backwards in shock when he could see Lan WangJi’s face, his real face, inches away from him. His husband was squatted beside him, staring at him . 

“Wei Ying. Were you asleep?” Wei WuXian first gaped at him with big eyes, looking up and down to confirm this was really his husband, and taking note of Lan WangJi’s dirty forefinger which he had used to draw Wei WuXian in the sand next to his own portrait. 

It was him. 

“...Lan Zhan!” Wei WuXian threw his arms around his neck, tackling him down and trapping him in a tight hug.

“Are you real?!” he cried in an overly dramatic way, yet quite sincere. He heard the disciples in the distance joke about his clingy behavior, about how he hadn’t noticed Lan WangJi’s arrival and how they might as well have shot him with their bows; he was so deep in thoughts that he wouldn’t have noticed.

“Mn, I am real.”

“Weren’t you....? Another week? Huh?” 

“I came back as soon as I could,” Lan WangJi said calmly, and he patted Wei Ying’s back as he allowed him to keep holding him tightly.

“What about your brother and uncle?” he asked, worried that Lan WangJi had come back earlier for his sake and dragged them along, but he shook his head.

“They will arrive in a few days. But I attended what I needed to attend. It was no problem if I left early.” 

Wei WuXian tightened his grip around him, without any care that he lay on top of him for everyone to see. Lan WangJi did not seem to mind either. Wei WuXian clenched his robes and rubbed his head against his chest.

He wondered if Lan WangJi came as soon as he could because he missed him, or because he was worried that the Cloud Recesses would end up in ashes with Wei WuXian in charge. 

“...Did you miss me?” he whispered. Lan WangJi was silent for a moment, and all Wei WuXian could hear was the sounds of archery and laughing disciples.

“Did you?” Wei WuXian asked. He must’ve sounded dramatic, after just one week, he -“Wah!” 

He gasped loudly when Lan WangJi flipped him over all of a sudden, and before he realized it, they were kissing. Leaning over him with his back towards the practicing disciples, Lan WangJi blocked their view so they couldn’t see their faces, but of course it was only obvious what they were doing, even without seeing it. Wei Ying knew that from the gasps he could hear, followed by nervous mumbles and giggles.

“Hmph Lan Zha-” Lan WangJi kissed him some more, and in between the many kisses that took Wei WuXian’s breath away, he could hear his husband’s erratic breathing. 

He was seemingly out of breath, having hurried back home, which could only mean he had missed him too.

“Lan Zhan - Hmhhh…” Each time Wei WuXian tried to talk, he was kissed again. When his lips felt hot and even a little bit swollen, despite it being their most public and shameless display of affection ever, until now, they broke apart, and Wei WuXian felt his body flutter when Lan WangJi whispered something in his ear before climbing off him.

“Ah- uh…” Wei WuXian, flustered, blushing and messy, sat back up and quickly fixed his hair and clothes, but he was already looking quite disheveled and truly couldn’t care less about it. 

He watched how HanGuang-Jun, who did not look at all as if he had spent the last two minutes in a heated make-out session, walked past each disciple to give them instructions, and he blushed.

“Jingshi, in ten minutes,” had been those whispered words, and Wei WuXian’s entire body tingled with lust, excitement and the warm feeling of love. 

Walking in the distance, Lan WangJi turned around, looking over his shoulder at Wei Ying - with eyes that were also conveying the same things Wei WuXian was feeling, and then walked away in direction of the Jingshi. 

Excited, Wei WuXian stood up, wiped the dirt off his clothes, called out, “Class is over!’ and then ran after his husband, happy to spend the entire afternoon and evening in his embrace. 

He was not lonely anymore!