DAYS GONE BY
It was a new day for the young man, in every way. He woke up slowly, trying to remember what he did the day before, and what he had to do that day, but nothing came. Not a single moment, not even one memory, not a scrap. Nothing. It was like he never had lived anything. Like he was just born.
However, he was twenty-seven years old. Well, he didn't know that precisely but he did felt he was old enough to have memories, in theory.
Confused, a little lost, he stood up carefully, his head felt heavy. Opening his eyes, he saw a large poster in front of his bed. He didn't remember a thing, but his knowledge didn't disappear and he could still read.
You are Kun.
You are 27 years old.
You are a teacher.
You can't remember anything,
So check your phone.
What did this mean? He was so confused. Kun was so confused if that was even his real name. He couldn't recognize his name. His own name. His identity.
It was both disturbing and poignant, not to be able to know who he was. The poster gave him a few pieces of information but he wasn't sure he could trust it. What if he had been kidnapped? Someone could have drugged him to make him forget everything and put fake information in his head, a fake name, a fake life. But what for?
He decided he couldn't get any more answers unless he'd check his phone. Phone that was on his night table, orderly placed. He didn't remember his password at all, but he didn't need it, his digital print was enough.
His wallpaper made him laugh. Well, more like a short laugh out of surprise than a true laugh coming from the heart.
On it there was a blank page, with some instructions written on it :
→ memories w/ dates
→ to-do list
So he started reading the notes to have more information, to have explanations and understand at least a thing or two. He wasn't disappointed. Even though he was still a bit lost, things made more sense. The poster, his amnesia. Everything made sense. He congratulated the Kun from the past who thought about all this stratagem to overcome what.. what was happening to him.
Good job Kun.
That's when he started panicking, thinking he was late. He was a teacher, right? He had a job, right? Classes to attend? But then he remembered something in the instructions, about how he had to set the alarms early enough so that the NextDayKun would have time to take in the hard reality during breakfast. Therefore, YesterdayKun planned ahead so that TodayKun would wake up earlier than he should, just so he had enough time to read the schedule and memories of the past few days, along with those linked to today's classes.
Then he got himself ready and left the house to go to university.
/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /
It was yet another day for him, for Kun not knowing who he was, waking up with no memories at all. This time he didn't feel weird, he woke up as if nothing happened and just looked at the poster. At first, he didn't understand, because nothing felt missing. Sure he didn't know his name was Kun, or that he was a teacher before reading the note but he didn't need to know it before, he was just waking up like a regular dude. Now he knew his name without asking for it.
He didn't feel the need to, but he still checked his phone, like it was a habit of his, but without remembering ever having it. He went through his notes, his schedule and then the notes with 'IMPORTANT !!!!!!!!!' written in the title.
Then he got himself ready and left the house to go to university.
He didn't find any car once outside his house, but he figured out pretty easily that it was probably for the best, because if he couldn't remember his name, how would he remember how to drive. Well, the things he knew how to do, he still knows them but that one was dangerous so past him preferred playing it safe.
He agreed with Kun of the past.
Therefore, Kun of today took his bus card and went to the nearest stop, looking on his phone how to go from wherever he was to the university. The bus arrived pretty quickly and he got up, no troubles, he still had money on the card, the day was pretty easy so far.
Well, that's what he thought.
To be honest, most of Kun's days went by peacefully, he would go to university, teach to the same students for a year, keep notes on them if it was important, and on the other teachers, then go back home.
On difficult days, he would see Johnny in the teachers' room, and he would come up to him with an excuse to talk to him. Johnny wanted to be Kun's friends. Johnny was friend with everyone except Kun. And he was one of the few foreign people, so he wanted that other foreign person, Kun, to be his friend and join the little gang of foreign people. But it was just too difficult for Kun.
On extremely difficult days, someone new would interact with him. And even if it's someone he had never encounter before, or would never see again, it was a pain in the ass. For multiple reasons.
Today was an extremely difficult day.
Kun didn't find a free seat, at least not one with nobody else already seated next to it. So he had to settle to sit next to someone else. His instinct told him not to sit near old people because they tend to interact too much, same with kids. So he thought that a boy, looking like he would be the same age as him would do the trick.
Every millennial was always glued on their phone, right?
Not that one.
As soon as Kun seated, he felt his gaze on him. Like he was some kind of a new mystery to solve, and the dude was Sherlock Holmes or Professor Layton. He tried not to mind him and started listening to music, discovering them for the first time, sort of. Past Kun really had nice tastes.
Past Kun's tastes were way too good, because the dude next to Present-Kun tapped on his shoulder to talk to him, and tell him how he loved that band too.
Sleeping at last.
Well, Kun wished the dude would stop bothering him at last.
But it was one of those complicated days, where someone would talk to him and it was expected of him not to be an asshole. So he replied with his best smile and said he was listening to it for the first time but he really liked it.
The boy next to him then proceeded to advise him a few other songs of the same artists, and then of similar artists.
To be completely honest, Kun wouldn't have mind, he would have just nodded without paying attention, would have taken the songs' names without even thinking about listening to them ever again. But, the boy next seat was cute. Extremely cute. Which make it a really really difficult day. Because Kun wanted to remember him, to remember how cute he is, and mayhaps try to see if he'd be on the same bus the next day.
But he knew he couldn't.
/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /
It was yet another day for Kun, he woke up, looked at the poster, took in the information, it was like his body was used to the news, the news of him not being able to remember shit. So it wasn't as painful to discover it every day, it's like, somehow, he's used of that bomb being dropped on him and he just doesn't really care anymore. Most of the days. That day was one of those.
So the day was just.. he didn't know. Basic, he guessed.
He read the notes, the schedule, got ready and left to go to his classes.
Then went into the bus and sat down in the first seat he found.
'' Hey, you're here again. I didn't get to ask your name last time. ''
Kun looked up and saw a really, really beautiful man standing in front of him, and an empty seat not too far away. He was pretty sure someone was sitting there a few minutes ago. Did he get up just to talk to him? Even if it meant losing his seat and comfort? Probably not getting it back ever again?
Kun was a bit confused but couldn't help smiling.
'' I'm Kun. I'm sorry I.. I don't remember you? ''
He really was sorry. Sure, he had to say that quite a lot, but he never really meant it. Oh, he did not remember anyone, but he wasn't sorry about it. This time he really was.
'' I'm the guy who bothered you with tons of music to listen to. You probably listened to none of them by the way, but that's okay, I'm not in any of those bands so I don't mind. I just wanted to talk to you, that other day, if I'm being honest; Oh. And, my name's Doyoung. ''
Doyoung talked too much. Which meant trouble for Kun, because he had to write more on his notes.
'' Oh, right. I remember! We talked about Sleeping at last, right ?''
Kun never faked having a memory that well before, but the notes were there for a reason, and Kun read those from last week, all of them, and now remembered a note about a guy giving him music recommendations. He remembered LastWeekKun wrote that the dude was cute.
Well, LastWeekKun clearly was blind, the dude was ethereal.
They didn't really know what else to do during the few minutes they had left before being at the final stop. So they didn't talk, which felt like a blessing to Kun, even though he would have loved to get to know that pretty boy. Well, that's how life is, he thought.
Except that when they got out of the bus, Kun felt brave and waited for him outside, waved at him and said
"I did listen to the pieces of music, by the way. I really liked Saturn and their cover of chasing cars. "
And then he rushed to class, he couldn't make his student wait too much otherwise they would do that stupid 15 minutes rule that never existed and had been a myth for decades.
As soon as he got seated in front of his student and gave them some exercises to do, he took his phone to write a new note about Doyoung, he didn't want to forget about it, about him.
Hopeful he'd see him again one day.
/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /
It was another day, and yet another day, and another one. For the next couple of weeks, Kun woke up, took in the information, read about what he had to, about that Doyoung guy, listened to the musics he advised him while getting ready and went to the bus. He took the same one every day, didn't want to miss him.
And every time he was there, seated, an empty seat next to him.
One day Kun took a candid pic of him without him knowing, just so he would know how he looks and be able to find him in the bus. Every morning he rediscovered his beautiful face. It's funny how he can have multiple first impressions about people, and how every single time he comes up with a new compliment in his head.
Knowing how he looked helped him a lot, now he could go sit next to him, even say hi, tell him which songs he enjoyed from the one he advised him the time before. Then they would talk, and Kun would pretend to write a text here and there just so he could take notes on important things Doyoung would say about himself. They talked too much for him to just remember and write it later.
He tried not to send too many texts because he didn't want him to think he wasn't interested in their conversation, or in him.
Today was like every other day lately, he recognized Doyoung and went to sit by him, said hi. Doyoung said hi back and then gave him a written list of songs he should check out.
'' How do you know all these songs by the way ? '' asked Kun this time, because even though he knew inside of him that PastKuns always wondered about that too, they never got the courage to ask it, afraid it might lead to more personal talk. But today's Kun felt brave and felt like it was about time they skip small talks.
'' I'm a psychology student, and I'm writing my thesis about how music can help people, about if you find the right music it can help you to get better. Also about how background music might be good during therapy sessions. So I do a lot of music research. ''
Kun was impressed.
'' I'm impressed '' he said, blatant truth, which made Doyoung blush a bit and laugh shyly. The first time Kun saw him do that today, and he was almost certain it was the first time ever, but couldn't really be sure.
At the end of the day, when Kun went to bed he thought about Doyoung. Of course, he wrote about him in today's log, but he kept thinking about him after. His thesis seemed really interesting. And when he said 'if you find the right music it can help you to get better', Kun felt like he was talking to him specifically, nothing made sense but that's how he felt at that moment. Like Doyoung knew. He didn't know exactly what was wrong, how could he? But he did sense something was off with Kun. Or at least that's what Kun thought right now.
Maybe Doyoung kept giving him music trying to help him.
/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /
It was yet another day for Kun and he didn't see Doyoung on the bus this morning. He wasn't that sad because PresentKun never met Doyoung, but he was sorry towards all the PastKuns who liked the guy.
Okay, he was a bit sad. A tiny bit. Because after reading the notes, Doyoung seemed like a genuinely good guy, nice, funny, and good-looking, which made Kun wants to meet him.
But he wasn't on the bus that day.
Kun never thought he could see Doyoung at another place, so he kept going on with his day, going to classes and teaching his students. He messed up a few names but nothing too important didn't seem like he was losing his mind so that was at least that.
When he finished all his lessons for the day, he still had to check the exercises he gave some of his classes, but he couldn't stay in the amphitheatre because someone else was going to use it so he decided to go to the university's library, he didn't feel like going home just yet.
As soon as he stepped into the library (after getting lost three times and having to look at the map of the university he had in his phone), he felt something was going to happen. Maybe he had a superpower, he thought. Something like, lose memory, get to super intuition.
It wasn't any of that, he just didn't notice yet but when he looked for a free spot, he saw someone he knew. He didn't notice yet because it was brief, and he gave up on seeing Doyoug today so he didn't think he would see him at the library.
Doyoung saw him though, and before Kun could sit, he waved at him, gesturing him to come sit with him, which he did, because now he recognized him from the photos. While walking toward him, he tried to remember his notes.
" Hi.. why, why are you here ? " he asked. He always met him on the bus right, why was he in the library now?
" I've got to send the first draft of my thesis soon so I'm working double. Sorry, I wasn't on the bus this morning, I came earlier. " Doyoung replied, moving his things to let Kun sit right next to him. " Hope you didn't miss me too much though. "
His ton was playful, Kun noticed but he couldn't stop feeling like he did miss him. Without even knowing him really. TodayKun never met him, so why did he actually miss him this morning?
He didn't answer and sat, took a bunch of tests he had to grade and his favourite pen. There was a note on the top of the papers, noticing PresentKun about what the test was about, and how he was supposed to grade it.
For a moment he forgot about where he was and read it thoroughly. Until Doyoung, intrigued, read over his shoulder.
" Why do you leave notes? I thought you were the teacher? Don't you know the topics ? "
" I d-do..." Kun was taken aback. Was he just supposed to say that he doesn't remember what the test was about because he wasn't completely the one who made it? No, he certainly couldn't say that. " I have a lot of classes and test and ten to get easily confused about which subject the test was about that's all. "
Doyoung nodded and went back to his thesis.
The both of them kept working in silence for a few hours until the librarian came to tell them she was going to close and they had to leave in a few minutes.
Kun didn't plan on staying that long, he got caught up in grading paper and felt okay near Doyoung. But he had to go home. So he looked at his phone to see what time it was. Fuck. Was there any bus left?
" Kun? We need to leave... Do you want to, I don't know, grab something to eat ? " Doyoung seemed uneasy asking this, it was clear that he wanted Kun to say yes but he was a bit embarrassed and didn't know how to act if Kun were to say no.
It broke his heart, but Kun had to say no.
" I.. I'd love to, trust me, but I can't. " it sounded silly, Kun knew that, but how could he explain that he has to sleep in his own room or else he's going to lose his mind?
" Do you have something to do? "
" It's just... I need to get the last bus home, I can't miss it... I really need to sleep in my own bed I.. it sounds silly I know but it's true. "
This time Doyoung didn't seem too sad, more like disappointed. He hoped better from Kun.
" If you don't wanna hang out with me just say so, Kun. I'm a grown man I can take rejection. "
And just like that, they left the library.
/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /
It was yet another day, another day without talking to Doyoung, Kun was sure of it. It's been a week since the event at the library and every day he hoped he would see him in the bus, and when he didn't he thought maybe he'd be at the library on the evening, and so he went until they closed. But still no Doyoung. Every day Kun thought he was just ultra-busy with his thesis, but he knew, Doyoung didn't want to see him again. He got tired of him.
Maybe it was for the best.
He would never have liked him if he knew what was going on with him.
But did Kun wanted him to like him? Did Kun like him? Well, PresentKun didn't, but it was hard not to get found of him while reading the notes.
Once again, he went to the bus stop, with little to no hope of seeing Doyoung today.
Except today he was there, seated next to someone else though. Which made Kun feel somewhat sad. For a man that he never met himself yet. What was happening?
With the knowledge that even if it went badly, NextKun won't remember it, he got bold and went to Doyoung, stood next to him even though there were no seat.
" Hi, Doyoung. " he tried, bold but still a shaky voice.
" Oh, Hi, Kun. "
That's all he said? Thought Kun. After reading the notes on that man this morning, he thought he would say a bit more. He seemed to be the tye to talk way too much.
Okay, Kun, you got this, for all the PastKuns, you got this.
" Remember last time you weren't on the bus? You said you hoped I didn't miss you too much. Well, this time I did. I've missed you.. so, I'm sorry for not going out with you, but please don't ghost me anymore. " He couldn't look at Doyoung in the eyes while saying that, his face was staring at his feet and he felt like a decade went by before Doyoung replied.
" I didn't.. ghost you. Kind of.. not completely. I stayed home to work on my thesis but, yeah, I was a bit sulky, sorry. I've missed you too. " Doyoung looked at him in the eyes, and oh did it make Kun's stomach hurt. Hurt in a good way, he guessed.
They smiled at each other and exchanged small talk during the rest of the commute, before going to the university together. Doyoung accompanied him to his building and asked for his number, pretexting that it would have been a lifesaver during the past week if they did this sooner so just in case, he would like to have his number now.
" It's a lame excuse. Just say you want my number and go. "
" I want your number, Kun. "
/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /
It was yet another day texting with Doyoung. Which made remembering him way easier now that there was writing evidence of things. He still had his notes and read them all morning. Knowing he would meet him on the bus made him reading Doyoung's notes necessary, and they got longer every day, so he had to wake up a little earlier every day as well. But it was worth it.
They texted from Doyoung waking up, to them meeting on the bus. Every time Doyoung texted him something along 'I'm soon at your bus stop, saved you a seat !', which Kun thought it was cute.
Then a few texts during the day, when Kun's classes were boring ( meaning his students were having a test, or he gave them some exercises to do ), or Doyoung got stuck with his thesis and needed a break. Which happened way too often but Kun could not reply every time, he had to teach sometimes.
Then they'd meet at the library to study together and went back with the same bus. Every day. For about a month.
This evening, they were on the bus, close to Kun's stop and they just couldn't stop talking. They didn't really care because they knew they would continue their conversation later, with texts.
Kun wished they could keep talking forever. He really liked Doyoung and didn't want to lose all memories of him, and then had to relearn everything about him.
It was quite tiring.
" Do you wanna come inside? I mean, my home?if you want? there aren't classes tomorrow so... I just, want to keep talking..." he blurted, while Doyoung was still saying something about how he liked pasta more than potatoes.
He didn't reply right away, probably lost at words because he never thought that Kun would invite him into his place, which made Kun worry that he would decline, or think it was inappropriate, or anything else except than ' yes, I'd love to.'
" What? "
" I said, yes, I'd love to ". Said Doyoung, again, reassuring Kun in a heartbeat.
They both got out at Kun's stop and walked for a few minutes before getting to his building. For the entire walk, Doyoung kept mentioning how he thought about what Kun's flat would look like, and about how he never thought he'd ever see it, which made Kun flustered.
He really, really liked him.
Even if he didn't understand how he could while knowing him only for a day, kind of.
They went in and Doyoung asked to visit, so Kun led him to a house tour, showing him his main room, kitchen and office and living room all in one, then the bathroom, the separate toilet. And then he stopped.
" Oh, shit. " he mouthed, almost inaudibly.
He got all excited about spending time with Doyoung, he didn't think once about his secret. About how his room was literally plastered with his identity so he could remember who he was. Doyoung couldn't see it.
" Why do we stop? Is it a forbidden room? Are you Henry the 8th? Is there your past wives body in that room? " laughed Doyoung, trying to light up the atmosphere.
" I.. it's my bedroom but, it's messy... I don't really .. You can't see that. "
Doyoung didn't really care and brushed his excuse with another laugh before opening the door. Kun tried to stop him but he was too slow and Doyoung was already inside, lights on.
Eyes on his poster.
Eyes on 'you can't remember anything, check your phone'.
Eyes on Kun.
" I can explain ! "said Kun quickly, even though he could explain nothing at all.
" Yeah? "
" I.. okay I can't, I don't really understand myself... I can try though but you're gonna run away and i... I really like you. " Kun felt bold to say this, but not for the same reason as the other time, this time it was more out of despair because he knew that either Doyoung liked him too, or he would vanish as soon as he learned about his truth anyway.
" Okay, let's go back to the living room, get some tea and then you tell me what's going on with you. "
Doyoung didn't seem too shocked about it, of course, he couldn't really understand what the poster really meant, but he knew something was wrong and yet, he was calm and composed, ready to give a chance to Kun, trying to make him comfortable and not feel too pressured to explain.
A true angel, thought Kun.
He went to make some tea, and once it was done he went back to Doyoung, gave him a cup and sat next to him, letting some distance between them to not weird him out too much.
" I don't know where to start... "
" Why do you have that poster maybe? "
So he did. He started with the poster and how he needs it when he wakes up because he doesn't remember anything, so the poster tells him his name and basic information, and what to do next. Also, he liked it because it grounds him, let him know that him not remembering anything is normal and that he is prepared for it.
" Nothing at all? "
" I know how to read and speak and stuff like that but nope, nothing at all. "
" when you wake up tomorrow you won't remember me? "
Kun looked down and nod, then explained that he didn't remember anyone and that I wasn't against him. But he did learn about him every day and then explained his system. How after reading the poster he went to his phone to read his notes, and that because of the time they spent together, he made a whole file about him.
" I don't remember you but I try, I re-learn everything I knew about you, every day... "
To his surprise, Doyoung smiled. He just explained to him how he would never remember him, that every morning he would be a total stranger to him, and he was smiling.
" You're making so much effort to remember me, instead of just forgetting me and leaving it at that, which means you really care about me and it makes me happy. Is it bad? '
" No! Not at all... I do care about you. Yesterday Kun cared about you, and tomorrow Kun will too, after reading about how awesome you are... " there was a pause, and then he continued, his voice becoming unsure "... that is if you still want to talk to me... "
Doyoung reassured him that yes, he wanted to. And they kept talking all night, about what it meant to be friend with Kun and how Doyoung could make it more easy to him. Were there things he could do to help him ? Were there things he shouldn't do?
Of course, at some point he asked more medical questions, why did he become like that? What did it mean about his future? Would he still live a long life or was it linked to another medical condition?
Kun answered every question.
And Doyoung stayed the night.
For the first time since he couldn't remember, someone stayed over, and Kun stayed awake long after midnight. He didn't even sleep, and he remembered everything from the last day. Which made him extremely happy.
He was glad he could remember their first kiss a little longer.
/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /
It was yet another day waking up next to Kun, for Doyoung. Yet another day sharing his life, watching him sleep for a few minutes before having to wake him up.
Slowly, he brushed his hand on his cheeks, softly, trying to ease him into waking.
As soon as Kun woke up, he started screaming because a man he didn't know was in his bed. Were they naked too?
Doyoung never liked seeing him so terrorised, but they couldn't do it any other way unless they stopped going to sleep in each other's arms and that wasn't an option.
" Hey, your name is Kun and I'm your boyfriend. I know you don't remember me, or anything else, but you keep track of everything on your phone. "
Doyoung's voice was stable, he knew what he was doing, he's been doing it for a while now. And maybe it was because he was so sure of himself, that Kun just grabbed his phone and checked to see if that was true, without trying to argue first.
Doyoung loved seeing him read his notes, loved to see him learning about his own life, discovering what happened lately, how much he accomplished. Before he loved to see him read about his boyfriend as well, see his smile grow fonder while he was reading about them, but lately, they decided not to do like that anymore.
Instead, Doyoung would open his arms and wait for Kun to feel confident enough to go cuddle him.
" I read it, I'm sorry I screamed at you. And I'm sorry you must go through this every morning. "
Kun hid his head in Doyoung's embrace and blushed hearing him reply :
" Don't be. I love you, and I will keep saying this every morning, and fall in love with you anew. "