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this can only end in chaos and disaster

Chapter Text

[7:03 am]

[hank has created new chat!]


[hank added north, markus, tina, gavin and 4 more!]


[hank renamed the chat mostly gays]


gavin: hank what the fuck is this


hank: wdym


north: a gc dumbass


markus: how did you get my number?


hank: north


north: smh stop exposing


tina: why am i here??


hank: because why not


josh: i didn't ask to be here


[hank has changed josh's name to party pooper!]


party pooper: lame


kara: that's rude!


[hank has changed kara's name to group mother!]


tina: accurate


simon: it's far to early for me to be at school tbh


gavin: im coming


north: that's what she said


gavin: stfu north


hank: everyones name is boring smh im changing it


[hank changed their name to not that old!]


[not that old changed north's name to west virgina!]


[not that old changed gavin's name to gayvin 69!]


gayvin 69: wh


west virginia: exposed


simon: i thought that was common knowledge


tina: to be exposed it gotta be someone no one knows


west virginia: shut the up


[not that old changed tina's name to t-posing!]


[not that old changed simon's name to baby gay!]


baby gay: i stg if this is an attack on my height--


markus: you aren't that short, si


[not that old changed markus' name to unholy jesus!]


unholy jesus: why


t-posing: you deserve it


unholy jesus: i make one speech and this is what i get


t-posing: you had the confidence and looks of jesus stfu


party pooper: i'll assume everyone is at school by now


not that old: why does everyone call me old 


not that old: just because i got held back a year doesn't mean i'm old


west virginia: you dyed your hair white


not that old: it looks good on me


gayvin 69: yeah and you said its technically a natural colour


group mother: it's only natural once you reach a certain age tho


not that old: stfu


not that old: also yall see the 2 guys who looks like connor??


party pooper: you mean the people who came in like 2 weeks ago


unholy jesus: who's connor??


t-posing: i think their names were conrad and collin


t-posing: conrad is the one with like steel blue eyes and collin is the one that looks like connor


baby gay: oh,,


west virginia: imma ask for their number


unholy jesus: north no


baby gay: north no


party pooper: north no


t-posing: yes


group mother: north please no


not that old: north yes


gayvin 69: but why


west virgina: because


west virginia: chaos.


gayvin 69: good point


west virginia: gOT IT


[west virginia added conrad and collin to mostly gays!]


not that old: hi welcome to chilli's


collin: i thought you were joking w hat


west virginia: why would i joke about a group chat??


conrad: once someone lied about that just to get our numbers


gayvin 69: why'd you listen to north


collin: intuition says yes


t-posing: valid


conrad: so who's who?


collin: yes i am mildly confused


conrad: you're always confused


collin: shut up


west virginia: sO ANYWAY


west virginia: im north


conrad: clearly


baby gay: simon!!


group mother: i'm kara


unholy jesus: i am markus


not that old: hank


party pooper: hello, i'm josh!


t-posing: hey vsauce tina here


gayvin 69: smh i was gonna use that


gayvin 69: anyway am gavin


conrad: hi and despite our looks collin is just my friend not my brother


collin: we don't even look that much alike


not that old: speaking of looks


not that old: should i add connor


west virginia: yes


gayvin 69: isn't he coming back to school??


not that old: exactly


collin: who's connor?


unholy jesus: that's exactly my question


not that old: i forgot some people didn't know about him fuckin uhh


party pooper: do you guys know about the kid who defused a bomb at school?


collin: somewhat


conrad: we've heard about him, yes


collin: by that he means he immediately fell for that kid when he heard the story


conrad: i did not


unholy jesus: i--- okay


unholy jesus: everyone ganged up on me and told me the story in full detail


group mother: north told me of that story so yes


not that old: connor's that kid


unholy jesus: wait really?


collin: damn


gayvin 69: yeah, hes also amanda's nephew


group mother: as in amanda stern the law enforcement teacher?


baby gay: and the former fbi agent


collin: holy shit


west virginia: yeah, no one knows exactly who defused the bomb but we know


not that old: because were his friends


party pooper: technically simon and i are friends by association


t-posing: i know him through gavin ngl


west virginia: well he moved midway through last year


conrad: why did he move?


not that old: because apparently some people who had a grudge with amanda sent death threats to connor so he was moved away for his safety


unholy jesus: that sounds kinda sad


gayvin 69: it is




t-posing: he's coming back in a week or so


not that old: connor also looks very similar to collin 


collin: is that why you double taked when you saw me??


not that old: yes


party pooper: north told me that connor, and i quote, "took every damn sport under the sun"


baby gay: i saw him doing 3 different sports in different days so i think that's pretty accurate


gayvin 69: bitch was amazing at combat and tag


west virginia: he always won unless he lets us win smh


group mother: connor sounds pretty talented


not that old: he is


colin: but later the bell just rang


t-posing: oh shit


[everyone went offline!]

Chapter Text

mostly gays

[12:02 pm]

[everyone is online!]


t-posing: add connor, coward


not that old: smh we just got to lunch


t-posing: d o  i t  p u s s y


not that old: fine


[not that old added connor to mostly gays!]


unholy jesus: would he even be online? 


collin: nines over here having a damn stroke over meeting connor


west virginia: whomst is nines


collin: conrad


conrad: i am no t


[connor is online!]


connor: hank what the absolute fuck


connor: i come back from taking a shower and i find i'm in a new group chat


conrad: .


connor: ... who are you


not that old: whats up asshat


not that old: i added the new students here


unholy jesus: i'm markus


group mother: my name is kara!


collin: you can probably tell by my name


conrad: collin stop starinf at mejshsjsjsshbs


baby gay: is he ok


west virginia: probably


not that old: that reminds me


[not that old changed connor's name to tiny terminator!]


[not that old changed colin's name to con artist!]


[not that old changed conrad's name to sixty nines!]


tiny terminator: why con artist


unholy jesus: they both kinda look like you


tiny terminator: ok but i am not tin y


not that old: compared to me you are


tiny terminator: bEING 6'2 IS NOT SHORT


con artist: wh


con artist: you're an inch taller than me what the fuck


sixty nines: somehow you guessed both our nicknames


t-posing: what


sixty nines: i call collin sixty


t-posing: but why


sixty nines: reasons


tiny terminator: change my name i'm not tiny


not that old: no


tiny terminator: i will fucking astral project to detroit just to punch you personally


gayvin 69: he swore so hes serious


west virginia: no shit


[not that old changed tiny terminator's name to bamf robocop!]


bamf robocop: you know what this is better


baby gay: everyone please go to c lass


gayvin 69: ??


unholy jesus: it's 12:46 pm




bamf robocop: y'all are messes


west virginia: never say y'all ever again


[everyone is offline!]



mostly gays

[3:09 pm]

[everyone is online!]


t-posing: finally school's over and it's fuckin f riday


bamf robocop: speaking of school im coming back tomorrow


not that old: oh worm??


west virginia: HELL YEAH


gayvin 69: so when do you go back to school


not that old: you would like to know wouldn't you


gayvin 69: that was one time shut uP


not that old: bitch please you send a thirst text to connor


baby gay: oh tea??


party pooper: you can't leave us without an explanatio n


gayvin 69: please hank i beg of you d ont


not that old: then beg


not that old: aNYWAY


not that old: so basically connor was changing in the locker room because he spilled coffee on his shirt


west virginia: gavin then walked in to a presumably shirtless connor


t-posing: OH?????


bamf robocop: he just kind of,,, stood there as his face just became really red


gayvin 69: asdfghjkl i am going to die tina k ill me


t-posing: no s uffer


bamf robocop: so he just sputtered something along the lines of 'sorry' and almost sprinted out


bamf robocop: i'm there in slight shock when i get a message from gavin that said 'tina holy fuck i just walked in the locker room to see a shirtless connor and??? he's really toned i'd let him choke me'




baby gay: GAVIN H OW


gayvin 69: SJUT THE F UCK UO


bamf robocop: no he sent that to our whole damn group chat


con artist: fucking hell gavin


con artist: i've never talked to you in school but you sound like a damn disaster


west virginia: he really is


west virginia: because apparently he couldn't pronounce quiche properly


group mother: and??


bamf robocop: so when i said i was going to the bakery nearby gavin told me to "give me a quickie while you're at it"


sixty nines: Jesus Christ


gayvin 69: in my fucking defense no one ever told me how to pronounce it correctly


not that old: it doesnt mean we didnt think you asked connor for quick se x


unholy jesus: what is happening


baby gay: chaos

Chapter Text

mostly gays

[2:43 am]

[bamf robocop, west virginia, gayvin 69 and not that old is online!]


bamf robocop: i just got a thirst text from a stranger on instagram w hat


west virgina: why the fuck are you up so late


bamf robocop: i'm packing for the trip


bamf robocop: what about you?


west virginia: im doing homework


not that old: same 


gayvin 69:what the fuck im just watching netflix why are you guys so productive


not that old: its bcs we aren't total disasters like you


gayvin 69: phck off


west virginia: atleast spell fuck correctly smh


[sixty nines is online!]


sixty nines: please s l e e p


bamf robocop: no i'm busy


bamf robocop: why are you awake tho


sixty nines: sixty put my phone off silent before falling asleep so the notification sounds woke me up


gayvin 69: so you guys sleeping in the same bed


west virginia: sounds gay


bamf robocop: that reminds me can i add a friend in here


not that old: sure whatever


[bamf robocop added chloe to mostly gays!]


gayvin 69: whos that


bamf robocop: chloe


west virginia: l ast name


[chloe is online!]


chloe: i was joking when i said to add me to your group chat c onnie


bamf robocop: shut your up chloe we're both going back tomorrow


bamf robocop: today?


gayvin 69: wait


gayvin 69: chloe roland???


chloe: yes???


west virginia: holy s hit


not that old: when and how did you meet the chloe roland and befriend h er


chloe: i'm right here


chloe: but we met in the library and we just kinda bonded


bamf robocop: heck yeah we did


bamf robocop: changing your name it's bland


[bamf robocop changed chloe's name to real queen!]


real queen: thanks boo xx


gayvin 69: wh


sixty nines: i'm assuming that you're not actually dating


bamf robocop: can confirm we're not


west virginia: thank god i thought you turned straight while you were gone


bamf robocop: bi, actually


[con artist is online!]


con artist: smh you guys are having a conversation without me


sixty nines: you were sleeping???


con artist: so???


bamf robocop: anyway i continued that creepy pm i got and so now a girl won't stop messaging please help


real queen: block her


bamf robocop: already d id


not that old: guys sleep i stg


gayvin 69: fine 


real queen: while you do that we're going back to packing


bamf robocop: we should


[everyone is offline!]




mostly gays

[4:20 pm]

[everyone is online!]


bamf robocop: 420 blaze it


real queen: we just landed and this is what you decide to text first?


t-posing: nice


west virginia: so we gon meet or


bamf robocop: tomorrow


not that old: valid


group mother: when can we meet you in real life??


bamf robocop: sorry it has to be at school since i don't really know some of you


sixty nines: it's ok


con artist: he's never this nice what did you d o


bamf robocop: i didn't do anything?????


gayvin 69: damn we lost another one


not that old: you say that like you haven't lost for years


west virginia: just waiting for collin, markus, tina and kara


bamf robocop: sounds mildly like a threat but ok


real queen: stop texting and start walking


bamf robocop: fine


[bamf robocop and real queen is offline!]


t-posing: damn conrad and collin really falling for connor


sixty nines: i'm not??


con artist: but we aren't tho


baby gay: my Gaydar is telling me ur lying


party pooper: if simon says his gaydar is saying that then it's probably true


party pooper: also


[party pooper changed their name to pls give peace!]


con artist: kjhgfd north back me up


west virginia: sorry i only back people up who are telling the truth


gayvin 69: i haven't even met you irl but i can already tell 


unholy jesus: if gavin says that it's true


pls give peace: where've you been markus


unholy jesus: i was painting


sixty nines:  we've never even met connor??


group mother: there's a thing called love at first sight


baby gay: more like love at first knowledge 


con artist: asnwuebnwik,x


west virginia: you both are gonna die when you meet connor 


sixty nines: sto p